Mentally she is like a minesweeper god tier player navigating her emotional minefield at 300 apm with absolutly no possibillity of making a wrong step, asking dr K for tips to do it better because its so exhausting and he just looks her in the eyes while intentionally pressing on a mine over and over again.
she is trying to talk over her feelings and push every bad emotion she can possibly feel in the back... but i think in the eyes of people she would be liked even more if she would step out of the mask sometimes. It wouldnt hurt her stream. I saw her a couple of times back than i really enjoyed her energy but wasnt genuine.. All in all she is cool person and more people needs to be like this but she really should take care of herself and her feelings. Just my thoughts.
@@benkesallaiWhen she got mad at Miz for the meme everyone genuinely thought she was upset with him. That's how little she shows other emotions on stream. Im sure shes gonna get better her huge popularity is a little bit new. I bet she'll be more genuine in time
Huge respect to Dr. K for handling this Interview so well. I thought Emily would have a massive breakdown if he just went one step further multiple times. She needs rest and therapy like yesterday and I really hope she can get better.This was a cry for help and it hurt so much watching her struggle...
@@lynnespinoza4736 ohhh yes, it's pretty embarassing to realize how easy it was for everyone to see, but also very natural if our emotional intelligence wasn't there yet
What I most love about Dr. K streams, Is that they allow me to become more understanding, compassionate and tolerant for other people. With a bit of shame I'll say this: it took me less than a minute to see her as annoying because of her mask made of a forced smile and unwarranted happyness. The reason it annoys me is because I immediately think of manipulative people like politicians who abuse less perceptive people and cause great societal harm. Now I've learned that there could be far more behind it and even a person having a battle. I'm a bit ashamed for judging her so fast mentally but maybe somebody can relate. I'm glad I'm opening my eyes, so thanks for the stream..
The same thing happened to me so thanks for sharing your experience. I was actively fighting the urge to judge for a while. In all honesty, I think I see a part of myself in her that I'm ashamed of. BUT she's just a person dealing with her issues and we all have our own idiosyncrasies and traumas. Poor girl, I feel for her. She seems like a goodhearted person. I think this type of content is really great and helps teach us to not be horrible to one another.
You have people like Ninja who are the complete opposite. Will be toxic because he doesnt have a desire to please people. He only cares about what he wants. That's fine. Free will. But i find him hard to watch for that reason. Then you have Emily on the opposite end. Wherever a situation goes, she will be happy and ok with it because she has over her life been programmed to be a people pleaser. Im likely alone here but i prefer the Emily's over the Ninja's. Emily does a good job at toxic banter on stream sometimes. We all know shes joking but it gives that nice variety where shes not constantly nice you know?
Beautiful comment. I am used to having knee-jerk judgments for people like Emily too, but the older I get, the more I realize that 99.99% of the time when I’m triggered it points to something within me and nothing to do with the person I think it does.
it's understandable to be annoyed at those who put masks on. Society always puts these terrible stigmas of not being authentic and it can be hard for those who aren't authentic. I used to be annoyed with people who were masking themselves because I was so annoyed with myself for doing the same thing. my anger towards inauthentic people was just a projection of how I felt about myself. I hated myself for being inauthentic so I started to hate watching other people be inauthentic. Now I love watching people who put masks on because I feel so empathetic to them. I watch them and feel so sad for them and I feel how hard it is to have this expectation of being perfect.
Thank you Dr. K for bringing up the breast feeding issue! When I had my daughter I didn’t know I had postpartum depression and I had a lot of issues producing enough milk. I had a friend at the time that was all about doing things “all natural” and made me feel like I was such a failure for having to use formula. She told me I was actively hurting my daughter, which caused me more distress. There was even a lady at the WIC office that flat out told me I just wasn’t trying hard enough to breast feed. I had gone to several doctors and took several classes about breast feeding and I just wasn’t producing enough. On top of that I wasn’t given all that much time off of work for maturity leave which is a whole different issue.
I'm glad that (presumably) things are better now :) In future, afaik lack of breast milk can be caused by not consuming enough animal fats. Something to try next time. (Raw animal fats preferably.) In fact that's the case for a looot of modern health issues :) Also in stead of formula, I'm sure you've looked into it, but there's like women whose job is to breast feed children haha, like "lend their boob" to the mother having issues.
I've never heard about this specifically and I'm really glad i did today. One single person can have a huge impact on someone struggling like this. I'll definitely talk about about it to friends too
Tf is wrong with people. Like I’m all for eating healthy, but formula and milk make no damn difference. I’m so sorry you experienced such shame. I hope you dumped that friend.
@@mrs.quills7061 I came her to say the same. Shitty friend, I had a lot of "friends" like that, and I dumped them all through lockdown. I was so acostummed to criticism I was in denial. I didn't registered as criticism. But criticism and feedback are not the same! Not even close 🧐
Heartbreaking but also "THIS!" - people who went to theraphy can relate, there is this moment where you pull away all the layers and it’s just you and an emotion you tried so fucking hard to hide. That is the breakthrough.
you can literally see her eyes well up with tears the first time K says the words 'im going to be proud of you' oh i bet that hits the gut like a brick because anyone with strict parents knows they just dont say those words
If I were to make a non-non-playable character comment about the few minutes I watched. I thought it was pretty funny how cringely she was and how she couldn't even be comfortable with herself being sad. And I thought it was funny how the indian doctor guy was somewhat weirded out by how she was reacting. Uh, that being said. I think you guys, i.e. the people above my comment made some very non-playable character like comments and I feel deeply disappointed and intellectually halted. I hope that you guys will have interesting things to say in the future, but this was not it chief. I think I would rather talk to GPT-3 and watch it spout some basic stuff like how things are than talk to you guys.
it's actually kinda wild to see how close she looks to completely falling apart mid sentence at almost every answer she gives. she is very strong and brave for doing this.
Her goal is to look good and not disappoint other. She is brave but she may need to care less about what others feel. She thinks about others too much. People are shit, no matter how good she be to others, people will use her innocence for their selfish goals. I have been "good guy" my whole life and I realized this when I lost everything I care and love except my family. Being too good is not good. @@dawgyv72
@dawgyv72 strong and brave is gritting your teeth through something terrifying. She might not have the skill to do it well, but she still met the challenge head on
@paperbag4477 you must be new here, lol. Someone's ability and right to feel emotional distress over sharing something painful and personal in front of an audience isn't dependent on their profession
You can tell she covers sadness with fake-happy. She'll say something upsetting then laugh, and as soon she started showing it, she was gonna breakdown
Yeah that's what made me unable to watch this. It's so uncomfortable. It's just like she cant stop and just relax and be herself. Just looking at her face makes me so uncomfortable with the amount of a performative mask she has on.
I mean that's a sign a conversation like this is really needed. Talking to someone who is very in touch with their emotions would be less effective since they would already be half way there, so this is a great opportunity to do good.
@@Samuel-sg2ivI feel like the way she is and acts is pretty genuine though. There's no 'fakeness' in the way she acts just because she acts more bubbly and bright than other people. But there's certainly like an unprocessed emotions and stress built up inside her that makes her cry, laugh, deflect altogether simultaneously when trying to get in touch with her vulnerable part.
I rarely cry and this one got me. When he said you can say you don't want to talk about these things and he'll be okay and proud. Who's cutting onions though?
The masking of true emotions and personality makes me so sad, she’s so positive but at what cost. She’s not fake but rather only shows her happy side but that is exhausting if you’re streaming all the time. Edit: As stated below, she could be an even greater positive force to people if she allows herself to feel, overcome and share the not so cheerful moments. Then she could express more genuine happiness that can be felt by others when it’s good and be a truly positive force that shines despite the darkness we all feel sometimes. Sending lots of love
People seem to think that in order to be likeable you have to be positive always, but that's actually something that makes me not like a person as much, or at least not the facade they show to the environment. You just know that if someone doesn't have a balance between positive and negative emotions, that there's something going on backstage you don't get to see because it's either too painful for them or they are too insecure about it. It's not productive at all to get frustrated with their happy persona, I know, but I always think it's such a loss, because there is always so much more to a person that they think they shouldn't show. And of course, some stuff people might want to keep entirely private, which is totally fine, but there's a certain honesty that gets lost when you're always positive about everything, because everyone knows that life is really fucking hard sometimes so there's no point in not acknowledging that.
@@toomanysymbols completely agree with you, it’s frustrating in a way and I feel bad for feeling frustrated. Maybe because it triggers times we remember doing that occasionally yet she is doing it often and we can empathise with how painful it is to be forcefully cheerful. Of course being positive has its benefits but in order to be positive, you must also contrast or feel the negative at times too. That brings true inspiration to people as it shows that it’s still possible to lift yourself up afterwards rather than being unrealistically happy all the time. Being private is very important, especially as a public figure but their needs to be a human balance. I hope she realised she can still be just as positive and uplifting without sacrificing other human emotions. In fact, she could be an even greater positive force to people if she allows herself to feel, overcome and share the not so cheerful moments. Then she could feel more genuine happiness that can be felt by others more as well.
