The victory of leaving a narcissistic relationship
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
Victory feels like no longer walking on egg shells, no anxiety and fear when the narc arrives. Victory is being able to make my own decisions. To wake up and smile and not have negative energy around me. Not feeling like I need to make someone else happy all the time. Most importantly not saying I'm sorry it was my fault every day. Victory is doing whatever I want and not feeling like I have to ask for permission. I am free that's my victory!!
♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
I remember when I got my apartment the first week I made a sandwich n I told myself you can’t take it to the bedroom… then I told myself what is wrong with you this is your place you can do whatever the hell you want you pay the bills here🤦🏻♀️😁 so I ate in my bed and it felt so good!!
That is fantastic. It is the way that I feel too. My divorce was final on 4/1, last Friday. Even in the divorce negotiation emails he demanded that I apologize for things that he criticized me for when we were together. I did apologize one last time in order to move the progress forward.
In the end I got everything I wanted, which was only what he promised me. To do it I had to hold his feet to the fire. Because of a big mistake he made, I had leverage. It worked out my way, but it very nearly did not. I got lucky.
Oh my God, why is this so relatable. I mean yess.
You just explained what I’m deciding this week to walk away from. I appreciate you
Victory is:reclaiming your authenticity ☮️
Yes!
♥️
Saying no to certain things/ individuals means tht I am listening to th voice within.
DITTO!!!
Indeed being yourself again and getting back to your own thoughts, reality, core values and life is the most important and effective, i found also.
It also makes much of the "mental battle" (introjects) fade, that i find to be the most disturbing after since the abuse in the mind continues it doesn't just stop when the narcissist leaves.
Finding ones own peace and self again is the biggest part of healing i think also and helps relieve much of the emotional pain and mental abuse.
After 21 years of marriage to my narc husband, our divorce was finalized this past July. My victories are many.
1. Peace
2. Independence and freedom
3. Happiness. I haven’t been happy for years.
4. 100% physical custody of my three boys. (Of course he fought for the materialistic things and he thinks he won)
5. Pursuing my dreams.
6. Friends and family of my ex telling me that through our divorce they can now see his selfishness, disrespect, and other narcissistic traits, are starting to call him out on his behaviors, and are questioning their relationships with him.
7. My ability to tell him, “No” without going “deep”.
I’m free! I still have lots of healing to do but I’m free! Thanks for you help Dr. Ramani. Couldn’t have done it without you.
The warmth that spread through my body while reading this! I am so proud of you!!!
You got your light back 🏆🙂!
What helped you get full custody?
@@dieynabadiallo5371 My lawyer and I discussed custody then he wrote it up in our decree. Ex asked what 100% custody meant then left it at that. Like he didn’t even care. We didn’t even define visitation in our decree. It doesn’t exist. He didn’t even fight for his kids. It just shows what kind of father he is. I think it helped that my boys are older. We both agreed our boys are old enough to decide what kind of relationship they would have with their father. My two older boys decided to do no contact but my youngest decided to have limited contact with clear boundaries. I don’t think my ex thought our boys would decide to go no contact. We do have 50/50 legal custody, though.
@@janbernal1082 I see, thank you for the info. I heard those people can’t love someone, that’s scary, especially when you have kids with them.
Enjoy your new life, we all deserve it 😊
Indifference is the best feeling. Finally leaving a damaging person is liberating. My prayers are for anyone struggling to leave. You deserve more. You do not need this person. They do not need you. A person who uses you does not love you.
Indifference is less painful.
Correction needed: The Manipulators NARC DO NOT DESERVE TO HAVE GOOD PEOPLES around them; however, THEY DO NEED THEIR VICTIMS to make them feeling ALIVE and WORTHY OF THEMSELVES ..Otherwise, LIVINGS with the Manipulators Narc are BORING, DREARY, GLOOMY, AND COLD as Adelanto jail cells..Period..
@mexicaflor05: The Manipulators Narc. DO NOT DESERVE to have their victims around..Living with the Manipulators Devil's Narc. are EXTREMELY BORING, DREARY, DULL AND AS COLD HEARTED AS THE Adelanto jail cells..Period..
Victory feels like being able to be free to choose what's best for me, and be financially independent.
The peaceful feeling when you go no contact is so serene. Grieving the relationship takes as long as it takes. You’ll feel so sad. Then, it’s a relief.
Thank you for sharing, I feel so sad, but I know I will feel relief at some point.
You don’t necessarily even grieve THEM, more so the failed opportunity of what could’ve been-if they weren’t a selfish narc. You can’t change people, nor should you waste your life waiting.
I totally get it. Both of my parents were/are malignant narcissists. They put my life in danger several times (there shouldn’t even have been a FIRST) and they DID. NOT. CARE.
Your life is worth more than their greed and entitlement.
Take care!
@OhWell22 Well I made the mistake of looking at social media So don't feel like you're alone it is hard to break the connection you felt without person and it is such a hard thing to break the trauma bond so don't beat yourself up just get back on the wagon OK - I will too. Just remember our brains were entrained so next time you feel the desire to do That then perhaps you can pick something else that you will do instead. I hope this helps you I'm glad I saw your post today because it made me realize that I'm not alone and I am not battling this by myself there are so many of us that are in The same boat.
@OhWell22 You're welcome stay strong OK yes we are Moving Onward And upward!
I just left home 2 days ago and the grief is overwhelming. All the future faking and what ifs along with anger for being forced into a situation where drastic decisions and measures need to be taken just to survive financially. My children suffering all because of the narc/addicts downward spiral. I feel lost and hopeless and angry
To anyone caught in this mess, there’s light at the end of the tunnel. We attract narcissists because we have to learn how to love ourselves - do it,, you’re worth it!
🙏🏼🙏🏼
@@MsNieshaBean what a splendid insight! Thank you.
What a splendid insight! Thank you!
Bravo Gianni- well put! 👏
This is so true. ❤
I finally left when I realized that things were never, ever going to change. A relationship that constantly makes you feel bad isn't one worth staying in. When you fully disengage from a toxic person, you really do find yourself again. It's sweet victory, indeed. 🌼
They're poison and on board with anyone around willing to nail you to a cross!
This is the most free I have felt in the last 5 years.
Encouraging!
Kristen, Exactly I'm with you. Getting Away from the Toxic Narc Girlfriend. Won't be looking Back. She was a Future Faking Pro.
🎯
Thanks for giving me hope. I have filed for a divorce after 48 years of narcissist abuse. Best wishes for everyone and thanks to Dr.Ramani.
My divorce was just final after 48 years & it is the best thing I ever did for myself! Hang in there it is rough divorcing the narcissist but very much worth it in the end!❤
46 years and eyeing the door. Starting to get things packed.
