My tips would be to... 1) Please talk to me. All I want is companionship. 2) Be understanding when I can't do things. Some days are worse than others. 3) Don't be afraid to ask me questions. As long as you're polite I'm fine with explaining a condition or a peice of equipment. 4) Please don't tell me I'm lucky that I get to sit because I'm in my wheelchair or that you want my condition too because you want special opportunities and treatment. That just makes me mad at you because I'd rather not have my pain and suffering glamorized.
I don't remember if I heard this from teachers or family or mix of both when I was a kid but whenever someone had a disability crossed paths with me, I was told don't mention their wheelchair, or whatever other aide they may be using. I think it was because whoever told me at the time, had the thinking of thats just what that person uses or needs in their everyday life, so don't make a big deal about it and don't talk about it or mention it because the disabled person already knows and its not nice to ask them loads of questions about it. I think thats why a lot of people pretend to not notice the obvious wheelchair, the obvious crutches or the obvious aide thats visible to that person.
Monique Rowe I think the relationship you have with the person in a wheelchair (or whatever) makes a difference. Strangers asking all sorts of personal questions can feel really intrusive, rude, and disruptive. But friends and family-people you actually care about having a relationship with-is different. Maybe if people asked themselves if the relationship is at a place where they themselves were willing and comfortable sharing personal things, and whether the other person would be willing and comfortable hearing them.
Now as an adult and through watching Jessica's videos and other videos of people who are disabled in some shape or form, I have such better understanding of that concept and understanding when and what to ask. But for strangers who do have disability and you do want to ask questions but not feel intrusive about it, whats the best way to do that? By being polite ?
Monique Rowe Hmm I’m sure I don’t speak for everyone, but it personally really irks me when I’m shopping, or sitting in a waiting room, or having lunch, or generally just going about my day and a stranger starts asking me why I’m in a wheelchair or “what happened?” or “what’s wrong? Do you have [insert condition here-usually MS]?” Sometimes without so much as saying hello or establishing mutual eye contact first (which, no, are not enough either). Like it’s really none of anyone’s business, just as it’s not my business how that person’s last pap smear or colonoscopy went. For some people, it could induce flashbacks and anxiety. It generally makes me feel dehumanized and “other,” like a specimen on display, like I exist only to satisfy others’ curiosity for a moment in time. If someone is in the field of healthcare or something like that and says so, I’m better about it because I think it’s important for those people to continue to be educated and made aware of lesser understood conditions. If you’re going to be having some kind of relationship with the person over time, it’s ok to bring it up and ask questions as it’s appropriate. Try to be aware of body language and apologize and back off if the person doesn’t seem comfortable. It’s ok to be curious and have questions you wish you could get answers to, but remember that it’s not random person at the grocery store’s job to satisfy others’ curiosity. Not everyone enjoys that role. We’re people with lives, not just one-dimensional things. There are lots of disability advocates and people with disabilities sharing their stories and information about living with their conditions online that we can all learn from. I share quite a bit online or in certain places because I try to raise awareness as well. But it’s really exhausting and frustrating to be stopped by strangers every time I leave the house who want to know why I use a wheelchair. That’s not the thing I think about 24/7; I’m just trying to get through and enjoy my day like everyone else.
Monique Rowe And also, they might bring it up themselves when it feels appropriate or fits into the conversation. That’s a clue that it’s ok to ask some clarifying questions and see how the conversation evolves from there. Or wait until you get the sense that they like you and feel comfortable around you. Try not to be in the mindset of “using” everyday disabled people for information, I think might be what I’m trying to say. ‘Cause I’m pretty awesome as a person, not just for what I can share about life with disabilities.
Amy thanks for sharing all this information. I wasn't expecting a lengthy response but I'm so glad that you did. I now understand better than before why launching into questions, or wanting to ask questions can still come off as rude or really hurtful. Some of things you mentioned I had thought about before but from you I got deeper look into what the experience is like. I will definitely try and keep this in mind going forward.
I am disabled. I have RA, Fibromyalgia, Scoliosis, PCOS, Tachycardia, and a current mystery condition that causes random syncopal episodes. I was diagnosed with RA when I was 13 and for a middle schooler it felt like the end of the world. That year, while I was struggling with it the worst, I lost all my friends. The only friends I had were the little old ladies at church who had arthritis too. At that time, I was the only kid in my rural town that had RA and very few people even knew kids could get RA. A lot of people told me it was growing pains or I was faking it. The next year, after the rheumatologist figured out what exact form of RA I had and we began treatment, I started to improve and became more mobile again. The news paper actually ran an article about me how I was a teen in an 80 year old’s body and then people started to believe me. And my friend started hanging out with me again. They never invited me to things outside of school but at least I wasn’t completely alone. Then I started having problems again. And with every diagnosis more friends left. Many people thought I was faking it for attention. Many people would cuss at me when I used my wheel chair or screaming “faker”. Because I wasn’t always in a wheelchair, I only needed it during some flares. I also had people who were only friends with me when I was in a wheelchair because they thought it was fun to push me and they could use me as an excuse for being late to class. They would also be friendly to me hoping I would let them use my elevator key. So everything was very conditional. I ended up with one friend my senior year of high school. And once I went to college they quit speaking to me. Luckily I have made wonderful friends in college and as I have dealt with this new mystery condition. They have taken me to appointments, driven 6 hours to come get me for sleepovers (we are in our 20s lol) carries me after fainting, fulfilled my strange requests for nerve desensitization, and so much more. They even helped get me a mobility scooter. They have been such a blessing.
I would say that the friend should not be afraid to vent to their disabled friend. If you've just had a fight with your sister, mother, significant other and you need a friend to talk to, don't overlook your friends with disabilities. It's nice to have a friend listen to you when your ill or disabled and need to vent, but it's also nice to be able to listen to them. It helps me feel like I'm contributing to the friendship rather than you are just taking care of me. I want to take care of you too.
One thing that really shows me that they care is when people look up my disabilities and try to educate themselves. I also love when people will ask if there are certain things to avoid, because touch can be very painful if I'm flaring. I completely agree with everything you said here. Thanks
I would love a similar video, but on dating while disabled/chronically ill/mentally ill. It's something I've struggled with immensely and would love your advice!
Ooooh this is such a great video! And it works well for friends, as well as, significant others. I would have to add - and it kind of slips into the "just act normal" category - just be helpful, but make it normal helpful. Not "make it a big deal" helpful. My dear one, the love of my life, my boyfriend. Yes. Has severe arthritis. Which he didn't develop til about two and a half years of us dating. Before then he was fairly active, had an old knee injury that would hurt sometimes, but it never really impacted him severely. Oh but the arthritis did. Psoriatic arthritis. Which attacks basically EVERY part of your body. Ankles. Wrists. Knee. Neck. Shoulders. Even his jaw. And sometimes opening a water bottle was not an option and he'd ask me to do it. After the first couple times, any time I got him a water bottle I just immediately opened it without question. I would hand it to him with the cap almost off so it was clear it was opened. And I continued on with whatever our conversation was. I didn't make a big deal out of the fact it was opened. Especially for someone who grew up independent and entirely self sufficient for over two decades - but this is also good for those who have had it most or all their life - it is hard to suddenly have to rely on others. Over the course of time he came to accept his limitations, and when the medication started to work he was able to do a lot of things on his own again... but there are still a few things that are difficult. Dexterity isn't what it used to be due to arthritic damage. But there was a solid... year where even lying down hurt for him. There was really no time he wasn't in agonizing pain. And I tried my hardest to help him, all the while trying to make the help seem as if it was just... a "normal" every day thing. That it wasn't a big deal. Basically I didn't approach it like I was helping someone with a disability of some kind, I approached it like it was something 'normal', so to speak. And even still sometimes he has bad days and water bottles are quite the foe, but I am there to open the water bottle without question, and just keeping focused on whatever topic of conversation is going on. Being a friend or significant other to someone with a disability isn't scary as some people might think. Just because they may use aids of some kind doesn't make them suddenly robotic. They still have feelings and emotions, for sure. As you guys said, you don't stop being you! :)
Biggest things I appreciate about/need from my pals: 1) Be cool if I’m late or need to cancel plans. I only do it because I have to, not because I don’t want to see you. I use a wheelchair some but not all the time, and it’s also super important for people around me to understand that it takes twice as long to get around if I’m using the wheelchair than if I’m not, because I have to take some really annoying detours. 2) Access isn’t just about ramps leading through the door. If you’re arranging for us to meet up, look for somewhere with decent noise and light levels as well as step-free access. 3) Ask questions! If it’s something I’m uncomfortable answering, I will tell you. 4) This isn’t a “who can be nicest to the cripple” contest. Be considerate, but don’t, like, make a huge deal out of how much effort you’re going to in order to magnanimously include us in your plans? That’s objectifying and yes, we absolutely notice.
