This video made me cry. So many boys are shamed and labeled for being boys. It has become an epidemic in our schools. It starts as young as 3 years old. Some of our boys need love, support and a lots of help adjusting to school life. This shaming leads many boys to have a low self esteem and the bad behavior snowballs from there. Thank you thank you!!!
@@axolendzimane139that’s not always true. I’ve seen well behave 4-5-6 year olds at home doing what the parents want and need them to do. The problem is truly learning to be social at school. These children are very smart but in class they think it’s a big self party.. I never knew this was an issue but it’s real
"Boys being boys" is NOT an excuse for unruly behavior! Boys need focused disapline and not a playground to do whatever impulses they have at the time.
I was brought to tears today when my child’s school counselor told me yet again that he had been disruptive and unsafe in school. The word suspension was used. I know my son to be sensitive, helpful and kind, as well as active and curious but since starting kindergarten I feel like I do more talking about behaviors and expressing frustration than ever before. I can’t afford to pull him and home school him and I can’t be in the classroom to help. I just don’t know what to do. 😢
Same issue persist in whole world it seems. I am from India and struggling with same issue in my son's school getting more depressed when I receive a call from school😢
correct. My 6yo son has ADHD, OCD and ODD. I go to war against his disabilities and his teacher is my ally in combat. We (along with his case carrier) attack the problems head on, and when the teacher has to focus on behavior and tell me he is doing something wrong he gets double discipline at home. We are in November, and he continues to SLOWLY improve and meet our goals. He got enough smiling faces on his behavior contract yesterday that I bought him a transformer. Dude was ecstatic. FOCUS on what he is doing wrong. ASK the teacher to report his behavior EVERY HOUR. You are the parent, dont back down.
My son is 5 years old and his teacher states that he is disruptive. Constantly getting out of his seat constantly talks and disrupts others. He’s extremely smart and social. His teachers constantly state that his very funny and such a joy but the issues of the disruption follow and I’m not sure how to handle this. She stays that she repeatedly has to tel him to stay in his seat, to follow directions, to not talk etc. idk what to do or how I need to handle this. I feel like it’s my fault as his mother because at home he seems to do well. No huge issues w direction or behavior. He is an only child though. I’m not sure if this has anything to do with this.
This is really not that hard. They are little people. Talk to your child. Start doing consequences for not listening. Possible rewards. When a teacher says that a child is disruptive that child is that. Think about your job do you want constant disruption. The other kids see his actions and are also not able to get as much from the teacher.
@@themechanicjojo This is really not that hard. They are little people. Talk to your child. Start doing consequences for not listening. Possible rewards. When a teacher says that a child is disruptive that child is that. Think about your job do you want constant disruption. The other kids see his actions and are also not able to get as much from the teacher.
@@damarisalvarez149 This is really not that hard. They are little people. Talk to your child. Start doing consequences for not listening. Possible rewards. When a teacher says that a child is disruptive that child is that. Think about your job do you want constant disruption. The other kids see his actions and are also not able to get as much from the teacher.
I agree with you. I believe that my son has the ability to cooperate in class, but then I do know that it is difficult for him to sit still, because whatever work is handed to him is somewhat, boring or lacks interest. I was asking him how he felt about the situation with he and his teacher and when he expressed that he didn't know that he was misbehaving, she starting defending the situation 2othout giving the chance to speak. Many of our boys lack creativity and diversity in the classroom and I believe that it affects how should behave according to traditional classroom standards.
This is exactly what my grandson is dealing with. I plan on showing his teachertgis video. He is attending a small homeschool that operates in home.Thanks for the great advice.
One word about your observation of our public school system regarding zero tolerance. Amen! Social emotional development is recognized by some educators and completely ignored by others.
I perceived many of my childhood teachers in those same ways. And I remember not really fitting in or feeling comfortable in school until I got older for those same reasons.
This information is pure Wisdom. Not having children and soon becoming an elementary teacher this video is a diamond of what to do and not to do towards children. Having problems too in school there was a third grade substitute teacher who just "talked" and "listened" to me. This set my life on another path; the other path was...very bad. It's too bad that this type of wisdom is not taught in current educational courses; they just focus on psychology & classroom management and such not the child-student. I'm glad your video was found!!!
they are. In fact, they really really are, more so than ever. This video is for likes, elementary teachers are the hardest working and professionally trained. The job in 2024 is almost impossible, but love and passion keeps them coming back.
Yours is the first video which I could actually relate to... I'm having major problems with my 7 year old genius level son just as explained in this video and I am desperate for help. I blame myself and have tried everything I could think off! I don't know what to do anymore!
I need help with my 13 yr old he is a talker. Although so bright and has amazing grades many teacher say he talks way to much and interrupts and this is causing a big issue in all his classes. Don't know what to do. I have taken games computer away n still nothing. He says he just has alot to say. This has given me stress as I dont want him to get a more serious consistencies
My son just started headstart yesterday. He has never attended daycare or even been to a babysitter outside of our home. He is refusing to sit down during story time, follow directions or pick up his toys. He does all of these things at home. He smacked his teacher in the face yesterday when she insisted he stop playing and go sit down. I'm sure she was trying to force him. Today his teacher called jome saying he was refusing to keep his mask on and would have to put it back on his own face because they couldn't do it for him because of germs. Its difficult for him to put it on his own face. He isn't this misbehaved at home and I don't know what to do. He doesn't have behavioral issues normally and is being disruptive in class. I don't know what to do! When I mention he is just 3 years old the teacher rebuttals with the statement that all the other kids are listening. The class has 3, 4 and some 5 year olds. My thoughts are that he has to stay and learn to behave and listen to the teacher and his new environment. I can keep him home for another year but I really feel that he can benefit greatly from being in school. Your advice would be greatly appreciated!
Thank you for this video!! You eloquently said everything that I believe regarding this topic. My 7 year old is another victim of this petty labelling and as a teacher myself, I spotted it straight away. I tried speaking to this teachers but it was like speaking to a wall so I transferred my son to a better school with a more supportive environment. It's so important for parents to understand this.
We're going through this right now with our 5-year-old. He's having a very hard time with his after school program. I would love more examples of how to have these conversations if you could? The framework of my imagined it's hard to sit still so long. It was pretty eye-opening for me. Looking for more empathetic ways to have these conversations with him
I know this is a older video. As a teacher I'm on here trying to get ideas on how to handle children just like you're speaking about. Have any of you ever tried to deal with these behaviors in a classroom setting? Of course you may not see this at home but trust me it's going on in the classroom of 15 plus kids. I was also this way as a child ,undiagnosed ADHD. Teachers can only do so much. Instead of blaming the teacher why not try to help or homeschool if that works for you. Meanwhile, I'm taking training courses, whatching youtube videos and learning strategies to help kids like yours while also teaching the rest of the class. I'm torn each day between my love of teaching and trying to help these kids that get written off and going nuts. So before you start being snarky at a teacher that has been dealing with more than one child with these behaviors , why don't you come and secretly observe your childs classroom and see what we deal with all day.
And how would we do that? I'd love to see what's going on in my defiant kid's class but it's not like there is a one way mirror I can hide behind or even surveillance cameras I can use. I get it, it's a tough job. But it's equally frustrating to have our school and teachers asking US what we can do as parents to fix THEIR classroom environment to get our kid to quit displaying behavior he doesn't do at home. Unfortunately this video doesn't seem to have any solutions either other than "listen to your kids and don't lecture them."
HI Stephanie, Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. I'm definitely not blaming teachers. I have been a teacher and a director of a daycare/learning center in the inner city, and I know how difficult it can be. I recommend checking out Conscious Discipline for more specific classroom management strategies which are aligned with what I advocate. Becky Bailey has great tools for the classroom!
My child's preschool won't work with me in any way. They wont let me help. My input is met with skepticism, my concerns are met with defensiveness no matter how nicely I approach and no matter how reassuraing I am. I am told "things are escalating" but given no information when I ask what "things". My child's hours have been reduced by the school and I'm still not clear on what the problem is. I ask every day how she got on and I'm usually brushed off with a "fine" so I simply don't have the information to help, nor is my support welcomed. Meanwhile my 3 year olds self image and self value has plummeted to the point of huge concern and of course her ability to regulate has suffered. I feel like a failure every day. Don't assume that all teachers are proactive and open to information just because you are. I promise you that creating a defensive image will damage trust with parents so please don't fall into this trap. The truth is that we are all human beings, not all teachers are good teachers and not all parents are good parents but it seems to me that for the most part what gets in the way is pride.
I am a teacher and I try my utmost best to do what you suggest, to also look at my kids needs, why they act out a certain way etc. but every now and then I fail. How do I juggle all of this? I feel I need more time to spend with the kids, focus on the emotional learning but at the same time I have so much pressure from parents to "prove" what they learned, master all the subjects and then from management write 160 reports, decorate your class constantly, displaying work, submitting lesson plans. It's when you have all these deadlines to meet but you simply can't teach a class because you can't get through the lesson content .. there are times that I have in my mind all the things I still need to teach and all the deadlines that I have but what my kids actually NEED is to play, talk to me and learn valuable social skills. Especially at the end of a school year. How!! :-)
Hi! This video was so helpful! Especially the questions that I can ask my daughter. She is 5 years old. We have been struggling with her “behavior” a great deal lately. This is from today, from her pre-k teacher: “Good afternoon. It’s been a rough three days for our Miss Sophia. The first two days I didn’t message you because I was giving her time to transition back. That’s always a couple minutes of remembering the routines, but we’re at the end of our third day and she’s deliberately disobeying ;she stands and stares and pretends she doesn’t hear the directions or does the exact opposite of what is asked. She was running around at pack up time taking papers from other kids and giggling. She was pushing and shoving in line on the way to gym this morning and giggling just really not listening. She takes multiple reminders to start or finish her work. I talked to her many times and we restart, but it only lasts about 20 minutes and she’s back to her behaviors. yesterday she earned a sticker for getting her stuff put away on time at arrival, but today she wasn’t interested. She takes at least ten mi urea longer than the rest of the class to unpack and she’s usually the first to arrive, because she stalks or plays with her back os j etc. It’s taking a big chunk of my teaching time out of each day just to redirect her and get her to listen. if you could, please give her a peptalk And let her know that we’ve spoken. Hopefully, this will help. I know Sophia has the ability to be an absolute leader if she chooses to! I enjoy her so very much. I told her I was talking to you today and she just said “I want to go home” when she chooses to engage, she excels and lives to learn, but when she doesn’t want to… it’s a good five minutes each time to redirect her. I want to see her succeed! She definitely able! ❤️Thank you!” I would love some feedback!
