@@sarat9567 Can't really tell these days if it's not in person but if that's not sarcasm, thank you for sparing him lol. If it was sarcasm, all I have to say is the message between the words matter, too, and based on John's conversation, I'm pretty sure this statement was said in the context of manipulation, not white/insignificant lies.
Men and women think different, don't jump on conclusions that he's a player/cheater or liar, that's cartoonish of Deloney to assume that in 1 minute, my actual guess: men omit truth when it is useless to say it. it is a relationship that affected him recently and he don't want to trail it or justify it or burden the current relationship with this fact. He put a cross on it in his mind, so not delving into it with a white lie gives justice to his state of mind on the matter, while letting grief do its job, it dodges added chaos that holds no stand. Hell, I say to people I study biochemistry and not pharmacology to not have to deal and explain and deceive trivially because people understand that I study to become a pharmacist (pharmacology not equal pharmacy). He might have also been playing the field and had that relationship on hold, what do I know. But there is many virtuous reasons to lie on that, I think caller needs a conversation with him and let time reveal the nature of stuff that's all. The most important: when a guy tries to seduce a woman he's walking on landmine, you deal with disqualification on what you say. Hard truth: women have more options so they pick and choose, but we pick on minimal standards and then hope she picks us there's not much margin for us, we "gotta play our cards right" that expression doesn't exist for women in dating. He didn't know at the time that she was the type to not be judgmental of that, so he went with the safe answer. It's just game, dating (first date she said on top of that!) and relationship context is wildly different and one can't explain behavior in the other. Dating is theatre for all men that's reality, there's nothing deep, men and women experience vastly different realities and you can't project your paradigm onto the other sex to compare behavior.
@@YesNo-qb9vl it’s not only up to him whether or not to omit that information, since he is deciding to be in a relationship. If people lie about easily explainable things, and they get caught, it makes them look flakey and untrustworthy. Trust is generally lost in buckets and gained in drops.
@@Sammvoy revert back to the dating paradigm of men. It is the same reality as when you do an interview for a job you really want, that should be enough for you to grasp all the nuances just transpose.
My father was a compulsive liar all his life. My mom knew it, but married him anyway. They were never happy together. When he left the family, I was relieved.
The woman totally fogged when you asked her about her parents. When she says "they showed up in their own parenting way", my alarm bells went off. Would have been good if you probed on that statement. It sounds like it would have fallen like a house of cards
Children of abuse, don’t like to talk about it or even really admit it was as bad as it was. You get crapped on by everyone “they did their best”… even when they are terrible and continue to be terrible.
Dear People...stop moving in with people you just started dating. Just stop. The person is still a stranger and is not legally committed to you. If things go south, you have no place to escape to.
This goes for doing everything in a relationship too quickly. getting married before you trust, someone doesn’t provide any magical protection against being lied to either.
Run before it gets deeper. The more you’re tethered to him the harder it is to leave. Think logically. Your peace and calm annnd your sanity is more important.
Facts and ditto. Started out the gate lying saying it was over a year since his last relationship, when it was like 3weeks and I didn't find out until years later. Not worth it. Lying never ends and gets worse.
Anna, I did the same thing. Run. Run now. Cut your financial losses, ask your parents for help if you need to. This happened to me. The first lies you figure out and then you can’t stop digging, it makes you sick. They never come clean. He never came to me and admitted any of the things … the more I dug the more lies I unconverted. He would say he had a change and realize what’s important but he still would keep things to himself. It’s hard Anna but if he’s going to change , you can’t be there to help him because he will just keep lying and get better at keeping it from you
I was married to a habitual liar for 24 years. It never changed, and never got better. He would lie about the most insignificant things. After he died, the big lies that I discovered were devastating. My life is so peaceful now without him. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Once a liar, always a liar.
My ex was just like this. And the hurt that you deal with will last sooo long, because betrayal sticks with you longer than regular heartbreak. I dodged a bullet 100% but the thought that someone would lie to me just to gain access to my body is disgusting and hurtful. At the end of the day he is a liar and I’m happy things ended when they did.
He has sewn the seeds of untrustworthiness. The relationship is never the same after. You needed John to confirm your suspicions. I’ve been there. Lying becomes second nature and they don’t see it as harmful. Ever. Move out and count your blessings. Thank you for calling the show because this is way too common. 👍😊
Caller sounds very immature, like she's in junior high. Why would he lie to her? Because he can. Because he wants to. Because he felt his past relationships are none of her damn business. Because he wanted easy sex from her. It's a long list of why's.
I have been in that position and I wish I knew John and his wise words when I first started the relationship. Because he lied about small things and my intuition kept telling me something was going on. Something was going on and I didn't listen a little over 2 years later and I'm heartbroken. Leave while you can before you get in deeper. The lies are only going to get worse.
I don’t know HOW people wait to get married to move in because living with my ex boyfriend was the best decision I ever made. Saved me a LOT of stress by moving in first. Found out he was incredibly unhygienic, played video games literally 8 hours a day and wouldn’t get off if his life depended on it (even though he told me he played 45 minutes a day while dating an entire year), he became a different person (not any worse or better than when we were dating but just a completely different version than I knew while dating for a year. Like different personality all together. He was pretending to be extroverted, social, go-getter, active, and confident when in reality he’s extremely introverted, hates being active, and not a “go-getter” at ALL like he was portraying in reality. Just tricked me all together very well during the year we were dating. The second we moved in together all of this revealed itself in the matter of 2 weeks. Yeah it sucks dealing with breaking a lease, but going through a divorce would have been a NIGHTMARE
So sorry this happened to you. Men tend to cover their real habits as just oh just a fraction of what it is. They naturally don’t want to look bad, so they just say half truths about stuff. Most women are a lot more upfront about themselves! Have a sit down eye to eye heartfelt conversation about these problems. If he doesn’t want to or just disregards your feelings….go! It’ll cost you money, but you’ll have your sanity and know better next time!
All those can be spot during the dating period. Wouldn't you visit his house? Random visits? His poor hygiene wasn't there a smell or scent that belong? And after a year you couldn't figure out his schedule? I think you had love gurgles but the signs were probably there.
