Its crazy and very sad at the same time. If they were treated badly and werent shown love, youd think they wouldve learnt, as an adult, how to treat people and not to shit on them from a great height. Its sad, because we dont really know the battles that theyre fighting in their heads. To discard a healthy and happy relationship, when they long to be loved....and all youve shown them is love...they must be really fucked up. I was discarded in February, when it was all going great. With the help of Ryan, im heaps better now... I was a mess in the beginning! I do still miss her and i do still hope she'll get intouch., but ill only wanna be friends. At the end of the day, she's a lovely lady with a great sense of humour.....but with a mental illness. Plus.... When she dumped me, she was grieving the loss of her dear friend, so her stress levels were off the scale. Ive since found out this was a major factor in why i was discarded.
I appreciate all these posts ryan, I thought I found somebody I can be with for a lifetime as im an anxious attachment style she love bombed me to no end and then talked about how I was so perfect and then she just got distant on me and I asked her why and she had no explanation so I called her one night and talked to her for about 45 minutes and told her not to forget about me and I told her I loved her and that was that. She said to me after we got off the call that "maybe when she gets her stuff together so like 2 months maybe" thats what she told me and thats what ive been left with. Its only been 2 weeks but man it doesnt get easier does it
It's harder when two months go by and she hasn't contacted you, blocked you on social media and changed her number. The best advice I can give you is to not put yourself through even more pain and anguish and walk (or run) away.
I have done it coach I just want to save the thing between us and yet I got ghosted. Its still breaks my heart the lack of empathy. How a healthy human being who live all that good things with you can be so disrespectful. I still couldn’t process it . Its been 65 days and I am still waiting. Waiting for an apology. I know the relationship will not work out but did he never truly cares about me :(
65 days is a very long time to wait for anyone to come back and apologize. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, but it’s time for us to take care of ourselves better than they did us. They will never apologize, they’re afraid of their own emotions and don’t want to face it or hold any accountability.
I feel that you have to discard the avoidant first. Go no contact, live your best life, and if they truly miss you, they might - just might - look within themselves and want to change.
I'm not sure it's a bad thing if you push them further away. I tried chase and not to chase, it doesn't matter. I sent that heartfelt letter, too but I did it for me. He had to come out of his cave or discard me again for the last time. Either way I'd be okay. I know he loves me but his fears are much bigger. He digged his own grave and it stopped this back and forth bs. You get very tired in one way or another. The chance that you get closeness and consistency is small. The chance that you become their JoJo is quite big. I have better things to do than dealing with a miserable phantom. It's a black hole everything disappears into.
Hi everybody i have been with my avoidant partner on and off for 7 years and after a break they go back into there old ways breadcrumbing saying they want security and safety but the more love and reassurance you give them the more they isolate and discard you brads right why would you chase someone who gives 20% whilst you give your all she will reach out in time she always does i know she was abused whilst her caregivers were there to protect her and the emotional impact long term it must of had but by communicating these fears to me we could and can try to work through them we had the most wonderful weekend away talked and intimate then bang the discard nows my time its not my issue when she comes back im now more educated with there traits i will lay my boundaries down and tell her she needs therapy and will have my support throughout if she doesn't im off the pain shock and your mental health is not worth it go no contact and keep your self busy dont think about them whats the point
Nice Video. My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life as anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
I have been in such a situation. My relationship ended about two years ago, but I could not let her go, so I had to do all I could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring her back, now we are back together, and I must say I am enjoying every moment...
I get you. I was dumped by an avoidant too and he was really the love of my life. There’s just no one like him anywhere else. But hey, it’s been 3 months for me and I’m seeing things more clearly every day: I deserve much better. It’s obvious that I loved him more than he loved me, otherwise he wouldn’t have done this at all. The same goes for you. You will see. Take good care of yourself and let time heal everything💪
I sent a heartfelt message, expressed what I wanted and my love for them. It was a long message and I sent it last week and haven’t heard from him since. He’s decided to walk away Been 10 days and no reply. Seems that they discarded me for the final time and ghosted me with no words nothing. So I guess I pushed them away with showing my love my love for them. . The first time they discarded me they sent me an email and wanted me close. This time nothing so I guess I was used because at the time they didn’t have prospects. Now that they’ve lost the weight he’s decided to go out and date again and younger women. That’s what hurt me - He made me feel loved with his lovebombing when I wasn’t sure to trust him. Once I learned to trust him again he discarded me. It’s cruel. A part of me still wants him back and hope he does. Somebody help me 😢
What if they know they are wrong for the ghosting , discard after a 7 year relationship, but because they are avoidant they are afraid to reach out ? They live off fear , so if someone doesn’t break the ice of NC , they night not ever .
