My husband is poly, but I've never had a desire for multiple romantic relationships. So we are in a mono poly relationship. It's challenging but you guys are very helpful! Poly gets a bad wrap. People will look at a failed open relationship and say 'poly doesn't work''. But so many mono relationships also fail, but people don't say 'monogamy doesn't work'?
My partner and I have recently started discussing the possibility of an open relationship or some form of poly. We have been together for 9 years and I never felt the need to involve or explore other people. He brought it up as something he was wanting to express and explore and through his discovery, I've had to battle a lot of fears and insecurities. But, I've also been learning and remembering who I was 15 years ago and coming to terms with the fact that I may have lost her along my lifes journey. It really does take a lot of work to have this kind of relationship, whether it turns into something or it stays monogamous, the amount of communication and trust you need to have with your partner and yourself is probably one of the most impactful things to this whole experience.
So…what happens when I really don’t know? Like, my husband and I have been working this subject out for YEARS. We are non-monogamous BUT, its mainly him that wants to explore other relationships. I don’t really have the energy to seek out other relationships. I really enjoy just it being my husband and I an our son and while I’m open to the idea of other people, I just dont care that much. If that makes sense. I am an introvert. Serious introvert. As in, I naturally find my true self without a lot of people, without doing much if anything. I don’t travel. I dont eat out much. I never go to the bar. I don’t make many plans. Because for me, its exhausting. So, added relationships feels the same. My husband is currently interested in someone else, which is totally cool. We both know and enjoy this person. My husband is romantically interested in them…I am the type of person that doesnt know if I am into someone sexually until I actually get physical with them. But it takes a lot of energy for me to get there so I dont press the issue. Honestly I’m a little scared that I might miss my husband if he takes on this other relationship without me. Ultimately, he wants me to join him in the pursuit but I just dont know if I can. Mentally.
Use the time he's with someone for yourself in whatever capacity you want. It doesn't have to be going out or getting involved with someone else in the same way.
I like very much your non-judgmental way to share your choices without wanting to convince anyone. Thanks for that, so appreciated! Totally agree that poly is a lot of work... ...I like and was open to the idea but got really burned. In my experience my expartner used the poly-structure to get validation from more people and not really working on intimacy (that's obviously my perspective)...would love your reflections or other comments about the risc to find oneself with toxic people in a poly-relationship who use poly as an alibi to not commit to the core, not being interested to share their love with more people but getting all they can grab from different people not being able to get satisfaction out of one relationship because bored after the honeymoon-phase. Lots of love to you beautiful people with a great respect for your effort you put in your relationships!!! (For sure healthy poly requires great maturity!)
Oooh love this! And love Conors dancing sun bracelet. And another thing I love: I felt my nervous system calm down the moment I started watching. Thank you for the security and trust I feel around you awesome beings!! ❤️
This was a really great, helpful video for me. It's something I've been questioning a bit as I've recently stepped into a relationship with someone who seems new to polyamory/hesitant about doing the work it takes even if they like the kind of "ideal" of polyamory. I've been poly for many years and it's really worked for me (and has taken some deep work especially early on). This new relationship has left me frustrated at times wishing for my partner to have a more expansive/developed/"mature" view of polyamory and left me wondering if poly is still right for me. Thanks to your video, I was able to realize something for me. Imagining myself trying monogamy again feels like it would feel super limiting. Almost like I can't "go back" because my beliefs about relationships really have changed so much. It's hard to imagine expecting one person to only be with me or to surpress my desires for other people. Anyway just thought I'd share. I appreciate your reflections! And maybe my hesitation has to do more with my compadibility with this new partner than anything. I really desire to be in relationships with people who are in a relationship with themselves first. And this person's connection with themselves sometimes feels like something I want to move away from.
