Hey Eve, I’m a mental health nurse. I hear a lot of people say they feel like they are experiencing depersonalisation, it’s quite a scary experience. It is due to high levels of stress and anxiety and from watching your (fantastic) vlogs the last few months, you do a hell of a lot of activities and studying- it’s no wonder you’re starting to feel a bit distant from yourself and reality. I’m not sure if you’ve heard of “mindfulness” before but I’d recommend trying to take 10 minutes out of your day to practice mindfulness and “grounding techniques”. There’s some really good videos on TH-cam to guide you through mindfulness and grounding techniques. Don’t be scared though, it is a common feeling and we just need to be conscious of it being a sensation we feel when we are stressed and anxious and therefore need to relax! Take care x
Hi Eve! I think a lot of the things you were saying towards the end of the video can be really common in your first year of uni. When you go to uni you are changing everything - your routine, your living situation, your friendship circle, your work life (as in new lecturers and teachers) and it's very overwhelming. It can take months and months to form a really deep connection to those things (people included) and feel really settled where you are. It took me probably until half way through second year to feel like I had got myself into a comfortable routine at university and that I wasn't feeling so overwhelmed by everything being new and different all the time. And it wasn't until that point that I also felt I had really made good close friends who I felt 100% comfortable around! Up until that point I felt much like you, I was just going through the motions of the day but not really living or experiencing it. Uni is an exciting time but getting used to EVERYTHING about your life being different is overwhelming. Having said that, if you feel that your feelings are deeper or more intense than what I've mentioned, I would advise speaking to a counsellor at university. Unfortunately student mental health services are overwhelmed these days but if you get an initial appointment she might be able to refer you on to someone in the local area who might be able to help. From experience, I think sharing your problems if you do feel overwhelmed or worried makes it better (a problem shared is a problem halved, as they say). I hope you start to feel better soon, lots of love xxx
honestly Eve I felt like that so much last semester when I started my second year at uni. It's so strange + I absolutely hated it but I had some therapy and I'm in a much better mindset this semester already. There ended up being underlying mental health issues I wasn't aware about but therapy defo helped xxxx
You didn’t let yourself get better from your cold, your voice still sounds rough. You don’t have to be involved in everything to have a successful Uni life, it’s ok to say no. Too many students try to live up to some sort of mythical student experience then crash and burn. It’s not worth it.
Oxford looks so pretty! If LMH has a counsellor or someone similar it might be worth going to see them. Could be a stress related thing, or the fact you are doing so much and not really stopping to think. Maybe if you took some time for yourself everyday to relax it might be better.
Agree, it definitely sounds like depersonalisation (thats coming from someone who has it too) and depersonalisation can be stress related. However only a therapist can diagnose and help treat it. I don't know how great university counsellors are or how well equipped they are to deal with this type of thing. I think at the very least a proper diagnoses is in order so Eve can find out if its depersonalisation or anxiety or something else.
@@maneskinnnnn7190 It can accompany a lot of disorders such as PTSD and depression, but depersonalisation/derealization can also be due to stress/anxiety. :)
About the Depersonalization thing: It's not uncommon. It can have different reasons but especially anxiety, depression (early state), or just severe stress are risk factors. You should see a doctor if it does not go away or makes you uncomftable. I would also recommend to drink less alcohol, because it messes with your brain (dopamin levels and other stuff) and sleep at least, at least 7 hours, better 8 or 9 hours. I'm pretty comftable that your occurance of these syntoms are stress related. There is a really interesting article about Depersonalization disorder on mayoclinic dot org (spam filter) just google it.
This is sound advice. Alcohol may actually be adding to the problem as it acts as a depressant on the brain. Sleep deprivation will also contribute to it! This is a special time in your life! Take care of yourself.
that’s what i was thinking! when you go through something tough your brain can decide to peace out and leave you to deal with it, it might be worth seeking out a counsellor eve :)
Hey I’ve experienced depersonalisation before and honestly, I found it quite distressing. For me it lasted a couple of months and happened after a really stressful period but also just after an overwhelming experience. It’s almost is your body’s way of coping with situations, putting up a mental block, so you feel emotionally numb (well that’s how I felt anyway) to things going on. However it made me more stressed out, which you need to try not to do, as it’s the worst thing- you need to try take your mind from thinking over it . I know it’s probably not helpful but trying to carry on with daily activities, look after yourself, and pick up on when you need to take a break from things. It should go away, it just may take some time but if you are really concerned head to your doctor. So much love for your vids, take care and hope this passes quickly for you 💓💓
Eve , how how HOW can you do a night out and then do a full day of uni/work/life the next day ??? I have to limit myself to one week day night out because I literally don’t function the next day ?!
Same! I don't want to assume anything wrong but from the vlogs I feel like Eve doesn't usually drinks that much when she goes out and she gets home rather early, therefore she might not be hungover/that tired the next day and can function properly ahah. Maybe that's why she can go out more often ahah I go out less but I drink more and stay out til 6am so I physically cannot get out of bed the next day
EVE ! I experienced this before and trust me, you really need to get some sleep and maybe drink less alcohol and I swear resting will make you feel better. I really hope it gets better.
me: *has to revise for two exams* eve: *posts a video* me: well then me 30 mins later after watching the video: oops i did it again about the depersonalisation, i don't know if you've seen dodie's videos on it? like, i know she has struggled/is struggling with depersonalisation so her videos on the topic might be informative!
Love love love your uni vlogs! It is great seeing how uni life is in the UK in contrast with how it is here in Spain :) As a bit of constructive criticism it is a bit difficult to follow what day of the week you are in and it would be nice if you could write it on the corner of the vlog, maybe? xx
really hope you're okay, i've dealt with this myself and for months and months i didn't know what it was. so derealization is where you feel disconnected from the world almost as if you're watching life happen like a film. depersonalisation is when you feel disconnected from yourself, so this could be looking in the mirror and not seeing yourself or looking at your hands and feeling as if they're not your own. it's very common to go through times where you 'space out' due to stress or trauma or lack of sleep etc.. however if things are constantly bad there is a type of therapy called TMS. hope this helped in some way, love love loveee your videos xxx
I get you, just keep going and try to give yourself breaks from studying and partying every so often cos sometimes it's because ur mind needs to properly reset so it can focus and acknowledge that ur there. Its one of ur body's ways of telling u to slow down xX
I felt quite overwhelmed this past autumn because I moved to another country and city to start my masters degree! It took me quite a long time to adjust and adapt to my new surroundings and the feeling can be quite overwhelming. I've been through a similar experience in my freshman year and when studying abroad, so I understand what it feels like to being quite disconnected from your life! I would recommend starting journaling and reflecting on your days! I've been journaling every day since the beginning of the year and have been absolutely loving the process! It helps you express your feelings and think about the different weekly experiences that you go through! Hope it gets better for you!💕
Cut down on parties, cut down on alcohol, spend more evenings in just relaxing, set a better sleep pattern. Or else you won't be able to hold it on the long run. The freedom you have is not that wide, you actually need to be better organized and structured which you don't seem to be much right now. With freedom come responsibilities and a sense of autonomy that needs to be well structured. I know what I'm talking about, I have a PhD (in Spanish, funny coincidence) so succeeding at university has no secret anymore for me.
Eve- I've struggled with feeling really spaced out and things, although mine seemed closer to derealisation than depersonalisation. For me, when it was at its worst I think it happened for 6 months pretty much without stopping. I've experienced it to varying degrees on and off for over 4 years now, although the past few months have been particularly good for me! It's a very common symptom of mental health problems (third most common symptom I think) and it also can be diagnosed as it's own problem in it's own right. For me it was probably linked to a combination of stress and anxiety and it cycled because it's confusing and makes you feel anxious! Things that helped me: -Sleep! Sleeping loads. My bedtime routine is shit, but I know when I got more sleep I had a better day, even when it was especially bad. -Grounding techniques. It might sound silly but it helped me. I remember being in a lesson a few years ago feeling funny and looking at a display board on the other side of the room and counting how many of a certain letter I could see. It's a distraction and gives you something to focus on. A good grounding technique is spotting 5 things with each sense and when it's touch, maybe even touching those things. When mine was bad, objects didn't look like they'd be real so I felt like I wouldn't feel them if I tried to touch them. I knew I'd be able to, but it was just how it felt. I'd often feel like my body was disconnected from my brain and my brain would feel like a massive weight in my head and everything felt warped. I still feel that a bit now sometimes, but I think grounding techniques really help to bring me back. -Realising I'm not alone. Having people to confide in and also watching dodie's youtube videos on depersonalisation. I was already pretty sure I had those symptoms before she released any videos, but it was nice to have someone I could relate to. I recommend checking out her videos on it, if you haven't already. Oh, dodie also did a collab video on Kati Morton's channel about it, which is also pretty informative and /I think/ provides tips on how to improve it a bit! The good thing is, this is definitely conquerable. I'm feeling so much better than I was in December 2018 and a billion times better than in 2017. It might require some time and work but you'll get there! You seem very busy at university and I expect stress is contributing to it a bit (but I'm not a gp so don't take my word... maybe see your gp if it's bothering you?). Make sure to give yourself breaks. Maybe spend some nights watching tv/reading a good book rather than going out drinking. You'll probably get better sleep (and more of it) and it might distract you and help to keep you calm! (Especially if you can get in the zone with a good book!) Remember you're not alone x
I’d say just have a chat to a cousensellor. Definitely had that in periods of my life where I was super stressed. Remember to say no to things and have time to yourself.
