You have just described in detail a family member. She is extremely exploitative and has a parasitic lifestyle, always moving on when what she needs runs out. She can be extremely charming, funny and likeable when you have a use for her, yet if she feels slighted in any way, she grows bored or a better alternative turns up she will shut you out completely, disappear like she doesn’t exist. Blame is a huge weapon which is used automatically and systematically, often playing the victim to gain trust, support and sympathy from her next target. She is an alcoholic and, I suspect, a narcissist. Thank for this video, it helps…a lot.
How about a narcissistic/alcoholic! I was married to one for 25 years! I finally worked up enough self esteem to end the marriage 3 years ago! I finally have some peace in my life!
Same here been with 5 years..and share a daughter.. and it's a daily dose of hell every other day he will drink and verbal abuse Us.. and manipulate me
BLESS!!! I’m in year 20 now & he relapsed on anger 2 weeks into the marriage, raged for a year & a half & then drank himself nearly to death over the following year (during which I moved out). In “that cycle” again right now and I set a boundary on his anger and we haven’t spoken for weeks. Silence is golden!!! I’m an alcoholic myself but I actually worked the steps … a spiritual sickness CAN be healed with a higher power & 12 little steps … Is narcissism a spiritual illness? Or he just a dry drunk? Who cares, they’re a pain in the rear either way!! It took mine 10 years to “let” me tell how his drinking affected me 😂😂😂 His rage? No concrete evidence so I must be hallucinating 🤣🤣🤣 Sorry, pal, I don’t buy it. Get your supply somewhere else!!! PS Celebrated 25 years sober in January … pretty sure that pisses him off, too 🤣🤣
This is spot in. The ex narcissist was in recovery for 8yrs when I met him, He was addicted to Drugs/alcohol. We were together 7yrs. He is everything that is mentioned in this video. Such a pitiful existence they must have. I had enough of his Victim mentality I am not an addict never have been he constantly used this as an excuse for his vile behaviours. I walked away in July went no contact. I believe he began using drugs at 17 as he knew he was a Narcissist or he knew something wasn’t right with him. I got away and out of that poisonous fake relationship . These people hurt and destroy every one that comes into their life. Avoid at all costs. Predators and Abusers of Women. Sick B******s.
I was living with an alcoholic who showed narcissistic traits. I was so beyond angry all the time. I lived with him 3 years and I couldn't do it anymore. My anger grew to the point of sudden explosions. I legit thought I was going to end up in jail soon so I moved out. Best decision of my life! LEAVE
This is the most accurate clinical explanation of my husband I’ve ever heard. Thank you for this video. Maybe I can move on to stop blaming myself solely for all the problems in my marriage. They make us truly believe that it’s solely our fault and they have no hand in it. They make us feel like horrible people.
Thank you for watching and the comment. When someone is emotionally abusive, they have no ability to see the role they play in negative interactions. They are expert finger pointers and it is never their fault. If you said it differently, weren't always bringing up things, and would just accept them for who they are, then there would be no issues. That is what the abuser wants you to think. They can't see themselves as the problem so that must mean you are the problem. But you aren't! You aren't responsible for someone else's poor behaviors. It is easy to take it personally because the attacks and insults are directed at you. But remember, it isn't about you. It is about them. If you haven't already, check out this video which discusses that last point a little more: th-cam.com/video/b-FG7uiZaS0/w-d-xo.html
I’ve really been worried that my alcoholic husband may be a narcissist or psychopath because of the constant gaslighting. Todays his first day of sobriety and I’m really hoping that it’s the alcohol causing it because then it can be fixed. If he still does it sober I’m going to have to leave 😞
I was an active alcoholic for 18 years but have been sober for over a decade and I remember how awfully narcissistic i was, it was sick how i behaved im so happy im out of it, i was very much like a NPD, after 18 years of little to no empathy it came as a huge learning curve once those feeling came back
Every one of these traits my ex possessed. Even when he was sober he had to have control of everything. Even something as small as the location of a picture in the house was a fight. He wouldn’t allow me to do anything without his consent or criticism. He was the child of an alcoholic and now a functional alcoholic along with his ex wife. The most toxic & abusive relationship I’ve ever been in.
