Why your Partner Lies to you...
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 7 ก.พ. 2025
- Lying always breaks trust in any Relationship. We simply cannot expect any closeness or intimacy when one partner continually unrepentantly lies to the other. Lying creates an unsafe relationship.
How to get HER in the MOOD (funny)
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If this resinates for you as something you have been on the receiving end of, know your not alone and your not crazy. You have been subjected to crazy making behavior. You dont have "trust issues" the trust has been systematically removed from your relationship. You dont "take things personal" you have been subjected to personal attacks on your mental health. And maybe they didnt "try to hurt you" but they sure didnt try to protect you either. Own whats yours, but dont take on the burden of what is theirs to carry.
True that
My wife accuses everyone of lying to her. Telling her the truth is easy, because I know she won't believe it.
You should do a video for men whose wives are detached from reality.
Thankyou for this❤
Yes. And what should I do? It's been so long. About 3 years already. And the lies keep getting bigger and happen everyday.
@@srustidas7954 get out before you are 20 years in like me.
If I'm getting lied to, trust is gone and I withdraw all that I can possibly withdraw. My presence will be the next thing I withdraw.
Do it now
Amen
😔
Real
Ditto
I started to cry when you said, "They were right! You were hiding something." My ex lied to me, cheated on me, and did things behind my back that hurt me for our 5 year relationship, and yet when I got upset and became super anxious, he would break up with me. He'd say I was acting controlling or was too emotional and it was too hard for him. So I'd try to be the best girlfriend I could be and prove that I deserved a real partnership. I am a very honest person and tried to communicate and be understanding. I told him so many times that the lying hurt me more, that we could work through other things but trust is essential. In the end, he cheated again and he broke up with me when my mental health had been deteriorated. He ghosted me. That relationship took so much away from me, but it is so validating to hear that my anxious behavior was justified. It was so out of character for me to be that way.
Anxiety is not a bad thing. It protect us. There is no wrong emotion. And anxiety is not a wrong emotion. When there is a threat the anxiety say us "protect yourself". The issue anxious behaviors or anxious attachment is sometimes misunderstood. When there is a threat feeling anxious is very healty. It's coming from evolution. But our partners manipulate us. They mistrust us and say "why are you anxious, it's your fault, there's nothing to worry". My ex girl friend did the same things. She told me lots of time you are too anxious. But all the time she was hiding somethings. And some of these issues were about cheating. Althoug that sometimes I thought "am I really an axious man, am I wrong, am I behaving unfair". All of these were the results of manipulation. At the end all my anxious thoughts were verified.
Do this think through the red flags with self forgiveness and learn. That's accomplishment write them down. Write what you did wrong and suggest new solutions for future experiences. For these people you will meet throughout life.
He was gaslighting you that's what that is called.
And you are fortunate that you were discarded by the narcissist because sometimes they don't discard you and you're stuck in it forever continuing to kill your mental health.
Don't let him hoover you back.
umutkara739. Well said. My husband did the same thing. I was this and I was that...only to find out a few years ago that he was unfaithful several times throughout. Things were hidden. Lies told. Yet I was this...I was that..
So yes, the anxious thoughts are verified.
I'm going to something similar too.. but we've only known each other for 8 months, he flirted with one of my bestfriend and asked for her pictures... When I asked him, he said he was very drunk and was just joking.. I don't plan on staying for long... We're hoping to get some evidence of it when it happens again..(she did show me some ss of their chats and he was actually very vulgar with her.. when he noticed she started to save the chats, he made her unsave them)... My dad had a huge surgery in March and he was visiting family, he told me he was going to bed but continued to text her an hour later too.. I'm so disappointed and hurt... I put in a lot of effort and time into him cause we had a genuine connection or so I thought.. worse is we promised we would rather leave each other than hurt when we're unsure or it doesn't work out... I feel so horrible.. my friends had to suffer cause of him and it's kinda my fault too...
When you withhold full information or twist information out of shape in order to get someone to make choices that benefit you because you know the full information would make them choose differently, you literally take away their right to self determination. One serious lie should be more than enough reason for your victim to walk away. It means you are willing to harm others to benefit yourself. It means you are a person of low character. Full stop.
yass
Well said!
You could not have said it better 👏
It's manipulation. Same as witchcraft. Surprise, I'm not interested in head games. Emotionally unavailable other person in a relationship accusing me of ANYTHING, means he's telling me exactly what he's doing.... but thinks I have no clue what's going on. Insert eye roll.
Well said 👏🏽
I did all the small lies for all the "justified reasons", so then when something big happened I was untrustworthy and my partner of 13 years ended our relationship. I messed up. I have regrets now, which is too little too late.
Listen to Jimmy: He is saying all the things I thought my partner was "hinting" at, but I as just being too defensive and selfish to hear the meaning behind her words.
You need to post more about lying and how damaging it is because this is a big issue in a lot of marriages. A little lie is the same as a big lie as you said. The betrayal is the same. I equate this to cheating one time or cheating 10 times. It's still the betrayal and it still hurts.
Exactly and please don’t say” I didn’t lie. I just didn’t tell you” lol that’s the worst one!!
Why ? Some people are verbally not good at expressing themselves. Actions show our intentions and they are obvious.
Words easily conceive.
Or you didn't ask is another...
@@tpilot_error404 Withholding information is a form of manipulation of the circumstance.
