These poor precious little babies. My heart just hurts..I wouldn't have even thought about the smell of home and the need for something like a shoe to comfort a traumatized child. Thank you for your loving treatment.
I never went through foster care luckily because my parents were separated, I had already lived with my mom my whole life when some traumatic shit happened and an ACS case was opened. i remember going to live with my dad and stepmom and most of my items were extremely dirty, or unusable, so obviously most of it had to be thrown away or immediately taken to wash. One of the only things I had left was my moms sweater and when I tell you I held on to that god damn thing for dear life I mean it. it was the only thing I had of my mom for a good 6-8years of my life. I was no older then 12 when this all happened, I’m 21 now and I still have that sweater in decent condition. I wear it all the time, and although me and my mother have a strained relationship, it helps me feel closer to her when I’m not. It’s helps knowing that there are other adults taking things like that into consideration. I know I needed it when I was a kid, and I wasn’t even fully removed my my family, just the family I knew, and that shattered my world.
I used to be in foster care and I had this comfort stuffed animal that had my mother's perfume sprayed on it. I had it all the time and never washed it bc it reminded me of home
I wasn't in real foster care, but had a family who knew my parents before their addiction and my dad being sent to prison, they took me and my sister in for a year. My sister and I would take turns wearing my dad's flannel the whole time. I'm so glad the mother didn't make us wash it for literal months. It still smelled like old spice and cherry cigars. Like my dad. We needed that, and her kindness I'll never forget. She understood that even if our dad hurt us that we still missed him so much. Now tbh, I miss her more than I miss either of my parents. I would give anything to be able to see her again and hope that she's proud of me.
This is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing. It warms my heart to know that people can be sensitive to any and many kinds of situations. The world doesn't seem so bad when you learn about this.
And abuse is complicated... especially when the person is a caregiver. You will inevitably have positive memories and will love that person by default even if they hurt or neglected you. Comfort items like this can help hold on to some shred of stability and control for kids who feel like they've lost everything.
Yes, and maybe everyone needs someone to ask and respect children's feelings. Take the time to talk, listen, and teach them with kindness. Thank you for sharing
I used to carry a blanket with me to every friend's house I ever spent the night at. One time a friend's mom took it while we were playing, washed it, and didn't get it back to me before we were told to go to bed. I cried for hours specifically about the smell being washed away. To make it worse she told me she did it because it smelled like urine. It likely smelled like cats and cigarette smoke, the smell of my childhood home. The fact that this memory sticks with me over a decade later says a lot.
Sounds like you went through some traumatic things during your childhood, I'm sorry to hear that and I hope you're doing well ❤ and what you said basically proved the lady in the video's point exactly. Well all deserve to have control over our most loved comforting possessions. Taking away that control when someone already has such little control of their circumstances can be very traumatic.
I’m sorry that happened to u :( especially that she didn’t even give it back??? Or talk to you at all about it???? Sadly I’m on the moms end about the smell tho… where as if I was the mom I probably would’ve done the same. I definitely wouldn’t have just taken ur shit without talking to you and not give it back but I would’ve had to have a conversation with you about washing it or SOMETHING since I’m very sensitive to smells (and even sights like shit/vom from Humans,pets, you name it) and I’ll throw up for hours and get EXTREMELY ill I start shaking and getting cold sweats etc and cats and cigarettes are two of some of the smells that are triggering for me the most
Had me sobbing 😭 I wish this was normalized, I remember growing up in foster homes or crisis nurseries they would wash my stuff immediately, and it always sucked that first night without my dads hat or my stuffed animals smelling normal. Thanks for posting this ❤
As a former foster kid, now adult, thank you! Smell is the strongest scent tied to memory and some of us end up with very few things to truly call our own. Taking the time to ask can really make or break the entire experience for us. I’m glad you took time to understand that. You’re doing a great job and on behalf of foster kids thank you for opening your home to us.
I've had my grandmother's coat since she passed. There is a kleenex (unused) in her pocket. It still smells like her. 21 years later. It's in a zip lock in the pocket
@@moniquejenkins5193 Monique, you are a sweetheart and l hope you accomplish all the things Grandma would have wanted for you ,plus those you want for yourself ,and MORE. Best wishes,Young lady. May all your dreams come true!!!💜
I was sent to my aunts briefly when I was a kid, while my mom was getting over a drug addition. I didn’t know her at all, and everything was so scary. I was so grateful for my stuffed animals. Without them I don’t know how I would’ve gotten through. I’m almost 40 and those same stuffed animals are still in my room. Always with me. This video made me tear up. Thank you for being so sensitive to your foster kids.
@@HelloL.G. ooh I wish I had my stuffed animals with me, only a few survived the constant moves and from my parents to my aunts lol, i relate so much though ❤ the ones that lasted are so special
When my son was 4 his social worker threw away his new spider-man shoes. He is now 13 n still gets sad when he remembers. This is so sweet of u to actually CARE about the childs feelings. Ur amazing.
I’m a former social worker and this means a lot. As a child, I never entered foster care but I was often cared for by other people and they wouldn’t really care about my feelings when it came to my things. When I became a social worker - I always tried to bring as much comfort to my kids as I could when I was transporting them to their new placement. And I would pray for foster parents like you. So thank you not only for doing this but for teaching other parents how to do the same. 🖤
I had a 12 month old baby the other week and I held her in my arms while she slept for a bit. Part of me was thinking about potential lice/bed bugs. But the reality is...baby girl trusted me. She stopped crying enough to calmly fall asleep in my arms with her blankey.
I really appreciate this when I was young I was placed in foster care as a child I was terrified being placed in a strangers home. The day I was taken away from my home it still haunts me. But my foster mother who adopted me made me feel comfortable and gave us lots of love she fostered 75 kids throughout her time being a foster parent me and my sister are truly grateful for her.
The world doesn’t deserve the amazing foster families out there. There’s some bad ones for sure but when the good ones are there, they should be rewarded so much more. The things they deal with is insane.
As someone who has been in over 9 foster homes in the 10 years I was in foster care, Iam in tears over this simple act, I wish some people weren't in it for the check but to nurture the spirit of the child they're helping raise. Brought a bucket of tears to my eyes watching this.