I’m in first year and literally had the exact same derealisation state, feeling like i’m in a dream. SO relieved i’m not the only one who has felt like this so thanks for sharing. For me i think it’s a mixture of the abrupt overwhelming change moving to uni, not that i haven’t enjoyed it. Also going out a lot and drinking probably too much. it really messes with your head ik but I hope it gets better for you!💜
I experience this every so often and it is honestly terrifying. I found it really hard as I didn’t think anyone else would understand what was wrong. Everyday I went to bed hoping it would go away and it didn’t. This lasted for two weeks and I was so scared that there was something wrong with my brain so it was really terrifying. I managed to get rid of it by just carrying on and telling myself that it was all in my head. The more I worry about it the longer it lasts. Hope you get over it soon xx
Oh my gosh! I had that thing you were talking about at the end about the idea of just feeling like you’re existing after I finished my GCSEs. It was so weird because I’d hyped up my summer and then as soon as I stopped I felt like I wasn’t really in the moment. It lasted about a month and a half but I got involved in things that were outside my comfort zone and that kind of helped to get me out of that kind of mindset. I will never know what caused it but at least you know you’re not the only one!😂 also congrats on your results ❤️
💕💕💕what you are describing sounds exactly like Depersonalisation/Derealization to me! I've had it for several years due to a traumatic period of my life, but I know that many people only have it in the short term, so don't stress! It's possibly because you're changing so much at uni and it's hard to keep track of who you were / who you are now. It's totally normal but counselling/therapy could help you out if you feel like it's affecting you.
Hey Eve, having gone through depersonalisation myself, the one piece of advice I can give you is to breathe. And by breathe, I mean mentally, emotionally and even physically (when needed). Having experienced the same kinds of symptoms during exam season, I suspect it may be stress/anxiety induced. As I'm sure you know, people react to stress differently and this may be, as it was for me, one of your personal responses to the overwhelming nature of university. I know it may be hard sometimes but just remember, you're fine. However much you may feel disconnected, just remember you ARE here, you ARE present and all your emotional experiences are yours. Just take it easy, eat well and get some rest. You'll be feeling 100% in no time. :) PS: try not to research too much about it; the more attention you give to it, the more potent it seems. Just go about your daily life as normal. :)
Ugh Eve my heart dropped when you talked about dp because I struggled so horribly with this for so long.. it can definitely be worsened by stress, also things like alcohol and even caffeine sometimes agitate the issue. Everyone is different but trying to change up your diet, getting a decent amount of exercise, etc can help some people. I also think just giving it time helped me (but mine was so severe because it was triggered by a traumatic incident so getting time between that definitely made an impact). Definitely don't go reading the horror stories online that people are overly dramatic in, I fell into a hole of that trying to find an answer and only made myself so, so much worse and lengthened my healing process. I wish you the best and please feel free to DM me if you have questions.. I've learned so much in the couple of years since the onset - and don't worry, I'm doing a lot better since then, this is not forever.
I can totally relate to what you’re saying. I have felt that way on and off for quite a long time. It is a symptom of anxiety and is depersonalisation. I think it mainly happens to people who are intelligent and over think a lot because I think about how it crazy that we exist and I freak myself out. I handle it by laughing it off and making a joke of time with my mum because she feels the same way sometimes. A lot of people experience it but think they sound crazy or don’t know what it is. Taking some time for yourself and changing the things you can control helped me. Alcohol makes my anxiety and therefore depersonalisation worse so I stay away from it. Having more time to just sit and relax might be a good idea. I love that you put this in your video as so many people can relate so thank you.
Hey eve, i’ve been through what you’re going through before, it comes and goes for me, but i felt it yesterday as well, it’s depersonalisation / derealisation and you literally feel disassociated from yourself like you’re seeing yourself from an outside perspective whilst everything happens. sometimes i guess i just deal with it but other times it does make me feel so abnormal and confused when i’m in that situation. i have anxiety and depression so i’ve researched it too and heard it’s a possible symptom. however i think it’s also caused by stress too.. i think deffo go to the doctor because it’s always good to talk to them about it and ways to process it x
I agree with everyone else - I think there's a tendency to throw yourself into going on every night out and going to every social possible so you don't have FOMO. Work/life balance at uni is hard, but as a 2nd year myself, toning it down a bit will most likely help with how you're feeling mentally. You could still do 2/3 nights out a week, but have some time in to chill otherwise. Also, otherwise you're just gonna burn out and feel even worse
Hey Eve! Just wanted to say I struggled for months with the same kind of thing as you, eventually found out it was a side-symptom of a fairly severe anxiety disorder and was basically a coping mechanism (like if I wasn't really existing then I wouldn't be the one under so much stress with everything getting on top of me, if that makes sense?). I would also always feel like I should be doing more, even when I was constantly told to take a break! Not sure if this will help you, but I'd really recommend having a chat with your uni counsellor or mental health service to see what's going on, also I found that making a structured plan for the week helped me to engage with what was real and needed doing and what was just in my head. Hope you start feeling better soon, I know this really sucks, but you WILL get through it x
You do not even know how much I relate to this I’ve honestly never been so stressed and anxious uni applications are killing me 😭 thanks for posting this cos it explained my exact thoughts
I had the same problems when I got to Uni, in a different town, living away from home for the first time. I feel like it is kind of a mental overload. Everything is so different and new, you just have to get used to it. I don't think there is anything you can do about that. Just try to stay positive, be alone as less as possible and try to have a fun time. These feelings will disappear as soon as you've been back a few days/weeks.
Eve! I went through the exact same thing last year and it most definitely sounds like derealisation/depersonalisation. I had it for months on end and there wasnt really one specific thing i did to get out of it. I would honestly recommened visiting a GP to discuss how you are feelin because if you let it go on for any longer it will get more severe x
Hi Eve, detachment can be a sign of burnout. Your life seems so jam-packed and you have a lot going on with study, TH-cam, extracurriculars and socialising. And because you’re 19, you can power through on little sleep, the occasional hangover, and keep going and going, but it all takes a toll eventually. If you can, make sure you set aside some quiet downtime for yourself regularly, eat a ton of veggies everyday and drink tons of water, and maybe think about checking in with a counsellor at your uni just to have a chat about how you’re going. Keep having a blast at uni but take care of yourself too ❤️
Eve, I'm feeling like that at the moment. I can't figure out what's caused it or quite how to deal with it, but I figure it will pass and I just need to keep pushing through and applying myself. Don't overthink or worry about it too much. Focus on the good things and getting what you need to out of the way. Loving the videos as always - makes me feel like I'm right back there!
my University’s councilling service was AMAZING when I was struggling, sounds like that help is something you could use, and something that may be worth you looking into x
Hello Eve. If you want to self analyse then have a look at the work of Professor Mark Williams. He is formerly Professor of Clinical Psychology, Director of the Oxford Mindfulness Centre and Wellcome Principal Research Fellow in the University of Oxford Department of Psychiatry. He is now retired but is very involved with the Oxford Mindfulness Centre. His work uses Mindfulness-based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) to prevent new episodes of depression for those who were most vulnerable. He is often in Oxford and lives in one of the outlying villages, so there is also the option to directly connect with him if you have questions. All the best.
I think that we've all been through times that we're not be feeling that we are 100% okay or have that bizarre feeling. I believe that situations like this are a fix of anxiety, self-doubts or whatever is in our heads when we must cope with our lives and do everything as it must be. Although I'm not in the same situation as you describe, there are times that I can't control my fears and times like this I try to have good thoughts and say to myself that everything is going to be all right! We have so many requirements from ourselves that sometimes I'm afraid that my head would explode. Try to leave everything toxic besides you and focus on people/ activities or anything else that empowers you! Sorry for the long message! You are great! :D
Try getting 8 hours of sleep before a full day of lectures and studying. I know it’s difficult when at uni but I find that not having a decent sleep really makes my brain foggy the next day. Try having a nap in the afternoon if you can’t get 8 hours in the night :)
i get the EXACT same feeling. its so scary and horrible. i find that when ive not slept well or not eaten for a while. you get used to it but sometimes its sooooo overwhelming and scary. i hope your okay because i know its extremely horrible
In my first year I felt the same, had a few breakdowns over the year. I really struggled but I'm now in my third year about to start semester 2 and I don't want to leave uni! During first year I did have a couple of meetings with an onsite counsellor at my uni but I mostly managed it on my own and in my own time as that's what I preferred. It is hard and stressful but it's okay to feel like that! It does get better ☺️ just talk to people and be open with your feelings it really helps!
