I am autistic and have ADHD. How do you say ADHD like autistic... ADHDic? I have similar experiences. I used to work at a major computer manufacture and my bosses knew that I would not go to meetings and events unless they told me, "you need to attend this time." They let me get away with it a lot, and I only knew that I had ADHD at the time. I later found out that I am autistic.
I can identify with the toilet situation. It's like embracing silent pauses during small talk and you are all naked. And it puts a lot of pressure on me to have a normal pee habit. Duration of peeing, time until first pee runs, etc. It's such a draining situation. If i come into a toilet that's not empty, i usually pretend to just wanted to wash my hands and then leave... I also avoid spaces, because i can't be myself and enjoy the tasks i was planning to do if someone is around that could be judging internally. It prevents me from doing the task mask free. My expectation become disappointed immediately and i don't like that unforeseen. I also eat the same 3 meals all the time. Those are unfortunately all not that healthy so i have to supplement a lot of stuff and also measure my weight regularly . I love playing with words. I.E: I use similar sounding words instead of the word that i really meant. And after some time i use a similar sounding word for the similar sounding word and so on. So the German word. "Wurm" -> "Würmchen" -> "Förmchen" -> "Fönnchen" -> "Förni" Last two words aren't even real. I also repeat the same great sounding phrases again and again for exaggeration. Instead of "sehr viel" (very much) i say "sehr stark" (very strong) and i pronounce it like a lisping child that plans something evil. And i mix up the grammar. I have had has gotten to eaten yesterday, very strong.
When I am overwhelmed I find myself saying I am tired without thinking about it, also fish but like fisssshhh. I am a fisshhh, I have no idea how it started or when.
As far as bathroom stuff goes…..Yeah I don’t care about number one. I’ll do that anywhere. But I can only do the two at home. And my body will go to great lengths to make that happen. It’s not something I have any control over. It’s weird. Like it’s all internal. No thoughts involved. If it’s an emergency I make it happen in public but it’s so rare. I go home at lunch when I work generally so…..
For your example of needing to go through a room without talking to your wife, my ex and I had a physical gesture that worked the same way. In the old White Wolf LARPS (live-action role-playing games), crossing your arms across your chest with your hands on opposite shoulders was the gesture for "I'm invisible." Both of us played in those games and knew the gesture. So sometimes when we wanted to sneak past the other person and didn't want them to talk to us / remark on us being there / etc., we'd make the "I'm invisible" signal across our chest as we walked past. (Sometimes paired with exaggerated "sneak-walk" on tiptoes or humming the mission impossible theme song lol.) Worked remarkably well!
I tend to keep my peculiarities to myself, but a week ago I was getting out of class and I saw this man holding two plants he clearly had just bought. I went straight to him and asked "hey, you know which plants you got?" He answered he bought them because he thought they were pretty and the lady who sold them told him the names. Popular names, not scientific ones. I told him the scientific names (and subspecies), how to reproduce them by cutting and how much water they needed, then immediately left. It took me about 30 minutes waiting for the bus to realize "oh no i did the weird stuff again", i went to a stranger, infodumped for five minutes and left.
One of my weird quirks is I REAAALLLY feel uncomfortable when I walk in front of people. I always unconsciously stop walking to have whomever I'm with go in front of me.
OMG i've been like this my entire life too. when i find myself walking in front of others i'm with, i'm filled with this devastatingly deep terror that i'll make a mistake and disappoint the group. it feels like too much responsibility. and i'm a grown man now so it feels so ridiculous.
THIS!! I hate walking in front of anyone - what If I go the wrong way? What If I trip?? What if I walk too fast or too slow or start "toe-walking". Ahhhhh no thank you!
Yes. I don't know why but it feels bad. I wanna hide behind someone. People get confused or annoyed at me for doing this. It's the same feeling as when not having the corner seat in a given seating arrangement. I want to be in the corner and just watch, I feel way more calm than having to look and all the noises behind me all the time
"suddenly feel a little hungry." Must be nice. I go from not feeling hungry at all, straight to literally on the verge of fainting, in an instant. There is no in-between.
Me too! It makes 'meal planning' nonexistant. I try to keep high protein 'quick eats' in the kitchen now to help; guacamole and chips, hummus and pretzels, cheese or PB and crackers. Otherwise I eat straight junk food just bc it's instant.
Same here! I think I have difficulty knowing when I’m hungry and by the time I feel like I’m about to pass out, I have to make sure I eat ASAP. Then there’s also the problem of not knowing when I’m actually full so I eat until I’m about to throw up. It’s so bad 😅
@@prettypuppy6752 yes. Anything soggy or too soft, gooey or things that burst in my mouth when I bite into it. On my plate, food with different textures cannot touch each other. All the utensils for each dish must be kept separate. I cannot stand it when someone uses the spoon from one dish and uses it on another dish. I don’t like when other dishes gets “contaminated” smell and texture wise. As a kid, I eat everything plain. No sauce on anything. Eggs can only be scrambled. I struggled with vegetables because I think the texture makes it very difficult for me to swallow. I was a very difficult kid, such a picky eater 😂
Yes, this! ...Although I STILL won't go into the break room if it's going to turn into a social engagement. I'll just curl in my cubicle and try to wait until it's 'safe' to go in...
I cannot believe how SPECIFIC these call-outs are. it's so wild that these little things that make me feel like such a weirdo, and that I try super hard to hide (like the restroom/supply closet dodge move) are actually shared experiences. I feel so seen 🥺 thank you as always for your videos. every time I'm reminded I'm not alone and not an alien, and that my quirks are actually very normal experiences for my cohort of late diagnosed AuDHD adults, a part of me heals
@@roseamongtheashes since my diagnosis a few months ago, I've also gone from feeling like I actually was the awkward clueless weirdo loner everyone always took me as, to being so pleasantly surprised and thankful at how many people are just like me! ❤️
@@heidimj1380 Yessss I'm so happy to hear this! Congratulations on your diagnosis and the new perspective on yourself! It's an absolutely incredible experience getting to understand yourself in a whole new way thanks to having new understanding. Getting to feel part of a community and learning that there are so many people similar to us out there is one of the coolest things ever! From Ohio to wherever you are, I'm sending a big hug and a high five!
Every now and then I decide I'm making it all up and I'm probably neurotypical, then i watch a video like this and I'm convinced I've got both. This was ludicrously relatable and funny. Thanks man.
Fun fact about the subscription thing: I live in Denmark, and here it is illegal for a company to make it harder to cancel a subscription than it was to sign up for it. Love it.
I'm surprised you didn't mention online adverts on youtube vids/ spotify etc. These adverts pop up so abruptly while i'm watching something it hurts my brain so much. This is my fave video of yours! Got to see the real you! love it
I can live without netflix and Co.. but youtube premium is the only subscription I would sacrifice a coffee or a nice meal for 😅 It's frustrating when watching with someone else's account and I'm glad I don't have to see these awful advertisements and I am more than disappointed at google that they cannot at least show (also in mobile games) advertisements that have some quality or even just some decent respect for other humans and are not advertising scams or weird games etc. .. :/ can't be that hard.. and I am sure there are enough costumers from other areas -.-
Nightmare. So awkward seeing someone in the wrong place. I do enjoy a little 30 second chitchat with the cashier or random customer or a bus driver sometimes. If I can something funny or nice, or just good morning because having a smile or a laugh with somebody gives me nice mental boost for the rest of the day. It's easy because it is non-committal and reliably time-limited. But if I spot an acquaintance in the store... yeah I will definitely peek around corners and also wait till they have left the store
@@kristingallaty8301 what do you mean, the wrong place? Everybody does shopping, no? ... Also I don't understand why you'd want to go out of your way to AVOID someone you call a friend. I always feel pleasantly surprised if I run into one, because I have so very few. There's a handful of people I actually enjoy socialising with, in a sea of other people who stress me out. I will tack myself onto them so I can feel anchored in that sea. Plus I'm thinking, if it was the other way round, and I caught sight of someone I know literally dodging round corners to avoid crossing paths with me, I'd feel REALLY bewildered and hurt. I'd be wondering all day long what on earth I could possibly have said or done to them last time we met that now they don't wanna talk to me.
I've masked myself out of a lot of things I used to do, but as I realized I'm neuro-spicy, some stuff has slowly been creeping back in. I sing random stuff to myself, usually the same word over and over or snippets of songs. It makes me happy, makes my brain and body happy, so I do it now. Thank you for being so yourself when making your videos. You and other creators are helping me have the bravery to be myself.
I high masked for over 50 years, Now I am allowing my bits out I am a much happier person and actually enjoy exploring because I'm finally in a place where I can.
Indeed. Usually my own weird songs and word combos(I'm also a musician)I find I do it more when I'm a bit unregulated but when I'm good too. I'm 57 and self diagnosed over the last 18 months or so. AHDH too-THAT one I've always known. Only starting to comes to grips with how exhausting high masking has been my whole life. Nor is it like my neurodiversity is getting any better, I'm just finally finding awesome channels like these and my community. It feels like being a unique shade of green my whole life to discover there's OTHER unique Green people too???
The singing thing I do, when I was little, everytime I was looking for something, very frustrated or agitated I would sing a made up song about the Item I was looking for or how I was feeling and it did actually help. My sister would mock me for doing this so I eventually stopped, but I love to sing to I often sing random songs...mostly when I am alone though, I hate and am terrified of singing in front of people now😅
@@nannywhumpers5702 haha Another 50 plus yearer here too. Allowing oneself to start to do the things that give us joy after a lifetime of hiding them and denying ourselves joy is a wonderful thing. Best of luck with your journeys (I hate that word but you know what I mean).
This is the most hilarious, relatable, validating video I've seen this year. I hope you do more videos like this with storytelling. I love the improvised, stand up comedy style narration. 2 words that can change your life: fluffy and insouciance.
I cannot describe how many times I've acted as if I'm on a phone call to avoid conversation. Nope, just me holding the phone to my ear, talking to absolutely no one until I can get to an area that isn't crowed.
I tend to have earbuds in whenever I am out and about. Not only are they useful for reducing stimulus, they also make it much easier to pretend I haven't heard someone as I turn down a random street or corridor.
I no longer work, so I never have to be around people that bully me. Now my fear of being perceived and of people in general is so much better. I have become more social, after years of feeling afraid because of relentless bullying in my youth. I go to grocery store, and there are employees that are happy to see me. My friends are happy I am on this planet. My children have Autism like me, and through their doctors suggestion I got my diagnosis. My kids give me hugs and show me a love I have never known. My partner has ADHD and we vibe amazingly most of the time. I finally feel understood because content creators like this wonderful person! I just started following this channel and I love the info. This world is so much better than before in many ways. I almost ended my life many times and I am glad I survived ❤
When I lived by myself I would make homemade fajita tortillas and sauté oyster mushrooms, onions, and bell peppers and eat fajitas for every meal. I did that for almost a year. I have to make different foods now because I have kids that need properly balanced nutrients (and they get bored of the same thing over and over) but I’ll still make my own tortillas fresh. I can’t justify paying $3+ for a pack of 8 tortillas when I can make 16 for like 50¢ and it takes less time than going to the store.
Oatmeal with dried cranberries and fresh ground nutmeg, plus two cups of cardamom tea with plenty of milk and a pinch of sugar is breakfast. Going on 4 years now. On a kick of whole grain naan and olive hummus right now, too.
The elevator story! At the time, I didn’t know I was AuDHD. I was training in Florida (Disney World). My hotel was packed with families, kids, vacationers and business people. I’m arriving back at the hotel from an intense day of training and it’s PACKED! 😩 10-15 people standing by the elevator turn and look at me. I start sweating. They’re waving me over like “come ride with us”! I went back outside, watched through the window until they were all gone. Then I walked up 14 flights of stairs to my room. 😫😖 People? Nope.
There's a term for this--an "Irish exit." Even though I didn't know I was autistic, I always allowed myself the Irish exit, even as a kid. If a situation was just "too much," I would walk away, without explanation, even if I knew it looked weird. Once at a party, where I didn't have a ride, I got under a table and sat out the party. Somehow this never caused me the slightest difficulty. Maybe I had a social persona of being a weirdo, but people never even asked why I left without saying goodbye. I'm glad that I understood, at that age, that my mental well-being came first.
In my family growing up, we'd speak in gibberish. We'd have whole conversations and understand each other. With my husband, now, it's meows. I don't even know how we came to that, but we mutually agreed to it. An example is when one of us is looking for the other, we'll just say, "Mao?" and ... that's a real word to us.
Yes! My nephew lives with me, and we hang out everyday. We make certain noises at each other, kind of like blowing raspberries but not so intense, as a way of saying "hello", or "I am simply acknowledging your existence, please acknowledge my acknowledgement. No need for further communication." But we also have conversations in "meow", popping noises, and a kind of back-of-the-throat goat bleating. It's awesome.
@@MiyoMui I think there are actually words in languages that mean just that. "I aknowledge your presence. aknowledge my aknowledgement". in my mothertoung "Hallo" is such a word. it's not really an invetation to a conversation. just "hey, I'm here. if a fire breaks loose, please make sure I get out as well." but more specificly in the dialect I grew up around (in germany) there is the word "Guude". and "Guude" "Guude" can be a complete conversation. much like the french "ca va?" "ca va." so .... this kind of afiliate noises (like cat meows) are maybe a universally human thing.
@@annehagstrom5408 very apropriate. I recently learned that meowing is often not any kind of specific conversation for cats (to humans) but an afiliate noise. it's literally just checking that you are there.
I did and still do make up words for certain things. Especially people. I can’t explain it. Every time I see someone who looks like the original person I created the word for it instantly pops up in my head and I say that word over and over to myself. There’s no rhyme or reason for those words, they just sorta come to me in the moment. One of my many weird things 😂
When I first started dating my partner, he warned me that once he gets comfy with someone, he meows at them. And I was like uh... yeah... what's the big deal? I do that too 🤣
The way you describe the appeal of certain words and the feeling they generate is so accurate. That’s how I’ve learned to speak 10 languages! I have to make sure I’m alone to experiment with them. No judgement, not bothering anyone, no interruptions. I also have to translate my personal interpretations of how words function into general-public-speak, and vice versa. “Career?” Oh, you mean “money-school?”
I can't begin to explain how much people and channels like yours are helping me get through my very late discovery that I'm Autistic and most probably ADHD. To hear you say things that I do and experience that nobody else talks about and when I try to explain to people what is happening, get met with disbelief, is so validating, comforting, emotional, even life changing. No not "even" life changing, definitely life changing. Plus hearing you describe exactly how I'm feeling in words and phrases that I have actually used myself is quite simply mind blowing. It's like my thoughts without all the anger and frustration that I feel after so many years of masking and gradually declining until my current state at 52 years of age, spending an average of 22 hours a day in a 3mx2m room sitting on or lying in my bed because I simply can't cope with the world. I'm struggling to keep this together as I just want to rant and I've already rewritten this paragraph about 9 times (does anyone else do that?) so I'll just say thank you so very much for your bravery in sharing these very personal facts about yourself and I'll close by saying that I've just had my first NeeDoh cube. It's one of the most splendid (1 of my favourite words by the way, along with smashing and chuffing) objects I have ever held in my hand. The weight, the texture, the way it squishes differently depending on the pressure or speed that I squeeze (the slow squeeze that's so gentle it's almost not a squeeze is the best), the fact that it always goes back to being a cube, the colour, the translucency... Oh my. Now if they could just make one about 2 metres square!