What about when you tell them I caught you, you lied to me and the person is like "no I didn't lie, I never lied to you" basically denying that they lied when in actuality they did lie and won't admit to your face
@tpilot_error404Deceive?
I have lied to my girlfriend because i thought back then i would have no way of explaining stuff and i did not want to show that i was a person that would do such things no matter big or small. One of my reasons was that i was "trying to not make her sad" but looking back on it it's not doing that, it's straight up doing nothing but disrespecting her. If i had a time machine i would return and never make those mistakes again and never repeat them. I will be forever grateful that she still chooses to trust me and i will try my best. The reason i'm writing this is to make sure i never forget the stuff that i have done and to make sure that i don't repeat any of them no matter if it's big or small since i want her to live the best life that she has always deserved.
How do you feel when she cries?
@@talulatree5297 terrible. it hurts me so much. one of my main reasons at first was to not make her sad or think weirdly of me, but if anything it did the opposite. the issue that i lied about wasn't even the problem it was the fact that i had lied and that made it so so much worse. if i had just explained the stuff to her before hand and hadn't lied about it there would never be a problem but, and i'm not saying this as an excuse, i didn't have any experience and i felt like the stuff would make it worse. it wouldn't have. if i could go back there are many things i would never do but the top of my list is lying/hiding stuff, no matter the reason whether it be to brush it off or to not have my shame rise to the surface.
I truly hope you can do more than just your best-because your best shouldn’t include lies. If you can’t break the habit, seek professional help. The people who choose to stay may be patient, but everyone has a limit, and the scars of betrayal don’t simply fade. You won’t know you’ve pushed her too far until she’s gone. And if you know deep down that you can’t change, even if you claim to be trying, let her go. She deserves a love built on honesty, not disrespect.
The way you explain these things is just perfect
You’re so kind :)
When I get lied to I take that as an insult to my intelligence.
That's just like my Mom. She would always scream, "You think I'm STUPID don't you?!? You just think I'm an IDIOT!!!"
And of course that's never the case. It's not that the "liar" thinks you're an idiot. Its that the Liar would believe it so they think you would too.
It's that the LIAR is stupid.
When I was a Teenager I really thought my Mom would believe that the pack of cigarettes she found in my Purse weren't mine. 😂
That I was just holding them for someone else.
I would have believed it! It sounded believable to me...
So I told her a story that I would've believed.
My brain wasn't capable of understanding that people are wiser and more experienced.
So its not that I thought she was dumb. It's just that I was so dumb that I didn't realize how smart people could actually be.
(I hope that makes sense. ❤)
@@inthelandofmorethansmall7582 I see that teenagers, and young children look at things differently, but a adult not so sure about that.
@@inthelandofmorethansmall7582 Thanks for showing me a different perspective on that.
We actually project ourselves on others.When I am dumb enough I would think that others are dumb too
Bro thinks hes Michael Corleone
I've always been a truth-teller...at 75years old I've learned a few things: sometimes it's best to let sleeping dogs lie. And, still, I'm a truth-teller and I often pay the price.
You pretty much covered all my husband’s excuses. Wish he would watch your videos but he is too insecure to have another man tell him his short comings. Great videos!! 🎉your wife is blessed!
I don't know that it's so much insecurity but rather having another man call him out on being a liar. He'd rather not hear he's a liar though he knows he is
I’m sending this video to my husband just so he knows, again, that I know he lied, again.
Maybe he will learn something from it, maybe not.
@@JIF930it’s the same. If you lie you’re an insecure person about the situation or the outcome. Quit being delusional
Hello, i hope you are well, i i am married and i am going through this also somehow.. i am trying to find to someone who i could talk to, i wanted to ask you if it is possible to talk with you because i think i need to talk to someone who have the same issue and maybe would help me. Thank you
It’s sad that so many men are this way. I’m going through the same thing and I’m over the excuses… Good luck to you💙
What sucks is telling them the truth and they don't trust you. My husband came from situations of not being able to trust. I have come to learn that he never trusted me from the beginning. Not because of who I am, but because of his past. Until he learns to heal he will never have a relationship with trust.
I genuinely don't understand why people choose to lie in a relationship and stay in them. Just break up with them when you feel like you have to start hiding things from your partner. Save both some time.
Thanks for ruining my relationship over a lost title, that I didn't have..so I'm lying about it. We've got 4 kids an she sent me this video. As if it's not already hard enuf!! She's the bread winner. My children are asked to leave with me,bc of not telling her about the lost title!!! Not All relationships are the same. I've never lied to her before. But yes, I said I had the title file for a loss title. And now since I'm a liar, I'm out. My daughters are suffering and she sends me your fucking video.
Yes, I agree. I made the mistake of lying and staying. Did not end well
1 word: Narcissism
Not everyone who lies does it to hide things for fear of telling the truth. Many lie because it makes them feel good about themselves, it makes them feel they're smarter than the person who believes their lies, it's a game to them and they enjoy every minute of it. My ex was a habitual liar. One time when I called him out on whatever lie it was he was trying to tell me that day, he said "I would never lie to you". I said "what are you talking about, you lie to me all the time". He looked at me with the biggest grin on his face, and walked out of the room.
@@pumpkinhead8593 Narc alarm!
Thank you for this. I was labeled as “crazy” “controlling” and “had trust issues”. All of which are gaslighting to manipulate you into believing it is you that is the problem. When an issue is brought up to your spouses attention and it gets turned around on you, you can guarantee that there’s truth to it. I was married for 20 years full of lies and it never got better. I finally left that marriage and have been married to my now husband for almost 3 years. I’m sad to say that I’m in almost the same situation with this man. As a Christian, I want to know where the Godly men are.