This is so kind. After my mom died my grandmother insisted on washing everything and to this day when I smell my mom's blanket I feel a little sad. Because she didn't have to wash it she just wanted to.
As an adult who has past trauma from being put in Foster care, it brings me joy to see the care and consideration you show children who wind up in that situation.
Same here.. I remember coming from a placement where they smoked and used spray paint inside.. the new foster told me that all of my stuff was smelly and made me immediately wash everything down to the duffel bag it was carried in when we got to her house. She then proceeded to tell me that I should be grateful when I broke down crying on her million dollar porch. She sent me back the next morning
@@aidanbrown7210 what a f... b.... this makes ne so angy, but only because you were a defenseless child in a horrible situation that needed comfort so badly and not humiliation. Otherwise I just shake my had about people like that . I hope you know that this didn't happen because of you, This was just a real trashy human on her million dollar porch. I feel bad for her husband and her children , too . All luck and love for you!
I’m not a foster parent or a foster kid - I have no relationship with foster stuff. I came across this video and you just touched my heart, deep. What a loving soul you have. Keep doing what you’re doing. Little people need more champions. ❤
I love these tips! Adults have anxiety starting a new job, so think of a child no matter the age moving to a new home. Thank goodness for good foster parents!
Giving kids autonomy over their bodies and own things is such a huge thing, especially in foster care. Kids are not given choice, they are dictated to over and over again about what is going to happen with them and their things. Setting the relationship right from the start, like what this wonderful lady is doing, is huge. It sets both you and the child up for success. It won’t be perfect, it won’t always be sweet and cute and it will break your heart every day what these kids go through, but if your able, do it.❤
This is relevant for majority of parenting. Always ask your child permission before doing something with an item they deem as “theirs.” It’s great practice for them to identify their own true wants and the ability to make decisions
@@Queen-of-Swords ok. But I'm doing that now? But I'm not stable enough to take someone in. So maybe step off the soap box, your vibe is discouraging to people who just wanna help.
Same!!! I can't have bio kids of my own so my goal is to be stable enough to foster and adopt someday ^^ I want to give these kids that have been through so much a safe and loving place to stay for as long as they need it ❤️
As someone who has thought about helping foster children when my kids get a little older, I appreciate bringing this to my attention, I never thought that the smell of something could be so important until you explained it to me
I just appreciate you talking to them and asking them what they would want. As a foster kid I begged for my toys when I would move home(which I did a lot) and I never got any of them-just my clothes. I remember crying every Christmas knowing I wouldn’t be able to take any of my beloved toys when I went to another home. I was in 19 different foster homes until I was finally adopted at the age of five. The lady that adopted me was absolute hell.
As someone who was in foster care taken from a parent that truly loved me and simply made a mistake this would have made me feel so much better. Because my mom was all I knew and immediately taking my things away from me from her was hard to deal with as a kid. You truly do understand the kids you care for and it shows. Keep up the good work momma.
Wow! This is good to know!!! I saved 2 of my great grandmother's aprons in a zip lock bag for like 20 plus years because they smelled like her! I would pull them out and sniff them. My grandmother had made them for her. Thank you for sharing!
I was in Foster care growing up every foster care parent did that to me every single time I had to wash everything even my body when I got there. I am happy that you shat down and show the right way on how to do this because I was traumatized when they made me do it.
Foster parenting is so hard sometimes. What an amazing way to share what works and how to make a traumatized child a little more comfortable. Thank you so much.
Such great advice. Adults need to remember these little humans they are taking into their home had lives before them and even though your home is very clearly the better option for every reason, these little humans still need to have aspects of their lives that they make the choices on and keeping the smell of familiarity is so very important. Just think back to your first puppy. You bring their mothers/previous homes scent with them for comfort. Us humans are no different we too need comfort. Even if we are already much better and safer in your home. What isn’t seen is the emotional needs of familiarity
Im not a foster kid, but as someone who relies on the scent of mycomfort items i really appriciate this mindset,since i was like 11 my comfort items smell was definitely more the smell of my safe space, but thats not a smell that will immediately develope somewhere, or ever really be the same if you live with someone else, especially if you're in the foster system and you might be moving around, my comfort items may have just smelled like my room concentrated, but thats not something easily replaced, thanks for being amazing
Your compassion and tenderness moves me to tears! We would all benefit from being more aware of the feelings and situations of others. What seems trivial to us could be someone else's whole world. I have been blessed with a stable family life, but even in my position, the smell of my mother was always so important! When I felt sad or scared as a child, I would lay on her pillow for comfort. Thank you so much for the work you and other foster parents do!!
You are the first person to make me wish I’d reached out for help as a child. I was so scared of the foster system. If I knew people like you existed I would not have felt so much like I needed to hide the way we were living. Thank you for loving these kids ❤
That really makes sense, because when my papa died anything that smell like him comforted me and when my grandma moved the pillows that smelt like their old house, would bring me joy
:( as a foster kid in the past not being treated the best it really make me happy seeing you bring to light being kind and gentle with kids in such a vulnerable and emotional spot
😢 you’re such a beautiful and kind hearted person. Thank you. I’m so bossy and ‘helpful’ I would’ve washed everything straight away. I really love these videos and your approach to caring.
When my parents had foster kids the first thing we did is give them a backpack and let them get their own toiletries from the dollar store. They always showed up with almost nothing. Not even hair brushes or toothbrushes.
Funny how the world is,in the care home I work in the elderly residents don't have the basic items, I'm so surprised that their families visit but don't provide any thing.
@@dipitickner1927 devils advocate here but are the families made aware and updated on the status of these items? I know not all care homes are in frequent contact with families outside of visiting and some have toiletries and basic necessities included in the price of residency and arranged by the care staff. Every home is different and it might not be apathy on the part of the family but more not knowing its something they need to provide
@@rach_laze Lot of families are not proactive about the care their families receive old or young. Personally if my folks were in a home I would be taking care of them as much as I could. Change, check their skin and feed them. Do their HS/AM care. Even their bowel care. But I have long-term disability Care experience. They did it for me so... It's the least I can do for them.