Thanks so much, my 5 y.o. is being judged harshly as am I because she has been having a challenging time getting through a full day of kindergarten. School has only been in session 7 days and I've been called to pick her 4 times already. I know that my child has areas whereas growth needs to take place, we all do. But the teacher is very ocd, firm, and intense. I'm getting no kind of team effort from her.
Just got a call from the school, I'm going through exactly the same 💔, I really at a point where i dont know what else to do...😢, thanks for this, I will try my best.
Lori, Are you a teacher? If you are you have to know all the pressure it is to be a teacher in the twentieth century. Would love to hear your ideas on a behavioral system of a classroom of 20. Bring on the ideas in fact please come to my classroom and help me. I have never felt completely successful in any behavior system.
Hi Lori, Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts.I have been a teacher and a director of a daycare/learning center in the inner city, and I know how difficult it can be. I recommend checking out Conscious Discipline for more specific classroom management strategies which are aligned with what I advocate. Becky Bailey has great tools for the classroom!
My 5 year old keeps "inappropriately smacking other kid's bottoms"...I have tried every punishment and nothing works. What is the solution? I understand that fear of being punished doesn't correct their behavior, but they still need immediate consequences for their bad behavior. Im at a loss. I don't know what to do anymore
Try addressing the need behind the behavior. Consequences don't teach anything if you're not addressing the reason the behavior is happening. Check out my free classes for more tips.
Lori, I am lost right now. To make a long story short, he went to daycare from 8mos to 5years. He formed a strong bond with his caregivers and was one of the best kids in preschool. Now in Kindergarten, his behavior is out of control in school. Writing on walls (which he’s never even thought of at home) , spitting water in kids’ faces at the drinking fountain, plugging up the toilet with paper towels on purpose, calling his teacher stupid, blatantly refusing to do his school work, making distracting faces and noises and won’t stop when asked, lying about having to go potty so he can walk around the hallways, having marker fights with other kids, poking his head into other classrooms and yelling into the room! *SIDE NOTE* his teacher had a procedure done the first week of school and there was a sub for over a week already. Then she had a follow up appointment and missed another day and a half, so he has literally NO TIME to bond with this new teacher. When I mentioned that to the principal, she replied that it doesn't matter what teacher he's with: gym, reading, recess, lunch time, home room, he's disrespectful and doesn't listen. According to them, he is the only child with this problem, all of the other children are compliant- I hate using that term.** Where did my child go? He was never like this! I know he’s having a hard time adjusting because he loved his daycare and was sad to move schools, he tells me all the time he wants to go back to daycare. :-( I’ve already gotten 3 calls from the principal and had a meeting with his teachers/principal. I am lost on what to do. I hate to “punish” him for his behavior but he just comes home every day with a “red” card meaning he was bad and when asked why, he just says he doesn’t know why he was bad. I work 8-5, I don’t have time to volunteer in the room to try and help. What can we do at home to help? We’ve talked to him till we were blue in the face, but like you said, you cannot reason with him at this point. He’s all in agreeance with being good in the AM but when we pick him up, he had yet another bad day. We are lost and want to help him! ANY suggestions?
Am so sorry you are going through this Kat. How is he doing now? Am going through a similar situation with my son. It’s heartbreaking. How is yours doing?
Wonderful tips from all ur videos ! U really showed us (parents) how to treat children with LOVE, even when their behaviours are the worst. As adults, we often like to give orders n expect instant results, but after watching ur videos I realized how it would have more negative impact to our child in the long run. Thanks again for teaching me how to be a more compassionate parent !
Woow........It ‘s such a relief n interesting to hear ur perspective about a child’s “misbehavior” in school. Sadly, most of my colleagues who r teachers don’t see it like u do....I ‘ve got 1 young student in class who sometimes acts defiant, use inapropriate words, being disruptive, calling names to other students. I wonder what’s the best approach to deal with this type of student. One time when I asked him to take out his homework n writing tools. He kept saying : NO. I don’t want to !” So, what’s ur suggestion, lorri ? The worst part is when he often takes other students belongings like eraser, pencil without asking permission, which can get them angry n mostly into a long quarrel..... These r only a few examples.... Thanks so much for sharing ur loveable lesson of teaching. Greetings from Indonesia !💕🌷💁♀️
Your problem is teachers are no properly trained in effective student behavior management. That training is not an event but an ongoing program. If a soldier is not properly trained in for combat he is not going to survive. It's also a big reason why so many teachers don't survive. You must adapt or perish.
Aww I’m so sorry. It’s rough for teachers who are overworked and have too many students and it’s NOT your child’s fault that they’re struggling in environments that are dysregulating!
I know this is an older video, but as a preschool teacher I LOVE watching your videos and they give me such great ideas for my classroom. I would love to see a video on managing behaviors in the classroom, for those of us who want to be positive in the classroom and teach without judgement or shame.
Hi Jessica, Thanks so much for watching. I will add this to the list for sure. I definitely recommend checking out Conscious Discipline for more classroom Management strategies that are aligned with what I advocate - and the Teacher's Edition of my Conscious Communication Cards will be available soon - though there are many topics that relate to school topics (paying attention, hands to yourself, etc) in the current parent deck. You can check them out here - bit.ly/2AOQbeU Thanks again for stopping by and checking out my videos! :) Lori
Amen to your response to Amy Fleming. Teachers are mandated to follow District rules. It's the 'old school" way of thinking. My daughter is an Aspergers child. For seven years, the majority of teachers have been cruel and uncaring, wanting all students to fit into the box. That's not reality. She's a wonderful child. I have learned so much through her. Respect is earned, not demanded! Just because someone is an adult that automatically entitles them to respect??? My daughter's thinking is so like yours. People are people. When you earn respect you usually get it. If there could be more understanding that all kids aren't the same, mixed with kindnesses and compassion, the system would work so much better.
Im going through a divorce and my 5 year old boy behaves with his mom and with me but has become a bully at school and has no respect for teachers. As soon as he feels like he runs the show all he’ll breaks loose. I’m really really sad and don’t know what to do 😔
My son 4yrs throws books when teachers asks him to write A.otherwise he is ok.he throws shoes from windows.i don't know how to stop this habit of throwing.
My sons teacher has spoken to me about my sons behaviour and how bad he has become that he has just become very disobedient and that he just does what he likes in clas just dosent listen i have spoken to him many times but i dont know how to get through to him because he isn't listening? Please help me?
Lovely video content! Sorry for butting in, I am interested in your initial thoughts. Have you heard about - Trentvorty Kids Science Theorem (probably on Google)? It is a great one off product for becoming an excellent parent minus the headache. Ive heard some awesome things about it and my work buddy at last got astronomical results with it.
I hope I don’t come off as too snarky, but saying that education has to change for the needs of a couple of disruptive boys is futile. There is no real reason anyway. 90% of the other kids are following rules and growing up to be successful. I was definitely one of those boys and I thank God that there was a system in place designed to help me fit in and not become a felon like my father. It took cops, relatives and principals parroting my teachers for me to understand that the teacher wasn’t the one with the problem, it was me. I had to adapt and develop a fear of failure like normal people already have embedded. Now as a high school teacher, I see the kids whose bad behaviors were excused and they continue to circle the drain. Some of these parents are child development experts, and their heavily over inflated self esteem’s help them feel better about crapping all over their peers and teachers. Do you think they fulfill their dreams? I haven’t seen that. I have, because my teachers weren’t asses, they were trying to get me to fit in to society. This, “it’s ok you’re special” thing is overly American and it worries me. IMO
Are the kids really behaving? I sat in my son’s class and all the kids were doing things they shouldn’t. Teachers usually focus on the one that is the loudest.
@@DavainMcClain Im not sure I understand, so pardon me if it seems Im off on this one: At my high school, students are allowed to sign up for regular biology or advanced biology. "Are the kids really behaving?" depends on which class you are talking about. In advanced Bio, phones are off, pencil bags are out, students are seated and ready when the bell rings *and I dont even have to tell them.* They complete 100% of the work, do well on tests, get mad when they dont succeed and end up getting higher education. If you ask them why they are so well behaved (despite EL or IEP status. And yes, of course we have EL's and IEP's in Adv Bio) they will tell you "because if I dont, my parents will kill me." The other Bio classes have students that refuse work on day ONE when we color our name tags. The cant put Tik Tok down, you take their phone and they pick their nails instead, do poorly on tests, come late to class, go to the bathroom for 30 minutes, swear, talk incessantly like you said, doing things they shouldn't. The reason they say? "My parents/I dont CARE." In elementary school these groups are mixed in to the same room. Elementary teachers should be able to pick the loudest most obnoxious kids and say, look at your friends doing better. "Be like them." That hurt me when I was a kid, but I needed that message from someone. But teachers nowadays cant. Because the parents will say what this video is saying, "you need to be a better teacher. You need to change education." They get the message that the school is failing them, so when they get to high school, they fail school. My best students are held to the standard "no excuses."
my 5 years is acting out in classroom too. he is expected to sit still but out of anger he is throwing things refusing to comply. I am sadden and have no idea what to do? the school administration wants to throw him under the bus and put him in a special education classroom. he is smart and brave, just misbehave alot and bit controlling.
Hello i have a 6 year old son n the teacher tells me everyday that he does not want to read when told n so on i discipline him at home by taking tv games n what he likes. I'm a little confused he continues to do the same at school just yesterday he told me that he was being good n to find out he was a lie he told me i know he is onky 6 years old i dont know what to do anymore helppppp.
This in theory is beautiful. However, I have to go back to work to pay off debt from my student loans. The other day I put my daughter in preschool and after one hour of being there I was told to come pick her up and she was not allowed to return. I feel so pressured as a Mom to put on the pressure to my daughter because she has to go to school and they won't tolerate that here. She tends to be really disruptive, not follow directions and doesn't keep her hands to herself. She attacked the teacher. So, not sure what to think of the situation and taking her to a therapist on Friday. She is very spirited but that is going to be a hardship for her. What does a mother do that is fair to the child and produce the best results? I will take what you said in the video and try to apply it because it is a really touching thought.
