As soon as you stand up and run the risk of being somebody, you cast a shadow. One element of that shadow is a body of antagonists that is subject to trying to denounce and destroy you. These are haters. However, haters don't actually hate as much as they envy. In this episode, I discuss how envy works and how to respond to the envious. Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Orion's Theme: th-cam.com/video/WrXBzQ2HDEQ/w-d-xo.html Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: th-cam.com/channels/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXw.htmljoin Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #psychology #emotions #courage
Thanks, I would also suggest making a piece on jealousy, I find these two emotions (envy and jealousy)quite confusing and would love to dismantle both negative emotions. Great video btw
Powerful first minutes, from 0 to 1:50 I can perfectly see the crowds you are describing opposing Musk and many others hated for no explaniable reason.
@@Duge6124 Interesting point, also the fact of feeling left out, if its someone from your family or tribe doing something grand, you will not mind, but if its not some people might get jealous or angry.
An important thing I’ve come to realize is that we live in a reality of opposites. For every concept you can think of, that concept has its opposite. You can’t have up without down, in without out, good without evil, Yin without Yang etc.. therefore it stands to reason that if there is to be persons who celebrate your successes, you will have those who will be envious. The key to dealing with the haters is to accept the nature of things as they are and search for methods to deal with the negatives that allow you to be at peace which is the ultimate goal. Look for the accompanying positive of every negative. It is there. For negative cannot exist without it.
Buddhist philosophy is much better than Greek tbh. I studied them both but the Buddhist one "transcended" better with time and also goes MUCH MUCH MUCH deeper.
Envy is a difficult emotion. I’m a novelist, that hasn’t sold any books. There are two famous novelists who I knew from High School. I reached out to them, for their insights and got varied responses. I could shake my fist at the heavens and ask God why he hates me so much, or I can look at my former schoolmates as inspiration; knowing it can done because they did it. You have to find a way to turn your envy into something useful.
@@snapman218 maybe. I’ve been a lot of other things to pay the bills and write on the side. Soldier, parking warden, call center rep, civilian contractor, english language teacher, and who knows what next. I have sold poems and short stories, but no novels..yet.
@@Guildofarcanelore Nah you got this bro Listen to your heart and make what you want. Don’t pay mind to anything that blocks you. What's the idea of the story you're working on?
You will never be criticized by people doing more than you. You will only be criticized by people doing less. Hate always comes from beneath. Hate always comes from beneath you; people never get jealous of losers.
But jealousy and hate are different. Humans are jealous of someone who's ahead of them but they can hate you if you have wronged them even if you are beneath them
@@Jeniffer61867 You’d be surprised how many people harbor feelings of hatred and jealousy towards you simultaneously, especially if you are above them. Their hatred often stems from their jealousy of your accomplishments.
You can’t convince me this world isn’t spiritual. It’s like people are unconsciously working to ensure you don’t individuate and contribute to the world. Who can stand before envy ?- proverbs 27:4….. in other words precisely what Dr Taraban said. NO CONTACT is the response to it. Don’t stand before it. I also carry on me 24/7. Another great vid.
Its crazy, ive recently come out of a LONG, REALLY BAD drug addiction. Ive majorly upgraded looks wise by getting my hair done, in a profound transformative way, spent alot of time in the gym, losing 100 lbs, and gaining alot of muscle, im looking the best ive ever looked and i look fantastic. Its crazy when i posted on a hair subreddit, it got so much positive attention, but it blew my mind how some people were extremely nasty, and just tried to find any way they could to shit on me.
This happened to me recently. I've been sharing my life knowledge with my younger brother, and I believe my influence, support, and encouragement have helped to guide him into becoming a better man. As I didn't get much of this kind of support early in life, and have had to learn many things the hard way, I have felt envy for him. Fortunately, I've learned to acknowledge these feelings, and allow them to be without identifying with them. I love him, and I hope he keeps on striving to become great in his own way.
absolutely nothing wrong with feeling a little bit of envy. It's what you do about it that really counts..... I hate her will direct desire towards the one he's envious of. Or try to sabotage them. Even if I feel a bit envious I always try to encourage and congratulate that person.
This is spot on! Realised that my “closest” friend who I thought I knew for 10 years was my biggest hater with a mask. Don’t trust anybody from your “circle”
Wow I’ve recently been struggling with feeling alone and I realized it’s not because I’m lonely or don’t enjoy my solitude, rather, it’s because the people I am surrounded by (accidentally) are not my kind of people.
I don't say this lightly: this channel is insanely edifying to one's understanding of life itself. I don't know how else to phrase it, but the feeling of hearing something and having that aha moment where this gentleman puts into words something you've only felt, is pure enlightenment.
Anyone noticed the similarity between this video and the one about how growth can kill relationships? It seems the people similar or close to us are hit hardest by our shadow... but only because they have not done the internal work required to not perceive it as damage.
Gosh this really resonates. That's why I had to let go of old friends that lived in the town I grew up in, once I lived somewhere else I noticed how people responded to me differently. Also, when a hater comes for me, I visualise them talking with the Charlie Brown teacher voice, that defuses a reaction from both them and me 😁
Your old friends want to hold on to your past and keep you there. It gives them comfort. Your only choice is to cut them loose if they refuse to accept that you are changing. I did this 10 years ago because their interference was too great for me to overcome
Haters help me stay focused and driven. Its like you need haters, otherwise, you wouldn't have as much incentive to pursue your goals. I like it when people tell me " you can't do this," if for no other reason than to prove them wrong.