I know nothing about foster care but seeing this video I am suddenly unbelievably thankful for the people who show care and love to children this way and think of things like this! Reading the comments I’m about to cry for all these little ones who went through this hard experience and those still remember kind moments like this. God bless you guys. 😭
These types of videos are so hard for me to even watch; I can’t imagine living this reality. Firstly from the child’s perspective and from yours. You are doing amazing work.
I am sorry you had to go through that. It wasn't nice of them, and even though it was so long ago, your feelings are still real and valid. Thank you for sharing your comment, it was very brave of you.
I'm so sorry. I helped to raise a friend's D. She's so precious to me to this day we are very close. I wish you been afforded this type of treatment. You were and are very worthy of it.
So sorry. A lot of people wrongly assume that the reasons kids are removed are fair and correct, they also assume all foster parents are as good as this one. The reality is that the prospects of "looked after" children are very poor and their experiences in care are worse than how things were at home. Its really messed up. I hope it made some improvement in your life, but I know many cases where it did not.
The kindness and respect you show is so overwhelmingly beautiful. If all parents were like this to their own kids, handling them with care and concern, what a world this would be. To be willing to be so tender to another persons child is all the more wonderful and really makes me believe in humanity when I’ve been so demoralized lately. This is heartwarming to see!
I'm 32 and I have never wanted children but yet I've always wanted to foster and I really appreciate how compassionate and informative this video is. Thank you. This will go in a safe space tucked in my brain for the future ❤️
This is such a great depiction! First foster parent still shows love but just hasn't learned some of the adverse reactions that might come with washing their things! It never hurts to learn. It doesn't make you a bad foster parent
Awe I wanted to cry hearing your caring voice. You didn’t even insult the first time foster parents, that takes patience and a truly amazing personality. You are an amazing person.
Make sure you are fostering someone who has been removed for good reason, Social Workers in the country where I live, often remove children for very trivial reasons. They help the child by removing them, without first trying to help the FAMILY. Kids usually do better with their families. In the UK the social outcomes for looked after kids are usually extremely poor.
@@Queen-of-Swords It's the same in the us. Unfortunately, there's not really anything foster parents can do to prevent kids being taken for wrong reasons. Trying to make sure they only foster kids taken for "good reason" will just leave the ones who never should've been taken in an even worse position. It's not like they'll just be sent back home based on the foster parents' opinion. It's definitely good for foster parents to be aware of the fact that many children in care should never have been separated from their parents, but choosing to make their homes unavailable to such children won't do anything to help the situation they're in. While I totally agree that back with family would be best, since the foster parent has no control over that, the best thing they can do for such kids is to be available & like Laura.
@@JJ-yc2sv what awaits most kids in foster care, is worse than their birth families. And also most GOOD foster carers are eventually told they are "too involved" with the children, and any people who are too loving get thrown out. Having a proper bond is not allowed until the goal of ADOPTION.
@@Queen-of-Swords I know. It's a really horrible system. Far too many children are needlessly traumatized by having their family torn apart for bs reasons. And too many kids who really DO need rescued, never are. It would be excusable if human psychology were still a mystery to us, but we KNOW how damaging it is to separate a child from their primary caregiver. And yet, they're treated like it's nothing, aren't provided therapy for the trauma, and then when they inevitably develop behavioral issues, they're labeled & treated as problem children. It's a fast-track into the prison system more than anything else.
Thank you for this. We are in the final stages of approval (fingers crossed we'll be done by the end of this month/ early next month). This is great advice for new foster parents. I wouldn't have thought about this and needed to see this video.
Such a great foster parent- some don’t realize how important, reassuring and calming/ comforting “familiar smells“ are especially in these types of situations!
God bless you. I want to adopt someday and I hope for my heart to be open enough to foster as well. Sending them back into the world after caring for them would be so hard. You are an angel and inspiration. Thank you.
My daughter was in the NICU when she was born. The hospital provided scent cloths that I would wear throughout the day and when we would visit her they would place it under her head. Smell is more important that we all realize. My mom passed away 10 years ago and I still have a full bottle of her favorite perfume. I sometimes smell it just so I can be reminded of her.
I’m so glad I came across this. It brought me to sobbing tears out of no where. Thank you for such special education. My heart instantly broke thinking of all these poor children. Keep up the love 🤍
Our first foster child came with nothing except the clothes on his back until a couple days later when the caseworker brought some of his clothes from home ..they were ill fitting and dirty and shoes way too small . He loved getting new stuff and he kept them in one place and his from home clothes he kept safely by his bed .He never wanted to wear them , but he need to know they were nearby. I love these videos you do !
From a former foster child, thank you. We arent all lucky enough to end up with caring foster parents. People like you give me hope. Seriously, thank you so much.
This out a lump in my throat. I'm not a foster kids but I've got comfort items and bring mindful of that is just the most wholesome thing I've seen today. Ppl really discount how needed comfort items are
As someone who was in foster care and had a HORRIBLE experience and the only good experiences were when I was on respite and am now in independent living, this is important
If possible, keep unscented detergent on hand. That way even if they're okay with you washing stuff, you can minimize the amount of "home" that's taken away/covered up. You could also keep a few scents in case kids want to get rid of scents (such as smoke) and you can give them a choice so they have some control that way.
“It has their parents scent” i read this and started bawling 😭 my 4 month old baby only gets any comfort when he smells me i can’t imagine how these babies feels 😔 I pray for them and for their parents for anyone who goes through this
My mom (who I no longer live with) smokes and gifts from her smell like cigarettes. The smell will fade away overtime, but for me it became a bit of a comfort smell (sadly) when I missed my mom because she smoked so much it became her. That’s just how I see it. I’d say let the kid decide though
My dad passed, one thing I kept smelled like smoke a stuffed animal which was always on the couch, I never washed it, maybe gross but it's the memories of the smell, it doesn't really smell anymore of smoke just him.
Tobacco and diesel are very comforting smells to me. Please just be compassionate and let them have something that smells and feels comfortable to them.
@@vickih5405 true, but also for there health try to limit the amount of comfort smelling items,(obviously don't just take everything, let them help you decide) but it's crucial for there health to constantly be surrounded in smoke sutt stuff!