My girlfriend moved in with me after knowing me for a week… we will be together for 3 years in January. Not weird at all. 6 months seems like a long time to me
The reason someone would lie about their ex and act like their relationship wasn’t serious, is to keep them around. “She’s just a friend, it’s not like that”. If he can convince you that there is nothing between him and his ex, you’re more likely to accept his “friendship” with her. He’s keeping her in his back pocket. She might not even live in another state, he may just be saying that. You don’t really know because you can’t trust him. Like John said, he’s a liar.
I’ve been there girl, accept what you are seeing and experiencing. They will downplay it when you call them out, but they LACK integrity and will lie selfishly for their own convenience. It’s true, they think they are smarter than you, please be careful and if he doesn’t fully admit he is wrong and changes and you FEEL better in your gut then you won’t ever feel safe around him.
I’ve been a person who’s lied in a relationship. I know there’s no excuse for lying but some us grew up with toxic parents. I would get yelled at for being honest and having needs. Yes sometimes I’d lie to my parents so I wouldn’t get hit or yelled at. Those things carried over to my relationships and I’ve realized I did it out of fear id be a disappointment or get yelled at. Some do it because they’re just liers and others because they have stuff to work on. I’m working on it and just wanna be honest and not get punished for making a mistake. Just my 2 cents
She's NOT Going to do anything. She literally sounds like a little girl that is trying to navigate an adult relationship. I guarantee you this guy is NOT as open and transparent as she's making it seem, and it is because of those glasses she is wearing! This is going to be her life: She's going to continue living with the dude, get pregnant at some point (because dude is going to talk her into doing it without protection), then they're going to be pressured into getting married because she got pregnant And after ALL of That, she's going to find out something HUGE About her new husband and it's going to DEVASTATE HER. And when that happens, I hope John's words echo inside her mind and heart and she realizes she done F'd UP!
She sounds very sweet, trusting and hopeful. I hope this experience does not rob her of those wonderful qualities and she can move forward in life with them still intact while adding wisdom.
When he burns her..this is when the life lesson come. She isn't street smart when it comes to relationships..but she will learn through this experience...then the maturity will come. It's gonna hurt
@@funicon3689 it's not about growing up. It's about learning from history and she doesn't have much history yet. Did you come out of the womb knowing everything?
Her problem isn't that she's naive, it's that she doesn't seem to be able to receive wise counsel and criticism. "I don't understand why he lied about something so little." Because he's a liar. "But, why did he lie, though?"
My ex always lied. His grandma used to call him “the boy who cried wolf”. I legit felt like I became a human lie detector being with him. It was 7 years of torture! Just run. It only gets worse. Mine ended up cheating towards the end and hid it for who knows how long. I still struggle trusting people even after being broken up for 5 years and being in therapy all this time. It’s not worth the heartache.
Been there done that talk to the manager of the apartment building and be honest with him get out of that lease! Where there’s one lie you see there’s 50 more you don’t! Your life is more valuable than to be shocked up with a liar. God bless you stay safe.
Facing challenges in relationships is part of the journey, but there’s always a way forward. My marriage encountered significant issues, but with the right help, my wife and I managed to overcome them and strengthen our relationship. Solutions are attainable if you’re willing to put in the work and collaborate. Keep your hope-solutions are out there.
I’m facing major problems in my relationship and can't imagine losing her. I love and miss her greatly and am prepared to do whatever is necessary to have her return. I’d be deeply grateful for any advice or guidance you can offer.
Letting someone you deeply care for go is always difficult, but in my scenario, I was fortunate to have the counsel of a spiritual mentor who preserved the unity of my marriage. Her name is Suzanne Ann Walters.
Thank you for this direction. I'll swiftly seek her out online. I appreciate it. I'm hopeful that following this course of action will yield results for me as well; her absence weighs heavily on my heart.
It says a lot that this girl had no clue that moving in after 6 months is *WAY* too soon. She's terribbly naive. Where are her parents to talk her out of this??
Get out while you can. I didn’t listen to my gut and it led to 20 years of my life destroyed and kids involved. So messy. Get out NOW before you regret it
These kids want to move in and do everything ASAP and it ends badly . I work with a young girl who bought a house with her partner after 12 months of dating . My face made her ask a lot of questions . After 8 months the cracks are apparent . She does everything in the household and he just plays video games and drinks .
Not defending this. But at least where I’m from the only way to get on the ladder is in a pair, houses are unaffordable for single people. When you are paying obscene rent every month, paying off some landlords mortgage, people get desperate to buy.
@@deirdrekiely6187 considering many people never get married that’s a ridiculous statement. Most long term couples in my family are not married, some have been together 30+ years! It would be insane for them to rent all that time.
If one is buying with another person then they need to put together an exit agreement in writing. If one leaves the other can buy out the person leaving. Value is based on the average of two certified appraisals. If unable to buy out the partner the house gets sold. Had two ladies who were just roommates buy together. Lasted four years and one was transferred. Because of the agreement I wrote up for them it was black and white. If either didn’t cooperate the document could have gone to court. I was their agent. They both had a nice nest egg after the sale and each bought their own house.
Just a side note he was saying I was with a girl for 3 months, then another girl for 5 months. He’s just hopping from one girl to another as a place to stay. I don’t think he really signs the leases he just let the girl do it.
She's living sunk cost fallacy. The more she finds out, the more she realises he's a wrongin', but she's sticking with her original decision, even though every bit of information is screaming at her that he is no good.
My ex was pathological. Unfortunately it was a 1970’s relationship so there was no way of checking. And I was very naive. He was ten years older than he said, married twice before with two daughters and a huge family he had run away from. He was also verbally and emotionally abusive. I knew none of this until after 20 years of marriage. Run my dear. As fast as you can. It won’t get better- you just become numb and put up with it.
"I think you're too stupid to figure out the truth" THANK YOU JOHN!!! this is my biggest pet peeve besides the betrayal is for someone to lie to me because it makes me feel like they think I'm too stupid to figure it out. The father of my child lies to me all the time even with my evidence. Its the reason I finally left him. I don't want to be with someone i can't trust to tell me the truth. That i can't trust is where he says he is etc. You also can't love someone and constantly lie. Big or small. You can't.