She's cute but seems incredibly fake to me :( She has a reaction/response immediately to everything Dr. K says, without allowing any pause to really listen to what he just said.
Every time she performs and ever so slightly gives us a glimpse of her true self, I want to hug her. God protect this young lady from the ugly people she will meet. I hope she doesn't turn bitter as she ages or that it takes a while for her to see her worth. I'm willing to bet she had no idea what she was in for before this session.
I relate so hard to Emily. The fear of failure, feeling the responsibility and duty of people pleasing and being responsible for others’ mood and happiness. She’s so good at masking all the negative emotions that even Dr K was struggling to get a good read. Sending hugs to you Extra Emily! You are genuine, it’s hard to be genuine when you’re still learning about yourself! Even the sun goes behind the clouds every now and then.🖤
I feel that -- as a girl, I was always taught to make the men in my family happy, peace keeper, not show any emotion but happiness (while suppressing my own emotions). I would get yelled at if I started to cry. So I grew up a people pleaser with a go-lucky attitude, and people thought I was fake -- when it was just how I was conditioned as child, not allowing to show my emotions.
Emily's disintegrations and stories from her upbringing remind me a lot of myself growing up. I wasn't an Asian kid but have often found their stories relatable as the oldest of three brothers in a pretty accelerated family life. Being forced to grow up fast can really teach you that everyone else's needs are more important than your own. Building personal boundaries for myself was incredibly hard and not something many people really understood.
@@freeluigi4444 For me it was mostly the combination of baby boomer parents, strict expectations around getting consistent A grades, the implicit expectations that came with two younger brothers, dad climbing the career ladder moving us all around from ages 6-12, joining Corporate America at 15, going to college out of state, and moving around the country every 12 months for a rotational program after graduating college until 25. I learned to prioritize my goals over my well-being.
14:50 This entire bit of her anxiously giggling through tears was heartbreaking. 28:11 "Be nice to her! Just be nice... teach her how to send her order back in restaurants." 55:50 Very unfortunate how common this is. (Academic cheating tied to overperformance)
Man, this podcast (interview? Idk what to call it) was pretty heartbreaking, the people pleasing and putting on a front to the outside world was really relatable
20:10 I'm 33 now, but I was ABSOLUTELY in the same mindset for very similar reasons. I feel like it comes from not having a safe environment to express feelings, at least, that's how it was for me. Both at that age, and growing up.
It takes courage to face some of your core issues (in private not to mention in front of thousands of people to be criticized). I hope this will help her. I think we all need reflection and a little perspective in life. TBH, I've heard of ExtraEmily, but didn't know much about her. This interview gave me more insight about her. She seems like a sweet girl. This may sound weird, but my wife and I are trying to conceive and coincedentally, one of the main names we thought of if it was a girl, was Emily or Emilie. This made me think of how might raise our child, see if we could avoid some parenting pitfalls (I know we won't be perfect) and set up the child as well as we could long term. For myself being a little older, I know some things career wise maybe I would do differently, long term.
My main complaint is the classic Asian parenting. I relate to Emily, but in many ways I'm her opposite and broke in the other direction under the weight of expectation. If she's upbeat and outgoing, I'm sour and pessimistic and don't really see any value in pleasing others to the point that I probably come across as rude, stubborn and inconsiderate. I underachieved while she grinds. She has hope for a future at the end of the grind but I see nothing but emptiness and endless future of struggle and burdens. But Emily's story still seems so familiar to me. The complaint I have is that the older generations are always good at taking care of the physical needs of their children, especially if they come from economically disadvantaged or poor nations. Americans went through the same kind of crisis in the 50's after the end of the Great Depression and World War II. They were poorer and there were many obvious external physical challenges like poverty and war. It's really hard to talk about internal demons when you have these other more basic needs that go unmet. So that's what they provide for their children. In essence, this is what the movie The Graduate and the hippie counterculture movements were about. You can have all the material success in the world, but this alone doesn't seem to make humans happy. Instead they come to grapple with a great nihilism that consumes them. Doctor K talks about this in some detail in other videos. It seems rational that mental well being is correlated with physical success. Except it doesn't quite work that way. As he mentions working with people who are financially successful but then feel empty or lacking direction in their lives after "making it." (Doctor K also speaks about how Buddha was a prince prior to being an ascetic. And that great success and wealth seems to be correlated to people then going off and searching for meaning.) A lot of SEA nations emerged rapidly into postindustrial economies after a period of war and poverty and we're still feeling the shock of that. With wealth, we imagine we have slain all the great dragons. So our parents just have the rational plan for us to inherit the material wealth they could never have. Their kids just have to buckle down and take prestige jobs. You know these: Doctor, layer and engineer. The weight of the expectations that Asian parents put on their kids always confused my peers. Emily was told to be an engineer and she just didn't fit. I have a similar story. (Though ironically, it turns out I'm a better engineer than I thought. Another amusing opposite to Emily.) This older generation of parents have no idea what to do when their kid don't fit. It's not that my parents didn't try their best with what limited knowledge they had. But like many other Asian parents, I could see the pattern. They didn't love their kids for who they were. Didn't respect their personal emotional needs. All that was conditioned upon other external metrics of success. The "rational" plan. The kids are just lazy or weak or complain too much. I derailed the plan and was met with abuse, recrimination and outrage. Even the kids of my cohort who made a break into their dream job that they find fulfilling first go through a period of their parents "not getting it." The acceptance only comes after the obvious material wealth comes with the job playing video games. (I know a streamer like this, who did all the things "right" and all it did was make her a miserable and disposable crony of a corporation. To the point that it degraded her physical and mental health. Like the prince that had it all, she gave it up.) I probably have undiagnosed adhd and was on the spectrum. Therapists could not be trusted with secrets. That was the attitude my parents took. Besides, this talk of disorders are just excuses my lazy kid is making up. That's probably the attitude they and many other parents would take. But I see so many streamers now and the ones that seem healthiest and happiest? The ones that seem like they're freest and best able to flourish and tackle life's adversities? It's almost hard for me not to be jealous of the good relationships they had with their parents. Never seem embarrassed or insincere about their affections. They never make an secret of the good terms they're on. They positively radiate a sense of security and confidence that I will never really feel. And it almost makes me want to hate them for having what I can't. Real confidence, I have come to understand, is not conditioned on anything external. It's a paradox. But true nonetheless. Some of the most successful, powerful and beautiful people are also the weakest and most insecure. If mental well being were so easy, you would not see so many stories of their weaknesses on such full display. I wake every morning with a burden that I know will stay with me until the day I die. Sometimes I forget that I'm carrying it. The way you ignore a background noise. But it's always there. And I feel exhausted. I want to set it down, knowing that this is impossible. Only in sleep and in death will I ever escape it. Those kids that found a purpose in a career in streaming? They're lucky. I am not. I don't know what my purpose is. But I sense it is something terrible that must break me in its fulfillment.
@@ved2360 thank you for sharing. Personally, I believe that life doesnt have a purpose until YOU make one y'know? Everyone's life is so different due to so many events and so many factors, many of which they can't control. A sense of meaning in life that's set by anyone but themselves? Can anyone else truly understand EVERYTHING a person feels or has experienced? Its up to you y'know? Find what makes you happy (or even content; an expectation of endless happiness is an unachievable goal by any human) and pursue it. As long as your passion isnt harming others or self destructive, it is a completely rational goal.
Dr. K's monologue about Proving yourself, and then it ends with his wife coming in and being supportive with tissues and telling him to be nice and telling him to teach her to send the food back in a restaurant. that whole thing...OMG 😭👌🏼
She is so brave. Throughout Dr.K trying to make here connect to her emotions, she cried several times but never shied away from the act. Yes she is alexithymic to a point and too hard on herself, but she bravely faced that. She's going to be okay i'm sure. The willingness to face your demons is key to improving.
Something else to take away..is that through this..she has accomplished far more than 99.9 percent of people have. So perhaps…it’s a superpower and you’re just seeing the equal balance of negative…yet…she’s still above. Aka…maybe bringing her back to “normal”..isn’t the best option.
I feel like a lot of people's evaluations of Emily are not taking into account that this was done in front of an audience. Like most people would try to make it seem like they're not sad/emotional if thousands of people were watching them. I thought it was really cool how she went from trying to entertain/being upbeat to being emotionally vulnerable. I relate a lot to her experiences and appreciated both her vulnerability and Dr. K's feedback. Learned a lot myself
My heart goes out to her. I once knew someone who had repressed to much they became 'frighteningly positive'. I truly hope she'll find a way to put herself, if not first at least not last.
Oh boy I understand the conditional love thing. That leads to people pleasing. It's like love becomes a transaction. If you do this then I will do this. I totally can relate with Emily. I did put on A happy face thing. It broke me. I had a friend once tell me no one wants to be around a depressed person. For me people pleasing comes from the notion that I won't be accepted and I might even get hurt physical. There's a lot more to it than that. I gained a lot of understanding about the splitting of the mind. It has given me a lot to think about with how I deal with my own trauma. I have always dealt with it on an intellectual level. Well not always but most of the time. You always produce awesome stuff Dr K.