If you decide to reach out to them, and there's talk about getting the relationship back together, you need to have clear communication that they're willing to get in therapy, coaching, or something else that shows them how to stop deactivating emotions. Getting back into a relationship with no safety measures is just going to end up the same. If they're not willing to do things to work on themselves, you'll most likely end up in the same situation again, with them just leaving you one day with no explanation.
Yes, after them ghosting you you can reach out but expect no reply. This happened to me. Still I think he'll come back after having ghosted me for 4 wks now but I am not sure any more if he'd be a good choice because he might do it again. Already did once and came back. Now doing it the second time. No discard, he did not block me, but ghosting hurts like hell. Relationship of 1 3/4 yrs. and he let me feel loved and safe. Also was consistent.
Do have but, definitely not when they are triggered and shut down. In those moments they are fully self-centered and not able to think beyond that. And since your relationship with the avoidant is romantic, you will experience the triggered version of them, so you wont feel emphaty from them. But they will have emphaty for their friends, pets, and what not. Or even for you at the beginning of the relationship. But not later when you really need it in those critical moments, which makes those moment more and more critical, your anxiety skyrocketing, and you will start to have symphtoms like narc abuse. Once the relationship is over for one thing or another, the healing is very difficult, due to anxiety, cognitive dissonance, emotional flashbacks from ignoring your feelings, also not acknowledging your pain, and also later on you finally learned about attachment styles and shit and now you know kung-fu, and you are now entirely in a different mindset, but they are still at the same place, and now you want to reach out to help them. Absolut mindfck.
@@SidneyWells dang yes hell, it hurts.. really hurt that he can just ghosting me, we spend time really wholesome, he said he will texts me “tomorrow night” but countless night have been passed
I am sorry for all of you who loved so deeply as I have.
I’m sorry we all loved an avoidant , only to have our hearts ripped and shredded .
I am glad that I am capable of deep love. I will love again 😊! May God bless you indeed.
I finally told the avoidant, "I don't chase, I don't beg, and I don't go where I'm not wanted." Block.
Applause! It's even funnier when you tell em "ya know I'm just really not interested".
I always say “I don’t chase, I replace 💅🏾”
Because they secretly want you to beg
Auch!! Strong woman...
Don't plead your case! Just walk away. ❤
Leave them alone.
They're not worth it. Most of them are con artists.
Its crazy and very sad at the same time.
If they were treated badly and werent shown love, youd think they wouldve learnt, as an adult, how to treat people and not to shit on them from a great height.
Its sad, because we dont really know the battles that theyre fighting in their heads.
To discard a healthy and happy relationship, when they long to be loved....and all youve shown them is love...they must be really fucked up.
I was discarded in February, when it was all going great. With the help of Ryan, im heaps better now... I was a mess in the beginning!
I do still miss her and i do still hope she'll get intouch., but ill only wanna be friends. At the end of the day, she's a lovely lady with a great sense of humour.....but with a mental illness.
Plus.... When she dumped me, she was grieving the loss of her dear friend, so her stress levels were off the scale. Ive since found out this was a major factor in why i was discarded.
I can relate !
I’ve never felt so pummeled !
Don't go back.
Do not chase anyone or anything in this life.. Everything will come to you once you surrender and let it come
I appreciate all these posts ryan, I thought I found somebody I can be with for a lifetime as im an anxious attachment style she love bombed me to no end and then talked about how I was so perfect and then she just got distant on me and I asked her why and she had no explanation so I called her one night and talked to her for about 45 minutes and told her not to forget about me and I told her I loved her and that was that. She said to me after we got off the call that "maybe when she gets her stuff together so like 2 months maybe" thats what she told me and thats what ive been left with. Its only been 2 weeks but man it doesnt get easier does it
It's harder when two months go by and she hasn't contacted you, blocked you on social media and changed her number.
The best advice I can give you is to not put yourself through even more pain and anguish and walk (or run) away.
I have done it coach I just want to save the thing between us and yet I got ghosted. Its still breaks my heart the lack of empathy. How a healthy human being who live all that good things with you can be so disrespectful. I still couldn’t process it . Its been 65 days and I am still waiting. Waiting for an apology. I know the relationship will not work out but did he never truly cares about me :(
65 days is a very long time to wait for anyone to come back and apologize. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, but it’s time for us to take care of ourselves better than they did us. They will never apologize, they’re afraid of their own emotions and don’t want to face it or hold any accountability.
I feel that you have to discard the avoidant first. Go no contact, live your best life, and if they truly miss you, they might - just might - look within themselves and want to change.
@@Pinkyxohx I know but he literally turn into someone else during breakup like I was dating with someone else all that time :(
@@Aufwiedersin I know, trust me I am currently going through it right now myself.