Some people act immature or ditsy to avoid reality. She seems like someone who might be disassociating so she doesn’t have to confront the truth that shes made a mistake. Maybe she’s a romantic. Maybe she’s insecure and thinks this guy is the best shes going to get idk. But I feel like this is deeper than just “naivety”
When I met my now bf I told him right away that I was still dealing with my ex and it was a recent breakup of 1 month, I think that truth helped us get closer. I emotionally clocked out of that relationship long ago
I had to overcome a lot of mistrust from my previous relationship. Now whenever I feel it (jealousy, the urge to go through his phone...) I tell my partner and he helps me process it. He gets it.
I know it’s more common nowadays, but it’s usually still a bad idea to move in with someone who’s not married to you. Especially if you’ve only been together for six months.
I think one thing Anna is struggling with is she's moved in with this guy, and it's very hard for us to admit to ourselves, that we've made a big mistake, and now have to untangle ourselves from someone we moved in with. The benefit of the doubt that she's giving him is shielding herself from having to undo what she has decided to do within the relationship. Anna, cut your losses and run! If someone is lying in the beginning, especially about small things these are huge, red flags! Do yourself a favor and leave ASAP!
Thank you. The desperation to cling on. She don't want to admit to friends and family that he's a bust. She put all her hopes and dreams on him. Embarrassment will trap her in the relationship. Also delusion. The idea that he lied, she couldn't cope with it.
@ she had to of moved him with him before 6 months. Because it sounded like 6 months already in the call. I don’t think her or this guy are prizes. The only smart one is his ex gf.
Ok had to chime in on this one. Due to trauma response, I lie all the time about stupid things to protect myself from people’s reactions. It’s a survival technique. I’m working on it but I still find it easier sometimes, especially with explosive parents or partners. I don’t lie about big things, I don’t cheat and I’m not a bad person. I bring a lot to the table in relationships. Long story short: sometimes we’re just trying to survive, not harm people
I'm more bothered by her impulsive decision-making of jumping to living with someone she barely knows etc. and the way she over emphasizes the need to know everything. It's reasonable for someone to say that three months of dating wasn't a relationship to them without needing to explain it further. He could be a liar and a bad guy but there's nothing presented here to support that. We just have someone who jumped too fast and is now backtracking and digging. By her own admission he's not even hiding his phone etc. This all her. Completely her. I don't like people like this who need to dig and dig and dig into every single thing. They don't stay in my life long.
I get it. I do it too. It's not fair to the other person though and certainly doesn't engender trust. The other people are well within their rights not to trust me. Our responsibility is to work on being people of integrity
I think the opposite way. The best way to really know someone is to live with them. It’s either total chaos in the first 3 months or nothing but peace. Only down side is you need to own a home so you’re not dropping leases. I dated a girl once for 2 years everything was great we didn’t live together until I bought a house. When parents are around everyone’s on their best behavior. I literally had to put all her stuff in my trailer and drop it off at her family’s house. She was an absolute nightmare when we were 1 on 1
I’m glad he didn’t budge even though it’s not a giant lie. The small lies were what I needed to pay attention to but didn’t. Could have avoided a world of heartache.
Anna is extremely immature (reminds me of myself at that age). She said her dad was great, but I don’t believe her:I know of what I speak and I see all the signs.
A young woman doesn’t just move in with a guy after 6 months of dating but then again i have seen girls move in with guys after just a couple of weeks of knowing. She’s done it before. Sounds very naive.
Never thought the day would come we’d have a felon rapist who lied about a stolen election, but never provided a shred of evidence. Never provided a shred of evidence that immigrants were eating dogs, Kept making promises that some amazing healthcare plan that never existed was going to magically appear, Cheated repeatedly on every single one of his wives. What a day.
Please if this caller sees this - please run. End this. Trust me - if you stay it won’t end well. The lies will escalate and trust me when I say you don’t want to waste 20 years and realise he was showing you who he was all along - you just didn’t trust it. Speaking from experience - people who can lie will also do much worse later down the track.
1) shouldn’t have move in before marriage 2) shouldn’t have moved in within 6 months. 3) had she waited a year she could’ve found out the lying before being in a vulnerable situation where credit is involved 4) she sounds young and dumb. Sorry. 5) if her parents were that great why did she feel the need to leave them so soon 🤔
Living with my wife before we got married was one of the best decisions we’ve made. Getting married without living together first doesn’t provide some sort of magic protection against being lied to.
Wait you think it makes more sense to get married before moving in? That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Why would you make a life long commitment with someone before you’ve experienced how they live and how you live together. You know that’s completely backwards right?
I believe that moving in together before marriage is wrong. People here defending it like it’s super strong for the relationship are in for bad news. I knew a couple who lived together 12 years before marriage with 3 kids ended up cheating on each other later. Admit you just can’t handle the thought of marriage so you can just leave when it’s convenient for you when problems come
It's no easy, but you have to learn the difference between your anxiety and your intuition I guess? How both manifest in your life/relationship + learning about psychology and doing therapy are a good beginning. Knowing yourself and your patterns help a lot while doing the healing process part!
Anxiety is basically just your body telling you "I recognize this person/situation, please run away from it". Trauma generally leads to anxiety, and your guts are always right. If you meet someone for the first time, and you're feeling really anxious everytime you meet her the other times, your body is telling you "I don't trust this person, don't trust her too". In a relationship, Love is peaceful and you shouldn't be anxious around the person you love. You can be anxious of fear of abandonment for example, but you have to know if that's triggered by the person in front of you, or if it's going from you! It happens a lot with trauma. My boyfriend is a wonderful human being, but both of us had family trauma, so we still feel anxiety in our relationship, but it's not because of the other person (I mean the same way as if our partner would lie to us, this way we would feel anxious). It's because we both have unsolved past problems that we have to deal with today, and that our relationship has woken up! It's like old habits we have to work on for us to understand "no, I don't have my mom/dad/any other abuser in front of me who wants to hurt me again"
This poor girl! If she doesn't get out now her life will pass her bye! ! She will be 12yrs down the road with him in a tangled heartbreaking traumatizing mess! THEY DO NOT CHANGE! HE SHOWED YOU WHO HE WAS!! NOW YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE IT!
