The difference between MASCULINE and FEMININE COMMUNICATION: information versus experience
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 พ.ค. 2023
- The most significant difference between masculine and feminine communication pertains to their respective goals. Whereas masculine communication is interested in the accurate transmission of information, feminine communication is devoted to the transmission of experience, in the sense of felt subjectivity. By means of analogy: masculine communication is like a language without vowels, and feminine communication is like a language without consonants. The most effective communication styles combine both.
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#men #women #psychology
The most significant difference between masculine and feminine communication pertains to their respective goals. Whereas masculine communication is interested in the accurate transmission of information, feminine communication is devoted to the transmission of experience, in the sense of felt subjectivity. By means of analogy: masculine communication is like a language without vowels, and feminine communication is like a language without consonants. The most effective communication styles combine both.
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#men #women #psychology
I submit that is an extremely poor analogy. And it seems very much as though you are using it to support the frame that both communications styles are relatively equal and codependent for optimal function.
A closer (but certainly still insufficient) analogy would be: Masculine communication is like a language of only spoken words with the absence of inflection or tone or emotional content, and feminine communication is like a language of pure tone, inflection, and emotional content but no words. Both are possible for communicating, and each could potentially benefit from incorporating features of the other...but those benefits are without question asymmetrical in value.
Thank you for the video Dr. Taraban. I am currently working on transmitting more information than emotions for maximum effectivity in order to reach my personal goals
@@firestick4991 women speak from an *inductive reasoning* position, and their main goal in speaking is for *social cohesion.* But, you are correct about women speaking in an entirely different language. I've been putting together a small translation pamphlet, and if you're curious, here's a portion for you...
Translated common phrases of Womanese [*Please be aware of the "Elephant and the rider" issue]:
life = Intimate partner (My life = My significant other)
Lifestyle = One of the many variable environments of which a life creates by the way it behaves.
Exciting = New and different
Single = No life (claimed as your own). [She has decided that she wants to test out and pursue an exiting lifestyle.]
Experiences = lifestyles that create (positive) feelings (and add to her collection of knowledge).
Travel = Exciting experiences
Fun = S3x
Naughty = Exciting fun
Boring = You don't entertain me (lack of experiences)
"Find myself" = Find a different lifestyle that's exciting, fun, and maybe even a little naughty.
"Free Spirit" = A woman finding themselves through exciting behaviors and experiences.
Time &/or space = Wanting to find myself because you're boring
Nice = Push over that's good to use for things (food, rides, repairs, lawn care, etc...)
Mean = Not Nice
(Give or receive) Support = (Give or receive) money or things that solve needs (such as hunger, lack of vehicle, broken equipment, homecare work not being accomplished, etc...).
@55hole = Someone that's interested in having fun, and may even be a bit mean.
Friends = nice people that help give you support in your current lifestyle.
* [Respect = a display of submission to the will or desires of another. One respects, or pays respect to dominance.]
Funny/Makes me laugh = Socially Charismatic. Capable of balance, and the blending of the relative respect levels of the self and others within a social network. (Good potential for resource acquisition and social stability)
Rude = Disagreeable or Contrary language or behavior, without first proving worth to act in a dominant social position. I.E. One is rude if you take a dominant stance, but do not garner respect.
"It's not what you say, but how you say it" = You have been found to be rude, and you must demonstrate your ability to be funny and make people laugh.
"Tired of all the FBoys" = Mean @55holes no longer choose me to have fun with.
"Looking to settle down/for something serious" = (Consciously) Looking for a nice guy in my life. (Consciously) Looking for someone that is supportive, nice, and respects me.
...waiting for all the lefty cancel culture to begin their comments on "theres no differences between the 2" Who is this white guy think he his talking about feminine vs masculine communication! 3 year old rage, cancel, repeat.
@@tygon13 Very, very well understood. Your translations do a much better job of capturing the real world phenomena than do the technical definitions of these words and phrases.
Additional note: Much of what you are describing here, insofar as the use of language goes, is not solely a women's operating system but rather the operating system functioning in humans with overriding irrationality and internal inconsistency. It is a dominant feature of left-leaning and "civilized" thinking, and humans in general have been toggling up this system more and more since the beginning of civilization. The reason one might think of it as "womanese" is because men are innately better at overriding the system, whereas women, by and large, have it set as their default mode.
You should try to publish a more detailed and comprehensive collection. This could be a serious project if you were so inclined, and I think it could be quite beneficial to society at large.
"The reason men lose their patience talking to us is because we never say what we mean and we take too damn long to say it."
Pop show psychologist Dr. Joy Brown
Exactly
Men fight with fists. Women fight with words. All so often us men have to deal with a tongue lashing conjured up from a very dark place. Women seem to think they can claim that they were angry and didn't mean it. That doesn't fly. You said it, you most certainly meant it - at least you did when you were angry. You might regret what you said afterwards, but you meant it. As an adult, I have to take what comes out your mouth seriously. There is no situation where I could hit someone and then claim I didn't mean it afterwards. Words hurt men like fists hurt women. I have to think before I hit. I expect you to think before you speak. I realize my expectations are totally unrealistic because I have never found this, but it would be wonderful if I did!