🤣🤣🤣
Maybe toy are the problem.
@@alexraco3880 😮 Why throw a dart like that when a person is being vulnerable and sharing their hurt? I hope someone is kind to you today so you can feel happier and share it with those around you. So mote it be. 🪄Have a great day. 🕊️
Think about the unciousciouss patterns you may have while meeting someone new. It can be your childhood or self-esteem issues (I mean deep inside, not the masks your wear on every day on the outside). Good luck!
Unfortunately many have taken the clot shot, and are not the same anymore. I been also waiting for the right person for years have yet to feel comfortable enough to say to myself I found him. Not many people who are actual Christians, and not faking it or at least trying to do better in life.
I@@etherealenergy9471
I wouldnt have trust issues if he didnt have lying issues... and I'm the one with the problem? Please!!
me too its hard
You're not. You've experienced a repeated pattern and that's your response now. An individual that constantly lies about everything all of the time has to seek help from a therapist and it's not your job to try and understand nor help them. You'll start to develop mental symptoms you never had. No one is worth your peace.
This is also a great thing to tell your children. Especially ones that lie unconsciously.
Thank you! This type of behavior is full blown betrayal! You’re the first person to nail every aspect of a lying deceiving spouse and the damage they do!
If they lie about the small things, what else are they lying about?
Everything, really. So every conversation is worthless 😢
It's all a show.
@@artifundio1 true that😤
They're even lying that they love you. Because every sentence that come out their mouth is a lie. Lying Is like a disease. Like a computer virus. You can never really trust that person fully. You'll have to factory reset his brain to get him to change.
Thereis really no point talking
Agree, the best part is they even play victim🤣
I think your videos explain concepts so well and its really helpful. I'm ADHD, grew up with a lot of shame around things because I'm a little different and was never diagnosed and I grew up lying about the little things, all the time. When I got married I think my husband lied a lot to me about how he felt because he has a messed up childhood and eventually I had an affair and asked for a divorce. It makes me sad because neither of us got the relationship we deserved. I hope young people watch these kinds of videos so they will make fewer mistakes. It still hurts to think about all of that. Anyway thank you for this.
Loving someone and lying to them can't exist at the same time.
Especially when chest has been broken already and we know we're being lied to and then lied to go being lied to. Absolutely true that most people the vast majority of the time are more hurt but they're being lied to. Don't want the actual thing they're being lied to about is. Spot on!!
trust not chest and most definitely! Like when my fiancee lied about my engagement ring being real because he didn't want to disappoint me but when I found out I was even more mad that he lied. I didn't care if it was a 10$ ring from Ross what I care about is the truth and complete honesty. Not flexing to make himself look good down with all that mess. Be real.
Finally, someone who does not blame the victim.
She lied to me a few days ago and she doesn’t realise that I know. I don’t trust her anymore and now every conversation I have with her seems worthless
If I were you get the evidence you have and tell her you know and she can't deny it.
Women deny evidence
@@Dregucciyup 💯 facts
It also makes you feel if they lie about something small then they are hiding bigger lies like cheating
@doggdmx @earthfairy4096 this channel is about healthy relationships. Don't bring stuff like this here. Men do it, too. It isnt gendered. You can't expect a healthy relationship by assuming that one specific gender is completely untrustworthy
I really love this thorough breakdown of how many facets are affected by lies. Big or small. Its so important to have trust
Thank you for this video and all your others. I don't feel crazy anymore! I never understood lying... especially about the insignificant stuff. You're correct, it's 1000X worse than the big lies.
In January, an ex told me he took down and put away all the Xmas decorations I helped him with when we were still together. I recently stopped by (unannounced) to drop off some of his things. The big wreath was down, but leaning against the chimney, the window wreaths were piled on the porch table, and the swag was still hanging on the door.... it was March. My first thought was why lie about something like that! And SO grateful he's my EX. If he's lying about Xmas decs, he's certainly still lying about being faithful and working on himself!
He took the words right out of my mouth that I tell my husband 😢
Him: I didn't tell you I did _____________, because I knew you would blow up. (I did when I found out, because what he did hurt me emotionally.)
Him apologizing 3 days later: I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. I didn't realize ________ would hurt you.
Me: Um, what? Then why did you think I would blow up?
Him: *blink* *blink* Have you been taking your antidepressant medication?
Crazy. Crazier that I've bought the same situation for years.
Yeah, that blink blink…. I have a little alarm that goes off on that one, it kinda sounds like a watch alarm “incoming deflection prepare for blame reversal or question of sanity/meds”
Makes my blood boil when he says.." you need medication"
@@piak78 you're 'crazy' for wanting honesty and respect?
You deserve better.
OMG your video made me feel so much better. You are so amazing in saying and validating when your partner lies to you. Love this have it in my favorites to play it everyday to help me heal from a horrible breakup due to a lie I found out that shattered my relationship.