Just wanted to pop in to offer some help, but want to let you know I'm not assuming this is the case for you. A reminder to not stifle your own truth (how you feel/what you want/ what you know about yourself etc.) because someone else is struggling to receive/percieve it. Their feelings/thoughts/behaviours etc belong to them, even if they make you feel like it's on you because they're not actively owning it. It's a common story in relationships e.g. "when you do this it hurts me, and I don't want to do work around it, I just want you to take responsibility for my emotions and stop". From my perspective it looks as if they might be looking at your relationship through a similar lense. You aren't obliged to own your partner's emotions though. Wanted to offer that thought to you because you said your partner's immaturity around your Polyamory desires is making you wonder if it's for you anymore. Encouraging you to listen to your truth always and if wanting monogamy is coming from your heart then that's when you known it's the next metamorphosis for you. If it feels like it's being imposed via subtle emotionaI manipulation that they may be imposing on you subconsciously even, take some time for tuning back in with you 🙏 Hope that makes sense. 🙏💕
Gosh, you are both so into it (in a good way, I mean)! It amazes me that you can do it so honestly and healthfully - like wow! And, there are some really good insights and questions posted by others that I find enlightening!
It's not for me, basically because I'm not really a people person. I don't feel the need to connect with many people. The idea alone makes me feel exhaustedsupporting
Ahhhhhhh I heart this. The dying inside -as they say-I felt that. This way of being is new, and just as you noted fir yourselves;I’m doing so much reflecting on how much I pushed down. The only reason I was ever monogamous was because that is what you do and when you say you love somebody else that means you sacrifice loving anyone new. I felt like I trained myself at some point. Also, something you’ve talked about in previous videos is measuring our self worth through our romantic relationship. so, that is the past, what I am learning and choosing is I just make the choice to not worry about what people are doing when they are not with me. I currently have two partners. If one of them is not with me and there was somebody else I try to genuinely hope he’s having a great time! It’s actually been a really rewarding exercise. I feel more confident than I ever did before. they are not love relationships but idefinitely have heart. I am open to wherever they go. The more I have just been honest with myself and with others the easier it has been to become me. It’s also on a need to know basis for people close to me at this point as I navigate this new way of being. I just try to remind myself that there are going to be challenges that I don’t expect and that I’m making a choice to deal with it. I know that if I deal with it it’s better than the alternative. Thanks again for being such a great and generous resource 🖤
Thank you much for inspiring videos to better understand polyamory and other dynamics. You both have been a great inspiration with my personal journey to find “me” and how my partner and I nourish each others growths intimately and sexually.
I love you two💜you are just so amazing, inspiring and loving. Thanks to you, my husband and I decided to go on this open relationship journey after being together 15 years. Thanks for all of your videos with great awakening content☺️🙏🏻❤️
I'm so happy the universe brought you two together. Thank you for sharing so much of your wisdom and insights with us. I have thought about these topics a lot over the last decade and I was that person that cheated in most of my relationships not because I wasn't happy with that person but because I felt so strongly the need to share love with others too. Now I'm learning how to communicate these things and it is so empowering, and although I've not been focusing on relationships the last few years (single mum with 2 little kids) I feel like I'm setting up the eternal building blocks for a great future relationship. All my love to you guys xx
This speaks to me a lot. This year was my break through. I accepted the fact that I am Poly. Had plenty of discussions about it with my partner at the time. She tried to accept it but at the end of the day, this type of relationship isn't for her. I have so much love for her and I want her to be happy. Even if that is not with me.
Very interesting topic. I wanted poly to explore new things and connect more with people, to live genuinely and take on my personal issues. It turned out in the first 6 months to be me being alone and rejected a ton and my partner having tons of interest and successful dates. I know I have jealousy and fear of missing out issues that I can work out there but if all poly is is me being alone while she has the time of her life than I am feeling like I am not free to live the way I want, to connect and make new connections. I feel kinda lonely. I am choosing it and I know I want to be free to explore others but if no one wants that with me it just feels sad. This would be an issue in monopoly too I suppose but there you get lucky enough every so often but in poly it feels like woman tell me all the time they are not interested because they would get jealous and just want commitment but my partner has success because men whether poly or not are interested in getting laid and connecting with a beautiful woman. Is there a place for me, an average looking nice guy? How can I experience the joyful connecting poly you two have been showing me for years? Love y'all!