Hi Eve, I have had depersonalization "attacks" for maybe around 3-4 years now and let me tell you, personally I never got totally used to it. Obviously, after a while you learn some "tips" to deal with it yourself, a lot of people say this happens because of high levels or stress or anxiety but I don't know about that. I just know that it is scary, for me it feels like the world just stops and I can see myself out of my body almost as if my soul left my body and its such an unexplainable feeling it's scary, we're on the same boat. I hope you can cope with it and find a way to either diminish it's damage or get rid of it
Don’t worry I know how ur feeling! I tend to get it in high stress situations but it’s always there from day to day, therapy tends to help and dodie (doddleoddle/doddlevloggle) has a lot of videos on it x hope it feels better soonx
hi eve! i’m aware you’ll probably not see this but regarding what you said at the end of your vlog. i suffer from this as well, and the general term is disassociation. it consists of derealisation, where you feel consistently detached from everything around you, almost like you’re watching yourself from in the air or personally, through a tunnel. it also means not being able to fully experience your emotions, or that you can’t feel much because your head feels like a fog or like scrambled egg - all of this you’ve described and these are genuine symptoms so please know that you’re not alone. it’s also the third most popular mental illness, which is mental because no one really knows about it and there isn’t a cure - dodie (who’s also made videos about it) went through a treatment although i’m not sure of the name - i hope you’re okay x
it also consist of depersonalisation where you might struggle to recognise yourself in the mirror and feel as though your emotions aren’t entirely your own. you might experience weird moments of “my hand doesn’t look like mine” or feeling estranged when looking at yourself because something doesn’t sit right
I don’t know how you manage to go out that much and still get good grades. I see people all the time(and even myself tbh) work so hard and only go out once a week or once every two weeks and still not get grades as good. It is a bit frustrating lol to see someone like you study so little and make so little effort with school work and still go out almost every night and go do other extracurriculars. But then again it’s probably also because of the fact that we have different degrees. (I’m doing medicine). I get anxiety all the time because I feel like i should be working a lot more to get better grades but i also know that I physically can’t(only if i like get 2h of sleep per night or smthg like that). Anyway, best of luck to you during the new term.
MissPrinx Y idk how much studying you’re doing, but if you think eve is “studying so little and putting in so little effort”, then i think that’s a sign you may be doing too much work and that perhaps you need to take more breaks. eve works very hard.
Doing medicine and doing modern languages at university are two completely different things. You should never compare studying in a case where courses have no similarities.
Sadie i know that, but i also know that if anyone is doing significantly more studying than eve shows in her videos that it more than likely will be damaging to their mental health, which is exemplified when this commenter said that they aren’t sleeping at night. that’s not ok, and it will damage their grades more than studying excessively will improve them. i know people who are succeeding in a medicine degree whilst doing a similar amount of studying as eve, if not less xx
What you're experiencing sounds like depersonalization and/or derealization caused by anxiety and stress. I don't know if you have counseling services (or anything similar) at Oxford but if I were you I would go and ask for advice. I know you're extremely busy but please don't neglect your mental health. All the best xx
when i was in uni i locked myself in my room never went on a night out and never spoke to anyone in my halls as i have social anxiety. it was really difficult
Hi Eve, I'm sorry if this comes across as harsh but this needs to be said. It does sound like you're suffering from derealisation/depersonalisation. However, I think you need to take a step back and look at the way you're living - it's probably part of why you feel this way! Your irregular sleeping patterns and constant going out alongside all this studying is probably too much for your brain to handle. Dissociation a lot of the time (such as in my case) occurs as a result of trauma. However, anyone can have episodes like this and late nights and alcohol consumption will just make you worse!! Also I understand that you are having a lot of work piled onto you but I think you need to give yourself more breaks or you might end up seriously ill, you come across as really stressed in these vlogs and it's sad to see. Please please please try to help yourself now. Otherwise your brain will continue to dissociate and it is more likely to last longer. Again I'm sorry if this came across as harsh or patronising, i am just very worried about your welfare. X
I was like this at the end of my first year (worst so than the rest of first year), the drinking, work and trauma just really took me away from reality and taking away the drinking was the best thing for me.
Hey! I actually experienced a similar thing last term. I was going from thing to thing without really knowing what was going on. Counselling didn't really help and neither did relaxing, but coming to terms with the changes to my environment has been a massive help. My exam results also weren't what I had hoped but again, I think going to university is a massive jump. Just remember you worked your arse off to get to Oxford and now you're there, do not forget that you are exactly where you deserve to be x
Maybe try meditation? I’d guess your life at Oxford is so hectic you don’t really get a chance to breathe and ground yourself properly. There’s loads of apps for it now- my favourite’s buddhify but there’s also headspace and loads of TH-cam clips to try.
Dragon Fly with it not being clinical depersonalisation (not sure this is the right word, I mean a condition that’s lasted a good 5-6 months) I’d say meds would be overkill. Imo, a trip to the uni’s pastoral care staff wouldn’t go a miss, though- the waiting list for therapy on the nhs would be too long to justify for a month of symptoms. I’d hazard a guess it’s a side effect of the stress of Oxford, so taking organized time out like meditation or regular walks is the best way I can think of atm for Eve to help herself. Sorry for the essay ahaha 😁
I’ve done a lot of research regarding depersonalization. It could be just an episode (most people have at least one in their lives). Causes may be drug usage, so cut off on things like that for a while. Actually, cut off on all stimulants like coffee , exercise (yes you heard me) or weed or cocaine or heroine or anything similar. Try to go to bed early and I read recently that vitamins help, not sure what kind in specific... It also helps to try your best to not think about it, as in, don’t tell yourself you’re feeling depersonalized when you are or immediately shift your mind toward something else. Lingering on the feeling will only make it worse and will heighten it and you’ll feel really demotivated and not productive. Hope this helps.
I'm sure someone's already said this, but it sounds like you're experiencing derealisation. I used to get it a lot, it's typically a coping mechanism that your brain develops to deal with stress. It essentially goes 'nope, not doing this right now' and disconnects you from your surroundings. It's awful, but it's really common, so I wouldn't worry too much about it. If you can, talk to someone with actual mental health knowledge (I'm coming at you with a psychology a-level and years of personal experience), but in the meantime, I used to find grounding exercises really helpful. So, basically you take some time to just focus in on the things around you. Try to identify 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell and 1 you can taste. It forces you to directly experience your environment. You can find loads of other stuff online, just look up 'grounding' and plenty will come up. Hope this helps hun, love the video xx
As someone who is studying clinical psychology it sounds like depersonalisation/derealisation. Lots of people are saying to see a counsellor which would be a great first step but I personally believe a psychologist/therapist would be way more beneficial for this type of stuff. I completely understand the feeling and it happens to me when a lot of change is going on but if it’s been persisting for this long please see someone eve, it’s a horrible feeling. Also I would try to practice some mindfulness techniques as well, as it trains your brain to be in the present and take in your surroundings ❤️
Honestly understand the imposter thing... you have worked so hard for so long that its hard to understand and comprehend actually reaching your goal! Might be worth trying to get an appointment with a counsellor, even if you aren't mentally ill they are a fantastic way to reassure yourself and get an outside perspective x
Is this how you're supposed to behave at uni? Ive been for 5 months and haven't touched the library and refuse to wake up before 1pm? Am I doing it wrong?
I suffer from constant derealisation (detachment from surroundings) which happens when your brain is overloaded and there’s too much going on and is actually a freeze response (fight/flight/freeze) which is actually what animals did and pretended to be dead when under threat. It’s a maaaajor sign to slow right down and that you’re neurologically suffering because of stress/environmental reasons x
I’ve experienced depersonalization before too. It happened when a big change occurred in my life. I would say that it will take time to adjust to your new life in Oxford. Even though you might feel like you have already, change can really affect the way we live on a daily basis. Just remember that it will get better xx
hey! I have never watched a video of yours previously, so obviously don't know you that well but I would say I also felt like that for a lot of my first year of uni. Even looking back sometimes it feels like a different person all together, and I wouldn't say thats a good or a bad thing - just a product of your brain trying to keep up with all the changes around you. Even though your in second term now, your still coming to terms with this new, exciting and scarily independent life and I think sometimes we shut ourselves off a little bit to manage more day to day. Especially as a lot of my friends weren't at unis - or unis like mine - and I seemed to be exsisting in this weird halls bubble with white walls everywhere, and new friends and new experiences and words like 'seminar' and 'critique' that I had nooo clue about before. I would suggest not trying to overthink it (if you can) and trying to ground yourself with activities outside of your current uni bubble. Go for long walks, spend more time outside - just go sit in a park - and i'd 100% encourage if possible finding a family unit within you city. I think so often we spend all our time around people our own age, when I started working at a local pool as a swimming teacher part time I felt suddenly really comforted and grounded being around people much younger and older who relied on me being there doing my bit. Yeah, hope that helped! Good luck with the rest of the year - I am in 3rd year now and lowkey hated most of 1st and 2nd but now I'm absolutely devastated to leave. xx
It sounds like some form of dissociation(which depersonalisation and derealisation are). I, personally, struggle with dissociation as part of my personality disorder but there can be so many causes for it including stress. For me it feels like I don’t exist at all and I’m floating through each day. I’m in a constant state of emptiness and can tell I feel emotions but it’s as if they’re out of reach if that makes any sense? I think your best bet would be to speak to someone, I’m not sure what the pastoral aspect of Oxford is like but try to look into it. Also Mind has a good page on dissociation and different experiences of it. You’ve got this Eve!! Xx
I feel like you when I am tired or stressed. For example, I felt like that before I had my PhD defense. I had a plan for every day, I did it, etc, but I was like a ghost, I felt like I was flying and at the end of the day I was exhausted. I suggest you to try to get some days off and if it does not go away, maybe you can discuss it with someone (a doctor) and some vitamins could help. :) Good luck!