You may feel your responsibility is to go back to work to pay off your debt from student loans, but your true responsibility is to your child and what she is possibly saying through her behavior is that she needs you right now. I believe this to be the case because I had to go back to work just to feed and clothe my child and she did the same thing. I immediately quit my job and found support for both her and myself. You sound like a responsible person and a loving mother. I just wanted you to know that regardless of what society makes you believe is important, the most important thing in your entire life is your child and she should always come first. I live in Australia and the law here is that you are to provide for your child above yourself. When I was at Uni I was called a bad student and badmouthed by my lecturers because I put my children first. I was a distinction/high distinction student so the comments were in regard to my dedication to my profession. I just said, "If I neglect my children I will be sent to jail. If I neglect my course I will have to repeat... which would you rather?" and this lecturer was a mother herself! Don't let society bully you lovely x ( In regard to my commitment to my profession, I own and founded a construction and design company with my business partner/ Husband and I did this while at uni. I just didn't disclose my plans for my future. I did all this while supporting an Aspie child and my second born who has developmental delays due to premature birth.)
The child needs stability, nourishment and a safe roof over her head. Of course the mom has to go back to work to provide this important things. Please be realistic when providing your comments. This mom needs real help and advise not cloud cuckoo land ideas that the response that her child needs her right now is what is most important and not a job. What are you saying? Love is all you need and this alone can get you through being homeless or in a hostel. She does need to work to provide for her family. Stop this airy fairy ideas to the contrary it is not helpful! All that offer these romantic ideas must not be living in such a position.
I know it’s old video but I would love to have the teacher who understands and as good as you . We in the Society that want us to behave Certain way . If you don’t they’re not Except how you are specially modern day the world so much difference you cannot be yourself any more
Hi my son is 9 and is having such a hard time at school he can’t make long lasting friends because he can’t seem to understand how to be a kid and when he trying to play it always turns into a fight the school had a meeting with me and told me he need to do a bi lang to me it seems the more hard I try to make him understand I am losing him
Idk how we get schools to change as a single parent I have to work and getting constant calls from schools and daycares who are specialized in childcare to me is insane 😬
On the second day of my kindergartener being with his teacher she told me he was disobedient and a trouble maker the following week she kicked him out of class and she's sent him to the nurse and office almost every day and it's only been 2 weeks ..on top of that she keeps complaining that she can't understand him which I've told her and the school multiple times he has a speech delay
This is what happening with us every day at school with my son. I feel helpless. I am telling him not to misbehave at school. But everyday with a new issue. Teacher always complains me my son hurt someone not still in class, did something today. Everyday, sitting at work just makes me think that what is up to today, wt will he bring up today, sleep less nights. Punishing him keeping him away hurting a lot. Every day sit with and tell him a lot that please be good at school, dont trouble anyone. But he comes up with something. These days too much correcting making his behaviour bad. Not helpful. Please help me with more suggestions
My oldest son is 5 and is currently in kindergarten. One day I received a call from his teaching, who said “your son isn’t listen, he has trouble following directions and keeping his hands to himself. He got his second recess privileges taken away and was in timeout while the teacher called me. I could feel my blood boil and at the same time i was questioning her. Are you sure it’s my son? I questioned her because my oldest is sweet, independent, extremely caring, and a bright minded boy. I ended up getting off work early to pick him to talk to him when school released. I asked him if he understand why he was in timeout at school and he took accountability and responsibility for his actions, which was great. He didn’t lie but the answers I got was “because” after asking why he stood on top of the table. I then expressed to the teachers my ex husband and I are divorced and my kids understand they are growing up in two homes. Both rules/responsibilities are the same in both homes for consistency. My son doesn’t show frustrating or anger issues. Then my brain immediately thought do i take him to the dr? Someone who can help with his behavioral issues? The principal? I was going insane with these thoughts. I took a deep breath and then asked the teacher if she would log in a notebook anytime she feels my son isn’t following directions or what actions led her to put him in timeout. We’ve been doing the notebook thing going on 3 weeks but it’s vague. “Your son need to work on listening and keeping his hands to himself” i talked to the teacher and told her myself and my ex husband can’t determine what trends we need to focus on with our oldest son if there’s lack of details. The teach huffed and puffed when i begged her to tel me examples of my son not keeping his hands to himself. Is he poking other kids? Pulling their shirt? I asked my son and he said he was playing tag in class with other kids. Sometimes he sees other kids perform and action and wants to copy what they are doing. I can’t monitor my son everyday ah in class and I’m trying to help which is why i brought up the notebook thing. The teacher then told me “the notebook isn’t working” and i told her as parents we don’t know how to help teach my son something I’d there are lack of details. Come to find out the notes were only coming from a teacher aid who would spend only 20 mins with my son. The notes weren’t from the main teacher. There are only 16-12 kids in her class. This teacher was a middle school teacher for 22 years and this is her first year teaching kindergarten. I feel like she’s giving up and expecting middle school expectations from my 5 yr old son. Another example the teacher gave me was “he’s bouncing off the walls”. I said what do you mean? You can’t say he’s bouncing off the walls when that isn’t possible. If he has too much energy or talking too much then say that. Then she elaborated after I was questioning her. My son doesn’t have a listening problem but i feel its more focus or obedience. As a new mom i have no idea who i help motivate this teacher to connect with my son. One method of teaching a kid may not work for another. Some kids are visual learns and some are hands on. Idk how else to get my son to raise his hand if he wants to speak or understand walking in the hall with the class you have to give personal space while keeping your hands to the side. The teacher threaten to send my son to the principal office but i feel like that’s punished him from learning when he’s meeting expectations in each subject. He just completed counting to 100 on his own. He loves the school work but the teacher gets so frustrated fast with my son and it makes me sad to know she isn’t taking as much time to figure out what works for my son and reverts to just calling me when she gives up. If my son didn’t get into a fight i don’t think the principal office is appropriate for my son. The teacher also things timeout isn’t working. Idk how to handle the teacher and still help my son on his focus and obedience skills and giving other kids personal space.
Thank you so much for this very insightful video! I am a k through 12 teacher and a very small rural school district and I really appreciate the insight not only in regards to my own very precocious toddler but in regards to the emotional needs of most of my students. Thankfully we have a less traditional classroom model, but it just reminds me that it's okay to let them just be kids and to allow my expectation even for the older ones to be guided by their emotional needs as much as the academic ones. Thank you so much, I truly appreciate your videos!
My son is 12 and having so much trouble doing his work. He is in edd classes but seems he's getting no help but im also told he simply dose not want to do his work idk I'm hurt and worried and dont know what to do
Hi Lori, my child is struggling in a similar way in kindergarten and I’m very worried about him. He’s extremely smart, but he gets board easily. He’s always been behind with his fine motor skills and I worry that it might be holding him back. He can tell me that two plus three equals five but he gets distracted easily and can’t stay focused long enough to make his hand write the number five on his paper. Sometimes he forgets what we’re doing the moment his pencil touches the paper and he ends up writing a different number. He can sound out words and figure out what word he’s looking at but he gets frustrated with how long it takes because he can’t remember the last word he read in order to put them together in any way that makes sense, so he’s been trying to guess based on context clues instead of reading the words. He’s having trouble focusing at school long enough to do his work and can’t multitask, like copying words over to another space while holding a conversation. At home he often gets lost in thought and completely forgets about eating because he really wants to tell me something before he forgets. He’s failing kindergarten and is unable to do homework or class work, he has failed all of his tests at school as well. He is going to be 7 this year in September. And I’m worried he will probably have to take kindergarten again. The school counselor doesn’t want to take him on and has referred us to a different counselor outside of the school system. Every time I ask if he can be evaluated for any kind of learning disability like ADD or ADHD I’ve been told he’s too young to be tested. I’m not really sure what to do to help him. He’s not even getting partial credit for attempting his work or tests, just getting zeros across the board. His school scores are 3%, 4% and 0% for his main subjects and we’re coming up on Spring break in a few weeks. I’m not really sure what to do about it. Do you have any advice?
Thank you. I really like the last part about teaching with empathy and compassion, and for parents & teachers to address our children's emotional development. This ethos will make our society more and more inclusive, too. Keep it up
My daughter has expressed to me that she feels the teachers don't listen to her, they told her she was being bad, and contacted me saying she refused to do her work and was "insubordinate" after talking to my daughter she expressed that she was confused on what to do and the teacher refused to listen to that.. idk what to do or what to think. Unfortunately I feel like this is probably because the teachers are being unreasonable and expecting to much from her she is 8 years old.. what do I do
OMG - I thought this without knowing that it was a professional perspective. I have a 6 year old who had a horrible year 1014-2015 - Of the numerous complaints, I hardly recognized the child anymore(at school, that is) - Funny thing I never had any complaints more than being talkative before this grade. I investigated every other relationship from afternoon scholl to dance class. Nothing Negative or strange. Here's the kicker - She is now 3 weeks into her new class and as usual straight A's. The teacher thinks she is normal and the only complaint is that she likes to TALK. TOO MUCH .. lol . I commented here to say that I agree 100000 % that some educators can either motivate or destroy our kids. WOW - I can't believe what I just watched. Thanks thanks thanks thanks.
+TEACHthroughLove I came to watch this video because I am in a very dark place today. I think I am the worst teacher in the world at the moment and I can't help throwing a self pity party right now.I am a part time MFL teacher and I have always tried to make my lessons fun and encourage my students to not be afraid of making mistakes when speaking a foreign language. However, as they are entering level 2 and I've been teaching material I hadn't before, I am beginning to struggle with behaviour from a few children, especially boys. I can't play games without giving them some input first. I had to call the Head today as there were two boys being very disruptive, ignoring my warnings. I just don't know what to do. They told her I used to be more fun but the reality is I'm new in this particular school, I took over from another teacher they liked and I feel unable to make it fun all the time if they can't put up with a little input first. Actually I notice some children don't like games and interactive activities all the time. They get bored so quickly. I am at the end of my tether. I feel really bad, got home in tears. I can't stop crying. Thank God it's half term. I need so much help. Maybe I should give up.