@@peteybmtb I have found that if I use talk to text, I have to do far less editing. I just narrate my normal internal thoughts into the mic. Then proofread and send. I feel like for me, something gets lost in translation worrying about typing, and the stopping or slowing down to type that messes me up.
Yea, I do that constantly. Usually, because I'm thinking about how "others" will read my words. And if there is a chance of a miscommunication, I rewrite the entire thing. Usually, to the point that it loses the intensity I wanted to portray.
Yep, everything in this video is SO relatable. Thank you so much for your amazing channel! About hiding in storage rooms: My mother-in-law came to our house unexpectedly once. I panicked, and as my husband was answering the door I hid in the nearest closet. I stayed there for a whole hour until she left!
Your examples are SO relatable, especially pretending to go to the storage room. I'm struggling with imposter syndrome right now and having examples that I resonate with really helps.
Imposter syndrome is so horrible. Communities like this can really help to validate your experiences and life. There are some very good channels on youtube (it doesn't seem right to advertise them here on Chris and Debby's channel but they are not too difficult to find) that have really helped me with imposter syndrome. In fact, in my opinion, they are the only place to be able to get this kind of validation as the medical industry is so very far behind the curve to the point of being damaging and friends and family can often, in my experience, also do more harm than good. You'll get through it, I'm sure , and without wanting to speak for other people, we're all here for you and we see you!
Thank you for "seeing me". Your comments were so encouraging and validating. I do watch a lot of different channels and they all help. Retaking the online screenings also helps, as my scores never change. They always point to my being solidly on the spectrum.
@@sarahlogan2075 haha I do ALL THE TESTS!! So rewarding to always score highly. Apart from how badly worded they always are. I even deliberately choose a slightly lower score than I actually feel, "often" rather than "Always" for example and that's even better when you are still way up there.😃
Not being able to find the words when overwhelmed is extremely relatable. I usually go into a loop, trying to articulate "i can not think", but i get stuck on the "i". So i just studder, like "i, i, i, i, i" while aggressively tapping my temple in blind frustration.
I'm never sure if these comments go through or not, but thank you For another great video for a late diagnosed high masking adult trying to navigate the world!
Got the comment and thank you!! Really appreciate the support and also knowing there's a whole wide world of us late diagnosed, high masking autistic adults out there. Glad to have you here!
@@ChrisandDebby I work in procurement, and someone who might have to travel to your part of the world soon for work. I'm glad to know there is food options!
Omg… being interrupted!!! Holy crap. My husband does not get the absolute devastation it causes when I am FINALLY in the zone I’ve waited months for, and get interrupted.
The interruptions 😱😱😱 Have you tried to explain it to your husband? Debby is trying different methods and it’s been improving for us - like quietly peeking in on me when I’m working to see if I’m in the zone rather than just talking right away
@@ChrisandDebby ummmm no… he starts doing things loudly like talking to the dog or banging things around. I finally got my office set up in a shed next to our house. When I’m in there, it’s sooooo nice to just be alone and able to unmask completely and work.
@@andrealyman8148 I so need to do this. My husband was laid-off about a year ago and my adult child moved home and works from home. There are people in my house 24/7/365! They do take the dog for a walk every day but that ~30 is just enough time for me to stop bracing for interruptions and then they are back! (head / desk)
I feel this so much! Later in life self-diagnosis at 50. So many things make sense now, with the difficulties when I was younger in life. Thank you for making this video
Technology, lol. Nothing is more annoying to me that having to log in on every single website I visit. You have to log in to do anything anymore. I diverts my focus and prevents me from doing what I want to do at the time, particularly if I can't remember the password.
I giggled SO much in this! My poor 17 yo daughter ( who is autistic and adhd) LOVES to talk to me when i'm monotropic, your metaphor of a train with too much momentum behind it, i've used to express how I feel in that moment. just can't stop suddenly to listen....it's ended in quite a lot of rage outbursts, and hurt feelings....so I shared the train metaphor, and she's learning to "Read the room" - hard for her though, because she gets upset and panicked as she easily forgets what she wants to say. - i LOVE your humour
🙈🙈🙈 The bathroom/storage story and the elevator/stairs story…it’s such a relief to know I’m not the only one 😭😭😭 I totally get the iPad rage story, too- I think we are on edge all the time, it sometimes doesn’t take much to tip us to anger. Oh and plain cheerios in a sandwich bag has been my breakfast most days since high school (I’m 40yo). Oh! And I was kind of obsessed with the word rock at one point- I was taking an earth science class and would write down “rock” as often as I could. It sounded nice in my head when I was writing it.
I also relate to the bathroom/storage room story, but it makes me feel embarrassed. Because when I do stuff like that, part of me is being very judgmental--like, "what in the hell are you afraid of?" I'm not even that bad with small talk, but there are times when it is so disregulating. I know that any form of social adaptation is going to take a lot of energy, and throw me off-track.
@@steveneardley7541 yes!!! More self-preservation than fear! Sometimes I can get through it, other days I just can’t. And then I end up in the “storage” hoping no one catches me at it. 😩
I was in a crappy mood today and your video made me smile and laugh. I was doing my yard work nodding up and down as I listened. I don't experience everything you described, although I'd like to say I understand it. Also, why I was smiling and laughing is because of how you tell stories. It's not always what's said, but how it was said. You are a wonderful storyteller. I don't want you thinking I'm laughing at you! I wish you didn't have so many challenges to face on a daily basis. I hope knowing you've positively impacted so many people's lives brings a sense of accomplishment and comfort.
My son is almost 16 and just diagnosed AuADHD.. your videos generate awareness for us and things to be aware of. So many differences but so much is the same.
Thanks for sharing that, and it's great you're working to understand your son better. He's very lucky to have that support. And yes, every autistic person (with or without ADHD) will be unique, so most important will be listening and figuring out what applies most for your son and also how to support his unique needs 😊 especially as he gets closer to finishing school and is figuring out what's next
My son is 11 and was just diagnosed with both as well 5 months ago. I started watching for the same reason as well. He's sometimes in the room and will overhear the video at times; it can be a good conversation starter for us.
*grimmaces* "I look friendly..." : I felt this with every fiber of my being. The bane of my existence is the fact that random people feel I'm approachable... AND that so many people see someone by themselves and assume we want company/conversation. ... Really, all these "weird things" are just parts of my daily existence.
Your videos have been incredibly valuable in my unmasking journey. Acceptance is becoming an exploration into my "real" self. Song lyrics as a reply to a question, knowing obscure trivia facts, movie lines, LOL. Having learned masking and being able to function in company to a high degree is obviously an asset, however after 50 years it has taken it's toll. ALL the suppressed anxiety and stress of years of "performance" I got so burnt out that masking became impossible and a major several year long crash occurred. I am now recovering well and enjoying life again. Your videos have played a huge part. THANK YOU!
I love walking, but one of my struggles is when I come to a crossing and there's a vehicle. Being waited on by cars at intersections? I will walk the opposite direction to diffuse that bomb. I find it incredibly hard to cross in front even though they're well-intentioned.
You should come to the uk. You can cross the road wherever you want. We have crossing points called Zebra crossings and Pelican crossings 😀 but there is no law to say that you must use them. I tend not to use them for the exact reason you mentioned. having someone sat in their car watching you cross in front of them. Urrrggghhh!
Growing up I hid out in the bathroom stall for some quiet and peace. The ones that were hardly ever used at the school. I still do this when I get overwhelmed.
My entire friend group consists of adhd/autists (including myself) and so we are constantly repeating funny sounding phrases or words that happen to just stick. I could tell shy was one of your words in your other videos because I’ve been repeating it too when you say it 😂 I can feeeel the satisfaction in it. But one of my all time favorites is that a friend called pizza “peeksa” and now I can’t say it any other way and it makes me so hyped. But in reality, I think I just change most words into something similar but off because it just hits different. Also, I laughed out loud at your cottage cheese and peaches combo because that’s been a safe food of mine since I was a kid and I’ve legit had it every single day this week (large curds only 😤) haha love seeing how many of my “quirks” are so normal in others. It makes sense to me!!! Never will understand how these things won’t make sense to some others
I'm the kind of person that, if I'm at any social gathering whatsoever, the first thing I do is find the pets. All conversations with humans are moot after I find the best thing at the gathering! I'll pretend to ignore the people there by "over loving" their pets, works wonders because they know I'm so engaged in this lovely animal that I'm not even noticing there's a human there wanting to talk. This is great! I'm so happy I found your channel, I feel like this is a long lost "internet family"! 😃 I'm shaking my head "yes" through just about every example you give. I still haven't had my official 4 hour screening at 8am after an hour and a half ride to said appointment (I'm NOT going to have a good day, I'm not a morning person, and being grilled on my mental status when my brain hasn't even begun to start firing up for the day is going to take a week to recover from). Lack of sleep is always the best thing to deal with! *sarcasm* I love making new words! Or "word-smashing": making new words with meanings that are a combination of both words!
Pets and children are always my go to. No small talk and I get to play with toys. It's a win win. Hope you're doing ok after your screening. Wow what a huge experience. I hope that it went well and you got the answer you were looking for!!
@@peteybmtb My appointment isn't for a few weeks, I didn't put that in my comment. I hope I get some answers though! They did a pre-screening last week and set up the 4 hour testing. So my thought is I must have "passed" the pre-screening enough to get further investigation. I'll post when I find out of course, any answers to help me towards the right course of treatment and actions is always a welcome thing in my book!
@@rainbowtropolis Wow you got an appointment a couple of weeks after initial screening?! I'm in the uk and it took my health service 10 months to send me the forms I needed to fill out for an assessment and that was only because I chased them up. I've now heard nothing for almost a year and have been told that it could be a wait of up to 5 years to get an assessment. Luckily I am 100% sure I'm Autistic and even if I do get an official diagnosis, it's not like I'm going to get any help from the health services so I'm trying to just let it go. I just have to get over the injustice of it all, which is so easy for us right!? 😆
@@peteybmtb Here in the US I had to fight with them for over a year, but once in, then things go fairly quick, the insurance companies are hungry for their money! I wish you could get in sooner, the waiting game really stinks. It also took me 10 years to get disability though too, I think it's called PIP over there? Still a mountain of paperwork and fighting over here for that as well.
@@rainbowtropolis Yeah both our health systems are so flawed and neither seem to be fit for purpose. PIP is a slightly different thing, it's a kind of extra amount you can get above the normal disability, which the government that have just been voted out were trying to get rid of as well as making it even harder to disability. Hopefully the new government, who are supposed to be a party that is for the "masses" rather than the elite will make some positive changes to stop all the related suicides. Anyhoo enough doom and gloom 😄Best of luck with your assessment and I hope I catch your comment here somewhere when you let us know how it went. All the best, Pete.
I do this stuff.... 🤣 Like... On any social outing I strive to appear so BUSY with my 3-year-old that I simply don't have time to engage in any meaningless conversations 🤣
My friend got a 7 year old kid who's also autistic and my highlights are when she brings him to any party and I can play with him and talk about Pokémon! But my favourite is when he wants to play "silence", no talking and vaguely gesturing to communicate. The less specific the gesture is, the better. Can't talk to people, today were playing silence, are you gonna stop me from entertaining the kid?!! I love being around my friends, I don't need to talk to them, I can just be around and I'm happy
I'll have to drop something autistic next time but I wanted to share something that maybe you can think about for your next video. It sounds like you have a lot of autonomy at your workplace and they accept you for who you are, which I think is extremely great and very fortunate, but I work at a place that doesn't even believe that autism is real and they consider it a behavioral problem that can be easily fixed with proper therapy, basically alluding to ABA. And I've been here for 11 years so all of my stimming and all of my language and essentially my entire identity has been taken for me because I've had to adopt a permanent mask. So maybe your next video can be about how to get back in touch with doing things in line with a person's autistic brain? I know that my inability to self stim and my inability to be myself is causing a lot of issues for me. Even with protection under the Americans with Disabilities Act I just can't catch a break. They only want to focus on accommodating my struggles but they don't want to accommodate how it feels like identity suicide having a mask all day just so that way I can fit into the company culture. But I can tell you that I feel really good watching your videos because it makes me happy to know that there's people in this world who are allowed to be themselves. I'm 42 this year and I was diagnosed at 40, before that I was diagnosed with ADHD but I don't have both like you, it was a misdiagnosis for me and I lived that lie for 25 years before I got the proper diagnosis. So I can say that life is hard but it's a little bit easier to deal with watching your Channel so thank you for at least being good representation on TH-cam so that way those of us who are being discriminated or oppressed can feel like we belong somewhere. Keep up the great content and next time I'll try to participate in your comment section questions
2 years ago at the age of 50, I discovered that I'm AuDHD. I can't help with your work situation, which must be hellish and so frustrating and damaging for you but I can share my experience of also having removed or stopped doing all of the things that my neurodiverse brain needed to be happy due to unknowingly masking my entire life. Since discovering channels like this with the amazing community that dwell in the comments, I have been able to start stimming again, in private, as well as being kinder to myself when I do one of the myriad things that I do or hide because I'm not NT. I started by recognising how much I actually did stim but so secretly that I didn't even realise I was doing it myself, like making patterns by touching my tongue against certain teeth and this helped me to then experiment with some stimming toys, again all in private. By the way I've just received my first Needoh cube, that Chris from this channel uses and they are truly wonderful. I now have many stims that I can do in public that nobody can see and find wearing headphones allows me to get away with finger tapping and even clicking sometimes without getting stared at or feeling out of place. I must say that when I started to stim deliberately, it felt quite strange and the first few "toys" that I tried, I just didn't get along with. It was almost as if I'd learned to ride a bike but forgotten how to do it. That doesn't make sense but I can't find the words to describe it. I can very much relate to your phrase "identity suicide" but you being here and opening up and as you said at the end of your comments "trying to participate" yourself in this community is a massive, positive step. Kudos fella! I really hope you can find a solution to your work even it means finding a different employer, if that is even a possibility for you. There are some other channels out there that do have advice on navigating the workplace. I don't feel as though I should advertise them here on someone else's channel but they are not too difficult to find, especially as youtube starts to recommend more Autistic videos to you. Best of luck brother!
Wow 😲 you basically just described everything that is weird about me.... and even the way you explain the experiences cracks me up because I totally get it 🤣! My eating habits are very much the same, I call it " my kicks" LoL and I will eat the same thing for months! I also change around and say words differently, even making new words. Empty bathrooms are a sanctuary for me at times and I understand what you mean by sometimes not being able to get the words to work correctly! It still blows me away when I watch a video on autism and can relate to everything being said! Especially since I have always just thought I was a strange person and no one else could possibly know how I feel..... I'm so very happy to know that I was wrong! Thanks so much for sharing your experiences, it's so nice to finally know that I do have a place where I belong! And I absolutely love the fact that being autistic and ADHD means that my particular type of weird is completely normal!
One of my go to words is yippee. It’s especially fun when my friends join in or say something else in the same high pitched giggly tone like “wahoo!”. It feels good to say and leaves me feeling excited and invigorated!
100% relate! When at home, I like to say certain made-up words and my boyfriend always joins in. I feel like it helps me release energy that I’ve been holding in, masking at work lol.