Great analogy. Thank you for sharing
Interesting description. It is interesting to me that (in general or many cases) “hitting” with words has few legal or social repercussions (barring slander, libel, obscenity, fraud, or fighting words). Hitting with fists almost always has repercussions even if the combatants walk away from it with a truce. So you can crush someone’s soul with words and the victim can be blamed for being soft. But there is zero tolerance for physical assertiveness no matter how disciplined or measured. I’m just making an observation. I don’t condone people hitting each other physically. But, I don’t condone using words to hurt either.
Brilliantly phrased. Thank you!
Women use fists too. And pans, knives.
Accountability is a foreign concept for women.
As Jordan Peterson once said "women use gossip as a form of currency. That's how they trade with each other"
Masculine communication evolved to coordinate on the battlefield. Feminine communication evolved to understand and soothe crying infants. Both those situations are equally important from a Darwinian perspective.
There is no evolution involved but rather the hard wiring of the brain from conception as coded information imparted from a supreme intelligence. You evidently believe like Darwin, that organisms could just change according to need. Darwin, knowing nothing about DNA, genetics or mutations had an excuse for his ignorance. You don’t.
If you take a look at single mother home statistics most women can’t even understand their children.
Well, maybe that claim makes sense, but not in a context of gender. Because communication is never inherently masculine or feminine, it just gets mixed up with very traditional gender roles in this video.
Men communicated with each other even before there were battlefields and they too were playing with kids or at least were in situations with friends and family were there was empathy necessary. And also women were hunting too in hunter-gatherer systems, as more recent research suggests.
So these two styles of communication have inherently nothing to do with gender, both were used by all genders. And both are still used by all genders today, at least in my experience.
Life just doesn’t work when you’re only communicating rationally or only communicating emotionally.
I like this particular content very much. As a woman (perhaps on the spectrum), I spent years in my life trying to escape what I saw as the shame of femininity: lack of rationality and seemingly erratic emotions. It led me to being rather robotic. It led to being divorced from part of myself; it led to unhappiness. I'm so glad you emphasized 'balance.'
@@thereisnosanctuary6184 Go to horny jail.
Hi there, thank you for your honesty!
As men and women have coexisted since the dawn of homosapiens, never ever feel shame about having emotions as a woman. They are what they are, and for the most part men understand that.
The real exercise in maturity is for women to truly understand that their actions have consequences, and that their words matter. When my ex wife threw tantrums, I understood her intentions loud and clear, but she did not truly understand how throwing tantrums physically and emotionally affects the people around her. Feeling emotion and what we do about them are related, but far from the same thing.
I'll just say the quiet part loud: women need to hold themselves accountable for what they say and do more often, just as men need to understand that women communicate emotionally first and logically second.
@@weirdcoincollection Absolutely. Filters and consideration are essential. And when something mean slips out, you apologize. In my experience, mean comments have much more to do with what is going on inside the speaker than the person they are speaking to. My husband told me about things his ex told him and I could not believe it! She was a very tortured, neurotic woman.
@@kwtgjad
Is she available?
As a fellow autistic guy i agree that normies' irrationality is cringe.... .
Lot of shןt tests are conducted via that tuning fork strategy.
She gets very emotional (i.e-vibrates), therefore she wants you to vibrate according to her tune.
If you break and do that - then she's holding frame. She's leading. And since they don't really wanna lead in the relationship- this means if she gets you to be emotional when she uses her "fork" (crying/yelling etc.)- then you'll get dumped very quickly.
And then they ask men "why are you not showing your emotions?". Because if you do= you are led by her (i.e- there are now two feminine entities in this relationship)- thus, breaking the balance and dooming the relationship. So, men are being shamed for that, as if they were "broken vvסmen", because "everyone needs to act like a vvסman, since it's the correct way to be" according to sסciety.
Men probably had to (unknowingly) "be cold" sometimes to keep that balance in the relationship so it keeps going. It's probably what vvסmen want without ever confessing it.
Well said, sir. Well said.
And I'd like to really stress something you said ("Men...had to...'be cold' sometimes to keep that balance")...this right here is major. The more a woman tilts towards the extremes of dysfunctional feminine communication, the more a man will (almost by necessity) tilt towards the extremes of dysfunctional masculine communication. (Almost subconsciously to keep balance.)
This is why both individuals need to be developed enough to function within the optimal ranges of their respective communication modes. And I think you already know which party (in modern times) tends to tilt more towards the dysfunctional side without prompt.
@Gohann This connects well to Orion's video about Love having nothing to do with relationships. Which are mainly a platform to exchange value. Seems like every side gotta play their gender part to make this platform work. Thus, a man who can't really share, be vulnerable with his own girl (cause that's not in his job description)... is not really a loved man. That's a dude playing his part in the exchange of values game. They say if you got problems, difficulties etc. - go talk to anyone but your girl. It's a truth nobody talks about.
@Gohann It may not quite seem like it, but everything you've said is completely consistent with my comment. (Your comment articulated it in a much more red pilled manner.) Nicely done.
Those "sh!t tests" are designed (often unconsciously) to see if you will stay firm in your role as a leader (in which case you'll maintain the balance by NOT bending to her frame). Most women are biologically driven towards males with solid leadership qualities. They aren't looking for the beta males of the tribe (until they have no other options). And it shouldn't be surprising to men that women are constantly testing for this.
Cheers
@@eladbari "Seems like every side gotta play their gender part to make this platform work."
You nailed it.
(If you get bored, go find my comment under the "Who has more POWER in a RELATIONSHIP" video.)
"...not in his job description"
So on the mark.
SPOT ON! HEAVENS THEY ARE A PAIN.