Anna just wanted someone to validate her but tell her it's still ok to date him cuz that's what she intends on doing. Some things you just have to learn on your own. My Mama always told me, "Eventually you'll get sick and tired of being sick and tired". Anna's not there yet 🤷🏾♀️
How can anyone trust a person he/she has only known for 6 months? Does Anna really NEED a boyfriend who lies to her? What's her rush to be tied to a lying boyfriend? She sounds so young and naive.I hope she can leave this guy.
She sounds so young and naive I worry for her being in a relationship as serious as living together. Grasping onto the first sign of affection given to her is alarming. She needs to be living with friends not a partner of 6 months 😑
She needs a little growing up. Make him your roommate or ask him to remove himself from the lease. Find a roommate and do a little growing up. She's asking for advice but gets defensive when John pointed out what she already knows.
Anna, please listen to this! Run and don’t look back. Deal with the lease and the heartache, and LEAVE. I had those glasses on for My husband. Those weird “little” lies and inconsistencies were just the tip of the iceberg. No one from his past is going to warn you. You have to listen to your gut and heed that warning. Before you’re stuck in an abvsive marriage with children and no way to escape. Please 🙏 Do it for yourself, for your future, and for those of us who excused our partner’s bad behavior away until it was too late.
I like Delony a lot but sometimes he needs to drop the psychic mind reader act... We all know you are good at it... We have seen you do it, but its still better to just ask questions and get information the old fashioned way...
The problem is he just doesn’t have time. I mean take this call for example it’s 18:47 and this was the last call for this particular show. He just doesn’t have enough time to ask all the questions he wants to. He has other meetings to attend, AND he shares this studio with his colleague Ken so he’s on a time crunch.
She’s like the first one to go in a horror movie
😂😂😂
Best comment of the Day!!
Definitely. 😂
LMAO 😂 ☠️
😂😮😂
“That feeling always comes back” that’s because he already broke the trust. It’s perfectly normal to think he’s going to lie again.
One year later, she’ll call back. We got married. I still can’t trust him. Things have gotten worse.
And then a baby
I’m wondering if he’s going to be abusive.
And I've out a baby. Children, no matter their chronological age shouldn't take on adult responsibilities.
I doubt theyll get married. She's given him married life without the commitment.
😥
I'm with John when he says "if you lie about something small, you're going to lie about something huge."
Trickle-truthing is a bad sign 😒
Eh not true
I broke up with a guy over green bean casserole based on this exact sentiment.
@@sarat9567 Can't really tell these days if it's not in person but if that's not sarcasm, thank you for sparing him lol. If it was sarcasm, all I have to say is the message between the words matter, too, and based on John's conversation, I'm pretty sure this statement was said in the context of manipulation, not white/insignificant lies.
That makes no sense bc there's some small lies you can tell to not hurt someone's feeling vs big lies that can affect someone's whole life
Deloney: "He's a liar."
Anna: "oohhh myy goshhhh noooo"
😂
I literally cackleddddd at thatttt😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Heard this and concluded she's too young to be in a relationship.
Men and women think different, don't jump on conclusions that he's a player/cheater or liar, that's cartoonish of Deloney to assume that in 1 minute, my actual guess: men omit truth when it is useless to say it. it is a relationship that affected him recently and he don't want to trail it or justify it or burden the current relationship with this fact. He put a cross on it in his mind, so not delving into it with a white lie gives justice to his state of mind on the matter, while letting grief do its job, it dodges added chaos that holds no stand. Hell, I say to people I study biochemistry and not pharmacology to not have to deal and explain and deceive trivially because people understand that I study to become a pharmacist (pharmacology not equal pharmacy).
He might have also been playing the field and had that relationship on hold, what do I know. But there is many virtuous reasons to lie on that, I think caller needs a conversation with him and let time reveal the nature of stuff that's all.
The most important: when a guy tries to seduce a woman he's walking on landmine, you deal with disqualification on what you say. Hard truth: women have more options so they pick and choose, but we pick on minimal standards and then hope she picks us there's not much margin for us, we "gotta play our cards right" that expression doesn't exist for women in dating. He didn't know at the time that she was the type to not be judgmental of that, so he went with the safe answer. It's just game, dating (first date she said on top of that!) and relationship context is wildly different and one can't explain behavior in the other. Dating is theatre for all men that's reality, there's nothing deep, men and women experience vastly different realities and you can't project your paradigm onto the other sex to compare behavior.
@@YesNo-qb9vl it’s not only up to him whether or not to omit that information, since he is deciding to be in a relationship. If people lie about easily explainable things, and they get caught, it makes them look flakey and untrustworthy. Trust is generally lost in buckets and gained in drops.
@@Sammvoy revert back to the dating paradigm of men. It is the same reality as when you do an interview for a job you really want, that should be enough for you to grasp all the nuances just transpose.
I remember my grandma saying "oh honey his eyes.....". Boy i wished i wouldve listened. She saw something i refused to see. I was young and naive.
😢
Take it from someone who learned the hard way, once a liar, always a liar. Trust your gut, I wish I had.
My father was a compulsive liar all his life. My mom knew it, but married him anyway. They were never happy together. When he left the family, I was relieved.
Amen
She sounds incredibly immature, hard to listen to, really.
Imagine attempting a relationship with her!
@@David-wo9un There's no gun to any guys head forcing him to date her!!
Rude! She's obviously young!
@@alaska49girlit’s called projection
Agrees
The woman totally fogged when you asked her about her parents. When she says "they showed up in their own parenting way", my alarm bells went off. Would have been good if you probed on that statement. It sounds like it would have fallen like a house of cards
Children of abuse, don’t like to talk about it or even really admit it was as bad as it was. You get crapped on by everyone “they did their best”… even when they are terrible and continue to be terrible.
@@jennyjones-tw5hp yep, this 100% true
I was also surprised he didn't probe. What an odd way to phrase your relationship with your parents.