My (now 7) year old just had a terrible 2017-2018 school year in 1st grade! Any complaint I had before was him talking too much! I have seen the issue with the teacher since day 1, and the school would not heard me. After an entire year of trying to get the school to help, to work with us (without ever pointing fingers) and coming up with several ideas, only to be told "Its not in policy" We have decided to change schools.
I love your videos. What you said about the schools is so true of the schools I work in as a restorative practices coach in Chicago. As a parent, and a trainer in Conflict Resolutions I am so happy that you are makine these videos. I will share them.
+Shedrick Sanders Thanks so much! Yes - we need this in schools - kids deserve to be taught skills through cooperative practices - not authoritative control.
I remember when I was in the 2nd grade, I got in trouble for doing lots of stupid things when I got upset. I remember tearing up a little piece of my art project writing "Boo!" with a pencil, writing "Where's my food?" on a piece of paper and showing it to a teacher, crying and screaming to a teacher, grabbing a book from a teacher because I wanted to read it but the teacher wouldn't let me, picking up another student and dropping him on the ground, pushing another student away from a water fountain when I wanted a drink, dragging or pushing a girl that went to my birthday, saying "no" and telling teachers to "go away" and that "I hate them", and even calling a bus aide a "blockhead" and pulling her hair because I wanted to get picked up from school, which caused me to get written up, along with a few other things. I had alot of problems when I was in 2nd grade.
my sons Headstart teacher text or calls everytime he does something wrong.some is petty.some is not.I don't understand why they cant handle it in the classroom. I feel hes not as liked as the others bc of this behavior that the teacher admits hes copying from another classmate.
This is such an educative video. I wish there was more you could tell on how to actually support for a change in the class, when kids group up the dynamics change and the voice of the individual is stifled. My 6 year old is on the recieving end of aggressive outbursts from a classmate…. Right from kindergarten. How do I parent him without robbing him of the ability to stay confident & not fearful of the classmate? How can I parent him to - not be reactive in a similar outburst when attacked? Either way he seems to be robbed of a positive solution.
Hi Lori, I have just come across your amazing channel as I am trying to find what to say to a child who hits and shouts at my daughter during our meeting with the teacher. I would greatly appreciate your advice. Thank you :)
Love the concept of teaching your child through love and not to tame them. However, if you have a child that this topic refers to and you are being told by teachers of your child's disruptive and dangerous behaviour, then you know this loving method is not viable in today's schools. There are other children to be taught in the classroom not just your disruptive child so it is unfair to think schools have the time and one to one resource needed to help your challenging child. Learning correct and meaningful behaviour Starts at home and this I do daily for those of you who think a disruptive child is free to run loose at home I assure you this is not the case. My child lives in a loving and caring environment where learning positive social skills and independence is important to us. So with is in mind how can we control what happens with our child behaviour during school? Keeping your child's free spirit is a lovely idea but we all know that our children must learn as with adults in the real world that all sorts of rules and regulations are bestowed upon us as if they were not and we were all left to our free spirit the world would not be. So, children must tow the line in class. There're are not enough teachers and not enough pay for it to be any different. It's all well and good referring that perhaps a teacher might reflect on using a better method when they have 20 other children who want to learn to contend with. I am a parent of a challenging child. Give us advice for how best we can teach our children and not give us advice from your perspective of that child you once were that you were misunderstood. You know children have to learn social skills as you must have learned them too eventually. We need advice not commentary like we can live in some sort of off grid free spirit camp. There are limited school, limited teachers and limited funds and we can't just well hell your school and teachers are not giving my child freedom so I'm going to another school....to then say the same to the next school. A child has to learn at the school or God forbid not get to go to school and how damaging is that.
Wow, I really needed this. My 3 year old son has reports every day from his daycare about him not staying still for circle time and getting frustrated with other kids and hitting them and "keeping his hands to himself"and that no one likes to play with him...this video was just what I needed! Thank you!
I'm reading your comment from 6years,and what you wrote is just so familiar with what I am going through now in 2021 with my 4years son. This is his 1 year being around so many kids 1st year preschool and, I'm almost depressed when I come to pick him up from school....
What you do if your 7 year old child got the blame with problems from previous year at school and ask to write apology letters after recent meeting. All you know your kid have no violence, always have good behavior. Thanks
I really enjoy your videos. Do you have any videos about bossy or dominant behavious? I'm trying to learn more about why my 5 1/2 can be so bossy at times, yet so pleassant at other times.
My son just turned 5 Dec 3rd. And he's been in headstart since he was 3. His missed going into T-k by one day. So he had to go back to the headstart. He's always been a great listener and helper. But this year things have changed. He's been going through these anger issues that his spitting and bitting his teachers also throwing and kicking toys around the class. This mostly happens when they do large groups or at nap time. When he's home. I dont have this problem. I just dont know what else to do anymore with him. His teachers are scared.
I love your videos.We are currently going through behavior issues at school.My seven year old is always being sent home for hitting others or getting into some type of conflict, she says it's not what is really happening and other students are bothering her but she won't tattle on them.I'm not sure how to help her.she just started counseling.Her behavior is completely different from home and school.I'm not sure of how to discipline her at home or teach her how not to bully when she says she don't know why she is doing it.I'm sure it's because they are picking on her but the teachers say that's not true.Do you have any suggestions on how to deal with this situation.Thanks,stacey
What are you creditials. There was a large amount of transference in your statements. When a teacher have 15-25 children in a class, there must be some type of structure. Good attempt.
I'm tired of my five year old not listening when it comes to keep hands to himself. Him, the principal and our son generally have a discussion pretty often. He got up during circle time and hit a boy in the nuts that was sitting down and listening. Honestly it wouldn't surprise me if he gets suspended before Christmas. He's smart, gets graded on his tests and passes and his handwriting and coloring is very good for his age.
So true! I absolutely agree! The upset teachers can say all they want. Nobody is forcing Amy Fleming (comment below) or anyone to get a teachers job. Its a part of the problem! Teachers counting their hours and wanting to get done with the kids wont do best for my child. Statistics show that the highest chances of getting expelled are at the pre-K level. PRE-K level!! Why? because they can be expelled- small kids have no voices and they get pushed around so much! Excellent video!
I think you are partially right, but our job as parents is to "change our kids". Mold them into productive members of society. Kids cannot rear themselves. That being said, I do believe we expect too much out of our kids too soon, without considering the individual educational needs of our kids.
I need help with 7 year old son that keep getting kicked out school 2 days because he hate school so much he behavior is bad at school he gets in trouble for throwing pencils on floor and now he trouble for hiring teacher
Lori, you're spot on as always. We need to plant the seeds of love in our children. As you say we cannot be perfect but we can work on practicing conscious awareness, presence. If children show signs of acting out it is so important to look past the behavior and focus working out the reason. My granddaughter receives very little positive attention from her parents (I don't blame them, I just don't think they choose to live consciously). Our granddaughter is now 3 and has been acting out for some time. Each week I collect her from pre-school, it is becoming harder to "bring her back" (so to speak) as we have limited time with her (we used to have her half the week). This week something must have gone very wrong at home. Her pent up angst was so obvious from the moment I picked her up. She wouldn't speak or give me eye contact. Each week she comes to us filthy dirty, her hair matted with knots. This week all I did was untie her hair and she began the hit out so hard I went into a bit of shock. I didn't react, I just sat and observed her body language. She was aware she had hurt me, I didn't need to point that out. Instead I talked calmly to her about her feelings. I get the impression she is used to a different response. I said sometimes when you're sad or angry all you need is a big cuddle to make you feel better. I explained hitting hurt people. She stood for a while almost contemplating then wrapped her arms around me like her life depended on it. After that she happily allowed me to bath her and wash her hair etc. She did not once hit out at me again all weekend. We were so fortunate to have her the entire weekend. By Saturday afternoon she was a different child. She was happy, singing her favorite songs, chatty, wanting to engage and cooperate (mostly). She loves picnics and she loves to be involved in all the preparations. She loves to help me cook afternoon tea (her favorite ritual right now), although she now knows pepper does not belong in pancakes :-) I would have to say interact with your children. Treat them with respect, understand things from their viewpoint and they will give you more joy than you can ever imagine possible. Thanks Lori x
Thank You for this response. I don't have children but I do remember well much of what was said with negative behaviors to children. This wisdom will be remembered for the future and when I enter the classroom as a teacher. This is heart-warming.
My kids entire elementary school needs to watch this
This video made me cry. So many boys are shamed and labeled for being boys. It has become an epidemic in our schools. It starts as young as 3 years old. Some of our boys need love, support and a lots of help adjusting to school life. This shaming leads many boys to have a low self esteem and the bad behavior snowballs from there. Thank you thank you!!!
Thanks for saying the truth
They lack discipline at home.
@@axolendzimane139that’s not always true. I’ve seen well behave 4-5-6 year olds at home doing what the parents want and need them to do. The problem is truly learning to be social at school. These children are very smart but in class they think it’s a big self party.. I never knew this was an issue but it’s real
"Boys being boys" is NOT an excuse for unruly behavior! Boys need focused disapline and not a playground to do whatever impulses they have at the time.
I’m going through this with my
6 yr old that has adhd. I want to help him so much saving this video
I was brought to tears today when my child’s school counselor told me yet again that he had been disruptive and unsafe in school. The word suspension was used. I know my son to be sensitive, helpful and kind, as well as active and curious but since starting kindergarten I feel like I do more talking about behaviors and expressing frustration than ever before. I can’t afford to pull him and home school him and I can’t be in the classroom to help. I just don’t know what to do. 😢
My 9year old does the same he just got diagnosed with ADHD
Same issue persist in whole world it seems. I am from India and struggling with same issue in my son's school getting more depressed when I receive a call from school😢
How is your son now?
Yes!!!! I have dealt with this for years, my some is 10. The schools are always focused on behavior and what he is doing wrong...
True :(
correct. My 6yo son has ADHD, OCD and ODD. I go to war against his disabilities and his teacher is my ally in combat. We (along with his case carrier) attack the problems head on, and when the teacher has to focus on behavior and tell me he is doing something wrong he gets double discipline at home. We are in November, and he continues to SLOWLY improve and meet our goals. He got enough smiling faces on his behavior contract yesterday that I bought him a transformer. Dude was ecstatic. FOCUS on what he is doing wrong. ASK the teacher to report his behavior EVERY HOUR. You are the parent, dont back down.