This is exactly the model my partner has. She has destroyed so much of my life. I never stay home with her when she drinks because I can not tell the outcome of the night. She is addicted to a routine. I went into the relationship because I loved her, and I thought she loved me the same. But it's not true. She has moved us into a situation where I live completely separate to her. The cost of her drinking and smoking robs us of the 'saving' opportunity. I show her the cost of 1 pack/2 days = 15 packs at $42 + 1 bottle a day @$20 = $1,200 a month and she point blank denies the cost! She refuses to do the math her self and says 'it comes out of the money she earns" but we use a collective bank account. I consider myself nothing more than a slave to her. During the day she is good (still denial and ocd) but after a drink... she is a different person. I have a plan to separate in 3 months. I tell her but she is totally committed to her lifestyle, which bears no resemblance to mine. It's such a sad reality to wake up to each day. If you are in such a relationship, the only way to progress is to get out. Be strong, write a plan, make it happen. A message to myself.
Yes, Mom preferred the local bars and drinkers to spending time with her own family. Whenever I suggested things she could do with her grandchildren, she would scream, "IT'S MY TIME!!" But she did manage to move a man, young enough to be her son, into the house our father built, only to get a visit from the local cops who figured out he was an accused molester/felon fleeing from justice. She preferred his company of that of her own family. I noticed anytime I was happy or proud enough to share something positive, or I was praised by someone else, or I did something for her, she verbally attacked, marginalized, and/or discredited me. I left our relationship up to her after walking in on one too many backbiting sessions, when she intentionally lied to her drinking buddies about me. She never had called, visited, or took the initiative to be in my children's lives -- perhaps that was a blessing. But she was quick to scream and rage that I'd abandoned her even though she never reached out. She was a pathological projector of shame. The 46 years I spent trying to be a dutiful, supportive son were saturated with her abuses. She's been dead two years, and the family is still reeling from the division/destruction she wreaked.
THANK YOU FOR SHARING. YOUR VIDEOS ARE SO VERY HELPFUL. CAN YOU PLEASE DO A VIDEO ON WHY THE NARCISSTIS GIVE SILENT TREATMENTS AND TREAT YOU LIKE YOU DON'T EXIST... THE NARCISSTIS HAS BEEN GIVING ME THE SILENT TREATMENT FOR OVER A MONTH ITS VERY HURTFUL..
Your Videos are Totally Accurate ! Non Better ! I've Watched many from Others, Not Dragged - Out long Winded boring Epics, But Straight Facts ! Many Thanks Again ! Pete .👍🎩☕
What about the narcissist who is an alcoholic?!!! Narcissists are VERY deeply broken and damaged individuals! These people are to be pitied and not glorified.
My ex is a covert narcissist-alcoholic. I was with him for 30 years.He used the drinking to cover up his vile behavior (I was drunk-I don't remember) to excuse himself. He was sober for 20 years- But he still did devious things (gaslighting--projecting-lying) while sober. It was explained to me this way: Think of the drinking narcissist as the ocean waves-Then think of the sober narcissist as the tide going out to reveal the beach underneath. A narcisisst is still a narcisisst whether they are drinking or not. In many cases the sober narcisisst is much more dangerous because they are more sneaky now.
Aren't alcoholics and narcissists the same in that they know what they're doing is bad but do it in order to avoid feelings of shame which, in turn, increases the feeling of shame which makes them do bad things and the vicious circle continues?
I had a BPD who had the dual diagnosis of Alcoholism to help her with her child sex abuse. Sought help for both and never successful she is still a drunk BPD that her sister takes care of. Sad.
I’ e been wondering if my alcoholic/addict former friend has this, but it also just might be the the addictions because he didn’t really betray me unless he was drunk.