Woah! Nodded my head SO MUCH during this. Returning to school after 6 months in hospital was so horrible. I found lovely people like you mentioned online. I started TH-cam literally to get some friends... and now I have some really amazing online and offline friends ❤️ the poetry scene is really accepting and lovely to me 📚. Loved this video. I don’t think I’ve ever related to a bit of content more! Xx
Oh, it makes me teary eyed to hear about the people who stepped in. I try to be that person everyday, but it's a continuous (but joyful!) process and it's nice to be reminded how important it truly is to be loving and caring
I remember when I subscribed over a year and a half ago, I had just turned 17 and I was just starting to accept that I might be gay. I thought you and Claudia were the cutest couple ever, and you made me feel comfortable to be who I am. You only had about 5000 subscribers then and I didn't understand how someone as kind and creative as you wasn't more popular. Now you have over 100,000 and I couldn't be more proud. You are awesome Jessica thank you for making me happy to be a lesbian and for always putting a smile on my face ❤
It's absolutely amazing how you can talk about such horrible things in a positive way, gonna be checking out Gem's videos now as she also seems like a wonderful person! And although I have never been in such situations, your videos help to create an understanding and maybe prepare for something like that. Lots of love from Russia
This made me feel so much better! I keep asking my husband am I boring or strange people only ever hang out once then never again...but no it’s because I’m disabled and either too much work or they feel awkward, thank you for this xx
Thank you both for sharing this, I'm partially deaf but it's always informative to hear how others cope from another perspective as well as learning the do's and don't's. For me, my biggest pet peeve is when I ask someone if they can repeat what they've said and they say "nevermind", even when they laugh it off like it's not a problem, it bothers me. I want to know what they wanted to say to me. Important or not, it still matters to me. When it comes to my hearing aid, it's hard to know if anyone has seen it and ignored it, because it's not as visible as some. I did have one woman who had apparently been calling me over multiple times , but I hadn't heard her. She said to me in a rather condescending tone "I think you need to have your ears checked!" So I immediately turned my head and pointed to my ear, drawing attention to my hearing aid and told her I was deaf. She looked incredibly guilty after that and apologised profusely but that particular interaction made me feel awful for the whole day. But there are upsides to it too. I've had one person who just came up to me and said "Can I ask you some questions about your hearing aid?" He was very polite about it and wanted my advice and opinion on what it's like to wear one. Weeks later, I saw him again with hearing aids in both ears and he was gushing over all the sounds he hadn't heard in years and the sounds he didn't realise he had been missing out on and it made my heart swell and my eyes tear up, I was so happy for him. I have all the time in the world for people that are genuinely curious and want to know more and I found the more I opened up about it, the more comfortable people were asking and talking about it.
You're channeling is growing everyone I watch your video. I'm so amazed. You're meant to be a star, you're Hollywood glam, a true lady. A British queen. Much love from Maryland, USA. I'm one of your fans.
My tip: Not every conversation about disability has to be a heart to heart or a vent either. Those are super great! But sometimes I just want to laugh about something stupid that I did without feeling like I have to feel bad about it or ashamed because it pertains to my disability.
Same. Like sometimes I just wanna laugh at what my severely brain fogged mind came up with. Like the time I couldn't remember the word for fork, but could remember pitchfork (brains are WEIRD), so I asked my best friend (whose also my roommate) to bring me a mouth pitchfork. She thought it was hilarious (she's been with me through all of it, doctors appointments and everything), but so many people are horrified that I would find not being able to think funny. I've even been lectured about how it's rude to myself. Like I'm not laughing that I had brain fog, I'm laughing at what my brain fog made me say.
One thing for me is: don't interrogate me about my personal medical info! Like so many people when I would miss school would be like "why did you miss class?" "I wasn't feeling well" *obviously does not want to elaborate* "what was wrong??" And then I have to spend the time that I literally just wanted to eat lunch telling people about my very emotional and hard experience with my health that people often judge me for and dealing with that. Like "do you want to talk about it?" Goes a long way. You let the person know that you're there for them but don't interrogate them either forcing them to talk about a painful subject or acting like you're trying to evaluate whether they're *sick enough* Or like if you ask a question saying something like "you don't have to tell me" or "if you want to talk about it" or "if you don't mind me asking" Also don't make people tell you their life stories at parties. It's super awkward.
Well, interesting thing, my friend had epilepsy and throughout high school whenever she had an aura - and this was before we became friends - she would tell me and I would walk her home, just in case she had a seizure and was alone in public. And when I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder she was the ONLY friend who stayed by my side in the four years it took for me to recover from my mental breakdown. She is now my best friend, and practically a sister, and I am forever grateful that she took my illness in stride and helped me weather it. Actually, we're helping each other now and will continue to help each other for the rest of our lives. I really wanted to share this with you, because your channel has been helping me come to terms with what is still a difficult to manage part of my life. Thank you.
I was diagnosed with glaucoma a couple of months ago and that was truly my tipping point in life. No condition should be compared to another but it’s truly scary to think of what can happen in the future but you give me so much hope. I found your channel today and am truly inspired. You’re wonderful and your relationship with your wife encourages me more and more to remain confident and trust my girlfriend through any obstacles even when I feel unworthy. Thank you so much for sharing your ongoing journey with us.
Oh my goodness! I am a new subscriber and I absolutely love you! I have been binge watching you all week!. First of all you and your wife are fabulous! I have always had a thing for vintage. You are beautiful inside and out. I appreciate your smile, positivity, and humor. I am also loving all the information about disabilities and tips how to treat those in your life with disabilities.(my dad had a stroke 2 yrs ago and was in a wheel chair for a while and now can walk with the aid of a cane.) Sending you love from the United States. :)
my friends have often had to be my family. some just want me when im well. the ones that can be there when im having trouble are sterling. nice to hear from folks that get it. x
Growing up my family was friends with a family whose one son was in a wheelchair (born with physical and mental disabilities), so it kind of was normal to me, which I really love looking back now! My tip: Always focus on the positive! Not necessarily the content of your conversations, but in the sense of what they CAN do! And one day (in our teens) chatting, I pointed out how it really was easy to talk with him, you just had to know how! Ask yes or no questions and have a little more patience and we'd have a normal conversation. He had such a broad smile on, it made my day! :) Of course his family was better at communicating with him, but I couldn't tell apart the sounds for his brothers or parents as we only saw each other infrequently...
I would say; don't be scared to ask them a question, I have a friend that is partly deaf and wears hearing aids and i think its so important that you ask them questions if you're not sure if something is ok to do, even if it's just, if they're comfortable talking about their disability or if it's asking if they can hear you in a conversation. Don't be scared of them Xx love you girls, you're doing a great job of getting all of this out to people Xx
This happens with kids who’s parent(s) has(have) died recently. When they return to school, the kids treat them differently, ignore them, and mention nothing about the loss. I taught 8th grade for a while and so wish I had found your channel then. This would definitely be something I showed my kids.
I was recently diagnosed with ADHD, and I was hanging out with my friend who is autistic the other day and I realized that our brains work in similar ways, and I thought that it was interesting and kind of brings is closer
If I couldn't come to an event that you invited me to because I was too ill that day, send me pictures! Tell me how it went, pull a funny face in a selfie, take a picture of that random museum plaque you think I'll get a kick out of. It makes me feel more included rather than less (maybe some people would feel like it's rubbing it in that I couldn't go, but I actually feel the opposite). Rather than further ostracised, it makes me realise that you really wanted me there, you were thinking of me even when I wasn't there. You went out of your way to make me smile, and that's fantastic! Similarly with food: as long as I have some reasonable options at that restaurant, you go ahead and order that crazy dessert containing every single food group I can't consume. I am going to enjoy the hell out of your extremely detailed review complete with confused/blissful/grumpy/'dog with peanut butter' facial expressions. It will literally make my day to watch you eat something I can't as long as you look me in the eye after and say: I feel like I just sinned, but it was worth it. This is very late, but perhaps someone will still see it!