My son is 5 years old and his teacher states that he is disruptive. Constantly getting out of his seat constantly talks and disrupts others. He’s extremely smart and social. His teachers constantly state that his very funny and such a joy but the issues of the disruption follow and I’m not sure how to handle this. She stays that she repeatedly has to tel him to stay in his seat, to follow directions, to not talk etc. idk what to do or how I need to handle this. I feel like it’s my fault as his mother because at home he seems to do well. No huge issues w direction or behavior. He is an only child though. I’m not sure if this has anything to do with this.
Same here. Any tips?
Any tips?
This is really not that hard. They are little people. Talk to your child. Start doing consequences for not listening. Possible rewards. When a teacher says that a child is disruptive that child is that. Think about your job do you want constant disruption. The other kids see his actions and are also not able to get as much from the teacher.
@@themechanicjojo This is really not that hard. They are little people. Talk to your child. Start doing consequences for not listening. Possible rewards. When a teacher says that a child is disruptive that child is that. Think about your job do you want constant disruption. The other kids see his actions and are also not able to get as much from the teacher.
@@damarisalvarez149 This is really not that hard. They are little people. Talk to your child. Start doing consequences for not listening. Possible rewards. When a teacher says that a child is disruptive that child is that. Think about your job do you want constant disruption. The other kids see his actions and are also not able to get as much from the teacher.
I agree with you. I believe that my son has the ability to cooperate in class, but then I do know that it is difficult for him to sit still, because whatever work is handed to him is somewhat, boring or lacks interest. I was asking him how he felt about the situation with he and his teacher and when he expressed that he didn't know that he was misbehaving, she starting defending the situation 2othout giving the chance to speak. Many of our boys lack creativity and diversity in the classroom and I believe that it affects how should behave according to traditional classroom standards.
I'm going through this with my 5 year old girl. So overwhelming
Going through this with my 7 yr old
@@kiajohnson girl two years lady the struggles still real
@@rodnape can You help me i was clowning someone at school on the group chat and she said she can report me to the scholl
@@rodnape, don't give up. You can do this.
Same with my 5years old boy
This is exactly what my grandson is dealing with. I plan on showing his teachertgis video. He is attending a small homeschool that operates in home.Thanks for the great advice.
You are so welcome! I'm glad it's helpful. Thank you for watching!
I’m going through this right now. Came to TH-cam because I had no idea what to do.
I agree we have to address the issue but it takes time and patience which many teachers do not have.
Right. I have the patience but not the time. 18 first grader and three students who display this behavior daily.
One word about your observation of our public school system regarding zero tolerance. Amen! Social emotional development is recognized by some educators and completely ignored by others.
I perceived many of my childhood teachers in those same ways. And I remember not really fitting in or feeling comfortable in school until I got older for those same reasons.
This information is pure Wisdom. Not having children and soon becoming an elementary
teacher this video is a diamond of what to do and not to do towards children. Having problems too in school there was a third grade substitute teacher who just "talked" and "listened" to me. This set my life on another path; the other path was...very bad.
It's too bad that this type of wisdom is not taught in current educational courses; they just focus on psychology & classroom management and such not the child-student.
I'm glad your video was found!!!
educators should be educated enough to educate the children. this video is very helpful. thanks!
they are. In fact, they really really are, more so than ever. This video is for likes, elementary teachers are the hardest working and professionally trained. The job in 2024 is almost impossible, but love and passion keeps them coming back.
Yours is the first video which I could actually relate to... I'm having major problems with my 7 year old genius level son just as explained in this video and I am desperate for help. I blame myself and have tried everything I could think off! I don't know what to do anymore!
Same here 😔
I need help with my 13 yr old he is a talker. Although so bright and has amazing grades many teacher say he talks way to much and interrupts and this is causing a big issue in all his classes. Don't know what to do. I have taken games computer away n still nothing. He says he just has alot to say. This has given me stress as I dont want him to get a more serious consistencies
My son just started headstart yesterday. He has never attended daycare or even been to a babysitter outside of our home. He is refusing to sit down during story time, follow directions or pick up his toys. He does all of these things at home. He smacked his teacher in the face yesterday when she insisted he stop playing and go sit down. I'm sure she was trying to force him. Today his teacher called jome saying he was refusing to keep his mask on and would have to put it back on his own face because they couldn't do it for him because of germs. Its difficult for him to put it on his own face. He isn't this misbehaved at home and I don't know what to do. He doesn't have behavioral issues normally and is being disruptive in class. I don't know what to do! When I mention he is just 3 years old the teacher rebuttals with the statement that all the other kids are listening. The class has 3, 4 and some 5 year olds. My thoughts are that he has to stay and learn to behave and listen to the teacher and his new environment. I can keep him home for another year but I really feel that he can benefit greatly from being in school. Your advice would be greatly appreciated!
Thank you for this video!! You eloquently said everything that I believe regarding this topic. My 7 year old is another victim of this petty labelling and as a teacher myself, I spotted it straight away. I tried speaking to this teachers but it was like speaking to a wall so I transferred my son to a better school with a more supportive environment. It's so important for parents to understand this.
Literally just transferred my kid to another school bc I’m dealing with the same exact thing
We're going through this right now with our 5-year-old. He's having a very hard time with his after school program. I would love more examples of how to have these conversations if you could? The framework of my imagined it's hard to sit still so long. It was pretty eye-opening for me. Looking for more empathetic ways to have these conversations with him
Thank you for watching! Check out my conscious communication card decks for more helpful language!
I know this is a older video. As a teacher I'm on here trying to get ideas on how to handle children just like you're speaking about. Have any of you ever tried to deal with these behaviors in a classroom setting? Of course you may not see this at home but trust me it's going on in the classroom of 15 plus kids. I was also this way as a child ,undiagnosed ADHD.
Teachers can only do so much. Instead of blaming the teacher why not try to help or homeschool if that works for you. Meanwhile, I'm taking training courses, whatching youtube videos and learning strategies to help kids like yours while also teaching the rest of the class. I'm torn each day between my love of teaching and trying to help these kids that get written off and going nuts. So before you start being snarky at a teacher that has been dealing with more than one child with these behaviors , why don't you come and secretly observe your childs classroom and see what we deal with all day.
Stephanie Haygood 👍👍👍
Yes, yes, yes
And how would we do that? I'd love to see what's going on in my defiant kid's class but it's not like there is a one way mirror I can hide behind or even surveillance cameras I can use. I get it, it's a tough job. But it's equally frustrating to have our school and teachers asking US what we can do as parents to fix THEIR classroom environment to get our kid to quit displaying behavior he doesn't do at home. Unfortunately this video doesn't seem to have any solutions either other than "listen to your kids and don't lecture them."
HI Stephanie, Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. I'm definitely not blaming teachers. I have been a teacher and a director of a daycare/learning center in the inner city, and I know how difficult it can be. I recommend checking out Conscious Discipline for more specific classroom management strategies which are aligned with what I advocate. Becky Bailey has great tools for the classroom!
My child's preschool won't work with me in any way. They wont let me help. My input is met with skepticism, my concerns are met with defensiveness no matter how nicely I approach and no matter how reassuraing I am. I am told "things are escalating" but given no information when I ask what "things". My child's hours have been reduced by the school and I'm still not clear on what the problem is. I ask every day how she got on and I'm usually brushed off with a "fine" so I simply don't have the information to help, nor is my support welcomed. Meanwhile my 3 year olds self image and self value has plummeted to the point of huge concern and of course her ability to regulate has suffered. I feel like a failure every day.
Don't assume that all teachers are proactive and open to information just because you are. I promise you that creating a defensive image will damage trust with parents so please don't fall into this trap. The truth is that we are all human beings, not all teachers are good teachers and not all parents are good parents but it seems to me that for the most part what gets in the way is pride.
You made me such a better and more confident mom. I am dealing with this now and i really appreciate you making your channel. Thank you!
Discipline your child
@@axolendzimane139 take your sad soul away from moms 👹👹👹
I am a teacher and I try my utmost best to do what you suggest, to also look at my kids needs, why they act out a certain way etc. but every now and then I fail. How do I juggle all of this? I feel I need more time to spend with the kids, focus on the emotional learning but at the same time I have so much pressure from parents to "prove" what they learned, master all the subjects and then from management write 160 reports, decorate your class constantly, displaying work, submitting lesson plans. It's when you have all these deadlines to meet but you simply can't teach a class because you can't get through the lesson content .. there are times that I have in my mind all the things I still need to teach and all the deadlines that I have but what my kids actually NEED is to play, talk to me and learn valuable social skills. Especially at the end of a school year. How!! :-)
Hi! This video was so helpful! Especially the questions that I can ask my daughter. She is 5 years old. We have been struggling with her “behavior” a great deal lately. This is from today, from her pre-k teacher: “Good afternoon. It’s been a rough three days for our Miss Sophia. The first two days I didn’t message you because I was giving her time to transition back. That’s always a couple minutes of remembering the routines, but we’re at the end of our third day and she’s deliberately disobeying ;she stands and stares and pretends she doesn’t hear the directions or does the exact opposite of what is asked. She was running around at pack up time taking papers from other kids and giggling. She was pushing and shoving in line on the way to gym this morning and giggling just really not listening. She takes multiple reminders to start or finish her work. I talked to her many times and we restart, but it only lasts about 20 minutes and she’s back to her behaviors. yesterday she earned a sticker for getting her stuff put away on time at arrival, but today she wasn’t interested. She takes at least ten mi urea longer than the rest of the class to unpack and she’s usually the first to arrive, because she stalks or plays with her back os j etc. It’s taking a big chunk of my teaching time out of each day just to redirect her and get her to listen. if you could, please give her a peptalk And let her know that we’ve spoken. Hopefully, this will help.
I know Sophia has the ability to be an absolute leader if she chooses to! I enjoy her so very much. I told her I was talking to you today and she just said “I want to go home” when she chooses to engage, she excels and lives to learn, but when she doesn’t want to… it’s a good five minutes each time to redirect her. I want to see her succeed! She definitely able! ❤️Thank you!” I would love some feedback!
Thanks so much, my 5 y.o. is being judged harshly as am I because she has been having a challenging time getting through a full day of kindergarten. School has only been in session 7 days and I've been called to pick her 4 times already. I know that my child has areas whereas growth needs to take place, we all do. But the teacher is very ocd, firm, and intense. I'm getting no kind of team effort from her.