This video is spot on! 33 year marriage, keep coming to this same place. This is so validating! I am saving and subscribing. Pray my husband will finally get this🙏🏽
How. My husband will always lie about drugs. He's freaking old already. I am a baby Christian , was doing so well, but he won't quit,and I caught him. I was 1 and 1/2 year clean, but it hurt so bad, I snatched whatever he had left and did it. I'm so sorry, I hope the Holy Spirit doesn't move out of me.😢
This is so good and I needed to hear this. This confirms what I just experienced,my boyfriend and I just broke up because he lied to me about an ex girlfriend. I thought they totally cut ties off last year when I first started dating my boyfriend, but they where on Facebook together the whole time we where together and communicating ,I happen to just find this out, I wish he would have been truthful from the start that he was still on Facebook with her and it wasn’t totally over that they where still in communication. If I did this to him he would have gone nuts on me. I am not on any social media plus when I have a boyfriend I cut off all communication with any other guys because it wouldn’t be fair to my present boyfriend. I am glad God revealed his true character to me.
They lie because they don’t respect you
Or don’t want to be abused 🙏✌️
No, I'm sorry but respect isn't the issue.
I will say that if someone goes out of their way to tell you the absolute whole entire truth all the time it COULD mean that they do it because they DO respect you...
But the Liar isn't lying to you because of a lack of respect.
And they don't think you're stupid either. They just want to avoid a fight.
I'm not saying that's okay to lie to others... because that's not a healthy behavior.
But you have to ask yourself if you're providing a safe place for them to BE honest with you.
I make sure to never give my Husband a reason TO lie to me.
***Does he buy something he shouldn't? Spend too much money? Okay. Thank you for telling me.
(No need to remind him that we're on a tight budget and I still don't have a vehicle to get back and forth to work or a wedding ring after 13 years. He already knows. So why would I want to make him feel worse about his mistake?)
****Did he relapse and go get some drugs? Okay. Thank you for telling me.
(No need to shame him any further. It doesn't help.)
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
You also have to make sure you want to know the answer for the right reasons.
Why do you want to know? What will it change? How does knowing help you? Are you asking ONLY because you want to punish him? Or keep score? Do you just enjoy yelling at him?
What do you think will change when he starts telling you the truth about every thing? Will it actually make you happier?
Remember, we shouldn't ask questions we don't want to know the answer to.
It can also be because of their fear or desires are stronger than being honest
My thoughts exactly
Your comments across the board are very accurate and apply to all relationships! Kudos
Very good video. It's incredibly sad to listen to someone call you names and tell you that you're mentally f'd uo because you won't go along with the lies, denying things have been changed when you've had them a certain way for 20 years and its all moved . Then comes the threatening and more nastiness. It's a horrible thing to do to anyone.
Such a complicated topic that is so beautifully explained here. 🙏🏽 thank you!
Thank you for this one. I had lied to my partner and the reason was that he will get upset if I tell the truth. But this behavior is not justified regardless of the intentions behind it. I finally understood his perspective when I watched this. And yes working on our issues is important and crucial for having a healthy relationship.
Hello, i hope you are well, i i am married and i am going through this also somehow.. i am trying to find to someone who i could talk to, i wanted to ask you if it is possible to talk with you because i think i need to talk to someone who have the same issue and maybe would help me. Thank you
Unfortunately when someone is a compulsive liar they don't hear these wise words. They pretend they do but it won't change a thing in them. This video is soothing to the victim but a liar will always be a liar.
Hi Jimmy, Excellent video. You have managed to communicate this message very accurately and succinctly.
This is exactly how the energy of lies affects people by creating new, ugly element which can be felt, seen and even tasted. It interferes with the flow of good energy and people can feel that change just as if a storm blew in on a sunny day. A liar makes a person doubt what they know is true: “You’re, crazy-it’s NOT raining!” And the person is soaking wet.
Your words will help people to understand that they are not the issue, and their feelings will be vindicated and that’s when positive changes will come.
I’ve already shared and I’ll continue to do so since you’ve done such a marvelous job. Blessings
You're right
I sent this to my young adult children to 1 ) mend whatever cracks I created in our relationship and 2) help them to prepare for their future relationships.
Thanks and happy holiday
It was extremely hard to do, but I just broke up with my girlfriend, because of extreme lying by omission. Not little things, the things she left out were life-changing huge. I'm really going through a hard time, but I don't want to feel betrayed anymore.😢😢
It's plain unfair game they are playing I am watching the guy am dating up to this morning I am going about my business and saw him with a vehicle he claim was in the garage he is not aware as yet that I know but it's just things like these he does make me want to call this quits soon because we are both adults so if he is serious about us as he say then why would he try to build a relationship on a lie....don't make no sense to me at this point... smh
It sucks big time, going through this as we speak also. I wish you well Jimmy
Just lost my relationship because I was dishonest, even despite getting a 2nd chance. The lies weren’t big but destroyed the trust to the point where my girlfriend, despite still being in love with me, couldn’t imagine herself ever being able to trust me again. It hurts to know I did that to her and hurts even more knowing I ruined our relationship over nothing. Never again.
@mgrubba I'm at that point in this moment 😪 do you feel better after 1 month?
I too, lied to my partner. I'm not proud of it. I owned up to it but was too late. I was going through a lot of mental health issues. We've broken up and I'm sad about it but that's the consequence of what I did. I'm now tending to my mental health so I won't make the same mistake.
I’m in the same situation. How’s the process going. I’m starting counseling soon. Trying to figure out why and how I can stop lies and have the confidence to tell the truth no matter what the consequences
It takes a conscious effort especially if that's been your way of coping or defense mechanism. But as soon as you get used to it, you'd realize little by little that the truth isn't as bad or as damaging as you imagined. It does set you free, free from burden and free from overthinking.