100% correct. Envy and Resentment is the source of hate: others want what you have. So, word to the wise: don't talk about your successes. And if you're recovering from losses, or coming up with your education and knowledge and you've hit that point where the opportunity and your resources cross lines, pull the trigger, do it and pull away from the pack of people who can't do what you're doing. When you're achieving and pulling away from the pack, don't tell anyone anything. Sometimes it's best to say nothing.
Let’s be honest, haters make up a huge part of our motivations to reach our goals and stand on our beliefs. Competition makes the world go round, it pushes us to create and elevate. And I wouldn’t like it any other way. Game on!💯
"If you have good news, keep it to yourself." Good advice right there, in general. The person that this is referring to, they are the kind of hater I think of when watching this video. I had a series of good news financial events over the past year, and one particular friend would react negatively to each bit of good news. doom and gloom, "it's not for sure though..right?". "I wouldn't get too excited". "I'd rather do so and so...". I realized that this person was just envious and I should stop sharing the seemingly never ending series of good financial news events. It was not possible to include the person in the good news events, so best to stop sharing, or to share it in a mediocre or self deprecating manner.
All I can say to this is "Brilliant." If I had known this 30 or 40 years ago I would not have looked to the wrong people for validation and would have been way more successful.
I've run into this type of hating a lot with people who also display narcissistic traits. And thank you Dr. Taraban, for putting so much valuable information into 10 minutes of video.
Yup, my mother was envious of my career and tried to tear me down emotionally over her insecurities of not being able to accomplish much career wise in her life. It hurts when family would rather belittle you and hope you fail just to make themselves feel better. I also know a guy who spends most of his time throwing money around trying to impress people. He doesn’t make much money and any time someone in our social group gets interested in my career or makes a comment about my car or house, he feels the need to interject and control the narrative for some strange reason. He’s 45 and still lives with his parents and I own my own home and make more money than he does. I don’t make an issue about money when socializing but it becomes obvious over time the disparity.
@@GigaChad_169 My mom did similar with me, but not over my career. She just wanted me to be her slave for a lifetime. When I refused, she got nasty and mobilized the entire family against me. I cut them of too. Don't miss any of them. It did hurt at first, but life as been so much more peaceful. The guy throwing money around sounds a lot like my (now deceased) father. These types seem to be all over the places.
Excellent video. I worked a lot on myself last year (to the point where there were a couple local news stories about me) and when I found success in life it was then that some of my childhood friends became envious and cast stones in my direction. Even when you spread a positive message such as promoting strength and wellbeing, others will find a way to make you the enemy. It is certainly true that none of the people casting stones in my direction are doing better than me.
It often depend on your attitude toward your friend group. Often the people screeching "muh friends became envious" started boasting, being condescending and having contempt. Good people try to rise others up. Bad people walk on them to achieve their goals.
Your assessment is spot on. I’ve experienced this my whole adult life which has led to to be somewhat reclusive. It feels better to be alone and at peace with one’s self than to be surrounded by people(friends, relatives, girlfriends, coworkers, etc..) who under the guise of friendship and support, secretly hope for your demise. If you’re gonna have friends, make sure they are someone you look up to, respect and admire.
❤ it! By living in the spotlight, we receive love and hate. The comments that seek to bring us down are often from people hiding their identity. But we understand the inferior place within them from which this comes from. So we bless them and love it as a sign we continue moving forward. 😊
I'm experiencing this professionally on a long term project that I conceptualized, tok initiative, and am leading - mostly autonomously. The project has it's detractors and believers with haters and gung ho people at extreme ends of the spectrum. The haters waste time, energy, and resources even if if they aren't actively blocking and discrediting me or the effort. I can mostly direct the gung hos, but sometimes that wastes time and energy too, but I also couldn't do the project without them. My takeaways are minimize contact with the haters and be a team player with the believers. Going into stealth mode - actively suppressing noise and tuning out haters and unfocussed people has been key. Recently a key believer forgot or ignored my wishes and I ended up in an uncomfortable position last week and got thrown under the bus - not too badly. It was probably good to see the hater shark fins again. So this video and discovering the 'valley of despair' concept last week are timely and helping me to keep perspective. Thank you.
I confided in my Sunday school teacher about my dad's seemingly hateful behavior towards me. She fixed, hates himself, he sees in me. You're the second source that I'm hearing this from.
This Californian Guru amuses me. I'm a colored IT guy from Tamilnadu India, while in sfo nyc I was envied by all league of people in the US And the good part of it is they admitted and articulated in a nice way like you. I responded by mingling with them teaching them some tricks and thanking them to provide this kind of inclusive environment. It was not the case in UK, Germany, Finland, South Africa, Asian. I also have few whatsapp group of my classmates, collegemates and projectmates and they won't express but show it on the face when we get together. Some even don't show up as their envy turns into inferiority among peer groups...
It’s profitable to cultivate haters indirectly through one’s success - their antagonism solidifies the position of those in your favor. The real threat isn’t haters, but those who don’t care one way or another, i.e.: invisibility, irrelevance, etc.