I hope things have gotten better for her 😔 Can you maybe change her from the class?
Wow wow wow wow. Thank you so much. I needed this so much.
You rock!
You are so welcome
Thank you so much for your insight, I appreciate this video!
Just got a call from the school, I'm going through exactly the same 💔, I really at a point where i dont know what else to do...😢, thanks for this, I will try my best.
Lori, Are you a teacher? If you are you have to know all the pressure it is to be a teacher in the twentieth century. Would love to hear your ideas on a behavioral system of a classroom of 20. Bring on the ideas in fact please come to my classroom and help me. I have never felt completely successful in any behavior system.
Hi Lori, Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts.I have been a teacher and a director of a daycare/learning center in the inner city, and I know how difficult it can be. I recommend checking out Conscious Discipline for more specific classroom management strategies which are aligned with what I advocate. Becky Bailey has great tools for the classroom!
My 5 year old keeps "inappropriately smacking other kid's bottoms"...I have tried every punishment and nothing works. What is the solution? I understand that fear of being punished doesn't correct their behavior, but they still need immediate consequences for their bad behavior. Im at a loss. I don't know what to do anymore
Try addressing the need behind the behavior. Consequences don't teach anything if you're not addressing the reason the behavior is happening. Check out my free classes for more tips.
Lori,
I am lost right now. To make a long story short, he went to daycare from 8mos to 5years. He formed a strong bond with his caregivers and was one of the best kids in preschool. Now in Kindergarten, his behavior is out of control in school. Writing on walls (which he’s never even thought of at home) , spitting water in kids’ faces at the drinking fountain, plugging up the toilet with paper towels on purpose, calling his teacher stupid, blatantly refusing to do his school work, making distracting faces and noises and won’t stop when asked, lying about having to go potty so he can walk around the hallways, having marker fights with other kids, poking his head into other classrooms and yelling into the room!
*SIDE NOTE* his teacher had a procedure done the first week of school and there was a sub for over a week already. Then she had a follow up appointment and missed another day and a half, so he has literally NO TIME to bond with this new teacher. When I mentioned that to the principal, she replied that it doesn't matter what teacher he's with: gym, reading, recess, lunch time, home room, he's disrespectful and doesn't listen. According to them, he is the only child with this problem, all of the other children are compliant- I hate using that term.**
Where did my child go? He was never like this! I know he’s having a hard time adjusting because he loved his daycare and was sad to move schools, he tells me all the time he wants to go back to daycare. :-( I’ve already gotten 3 calls from the principal and had a meeting with his teachers/principal. I am lost on what to do. I hate to “punish” him for his behavior but he just comes home every day with a “red” card meaning he was bad and when asked why, he just says he doesn’t know why he was bad. I work 8-5, I don’t have time to volunteer in the room to try and help. What can we do at home to help? We’ve talked to him till we were blue in the face, but like you said, you cannot reason with him at this point. He’s all in agreeance with being good in the AM but when we pick him up, he had yet another bad day. We are lost and want to help him! ANY suggestions?
Am so sorry you are going through this Kat. How is he doing now? Am going through a similar situation with my son. It’s heartbreaking. How is yours doing?
Wonderful tips from all ur videos ! U really showed us (parents) how to treat children with LOVE, even when their behaviours are the worst. As adults, we often like to give orders n expect instant results, but after watching ur videos I realized how it would have more negative impact to our child in the long run. Thanks again for teaching me how to be a more compassionate parent !
+Ratna Ariyanti Thank you so much for being part of the change!! We are creating a better future for everyone. :)
The teachers kept saying every year my child needed meds. That was not true.
Woow........It ‘s such a relief n interesting to hear ur perspective about a child’s “misbehavior” in school. Sadly, most of my colleagues who r teachers don’t see it like u do....I ‘ve got 1 young student in class who sometimes acts defiant, use inapropriate words, being disruptive, calling names to other students. I wonder what’s the best approach to deal with this type of student. One time when I asked him to take out his homework n writing tools. He kept saying : NO. I don’t want to !” So, what’s ur suggestion, lorri ? The worst part is when he often takes other students belongings like eraser, pencil without asking permission, which can get them angry n mostly into a long quarrel..... These r only a few examples.... Thanks so much for sharing ur loveable lesson of teaching. Greetings from Indonesia !💕🌷💁♀️
When I was in 3rd grade there was this kid who would throw tantrums every day and sometimes sneak out of the classroom
Your problem is teachers are no properly trained in effective student behavior management. That training is not an event but an ongoing program. If a soldier is not properly trained in for combat he is not going to survive. It's also a big reason why so many teachers don't survive. You must adapt or perish.
I wish you were my son's teacher. This video is identical to the letter I got today for my 6 year old
Aww I’m so sorry. It’s rough for teachers who are overworked and have too many students and it’s NOT your child’s fault that they’re struggling in environments that are dysregulating!
I know this is an older video, but as a preschool teacher I LOVE watching your videos and they give me such great ideas for my classroom. I would love to see a video on managing behaviors in the classroom, for those of us who want to be positive in the classroom and teach without judgement or shame.
Hi Jessica, Thanks so much for watching. I will add this to the list for sure. I definitely recommend checking out Conscious Discipline for more classroom Management strategies that are aligned with what I advocate - and the Teacher's Edition of my Conscious Communication Cards will be available soon - though there are many topics that relate to school topics (paying attention, hands to yourself, etc) in the current parent deck. You can check them out here - bit.ly/2AOQbeU
Thanks again for stopping by and checking out my videos! :) Lori
Thank you so much I will check this out :)
Amen to your response to Amy Fleming. Teachers are mandated to follow District rules. It's the 'old school" way of thinking. My daughter is an Aspergers child. For seven years, the majority of teachers have been cruel and uncaring, wanting all students to fit into the box. That's not reality. She's a wonderful child. I have learned so much through her. Respect is earned, not demanded! Just because someone is an adult that automatically entitles them to respect??? My daughter's thinking is so like yours. People are people. When you earn respect you usually get it. If there could be more understanding that all kids aren't the same, mixed with kindnesses and compassion, the system would work so much better.
Very well worded. Thanks for sharing this : )
Im going through a divorce and my 5 year old boy behaves with his mom and with me but has become a bully at school and has no respect for teachers. As soon as he feels like he runs the show all he’ll breaks loose. I’m really really sad and don’t know what to do 😔
Thank you. This was so so helpful to hear
My son 4yrs throws books when teachers asks him to write A.otherwise he is ok.he throws shoes from windows.i don't know how to stop this habit of throwing.
Show him consequences for his bad behavior and be consistent
My sons teacher has spoken to me about my sons behaviour and how bad he has become that he has just become very disobedient and that he just does what he likes in clas just dosent listen i have spoken to him many times but i dont know how to get through to him because he isn't listening? Please help me?
How do I tell that to his teacher? 😑
Send her the video
This was wonderful well instructed
That was incredible. You have no idea how much I appreciate this upload...
+MrJuot234 So happy you found it helpful! Thanks for watching.
Lovely video content! Sorry for butting in, I am interested in your initial thoughts. Have you heard about - Trentvorty Kids Science Theorem (probably on Google)? It is a great one off product for becoming an excellent parent minus the headache. Ive heard some awesome things about it and my work buddy at last got astronomical results with it.
I hope I don’t come off as too snarky, but saying that education has to change for the needs of a couple of disruptive boys is futile. There is no real reason anyway. 90% of the other kids are following rules and growing up to be successful. I was definitely one of those boys and I thank God that there was a system in place designed to help me fit in and not become a felon like my father. It took cops, relatives and principals parroting my teachers for me to understand that the teacher wasn’t the one with the problem, it was me. I had to adapt and develop a fear of failure like normal people already have embedded. Now as a high school teacher, I see the kids whose bad behaviors were excused and they continue to circle the drain. Some of these parents are child development experts, and their heavily over inflated self esteem’s help them feel better about crapping all over their peers and teachers. Do you think they fulfill their dreams? I haven’t seen that. I have, because my teachers weren’t asses, they were trying to get me to fit in to society. This, “it’s ok you’re special” thing is overly American and it worries me. IMO
I totally agree with you 💯
Are the kids really behaving? I sat in my son’s class and all the kids were doing things they shouldn’t. Teachers usually focus on the one that is the loudest.
@@DavainMcClain Im not sure I understand, so pardon me if it seems Im off on this one: At my high school, students are allowed to sign up for regular biology or advanced biology. "Are the kids really behaving?" depends on which class you are talking about. In advanced Bio, phones are off, pencil bags are out, students are seated and ready when the bell rings *and I dont even have to tell them.* They complete 100% of the work, do well on tests, get mad when they dont succeed and end up getting higher education. If you ask them why they are so well behaved (despite EL or IEP status. And yes, of course we have EL's and IEP's in Adv Bio) they will tell you "because if I dont, my parents will kill me." The other Bio classes have students that refuse work on day ONE when we color our name tags. The cant put Tik Tok down, you take their phone and they pick their nails instead, do poorly on tests, come late to class, go to the bathroom for 30 minutes, swear, talk incessantly like you said, doing things they shouldn't. The reason they say? "My parents/I dont CARE." In elementary school these groups are mixed in to the same room. Elementary teachers should be able to pick the loudest most obnoxious kids and say, look at your friends doing better. "Be like them." That hurt me when I was a kid, but I needed that message from someone. But teachers nowadays cant. Because the parents will say what this video is saying, "you need to be a better teacher. You need to change education." They get the message that the school is failing them, so when they get to high school, they fail school. My best students are held to the standard "no excuses."
my 5 years is acting out in classroom too. he is expected to sit still but out of anger he is throwing things refusing to comply. I am sadden and have no idea what to do? the school administration wants to throw him under the bus and put him in a special education classroom. he is smart and brave, just misbehave alot and bit controlling.
It's hard when u have a non verbal child
Hello how can I send you a question I have?
Hello i have a 6 year old son n the teacher tells me everyday that he does not want to read when told n so on i discipline him at home by taking tv games n what he likes. I'm a little confused he continues to do the same at school just yesterday he told me that he was being good n to find out he was a lie he told me i know he is onky 6 years old i dont know what to do anymore helppppp.