Never in my life have I wanted so much to give someone a big warm hug. Emily looks like an amazing person who also carries lots of hurt deep inside, and hardly anyone around her truly understands it. I truly hope that she's already going easier on herself and giving herself credit for all the W's
I started following you after this interview with ExtraEmily, no idea who she was or how it was recommended to me, but I clicked it. And within minutes it blew me away... it was such an honest, openhearted and personal conversation but I didn't feel like I was intruding. Thanks for this.
This was extremely relatable. I am also fighting disintegration. My self worth is conditional on the positive experience of people around me. Its exhausting and frustrating to live that way.
Massive respect to Emily and Alok for this conversation. I think this is a perfect example of the utility of therapy. Emily showcased how the process of peeling back layers looks in real time, whike Alok shows that the process itself is a guided inward focus. Brilliant video.
omg when emily started crying the very first time i instantly started tearing up aswell, i literally do the exact same thing where i cry a bunch and then force myself to smile and be happy right after lol
I listened to 90% of this, and watched the other 10% or so. Very interesting to hear the way her voice changes and switches and you can literally hear her put it on every time she tips her toes below the surface. So glad he spoke up and connected with her so she understood he knew that kind of traditional upbringing, and from there she really started opening up more. Hopefully she continues, because im sure everyone expected the gates to burst open for some massive breakthrough. But for a first session to try to being those two halves back to a whole, truly incredible to watch his patience and control to help guide her.
Watching her like this is heartbreaking but I'm glad I can understand who she is as a person more now atleast. I'm so proud she's talking about it and hope she's doing better now.
i think its perfectly valid to not jive with everyone's personality, but reading the comments about how her energy and bubbly nature is fake and inauthentic to the point of being painful, or manipulative, is a harsh judgement that misses a lot of nuance. yes, toxic positivity is a coping mechanism that is showcased in this interview, but you can see why it was developed and how it got her to be successful today. she's good at placating situations, enjoys providing for other people, and some of it is to mitigate other people's perception of her, but a lot of it is because she likes making people happy. she's allowed to be cute, allowed to have high energy, allowed to express herself in more classically feminine and optimistic ways without being infantalized or labeled fake for doing so.
She's being cringe for the sake of not being authentic and protecting herself. There's a strong degree of inauthenticity when she does this not that her personality is inherently inauthentic.
22:58 “it’s because I want you to do whatever you want to do, and I don’t want you to stop yourself from what you want to do” Man , poor girl. She seems like the sweetest person ever . This comment in particular made me so sad . She does everything for other people .
Emily is so relatable to me, I just want to give her a big hug like I wish I could go back and give my 18 yr old self one and just tell her it’s ok to not grin and bear it all. The “ship” might sink if you quit bailing out all the water, but you’re actually a strong swimmer and that boat was a shit boat anyways. Thank you Emily for sharing and I hope you can be as kind to yourself as you are to others ❤
Man.. An overachiever who's great in life but underneath all the happy mask has alot of something built up... Im jealous of her achievements but also heartbroken because she seems like she's missing a concrete foundation of her own identity and value. But I think thats common among young adults today.. Ive been an underachiever my whole life and feel similar to how she feels. But for her to feel that way makes me feel really sad for her because she deserves better.
The killer thing is she *knows* burnout is inevitable if she continues to go the same way she has been. Its heartbreaking. I really hope she continues to get help 💜
Damn... As 34 year old first time mom to a now 16 month old, the bit about breastfeeding hit hard. I try to gloss over people's jokes regarding it, but I'm glad Dr. K spent a little time to address it. I struggled heavily with ppd in the early stages and I still struggle here n there with feeling good enough. I struggled to even get anywhere. My daughter was able to get at least the colostrum so I don't feel too bad, but yeah.. there is some serious deep seeded frustration and sadness that I was unable to continue and did move to formula. Thankfully family was supportive.. I did also learn who my friends were and weren't during that period too.. especially with shame around not doing everything "natural"
adding to this... the whole interview hit incredibly close to home. I struggle with people pleasing too and relate hard to the need to seek parental approval. That if they didnt approve, you fail and failure is not an option... every time she broke into tears, i felt myself feeling those same tears. Feeling sadness when someone offers me encouragement and speaks truth over me rather than love. And the self blame.. it was hard and also very good to watch. I hope that she is able to move forward with herself in this. rooting for you, emily!
First of Emily's content I saw was a short just a few weeks ago. I think I even commented asking if she is always so happy and enthusiastic about everything or if there was lots of caffeine involved. Her energy and smile, you can't help but smile right back at the screen. Watching this was fascinating as a reminder that we don't really know what's going on under the "mask" others show us. I genuinely hope that she continues working on herself. She has such an amazing infectious positive attitude and is naturally entertaining. She deserves to enjoy this time in her life as much as her community enjoy her content 🤗
I grew up in a household that wasn’t very “mental health” oriented as I presume most of us did. Our parents’ generation wasn’t much for what they may call “softies”, which really is just owning your emotions. I wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD until recently at the age of 29. And just a few weeks ago took my first ADHD pill. The difference is night and day. Of course my goal is to get to a point where I don’t need them anymore, but in the meantime, they are incredibly helpful. Things I hadn’t been able to do like clean my house since I bought it like a year ago I finally had the concentration to stay on task and not waver every 2 minutes, even less! I’d tell myself, “Today I’m going to clean up!” And for over a year today never happened. And then I’d beat myself up over it. And then maybe 1 day I’d get some done. But even then, why that day? Why not every day? And I know the meds aren’t a panacea, but damn do they help. If before I had 1 good day every 2 weeks in terms of focus, now I have 5 or 6 in a week. And even that “off” day where I still struggle a bit, it’s not even that bad. And that coupled with the videos I’ve been watching from Dr. K, I’m making so many changes. People around me can see the difference. Some know and others don’t, but many can see there’s something different in me. Thank you Dr. K and thank you to my therapist who pushed me to get assessed for around a year, and thank you to my ADHD doctor who when she noticed I wasn’t filling out the forms or following up my initial calls took the initiative to reach out to me, help me with the forms, even let me come in without them and allow me to do them in the office even if it took up time in our appointment. Thank you.
I was so annoyed by Emily at first. I could immediately tell she was trying so hard to be bubbly and positive, and I could pretty confidently see where this stream was going. But as I kept watching, I started to see more and more of herself in me. I'm proud to say I've mostly put my people-pleasing days behind me (I've gotten a lot better at treating myself as a person), but man did I resonate with a lot of her feelings. I really felt for her by the end. She was so tough on this stream. Good job Emily.
I went to therapy a few times and this is exactly how I imagine I looked for the entire time... tearing up from all the trauma in life but trying to smile or joke about it.
Would love to see a follow up to this. Watching Dr K attack this session was a masterclass - very insightful. Emily was so brave for doing this too. Thank you!
I saw a handful of clips from Emily’s twitch and I instantly started worrying about her. I’ve met people like Emily and I know the struggles they go through. I’m really glad that she at least had this session with Dr. K I can tell she learned a lot from this and I hope she continues getting the help she deserves
I had a lot of issues within my family growing up and i didn't realize until today that i had completely taken for granted how little i feared them despite all those issues.
I hope I can help anyone watching who relates to her people pleasing. If someone is asking you more personal questions or stepping in anything more serious, try to take a little bit of extra time to answer, just to see if you're actually comfortable answering. Because you need that to not go too far in just pleasing people by answering everything or doing loads of things you're not actually okay with, and you need a little time and attention to evaluate if you're even comfortable doing that at all, given your first instinct is to ignore that for other's sake. Anyone who attacks you for it is someone you should not please. Please remember that you also deserve to be pleased and taken care of. Good luck, and I'm sorry life was so rough on you. You deserved better, and I hope you get it.
Emily :( I’ve never seen or heard about her (I think maybe in passing but I’ve never heard about what kind of content she makes ) but her explaining the shakey voice at the start is exactly how I felt when I started my mental health journey. Trying to talk about stuff that therapy makes you talk about is really hard when you try to present yourself as stoic and like everything is fine
That is such a massive problem. There are so many incompetent therapists it's not even funny. Dr. K is special but other therapists should at least be comparable. I've given up on therapy because of this and I'm positive millions of other people have as well.
Her personality is so uncanny. Its unsettling on how much she performs and stays in character as this happy amd bubbly person that never feels any negative or serious emotions. That interaction at 14:45 and onwards is something truly sad to watch. I hope this meeting with Dr K. helped her
I RELATE TO THIS!!! ignoring the "negative" feelings never works! I was JUST LIKE EMILY, but then things started falling apart at age 25. I ended up in therapy and it took me a LONG time to relearn this. It was similar to how Emily started freaking out when she heard her voice shake. I would be SO ANXIOUS when I felt myself start to cry or get a shaky voice in therapy that I would literally start SHAKING and sweating and hyperventilating. For the first few months of therapy I spent the entire 45 min shaking like this, and then the last 5 min the therapist would ask me another question. (she was forcing me to get used to sitting with my feelings). My therapist coached me through it though and taught me breathing techniques. Eventually I was able to overcome this, and now I'm able to feel my feelings. But when you grow up BEING TAUGHT to shove your feelings down your neck, it is SOOOO SOO HARD TO UNLEARN. I don't think everyone understands this. You're doing great Emily and I recommend therapy with a good doctor if you're open to that!