Hey friend, we've all been there. That's what I want you to know first and foremost. I struggled with being along before I was non-monogomous until I realized that we are really all always alone. There might be someone else nearby, but that feeling is always there. My suggestion, if you aren't already doing these things, is to try and identify the closest polyam folx in your community and attend meetings and events to find people who are already accepting of non-monogomy. I would check Facebook, Meetup, Reddit, and FetLife. If you need assistance, I am happy to help. If you aren't on any dating sites, I reccomended getting on there. As many as you are comfortable with. Don't pay, just use the free service. In my dating profiles, one of the first things I mention is my non-monogomous status. I usually bring it up with matches in the first few exchanges, just to make sure they read the profile and understand what it means. I would also reccomended the following books, listed in order of my preference Sex at Dawn The Ethical Slut More Than Two Opening Up None of these are perfect and should not represent any sort of polyam bible, but all have valuable information. Podcast are a good resource too. There is a podcast called multiamory. Episode 314 is all about jealousy. Good luck to you on your journey. Hang in there. You're experiencing some less than desired outcomes, and sometimes, that's just the way it goes, but it goes the other way too.
@@MatthewAlicardi Thanks so much for the book recommendations. Will for sure check this out, and that podcast. I also was wondering about finding more like minded people best places and all that. I Figure when it comes down to finding others that click with your relationship in a big way, best thing to do is focus on your current one and what you built together. Then making a point to get out do things meet people that bring some real value to your life. You learn so much from others at times, and some times it pays to just let things come natural.
Without labels and all my partner and I did this non monogamous ship. We made it work just fine as it is something I had felt drawn too for a long time. It turned out it was just for his gain and his own pleasures and that what i wanted was second. That is my case and I can’t say it will always bee like that moving forward into other relationships. We are better off as friends now but it’s ok. I do see myself doing some sort of non monogamous partnership moving forward when things align. Love your videos. Always inspiring. Love the authenticity and honesty from the two of you. Much love 🦋✨💚✨💚✨🦋
Have you considered starting a podcast? You are basically doing a podcast on TH-cam in this format and I find myself listening more than watching. Also I think you could benefit from better audio. This could be fixed using a better microphone but probably a different room (bedroom) often helps even more. Keep up the awesome content
Thanks 💖 We have some past episodes you can listen to here from a now inactive podcast but we have plans for a new podcast adventure soon: m.soundcloud.com/thenewfamilypodcast Much love!
Thank you for sharing ♡ You guys have been so reassuring to me in my own relationship! In my relationship, we are considering inviting a third person into our relationship and I'm strongly considering sending some of your videos to my significant other or even getting coaching from you guys in the future! We have 2 children, one is my 9-year-old step daughter, so I'm already going through scenarios in my head of how to talk to her about that when it does happen and also thinking about how this may affect our 1-year-old! So it has been helpful to see your relationship involving your beautiful child! That's my story so far! Thanks for sharing yours!! ♡
Hmmm... Important question. Do ya'll feel like "polyamory" is the choice if actively having/seeking/accepting a committed relationship(as the most broad meaning of the word), or, as with sexual attraction, polyamory is a natural result of mental/emotional inclinations/behaviors stemming from brain chemistry/emotional development/nurtured environment? Like, might poly folks be born prone towards that style of loving interaction/reaction, or is it the act/choice of dating/mating style/method? I get that I may sound nonsensical, but, binging poly content on TH-cam, and seeing your brand new video, this question instantly popped into my head. Is one "born" poly or does one become poly, I.....suppose the question is? Maybe? Sorry.
I love all your videos ❤️. Thank you for being so open and honest and true to yourself, you inspire me to be so as well! I have checked TH-cam every day the past two-three weeks, hoping to see another video from one or both of you (or all three 🥰) Hope you are doing great!
My husband is poly, but I've never had a desire for multiple romantic relationships. So we are in a mono poly relationship. It's challenging but you guys are very helpful!
Poly gets a bad wrap. People will look at a failed open relationship and say 'poly doesn't work''. But so many mono relationships also fail, but people don't say 'monogamy doesn't work'?
My partner and I have recently started discussing the possibility of an open relationship or some form of poly. We have been together for 9 years and I never felt the need to involve or explore other people. He brought it up as something he was wanting to express and explore and through his discovery, I've had to battle a lot of fears and insecurities. But, I've also been learning and remembering who I was 15 years ago and coming to terms with the fact that I may have lost her along my lifes journey.