Thank you for taking the time to vent and “rant” about your “no no no I’m not doing it”. All the best, Daniela P.S.: my family members do not non I’m a self diagnosed and they don’t get me. You inspire me. Thank you once again
In the area of "avoiding spaces" if at all possible, I will avoid walking down a hallway if someone else is walking toward me. There is the whole terrible anxiety around: how close do you have to be before you acknowledge them? Are they going to talk to me? Are we going to have to do the "how are you // fine, you?" crap? all that on top of "am I walking too fast? too slow? on my toes? In some other weird way?
I add "ish" to a lot of words. I hide from people. Sometimes people call me on the phone or knock at my door and I pretend I'm not there. I like set's of 3 or multiples of 3. When I'm writing, I like writing, I tend to describe an action or thing with 3 adjectives. I love synonyms. If I can use a nice flowery synonym, why use a common word. I always choose the emptiest way to get somewhere, and when I'm forced to travel by bus (long distance) I book two adjoining seats just for me, so I don't have to sit next to someone else. I like going to new places, theoretically, but when I get there I always feel disappointed and a bit annoyed because there are people around. I usually pretend that I'm alone, wherever I am, even in a busy shopping mall. There's no one around, I'm the only person there, anything else are just obstacles I need to avoid. I can be nice and friendly, for a few minutes, but then I run home, to my little safe corner (in my empty house) and I crash for days. If I'm forced to interact with people fir several days in a row, then I need to spend weeks not seeing anyone, just resting 🙈 My family call me a wilder-bug.
I Cannot get interrupted. It makes my brain crazy. Any interruption is like this serious transition in my brain, and it take so much energy to get back to my focus flow.
My level of dysfunction is directly proportional to how "important" people I run into are. At my old job, I really really wanted, and needed, to be considered for advancement. The few people that could have made that happen were those people. I don't think I ever uttered anything important, or that even made sense, during those brief encounters. I'm destined to not ever be successful, and that's just the tip of the iceberg.
Advice: if you like games make it a game. If you’re a musician, compose the interaction. Whatever you do, believe you are ultimately in control and that yours is the only reality that matters…because it is.
Im an AuDHDer as well. I definitely avoid spaces. I hate being in the kitchen when someone else is in the kitchen. It. Irks me, and I need my space to concentrate on the task at hand. As a child, and into my teens, I hid in restrooms. I loved learning, but hated going to school; I had no friends, and most of my peers called me weird. So I skipped going to class and eating lunch to escape to various restrooms. I went to ones that were the least busy, and listened to music on my cassettes player. I was alone and at peace; no noise, no crowds, no teasing… I also get extremely frustrated about things. Interruptions do bother me, but what sets me off the most is not being able to find something I need, especially when I’ve put it in a specific place, and unexpected changes. Don’t do that to me. It’s not gonna go well for either of us. I’m more of a door, drawer, fridge slammer, and I throw things around sometimes. I’ve never broken a device, but I’ve wanted to. Lastly, my eating habits are atypical for an Autistic person. O enjoy variety in my diet to a degree, but there’s certain foods that I cant stay away from. Peanut butter is my favorite food, and I’d eat it every day if it wouldn’t damage my health. There’s some tortilla chips that I’m addict to.id eat those every day if I could…
@@amy-avnas Lol…no big deal. There’s a lot of people that aren’t into peanut butter. At least you like it. And regardless, it feels good to connect to others who relate to my experiences. This is all fairly new to me, and it’s comforting seeing how many of us are in the world. You know you’re not alone…✌🏽❤️
Oh dude, the kitchen thing. I can't count the amount of days I've gone without eating because someone else was in the kitchen when I needed to prepare food. My brain just implodes and the frustration from hours of building up the will, courage, whatever that thing is that I have to build up, momentum maybe, to leave my safe space to go out into spaces I have to share with others, praying they are in any room but the kitchen, only to sneak back into my room knowing that I won't be able to try again until tomorrow!! I feel your pain.
@@peteybmtb Yeah, I can’t stand it. And now, my longtime friend who I’ve been living with for years is in a relationship, and his partner is living with us. So it’s a new person who’s just moved into our small space, that I have to adjust sharing a kitchen and other spaces with. I’m stressed beyond words…
This explains a lot! I realise why I can’t do the simple necessary tasks like getting firewood from the communal log store even when I really need too but if my family from next door are home I feel like I don’t want to have to talk, I just want to do the task. I felt awful for not wanting to talk to my family and feel like I’m avoiding them but I just can’t engage when I’m doing a task and if they do catch me I’m always masking and pretending it doesn’t bother me which makes even a simple task exhausting. 🙈 I need to find a way of signalling that I’m not up for talking, like your special words. Thanks for making me feel less weird about this weird habit. 👍
I got trapped in my room for an hour last night because people were right there. Hahaha. And my word is "borp borp borp" but you have to say it like a chicken. Incidentally, my chickens answer!
OH! And I've found that if I get stuck in a group conversation I can ask someone a question that I know someone else will be interested in. Then, when they start talking back and forth I just quietly slip away. Hehehehe
@@MorePranaGardens That is pretty clever. I'll have to try that. The worst "trapped situation" in my life was when I was visiting a commune in California--way back when. I was in the loft of the main building and this couple came in, and began talking. They weren't aware of me being above them, and I was just silent, figuring they would leave soon. Instead they talked for over an hour about whether this woman should get an abortion. The father wanted the abortion, she did not. It was a TERRIBLE conversation that they had clearly been putting off for months. I heard years later about the aftermath of this. The woman had the child, and shortly thereafter died of cancer. The man brought up the child as a single parent, and apparently did a very good job of it.
Hiding in the loo, classic move. Trouble is, there’s a cut off point where you know you’ve been in there too long for people not to assume you’re having a digestive problem. So then you have to stay even longer so those people have moved on and the new ones don’t realise just how long you’ve been hiding out 😆 I also have an irrational need to count as a chop vegetables etc when they’re all going in a pot together. How to exit a conversation gracefully totally eludes me so I often end up trapped like a frightened rabbit praying someone will save me!
I've started eating the same meals again as someone who is recovering from burn out and finding it helpful for me. I love bagels with cream cheese. But it has to be chives and onion cream cheese 😅
Yes, it's so helpful to not have to think about food when you're recovering (or in) burnout. Nachos are like that for me 🤤 I think Debby stocks at least 5 extra bags of tortilla chips at all times for those times!
Nice! I was on a sesame bagel and onion and chive cream cheese habit for a while. It makes a nice little snack. Now I eat Noosa Lemon yogurts and Grillo's pickles (not at the same time)😅.✌️
@@ChrisandDebbyWhen I tried Factor premade meals I really liked them. It took a bit to remind myself that I'm not a lazy turd and that I need to recognize when I have a full plate. Pun intended.
I have plain oatmeal with berries, a glass of orange juice, and a cup of coffee for breakfast every day. Then I usually have a ham and cheese sandwich with grapes and chips/crackers for lunch every day. It's been maybe 4 years? I do get some other stuff sometimes, and supper is usually different since my spouse cooks. He makes what he wants and I eat it, because I didn't have to cook :)
I love your energy!💚 I noticed that sometimes when I have to talk to someone or look them in the eyes I will rub my eyes or scratch my nose as if trying to give myself a moment to think, I’ll also lower my glasses a bit to distort my vision to make it a bit easier. 😅
That's also a fun word to say! Do you use it in different contexts? I had to explain that a bit to Debby when I began doing that with shyyyy but it's so helpful now
I pretty much do all of these. And hearing your experience has me in stitches because it's so relatable . Off the top of my head: I've been eating chicken nuggets, mostly, for years. I'll switch to other things and hyper fixate on them for months too, but I always come back to the nuggets, even when I was vegan/vegetarian (12 years); Morning Star nuggets were my shit. I disappear any chance I get. I come up with excuses just like you, although not as creative. Yours cracked me up! I don't have a special language, but I have echolalia, and it serves basically the same purpose. The elevator story really hit home with me. I'm an Uber Driver, and I am not the chatty type. I give nice, polite greetings, nice, polite goodbyes, and my impeccable taste in music in between. But of course there's people who want to chat, and I have to do the same thing. I'm like a duck on water. I answer their dumb, and sometimes intrusive, questions, and do it with a smile, but I'd rather they just shut up and listen to In Rainbows. That album is way more interesting than anything I have to say in a 5 to 15 minute trip. That's about all I can remember off the top of my head. I have to note that I've learned a bit from this video. I didn't realize that my people avoidance extending to my wife and kids was part of this. I often feel guilty when I just want to be left alone, or when I'm trying to get stuff done without being sidetracked (by conversations or my adhd), and 95% of the time I give in and sacrifice my focus. I've just come to the realization that this is one of the causes of my years long burnout. My family is amazing, and my wife is mostly understanding and doesn't give me too much trouble for my quirkiness, but if I decide to just started leaving to run an errand without saying bye to her and the kids I'd feel guilty and definitely get flack from her for not doing it, but the reality is a lot of the time I'd just like to leave unnoticed and without interruption of my physical flow or thoughts. Anyway, I enjoyed this video a lot. Thanks for the insight. I might have to try to get my wife to watch it with me.
I often just say a really short "mmm". Not as as in yummy, but a very short medium high monotone "mm" -- this to indicate that I heard you, I recognize what you said, and I have nothing else I want to add! I try to make it sound as though I was actually interested in what they said, but not sooo interested as to encourage further discussion!!! Amazing to hear you and others describe these things. This video just made my day...
My local Toyota dealer has THE BEST bathrooms! The last stall has a full length finely finished door and is cool and very quiet. Sometimes when I'm getting an oil change I'll just sit in there with the door closed. Way better than their waiting room with all the annoying people everywhere.
I'm glad I found your channel as I've been enjoying the content you've put out and I admire you admitting the weird things that you do. As for me, I would sometimes wait if a bathroom was empty before I used it as I also feel a little uncomfortable sometimes. I also sometimes will eat the same meals from the same places and similar foods a lot as I like the normal routine. I also get frustrated when someone interrupts me when I'm saying something else as it disrupts my train of thought.
I thought, “I don’t have special words” and was ready to dismiss it, and then I remembered that there are words I do find very appropriate and useful a lot, especially when writing (texting), and I likely use them when speaking too. Those words are lovely and thoughtful. They are positive, most people like to think that they are lovely and thoughtful, and I can use them even when I don’t like something. So the gift I detest is always thoughtful, and the lousy visit I just had can be lovely, as in “it was lovely to see you again. I have been told that I say, “darn it” a lot, almost like punctuation at the end of a sentence too. So much for not having special words.
Omg I’ve been visualising your stories as meeeee! My toilet I found was up a flight of stairs, across the first floor, down another set of stairs and there they are… unfortunately no storeroom to duck into. So I’m sitting there and someone comes in and I just want to die with shame. But I learned instead how the local women in the city where I travelled to for work, one of whom has invaded this sacred space, must truly be soooo sophisticated and savvy. They would immediately courtesy flush resulting in no echoing of our shared tinkling in the otherwise deafening silence. Wow! That was a life changing life hack. It was up there with Seinfelds “Can’t spare a square.” I’m relieved to hear you talk about all these things today and it’s actually part of autism/adhd because I do every one of them!
Ohh you would love toilets in japan. There are buttons that produce flushing sounds in the stalls specifically for this lol. Another hack i learned at uni - just float a folded length of toilet paper in the bowl first before you do anything. It breaks the sound so it's a lot quiter and much more discreet :)
@@lightawake Ahh the old double sheet of paper folded in half. An absolute must. Until I spent a few years in Germany, I was the only male I knew that sat down to pee. In fact I think I may be the only male in the uk that does it 😀and if I told other males they would ridicule me.
I always go to the washroom two floors down at work where no one knows me (and therefore are very unlikely to speak to me). Why do people say ‘hi’ and speak in bathrooms anyway? I’m there to do an unpleasant bodily function and it stinks in there… why?!
@@peteybmtb oh yeah they do sit down there don't they lol. Yeap the oooold double layer toilet trick hehehe. It's so reassuring i do it everywhere - even at home😆
I love your videos. They’ve been so helpful. I only seriously acknowledged my autism in the last two years of my sixty-two years on the planet. I first recognized it about thirty years ago but shoved it aside. How have I survived? Yup, masking. I also eat the same thing over and over and over again. Mmmm…cottage cheese and peaches. Thanks for the reminder. Thanks for sharing your experiences because it makes me feel sane.
So glad to hear they're helpful for you, and I understand that challenge of understanding yourself after so much masking. Let me know if you have other food suggestions too 😊 and thanks for the comment too. Really helps us know what helps other people and it's so nice also hearing that I'm not the only one who does these things!
My food things are fried chicken (3-4 times/week), and ramen noodle stir fry. I can have that almost daily. And yes, I can eat anything for breakfast! And I can eat breakfast food anytime as well. I can eat leftovers for 2-4 meals. Hubba can only do one round of leftovers.😄 I. Do. Not. Like. Interruptions. !! I totally lose my momentum with whatever I’m doing. Restarting feels overwhelming.
I’m 63 and diagnosed AuDHD last year. When the Asperger’s criteria was added, I thought “I know some people like that...and I’m one of them.” I’ve felt I was at least Asperger’s-adjacent since then, but might never have looked at it formally if I hadn’t fallen apart late in my fifties. People speculate what purpose really late diagnosis serves, but practically speaking I can offer two things: one, it’s helped me figure out why I have trouble finding in certain areas. And two, it can be useful very late in life when hospitals and potentially assisted living come into play. I didn’t fully realize that my elderly father was autistic, and I made some serious mistakes in dealing with his last year. I also would have been a better advocate if I had realized my own AuDHD.
@Jen-CelticWarrior Fried chicken and noodles have been my safe foods for years! Weirdly I hear so many of us say about noodles. I know this is not gonna be at the top of any neurobiologists list of priorities, but I sure would love to know the connection between autism and noodles 😂
@@jimwilliams3816Hi Jim! I just turned 57 and I am having an impossible time getting dx’d. I think I am AudHd - just from my own studies. Are you in the states and if so, how did you get your dx? Docs act like “Why bother?” And it’s hard to explain to them WHY it matters, but it does! Thanks.
AuDHD here. Food is so hard for me. I like to explore, but I have a Very fussy digestive system, and I never know when "omg this is so nom - except, ew, what is this tiny unexpectd attribute? This is poison, we may not eat it. We will die." will strike and leave me unable to even choke another bite down. I'd LOVE it if I could get all my nutrients from a nutrition bar or a drink and never _Have_ to eat regular food again - except for the enjoyment if I'm in the mood. I recently saw a tiktok where someone broke down the nonsense about language use - specifically, I personally like big words. I also like Weird words like Snek, yis, and even rizz. But when I'm a lil intoxicated or very tired, it is SO HARD to reach for the right 'little words' to substitute in for the 'bigger word' to achieve even a fraction of the accuracy of my less common vocab word. I love words and language and communication enough I'm making up my own language. So yes. Oh, and Merba. That's a word my SO and I use all the time. We made it up being silly one day, and now it's a permanent part of our vocabulary. Btw, it basically means "same" or "agreed" you can add "dor" to add emphasis - I even adjusted my conlang to fit them in 😅Feel free to use it, it'd be lovely to one day not be looked at weird when I accidentally say it in public xD Also do just use words how I want to. Perception Avoidance - not As strongly. Like the elevator situation. I'd probably have parked it just out of eyeshot of the elevator on the next floor and gotten on there, my laziness shall not be defeated so lightly. But going into a break room when others are there if I'm not up to it etc... I've mastered my "sorry, way too busy and distracted for chatting" vibe and I wear it like a cloak. Usually works too. I AM an extrovert though, so that's probably a big part of it. I definitely have a preference for being invisible if I don't think I can steer the conversation into topics of interest. Overanalyzing everything, trying to discover solutions to problems I will never be allowed to solve, etc. I really love to kinda mess with my proprioception, and also a hot bath or shower is almost Always the best treatment to any basic ailment. Tummy bug, standard cold, circulation being sluggish, sore after work, all the things. Doesn't matter the season or anything - though in summer sometimes it MIGHT become a cold bath/shower before I get out. (TMI, but my filter is busted)
Oh boy that tiny bit of gristle or unexpected texture has ended so many meals for me and also quite a few things that I have loved but can no longer eat because of one bad experience.