42 yrs. and walking❤😂😢😮😊
30 years and free from all that now
You are my hero, then. 20 years has been enough for me, but it's never too late.❤
The fact that he no longer has access to me and my energy is a HUGE victory for me.🙏
I am delighted to report that after 47 mostly miserable years of marriage I left with a capital “L!” I immediately blocked him on social media and only communicated with him during the dissolution process. As soon as my divorce was final I told him I was no longer going to communicate with him and I blocked his number.
Fast forward to the present and I am now married to the man of my dreams! We met through friends and sparks flew very soon. He is 180 degrees different in every way from my ex Covert Narc. He is kind, loving, thoughtful, respectful, generous, unselfish and so much more. I truly never thought marriage could be this wonderful. Don’t waste your life in misery. Better days are ahead when you leave with a capital “L.” Thank you, Dr. Ramani for your spot on content. ❤️
@Sheryl Bracht - Congratulations, that’s terrific! 🙌👏😀
Thanks for the hope I'm 2 years out of 45 year marriage this gives me comfort
Way to go, you're awesome, I will never see the letter L the same way! Isn't it terrible to have to listen to people complain about their spouces, as if we can do anything about it, the remedy is to leave!
Awesome!! So pleased for you. What an encouragement 👏 🙌
Thank you for sharing, it was very encouraging!
Victory for me was driving to Texas from Oregon and never talking to her again.
Victory was me not responding to her emails after I blocked her calls and texts.
Victory for me is learning what a narcissist is and how they operate.
Victory for me was getting my life and my soul back.
me too
Spot on 👏👏👏👏👏
Exactly.
You can block her mail too 😂
U said it love 👍 enjoy it
Victory for me is being able to sleep again, not expecting drama, not getting anxiety attacks from an emotionally unstable lunatic, being able to plan the day and execute the plans, having specific time for career, hobbies and solitude, being able to enjoy things without judgements, being able to be there for family and friends and participate in their joy, not questioning the things and the reality of them, not having to guess what's on the mind of that narc, not having to beg for communication, not having to be devalued.
Life was great before all this, life is great now. I was doing fine before, I'm doing fine now. Thank God, I'm saved.
I am so happy for you…I can’t wait to get here.🙏🏽
The sleep… 😣
Praise the Lord!
Praise the Lord!
Omg being able to plan the day and execute ❤️❤️❤️
I used to worry about being alone (in danger, rejected, unworthy) until I realised being WITH a manipulative and nasty person was a danger to my sense of self. Changing “alone” to “solitude” was an important step for me. Thanks for the validation 🙏🏻
I'm trying to figure out how to kill the loneliness inside of me usually I just get online and try to date again but I won't be on there again I know it won't help I'll just fall for another toxic person that aligns with my toxicity and codependency. I can't do it anymore. I guess I need to learn how to embrace my loneliness and solitude.
@@mariahconklin4150 check out “the resin you should really marry” which is a TED talk… it’s a start x
being alone is fucking great
what are you talking about?
all this feeling alone bullshit is social engineering to make you waste your life on useless interaction with useless brainwashed idiots
learn a craft and spend your life perfecting it
@@mariahconklin4150The fix to loneliness - Do all the things you want to do by yourself - days out, going to concerts etc For me the big one was adventure travel on my own. I do it all the time - away on my bike/camping in my own country and abroad, Going on small group tours to far flung destinations - India, Mongolia etc etc. No longer is my life on hold waiting for a partner to do these things with. My life is rich, and I've met so many like minded friends this way. You can do it, you don't need a partner to enjoy life - go grab it for yourself x
Me 2 guess what we learned . We mo Ed onweare healing😅
Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I got to know about my narc husband bad ways when I reach out to a private detective digitalinvestigate@gmail.com for help he did a perfect work for me I can see everything he’s doing on his device.
THEY WILL CHEAT ON YOUR FACE CAUSE YOU ARE NOT THEIR MAIN SUPPLY.
I had lost my spirit and authenticity because of horrific mind games and abuse, and for at least two years after I was discarded I didn't really care whether I lived or died. So for me victory is surviving!
I felt it would be easier to die than get away
Amen!
@@amandahoney9289 tough times fade, tough people stick around
Victory... NO contact ...untouchable.. the safest sleep felt in decades.. Peace!.. Decisions w/o conflict ...chaos and confusion turning to quiet confidence.. love being alone.. not lonely!! moving from survival toward thriving.. "LIVE " in Freedom not just be alive..sooo grateful!!
I completely understand 🙏🏽
1. When u stop engaging in anything they say or do.
2. Doing the things that you weren't able to do before or they told you not to do
3. When u learn to stop gaslighting yourself.
4. No longer engaging with toxic people. Slowly cleaning the house- distancing, setting better boundaries
5. Solitude
6. Letting healthy people in
7. When u stop caring about what's happening with narcissist.
Thanks for creating checklist for me
Thank you for taking notes.
Great checklist! I'm at that stage when I stopped engaging with toxic people and set proper boundaries. However I am now wondering, where do I find healthy people? 🤔
@@elizaveta2407 you came so far, that will also happen, universe will conspire. Just be on positive side keep doing what need to do.
@@optimusprime2799 Hope so.:) thank you!
I was not allowed to eat food of my choice or wear dresses of my choice or watch TV programs of my choice etc. Now I am grey rocking him since 2 months, following Dr. Ramani. I never knew, I was living with a narcissistic person for 25 yrs.Dr. Ramani is helping me a lot in this journey of my life. Now I am much relaxed. Thanks
Gray rock helped me also. Its funny how they get uncomfortable when you don't cooperate & don't give them that supply!
Same here, 27 years I just thought he was a bit difficult to live with because of problem X (change letter daily/weekly/monthly)
Here’s one : At the end I had to eat in front of a mirror whilst smiling (try it - it’s not possible) to exercise it and study my face in the process lest my face slide down and I require cosmetic surgery. Like WTF! Some of the narcs are WTF 😳 mine was a WTF category. Should be a new category for these ones.
@@Evie-od2lg IMO gray rock is an inevitable response not so much of a voluntary decision, I did 7 years gray rock, it’s a warning sign IMO if you are able to shut off, like a prisoner. The mind is delicate, it can’t just bounce back when you get out. Gray rock is beginning of your disintegration. Be aware and be careful.
You are not alone.
Victory feels like freedom. Freedom from the shame that was put on me. Freedom from the worry to please. Freedom from all their controlling behavior that limited and devalued me as a human. The freedom to be myself and see my friends. I can live my life without living in fear and judgment. Victory is that I am no longer co-dependent on my narcissistic relationship and I know I deserve so much more in a partner.
🎯
Perfect!
💖😊👏👏👏👏👏 Yessss!! I can only imagine!!
Amazing!
Victory feels like spending my money in the way I want, let my pets play, going on holidays somewhere, go to restaurants, sleep well. Victory was leaving that person and letting behind me all his fake friends who gossiped and judged everyone, and be finally free from all their no sense drama. Victory is waking up and smile every single morning, because no one has to be afraid to "awake" him and win a full day of yelling because he didn't rest enough. Victory is having a relaxing weekend without pressures about "things to do" decided by him. Victory is volunteering and don't feel guilty because I didn't come back by 14:00. Victory is using the heating properly. Victory is my freedom to live in a quiet house with peace and love: me and my pets.