It really does take a lot of work to have this kind of relationship, whether it turns into something or it stays monogamous, the amount of communication and trust you need to have with your partner and yourself is probably one of the most impactful things to this whole experience.
So…what happens when I really don’t know? Like, my husband and I have been working this subject out for YEARS. We are non-monogamous BUT, its mainly him that wants to explore other relationships. I don’t really have the energy to seek out other relationships.
I really enjoy just it being my husband and I an our son and while I’m open to the idea of other people, I just dont care that much. If that makes sense.
I am an introvert. Serious introvert. As in, I naturally find my true self without a lot of people, without doing much if anything. I don’t travel. I dont eat out much. I never go to the bar. I don’t make many plans. Because for me, its exhausting.
So, added relationships feels the same. My husband is currently interested in someone else, which is totally cool. We both know and enjoy this person. My husband is romantically interested in them…I am the type of person that doesnt know if I am into someone sexually until I actually get physical with them. But it takes a lot of energy for me to get there so I dont press the issue.
Honestly I’m a little scared that I might miss my husband if he takes on this other relationship without me. Ultimately, he wants me to join him in the pursuit but I just dont know if I can. Mentally.
Use the time he's with someone for yourself in whatever capacity you want. It doesn't have to be going out or getting involved with someone else in the same way.
I like very much your non-judgmental way to share your choices without wanting to convince anyone. Thanks for that, so appreciated!
Totally agree that poly is a lot of work...
...I like and was open to the idea but got really burned. In my experience my expartner used the poly-structure to get validation from more people and not really working on intimacy (that's obviously my perspective)...would love your reflections or other comments about the risc to find oneself with toxic people in a poly-relationship who use poly as an alibi to not commit to the core, not being interested to share their love with more people but getting all they can grab from different people not being able to get satisfaction out of one relationship because bored after the honeymoon-phase. Lots of love to you beautiful people with a great respect for your effort you put in your relationships!!!
(For sure healthy poly requires great maturity!)
Interesting insight and perspective.
Oooh love this! And love Conors dancing sun bracelet. And another thing I love: I felt my nervous system calm down the moment I started watching. Thank you for the security and trust I feel around you awesome beings!! ❤️
We love this comment! 😀
@@conorandbrittany hihi honored❤️
This was a really great, helpful video for me. It's something I've been questioning a bit as I've recently stepped into a relationship with someone who seems new to polyamory/hesitant about doing the work it takes even if they like the kind of "ideal" of polyamory. I've been poly for many years and it's really worked for me (and has taken some deep work especially early on). This new relationship has left me frustrated at times wishing for my partner to have a more expansive/developed/"mature" view of polyamory and left me wondering if poly is still right for me.
Thanks to your video, I was able to realize something for me. Imagining myself trying monogamy again feels like it would feel super limiting. Almost like I can't "go back" because my beliefs about relationships really have changed so much. It's hard to imagine expecting one person to only be with me or to surpress my desires for other people.
Anyway just thought I'd share. I appreciate your reflections!
And maybe my hesitation has to do more with my compadibility with this new partner than anything. I really desire to be in relationships with people who are in a relationship with themselves first. And this person's connection with themselves sometimes feels like something I want to move away from.
Thanks for sharing this reflection Henry😊
Just wanted to pop in to offer some help, but want to let you know I'm not assuming this is the case for you.
A reminder to not stifle your own truth (how you feel/what you want/ what you know about yourself etc.) because someone else is struggling to receive/percieve it. Their feelings/thoughts/behaviours etc belong to them, even if they make you feel like it's on you because they're not actively owning it. It's a common story in relationships e.g. "when you do this it hurts me, and I don't want to do work around it, I just want you to take responsibility for my emotions and stop". From my perspective it looks as if they might be looking at your relationship through a similar lense. You aren't obliged to own your partner's emotions though.
Wanted to offer that thought to you because you said your partner's immaturity around your Polyamory desires is making you wonder if it's for you anymore.