Also, my ex and I got back together a month ago.
I hope this helped somehow. 🙂
@@lmd2323how’s your journey with lying going now if I may ask? As someone in a relationship with a liar who admitted to (possibly all of) his lies and says he is done being that person. Trying to get the opposite perspective of whether it’s best to just leave or whether he can truly stop betraying my trust
@@Julia-rd3kq It depends on why the person lied, if they lied for themselves or just the satisfaction of it. I'm not trying to justify what I did coz it's wrong in all angles but I did it because of personal trauma that I wasn't ready to discuss which like I said I have been working on.
So far, our relationship has been better and we now have an open communication in about everything.
I suggest you hear his explanation first and go from there. I'm sure you can tell whether it's another BS or he's being genuine.
@@lmd2323 thank you for taking the time to respond. I do believe he is genuine in his apology and commitment to changing his patterns. He knows the roots of the problem, which makes me hopeful that he’ll be able to prevent it in the future. It is hard to put myself in the situation to be betrayed again, but I know now that I am ready to leave at the first sign of any dishonesty. If you’d prefer not to answer I understand, but have you been able to stop lying to your partner completely?
Thank you. God bless you. See we need more people to speak plainly like this. Not enough councilors or church leaders in the world for all the metal health happening so thank you for putting content out there. One less confused person right here. 🙏💜👏🔥💯
Yes it's true... It's not the thing or action for what a person doesn't believe someone it's the LIE. May be the action or thing acceptable to that person but not the LIE. Once trust is broken it's very hard to reinstate it.
I am a psychologist and my partner had many little lies. Although we had a great time together, I just wanted to stop being anxious and feeling crazy, so I left. I feel calmer now. I do miss him but I have to find a stable partner in order to become a good therapist for my clients. I tend to emphatise too quickly with these kind of behaviors but I honestly don't think it can be changed easily because liars don't meet the consequences and because of this, they can't train their empathy. In therapy, you have to set new boundaries to the cliens, boundaries they never knew before. Breaking up with a liar it is actually a powerful boundary and you can teach them the consequences of their behavior.
Hello, i hope you are well, i i am married and i am going through this also somehow.. i am trying to find to someone who i could talk to, i wanted to ask you if it is possible to talk with you because i think i need to talk to someone who have the same issue and maybe would help me. Thank you
Traveling to realize that the person I love is the one who is more troubled and more Furious because something that I should have said months ago and it comes out today . I randomly came across this video because of the search because of the search that I put in and it has really brought a lot to me. So I appreciate what you said and I will definitely be taking it into justification of why my fiance is the way she is it's because I put those lies there and I don't understand the consequences until it's too late. If any other guy slash woman then I would definitely consider either telling the person the truth and be very transparent or figure out what you want to do by yourself because the person that loves you really wants nothing but to be happy with you
On point it’s complete devastation. Been through it , in the most insignificant lie on earth, why the hell lie on something so small, this is compulsive lying it messes with your mind. Trust is broken for sure bec when u think that he lied about such a small matter that doesn’t matter, then how many lies did he lie that were passed unnoticed , it’s horrible. Till today i can’t beleive this happened to me
Hello, i hope you are well, i i am married and i am going through this also somehow.. i am trying to find to someone who i could talk to, i wanted to ask you if it is possible to talk with you because i think i need to talk to someone who have the same issue and maybe would help me. Thank you
@@palmusheEtna sure dear no problem , just have patience u will get over it i’ll help, u see they are the not normal humans, we r sincere, but just thinking about the fact that they can lie small lies , so imagine the flood or fies underneath our bridge
That is a fantastic summary!
Good explanation, Easy to understand but it's hard for the liars
Caught my wife in a stupid and pointless life used to manipulate me. I really can't put into words how angry I am right now but wanted to take a moment to thank you. How you presented the info here reminded me we are not perfect. And caused me to pause and consider whether I had done something similar. And while I do not remember doing it it was good to take that pause. Do I do what angers myself. It's good to remember to do that when in a state of anger. It made me calm slightly. And allowed me to remember my first job is to put her first. Even now, my job is to help her... Not correct her. Marriage is hard. A directed purposeful marriage is harder.
Thank you! Really appreciate this.
Lying to the people who love you, steals their choices. They don’t have the whole truth, so how can they react authentically? They can only have a choice if they know all of the facts. Lies of omission is still lying. It’s the gift that keeps on giving! The theft in lying, is hiding who you really are and they will only love the fake you. How can you be secure in that love when you know that you’re not showing your real self?
Oh my God, you again! All you do is complain, but do absolutely nothing about it!!
@@Gotoworkkk I just looked at your channel and I see what I expected. You have nothing nice to say about anyone’s comments. Maybe, their comments hit too close to home and reveal the kind of person you really are! Clearly, you have a compulsion to put people down to make yourself feel like you’re better than them. I’m guessing that most people don’t really care about your opinions and lack of empathy. The only thing your derogatory comments accomplish is to reveal your heartless nature and contempt for their pain!
Just called it quits because of this.. I had to draw the line in the sand because if she can lie about the little things she can the big things
Are there really people who don't like? I don't but it seems like most do
he will never understand this but listening to you as if you’re berating my partner has been deeply therapeutic. i feel so seen and like i’m not crazy like how he and his female friends who he has been seeing behind my back and talking to about me behind my back would lead me to believe.
