Communicating With Your Foster Child's Family

In this video, I'm responding to a viewer's question regarding how I communicate with my children's first families (i.e. families of origin, birth families, biofamilies). This is part one of my response, which is geared toward foster parents. Look for part two next week, when I will address this question with adoptive parents in mind.
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[@WRP03608]

While I have never adopted or fostered I have worked in conjunction with child protective services and my only other job was a Home Visiting worker/Supervised visitation (ensuring the safety of children and biological parents), and I was a CASA advocate over 10 years. I wanted to add a little more food for thought. Some relationships with biological families and adoptive families are not so easy. I have seen extreme mental health cases with biological parents. The respite care families and social workers involved were extremely overwhelmed themselves with biological families. They had to put in safety parameters at our county buildings and other measures when visiting the home of some biological family members. Sometimes we expect too much of adoptive families and communication with these types of families. When biological family members choose not to take proper medication or attend mental health counseling, it's unfair to expect adoptive families to interact with unstable people. Especially when they're already trying to help raise traumatized children. (Thank you to everyone helping raise these children and bridge these gaps.) Thank you for creating videos that help people understand what social workers and other well intended agencies can't always cover.

[@afosteredlife]

Thank you for this input. You are so right: there are times when a relationship is not possible, for many reasons, mental health issues bring at the top of the list. We have experienced that as well. It is not always possible to have a good relationship, but when it is, I encourage foster parents to be open to it.

[@sobeliever1638]

What do you say if they ask where you are? Has that ever happened before?

[@michellehood3345]

OMG...finally FINALLY some truth!! Thank you...we are Foster Parents 'NOT' Jesus....😫

[@kayellum3903]

from a biological mother who has had her child placed in foster care(and reunited now) I'd like to thank you for this video. i hope more foster parents see this video and use your advice because i think it would really help a lot of families. my daughters foster mother's intent was to adopt her even though i was doing every thing required of me to regain custody. i felt the entire time the case was open like i was at war with this person. like she was my enemy. we had no communication outside of court dates. fortunately, i had a very supportive case worker so i wasnt in the war by myself. i respected and appreciated the person who took care of my child when i could not but i felt like she didn't even see me as a person. like she only saw the mistakes i had made and i didn't deserve a chance and help to learn the ways to be a better parent. it was very hard.

[@SeraphinaPekkala]

That's a great video. I love so much how you value the original family and that you help the parents through a kind and friendly attitude and by sharing regularly and willingly informations and updates about the child. I experienced the contrary in my family and it was very uncomfortable. To feel that the foster family doesn't want you in their or the child's life is a terrible feeling and can really destroy the sometimes already fragile connection between the kids and the original family. I respect you deeply for your attitude in this regard. This is what fostering should be about.

[@afosteredlife]

Thank you so much for your feedback!

[@jenns6199]

I work in foster care in Indiana, and my team and I are working on building better communication between foster parents and family case managers. Would you be willing to speak on the need for, or the difference made with, good communication between you and the family case managers with whom you've worked? I would potentially be interested in sharing your video about this in a training I'm putting together for child welfare staff.

[@afosteredlife]

Hi Jenn! I’d love to chat! Please contact me at [e-mail].

[@jenns6199]

I'll email you from my work email tomorrow! Thanks 😊

[@sobeliever1638]

What do you say if they ask where you are? Has that ever happened to you before?

[@afosteredlife]

As a rule, I would give a general answer but not be specific. If pressed, I would say something like, “I totally get why you’re asking, but I need to keep specifics private.” I do feel compassion for parents. They want to know where their child is.