On words - I remember when I was young and I learned poetry did not have to rhyme, I was disappointed. Finding a good rhyming word was the best part. For a couple of years I was entering contests for naming products and businesses. I did ok at it. Although I never came up with a nickname for my 2 sons that stuck, the 2 cats I now have have hundreds of them. Maybe that's because they can't object. When it comes to repeating the same word they tend to be nonsensical or based on a sound. Already mentioned my daily burrito in a previous video. I had your same empty room issue mainly in high school and college. One year I lived in a rooming house. I was always "busy" when I passed through the living room and I only went in the kitchen when it was empty. Love your videos. I am a 72 year old woman and tend to relate best to late diagnosed AudHd women, but of the men's channels I relate to, you are the best.
I have been thinking about the word "handsome" once a day or so for 25 years now, ever since reading it being used to describe a woman in the book "Flashman and the Great Game". I like the word, it's very smooth and relaxing, like I can see it smiling. Other favourite words are "charming", "bizarre" and "shite" lol Probably the strangest thing about me that no one knows is that when alone I talk to myself constantly and loudly, arguing with myself. It helps me focus my mind which otherwise is constantly juggling 5-6 different trains of thought (I suspect this might be ADHD). I genuinely laughed out loud a couple of times during this video, very relatable!
Is it possible that you're British like me. I love all those words. Splendid, smashing, pants (I always feel sorry for Americans because they miss out on the hilarity of this word) are also some doozy's. I also talk to myself out loud when alone, as well as constantly in my head. Apparently there are many people that don't think in words which I just find unfathomable.
@@peteybmtbI can't wrap my head around that. I think in words, lots and lots of words, and roll them around in my head the same way that I might roll them around on my tongue if I were saying them aloud. When I read, which I do prolifically, I say the words in my head. If I don't know how to pronounce a word - or a name - it's incredibly difficult for me to keep reading. Sometimes I simply can't. I just have to put the book down and read something else. It's intensely frustrating. The internet has been a lifesaver for me in respect to that, since I can usually look it up and then continue reading. When I'm trying to clarify my thoughts or feelings, I sometimes speak them aloud, either to someone else or to myself. I don't know why, but when I say them aloud, often in a very rambling and disjointed style, it makes my thoughts clearer, things start to make sense or I realise I disagree with something I just said, or I become aware of how I feel about something. The words are so crucial to my thinking process that I suspect that if I lost the words in my head, I simply wouldn't be able to think at all.
@@peteybmtb yes I've met a couple of people who don't visualise their thoughts and it seems odd to me... I have all the modes of thought at once; I have a "movie" running at all times with a narrator, perhaps dialogue, always some music, and sometimes emotions added to the mix... It's no wonder that I am never really 100% present in whatever is going on in the real world! I would add to our word list the funniest word in the english language: "SAUSAGE", preferably uttered by Hugh Laurie (if you know you know). I'm not actually British, but I have passed for one my whole life, even other brits can't tell I'm Danish/Paraguayan due to the fact that I speak English on a native speaker level complete with an RP/estuary accent. My Scottish ancestry has also gifted me a very anglophone name as a cherry on top
@@carolinejames7257 I completely relate to your comments about reading. Also when you have the pronunciation of a word, usually a name, set in your head and then you hear somebody pronounce it differently... That breaks my brain so that every time I read that word I have to stop and work out which pronunciation I am going to use.
@@ViscaElBarcawood If you're talking about Hugh Laurie as the Prince Regent in Blackadder then yes I know exactly. Sausage time! Sausage is also the subject of Baldrick's Novel, which makes Robbie Coltrane lose his marbles as he's missed it out of his dictionary. If that's not what you mean then I've just written all that for nothing haha!
wanting full control over my computer is one of the reasons why i became a programmer and why i use linux extensively. it's been a steep learning curve, but the comfort it provides is so wonderful. i often wonder though how much i actually even want to be a programmer. it's like it fulfills a certain part of me that wants to keep things organized and stay in control, but in reality im pretty sure i wish my career was in something else. reminds me of factory building games, but when i was younger, my parents didn't want me to waste my time on video games, so becoming a programmer and using that as an excuse was the only way i could convince them. either way im grateful for my skills but i only really want to use them around friends and family. i wish i could have been doing other things though throughout my life
I strongly resonate with all that. /)*(\ I got into software engineering because I liked video games and computers but then realized how scummy of a world it is (all the anti-user stuff) and how fine everyone seems to be with that state of affairs and got disenchanted. 😔
Thank you so much for your videos Chris! It’s hard to put into words how much comfort they’ve brought me and how good it feels to be able to relate to so many things ( same-same but different🤓) I have a suggestion for your breakfast burger : radishes, it’s a nice& crunchy, slightly spicy friend. I myself still hold some fond memories of a past regular food combo : radishes, mint leaves and strawberry flavoured Volvic water ( I don’t care what anyone says about it, it was a good time!). Thank you again for sharing with all of us. My best to you, Debby and all your nearest and dearest.
You're too shy shy, hush-hush, eye to eye Too shy shy, hush-hush, eye to eye Too shy shy, hush-hush, eye to eye Too shy shy, hush-hush..... now can't get kajagoogoo out of my head 🤣
Your videos have been so valuable in helping me understand myself, thank you! A couple years ago, I started seriously considering that I have ADHD. Other people in my family do too, but it manifests outwardly very different from mine, so I hadn't thought I could also be an ADHDer. Turns out, I am. And in exploring that possibility, I kept getting a lot of autism-related content as well, such as this channel. Then I found that I relate to so many experiences of AuDHDers, that I finally self-diagnosed and am currently scheduled for an official assessment soon. When most of the people in your life are neurodivergent and have more "classic" traits and then you measure yourself against that, it can give you a skewed perception of yourself. Add in that I was a "gifted" kid, plus all the times I've heard that I didn't have ADHD because I don't misplace things, or because I notice where someone else put their things, or because I'm more organized than this other person who has ADHD, or that I couldn't be autistic because I can do small-talk, have friends, drive, hold a conversation, etc., and I ended up feeling like it was "just" depression, "wasted potential", and that I wasn't trying hard enough. So, truly, thank you so much for being open and willing to share your experiences! It's so validating to discover that there are other people with experiences similar to mine, and that no amount of "just trying harder" was the answer. I have so much more self-com-PASSION now and feel like I have a better understanding of my current burnout. Again, thank you. In response to this video, I would prefer to not use the bathroom when others are, but I struggle with interoception, and kind of have to just use the bathroom at regular intervals or run the risk of NEEDING to use the bathroom, so I don't have much choice in waiting for it to clear out. I do tend to stay in my room/home office for hours when other people are home because I know that they will want to talk to me if our paths cross, even if I've asked them to pretend I don't exist, told them that I need a no-communication day, what have you. It's gotten to where I keep a jar of peanut butter, a loaf of bread, and a pitcher of water in my room so that I can at least eat and drink something when I feel trapped. Honestly, there are times when I wish I had the space (and money) for a mini fridge and a microwave in there. I've been on a cereal kick for a few months now. Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Trix Minis, and Frosted Flakes are practically all I want to eat. I know this isn't good for me, and I know that I'd feel unwell if I only ate cereal. So I'll try to have something savory and somewhat healthy, like vegan chicken patties and salad, for breakfast, and then I can look forward to cereal for dinner. I feel like this cereal kick will probably end soon though, and then I'll crave stir-fry, or buttered noodles (actually, I kinda crave those all the time), or grilled sandwiches, or whatever, for a few weeks/months. I sometimes have to go through my recipe box to see if there's anything that I used to want all the time but have since forgotten, because I might get in the routine of eating the same things for so long that I can't think of what else I used to like eating. Side note, my nephew who is autistic without ADHD will eat the same thing, specifically for breakfast, every day for at least a year. I wonder if AuDHDers have shorter fixations because of the ADHD part? I don't comment on videos often, so I'm sorry about the length! Thank you to anyone who reads the whole thing!
We read the whole thing together and loved it! Thanks for your comment and for sharing about your own experiences and food preferences and connections with your family. So happy to hear the positive impacts for you! And good luck with the assessment process 😊
I avoid crowded rooms too, even if there's only one person in them, and sometimes I just can't stop myself going to the toilet, so I've made up this story that I don't feel anything happening or just when it's almost too late, so people leave me alone now when I rush to the toilet. So when I'm hungry and there are people around I pretend to go to the toilet :) Otherwise, my favourite word is "coucou", a way of saying hello to friends in France. I say it all the time, even when I bump into someone I've already seen lots of times that same day, and I rush headlong to my destination without meeting the other person's eyes to make it look like I'm very busy, just like you.
I use the same toilet when going to a public bathroom. Choose one the first time I come there and then stick to it. I can also relate to the inertia train and might come across as very hostile sometimes if the train is to far gone to stop it. Sorry to everyone who was whisked off! Wasn't on purpose. 🙊 Really liked this episode! Thank you :)
I'll sometimes laugh to myself while running a simulation of a potential conversation in my head. It's like I'm capable of crafting emotions during the narrative. I also experience a range of emotions in dreams. Idk if that's unique or not.
ah yes. i am like houdini at leaving conversations. people don`t even notice i`m gone. i just pop out of existence LOL and yeah, i NEVER go back to the convo or meeting. i also avoid rooms where there are people, even my family, which i love. and my echolalia isn`t owrds as much as sounds. i whistle at birds and imitate any funny or weird noise like horns etc.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I have my own words too for certain situations. Thank you for mentioning 'monotropism'; I didn't know it was called that. So true about avoiding spaces or pretending to be heading for a different space - I do this often!
Regarding language: I have certain words, and just certain times that make me feel the need to spell a word I've just heard, read, or said out in the air with my finger (and in my head). I've done this for almost 35 years now, and almost nobody knows about it -- I guess I learned to mask it young 😂 I've gotten the whole routine down to very slight finger movements I usually try to hide in my hand. Even my incredible gf doesn't know and I sometimes do it while holding her hand 😂❤
Thanks so much Chris, you're the man! Listening to you and reading the comments has brought back 2 random memories. When I was a student, half a century ago now, I often answered the phone with 2 delicious German words: "Schmutziger Umschlag" which I think means dirty envelope. Or in Japanese:"Shinde kudasai" - please do me the honour of dropping dead :) I hated the phone, didn't want to answer, and didn't want anyone to talk to me. I still feel the same, but don't answer it at all nowadays. And now I know why!
The other memory - a friend said recently "Remember those jelly and ice cream parties you used to give, then go and sit in your bedroom all by yourself?" Ha ha I had forgotten!
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Do you do any of these things? Or what are some unique things you do? Share below - we love learning about the autistic experience of everyone here 😊
I am autistic and have ADHD. How do you say ADHD like autistic... ADHDic? I have similar experiences. I used to work at a major computer manufacture and my bosses knew that I would not go to meetings and events unless they told me, "you need to attend this time." They let me get away with it a lot, and I only knew that I had ADHD at the time. I later found out that I am autistic.
I can identify with the toilet situation. It's like embracing silent pauses during small talk and you are all naked. And it puts a lot of pressure on me to have a normal pee habit. Duration of peeing, time until first pee runs, etc. It's such a draining situation. If i come into a toilet that's not empty, i usually pretend to just wanted to wash my hands and then leave...
I also avoid spaces, because i can't be myself and enjoy the tasks i was planning to do if someone is around that could be judging internally. It prevents me from doing the task mask free. My expectation become disappointed immediately and i don't like that unforeseen.
I also eat the same 3 meals all the time. Those are unfortunately all not that healthy so i have to supplement a lot of stuff and also measure my weight regularly .
I love playing with words. I.E:
I use similar sounding words instead of the word that i really meant. And after some time i use a similar sounding word for the similar sounding word and so on.
So the German word. "Wurm" -> "Würmchen" -> "Förmchen" -> "Fönnchen" -> "Förni"
Last two words aren't even real.
I also repeat the same great sounding phrases again and again for exaggeration. Instead of "sehr viel" (very much) i say "sehr stark" (very strong) and i pronounce it like a lisping child that plans something evil.
And i mix up the grammar. I have had has gotten to eaten yesterday, very strong.
When I am overwhelmed I find myself saying I am tired without thinking about it, also fish but like fisssshhh. I am a fisshhh, I have no idea how it started or when.
@@CrypticAutistici think no words for ADHDic, but I liket it 😁
@CrypticAutistic I call it AuDHD (like awe-Dee-H-Dee)
Finding THE one, clean, bathroom that you think no one else uses is the best.
It's many times the first restroom stall because everyone else assumes that it is the one to get to the fastest. So others ignore it.
definitely
Yesss😩✋🏾
As far as bathroom stuff goes…..Yeah I don’t care about number one. I’ll do that anywhere. But I can only do the two at home. And my body will go to great lengths to make that happen. It’s not something I have any control over. It’s weird. Like it’s all internal. No thoughts involved. If it’s an emergency I make it happen in public but it’s so rare. I go home at lunch when I work generally so…..
Definitely wanna be away from everyone and do my thing
I despise "small talk", but I can never gauge how soon I can leave the conversation without appearing rude.
Yes!!!
oh… yes
Just leave.
I usually feel so trapped and my stomach hurts like I need to use the restroom...
Yes
For your example of needing to go through a room without talking to your wife, my ex and I had a physical gesture that worked the same way. In the old White Wolf LARPS (live-action role-playing games), crossing your arms across your chest with your hands on opposite shoulders was the gesture for "I'm invisible." Both of us played in those games and knew the gesture. So sometimes when we wanted to sneak past the other person and didn't want them to talk to us / remark on us being there / etc., we'd make the "I'm invisible" signal across our chest as we walked past. (Sometimes paired with exaggerated "sneak-walk" on tiptoes or humming the mission impossible theme song lol.) Worked remarkably well!
I looooveeee thisssssssssss
I love this too!
That is really heckin awesome!!
Brilliant.
This is amazing
I tend to keep my peculiarities to myself, but a week ago I was getting out of class and I saw this man holding two plants he clearly had just bought. I went straight to him and asked "hey, you know which plants you got?" He answered he bought them because he thought they were pretty and the lady who sold them told him the names. Popular names, not scientific ones.
I told him the scientific names (and subspecies), how to reproduce them by cutting and how much water they needed, then immediately left.
It took me about 30 minutes waiting for the bus to realize "oh no i did the weird stuff again", i went to a stranger, infodumped for five minutes and left.
Maybe he was a bit taken aback, but I'm sure he appreciated the advice.