I just recently found your channel and am binge watching all of your videos. They're so interesting and informative. I just wanted to ask actually, maybe you can fit this into a q&a or something, has being deaf affected your other senses? Like how some people say being blind has made their hearing and taste amplify or something to that effect. Its so nice watching your videos after a long day, they never fail to make me smile. You and claudia seem like such lovely people. Have a good day! 😄
Anne Co Another question I have is: When you're sick and your voice starts cracking or sounding weird because you're nose is stuffed, do you notice or feel that? Love you xx
You girls are bloody great. I've felt so down and emotional the last few days as I had spinal surgery at the start of the week and I'm covered in bruises and everything hurts but you two have brightened up what felt like a really lonely and sore day! Big hugs and thank you xx
I have a friend who suffers from Scleroderma and has been very poorly with it. I've got diabetes, asthma, hypertension, arthritis, I'm severely deaf in both ears a cyst in my right eye errr.. oh yeah and flat feet - apart from that I'm fine. Anyway I'm pretty cheerful and a bit of a prankster. My philosophy is do what you have to do to deal with whatever life throws at you and keep positive as much as possible. From what I've seen in your videos you certainly do that. I think you are a brilliant inspiration to many, whether they be disabled or not.
My #1 tip is to be there for them. Just show up, again, and again. Bring some level of normality into their life. Talk about their struggles if they need to let it out, or just have a good laugh. I felt so isolated for a long time until a member of my church came to visit me, every single week. She even brought her toddler. It has blossomed into one of my best friends ever. It’ll probably be one of the best friendships I’ll ever have.
I just want to say that Jessica, you have such a beautiful, pleasant voice, I could listen to you talking about anything for hours. The way you use your voice is gorgeous. Also really impressive, since you haven't had auditory feedback for several years now, your dedication and hard work really shows - or, you know, sounds :)
Like so many are saying I also found your channel recently and I love your personality I'm starting to binge them. You and your wife are so cute, as someone coming out later in life (20s) your relationship gives me hope and brings me joy!
I don't even know how I stumbled upon your channel, but I'm obsessed! You are so dignified and poised and lovely and your videos are a joyful, informative experience!
My younger brother had Spina Bifida and used a wheel chair. As an adult I have multiple sclerosis. I think the most important thing is to treat everyone the same. In our family my brother wasn't treated differently. We fought with him and picked on him and he picked on me. (he especially enjoyed calling me a punk) He did everything we did. If there was not access for him then that meant we didn't do it. He could swim. He had traveled to many places with us and seen many things. My older brother and I pulled him up MANY flights of stairs. (this was always scary for him) We never told him that he couldn't do something. We always figured out how WE could do it. So he never saw him self as being handicapped he was handicapable as my mother always said. So the main thing we always did was just treat him like the NORMAL human being that he was. We treated him like we treated everyone else. We loved him the same and we fought with him the same. We didn't treat him like he was delicate or fragile. He was just one of us. Everyone just wants to be treated like everyone else.
Gumption is indeed important. If ever I need to unblock a sink or drain I always reach for a bottle of Gumption. It's also effective on cooker hobs. Thank you both for a fun and informative video, as always.
I've been subscribed for about a week now and you've very quickly become one of my favourite youtubers, congradulations on 100k!!! You definitely deserve it ♥
I became disabled as an adult literally my 20th Birthday was spent in the hospital. But I was also a ballet dancer at the time. I use a wheelchair for shopping and walking any distance so I would be in my Wednesday dance class and Thursday morning I’d be in my wheelchair at the store. I have a really great friend who has seen me both ways and she could have cared less that I was in a chair she just acted like I was right there waking next to her instead of looking down on me (figuratively of course) that was the best thing someone could do for me.
Hello Jessica, Im a 20 year old mexican girl, and I had been whatching your vídeos since last week. I am your fan! I am deaf of my left ear, and since I was 16 years old I use ear aid, but I had been so shy about it, because people who use air aids, are old people, so I was so embarrased of using it, and since I been whatching you I'm moré motívate to use it. Thank you of sharing your story! Sorry for my english
+Mireya Martinez hey lovely, really glad you’ve been inspired to wear your hearing aid more! Remember, there is no point in holding yourself back just because other people may say mean things- you’re only hurting yourself and they may not even notice anyway! Sending you lots of love xxx
Thanks for another wonderful video! What a great conversation with Gem! It was really funny that her mother watched one of your videos and said you sounded just like her! You both definitely have that amazing positive attitude! I’ve been watching the number of Subscribers go up and up and up! Many of us went back to your live-streamed video and commented with the updating numbers! Get ready to do your 100k video!
Firstly yay for positive disabled people ...sorry but it's so nice to see people embracing what they have and making the most of life, your videos are inspirational and gosh darn beautiful. I'm a chronic pain girl whose been on wheels for a few years now and I've a recommendation to fellow self propellers (though I must admit these days my pet slave has to step in a little more often), wheelchair gloves, these have been the bane of my existence till someone recommended neoprene sailing gloves. I personally like my fingertips free, and will buy ones which unlike cycling gloves cover much more of your fingers and are padded and gripped down the fingers for better grip (it's there for gripping rope but it's fabulous for wheels), however, you can get fully covered fingers or pairs in which some fingers are tip less the others not. I buy mine from a rope store near Covent garden but amazon carries them, as you'll sailing shops (where the price may be better). They tend to be cheaper and a far better quality than wheelchair gloves and have a superior grip which is good for me as my fingers and wrists need all the help they can get. And thanks to your videos I can now make them look so much prettier by clipping on some shoe bows! Well why not lol Thank you for sharing your positivity, and being open about disability it's something I've tried to be myself and encourage on others as not only does it help the world understand us and our needs better, but it also isn't healthy to shut yourself away just because you are no longer able to be seen in a certain light. I am so looking forward to your future videos. Thank you again for being a beautiful disabled breath of fresh air x
Congrats on 100k! ❤ I love your channel. You are such an inspiration and it's wonderful that you educate people about Disabilities. Much love to you, claudia and the dogs ❤
What a lovely collab. So, I can't give tips really, as I'm not disabled, but what I would do is - as you said - continue treating them like I treated them before. Also, as you've said in several videos before, don't be afraid to ask questions. Maybe there's something that the now disabled person don't feel comfortable with anymore or something they can't do that you don't know of so just establish that in the beginning and then continue your beautiful friendship
I have horrible constant chronic migraines, among other pain inducing issues, that make me nauseous, and many times I vomit- I prefer it when company, friends or family just go on, I know vomit is gross but i can’t help it. Once while driving home I got sick every 5min I was vomiting- we dumped out the contents of a bag stuffed it with napkins and i kept driving (it was a long drive and getting home was my only comfort) one of my friends made me feel like shit- she’s gets easily queasy, but the other kept up a conversation, it was my only anchor.
I was the peripheral friend who stepped in when someone was I'll. My high school group tended to adopt people. New people, sick people, bullied people. And I still kind of do. Ended up befriending a Mom, little girl with autism and her carer last Saturday. We were already bring friendly and then the little girl tried to run and I caught her. (I work in preschool and it's instinct.) Friendships are built on common ground. Even when the common ground is being really good at catching kids!
I LOVE jokes. Sometimes when I'm doing something like going down stairs and a bad day my husband will do something funny like yell "PARKOUR!". My friends and I joke like cripple and stuff too. I agree it's all about the friendship, but all my friends and I are sarcastic arses.
With friends I don't usually disclose my disability I have cp and I grew to treated normal though there are things I couldn't do. At school everyone I grew up with got to know that I was different and did things to make me comfortable. Now I told my best friend and my boyfriend about my disability now and my boyfriend is very understanding he has a disability also. My best friend is mentally ill but she had alot of questions. I feel better that now I can speak freely about it with important people in my life and with other chronically I'll people on TH-cam
I think kids and teenagers have trouble dealing with major changes. I lost my dad in highschool and found most of my friends didn't know how to handle it and no longer wanted to be around a girl who wasn't bubbly or happy all the time like I had pretended to be before.
I'm obsessed with your channel Jessica. Been pining for you and Claudia these couple days in a pathetic way hahaha. And I agree about normalising somebody else's condition/disabilities. When people are overly careful and making everything awkward gosh. Sometimes I do make jokes and then the other person would get offended tho, even though I think we are on a more intimate friendship level so OOPS need to work on assessing the situation better.