That consonant/ vowel analogy is BRILLIANT. I’ve never heard an analogy like that.
It really does work that way, though. If a person who knows two Germanic languages, he can figure out the gist of a third by focusing on the consonants and ignoring the vowels. The same applies to two Slavic languages or two Romance languages.
Vowels can be distortive. Vowels make English and German sound much less similar than they actually are.
This is why when I’m annoyed or whatever at my lover (a man) I take a breath….and don’t react right away with an answer. Too emotional. I think it through then go back to communicate! It works, he really understands where I’m coming from…most times. 😅Anyway I’ve learned to communicate with men much better. I love it! Good video 👏
Yes. I've been finding that when I don't react right and think things through I can respond in such a better manner than just reacting emotionally right away.
Men who most frequently engage in "feminine communication", it seems to me, are musicians, poets and song writers
And GAYS !
And most politicians
And that’s why women like them so much 🤷♀️
Actors, singers, most artists, models, some politicians, lawyers, musicians, poets, homosexuals.
Not construction workers, marines, pipefitters, roofers or even many doctors,teachers.
"Here's a Thing. It is what it is. You don't like this Thing, don't buy it."
Great video. This is a major reason why building and maintaining a close relationship is so painfully difficult. We speak completely different languages.
That's because you have been told by the modern propaganda that you should step into her frame to show support, you do not need to become a woman to show support. You just need to give her reassurance the the ground underneath her is not melting and that it's not the end of the world.
On the other hand you should bounce all your concerns with other men (friends). Why would you want to go to someone who is not rational and talk about things that are rational. For starters a vvoman can not relate to you issues, and a man friend is going to hold you accountable and tell you straight (not just talk about it for the sake of talking).
Like the stock market
Men - 5-10 year zoomed out chart of the big picture and direction (consistent and slow)
VVomen - 1 day and it's every minute volatility (inconsistent and fast)
The dynamic you speak of was present in my marriage. I found myself deliberately holding my body rigid while speaking as monotone as possible in order that she not filter everything I say through the lens of my body language or tone of voice. ... The contortions of logic she came up with to integrate a twitch of my arm or slight increase in volume were dumbfounding.
I always had to look into her eyes at all times. It was such hard work and I was so focused on doing that that I couldn’t focus on her words anymore
Haha, this is exactly what I went through in my marriage as well, except is was my facial expressions. Now she complains about how I just stare emotionlessly at her when she's upset.
I was attempting to explain to a sibling why I did not want strangers (in this case, a repairman) in my home without me present, because it is potentially dangerous for her. Instead of focusing on my concern for her safety and wellbeing and shifted the topic to how I was being "mean" to her, because of the "smirk" I had on my face. This is when I realized that there is no way to reason with a woman.
I tried that. My ex simply fantasized her own facial expressions and vocal times and projected them onto me.
Omg this, it’s insane sometimes dealing with women
Most of the time when I've revealed my feelings in a relationship it did not go well. My feelings were invalidated, belittled or, in the rare cases when acknowledged, nothing changed.
My experience is the same. Although sometimes I'd get ' humor the crazy person ' responses as well.
Respectfully, that is not because your emotions were not valid or because it was a bad idea to reveal them. It is likely because the person was not mature/balanced enough to be able to hear you. I'm speculating, but it could be that it touched upon a raw nerve and they acted defensive. It doesn't mean you should not try again to express your emotions with a different person :)
Just the facts, ma'am.
What happened was I was minding
my own business when all of a
sudden something happened.
... And just the feels sir (say the women).
There’s a component of feminine communication that I’d like to understand and have someone tell me I’m wrong. It seems to me that many women to a large degree enjoy being emotionally manipulated and emotionally manipulating others. It seems to feel very, very good to them on both sides. They’ll turn on a Hallmark movie because they know their emotions will be greatly affected. On the other side they will engage in emotional manipulation because they have learned that it gives tremendous power. Additionally it is seemingly ok with them to wield this power unchecked if they get the desired results and when called on it they will exert maximum emotional manipulation to coverup for their relationship damaging behavior. To top it off they will incredulously say “I don’t understand why you’re so upset!”. It’s like playing with matches and not understanding why the house burnt down. BS! They know exactly what is going on. They knowingly start it but they couldn’t control it to the degree they wanted to. My strategy now that I fully understand this is to say “Nice try but it’s not going to work! What we’re talking about is ____”. Imagine dazed looks of shock and confusion and the corresponding ratcheting up of efforts to emotionally manipulate but if you don’t waver things will eventually get better.
This is soo true! And I’m a woman who gets annoyed when talking to women sometimes. That manipulation is lack of self awareness. Period
There’s a female coworker like this. I see right through her
Damn bruh, who hurt you?😂
@@nevad1784 Your mother. 😂
@@nevad1784 Your mom probably did it. Shame on her!
So that explains all online articles I read about empath, conciousness, human frequency, and other new age terms. These are all about the feminine way of communicating. If you dive too deep into the feminine you'll become doubtful & anxious in conversation because you'll be worried of how the other person feel & think. I once dive too deep into the darkness. But now I realised, cold hard facts/information with clear & precise intention behind it always Help to counterbalance the feminine tendency. Thank you.
That is exactly the wrong conclusion. Read any book or other source about communication, they will tell you the same: the solution to this problem is to lead with emotion. Establish common ground first, make sure to create sympathy. Then you can get into whatever topic is on your agenda, but make sure to losen up every now and then. Weave in a joke, pause the rationality for some small talk, so you don't loose your audience halfway through.