I would've loved that and I'm not autistic; I'd find that really interesting!❤
Hahahaha I would totally have done the exact same thing!
I've definitely done this one! 😅 ith ANY chance to info dump on plants or animals 🤑
I do this all the time.
One of my weird quirks is I REAAALLLY feel uncomfortable when I walk in front of people. I always unconsciously stop walking to have whomever I'm with go in front of me.
OMG i've been like this my entire life too. when i find myself walking in front of others i'm with, i'm filled with this devastatingly deep terror that i'll make a mistake and disappoint the group. it feels like too much responsibility. and i'm a grown man now so it feels so ridiculous.
THIS!! I hate walking in front of anyone - what If I go the wrong way? What If I trip?? What if I walk too fast or too slow or start "toe-walking". Ahhhhh no thank you!
I remember questions relating to this in autism quizzes. Yeah maybe it has to do with not liking being observed
Me too!
Yes. I don't know why but it feels bad. I wanna hide behind someone. People get confused or annoyed at me for doing this. It's the same feeling as when not having the corner seat in a given seating arrangement. I want to be in the corner and just watch, I feel way more calm than having to look and all the noises behind me all the time
"suddenly feel a little hungry." Must be nice. I go from not feeling hungry at all, straight to literally on the verge of fainting, in an instant. There is no in-between.
Me too! It makes 'meal planning' nonexistant. I try to keep high protein 'quick eats' in the kitchen now to help; guacamole and chips, hummus and pretzels, cheese or PB and crackers. Otherwise I eat straight junk food just bc it's instant.
Same here! I think I have difficulty knowing when I’m hungry and by the time I feel like I’m about to pass out, I have to make sure I eat ASAP. Then there’s also the problem of not knowing when I’m actually full so I eat until I’m about to throw up. It’s so bad 😅
@@houki8636I’m exactly the same!! Do you have any food aversions
too like not being able to eat things with certain textures, colours etc?
@@prettypuppy6752 yes. Anything soggy or too soft, gooey or things that burst in my mouth when I bite into it. On my plate, food with different textures cannot touch each other. All the utensils for each dish must be kept separate. I cannot stand it when someone uses the spoon from one dish and uses it on another dish. I don’t like when other dishes gets “contaminated” smell and texture wise.
As a kid, I eat everything plain. No sauce on anything. Eggs can only be scrambled. I struggled with vegetables because I think the texture makes it very difficult for me to swallow. I was a very difficult kid, such a picky eater 😂
Yes, this! ...Although I STILL won't go into the break room if it's going to turn into a social engagement. I'll just curl in my cubicle and try to wait until it's 'safe' to go in...
None of this is weird. It's all completely normal and relatable.
umm...
Right! I'm not sure why he has so much shame from MY daily habits. I hope he is able to overcome those feelings.
Lol. My guy...
@@OdinsSageit is normal. Just because you don't do it doesn't make no normal.
It might be uncommon, but it's normal. Like having green eyes
@@hannanah8036 Not eating when you have hunger pains simply because other people are present is 100% abnormal behavior
I cannot believe how SPECIFIC these call-outs are. it's so wild that these little things that make me feel like such a weirdo, and that I try super hard to hide (like the restroom/supply closet dodge move) are actually shared experiences. I feel so seen 🥺 thank you as always for your videos. every time I'm reminded I'm not alone and not an alien, and that my quirks are actually very normal experiences for my cohort of late diagnosed AuDHD adults, a part of me heals
@@roseamongtheashes since my diagnosis a few months ago, I've also gone from feeling like I actually was the awkward clueless weirdo loner everyone always took me as, to being so pleasantly surprised and thankful at how many people are just like me! ❤️
@@heidimj1380 Yessss I'm so happy to hear this! Congratulations on your diagnosis and the new perspective on yourself! It's an absolutely incredible experience getting to understand yourself in a whole new way thanks to having new understanding. Getting to feel part of a community and learning that there are so many people similar to us out there is one of the coolest things ever! From Ohio to wherever you are, I'm sending a big hug and a high five!
@@roseamongtheashes Thank you! All the way from Indiana 🌽!
Every now and then I decide I'm making it all up and I'm probably neurotypical, then i watch a video like this and I'm convinced I've got both. This was ludicrously relatable and funny.
Thanks man.
Me too! Especially if I haven't melted down for a while and am "managing." Which, now that I think about it, probably means I've been masking. 🤔
Fun fact about the subscription thing:
I live in Denmark, and here it is illegal for a company to make it harder to cancel a subscription than it was to sign up for it. Love it.
I'm surprised you didn't mention online adverts on youtube vids/ spotify etc. These adverts pop up so abruptly while i'm watching something it hurts my brain so much. This is my fave video of yours! Got to see the real you! love it
Ads are horrible! Especially if the volume is louder than what you were previously listening to
I can live without netflix and Co.. but youtube premium is the only subscription I would sacrifice a coffee or a nice meal for 😅
It's frustrating when watching with someone else's account and I'm glad I don't have to see these awful advertisements and I am more than disappointed at google that they cannot at least show (also in mobile games) advertisements that have some quality or even just some decent respect for other humans and are not advertising scams or weird games etc. .. :/ can't be that hard.. and I am sure there are enough costumers from other areas -.-
adblock software like uBlock Origin is amazing
Yip! Oh there's my friend in the supermarket, avoids the isle..
the whole trip gets tense, because I have to check every Isle i'm going in.
Nightmare. So awkward seeing someone in the wrong place. I do enjoy a little 30 second chitchat with the cashier or random customer or a bus driver sometimes. If I can something funny or nice, or just good morning because having a smile or a laugh with somebody gives me nice mental boost for the rest of the day. It's easy because it is non-committal and reliably time-limited. But if I spot an acquaintance in the store... yeah I will definitely peek around corners and also wait till they have left the store
This is exactly what I enjoy doing, too. That's the social I can handle, and I'm happy and satisfied. Well said. I can relate. 😊@kristingallaty8301
@@breinfrog5879 Hold a box of cereal like you're reading the ingredients, no one will see you!
@@kristingallaty8301 what do you mean, the wrong place? Everybody does shopping, no? ... Also I don't understand why you'd want to go out of your way to AVOID someone you call a friend. I always feel pleasantly surprised if I run into one, because I have so very few. There's a handful of people I actually enjoy socialising with, in a sea of other people who stress me out. I will tack myself onto them so I can feel anchored in that sea. Plus I'm thinking, if it was the other way round, and I caught sight of someone I know literally dodging round corners to avoid crossing paths with me, I'd feel REALLY bewildered and hurt. I'd be wondering all day long what on earth I could possibly have said or done to them last time we met that now they don't wanna talk to me.
I've masked myself out of a lot of things I used to do, but as I realized I'm neuro-spicy, some stuff has slowly been creeping back in. I sing random stuff to myself, usually the same word over and over or snippets of songs. It makes me happy, makes my brain and body happy, so I do it now. Thank you for being so yourself when making your videos. You and other creators are helping me have the bravery to be myself.
I high masked for over 50 years, Now I am allowing my bits out I am a much happier person and actually enjoy exploring because I'm finally in a place where I can.
@@karendecosse2580 Yeah, over 50 years for me too. So much to unlearn.
Indeed. Usually my own weird songs and word combos(I'm also a musician)I find I do it more when I'm a bit unregulated but when I'm good too. I'm 57 and self diagnosed over the last 18 months or so. AHDH too-THAT one I've always known. Only starting to comes to grips with how exhausting high masking has been my whole life. Nor is it like my neurodiversity is getting any better, I'm just finally finding awesome channels like these and my community. It feels like being a unique shade of green my whole life to discover there's OTHER unique Green people too???
The singing thing I do, when I was little, everytime I was looking for something, very frustrated or agitated I would sing a made up song about the Item I was looking for or how I was feeling and it did actually help. My sister would mock me for doing this so I eventually stopped, but I love to sing to I often sing random songs...mostly when I am alone though, I hate and am terrified of singing in front of people now😅
@@nannywhumpers5702 haha Another 50 plus yearer here too. Allowing oneself to start to do the things that give us joy after a lifetime of hiding them and denying ourselves joy is a wonderful thing. Best of luck with your journeys (I hate that word but you know what I mean).
This is the most hilarious, relatable, validating video I've seen this year. I hope you do more videos like this with storytelling. I love the improvised, stand up comedy style narration.
2 words that can change your life: fluffy and insouciance.
@@juliesvideos476 Insouciance noun casual lack of concern; indifference.
Fluuf, as in my cat is a fluuf. 😻
I cannot describe how many times I've acted as if I'm on a phone call to avoid conversation. Nope, just me holding the phone to my ear, talking to absolutely no one until I can get to an area that isn't crowed.
I do this too
I tend to have earbuds in whenever I am out and about. Not only are they useful for reducing stimulus, they also make it much easier to pretend I haven't heard someone as I turn down a random street or corridor.
I no longer work, so I never have to be around people that bully me. Now my fear of being perceived and of people in general is so much better. I have become more social, after years of feeling afraid because of relentless bullying in my youth. I go to grocery store, and there are employees that are happy to see me. My friends are happy I am on this planet. My children have Autism like me, and through their doctors suggestion I got my diagnosis. My kids give me hugs and show me a love I have never known. My partner has ADHD and we vibe amazingly most of the time. I finally feel understood because content creators like this wonderful person! I just started following this channel and I love the info. This world is so much better than before in many ways. I almost ended my life many times and I am glad I survived ❤
I am really glad you survived too, and I am glad you have love and support. I have the support too and I am so grateful.
I'm 100% in the "eat the same food" club - I've had homemade blueberry protein pancakes for breakfast almost everyday for 3 years.
🫐🫐🫐🫐🫐🫐🫐🫐🫐❤♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
When I lived by myself I would make homemade fajita tortillas and sauté oyster mushrooms, onions, and bell peppers and eat fajitas for every meal. I did that for almost a year. I have to make different foods now because I have kids that need properly balanced nutrients (and they get bored of the same thing over and over) but I’ll still make my own tortillas fresh. I can’t justify paying $3+ for a pack of 8 tortillas when I can make 16 for like 50¢ and it takes less time than going to the store.
Protein oats with blueberries for me but same 5+ years now and 🤞🏻 I never get sick of it 🥣✨
Yeah, I'm cottage cheese and fruit n cereal
Oatmeal with dried cranberries and fresh ground nutmeg, plus two cups of cardamom tea with plenty of milk and a pinch of sugar is breakfast. Going on 4 years now.
On a kick of whole grain naan and olive hummus right now, too.
The elevator story! At the time, I didn’t know I was AuDHD. I was training in Florida (Disney World). My hotel was packed with families, kids, vacationers and business people. I’m arriving back at the hotel from an intense day of training and it’s PACKED! 😩 10-15 people standing by the elevator turn and look at me. I start sweating. They’re waving me over like “come ride with us”! I went back outside, watched through the window until they were all gone. Then I walked up 14 flights of stairs to my room. 😫😖 People? Nope.
I'd probably have done the same thing😂.
People? Nope. Had me chuckling to myself. Absolutely perfect!
@@peteybmtb 😆 And it’s not that I hate people, I just don’t have the energy to engage. 🫠
@@randomgrannie Exactly!
There's a term for this--an "Irish exit." Even though I didn't know I was autistic, I always allowed myself the Irish exit, even as a kid. If a situation was just "too much," I would walk away, without explanation, even if I knew it looked weird. Once at a party, where I didn't have a ride, I got under a table and sat out the party. Somehow this never caused me the slightest difficulty. Maybe I had a social persona of being a weirdo, but people never even asked why I left without saying goodbye. I'm glad that I understood, at that age, that my mental well-being came first.
Me and my oldest kiddo will make pterodactyl noises at each other. We have whole conversations like that.
In my family growing up, we'd speak in gibberish. We'd have whole conversations and understand each other. With my husband, now, it's meows. I don't even know how we came to that, but we mutually agreed to it. An example is when one of us is looking for the other, we'll just say, "Mao?" and ... that's a real word to us.
Yes! My nephew lives with me, and we hang out everyday. We make certain noises at each other, kind of like blowing raspberries but not so intense, as a way of saying "hello", or "I am simply acknowledging your existence, please acknowledge my acknowledgement. No need for further communication." But we also have conversations in "meow", popping noises, and a kind of back-of-the-throat goat bleating. It's awesome.
@@MiyoMui I think there are actually words in languages that mean just that. "I aknowledge your presence. aknowledge my aknowledgement". in my mothertoung "Hallo" is such a word. it's not really an invetation to a conversation. just "hey, I'm here. if a fire breaks loose, please make sure I get out as well." but more specificly in the dialect I grew up around (in germany) there is the word "Guude". and "Guude" "Guude" can be a complete conversation. much like the french "ca va?" "ca va."
so .... this kind of afiliate noises (like cat meows) are maybe a universally human thing.
@@annehagstrom5408 very apropriate. I recently learned that meowing is often not any kind of specific conversation for cats (to humans) but an afiliate noise. it's literally just checking that you are there.
I did and still do make up words for certain things. Especially people. I can’t explain it. Every time I see someone who looks like the original person I created the word for it instantly pops up in my head and I say that word over and over to myself. There’s no rhyme or reason for those words, they just sorta come to me in the moment. One of my many weird things 😂
My coworker and i meow at each other whenever we are in the same space in the office-like a greeting mrow 😺
Omg I love this!
I'm meowing a lot, too. Human words don't express everything.
When I first started dating my partner, he warned me that once he gets comfy with someone, he meows at them. And I was like uh... yeah... what's the big deal? I do that too 🤣
The way you describe the appeal of certain words and the feeling they generate is so accurate. That’s how I’ve learned to speak 10 languages! I have to make sure I’m alone to experiment with them. No judgement, not bothering anyone, no interruptions.
I also have to translate my personal interpretations of how words function into general-public-speak, and vice versa. “Career?” Oh, you mean “money-school?”
I can't begin to explain how much people and channels like yours are helping me get through my very late discovery that I'm Autistic and most probably ADHD. To hear you say things that I do and experience that nobody else talks about and when I try to explain to people what is happening, get met with disbelief, is so validating, comforting, emotional, even life changing. No not "even" life changing, definitely life changing. Plus hearing you describe exactly how I'm feeling in words and phrases that I have actually used myself is quite simply mind blowing. It's like my thoughts without all the anger and frustration that I feel after so many years of masking and gradually declining until my current state at 52 years of age, spending an average of 22 hours a day in a 3mx2m room sitting on or lying in my bed because I simply can't cope with the world. I'm struggling to keep this together as I just want to rant and I've already rewritten this paragraph about 9 times (does anyone else do that?) so I'll just say thank you so very much for your bravery in sharing these very personal facts about yourself and I'll close by saying that I've just had my first NeeDoh cube. It's one of the most splendid (1 of my favourite words by the way, along with smashing and chuffing) objects I have ever held in my hand. The weight, the texture, the way it squishes differently depending on the pressure or speed that I squeeze (the slow squeeze that's so gentle it's almost not a squeeze is the best), the fact that it always goes back to being a cube, the colour, the translucency... Oh my. Now if they could just make one about 2 metres square!
Omg - The re-writing responses. Yep! I have found it helpful to turn off sounds in order to concentrate and finish the complete thought.