All great points. There is an element to envy though that I think needs further exploration, and that is the sense of injustice associated with it. As you mentioned it can only be done towards perceived equals. People ask themselves " how do they get x,y,z when clearly I'm smarter, better looking, kinder or whatever " its this sense of injustice that causes the envious person to be destructive. Also there's an element today of people trying to create envy which is just as toxic as a hater. Essentially they are online or social media overt braggarts or humble braggers. Their goal is equally toxic. They can't enjoy their success etc. Without knowing they're better than their peers. Its like a class reunion with a " one upper" . Sometimes envy is caused by a person feeling inferior, sometimes its caused by another person wanting to be superior. Not always, but more often than not, the hater and the hated feed off each other with the same goal : to feel above the other.
No one else can cause you to become envious, you do that 100% on your own. No amount of braggadocio can make a person with a healthy self-image feel envious.
Well said about them “trying to purify” themselves for the hate they project. Absolute eye opening insight. Makes total sense and thats the part I’ve been misunderstanding for years. Keep up the good work!
Maybe I am just far enough, but I liked this video very much. You preached the Gospel ❤ You must have sufferred lots of pain. I am sorry. The strangest thing that ever happened to me was, when I started experiencing a call from Jesus, and some members of my family, who consider themselves as faithful catholics, treated me as I was getting nuts. I wanted them to be happy with me, but I didn't find anyone to be happy with me. I couldn't even believe it. Nobody will like you for being chosen, but you already are Orion (cute name). You are!
It often depend on your attitude toward your friend group once you become successful. Often, the people screeching "muh friends became envious" started boasting, being condescending and having contempt. Good people try to rise others up. Bad people walk on them to achieve their goals.
well that's simple. If you started to accumulate haters, it means you are becoming someone who stands out and these people know that they can't become as good as you. Meaning you are on the right track. Haters gonna hate, so keep going)
Thank you for this!! I left an abusive marriage 5 years ago and am marrying the kindest, most loving man in a few months. My younger brother has decided I am the worst person in the world and refuses to speak to me directly, but instead says stuff to our mom like “Why is she always pretending to be happy on social media?” (He and I are 49 and 50 by the way). This content made logical sense out of an illogical situation!
Inciteful commentary. Having recently retired, the vast majority of the haters I was forced to associate with are no longer within my circle. In the professional setting, these people tend to turn the idea of teamwork into a zero-sum game. When overt expressions hate are frowned upon, then hate becomes a test of allegiance or underhanded activities..
In our tongue bendezir is to say something good. The opposite of that is maldezir. Bendezir in English is to bless; maldezir is to curse. To be blessed is to hear goodness from others. That is all. 🌿
Thanks! I appreciate the quote of Jesus "a prophet is not accepted in his own town." i also appreciate the encouragement to "stand up for myself," which is hard to do, my point of view often being so "out there!"
Appreciate you for including Jesus and the bible in the content...Would like to see more Jesus+Psychological mix in the future...And finally hope for God to Use your content to set people free. "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. (John 8:32)”
I recently came across to one of your videos I was mind blown by the simplicity of your explanation. The way you explained the hardest concepts of human psychology by giving the simplest analogies and examples made so much sense to me. Then I binge watched all of your videos and now I feel like red pilled.
Envy as an expression of hate, it is so true in many cases. I've been the target of sibling envy, peer envy, and spouse envy. It is bewildering because you think: but I've done and said nothing to attract hurtful remarks and ugly attitudes. I feel pangs of envy sometimes, and I've learned that they are signs of what I want for myself, like a Ph D. So I gave me permission to study for one, but I had to find out it wasn't for me. I simply didn't have the stamina, most deciding of all is that you have to persevere and must thrive taking directions (but that's not all...). I did learn some lessons: in academia you can't be friends with colleagues, only with people with the same research interest as you've got, in another states or countries, so that you don't compete about the same financiation. Among highly competitive people nothing you do is right. Not even how you take your breaks. I learned that I need to stay away from envious criticism because, I belong to those who can't take criticism, and have got hear that statement a lot, but it hasn't helped at all, I'm still too sensitive. I have also broken away from one sibling, and from my ex who let the envy of me hurt the kids. Luckily I have a more peaceful life now. Envy is not so much based in what you do or what you are, as in what the envious person perceives, that third persons think of and react to you. Like in jealousy. It can lead to bullying. It can also lead to that the envied person holds back. The Prince with golden hair is sent to be pig-herder in another King's domain. The youngest brother, Aschenputtle, is bullied by the elder brothers, but the youngest still wins the Princess. The last of the three piglets wins over the wolf. It goes to show, that an individual development can take place, in due time and in the right circumstances. We could and should be mindful of win-win-win solutions in questions of gender and rewards. That could reduce the envy, I think. And maybe we should be careful about what we admire, so not to give energy to what has very superficial worth.
The only option is to cut these people out of your life, or distance as much as possible (some people have to stay in our lives due to circumstance, like family). Nothing you say or do will be able to change the hate that fills their voids. Believe me I have tried to be tame and neutral but they will always cause problems, trying to bring you down to their level. I knew plenty of people like this and I feel no regrets keeping my distance.
Exactly, your very existence fuels their envy and hatred. It’s like you’re constantly making people look at themselves in the mirror by existing. They don’t like what they see so they take it out on you.
This is probably the most valuable information I've ever heard and if I had any money I'd definitely be super thanksing. From the bottom of a malignant pile of gaslighting haters masquerading as family and friends
Thank you for this video. It really resonated with my current struggles at the moment. Your videos have truly transformed my life in all the best ways possible.