If you center too much on the rational part, the result will be that you will very clearly remember what was said and agreed upon, whereas your counterpart will mostly not.
Might I recommend Marshall Rosenberg's nonviolent communication (NVC). It marry's together a good balance between acknowledging your emotional state, recognizing and valuing the emotional state of others, and clearly identifying and communicating solid and actionable facts.
The premise of it is ...a needs-based communication style that prioritizes the facts of problem solving in order to remedy any emotional discord. It offers a rather good balance that you might find both refreshing and useful.
I'll tell you why this is the best video I've seen from you yet, Dr. Taraban. You are respectful and appreciative to women in this, which I believe (based on the content of this micro lecture) will do better to distributing this information to help heal our gender war rift. I've seen a woman tip you for explaining the difference between our communication styles and holy hell, that is remarkable. Thanks to the ladies who are being cool about learning this information instead of reacting with an emotional tirade.
Great video, it reminds me of a quote I heard from a neurologist that went something like; "if we assume the male brain is neuro-typical then all women are schizophrenic. If we assume the female-brain is neuro-typical then all men are autistic." So to use your example men listening in on women talking would be finding their conversation vacuous and empty, and women listening in on men talking would be finding their conversation vacuous and empty. The former for the lack of any concrete information or any final action plan/goal, the latter for the lack of any emotional substance and supporting details.
That’s hilarious and probably true
Female autistics are said to be similiar to a neutotypical male.
And where does sociopathic behavior fit into that equation?
@@thereisnosanctuary6184Is that so? Interesting...
@@thevisitor1012
I read it in the internet.
Truth.
I only say true things, there's the difference.
Exactly lol to act like women aren’t intentionally obscure in much of their communication as a tactic is to be naive.
Very important, one of the main points of fyodor dostojevsky's novels.
If you lie to others, you will start lying to yourself and believing your lies. You will hate yourself.
"The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love.”
@@jimmymaracas6442 they are deceptive by nature
Based
I doubt that sentence is 100% true.
Excellent...!!! - LIGHT YEARS Beyond the old - "Men Are From Mars/Women Venus" concepts 😊 👍
Yes indeed....woman are from bra's,men are from penis.....that was the spoof made out of the title...
Maybe I’m crazy but half the people in the comments are missing the “solution” in the end. That both parters need to give a little in communication. If understanding is the basis communication can improve
I love the musical analogy to effective verbal communication and that both male and female can utilize both the feminine and masculine.
100% true from my experience . Men exchange information. Women channel emotions. It’s why, again from my experience, extracting information from women is so inefficient. Less than 30% of their words have useful content and that too only if you are paying attention.
You're right. And this is because part of the mechanism of being a man is to see reality, so that they can alter it, for the better survival of our species. And part of the mechanism of being a woman is to maintain social cohesion, in order for us to unite, for the better survival of our species.
In theory, this creates a species that works together, and alters and improves their environment.... A species that survives and thrives.
And women have successfully destroyed that one purpose of their existence
I think this is at the core of why women, outside of being beautiful, are not that interesting. Men like things and concepts. I have little to no interest in your feelings.
I get this man. I keep hoping to find a woman with interesting thoughts or perspectives but they're just self-absorbed. It's all about them and how they feel.
I tend to have concern for other’s emotions in as much as it relates to the objective I or we are seeking. Men and women are emotional creatures. Emotional in different ways. If I’m indifferent to other’s’ emotions, I could fail at my well crafted, logical scheme because I get no buy in. I think as a male I can feel good if it makes sense. I think for many women, it makes sense if it feels good.
wtf, are you calling men materialistic
Reality is wider than thoughts, concepts and emotions ....that's why mystics wipe the floor with philosophers.
Great video Dr. Taraban! The truth is that moving forward collectivelly as a society it is better to try to understand as best as we can both men and women perspective. Thank you for sharing with us all these facts to consider for better understanding life!
A female having a conversation that solidifies social cohesion is the equivalent of a man having sex. Neuroscience is amazing
Well said
You've really been helping me in a very tough 30 year marriage problem. Thank you very much Orion!
One. I just read the guidelines for this channel. Probably the most constructive thing i have read in a while . Very masculine communication, love it. Thank you . Now as someone who has been married for a long time, this is very helpful. My wife and i fight over things where i say to myself " this is really simple, why cant you get this?". Now i know why. I would love to share this with her, but she would say it is nonsense. Keep up the good work. I needed this a long time ago.
Relationships as firm as they seem, are fragile. Romantic gestures and memories, and communication and pillow talk may be key requirements of a great relationship but there's another subtle detail almost none of us bother about. And that's the power of words in a relationship. The words we choose can make our relationship lot better, or at times it can push away from us forever. Thanks!
Brilliantly and succinctly put - I particularly like the vowel/consonant analogy :)
I never tire of reminding myself of this anytime speaking with a woman.
We might as well be speaking two different languages.
I'm trying to convey information, she's trying to convey her emotions/experience. If i don't respond with the same emotion, I'm too stoic, serious, "in a bad mood", when I'm simply being pragmatic and rational.
It’s truly crazy and usually when are saying the same thing but in different languages
Thanks for sharing your wisdom Orion
I can see how effective communication marries both the masculine and feminine because the interpretation of information conveyed is often coloured by both the factual content and the emotions involved.