@@peteybmtb I have found that if I use talk to text, I have to do far less editing. I just narrate my normal internal thoughts into the mic. Then proofread and send. I feel like for me, something gets lost in translation worrying about typing, and the stopping or slowing down to type that messes me up.
Yea, I do that constantly. Usually, because I'm thinking about how "others" will read my words. And if there is a chance of a miscommunication, I rewrite the entire thing. Usually, to the point that it loses the intensity I wanted to portray.
Yep, everything in this video is SO relatable. Thank you so much for your amazing channel! About hiding in storage rooms: My mother-in-law came to our house unexpectedly once. I panicked, and as my husband was answering the door I hid in the nearest closet. I stayed there for a whole hour until she left!
Clicking the thumbs up button for something that must have been awful for you just doesn't feel right. We need an "I see you" button or something 😀
Your examples are SO relatable, especially pretending to go to the storage room. I'm struggling with imposter syndrome right now and having examples that I resonate with really helps.
Imposter syndrome is so horrible. Communities like this can really help to validate your experiences and life. There are some very good channels on youtube (it doesn't seem right to advertise them here on Chris and Debby's channel but they are not too difficult to find) that have really helped me with imposter syndrome. In fact, in my opinion, they are the only place to be able to get this kind of validation as the medical industry is so very far behind the curve to the point of being damaging and friends and family can often, in my experience, also do more harm than good. You'll get through it, I'm sure , and without wanting to speak for other people, we're all here for you and we see you!
Thank you for "seeing me". Your comments were so encouraging and validating. I do watch a lot of different channels and they all help. Retaking the online screenings also helps, as my scores never change. They always point to my being solidly on the spectrum.
@@sarahlogan2075 haha I do ALL THE TESTS!! So rewarding to always score highly. Apart from how badly worded they always are. I even deliberately choose a slightly lower score than I actually feel, "often" rather than "Always" for example and that's even better when you are still way up there.😃
Not being able to find the words when overwhelmed is extremely relatable. I usually go into a loop, trying to articulate "i can not think", but i get stuck on the "i". So i just studder, like "i, i, i, i, i" while aggressively tapping my temple in blind frustration.
I'm never sure if these comments go through or not, but thank you For another great video for a late diagnosed high masking adult trying to navigate the world!
Got the comment and thank you!! Really appreciate the support and also knowing there's a whole wide world of us late diagnosed, high masking autistic adults out there. Glad to have you here!
@@ChrisandDebby I work in procurement, and someone who might have to travel to your part of the world soon for work. I'm glad to know there is food options!
Omg… being interrupted!!! Holy crap. My husband does not get the absolute devastation it causes when I am FINALLY in the zone I’ve waited months for, and get interrupted.
The interruptions 😱😱😱
Have you tried to explain it to your husband? Debby is trying different methods and it’s been improving for us - like quietly peeking in on me when I’m working to see if I’m in the zone rather than just talking right away
@@ChrisandDebby ummmm no… he starts doing things loudly like talking to the dog or banging things around. I finally got my office set up in a shed next to our house. When I’m in there, it’s sooooo nice to just be alone and able to unmask completely and work.
@@andrealyman8148 I so need to do this. My husband was laid-off about a year ago and my adult child moved home and works from home. There are people in my house 24/7/365! They do take the dog for a walk every day but that ~30 is just enough time for me to stop bracing for interruptions and then they are back! (head / desk)
I feel this so much! Later in life self-diagnosis at 50. So many things make sense now, with the difficulties when I was younger in life. Thank you for making this video
This!
Technology, lol. Nothing is more annoying to me that having to log in on every single website I visit. You have to log in to do anything anymore. I diverts my focus and prevents me from doing what I want to do at the time, particularly if I can't remember the password.
And now the duel log in, so I have to have my phone AND my iPad on hand to get anywhere! So annoying!
I giggled SO much in this! My poor 17 yo daughter ( who is autistic and adhd) LOVES to talk to me when i'm monotropic, your metaphor of a train with too much momentum behind it, i've used to express how I feel in that moment. just can't stop suddenly to listen....it's ended in quite a lot of rage outbursts, and hurt feelings....so I shared the train metaphor, and she's learning to "Read the room" - hard for her though, because she gets upset and panicked as she easily forgets what she wants to say. - i LOVE your humour
You quickly became one of my favorite "new" TH-camrs, even though you're so shyyyyyyyyyyyyyy 🙌
I just got diagnosed at 39 and found you. Thank you for teaching me a lot AND making me laugh at the same time🎉
🙈🙈🙈 The bathroom/storage story and the elevator/stairs story…it’s such a relief to know I’m not the only one 😭😭😭 I totally get the iPad rage story, too- I think we are on edge all the time, it sometimes doesn’t take much to tip us to anger.
Oh and plain cheerios in a sandwich bag has been my breakfast most days since high school (I’m 40yo). Oh! And I was kind of obsessed with the word rock at one point- I was taking an earth science class and would write down “rock” as often as I could. It sounded nice in my head when I was writing it.
I also relate to the bathroom/storage room story, but it makes me feel embarrassed. Because when I do stuff like that, part of me is being very judgmental--like, "what in the hell are you afraid of?" I'm not even that bad with small talk, but there are times when it is so disregulating. I know that any form of social adaptation is going to take a lot of energy, and throw me off-track.
@@steveneardley7541 yes!!! More self-preservation than fear! Sometimes I can get through it, other days I just can’t. And then I end up in the “storage” hoping no one catches me at it. 😩
My go to meal is eggs sausage and toast. Toast has betrayed me so I don't eat it much. New meal has become no meal.
Man you are hilarious. Leaving the meeting. “I’m just so busy…IM SHYYY” 😆
Thank you for making these videos; I feel less alone hearing your stories and point of view. This is all so relatable.
I was in a crappy mood today and your video made me smile and laugh. I was doing my yard work nodding up and down as I listened. I don't experience everything you described, although I'd like to say I understand it.
Also, why I was smiling and laughing is because of how you tell stories. It's not always what's said, but how it was said. You are a wonderful storyteller. I don't want you thinking I'm laughing at you!
I wish you didn't have so many challenges to face on a daily basis. I hope knowing you've positively impacted so many people's lives brings a sense of accomplishment and comfort.
My son is almost 16 and just diagnosed AuADHD.. your videos generate awareness for us and things to be aware of. So many differences but so much is the same.
Thanks for sharing that, and it's great you're working to understand your son better. He's very lucky to have that support. And yes, every autistic person (with or without ADHD) will be unique, so most important will be listening and figuring out what applies most for your son and also how to support his unique needs 😊 especially as he gets closer to finishing school and is figuring out what's next
My son is 11 and was just diagnosed with both as well 5 months ago. I started watching for the same reason as well. He's sometimes in the room and will overhear the video at times; it can be a good conversation starter for us.
*grimmaces* "I look friendly..." : I felt this with every fiber of my being. The bane of my existence is the fact that random people feel I'm approachable... AND that so many people see someone by themselves and assume we want company/conversation.
...
Really, all these "weird things" are just parts of my daily existence.
Your videos have been incredibly valuable in my unmasking journey. Acceptance is becoming an exploration into my "real" self. Song lyrics as a reply to a question, knowing obscure trivia facts, movie lines, LOL. Having learned masking and being able to function in company to a high degree is obviously an asset, however after 50 years it has taken it's toll. ALL the suppressed anxiety and stress of years of "performance" I got so burnt out that masking became impossible and a major several year long crash occurred. I am now recovering well and enjoying life again. Your videos have played a huge part. THANK YOU!
I love walking, but one of my struggles is when I come to a crossing and there's a vehicle. Being waited on by cars at intersections? I will walk the opposite direction to diffuse that bomb. I find it incredibly hard to cross in front even though they're well-intentioned.
You should come to the uk. You can cross the road wherever you want. We have crossing points called Zebra crossings and Pelican crossings 😀 but there is no law to say that you must use them. I tend not to use them for the exact reason you mentioned. having someone sat in their car watching you cross in front of them. Urrrggghhh!
Growing up I hid out in the bathroom stall for some quiet and peace. The ones that were hardly ever used at the school. I still do this when I get overwhelmed.
My entire friend group consists of adhd/autists (including myself) and so we are constantly repeating funny sounding phrases or words that happen to just stick. I could tell shy was one of your words in your other videos because I’ve been repeating it too when you say it 😂 I can feeeel the satisfaction in it. But one of my all time favorites is that a friend called pizza “peeksa” and now I can’t say it any other way and it makes me so hyped. But in reality, I think I just change most words into something similar but off because it just hits different. Also, I laughed out loud at your cottage cheese and peaches combo because that’s been a safe food of mine since I was a kid and I’ve legit had it every single day this week (large curds only 😤) haha love seeing how many of my “quirks” are so normal in others. It makes sense to me!!! Never will understand how these things won’t make sense to some others
I'm the kind of person that, if I'm at any social gathering whatsoever, the first thing I do is find the pets. All conversations with humans are moot after I find the best thing at the gathering! I'll pretend to ignore the people there by "over loving" their pets, works wonders because they know I'm so engaged in this lovely animal that I'm not even noticing there's a human there wanting to talk.
This is great! I'm so happy I found your channel, I feel like this is a long lost "internet family"! 😃 I'm shaking my head "yes" through just about every example you give.
I still haven't had my official 4 hour screening at 8am after an hour and a half ride to said appointment (I'm NOT going to have a good day, I'm not a morning person, and being grilled on my mental status when my brain hasn't even begun to start firing up for the day is going to take a week to recover from). Lack of sleep is always the best thing to deal with! *sarcasm*
I love making new words! Or "word-smashing": making new words with meanings that are a combination of both words!
Pets and children are always my go to. No small talk and I get to play with toys. It's a win win.
Hope you're doing ok after your screening. Wow what a huge experience. I hope that it went well and you got the answer you were looking for!!
@@peteybmtb My appointment isn't for a few weeks, I didn't put that in my comment. I hope I get some answers though! They did a pre-screening last week and set up the 4 hour testing. So my thought is I must have "passed" the pre-screening enough to get further investigation. I'll post when I find out of course, any answers to help me towards the right course of treatment and actions is always a welcome thing in my book!
@@rainbowtropolis Wow you got an appointment a couple of weeks after initial screening?! I'm in the uk and it took my health service 10 months to send me the forms I needed to fill out for an assessment and that was only because I chased them up. I've now heard nothing for almost a year and have been told that it could be a wait of up to 5 years to get an assessment. Luckily I am 100% sure I'm Autistic and even if I do get an official diagnosis, it's not like I'm going to get any help from the health services so I'm trying to just let it go. I just have to get over the injustice of it all, which is so easy for us right!? 😆
@@peteybmtb Here in the US I had to fight with them for over a year, but once in, then things go fairly quick, the insurance companies are hungry for their money! I wish you could get in sooner, the waiting game really stinks. It also took me 10 years to get disability though too, I think it's called PIP over there? Still a mountain of paperwork and fighting over here for that as well.
@@rainbowtropolis Yeah both our health systems are so flawed and neither seem to be fit for purpose. PIP is a slightly different thing, it's a kind of extra amount you can get above the normal disability, which the government that have just been voted out were trying to get rid of as well as making it even harder to disability. Hopefully the new government, who are supposed to be a party that is for the "masses" rather than the elite will make some positive changes to stop all the related suicides. Anyhoo enough doom and gloom 😄Best of luck with your assessment and I hope I catch your comment here somewhere when you let us know how it went. All the best, Pete.
I can't stand when strangers talk to me unexpectedly, or family hahaha ❤
I do this stuff.... 🤣 Like... On any social outing I strive to appear so BUSY with my 3-year-old that I simply don't have time to engage in any meaningless conversations 🤣
My friend got a 7 year old kid who's also autistic and my highlights are when she brings him to any party and I can play with him and talk about Pokémon! But my favourite is when he wants to play "silence", no talking and vaguely gesturing to communicate. The less specific the gesture is, the better.
Can't talk to people, today were playing silence, are you gonna stop me from entertaining the kid?!!
I love being around my friends, I don't need to talk to them, I can just be around and I'm happy
I'll have to drop something autistic next time but I wanted to share something that maybe you can think about for your next video. It sounds like you have a lot of autonomy at your workplace and they accept you for who you are, which I think is extremely great and very fortunate, but I work at a place that doesn't even believe that autism is real and they consider it a behavioral problem that can be easily fixed with proper therapy, basically alluding to ABA. And I've been here for 11 years so all of my stimming and all of my language and essentially my entire identity has been taken for me because I've had to adopt a permanent mask. So maybe your next video can be about how to get back in touch with doing things in line with a person's autistic brain? I know that my inability to self stim and my inability to be myself is causing a lot of issues for me. Even with protection under the Americans with Disabilities Act I just can't catch a break. They only want to focus on accommodating my struggles but they don't want to accommodate how it feels like identity suicide having a mask all day just so that way I can fit into the company culture. But I can tell you that I feel really good watching your videos because it makes me happy to know that there's people in this world who are allowed to be themselves. I'm 42 this year and I was diagnosed at 40, before that I was diagnosed with ADHD but I don't have both like you, it was a misdiagnosis for me and I lived that lie for 25 years before I got the proper diagnosis. So I can say that life is hard but it's a little bit easier to deal with watching your Channel so thank you for at least being good representation on TH-cam so that way those of us who are being discriminated or oppressed can feel like we belong somewhere. Keep up the great content and next time I'll try to participate in your comment section questions
2 years ago at the age of 50, I discovered that I'm AuDHD. I can't help with your work situation, which must be hellish and so frustrating and damaging for you but I can share my experience of also having removed or stopped doing all of the things that my neurodiverse brain needed to be happy due to unknowingly masking my entire life. Since discovering channels like this with the amazing community that dwell in the comments, I have been able to start stimming again, in private, as well as being kinder to myself when I do one of the myriad things that I do or hide because I'm not NT. I started by recognising how much I actually did stim but so secretly that I didn't even realise I was doing it myself, like making patterns by touching my tongue against certain teeth and this helped me to then experiment with some stimming toys, again all in private. By the way I've just received my first Needoh cube, that Chris from this channel uses and they are truly wonderful. I now have many stims that I can do in public that nobody can see and find wearing headphones allows me to get away with finger tapping and even clicking sometimes without getting stared at or feeling out of place. I must say that when I started to stim deliberately, it felt quite strange and the first few "toys" that I tried, I just didn't get along with. It was almost as if I'd learned to ride a bike but forgotten how to do it. That doesn't make sense but I can't find the words to describe it.
I can very much relate to your phrase "identity suicide" but you being here and opening up and as you said at the end of your comments "trying to participate" yourself in this community is a massive, positive step. Kudos fella! I really hope you can find a solution to your work even it means finding a different employer, if that is even a possibility for you. There are some other channels out there that do have advice on navigating the workplace. I don't feel as though I should advertise them here on someone else's channel but they are not too difficult to find, especially as youtube starts to recommend more Autistic videos to you. Best of luck brother!
Wow 😲 you basically just described everything that is weird about me.... and even the way you explain the experiences cracks me up because I totally get it 🤣! My eating habits are very much the same, I call it " my kicks" LoL and I will eat the same thing for months! I also change around and say words differently, even making new words. Empty bathrooms are a sanctuary for me at times and I understand what you mean by sometimes not being able to get the words to work correctly! It still blows me away when I watch a video on autism and can relate to everything being said! Especially since I have always just thought I was a strange person and no one else could possibly know how I feel..... I'm so very happy to know that I was wrong! Thanks so much for sharing your experiences, it's so nice to finally know that I do have a place where I belong! And I absolutely love the fact that being autistic and ADHD means that my particular type of weird is completely normal!