I agree. She dances around problems telling herself it's OK. She couldn't even come out with what he did until he pressed her.
@@lorrainekelleher6937 Yup, that also points to parental neglect or abuse.
Dear People...stop moving in with people you just started dating. Just stop. The person is still a stranger and is not legally committed to you. If things go south, you have no place to escape to.
People move in with strangers all the time as room mates
This goes for doing everything in a relationship too quickly. getting married before you trust, someone doesn’t provide any magical protection against being lied to either.
When do you move in?
@@tracym8952they don’t have an intimate relationship with ROOMMATES
@@alluringbliss4165ideally after marriage.
I think eventually Delony went “she is going to have to let life teach her”.
Run before it gets deeper. The more you’re tethered to him the harder it is to leave. Think logically. Your peace and calm annnd your sanity is more important.
Totally agree with you.
6 months in im definitely not sharing everything with her, sorry but that is my prerogative...
Run. Run. My evil ex was exactly this. Little lies became huge, constant lies.
TRUTH.
100x THIS. 🏃♀️ RUN!
Facts and ditto. Started out the gate lying saying it was over a year since his last relationship, when it was like 3weeks and I didn't find out until years later. Not worth it. Lying never ends and gets worse.
And eventually you realise you have NO idea who they are.
@@niccooper7007did you have similar situation too?😢
He smooth talked and charmed this girl who was begging to be picked up.
Anna, I did the same thing. Run. Run now. Cut your financial losses, ask your parents for help if you need to. This happened to me. The first lies you figure out and then you can’t stop digging, it makes you sick. They never come clean. He never came to me and admitted any of the things … the more I dug the more lies I unconverted. He would say he had a change and realize what’s important but he still would keep things to himself. It’s hard Anna but if he’s going to change , you can’t be there to help him because he will just keep lying and get better at keeping it from you
Any lie makes you an accomplice! And a lie gets a lie back. Take it seriously. He does not respect you.
She is trying to figure him out…leave him and save your life.
I was married to a habitual liar for 24 years. It never changed, and never got better. He would lie about the most insignificant things. After he died, the big lies that I discovered were devastating. My life is so peaceful now without him.
Once a cheater, always a cheater.
Once a liar, always a liar.
And those who lie will cheat.
That's not true. People change. The problem is that it's hard to regain trust even if they do. Or there are those that don't chance.
Dang that was ME!
Now I’m seeing a therapist and psychologist 😂
Run girl.!!
-Why would he lie?
-Because he can. Next, question. What will you do with that information? Stay with him? Run, honey, run
People like her have to understand the reason. It is so difficult for them to just accept there is no damn reason. He's a liar.
My ex was just like this. And the hurt that you deal with will last sooo long, because betrayal sticks with you longer than regular heartbreak. I dodged a bullet 100% but the thought that someone would lie to me just to gain access to my body is disgusting and hurtful. At the end of the day he is a liar and I’m happy things ended when they did.
He has sewn the seeds of untrustworthiness. The relationship is never the same after. You needed John to confirm your suspicions. I’ve been there. Lying becomes second nature and they don’t see it as harmful. Ever. Move out and count your blessings. Thank you for calling the show because this is way too common. 👍😊
Even if it is anxiety- anxiety can be a good thing if in a healthy dose- it’s an alarm bell that she should listen to in this case
She is not ready to let him go
She sounds about 12. I'd love to talk to her in 5 years
This girl is nuts. Literally headed for serious problems down the road.
She didn’t even realize that moving in after 6 months was fast? What?! Girl what
@@meghangantt717 because it is so 'normal' now, more people cohabitating than married in the west
Caller sounds very immature, like she's in junior high. Why would he lie to her? Because he can. Because he wants to. Because he felt his past relationships are none of her damn business. Because he wanted easy sex from her. It's a long list of why's.
Exactly. She’s determined to learn the hard way.
I don't think she's nuts, but she sounds really naive and immature.
Rooting for 1,000,000 followers by the end of the year. Go Dr. John and followers.
Hes got it 🎉
I have been in that position and I wish I knew John and his wise words when I first started the relationship. Because he lied about small things and my intuition kept telling me something was going on. Something was going on and I didn't listen a little over 2 years later and I'm heartbroken. Leave while you can before you get in deeper. The lies are only going to get worse.
You don't need John. Rely on your intuition.
This…
So true
I don’t know HOW people wait to get married to move in because living with my ex boyfriend was the best decision I ever made. Saved me a LOT of stress by moving in first. Found out he was incredibly unhygienic, played video games literally 8 hours a day and wouldn’t get off if his life depended on it (even though he told me he played 45 minutes a day while dating an entire year), he became a different person (not any worse or better than when we were dating but just a completely different version than I knew while dating for a year. Like different personality all together. He was pretending to be extroverted, social, go-getter, active, and confident when in reality he’s extremely introverted, hates being active, and not a “go-getter” at ALL like he was portraying in reality. Just tricked me all together very well during the year we were dating. The second we moved in together all of this revealed itself in the matter of 2 weeks. Yeah it sucks dealing with breaking a lease, but going through a divorce would have been a NIGHTMARE
Good for you for having strength and a spine and walking away. And not just walking away cutting your losses.
So sorry this happened to you. Men tend to cover their real habits as just oh just a fraction of what it is. They naturally don’t want to look bad, so they just say half truths about stuff. Most women are a lot more upfront about themselves! Have a sit down eye to eye heartfelt conversation about these problems. If he doesn’t want to or just disregards your feelings….go! It’ll cost you money, but you’ll have your sanity and know better next time!
All those can be spot during the dating period. Wouldn't you visit his house? Random visits? His poor hygiene wasn't there a smell or scent that belong? And after a year you couldn't figure out his schedule? I think you had love gurgles but the signs were probably there.
Stats: moving in before marriage increases your chances if divorce
I agree. You don't really know someone until you live together. Also wait at least a year before making that decision.