Yeah, I've even had other people getting offended on my behalf about things I said about myself which is just...weird. Like unless I'm like drastically putting myself down or something, I'm just poking fun at myself.
I would add that (based on my mum and sis) sometimes the brave face that gets put on things / pain can slip, sometimes they will be a bit grumpier or snap. Just give them a little slack and allow it, don't take it to heart, it will pass, they're just feeling more poo than normal right now and they feel close enough to you you you get the brunt of it
So, I had a friend who was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes a few years ago, and we both sail so keeping his blood sugar at the right level out on the water was really important for his safety and it also meant that he could keep competing. And he his now really self-concious about it and trys to avoid talking about it but form that first day out on the water I ask him every time I see him what his blood sugars are (i will also ask how he is etc.) and I know that because I was the sort of friend who asked how he was before that he doesnt mind but that if i hadnt been that bothered about him originally he probably would have felt quite embarrassed.
I really needed this tonight ❤️ and congrats on 100k!!! I kept checking in as I binged through your videos and I'm so happy for you - so well deserved xx keep doing what your doing, you have no idea how much your helping people :)
I have a friend, Nick, who was born without the lower portion of both legs. We all went to Disney World (we live in Florida and this was pre-COVID) and obviously it was really crowded. This guy cut him off and Nick goes "ah, f×ck, my foot" and the guy turns to look at him and apologize and obviously notices his distinct lack of feet and does the best double take 😂 like straight out of old cartoons. We all just laughed and because we were stuck together temporarily we just kept joking around and having a good day. Nick always does that and I didn't really recognize it as a way to break the ice and prevent awkward situations until later.
My father has a pile of lung issues which now means he can't get around the house really. I take care of him and help him lug his oxygen tank up the stairs when he needs a bath. Ive seen some people who look at him differently now that he is disabled, but the majority of his friends and family treat him exactly the same. I still pick on him about everything like I always have and he still picks on me. I make jokes here and there about pinching off his oxygen tube for a minute to shut him up 😂 But that's how we've always been. That's the type of humour he is used to and likes. Aside from me taking care of him and whatever, the only real difference in our relationship since he became disabled is that we've become closer. We say I love you more and we just hang out with each other more. He's a very proud man and I feel like he really appreciates everyone treating him as they always have. I think a lot of people immediately jump to pity if they aren't used to being around someone with a disability. Which can be pretty dehumanizing. I love your videos, I just found your channel the other day, and I love how cheerful you are, and your voice and accent are so fantastic. I personally deal with mental health issues which, a lot of the time, result in intense fatigue, and I find when that happens, most of my friends are understanding if I need to cancel plans or something. The friends that matter understand, anyway.
That whole "make fun of the fact they are in a wheelchair" - I have multiple chronic pain conditions, plus a mild immune deficiency and they all kind of work together to occasionally make me feel like absolute crap. My mum is hilarious and diabolical and I love her bed side manner because she is just so evil in the best way. When she was having to help me walk, she was like "this is my chance to push you down the stairs" then gave her evil witch laugh. When she was helping me get dressed and do my hair, she put on the most sickening baby voice and said "ohhh, this reminds me of when you were my little booboo" (booboo is like baby but cuter, I don't know if that is actually a word other people use). When I get sick and tell her what has happened, she tells me I can't be her daughter because I am so faulty. She also often answers her phone when I call her with "how is my precious faulty slub" she calls me "faulty" and my nickname is "slub" and when I tell people that they look at me like my mum is evil incarnate. But while my mum is slightly evil, it is in the best way possible and she can make me laugh no matter how shit I feel. I love that every time something goes wrong with my body, mum is right there with me equal parts sympathy and diabolical sense of humour.
One of my friends was diagnosed with severe Morbus Crohn when we were all around 16-19. We just carried on as usual, adjusted to some minor changes (he couldn't really participate in most of our favorite activities: barbeques, all you can eat and drinking alcohol - yes super healthy - and he was often hospitalised), making inappropriate jokes about everyone in the group, including him, and kind of making fun of his illness, like "dude, don't complain that this show was cancelled, you'll be dead in a week anyways". It sounds awful for an outsider, but our sense of humor is just very dark. He never mentioned it, but I think he appreciated it a lot that we didn't suddenly treat him differently or like was some precious thing that needed to be protected.
i feel like i just congratulated you on 25k and now you’re almost at 100k!! 😱 i’m so happy for you and a little bit envious 😂 keep up the amazing work 💕♿️💪🏼
As for just staring at anyone who is disabled, I wonder if kids and grown adults do that because they've never seen someone with a certain disability before so when they meet someone who does its watching someone move and do things a completely different way then the "normal" average person would in utter fascination.
I generally don't say much in comments, however I thought I should this time. My issue could - or could not- go away on it's own. I have Calcific Tendonitis in my shoulder- unfortunately it's my dominant side. Most days I'm able to function near normal, other days I can't even lift my cellphone with my right hand because the pain, stiffness and swelling are so intense. This is coming from someone with a decently high (I'm being modest) pain tolerance. A lot of people can scoff off this issue however, it really is quite painful. My point in saying this is that you, Martini from Simon and Martini and Annika Victoria have all shown me that I don't have to take this to a dark place. I have people very close to me that also have extremely painful conditions (worse than mine could even become) and I try even more to remain as optimistic and cheerful as I can, for them and for myself. So, thanks for always being so cheerful (and cheeky!)
omg the video is today! I didn't even notice :) I have been watching a lot of your videos since two days ago and I have found them so lovely and inspiring. It is kind of nice to watch a fresh video though! Keep up the good work, you're doing a great job girl!
I was born without one arm and then when I was 14 I was diagnosed with diabetes and it was a very awkward time because NOT A SINGLE PERSON ACKNOWLEDGED THE FACT THAT I WAS FREQUENTLY STABBING MYSELF TO LIVE! But then eventually as I started joking about it more so did they and now it’s all okay. I’m alright with diabetes jokes but when people make jokes about my arm I find it hurtful and degrading mostly because they just assume I can’t do things when actually i can. But I’ve found the best way to combat hurtful jokes is to A. Not laugh and show your displeasure and B. Privately tell them that you don’t appreciate their jokes. :)
![Is it ever OK to talk over a disabled person? [CC]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/NjSuG4DGH9Y/mqdefault.jpg)
![Is it ever OK to talk over a disabled person? [CC]](/img/tr.png)
![Being Disabled In School [CC]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/kTEZYTC3WTk/mqdefault.jpg)
"When I was a kid I did consider becoming a nun but it turned out I was just a lesbian" I died 😂😂😂
Same xD Just watched that clip and spat my coffee out.
i have been in this boat too, but im bisexual and not a lesbian.
Me too but it's because i'm ace
My tips would be to...
1) Please talk to me. All I want is companionship.
2) Be understanding when I can't do things. Some days are worse than others.
3) Don't be afraid to ask me questions. As long as you're polite I'm fine with explaining a condition or a peice of equipment.
4) Please don't tell me I'm lucky that I get to sit because I'm in my wheelchair or that you want my condition too because you want special opportunities and treatment. That just makes me mad at you because I'd rather not have my pain and suffering glamorized.
I don't remember if I heard this from teachers or family or mix of both when I was a kid but whenever someone had a disability crossed paths with me, I was told don't mention their wheelchair, or whatever other aide they may be using. I think it was because whoever told me at the time, had the thinking of thats just what that person uses or needs in their everyday life, so don't make a big deal about it and don't talk about it or mention it because the disabled person already knows and its not nice to ask them loads of questions about it.
I think thats why a lot of people pretend to not notice the obvious wheelchair, the obvious crutches or the obvious aide thats visible to that person.
Monique Rowe I think the relationship you have with the person in a wheelchair (or whatever) makes a difference. Strangers asking all sorts of personal questions can feel really intrusive, rude, and disruptive. But friends and family-people you actually care about having a relationship with-is different. Maybe if people asked themselves if the relationship is at a place where they themselves were willing and comfortable sharing personal things, and whether the other person would be willing and comfortable hearing them.
Now as an adult and through watching Jessica's videos and other videos of people who are disabled in some shape or form, I have such better understanding of that concept and understanding when and what to ask.
But for strangers who do have disability and you do want to ask questions but not feel intrusive about it, whats the best way to do that? By being polite ?