And heavy drugs of other natures and are consistent like a marathon. Track runner when it comes to the drugs, they can't live without it. That's their first wife or husband is the drugs.
haha It's way weirder than you are making out. A couple of months ago, I got f_cked over by a guy and I thought - stuff this - I've had enough of westerners. I am going to cut ties with two remaining western friends. Instantly, the strangest thing happened. I suddenly had no interest in alcohol. It was as if it suddenly left my life. It is really weird. It's almost like I have never drunk alcohol at all - despite the fact that I was a heavy drinker and have been drinking since I was a teenager - 50 years ago. Now, the same visions that used to drive me to the bottle shop make me grimace. Today, I even picked up a wine bottle, looked at the contents and thought - yuk. As you can imagine, I was gobsmacked by this. Nobody else seemed to think much of it, but I have read that it is very difficult to give up alcohol addiction. It certainly wouldn't be described as dead easy as I feel it was. I can't say I quit, because I didn't set out to quit. It just happened, the moment I cut ties with all western people. Vanished. It was like chopping off a connection between myself and a whole heap of other people. The moment I chopped - the alcoholism disappeared - simple as that. This has made me think and think, of course. I thought back over all the times I had drunk recently. Was there some common denominator in it all? I thought of all the people who I ended up drinking with - and those I didn't. There were only 2 people in the latter group - and the other group consisted mostly of westerners and one filipino cam whore I became friends with years ago. The cam whore gave me the clue. I once said to her that perhaps she would be able to improve her life if she developed empathy with people - showed some concern for them. She said "nah - I not care about them. I just want their money" Working backwards, I thought of all the people I now wanted to cut out of my life. Without exception, they all displayed a lack of care about things. That non caring attitude may or many not have been directed at me. They just had to display that they didn't care about something. Nor was the situation necessarily unpleasant. It could have been a casual meeting on the street comprising of small talk - no fight or argument - no upset. However, if they indicated they didn't care about something, i would drink that night When it came to my other two friends, I never drank with them or after talking to them - and they both care, not only about me, but about things in general. So slowly, slowly, I sorted them all into two groups: carers and non carers. Having done that, I thought about the act of caring. It comes from empathy, doesn't it? Narcissists don't have empathy - and I started to wonder if there may be a symbiotic relationship between narcissism and alcoholism. In other words, the alcoholism is somehow triggered by or is reliant upon narcissism. I have no idea really. I'm just clutching at straws for answers. I did think that the whole thing may have developed in early teenage years, when my alcoholic parents showed they didn't care about me over something. Maybe I sulked - and decided to hurt them by hurting myself. The thinking settled in and has plagued my life ever since. Now, somebody only has to indicate they don't care about me or anything - and that's it. I gotta have a drink. It could be that or anything. The only thing I do know is that the moment I cut ties, the alcoholic inside me died. That's the only solid thing here. It is real. It happened. My blood tests would even prove it. As for the rationale behind it, that is all conjecture. I'm not even sure that is important. When trying to help an alcoholic, maybe the idea is not to focus on their drinking - but help them manage their social contacts. It's well known that alcoholics shouldn't hang with other alcoholics, but I suspect it's wider reaching than that. Who knows? Maybe now that I understand I am being triggered by a non-caring attitude, I can deal with it differently. That is already happening to some extent. For example, if you or anybody else said they don't care about my stupid theory a couple of months ago, I know it would have had me reaching for a bottle. Not today, though. So this may be a huge call, but that could be how easy it is to beat alcoholism. I can tell you. I have had no cravings. No couseling. No meds. Nothing. I guess that is not such a good thing for your profession, but it means I will live 20 years longer at least. I
You have just described in detail a family member. She is extremely exploitative and has a parasitic lifestyle, always moving on when what she needs runs out. She can be extremely charming, funny and likeable when you have a use for her, yet if she feels slighted in any way, she grows bored or a better alternative turns up she will shut you out completely, disappear like she doesn’t exist. Blame is a huge weapon which is used automatically and systematically, often playing the victim to gain trust, support and sympathy from her next target. She is an alcoholic and, I suspect, a narcissist. Thank for this video, it helps…a lot.
How about a narcissistic/alcoholic! I was married to one for 25 years! I finally worked up enough self esteem to end the marriage 3 years ago! I finally have some peace in my life!