Oh my gosh I love this!! So true...
What mood are we going to meet when he awakes!?!?
I have reached month 13 without dating. It was tough but I knew I needed that time to reflect and heal. I admit I did secretly wish he would Hoover me back because I was so lonely. When we first broke up, it was tough watching him move on so incredibly fast. In fact, he literally sold everything my butt ever touched, including 3 vehicles and his house-- moving in with his rebound within a few months. He totally reinvented himself, including the way he looks and dresses. Much of my rumination included wondering if he did in fact improve himself for her, because he's not getting any younger and knows this could be his last opportunity to seal the deal. I don't know what I would've done without Dr. Ramani's videos repeatedly reminding me he hasn't changed, he future faked and devalued me, etc. And 'she' is now getting what I got. I fully expect they'll be engaged soon. One of the things I constantly ruminated on is why she would allow such fast movement in the relationship as I never did. Was she as love starved as he, and is he now that much better at his game? I stayed in the relationship after seeing the patterns because it wasn't all bad. I do miss having him cut the lawn, rub my feet and have someone to play with for fun adventures on the weekends. I told myself I might never find that again, who would want me, and grieved the future-faked life I thought I was missing out on. But how ridiculous is that?! With 8 billion people on the planet, surely there's someone out there for me who's far greater than what I gave up. I don't miss hearing the same old stories and having the same tired arguments repeatedly. I don't miss arguing in bed because I didn't feel like spooning that night and having him snore in my ear because I wasn't allowed to sleep in the spare room. Now I go out to eat where and when I want, as often as I want. I enjoy my healthy friends, choosing not to rekindle the unhealthy friendships. This time to myself has taught me selfrespect, self love and self kindness. I am not at that point where I can get through a whole day without thinking of him at least one time, but I can say most of my thoughts of him now are negative and I can very clearly see all the toxic reasons why I could never take him back. I look forward to meeting a healthy man who deserves me and vice versa. Hang in there, you can do this and you are so worth it. Onward and upward!
Victory looked like: my kids and I having fun laughing freely, no fear of rages anymore, no walking on egg shells, eating pizza in front of the tv watching Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter over the weekend, filling our house with pets - dogs, cats, guinea pigs, rabbits and gerbils.
Victory was like: not doing the dishes right after dinner, dog hair on the sofa, eating brezels in the car making a mess and nobody cared.
Victory was like: having lots of kids over every day, laughter and lots of noise and it was fun. Singing in the car, having a bonfire in the garden in winter.
Victory was a life without fear of being criticized constantly.
Victory was a happy childhood for my sons.
Victory was me finding a new career as a teacher.
Oh yes, my last victory was getting finally rid of his financial abuse last year bc I was able to pay him off.
Final victory: no contact. I couldn‘t care less if he lived or died.
Well, that‘s not quite correct: the day someone tells me he finally kicked the bucket I will open a bottle of champagne and do a victory dance.
That‘s it. 🥂🤣😁😀💐❤️
Oh my gosh you sounded like you spoke for me!! Everything you said applies to me except I have one son and one daughter 😁🤗
.... I can't stop laughing about the happy dance part.
I'm so happy for you!
I"m reading this and clapping! You did it! Victory!
We should all form a group.....and toast to victory...
I love what you said about solitude. I used to feel really lonely as a single mom and I think that is why I stayed in my narcissistic relationship. I LOVE my alone time now! I cherish it! I prefer it and I don't feel the need for a companion, which I hope means I won't tolerate less than what I deserve next time! I went back to school after leaving and just knocked out a year of prerequisites with a 4.0. My kids and I live in peace and I have grown in my faith. I have become active in a church I love and things have been peaceful with the ex since I started going to church. I think he feels like he cannot say those horrible things to me now... lol. We share a child and do communicate, but I am no longer in love with him, so I am able to do it from a safe place. Finally!!!! I went from the lowest part of my life to the highest. In a way, I am thankful I went through it all because it got me to where I am today!! God bless everyone going through this and just know there is light at the end of the tunnel!
Jesus is the light at the end of my tunnel, sounds like He got you through too
Christmas 🎄is for kids 'cause it's the best time ever! Narcs aren't anything but bullies, they think they'll punish us by leaving the when the opposite is true! I explain to mine that alone time lets me recuperate, I'm always giving of myself, it's just my nature and makes it all more fun!
It’s good to know that we are not alone I have been going to church as well and I have my piece at least I can’t believe that I put up with an abusive marriage for 20 years God bless you too
That’s wonderful and inspiring! God bless
Victory for me was a sense of overall peace in the house. I'm still working on my trauma from it. I'm in therapy now and it's helping so much.
me too
Well done love keep going it gets better as you are healing 👍
Keep up the good work!
Delighted for you. I still have days when I stumble, but overall, there's a peace and confidence in the house that was absent for a long time. Wishing you all the best for your future!
same
I’m in day 2. I need all the strength I can right now. Thank you for this video.
Hang in there
Ross Rosenberg on youtube
Many thanks! Your advice helped me do two big things: Get Out! &. Survive. I am 85 yrs. +. a lifetime of 'narcs'. FINALLY I now understand. Thanks and blessings to all who contribute, whether speakers to knowing and helping folks Thrive! Yep. It IS worth the self-rescue~!!!
85+. Wow, congrats to you!!
Victory looks like not walking on egg shells in my own home. Being able to be myself fully in my own home feels absolutely wonderful and it’s long overdue.
Agreed💯
My victory came at age 58. My mother is a narcisist of the worst kind. First I cut all physical contact, including blocking her, stopped visits, etc. Then the emotional healing started. I also had to cut my siblings out of my life as they were enablers/golden child to her and would rally to her agenda. There was a mourning period, thinking how different life would have been in a normal family with healthy love, respect and security. The truth setelled in that I was always alone/me against them and that leaving them would only be a better life. Now I am growing into my own and pushing past the limitations that was set on me and in a short time I achieved much success. I also do not get anxiety attacks that often, and believe in time it also will pass completely. The dark cloud that was part of my life for 58 years is gone and I am happy, contented and at peace.
I went no contact from my mother and siblings too and feel exactly the same way. You stole my thoughts 😆. Wish you the best and hope you do everything you wanted to.
I am 52 yr-old, start to understang what a narcistic mother like mine has made my life so difficult. We are so lucky to find an understanding treats of Narcissism through this media so that we can be healed. Knowledge is powerful. Let's be happy! ❤🌹
I'm 30 and I'm just adapting too. first holidays away from them all
@@Reevay762 Hang in there. It gets better and better. You can do it. Be magnificent!
