@@paulsafr5807 the only way to reverse narcissism is God healing you. Psychologists will tell you there is no healing from it but God can heal anyone, He is the Master Physician and Prince of Peace, you just have to ask Him and believe that He will do it.
They usually give terrible gifts also. For example, there will be something in their place collecting dust. They are about to throw it in the bin. Instead they brush off the dust and say to themselves "I can give him this for a birthday gift and he will have to do my bidding".
It's like when they do these things for you that you didn't ask for, they then expected a favor or payback in return for their "generosity" when in reality they will hold it over your head and remind you how nice they were making you feel like you owe them for all the things that they did for you even though you didn't ask for it
They give gifts & then act like they own a person by deserving a payback on anything they want from the victim. It is a control tactic they use while disguising evil.
The gifts you need from a narc is: Honesty, loyalty, commitment, respect, love, kindness, support. However, just note they are not capable of EVER giving these gifts to you. Material gifts can never make up for their lack of character. Go no contact forever!
He used to throw back in my face when we argued. I bought you this, I took you on holiday, I got you that. So it's never out of love. There is a agenda behind every gift.
There's this other side to them where they keep gifting crap (things that are just available on discount, wrong size, not at all your style) only to pre-empt any impending expectation from your side. You are unable to bring yourself to ask for (or even buy for yourself) something you really need because you've 'just been showered' with so much (not one item that you can use)! They are the dregs of society with this twisted mindset. 🤢
Mom would often re-gift, send something she no longer wore, blah blah blah and I'd thank her, she'd often either make an overly big deal about it or let me know she cared not for it and so sent crap along to me, neither way was it simple! I gift my kids and it's plain and simple, no strings attached, such gives me pleasure! As far as giving them cash 💸 I tell them happiness shared is happiness doubled (they're mine to take care of)
Knew a covert narc who was the most generous guy around, giving gifts to everyone, all the time. He was exposed eventually. I liken it to a politician handing out a campaign brochure with free candy.
He does it to show everyone else how kind he is , how good he was to me . How terrible I am to have taken from him and then wanted a divorce. I’m just a gold digger.
@Sv St we had a big beautiful but lonely house, not a home.I wanted a small house,big windows, some land for our dogs, ducks, chickens. He wanted big house big land. I did get big windows, plenty of land for the animals. Became overwhelming for me to care for because I wasnt alowed to pay someone to help me with the upkeep he said "you wanted land you got it now its up to you to take care of it i dont cut grass" No fancy cars,wedding ring was a not a Dimond we agreed on a moisonit but it was going to be weather I agreed or not.He was the person with the gold literally a suitcase full of gold bars hidden in our ceiling! He didn't want me to work. So to answer your question, no. I didn't take and not give back. I cleaned, cooked, raised our son, mowed the lawn (land)in the summer, and shoveled snow in winter. Etc.... I wanted a family he wanted a maid, cook, babysitter, landscaper, hooker. Ignored us unless friends or people he was trying to impress were around. He wasn't good to me,he controlled everything reminded me every chance he got that i was nothing without him.then later on as my son grew older his father ignored him and started gasliting him as well.
Yes, this is a very confusing thing to go through. I have experienced this. Incredible support and gifts followed by betrayal of the Heart. 💔 really confusing. Thank you so much for addressing this! Bless you💝 May this video help others who have experienced this type of pain heal the wound❤
I've experienced this. Who I was dealing with is the devil 😈 itself her b day Friday the 13th cappi older woman by 20 years older. Ask me where these demon 😈 get the energy from to do these nonsense 😤 mask 😷 on
With relatives it makes them look good in the eyes of others, that they gifted you. Meanwhile they don't give a fig about you, just the image they want to project in front of others. It's a smoke screen, n sadly others don't see thru it. They not actually bonding with anyone, except for their own egos end.
Thank you for this video. After my 20 year marriage was over I wasted 2 more whole years of this precious life with one of these types of narcs. His game is finding middle aged women who are out of bad marriages and “spoiling” them with what was missing in their marriage. It was harder for me to wrap my mind around what he really was, when he “did so much for me.” Showing up with Starbucks and food and golf and trips and of course - the most emotional support I could ever dream of. I tricked myself into believing he was my best friend. When I first met him I asked myself - “who sent you, Heaven or hell?” Now I know.
@@moonstone4684 same!! These type’s definitely feel they are such a gift to women it would be a shame to only give that “gift” to ONE woman. He acted like the time he spent with just me was a gift. This story has a good ending though because he can never contact me again.
The devil 😈 sends the perfect person to temp us! Don't be hard on yourself, they mirror us, it's a soul mate success tactic I'm sure! My daughter and daughter in law dote on their men, I sort of find it cute, perhaps a passing fad... Anyone doting on me makes me feel smothered (red flag really, I find such actions insincere), my 2 divorced buds said their husband smothered them.. No way would I go for a joined at the hip relationship!
@@NikiSchap Trust me, it's not just men who do this. I just got out a 5 year relationship with a financially well off woman who did this to me and then turned my life into a living hell. It will take me years to get over the abuse she leveled at me over that time. I am an attractive service-disabled Army veteran who went through hard times while battling the VA for my disability. I am also very empathetic. She swooped in acting like my savior buying me tons of stuff "because she believed in me." After the honeymoon phase she turned into a very nasty person who constantly gaslighted me, put me down, broke dates at the last minute, would disappear for a week at a time, and just say the most rotten things to me that no one has ever said to me in my entire life. Never any remorse at all. It was a nightmare.
They only give to get something in return is what I’ve noticed. And sometimes they give gifts as a sadistic little way of belittling someone. Like giving a gift and a card that jokes about “getting old” (funny she is only a year and a half younger than me and she ended up having a crisis when she turned 30). Or giving a child a chimpanzee statue and saying it reminded her of her buck teeth. That kind of cruelty.