NAILED IT!!!!
... because when they find out and they usually do... 😂😂😂 Yes, we do. Don't lie! 😂
100! My sister always says God will always reveal the truth. She would tell her lying cheating child molesting narcissistic ex husband that all the time.
These words were healing to my soul
It's not a partnership anymore when you decide what they should and shouldn't know.
Whatever you did, it's not justified to lie and it's wrong because relationships live and die based on trust.
They WILL find out eventually and they will be more upset.
i lied to my girlfriend, and when she pointed it out i kept lying to her face because i was too scared and ashamed of my actions and how much of a loser i was to tell the truth. in the end, i told the truth a few hours later and that made her even more upset since i basically convinced her she was crazy for thinking i was lying in the first place. now i dont think she believes a word i say or trusts me. i regret lying so much. telling the truth was the best thing i did, but i regret lying in the first place. i wish i could confront my shame and our conflicts. i am a broken person. i think she will leave me over this.
I lied to him because of something I was embarrassed about something I did in the past and he found out. So he broke up with me because he can’t trust me. I regret it so much. Don’t lie to your partners y’all.. ☹️
Recognizing you have something embarrassing to admit is an opportunity for vulnerability that can actually bring you closer to your partner and create a deeper level of intimacy and trust. A grateful lesson to learn and to carry forward in your next relationship, hope it goes well for you. Hugs.
This is spot on
I'm happy I found this video ❤❤❤❤❤
Thank you for helping me feel better and know its NOT me!!!
Thanks for this🙏🏽
Me ignoring what he is saying to figure out if i have space for more plants like that
My girlfriend lied about a pair of diamond earrings she was wearing. She told me they were from her dad for her birthday, but later admitted to me they were a birthday gift from an ex ex-boyfriend years ago. She said she did it because she didn’t want me to be mad that she was wearing them. I said to her are you wearing them because you wanna be reminded of him? She said no I just like wearing shiny things.
I had to break up with my ex cause she would lie and lie on top of the lie. If they lie just break up with them and move on because they will keep doing it. that is who they are
A sin is what they do not who they are but who they are is a sinner who needs redemption by Christ. We all have our pet sins we struggle with the most. For me it's idolatry and not controlling my tongue. But keep repenting it is a long journey but with God anyone can do it. Narrow is the way.
this is so real!so true.
Very well said. Every sentence resonates.
This literally just happened to me and for 10 days he said no it wasn't true and i even saw it with my own eyes and he knows i did. Our marriage is already in crisis, he knows this. 11 days later, (yup i kept talking about it, i nagged him, i was hurt and felt insane) he finally admitted it, but half the truth...???? Why half. I seen the whole thing he knows i seen it. We have a camera for our sick dog in the house and he knows that too!!! I really don't understand 😢😢🥺😢
Maybe cognitive dissonance... I'm not sure if that is the term I am looking for...but let me word it another way...maybe he can't mentally accept the uncomfortable feeling of knowing he was wrong, out of self preservation? So in order to forgive self, hold onto half of it. (Not an excuse for bad behavior...but may be a possible explanation?)
@@kristyo1645 Thank you for your opinion I truly appreciate it and respect it. I actually was reading it earlier and it made 100% sense until he left his phone home and I went through it and found a lot more lies. 😔 I should not have gone through it
@@cherylmoschitto_outwardsilence I'm sorry to hear it. Trust is hard to earn back, once lost through lies. It doesn't make sense to me either. It makes everything worse.
@@kristyo1645 it sure does and it makes you wonder why especially when it's small things why lie about the small things if you're lying about the small things then you most certainly are lying about everything. And then it just makes you question everything else. Which makes it so hard to keep a bond and communication and intimacy forget about it that goes out the window. Thank you for your feedback and thank you for being here for me I appreciate you
Because they learned we don’t actually want the truth. That the lies work for them and us. Proof of that is u saw with your own eyes yet u choose to not believe. Him confirming what u already know isn’t required. Why we do this I don’t know. Fkn hate it tho
Jimmy, thank you for deciding to say this, I am just 2 min in and I'm getting goosebumps, like you are talking to my soul directly...
It's so fucking hard to keep strong on this mindset of sanity, living with a person that just won't stop, in a pathological level even I would say. Like this keeps coming and coming and we fight for things like this, we fight until I break and then she breaks and then its like she got it all but really. No, she 's just acting and behaving, because she will never understand that it does not matter which size of lie it is. In fact it infuriates me more, when I detect another stupid bull shit , and for her it's like not important, she's just too dumb and unable to understand that basic thing man...
Or thats what I chose to think on the heat of the moment. But no man, she has some serious narcisistic traits and it's just fucking crazy...
Man, the road ahead is terrifying
Lastnight my girlfriend broke up with me because she caught me in a lie I didn’t wanna fight about, I tried to cover it up, it wasn’t a bad lie it was a stupid lie and it was the second one I’ve told her, I was afraid to fight I was afraid she would get really upset with me and it wasn’t worth it because I lost my bestfriend, and my partner in the matter of seconds, I preached to her I wouldn’t lie to her again and I did, and it costed me everything
Thank u i sent this to him. He blames me why he lied because he said he knew i wouldnt believe him..but the truth was so much simpler. He wanted alone time but hebsaid he had to drive and help a friend so he could have alone time
It just didnt add up
Thanks for this. Sometimes i think I’m crazy for acting up when i get lied to , when i know I’ll find out and when i know what is happening :/ it’s not that I’m controlling or anything, but why lie to me when I’m being truthful, genuine, and nothing but good to you :/ it plays with my head and makes me feel like I’m a toxic, insecure, or controlling :/ i had girls in the past who were genuine, then i had a bad ex who lied to me from the start, a 2 year relationship, and now i just know when things will happen or i know when someone is hiding something and i don’t mean to be like that:/ i wish i was blind and didn’t find stuff out cuz then i look like a bad toxic person… am i toxic ? :/
Great advice
I've been doing this to my partner😭 i thought I had become better with it.. but it just happened again. I want to change.. its so hard and scary.