depersonalisation order has similiar symptoms. Dodie talks about it on her channel sometimes so it might be a good idea to look there if you are unsure but always seek professional help
definitely some form of de-realisation eve - have a look at any of dodie's videos on her mental health and see if that may help to have someone to relate to :) although, as with any sort of mental health issue if it gets to a certain point where you feel like it's not going seek some help! i know you have college welfare support, but also the gp could have some advice - it's often stress related or something like that x
I think it's not as simple as that. MH is an interesting and important thing to discuss and don't forget dodie has a platform for a wide range of people so to discuss her experiences she has to pitch it at a good level for everyone! She's having to do her best to discuss MH in both and informative, and careful way. It has to be appropriate for both 10 year olds and adults... and she creates music about her experiences in life so ofc that might be seen as "romanticising" but I think it's just her sorting out her head. Also, dodie discussing dprd is super important because it's not well known about even though it's really common! I think it's very similar to her sharing stories about crushes and break ups etc. tbh?! Personally, I've found that dodie is someone I can relate to and I think she is extremely brave for sharing her experiences... but I guess we're all allowed our own opinions...
If you think you have depersonalization you should probably go to the doctor. Getting diagnosed really helps with the whole process of it and makes it easier since you don't have to spend ages questioning what it is that is happening to you.
I didn’t really get the ‘depersonalisation’ thing before I came to uni but it’s definitely been a thing for me since I was in second year (so 2015ish). I do loads of extracurriculars and jobs etc and I think it comes on the strongest when I’m really busy - it’s possibly your body’s way of trying to protect you for overwhelmedness. It could just be that you’re studying AND going out a lot AND extra curricularing and if you weren’t detaching you’d be stressed to the point of not being able to cope.
I've been experiencing what you described for over a year now, it's a horrible feeling and I totally understand how you feel. I would go to a professional to talk to about it and try to avoid researching online as you might try and diagnose yourself with something you don't have (i did this and it's not a good idea). I hope you feel better soon and best of luck with everything xxx
I've experienced this before. It can be a termporary way for your mind to better cope with stress like a coping mechanism. If it only lasts a few days to a couple of weeks it could just be as a result of momentary stress, it's a good indicator that you need to give yourself a bit more time to relax and reflect on your emotions. However, if it lasts longer than a few weeks, definetly seek a proffessional to talk to because these things that seem small can transend in to becomming a long term disorder. The charity MIND's website is really good for advice, I found this on their website: Dissociation is one way the mind copes with too much stress, such as during a traumatic event. The word dissociation can be used in different ways but it usually describes an experience where you feel disconnected in some way from the world around you or from yourself. If you dissociate for a long time, especially when you are young, you may develop a dissociative disorder. Instead of dissociation being something you experience for a short time it becomes a far more common experience and often the main way you deal with stressful experiences. I would start allocating at least an 1hr or so to mindfullness excerises, or time to relax when your just focused on yourself, self care and nothing else.
I know everyone’s giving analysis about what you said at the end of the vlog in the comments, but I am just going to say that the way you describe feeling is the way I usually feel for 2-3 days after drinking/a night out (I know that’s really weird but I do). Maybe try a few weeks without a lot of drink, as drinking every few days might not be helping? Sorry if this doesn’t help, but just something I thought of as I recognised the way you were feeling💖
I had years ago something like that, i was with my family and it seems like i was watching them through television and they seem like robots, all of their moves were really slow and they were talking but i couldnt hear them and after some seconds i came back to normal, it only happened to me twice and it was a really weird and since you have been with it for over a month it would be better if you go to see a doctor
hey eve, I'm going to cambridge next year (if I meet the offer) and I was just watching your Oxford haul. Do you think you could upload the packing list somewhere? I have no idea what to take with me and I'm panicking already!
Eve, make sure you take a bit of time to just sit, be alone and not do anything. Last year I wasn't going through a good time and reserving a bit of time to do nothing really helped. Also, if there is anyone professional you could talk to about your situation, like a counsellor specifically for your college, do go and talk to them and get some real advice. I hope things improve for you - you don't deserve to be unhappy xxx
It sounds a bit like depersonalisation - I used to get symptoms of derealisation quite a lot a few years ago (never been diagnosed, I just show some of the symptoms according to google) where I feel detached from the environment when I am incredibly anxious and feel like I'm in a dream. However I think depersonalisation is meant to be where you feel detached from your own body which sounds like what you are feeling. You do feel like you're going crazy (I did for a very long time) but honestly try speaking to someone about it, they might be able to help :)
Hi eve, I experienced depersonalisation for months and nobody would listen or take me seriously. I had to research myself long and hard and found out about b12 deficiency. luckily I had found my answer. Deffo think it's worth asking about this specific blood test with your doctor. much love xxx
Hi:) I doubt you’ll get this but I can totally relate to how you feel like you’re living life weirdly at the moment and trying to grasp time!! It’s so shite and annoying! But I’d recommend trying a 5 year diary? It’s helping me reflect on each day and so far makes things seem like they’re going a little slower, it doesn’t take ages to do either which helps. It’s nice to hear someone actually say that they’re feeling the same as me hahah xx
Definitely sounds like depersonalisation or derealisation. Watching the videos by dodie clark might help your understanding. Whenever you dwell on these conditions, they tend to feel stronger and you can find yourself in a real rut.
The bit near the end of your video sounds like dissociation to me, I get it a lot and it is hard to cope with but practicing mindfulness and grounding techniques can help! Hope this helps lovely x
Eve, it sounds like you have anxiety/depersonalisation, which is stress-induced. I've experienced it before and, based on this video, it's your routine that's contributing to it. Going out and presumably drinking alcohol so often (even in moderate amounts), and then regularly getting less than 7 hours sleep and forcing yourself through long days or work: if I did this my anxiety would flare up quickly and aggressively. You need to ease back on going out and schedule more down time for yourself, including properly regular sleep. Going out might feel like unwinding after a long day, but it's not proper downtime for your body and mind. Otherwise it will only get worse over time.
I know it’s probably not my place to say this, but I think you need to slow down! You are doing so much which is great and all that maximising your opportunity but think you can overcome your depersonalistion if you just slow down, I relate because I’m currently doing y13 with 4 alevels and working 16 hours a week and I mean I don’t have a chance to slow down but I know I would be able to enjoy and make more if I stopped working and dropped a subject (but I can’t really do either) but yeah not sure if this help
Loved this video Eve! I've been watching you for a long time now and when i failed most of my GCSE mocks last year, i was so disheartened but i managed to achieve all 7s 8s and 9s by the end so i made videos helping others who are in the same position.
Hey Eve, I’m a mental health nurse. I hear a lot of people say they feel like they are experiencing depersonalisation, it’s quite a scary experience. It is due to high levels of stress and anxiety and from watching your (fantastic) vlogs the last few months, you do a hell of a lot of activities and studying- it’s no wonder you’re starting to feel a bit distant from yourself and reality.
I’m not sure if you’ve heard of “mindfulness” before but I’d recommend trying to take 10 minutes out of your day to practice mindfulness and “grounding techniques”. There’s some really good videos on TH-cam to guide you through mindfulness and grounding techniques. Don’t be scared though, it is a common feeling and we just need to be conscious of it being a sensation we feel when we are stressed and anxious and therefore need to relax! Take care x
Oh cool. I'm training to be one
At 9:17 - Eve Bennett speaks about her First University Exam results.
Thanks for this:)
Hero
Thx
Thank u bro🤩
This is my favourite well most of the vlogs are my favourite
Hi Eve! I think a lot of the things you were saying towards the end of the video can be really common in your first year of uni. When you go to uni you are changing everything - your routine, your living situation, your friendship circle, your work life (as in new lecturers and teachers) and it's very overwhelming. It can take months and months to form a really deep connection to those things (people included) and feel really settled where you are. It took me probably until half way through second year to feel like I had got myself into a comfortable routine at university and that I wasn't feeling so overwhelmed by everything being new and different all the time. And it wasn't until that point that I also felt I had really made good close friends who I felt 100% comfortable around! Up until that point I felt much like you, I was just going through the motions of the day but not really living or experiencing it. Uni is an exciting time but getting used to EVERYTHING about your life being different is overwhelming. Having said that, if you feel that your feelings are deeper or more intense than what I've mentioned, I would advise speaking to a counsellor at university. Unfortunately student mental health services are overwhelmed these days but if you get an initial appointment she might be able to refer you on to someone in the local area who might be able to help. From experience, I think sharing your problems if you do feel overwhelmed or worried makes it better (a problem shared is a problem halved, as they say). I hope you start to feel better soon, lots of love xxx
honestly Eve I felt like that so much last semester when I started my second year at uni. It's so strange + I absolutely hated it but I had some therapy and I'm in a much better mindset this semester already. There ended up being underlying mental health issues I wasn't aware about but therapy defo helped xxxx
Charlotte Emily Vlogs so glad you’re better now!! I love your videos
‘I slept in til half 8’ 😂😂😂😂
Amy Gold Hahahah I was thinking that, half 8 is an early start for me😂😂😂
And then there's me that if let so, will snooze until 3pm ☺
You didn’t let yourself get better from your cold, your voice still sounds rough. You don’t have to be involved in everything to have a successful Uni life, it’s ok to say no. Too many students try to live up to some sort of mythical student experience then crash and burn. It’s not worth it.