Great video . Just as I have been through hell with the 'opposition' party due hatred/envy that is well explained.💯 Very true about finding recognition/appreciation outside of your familiar circle.💯
Whenever I have any mental resting moment, I find myself contemplating the most toxic yet fascinating human emotion envy, I managed to boil it down to two vague modes where error occurs: perception and pride, Cain and Abel story always follows. But I was not able to articulate it words, it just sort of stewing in my mind only. What a refreshing relief to hear the explanation articulated.
SOo accurate esp where you talk about the haters perception of you your belives and ideas and only taking in evidence to prove you wrong no matter how skewed they have to make it!
This makes sense. I'm the youngest one in my family getting married at 37. I was always the broke single uncle paying off student loans (grad school) with 2-3 jobs. Dave Ramsey plan. Fast forward several years and student loans are paid off, truck is paid off, living on my own and choosing to cash flow a wedding (rings and all). I'm getting a lot of judgement now and "hate" as family is discovering my options in housing, job selection and lifestyle choices. All that has revealed itself through wedding planning. (I lived simply when I was single.)
Been having a hard time with my girlfriend with certain things that i couldnt quite fugure out. Long story short, she's not the same as when i met her and we argue over very particular subjects. Have proved her wrong a hanful of times after a lot of disagreement and now get a lot of hate when im right. Never thought it was her competing with me and acting jealous and/or envious. Thank you very much Doc. for helping to open my eyes on this one.
Wow, Doc, your perspectives are INCREDIBLE. Keep up these significant contributions. And while I understand you are very conscious of video length, I know I’m not alone in that I certainly wouldn’t mind you expounding on your concepts at more length. Lord knows we tune in for FAR less substantial videos for way longer than yours. Thanks again
Great breakdown....i loved the "sheer miracle" phrase. Also you made another very valid point as to say folks around your circle may feel threatened. So search for others whom are on the same frequency 100 % spot on thank you ..
You sound like you're speaking from firsthand experience, Good Doctor! 😉 THANK YOU SO MUCH...I REALLY needed to hear this message today. Some of us are simply not here on Earth for the drama and games...we want to ACHIEVE and CREATE. Most people, though? Not so much... They get off on attacking order and goodness, so step away from them at all cost.
Love this video. As an “openly gay” man I have to get used to the fact that I will continue to receive death threats, hate and potential violence for my decision to not hide away. It’s exhausting but this video came at the right time. To those that are going through it as-well, keep going!
I'm sorry to hear that. I really am. I was just about to post a response about how often women I believe may be feminist will come to this channel and post crazy irrelevant arguments about things the Dr. or other people who've decided to share, and then twist the meanings into something wicked. After seeing your post, I'm embarrassed that my own concerns aren't nearly as relevant. Good luck to you. And stay safe out there. Cheers mate 🍻.
As soon as you stand up and run the risk of being somebody, you cast a shadow. One element of that shadow is a body of antagonists that is subject to trying to denounce and destroy you. These are haters. However, haters don't actually hate as much as they envy. In this episode, I discuss how envy works and how to respond to the envious.
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #emotions #courage
Thanks, I would also suggest making a piece on jealousy, I find these two emotions (envy and jealousy)quite confusing and would love to dismantle both negative emotions. Great video btw
Powerful first minutes, from 0 to 1:50 I can perfectly see the crowds you are describing opposing Musk and many others hated for no explaniable reason.
@@Duge6124 Interesting point, also the fact of feeling left out, if its someone from your family or tribe doing something grand, you will not mind, but if its not some people might get jealous or angry.
@psychacks Please do more videos on how to attract women in the short term. Your videos are great but would appreciate more of this content. Thanks!
An important thing I’ve come to realize is that we live in a reality of opposites. For every concept you can think of, that concept has its opposite. You can’t have up without down, in without out, good without evil, Yin without Yang etc.. therefore it stands to reason that if there is to be persons who celebrate your successes, you will have those who will be envious. The key to dealing with the haters is to accept the nature of things as they are and search for methods to deal with the negatives that allow you to be at peace which is the ultimate goal. Look for the accompanying positive of every negative. It is there. For negative cannot exist without it.
"The best revenge is to not be like your enemy" - Marcus Aurelius.
Buddhist philosophy is much better than Greek tbh. I studied them both but the Buddhist one "transcended" better with time and also goes MUCH MUCH MUCH deeper.
@@deyh5664 example!
As we go through difficulties in life, it is useful to double check, from time to time, that you aren't just surrounded by assholes.
What is scary is the amount of haters all around us and it seems to be increasing by head count day in day out.
Dare I say the jibby jabby is the cause!
Envy is a difficult emotion.
I’m a novelist, that hasn’t sold any books.
There are two famous novelists who I knew from High School.
I reached out to them, for their insights and got varied responses.
I could shake my fist at the heavens and ask God why he hates me so much, or I can look at my former schoolmates as inspiration; knowing it can done because they did it.
You have to find a way to turn your envy into something useful.
This is the best way to approach envy I would say. Take inspiration from those you envy and work hard.
Or maybe you aren’t meant to be a writer
@@snapman218 maybe. I’ve been a lot of other things to pay the bills and write on the side. Soldier, parking warden, call center rep, civilian contractor, english language teacher, and who knows what next.
I have sold poems and short stories, but no novels..yet.
@@Guildofarcanelore Nah you got this bro Listen to your heart and make what you want. Don’t pay mind to anything that blocks you. What's the idea of the story you're working on?
>>I’m a novelist, that hasn’t sold any books.