Same here been with 5 years..and share a daughter.. and it's a daily dose of hell every other day he will drink and verbal abuse Us.. and manipulate me
Me tooooo! 25 years toooo!!!! I filed for divorce last Monday. I can’t wait till he gets the divorce papers. I’m done with his abusive behavior.
Same 20 yrs and he now lives 250 miles away and therefore not my problem
25 years with a covert narcissist who became an alcoholic. I left, never divorced, he ☠️ less than two years after I left, from chirosis.
BLESS!!! I’m in year 20 now & he relapsed on anger 2 weeks into the marriage, raged for a year & a half & then drank himself nearly to death over the following year (during which I moved out). In “that cycle” again right now and I set a boundary on his anger and we haven’t spoken for weeks. Silence is golden!!! I’m an alcoholic myself but I actually worked the steps … a spiritual sickness CAN be healed with a higher power & 12 little steps … Is narcissism a spiritual illness? Or he just a dry drunk? Who cares, they’re a pain in the rear either way!! It took mine 10 years to “let” me tell how his drinking affected me 😂😂😂 His rage? No concrete evidence so I must be hallucinating 🤣🤣🤣 Sorry, pal, I don’t buy it. Get your supply somewhere else!!! PS Celebrated 25 years sober in January … pretty sure that pisses him off, too 🤣🤣
This is spot in. The ex narcissist was in recovery for 8yrs when I met him, He was addicted to Drugs/alcohol. We were together 7yrs. He is everything that is mentioned in this video.
Such a pitiful existence they must have. I had enough of his Victim mentality I am not an addict never have been he constantly used this as an excuse for his vile behaviours. I walked away in July went no contact. I believe he began using drugs at 17 as he knew he was a Narcissist or he knew something wasn’t right with him. I got away and out of that poisonous fake relationship . These people hurt and destroy every one that comes into their life. Avoid at all costs. Predators and Abusers of Women. Sick B******s.
I was living with an alcoholic who showed narcissistic traits. I was so beyond angry all the time. I lived with him 3 years and I couldn't do it anymore. My anger grew to the point of sudden explosions. I legit thought I was going to end up in jail soon so I moved out. Best decision of my life! LEAVE
This is the most accurate clinical explanation of my husband I’ve ever heard. Thank you for this video. Maybe I can move on to stop blaming myself solely for all the problems in my marriage. They make us truly believe that it’s solely our fault and they have no hand in it. They make us feel like horrible people.
Thank you for watching and the comment. When someone is emotionally abusive, they have no ability to see the role they play in negative interactions. They are expert finger pointers and it is never their fault. If you said it differently, weren't always bringing up things, and would just accept them for who they are, then there would be no issues. That is what the abuser wants you to think. They can't see themselves as the problem so that must mean you are the problem. But you aren't! You aren't responsible for someone else's poor behaviors. It is easy to take it personally because the attacks and insults are directed at you. But remember, it isn't about you. It is about them. If you haven't already, check out this video which discusses that last point a little more: th-cam.com/video/b-FG7uiZaS0/w-d-xo.html
I agree with you on this one. I am in the same situation and this video will help me a lot.
As I am ! What a shit show!
I’ve really been worried that my alcoholic husband may be a narcissist or psychopath because of the constant gaslighting. Todays his first day of sobriety and I’m really hoping that it’s the alcohol causing it because then it can be fixed. If he still does it sober I’m going to have to leave 😞
I was an active alcoholic for 18 years but have been sober for over a decade and I remember how awfully narcissistic i was, it was sick how i behaved im so happy im out of it, i was very much like a NPD, after 18 years of little to no empathy it came as a huge learning curve once those feeling came back
Every one of these traits my ex possessed. Even when he was sober he had to have control of everything. Even something as small as the location of a picture in the house was a fight. He wouldn’t allow me to do anything without his consent or criticism. He was the child of an alcoholic and now a functional alcoholic along with his ex wife. The most toxic & abusive relationship I’ve ever been in.