Encouraging you to listen to your truth always and if wanting monogamy is coming from your heart then that's when you known it's the next metamorphosis for you. If it feels like it's being imposed via subtle emotionaI manipulation that they may be imposing on you subconsciously even, take some time for tuning back in with you 🙏
Hope that makes sense. 🙏💕
Gosh, you are both so into it (in a good way, I mean)! It amazes me that you can do it so honestly and healthfully - like wow! And, there are some really good insights and questions posted by others that I find enlightening!
It's not for me, basically because I'm not really a people person. I don't feel the need to connect with many people. The idea alone makes me feel exhaustedsupporting
Ahhhhhhh I heart this. The dying inside -as they say-I felt that. This way of being is new, and just as you noted fir yourselves;I’m doing so much reflecting on how much I pushed down. The only reason I was ever monogamous was because that is what you do and when you say you love somebody else that means you sacrifice loving anyone new. I felt like I trained myself at some point. Also, something you’ve talked about in previous videos is measuring our self worth through our romantic relationship.
so, that is the past, what I am learning and choosing is I just make the choice to not worry about what people are doing when they are not with me. I currently have two partners. If one of them is not with me and there was somebody else I try to genuinely hope he’s having a great time! It’s actually been a really rewarding exercise. I feel more confident than I ever did before. they are not love relationships but idefinitely have heart. I am open to wherever they go. The more I have just been honest with myself and with others the easier it has been to become me. It’s also on a need to know basis for people close to me at this point as I navigate this new way of being. I just try to remind myself that there are going to be challenges that I don’t expect and that I’m making a choice to deal with it. I know that if I deal with it it’s better than the alternative. Thanks again for being such a great and generous resource 🖤
So thrilled for you!!
Thank you much for inspiring videos to better understand polyamory and other dynamics. You both have been a great inspiration with my personal journey to find “me” and how my partner and I nourish each others growths intimately and sexually.
You're so welcome ☺
I love you two💜you are just so amazing, inspiring and loving. Thanks to you, my husband and I decided to go on this open relationship journey after being together 15 years. Thanks for all of your videos with great awakening content☺️🙏🏻❤️
🥰
Meee tooo! I wonder how many people have changed their relationship status because of Conor and Brittany?
I'm so happy the universe brought you two together. Thank you for sharing so much of your wisdom and insights with us. I have thought about these topics a lot over the last decade and I was that person that cheated in most of my relationships not because I wasn't happy with that person but because I felt so strongly the need to share love with others too. Now I'm learning how to communicate these things and it is so empowering, and although I've not been focusing on relationships the last few years (single mum with 2 little kids) I feel like I'm setting up the eternal building blocks for a great future relationship. All my love to you guys xx
Much love to you!
This speaks to me a lot. This year was my break through. I accepted the fact that I am Poly. Had plenty of discussions about it with my partner at the time. She tried to accept it but at the end of the day, this type of relationship isn't for her. I have so much love for her and I want her to be happy. Even if that is not with me.
Very interesting topic. I wanted poly to explore new things and connect more with people, to live genuinely and take on my personal issues. It turned out in the first 6 months to be me being alone and rejected a ton and my partner having tons of interest and successful dates. I know I have jealousy and fear of missing out issues that I can work out there but if all poly is is me being alone while she has the time of her life than I am feeling like I am not free to live the way I want, to connect and make new connections. I feel kinda lonely. I am choosing it and I know I want to be free to explore others but if no one wants that with me it just feels sad. This would be an issue in monopoly too I suppose but there you get lucky enough every so often but in poly it feels like woman tell me all the time they are not interested because they would get jealous and just want commitment but my partner has success because men whether poly or not are interested in getting laid and connecting with a beautiful woman. Is there a place for me, an average looking nice guy? How can I experience the joyful connecting poly you two have been showing me for years? Love y'all!