The way she spoke of her father speaks volumes about why she moves the way she does
Moving in with someone after only 6 months is insane
My cousing got married after just 5 months of knowing her boyfriend (they got engaged after just 3 months of knowing each other)
My girlfriend moved in with me after knowing me for a week… we will be together for 3 years in January. Not weird at all. 6 months seems like a long time to me
@@dylancalandro5161 That's nuts
Her response to John when he said that was insane!!
@@dylancalandro5161is she your fiancee yet?
There’s a saying about liars. They lie when the truth will do. Leave, leave and leave
I don’t know how you do it, Dr D… I genuinely appreciate your existence 💚
The reason someone would lie about their ex and act like their relationship wasn’t serious, is to keep them around. “She’s just a friend, it’s not like that”. If he can convince you that there is nothing between him and his ex, you’re more likely to accept his “friendship” with her. He’s keeping her in his back pocket. She might not even live in another state, he may just be saying that. You don’t really know because you can’t trust him. Like John said, he’s a liar.
I’ve been there girl, accept what you are seeing and experiencing. They will downplay it when you call them out, but they LACK integrity and will lie selfishly for their own convenience. It’s true, they think they are smarter than you, please be careful and if he doesn’t fully admit he is wrong and changes and you FEEL better in your gut then you won’t ever feel safe around him.
I’ve been a person who’s lied in a relationship. I know there’s no excuse for lying but some us grew up with toxic parents. I would get yelled at for being honest and having needs. Yes sometimes I’d lie to my parents so I wouldn’t get hit or yelled at. Those things carried over to my relationships and I’ve realized I did it out of fear id be a disappointment or get yelled at. Some do it because they’re just liers and others because they have stuff to work on. I’m working on it and just wanna be honest and not get punished for making a mistake. Just my 2 cents
Thanks for sharing your experience. Makes total sense. I hope you find someone special who is understanding.
She's NOT Going to do anything. She literally sounds like a little girl that is trying to navigate an adult relationship.
I guarantee you this guy is NOT as open and transparent as she's making it seem, and it is because of those glasses she is wearing!
This is going to be her life:
She's going to continue living with the dude, get pregnant at some point (because dude is going to talk her into doing it without protection), then they're going to be pressured into getting married because she got pregnant And after ALL of That, she's going to find out something HUGE About her new husband and it's going to DEVASTATE HER. And when that happens, I hope John's words echo inside her mind and heart and she realizes she done F'd UP!
She sounds very sweet, trusting and hopeful. I hope this experience does not rob her of those wonderful qualities and she can move forward in life with them still intact while adding wisdom.
When he burns her..this is when the life lesson come. She isn't street smart when it comes to relationships..but she will learn through this experience...then the maturity will come. It's gonna hurt
she needs to grow up
@@funicon3689 it's not about growing up. It's about learning from history and she doesn't have much history yet. Did you come out of the womb knowing everything?
Her problem isn't that she's naive, it's that she doesn't seem to be able to receive wise counsel and criticism.
"I don't understand why he lied about something so little."
Because he's a liar.
"But, why did he lie, though?"
@@thelifeofmaryd.2494 …She hooked up with him too soon …believed his lies and he will never respect her.
My ex always lied. His grandma used to call him “the boy who cried wolf”. I legit felt like I became a human lie detector being with him. It was 7 years of torture! Just run. It only gets worse. Mine ended up cheating towards the end and hid it for who knows how long. I still struggle trusting people even after being broken up for 5 years and being in therapy all this time. It’s not worth the heartache.
My husband lied about his past. After 3 years of marriage and a baby, I still feel betrayed and get into random arguments. It’s hard to move on.
Been there done that talk to the manager of the apartment building and be honest with him get out of that lease! Where there’s one lie you see there’s 50 more you don’t! Your life is more valuable than to be shocked up with a liar. God bless you stay safe.
Facing challenges in relationships is part of the journey, but there’s always a way forward. My marriage encountered significant issues, but with the right help, my wife and I managed to overcome them and strengthen our relationship. Solutions are attainable if you’re willing to put in the work and collaborate. Keep your hope-solutions are out there.
I’m facing major problems in my relationship and can't imagine losing her. I love and miss her greatly and am prepared to do whatever is necessary to have her return. I’d be deeply grateful for any advice or guidance you can offer.
Letting someone you deeply care for go is always difficult, but in my scenario, I was fortunate to have the counsel of a spiritual mentor who preserved the unity of my marriage. Her name is Suzanne Ann Walters.
Thank you for this direction. I'll swiftly seek her out online. I appreciate it. I'm hopeful that following this course of action will yield results for me as well; her absence weighs heavily on my heart.
You should... I promise you will not regret it.
wow no one in this thread would be a con artist eh
ftw
It says a lot that this girl had no clue that moving in after 6 months is *WAY* too soon. She's terribbly naive. Where are her parents to talk her out of this??
Hands off. Which sounds the norm.
Parenting today is at an all time record low.
Some people are just liars. They lie about anything and everything. Walk away now. Or hurt like hell for a lot longer.
hits you with the sorry😅 for moving in quick
Why would he lie? Because for some people lying comes more naturally than telling the truth... it's a part of who they are... run lady...
Get out while you can. I didn’t listen to my gut and it led to 20 years of my life destroyed and kids involved. So messy. Get out NOW before you regret it
That voice cracking made my entire week doctor! Making peoples day once again
Word to the wise: You do not want to be with someone you have to second guess.
These kids want to move in and do everything ASAP and it ends badly . I work with a young girl who bought a house with her partner after 12 months of dating . My face made her ask a lot of questions . After 8 months the cracks are apparent . She does everything in the household and he just plays video games and drinks .
Not defending this.
But at least where I’m from the only way to get on the ladder is in a pair, houses are unaffordable for single people. When you are paying obscene rent every month, paying off some landlords mortgage, people get desperate to buy.
I could see an apt but a HOUSE???
@@Bringon-dw8dx You should never buy real estate with someone you're not married to.
@@deirdrekiely6187 considering many people never get married that’s a ridiculous statement.
Most long term couples in my family are not married, some have been together 30+ years! It would be insane for them to rent all that time.