She's expressive because she's doing what other people who I met in my life are like, masking happy happy happy I have to be happy happy happy 24/7 she even unfortunately says this herself so immediately to me it came across as annoying (not in a bad way just obvious)
She's not expressive. Expressiveness would be appropriate flexibility through the whole range of emotions (like a healthy human) PLUS being able to drive that through a bit stronger, or calm it down. In other words very very capable emotional regulation. She is stuck in "happy" due to her performance, which is not expressiveness. Just for your future reference, I hope that's helpful.
@@eduantech you're right shes technically not expressive of her true emotions or whatever but i just meant that she acts joyous and giddy in conversation which makes her seem welcoming and easy to talk to. i wish i could do that
Have you asked yourself why? Like why you're a robot and not expressive? That may be where the answer is. And then, ask yourself: Is this okay with you? Because it sounds like you're judging yourself :)
Fun story about breast feeding. There ARE youtube videos that can help you learn how to breastfeed. I was struggling with feeding one of my kids and spent an entire day watching these videos --- on my husband's youtube account. He came home from work, really confused as to why he was getting some really strange advertisements for nipple shields and video recommendations for organic motherhood. His co-workers noticed and started asking questions LOL.
Emily: This is great. I'm going to get a good grade in positivity, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve, The interview reminded me of this meme, though honestly the original meme works for this as well.
Dang. Doctor K asked a single question and I could already see the problem with ExtraEmily's thought process. She's okay with burnout as long as she knows she's "made it." In less than a minute he's already cut to the core of the problem.
This seemed like a needed conversation for Emily. This helped show how therapy can be beneficial. Hopefully she uses this experience to help deal with whatever she needs. If Emily is reading the comments good luck and stop reading the comments lol! It's okay if you don't please everyone meanwhile I'm procrastinating calling therapists to start therapy for myself and I listened to this while thing... (putting it into the universe) so Allan plz dial a phone number tomorrow okay thanks we probably won't regret it...
I want to give Emily a big hug. I'm a big perfectionist and people pleaser too so I related a lot. I've done a lot of therapy for it now so am a bit further down the road then where she is but I relate to trying to "win" therapy XD.
I’m so happy this showed up on my feed and I’m extremely grateful to Emily for doing this stream with Dr. K. I had a similar upbringing with similar traumas, but I adapted very differently by the time I got to college in that I failed out and said “screw it.” Now I have a job I worked my ass off to get, just got a promotion with a relatively fat raise and I genuinely haven’t even allowed myself to feel good about it because there’s a part of my brain telling me that I should have been at this point like 8 years ago. I started watching this because I’ve also been feeling burnt out at work, and realize now that the problem runs a lot deeper than my ability to cope with stress.
It was interesting to see this side of Emily. Would be interesting to hear more about her with Dr. K in the future. Granted Dr. K did extremely well with this session since the camera definitely changes the dynamic of the conversation.
You can just flip her emotions and get pretty close to how she is. It's hard to watch someone hide emotions so strongly and putting on a brave face all the time. It's something I used to do a lot and now I make people very aware of how i feel, no point hiding it as it only causes more issues
I am actually sad for her. I immediately spotted the happy face she was putting on (probably cause I am new to her) kinda looking like an anime character, and underneath that happy face is all that sadness... i've really got no words to describe the world we live in, and what we have to do to live in it, but I'm super thankful to people like DoctorK and their work. keep it up everybody
so ive been a people pleaser for a long time too, I'm trying my best to break out of it cuz holy heck I've come to understand how not-good it can be. But out of all the interviews I've watched and cried through, i think i cried through this one the most mainly cuz of how much it resonated with me. Wishing Emily all the best and Dr K is a freakin beast for doing these interviews and helping streamers and viewers understand themselves and where to go from there
During the stream I thought Dr k is not asking the right questions, but moving forward I found out that Dr K has a strategy and asking very good questions.
*She is so cute, innocent and adorable, it's like I fell in love with her in just 10 minutes of watching and listening to her. Please Emily don't be so hard on yourself, people will like u even if u be more raw and not pressure urself so much. I don't know if I want her to succeed too much but I want her to be happy more than anything else. Please emily be urself and be happy, we want u to be happy. we love u for what u really are. Don't worry about ur streaming career, U will find great ways to become best at what u do.*
You know I kinda feel bad for her, I can definitely emphasise with her on so many levels. Starts with parents, then school, then work. All of them pile bunch of rules on you which restricts your freedom and human self which in return, turns you to a shell of a human being that just drift through space, constantly navigating the rules which were set by those who are not suppose to set rules to begin with. Hope she gets better,
Watching my sister do this to herself for decades, while raising two kids and dealing w a stressful job and selfish husband, has really hurt. The fact that it's coincided with both of us also dealing w severe autoimmune disorders, hurts even more.
@Knowledge I don't think she realises. When I'm out with my mates and we're having a good time it's like I'm on cracking but as soon as I get home, I feel my feet ache, thirsty, headache and am super tired. But during the activities I don't feel a thing.
as a chronic people pleaser, this is exactly how sessions with my therapist would go when i was in therapy. i feel for you emily
so what did you learn? lol
It almost feel like she's afraid to feel other emotions by being the beacon of happiness.
@@paydro25 What's with the "lol" ? Feels sarcastic.
@@voxii_13 no
Mentally she is like a minesweeper god tier player navigating her emotional minefield at 300 apm with absolutly no possibillity of making a wrong step, asking dr K for tips to do it better because its so exhausting and he just looks her in the eyes while intentionally pressing on a mine over and over again.
That's just perfect.
This exactly. It felt like watching emily playing mental health chess, but her opponent was trying to help her.
she is trying to talk over her feelings and push every bad emotion she can possibly feel in the back... but i think in the eyes of people she would be liked even more if she would step out of the mask sometimes. It wouldnt hurt her stream. I saw her a couple of times back than i really enjoyed her energy but wasnt genuine.. All in all she is cool person and more people needs to be like this but she really should take care of herself and her feelings. Just my thoughts.
@@benkesallaiWhen she got mad at Miz for the meme everyone genuinely thought she was upset with him. That's how little she shows other emotions on stream. Im sure shes gonna get better her huge popularity is a little bit new. I bet she'll be more genuine in time
Him trying to give therapy must be like the last level of a video game for a therapist. Like Danganronpa
Huge respect to Dr. K for handling this Interview so well. I thought Emily would have a massive breakdown if he just went one step further multiple times. She needs rest and therapy like yesterday and I really hope she can get better.This was a cry for help and it hurt so much watching her struggle...
I feel like I'm watching myself at 18 years old talking to a psychologist. It was way too relateable and personal
@@MELLMAO Same! I even thought I was playing off "being fine" well and watching this now makes me realize everyone else saw right through it.
@@lynnespinoza4736 ohhh yes, it's pretty embarassing to realize how easy it was for everyone to see, but also very natural if our emotional intelligence wasn't there yet
@@MELLMAO commented this same thing. It’s rare to find, cus these people are rare. Just glad to have found it
What I most love about Dr. K streams, Is that they allow me to become more understanding, compassionate and tolerant for other people.
With a bit of shame I'll say this: it took me less than a minute to see her as annoying because of her mask made of a forced smile and unwarranted happyness.
The reason it annoys me is because I immediately think of manipulative people like politicians who abuse less perceptive people and cause great societal harm.
Now I've learned that there could be far more behind it and even a person having a battle.
I'm a bit ashamed for judging her so fast mentally but maybe somebody can relate. I'm glad I'm opening my eyes, so thanks for the stream..
The same thing happened to me so thanks for sharing your experience. I was actively fighting the urge to judge for a while. In all honesty, I think I see a part of myself in her that I'm ashamed of. BUT she's just a person dealing with her issues and we all have our own idiosyncrasies and traumas. Poor girl, I feel for her. She seems like a goodhearted person.
I think this type of content is really great and helps teach us to not be horrible to one another.
You have people like Ninja who are the complete opposite. Will be toxic because he doesnt have a desire to please people. He only cares about what he wants. That's fine. Free will. But i find him hard to watch for that reason. Then you have Emily on the opposite end. Wherever a situation goes, she will be happy and ok with it because she has over her life been programmed to be a people pleaser. Im likely alone here but i prefer the Emily's over the Ninja's. Emily does a good job at toxic banter on stream sometimes. We all know shes joking but it gives that nice variety where shes not constantly nice you know?
Beautiful comment. I am used to having knee-jerk judgments for people like Emily too, but the older I get, the more I realize that 99.99% of the time when I’m triggered it points to something within me and nothing to do with the person I think it does.
it's understandable to be annoyed at those who put masks on. Society always puts these terrible stigmas of not being authentic and it can be hard for those who aren't authentic. I used to be annoyed with people who were masking themselves because I was so annoyed with myself for doing the same thing. my anger towards inauthentic people was just a projection of how I felt about myself. I hated myself for being inauthentic so I started to hate watching other people be inauthentic. Now I love watching people who put masks on because I feel so empathetic to them. I watch them and feel so sad for them and I feel how hard it is to have this expectation of being perfect.