This is exactly the model my partner has. She has destroyed so much of my life. I never stay home with her when she drinks because I can not tell the outcome of the night. She is addicted to a routine. I went into the relationship because I loved her, and I thought she loved me the same. But it's not true. She has moved us into a situation where I live completely separate to her. The cost of her drinking and smoking robs us of the 'saving' opportunity. I show her the cost of 1 pack/2 days = 15 packs at $42 + 1 bottle a day @$20 = $1,200 a month and she point blank denies the cost! She refuses to do the math her self and says 'it comes out of the money she earns" but we use a collective bank account. I consider myself nothing more than a slave to her. During the day she is good (still denial and ocd) but after a drink... she is a different person. I have a plan to separate in 3 months. I tell her but she is totally committed to her lifestyle, which bears no resemblance to mine. It's such a sad reality to wake up to each day. If you are in such a relationship, the only way to progress is to get out. Be strong, write a plan, make it happen. A message to myself.
Yes, Mom preferred the local bars and drinkers to spending time with her own family. Whenever I suggested things she could do with her grandchildren, she would scream, "IT'S MY TIME!!" But she did manage to move a man, young enough to be her son, into the house our father built, only to get a visit from the local cops who figured out he was an accused molester/felon fleeing from justice. She preferred his company of that of her own family.
I noticed anytime I was happy or proud enough to share something positive, or I was praised by someone else, or I did something for her, she verbally attacked, marginalized, and/or discredited me. I left our relationship up to her after walking in on one too many backbiting sessions, when she intentionally lied to her drinking buddies about me. She never had called, visited, or took the initiative to be in my children's lives -- perhaps that was a blessing. But she was quick to scream and rage that I'd abandoned her even though she never reached out. She was a pathological projector of shame.
The 46 years I spent trying to be a dutiful, supportive son were saturated with her abuses. She's been dead two years, and the family is still reeling from the division/destruction she wreaked.
THANK YOU FOR SHARING.
YOUR VIDEOS ARE SO VERY HELPFUL.
CAN YOU PLEASE DO A VIDEO ON WHY THE NARCISSTIS GIVE SILENT TREATMENTS AND TREAT YOU LIKE YOU DON'T EXIST...
THE NARCISSTIS HAS BEEN GIVING ME THE SILENT TREATMENT FOR OVER A MONTH
ITS VERY HURTFUL..
Your Videos are Totally Accurate ! Non Better ! I've Watched many from Others, Not Dragged - Out long Winded boring Epics, But Straight Facts ! Many Thanks Again ! Pete .👍🎩☕
Anheuser Busch is a HUGE employer where I live.
This explains so much.
What about the narcissist who is an alcoholic?!!! Narcissists are VERY deeply broken and damaged individuals! These people are to be pitied and not glorified.
Absolute truth-- THANK YOU
Fantastic explanation
I appreciate these straightforward and concise videos.
Thank you!
Thank you for this
Thank you
No one speaks about when the alcoholic is in recovery but still have all their old narcissistic traits. Does this mean they are an narcissist ?!
My ex is a covert narcissist-alcoholic. I was with him for 30 years.He used the drinking to cover up his vile behavior (I was drunk-I don't remember) to excuse himself. He was sober for 20 years- But he still did devious things (gaslighting--projecting-lying) while sober. It was explained to me this way: Think of the drinking narcissist as the ocean waves-Then think of the sober narcissist as the tide going out to reveal the beach underneath. A narcisisst is still a narcisisst whether they are drinking or not. In many cases the sober narcisisst is much more dangerous because they are more sneaky now.
Very true 😢thank you for your service
Speak for yourself ! 🍻
Aren't alcoholics and narcissists the same in that they know what they're doing is bad but do it in order to avoid feelings of shame which, in turn, increases the feeling of shame which makes them do bad things and the vicious circle continues?
We are not the same. When we heal from alcoholism… those traits disintegrate
you hit it right on
Super. TY
Thank you for sharing
Thanks for watching!
Spot on information. Thank you!
You are so welcome!
I had a BPD who had the dual diagnosis of Alcoholism to help her with her child sex abuse. Sought help for both and never successful she is still a drunk BPD that her sister takes care of. Sad.