My narc wanted to buy me a watch as present that I passed the job interview successfully. Yes, that sounds good. But when we went to the shopping mall he seemed not happy and in a hurry, always walking two steps in front of me and I thought, there's something wrong, this is not natural, we should be both happy and enjoy choosing a watch... That was the first time, that I realized his action is not coming from the heart it is not a friendly action it is weird and doesn't feel good. We need to be aware about how we feel being with people, my intuition told me, "be careful, this guy is not okay!".
Thank you Danish. You described my ex. He would hurt my feelings by saying the cruelest things. He never apologized. He would buy me a gift. While my stuff was increased he diminished my self esteem. Eventually I learned he was a narcissist. I discarded him. I didn’t want to be reminded of him in any way. I donated the gifts. It is like they are trying to buy a person. It’s sick.
This is exactly what’s going on in my life. We were together for 7 years and have a child together. Just two weeks ago we were enjoying each others company. Now he’s been out of town twice to spend time with other women. I’m trying not to reach out but I’ve failed a few times. Your content helps me to realize I’m not crazy and narcissism is definitely real
you need to follow the crappy childhood fairy. Dont go back with him its called limerance, look it up. its great how the combinations of several channels brings so much relief and validation. i thank you and all other channels for being the window of hope. Blessings
And so is No Contact. Real, I mean. I hear you that you share a child. Are you co-parenting? Even if so, you can implement Super Low Contact. HG Tudor has some vids. I found really helpful. Keep Safe 😀
@@sunnyadams5842 yes we coparent. Just today he was supposed to get our child and he said he’s staying with this woman for an extra day and will get him tomorrow. I’m trying to not get pulled in but I’m so hurt. Thank you! I will check out those videos as well ✨
@@jbrown2908 I’m trying to keep telling myself that. Thank you! He lovebombed me so good throughout our relationship a part of me doesn’t know if I’ll find that again. Maybe it’s just a trauma bond
@@svst3767 BECAUSE HE NEVER GAVE GIFTS...... HE ONLY TOOK . TOOK MONEY, TOOK MY EXPERIENCES, TOOK MY PHONE, TOOK MY VEHICLE, TOOK MY " FRIENDS", TOOK MY HEALTH, TOOK MY HEART ,TOOK MY LOVE. TAKE TAKE TAKE TAKE TAKE TAKE. THAT'S WHAT IT HAS TO DO WITH THIS VIDEO.
@@svst3767 dude, I understand . I was explaining that my husband was the OPPOSITE of this video . I do understand the difference. Now I am done with explaining . it's time you move on.
Oh boy, did I find this one out the hard way. I had a 'former so called friend who did me this way I have a Jewelry box of expensive jewelry but she turned out to be a MONSTER, I had to leave but she turned others against me!!
WOW! Your excellent understanding of narcissism shows you have suffered at the hands of many narcissists, not just one. My mom has lived with a narcissist for fourty years and people call her a warrior. Like your father mine is also a narcissist, and I must say that I have never come across someone like you with such a brilliant understanding of narcissism.
Exactly. One of my relatives did this. I was a care giver for many years for my mother. I would get a gift here and there when what I really needed was for her to sit with my mom 2/3 hrs when visiting so I could get out of the house. Mom is gone now. So is everything given me throughout the years by this relative. Can't stand to look at those things or have anything to do with her. Yes, she was there with her hands out to collect when mom was gone.
This has happened to me twice now. Even when you say no. The last time I identified the red flags after one date. At least I am learning to dodge bullets straight up now!
TY Danish! This is the clearest explanation of cognitive dissonance that I’ve ever heard. I’ve struggled putting it into words. It’s been the hardest part of the abuse I suffered. Reality check. I needed understanding in order to grieve. TY…and I’m sorry for your pain.
My narcissistic mother only gives gifts if she is going to demand a favor in return. Often the gift is trifling--maybe she will bring me lunch or something--and then she will expect me to spend days or weeks making gifts for her coworkers, or spend my own money on groceries, and spend hours cooking an elaborate meal for relatives she invited to the house...that she will only tell me about a few hours before they show up...
It's not kindness it's control. My ex did this. Always buying me gifts, but when the relationship ended she kept everything she bought me. However still kept my presents I got her. Not that I care because the point of gifts is that you do it out of love and you have no need for ownership after handing it over.
Very good this video thanks. My narc. mother was like this. Everything she gives it was with hidden intentions i mean, like you said, it was all about her
Exactly - i was in a bad marriage , also my mother had passed, so my step father invites me and my small children to live in “our” house- now he has legally evicted me when my kids aged out although he still claims all of us and now tells me he “didn’t pull my arm” to move in with him
He DID NOT PULL YOUR ARM TO LIVE THERE? “But, he invited you there! Do you have proof in a text or email or voicemail he invited you there??? He can’t just KICK ALL OF YOU OUT! Your state has squatters rights. Research that. You have ANY MAIL OF YOURS in envelopes sent in your name there even if you might not have officially changed address with the United States Postal Service? Do you have proof of payment of rent or ANYTHING? And, if you paid in cash, he will deny it in court. He CLAIMS ALL OF YOU FOR TAXES YET YOU ARE EVICTED? (If you live there half a year with your kids, he can claim you. But, did your MOTHER EVER WORK? You could get her death certificate and her Social Security number and apply for survivors benefits because I can guarantee you. They are going straight to him and not her Ken. Who has the deed to that house? Who was on the deed before she died? You need to find these things out because this goes to probate court I’ve been through all this. I don’t know who you are but maybe you should message me back because I have you are owed a lot of money. Trust me you are owed some money .