Well said🥂👏🏾
containers of emotional energy...wow..beautiful. That's what music notes are, conveyors of deeper information, and why a musician is much more successful if he plays to the ladies.
This was really nice. I like that your content is the buzz of the Mano sphere yet I walk out positive about life and relationships.
This is GOLD!! Thanks Dr.
I knew this, in a broad sense, but having this complete and succinct explanation is a big help. It further explains why I get along lawyers so well (they always tend to masculine communication, which makes life so much easier).
The most succinct and fleshed out way of the difference in communication styles.
This is easily observed when you ask men and women to rate themselves on a scale of 1-10.
Typically the masculine types seem to get somewhat objective about it. Usually giving lower answers.
Yet the hyper feminine will all spout “I’m a 10” “We are all 10s” to the point where the idea of being a 10/10 loses its metrics.
Ofc rating oneself on a 1-10 scale is a bit arbitrary but the pattern is there.
It's always I'm a 10, or I'm ugly
I dialed a wrong number and the lady at the end was a hot mess, buy we decided to chat all night. She described herself as at least a 7, maybe an 8. I looked up her Facebook.
4. Being generous including personality, independence....i give her a 5.5.
@@yumirow7487and the "I'm ugly" ones are usually just chad widows that got dumped or exploited
Can you explain this please:
How can it be most women do not care or loose interest when men show emotions, especially weakness but want men to be there for them when they are emotional and weak?
When men communicate emotionally to women, they are not met with empathy. Funny enough when women show emotions to other women they are met with empathy (even tears). It’s crazy world we live in!
Evolutionary biology is the lazy and simple answer. But it isn't off the mark.
The key word you used was ‘most’. So you are correct that most women despise when men show feminine energy or emotion. The reason for this is it’s akin to a magnet of like charge approaching another magnet with the same charge. Polarity is important dude. When you, as a man, dip into the feminine, you force the woman out of the feminine and into the masculine, which most are not comfortable with hence the repulsion. The trick is the find a woman who is good with balance, where she is feminine 70-75% of the time, but does allow you the space to be in your emotions occasionally. That’s a sign of an emotionally mature woman. Most women out there aren’t capable of that tho so it makes it easier for you to weed them out. Hope this helps
They can't look up to, or respect someone who is emotional and weak.
You need to pay attention to their actions, not what they say.
I think in women's head they want it, it sounds in theory good to be open with your feelings. In practice when they actually get their man being emotional, they realize it's not what they want.
From an evolutionary-psychology perspective, women experience greater negative emotion because they're meant to feel and communicate for the infants and small children they would traditionally be caring for. From this perspective an emotional man is a liability to a woman. The idea of the "emotionally sensitive man" is a post-feminism idea, which is to say an idea from after the time academics indoctrinated society to believe men and women weren't really that different and traditional gender norms were just made up, which is to say a wrong and bad idea. Women say they want emotional men because somebody told them that's what they want, but they really don't. They want a man who can get fired from his job, come home without a hint of panic and sincerely tell her 'everything will be OK'.
What I found so interesting was your discussion of musical lyrics. “The words are merely containers for the emotion, which is untranslatable.”
I have listened to songs through a masculine filter, and when I can’t understand the singer's enunciation or the song doesn't really make sense, it bothers me.
"'Grease is the word.'
"Excuse me, while I kiss the sky."
"Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango?" (I’ve always wanted a parrot who would ask that.)
After thinking about words as containers for emotions, duh, a song is not a memo, and emotions don't always adhere to strict logic or even have words to convey them.
I feel a whole new expanse of music appreciation has opened up to me. Thanks for the pearl.
This video was very clear and neutral; thanks. The comments section and my personal experiences tend towards the idea that feminine communication is worthless and masculine communication is “better”. People need to be reminded that every time a man gets angry, that’s feminine communication. Also, when people talk to plants or animals, that’s feminine communication. I’ve spent a lifetime listening to men tell me how “emotional and lost” women are but sometimes these emotions make life “better”. Thanks for reading.
Getting angry is not feminine, how you express that anger can be. Most women tend to get emotional, most men internalize, let it burn and move on; or exercise stoicism.
Talking about plants and animals is not feminine; how you do it may be.
@@sargeb.cuttin6512 maybe I wasn’t clear; when someone is angry, they are expressing with feminine energy. When someone stays “stoic” as you said, they are expressing with masculine energy. Everyone has both. When speaking to plants, animals, babies people tend to be more emotional, either softer or harder than usual which is feminine energy. Being calm, deliberate, and logical is masculine energy. That doesn’t mean that men are in masculine energy all the time and women in feminine energy all the time. We need a mix.
Thank you for your incredible insight.
Man this is an amazing video, I will use this in my communication with my husband!
Very good analogy.
Excellent vidéo, Thanks you
Good information to keep in mind.
Those emotional illustrations at 2:44 were top notch 👏🏼
I'll keep an eye out for this in the future
I signed in just to complement you here. Thank you.
Thanks!
This is a good one.
This is profound knowledge presented in an easy to digest manner! 👀⚙️🧠
thx for sharing 🙏🏻🌱
Haha flexing those acting skills, Dr T 💪🏼 nice ✨
Interesting video
I had to rewind and catch the emotional displays 2 times, thanks man
Interesting! Thanks.
I love your videos.