As somebody once said, "Light attracts bugs." 😅
That's why you need to be the bug zapper light used for mosquitos, that way when they try to get close enough to destroy you, they get destroyed.
You will never be criticized by people doing more than you. You will only be criticized by people doing less. Hate always comes from beneath.
Hate always comes from beneath you; people never get jealous of losers.
This is SO true! Thanks for distilling down this fact.
True true
This is so false. We can see rich people hating the poor everyday.
But jealousy and hate are different. Humans are jealous of someone who's ahead of them but they can hate you if you have wronged them even if you are beneath them
@@Jeniffer61867 You’d be surprised how many people harbor feelings of hatred and jealousy towards you simultaneously, especially if you are above them. Their hatred often stems from their jealousy of your accomplishments.
I have grown apart from my family, high school friends and ex-colleagues. I can resonate with this. I think daring to walk alone is important.
@@samwellington2330 yup and it's so necessary
For years I’ve said that Envy is the deadliest of the Deadly Sins, and will motivate people to do worse things, and sooner, than any other emotion.
Darksiders 3 agrees lmao
You can’t convince me this world isn’t spiritual. It’s like people are unconsciously working to ensure you don’t individuate and contribute to the world.
Who can stand before envy ?- proverbs 27:4….. in other words precisely what Dr Taraban said. NO CONTACT is the response to it. Don’t stand before it.
I also carry on me 24/7. Another great vid.
Its crazy, ive recently come out of a LONG, REALLY BAD drug addiction. Ive majorly upgraded looks wise by getting my hair done, in a profound transformative way, spent alot of time in the gym, losing 100 lbs, and gaining alot of muscle, im looking the best ive ever looked and i look fantastic. Its crazy when i posted on a hair subreddit, it got so much positive attention, but it blew my mind how some people were extremely nasty, and just tried to find any way they could to shit on me.
It's fascinating to work this out backwards, noticing the envy in yourself when positive things happen to your peers.
Indeed. Valuable mirror there if one will look into it.
Does take some moral courage to admit that's for sure.
This happened to me recently. I've been sharing my life knowledge with my younger brother, and I believe my influence, support, and encouragement have helped to guide him into becoming a better man.
As I didn't get much of this kind of support early in life, and have had to learn many things the hard way, I have felt envy for him.
Fortunately, I've learned to acknowledge these feelings, and allow them to be without identifying with them.
I love him, and I hope he keeps on striving to become great in his own way.
absolutely nothing wrong with feeling a little bit of envy. It's what you do about it that really counts..... I hate her will direct desire towards the one he's envious of. Or try to sabotage them. Even if I feel a bit envious I always try to encourage and congratulate that person.
Yeah I got to admit I was feeling a bit called out. I like to think I’m. Ever this way but deep inside maybe we all are at times.
This is spot on! Realised that my “closest” friend who I thought I knew for 10 years was my biggest hater with a mask. Don’t trust anybody from your “circle”
Wow I’ve recently been struggling with feeling alone and I realized it’s not because I’m lonely or don’t enjoy my solitude, rather, it’s because the people I am surrounded by (accidentally) are not my kind of people.
I don't say this lightly: this channel is insanely edifying to one's understanding of life itself. I don't know how else to phrase it, but the feeling of hearing something and having that aha moment where this gentleman puts into words something you've only felt, is pure enlightenment.
Anyone noticed the similarity between this video and the one about how growth can kill relationships? It seems the people similar or close to us are hit hardest by our shadow... but only because they have not done the internal work required to not perceive it as damage.
Well said.
So basically- ignore and do not respond to haters. Great video homie
Gosh this really resonates. That's why I had to let go of old friends that lived in the town I grew up in, once I lived somewhere else I noticed how people responded to me differently.
Also, when a hater comes for me, I visualise them talking with the Charlie Brown teacher voice, that defuses a reaction from both them and me 😁
💯
Your old friends want to hold on to your past and keep you there. It gives them comfort. Your only choice is to cut them loose if they refuse to accept that you are changing. I did this 10 years ago because their interference was too great for me to overcome
Bucket crabs are a thing but you also can’t get new old friends so gota just do what you think is best, good luck.
Way to go pal🎉
Dont try with haters to kill them with kindness, torture them with your success after youve booted their asses outta your life.
yay! torture!
💯
Nah. You care to much. Let it go.
Success is the key 😊
Ignore the haters cuz they know your greater! Use your haters as a fuel source! They will even hate you more for doing that!
So few quality people to resonate with yhese days!
Haters help me stay focused and driven. Its like you need haters, otherwise, you wouldn't have as much incentive to pursue your goals. I like it when people tell me " you can't do this," if for no other reason than to prove them wrong.
In my experience, envious people are also the least likely to change, and only claim to have changed when it can appeal to vanity.
100% correct. Envy and Resentment is the source of hate: others want what you have. So, word to the wise: don't talk about your successes. And if you're recovering from losses, or coming up with your education and knowledge and you've hit that point where the opportunity and your resources cross lines, pull the trigger, do it and pull away from the pack of people who can't do what you're doing. When you're achieving and pulling away from the pack, don't tell anyone anything. Sometimes it's best to say nothing.
Let’s be honest, haters make up a huge part of our motivations to reach our goals and stand on our beliefs. Competition makes the world go round, it pushes us to create and elevate. And I wouldn’t like it any other way. Game on!💯
Right but in the situations between siblings and friends competition quickly turns to toxicity, anger, and eventually violence.