Mine bought me lots of gifts that I didn’t ask for. The payback was me never having an issue with them, bringing anything up that bothered me and being completely placid and admiring towards them, unless it was “spicy” of the sexual variety.
Yes this is very true with all the narcs I have known be they friends, family remembers, or intimate relationships. With my ex I left all the gifts he gave me when I walked out of our marriage while he was at work.
My experience with one of these creatures fortunately only lasted for 3 months, but rhe gifts she gave me filled a trashbin. Later it cme to light that most of the gifts were stolen goods from the shop where she's working.
He asked for back and I returned anything he gave me (his mother actually bought me a few gifts on special occasions, because he would not. He would do all he could to ruin holidays and birthdays and refused to keep a job longer than a few days or a week every now and then. So he would basically live off my income and his mother's because he had no money otherwise). Said he was going to give it to the "next one"He took things back from a few other people too. Like I saw him do it to someone he called a friend. They never spoke to him again of course. Neither have I since winning the restraining order.
This video hit spot on as I hadn’t met this kind of abuser. Once I took off his mask and he couldn’t control me it got physical. This dissonance was confusing with all the love bombing made my head spin. The pendulum would swing and I’d get the abuser then the vulnerable crocodile tears. The I love you then DARVO then all over again . Wouldn’t leave my home messed with my car, my phone, my keys, my electricity. Verbal bully it was a veritable nightmare like gates of hell mixed with a piece of heaven just to confuse more. He’s gone I’m alone and happy to be rid of that labyrinth to hell! I’ve survived it and learned valuable lessons! Thank you for such a wonderful channel you have outstanding videos with great content!!Extremely helpful on the journey back to normalcy!!🙏🏻🌈💖
No amount of money, or brand new car or brand new tablet or every single dinner, vacation or gift can ever , ever be enough to repay the emotional and mental abuse that the narcissist and his toxic wife ( narcissist too) delivered to me. No, I see all those “gifts” as minimal payment for what they have done to my soul! Thanks be to God he has pulled me from the wreckage and delivered me to these videos, education, love, healing ❤️🩹 Thanks be to God If I were not a Christian I’d expose them to the church and all the wolves in sheep’s clothing that they have been part of . On my way but what a road of healing -feels like I’ve been in a trance - almost like a cult .
I was a single mom in my 20s he trapped me, I almost committed suicide. I was robbed of being the mother I was before I met him. I hate him with a passion for that. I didn't know what narcissism was. I'm so grateful to have people educating others.
Obsessed by his wealth, my covert narc husband wined and dined me when dating, however only made big promises to ensnare in he will always take care of me. Instead, all deceptions/trickeries while keeping me poor and breaking me down. His gift giving of grandioso birthdays etc has been to my little granddaughter which I am suspect of.
Danish, i am running out of words to thank you enough for conveying your wisdom about narcism which is a subject I came across in the past year . Although I knew the term since long time I had no idea it could be so relevent in my life. I am a 58 year old lady who used to wonder why my life turned out to such a mess even though I tried so hard to keep the right virtues since my childhood. Now everything makes sense to me. I am able to place all the j pieces of the jigsaw in the right position unveiling the
My mother. She is overboard with gifts but she cannot simply apologize for her abuse. Instead she buys something to make up for it. I still struggle to make sense of her behavior.
My ex-narc wife didn't help me financially at all for house expenses. And when she "lend" me money for something she would put interest on it. For example if she gave me 500$, 2 months later my debt would become 600$. And once in a while she would buy me "thoughtful" gifts...what a fool I was...
interesting i come across this video. I have experienced just that a few months ago with this person.... luckily coincidence wanted that at the time i was really working on personnal boundaries and when the person started being unkind i looked within and stood my ground because no matter the presents, the gifts and the love declarations, if someone is disrespectful ONCE there are consequences because i love ME first. took me a while to rid myself from all toxic shame and sadness but i can say that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Yh they give to get and are the hardest to spot. It’s mandatory to know the patterns otherwise you get fooled by your primal instincts, your conscience and sense of justice/ obligation. What makes it even more difficult is that often their public reputation is at odds with how they behave in private means they’ve a lot of flying monkeys. And in the rare case when they are called out they portray themselves as martyrs, the givers under wrongful attack. Calling them Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde or Batman‘s Two-Face would be inaccurate as those characters have split independent personalities. Whereas the giving, helping, supporting „side“ (in reality it’s more of a strategy) of an altruistic or communal narcissist is a means to an end to feed and stabilize the selfish, egocentric side trough supply and control. Such behavioral patterns create a lovely cognitive dissonance in a neurotypical brain ..:) And - if mixed with the expectation of consistency due to a romantic encounter - can lead metaphorically to a short circuit aka depression.
Your videos are so helpful because they make me not feel like I'm losing my mind, just imagining things. I was in the hospital for several weeks and could not work. My mom gave me money so I could pay my rent, but then one day she asked, "when are you paying back the money?" I would think helping would be the kind of thing a parent does. I wouldn't expect the parent to demand to be paid back, especially since I missed work because I was so sick, I nearly died.
At least your mother should have told you before that she only lends the money to you. For me it depends on her position, is she rich? Ok, then she can give you money as a present, but is she not rich? Then it's okay to ask it back, because you are adult, but as I said, it should be negotiated in advance.
Your content really speaks to me. Every time I watch one of your videos I always think you must've known the two main narcissists that I had the displeasure of knowing in my life. But no, I guess they really are all similar in many ways. This is all helpful and I appreciate the way you share your knowledge with us. Thank you.
Thank you Danish for sharing this personal experience. The lack of human warmth in the narcissist never ceases to horrify me. Once you’ve seen it, there’s no unseeing it.
I remember toward the end during the devaluation /discard, he told me that the reason he did all those things for me was because that’s the way he wants to be loved, and he did it so I’d do those same things for him.