Monique Rowe Hmm I’m sure I don’t speak for everyone, but it personally really irks me when I’m shopping, or sitting in a waiting room, or having lunch, or generally just going about my day and a stranger starts asking me why I’m in a wheelchair or “what happened?” or “what’s wrong? Do you have [insert condition here-usually MS]?” Sometimes without so much as saying hello or establishing mutual eye contact first (which, no, are not enough either). Like it’s really none of anyone’s business, just as it’s not my business how that person’s last pap smear or colonoscopy went. For some people, it could induce flashbacks and anxiety. It generally makes me feel dehumanized and “other,” like a specimen on display, like I exist only to satisfy others’ curiosity for a moment in time. If someone is in the field of healthcare or something like that and says so, I’m better about it because I think it’s important for those people to continue to be educated and made aware of lesser understood conditions. If you’re going to be having some kind of relationship with the person over time, it’s ok to bring it up and ask questions as it’s appropriate. Try to be aware of body language and apologize and back off if the person doesn’t seem comfortable. It’s ok to be curious and have questions you wish you could get answers to, but remember that it’s not random person at the grocery store’s job to satisfy others’ curiosity. Not everyone enjoys that role. We’re people with lives, not just one-dimensional things. There are lots of disability advocates and people with disabilities sharing their stories and information about living with their conditions online that we can all learn from. I share quite a bit online or in certain places because I try to raise awareness as well. But it’s really exhausting and frustrating to be stopped by strangers every time I leave the house who want to know why I use a wheelchair. That’s not the thing I think about 24/7; I’m just trying to get through and enjoy my day like everyone else.
Monique Rowe And also, they might bring it up themselves when it feels appropriate or fits into the conversation. That’s a clue that it’s ok to ask some clarifying questions and see how the conversation evolves from there. Or wait until you get the sense that they like you and feel comfortable around you. Try not to be in the mindset of “using” everyday disabled people for information, I think might be what I’m trying to say. ‘Cause I’m pretty awesome as a person, not just for what I can share about life with disabilities.
Amy thanks for sharing all this information. I wasn't expecting a lengthy response but I'm so glad that you did. I now understand better than before why launching into questions, or wanting to ask questions can still come off as rude or really hurtful. Some of things you mentioned I had thought about before but from you I got deeper look into what the experience is like. I will definitely try and keep this in mind going forward.
I am disabled. I have RA, Fibromyalgia, Scoliosis, PCOS, Tachycardia, and a current mystery condition that causes random syncopal episodes.
I was diagnosed with RA when I was 13 and for a middle schooler it felt like the end of the world. That year, while I was struggling with it the worst, I lost all my friends. The only friends I had were the little old ladies at church who had arthritis too. At that time, I was the only kid in my rural town that had RA and very few people even knew kids could get RA. A lot of people told me it was growing pains or I was faking it.
The next year, after the rheumatologist figured out what exact form of RA I had and we began treatment, I started to improve and became more mobile again. The news paper actually ran an article about me how I was a teen in an 80 year old’s body and then people started to believe me. And my friend started hanging out with me again. They never invited me to things outside of school but at least I wasn’t completely alone. Then I started having problems again. And with every diagnosis more friends left. Many people thought I was faking it for attention. Many people would cuss at me when I used my wheel chair or screaming “faker”. Because I wasn’t always in a wheelchair, I only needed it during some flares. I also had people who were only friends with me when I was in a wheelchair because they thought it was fun to push me and they could use me as an excuse for being late to class. They would also be friendly to me hoping I would let them use my elevator key. So everything was very conditional. I ended up with one friend my senior year of high school. And once I went to college they quit speaking to me.
Luckily I have made wonderful friends in college and as I have dealt with this new mystery condition. They have taken me to appointments, driven 6 hours to come get me for sleepovers (we are in our 20s lol) carries me after fainting, fulfilled my strange requests for nerve desensitization, and so much more. They even helped get me a mobility scooter. They have been such a blessing.
"I used to bump into people's ankles" I AM CRYING THAT IS SO ME
I would say that the friend should not be afraid to vent to their disabled friend. If you've just had a fight with your sister, mother, significant other and you need a friend to talk to, don't overlook your friends with disabilities. It's nice to have a friend listen to you when your ill or disabled and need to vent, but it's also nice to be able to listen to them. It helps me feel like I'm contributing to the friendship rather than you are just taking care of me. I want to take care of you too.
Jessica and Claudia should do a challenge where they switch their clothes, hair and makeup. I think it could be fun.
Donatelo Dersachi YAS!
YES I VOTE YES x10000
That would be amazing!
YES!!!
And that my friend has happened :)
One thing that really shows me that they care is when people look up my disabilities and try to educate themselves. I also love when people will ask if there are certain things to avoid, because touch can be very painful if I'm flaring. I completely agree with everything you said here. Thanks
When I was in hospital (dying) my friends didn't even show up so....
TIPS :
1 - Be there.
2 - Be nice.
THE END :D
I would love a similar video, but on dating while disabled/chronically ill/mentally ill. It's something I've struggled with immensely and would love your advice!
Ooooh this is such a great video! And it works well for friends, as well as, significant others.
I would have to add - and it kind of slips into the "just act normal" category - just be helpful, but make it normal helpful. Not "make it a big deal" helpful. My dear one, the love of my life, my boyfriend. Yes. Has severe arthritis. Which he didn't develop til about two and a half years of us dating. Before then he was fairly active, had an old knee injury that would hurt sometimes, but it never really impacted him severely. Oh but the arthritis did. Psoriatic arthritis. Which attacks basically EVERY part of your body. Ankles. Wrists. Knee. Neck. Shoulders. Even his jaw. And sometimes opening a water bottle was not an option and he'd ask me to do it. After the first couple times, any time I got him a water bottle I just immediately opened it without question. I would hand it to him with the cap almost off so it was clear it was opened. And I continued on with whatever our conversation was. I didn't make a big deal out of the fact it was opened. Especially for someone who grew up independent and entirely self sufficient for over two decades - but this is also good for those who have had it most or all their life - it is hard to suddenly have to rely on others. Over the course of time he came to accept his limitations, and when the medication started to work he was able to do a lot of things on his own again... but there are still a few things that are difficult. Dexterity isn't what it used to be due to arthritic damage. But there was a solid... year where even lying down hurt for him. There was really no time he wasn't in agonizing pain. And I tried my hardest to help him, all the while trying to make the help seem as if it was just... a "normal" every day thing. That it wasn't a big deal. Basically I didn't approach it like I was helping someone with a disability of some kind, I approached it like it was something 'normal', so to speak. And even still sometimes he has bad days and water bottles are quite the foe, but I am there to open the water bottle without question, and just keeping focused on whatever topic of conversation is going on. Being a friend or significant other to someone with a disability isn't scary as some people might think. Just because they may use aids of some kind doesn't make them suddenly robotic. They still have feelings and emotions, for sure. As you guys said, you don't stop being you! :)
Biggest things I appreciate about/need from my pals:
1) Be cool if I’m late or need to cancel plans. I only do it because I have to, not because I don’t want to see you. I use a wheelchair some but not all the time, and it’s also super important for people around me to understand that it takes twice as long to get around if I’m using the wheelchair than if I’m not, because I have to take some really annoying detours.
2) Access isn’t just about ramps leading through the door. If you’re arranging for us to meet up, look for somewhere with decent noise and light levels as well as step-free access.
3) Ask questions! If it’s something I’m uncomfortable answering, I will tell you.
4) This isn’t a “who can be nicest to the cripple” contest. Be considerate, but don’t, like, make a huge deal out of how much effort you’re going to in order to magnanimously include us in your plans? That’s objectifying and yes, we absolutely notice.
Woah! Nodded my head SO MUCH during this. Returning to school after 6 months in hospital was so horrible. I found lovely people like you mentioned online. I started TH-cam literally to get some friends... and now I have some really amazing online and offline friends ❤️ the poetry scene is really accepting and lovely to me 📚. Loved this video. I don’t think I’ve ever related to a bit of content more! Xx
hear hear for online community!
Hannah! Very cool to see you here, I follow you too. You're such a sweetie
You two are such beautiful people!! And not just on the outside, either!! Thank you for this bright bit of sunshine on a cold wintry day (2/22/21).
