Thankyou for this attempt at an ABC - it is useful to see how others do it. The way I was taught to do an ABC in REBT: A - activating event or thought - what actually happened, or what did I think, without emotional addition or interpretation? A - had argument with wife. B - in a moment C - emotional reaction or physical reaction. C - Got angry. Left the house. Went to a bar. Drank. drank a lot. Argued more with wife. Wife threatening to leave me. B - belief, orientation of mind, thought. B - Maybe looking back at original fight - wife doesn't love me. I'm unlovable. She MUST! understand what I am saying and SHOULD! do what I want! Rather than the thing at A 'causing' my emotional reaction, it is my 'belief' at B that causes my emotional reaction. D - dispute - looking to use an 'open-ended' question - requires more than a 'yes' or 'no' answer. D - where is the evidence that she doesn't love me? She married me. She shows me kindness and care often. Where is the evidence that I am unlovable? Yes, I might be going a bit overboard there. Just because I say she must and should do something, how might it follow that she will? It is unlikely to, she wants to run her own race, and I want her to. E - effective, or more helpful, new belief - looking for something that is 'prefer' based rather than a demand. Looking to let go a little of an outcome. It would be nice is my wife did what I'd prefer her to, however I accept that sometimes she wont - and I can stand it. I'll work with her a little to try and get an understanding of what works for us both. Alcohol is certainly 'a' solution, however it is no longer the only game in town. I believe I might do a more helpful thing. Footnote - an ABC, rather than removing all emotion, is designed to help me methodically address unhelpful or exaggerated emotion. I am still likely, as a human, to have some emotion - indeed a helpful emotional response has been shown to be essential for decision making and meaningful progress.
Thankyou for this attempt at an ABC - it is useful to see how others do it.
The way I was taught to do an ABC in REBT:
A - activating event or thought - what actually happened, or what did I think, without emotional addition or interpretation?
A - had argument with wife.
B - in a moment
C - emotional reaction or physical reaction.
C - Got angry. Left the house. Went to a bar. Drank. drank a lot. Argued more with wife. Wife threatening to leave me.
B - belief, orientation of mind, thought.
B - Maybe looking back at original fight - wife doesn't love me. I'm unlovable. She MUST! understand what I am saying and SHOULD! do what I want!
Rather than the thing at A 'causing' my emotional reaction, it is my 'belief' at B that causes my emotional reaction.
D - dispute - looking to use an 'open-ended' question - requires more than a 'yes' or 'no' answer.
D - where is the evidence that she doesn't love me? She married me. She shows me kindness and care often.
Where is the evidence that I am unlovable? Yes, I might be going a bit overboard there.
Just because I say she must and should do something, how might it follow that she will? It is unlikely to, she wants to run her own race, and I want her to.
E - effective, or more helpful, new belief - looking for something that is 'prefer' based rather than a demand. Looking to let go a little of an outcome.
It would be nice is my wife did what I'd prefer her to, however I accept that sometimes she wont - and I can stand it. I'll work with her a little to try and get an understanding of what works for us both. Alcohol is certainly 'a' solution, however it is no longer the only game in town. I believe I might do a more helpful thing.
Footnote - an ABC, rather than removing all emotion, is designed to help me methodically address unhelpful or exaggerated emotion. I am still likely, as a human, to have some emotion - indeed a helpful emotional response has been shown to be essential for decision making and meaningful progress.