Oxford looks so pretty! If LMH has a counsellor or someone similar it might be worth going to see them. Could be a stress related thing, or the fact you are doing so much and not really stopping to think. Maybe if you took some time for yourself everyday to relax it might be better.
Agree, it definitely sounds like depersonalisation (thats coming from someone who has it too) and depersonalisation can be stress related. However only a therapist can diagnose and help treat it. I don't know how great university counsellors are or how well equipped they are to deal with this type of thing. I think at the very least a proper diagnoses is in order so Eve can find out if its depersonalisation or anxiety or something else.
sounds like depersonalisation, which is not due to stress i don't think.
@@maneskinnnnn7190 It can accompany a lot of disorders such as PTSD and depression, but depersonalisation/derealization can also be due to stress/anxiety. :)
About the Depersonalization thing:
It's not uncommon.
It can have different reasons but especially anxiety, depression (early state), or just severe stress are risk factors.
You should see a doctor if it does not go away or makes you uncomftable.
I would also recommend to drink less alcohol, because it messes with your brain (dopamin levels and other stuff) and sleep at least, at least 7 hours, better 8 or 9 hours.
I'm pretty comftable that your occurance of these syntoms are stress related.
There is a really interesting article about Depersonalization disorder on mayoclinic dot org (spam filter) just google it.
This is sound advice. Alcohol may actually be adding to the problem as it acts as a depressant on the brain. Sleep deprivation will also contribute to it! This is a special time in your life! Take care of yourself.
agree! finding a counsellor might be useful along with cutting some of the alcohol :)
Yes I get that a lot! It’s such a weird feeling like everything in life is just passing you by!
Eve, it sounds like depersonalisation which is a common symptom of stress/ anxiety
that’s what i was thinking! when you go through something tough your brain can decide to peace out and leave you to deal with it, it might be worth seeking out a counsellor eve :)
Hey I’ve experienced depersonalisation before and honestly, I found it quite distressing. For me it lasted a couple of months and happened after a really stressful period but also just after an overwhelming experience. It’s almost is your body’s way of coping with situations, putting up a mental block, so you feel emotionally numb (well that’s how I felt anyway) to things going on. However it made me more stressed out, which you need to try not to do, as it’s the worst thing- you need to try take your mind from thinking over it . I know it’s probably not helpful but trying to carry on with daily activities, look after yourself, and pick up on when you need to take a break from things. It should go away, it just may take some time but if you are really concerned head to your doctor. So much love for your vids, take care and hope this passes quickly for you 💓💓
Eve , how how HOW can you do a night out and then do a full day of uni/work/life the next day ??? I have to limit myself to one week day night out because I literally don’t function the next day ?!
Same! I don't want to assume anything wrong but from the vlogs I feel like Eve doesn't usually drinks that much when she goes out and she gets home rather early, therefore she might not be hungover/that tired the next day and can function properly ahah. Maybe that's why she can go out more often ahah I go out less but I drink more and stay out til 6am so I physically cannot get out of bed the next day
@@m.ariliv Yh thats the most logical conclusion
Sarah Finch clearly doesn't drink a whole lot
EVE ! I experienced this before and trust me, you really need to get some sleep and maybe drink less alcohol and I swear resting will make you feel better. I really hope it gets better.
me: *has to revise for two exams*
eve: *posts a video*
me: well then
me 30 mins later after watching the video: oops i did it again
about the depersonalisation, i don't know if you've seen dodie's videos on it? like, i know she has struggled/is struggling with depersonalisation so her videos on the topic might be informative!
Yes dodie's videos on depersonalisation are amazing! Highly recommend anyone checking them out if you relate to Eve :) xx
yeah they're really good and will probs help ya xx
Love love love your uni vlogs! It is great seeing how uni life is in the UK in contrast with how it is here in Spain :) As a bit of constructive criticism it is a bit difficult to follow what day of the week you are in and it would be nice if you could write it on the corner of the vlog, maybe? xx
really hope you're okay, i've dealt with this myself and for months and months i didn't know what it was. so derealization is where you feel disconnected from the world almost as if you're watching life happen like a film. depersonalisation is when you feel disconnected from yourself, so this could be looking in the mirror and not seeing yourself or looking at your hands and feeling as if they're not your own. it's very common to go through times where you 'space out' due to stress or trauma or lack of sleep etc.. however if things are constantly bad there is a type of therapy called TMS. hope this helped in some way, love love loveee your videos xxx
I get you, just keep going and try to give yourself breaks from studying and partying every so often cos sometimes it's because ur mind needs to properly reset so it can focus and acknowledge that ur there. Its one of ur body's ways of telling u to slow down xX
I felt quite overwhelmed this past autumn because I moved to another country and city to start my masters degree! It took me quite a long time to adjust and adapt to my new surroundings and the feeling can be quite overwhelming. I've been through a similar experience in my freshman year and when studying abroad, so I understand what it feels like to being quite disconnected from your life! I would recommend starting journaling and reflecting on your days! I've been journaling every day since the beginning of the year and have been absolutely loving the process! It helps you express your feelings and think about the different weekly experiences that you go through! Hope it gets better for you!💕
Cut down on parties, cut down on alcohol, spend more evenings in just relaxing, set a better sleep pattern. Or else you won't be able to hold it on the long run.
The freedom you have is not that wide, you actually need to be better organized and structured which you don't seem to be much right now. With freedom come responsibilities and a sense of autonomy that needs to be well structured.
I know what I'm talking about, I have a PhD (in Spanish, funny coincidence) so succeeding at university has no secret anymore for me.
"Don't put Champagne in your pidge!" - summarises Oxford... 😂😂😂
Eve- I've struggled with feeling really spaced out and things, although mine seemed closer to derealisation than depersonalisation.
For me, when it was at its worst I think it happened for 6 months pretty much without stopping. I've experienced it to varying degrees on and off for over 4 years now, although the past few months have been particularly good for me!
It's a very common symptom of mental health problems (third most common symptom I think) and it also can be diagnosed as it's own problem in it's own right.
For me it was probably linked to a combination of stress and anxiety and it cycled because it's confusing and makes you feel anxious!
Things that helped me:
-Sleep! Sleeping loads. My bedtime routine is shit, but I know when I got more sleep I had a better day, even when it was especially bad.
-Grounding techniques. It might sound silly but it helped me. I remember being in a lesson a few years ago feeling funny and looking at a display board on the other side of the room and counting how many of a certain letter I could see. It's a distraction and gives you something to focus on. A good grounding technique is spotting 5 things with each sense and when it's touch, maybe even touching those things. When mine was bad, objects didn't look like they'd be real so I felt like I wouldn't feel them if I tried to touch them. I knew I'd be able to, but it was just how it felt.
I'd often feel like my body was disconnected from my brain and my brain would feel like a massive weight in my head and everything felt warped. I still feel that a bit now sometimes, but I think grounding techniques really help to bring me back.
-Realising I'm not alone. Having people to confide in and also watching dodie's youtube videos on depersonalisation. I was already pretty sure I had those symptoms before she released any videos, but it was nice to have someone I could relate to. I recommend checking out her videos on it, if you haven't already. Oh, dodie also did a collab video on Kati Morton's channel about it, which is also pretty informative and /I think/ provides tips on how to improve it a bit!
The good thing is, this is definitely conquerable. I'm feeling so much better than I was in December 2018 and a billion times better than in 2017. It might require some time and work but you'll get there!
You seem very busy at university and I expect stress is contributing to it a bit (but I'm not a gp so don't take my word... maybe see your gp if it's bothering you?). Make sure to give yourself breaks. Maybe spend some nights watching tv/reading a good book rather than going out drinking. You'll probably get better sleep (and more of it) and it might distract you and help to keep you calm! (Especially if you can get in the zone with a good book!)
Remember you're not alone x
I’d say just have a chat to a cousensellor. Definitely had that in periods of my life where I was super stressed.
Remember to say no to things and have time to yourself.
I second this.
The amount of uni work you do and the time you spend in the library literally stresses me out hahaha
Champagne for predrinks 😂😂😂😭😭 I love watching rich people live their lives
champagne is expensive but u dont have 2 b rich 2 drink it....
bella but who the hell has the budget to be getting drunk off champagne for a uni night out 😭 my mind is boggled
Amy D She earns her own money to be fair. Plenty of others there are from very privileged backgrounds though.