My fiance lied abiut following this half naked instragram twitch gamer girl. He's addicted to o line gaming. And this was one thing I told him was off limits. But he did it anyway. He hid that he was following her for a whole year. He sees nothing wrong with watching this hot girl play his game that he spends so much time playing. He barely comes to bed.etc. but him lying. When I confronted him with it a year ago. And assured he never checked her stuff out. It's so dumb he lost me over this. But now...im almost 39... starting over.
One thing I will say is that researchers have added fib and freeze to fight and flight, as well as fawn, to the survival instinct. Those of us who have grown up in abusive households, will absolutely resort to lying and “stonewalling”, if our emotional centers get overwhelmed, or we are concerned about as they can be defaults in emotional conflict. I would caution only looking from the point of view of the person lied to because why someone lies might be because of them and they may use this against their victim.
Wow. Thank you so much for this! I knew they'd added "freeze" but "fib" makes so much sense!
I always wondered why I would lie when confronted directly with the evidence! I couldn't explain it. And as soon as I calmed down I would admit the truth... But my instinct was always to Lie and Deny!
When (as a kid) you get punished for flat-out telling the truth...well, guess what?
@@inthelandofmorethansmall7582 Like my ex girl friend. At last she told me in her childhood she always had to lie because of her family. And I know she was honest about this. But now she is not a child, she's strong , she has not have to lie. But she still lies. This is an unhealty coping mechanism.
This video made me realize that I was wrong all along thank you but I don't know how to properly apologize to my ex for lying to him
This is a tough one. Some want to know everything or you are lieing.
How to know what to share and not to share. Eg. Starting a new relationship. If I don’t share EVERYTHING about my past relationships am I lieing?
My husband always thinks I'm lying. When in reality I just don't think to tell him. If he asks me, I always tell him the truth.
But I don't think to tell him every time I stop at the gas station or get a phone call from my Son asking for money. 😂🤷🏼♀️
He calls it "lying". I call it "insignificant details".
He's always like, "Why didn't you tell me that?!?"
And I'm like, "Im sorry i guess I didnt think it was important."
Then hes mad. But he stays mad. At the world. At me. At everyone and everything. All day, every day.
So it wouldn't matter if I told him everything or if I DID start lying to him... He's still going to be mad at me all the time.
This is also the same type of person who is like, "Where are you going?" every time I get up to get a drink or go to the bathroom.
He has even BUSTED through the bathroom door while I was using it because he thought I was hiding something.
(😮 I was super embarrassed... 😢)
I mean, to me? It's ridiculous.
*******
For the record these are some other examples of "My Lies":
*our dogs don't like Peanut Butter
*I got tired of eating the same thing after I ate it every day for 2 wks 🤷🏼♀️
*I don't remember how much I spent at the grocery store because I can't find the receipt (but we can look at our account online)
*His Mom called me (just to chat)
*My daughter mentioned going to the Football Game on Friday if she was allowed
*Someone turned around in our driveway 😂
*Someone is coming to town (not even to stay with us, just coming to town)
*I have a doctors appt somewhere at some point (but he's not going so I don't know why it matters)
*I got up late last Tuesday
It's always, "BuT yOu dIdNt tElL mE yOu tHaT!"
Look, I have ADHD and ASD. My parents and my ex husband and I just didn't act like that. I just do not think to tell him sometimes. I've obviously gotten better in our 13 years of marriage but sometimes I just dont think to call him at work to tell him this nonsense that - to me - is insignificant and doesnt affect him in any way.
Ntm I have so many important things on my mind that I just don't think about it.
To answer your question, I think you have to decide that...
I don't think your partner needs to know anything that doesn't affect t them.
So how can your past affect them? It can't. Not unless you had a baby or got an STD... or maybe if you were r*ped or abused and then the trauma will eventually come out.
But otherwise you just need to decide if it's something you can live with. Like,if you dont tell him every detail, will you feel guilty?
If you feel guilty, you will end up telling him the truth later. And that will prove you to be a liar.
And yes, I mean technically if he asks and you don't tell him the facts of exactly what happened, then it is a lie. But I personally don't believe all lies are bad. 😊
For example, let's say you had a man use a vibrating toy on you and you liked it... Or maybe he used his tongue.
Does your Man want to hear every detail about what exactly he did with that toy or his to gue? Does he way to know exactly how it made you feel so good?
No. He doesn't. So why should you tell him the other details of your past? Especially if he's just asking so he can be judgy.
And what other reason could there be? The answer won't change anything about YOUR relationship. So to be honest, he really shouldn't ask to begin with.