Aye - leaving conversations.
Called me out there. 😂
I ruminate forever afterward.
Ruminate. Love that word, especially as every time I hear it makes an image of a cartoon cow chewing the cud pop into my brain 😀
@@peteybmtb 🤣 I am going to see a cow every time now.
@@Daily_Bread84 *Chortle* Sorry not sorry 😆
One of my go to words is yippee. It’s especially fun when my friends join in or say something else in the same high pitched giggly tone like “wahoo!”. It feels good to say and leaves me feeling excited and invigorated!
100% relate! When at home, I like to say certain made-up words and my boyfriend always joins in. I feel like it helps me release energy that I’ve been holding in, masking at work lol.
Tally-ho! 😄
Saying "Yahoo!" like Toad from Mario Kart 64!
"Wahoo," you say... ? 🤔
There's a chance your friend might be a Klonoa fan~ 🤭
Hilarious, Chris!!! "My computer is autistic." You did not know that already?!?! LOLOLOLOL!
Thank you for taking the time to vent and “rant” about your “no no no I’m not doing it”. All the best, Daniela P.S.: my family members do not non I’m a self diagnosed and they don’t get me. You inspire me. Thank you once again
In the area of "avoiding spaces" if at all possible, I will avoid walking down a hallway if someone else is walking toward me. There is the whole terrible anxiety around: how close do you have to be before you acknowledge them? Are they going to talk to me? Are we going to have to do the "how are you // fine, you?" crap? all that on top of "am I walking too fast? too slow? on my toes? In some other weird way?
I add "ish" to a lot of words.
I hide from people. Sometimes people call me on the phone or knock at my door and I pretend I'm not there.
I like set's of 3 or multiples of 3. When I'm writing, I like writing, I tend to describe an action or thing with 3 adjectives.
I love synonyms. If I can use a nice flowery synonym, why use a common word.
I always choose the emptiest way to get somewhere, and when I'm forced to travel by bus (long distance) I book two adjoining seats just for me, so I don't have to sit next to someone else.
I like going to new places, theoretically, but when I get there I always feel disappointed and a bit annoyed because there are people around.
I usually pretend that I'm alone, wherever I am, even in a busy shopping mall. There's no one around, I'm the only person there, anything else are just obstacles I need to avoid.
I can be nice and friendly, for a few minutes, but then I run home, to my little safe corner (in my empty house) and I crash for days.
If I'm forced to interact with people fir several days in a row, then I need to spend weeks not seeing anyone, just resting 🙈
My family call me a wilder-bug.
... wildish
I Cannot get interrupted. It makes my brain crazy. Any interruption is like this serious transition in my brain, and it take so much energy to get back to my focus flow.
My level of dysfunction is directly proportional to how "important" people I run into are. At my old job, I really really wanted, and needed, to be considered for advancement. The few people that could have made that happen were those people. I don't think I ever uttered anything important, or that even made sense, during those brief encounters. I'm destined to not ever be successful, and that's just the tip of the iceberg.
Advice: if you like games make it a game. If you’re a musician, compose the interaction. Whatever you do, believe you are ultimately in control and that yours is the only reality that matters…because it is.
Im an AuDHDer as well. I definitely avoid spaces. I hate being in the kitchen when someone else is in the kitchen. It. Irks me, and I need my space to concentrate on the task at hand. As a child, and into my teens, I hid in restrooms. I loved learning, but hated going to school; I had no friends, and most of my peers called me weird. So I skipped going to class and eating lunch to escape to various restrooms. I went to ones that were the least busy, and listened to music on my cassettes player. I was alone and at peace; no noise, no crowds, no teasing…
I also get extremely frustrated about things. Interruptions do bother me, but what sets me off the most is not being able to find something I need, especially when I’ve put it in a specific place, and unexpected changes. Don’t do that to me. It’s not gonna go well for either of us. I’m more of a door, drawer, fridge slammer, and I throw things around sometimes. I’ve never broken a device, but I’ve wanted to.
Lastly, my eating habits are atypical for an Autistic person. O enjoy variety in my diet to a degree, but there’s certain foods that I cant stay away from. Peanut butter is my favorite food, and I’d eat it every day if it wouldn’t damage my health. There’s some tortilla chips that I’m addict to.id eat those every day if I could…
You sound like you could be my twin lol, but for the fact you like peanut butter. I don't hate it, but rarely want to eat it.
@@amy-avnas Lol…no big deal. There’s a lot of people that aren’t into peanut butter. At least you like it. And regardless, it feels good to connect to others who relate to my experiences. This is all fairly new to me, and it’s comforting seeing how many of us are in the world. You know you’re not alone…✌🏽❤️
Oh dude, the kitchen thing. I can't count the amount of days I've gone without eating because someone else was in the kitchen when I needed to prepare food. My brain just implodes and the frustration from hours of building up the will, courage, whatever that thing is that I have to build up, momentum maybe, to leave my safe space to go out into spaces I have to share with others, praying they are in any room but the kitchen, only to sneak back into my room knowing that I won't be able to try again until tomorrow!! I feel your pain.
@@peteybmtb Yeah, I can’t stand it. And now, my longtime friend who I’ve been living with for years is in a relationship, and his partner is living with us. So it’s a new person who’s just moved into our small space, that I have to adjust sharing a kitchen and other spaces with. I’m stressed beyond words…
@@spkn_hues Argghh! Can you use the extra person as an excuse to organise a kind of kitchen rota or something? What a chuffing nightmare!
This explains a lot! I realise why I can’t do the simple necessary tasks like getting firewood from the communal log store even when I really need too but if my family from next door are home I feel like I don’t want to have to talk, I just want to do the task. I felt awful for not wanting to talk to my family and feel like I’m avoiding them but I just can’t engage when I’m doing a task and if they do catch me I’m always masking and pretending it doesn’t bother me which makes even a simple task exhausting. 🙈 I need to find a way of signalling that I’m not up for talking, like your special words. Thanks for making me feel less weird about this weird habit. 👍
I sit/perch on countertops like a cat. I have even caught myself laying on the kitchen island for some reason
For reasons I can’t explain, I love the idea of that trait! I suppose I am a cat person.
I got trapped in my room for an hour last night because people were right there. Hahaha. And my word is "borp borp borp" but you have to say it like a chicken. Incidentally, my chickens answer!
OH! And I've found that if I get stuck in a group conversation I can ask someone a question that I know someone else will be interested in. Then, when they start talking back and forth I just quietly slip away. Hehehehe
“Squeaky kitty!” Is kind of that way for me now that I think about it. Yes, my cat replies too. 😸
@@jimwilliams3816 Oh. That one feels good in my mouth. I like it.
@@MorePranaGardens That is pretty clever. I'll have to try that. The worst "trapped situation" in my life was when I was visiting a commune in California--way back when. I was in the loft of the main building and this couple came in, and began talking. They weren't aware of me being above them, and I was just silent, figuring they would leave soon. Instead they talked for over an hour about whether this woman should get an abortion. The father wanted the abortion, she did not. It was a TERRIBLE conversation that they had clearly been putting off for months. I heard years later about the aftermath of this. The woman had the child, and shortly thereafter died of cancer. The man brought up the child as a single parent, and apparently did a very good job of it.
@@steveneardley7541 Oh wow!
Superfluous is a magical word ❤ also thanks for this video x
One of my faves!
Hiding in the loo, classic move. Trouble is, there’s a cut off point where you know you’ve been in there too long for people not to assume you’re having a digestive problem.
So then you have to stay even longer so those people have moved on and the new ones don’t realise just how long you’ve been hiding out 😆
I also have an irrational need to count as a chop vegetables etc when they’re all going in a pot together.
How to exit a conversation gracefully totally eludes me so I often end up trapped like a frightened rabbit praying someone will save me!
I've started eating the same meals again as someone who is recovering from burn out and finding it helpful for me. I love bagels with cream cheese. But it has to be chives and onion cream cheese 😅
Yes, it's so helpful to not have to think about food when you're recovering (or in) burnout. Nachos are like that for me 🤤 I think Debby stocks at least 5 extra bags of tortilla chips at all times for those times!
Nice! I was on a sesame bagel and onion and chive cream cheese habit for a while. It makes a nice little snack. Now I eat Noosa Lemon yogurts and Grillo's pickles (not at the same time)😅.✌️
@@ChrisandDebbyWhen I tried Factor premade meals I really liked them. It took a bit to remind myself that I'm not a lazy turd and that I need to recognize when I have a full plate. Pun intended.
I've been on a bagel and cream cheese run for a while now. Everything bagels for me. Just bought 2 more bags today.
@@jamieholdorf7786 Do you always run out of cream cheese and have bagels leftover like me? 😅🤦
I have plain oatmeal with berries, a glass of orange juice, and a cup of coffee for breakfast every day. Then I usually have a ham and cheese sandwich with grapes and chips/crackers for lunch every day. It's been maybe 4 years? I do get some other stuff sometimes, and supper is usually different since my spouse cooks. He makes what he wants and I eat it, because I didn't have to cook :)
I love your energy!💚 I noticed that sometimes when I have to talk to someone or look them in the eyes I will rub my eyes or scratch my nose as if trying to give myself a moment to think, I’ll also lower my glasses a bit to distort my vision to make it a bit easier. 😅
OMG I say "busy" ALL. THE. TIME. I related to every piece of this. You're the best.
I say Sweeeedish when I mean that's cool! Like you start saying sweet! And then notice it flows nicely into Swedish. So there my voice goes.
That's also a fun word to say! Do you use it in different contexts? I had to explain that a bit to Debby when I began doing that with shyyyy but it's so helpful now
Hmmm, cottage cheese with peaches. Sounds good. And now I need to try it. Sounds like something I call easy to eat.
Before even listening to the “leaving conversations” section, I totally snort laughed because I so knew what you meant.
100% Ed Helms persona. I wasn't expecting to be called out so much. I don't have an ASD diagnosis, only ADHD, but this hit home.
I pretty much do all of these. And hearing your experience has me in stitches because it's so relatable . Off the top of my head:
I've been eating chicken nuggets, mostly, for years. I'll switch to other things and hyper fixate on them for months too, but I always come back to the nuggets, even when I was vegan/vegetarian (12 years); Morning Star nuggets were my shit.
I disappear any chance I get. I come up with excuses just like you, although not as creative. Yours cracked me up!
I don't have a special language, but I have echolalia, and it serves basically the same purpose.
The elevator story really hit home with me. I'm an Uber Driver, and I am not the chatty type. I give nice, polite greetings, nice, polite goodbyes, and my impeccable taste in music in between. But of course there's people who want to chat, and I have to do the same thing. I'm like a duck on water. I answer their dumb, and sometimes intrusive, questions, and do it with a smile, but I'd rather they just shut up and listen to In Rainbows. That album is way more interesting than anything I have to say in a 5 to 15 minute trip.
That's about all I can remember off the top of my head. I have to note that I've learned a bit from this video. I didn't realize that my people avoidance extending to my wife and kids was part of this. I often feel guilty when I just want to be left alone, or when I'm trying to get stuff done without being sidetracked (by conversations or my adhd), and 95% of the time I give in and sacrifice my focus. I've just come to the realization that this is one of the causes of my years long burnout. My family is amazing, and my wife is mostly understanding and doesn't give me too much trouble for my quirkiness, but if I decide to just started leaving to run an errand without saying bye to her and the kids I'd feel guilty and definitely get flack from her for not doing it, but the reality is a lot of the time I'd just like to leave unnoticed and without interruption of my physical flow or thoughts. Anyway, I enjoyed this video a lot. Thanks for the insight. I might have to try to get my wife to watch it with me.
I received a phone call last night and I miss more of the half of the video. I'm laughing to start my day. Thank you Chris and Debbie, 😊🙏.
I often just say a really short "mmm". Not as as in yummy, but a very short medium high monotone "mm" -- this to indicate that I heard you, I recognize what you said, and I have nothing else I want to add! I try to make it sound as though I was actually interested in what they said, but not sooo interested as to encourage further discussion!!! Amazing to hear you and others describe these things. This video just made my day...
My local Toyota dealer has THE BEST bathrooms! The last stall has a full length finely finished door and is cool and very quiet. Sometimes when I'm getting an oil change I'll just sit in there with the door closed. Way better than their waiting room with all the annoying people everywhere.
I'm glad I found your channel as I've been enjoying the content you've put out and I admire you admitting the weird things that you do.
As for me, I would sometimes wait if a bathroom was empty before I used it as I also feel a little uncomfortable sometimes. I also sometimes will eat the same meals from the same places and similar foods a lot as I like the normal routine. I also get frustrated when someone interrupts me when I'm saying something else as it disrupts my train of thought.
I thought, “I don’t have special words” and was ready to dismiss it, and then I remembered that there are words I do find very appropriate and useful a lot, especially when writing (texting), and I likely use them when speaking too. Those words are lovely and thoughtful. They are positive, most people like to think that they are lovely and thoughtful, and I can use them even when I don’t like something. So the gift I detest is always thoughtful, and the lousy visit I just had can be lovely, as in “it was lovely to see you again. I have been told that I say, “darn it” a lot, almost like punctuation at the end of a sentence too. So much for not having special words.
Omg I’ve been visualising your stories as meeeee! My toilet I found was up a flight of stairs, across the first floor, down another set of stairs and there they are… unfortunately no storeroom to duck into. So I’m sitting there and someone comes in and I just want to die with shame. But I learned instead how the local women in the city where I travelled to for work, one of whom has invaded this sacred space, must truly be soooo sophisticated and savvy. They would immediately courtesy flush resulting in no echoing of our shared tinkling in the otherwise deafening silence. Wow! That was a life changing life hack. It was up there with Seinfelds “Can’t spare a square.” I’m relieved to hear you talk about all these things today and it’s actually part of autism/adhd because I do every one of them!
Toilet noises... Just reading that word "tinkling" makes me want to remove my skin and put it on a boil wash. 😀
Ohh you would love toilets in japan. There are buttons that produce flushing sounds in the stalls specifically for this lol.
Another hack i learned at uni - just float a folded length of toilet paper in the bowl first before you do anything. It breaks the sound so it's a lot quiter and much more discreet :)
@@lightawake Ahh the old double sheet of paper folded in half. An absolute must. Until I spent a few years in Germany, I was the only male I knew that sat down to pee. In fact I think I may be the only male in the uk that does it 😀and if I told other males they would ridicule me.
I always go to the washroom two floors down at work where no one knows me (and therefore are very unlikely to speak to me). Why do people say ‘hi’ and speak in bathrooms anyway? I’m there to do an unpleasant bodily function and it stinks in there… why?!
@@peteybmtb oh yeah they do sit down there don't they lol. Yeap the oooold double layer toilet trick hehehe. It's so reassuring i do it everywhere - even at home😆
😂the leaving conversations. Sometimes at a party I just wait for the other people in the conversation to all be looking at each other and 🚀
I love your videos. They’ve been so helpful. I only seriously acknowledged my autism in the last two years of my sixty-two years on the planet. I first recognized it about thirty years ago but shoved it aside. How have I survived? Yup, masking.