Well, thanks for your comments and empathy. I'm just glad that no-one took it the wrong way. Cheers.
Thank you Dr. K for bringing up the breast feeding issue! When I had my daughter I didn’t know I had postpartum depression and I had a lot of issues producing enough milk. I had a friend at the time that was all about doing things “all natural” and made me feel like I was such a failure for having to use formula. She told me I was actively hurting my daughter, which caused me more distress. There was even a lady at the WIC office that flat out told me I just wasn’t trying hard enough to breast feed. I had gone to several doctors and took several classes about breast feeding and I just wasn’t producing enough. On top of that I wasn’t given all that much time off of work for maturity leave which is a whole different issue.
I'm glad that (presumably) things are better now :)
In future, afaik lack of breast milk can be caused by not consuming enough animal fats. Something to try next time. (Raw animal fats preferably.) In fact that's the case for a looot of modern health issues :)
Also in stead of formula, I'm sure you've looked into it, but there's like women whose job is to breast feed children haha, like "lend their boob" to the mother having issues.
I've never heard about this specifically and I'm really glad i did today. One single person can have a huge impact on someone struggling like this. I'll definitely talk about about it to friends too
Tf is wrong with people. Like I’m all for eating healthy, but formula and milk make no damn difference. I’m so sorry you experienced such shame. I hope you dumped that friend.
@@mrs.quills7061 I came her to say the same.
Shitty friend, I had a lot of "friends" like that, and I dumped them all through lockdown.
I was so acostummed to criticism I was in denial. I didn't registered as criticism.
But criticism and feedback are not the same! Not even close 🧐
@@mrs.quills7061 It's a shitty friend yes, but it makes a difference, let's not be ignorant. Look at the ingredients in both, completely different lol
No guest is more relatable than emily white knuckling her way through trying to win therapy
I have to remind you, this is not therapy
@@spacecadetred2388 easier to win that way
@@spacecadetred2388 now that's what i call winning mentality
@@spacecadetred2388 otherwise she would have been diagnosed.
love it man you captured in comment what I was thinking too
Hearing Emily's voice start to crack the second Dr. K brought up her upbringing was heartbreaking
i know right :(
Heartbreaking but also "THIS!" - people who went to theraphy can relate, there is this moment where you pull away all the layers and it’s just you and an emotion you tried so fucking hard to hide. That is the breakthrough.
you can literally see her eyes well up with tears the first time K says the words 'im going to be proud of you' oh i bet that hits the gut like a brick because anyone with strict parents knows they just dont say those words
If I were to make a non-non-playable character comment about the few minutes I watched. I thought it was pretty funny how cringely she was and how she couldn't even be comfortable with herself being sad. And I thought it was funny how the indian doctor guy was somewhat weirded out by how she was reacting.
Uh, that being said. I think you guys, i.e. the people above my comment made some very non-playable character like comments and I feel deeply disappointed and intellectually halted. I hope that you guys will have interesting things to say in the future, but this was not it chief. I think I would rather talk to GPT-3 and watch it spout some basic stuff like how things are than talk to you guys.
@@coolorphans please check the ego man
it's actually kinda wild to see how close she looks to completely falling apart mid sentence at almost every answer she gives. she is very strong and brave for doing this.
Strong and brave is not hiding your true emotions behind a fake smile and laugh.
Her goal is to look good and not disappoint other. She is brave but she may need to care less about what others feel. She thinks about others too much. People are shit, no matter how good she be to others, people will use her innocence for their selfish goals. I have been "good guy" my whole life and I realized this when I lost everything I care and love except my family. Being too good is not good. @@dawgyv72
@dawgyv72 strong and brave is gritting your teeth through something terrifying. She might not have the skill to do it well, but she still met the challenge head on
@@hartssquire9386 Brody…it’s Twitch streaming. She plays games for a living. It’s not that deep.
@paperbag4477 you must be new here, lol.
Someone's ability and right to feel emotional distress over sharing something painful and personal in front of an audience isn't dependent on their profession
Dr K and the people brave enough to do a public therapy session are saving so many lives. So much respect for both of these incredible humans
19:40 Dr. K: ...That sounds like a lot of work
Emily: Oh no, it's ok. It's not too bad =D
Dr. K *shifts EYES*
Emily: ='D
"Uuuhhh, then why are you about to cry?"
You can tell she covers sadness with fake-happy. She'll say something upsetting then laugh, and as soon she started showing it, she was gonna breakdown
I feel for this girl, she’s so perfomative, I wonder what the session would be like if it wasn’t for the cameras, she’s prolly holding a lot back
Yeah that's what made me unable to watch this. It's so uncomfortable. It's just like she cant stop and just relax and be herself. Just looking at her face makes me so uncomfortable with the amount of a performative mask she has on.
@@Samuel-sg2iv For what it's worth, they address and discuss this and it comes down as the conversation progresses
I mean that's a sign a conversation like this is really needed. Talking to someone who is very in touch with their emotions would be less effective since they would already be half way there, so this is a great opportunity to do good.
@@Samuel-sg2ivI feel like the way she is and acts is pretty genuine though. There's no 'fakeness' in the way she acts just because she acts more bubbly and bright than other people. But there's certainly like an unprocessed emotions and stress built up inside her that makes her cry, laugh, deflect altogether simultaneously when trying to get in touch with her vulnerable part.
I'd argue people like to be the change they want tto see in others
I rarely cry and this one got me. When he said you can say you don't want to talk about these things and he'll be okay and proud. Who's cutting onions though?
lmao so true
No one? It's the internet, if someone was cutting onions then it wouldn't affect u through the screen...
@@SistoActivitatemAtm i think it’s supposed to be a humorous figure of speech for suddenly tearing up. i thought it was amusing :)
@@hallehuckleberry oh I see, thank you!
@@SistoActivitatemAtm no problem!! take care :D
The masking of true emotions and personality makes me so sad, she’s so positive but at what cost. She’s not fake but rather only shows her happy side but that is exhausting if you’re streaming all the time.
Edit: As stated below, she could be an even greater positive force to people if she allows herself to feel, overcome and share the not so cheerful moments. Then she could express more genuine happiness that can be felt by others when it’s good and be a truly positive force that shines despite the darkness we all feel sometimes. Sending lots of love
I see what you're talking about now. She feels like she has to perform or people please.
People seem to think that in order to be likeable you have to be positive always, but that's actually something that makes me not like a person as much, or at least not the facade they show to the environment.
You just know that if someone doesn't have a balance between positive and negative emotions, that there's something going on backstage you don't get to see because it's either too painful for them or they are too insecure about it. It's not productive at all to get frustrated with their happy persona, I know, but I always think it's such a loss, because there is always so much more to a person that they think they shouldn't show.
And of course, some stuff people might want to keep entirely private, which is totally fine, but there's a certain honesty that gets lost when you're always positive about everything, because everyone knows that life is really fucking hard sometimes so there's no point in not acknowledging that.
@@toomanysymbols completely agree with you, it’s frustrating in a way and I feel bad for feeling frustrated. Maybe because it triggers times we remember doing that occasionally yet she is doing it often and we can empathise with how painful it is to be forcefully cheerful. Of course being positive has its benefits but in order to be positive, you must also contrast or feel the negative at times too. That brings true inspiration to people as it shows that it’s still possible to lift yourself up afterwards rather than being unrealistically happy all the time.
Being private is very important, especially as a public figure but their needs to be a human balance. I hope she realised she can still be just as positive and uplifting without sacrificing other human emotions.
In fact, she could be an even greater positive force to people if she allows herself to feel, overcome and share the not so cheerful moments. Then she could feel more genuine happiness that can be felt by others more as well.
She's cute but seems incredibly fake to me :( She has a reaction/response immediately to everything Dr. K says, without allowing any pause to really listen to what he just said.
@@hellosherbear reactive personality
this is the first time I'm seeing Dr. K's wife interact with an interview so directly.
honestly its a pretty fun easter egg when she or the kids break up the tension
can you tell the timestamp please
@@k3d4rcodes45 28:10 took me a while to find it for you, as it's been a year since I've seen this one
@@k3d4rcodes45 28:06
@@k3d4rcodes45 it be your own ppl who betray you 😢
Mrs. K for the soft and gentle assist. Much mahalo for this one, really liked this conversation.
Every time she performs and ever so slightly gives us a glimpse of her true self, I want to hug her. God protect this young lady from the ugly people she will meet. I hope she doesn't turn bitter as she ages or that it takes a while for her to see her worth. I'm willing to bet she had no idea what she was in for before this session.
