GENDER DISAPPOINTMENT | THREE BOYS AND I WANTED A GIRL
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 27 เม.ย. 2017
- This video is for anyone who has experienced the horribly conflicting emotions of gender disappointment.
I always thought I'd have both girls and boys. Instead I've wound up with three lovely boys. Accepting that I wasn't going to be a mum to a girl was a big, emotional adjustment. This vlog tells my story.
Here is my blog post on gender disappointment after we found out we were having our third boy:
SAYING GOODBYE TO THE IDEA OF A GIRL - sorry-about-the-mess.co.uk/201...
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I'm Chloë. I live in London, UK, with my three boys, aged six and under, and my boyfriend, Sam. And my absolute favourite thing in the world is documenting our family story through words, videos, and photos.
I started my blog when my firstborn was a baby. I was 25, and my whole world had changed with an unplanned pregnancy. I felt lonely and bored and was hoping a blog might help connect me with like-minded parents whilst also giving me a much needed creative focus.
Our sudden ascent into parenthood was messy, life with kids is messy, and so is the state of my head at the best of times- hence Sorry About The Mess.
Things are much more settled in our life now. I've gone on to have two more children, and you'll mainly find me chatting about house renovations (we bought a fixer-upper), my motherhood experience so far, and plans for our upcoming wedding!
As well as blogging and vlogging, you can find me chatting away daily on Instagram.
The digital record, that's for me, really. So I'll be able to look back and recall every fibre of the happy moments, the everyday moments, and the big life events that make up our family story.
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FIND ME HERE:
Blog - sorry-about-the-mess.co.uk
Twitter - / mostlychloe
Instagram - / mostlychloe
You have explained it absolutely perfectly.... we always said 4 children. Our first 3 were boys. I knew that every pregnancy has a 50/50 shot but I just figured one had to be a girl. We just recently found out that baby #4 is in fact a boy. I originally wanted to wait to find out until birth but then I decided that if it was in fact a boy, I wanted to know now so I had time to process it. And I tried to explain it without the term disappointment. Hubby asked me if I would be disappointed if it's not a girl and I tried to explain that it's not disappointment. I completely love and adore all 3 of my boys, but it was more that I would feel a sense of loss of the idea of the daughter I will never have. Everything you said is exactly my thoughts. When I found out that our last is in fact a boy, the emotional turmoil was and is real. We just found out 3 days ago so I am still going through this loss of a person that has actually never existed except for in my head. I notice families more in public and seeing their children whether it be all girls, boys, or mixed. I try to imagine life with all boys and no little girl. On top of my own emotions, I have other people and their comments which I feel makes it much worse like I let people down which is crazy. People commenting like oh man.... a 4th boy and yet they only have 2 and they are both girls. It's like why is your situation any better than mine??? It's makes me more upset. Thank you for making this video. I definitely needed to hear it so I knew I wasn't alone in my emotions and thoughts and I'm happy to hear that I will process them and accept my fate.
I have 3 girls I’m pregnant again because we been trying for a boy since the first and finding out the baby was a girl I cried at the ultrasound. Because the baby before this one was a boy and I lost him at 14 weeks. It was so depressing finding out I was having another girl and I’m so worried I’m not going to be attached to my daughter. Because I have all these girls and this is my last try. But thank you for sharing your story. I hope I can heal from this
Imagine if a father made a video about being disappointed in having a girl, what the outrage would be 😢
Here I am crying because I'm having a girl and not a boy. Everyone wanted a boy too and now no one is excited about my pregnancy. I feel horrible for feeling this way especially because it's my first baby, but I'm sure I'll love her no matter what.
Found out I’m having a boy and really truly wanted a girl. I am so sad. I only want one baby and I was hoping for a girl, I think alot of women want at least one girl. My whole family put it in my head that I was having a girl so for the past 10 weeks I had spent picking out girl names, looking at baby girl clothes, started preparing for the nursery in small ways like finding a girly crib or cute bedroom decor to add to my registry. Today I got the news and so it was hard to accept that everything I imagined was no longer an idea. I’m just trying to move on over it so I can look forward to my baby boy
Notice how only a few women are dissapointed not to have a boy
I just found this channel and I'm trying to take in every positive words spoken by you. I I'm a mom of 3 boys N im expecting my 4 child. I just found out it's another boy! Talk about emotions I'm feeling. I had all these plans for a girl in my head and it's like she just died. I'm trying to reach deep to look at the positive but like u said the talks from people doesn't help. My husband said it's God's plans, but in my head I feel like he doesn't like me to not give me my dream. Funny every where I look people are having girls lol. I know I love my child inside of me, it's like it's not about him. It's about that daughter I always wanted. I'm somehow trying to close this chapter N just accept the reality that I'm a mom with boys. My 10 year old cheers me up N told my all the girls in his class are bad! They have attitude with the teachers N talk behind their backs. I have good boys so I'm going to try N see my blessings!!!!