Well done. My story is similar to yours. I literally "mourned" my narc family for 3 years after deciding to cut ties and stop their toxic behaviour, but only now have I finally started feeling good and become fully aware that I have made the right choice when I decided to leave. I have done something good for myself, and solitude is a blessing. I have started recoveringt my health, peace and self-esteem and this makes me feel good.
Victory look's like: Dinning in alone , having control over my money ,developing a strength I never knew I had for me and my kids, becoming homeless with my two kids living in a shelter but being the happiest I ever had been because I didn't have to deal with the narcists ,appreciating my alone time ,setting boundaries, rediscovering gratitude ,having hope ,and reaching my goals !
I got away! I finally stopped being in a relationship with him but still had to live in his home. I did not engage him. I ignored his rants. He kept telling me I was the narcissist. I had til the end of the month to leave and yesterday he told me to get the fuck out so I did. He opened the door for me about three weeks ago. I told myself the next time he tells me I can leave then I am gonna leave. He did. That was the beginning of the end. Thankfully I had a place to go with my dog. Today is Easter and the first day of the rest of my life and I feel free
I never realized how much stress and anxiety I was feeling until about a year after we broke up. I eventually felt peaceful, courageous, independent and free. That was victory for me!
One of the last things my covert narc ex-husband said to me before I filed for divorce was, "Any control you think you have is a fantasy!" (classic projection) Victory for me is living in the reality I've created for myself, completely detached and independent of him. Victory for me is realizing my own power to heal and love myself. Victory for me is taking responsibility for my own happiness and wellbeing, and living my best life. Victory for me is knowing that I have the strength, wisdom and discernment to NEVER enter into another toxic or abusive relationship ever again!
19 years ago, with a 2 year old and an 8 month old....I will never forget that day....it felt like a ton of weight was lifted off of my soul. It was one of the very best days of my life. I did remarry a wonderful man and never got trapped by a narcissist again. 1 and done with that personality. It was a victory for all three of us.
Congratulations! That's very inspiring 👏 I have a 5 year old and a 3 month old, at 28 years old, I physically left half a year ago. How did the children cope? I'm most worried for them
Thank you for the message of hope. 💛
@@Bubuddin How are your kids doing?
@N Z they're good! 6 month old is happy, 5 year old is happy too seeing her dad in short bursts here and there
@@Bubuddin That's very reassuring to hear!
"Living well is the best revenge."
Victory for me means peace in my home, happiness for me and my daughter ❤️!!! His evil spirit is no longer in my home 🙏🙌🏽
Victory looks like peace and calmness…finally! No second guessing or believing that I must be terrible because that person thinks I am. I’m free to say what I believe without worrying that I’m going to hurt their fragile feelings. Knowing that I have a kind and caring heart, I would never intentionally hurt someone. It has not always been this way for me but I’ve matured into a better version of what I used to be. I still find myself wondering why they turned on me, why they hated me so much, why they intentionally bullied me. Why did they make a point to publicly humiliate me? It was vicious, intentional and cruel. Everything they knew about me was used to destroy me. Even with that, breaking off that relationship was sooo sooo hard. I lost my hair, lost weight and went back to having PTSD nightmares and had to go back on medication for it. But after a few months the peace and calmness started to come. Those days began to outweigh the crying days. Then one day, I had me back. A wiser, more experienced me. I hope that narcissist that was in my life finds their own peace. I wish them well, I just don’t ever want to share my life with them again.
"I hope that narcissist that was in my life finds their own peace. I wish them well, I just don’t ever want to share my life with them again."-I *REALLY* hate when videos talk about much pain the narcissist is in from the self shame or insecurities they 'cannot' heal. I think it's kind of unhealthy, because it practically paints the narcissist as a victim that needs help.
I did go on natural remedies for PTSD nightmares of the narcissist (that I unfortunately still live with), but eventually decided to allow them. I view it as my subconscious mind purging itself. It's not good to suppress my feelings while awake, so why do it while I'm asleep?
"Narcissists don't have happy endings, just endings." That hit hard. Especially because I love, love, love happy endings. My ending is quickly approaching as I have signed a lease on a new home and will be moving in January. I spend blissful hours envisioning myself there and the anticipation of living on my own is intoxicating...I know reality includes physically making the move and am leaning hard into God for help in that process. Thank you as always to Dr. Ramani and this community! ❤
I have just made the move and it was hard as hell but you CAN do it! I am writing this reply to you from my new tiny home that is mine alone and I am telling you it feels good. It's worth it. YOU CAN DO IT xx
@@smarandabalais647 🎊, they smother us with negativity so we think we can't accomplish anything, especially ditching them because doing so buries them alive!
Good for you! Hold steady and beware to Hoover. Happily alone is a great place to be. And friends begin to enter your life in a delightful way. Guard your independence and enjoy!
Keep up praying! It helped me enormously. Still does of course.
You can do this, physically, emotionally, spiritually. All 3 detachments are necessary for your heart to heal. Our Lord can definitely help you--He helped me, He'll do it for you!
I got a really long email the other day. All of the claims of change and heavy future faking. I was happy that I didn’t get sucked into it and just asked him to leave me alone. Short and to the point! Felt nice to get to the point where I was able to do that and see it for what it really is.
Great job! I used to fail all the time at resisting a great Hoover act or even worse a transparently half-hearted one..."future faking."
Your long email reminds me of that Glenn Fry lyric to 'Already Gone': "And you thought you thought that could put me ON A SHELF! And that letter that you wrote me...."
I left a marriage after 42 years. I wore myself out trying to please someone who could never be pleased. Then I found your website, and finally understood what had been going on all the years I was married....he wasn't going to change, no matter how I twisted myself into a pretzel. Then I spent a good deal of time beating myself up for being so dumb, and taking so long to figure it out. It has been five years, and I have never been so happy. I am free. I can do what I choose to do, without his deapproving eye watching me at all times. I still hear about his antics through my step daughter....he hasn't changed. She and I have a great relationship. Most of all, I am at peace and happily alone and free.
Dr Ramani is like that aunt you always come to for help 😢 thank you ❤
I needed to hear this. In heavy rumination phase from cutting off toxic family members. All prayers appreciated 🙏🏾
prayers to you. toxic family relationships are some of the worst- so much we put up with for too long because it's "family". Nope, those toxic people do not get to be called family.
@@HereForToday42 Exactly! Thank you very much ❤️😊
When I got pregnant for the 1st time at 36yrs old , the Narc friend said “I don’t want to be running after a baby a 40yrs old”… I took the blow and wondered if she even thought that this is insulting me.. I had 2 other children after.. I have step out and away from this narcissistic relationship because she never loved me.. She was attracted to my light and wanted to dim it!!
My mother was 19 when she had me. I think life would have been much, much easier for both of us if she had waited 20 years.