This in theory is beautiful. However, I have to go back to work to pay off debt from my student loans. The other day I put my daughter in preschool and after one hour of being there I was told to come pick her up and she was not allowed to return. I feel so pressured as a Mom to put on the pressure to my daughter because she has to go to school and they won't tolerate that here. She tends to be really disruptive, not follow directions and doesn't keep her hands to herself. She attacked the teacher. So, not sure what to think of the situation and taking her to a therapist on Friday. She is very spirited but that is going to be a hardship for her. What does a mother do that is fair to the child and produce the best results? I will take what you said in the video and try to apply it because it is a really touching thought.
You may feel your responsibility is to go back to work to pay off your debt from student loans, but your true responsibility is to your child and what she is possibly saying through her behavior is that she needs you right now. I believe this to be the case because I had to go back to work just to feed and clothe my child and she did the same thing. I immediately quit my job and found support for both her and myself. You sound like a responsible person and a loving mother. I just wanted you to know that regardless of what society makes you believe is important, the most important thing in your entire life is your child and she should always come first. I live in Australia and the law here is that you are to provide for your child above yourself. When I was at Uni I was called a bad student and badmouthed by my lecturers because I put my children first. I was a distinction/high distinction student so the comments were in regard to my dedication to my profession. I just said, "If I neglect my children I will be sent to jail. If I neglect my course I will have to repeat... which would you rather?" and this lecturer was a mother herself! Don't let society bully you lovely x
( In regard to my commitment to my profession, I own and founded a construction and design company with my business partner/ Husband and I did this while at uni. I just didn't disclose my plans for my future. I did all this while supporting an Aspie child and my second born who has developmental delays due to premature birth.)
+Who I Am Be an advocate for your daughter. The schools need to change.
The child needs stability, nourishment and a safe roof over her head. Of course the mom has to go back to work to provide this important things. Please be realistic when providing your comments. This mom needs real help and advise not cloud cuckoo land ideas that the response that her child needs her right now is what is most important and not a job. What are you saying? Love is all you need and this alone can get you through being homeless or in a hostel. She does need to work to provide for her family. Stop this airy fairy ideas to the contrary it is not helpful! All that offer these romantic ideas must not be living in such a position.
What about same situation but younger boy of 4 yo with speech delay? I’m going through the same
I know it’s old video but I would love to have the teacher who understands and as good as you . We in the Society that want us to behave Certain way . If you don’t they’re not Except how you are specially modern day the world so much difference you cannot be yourself any more
Although time has passed I'm hoping the parent had a chance to sit down and talk to the teacher face to face.
Hi my son is 9 and is having such a hard time at school he can’t make long lasting friends because he can’t seem to understand how to be a kid and when he trying to play it always turns into a fight the school had a meeting with me and told me he need to do a bi lang to me it seems the more hard I try to make him understand I am losing him
Idk how we get schools to change as a single parent I have to work and getting constant calls from schools and daycares who are specialized in childcare to me is insane 😬
Aint that the truth
On the second day of my kindergartener being with his teacher she told me he was disobedient and a trouble maker the following week she kicked him out of class and she's sent him to the nurse and office almost every day and it's only been 2 weeks ..on top of that she keeps complaining that she can't understand him which I've told her and the school multiple times he has a speech delay
This is what happening with us every day at school with my son. I feel helpless. I am telling him not to misbehave at school. But everyday with a new issue. Teacher always complains me my son hurt someone not still in class, did something today. Everyday, sitting at work just makes me think that what is up to today, wt will he bring up today, sleep less nights. Punishing him keeping him away hurting a lot. Every day sit with and tell him a lot that please be good at school, dont trouble anyone. But he comes up with something. These days too much correcting making his behaviour bad. Not helpful.
Please help me with more suggestions
My oldest son is 5 and is currently in kindergarten. One day I received a call from his teaching, who said “your son isn’t listen, he has trouble following directions and keeping his hands to himself. He got his second recess privileges taken away and was in timeout while the teacher called me. I could feel my blood boil and at the same time i was questioning her. Are you sure it’s my son? I questioned her because my oldest is sweet, independent, extremely caring, and a bright minded boy. I ended up getting off work early to pick him to talk to him when school released. I asked him if he understand why he was in timeout at school and he took accountability and responsibility for his actions, which was great. He didn’t lie but the answers I got was “because” after asking why he stood on top of the table.
I then expressed to the teachers my ex husband and I are divorced and my kids understand they are growing up in two homes. Both rules/responsibilities are the same in both homes for consistency. My son doesn’t show frustrating or anger issues. Then my brain immediately thought do i take him to the dr? Someone who can help with his behavioral issues? The principal? I was going insane with these thoughts. I took a deep breath and then asked the teacher if she would log in a notebook anytime she feels my son isn’t following directions or what actions led her to put him in timeout. We’ve been doing the notebook thing going on 3 weeks but it’s vague. “Your son need to work on listening and keeping his hands to himself” i talked to the teacher and told her myself and my ex husband can’t determine what trends we need to focus on with our oldest son if there’s lack of details. The teach huffed and puffed when i begged her to tel me examples of my son not keeping his hands to himself. Is he poking other kids? Pulling their shirt? I asked my son and he said he was playing tag in class with other kids. Sometimes he sees other kids perform and action and wants to copy what they are doing. I can’t monitor my son everyday ah in class and I’m trying to help which is why i brought up the notebook thing. The teacher then told me “the notebook isn’t working” and i told her as parents we don’t know how to help teach my son something I’d there are lack of details. Come to find out the notes were only coming from a teacher aid who would spend only 20 mins with my son. The notes weren’t from the main teacher. There are only 16-12 kids in her class. This teacher was a middle school teacher for 22 years and this is her first year teaching kindergarten. I feel like she’s giving up and expecting middle school expectations from my 5 yr old son.
Another example the teacher gave me was “he’s bouncing off the walls”. I said what do you mean? You can’t say he’s bouncing off the walls when that isn’t possible. If he has too much energy or talking too much then say that. Then she elaborated after I was questioning her. My son doesn’t have a listening problem but i feel its more focus or obedience. As a new mom i have no idea who i help motivate this teacher to connect with my son. One method of teaching a kid may not work for another. Some kids are visual learns and some are hands on. Idk how else to get my son to raise his hand if he wants to speak or understand walking in the hall with the class you have to give personal space while keeping your hands to the side.
The teacher threaten to send my son to the principal office but i feel like that’s punished him from learning when he’s meeting expectations in each subject. He just completed counting to 100 on his own. He loves the school work but the teacher gets so frustrated fast with my son and it makes me sad to know she isn’t taking as much time to figure out what works for my son and reverts to just calling me when she gives up.
If my son didn’t get into a fight i don’t think the principal office is appropriate for my son. The teacher also things timeout isn’t working. Idk how to handle the teacher and still help my son on his focus and obedience skills and giving other kids personal space.
My wife and I are going through this now . :(
Thank you so much for this very insightful video! I am a k through 12 teacher and a very small rural school district and I really appreciate the insight not only in regards to my own very precocious toddler but in regards to the emotional needs of most of my students. Thankfully we have a less traditional classroom model, but it just reminds me that it's okay to let them just be kids and to allow my expectation even for the older ones to be guided by their emotional needs as much as the academic ones. Thank you so much, I truly appreciate your videos!
My son is 12 and having so much trouble doing his work. He is in edd classes but seems he's getting no help but im also told he simply dose not want to do his work idk I'm hurt and worried and dont know what to do
Hi Lori, my child is struggling in a similar way in kindergarten and I’m very worried about him. He’s extremely smart, but he gets board easily. He’s always been behind with his fine motor skills and I worry that it might be holding him back. He can tell me that two plus three equals five but he gets distracted easily and can’t stay focused long enough to make his hand write the number five on his paper. Sometimes he forgets what we’re doing the moment his pencil touches the paper and he ends up writing a different number. He can sound out words and figure out what word he’s looking at but he gets frustrated with how long it takes because he can’t remember the last word he read in order to put them together in any way that makes sense, so he’s been trying to guess based on context clues instead of reading the words. He’s having trouble focusing at school long enough to do his work and can’t multitask, like copying words over to another space while holding a conversation. At home he often gets lost in thought and completely forgets about eating because he really wants to tell me something before he forgets. He’s failing kindergarten and is unable to do homework or class work, he has failed all of his tests at school as well. He is going to be 7 this year in September. And I’m worried he will probably have to take kindergarten again. The school counselor doesn’t want to take him on and has referred us to a different counselor outside of the school system. Every time I ask if he can be evaluated for any kind of learning disability like ADD or ADHD I’ve been told he’s too young to be tested. I’m not really sure what to do to help him. He’s not even getting partial credit for attempting his work or tests, just getting zeros across the board. His school scores are 3%, 4% and 0% for his main subjects and we’re coming up on Spring break in a few weeks. I’m not really sure what to do about it. Do you have any advice?
Thank you. I really like the last part about teaching with empathy and compassion, and for parents & teachers to address our children's emotional development. This ethos will make our society more and more inclusive, too. Keep it up
My daughter has expressed to me that she feels the teachers don't listen to her, they told her she was being bad, and contacted me saying she refused to do her work and was "insubordinate" after talking to my daughter she expressed that she was confused on what to do and the teacher refused to listen to that.. idk what to do or what to think. Unfortunately I feel like this is probably because the teachers are being unreasonable and expecting to much from her she is 8 years old.. what do I do
This video was such a gift to find. Thank you very much!!!!
You are awesome mam❤️ for understanding the concern so deeply and gives us many valuable learning and a different perspective thank you so much👍
OMG - I thought this without knowing that it was a professional perspective.
I have a 6 year old who had a horrible year 1014-2015 - Of the numerous complaints, I hardly recognized the child anymore(at school, that is) - Funny thing I never had any complaints more than being talkative before this grade. I investigated every other relationship from afternoon scholl to dance class. Nothing Negative or strange. Here's the kicker - She is now 3 weeks into her new class and as usual straight A's. The teacher thinks she is normal and the only complaint is that she likes to TALK. TOO MUCH .. lol .
I commented here to say that I agree 100000 % that some educators can either motivate or destroy our kids. WOW - I can't believe what I just watched. Thanks thanks thanks thanks.