Wow, I have exactly that experience with a man, bad luck for him, I recognized early enough what's going on and when I changed my apartment I didn't give him my new address and blocked him on all media. He even has asked my last landlord twice if she knows where I am, but she knows the story and tells him, she doesn't know my new address. Lol...
Today my mother tried giving me money but I didn't ask for it and I decline and told her we don't need it but she kept pushing and I know something is tied to the money if I took it. I didn't take her money and she went back with it and was disappointed I didn't accept it because will give her something to say to people that she is feeding us . No thanks
yes the flowers and going out to dinners and other gifts of gold rings etc and helping all the time when they are in the love bomb stage is really real - Also they have the transaction when they discard to get the money they want out of the relationship in a divorce - also the family of narcissists also want stuff too out of you. They say they want cash
Exactly , they consider every relationship as a business where they invest and seek a very high interest later. They are extremely sweet talker and helping just to get popularity and peoples' validation that they are kind person but only the close people knows their actual demonic nature. I have been raised up listening from my mom that a real kind person never beats drums about his/her own good deeds but he always reminded me that how much favour he made on me . Although , those were nothing but the exaggerated form of some silly matters. Most of the politicians does this and are narcissists but I understood this after dealing with him.
The female who birthed me will respond to me when I tell her how she let people molest me with " you need to move on". Then gift me things as she continues to talk to people who has abused me. I always think how the devil promises you material possessions but god grants you true peace. And I pray I'm healed physically or taken peacefully away.
My ex narcissist husband bought me lovely diamond ring on our 25th anniversary and another few years after for another occasion and when marriage final broke down over him being caught out on he latest affair at the time and had to get legal advise, once he knew that he asked for the rings back, i obviously DIDN'T give him back knew he wss going to give them to one of his many supply.
I was with a overt narc who used to buy me so much we are talking 30 presents for my bday its crazy my oldest daughter used to be driven mad with the length of time i used to have to sit there and open them. But i know this was more about him wanting to be on a pedestal. Then what happened, i ended up with the cover B shit**t Love bombed for 6 mths and then BANG Nothing - Just a serious manipulative, gaslighting future faking liar
I have a relative who sent me this thoughtful birthday gift and it confused me. We don’t talk or text and they never reach out but when it comes time for me to get a ride from another relative to get me from the airport they had that person bring me the gift….i don’t trust it. I feel they did it go look like a good person and to make me feel obligated to give them a birthday gift when though we don’t talk and they treat everybody bad
Thank you! They will also lift items at the same time they are giving you cards making you meals, for example in medical 'care giving' situations' gives them a chance to lift your valuables. Be very careful of people who want to insist organize and reorganize your items. Women be aware this is common with females, again be very careful. So called 30 yr of 'friend' wanted (re insisted) to pack up my car, after a medical procedure....gone gone are the rubies and other items. Just 2 weeks ago. Fool me once.....not ever again.
Book Your Session With Danish:
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What is a good name for this type of narcissist?
How much does one session cost?
@@NikiSchap altruistic or communal narcissist. Unofficially: wolf in sheep’s clothing or devil in disguise..:)
I don't want to be a narcissist. Would you point me in the right direction? Recommended books or creators?
@@paulsafr5807 the only way to reverse narcissism is God healing you. Psychologists will tell you there is no healing from it but God can heal anyone, He is the Master Physician and Prince of Peace, you just have to ask Him and believe that He will do it.
Everything they do is transactional.
True
For recognition
@@kriseder9303 True
Yes. They go by the (secular only or the King James bible cherry picked passages given) book with no exceptions.
Definitely
To be sure: any gift they give you absolutely comes with an unspoken “now you owe me something in return”
They usually give terrible gifts also. For example, there will be something in their place collecting dust. They are about to throw it in the bin. Instead they brush off the dust and say to themselves "I can give him this for a birthday gift and he will have to do my bidding".
Yes. Yes and yes
To keep you controlled. It's not from love
false induced love narc parents will spoil there kinds who they dont love
at the same time as abusing them this was my reality
And those fantastic gifts/ support make them look like a dream partner, but within the relationship, the abused partner is dying inside 💔
It's like when they do these things for you that you didn't ask for, they then expected a favor or payback in return for their "generosity" when in reality they will hold it over your head and remind you how nice they were making you feel like you owe them for all the things that they did for you even though you didn't ask for it
And they get it back with a decent interest rate as ppl who feel in debt usually overcompensate.
Fact. Going through this now.
The narc in my life buys lavish gifts for everyone to make it look like he’s wonderful, no one will say a bad word about him.
my narc mother did this with other family members
They give gifts & then act like they own a person by deserving a payback on anything they want from the victim. It is a control tactic they use while disguising evil.
Even the kindness of the wicked is cruel. Thank you for such a clear explanation of the proverb.
They are always screwing you over or seeking to gain ground on you, so the kindness is always giving them an advantage or degrading you.
The gifts you need from a narc is: Honesty, loyalty, commitment, respect, love, kindness, support. However, just note they are not capable of EVER giving these gifts to you. Material gifts can never make up for their lack of character. Go no contact forever!
Anything they do is not for you, it’s for them!!
Yes, most definitely. It's all about them and their edification of themselves, along with their image to other people. They live in a fantasy.
He used to throw back in my face when we argued. I bought you this, I took you on holiday, I got you that. So it's never out of love. There is a agenda behind every gift.
It’s definitely a controlling game.
A gift fr a narcissist is really a gift to themselves
There's this other side to them where they keep gifting crap (things that are just available on discount, wrong size, not at all your style) only to pre-empt any impending expectation from your side. You are unable to bring yourself to ask for (or even buy for yourself) something you really need because you've 'just been showered' with so much (not one item that you can use)! They are the dregs of society with this twisted mindset. 🤢
Yes!!!!