@@inthelandofmorethansmall7582 that doesn't sound like you have a lying problem. You may want to start going to counseling just yourself for yourself. And get an objective eye on this. You may be too close. It sounds like your husband has a control problem and is blaming you so he doesn't have to face it or so you don't figure it out. It is not lying to not share every single thought you have, every single second every single moment of your day. It is not lying to not tell your husband that your son called to talk to you. And if he needs to know every single moment every single second. And you can't get up off a couch without any questioning where are you going. And you that you can't even get up to go to the bathroom without being questioned. Problem on his end not yours. The problem lies with him and not you. Of course if you decide to go to counseling your husband's going to get more controlling and it might move to abuse if it hasn't already. And that may be a case where you may have lie to him. Because no way is he going to let you go to counseling it may become threatening to him and you won't be safe.
That is the one thing that Jimmy did not address in the lying video. In the case of abuse in a woman or a man trying to get out of relationship that has potential to become unsafe in that case we have to withhold.
Your partner will be more mad that you lied than the lie itself
Exactly, I'm infp guy and unfortunately there's only small percentage of us in America but if there were more then lies and decent would not be so rampant I believe.
So what about when you are constantly being told you are lying so you finally agree that you lied even though you didn't. Then you are treated poorly and never trusted again
thankyou for your beautiful words , my problem is i am too honest with my ( GF ) its been 6 years we are together and i tell her everything i mean litteraly EVERYTHING i dont want to hide anything from her for the record i used to lie alot with girls i was most of the time with 2 girls at the same time and i was just fooling around but when i met her i pushed out every single girl in my life , and i focused only on her i did tell her the truth about my past life but not every detail.
so the problem is she dose not care for me anymore like she ignores me she dont want to see me she hides things from me although iknow she is not cheating im certin of that but those things still hurt me as much as the cheating .
so its been 3 weeks i have been trying to break up with her but i just cant
what should i do?????
please help anyone who can or have the same expirience .
thankyou💙
My ex pushed the lying boundaries and I think he felt comfortable with the small lies, so he pushed the envelope. And it moved into bigger lies that really started affecting our livelihood. He lied about being put on probation at work. He tried to tell me he was working on a project and they changed his shift. Nope, he was in deep trouble, as in losing his job, and they put him on days to watch him. That was no safe nor fair to his family. I don't even think he was embarrassed, it was more an ego driven thing because he never messes up, he is perfect, blah blah blah. We could have lost our home and he put us in all in very financially scary position. He ended up losing HIS home anyway, so why lie to begin? I found out, and I was done and he told me I was being overly dramatic. Yep, put me in a situation where we were almost homeless and putting all the burden on me. Yep, he won't unpack his BS trauma, so how he is sitting in his apartment, by himself, having to deal with all. And honestly, I feel no remorse for him. Reap what you sow.
may i ask how do you work it out with ur partner after being lied on? do you can fix the relationship afterwards?
please i need this rn
deep talks? if wont work break up
update?!
@@tylerthecreatorfan01update?
Amen bro you said it right
I've been all of this. All of that you said is what I have done to the most important person in my life. I need to change this but I'm not sure how to change it, where to start or how can I fix what I have done. If you or anyone reads this please help me, tell me any hard truth
Great video, it describes exactly the situation. How do you think it would be possible to rebuild trust between spouses after years of lying? Do you think accountability, listenning, curiosity, and date initiative would be enough?
If you're lying to stay safe, to avoid being threatened, or restricted in your freedoms, that's a sign you're abused. Which might not be something you can admit to yourself right now. Just take note of why you lie. Double check yourself. The why is important.
Bang on truth spoken
My spouse would not acknowledge that he/she lying on a daily basis. Rather he/she would cover up the most stupidest way possible to a stage where you started to feel whether they take you seriously or they take you cor an idiot. Its been going on for 7 years. I tried the soft ways. The rude ways. The patient ways. Discuss the lies hurting the trust. But just wouldn’t stop. Recently i have no energy and i feel my heart is effected by all these..i feel trapped. What should i do
my girlfriend continues to lie to me about alot of small things, but they add up.. she knows im jealous for a reason,.. she deletes messages in her phone befor she comes home.. she drinks and lies about it... when i question her, wich i do more and more since things add up.. she pretends that im the one who is wrong for not trusting her.. i love her so much but this side of her is killing me. never ever ever date anyone who has no trouble lieing to you.
I just caught my girl in a lie about a guy on social media and it opened a can of worms. Now I don't know what other things were truth or a lie.
I’m so feed up with the whole lying I just don’t care about it anymore I just do my self
I am with you on that, it feel like you get played by family siblings and friends boyfriend or girlfriend and they lied to you so much you just can't take it anymore.
This hits hard
to my dear former
so-called best friend,
I miss you.
SO MUCH!!
it's almost unbearable,
to watch you, discreetly,
from the sidelines,
as you are ALWAYS with her
* my replacement *
out making all of your wildest dreams come true,
together,
and I've been left to suffer
the loss of you,
and the trauma
of what you both did to me...
*it is truly a most bizarre characteristic of humans,
that we smile when we are in pain.*
Someone plz help me here, she’s dragging me into meeting her ex saying that he’s her brother and how platonic is their connection, then i knew everything about their past and i need her to come out with the truth and to stop contacting him in every single way!!!
What can i do?!
Lol truth. Mine hollers he loves me like it means something. 21 yes of lies, no I can love me better without the extra weight, headache and pittyvparty of someone who won't ever get forgiveness from me. Nope love and lies don't coexist is the truest thing ever. U can't truly love someone and lie over huge huge stuff for 21 years .