I applaud your good judgment.
agree
Wow. What a revelation. May Peace be yours to have and share.🕊️
When my nasty selfish dad called, unwillingly to visit his grandkids (knew he couldn't use me nor move in) remarked he'd heard I'd put on weight -"I'm chasing after 2 pre-schoolers all day at 40, I think I'm in shape!" I'd also b-fed for 4.5 yrs straight and exclaim to those commenting on relaxed way of life that my marathon has ended!
She knew exactly what she was doing. It was intended to shame you and make you feel insecure. Those little digs. I had a “friend” like this and I loved her, but that passive aggressive shit wasn’t worth it anymore and I cut her clean off. I’m so glad you did what’s best for you. Btw, I’m 46 and still believing in my own child and I’d gladly chase after a little one.
To everyone in the comments who's struggling to get out and those who have got and now dealing with the trauma one thing at a time. I send you my prayers and love! You'd all reach there where you've always wanted to be a place where there's no anxiety or judgements to your everyday things that make you happy..Keep working keep healing we can do this together! We can!! Never give up on your life! NEVER!! Hugs and love everyone 💖💖💖💖
thank You
Thank you…
Thankuuu
Thanks 👍😊
💛🙏
My victory is reading all of these sweet comments of other's victories. I'm smiling all the way through them. Yay for ALL of you!
I got a restraining order against him for ongoing physical abuse and then filed for divorce in the last couple weeks. There's no going back. So it feels a little like stepping off of a high cliff into the unknown. Even though we all knew how to live before the narcissist. Now we are learning how to be free from the guilt, the multi level abuse, the second guessing ourselves. It gets easier every day. Thank you so much for your help and support. 😘🌻
Good for you. One day at a time. Emotions up and down as you adjust. 🤝🫂
Good for you Mary! You might feel like you're falling, but you're free! I'm going to play Tom Petty's Free Fallin' in your honor. May we all one day be free.
Good job ; I'm so proud of you.
Many victories:
-Being able to work and finding a job that I love which uses my gifts.
-Being able to make my own decisions. No more worrying about what he might think. I can just step up and do what think is right.
-Most importantly being able to create a safe, stable, calm, loving home for me and my kids. A home where friends are always welcome. None of those descriptors were possible with my ex.
A loving home is victory.💜🦋💜
Same 💖
Congratulations 🎊 and Amen for all of that!
This is my first time commenting. I've been listening to you for about a year, and I think your insights helped me leave this abusive relationship I've been in for 7 years. I didn't see him as a narcissist at first because he has depression and low self-esteem. We are definitely trauma bonded. Thank you for helping me see this. Usually he gets irrationally angry about something and separates, silent treatment, but he always sneaks back in.
This time there was no argument. Everything had felt love-bomb lovely for about 7 months. Then he went silent. It's been over a month with no contact, but I have no urge to "fix" this and he does not dominate my thoughts. It feels like a miracle.
I miss him at night but unfriended him on social media awhile ago, so I can't track him. I'm enjoying doing all of the things he used to mock. My career is taking off, my creativity is cranking and the nice people are coming back. Thank you for the advice.
So true..... 👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼
I’m proud of you!!!
Yes the nice people return. They knew the situation wasn't right and gave you space to work it out for yourself. It's blessed relief when you're out.
I’m so proud of you and happy you have such a positive mindset! 💪🏻🤗🎈
Same thing happened to me with not realizing he was a narcissist until I learned of the vulnerable narcissist, low self esteem and always the victim. Very trauma bonded. So proud of you and I am only 2 months out and looking forward to not feeling alone and feeling solitude.
Victory is going back to school to earn my second degree, after having been discouraged to do it before because I was told than I'm too old, it's too expensive, I'm not smart enough. I'm in my second semester in nursing and just finished with a 4.0!
Victory is having the courage to go though a divorce and never look back, despite being told I'm selfish and a bad mom for breaking up our family.
Finally...Victory to me is not allowing him to live in my head rent free. I stopped caring about him more than I cared about me.
Well you can do it I believe in you if some people don't I do ...you are enough!!!!
I’m glad you are in nursing school because we need more nurses and it is a good job. I went to nursing school in my early forties and was the oldest in my class. You will always be able to support yourself and there is much variety in the field. I was a postpartum nurse for 15 years and now at age 62, I am a triage nurse for a clinic. I am constantly learning and being challenged to grow my mind.
In 2019 I left my postpartum job to marry the narcissist and retire. That marriage was a disaster and thank god only lasted 3 years. Best thing I did was not letting my nursing license lapse. I was able to get a job easily when I left him.
Victory is no longer having intrusive thoughts that speak in their voice
Thank you for validating that it "takes a minute". Most people don't seem to know or want to recognize that healing takes hard work to process and it is messy. Well meaning people often give poor support/advice. This work you've gifted us with is gold! Thank you.
Victory at first feels weird, kinda different in a foreign kind of way. There's grieving it and feeling sad that it went the way it did. It's also recovering from the "was it me?" "What did I do wrong?" "What's wrong with me?" And also the feeling hurt by those that you once believed loved you and finding out they really didn't, couldn't and wouldn't allow you to really love them. It's recognizing what real love and happier, healthier relationships IS in real life. It's also recognizing how great you are and what you can do to please yourself and setting some of your own standards and stop feeling like "they" are in control of you. It's loving and appreciating yourself in better ways than they ever could. It is seeing red flags and yellow ones too! It's feeling so free and committing to staying that way. It means being different than many in the world and truly being your real self and finding people who appreciate that! It feels different! It feels like the fish out of water story only slowly designing your own life and living it how you choose. It's feeling impressed with yourself and feeling like a champion based on your life factual story and truth. It's not faking it or placating people much. It's the best! You're worth it and more than earned it!
Victory is when you’re happy again and nothing they say or do affects it.
Victory for me was being able to walk away from my ex and living without him because I thought it was too impossible.. Being able to do all the things he frowned upon, being free, feeling light weight each morning. Gaining my identity back and accepting who I am, took me time but I love where I am today.. Celebrating all my small wins feels amazing.. I’m really thankful to God🙏🏽
This!!!!!
The Dolls House by the Norwegian author, and poet Henrik Ibsen back in the 1800’s dealt about that.. it was a cutting edge, 5scandalous thing back then, making the abused victim into the bad guy.. it was a man’s world..
Praise God!
All of this is so true.
Once i cut off my narc family my recurring migrain just stopped. I noticed it one day when i stopped buying painkillers and i had so much unused painkillers at home.
Also i got myself a dog (i love him). Since my Narc family hate animals none of them ever set foot in my house because i have a dog.
Animals are the best companions. Enjoy your peace!
Ha ha same here. I got cats. The narc is allergic ha ha😻😻
My narc ex also hates pets. So weird.what’s up with that?
My mother never accepted boundaries. She thought that she could make me feel miserable whenever she wanted.. So I walked away and didn't look back. That happened when I decided that my feelings were more important that what the narcissist wants.
He never loved me, valued me, or respected me...but I love myself enough to know I deserve better, I deserve a healthy, loving man, a mature man...someone who can take accountability when they do mess up, because we are all human.