NickyL yeah I don’t think eve was the one drinking it lol
you can lit buy a cheap bottle of champagne for £7 wtf you doingg
‘We got back @ 2, so not too late ‘ 😂
in uni coming home at 2 is like coming home at 10pm. everything goes foward 4hours
I’m in first year and literally had the exact same derealisation state, feeling like i’m in a dream. SO relieved i’m not the only one who has felt like this so thanks for sharing. For me i think it’s a mixture of the abrupt overwhelming change moving to uni, not that i haven’t enjoyed it. Also going out a lot and drinking probably too much. it really messes with your head ik but I hope it gets better for you!💜
Depersonalisation is a big symptom of anxiety and/or depression - maybe go speak to the college counsellor and address it sooner rather than later
I experience this every so often and it is honestly terrifying. I found it really hard as I didn’t think anyone else would understand what was wrong. Everyday I went to bed hoping it would go away and it didn’t. This lasted for two weeks and I was so scared that there was something wrong with my brain so it was really terrifying. I managed to get rid of it by just carrying on and telling myself that it was all in my head. The more I worry about it the longer it lasts. Hope you get over it soon xx
I remember getting my first uni exam results, I’m in 4th year now and it’s been downhill ever since 😭😂
Ameerah Ebrahim can relate 😂😩
Honestly, it’s like first year tricks you into continuing with second year and it just gets worse 😂
Oh my gosh! I had that thing you were talking about at the end about the idea of just feeling like you’re existing after I finished my GCSEs. It was so weird because I’d hyped up my summer and then as soon as I stopped I felt like I wasn’t really in the moment. It lasted about a month and a half but I got involved in things that were outside my comfort zone and that kind of helped to get me out of that kind of mindset. I will never know what caused it but at least you know you’re not the only one!😂 also congrats on your results ❤️
💕💕💕what you are describing sounds exactly like Depersonalisation/Derealization to me! I've had it for several years due to a traumatic period of my life, but I know that many people only have it in the short term, so don't stress! It's possibly because you're changing so much at uni and it's hard to keep track of who you were / who you are now. It's totally normal but counselling/therapy could help you out if you feel like it's affecting you.
Hey Eve, having gone through depersonalisation myself, the one piece of advice I can give you is to breathe. And by breathe, I mean mentally, emotionally and even physically (when needed). Having experienced the same kinds of symptoms during exam season, I suspect it may be stress/anxiety induced. As I'm sure you know, people react to stress differently and this may be, as it was for me, one of your personal responses to the overwhelming nature of university. I know it may be hard sometimes but just remember, you're fine. However much you may feel disconnected, just remember you ARE here, you ARE present and all your emotional experiences are yours.
Just take it easy, eat well and get some rest. You'll be feeling 100% in no time. :)
PS: try not to research too much about it; the more attention you give to it, the more potent it seems. Just go about your daily life as normal. :)
Ugh Eve my heart dropped when you talked about dp because I struggled so horribly with this for so long.. it can definitely be worsened by stress, also things like alcohol and even caffeine sometimes agitate the issue. Everyone is different but trying to change up your diet, getting a decent amount of exercise, etc can help some people. I also think just giving it time helped me (but mine was so severe because it was triggered by a traumatic incident so getting time between that definitely made an impact). Definitely don't go reading the horror stories online that people are overly dramatic in, I fell into a hole of that trying to find an answer and only made myself so, so much worse and lengthened my healing process. I wish you the best and please feel free to DM me if you have questions.. I've learned so much in the couple of years since the onset - and don't worry, I'm doing a lot better since then, this is not forever.
I can totally relate to what you’re saying. I have felt that way on and off for quite a long time. It is a symptom of anxiety and is depersonalisation. I think it mainly happens to people who are intelligent and over think a lot because I think about how it crazy that we exist and I freak myself out. I handle it by laughing it off and making a joke of time with my mum because she feels the same way sometimes. A lot of people experience it but think they sound crazy or don’t know what it is. Taking some time for yourself and changing the things you can control helped me. Alcohol makes my anxiety and therefore depersonalisation worse so I stay away from it. Having more time to just sit and relax might be a good idea. I love that you put this in your video as so many people can relate so thank you.
Hey eve, i’ve been through what you’re going through before, it comes and goes for me, but i felt it yesterday as well, it’s depersonalisation / derealisation and you literally feel disassociated from yourself like you’re seeing yourself from an outside perspective whilst everything happens. sometimes i guess i just deal with it but other times it does make me feel so abnormal and confused when i’m in that situation. i have anxiety and depression so i’ve researched it too and heard it’s a possible symptom. however i think it’s also caused by stress too.. i think deffo go to the doctor because it’s always good to talk to them about it and ways to process it x
How do Eve Bennet and Lydia Violeta always upload at the exact same time?
I agree with everyone else - I think there's a tendency to throw yourself into going on every night out and going to every social possible so you don't have FOMO. Work/life balance at uni is hard, but as a 2nd year myself, toning it down a bit will most likely help with how you're feeling mentally. You could still do 2/3 nights out a week, but have some time in to chill otherwise. Also, otherwise you're just gonna burn out and feel even worse
i thought you said 45 hours of work and was so confused 😂
Ayesha X Aha I thought that too😂💗🤸🏼♀️
Living the Oxford life on the 45/7 grind.
Mikey Astbury 😂😂😂😂😂
Hahahahah
Hey Eve! Just wanted to say I struggled for months with the same kind of thing as you, eventually found out it was a side-symptom of a fairly severe anxiety disorder and was basically a coping mechanism (like if I wasn't really existing then I wouldn't be the one under so much stress with everything getting on top of me, if that makes sense?). I would also always feel like I should be doing more, even when I was constantly told to take a break! Not sure if this will help you, but I'd really recommend having a chat with your uni counsellor or mental health service to see what's going on, also I found that making a structured plan for the week helped me to engage with what was real and needed doing and what was just in my head. Hope you start feeling better soon, I know this really sucks, but you WILL get through it x
You do not even know how much I relate to this I’ve honestly never been so stressed and anxious uni applications are killing me 😭 thanks for posting this cos it explained my exact thoughts
I had the same problems when I got to Uni, in a different town, living away from home for the first time. I feel like it is kind of a mental overload. Everything is so different and new, you just have to get used to it. I don't think there is anything you can do about that. Just try to stay positive, be alone as less as possible and try to have a fun time. These feelings will disappear as soon as you've been back a few days/weeks.
Eve! I went through the exact same thing last year and it most definitely sounds like derealisation/depersonalisation. I had it for months on end and there wasnt really one specific thing i did to get out of it. I would honestly recommened visiting a GP to discuss how you are feelin because if you let it go on for any longer it will get more severe x
Hi Eve, detachment can be a sign of burnout. Your life seems so jam-packed and you have a lot going on with study, TH-cam, extracurriculars and socialising. And because you’re 19, you can power through on little sleep, the occasional hangover, and keep going and going, but it all takes a toll eventually. If you can, make sure you set aside some quiet downtime for yourself regularly, eat a ton of veggies everyday and drink tons of water, and maybe think about checking in with a counsellor at your uni just to have a chat about how you’re going. Keep having a blast at uni but take care of yourself too ❤️
Eve, I'm feeling like that at the moment. I can't figure out what's caused it or quite how to deal with it, but I figure it will pass and I just need to keep pushing through and applying myself. Don't overthink or worry about it too much. Focus on the good things and getting what you need to out of the way. Loving the videos as always - makes me feel like I'm right back there!
when you have to study but eve uploads a new video🤷🏻♀️🥰
retweet!!
my University’s councilling service was AMAZING when I was struggling, sounds like that help is something you could use, and something that may be worth you looking into x
Hello Eve. If you want to self analyse then have a look at the work of Professor Mark Williams. He is formerly Professor of Clinical Psychology, Director of the Oxford Mindfulness Centre and Wellcome Principal Research Fellow in the University of Oxford Department of Psychiatry. He is now retired but is very involved with the Oxford Mindfulness Centre. His work uses Mindfulness-based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) to prevent new episodes of depression for those who were most vulnerable. He is often in Oxford and lives in one of the outlying villages, so there is also the option to directly connect with him if you have questions. All the best.
I think that we've all been through times that we're not be feeling that we are 100% okay or have that bizarre feeling. I believe that situations like this are a fix of anxiety, self-doubts or whatever is in our heads when we must cope with our lives and do everything as it must be. Although I'm not in the same situation as you describe, there are times that I can't control my fears and times like this I try to have good thoughts and say to myself that everything is going to be all right! We have so many requirements from ourselves that sometimes I'm afraid that my head would explode. Try to leave everything toxic besides you and focus on people/ activities or anything else that empowers you! Sorry for the long message! You are great! :D
Try getting 8 hours of sleep before a full day of lectures and studying. I know it’s difficult when at uni but I find that not having a decent sleep really makes my brain foggy the next day. Try having a nap in the afternoon if you can’t get 8 hours in the night :)
i get the EXACT same feeling. its so scary and horrible. i find that when ive not slept well or not eaten for a while. you get used to it but sometimes its sooooo overwhelming and scary. i hope your okay because i know its extremely horrible
In my first year I felt the same, had a few breakdowns over the year. I really struggled but I'm now in my third year about to start semester 2 and I don't want to leave uni! During first year I did have a couple of meetings with an onsite counsellor at my uni but I mostly managed it on my own and in my own time as that's what I preferred. It is hard and stressful but it's okay to feel like that! It does get better ☺️ just talk to people and be open with your feelings it really helps!
