I grew up in a time when children were told nothing. There was so much fear, anxiety and confusion around being sent from person to person, city to city, school to school. Thank you for your articulate advice.
Thanks for this! We're about to finalize the adoption of our foster daughter and struggling with boundaries on one side of her family. Striking that balance between being her parents and keeping up those connections with her family in a healthy way is so difficult!
I feel you! It might take some time and you may have to course-correct along the way, but in my experience it works itself out. Best wishes as you navigate the ins and outs of your arrangement.
We are in the process of adopting from foster care and for our kids best interests and their wishes it will/is no contact. In their case the biological family are triggers for them and while we tried for mutual contact throughout the case it wasn't meant to be. Boundaries needed to be set and respected due to untreated mental health reasons and unfortunately biological family have been unable to follow this. Many conversations have been had and finally now after termination of parental rights our kids are not being forced to have unwanted contact. Visits were a nightmare and were triggers but we had to follow the mandatory visitation schedule even though it wasn't in the kids best interests and their voices weren't acknowledged. While they know their history and ask age appropriate questions which we answer...no contact sometimes is the only answer and there shouldn't be judgment for it.
Amen! This is exactly what I stated on the prior video. Every single family situation is different. And to not include stating that it is OK to disconnect contact is irresponsible. When you look in the Bible we have examples like Moses, Ruth and others. The family structures were altered and changed only to reunite differently later on when it was acceptable. Every person should pray and make the decision that's best for their family. What you stated above is so well said. Children also should be taken into consideration with how they feel. Anyone that's worked around traumatize children knows it takes years for them to unravel a lot of the things that of happened. We should not be making those determinations for them when they clearly are capable of stating how they feel.
@@WRP03608 Totally agree! As I said in this video, “It’s not always possible, it’s not always healthy” to have contact.” (5:55) And at 6:24, I went into the 4th way of relating, which is “no contact.” I acknowledged that, for some children, the trauma they came from is too much, and they do not want contact-and that must be respected.
Totally agree! As I said in this video, “It’s not always possible, it’s not always healthy” to have contact.” (5:55) And at 6:24, I went into the 4th way of relating, which is “no contact.” I acknowledged that, for some children, the trauma they came from is too much, and they do not want contact-and that must be respected.
I see you deleted my prior comment which is disappointing. You have a right to state how you feel but if you're going to leave the comments open, people should be able to read others advice to gain objective information if they disagree with you. Not every adopted person wanted contact with her biological family but they were forced to have it which can cause detrimental effects. Just because you haven't had that experience doesn't mean that children want contact with their biological families.
I assume you didn’t watch the whole video, because I stated exactly that. It is not always possible or healthy, and if a child does not want contact, adoptive parents need to respect that. I don’t think I could have been more clear that I agree with what you said. I did not delete any comments on this thread. I always leave comments that disagree with me unless they are explicitly and unnecessarily hostile, vulgar, etc. I have no idea what happened to your comment. The only thing I did when I read it was click thumbs up. 🤷🏻♀️
I wouldn't delete it. Chalk it up to mystery then. And I did watch the whole video. Your overall themes are "make it work". How about a video on "it's not always possible and here are some steps that will help". Sexually abused children do not want contact always. And extended family can be triggers. People watch and listen to your guidance. And I appreciate what you say. Interview people that have been in foster care and have been TRAUMATIZED by Having to interact with biological parents and extended family. It will give you a new perspective.
@@WRP03608 it's no mystery. You left a comment on a different video, and the comment-and my response-are still there. No comment you have left on my channel has been deleted or disappeared. It is all still available. Please see the comments on this video. th-cam.com/video/oHhIY7C0q4w/w-d-xo.html
I grew up in a time when children were told nothing. There was so much fear, anxiety and confusion around being sent from person to person, city to city, school to school.
Thank you for your articulate advice.
It does so much damage to keep kids in the dark. They deserve so much better.
Thanks for this! We're about to finalize the adoption of our foster daughter and struggling with boundaries on one side of her family. Striking that balance between being her parents and keeping up those connections with her family in a healthy way is so difficult!
I feel you! It might take some time and you may have to course-correct along the way, but in my experience it works itself out. Best wishes as you navigate the ins and outs of your arrangement.
We are in the process of adopting from foster care and for our kids best interests and their wishes it will/is no contact. In their case the biological family are triggers for them and while we tried for mutual contact throughout the case it wasn't meant to be. Boundaries needed to be set and respected due to untreated mental health reasons and unfortunately biological family have been unable to follow this. Many conversations have been had and finally now after termination of parental rights our kids are not being forced to have unwanted contact. Visits were a nightmare and were triggers but we had to follow the mandatory visitation schedule even though it wasn't in the kids best interests and their voices weren't acknowledged. While they know their history and ask age appropriate questions which we answer...no contact sometimes is the only answer and there shouldn't be judgment for it.
Amen! This is exactly what I stated on the prior video. Every single family situation is different. And to not include stating that it is OK to disconnect contact is irresponsible. When you look in the Bible we have examples like Moses, Ruth and others. The family structures were altered and changed only to reunite differently later on when it was acceptable. Every person should pray and make the decision that's best for their family. What you stated above is so well said. Children also should be taken into consideration with how they feel. Anyone that's worked around traumatize children knows it takes years for them to unravel a lot of the things that of happened. We should not be making those determinations for them when they clearly are capable of stating how they feel.
@@WRP03608 Totally agree! As I said in this video, “It’s not always possible, it’s not always healthy” to have contact.” (5:55) And at 6:24, I went into the 4th way of relating, which is “no contact.” I acknowledged that, for some children, the trauma they came from is too much, and they do not want contact-and that must be respected.
Totally agree! As I said in this video, “It’s not always possible, it’s not always healthy” to have contact.” (5:55) And at 6:24, I went into the 4th way of relating, which is “no contact.” I acknowledged that, for some children, the trauma they came from is too much, and they do not want contact-and that must be respected.
I see you deleted my prior comment which is disappointing. You have a right to state how you feel but if you're going to leave the comments open, people should be able to read others advice to gain objective information if they disagree with you. Not every adopted person wanted contact with her biological family but they were forced to have it which can cause detrimental effects. Just because you haven't had that experience doesn't mean that children want contact with their biological families.
I didn’t delete your comment.
I assume you didn’t watch the whole video, because I stated exactly that. It is not always possible or healthy, and if a child does not want contact, adoptive parents need to respect that. I don’t think I could have been more clear that I agree with what you said. I did not delete any comments on this thread. I always leave comments that disagree with me unless they are explicitly and unnecessarily hostile, vulgar, etc. I have no idea what happened to your comment. The only thing I did when I read it was click thumbs up. 🤷🏻♀️
You left a comment on this video and it’s still there. In fact, I replied to it; th-cam.com/video/oHhIY7C0q4w/w-d-xo.html
I wouldn't delete it. Chalk it up to mystery then. And I did watch the whole video. Your overall themes are "make it work". How about a video on "it's not always possible and here are some steps that will help". Sexually abused children do not want contact always. And extended family can be triggers. People watch and listen to your guidance. And I appreciate what you say. Interview people that have been in foster care and have been TRAUMATIZED by Having to interact with biological parents and extended family. It will give you a new perspective.
@@WRP03608 it's no mystery. You left a comment on a different video, and the comment-and my response-are still there. No comment you have left on my channel has been deleted or disappeared. It is all still available. Please see the comments on this video. th-cam.com/video/oHhIY7C0q4w/w-d-xo.html