I relate so hard to Emily. The fear of failure, feeling the responsibility and duty of people pleasing and being responsible for others’ mood and happiness. She’s so good at masking all the negative emotions that even Dr K was struggling to get a good read. Sending hugs to you Extra Emily! You are genuine, it’s hard to be genuine when you’re still learning about yourself! Even the sun goes behind the clouds every now and then.🖤
I feel that -- as a girl, I was always taught to make the men in my family happy, peace keeper, not show any emotion but happiness (while suppressing my own emotions). I would get yelled at if I started to cry. So I grew up a people pleaser with a go-lucky attitude, and people thought I was fake -- when it was just how I was conditioned as child, not allowing to show my emotions.
Emily's disintegrations and stories from her upbringing remind me a lot of myself growing up. I wasn't an Asian kid but have often found their stories relatable as the oldest of three brothers in a pretty accelerated family life. Being forced to grow up fast can really teach you that everyone else's needs are more important than your own. Building personal boundaries for myself was incredibly hard and not something many people really understood.
Same, not Asian but from a similar highly performance based culture, oldest of three girls, and totally resonate with Emily's family history
@@freeluigi4444 For me it was mostly the combination of baby boomer parents, strict expectations around getting consistent A grades, the implicit expectations that came with two younger brothers, dad climbing the career ladder moving us all around from ages 6-12, joining Corporate America at 15, going to college out of state, and moving around the country every 12 months for a rotational program after graduating college until 25. I learned to prioritize my goals over my well-being.
Are people saying cliche and boring things a violation of a personal boundary, if so I think I'm being violated all the time.
14:50 This entire bit of her anxiously giggling through tears was heartbreaking.
28:11 "Be nice to her! Just be nice... teach her how to send her order back in restaurants."
55:50 Very unfortunate how common this is. (Academic cheating tied to overperformance)
it's HARD being vulnerable, I can't imagine being vulnerable in front of so many people!! Thanks to anyone who shares in this capacity
Man, this podcast (interview? Idk what to call it) was pretty heartbreaking, the people pleasing and putting on a front to the outside world was really relatable
This was a truly informative interview and honestly shows how much mental anguish we usually hold back.
20:10 I'm 33 now, but I was ABSOLUTELY in the same mindset for very similar reasons. I feel like it comes from not having a safe environment to express feelings, at least, that's how it was for me. Both at that age, and growing up.
This interview was wild. It felt really personal, like we were getting a glimpse into something we shouldn't be seeing.
It takes courage to face some of your core issues (in private not to mention in front of thousands of people to be criticized). I hope this will help her. I think we all need reflection and a little perspective in life.
TBH, I've heard of ExtraEmily, but didn't know much about her. This interview gave me more insight about her. She seems like a sweet girl. This may sound weird, but my wife and I are trying to conceive and coincedentally, one of the main names we thought of if it was a girl, was Emily or Emilie. This made me think of how might raise our child, see if we could avoid some parenting pitfalls (I know we won't be perfect) and set up the child as well as we could long term. For myself being a little older, I know some things career wise maybe I would do differently, long term.
My main complaint is the classic Asian parenting. I relate to Emily, but in many ways I'm her opposite and broke in the other direction under the weight of expectation. If she's upbeat and outgoing, I'm sour and pessimistic and don't really see any value in pleasing others to the point that I probably come across as rude, stubborn and inconsiderate. I underachieved while she grinds. She has hope for a future at the end of the grind but I see nothing but emptiness and endless future of struggle and burdens. But Emily's story still seems so familiar to me.
The complaint I have is that the older generations are always good at taking care of the physical needs of their children, especially if they come from economically disadvantaged or poor nations. Americans went through the same kind of crisis in the 50's after the end of the Great Depression and World War II. They were poorer and there were many obvious external physical challenges like poverty and war. It's really hard to talk about internal demons when you have these other more basic needs that go unmet. So that's what they provide for their children. In essence, this is what the movie The Graduate and the hippie counterculture movements were about. You can have all the material success in the world, but this alone doesn't seem to make humans happy.
Instead they come to grapple with a great nihilism that consumes them. Doctor K talks about this in some detail in other videos. It seems rational that mental well being is correlated with physical success. Except it doesn't quite work that way. As he mentions working with people who are financially successful but then feel empty or lacking direction in their lives after "making it." (Doctor K also speaks about how Buddha was a prince prior to being an ascetic. And that great success and wealth seems to be correlated to people then going off and searching for meaning.)
A lot of SEA nations emerged rapidly into postindustrial economies after a period of war and poverty and we're still feeling the shock of that. With wealth, we imagine we have slain all the great dragons. So our parents just have the rational plan for us to inherit the material wealth they could never have. Their kids just have to buckle down and take prestige jobs. You know these: Doctor, layer and engineer. The weight of the expectations that Asian parents put on their kids always confused my peers. Emily was told to be an engineer and she just didn't fit. I have a similar story. (Though ironically, it turns out I'm a better engineer than I thought. Another amusing opposite to Emily.)
This older generation of parents have no idea what to do when their kid don't fit. It's not that my parents didn't try their best with what limited knowledge they had. But like many other Asian parents, I could see the pattern. They didn't love their kids for who they were. Didn't respect their personal emotional needs. All that was conditioned upon other external metrics of success. The "rational" plan. The kids are just lazy or weak or complain too much. I derailed the plan and was met with abuse, recrimination and outrage. Even the kids of my cohort who made a break into their dream job that they find fulfilling first go through a period of their parents "not getting it." The acceptance only comes after the obvious material wealth comes with the job playing video games. (I know a streamer like this, who did all the things "right" and all it did was make her a miserable and disposable crony of a corporation. To the point that it degraded her physical and mental health. Like the prince that had it all, she gave it up.)
I probably have undiagnosed adhd and was on the spectrum. Therapists could not be trusted with secrets. That was the attitude my parents took. Besides, this talk of disorders are just excuses my lazy kid is making up. That's probably the attitude they and many other parents would take.
But I see so many streamers now and the ones that seem healthiest and happiest? The ones that seem like they're freest and best able to flourish and tackle life's adversities? It's almost hard for me not to be jealous of the good relationships they had with their parents. Never seem embarrassed or insincere about their affections. They never make an secret of the good terms they're on. They positively radiate a sense of security and confidence that I will never really feel. And it almost makes me want to hate them for having what I can't.
Real confidence, I have come to understand, is not conditioned on anything external. It's a paradox. But true nonetheless. Some of the most successful, powerful and beautiful people are also the weakest and most insecure. If mental well being were so easy, you would not see so many stories of their weaknesses on such full display.
I wake every morning with a burden that I know will stay with me until the day I die. Sometimes I forget that I'm carrying it. The way you ignore a background noise. But it's always there. And I feel exhausted. I want to set it down, knowing that this is impossible. Only in sleep and in death will I ever escape it. Those kids that found a purpose in a career in streaming? They're lucky. I am not. I don't know what my purpose is. But I sense it is something terrible that must break me in its fulfillment.
@@ved2360 thank you for sharing. Personally, I believe that life doesnt have a purpose until YOU make one y'know? Everyone's life is so different due to so many events and so many factors, many of which they can't control. A sense of meaning in life that's set by anyone but themselves? Can anyone else truly understand EVERYTHING a person feels or has experienced? Its up to you y'know? Find what makes you happy (or even content; an expectation of endless happiness is an unachievable goal by any human) and pursue it. As long as your passion isnt harming others or self destructive, it is a completely rational goal.
Dr. K's monologue about Proving yourself, and then it ends with his wife coming in and being supportive with tissues and telling him to be nice and telling him to teach her to send the food back in a restaurant. that whole thing...OMG 😭👌🏼
I don't really care about all that lovey-dovey type shit that you seem to be focused on but I know that one thing's for sure, Dr. K bagged a hot one.
i wish i could just give her a big hug and tell her its ok to fail. i cant imagine the weight she's had to carry for so many years 😢
She is so brave. Throughout Dr.K trying to make here connect to her emotions, she cried several times but never shied away from the act. Yes she is alexithymic to a point and too hard on herself, but she bravely faced that. She's going to be okay i'm sure. The willingness to face your demons is key to improving.
Something else to take away..is that through this..she has accomplished far more than 99.9 percent of people have. So perhaps…it’s a superpower and you’re just seeing the equal balance of negative…yet…she’s still above. Aka…maybe bringing her back to “normal”..isn’t the best option.
I feel like a lot of people's evaluations of Emily are not taking into account that this was done in front of an audience. Like most people would try to make it seem like they're not sad/emotional if thousands of people were watching them. I thought it was really cool how she went from trying to entertain/being upbeat to being emotionally vulnerable. I relate a lot to her experiences and appreciated both her vulnerability and Dr. K's feedback. Learned a lot myself
My heart goes out to her. I once knew someone who had repressed to much they became 'frighteningly positive'.
I truly hope she'll find a way to put herself, if not first at least not last.
Oh boy
I understand the conditional love thing. That leads to people pleasing. It's like love becomes a transaction. If you do this then I will do this. I totally can relate with Emily. I did put on A happy face thing. It broke me. I had a friend once tell me no one wants to be around a depressed person. For me people pleasing comes from the notion that I won't be accepted and I might even get hurt physical. There's a lot more to it than that.