Totally agree!
Mom would often re-gift, send something she no longer wore, blah blah blah and I'd thank her, she'd often either make an overly big deal about it or let me know she cared not for it and so sent crap along to me, neither way was it simple! I gift my kids and it's plain and simple, no strings attached, such gives me pleasure! As far as giving them cash 💸 I tell them happiness shared is happiness doubled (they're mine to take care of)
OMGosh!! I literally have soooooo many 'gifts' like jackets and PJs that I would never wear 😂 😂 I'll make sure to leave it all when I leave.
Once you are in their debt for any reason, the narc owns you... They will hold this against you forever... Unless you can escape them.
great vid
I got a car...
I figured it out 2 yrs later
it's a hook
Knew a covert narc who was the most generous guy around, giving gifts to everyone, all the time. He was exposed eventually. I liken it to a politician handing out a campaign brochure with free candy.
He does it to show everyone else how kind he is , how good he was to me . How terrible I am to have taken from him and then wanted a divorce. I’m just a gold digger.
Was he good to you ? Did you take and didn’t give sth back ?
@Sv St we had a big beautiful but lonely house, not a home.I wanted a small house,big windows, some land for our dogs, ducks, chickens. He wanted big house big land. I did get big windows, plenty of land for the animals. Became overwhelming for me to care for because I wasnt alowed to pay someone to help me with the upkeep he said "you wanted land you got it now its up to you to take care of it i dont cut grass" No fancy cars,wedding ring was a not a Dimond we agreed on a moisonit but it was going to be weather I agreed or not.He was the person with the gold literally a suitcase full of gold bars hidden in our ceiling! He didn't want me to work. So to answer your question, no. I didn't take and not give back. I cleaned, cooked, raised our son, mowed the lawn (land)in the summer, and shoveled snow in winter. Etc.... I wanted a family he wanted a maid, cook, babysitter, landscaper, hooker. Ignored us unless friends or people he was trying to impress were around.
He wasn't good to me,he controlled everything reminded me every chance he got that i was nothing without him.then later on as my son grew older his father ignored him and started gasliting him as well.
Yes, this is a very confusing thing to go through. I have experienced this. Incredible support and gifts followed by betrayal of the Heart. 💔 really confusing. Thank you so much for addressing this! Bless you💝 May this video help others who have experienced this type of pain heal the wound❤
You are so right
And thanks for your kind words
Rabid wolves who want to devour your whole being then throw you away. Wolves in sheep’s clothing.
Loved this!
I've experienced this. Who I was dealing with is the devil 😈 itself her b day Friday the 13th cappi older woman by 20 years older. Ask me where these demon 😈 get the energy from to do these nonsense 😤 mask 😷 on
Wow, this was my experience exactly. He could appear so giving and then be so nasty.
With The Narc it is ALWAYS transactional.
With relatives it makes them look good in the eyes of others, that they gifted you. Meanwhile they don't give a fig about you, just the image they want to project in front of others. It's a smoke screen, n sadly others don't see thru it. They not actually bonding with anyone, except for their own egos end.
My grandmother is like this
You are helping a lot of people...
Thank you for this video. After my 20 year marriage was over I wasted 2 more whole years of this precious life with one of these types of narcs.
His game is finding middle aged women who are out of bad marriages and “spoiling” them with what was missing in their marriage.
It was harder for me to wrap my mind around what he really was, when he “did so much for me.”
Showing up with Starbucks and food and golf and trips and of course - the most emotional support I could ever dream of.
I tricked myself into believing he was my best friend.
When I first met him I asked myself - “who sent you, Heaven or hell?”
Now I know.
@@moonstone4684 same!! These type’s definitely feel they are such a gift to women it would be a shame to only give that “gift” to ONE woman.
He acted like the time he spent with just me was a gift.
This story has a good ending though because he can never contact me again.
The devil 😈 sends the perfect person to temp us! Don't be hard on yourself, they mirror us, it's a soul mate success tactic I'm sure! My daughter and daughter in law dote on their men, I sort of find it cute, perhaps a passing fad... Anyone doting on me makes me feel smothered (red flag really, I find such actions insincere), my 2 divorced buds said their husband smothered them.. No way would I go for a joined at the hip relationship!
@@NikiSchap Trust me, it's not just men who do this. I just got out a 5 year relationship with a financially well off woman who did this to me and then turned my life into a living hell. It will take me years to get over the abuse she leveled at me over that time. I am an attractive service-disabled Army veteran who went through hard times while battling the VA for my disability. I am also very empathetic. She swooped in acting like my savior buying me tons of stuff "because she believed in me." After the honeymoon phase she turned into a very nasty person who constantly gaslighted me, put me down, broke dates at the last minute, would disappear for a week at a time, and just say the most rotten things to me that no one has ever said to me in my entire life. Never any remorse at all. It was a nightmare.
20 years? damn.
I was asking this question to myself... N here u are with the answer
😃
This is the same tactics pimps use on vulnerable children & women.
becuase they have npd as well
To "prime you for taking unlimited abuse." Yes, that's what it's about with narcissists-- every nice thing they do or say, all of it.
They only give to get something in return is what I’ve noticed. And sometimes they give gifts as a sadistic little way of belittling someone. Like giving a gift and a card that jokes about “getting old” (funny she is only a year and a half younger than me and she ended up having a crisis when she turned 30). Or giving a child a chimpanzee statue and saying it reminded her of her buck teeth. That kind of cruelty.
"Of COURSE I'm paying for the drinks. YOU never have any money!"
A used calendar from a restaurant I received
@@sheilaschwartz9319 😂😂😂 sorry, that's so bad but funny to read.