If one is buying with another person then they need to put together an exit agreement in writing. If one leaves the other can buy out the person leaving. Value is based on the average of two certified appraisals. If unable to buy out the partner the house gets sold. Had two ladies who were just roommates buy together. Lasted four years and one was transferred. Because of the agreement I wrote up for them it was black and white. If either didn’t cooperate the document could have gone to court. I was their agent. They both had a nice nest egg after the sale and each bought their own house.
She’s very into the drama. Whew!
Just a side note he was saying I was with a girl for 3 months, then another girl for 5 months. He’s just hopping from one girl to another as a place to stay. I don’t think he really signs the leases he just let the girl do it.
She's living sunk cost fallacy.
The more she finds out, the more she realises he's a wrongin', but she's sticking with her original decision, even though every bit of information is screaming at her that he is no good.
My ex was pathological. Unfortunately it was a 1970’s relationship so there was no way of checking. And I was very naive. He was ten years older than he said, married twice before with two daughters and a huge family he had run away from. He was also verbally and emotionally abusive. I knew none of this until after 20 years of marriage.
Run my dear. As fast as you can. It won’t get better- you just become numb and put up with it.
"I think you're too stupid to figure out the truth" THANK YOU JOHN!!! this is my biggest pet peeve besides the betrayal is for someone to lie to me because it makes me feel like they think I'm too stupid to figure it out. The father of my child lies to me all the time even with my evidence. Its the reason I finally left him. I don't want to be with someone i can't trust to tell me the truth. That i can't trust is where he says he is etc. You also can't love someone and constantly lie. Big or small. You can't.
Some people act immature or ditsy to avoid reality. She seems like someone who might be disassociating so she doesn’t have to confront the truth that shes made a mistake. Maybe she’s a romantic. Maybe she’s insecure and thinks this guy is the best shes going to get idk. But I feel like this is deeper than just “naivety”
If you’re questioning if you can trust someone or not, that means you already don’t. The end
I like the way he says “Anna”.
John is also correct in his advice.
When I met my now bf I told him right away that I was still dealing with my ex and it was a recent breakup of 1 month, I think that truth helped us get closer. I emotionally clocked out of that relationship long ago
I had to overcome a lot of mistrust from my previous relationship. Now whenever I feel it (jealousy, the urge to go through his phone...) I tell my partner and he helps me process it. He gets it.
Anna: "But why does he lie? "
Anna, because he IS a liar. It's what he does. It's how he moves through the world.
It’s sad we’re still being taught to ignore our intuition and not truly teaching how to tap into it 🙄
She seems so sweet. I hope she made the right decision
Six months? Dump him immediately. Move on. And yes, moving in after 6 months is so dumb.
Red flags just look like flags through rose colored glasses.
6 months is too soon. I’m glad he addressed it.
She can't Trust him, obviously. As usual Dr. John you are on point. ❤
I know it’s more common nowadays, but it’s usually still a bad idea to move in with someone who’s not married to you. Especially if you’ve only been together for six months.
2:50 who failed to raise this lady?!?
I think one thing Anna is struggling with is she's moved in with this guy, and it's very hard for us to admit to ourselves, that we've made a big mistake, and now have to untangle ourselves from someone we moved in with. The benefit of the doubt that she's giving him is shielding herself from having to undo what she has decided to do within the relationship. Anna, cut your losses and run! If someone is lying in the beginning, especially about small things these are huge, red flags! Do yourself a favor and leave ASAP!
She’s not going anywhere because she’s so desperate for love. And he knows that.
Thank you. The desperation to cling on. She don't want to admit to friends and family that he's a bust. She put all her hopes and dreams on him. Embarrassment will trap her in the relationship. Also delusion. The idea that he lied, she couldn't cope with it.
@ she had to of moved him with him before 6 months. Because it sounded like 6 months already in the call. I don’t think her or this guy are prizes. The only smart one is his ex gf.
Ok had to chime in on this one. Due to trauma response, I lie all the time about stupid things to protect myself from people’s reactions. It’s a survival technique. I’m working on it but I still find it easier sometimes, especially with explosive parents or partners.
I don’t lie about big things, I don’t cheat and I’m not a bad person. I bring a lot to the table in relationships.
Long story short: sometimes we’re just trying to survive, not harm people
I'm more bothered by her impulsive decision-making of jumping to living with someone she barely knows etc. and the way she over emphasizes the need to know everything. It's reasonable for someone to say that three months of dating wasn't a relationship to them without needing to explain it further.
He could be a liar and a bad guy but there's nothing presented here to support that. We just have someone who jumped too fast and is now backtracking and digging. By her own admission he's not even hiding his phone etc. This all her. Completely her. I don't like people like this who need to dig and dig and dig into every single thing. They don't stay in my life long.
I completely understand, especially if we are people pleasers
I know what you mean
I get it. I do it too. It's not fair to the other person though and certainly doesn't engender trust. The other people are well within their rights not to trust me. Our responsibility is to work on being people of integrity
Knowing and admitting to what you do is admirable. It’s those that refuse to see themselves, or, can’t that are the problem.
I think the opposite way. The best way to really know someone is to live with them. It’s either total chaos in the first 3 months or nothing but peace.
Only down side is you need to own a home so you’re not dropping leases. I dated a girl once for 2 years everything was great we didn’t live together until I bought a house.
When parents are around everyone’s on their best behavior. I literally had to put all her stuff in my trailer and drop it off at her family’s house. She was an absolute nightmare when we were 1 on 1
She sounds about 14, her parents failed her. We don’t need to let our children find out the hard way.
Some things you have to learn on your own.
Her: “but maybe I can change him”
I’m glad he didn’t budge even though it’s not a giant lie. The small lies were what I needed to pay attention to but didn’t. Could have avoided a world of heartache.
Little lies lead to big lies. Run far run fast. You don't want to get married and have kids with someone you can't trust.
Anna is extremely immature (reminds me of myself at that age). She said her dad was great, but I don’t believe her:I know of what I speak and I see all the signs.
A young woman doesn’t just move in with a guy after 6 months of dating but then again i have seen girls move in with guys after just a couple of weeks of knowing. She’s done it before. Sounds very naive.
What a day America 👀 What a time to be alive...
I tend to agree with your sentiment.