That ornamentation of highly specific knowledge made Feynman a great communicator of science. He had the warmth and quality in conveying typical masculine content. Physics is a men's world after all. But few physicists have the charm and charisma. Degras Tyson is similar in this regard.
Feminine communication tends to filter out men who are neurodivergent by requiring the recipient to be more socially adept than is required to understand and respond to masculine communication.
Whaaa…?
As an autistic man i concur. Me and women come from different universes that could never connect
@@paulhunter1422-- The writer assumed background knowledge which I happen to have. He is 100% correct.
@@keylanoslokj1806-- Omfg, you are so right!!!!!
I've done a lot of work in places with young men who're neurodivergent. My specialty is hearing loss and ASL so I've had very little training in the more common forms of neurodivergence. I mention that because I was continually flabbergasted at the utter INability of most women to tell when a ND man was experiencing overload or some other type of distress. A main part of the reason seemed to be they paid no attention to his language. They seemed unable to grasp that the men often showed their affect (demeanor/mood/emotional state) with their language, not their facial expression, body language, or tone of voice. Most (not all) of the women couldn't figure out how I knew a guy needed some assistance with whatever. They were always, "But how did you know?". My answer was usually, "Because he told me." The women invariably responded with, "But he didn't seem angry..." I'd respond with, "He wasn't doing any 'seeming'. He communicated his emotional state directly & explicitly."
Seriously, how fucking complicated is this? At the time I thought it was a lack of training. Then I realized that this particular type of miscommunication only seemed to occur when the men were ND and the staff were NT females. Subsequent experiences only reinforced my perception that gender was the main factor.
Thanks for the video. You have a typo in the titel 😅
You have a typo in the titel
It is a titillating to topic
although feminine recognizes
Mac u lying.
"containers for emotional energy" ... damn what a phrase. Nicely done!
Hey, thanks for the video. And yeah I think that would help couples understand what's going on when they're having this communication
The problem I see with “definitionless” communication is that it can be assigned different meaning depending on the source or outcome.
Oh my god. This is amazingly true
Masculine is like good lyrics in song.
Femine is like good bass, sounds in music without words.
Both can carry information that your brain will interpret.
Went through this 10 days ago and just about pulled the plug. You're correct about the emotional experience and the lack of useful words and me repeating them to understand was not the right choice at all.
Made perfect sense
BRAVO!
Love this breakdown... Couldn't help but laugh at the emotional demonstrations though 😂
As a Man, i have found that i use a feminine way of communication and my partner the inverse, i used to wonder why i could not get across my message, i found that it was because the articulation of emotions fell flat against logical argument, it is evident to me that logic and emotion arent the best marriage, i resorted to a compartmentalizing strategy, when i noticed that a more masculine communication was not taking on the flavour of message and only its container, i discussed on logic, and then used a more obvious emotional poetic metaphoric style of speaking when it came to expressing emotions, because a more logical way of speaking cannot contain the fluidity of an emotional message
Just a friendly nudge, Masculine is misspelled in the title 😉 amazing content as always 😊
These videos are very interesting 🤔
Tack!
A perfect masculine definition of the terms. ;)
Let's take it easy on the sounds Doc
Dave Sim (creator of the comic book Cerebus, and widely panned as a mysogonist) said women don't really talk, they sing their feelings at you, and when he tries to get them to be more rational they mimick him by repeating the same words and phrases, but while singing her happy song (or sad song as the case may be). But there's still no logic to it, it's chopped word salad.
_"Despite the description of his views and his reputation as a misogynist, Sim maintains that he is not one. In 2008, Sim sent out a self-written form letter to individuals who had sent him mail, detailing his disagreement with being called a misogynist and disenchantment with what he perceived as a dearth of support in refuting those claims to his character. Contending that society perceived misogynists as the "lowest, subhuman form of life in our society", he mentioned that few, if any, people had defended him, allowing him to be called "the lowest, subhuman form of life in our society with impunity." Sim's letter ended with an ultimatum, requesting that those who wished to receive his return correspondence reply with a letter or online posting and the statement, "I do not believe Dave Sim is a misogynist." All others were asked not to attempt to contact him again."_
Peoples just don't realise how much different the universes of men and women are, it's like men are land turtles and women are sea turtles, with just enough stuffs in common (the beach) to perpetuate the human race.
Very good video. Are there any books-videos, podcasts, etc suggestions about this theme so we can learn more about it?
If a woman's emotionality is not in track view her in the same way you view a child but not let her know.
She is emotionally immature you better not expect her to understand by herself about logical things.
Silence is the best answer to stupid behavior.
Thanks
Fist vs Open hand 👌🏼. It's in the details
All well and good. And I have come to accept that it is mainly women who communicate in this feminine way. And I try to take that into account (which is why I'm looking at women more and more like pets, which I don't argue with) But from a completely neutral point of view:
Shouldn't communication, in the best case, allow you to communicate with someone who doesn't use the same language or way you communicate? It seems to me that the male approach is more promising, no matter how emotional you are, what vocabulary you use, what point of view you take or how friendly you are to each other.
Even if you are very emotional, this way still offers the possibility to be more specific and to gain more and more understanding (emotional and informations) over the course of the conversation. Shouldn't that be the goal of good communication? Even if the transmission of information is done non-verbally.
I maintain: male communication is much more likely to allow peaceful understanding to be reached between two completely opposite positions (even enemies) than the female way.
It really comes down to your audience.
If you're giving a speech to a class full of female students and you put zero emotion or expression into your speech, no matter how informative and well-crafted your message is, you are going to put them to sleep.