My narc wanted to buy me a watch as present that I passed the job interview successfully. Yes, that sounds good. But when we went to the shopping mall he seemed not happy and in a hurry, always walking two steps in front of me and I thought, there's something wrong, this is not natural, we should be both happy and enjoy choosing a watch... That was the first time, that I realized his action is not coming from the heart it is not a friendly action it is weird and doesn't feel good.
We need to be aware about how we feel being with people, my intuition told me, "be careful, this guy is not okay!".
My sister in law said she'd try to be more like me and be happy with less (huh? I think I've just been insulted)
They only do something if there is something in it for their benefit.
Thank you Danish. You described my ex. He would hurt my feelings by saying the cruelest things. He never apologized. He would buy me a gift. While my stuff was increased he diminished my self esteem. Eventually I learned he was a narcissist. I discarded him. I didn’t want to be reminded of him in any way. I donated the gifts.
It is like they are trying to buy a person. It’s sick.
This is exactly what’s going on in my life. We were together for 7 years and have a child together. Just two weeks ago we were enjoying each others company. Now he’s been out of town twice to spend time with other women. I’m trying not to reach out but I’ve failed a few times. Your content helps me to realize I’m not crazy and narcissism is definitely real
you need to follow the crappy childhood fairy.
Dont go back with him its called limerance, look it up.
its great how the combinations of several channels brings so much relief and validation. i thank you and all other channels for being the window of hope. Blessings
And so is No Contact. Real, I mean. I hear you that you share a child. Are you co-parenting? Even if so, you can implement Super Low Contact. HG Tudor has some vids. I found really helpful. Keep Safe 😀
@@sunnyadams5842 yes we coparent. Just today he was supposed to get our child and he said he’s staying with this woman for an extra day and will get him tomorrow. I’m trying to not get pulled in but I’m so hurt. Thank you! I will check out those videos as well ✨
@@jbrown2908 I’m trying to keep telling myself that. Thank you! He lovebombed me so good throughout our relationship a part of me doesn’t know if I’ll find that again. Maybe it’s just a trauma bond
@@jbrown2908 you’re right & lovebombing isn’t genuine, there’s always a motive with it. I just have to break this trauma bond
Narcissist are greedy
I received 3 gifts in 8 1/2 years. I am not a material person but he always loved getting gifts, never giving gifts. What a TAKER.
What has this to do with the video ?
@@svst3767 BECAUSE HE NEVER GAVE GIFTS...... HE ONLY TOOK . TOOK MONEY, TOOK MY EXPERIENCES, TOOK MY PHONE, TOOK MY VEHICLE, TOOK MY " FRIENDS", TOOK MY HEALTH, TOOK MY HEART ,TOOK MY LOVE. TAKE TAKE TAKE TAKE TAKE TAKE. THAT'S WHAT IT HAS TO DO WITH THIS VIDEO.
@@justjen2591 but this video was talking about the narcissist as a giver..
@@svst3767 dude, I understand . I was explaining that my husband was the OPPOSITE of this video . I do understand the difference. Now I am done with explaining . it's time you move on.
@@justjen2591 Im not surprised..lol
Oh boy, did I find this one out the hard way. I had a 'former so called friend who did me this way
I have a Jewelry box of expensive jewelry but she turned out to be a MONSTER, I had to leave but she turned others against me!!
There is witch craft attached to the gifts they give you love this message praying 🙏
Please explain. Going thru this now and am so confused
Yes absolutely and they will also ask you to return everything once you are discarded by them 🙏🏼😅
Lol so true
WOW! Your excellent understanding of narcissism shows you have suffered at the hands of many narcissists, not just one. My mom has lived with a narcissist for fourty years and people call her a warrior. Like your father mine is also a narcissist, and I must say that I have never come across someone like you with such a brilliant understanding of narcissism.
Exactly. One of my relatives did this. I was a care giver for many years for my mother. I would get a gift here and there when what I really needed was for her to sit with my mom 2/3 hrs when visiting so I could get out of the house. Mom is gone now. So is everything given me throughout the years by this relative. Can't stand to look at those things or have anything to do with her. Yes, she was there with her hands out to collect when mom was gone.
When a parent is one, that's more mind twisting
This describes my late stepfather. He was that way with everyone. He was a giving person in public. But he was a bully in private.
Sometimes, it's about access. They want access into your life.
My parents were this way and so was my husband. It has taken me a long time to wake up. Better late than never 😌
Thank you I’m going through this very situation right now I’m so sorry your father did that to you! P.S. your videos are always so helpful!
Sending you hope and healing
@@narcabusecoach thank you so much!
Because of this i am very reluctant to take gifts from people.
This one hits 👌 home. So true . 👍 😅
This has happened to me twice now. Even when you say no. The last time I identified the red flags after one date. At least I am learning to dodge bullets straight up now!
TY Danish! This is the clearest explanation of cognitive dissonance that I’ve ever heard. I’ve struggled putting it into words. It’s been the hardest part of the abuse I suffered. Reality check. I needed understanding in order to grieve. TY…and I’m sorry for your pain.
The great proverbia l’golden handcuffs’
So much wisdom! You're one of the wisest narc specialist on the internet.
My narcissistic mother only gives gifts if she is going to demand a favor in return. Often the gift is trifling--maybe she will bring me lunch or something--and then she will expect me to spend days or weeks making gifts for her coworkers, or spend my own money on groceries, and spend hours cooking an elaborate meal for relatives she invited to the house...that she will only tell me about a few hours before they show up...
Giving, expecting anything in return is called trading!
That beggars belief, I always thought parents are supposed to pay for their children's education, shocking 😵
It's not kindness it's control. My ex did this. Always buying me gifts, but when the relationship ended she kept everything she bought me. However still kept my presents I got her. Not that I care because the point of gifts is that you do it out of love and you have no need for ownership after handing it over.