You described my husband to a T 👏
I’ e been wondering if my alcoholic/addict former friend has this, but it also just might be the the addictions because he didn’t really betray me unless he was drunk.
Thank you for this video. You could have used my husband's name in it...
pitiful.
double pitiful when the person is both.
Hi
And heavy drugs of other natures and are consistent like a marathon. Track runner when it comes to the drugs, they can't live without it. That's their first wife or husband is the drugs.
Narcissism is a symptom of alcoholism for sure it aint NPD though
haha It's way weirder than you are making out. A couple of months ago, I got f_cked over by a guy and I thought - stuff this - I've had enough of westerners. I am going to cut ties with two remaining western friends. Instantly, the strangest thing happened. I suddenly had no interest in alcohol. It was as if it suddenly left my life. It is really weird. It's almost like I have never drunk alcohol at all - despite the fact that I was a heavy drinker and have been drinking since I was a teenager - 50 years ago. Now, the same visions that used to drive me to the bottle shop make me grimace. Today, I even picked up a wine bottle, looked at the contents and thought - yuk.
As you can imagine, I was gobsmacked by this. Nobody else seemed to think much of it, but I have read that it is very difficult to give up alcohol addiction. It certainly wouldn't be described as dead easy as I feel it was. I can't say I quit, because I didn't set out to quit. It just happened, the moment I cut ties with all western people. Vanished. It was like chopping off a connection between myself and a whole heap of other people. The moment I chopped - the alcoholism disappeared - simple as that.
This has made me think and think, of course. I thought back over all the times I had drunk recently. Was there some common denominator in it all? I thought of all the people who I ended up drinking with - and those I didn't. There were only 2 people in the latter group - and the other group consisted mostly of westerners and one filipino cam whore I became friends with years ago. The cam whore gave me the clue. I once said to her that perhaps she would be able to improve her life if she developed empathy with people - showed some concern for them. She said "nah - I not care about them. I just want their money" Working backwards, I thought of all the people I now wanted to cut out of my life. Without exception, they all displayed a lack of care about things. That non caring attitude may or many not have been directed at me. They just had to display that they didn't care about something. Nor was the situation necessarily unpleasant. It could have been a casual meeting on the street comprising of small talk - no fight or argument - no upset. However, if they indicated they didn't care about something, i would drink that night
When it came to my other two friends, I never drank with them or after talking to them - and they both care, not only about me, but about things in general. So slowly, slowly, I sorted them all into two groups: carers and non carers. Having done that, I thought about the act of caring. It comes from empathy, doesn't it? Narcissists don't have empathy - and I started to wonder if there may be a symbiotic relationship between narcissism and alcoholism. In other words, the alcoholism is somehow triggered by or is reliant upon narcissism.
I have no idea really. I'm just clutching at straws for answers. I did think that the whole thing may have developed in early teenage years, when my alcoholic parents showed they didn't care about me over something. Maybe I sulked - and decided to hurt them by hurting myself. The thinking settled in and has plagued my life ever since. Now, somebody only has to indicate they don't care about me or anything - and that's it. I gotta have a drink.
It could be that or anything. The only thing I do know is that the moment I cut ties, the alcoholic inside me died. That's the only solid thing here. It is real. It happened. My blood tests would even prove it. As for the rationale behind it, that is all conjecture. I'm not even sure that is important. When trying to help an alcoholic, maybe the idea is not to focus on their drinking - but help them manage their social contacts. It's well known that alcoholics shouldn't hang with other alcoholics, but I suspect it's wider reaching than that. Who knows? Maybe now that I understand I am being triggered by a non-caring attitude, I can deal with it differently. That is already happening to some extent. For example, if you or anybody else said they don't care about my stupid theory a couple of months ago, I know it would have had me reaching for a bottle. Not today, though. So this may be a huge call, but that could be how easy it is to beat alcoholism. I can tell you. I have had no cravings. No couseling. No meds. Nothing. I guess that is not such a good thing for your profession, but it means I will live 20 years longer at least.
I
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