+DiscoverStmaarten Thanks for watching!
+TEACHthroughLove I came to watch this video because I am in a very dark place today. I think I am the worst teacher in the world at the moment and I can't help throwing a self pity party right now.I am a part time MFL teacher and I have always tried to make my lessons fun and encourage my students to not be afraid of making mistakes when speaking a foreign language. However, as they are entering level 2 and I've been teaching material I hadn't before, I am beginning to struggle with behaviour from a few children, especially boys. I can't play games without giving them some input first. I had to call the Head today as there were two boys being very disruptive, ignoring my warnings. I just don't know what to do. They told her I used to be more fun but the reality is I'm new in this particular school, I took over from another teacher they liked and I feel unable to make it fun all the time if they can't put up with a little input first. Actually I notice some children don't like games and interactive activities all the time. They get bored so quickly. I am at the end of my tether. I feel really bad, got home in tears. I can't stop crying. Thank God it's half term. I need so much help. Maybe I should give up.
My (now 7) year old just had a terrible 2017-2018 school year in 1st grade! Any complaint I had before was him talking too much! I have seen the issue with the teacher since day 1, and the school would not heard me. After an entire year of trying to get the school to help, to work with us (without ever pointing fingers) and coming up with several ideas, only to be told "Its not in policy" We have decided to change schools.
I love your videos. What you said about the schools is so true of the schools I work in as a restorative practices coach in Chicago. As a parent, and a trainer in Conflict Resolutions I am so happy that you are makine these videos. I will share them.
+Shedrick Sanders Thanks so much! Yes - we need this in schools - kids deserve to be taught skills through cooperative practices - not authoritative control.
Lady, it’s 2022- do you still do here videos ?
I remember when I was in the 2nd grade, I got in trouble for doing lots of stupid things when I got upset. I remember tearing up a little piece of my art project writing "Boo!" with a pencil, writing "Where's my food?" on a piece of paper and showing it to a teacher, crying and screaming to a teacher, grabbing a book from a teacher because I wanted to read it but the teacher wouldn't let me, picking up another student and dropping him on the ground, pushing another student away from a water fountain when I wanted a drink, dragging or pushing a girl that went to my birthday, saying "no" and telling teachers to "go away" and that "I hate them", and even calling a bus aide a "blockhead" and pulling her hair because I wanted to get picked up from school, which caused me to get written up, along with a few other things. I had alot of problems when I was in 2nd grade.
my sons Headstart teacher text or calls everytime he does something wrong.some is petty.some is not.I don't understand why they cant handle it in the classroom. I feel hes not as liked as the others bc of this behavior that the teacher admits hes copying from another classmate.
Amazing video!!
This is such an educative video. I wish there was more you could tell on how to actually support for a change in the class, when kids group up the dynamics change and the voice of the individual is stifled. My 6 year old is on the recieving end of aggressive outbursts from a classmate…. Right from kindergarten. How do I parent him without robbing him of the ability to stay confident & not fearful of the classmate? How can I parent him to - not be reactive in a similar outburst when attacked? Either way he seems to be robbed of a positive solution.
Hi Lori, I have just come across your amazing channel as I am trying to find what to say to a child who hits and shouts at my daughter during our meeting with the teacher. I would greatly appreciate your advice. Thank you :)
Love the concept of teaching your child through love and not to tame them. However, if you have a child that this topic refers to and you are being told by teachers of your child's disruptive and dangerous behaviour, then you know this loving method is not viable in today's schools. There are other children to be taught in the classroom not just your disruptive child so it is unfair to think schools have the time and one to one resource needed to help your challenging child. Learning correct and meaningful behaviour Starts at home and this I do daily for those of you who think a disruptive child is free to run loose at home I assure you this is not the case. My child lives in a loving and caring environment where learning positive social skills and independence is important to us. So with is in mind how can we control what happens with our child behaviour during school? Keeping your child's free spirit is a lovely idea but we all know that our children must learn as with adults in the real world that all sorts of rules and regulations are bestowed upon us as if they were not and we were all left to our free spirit the world would not be. So, children must tow the line in class. There're are not enough teachers and not enough pay for it to be any different. It's all well and good referring that perhaps a teacher might reflect on using a better method when they have 20 other children who want to learn to contend with. I am a parent of a challenging child. Give us advice for how best we can teach our children and not give us advice from your perspective of that child you once were that you were misunderstood. You know children have to learn social skills as you must have learned them too eventually. We need advice not commentary like we can live in some sort of off grid free spirit camp. There are limited school, limited teachers and limited funds and we can't just well hell your school and teachers are not giving my child freedom so I'm going to another school....to then say the same to the next school. A child has to learn at the school or God forbid not get to go to school and how damaging is that.
As a teacher I couldn't agree more.
Wow! Thank you for this video.
Wow, I really needed this. My 3 year old son has reports every day from his daycare about him not staying still for circle time and getting frustrated with other kids and hitting them and "keeping his hands to himself"and that no one likes to play with him...this video was just what I needed! Thank you!
+H sprouse (Hsprouse) Awesome. He's LITTLE. Those reports are the problem.
H sprouse he's doing what normal 3 year old do.
This video is not helpful. Saying it is normal age appropriate behaviour will not stop the school from excluding your child in the future.
I'm reading your comment from 6years,and what you wrote is just so familiar with what I am going through now in 2021 with my 4years son.
This is his 1 year being around so many kids 1st year preschool and, I'm almost depressed when I come to pick him up from school....
Thank you Lori, you helped me a lot.
Great insights!
thank you . you gave me hope
Such a GREAT, USEFUL and HELPFUL video. Thank you so much.
What you do if your 7 year old child got the blame with problems from previous year at school and ask to write apology letters after recent meeting. All you know your kid have no violence, always have good behavior.
Thanks
I really enjoy your videos. Do you have any videos about bossy or dominant behavious? I'm trying to learn more about why my 5 1/2 can be so bossy at times, yet so pleassant at other times.
+mbeekhof Yes, just click on the playlists under videos!
I am going thru this my 11 years old right makes me want to cry 😭
Oh my gosh, thank you!
I am so happy I found you!
My son just turned 5 Dec 3rd. And he's been in headstart since he was 3. His missed going into T-k by one day. So he had to go back to the headstart. He's always been a great listener and helper. But this year things have changed. He's been going through these anger issues that his spitting and bitting his teachers also throwing and kicking toys around the class. This mostly happens when they do large groups or at nap time. When he's home. I dont have this problem. I just dont know what else to do anymore with him. His teachers are scared.
Great video!
I love your videos.We are currently going through behavior issues at school.My seven year old is always being sent home for hitting others or getting into some type of conflict, she says it's not what is really happening and other students are bothering her but she won't tattle on them.I'm not sure how to help her.she just started counseling.Her behavior is completely different from home and school.I'm not sure of how to discipline her at home or teach her how not to bully when she says she don't know why she is doing it.I'm sure it's because they are picking on her but the teachers say that's not true.Do you have any suggestions on how to deal with this situation.Thanks,stacey
What are you creditials. There was a large amount of transference in your statements. When a teacher have 15-25 children in a class, there must be some type of structure.
Good attempt.
I'm tired of my five year old not listening when it comes to keep hands to himself. Him, the principal and our son generally have a discussion pretty often.
He got up during circle time and hit a boy in the nuts that was sitting down and listening. Honestly it wouldn't surprise me if he gets suspended before Christmas. He's smart, gets graded on his tests and passes and his handwriting and coloring is very good for his age.
I ment husband, principal and our son
How did you end up handling this?
Thank you! For this message
So true! I absolutely agree! The upset teachers can say all they want. Nobody is forcing Amy Fleming (comment below) or anyone to get a teachers job. Its a part of the problem! Teachers counting their hours and wanting to get done with the kids wont do best for my child. Statistics show that the highest chances of getting expelled are at the pre-K level. PRE-K level!! Why? because they can be expelled- small kids have no voices and they get pushed around so much! Excellent video!
I think you are partially right, but our job as parents is to "change our kids". Mold them into productive members of society. Kids cannot rear themselves. That being said, I do believe we expect too much out of our kids too soon, without considering the individual educational needs of our kids.
How should we change and mold them?
Wow that was Profound
I need help with 7 year old son that keep getting kicked out school 2 days because he hate school so much he behavior is bad at school he gets in trouble for throwing pencils on floor and now he trouble for hiring teacher
Lori, you're spot on as always. We need to plant the seeds of love in our children. As you say we cannot be perfect but we can work on practicing conscious awareness, presence. If children show signs of acting out it is so important to look past the behavior and focus working out the reason. My granddaughter receives very little positive attention from her parents (I don't blame them, I just don't think they choose to live consciously). Our granddaughter is now 3 and has been acting out for some time. Each week I collect her from pre-school, it is becoming harder to "bring her back" (so to speak) as we have limited time with her (we used to have her half the week). This week something must have gone very wrong at home. Her pent up angst was so obvious from the moment I picked her up. She wouldn't speak or give me eye contact. Each week she comes to us filthy dirty, her hair matted with knots. This week all I did was untie her hair and she began the hit out so hard I went into a bit of shock. I didn't react, I just sat and observed her body language. She was aware she had hurt me, I didn't need to point that out. Instead I talked calmly to her about her feelings. I get the impression she is used to a different response. I said sometimes when you're sad or angry all you need is a big cuddle to make you feel better. I explained hitting hurt people. She stood for a while almost contemplating then wrapped her arms around me like her life depended on it. After that she happily allowed me to bath her and wash her hair etc. She did not once hit out at me again all weekend. We were so fortunate to have her the entire weekend. By Saturday afternoon she was a different child. She was happy, singing her favorite songs, chatty, wanting to engage and cooperate (mostly). She loves picnics and she loves to be involved in all the preparations. She loves to help me cook afternoon tea (her favorite ritual right now), although she now knows pepper does not belong in pancakes :-) I would have to say interact with your children. Treat them with respect, understand things from their viewpoint and they will give you more joy than you can ever imagine possible. Thanks Lori x
Julia Brinkmann Thanks so much for sharing your story and watching!
Thank You for this response. I don't have children but I do remember well
much of what was said with negative behaviors to children. This wisdom will
be remembered for the future and when I enter the classroom as a teacher.
This is heart-warming.
Going through with my 4 years old 😪