💯
Victory was when my daughter two months ago after 12 years as a child from a divorced home and splitting her life between her narc father and her mom (me) due to a court order in 2009, said to me: “I want to live with you, mom. It was not a possibility before!” She has turned 19 years old❤️
@Mary Carroll Yes ❤️ Thank you dear one.
Victory is not feeling my anxiety level rise every time I’d hear a text come in or phone call, it is finally having consistently good night’s sleep, it is being strong in my own self, and enjoy my own time. It is having the mental energy to pursue goals that are mine. I still have a way to go with self-care and growth, but I’m getting stronger.
Consistently getting a good night’s sleep!! I think I only got 3 nights of good sleep every week. Stomach in knots. Always worried about how to calm him down without getting into an argument. Now that he’s gone, I sleep through the night and wake up rested every day. What a RELIEF!
Same here..the anxiety waiting for the phone to go off was the worst. Now blocked and ringtone is really calming now
my victory so far is that I broke the trauma bond and became emotionally free. After separation though, I am under great psychological and economic abuse. Thanks to my parents, the kids (4 and 9) and I are safe, and can afford my legal expenses but divorce won’t be a piece of cake. I am thankful that he showed his real face to everybody. Now I don’t have to explain myself.
I've learned to enjoy a quiet peaceful home, being able to do nothing if I choose to without feeling guilty, eat the foods I like, read the books I like and watch what I like on TV. I've also established relationships with friends he tried to keep me from seeing and reconnecting with family members he criticized. I'm happy enjoying my own company and not rushing into a relationship. If he meets another person/victim I wish her luck...lol
Good luck and stay safe!
You can do it! My narc ex is stalking me financially thru our grueling divorce. He wants me "broke, in prison, and dead" cuz I left him. Ain't gonna happen, I'm free. Victory! Hang in there!
Yes. He charmed young female lawyers who were impressed with his degrees and job and he got everything he wanted in divorce. I wasn’t believed even with photos of bruises and proof of abuse.
@@judyjones6304 well..he didn't get u....try to move on...I know it's hard.... good luck. T
VIctory for me, is having been in a horribly abusive marriage for 5 years, moving to another state losing my job, gaining weight from depression and having massive anxiety attacks from the constant roller coaster, false promises and raging. I packed all of my belongings and am currently on my way to my new home in another state, blocking her phone and email forever.
Good for you 🙏💝🌼
Right on man! Yes men can get abused too. It's emasculating at first but you'll get your mojo back!
Victory felt like TOTAL FREEDOM! No longer caring or being responsible for my mother PERIOD!
Victory was having my son. I chose him over my narc (he wanted me to abort). In leaving that unhealthy relationship I have my beautiful little boy and I couldn’t be more grateful even if I am stuck with my ex in some format for the rest of my life. I have my little guy and that’s all that matters
I’m happy for you. I wonder, do you legally have to have the ex part of your life? Unless you chose that.
Mine was jealous of the kids! Once you have a child, there is no greater love (if you've got it to give, I guess). When mine was neglectful I'd warn him it wasn't such a problem because I got tons of love from the kids! I have to spell it all out for him!
Victory looks like not performing extensive mental rehearsal before having a "casual" conversation and sleeping well.
Victory is when u find happiness without them and you don’t care about them. When you have grown personally by this experience. Work on ur own toxic traits and become more empathetic. Choosing who you want to be and who you want to be with!
Yes yes and yes!!!
Victory is PEACE. Being able to breathe easier. I’m in the middle of healing after walking away and it’s tough, this twisted feeling of grief & relief fighting one another. Ruminating on the good times, but I watch dr ramani and then I think of all the crazy making, gaslighting, fight for intimacy, guilt, and early on cheating that probably never stopped. Everyday Dr Ramanis videos help me keep my thoughts on track so I can continue to give that sense of relief more momentum. The grief will get weaker. breaking cycles while I’m 26 opens the door for a healthy balanced relationship one day. I have a happy life ahead, we ALL CAN. Dr Ramani you are Saving the world.
Corrine: Yes: BREATHING becomes what it is meant to be- at ease. After the constant dis ease when involved with N.
Wishing you peace. - to be guarded at all costs
Have no regrets you r young n can begin a wonderful life ahead.Work on your healing.If this can encourage you..I have 45 yrs n just learned the past 4 years what it was n have been trying to leave ,I will be soon thanks to friends as I have been controlled financially n challenged physically myself. Learn the lesson don't look back,wish you the best.
I kicked out my narc (soon to be) ex husband over a month ago. Victory feels like leaving my money or valuables out, without fear they’ll be stolen. Victory feels like waking up in my own home, KNOWING he’s not attached to it in any way. Victory is choosing myself, honoring myself and loving MYSELF, without fear of shame or abandonment. And let me tell y’all, IT FEELS GREAT!!
So happy for you!! You go girl!! ❤🎉🎉
Went no contact 6 days ago...after 3 years of a rollercoaster Hellscape....I feel lighter...but now that my vision is clearer...I see how isolated I have become...now gotta figure out how to be me again... wishing much love and peace to you all❣️
How are you now? I just blocked him today and will not be going back.
@@rod3546 Good for you❤️...keep him blocked no matter what is the best for your head, and heart...don't let anything confuse your journey back to yourself🙏... I'm doing well ... I laugh alot more, and not much bothers me...I let myself be vulnerable with my friends now (instead of always being the 'strong' one)...I used to hide my pain and never ask for help...felt like a fool for so long....found out those bonds are fierce... trust only increased and love overflowed...and they still think I'm a badass lol... You'll surprise yourself...and find there are others that are full of some pretty sweet surprises as well... Enjoy the ride... Strength, wisdom, and even something akin to magic ✌️&❤️
Victory for me looked like when I blocked my narcissistic ex and his enabling mother. I moved to a new state so I could heal in solitude and pursue my dreams of becoming a nurse. It was very hard moving by myself and it's something I'm still working on. Victory for me is now being able to look back at the relationship and seeing I wasn't a bad person, just blind.
I felt this😢
Proud of you❤
What feels lile a victory is having conversations with other people that make sense. Somstimes I still go: "Wow! It's amazing, they understand my points, I understand theirs, and we are reaching meaningful conclusions!". Also, the ability to really do anything without being constantly interrupted.
Yes!!
They understand because they speak your language..."Sanity"! You don't speak the language of a narcissist, so stop trying. Stop asking "Why". Don't ask yourself any question that starts with "Why" as it pertains to this person. Just accept that it is what it is and move on. TRUST ME, it is for the best. Blessings.