Your aesthetics take me to another dimension and I wish I could stay there forever. Love your videos ❤❤
Oh, it makes me teary eyed to hear about the people who stepped in. I try to be that person everyday, but it's a continuous (but joyful!) process and it's nice to be reminded how important it truly is to be loving and caring
I remember when I subscribed over a year and a half ago, I had just turned 17 and I was just starting to accept that I might be gay. I thought you and Claudia were the cutest couple ever, and you made me feel comfortable to be who I am. You only had about 5000 subscribers then and I didn't understand how someone as kind and creative as you wasn't more popular. Now you have over 100,000 and I couldn't be more proud. You are awesome Jessica thank you for making me happy to be a lesbian and for always putting a smile on my face ❤
It's absolutely amazing how you can talk about such horrible things in a positive way, gonna be checking out Gem's videos now as she also seems like a wonderful person! And although I have never been in such situations, your videos help to create an understanding and maybe prepare for something like that. Lots of love from Russia
Love Jessica's style. Her personality lights up a room and her positive outlook is inspiring
This made me feel so much better! I keep asking my husband am I boring or strange people only ever hang out once then never again...but no it’s because I’m disabled and either too much work or they feel awkward, thank you for this xx
Thank you both for sharing this, I'm partially deaf but it's always informative to hear how others cope from another perspective as well as learning the do's and don't's.
For me, my biggest pet peeve is when I ask someone if they can repeat what they've said and they say "nevermind", even when they laugh it off like it's not a problem, it bothers me. I want to know what they wanted to say to me. Important or not, it still matters to me.
When it comes to my hearing aid, it's hard to know if anyone has seen it and ignored it, because it's not as visible as some. I did have one woman who had apparently been calling me over multiple times , but I hadn't heard her. She said to me in a rather condescending tone "I think you need to have your ears checked!" So I immediately turned my head and pointed to my ear, drawing attention to my hearing aid and told her I was deaf. She looked incredibly guilty after that and apologised profusely but that particular interaction made me feel awful for the whole day.
But there are upsides to it too. I've had one person who just came up to me and said "Can I ask you some questions about your hearing aid?" He was very polite about it and wanted my advice and opinion on what it's like to wear one. Weeks later, I saw him again with hearing aids in both ears and he was gushing over all the sounds he hadn't heard in years and the sounds he didn't realise he had been missing out on and it made my heart swell and my eyes tear up, I was so happy for him.
I have all the time in the world for people that are genuinely curious and want to know more and I found the more I opened up about it, the more comfortable people were asking and talking about it.
Or they say 'Tell you later.' WTF - no tell me now!
Yep, that too!
You're channeling is growing everyone I watch your video. I'm so amazed. You're meant to be a star, you're Hollywood glam, a true lady. A British queen. Much love from Maryland, USA. I'm one of your fans.
My tip: Not every conversation about disability has to be a heart to heart or a vent either. Those are super great! But sometimes I just want to laugh about something stupid that I did without feeling like I have to feel bad about it or ashamed because it pertains to my disability.
Same. Like sometimes I just wanna laugh at what my severely brain fogged mind came up with. Like the time I couldn't remember the word for fork, but could remember pitchfork (brains are WEIRD), so I asked my best friend (whose also my roommate) to bring me a mouth pitchfork. She thought it was hilarious (she's been with me through all of it, doctors appointments and everything), but so many people are horrified that I would find not being able to think funny. I've even been lectured about how it's rude to myself. Like I'm not laughing that I had brain fog, I'm laughing at what my brain fog made me say.
One thing for me is: don't interrogate me about my personal medical info! Like so many people when I would miss school would be like "why did you miss class?" "I wasn't feeling well" *obviously does not want to elaborate* "what was wrong??"
And then I have to spend the time that I literally just wanted to eat lunch telling people about my very emotional and hard experience with my health that people often judge me for and dealing with that.
Like "do you want to talk about it?" Goes a long way. You let the person know that you're there for them but don't interrogate them either forcing them to talk about a painful subject or acting like you're trying to evaluate whether they're *sick enough*
Or like if you ask a question saying something like "you don't have to tell me" or "if you want to talk about it" or "if you don't mind me asking"
Also don't make people tell you their life stories at parties. It's super awkward.
Well, interesting thing, my friend had epilepsy and throughout high school whenever she had an aura - and this was before we became friends - she would tell me and I would walk her home, just in case she had a seizure and was alone in public. And when I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder she was the ONLY friend who stayed by my side in the four years it took for me to recover from my mental breakdown. She is now my best friend, and practically a sister, and I am forever grateful that she took my illness in stride and helped me weather it. Actually, we're helping each other now and will continue to help each other for the rest of our lives. I really wanted to share this with you, because your channel has been helping me come to terms with what is still a difficult to manage part of my life. Thank you.
I was diagnosed with glaucoma a couple of months ago and that was truly my tipping point in life. No condition should be compared to another but it’s truly scary to think of what can happen in the future but you give me so much hope. I found your channel today and am truly inspired. You’re wonderful and your relationship with your wife encourages me more and more to remain confident and trust my girlfriend through any obstacles even when I feel unworthy. Thank you so much for sharing your ongoing journey with us.
Oh my goodness! I am a new subscriber and I absolutely love you! I have been binge watching you all week!. First of all you and your wife are fabulous! I have always had a thing for vintage. You are beautiful inside and out. I appreciate your smile, positivity, and humor. I am also loving all the information about disabilities and tips how to treat those in your life with disabilities.(my dad had a stroke 2 yrs ago and was in a wheel chair for a while and now can walk with the aid of a cane.) Sending you love from the United States. :)
my friends have often had to be my family. some just want me when im well. the ones that can be there when im having trouble are sterling. nice to hear from folks that get it. x
Growing up my family was friends with a family whose one son was in a wheelchair (born with physical and mental disabilities), so it kind of was normal to me, which I really love looking back now!
My tip: Always focus on the positive! Not necessarily the content of your conversations, but in the sense of what they CAN do!
And one day (in our teens) chatting, I pointed out how it really was easy to talk with him, you just had to know how! Ask yes or no questions and have a little more patience and we'd have a normal conversation. He had such a broad smile on, it made my day! :)
Of course his family was better at communicating with him, but I couldn't tell apart the sounds for his brothers or parents as we only saw each other infrequently...
I would say; don't be scared to ask them a question, I have a friend that is partly deaf and wears hearing aids and i think its so important that you ask them questions if you're not sure if something is ok to do, even if it's just, if they're comfortable talking about their disability or if it's asking if they can hear you in a conversation. Don't be scared of them Xx
love you girls, you're doing a great job of getting all of this out to people Xx
Yes the boundaries. People need to understand those. Close friends who still are here can do it. That is all.
You both are beautiful not only physically (😍) but also in your strength!!
This happens with kids who’s parent(s) has(have) died recently. When they return to school, the kids treat them differently, ignore them, and mention nothing about the loss.
I taught 8th grade for a while and so wish I had found your channel then. This would definitely be something I showed my kids.
I was recently diagnosed with ADHD, and I was hanging out with my friend who is autistic the other day and I realized that our brains work in similar ways, and I thought that it was interesting and kind of brings is closer
Damnn like 5 days ago this channel had 50k subscribers now its 100k. Thats what happens when you have quality content. Congrats keep it up Jessica!
If I couldn't come to an event that you invited me to because I was too ill that day, send me pictures!
Tell me how it went, pull a funny face in a selfie, take a picture of that random museum plaque you think I'll get a kick out of. It makes me feel more included rather than less (maybe some people would feel like it's rubbing it in that I couldn't go, but I actually feel the opposite). Rather than further ostracised, it makes me realise that you really wanted me there, you were thinking of me even when I wasn't there. You went out of your way to make me smile, and that's fantastic!
Similarly with food: as long as I have some reasonable options at that restaurant, you go ahead and order that crazy dessert containing every single food group I can't consume. I am going to enjoy the hell out of your extremely detailed review complete with confused/blissful/grumpy/'dog with peanut butter' facial expressions. It will literally make my day to watch you eat something I can't as long as you look me in the eye after and say: I feel like I just sinned, but it was worth it.
This is very late, but perhaps someone will still see it!
I just recently found your channel and am binge watching all of your videos. They're so interesting and informative. I just wanted to ask actually, maybe you can fit this into a q&a or something, has being deaf affected your other senses? Like how some people say being blind has made their hearing and taste amplify or something to that effect. Its so nice watching your videos after a long day, they never fail to make me smile. You and claudia seem like such lovely people. Have a good day! 😄
+Anne Co ooh that is a good question... I’ll make sure to mention it in a video soon x
Anne Co Another question I have is: When you're sick and your voice starts cracking or sounding weird because you're nose is stuffed, do you notice or feel that?