Hey friend, we've all been there. That's what I want you to know first and foremost. I struggled with being along before I was non-monogomous until I realized that we are really all always alone. There might be someone else nearby, but that feeling is always there. My suggestion, if you aren't already doing these things, is to try and identify the closest polyam folx in your community and attend meetings and events to find people who are already accepting of non-monogomy. I would check Facebook, Meetup, Reddit, and FetLife. If you need assistance, I am happy to help. If you aren't on any dating sites, I reccomended getting on there. As many as you are comfortable with. Don't pay, just use the free service. In my dating profiles, one of the first things I mention is my non-monogomous status. I usually bring it up with matches in the first few exchanges, just to make sure they read the profile and understand what it means. I would also reccomended the following books, listed in order of my preference
Sex at Dawn
The Ethical Slut
More Than Two
Opening Up
None of these are perfect and should not represent any sort of polyam bible, but all have valuable information. Podcast are a good resource too. There is a podcast called multiamory. Episode 314 is all about jealousy. Good luck to you on your journey. Hang in there. You're experiencing some less than desired outcomes, and sometimes, that's just the way it goes, but it goes the other way too.
@@MatthewAlicardi Thanks so much for the book recommendations. Will for sure check this out, and that podcast. I also was wondering about finding more like minded people best places and all that. I Figure when it comes down to finding others that click with your relationship in a big way, best thing to do is focus on your current one and what you built together. Then making a point to get out do things meet people that bring some real value to your life. You learn so much from others at times, and some times it pays to just let things come natural.
Without labels and all my partner and I did this non monogamous ship. We made it work just fine as it is something I had felt drawn too for a long time. It turned out it was just for his gain and his own pleasures and that what i wanted was second. That is my case and I can’t say it will always bee like that moving forward into other relationships. We are better off as friends now but it’s ok. I do see myself doing some sort of non monogamous partnership moving forward when things align.
Love your videos.
Always inspiring. Love the authenticity and honesty from the two of you.
Much love
🦋✨💚✨💚✨🦋
Have you considered starting a podcast? You are basically doing a podcast on TH-cam in this format and I find myself listening more than watching. Also I think you could benefit from better audio. This could be fixed using a better microphone but probably a different room (bedroom) often helps even more. Keep up the awesome content
Thanks 💖 We have some past episodes you can listen to here from a now inactive podcast but we have plans for a new podcast adventure soon: m.soundcloud.com/thenewfamilypodcast Much love!
Thank you for sharing ♡ You guys have been so reassuring to me in my own relationship! In my relationship, we are considering inviting a third person into our relationship and I'm strongly considering sending some of your videos to my significant other or even getting coaching from you guys in the future! We have 2 children, one is my 9-year-old step daughter, so I'm already going through scenarios in my head of how to talk to her about that when it does happen and also thinking about how this may affect our 1-year-old! So it has been helpful to see your relationship involving your beautiful child! That's my story so far! Thanks for sharing yours!! ♡
Aw we're honored 🥰
You two beautiful beings have been such a blessing in my life, thank you❤️
Hmmm... Important question. Do ya'll feel like "polyamory" is the choice if actively having/seeking/accepting a committed relationship(as the most broad meaning of the word), or, as with sexual attraction, polyamory is a natural result of mental/emotional inclinations/behaviors stemming from brain chemistry/emotional development/nurtured environment?
Like, might poly folks be born prone towards that style of loving interaction/reaction, or is it the act/choice of dating/mating style/method?
I get that I may sound nonsensical, but, binging poly content on TH-cam, and seeing your brand new video, this question instantly popped into my head.
Is one "born" poly or does one become poly, I.....suppose the question is? Maybe? Sorry.
I love all your videos ❤️. Thank you for being so open and honest and true to yourself, you inspire me to be so as well! I have checked TH-cam every day the past two-three weeks, hoping to see another video from one or both of you (or all three 🥰) Hope you are doing great!
Thanks Tia!! ❤
I needed this. and you put it up a day after my birthday!
Happy birthday! 😊
Loving the long hair Britney
Wonderful share, thank you.
Incredibly realistic looking beard
Missed you guys...its been agesxxx much love n light
I love you guys!!
I'm pretty sure Polyamory is for me
💜
You look pretty today
that laugh 8:00 made my day :)
I have a crush on Brittany... I'd love to spend time with her... I hope 1 day
Hi u two were a couple in our 40s we want to bring a younger bi male into bed with us what advice can u give us thanks
Yes. :)
only Fans ? or patreon ?