I gained a lot of understanding about the splitting of the mind. It has given me a lot to think about with how I deal with my own trauma. I have always dealt with it on an intellectual level. Well not always but most of the time. You always produce awesome stuff Dr K.
Never in my life have I wanted so much to give someone a big warm hug. Emily looks like an amazing person who also carries lots of hurt deep inside, and hardly anyone around her truly understands it. I truly hope that she's already going easier on herself and giving herself credit for all the W's
For such a happy and upbeat person, she carries an insane amount of weight on her shoulders
that's not especially rare as a case >
...have you followed? It's BECAUSE she has so much weight on her shoulders that she FORCES HERSELF to Always be happy and upbeat.
No. It's because she's forcing herself to be so happy that she got so much weight on her shoulders. The other way around@@blop-a-blop9419
@@DarkFoxV¹1a²²àa!
I started following you after this interview with ExtraEmily, no idea who she was or how it was recommended to me, but I clicked it. And within minutes it blew me away... it was such an honest, openhearted and personal conversation but I didn't feel like I was intruding. Thanks for this.
This was extremely relatable. I am also fighting disintegration. My self worth is conditional on the positive experience of people around me. Its exhausting and frustrating to live that way.
Put yourself first
Massive respect to Emily and Alok for this conversation. I think this is a perfect example of the utility of therapy. Emily showcased how the process of peeling back layers looks in real time, whike Alok shows that the process itself is a guided inward focus. Brilliant video.
omg when emily started crying the very first time i instantly started tearing up aswell, i literally do the exact same thing where i cry a bunch and then force myself to smile and be happy right after lol
i can relate to her stress and expectations on herself. Holy fuck she's a champ for just pushing forward. I admire that
I listened to 90% of this, and watched the other 10% or so. Very interesting to hear the way her voice changes and switches and you can literally hear her put it on every time she tips her toes below the surface. So glad he spoke up and connected with her so she understood he knew that kind of traditional upbringing, and from there she really started opening up more. Hopefully she continues, because im sure everyone expected the gates to burst open for some massive breakthrough. But for a first session to try to being those two halves back to a whole, truly incredible to watch his patience and control to help guide her.
Watching her like this is heartbreaking but I'm glad I can understand who she is as a person more now atleast. I'm so proud she's talking about it and hope she's doing better now.
i think its perfectly valid to not jive with everyone's personality, but reading the comments about how her energy and bubbly nature is fake and inauthentic to the point of being painful, or manipulative, is a harsh judgement that misses a lot of nuance. yes, toxic positivity is a coping mechanism that is showcased in this interview, but you can see why it was developed and how it got her to be successful today. she's good at placating situations, enjoys providing for other people, and some of it is to mitigate other people's perception of her, but a lot of it is because she likes making people happy. she's allowed to be cute, allowed to have high energy, allowed to express herself in more classically feminine and optimistic ways without being infantalized or labeled fake for doing so.
She's being cringe for the sake of not being authentic and protecting herself. There's a strong degree of inauthenticity when she does this not that her personality is inherently inauthentic.
22:58 “it’s because I want you to do whatever you want to do, and I don’t want you to stop yourself from what you want to do”
Man , poor girl. She seems like the sweetest person ever . This comment in particular made me so sad . She does everything for other people .
Emily is so relatable to me, I just want to give her a big hug like I wish I could go back and give my 18 yr old self one and just tell her it’s ok to not grin and bear it all. The “ship” might sink if you quit bailing out all the water, but you’re actually a strong swimmer and that boat was a shit boat anyways. Thank you Emily for sharing and I hope you can be as kind to yourself as you are to others ❤
Man.. An overachiever who's great in life but underneath all the happy mask has alot of something built up... Im jealous of her achievements but also heartbroken because she seems like she's missing a concrete foundation of her own identity and value. But I think thats common among young adults today.. Ive been an underachiever my whole life and feel similar to how she feels. But for her to feel that way makes me feel really sad for her because she deserves better.
You deserve better too!
The killer thing is she *knows* burnout is inevitable if she continues to go the same way she has been. Its heartbreaking. I really hope she continues to get help 💜
Damn...
As 34 year old first time mom to a now 16 month old, the bit about breastfeeding hit hard. I try to gloss over people's jokes regarding it, but I'm glad Dr. K spent a little time to address it. I struggled heavily with ppd in the early stages and I still struggle here n there with feeling good enough. I struggled to even get anywhere. My daughter was able to get at least the colostrum so I don't feel too bad, but yeah.. there is some serious deep seeded frustration and sadness that I was unable to continue and did move to formula.
Thankfully family was supportive.. I did also learn who my friends were and weren't during that period too.. especially with shame around not doing everything "natural"
adding to this... the whole interview hit incredibly close to home. I struggle with people pleasing too and relate hard to the need to seek parental approval. That if they didnt approve, you fail and failure is not an option... every time she broke into tears, i felt myself feeling those same tears. Feeling sadness when someone offers me encouragement and speaks truth over me rather than love.
And the self blame.. it was hard and also very good to watch. I hope that she is able to move forward with herself in this. rooting for you, emily!
First of Emily's content I saw was a short just a few weeks ago. I think I even commented asking if she is always so happy and enthusiastic about everything or if there was lots of caffeine involved. Her energy and smile, you can't help but smile right back at the screen. Watching this was fascinating as a reminder that we don't really know what's going on under the "mask" others show us. I genuinely hope that she continues working on herself. She has such an amazing infectious positive attitude and is naturally entertaining. She deserves to enjoy this time in her life as much as her community enjoy her content 🤗
Caffeine 😂 She seems Japanese in personality, like a lot of Japanese women talk and move like her. Idk if she's replicating it or authentic
Great convo, a lot of moments where Dr. K just shows how great he is at navigating emotions. Respect to Emily for just sending it
this was honestly really helpful for me? and gosh i hope extraemily will figure out how to put herself first because she deserves the world
I grew up in a household that wasn’t very “mental health” oriented as I presume most of us did. Our parents’ generation wasn’t much for what they may call “softies”, which really is just owning your emotions. I wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD until recently at the age of 29. And just a few weeks ago took my first ADHD pill. The difference is night and day. Of course my goal is to get to a point where I don’t need them anymore, but in the meantime, they are incredibly helpful. Things I hadn’t been able to do like clean my house since I bought it like a year ago I finally had the concentration to stay on task and not waver every 2 minutes, even less! I’d tell myself, “Today I’m going to clean up!” And for over a year today never happened. And then I’d beat myself up over it. And then maybe 1 day I’d get some done. But even then, why that day? Why not every day? And I know the meds aren’t a panacea, but damn do they help. If before I had 1 good day every 2 weeks in terms of focus, now I have 5 or 6 in a week. And even that “off” day where I still struggle a bit, it’s not even that bad. And that coupled with the videos I’ve been watching from Dr. K, I’m making so many changes. People around me can see the difference. Some know and others don’t, but many can see there’s something different in me. Thank you Dr. K and thank you to my therapist who pushed me to get assessed for around a year, and thank you to my ADHD doctor who when she noticed I wasn’t filling out the forms or following up my initial calls took the initiative to reach out to me, help me with the forms, even let me come in without them and allow me to do them in the office even if it took up time in our appointment. Thank you.
sweet kid :). that sine wave of her switching from full-on joy to tears and back up again is unreal :)
I was so annoyed by Emily at first. I could immediately tell she was trying so hard to be bubbly and positive, and I could pretty confidently see where this stream was going. But as I kept watching, I started to see more and more of herself in me. I'm proud to say I've mostly put my people-pleasing days behind me (I've gotten a lot better at treating myself as a person), but man did I resonate with a lot of her feelings. I really felt for her by the end. She was so tough on this stream. Good job Emily.
I went to therapy a few times and this is exactly how I imagine I looked for the entire time... tearing up from all the trauma in life but trying to smile or joke about it.
Would love to see a follow up to this. Watching Dr K attack this session was a masterclass - very insightful. Emily was so brave for doing this too. Thank you!
I saw a handful of clips from Emily’s twitch and I instantly started worrying about her. I’ve met people like Emily and I know the struggles they go through. I’m really glad that she at least had this session with Dr. K I can tell she learned a lot from this and I hope she continues getting the help she deserves
I had a lot of issues within my family growing up and i didn't realize until today that i had completely taken for granted how little i feared them despite all those issues.
I hope I can help anyone watching who relates to her people pleasing.
If someone is asking you more personal questions or stepping in anything more serious, try to take a little bit of extra time to answer, just to see if you're actually comfortable answering. Because you need that to not go too far in just pleasing people by answering everything or doing loads of things you're not actually okay with, and you need a little time and attention to evaluate if you're even comfortable doing that at all, given your first instinct is to ignore that for other's sake.
Anyone who attacks you for it is someone you should not please. Please remember that you also deserve to be pleased and taken care of. Good luck, and I'm sorry life was so rough on you. You deserved better, and I hope you get it.