Very good this video thanks. My narc. mother was like this. Everything she gives it was with hidden intentions i mean, like you said, it was all about her
Exactly - i was in a bad marriage , also my mother had passed, so my step father invites me and my small children to live in “our” house- now he has legally evicted me when my kids aged out although he still claims all of us and now tells me he “didn’t pull my arm” to move in with him
He DID NOT PULL YOUR ARM TO LIVE THERE? “But, he invited you there! Do you have proof in a text or email or voicemail he invited you there??? He can’t just KICK ALL OF YOU OUT! Your state has squatters rights. Research that. You have ANY MAIL OF YOURS in envelopes sent in your name there even if you might not have officially changed address with the United States Postal Service? Do you have proof of payment of rent or ANYTHING? And, if you paid in cash, he will deny it in court. He CLAIMS ALL OF YOU FOR TAXES YET YOU ARE EVICTED? (If you live there half a year with your kids, he can claim you. But, did your MOTHER EVER WORK?
You could get her death certificate and her Social Security number and apply for survivors benefits because I can guarantee you. They are going straight to him and not her Ken. Who has the deed to that house? Who was on the deed before she died? You need to find these things out because this goes to probate court I’ve been through all this. I don’t know who you are but maybe you should message me back because I have you are owed a lot of money. Trust me you are owed some money .
Mine bought me lots of gifts that I didn’t ask for. The payback was me never having an issue with them, bringing anything up that bothered me and being completely placid and admiring towards them, unless it was “spicy” of the sexual variety.
Yes this is very true with all the narcs I have known be they friends, family remembers, or intimate relationships. With my ex I left all the gifts he gave me when I walked out of our marriage while he was at work.
My experience with one of these creatures fortunately only lasted for 3 months, but rhe gifts she gave me filled a trashbin. Later it cme to light that most of the gifts were stolen goods from the shop where she's working.
He asked for back and I returned anything he gave me (his mother actually bought me a few gifts on special occasions, because he would not. He would do all he could to ruin holidays and birthdays and refused to keep a job longer than a few days or a week every now and then. So he would basically live off my income and his mother's because he had no money otherwise). Said he was going to give it to the "next one"He took things back from a few other people too. Like I saw him do it to someone he called a friend. They never spoke to him again of course. Neither have I since winning the restraining order.
This video hit spot on as I hadn’t met this kind of abuser. Once I took off his mask and he couldn’t control me it got physical. This dissonance was confusing with all the love bombing made my head spin. The pendulum would swing and I’d get the abuser then the vulnerable crocodile tears. The I love you then DARVO then all over again . Wouldn’t leave my home messed with my car, my phone, my keys, my electricity. Verbal bully it was a veritable nightmare like gates of hell mixed with a piece of heaven just to confuse more. He’s gone I’m alone and happy to be rid of that labyrinth to hell! I’ve survived it and learned valuable lessons! Thank you for such a wonderful channel you have outstanding videos with great content!!Extremely helpful on the journey back to normalcy!!🙏🏻🌈💖
You are just brilliant!!! to turn the negative for positive purpose. Keep up the good work.
No amount of money, or brand new car or brand new tablet or every single dinner, vacation or gift can ever , ever be enough to repay the emotional and mental abuse that the narcissist and his toxic wife ( narcissist too) delivered to me. No, I see all those “gifts” as minimal payment for what they have done to my soul!
Thanks be to God he has pulled me from the wreckage and delivered me to these videos, education, love, healing ❤️🩹
Thanks be to God
If I were not a Christian I’d expose them to the church and all the wolves in sheep’s clothing that they have been part of . On my way but what a road of healing -feels like I’ve been in a trance - almost like a cult .
I was a single mom in my 20s he trapped me, I almost committed suicide. I was robbed of being the mother I was before I met him. I hate him with a passion for that. I didn't know what narcissism was. I'm so grateful to have people educating others.
I applaud this video very informative 👏
U totally hit the nail in the head!
Obsessed by his wealth, my covert narc husband wined and dined me when dating, however only made big promises to ensnare in he will always take care of me. Instead, all deceptions/trickeries while keeping me poor and breaking me down. His gift giving of grandioso birthdays etc has been to my little granddaughter which I am suspect of.
Danish, i am running out of words to thank you enough for conveying your wisdom about narcism which is a subject I came across in the past year . Although I knew the term since long time I had no idea it could be so relevent in my life. I am a 58 year old lady who used to wonder why my life turned out to such a mess even though I tried so hard to keep the right virtues since my childhood. Now everything makes sense to me. I am able to place all the j pieces of the jigsaw in the right position unveiling the
Puzzle-my life.
Not fooled, the gift giver is not fooling anyone. 🎁
My mother. She is overboard with gifts but she cannot simply apologize for her abuse. Instead she buys something to make up for it. I still struggle to make sense of her behavior.
They give a gift but on condition you sing their praises from the rooftops or share on social media
So true and very well explained! Thank you.
Thank you Danish. It is a emotional roller coaster, very confusing.
He did that alot and it's like I had to pay for the price of the help he gave to me..😢
My ex-narc wife didn't help me financially at all for house expenses. And when she "lend" me money for something she would put interest on it. For example if she gave me 500$, 2 months later my debt would become 600$. And once in a while she would buy me "thoughtful" gifts...what a fool I was...
Wow!
interesting i come across this video. I have experienced just that a few months ago with this person.... luckily coincidence wanted that at the time i was really working on personnal boundaries and when the person started being unkind i looked within and stood my ground because no matter the presents, the gifts and the love declarations, if someone is disrespectful ONCE there are consequences because i love ME first. took me a while to rid myself from all toxic shame and sadness but i can say that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Yh they give to get and are the hardest to spot. It’s mandatory to know the patterns otherwise you get fooled by your primal instincts, your conscience and sense of justice/ obligation.