Hi Eve, I have had depersonalization "attacks" for maybe around 3-4 years now and let me tell you, personally I never got totally used to it. Obviously, after a while you learn some "tips" to deal with it yourself, a lot of people say this happens because of high levels or stress or anxiety but I don't know about that. I just know that it is scary, for me it feels like the world just stops and I can see myself out of my body almost as if my soul left my body and its such an unexplainable feeling it's scary, we're on the same boat. I hope you can cope with it and find a way to either diminish it's damage or get rid of it
Don’t worry I know how ur feeling! I tend to get it in high stress situations but it’s always there from day to day, therapy tends to help and dodie (doddleoddle/doddlevloggle) has a lot of videos on it x hope it feels better soonx
hi eve! i’m aware you’ll probably not see this but regarding what you said at the end of your vlog. i suffer from this as well, and the general term is disassociation. it consists of derealisation, where you feel consistently detached from everything around you, almost like you’re watching yourself from in the air or personally, through a tunnel. it also means not being able to fully experience your emotions, or that you can’t feel much because your head feels like a fog or like scrambled egg - all of this you’ve described and these are genuine symptoms so please know that you’re not alone.
it’s also the third most popular mental illness, which is mental because no one really knows about it and there isn’t a cure - dodie (who’s also made videos about it) went through a treatment although i’m not sure of the name - i hope you’re okay x
it also consist of depersonalisation where you might struggle to recognise yourself in the mirror and feel as though your emotions aren’t entirely your own. you might experience weird moments of “my hand doesn’t look like mine” or feeling estranged when looking at yourself because something doesn’t sit right
I don’t know how you manage to go out that much and still get good grades. I see people all the time(and even myself tbh) work so hard and only go out once a week or once every two weeks and still not get grades as good. It is a bit frustrating lol to see someone like you study so little and make so little effort with school work and still go out almost every night and go do other extracurriculars. But then again it’s probably also because of the fact that we have different degrees. (I’m doing medicine). I get anxiety all the time because I feel like i should be working a lot more to get better grades but i also know that I physically can’t(only if i like get 2h of sleep per night or smthg like that). Anyway, best of luck to you during the new term.
MissPrinx Y idk how much studying you’re doing, but if you think eve is “studying so little and putting in so little effort”, then i think that’s a sign you may be doing too much work and that perhaps you need to take more breaks. eve works very hard.
Doing medicine and doing modern languages at university are two completely different things. You should never compare studying in a case where courses have no similarities.
Sadie i know that, but i also know that if anyone is doing significantly more studying than eve shows in her videos that it more than likely will be damaging to their mental health, which is exemplified when this commenter said that they aren’t sleeping at night. that’s not ok, and it will damage their grades more than studying excessively will improve them. i know people who are succeeding in a medicine degree whilst doing a similar amount of studying as eve, if not less xx
What you're experiencing sounds like depersonalization and/or derealization caused by anxiety and stress. I don't know if you have counseling services (or anything similar) at Oxford but if I were you I would go and ask for advice. I know you're extremely busy but please don't neglect your mental health.
All the best xx
when i was in uni i locked myself in my room never went on a night out and never spoke to anyone in my halls as i have social anxiety. it was really difficult
Hi Eve, I'm sorry if this comes across as harsh but this needs to be said. It does sound like you're suffering from derealisation/depersonalisation. However, I think you need to take a step back and look at the way you're living - it's probably part of why you feel this way! Your irregular sleeping patterns and constant going out alongside all this studying is probably too much for your brain to handle. Dissociation a lot of the time (such as in my case) occurs as a result of trauma. However, anyone can have episodes like this and late nights and alcohol consumption will just make you worse!! Also I understand that you are having a lot of work piled onto you but I think you need to give yourself more breaks or you might end up seriously ill, you come across as really stressed in these vlogs and it's sad to see. Please please please try to help yourself now. Otherwise your brain will continue to dissociate and it is more likely to last longer. Again I'm sorry if this came across as harsh or patronising, i am just very worried about your welfare. X
I was like this at the end of my first year (worst so than the rest of first year), the drinking, work and trauma just really took me away from reality and taking away the drinking was the best thing for me.
Hey! I actually experienced a similar thing last term. I was going from thing to thing without really knowing what was going on. Counselling didn't really help and neither did relaxing, but coming to terms with the changes to my environment has been a massive help. My exam results also weren't what I had hoped but again, I think going to university is a massive jump. Just remember you worked your arse off to get to Oxford and now you're there, do not forget that you are exactly where you deserve to be x
I guess I am missing out on not having ANY nights out while in uni and focus on my grades but... my social life is honestly non-existent rn aha
I’ve lived in Oxford my whole life and 2 of my close friends recently got accepted to Oxford Uni 👏👏
Maybe try meditation? I’d guess your life at Oxford is so hectic you don’t really get a chance to breathe and ground yourself properly. There’s loads of apps for it now- my favourite’s buddhify but there’s also headspace and loads of TH-cam clips to try.
wouldn't help depersonalisation, it needs to be dealt with by a therapist or meds can help
Dragon Fly with it not being clinical depersonalisation (not sure this is the right word, I mean a condition that’s lasted a good 5-6 months) I’d say meds would be overkill. Imo, a trip to the uni’s pastoral care staff wouldn’t go a miss, though- the waiting list for therapy on the nhs would be too long to justify for a month of symptoms. I’d hazard a guess it’s a side effect of the stress of Oxford, so taking organized time out like meditation or regular walks is the best way I can think of atm for Eve to help herself. Sorry for the essay ahaha 😁
I’ve done a lot of research regarding depersonalization. It could be just an episode (most people have at least one in their lives). Causes may be drug usage, so cut off on things like that for a while. Actually, cut off on all stimulants like coffee , exercise (yes you heard me) or weed or cocaine or heroine or anything similar. Try to go to bed early and I read recently that vitamins help, not sure what kind in specific...
It also helps to try your best to not think about it, as in, don’t tell yourself you’re feeling depersonalized when you are or immediately shift your mind toward something else. Lingering on the feeling will only make it worse and will heighten it and you’ll feel really demotivated and not productive.
Hope this helps.
remember to get enough sleep as well, please
I'm sure someone's already said this, but it sounds like you're experiencing derealisation. I used to get it a lot, it's typically a coping mechanism that your brain develops to deal with stress. It essentially goes 'nope, not doing this right now' and disconnects you from your surroundings. It's awful, but it's really common, so I wouldn't worry too much about it. If you can, talk to someone with actual mental health knowledge (I'm coming at you with a psychology a-level and years of personal experience), but in the meantime, I used to find grounding exercises really helpful. So, basically you take some time to just focus in on the things around you. Try to identify 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell and 1 you can taste. It forces you to directly experience your environment. You can find loads of other stuff online, just look up 'grounding' and plenty will come up. Hope this helps hun, love the video xx
As someone who is studying clinical psychology it sounds like depersonalisation/derealisation. Lots of people are saying to see a counsellor which would be a great first step but I personally believe a psychologist/therapist would be way more beneficial for this type of stuff. I completely understand the feeling and it happens to me when a lot of change is going on but if it’s been persisting for this long please see someone eve, it’s a horrible feeling. Also I would try to practice some mindfulness techniques as well, as it trains your brain to be in the present and take in your surroundings ❤️
Honestly understand the imposter thing... you have worked so hard for so long that its hard to understand and comprehend actually reaching your goal! Might be worth trying to get an appointment with a counsellor, even if you aren't mentally ill they are a fantastic way to reassure yourself and get an outside perspective x
Is this how you're supposed to behave at uni? Ive been for 5 months and haven't touched the library and refuse to wake up before 1pm? Am I doing it wrong?