You are an amazing gift created and sent, to help heal, bring peace and love. Especially for the children who were robbed of a safe, happy childhood. You are truly lovely in every single way! 🙌🙏🤩🥰✌
I can't say exactly why simply because I don't know...but this one gets me the most so far. We are on a journey of foster to adopt through kinship. The children we knew years ago picked us and the state contacted us. Exciting and scary all in one. The first child moves in very soon and her brother moves in about a month after. I've always loved these children and only hope I can be the mother figure they need and my fiance to be the father figure they need. Thank you for your videos. Classes and training are helpful, but the best advice comes from someone actually doing it and living it. Again thank you.
Oh my gosh the compassion in the latter example makes me cry. It is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing this. If only more children experience this type of love!!!
In my area, we've set up groups to provide rolling suitcases to avoid the trash bags. Also hygiene kits included. Another group sews small plushy quilts, another provides stuffed animals. They get to choose which color toothbrush, which quilt, etc. So they feel they have some control. I think it's the best idea.
This hurts my heart. As a former foster kid, most of the homes I was in were wretched. I felt unloved, like nothing I cared about mattered and in general I was an inconvenience. I remember one foster home kept a padlock on the fridge and we were only allowed to eat the 3 meals given to us. If we didn't like the meal or didn't eat it, it appeared on our plate for the next meal until it was eaten. The trauma that I already suffered was multiplied by those homes. I know how difficult it is to be a foster parent and I have nothing but the upmost respect for what you do, not only for the kids you house, but what youre doing in spreading awareness of these issues. In one of the homes I lost the teddy bear I had gotten while my dad lay dying in the hospital and if there was one item I'd give anything to possess again, that would be it. I'm sitting here crying, just thinking about that and it's been almost 30 years since that time in my life, to this day it remains one of my triggers.
U have no idea how happy this makes me feel i grew up out of the faster system and aged out. You shining a light on this is amazing of u just thank you I don't know how to word what this makes me feel but thank you is all I can say
I’m 25 and have never been a foster child but my dad passed away recently and he had a very distinct scent of metal shavings, argon, and sweat (he was a welder/metal fabricator) and my mom saved a bunch of his old shirts for me to have to smell and washed a bunch of his other shirts for me to wear and I am so thankful she did that for me. Thank you for showcasing just how important smells can be to anyone who is missing or separated from a parent/loved one/place they love, especially for children. When you’re missing someone or something that badly it doesn’t matter what the smell exactly is, you just associate it with that person or memory and it becomes special. It’s something not a lot of people think about so thank you again for this ❤️
You are very kind. I grew up in the system in Connecticut. I don't remember ever being able to keep anything, most homes weren't very nice. I remember all of them, good and bad. Please know that the children will remember you. Thankyou for showing how to be kind.
![ภาพนี้ก็ฮาเหมือนกันนะเนี้ย #1 SS8 [ พากย์นรก MEME.EXE ] | easy boy](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Ytc50m91QK8/mqdefault.jpg)
![[LIVE] : ONE ลุมพินี 68 | คู่เอก "พระจันทร์ฉาย vs โจนาธาน"](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/F3IM3w-XchI/mqdefault.jpg)
These poor precious little babies. My heart just hurts..I wouldn't have even thought about the smell of home and the need for something like a shoe to comfort a traumatized child. Thank you for your loving treatment.
Ikr? This is great advice for future foster parents like me!
I never went through foster care luckily because my parents were separated, I had already lived with my mom my whole life when some traumatic shit happened and an ACS case was opened. i remember going to live with my dad and stepmom and most of my items were extremely dirty, or unusable, so obviously most of it had to be thrown away or immediately taken to wash. One of the only things I had left was my moms sweater and when I tell you I held on to that god damn thing for dear life I mean it. it was the only thing I had of my mom for a good 6-8years of my life. I was no older then 12 when this all happened, I’m 21 now and I still have that sweater in decent condition. I wear it all the time, and although me and my mother have a strained relationship, it helps me feel closer to her when I’m not. It’s helps knowing that there are other adults taking things like that into consideration. I know I needed it when I was a kid, and I wasn’t even fully removed my my family, just the family I knew, and that shattered my world.
Same! I want to foster and i have a terrible sense of smell so i would never reach that conclusion on my own! Thank goodness I see this now
I agree I was a foster kid aged out of the system I'm 28 Years old I'm successful in life someday I would love to foster
I used to be in foster care and I had this comfort stuffed animal that had my mother's perfume sprayed on it. I had it all the time and never washed it bc it reminded me of home
I wasn't in real foster care, but had a family who knew my parents before their addiction and my dad being sent to prison, they took me and my sister in for a year. My sister and I would take turns wearing my dad's flannel the whole time. I'm so glad the mother didn't make us wash it for literal months. It still smelled like old spice and cherry cigars. Like my dad. We needed that, and her kindness I'll never forget. She understood that even if our dad hurt us that we still missed him so much. Now tbh, I miss her more than I miss either of my parents. I would give anything to be able to see her again and hope that she's proud of me.
I am certain she is proud of you ❤️
I guarantee shes proud of you honey💗
This is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing. It warms my heart to know that people can be sensitive to any and many kinds of situations.
The world doesn't seem so bad when you learn about this.
I'm proud of you just from a few written words. I'm sure 'proud' would be an understatement for her. What an amazing person you became
That’s so sweet. I’m sure she is proud
You just helped me realize why I cried every time my blanket was washed when I went to a new foster home. Thank you for making these videos 💖
I'm sorry that happened .. Hugs
❤❤🫂🫂🫂 i hope youre okay
Sending much love
"... have the scents of their parents..."
I've never thought of that. ❤️
And abuse is complicated... especially when the person is a caregiver. You will inevitably have positive memories and will love that person by default even if they hurt or neglected you. Comfort items like this can help hold on to some shred of stability and control for kids who feel like they've lost everything.
...Or do you want me wait? Damn that hit home. Every foster kid needs that. Much love to you.
Yeah that part got me too. So compassionate.