@@rahfx5485ding ding. Competition is different from envy. Competition seeks to be better than, envy seeks to extinguish.
That’s spite. Better to set your goals in a frame of positivity, not spite.
"If you have good news, keep it to yourself." Good advice right there, in general. The person that this is referring to, they are the kind of hater I think of when watching this video. I had a series of good news financial events over the past year, and one particular friend would react negatively to each bit of good news. doom and gloom, "it's not for sure though..right?". "I wouldn't get too excited". "I'd rather do so and so...". I realized that this person was just envious and I should stop sharing the seemingly never ending series of good financial news events. It was not possible to include the person in the good news events, so best to stop sharing, or to share it in a mediocre or self deprecating manner.
No
All I can say to this is "Brilliant." If I had known this 30 or 40 years ago I would not have looked to the wrong people for validation and would have been way more successful.
I've run into this type of hating a lot with people who also display narcissistic traits. And thank you Dr. Taraban, for putting so much valuable information into 10 minutes of video.
Yup, my mother was envious of my career and tried to tear me down emotionally over her insecurities of not being able to accomplish much career wise in her life. It hurts when family would rather belittle you and hope you fail just to make themselves feel better.
I also know a guy who spends most of his time throwing money around trying to impress people. He doesn’t make much money and any time someone in our social group gets interested in my career or makes a comment about my car or house, he feels the need to interject and control the narrative for some strange reason. He’s 45 and still lives with his parents and I own my own home and make more money than he does. I don’t make an issue about money when socializing but it becomes obvious over time the disparity.
@@GigaChad_169 My mom did similar with me, but not over my career. She just wanted me to be her slave for a lifetime. When I refused, she got nasty and mobilized the entire family against me. I cut them of too. Don't miss any of them. It did hurt at first, but life as been so much more peaceful.
The guy throwing money around sounds a lot like my (now deceased) father. These types seem to be all over the places.
Excellent video. I worked a lot on myself last year (to the point where there were a couple local news stories about me) and when I found success in life it was then that some of my childhood friends became envious and cast stones in my direction. Even when you spread a positive message such as promoting strength and wellbeing, others will find a way to make you the enemy. It is certainly true that none of the people casting stones in my direction are doing better than me.
It often depend on your attitude toward your friend group.
Often the people screeching "muh friends became envious" started boasting, being condescending and having contempt.
Good people try to rise others up. Bad people walk on them to achieve their goals.
Thanks!
Your assessment is spot on. I’ve experienced this my whole adult life which has led to to be somewhat reclusive. It feels better to be alone and at peace with one’s self than to be surrounded by people(friends, relatives, girlfriends, coworkers, etc..) who under the guise of friendship and support, secretly hope for your demise. If you’re gonna have friends, make sure they are someone you look up to, respect and admire.
I can definitely relate! I like the peace and quiet, though I could put myself out there more professionally...on my own terms.
❤ it! By living in the spotlight, we receive love and hate. The comments that seek to bring us down are often from people hiding their identity. But we understand the inferior place within them from which this comes from. So we bless them and love it as a sign we continue moving forward. 😊
I'm experiencing this professionally on a long term project that I conceptualized, tok initiative, and am leading - mostly autonomously. The project has it's detractors and believers with haters and gung ho people at extreme ends of the spectrum. The haters waste time, energy, and resources even if if they aren't actively blocking and discrediting me or the effort. I can mostly direct the gung hos, but sometimes that wastes time and energy too, but I also couldn't do the project without them. My takeaways are minimize contact with the haters and be a team player with the believers. Going into stealth mode - actively suppressing noise and tuning out haters and unfocussed people has been key. Recently a key believer forgot or ignored my wishes and I ended up in an uncomfortable position last week and got thrown under the bus - not too badly. It was probably good to see the hater shark fins again. So this video and discovering the 'valley of despair' concept last week are timely and helping me to keep perspective. Thank you.
I confided in my Sunday school teacher about my dad's seemingly hateful behavior towards me. She fixed, hates himself, he sees in me. You're the second source that I'm hearing this from.
This Californian Guru amuses me. I'm a colored IT guy from Tamilnadu India, while in sfo nyc I was envied by all league of people in the US And the good part of it is they admitted and articulated in a nice way like you. I responded by mingling with them teaching them some tricks and thanking them to provide this kind of inclusive environment. It was not the case in UK, Germany, Finland, South Africa, Asian. I also have few whatsapp group of my classmates, collegemates and projectmates and they won't express but show it on the face when we get together. Some even don't show up as their envy turns into inferiority among peer groups...
Envy is a message from your soul. Take serious notice of your envy. This is your path. Follow it.
It’s profitable to cultivate haters indirectly through one’s success - their antagonism solidifies the position of those in your favor.
The real threat isn’t haters, but those who don’t care one way or another, i.e.: invisibility, irrelevance, etc.
I liked one phrase that I saw somewhere online: I would say that my haters are my motivators, but I don't want to give them that much credit. 👆🏿
On point.