God Bless America!! Trump for the W!! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼🇺🇸🙏🏽🫶🏼☀️❤️
Never thought the day would come we’d have a felon rapist who lied about a stolen election, but never provided a shred of evidence. Never provided a shred of evidence that immigrants were eating dogs, Kept making promises that some amazing healthcare plan that never existed was going to magically appear, Cheated repeatedly on every single one of his wives. What a day.
@@saucequeen4885you putting god and Trump in the same sentence.... Oh dear. Enjoy your r@pist in chief...
@@saucequeen4885now THAT’S someone who’s the epitome of untrustworthiness in romance/sex!
Please if this caller sees this - please run. End this. Trust me - if you stay it won’t end well. The lies will escalate and trust me when I say you don’t want to waste 20 years and realise he was showing you who he was all along - you just didn’t trust it. Speaking from experience - people who can lie will also do much worse later down the track.
She sounds 13.
1) shouldn’t have move in before marriage 2) shouldn’t have moved in within 6 months. 3) had she waited a year she could’ve found out the lying before being in a vulnerable situation where credit is involved 4) she sounds young and dumb. Sorry. 5) if her parents were that great why did she feel the need to leave them so soon 🤔
Living with my wife before we got married was one of the best decisions we’ve made. Getting married without living together first doesn’t provide some sort of magic protection against being lied to.
Wait you think it makes more sense to get married before moving in? That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Why would you make a life long commitment with someone before you’ve experienced how they live and how you live together. You know that’s completely backwards right?
I believe that moving in together before marriage is wrong. People here defending it like it’s super strong for the relationship are in for bad news. I knew a couple who lived together 12 years before marriage with 3 kids ended up cheating on each other later. Admit you just can’t handle the thought of marriage so you can just leave when it’s convenient for you when problems come
Sounds like her parents weren't there for her. She sugar coated that answer too.
@DreamAwayLullaby some women don't consider themselves cows too 👍🏾
Anna....the deer in headlights....
How do you reconcile “listen to your gut” with “your feelings try to keep you safe, but they aren’t always telling you the truth”?
It's no easy, but you have to learn the difference between your anxiety and your intuition I guess? How both manifest in your life/relationship + learning about psychology and doing therapy are a good beginning. Knowing yourself and your patterns help a lot while doing the healing process part!
Anxiety is basically just your body telling you "I recognize this person/situation, please run away from it".
Trauma generally leads to anxiety, and your guts are always right. If you meet someone for the first time, and you're feeling really anxious everytime you meet her the other times, your body is telling you "I don't trust this person, don't trust her too".
In a relationship, Love is peaceful and you shouldn't be anxious around the person you love. You can be anxious of fear of abandonment for example, but you have to know if that's triggered by the person in front of you, or if it's going from you!
It happens a lot with trauma.
My boyfriend is a wonderful human being, but both of us had family trauma, so we still feel anxiety in our relationship, but it's not because of the other person (I mean the same way as if our partner would lie to us, this way we would feel anxious). It's because we both have unsolved past problems that we have to deal with today, and that our relationship has woken up! It's like old habits we have to work on for us to understand "no, I don't have my mom/dad/any other abuser in front of me who wants to hurt me again"
This poor girl! If she doesn't get out now her life will pass her bye! ! She will be 12yrs down the road with him in a tangled heartbreaking traumatizing mess! THEY DO NOT CHANGE! HE SHOWED YOU WHO HE WAS!! NOW YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE IT!
Pace your self girl.
It takes so so long to know a soul.
Anna just wanted someone to validate her but tell her it's still ok to date him cuz that's what she intends on doing. Some things you just have to learn on your own. My Mama always told me, "Eventually you'll get sick and tired of being sick and tired". Anna's not there yet 🤷🏾♀️
If he lied before. He will again.
Not a person that you can trust. Let him go. There's no relationship without trust.
How can anyone trust a person he/she has only known for 6 months? Does Anna really NEED a boyfriend who lies to her? What's her rush to be tied to a lying boyfriend? She sounds so young and naive.I hope she can leave this guy.
She is reluctant to hear or see the truth. But also she seems to not be satisfied with his explanations.
She sounds so young and naive I worry for her being in a relationship as serious as living together. Grasping onto the first sign of affection given to her is alarming. She needs to be living with friends not a partner of 6 months 😑
Don't fall in love with a liar...
She needs a little growing up.
Make him your roommate or ask him to remove himself from the lease. Find a roommate and do a little growing up.
She's asking for advice but gets defensive when John pointed out what she already knows.
Never cohabitate in 6 months of relationship. 🤦🏽♂️
You can't learn or know everything about someone at once
Anna, please listen to this! Run and don’t look back. Deal with the lease and the heartache, and LEAVE. I had those glasses on for
My husband. Those weird “little” lies and inconsistencies were just the tip of the iceberg. No one from his past is going to warn you. You have to listen to your gut and heed that warning. Before you’re stuck in an abvsive marriage with children and no way to escape. Please 🙏 Do it for yourself, for your future, and for those of us who excused our partner’s bad behavior away until it was too late.
This relationship is gonna last maybe 2 more months, max. Just Anna alone is a walking red flag.
"Was it!?!?!" 🙄
"It wasnt nothing"
That is holding alot more weight than this call is giving.
The inverse to this situation would be wild.
John: "Good thing you moved in with a guy you've only known for 6 months, that was good"
Anna: "oh uh omg, im sorryyyyyyyyy"
🤮🤮🤮
I like Delony a lot but sometimes he needs to drop the psychic mind reader act... We all know you are good at it... We have seen you do it, but its still better to just ask questions and get information the old fashioned way...
The problem is he just doesn’t have time. I mean take this call for example it’s 18:47 and this was the last call for this particular show. He just doesn’t have enough time to ask all the questions he wants to. He has other meetings to attend, AND he shares this studio with his colleague Ken so he’s on a time crunch.
The "your body knows" line is getting old too
I think it's a method of skipping to the point. These aren't supposed to be therapy sessions in which the patient could just talk.
@@snopure he could skip to the point easier with questions instead of guesses...
Agree. It's very annoying. Deloney is not a psychic.