Yes, and maybe everyone needs someone to ask and respect children's feelings. Take the time to talk, listen, and teach them with kindness. Thank you for sharing
@@HelloL.G. 100%
i cried at that point
I used to carry a blanket with me to every friend's house I ever spent the night at. One time a friend's mom took it while we were playing, washed it, and didn't get it back to me before we were told to go to bed. I cried for hours specifically about the smell being washed away. To make it worse she told me she did it because it smelled like urine. It likely smelled like cats and cigarette smoke, the smell of my childhood home. The fact that this memory sticks with me over a decade later says a lot.
Mia, I'm so sorry. 💔
That is heartbreaking. I am so sorry.
Sounds like you went through some traumatic things during your childhood, I'm sorry to hear that and I hope you're doing well ❤ and what you said basically proved the lady in the video's point exactly. Well all deserve to have control over our most loved comforting possessions. Taking away that control when someone already has such little control of their circumstances can be very traumatic.
I’m sorry that happened to u :( especially that she didn’t even give it back??? Or talk to you at all about it???? Sadly I’m on the moms end about the smell tho… where as if I was the mom I probably would’ve done the same. I definitely wouldn’t have just taken ur shit without talking to you and not give it back but I would’ve had to have a conversation with you about washing it or SOMETHING since I’m very sensitive to smells (and even sights like shit/vom from Humans,pets, you name it) and I’ll throw up for hours and get EXTREMELY ill I start shaking and getting cold sweats etc and cats and cigarettes are two of some of the smells that are triggering for me the most
Smells ARE that important. I'm sorry that happened to you.
Had me sobbing 😭 I wish this was normalized, I remember growing up in foster homes or crisis nurseries they would wash my stuff immediately, and it always sucked that first night without my dads hat or my stuffed animals smelling normal. Thanks for posting this ❤
The fact that in the 2nd example she gets down to the child's level ❤🥰
As a former foster kid, now adult, thank you! Smell is the strongest scent tied to memory and some of us end up with very few things to truly call our own. Taking the time to ask can really make or break the entire experience for us. I’m glad you took time to understand that. You’re doing a great job and on behalf of foster kids thank you for opening your home to us.
I've had my grandmother's coat since she passed. There is a kleenex (unused) in her pocket. It still smells like her. 21 years later. It's in a zip lock in the pocket
@@moniquejenkins5193 Monique, you are a sweetheart and l hope you accomplish all the things Grandma would have wanted for you ,plus those you want for yourself ,and MORE. Best wishes,Young lady. May all your dreams come true!!!💜
I was sent to my aunts briefly when I was a kid, while my mom was getting over a drug addition. I didn’t know her at all, and everything was so scary. I was so grateful for my stuffed animals. Without them I don’t know how I would’ve gotten through.
I’m almost 40 and those same stuffed animals are still in my room. Always with me.
This video made me tear up. Thank you for being so sensitive to your foster kids.
I can relate, thanks for sharing
@@HelloL.G. ooh I wish I had my stuffed animals with me, only a few survived the constant moves and from my parents to my aunts lol, i relate so much though ❤ the ones that lasted are so special
When my son was 4 his social worker threw away his new spider-man shoes. He is now 13 n still gets sad when he remembers. This is so sweet of u to actually CARE about the childs feelings. Ur amazing.
I’m a former social worker and this means a lot. As a child, I never entered foster care but I was often cared for by other people and they wouldn’t really care about my feelings when it came to my things.
When I became a social worker - I always tried to bring as much comfort to my kids as I could when I was transporting them to their new placement. And I would pray for foster parents like you. So thank you not only for doing this but for teaching other parents how to do the same. 🖤
Uh oh... that first mom would have been me.
Yeah Oh noo
I had a 12 month old baby the other week and I held her in my arms while she slept for a bit. Part of me was thinking about potential lice/bed bugs. But the reality is...baby girl trusted me. She stopped crying enough to calmly fall asleep in my arms with her blankey.
@@emilydecruze2336 I’m crying now. I think to my own daughter similar age . You held her like a momma should when she needed it most ❤️
Would have, we learn every day and that is awesome!!!
I still would.
I really appreciate this when I was young I was placed in foster care as a child I was terrified being placed in a strangers home. The day I was taken away from my home it still haunts me. But my foster mother who adopted me made me feel comfortable and gave us lots of love she fostered 75 kids throughout her time being a foster parent me and my sister are truly grateful for her.
The world doesn’t deserve the amazing foster families out there. There’s some bad ones for sure but when the good ones are there, they should be rewarded so much more. The things they deal with is insane.
OMG 75 ??? she must be an angel .. that's a lot .
WOW!!!! Amazing!!! I dream to foster 14 kids and man 75 is phenomenal!!!
@@jennaseitz Hispanic people often become foster parents for the money
As someone who has been in over 9 foster homes in the 10 years I was in foster care, Iam in tears over this simple act, I wish some people weren't in it for the check but to nurture the spirit of the child they're helping raise. Brought a bucket of tears to my eyes watching this.
That would be ideal. Hugs from many of us when and if you'd like that.
This is so kind. After my mom died my grandmother insisted on washing everything and to this day when I smell my mom's blanket I feel a little sad. Because she didn't have to wash it she just wanted to.
As an adult who has past trauma from being put in Foster care, it brings me joy to see the care and consideration you show children who wind up in that situation.
Took the words right out of my mind. I was a 10year foster kid before I was adopted at 16.
Dude…same…
Same here.. I remember coming from a placement where they smoked and used spray paint inside.. the new foster told me that all of my stuff was smelly and made me immediately wash everything down to the duffel bag it was carried in when we got to her house. She then proceeded to tell me that I should be grateful when I broke down crying on her million dollar porch. She sent me back the next morning
1000% this
@@aidanbrown7210 what a f... b.... this makes ne so angy, but only because you were a defenseless child in a horrible situation that needed comfort so badly and not humiliation. Otherwise I just shake my had about people like that . I hope you know that this didn't happen because of you, This was just a real trashy human on her million dollar porch. I feel bad for her husband and her children , too . All luck and love for you!
I’m not a foster parent or a foster kid - I have no relationship with foster stuff. I came across this video and you just touched my heart, deep. What a loving soul you have. Keep doing what you’re doing. Little people need more champions. ❤
Thank you for listening anyway.
SAME!
SAME!