All great points. There is an element to envy though that I think needs further exploration, and that is the sense of injustice associated with it. As you mentioned it can only be done towards perceived equals. People ask themselves " how do they get x,y,z when clearly I'm smarter, better looking, kinder or whatever " its this sense of injustice that causes the envious person to be destructive. Also there's an element today of people trying to create envy which is just as toxic as a hater. Essentially they are online or social media overt braggarts or humble braggers. Their goal is equally toxic. They can't enjoy their success etc. Without knowing they're better than their peers. Its like a class reunion with a " one upper" . Sometimes envy is caused by a person feeling inferior, sometimes its caused by another person wanting to be superior. Not always, but more often than not, the hater and the hated feed off each other with the same goal : to feel above the other.
No one else can cause you to become envious, you do that 100% on your own. No amount of braggadocio can make a person with a healthy self-image feel envious.
Well said about them “trying to purify” themselves for the hate they project. Absolute eye opening insight. Makes total sense and thats the part I’ve been misunderstanding for years. Keep up the good work!
Maybe I am just far enough, but I liked this video very much. You preached the Gospel ❤
You must have sufferred lots of pain. I am sorry.
The strangest thing that ever happened to me was, when I started experiencing a call from Jesus, and some members of my family, who consider themselves as faithful catholics, treated me as I was getting nuts. I wanted them to be happy with me, but I didn't find anyone to be happy with me. I couldn't even believe it.
Nobody will like you for being chosen, but you already are Orion (cute name). You are!
It often depend on your attitude toward your friend group once you become successful.
Often, the people screeching "muh friends became envious" started boasting, being condescending and having contempt.
Good people try to rise others up.
Bad people walk on them to achieve their goals.
The good news is that people can learn about this, stop being haters, and work on themselves.
well that's simple. If you started to accumulate haters, it means you are becoming someone who stands out and these people know that they can't become as good as you. Meaning you are on the right track. Haters gonna hate, so keep going)
Nice, straightforward and comprehensive.
Thanks
Thank you for this!! I left an abusive marriage 5 years ago and am marrying the kindest, most loving man in a few months. My younger brother has decided I am the worst person in the world and refuses to speak to me directly, but instead says stuff to our mom like “Why is she always pretending to be happy on social media?” (He and I are 49 and 50 by the way). This content made logical sense out of an illogical situation!
The entire world would benefit from this video.
Having Anger Towards Everyone Reaching Success
Inciteful commentary. Having recently retired, the vast majority of the haters I was forced to associate with are no longer within my circle. In the professional setting, these people tend to turn the idea of teamwork into a zero-sum game. When overt expressions hate are frowned upon, then hate becomes a test of allegiance or underhanded activities..
Insightful! 😅
This is so eloquent. You are a very generous person to lay this out so well. Honey from the spoon.
In our tongue bendezir is to say something good. The opposite of that is maldezir. Bendezir in English is to bless; maldezir is to curse. To be blessed is to hear goodness from others. That is all. 🌿
Thanks! This hit so hard at this stage in my life. Thank you
Hate always comes from below you
Thank you
Very nicely articulated! Thanks. Writing a blog post on “hater math,” and there was a shockingly low amount of content on the topic.
Envy is like picking up molten rock to throw at someone
That is a great video. The haters I can understand, and I can deal with. But the ones who enable them ... I don't know how I will ever forgive.
Thanks! I appreciate the quote of Jesus "a prophet is not accepted in his own town." i also appreciate the encouragement to "stand up for myself," which is hard to do, my point of view often being so "out there!"
Appreciate you for including Jesus and the bible in the content...Would like to see more Jesus+Psychological mix in the future...And finally hope for God to Use your content to set people free.
"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. (John 8:32)”
Thanks for your support, man. I've done a few episodes on Jesus's teachings. Check out "Turn the other cheek", if you haven't already.
I recently came across to one of your videos I was mind blown by the simplicity of your explanation. The way you explained the hardest concepts of human psychology by giving the simplest analogies and examples made so much sense to me. Then I binge watched all of your videos and now I feel like red pilled.
Envy as an expression of hate, it is so true in many cases. I've been the target of sibling envy, peer envy, and spouse envy. It is bewildering because you think: but I've done and said nothing to attract hurtful remarks and ugly attitudes.
I feel pangs of envy sometimes, and I've learned that they are signs of what I want for myself, like a Ph D. So I gave me permission to study for one, but I had to find out it wasn't for me. I simply didn't have the stamina, most deciding of all is that you have to persevere and must thrive taking directions (but that's not all...). I did learn some lessons: in academia you can't be friends with colleagues, only with people with the same research interest as you've got, in another states or countries, so that you don't compete about the same financiation. Among highly competitive people nothing you do is right. Not even how you take your breaks. I learned that I need to stay away from envious criticism because, I belong to those who can't take criticism, and have got hear that statement a lot, but it hasn't helped at all, I'm still too sensitive.
I have also broken away from one sibling, and from my ex who let the envy of me hurt the kids. Luckily I have a more peaceful life now.
Envy is not so much based in what you do or what you are, as in what the envious person perceives, that third persons think of and react to you. Like in jealousy. It can lead to bullying. It can also lead to that the envied person holds back. The Prince with golden hair is sent to be pig-herder in another King's domain. The youngest brother, Aschenputtle, is bullied by the elder brothers, but the youngest still wins the Princess. The last of the three piglets wins over the wolf. It goes to show, that an individual development can take place, in due time and in the right circumstances.
We could and should be mindful of win-win-win solutions in questions of gender and rewards. That could reduce the envy, I think. And maybe we should be careful about what we admire, so not to give energy to what has very superficial worth.