Love you xx
You girls are bloody great. I've felt so down and emotional the last few days as I had spinal surgery at the start of the week and I'm covered in bruises and everything hurts but you two have brightened up what felt like a really lonely and sore day! Big hugs and thank you xx
I have a friend who suffers from Scleroderma and has been very poorly with it. I've got diabetes, asthma, hypertension, arthritis, I'm severely deaf in both ears a cyst in my right eye errr.. oh yeah and flat feet - apart from that I'm fine. Anyway I'm pretty cheerful and a bit of a prankster. My philosophy is do what you have to do to deal with whatever life throws at you and keep positive as much as possible. From what I've seen in your videos you certainly do that. I think you are a brilliant inspiration to many, whether they be disabled or not.
nearing 100k subscribers!!! yeeey!! :) stay gorgeous and awesome jessica and claudia! hugs and lots of love from the philippines.
Thank you! Love back to the Philippines 💖
My #1 tip is to be there for them. Just show up, again, and again. Bring some level of normality into their life. Talk about their struggles if they need to let it out, or just have a good laugh.
I felt so isolated for a long time until a member of my church came to visit me, every single week. She even brought her toddler. It has blossomed into one of my best friends ever. It’ll probably be one of the best friendships I’ll ever have.
I just want to say that Jessica, you have such a beautiful, pleasant voice, I could listen to you talking about anything for hours. The way you use your voice is gorgeous. Also really impressive, since you haven't had auditory feedback for several years now, your dedication and hard work really shows - or, you know, sounds :)
Like so many are saying I also found your channel recently and I love your personality I'm starting to binge them. You and your wife are so cute, as someone coming out later in life (20s) your relationship gives me hope and brings me joy!
I don't even know how I stumbled upon your channel, but I'm obsessed! You are so dignified and poised and lovely and your videos are a joyful, informative experience!
My younger brother had Spina Bifida and used a wheel chair. As an adult I have multiple sclerosis. I think the most important thing is to treat everyone the same. In our family my brother wasn't treated differently. We fought with him and picked on him and he picked on me. (he especially enjoyed calling me a punk) He did everything we did. If there was not access for him then that meant we didn't do it. He could swim. He had traveled to many places with us and seen many things. My older brother and I pulled him up MANY flights of stairs. (this was always scary for him) We never told him that he couldn't do something. We always figured out how WE could do it. So he never saw him self as being handicapped he was handicapable as my mother always said. So the main thing we always did was just treat him like the NORMAL human being that he was. We treated him like we treated everyone else. We loved him the same and we fought with him the same. We didn't treat him like he was delicate or fragile. He was just one of us. Everyone just wants to be treated like everyone else.
Gumption is indeed important. If ever I need to unblock a sink or drain I always reach for a bottle of Gumption. It's also effective on cooker hobs. Thank you both for a fun and informative video, as always.
I've been subscribed for about a week now and you've very quickly become one of my favourite youtubers, congradulations on 100k!!! You definitely deserve it ♥
I became disabled as an adult literally my 20th Birthday was spent in the hospital. But I was also a ballet dancer at the time. I use a wheelchair for shopping and walking any distance so I would be in my Wednesday dance class and Thursday morning I’d be in my wheelchair at the store. I have a really great friend who has seen me both ways and she could have cared less that I was in a chair she just acted like I was right there waking next to her instead of looking down on me (figuratively of course) that was the best thing someone could do for me.
Hello Jessica, Im a 20 year old mexican girl, and I had been whatching your vídeos since last week. I am your fan! I am deaf of my left ear, and since I was 16 years old I use ear aid, but I had been so shy about it, because people who use air aids, are old people, so I was so embarrased of using it, and since I been whatching you I'm moré motívate to use it. Thank you of sharing your story! Sorry for my english
+Mireya Martinez hey lovely, really glad you’ve been inspired to wear your hearing aid more! Remember, there is no point in holding yourself back just because other people may say mean things- you’re only hurting yourself and they may not even notice anyway! Sending you lots of love xxx
Oh, my God! Thank you! I love your vídeos! You respond meeee!!!! 😝
Thanks for another wonderful video! What a great conversation with Gem! It was really funny that her mother watched one of your videos and said you sounded just like her! You both definitely have that amazing positive attitude!
I’ve been watching the number of Subscribers go up and up and up! Many of us went back to your live-streamed video and commented with the updating numbers! Get ready to do your 100k video!
Firstly yay for positive disabled people ...sorry but it's so nice to see people embracing what they have and making the most of life, your videos are inspirational and gosh darn beautiful.
I'm a chronic pain girl whose been on wheels for a few years now and I've a recommendation to fellow self propellers (though I must admit these days my pet slave has to step in a little more often), wheelchair gloves, these have been the bane of my existence till someone recommended neoprene sailing gloves. I personally like my fingertips free, and will buy ones which unlike cycling gloves cover much more of your fingers and are padded and gripped down the fingers for better grip (it's there for gripping rope but it's fabulous for wheels), however, you can get fully covered fingers or pairs in which some fingers are tip less the others not. I buy mine from a rope store near Covent garden but amazon carries them, as you'll sailing shops (where the price may be better). They tend to be cheaper and a far better quality than wheelchair gloves and have a superior grip which is good for me as my fingers and wrists need all the help they can get.
And thanks to your videos I can now make them look so much prettier by clipping on some shoe bows! Well why not lol
Thank you for sharing your positivity, and being open about disability it's something I've tried to be myself and encourage on others as not only does it help the world understand us and our needs better, but it also isn't healthy to shut yourself away just because you are no longer able to be seen in a certain light.
I am so looking forward to your future videos. Thank you again for being a beautiful disabled breath of fresh air x
100k subscribers! Congrats, Jessica & Claudia! You deserve it all and more.
Congrats on 100k! ❤ I love your channel. You are such an inspiration and it's wonderful that you educate people about Disabilities. Much love to you, claudia and the dogs ❤
What a lovely collab. So, I can't give tips really, as I'm not disabled, but what I would do is - as you said - continue treating them like I treated them before. Also, as you've said in several videos before, don't be afraid to ask questions. Maybe there's something that the now disabled person don't feel comfortable with anymore or something they can't do that you don't know of so just establish that in the beginning and then continue your beautiful friendship
2:10 made me smile. Jessica + dogs is
I'm so happy that I got a notif from my new fav youtuber, ty for uploading a vid! Have a nice day x
Love you so much😍 You are my inspiration, you teach me to just be me and do what I love❤ continue being amazing✌
I have horrible constant chronic migraines, among other pain inducing issues, that make me nauseous, and many times I vomit- I prefer it when company, friends or family just go on, I know vomit is gross but i can’t help it. Once while driving home I got sick every 5min I was vomiting- we dumped out the contents of a bag stuffed it with napkins and i kept driving (it was a long drive and getting home was my only comfort) one of my friends made me feel like shit- she’s gets easily queasy, but the other kept up a conversation, it was my only anchor.
Jessica you're amazing!
I was the peripheral friend who stepped in when someone was I'll. My high school group tended to adopt people. New people, sick people, bullied people. And I still kind of do. Ended up befriending a Mom, little girl with autism and her carer last Saturday. We were already bring friendly and then the little girl tried to run and I caught her. (I work in preschool and it's instinct.) Friendships are built on common ground. Even when the common ground is being really good at catching kids!
what the? you just had fifty k. you are killing it.
Your tips are absolutley amazing, as a disable person I feel absolutley the same way about it! Thank you for this video, you are amazing as well!:)
I LOVE jokes. Sometimes when I'm doing something like going down stairs and a bad day my husband will do something funny like yell "PARKOUR!".
My friends and I joke like cripple and stuff too. I agree it's all about the friendship, but all my friends and I are sarcastic arses.
With friends I don't usually disclose my disability I have cp and I grew to treated normal though there are things I couldn't do. At school everyone I grew up with got to know that I was different and did things to make me comfortable. Now I told my best friend and my boyfriend about my disability now and my boyfriend is very understanding he has a disability also. My best friend is mentally ill but she had alot of questions. I feel better that now I can speak freely about it with important people in my life and with other chronically I'll people on TH-cam
100.000!!! Congratulation! I've been checking every day!
you look like a 1950s woman. the kind i see on those old posters. they were so well put together and so are you. cute
I think kids and teenagers have trouble dealing with major changes. I lost my dad in highschool and found most of my friends didn't know how to handle it and no longer wanted to be around a girl who wasn't bubbly or happy all the time like I had pretended to be before.