This is so touching to me for the same reason. Children in this situation needs so much care, comfort and kindness
I love these tips! Adults have anxiety starting a new job, so think of a child no matter the age moving to a new home. Thank goodness for good foster parents!
Giving kids autonomy over their bodies and own things is such a huge thing, especially in foster care. Kids are not given choice, they are dictated to over and over again about what is going to happen with them and their things. Setting the relationship right from the start, like what this wonderful lady is doing, is huge. It sets both you and the child up for success. It won’t be perfect, it won’t always be sweet and cute and it will break your heart every day what these kids go through, but if your able, do it.❤
This is relevant for majority of parenting. Always ask your child permission before doing something with an item they deem as “theirs.” It’s great practice for them to identify their own true wants and the ability to make decisions
My goals involve being stable enough to do this for someone.
... ♥️ ...
Its far better to campaign to stop the unnecessary removal of children from families who love them.
@@Queen-of-Swords ok. But I'm doing that now? But I'm not stable enough to take someone in. So maybe step off the soap box, your vibe is discouraging to people who just wanna help.
Me too! ❤
Same!!! I can't have bio kids of my own so my goal is to be stable enough to foster and adopt someday ^^ I want to give these kids that have been through so much a safe and loving place to stay for as long as they need it ❤️
As someone who has thought about helping foster children when my kids get a little older, I appreciate bringing this to my attention, I never thought that the smell of something could be so important until you explained it to me
I just appreciate you talking to them and asking them what they would want. As a foster kid I begged for my toys when I would move home(which I did a lot) and I never got any of them-just my clothes. I remember crying every Christmas knowing I wouldn’t be able to take any of my beloved toys when I went to another home. I was in 19 different foster homes until I was finally adopted at the age of five. The lady that adopted me was absolute hell.
As an ex-foster kid, thank you for being sensitive to that! And also, thank you for being real and using a trash bag in this.
As someone who was in foster care taken from a parent that truly loved me and simply made a mistake this would have made me feel so much better. Because my mom was all I knew and immediately taking my things away from me from her was hard to deal with as a kid. You truly do understand the kids you care for and it shows. Keep up the good work momma.
Wow! This is good to know!!! I saved 2 of my great grandmother's aprons in a zip lock bag for like 20 plus years because they smelled like her! I would pull them out and sniff them. My grandmother had made them for her.
Thank you for sharing!
A Ziploc, why didn't I think of that! I was literally bawling my eyes out last night trying so desperately to smell my dad on one of his shirts.
i love how respectful she is... kindness is so wonderful for a hurting child. They left everything but that bag in their hands.
I was in Foster care growing up every foster care parent did that to me every single time I had to wash everything even my body when I got there. I am happy that you shat down and show the right way on how to do this because I was traumatized when they made me do it.
It just makes you feel dirty. Like you are some mutt in their perfect house. Definitely not a great way to start a relationship
Foster parenting is so hard sometimes. What an amazing way to share what works and how to make a traumatized child a little more comfortable. Thank you so much.
Right now I’m in the process of getting certified as a foster parent myself and I will definitely do this! Thank you for this ❤
Hope some foster care system's watches these as teaching tools...your very patient and tender, sadly, not all fp are like you. Thank you🤗
Such great advice. Adults need to remember these little humans they are taking into their home had lives before them and even though your home is very clearly the better option for every reason, these little humans still need to have aspects of their lives that they make the choices on and keeping the smell of familiarity is so very important. Just think back to your first puppy. You bring their mothers/previous homes scent with them for comfort. Us humans are no different we too need comfort. Even if we are already much better and safer in your home. What isn’t seen is the emotional needs of familiarity
Im not a foster kid, but as someone who relies on the scent of mycomfort items i really appriciate this mindset,since i was like 11 my comfort items smell was definitely more the smell of my safe space, but thats not a smell that will immediately develope somewhere, or ever really be the same if you live with someone else, especially if you're in the foster system and you might be moving around, my comfort items may have just smelled like my room concentrated, but thats not something easily replaced, thanks for being amazing
Your compassion and tenderness moves me to tears! We would all benefit from being more aware of the feelings and situations of others. What seems trivial to us could be someone else's whole world.
I have been blessed with a stable family life, but even in my position, the smell of my mother was always so important! When I felt sad or scared as a child, I would lay on her pillow for comfort.
Thank you so much for the work you and other foster parents do!!
You are the first person to make me wish I’d reached out for help as a child. I was so scared of the foster system. If I knew people like you existed I would not have felt so much like I needed to hide the way we were living. Thank you for loving these kids ❤
❤❤
As someone that grew up in foster care… you have not idea how much this makes me cry 😢
Same dude ♥️♥️
Thank you for explaining the importance of taking things slow, and not being afraid of what they bring with them! ❤
That really makes sense, because when my papa died anything that smell like him comforted me and when my grandma moved the pillows that smelt like their old house, would bring me joy
:( as a foster kid in the past not being treated the best it really make me happy seeing you bring to light being kind and gentle with kids in such a vulnerable and emotional spot
😢 you’re such a beautiful and kind hearted person.
Thank you. I’m so bossy and ‘helpful’ I would’ve washed everything straight away.
I really love these videos and your approach to caring.
When my parents had foster kids the first thing we did is give them a backpack and let them get their own toiletries from the dollar store. They always showed up with almost nothing. Not even hair brushes or toothbrushes.
Yeah, there usually aren't possessions to wash!
Funny how the world is,in the care home I work in the elderly residents don't have the basic items, I'm so surprised that their families visit but don't provide any thing.
@@dipitickner1927 devils advocate here but are the families made aware and updated on the status of these items? I know not all care homes are in frequent contact with families outside of visiting and some have toiletries and basic necessities included in the price of residency and arranged by the care staff. Every home is different and it might not be apathy on the part of the family but more not knowing its something they need to provide
@@rach_laze A lol of times I inform a family of certain needs or clothing, some do take heed but just as many can't be bothered.
@@rach_laze Lot of families are not proactive about the care their families receive old or young. Personally if my folks were in a home I would be taking care of them as much as I could. Change, check their skin and feed them. Do their HS/AM care. Even their bowel care. But I have long-term disability Care experience. They did it for me so... It's the least I can do for them.