The only option is to cut these people out of your life, or distance as much as possible (some people have to stay in our lives due to circumstance, like family). Nothing you say or do will be able to change the hate that fills their voids. Believe me I have tried to be tame and neutral but they will always cause problems, trying to bring you down to their level. I knew plenty of people like this and I feel no regrets keeping my distance.
Amen!
Exactly, your very existence fuels their envy and hatred. It’s like you’re constantly making people look at themselves in the mirror by existing. They don’t like what they see so they take it out on you.
Plain false.
You probably lack empathy and imagination.
@Damesanglante no, you lack empathy and understanding of the topic
2:44 you will never meet a hater doing better than you - d. Goggins
YOU ARE SO WISE! I never thought of the Bible verse in this way!! GOD BLESS YOU, DR! YOU ARE BRILLIANT! TYSM!!
This is probably the most valuable information I've ever heard and if I had any money I'd definitely be super thanksing. From the bottom of a malignant pile of gaslighting haters masquerading as family and friends
Thanks! Excellent advice and a complete breakdown down.
Yes! You will never meet a hater doing better than you! I love that one from David Goggins 💯
Thank you for this video. It really resonated with my current struggles at the moment. Your videos have truly transformed my life in all the best ways possible.
Yes your right
This was explained better than anything I've ever heard, in relation to Haters.
What an amazing video. A perfect dissect of the hater. A must watch for anyone wanting and willing to step into the spotlight.
Mulțumim!
Great video . Just as I have been through hell with the 'opposition' party due hatred/envy that is well explained.💯 Very true about finding recognition/appreciation outside of your familiar circle.💯
Whenever I have any mental resting moment, I find myself contemplating the most toxic yet fascinating human emotion envy, I managed to boil it down to two vague modes where error occurs: perception and pride, Cain and Abel story always follows. But I was not able to articulate it words, it just sort of stewing in my mind only. What a refreshing relief to hear the explanation articulated.
Channels like this make me have more confidence in myself by the wisdom Mr Orion dishes out in every episode.
Thanks!
Excellent. Love the spiritual references.
Yes indeed, just ignore the haters & they will eventually disappear.
SOo accurate esp where you talk about the haters perception of you your belives and ideas and only taking in evidence to prove you wrong no matter how skewed they have to make it!
As always Orion, your fabulously insightful videos appear on my feed when I need them most. Thank you, again, J.
You are Amazing! Thanks for helping me put envy into perspective
Wow, I’ve never heard anyone Having such pure Concrete ideas as you sir, Much respect and thank you for sharing
This guy is such a gem. Thank God for the internet.
This makes sense. I'm the youngest one in my family getting married at 37. I was always the broke single uncle paying off student loans (grad school) with 2-3 jobs. Dave Ramsey plan. Fast forward several years and student loans are paid off, truck is paid off, living on my own and choosing to cash flow a wedding (rings and all). I'm getting a lot of judgement now and "hate" as family is discovering my options in housing, job selection and lifestyle choices. All that has revealed itself through wedding planning. (I lived simply when I was single.)
Great video, Doc!
Been having a hard time with my girlfriend with certain things that i couldnt quite fugure out. Long story short, she's not the same as when i met her and we argue over very particular subjects. Have proved her wrong a hanful of times after a lot of disagreement and now get a lot of hate when im right. Never thought it was her competing with me and acting jealous and/or envious. Thank you very much Doc. for helping to open my eyes on this one.
Takk!
Wow, Doc, your perspectives are INCREDIBLE. Keep up these significant contributions. And while I understand you are very conscious of video length, I know I’m not alone in that I certainly wouldn’t mind you expounding on your concepts at more length. Lord knows we tune in for FAR less substantial videos for way longer than yours. Thanks again
Great breakdown....i loved the "sheer miracle" phrase.
Also you made another very valid point as to say folks around your circle may feel threatened. So search for others whom are on the same frequency 100 % spot on thank you ..
I first heard of you on Fresh & Fit. I thoroughly enjoyed that episode and it was the causation of me subscribing to your channel.
You sound like you're speaking from firsthand experience, Good Doctor! 😉
THANK YOU SO MUCH...I REALLY needed to hear this message today.
Some of us are simply not here on Earth for the drama and games...we want to ACHIEVE and CREATE.
Most people, though? Not so much...
They get off on attacking order and goodness, so step away from them at all cost.
The best advice I've seen on this matter
This type of video you put on safe, play it everytime needed
That is so true. Be big in Japan. I experienced this when I use to do street photography. People I never met were absolute fans of my work.
Love this video. As an “openly gay” man I have to get used to the fact that I will continue to receive death threats, hate and potential violence for my decision to not hide away. It’s exhausting but this video came at the right time. To those that are going through it as-well, keep going!
I'm sorry to hear that. I really am. I was just about to post a response about how often women I believe may be feminist will come to this channel and post crazy irrelevant arguments about things the Dr. or other people who've decided to share, and then twist the meanings into something wicked. After seeing your post, I'm embarrassed that my own concerns aren't nearly as relevant. Good luck to you. And stay safe out there. Cheers mate 🍻.
This is different.
They don't hate you out of envy, but because they blindly believe a fairy tale saying you are bad.
Brilliance at its peak.
Each word is a diamond ❤
Oh boy, this episode hit home today... Long time fan, thank you for the invaluable content!
"good" is what ever stills the environment in obtaining clarity and thus order..
this entail silencing the opposition
Best thing I've ever listened to. 🎉
Keep on hitting the ball out of the park, Orion