Omg soooo true. No more circular conversations, blame and gaslighting. Just being able to express oneself with no one to consistently and unnecessarily oppose it. What a victory ✌ 👏
When I told my ex husband I wanted a divorce, after 15 years of abusive. His response was ( I will leave you with not even a pot to piss in) his words. He tried very hard and in some places he was successfully involving our children. I’m a survivor and I’m now I’m in such a better place. Running my own support group, becoming a family peer advocate, working on all my relationships to be healthy and fulfilling, living my best life, lots of work on myself with Therpy. With the most amazing knowledge I learn from all your videos and learning what I went through to help me heal. Can’t thank you enough for this validation and support. The internet can be use for good too and this is a perfect example of this. Thank you!
The best victory is i embrace being my self,finally able to sleep in peace,no more asking for permission,hv friends,and most important i can finally celebrate all holidays & birthdays without drama
Victory for me was moving across the country to be closer to where I grew up and where my family lives. He tried hard to stop me with veiled threats, straight forward threats, and attempts to be “sweet” with the usual dangling carrots (“We have to work this out! Let me drive you across the country, we can talk on the way and make a fun road trip out of it!”). He even sent a package to my mother after I had moved back East filled with documents and a very long letter explaining what an awful person I am and how he was a total victim to my manipulations and I owe him money, an apology and a “proper goodbye”. It took a while to shake off the fear of this person, but I am enjoying my solitude as I continue my healing process and I look forward to the time when I’m able to let healthy relationships into my life. Thank you Dr. Ramani for everything, you’re pioneering an awakening on this incredibly important subject 🙏🙏💜💜💜
Well said and congratulations 🎊 on your freedom 👏
He sure went on and on didn't he?! They are always the victims, a parent will mud sling "After all I did for you" when, actually, the best thing was being able to finally get away from them!
".......it took a while to shake the fear of this person " I can totally relate. The fear of my ex narc was so heavy over me I never thought I would shake it off. These videos helped immensely!
"They will move on, it's what they do! It's very, very hard for many narcissistic people to be alone and now that new person in their life is stuck tolerating and experiencing what you went through. Narcissistic people dont really have happy endings, they just have endings. And they keep repeating their cycle forever and ever. And they definitely take all the hope of a happy ending away from the other people they have contact with."
My ex told me how she would move on and I would be the one missing her and lonely and hurt.
For a while she was correct. She already had been seeing someone else so it was a simple case of making him number 1
I expect that she is repeating those cycles but I don't know and I don't care.
Leaving this relationship was victory . it was a freedom.
Victory for me looked like breaking up with the narcissist. Just being free of his garbage was awesome. It took me some time to detox and heal. But eventually I moved on, followed my dreams, changed careers, met someone else and am now happily married to a non-narcissist. It can be done!
I wonder if it can be done. Thank you!
Walking away is a slow, painful process. What I gained was keeping my good character in tact, reaffirming myself, and elevating my intuition to superpower status.
Nice maturity!!
Good character intact
Victory is the first time you smile and it feels like "your" smile again. Victory is not always looking over your shoulder. Victory is never hearing from them and feeling an enormous sense of relief. Victory is their horrible voice fading from the mind. Victory is feeling yourself come back.
Victory is many little things. You're already part way there if you're watching this video.
Gains in leaving a narcissistic partner: could hear myself think again, could hear my own voice, didn’t continue to oversee all my actions and thoughts from the point of view of the narcissist, could take a trip without it going wrong, could spend endless hours in peace enjoying whatever it was I was doing, benefitted my daughter who didn’t have to get caught up in hearing the negativity (I left when she was 3), eventually met someone who I enjoyed being with and experienced a healthy relationship with, I gave myself CHANCE to grow and experience more of the life I eventually realised was possible for me. My daughter is now 24 and she has no doubt I did the right thing. She knows all about narcissism!
I just left. Still shaking and unable think straight. I'm lucky to have very supportive siblings. I will succeed.
I always come back to this video to remind myself that I won the freedom lottery because even for me after years of leaving there are some days that I need help and a reminder just how far I’ve endured and that I’m brave and strong and I get to live out every day in peace and love and comfort. This video will always be my safety blanket. Thank you Dr. Ramani for the years you have devoted to helping many of us heal by sharing your knowledge and understanding of this terrible trauma and it’s consequences.
I went no contact (left with a BIG L) about 2 years ago. No texting, no social media, nothing. Victory is found in having PEACE & HAPPINESS. Victory is knowing & believing (the 1st time) that narcs will never change.
Regaining my peace of mind and healing emotionally, mentally, physically one day at a time. Not having to live together has been great. I am learning to stop engaging and keeping my responses short and only about our child. It's been a long and expense divorce process but worth every penny and my peace of mind without having to walk on eggshells everyday.
Sounds good. One day I pray I know this feeling too..
@@1Gibson You will! It won't be easy but I promise if you stay the course you'll get there and further. Took me several years to build up the courage to stand of for myself and after 7 years of being together, 5 of those being married, I finally was able to be strong enough to file for divorce. It's been a wild and hard ride but I am coming out on the other side finally.
Stay safe and be strong. You got this!🙏🏽
@@Mea_Davis-Sotonade thx. Its been over a decade of unholy matrimony. But I will keep pushing.
@@1Gibson I am so sorry it's been that long. I am earnestly praying for you. Are you in therapy for yourself? It's been a game changer for me. Therapy, a trusted support system, online support groups, channels such as this one and The Royal We have truly helped me to be brave in this journey.
You give me hope! Been 25 years. Fear and kids are what is stopping me. I left him for 3 months. Worst thing was coming back
My personal victories:
I stopped gaslighting myself. Whenever I think I’m stupid, dumb or not good enough, I try to change the narrative: “no you are not stupid, you are human. It’s normal to feel xyz”
My other victory is the freedom I’ve gained from his drama and negativity. I no longer care what he does or who he does it with. It’s not my concern anymore (I have disengaged and become totally indifferent to him).
And last but not least: I have found a new partner who builds me up and who is on my side. I have found a relationship where mutual respect and lots of positivity have replaced the drama and negativity and abuse in my marriage. All that after my ex told me I was unlovable and that no one would want ‘damaged goods’ such as me.
I moved the sprinkler to a different shelf in MY garage. Then I went to Italy and learned to paint.
😂😊
Victory for me was setting high moral standards for me and for whomever was coming my way. The results? A wonderful family full of love, kindness, respect and caring for each other. God lives and He truly wants what's best for you ❤
Victory for me was when 9 months after the separation, ongoing rumination and being frozen to a level I had to force myself to get up out of the bed in the morning and force myself to take a shower every few days, I noticed that I actually am smiling again and no longer wear a numb poker face. Just being able to smile again was a huge milestone and I knew I'm on my way; all the crying, all the hitting a pillow out of anger, and getting on the nerves of my best friend with telling the same stuff over and over again was not in vain. It took another 9 months for me to be able to wholeheartedly laugh, which was another milestone, telling me finally, after having been abused by numerous people for over 5 decades, finally I can be who I am.
I know how you feel. It was hard work, but once you start healing up you become better than ever before.
Those narcs are on assignment to bring us to insanity. They want out souls so that we can be docile supply.