I know nothing about foster care but seeing this video I am suddenly unbelievably thankful for the people who show care and love to children this way and think of things like this! Reading the comments I’m about to cry for all these little ones who went through this hard experience and those still remember kind moments like this. God bless you guys. 😭
You are so gentle, sweet, you make things feel like “home” for these children! The world is blessed to have you
These types of videos are so hard for me to even watch; I can’t imagine living this reality. Firstly from the child’s perspective and from yours. You are doing amazing work.
At 40 I still can’t forget the horrors of being a foster child arriving at a new home and how I was treated horribly.
I am sorry you had to go through that. It wasn't nice of them, and even though it was so long ago, your feelings are still real and valid. Thank you for sharing your comment, it was very brave of you.
I'm so sorry. I helped to raise a friend's D. She's so precious to me to this day we are very close. I wish you been afforded this type of treatment. You were and are very worthy of it.
So sorry. A lot of people wrongly assume that the reasons kids are removed are fair and correct, they also assume all foster parents are as good as this one. The reality is that the prospects of "looked after" children are very poor and their experiences in care are worse than how things were at home. Its really messed up. I hope it made some improvement in your life, but I know many cases where it did not.
I almost cried. This is SO important. You're definitely making a difference for those kids. Make more videos like this to spread awareness
The kindness and respect you show is so overwhelmingly beautiful. If all parents were like this to their own kids, handling them with care and concern, what a world this would be. To be willing to be so tender to another persons child is all the more wonderful and really makes me believe in humanity when I’ve been so demoralized lately. This is heartwarming to see!
I can only imagine how many kids have to go through this it’s heartbreaking.
I'm 32 and I have never wanted children but yet I've always wanted to foster and I really appreciate how compassionate and informative this video is. Thank you. This will go in a safe space tucked in my brain for the future ❤️
Literally same and I just turned 33.
Wonderful post -a reminder of the importance of compassion and empathy ♥️
EXACTLY, people don't understand the value of that scent, when you wash it you might as well be washing memories away.
Oh sweet little muffins…..I don’t know I could be a foster parent I get attached really easy. Little muffins the scent of their parents 🥹🥹
As someone who had to go through this, I appreciate you doing this. My parents never did and it hurt, so thank you
This is such a great depiction! First foster parent still shows love but just hasn't learned some of the adverse reactions that might come with washing their things! It never hurts to learn. It doesn't make you a bad foster parent
Awe I wanted to cry hearing your caring voice. You didn’t even insult the first time foster parents, that takes patience and a truly amazing personality. You are an amazing person.
I'm not a foster child, but my word, you made even me feel seen.
I will 100% foster one day! I will remember this. My heart hurts thinking that poor little babies world just got shaken up
Make sure you are fostering someone who has been removed for good reason, Social Workers in the country where I live, often remove children for very trivial reasons. They help the child by removing them, without first trying to help the FAMILY. Kids usually do better with their families. In the UK the social outcomes for looked after kids are usually extremely poor.
@@Queen-of-Swords
It's the same in the us. Unfortunately, there's not really anything foster parents can do to prevent kids being taken for wrong reasons. Trying to make sure they only foster kids taken for "good reason" will just leave the ones who never should've been taken in an even worse position. It's not like they'll just be sent back home based on the foster parents' opinion. It's definitely good for foster parents to be aware of the fact that many children in care should never have been separated from their parents, but choosing to make their homes unavailable to such children won't do anything to help the situation they're in. While I totally agree that back with family would be best, since the foster parent has no control over that, the best thing they can do for such kids is to be available & like Laura.
@@JJ-yc2sv what awaits most kids in foster care, is worse than their birth families. And also most GOOD foster carers are eventually told they are "too involved" with the children, and any people who are too loving get thrown out. Having a proper bond is not allowed until the goal of ADOPTION.
@@Queen-of-Swords
I know. It's a really horrible system. Far too many children are needlessly traumatized by having their family torn apart for bs reasons. And too many kids who really DO need rescued, never are. It would be excusable if human psychology were still a mystery to us, but we KNOW how damaging it is to separate a child from their primary caregiver. And yet, they're treated like it's nothing, aren't provided therapy for the trauma, and then when they inevitably develop behavioral issues, they're labeled & treated as problem children. It's a fast-track into the prison system more than anything else.
Thank you for this. We are in the final stages of approval (fingers crossed we'll be done by the end of this month/ early next month). This is great advice for new foster parents. I wouldn't have thought about this and needed to see this video.
Such a great foster parent- some don’t realize how important, reassuring and calming/ comforting “familiar smells“ are especially in these types of situations!
God bless you. I want to adopt someday and I hope for my heart to be open enough to foster as well. Sending them back into the world after caring for them would be so hard. You are an angel and inspiration. Thank you.
My daughter was in the NICU when she was born. The hospital provided scent cloths that I would wear throughout the day and when we would visit her they would place it under her head. Smell is more important that we all realize.
My mom passed away 10 years ago and I still have a full bottle of her favorite perfume. I sometimes smell it just so I can be reminded of her.
The smell of the sheets in the group home is one of my key childhood memories. Smells really are powerful memory triggers. So important!
I’m so glad I came across this. It brought me to sobbing tears out of no where. Thank you for such special education. My heart instantly broke thinking of all these poor children. Keep up the love 🤍
Our first foster child came with nothing except the clothes on his back until a couple days later when the caseworker brought some of his clothes from home ..they were ill fitting and dirty and shoes way too small . He loved getting new stuff and he kept them in one place and his from home clothes he kept safely by his bed .He never wanted to wear them , but he need to know they were nearby. I love these videos you do !
One of my foster moms made me stand in the corner till I stopped crying on my first day.
My heart broke reading that. You deserved better. I’m so sorry you were treated that way.
💔
🥺🥺🥺🥀🙏🏼❣️🇨🇦
so sorry you went through that. i’ll never understand why some people foster? i hope your surrounded by love and healing now and forever💔
My heart is breaking... Thank God for good foster parents like you who put this much thought into this!
From a former foster child, thank you. We arent all lucky enough to end up with caring foster parents. People like you give me hope. Seriously, thank you so much.
Thank you for your kindness!
🥺compassion always wins.