What makes it even more difficult is that often their public reputation is at odds with how they behave in private means they’ve a lot of flying monkeys.
And in the rare case when they are called out they portray themselves as martyrs, the givers under wrongful attack.
Calling them Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde or Batman‘s Two-Face would be inaccurate as those characters have split independent personalities.
Whereas the giving, helping, supporting „side“ (in reality it’s more of a strategy) of an altruistic or communal narcissist is a means to an end to feed and stabilize the selfish, egocentric side trough supply and control.
Such behavioral patterns create a lovely cognitive dissonance in a neurotypical brain ..:)
And - if mixed with the expectation of consistency due to a romantic encounter - can lead metaphorically to a short circuit aka depression.
Your videos are so helpful because they make me not feel like I'm losing my mind, just imagining things. I was in the hospital for several weeks and could not work. My mom gave me money so I could pay my rent, but then one day she asked, "when are you paying back the money?" I would think helping would be the kind of thing a parent does. I wouldn't expect the parent to demand to be paid back, especially since I missed work because I was so sick, I nearly died.
At least your mother should have told you before that she only lends the money to you. For me it depends on her position, is she rich? Ok, then she can give you money as a present, but is she not rich? Then it's okay to ask it back, because you are adult, but as I said, it should be negotiated in advance.
He is spot on
This is me. I had dissonance for years, one day it all fell into place and my entire body and nervous system set itself on fire.
Remember guys if a narcissist gives you a 2004 to 2008 Toyota the gas pedal sticks to the floor and it can kill
Thank you I have a narcissistic mother that use to me . I got married and never looked back
Your content really speaks to me. Every time I watch one of your videos I always think you must've known the two main narcissists that I had the displeasure of knowing in my life. But no, I guess they really are all similar in many ways. This is all helpful and I appreciate the way you share your knowledge with us. Thank you.
This is my mother in law right now. Gives and gives only to use it against you
You are awesome! God bless you. 🙏
Thank you Danish for sharing this personal experience. The lack of human warmth in the narcissist never ceases to horrify me. Once you’ve seen it, there’s no unseeing it.
I remember toward the end during the devaluation /discard, he told me that the reason he did all those things for me was because that’s the way he wants to be loved, and he did it so I’d do those same things for him.
Wow, I have exactly that experience with a man, bad luck for him, I recognized early enough what's going on and when I changed my apartment I didn't give him my new address and blocked him on all media. He even has asked my last landlord twice if she knows where I am, but she knows the story and tells him, she doesn't know my new address. Lol...
Today my mother tried giving me money but I didn't ask for it and I decline and told her we don't need it but she kept pushing and I know something is tied to the money if I took it. I didn't take her money and she went back with it and was disappointed I didn't accept it because will give her something to say to people that she is feeding us . No thanks
yes the flowers and going out to dinners and other gifts of gold rings etc and helping all the time when they are in the love bomb stage is really real - Also they have the transaction when they discard to get the money they want out of the relationship in a divorce - also the family of narcissists also want stuff too out of you. They say they want cash
Exactly , they consider every relationship as a business where they invest and seek a very high interest later. They are extremely sweet talker and helping just to get popularity and peoples' validation that they are kind person but only the close people knows their actual demonic nature. I have been raised up listening from my mom that a real kind person never beats drums about his/her own good deeds but he always reminded me that how much favour he made on me . Although , those were nothing but the exaggerated form of some silly matters. Most of the politicians does this and are narcissists but I understood this after dealing with him.
Investment seems to be license to treat you however they want. A demon in angel’s disguise is a great description. It’s evil.
The female who birthed me will respond to me when I tell her how she let people molest me with " you need to move on". Then gift me things as she continues to talk to people who has abused me. I always think how the devil promises you material possessions but god grants you true peace. And I pray I'm healed physically or taken peacefully away.
My ex narcissist husband bought me lovely diamond ring on our 25th anniversary and another few years after for another occasion and when marriage final broke down over him being caught out on he latest affair at the time and had to get legal advise, once he knew that he asked for the rings back, i obviously DIDN'T give him back knew he wss going to give them to one of his many supply.
Wow Danish❤ Your family has got to be as bad as mine 😅
Indeed it is 💯
Mine 2
My x narcissist give everything to everyone except me. And he was available for every woman in this world except me.
Thank you for making this video! This is exactly what a guy did to me. You couldn't have said it more perfectly. He was an absolute demon.
Lived this for 25 years. When I refused few gifts I was told I was an' inapprapriative human being'.
I was with a overt narc who used to buy me so much we are talking 30 presents for my bday its crazy my oldest daughter used to be driven mad with the length of time i used to have to sit there and open them. But i know this was more about him wanting to be on a pedestal. Then what happened, i ended up with the cover B shit**t
Love bombed for 6 mths and then BANG
Nothing -
Just a serious manipulative, gaslighting future faking liar
I hate them!!! I want him
To get his karma
I have a relative who sent me this thoughtful birthday gift and it confused me. We don’t talk or text and they never reach out but when it comes time for me to get a ride from another relative to get me from the airport they had that person bring me the gift….i don’t trust it. I feel they did it go look like a good person and to make me feel obligated to give them a birthday gift when though we don’t talk and they treat everybody bad
Thank you! They will also lift items at the same time they are giving you cards making you meals, for example in medical 'care giving' situations' gives them a chance to lift your valuables. Be very careful of people who want to insist organize and reorganize your items. Women be aware this is common with females, again be very careful. So called 30 yr of 'friend' wanted (re insisted) to pack up my car, after a medical procedure....gone gone are the rubies and other items. Just 2 weeks ago. Fool me once.....not ever again.