@@Pinkyxohx I will pray for you, I hope everything works as your heart wishes without any issues ♥️
I'm not sure it's a bad thing if you push them further away. I tried chase and not to chase, it doesn't matter. I sent that heartfelt letter, too but I did it for me. He had to come out of his cave or discard me again for the last time. Either way I'd be okay. I know he loves me but his fears are much bigger. He digged his own grave and it stopped this back and forth bs. You get very tired in one way or another. The chance that you get closeness and consistency is small. The chance that you become their JoJo is quite big. I have better things to do than dealing with a miserable phantom. It's a black hole everything disappears into.
I told her “I don’t want to be friends with you”.
Blocked me 5min after
Hi everybody i have been with my avoidant partner on and off for 7 years and after a break they go back into there old ways breadcrumbing saying they want security and safety but the more love and reassurance you give them the more they isolate and discard you brads right why would you chase someone who gives 20% whilst you give your all she will reach out in time she always does i know she was abused whilst her caregivers were there to protect her and the emotional impact long term it must of had but by communicating these fears to me we could and can try to work through them we had the most wonderful weekend away talked and intimate then bang the discard nows my time its not my issue when she comes back im now more educated with there traits i will lay my boundaries down and tell her she needs therapy and will have my support throughout if she doesn't im off the pain shock and your mental health is not worth it go no contact and keep your self busy dont think about them whats the point
Nice Video. My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life as anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
I have been in such a situation. My relationship ended about two years ago, but I could not let her go, so I had to do all I could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring her back, now we are back together, and I must say I am enjoying every moment...
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do I reach one.?
Her name is Maurice Gleti, and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex...
Thank you for this valuable information, I just looked her up online. impressive.
I get you. I was dumped by an avoidant too and he was really the love of my life. There’s just no one like him anywhere else. But hey, it’s been 3 months for me and I’m seeing things more clearly every day: I deserve much better. It’s obvious that I loved him more than he loved me, otherwise he wouldn’t have done this at all. The same goes for you. You will see. Take good care of yourself and let time heal everything💪
I sent a heartfelt message, expressed what I wanted and my love for them. It was a long message and I sent it last week and haven’t heard from him since. He’s decided to walk away Been 10 days and no reply. Seems that they discarded me for the final time and ghosted me with no words nothing. So I guess I pushed them away with showing my love my love for them.
. The first time they discarded me they sent me an email and wanted me close. This time nothing so I guess I was used because at the time they didn’t have prospects. Now that they’ve lost the weight he’s decided to go out and date again and younger women. That’s what hurt me - He made me feel loved with his lovebombing when I wasn’t sure to trust him. Once I learned to trust him again he discarded me. It’s cruel.
A part of me still wants him back and hope he does. Somebody help me 😢
Let him go. He will only hurt you
@coachryan can you do a video on DAs and narrow down their behavior further by adult age group and male/female difference
Thanks coach
What if they know they are wrong for the ghosting , discard after a 7 year relationship, but because they are avoidant they are afraid to reach out ?
They live off fear , so if someone doesn’t break the ice of NC , they night not ever .
If you decide to reach out to them, and there's talk about getting the relationship back together, you need to have clear communication that they're willing to get in therapy, coaching, or something else that shows them how to stop deactivating emotions. Getting back into a relationship with no safety measures is just going to end up the same. If they're not willing to do things to work on themselves, you'll most likely end up in the same situation again, with them just leaving you one day with no explanation.
Yes, after them ghosting you you can reach out but expect no reply. This happened to me. Still I think he'll come back after having ghosted me for 4 wks now but I am not sure any more if he'd be a good choice because he might do it again. Already did once and came back. Now doing it the second time. No discard, he did not block me, but ghosting hurts like hell. Relationship of 1 3/4 yrs. and he let me feel loved and safe. Also was consistent.
@@jamjox9922yep exactly right - second time round he did the same thing and then discarded me without a trace
@@ritapeters1330yep similar to my situation. I know I won’t get a reply from them anymore.
😊
What if it is your husband?
Do they have empathy?
They don’t have empathy
Nope
Do have but, definitely not when they are triggered and shut down. In those moments they are fully self-centered and not able to think beyond that.
And since your relationship with the avoidant is romantic, you will experience the triggered version of them, so you wont feel emphaty from them.
But they will have emphaty for their friends, pets, and what not. Or even for you at the beginning of the relationship. But not later when you really need it in those critical moments, which makes those moment more and more critical, your anxiety skyrocketing, and you will start to have symphtoms like narc abuse.
Once the relationship is over for one thing or another, the healing is very difficult, due to anxiety, cognitive dissonance, emotional flashbacks from ignoring your feelings, also not acknowledging your pain, and also later on you finally learned about attachment styles and shit and now you know kung-fu, and you are now entirely in a different mindset, but they are still at the same place, and now you want to reach out to help them.
Absolut mindfck.
@@SidneyWells dang yes hell, it hurts.. really hurt that he can just ghosting me, we spend time really wholesome, he said he will texts me “tomorrow night” but countless night have been passed
Not much from my experience.