You are a fucking saint. Thank you for showing people how to talk to kids like the small humans they are 😭💜💜💜💜💜💜
This out a lump in my throat. I'm not a foster kids but I've got comfort items and bring mindful of that is just the most wholesome thing I've seen today. Ppl really discount how needed comfort items are
As someone who was in foster care and had a HORRIBLE experience and the only good experiences were when I was on respite and am now in independent living, this is important
If possible, keep unscented detergent on hand. That way even if they're okay with you washing stuff, you can minimize the amount of "home" that's taken away/covered up. You could also keep a few scents in case kids want to get rid of scents (such as smoke) and you can give them a choice so they have some control that way.
Yes! This!
We need more foster parents like you. This is coming from someone who aged out of the broken system. Bless you. 🥺
“It has their parents scent” i read this and started bawling 😭 my 4 month old baby only gets any comfort when he smells me i can’t imagine how these babies feels 😔 I pray for them and for their parents for anyone who goes through this
My son is 8 and daughter 4 and they both have items they don’t like me to wash because it takes away the “smell of home”
Great that your sharing!!
I can’t explain it but as a kid who wasn’t always able to be at home, this made me cry immediately.
God Bless every Foster Parent.❤
How do you deal with a foster child's things smelling like cigarette smoke?
My mom (who I no longer live with) smokes and gifts from her smell like cigarettes. The smell will fade away overtime, but for me it became a bit of a comfort smell (sadly) when I missed my mom because she smoked so much it became her. That’s just how I see it. I’d say let the kid decide though
My dad passed, one thing I kept smelled like smoke a stuffed animal which was always on the couch, I never washed it, maybe gross but it's the memories of the smell, it doesn't really smell anymore of smoke just him.
Loundry stripping! If it smells like cigarettes it probably has that gunk built up in it which is not healthy!
Tobacco and diesel are very comforting smells to me. Please just be compassionate and let them have something that smells and feels comfortable to them.
@@vickih5405 true, but also for there health try to limit the amount of comfort smelling items,(obviously don't just take everything, let them help you decide) but it's crucial for there health to constantly be surrounded in smoke sutt stuff!
💔😭💔
that's so thoughtful. it makes me happy that there are foster parents out there like this.
You are an amazing gift created and sent, to help heal, bring peace and love. Especially for the children who were robbed of a safe, happy childhood. You are truly lovely in every single way! 🙌🙏🤩🥰✌
Until you get a bed bug infestation. I would do lice a million times to never have bed bugs again total nightmare.
Dryer should be able to kill bed bugs
@@sarahs3988 yes. Heat is best. Warning they can survive the washer.
Drier, washer, drier - for bedbugs.
I was thinking this too. Bedbugs are an absolute nightmare. They seem to be particularly bad in Alaska too.
Yes but they have to be on high heat for long time to kill them and normally they don't smell like home after that. Sad but it's part of life.
the kneeing down to their level is the most important part.
Making them feel comfortable and not looked down opon.
This is super helpful . It actually made me cry . To see the difference it would
Make to a child in that situation . Thankyou for sharing this !
I'm not sure why I'm crying but I thought this was really sweet and very tender to have such compassion for a new guest in your home
I can't say exactly why simply because I don't know...but this one gets me the most so far. We are on a journey of foster to adopt through kinship. The children we knew years ago picked us and the state contacted us. Exciting and scary all in one. The first child moves in very soon and her brother moves in about a month after. I've always loved these children and only hope I can be the mother figure they need and my fiance to be the father figure they need. Thank you for your videos. Classes and training are helpful, but the best advice comes from someone actually doing it and living it. Again thank you.
Oh my gosh the compassion in the latter example makes me cry. It is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing this. If only more children experience this type of love!!!
In my area, we've set up groups to provide rolling suitcases to avoid the trash bags. Also hygiene kits included. Another group sews small plushy quilts, another provides stuffed animals. They get to choose which color toothbrush, which quilt, etc. So they feel they have some control. I think it's the best idea.
This hurts my heart. As a former foster kid, most of the homes I was in were wretched. I felt unloved, like nothing I cared about mattered and in general I was an inconvenience. I remember one foster home kept a padlock on the fridge and we were only allowed to eat the 3 meals given to us. If we didn't like the meal or didn't eat it, it appeared on our plate for the next meal until it was eaten. The trauma that I already suffered was multiplied by those homes. I know how difficult it is to be a foster parent and I have nothing but the upmost respect for what you do, not only for the kids you house, but what youre doing in spreading awareness of these issues. In one of the homes I lost the teddy bear I had gotten while my dad lay dying in the hospital and if there was one item I'd give anything to possess again, that would be it. I'm sitting here crying, just thinking about that and it's been almost 30 years since that time in my life, to this day it remains one of my triggers.
U have no idea how happy this makes me feel i grew up out of the faster system and aged out. You shining a light on this is amazing of u just thank you I don't know how to word what this makes me feel but thank you is all I can say
I’m 25 and have never been a foster child but my dad passed away recently and he had a very distinct scent of metal shavings, argon, and sweat (he was a welder/metal fabricator) and my mom saved a bunch of his old shirts for me to have to smell and washed a bunch of his other shirts for me to wear and I am so thankful she did that for me. Thank you for showcasing just how important smells can be to anyone who is missing or separated from a parent/loved one/place they love, especially for children. When you’re missing someone or something that badly it doesn’t matter what the smell exactly is, you just associate it with that person or memory and it becomes special. It’s something not a lot of people think about so thank you again for this ❤️
Both my husband and I have trauma from having our comfort items washed. Thank you for being lovely and teaching others about this too.
Great advice. This is an example of KINDNESS. NICE IS COOL, But kindness goes further.
Wow! What a dramatic difference in the approach. Thank you for this very delicate perspective.
You are very kind. I grew up in the system in Connecticut. I don't remember ever being able to keep anything, most homes weren't very nice. I remember all of them, good and bad. Please know that the children will remember you. Thankyou for showing how to be kind.
To give a child in a situation completely out of their control, a tiny bit of control is genius.
Man, this one got me crying Right away, poor little babies. And to anyone who takes advantage of already vulnerable children, karma will come for you.