Life is great being narc free.
Same for me still struggling but each day, week getting better started therapy for trauma bonding crazy thing was I don’t like him. These narcs love power and control I’m just glad it was only a few months very draining.
Thank you for consistently validating how far I've come as a person and the choices I made to take care of myself. Indifference was such a hard thing to attain and I felt so selfish, but now, not caring is such a freedom!
thank you this helped me
Indifference is what they started, we never wanted to dim our love for them!
👍🏾
@@joseenoel8093 exactly.
I am just beginning my journey of leaving a narcissist. I am terrified of what my future holds, but I know I cannot stay where I've been the past 28+ years. I have reached out to a therapist to begin my healing process. I cannot wait to feel true peace in my life!
More of the same is the worst case, don't wait to have less resources, even health, It gets more complicated.
Visualize you as an adicct, you are going to learn to life again on a healthy way, but in the same hell what It is sure is that you are going to death or just survive your life. Create the perfect moment to start a better new chapter, don't wait for it.
have a Dream
what YOU CAN do .. after...
prep, check repeat ..make sure you got everything you need to leave..
I WOKE up ..1 march 22, after 30 years ..
hope to leave in 3- 4 month "" visiting my mom..Europe."", but no contact to them so he can't find me
...he is in Aviations .
I am broke , trying to find money for the first couple month there,..is hart ..
,but I got a Dream ..! 💜
many huggs to you , stay brave stay FABULOUS, stay STRONG..!
YOU CAN do this ..🦋🦋🦋
all the best luck
..my Dream ....
Breakfast by the Eifeltower..and
You find the strength from somewhere, I was 39 years in misery ,I thought I might aswel go be alone ,its got to be better than the miserable life I was living ,its hard for me trauma bonds ,I never knew none of this ,just the peace ,quiet ,no chaos no more is worth it ,and he got the shock of his life ,,,,,for years I was treated like a doormat ,and worse ,life is good ,just wish I knew all this years ago ,,,,, ,you'll be ok 👍
So proud of you!!!!🎈🎈🎈
You can do this!!
Listening to you I pack my last box to leave.
Your feelings silence sirens of uncertainty and resistance.
Thank you immeasurably for the resolve to continue healing.
Are you doing ok Carl??
This is my favorite video of yours… I listen to it over and over because it truly heals me when my mind starts to act up. I was lucky, I left with the big L. What a soul lesson for a lifetime.
The short term victory was beating her at a game I didn't know I was playing, she threw everything she had at me to try and break me during the last 'final discard' and it didn't work. The long term victory is finally having the knowledge to see the dysfunctional/abusive/cluster b's for what they are and knowing that I have the tools to consistantly make good decisions when dealing with them.
I wish I knew thirty years ago what I know now.
Victory is when I sold my condo last month and left my hometown where my malignant narcissistic family is located at. I changed my name and cut all ties with my family. Now they can't find me. It feels amazing to finally feel safe, knowing they can't involve me in their horrible drama anymore. Now I can finally start to heal.
You are right on with learning to stop self gaslighting, and also learning to recognize and shed other toxic personalities from your life. To me, this was an important step to full victory after leaving the 33 year marriage to a narcissist spouse… cleaning up my thought patterns, and clearing out my social contacts with the enablers and other toxic folks, setting firm boundaries with my narcissistic daughter. I could not have done this without the education and support of Dr. Ramani’s videos. I always used to think that the problem was with me.
Victory is reclaiming one's peace and getting rid of self-doubt.
Josie Castro,You look cute,Hope you are not with a narcissist.....
finally free of the constant dissappointments & the constant hoping for a change in a situation that is set in stone..free of the burden of doing EVERYTHING in a relationship & never getting any help or support..I now have so much time without the fights, the power struggles & never ending arguments..pure unadulterated bliss 💥🔥❤️❤️
Victory for me is: Not walking on eggshells every minute of my life and to expect abuse every day, to be respected, to be loved cause I'm worth it as I am in my personality, to being with someone who is value our company and that there is such "Us" - cause that never happen in the relationship of 12 years, that not being presented lies and cheating to me - constantly etc
THAT is Victory for me! I DID IT - get away and I did it by my self too (y)
And because the narc for 12 years could not do that to me not one singel thing - I left him! At least - and it is about 16 month for now!
I AM FREE from abuse ... and that make me A live again, at 62 years old for now I couldn't be happier
I'm still here and it seems like I'm more "left" than some of those who "physically " left. Anybody else relate? I get more and more free each day. Leaving would actually shoot ME in the foot at this point. Dr Ramani keeps me on track. It's been a long journey though. I'm almost 70
Victory for me has been all of those stages, except indifference, maybe that might still occur. But the biggest thing for me recently had been the ability to live peacefully. My day to day routines are calm. I eat what I like when I like. I can have a low energy day and be restful without guilt. I can be excited and have a high energy day and not have to hide my enthusiasm. Not a day goes past where I don't marvel at the difference in the lack of stress living has become. It's taken over a year to get to this point and a lot of hard work on myself and I've been lucky enough to have had positive feedback about myself from others, new people in my life since the narc left. Victory is a quiet sense of who I am and who I am becoming.
🤗👍
Yes indifference, I see him as a little pathetic boy now, I met him once a year after and I didn’t smile or go girly, I stood firm, listened and yes was indifferent, so wierd, so unlike me, that felt good.
Wonderful !
I’m up at 3 am ruminating about exactly what you are talking about. It’s so reassuring to listen to your knowledge about Narcissists. I’m implementing your advice and stumbling through. Anyway I just listen to one of your videos and you bring me back to sanity …you don’t know how much this helps. TYSM 🙏
This goes for bosses,family members,exfriends,neighbors & more. Its not just spouses or mates who are narcs. The world if full of them unfortunately 😢. Thank U Dr Romany ❤❤❤
Victory for me, has been finding humour in everyday life and giggling at silly little things. Also, the realisation of how the narccy experience created a 2.0 version of me. So much stronger, wiser, and although the loss of innocence is there, is that such a bad thing? The real world is complex and bound to disappoint. Discernment, realistic expectations and knowing that we cannot control anything/anyone outside of ourselves, but how we respond/react, are all skills and mechanisms that will help me navigate through different areas of life with a lot more emotional freedom. The shift in perspective is my sweetest victory.
Excellent. I particularly like the part about loss of innocence. In this world full of narcs, innocence is a beacon to them. Glad I lost mine. Painful but I am wiser and stronger for it. Thanks so much for your insightful post. Congrats on gaining back your freedom and your power.
Very well stated! Often it's simply the thought of change itself that's so scary, but in order for things to improve, they have to do that very scary thing and CHANGE! I found this a shining example of embracing that 💝 Thank you for sharing!
Excellent comment. Am sure many relate to being 'a 2.0 version'. It's a life changing experience.... A sad thing is when you realise you've amassed a load of them. It's a victory when you know the signs and avoid.