If you're giving a speech to a class full of male students and you put zero facts into your speech, no matter how riveting of a story you tell, they are going to feel that the class was pointless (i.e. no 'information' was conveyed).
In either case there will be some students who might enjoy/appreciate the speech anyways, but in general the chosen approach was ill-suited. Ultimately I don't think either style is 'better' or 'worse' than the other, it just depends on who your audience is and what you're trying to convey. And it's obvious that the marriage of the two is ideal.
If you've spent any significant time reading academic papers, legal briefs, terms of service, user manuals, etc., mediums where the information is almost entirely 'masculine' you will find that it is incredibly difficult to read and digest. It is 'useful' but it is a chore to sit down and read. If you sprinkle the same information with even the tiniest bit of personality, levity, or anecdotes however you are more likely to find it memorable and easier to understand and digest.
I literally just used this approach in my opening argument- the first sentence is masculine, and the following two chunks are emotionally evocative anecdotes. They aren't full-blown 'emotional journeys', but the feeling of boredom in the first case and frustration in the second case adds some depth to the message and argument.
Both have their uses IMO, I think which style is more effective is too context dependent to really say one is clearly better than the other but otherwise agree with everything you've said. In my experience treating your woman something like a cross between cherished pet and a spoiled teenager makes for the healthiest, most harmonious relationships. Don't take their words too seriously, but don't totally discount what they have to say either.
@@TrenchcoatJesus Thank you for your answer.
That's why I think the masculine way of communication is superior. Not because it is per se (!), but because it is much more variable and adaptable.
I agree with you that good communication consists of being sensitive to the other person and their understanding of language. At least if I have the goal that the other person understands me somehow. That's why good communication should be flexible. But it seems to me that flexibility is much more difficult when I act emotionally from the beginning.
I wouldn't say that men communicate better per se. I think it's like all things in life: You communicate as well as you have learned and trained.
My problem with some partners was not that they communicated in a "feminine" way, but at the level of children. As if they hadn't learned anything in twenty years after their youth. (But I also know enough men who are somehow stuck in their development of communication).
The more and more you deal with women, the more and more it does make you feel like you are deal with pets that are just ruled by instinct and emotion. The worst thing you can do is match their emotionality and try to communicate like them. Learn to interpret their emotions, reflect back to them confidence and understanding and then tell them what to do without arguing with them.
Both sides are pretty happy once she feels understood and he feels obeyed.
@@Chuckommando You learn what you practice.
By and large, women practice communication. They are experts at wordplay and arguments, because with these tools they can obtain what they want. By and large, this also means developing and weaponizing emotion as a kind of 'trump card' to establish themselves amongst other women and in relationships they form with men. Many may not even consciously realize they are doing this, they are simply repeating behavior that has been positively reinforced in them since they were young to get the things they want. If I act a certain way, I attract the attention I like. If I complain a certain way, I get the outcome I want. They are trained to be narcissistic, because narcissists are rewarded. 'Good', honest, humble, non-manipulative women are not rewarded by society at large.
Conversely, men do not practice communication nearly as much. To the point where you noticed some men have underdeveloped communication skills. This is because they do not need to improve their communication skills to get what they want- they don't need to be excellent storytellers to enjoy status among their friend groups. They don't need to be stellar communicators to attract women (it certainly helps, though!). What they need (and what they practice) is practical skills i.e. a job. Men with access to wealth and resources are rewarded. Men without are not rewarded.
this guy could be an actor, that's amazing! 2:44
Valeu!
*Ah-*HA*! -- *THIS* explains one of the ways you're so good at what you do in your presentations here. You marry the two in a balanced seamless way. / Wonderfully astute observations! ~April L.
This is power
I am more or less masculine communicator. Being a feminine looking female this has always created havoc in romantic relationships because i am naturally comfortable at talking to most guys. Guys are baffled because they do want to get a deeper relationship but the communication is like guys sitting by a bar talking about subjects. I don’t talk in a crass way, just cerebral, taking emotional components out of what I want to say. I dislike chatting with a bunch of females because it tends to be too volatile and illogical to process. I can’t relate.
We're you raised mostly by your father?
Same here, but I like chatting with everyone. It's a different kind of fun. I do like the endless roasting aspect you don't get from both sides. It's fun having diverse friends; when I want affection, I go to the the girls, when I want banter or the unfiltered truth, I go to the guys.
Where did you study psychology? I'm aware you have develop your own ideas and your own observations and a truly valuable way of explaining them. That being said, I'm considering getting a Masters in Psychology and I want to get a better sense of what are some good schools to learn from, or how to identify a quality institution in your opinion? Thank you for all your insight.
This explains why Reddit is primarily populated by men, as it is wholly a written medium, while TikTok is primarily populated by women, as it is wholly (apart from captions) an audiovisual medium.
My kingdom for a 1 hour loop of Orion "in the depths of despair" moaning.
5:33 like Hebrew! Semantic, Semitic, masculine conversation style! I like it
big part missing with this podcast: women use sub-communication as well... looking at everything from body language, volume in your voice, and especially TONE... and all of that while evaluating your eye contact.
sometimes, you can say a LOT to a woman without saying a word; she will get the message of SILENCE really quick based on how you look at her, your body language, etc.
Well. I guess that explains why I could spend ten minutes explaining the car breaking down on the way home and it having been towed to the garage only to have her ask where the car is.