Emily :( I’ve never seen or heard about her (I think maybe in passing but I’ve never heard about what kind of content she makes ) but her explaining the shakey voice at the start is exactly how I felt when I started my mental health journey. Trying to talk about stuff that therapy makes you talk about is really hard when you try to present yourself as stoic and like everything is fine
I watched this live and I felt like everyone in chat just wanted her to cry and then hug her
OMG i just wanna give her a hug and tell her everything's gonna be ok 😭
Currently recovering from Covid... Dr. K's videos are so engaging that i forget about my sickness when listening to him
i woud give my left kidney to talk with dr. k, he seems so helpful and understanding, more than any other psychiatrist/psychologist i ever talked to
That is such a massive problem. There are so many incompetent therapists it's not even funny. Dr. K is special but other therapists should at least be comparable. I've given up on therapy because of this and I'm positive millions of other people have as well.
I’m about halfway through and I really like her. I feel like she’s very genuine and relatable. I’d definitely like to be friends with her.
Her personality is so uncanny. Its unsettling on how much she performs and stays in character as this happy amd bubbly person that never feels any negative or serious emotions. That interaction at 14:45 and onwards is something truly sad to watch. I hope this meeting with Dr K. helped her
man she reminds me of myself when im in counsel,, i tend to laugh/joke my problems out bcs i'm uncomfortable of expressing my raw feelings
That was extremely well conducted by Dr K and Emily was very brave to open up like that.
Aw she is just the best and nobody can convince me otherwise.
was going to skip through it a bit but ended up watching the whole thing. Thanks Emily and Dr. K
I RELATE TO THIS!!!
ignoring the "negative" feelings never works! I was JUST LIKE EMILY, but then things started falling apart at age 25. I ended up in therapy and it took me a LONG time to relearn this. It was similar to how Emily started freaking out when she heard her voice shake.
I would be SO ANXIOUS when I felt myself start to cry or get a shaky voice in therapy that I would literally start SHAKING and sweating and hyperventilating. For the first few months of therapy I spent the entire 45 min shaking like this, and then the last 5 min the therapist would ask me another question. (she was forcing me to get used to sitting with my feelings). My therapist coached me through it though and taught me breathing techniques. Eventually I was able to overcome this, and now I'm able to feel my feelings. But when you grow up BEING TAUGHT to shove your feelings down your neck, it is SOOOO SOO HARD TO UNLEARN. I don't think everyone understands this. You're doing great Emily and I recommend therapy with a good doctor if you're open to that!
@extraemily thanks for doing this interview. I hope it does as much good for you as I know it'll do for me and others
i dont get how a person can be so expressive. its insane to me. im a robot in any social situation
She's expressive because she's doing what other people who I met in my life are like, masking happy happy happy I have to be happy happy happy 24/7 she even unfortunately says this herself so immediately to me it came across as annoying (not in a bad way just obvious)
She's not expressive. Expressiveness would be appropriate flexibility through the whole range of emotions (like a healthy human) PLUS being able to drive that through a bit stronger, or calm it down. In other words very very capable emotional regulation.
She is stuck in "happy" due to her performance, which is not expressiveness.
Just for your future reference, I hope that's helpful.
@@eduantech you're right shes technically not expressive of her true emotions or whatever but i just meant that she acts joyous and giddy in conversation which makes her seem welcoming and easy to talk to. i wish i could do that
Have you asked yourself why? Like why you're a robot and not expressive? That may be where the answer is. And then, ask yourself: Is this okay with you? Because it sounds like you're judging yourself :)
@@D_Jilla i probably know why, its just so hard to fix! i guess we create pathways in our brains and it takes time to rewire
fantastic interview already 15 min in, she reminds me of me a lot
Fun story about breast feeding. There ARE youtube videos that can help you learn how to breastfeed. I was struggling with feeding one of my kids and spent an entire day watching these videos --- on my husband's youtube account. He came home from work, really confused as to why he was getting some really strange advertisements for nipple shields and video recommendations for organic motherhood. His co-workers noticed and started asking questions LOL.
Emily: This is great. I'm going to get a good grade in positivity, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve,
The interview reminded me of this meme, though honestly the original meme works for this as well.
Is there such a thing as toxic positivity? Enough that that distances you from authentic self awareness?
Yes
Absolutely
for sure
Yes and it‘s portrayed perfectly in the movie Inside out.
toxic is in the quantity, not in the substance, even water is toxic.
Dang. Doctor K asked a single question and I could already see the problem with ExtraEmily's thought process.
She's okay with burnout as long as she knows she's "made it." In less than a minute he's already cut to the core of the problem.
This seemed like a needed conversation for Emily. This helped show how therapy can be beneficial. Hopefully she uses this experience to help deal with whatever she needs. If Emily is reading the comments good luck and stop reading the comments lol! It's okay if you don't please everyone
meanwhile I'm procrastinating calling therapists to start therapy for myself and I listened to this while thing... (putting it into the universe) so Allan plz dial a phone number tomorrow okay thanks we probably won't regret it...
I want to give Emily a big hug. I'm a big perfectionist and people pleaser too so I related a lot. I've done a lot of therapy for it now so am a bit further down the road then where she is but I relate to trying to "win" therapy XD.
Ive never wanted to give a stranger a hug so bad in my life.... 😢 Hang in there girl! Keep working on yourself and youll be aight!
i want to give her a hug she tries so much to please others but she doesnt need to cause she is amazing the way she is
I’m so happy this showed up on my feed and I’m extremely grateful to Emily for doing this stream with Dr. K. I had a similar upbringing with similar traumas, but I adapted very differently by the time I got to college in that I failed out and said “screw it.” Now I have a job I worked my ass off to get, just got a promotion with a relatively fat raise and I genuinely haven’t even allowed myself to feel good about it because there’s a part of my brain telling me that I should have been at this point like 8 years ago. I started watching this because I’ve also been feeling burnt out at work, and realize now that the problem runs a lot deeper than my ability to cope with stress.
This was so relatable holy shit. PROTECT THIS WOMAN AT ALL COSTS!!
It was interesting to see this side of Emily. Would be interesting to hear more about her with Dr. K in the future. Granted Dr. K did extremely well with this session since the camera definitely changes the dynamic of the conversation.
Really amazing conversation. Big ups to her to have the courage to do a therapy talk session publicly too.
Ooof, when she started to feel the emotion, I couldn't hold it. So relatable, but we're not our facade.
She's such a sweet soul
You can just flip her emotions and get pretty close to how she is. It's hard to watch someone hide emotions so strongly and putting on a brave face all the time. It's something I used to do a lot and now I make people very aware of how i feel, no point hiding it as it only causes more issues
I am actually sad for her.
I immediately spotted the happy face she was putting on (probably cause I am new to her) kinda looking like an anime character, and underneath that happy face is all that sadness...
i've really got no words to describe the world we live in, and what we have to do to live in it, but I'm super thankful to people like DoctorK and their work.
keep it up everybody
Dr. K is so good at navigating a conversation. I wish I had his skills
56:40 based
Dr. K, you're awesome! Emily is precious
so ive been a people pleaser for a long time too, I'm trying my best to break out of it cuz holy heck I've come to understand how not-good it can be. But out of all the interviews I've watched and cried through, i think i cried through this one the most mainly cuz of how much it resonated with me. Wishing Emily all the best and Dr K is a freakin beast for doing these interviews and helping streamers and viewers understand themselves and where to go from there
Dr K appears in someone's life for like 10 seconds and their world explodes. We all need Dr K! @ExtraEmily you're a ball of sunshine.
During the stream I thought Dr k is not asking the right questions, but moving forward I found out that Dr K has a strategy and asking very good questions.
wow Dr. K is one of the best therapists I've ever seen
You can really tell how much she needed that "I'm gonna be proud of you"... Geez, that killed me and hope she is doin' much better now!
Human beings are so interesting. Even acting in a positive manner has its limits.
*She is so cute, innocent and adorable, it's like I fell in love with her in just 10 minutes of watching and listening to her. Please Emily don't be so hard on yourself, people will like u even if u be more raw and not pressure urself so much. I don't know if I want her to succeed too much but I want her to be happy more than anything else. Please emily be urself and be happy, we want u to be happy. we love u for what u really are. Don't worry about ur streaming career, U will find great ways to become best at what u do.*
You know I kinda feel bad for her, I can definitely emphasise with her on so many levels. Starts with parents, then school, then work. All of them pile bunch of rules on you which restricts your freedom and human self which in return, turns you to a shell of a human being that just drift through space, constantly navigating the rules which were set by those who are not suppose to set rules to begin with. Hope she gets better,
Watching my sister do this to herself for decades, while raising two kids and dealing w a stressful job and selfish husband, has really hurt. The fact that it's coincided with both of us also dealing w severe autoimmune disorders, hurts even more.
She has such positive golden retriever energy
yes she does, i would love to pet her and call her a good girl, give her some treats maybe
@@hado33_ 😦
Damn I wish I could be like this without feeling full body exhaustion from exerting so much mental energy
@@rsgomlftwit’s not possible, that’s why she’s exhausted :(
@Knowledge I don't think she realises. When I'm out with my mates and we're having a good time it's like I'm on cracking but as soon as I get home, I feel my feet ache, thirsty, headache and am super tired. But during the activities I don't feel a thing.