I'm on the same boat. 3 boys...I wanted a girl so bad. But am glad my baby boy is healthy and his due date is March 31st
I know this video is 3 years old but I hope you know how much this helped me. I just found out I’m having my second boy after being convinced I was having my girl, had a name and everything. I have hyperemesis gravidarum in pregnancy (severe nausea vomiting that lasts up to 20 weeks or more, sometimes the whole 9 months) and it’s debilitating and put me in the hospital. I will not be able to handle more pregnancies and hubby doesn’t want more than 2. Everything you said is me, I grieve not having someone to wedding dress shop with, I worry that I won’t see my grandkids as much as I would if I had a daughter calling me to come help her, I’m sad that I won’t have a mother-daughter adult relationship and I’ll be alone. But I need to feel this and grieve it to move on. I’m starting to get excited about the brotherly bond and I will admit being a boy mom so far with my first has been absolutely precious and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I pictured how our family dynamic would shift and now it’s not. I know one day maybe I will understand why I was meant to have my boys, and it’s okay that today is not that day. Already the few ppl we have told have said “oh you’ll get a girl next time” or “oh I was hoping for girl” and I’m glad we aren’t revealing to everyone yet because hearing that right now makes it hard to cope. I also feel like families with all girls, ppl will say it’s sweet as opposed to all boys they assume must be a madhouse and hard and i need sympathy, and I don’t like that stigma. I’m just going to do everything I can to have the best bond with my boys (and their potential wives one day) so I never feel like I missed anything.
I feel a fraud commenting on this given that I have both sexes but I cried when I found out my son was a boy. Purely because I was utterly convinced I'd have a girl and had no idea what to do with a boy. I am very girly and felt totally unprepared for life with a son. I never felt I could tell anyone as I thought they'd think I didn't want him. It's such a difficult topic because people who haven't experienced it don't seem to understand it. I did go on to have girls but I still remember how flat I felt after my gender scan with Charlie.
I clicked on to watch this Chloe and didn't think I would actually watch all 20 minutes of it. But I sat here and listened to every word. You said we should read your blog post cause it's probably more eloquent than you rambling- this was incredibly eloquent, well put, and almost needs to be a resource for those who experience these emotions.
Thanks Chloe. I am going through this right now and finding it very hard as I have felt conflicted emotion over this pregnancy and some emotional disconnect since the beginning. Listening to this vlog was so validating of what I have been feeling.
Thank you for your video. Ive always wanted a little girl and i was sad when i found out my first was boy but thought i have a second chance as we decided on having 2 children. I just found out that my second baby is a boy. Its hard to accept and realize that your dreams of having a daughter will never happen. Your video gave me some comfort and appreciate you being honest and talking about it. Alot of people dont understand and just say aslong as baby is healthy which of course is a given but you still have to deal with all these emotions and the guilt that comes with feeling what you feel when you find out its the opposite of what you dreamed you would have.
Thanks a lot for making this video. I am pregnant and going through this right now and to hear how you dealt with it really helps a lot!
Thank you so much for sharing your story, I can't believe how eloquently you reflected my own exact emotions and made me feel normal for feeling this way. So grateful I watched your video xxx
I found this so interesting, I rarely watch vlogs as I find blog posts so much easier to process, but I found myself watching and nodding along to so much of it. It's so good to hear an alternative term to gender disappointment as I never felt this described my feelings, but adjustment fits. With my 3rd boy I felt pretty much the same as you and have continued to get similar comments and have the same sorts of conversations with people on a daily basis. Then I had the lovely ones, where I was told I was blessed or that they felt that families of all the same gender are special. It was refreshing to hear his response and it did help me to change my mindset and from then on I didn't really give people the chance to reply negatively, but would say we're lucky to have an all boy family. I've always wanted a large family and struggled with people thinking it was trying for a girl, it wasn't that beyond my third, it was just having this big family that we wanted. When my 4th had Edward's Syndrome and we found out it was a girl I was completely floored, it felt cruel somehow to have a girl and have her taken away like that. We had some incredibly cruel responses, like maybe I couldn't carry a girl and it hurt a lot. After that I never particularly wanted a girl, I didn't want to replace the daughter I lost. I felt I'd always have her with me. Now we're on baby number 6, our last baby and it's a girl and I'm actually having to readjust my thoughts, I had a brief moment of thinking "oh, it won't be me and my boys any more!" and while I was thrilled, it felt strange too. I don't like people thinking we were just trying for a girl and I don't want the boys to think they were any less wanted. Excuse the long reply, there's so much I could say about this! X
YOU. ARE. AMAZING. Thank you for being so brave and so eloquent; this is a vlog that needs to be watched.
You brought up so many points that I relate to! I loved listening to this and feeling like you have helped organize my thoughts for me. So much appreciated and well said.
Loved this Chloe you are so well spoken and I totally agree with everything you said! Thanks for being so honest, and also for correcting the term 'disappointment' I will remember that when I discuss the subject in the future. I felt such a amount of pressure from people when pregnant second time round to be having a girl and although yes I did want to experience being a mum of a girl too I also hate that anyone could have considered another boy as not being anything other than wonderful x
Your video has 100% summed up how I felt about 'gender disappointment'. I call it gender loss. I desperately wanted a girl and was told by a psychic I was having a girl with my first pregnancy. To my shock and undoubtedly 'disappointment' I found out I was having a boy. My experience of sons in other families made me feel like he would never love me as deeply or care for me as deeply as a daughter. With my relationship with my mum we are so so close and not to have that with a daughter of my own makes me really sad. I can't help how I feel. I will grieve the idea forever unless I have a girl. I'm only 25 and this is my first child so there is nothing to say I won't have a girl in the future but in all honesty I'm scared to have another child incase I have a boy. I know anyone reading this who is struggling to conceive will hate me but these are my feelings and I can't help how I feel. Like you say you have to face them head on and deal with them.