99,136 subscribers!! I’m loving watching your incredible channel grow! Xx
I love how this channel is gaining so much attention and gaining subscribers!
Thanks for sharing!
Your channel is growing and growing and I’m so so happy! ❤️✨ you deserve every single sub and more!
I'm obsessed with your channel Jessica. Been pining for you and Claudia these couple days in a pathetic way hahaha. And I agree about normalising somebody else's condition/disabilities. When people are overly careful and making everything awkward gosh. Sometimes I do make jokes and then the other person would get offended tho, even though I think we are on a more intimate friendship level so OOPS need to work on assessing the situation better.
Yeah, I've even had other people getting offended on my behalf about things I said about myself which is just...weird. Like unless I'm like drastically putting myself down or something, I'm just poking fun at myself.
Omg I like you so much!! Btw 100k!! Way to go girl! Keep it up💜
10:09 HAHAHA mean!
I recently discovered your channel and I grateful!
I send you love from Tijuana, México.
YAY 100K YOU DEFINITELY DESERVE IT JESSICA I'M SO PROUD
I would add that (based on my mum and sis) sometimes the brave face that gets put on things / pain can slip, sometimes they will be a bit grumpier or snap. Just give them a little slack and allow it, don't take it to heart, it will pass, they're just feeling more poo than normal right now and they feel close enough to you you you get the brunt of it
I can not focused because of the dog in the mirror.. so cute
Jessica your subscribers are increasing soooooooo fast that's amazing ^^ Love your videos, you're beautiful ;) Love from France !
notification squad where you at 🙌
(p.s. i love you and your videos so much jessica!!!)
Ayyyy i'm hereeee (4 hours late but whatever XD)
So, I had a friend who was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes a few years ago, and we both sail so keeping his blood sugar at the right level out on the water was really important for his safety and it also meant that he could keep competing. And he his now really self-concious about it and trys to avoid talking about it but form that first day out on the water I ask him every time I see him what his blood sugars are (i will also ask how he is etc.) and I know that because I was the sort of friend who asked how he was before that he doesnt mind but that if i hadnt been that bothered about him originally he probably would have felt quite embarrassed.
I really needed this tonight ❤️ and congrats on 100k!!! I kept checking in as I binged through your videos and I'm so happy for you - so well deserved xx keep doing what your doing, you have no idea how much your helping people :)
Second eek
U almost got 100k congrats girl!
Whoop!
100K congratulation Jessica!!!! I can't wait for vlogmas:))) I love watching all your videos:))
I have a friend, Nick, who was born without the lower portion of both legs. We all went to Disney World (we live in Florida and this was pre-COVID) and obviously it was really crowded. This guy cut him off and Nick goes "ah, f×ck, my foot" and the guy turns to look at him and apologize and obviously notices his distinct lack of feet and does the best double take 😂 like straight out of old cartoons. We all just laughed and because we were stuck together temporarily we just kept joking around and having a good day. Nick always does that and I didn't really recognize it as a way to break the ice and prevent awkward situations until later.
wow jessica your subscribers are growing so quickly. you deserve this congratulations!!!!!
My father has a pile of lung issues which now means he can't get around the house really. I take care of him and help him lug his oxygen tank up the stairs when he needs a bath. Ive seen some people who look at him differently now that he is disabled, but the majority of his friends and family treat him exactly the same. I still pick on him about everything like I always have and he still picks on me. I make jokes here and there about pinching off his oxygen tube for a minute to shut him up 😂 But that's how we've always been. That's the type of humour he is used to and likes. Aside from me taking care of him and whatever, the only real difference in our relationship since he became disabled is that we've become closer. We say I love you more and we just hang out with each other more. He's a very proud man and I feel like he really appreciates everyone treating him as they always have. I think a lot of people immediately jump to pity if they aren't used to being around someone with a disability. Which can be pretty dehumanizing.
I love your videos, I just found your channel the other day, and I love how cheerful you are, and your voice and accent are so fantastic. I personally deal with mental health issues which, a lot of the time, result in intense fatigue, and I find when that happens, most of my friends are understanding if I need to cancel plans or something. The friends that matter understand, anyway.
Crazy how fast your channel grew! Congrats girl, you deserve it. :)
That whole "make fun of the fact they are in a wheelchair" - I have multiple chronic pain conditions, plus a mild immune deficiency and they all kind of work together to occasionally make me feel like absolute crap. My mum is hilarious and diabolical and I love her bed side manner because she is just so evil in the best way.
When she was having to help me walk, she was like "this is my chance to push you down the stairs" then gave her evil witch laugh.
When she was helping me get dressed and do my hair, she put on the most sickening baby voice and said "ohhh, this reminds me of when you were my little booboo" (booboo is like baby but cuter, I don't know if that is actually a word other people use).
When I get sick and tell her what has happened, she tells me I can't be her daughter because I am so faulty.
She also often answers her phone when I call her with "how is my precious faulty slub" she calls me "faulty" and my nickname is "slub" and when I tell people that they look at me like my mum is evil incarnate. But while my mum is slightly evil, it is in the best way possible and she can make me laugh no matter how shit I feel. I love that every time something goes wrong with my body, mum is right there with me equal parts sympathy and diabolical sense of humour.
I love your laugh 😂😍
Your channel is an amazing treasure🌷
One of my friends was diagnosed with severe Morbus Crohn when we were all around 16-19. We just carried on as usual, adjusted to some minor changes (he couldn't really participate in most of our favorite activities: barbeques, all you can eat and drinking alcohol - yes super healthy - and he was often hospitalised), making inappropriate jokes about everyone in the group, including him, and kind of making fun of his illness, like "dude, don't complain that this show was cancelled, you'll be dead in a week anyways". It sounds awful for an outsider, but our sense of humor is just very dark. He never mentioned it, but I think he appreciated it a lot that we didn't suddenly treat him differently or like was some precious thing that needed to be protected.
I am disabled in many forms I know 1! Person that’s got it love him to bits but there needs to be more !!! Xx I completely understand this x
i feel like i just congratulated you on 25k and now you’re almost at 100k!! 😱 i’m so happy for you and a little bit envious 😂 keep up the amazing work 💕♿️💪🏼
WOHOO! You reached 100,000 SUBS TODAY! Congrats your videos are so positive :)
OMG why is everybody so cute today??? 😂
As for just staring at anyone who is disabled, I wonder if kids and grown adults do that because they've never seen someone with a certain disability before so when they meet someone who does its watching someone move and do things a completely different way then the "normal" average person would in
utter fascination.
I generally don't say much in comments, however I thought I should this time. My issue could - or could not- go away on it's own. I have Calcific Tendonitis in my shoulder- unfortunately it's my dominant side. Most days I'm able to function near normal, other days I can't even lift my cellphone with my right hand because the pain, stiffness and swelling are so intense. This is coming from someone with a decently high (I'm being modest) pain tolerance. A lot of people can scoff off this issue however, it really is quite painful. My point in saying this is that you, Martini from Simon and Martini and Annika Victoria have all shown me that I don't have to take this to a dark place. I have people very close to me that also have extremely painful conditions (worse than mine could even become) and I try even more to remain as optimistic and cheerful as I can, for them and for myself. So, thanks for always being so cheerful (and cheeky!)
omg the video is today! I didn't even notice :) I have been watching a lot of your videos since two days ago and I have found them so lovely and inspiring. It is kind of nice to watch a fresh video though! Keep up the good work, you're doing a great job girl!
+Silva Priede thanks lovely! Glad you’re enjoying my videos 😊
Early! I love you so,much you make me smile and you're such an inspiration!💜 hope you have a great day.
Thank you lovely! x
I was born without one arm and then when I was 14 I was diagnosed with diabetes and it was a very awkward time because NOT A SINGLE PERSON ACKNOWLEDGED THE FACT THAT I WAS FREQUENTLY STABBING MYSELF TO LIVE! But then eventually as I started joking about it more so did they and now it’s all okay. I’m alright with diabetes jokes but when people make jokes about my arm I find it hurtful and degrading mostly because they just assume I can’t do things when actually i can. But I’ve found the best way to combat hurtful jokes is to A. Not laugh and show your displeasure and B. Privately tell them that you don’t appreciate their jokes. :)