I also eat the same thing over and over and over again. Mmmm…cottage cheese and peaches. Thanks for the reminder.
Thanks for sharing your experiences because it makes me feel sane.
So glad to hear they're helpful for you, and I understand that challenge of understanding yourself after so much masking. Let me know if you have other food suggestions too 😊 and thanks for the comment too. Really helps us know what helps other people and it's so nice also hearing that I'm not the only one who does these things!
My food things are fried chicken (3-4 times/week), and ramen noodle stir fry. I can have that almost daily. And yes, I can eat anything for breakfast! And I can eat breakfast food anytime as well. I can eat leftovers for 2-4 meals. Hubba can only do one round of leftovers.😄
I. Do. Not. Like. Interruptions. !! I totally lose my momentum with whatever I’m doing. Restarting feels overwhelming.
I’m 63 and diagnosed AuDHD last year. When the Asperger’s criteria was added, I thought “I know some people like that...and I’m one of them.” I’ve felt I was at least Asperger’s-adjacent since then, but might never have looked at it formally if I hadn’t fallen apart late in my fifties.
People speculate what purpose really late diagnosis serves, but practically speaking I can offer two things: one, it’s helped me figure out why I have trouble finding in certain areas. And two, it can be useful very late in life when hospitals and potentially assisted living come into play. I didn’t fully realize that my elderly father was autistic, and I made some serious mistakes in dealing with his last year. I also would have been a better advocate if I had realized my own AuDHD.
@Jen-CelticWarrior Fried chicken and noodles have been my safe foods for years! Weirdly I hear so many of us say about noodles.
I know this is not gonna be at the top of any neurobiologists list of priorities, but I sure would love to know the connection between autism and noodles 😂
@@jimwilliams3816Hi Jim! I just turned 57 and I am having an impossible time getting dx’d. I think I am AudHd - just from my own studies. Are you in the states and if so, how did you get your dx? Docs act like “Why bother?” And it’s hard to explain to them WHY it matters, but it does! Thanks.
I love the word DISCOMBOBULATED and match it with different discombobulated faces. I love it!
AuDHD here.
Food is so hard for me. I like to explore, but I have a Very fussy digestive system, and I never know when "omg this is so nom - except, ew, what is this tiny unexpectd attribute? This is poison, we may not eat it. We will die." will strike and leave me unable to even choke another bite down. I'd LOVE it if I could get all my nutrients from a nutrition bar or a drink and never _Have_ to eat regular food again - except for the enjoyment if I'm in the mood.
I recently saw a tiktok where someone broke down the nonsense about language use - specifically, I personally like big words. I also like Weird words like Snek, yis, and even rizz. But when I'm a lil intoxicated or very tired, it is SO HARD to reach for the right 'little words' to substitute in for the 'bigger word' to achieve even a fraction of the accuracy of my less common vocab word. I love words and language and communication enough I'm making up my own language. So yes. Oh, and Merba. That's a word my SO and I use all the time. We made it up being silly one day, and now it's a permanent part of our vocabulary. Btw, it basically means "same" or "agreed" you can add "dor" to add emphasis - I even adjusted my conlang to fit them in 😅Feel free to use it, it'd be lovely to one day not be looked at weird when I accidentally say it in public xD Also do just use words how I want to.
Perception Avoidance - not As strongly. Like the elevator situation. I'd probably have parked it just out of eyeshot of the elevator on the next floor and gotten on there, my laziness shall not be defeated so lightly. But going into a break room when others are there if I'm not up to it etc... I've mastered my "sorry, way too busy and distracted for chatting" vibe and I wear it like a cloak. Usually works too. I AM an extrovert though, so that's probably a big part of it. I definitely have a preference for being invisible if I don't think I can steer the conversation into topics of interest.
Overanalyzing everything, trying to discover solutions to problems I will never be allowed to solve, etc.
I really love to kinda mess with my proprioception, and also a hot bath or shower is almost Always the best treatment to any basic ailment. Tummy bug, standard cold, circulation being sluggish, sore after work, all the things. Doesn't matter the season or anything - though in summer sometimes it MIGHT become a cold bath/shower before I get out.
(TMI, but my filter is busted)
Oh boy that tiny bit of gristle or unexpected texture has ended so many meals for me and also quite a few things that I have loved but can no longer eat because of one bad experience.
On words - I remember when I was young and I learned poetry did not have to rhyme, I was disappointed. Finding a good rhyming word was the best part. For a couple of years I was entering contests for naming products and businesses. I did ok at it. Although I never came up with a nickname for my 2 sons that stuck, the 2 cats I now have have hundreds of them. Maybe that's because they can't object. When it comes to repeating the same word they tend to be nonsensical or based on a sound. Already mentioned my daily burrito in a previous video. I had your same empty room issue mainly in high school and college. One year I lived in a rooming house. I was always "busy" when I passed through the living room and I only went in the kitchen when it was empty. Love your videos. I am a 72 year old woman and tend to relate best to late diagnosed AudHd women, but of the men's channels I relate to, you are the best.
I have been thinking about the word "handsome" once a day or so for 25 years now, ever since reading it being used to describe a woman in the book "Flashman and the Great Game". I like the word, it's very smooth and relaxing, like I can see it smiling.
Other favourite words are "charming", "bizarre" and "shite" lol
Probably the strangest thing about me that no one knows is that when alone I talk to myself constantly and loudly, arguing with myself. It helps me focus my mind which otherwise is constantly juggling 5-6 different trains of thought (I suspect this might be ADHD).
I genuinely laughed out loud a couple of times during this video, very relatable!
Is it possible that you're British like me. I love all those words. Splendid, smashing, pants (I always feel sorry for Americans because they miss out on the hilarity of this word) are also some doozy's. I also talk to myself out loud when alone, as well as constantly in my head. Apparently there are many people that don't think in words which I just find unfathomable.
@@peteybmtbI can't wrap my head around that. I think in words, lots and lots of words, and roll them around in my head the same way that I might roll them around on my tongue if I were saying them aloud.
When I read, which I do prolifically, I say the words in my head. If I don't know how to pronounce a word - or a name - it's incredibly difficult for me to keep reading. Sometimes I simply can't. I just have to put the book down and read something else. It's intensely frustrating. The internet has been a lifesaver for me in respect to that, since I can usually look it up and then continue reading.
When I'm trying to clarify my thoughts or feelings, I sometimes speak them aloud, either to someone else or to myself. I don't know why, but when I say them aloud, often in a very rambling and disjointed style, it makes my thoughts clearer, things start to make sense or I realise I disagree with something I just said, or I become aware of how I feel about something.
The words are so crucial to my thinking process that I suspect that if I lost the words in my head, I simply wouldn't be able to think at all.
@@peteybmtb yes I've met a couple of people who don't visualise their thoughts and it seems odd to me... I have all the modes of thought at once; I have a "movie" running at all times with a narrator, perhaps dialogue, always some music, and sometimes emotions added to the mix... It's no wonder that I am never really 100% present in whatever is going on in the real world!
I would add to our word list the funniest word in the english language: "SAUSAGE", preferably uttered by Hugh Laurie (if you know you know).
I'm not actually British, but I have passed for one my whole life, even other brits can't tell I'm Danish/Paraguayan due to the fact that I speak English on a native speaker level complete with an RP/estuary accent. My Scottish ancestry has also gifted me a very anglophone name as a cherry on top
@@carolinejames7257 I completely relate to your comments about reading. Also when you have the pronunciation of a word, usually a name, set in your head and then you hear somebody pronounce it differently... That breaks my brain so that every time I read that word I have to stop and work out which pronunciation I am going to use.
@@ViscaElBarcawood If you're talking about Hugh Laurie as the Prince Regent in Blackadder then yes I know exactly. Sausage time! Sausage is also the subject of Baldrick's Novel, which makes Robbie Coltrane lose his marbles as he's missed it out of his dictionary. If that's not what you mean then I've just written all that for nothing haha!
wanting full control over my computer is one of the reasons why i became a programmer and why i use linux extensively. it's been a steep learning curve, but the comfort it provides is so wonderful. i often wonder though how much i actually even want to be a programmer. it's like it fulfills a certain part of me that wants to keep things organized and stay in control, but in reality im pretty sure i wish my career was in something else. reminds me of factory building games, but when i was younger, my parents didn't want me to waste my time on video games, so becoming a programmer and using that as an excuse was the only way i could convince them. either way im grateful for my skills but i only really want to use them around friends and family. i wish i could have been doing other things though throughout my life
I strongly resonate with all that. /)*(\
I got into software engineering because I liked video games and computers but then realized how scummy of a world it is (all the anti-user stuff) and how fine everyone seems to be with that state of affairs and got disenchanted. 😔
I have a bit of echolalia. I love to repeat sounds and words. My favorites are cat and rooster sounds. I also repeat lines from tv and movies
Talking with cats is so much fun!
thanks for sharing, it makes me feel less weird
me too 😊
Thank you so much for your videos Chris! It’s hard to put into words how much comfort they’ve brought me and how good it feels to be able to relate to so many things ( same-same but different🤓) I have a suggestion for your breakfast burger : radishes, it’s a nice& crunchy, slightly spicy friend. I myself still hold some fond memories of a past regular food combo : radishes, mint leaves and strawberry flavoured Volvic water ( I don’t care what anyone says about it, it was a good time!). Thank you again for sharing with all of us. My best to you, Debby and all your nearest and dearest.
I'm only 36 seconds in and I already relate SO HARD
You're too shy shy, hush-hush, eye to eye
Too shy shy, hush-hush, eye to eye
Too shy shy, hush-hush, eye to eye
Too shy shy, hush-hush..... now can't get kajagoogoo out of my head 🤣
Kaja-flippn-googoo. You are showing your age there! And so am I now! Those hairstyles 😀
Your videos have been so valuable in helping me understand myself, thank you! A couple years ago, I started seriously considering that I have ADHD. Other people in my family do too, but it manifests outwardly very different from mine, so I hadn't thought I could also be an ADHDer. Turns out, I am. And in exploring that possibility, I kept getting a lot of autism-related content as well, such as this channel. Then I found that I relate to so many experiences of AuDHDers, that I finally self-diagnosed and am currently scheduled for an official assessment soon.
When most of the people in your life are neurodivergent and have more "classic" traits and then you measure yourself against that, it can give you a skewed perception of yourself. Add in that I was a "gifted" kid, plus all the times I've heard that I didn't have ADHD because I don't misplace things, or because I notice where someone else put their things, or because I'm more organized than this other person who has ADHD, or that I couldn't be autistic because I can do small-talk, have friends, drive, hold a conversation, etc., and I ended up feeling like it was "just" depression, "wasted potential", and that I wasn't trying hard enough.
So, truly, thank you so much for being open and willing to share your experiences! It's so validating to discover that there are other people with experiences similar to mine, and that no amount of "just trying harder" was the answer. I have so much more self-com-PASSION now and feel like I have a better understanding of my current burnout. Again, thank you.
In response to this video, I would prefer to not use the bathroom when others are, but I struggle with interoception, and kind of have to just use the bathroom at regular intervals or run the risk of NEEDING to use the bathroom, so I don't have much choice in waiting for it to clear out.
I do tend to stay in my room/home office for hours when other people are home because I know that they will want to talk to me if our paths cross, even if I've asked them to pretend I don't exist, told them that I need a no-communication day, what have you. It's gotten to where I keep a jar of peanut butter, a loaf of bread, and a pitcher of water in my room so that I can at least eat and drink something when I feel trapped. Honestly, there are times when I wish I had the space (and money) for a mini fridge and a microwave in there.
I've been on a cereal kick for a few months now. Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Trix Minis, and Frosted Flakes are practically all I want to eat. I know this isn't good for me, and I know that I'd feel unwell if I only ate cereal. So I'll try to have something savory and somewhat healthy, like vegan chicken patties and salad, for breakfast, and then I can look forward to cereal for dinner. I feel like this cereal kick will probably end soon though, and then I'll crave stir-fry, or buttered noodles (actually, I kinda crave those all the time), or grilled sandwiches, or whatever, for a few weeks/months. I sometimes have to go through my recipe box to see if there's anything that I used to want all the time but have since forgotten, because I might get in the routine of eating the same things for so long that I can't think of what else I used to like eating.
Side note, my nephew who is autistic without ADHD will eat the same thing, specifically for breakfast, every day for at least a year. I wonder if AuDHDers have shorter fixations because of the ADHD part?
I don't comment on videos often, so I'm sorry about the length! Thank you to anyone who reads the whole thing!
We read the whole thing together and loved it! Thanks for your comment and for sharing about your own experiences and food preferences and connections with your family. So happy to hear the positive impacts for you! And good luck with the assessment process 😊
I avoid crowded rooms too, even if there's only one person in them, and sometimes I just can't stop myself going to the toilet, so I've made up this story that I don't feel anything happening or just when it's almost too late, so people leave me alone now when I rush to the toilet. So when I'm hungry and there are people around I pretend to go to the toilet :)
Otherwise, my favourite word is "coucou", a way of saying hello to friends in France. I say it all the time, even when I bump into someone I've already seen lots of times that same day, and I rush headlong to my destination without meeting the other person's eyes to make it look like I'm very busy, just like you.
I use the same toilet when going to a public bathroom. Choose one the first time I come there and then stick to it.
I can also relate to the inertia train and might come across as very hostile sometimes if the train is to far gone to stop it. Sorry to everyone who was whisked off! Wasn't on purpose. 🙊
Really liked this episode! Thank you :)
I'll sometimes laugh to myself while running a simulation of a potential conversation in my head. It's like I'm capable of crafting emotions during the narrative. I also experience a range of emotions in dreams. Idk if that's unique or not.
I had no idea that these were common experiences! 🤯 I'm not alone!! 😭
ah yes. i am like houdini at leaving conversations. people don`t even notice i`m gone. i just pop out of existence LOL and yeah, i NEVER go back to the convo or meeting. i also avoid rooms where there are people, even my family, which i love. and my echolalia isn`t owrds as much as sounds. i whistle at birds and imitate any funny or weird noise like horns etc.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I have my own words too for certain situations. Thank you for mentioning 'monotropism'; I didn't know it was called that. So true about avoiding spaces or pretending to be heading for a different space - I do this often!
Love love love love your videos Chris.
Thanks for this!! Made me smile 😁
Cottage cheese and peaches was a staple breakfast food when I was growing up! Pineapple goes pretty well with cottage cheese too.
Regarding language: I have certain words, and just certain times that make me feel the need to spell a word I've just heard, read, or said out in the air with my finger (and in my head). I've done this for almost 35 years now, and almost nobody knows about it -- I guess I learned to mask it young 😂 I've gotten the whole routine down to very slight finger movements I usually try to hide in my hand. Even my incredible gf doesn't know and I sometimes do it while holding her hand 😂❤
Thanks so much Chris, you're the man! Listening to you and reading the comments has brought back 2 random memories. When I was a student, half a century ago now, I often answered the phone with 2 delicious German words: "Schmutziger Umschlag" which I think means dirty envelope. Or in Japanese:"Shinde kudasai" - please do me the honour of dropping dead :) I hated the phone, didn't want to answer, and didn't want anyone to talk to me. I still feel the same, but don't answer it at all nowadays. And now I know why!
The other memory - a friend said recently "Remember those jelly and ice cream parties you used to give, then go and sit in your bedroom all by yourself?" Ha ha I had forgotten!