I suffer from constant derealisation (detachment from surroundings) which happens when your brain is overloaded and there’s too much going on and is actually a freeze response (fight/flight/freeze) which is actually what animals did and pretended to be dead when under threat. It’s a maaaajor sign to slow right down and that you’re neurologically suffering because of stress/environmental reasons x
I’ve experienced depersonalization before too. It happened when a big change occurred in my life. I would say that it will take time to adjust to your new life in Oxford. Even though you might feel like you have already, change can really affect the way we live on a daily basis. Just remember that it will get better xx
Never been more excited from a TH-cam notification telling me you've uploaded!
hey! I have never watched a video of yours previously, so obviously don't know you that well but I would say I also felt like that for a lot of my first year of uni. Even looking back sometimes it feels like a different person all together, and I wouldn't say thats a good or a bad thing - just a product of your brain trying to keep up with all the changes around you. Even though your in second term now, your still coming to terms with this new, exciting and scarily independent life and I think sometimes we shut ourselves off a little bit to manage more day to day. Especially as a lot of my friends weren't at unis - or unis like mine - and I seemed to be exsisting in this weird halls bubble with white walls everywhere, and new friends and new experiences and words like 'seminar' and 'critique' that I had nooo clue about before. I would suggest not trying to overthink it (if you can) and trying to ground yourself with activities outside of your current uni bubble. Go for long walks, spend more time outside - just go sit in a park - and i'd 100% encourage if possible finding a family unit within you city. I think so often we spend all our time around people our own age, when I started working at a local pool as a swimming teacher part time I felt suddenly really comforted and grounded being around people much younger and older who relied on me being there doing my bit. Yeah, hope that helped! Good luck with the rest of the year - I am in 3rd year now and lowkey hated most of 1st and 2nd but now I'm absolutely devastated to leave. xx
It sounds like some form of dissociation(which depersonalisation and derealisation are). I, personally, struggle with dissociation as part of my personality disorder but there can be so many causes for it including stress. For me it feels like I don’t exist at all and I’m floating through each day. I’m in a constant state of emptiness and can tell I feel emotions but it’s as if they’re out of reach if that makes any sense? I think your best bet would be to speak to someone, I’m not sure what the pastoral aspect of Oxford is like but try to look into it. Also Mind has a good page on dissociation and different experiences of it. You’ve got this Eve!! Xx
I feel like you when I am tired or stressed. For example, I felt like that before I had my PhD defense. I had a plan for every day, I did it, etc, but I was like a ghost, I felt like I was flying and at the end of the day I was exhausted. I suggest you to try to get some days off and if it does not go away, maybe you can discuss it with someone (a doctor) and some vitamins could help. :) Good luck!
depersonalisation order has similiar symptoms. Dodie talks about it on her channel sometimes so it might be a good idea to look there if you are unsure but always seek professional help
definitely some form of de-realisation eve - have a look at any of dodie's videos on her mental health and see if that may help to have someone to relate to :) although, as with any sort of mental health issue if it gets to a certain point where you feel like it's not going seek some help! i know you have college welfare support, but also the gp could have some advice - it's often stress related or something like that x
i was just about to comment this! :)
i honestly don't think she does
I think it's not as simple as that. MH is an interesting and important thing to discuss and don't forget dodie has a platform for a wide range of people so to discuss her experiences she has to pitch it at a good level for everyone! She's having to do her best to discuss MH in both and informative, and careful way. It has to be appropriate for both 10 year olds and adults... and she creates music about her experiences in life so ofc that might be seen as "romanticising" but I think it's just her sorting out her head. Also, dodie discussing dprd is super important because it's not well known about even though it's really common! I think it's very similar to her sharing stories about crushes and break ups etc. tbh?!
Personally, I've found that dodie is someone I can relate to and I think she is extremely brave for sharing her experiences... but I guess we're all allowed our own opinions...
YES. i couldn't put it any better!
If you think you have depersonalization you should probably go to the doctor. Getting diagnosed really helps with the whole process of it and makes it easier since you don't have to spend ages questioning what it is that is happening to you.
I didn’t really get the ‘depersonalisation’ thing before I came to uni but it’s definitely been a thing for me since I was in second year (so 2015ish). I do loads of extracurriculars and jobs etc and I think it comes on the strongest when I’m really busy - it’s possibly your body’s way of trying to protect you for overwhelmedness. It could just be that you’re studying AND going out a lot AND extra curricularing and if you weren’t detaching you’d be stressed to the point of not being able to cope.
I've been experiencing what you described for over a year now, it's a horrible feeling and I totally understand how you feel. I would go to a professional to talk to about it and try to avoid researching online as you might try and diagnose yourself with something you don't have (i did this and it's not a good idea). I hope you feel better soon and best of luck with everything xxx
Eve, life is boring without struggle, emotions, happiness and sadness.this is the part of our lives and they would come along everywhere.
I've experienced this before. It can be a termporary way for your mind to better cope with stress like a coping mechanism. If it only lasts a few days to a couple of weeks it could just be as a result of momentary stress, it's a good indicator that you need to give yourself a bit more time to relax and reflect on your emotions. However, if it lasts longer than a few weeks, definetly seek a proffessional to talk to because these things that seem small can transend in to becomming a long term disorder. The charity MIND's website is really good for advice, I found this on their website: Dissociation is one way the mind copes with too much stress, such as during a traumatic event. The word dissociation can be used in different ways but it usually describes an experience where you feel disconnected in some way from the world around you or from yourself.
If you dissociate for a long time, especially when you are young, you may develop a dissociative disorder. Instead of dissociation being something you experience for a short time it becomes a far more common experience and often the main way you deal with stressful experiences.
I would start allocating at least an 1hr or so to mindfullness excerises, or time to relax when your just focused on yourself, self care and nothing else.
DAVID & I would recommend getting in touch with a counsellor x
I know everyone’s giving analysis about what you said at the end of the vlog in the comments, but I am just going to say that the way you describe feeling is the way I usually feel for 2-3 days after drinking/a night out (I know that’s really weird but I do). Maybe try a few weeks without a lot of drink, as drinking every few days might not be helping? Sorry if this doesn’t help, but just something I thought of as I recognised the way you were feeling💖
I had years ago something like that, i was with my family and it seems like i was watching them through television and they seem like robots, all of their moves were really slow and they were talking but i couldnt hear them and after some seconds i came back to normal, it only happened to me twice and it was a really weird and since you have been with it for over a month it would be better if you go to see a doctor
Absolutely love the Oxford vlogs! I live in Oxford and it's so strange seeing all the places that I go to all the time 😂💗
hey eve, I'm going to cambridge next year (if I meet the offer) and I was just watching your Oxford haul. Do you think you could upload the packing list somewhere? I have no idea what to take with me and I'm panicking already!
Eve, make sure you take a bit of time to just sit, be alone and not do anything. Last year I wasn't going through a good time and reserving a bit of time to do nothing really helped. Also, if there is anyone professional you could talk to about your situation, like a counsellor specifically for your college, do go and talk to them and get some real advice. I hope things improve for you - you don't deserve to be unhappy xxx
It sounds a bit like depersonalisation - I used to get symptoms of derealisation quite a lot a few years ago (never been diagnosed, I just show some of the symptoms according to google) where I feel detached from the environment when I am incredibly anxious and feel like I'm in a dream. However I think depersonalisation is meant to be where you feel detached from your own body which sounds like what you are feeling. You do feel like you're going crazy (I did for a very long time) but honestly try speaking to someone about it, they might be able to help :)
I live in Cambridge and honestly, if u hadn't told me those clips were oxford I would have thought they were Cambridge
bella omg I’m jealous, Cambridge is beaut
david for the win
Hi eve, I experienced depersonalisation for months and nobody would listen or take me seriously. I had to research myself long and hard and found out about b12 deficiency. luckily I had found my answer. Deffo think it's worth asking about this specific blood test with your doctor. much love xxx
Why are you cooking if your accommodation is catered?
Her accommodation is only catered for on weekdays. Weekends they have to cook for themselves
Hey - quick question from a different video, but what's the name of the app you have used to connect Alexa to the uni wifi? thanks x
Hi:) I doubt you’ll get this but I can totally relate to how you feel like you’re living life weirdly at the moment and trying to grasp time!! It’s so shite and annoying! But I’d recommend trying a 5 year diary? It’s helping me reflect on each day and so far makes things seem like they’re going a little slower, it doesn’t take ages to do either which helps. It’s nice to hear someone actually say that they’re feeling the same as me hahah xx
Maybe you should go and see someone about it. Hope you’re okay x
are your lectures/tutorials mostly taught in the language or in English?
Definitely sounds like depersonalisation or derealisation. Watching the videos by dodie clark might help your understanding. Whenever you dwell on these conditions, they tend to feel stronger and you can find yourself in a real rut.
The bit near the end of your video sounds like dissociation to me, I get it a lot and it is hard to cope with but practicing mindfulness and grounding techniques can help! Hope this helps lovely x
Eve, it sounds like you have anxiety/depersonalisation, which is stress-induced. I've experienced it before and, based on this video, it's your routine that's contributing to it. Going out and presumably drinking alcohol so often (even in moderate amounts), and then regularly getting less than 7 hours sleep and forcing yourself through long days or work: if I did this my anxiety would flare up quickly and aggressively. You need to ease back on going out and schedule more down time for yourself, including properly regular sleep. Going out might feel like unwinding after a long day, but it's not proper downtime for your body and mind. Otherwise it will only get worse over time.
I know it’s probably not my place to say this, but I think you need to slow down! You are doing so much which is great and all that maximising your opportunity but think you can overcome your depersonalistion if you just slow down, I relate because I’m currently doing y13 with 4 alevels and working 16 hours a week and I mean I don’t have a chance to slow down but I know I would be able to enjoy and make more if I stopped working and dropped a subject (but I can’t really do either) but yeah not sure if this help
Loved this video Eve! I've been watching you for a long time now and when i failed most of my GCSE mocks last year, i was so disheartened but i managed to achieve all 7s 8s and 9s by the end so i made videos helping others who are in the same position.