Yup, that's my ex..... Paying attention to everything except what was actually going on.
I wish I could get a follow-up on this lecture
Excellent video!
You really need to put that TV on the wall😊
Yes. I'd pay him $50 to do so, and hide the cable. It gives me a weird OCD...
Why do Americans always want to put TVs on walls? Someone should get on that…
@@mark9294 Lol :) Personally I have an 86" TV (sorry, even in Canada they use imperial for TV size), and even though it's flat, it's really really heavy. Wall mounting it saved some room, and increased safety in case of a hard bump, earthquake etc.
3 of my speakers are also wall mounted around the set. The subwoofer, due to physical constraints (it's huge!) sits on the floor.
I'm didn't know this was a North American thing. I'm actually an Aussie living here, but found in Australia many people also wall mount. It's cleaner looking as well. Anyway, just my 2c.
Never show emotions to a woman whom you don't have *emotional connection* both ways or atleast she cares for you emotionally.
Uhg thus is a big part of why I'm not friends with many women especially younger ones.
That's fascinating what you said about consonants and vowels and the connection of the alchemical marriage. For, the word vowel starts with VOW, and vows are something that are SAID at marriages.
And for the suffix EL, is a reference to God, who is encoded in the Holy Bible as the two genders unified. As well as the prefix for Electricity, which is the union of the Dielectric and Magnetic, which are masculine and feminine, respectively.
Psychacks for President!
Potentially controversial point for discussion:
1973 - public discourse in the West that wasn't essentially 'masculine' (as defined in this video) was considered largely invalid i.e. the speaker wasn't considered to have much to contribute to the discussion.
2023 - public discourse in the West that isn't essentially 'feminine' (as defined in this video) is considered largely invalid i.e. without a good deal of emotion, the speaker isn't really considered to have anything valid to say or even to hold valid opinions.
Thoughts?
Yeah, largely true.
And it's not just speech, it's also morality. For example, the "we must lock down everyone during covid to protect grandma" is a feminine response. The masculine response would have been "no lockdowns, but strong advice to stay home."
Society swings like a pendulum and often overcorrects. 50 years ago, it would’ve sucked to be a woman. Right now we’re in the middle of a very necessary but excessive period of feminization. Things will even out again soon.
The worst thing any of us can do is be bitter about it. You have to wake up everyday and be prepared to engage with the world with sincerity, curiosity, honesty, and a desire to make things better.
@@HelloWorld-cq1sq SPOT ON! The ones in charge are doing everything to break the harmony between m3n & vv0men because and to encourage society to be more f3minine, because a f3minine society is a controlled one. Motivated by fear, since everything to such society is about security...security...security.
And when the Nevvs braוnwash 24/7 to fear for our lives- then such illogical society will do whatever they tell us to do.
A m@sculine society? After 2-3 weeks would say "F-that. I'm going to work".
Now they saw how easy it is to control the world, so crazy stuff is gonna come next. And the funny thing is how f3mini$ts keep repeating the mantra of how the "p@triarchy still rules". Yea, ok.
@Decernere Initium "women were happier 50 years ago .." Eh .. I'd say .. 64-plus years ago. In 1960 the hormonal birth control was approved by the FDA, and *that* changed *everything.*
You raise some good points and clear, critical questions. As a side note, are you employed in research or academia? I think you would be good at it.
You’re absolutely right to point out that sincerity can lead us to ruin. I should clarify that sincerity is necessary for making the world better, but it is not sufficient on its own. One must also have wisdom and many forms of objective knowledge such as understanding how global economic systems work, just to name one. I think the attributes I listed as being valuable earlier are really most valuable for engaging constructively with people whose viewpoints we disagree with, and they are not necessarily a comprehensive toolkit for improving everything.
I agree that modern values regarding gender and other things are often enforced top-down, but I don’t think that’s an adequate explanation of their origin or rise to prominence. These things wouldn’t be prominent if a lot of people didn’t agree with them, or if they weren’t benefitting some significant portion of society. Now, that doesn’t make them all good, but I think we should agree that there is no centralized effort to reshape society in a matriarchal fashion, unless you believe that it had been deliberately structured in a patriarchal fashion previously. Personally, I find the notion of the patriarchy to be nebulous and suspect, and I treat any notion of a matriarchy or something like that to be equally nebulous and suspect.
Why do I think “feminization” was necessary? Unfortunately, this point is harder to defend, and if you disagree then I doubt I can change your mind. Personally, I think women have benefitted from an increased level of individual respect and an increased lev of access to expertise and money. I also think men have benefitted from increased permission and encouragement to explore their emotions and their vulnerability. Do I think any part of this has changed perfectly? Of course not. I also think some things were probably fine they were before. But that’s why I say it’s a pendulum swing, and in the process of correcting, we usually overcorrect to some extent.
Finally I will address the claims that women were happier 50 years ago. That may very well actually be true, and until I do an in-depth review of the research, I have to remain agnostic with regards to that specific metric. You express some skepticism of that metric and I think you are right to do so, as happiness seems like a very difficult to measure. Furthermore, I think we can both agree that happiness is not actually the most important goal possible. Wouldn’t you say that, too, in response to the claims some feminists make that women score as being happier when they’re not dating men? Or just consider children. Most children are happier than their future adult selves, but I think we can all understand that remaining a child forever is not the best thing imaginable. So it goes for women as they have gained more independence.
Love ya. Pls fix MACULINE.