Codependency - The Radar
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 15 ต.ค. 2024
- One of the brain’s main jobs is to help us seek safety. When we have to regularly deal with a narcissist, we may become entirely preoccupied with their needs and emotions as a way to keep ourselves safe. One example of this is we may become like a radar to potentially stressful situations - always guessing or concluding potential outcomes as a way to be prepared. This is the brain’s natural and healthy response to an unhealthy environment.
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#narcissist #narcissism #codependency #codependencyrecovery #complextrauma #cptsdrecovery #cptsd #relationships #timfletcher #fyp #fy #mentalhealth #recovery #recoverytok
And then one day they walk off and leave you, and you completely lose your identity and your whole world dissolves under your feet, because you have spent decades being more sensitive to their every mood and need then your own and you're left being a stranger to yourself. That's a very distressful place to be.
Exactly what happened to me.
Yes, but it's a better place to be than where you were, because now can finally GROW.
This happened to me. I had very low self-awareness. This led to depression and it took me 1 year to feel like I'm alive again. Three years have passed. I'm still working on my mental.
Keep going my friend : ) @@АнастасияТимофеева-ь4р
I grew up with an entire family of narcissist. My whole life has been one long trauma drama after another. I'm now alone and nobody, literally nobody.
I’m in the same boat. You’re not alone ❤
I lived that way for over a decade. I lost who I was. I couldn't make a simple decision for myself because when I was with them, I couldn't make any. It's very true what he is saying. The kids had to be aware too. I was in radar mode 24/7. Cater, cater, cater...that's not a life, that's hell on earth.
You know what you feel, it's fear. And what you're thinking is, be small, don't be seen, don't make waves
Fear magnified. It's like being at the bottom of a canyon with no way out.
This is 💯 true. I had no idea who I was anymore or what I needed. Working on myself now!!
The hyper vigilance made me feel ridiculous but it's so hard to switch off
Even after they're dead...😖 The sound of dishes clacking, a walker being unlocked, or even the jingling of keys in the front door lock is a trigger!!!
😮💨Ain't THAT the truth!
Switches on your nervous system. Then it becomes impossible to switch it off. You’re on red alert forever, even when they’re dead and gone. And now that they’re gone, the unreconstructed, trauma bonded siblings move into the space and carry on the behaviours. It’s a real treat alright. And if, perchance, you manage to move away and live whatever life you can, you’ll be deemed to have “abandoned” the family even if you know it most likely would have been the death of you if you stayed. The only way is no contact and try to heal yourself before you die too. In some families, there are generations of narcissists whose empathetic children, went on to marry out and out narcissists and each one who did, subsequently were driven to suicide because they didn’t know what they were dealing with and because they stayed for the children. The years of psychological abuse they received destroyed them. And woe betide you if you are the one with the courage to go into therapy and help yourself, because then, you will be left to observe all of the harm and damage that is at work with the full knowledge that there isn’t a damn thing you can say or you can do to change anything. It’s awful to realise that you can only change yourself you can have no impact on the family system and you dare not let any of them know what you know. You will always be considered by your siblings to be “wrong” in and of yourself. And when both narcissist parents are dead, believe me, there will be no closure, no coming together, no mutual understanding, no sharing of truths about the family, no healing. So just go your way and protect yourself. Never let them know anything about you. It just isn’t safe. It wasn’t safe at the beginning and it isn’t safe at the end. So be it.
Sad & so true
I feel you, it’s all a letting go process, dying while alive.
1,000x YES! This was both validating and heartbreaking because as far as what I feel/ believe, it's true.
Narcissists are quite evil because they thrive on people's misfortune. They truly are emotional energy vampires.🦇
@@steadypace1262 You don't want to go into labeling "evil" or "good". That itself is road to narcissism.
Instead of moral absolutism, we can actually be scientist and stating the facts, objective truth, rather than pushing cancel culture or narcissistic crusades against narcissists-
and that is:
1) they are mentally ill
or
2) they are abusers, predators, who use coercive control due to abuse in their childhood - either abandonment or pampering
Yup. I understand everything you say Tim. Slamming car door. Slamming the door to the garage. Slamming anything for that matter!! It was a very fearful thing living with a Narcissist and her Enabler.
Hitting that first step on the deck...
I took in a traumatized young man 22 he lived with us for a year and you just described him perfectly. He wanted everything about him and we did everything we could to help him. He left a month ago and blamed us for all his troubles. Alcoholic father who hit him for years. You can’t fix these people. I lost myself trying to help him heal. He drew us in and then used us up. Never knew what this personality disorder was.
So true. Even a year later hearing a car that sounded like theirs absolutely set me on edge.
Spot on! I had to get out. She found her new supply immediately and locked him in.
100 percent True.... hyper vigilant behavior developing...
So true ...its very stressful & exhausting,& over time leads to serious health problems.
Then we become an extension of the narcissist and that makes them very, very happy. 😏
Yes... when I was in high-school I developed so much fear of my mom.
I used work full time and study at night. Getting at home around 10:30 every night. She wouldn't leave food for me and I could make noise to not wake her up... just the idea of the key on the lock making noise would set fear throughout my body. I would pee on my pants of fear of she would be awake. You are so right I knew how angry or violent she would be on that day just by the way her breathe sound.
This brings back memories in relationship to radar and hypervigilance
Oh ya, I developed that radar system, funny thing my ex said I was trying to control her thoughts. I had no idea what to make of that🤪🤯, I was so lost. I thank God every day that He pulled me out of that.
Projection - they acuse us of what they are doing.
My father, mother, spouse. How do I even have anything left? Grace.
That's too much work and to lose your identity in process. No one is worth that kind of grief .
I remember I was on sleeping pills, weed and wine every night ... When I finally left, I would fall asleep and actually remember my dreams. No drugs or wine ... Someone made me realise my radar was no longer up
Yea ...and after few years we develop PTSD
Complex PTSD
@@ranc1977very complex PTSD
@@someone-bt5lu Complex PTSD is banned by CBT and DSM since medical industry profit from trauma being explained as DSM misdiagnosed symptom.
WHO's ICD-11 recognizes CPTSD while American corrupt medical mafia industry profits from traumatized targets of abuse.
Yes, your radar is always tuned on their next move, and they want to make sure that they keep your radar on them. it gets where you can't live in, or enjoy, the present. I find that I totally reflect others moods. Im scare to be positive and cheerful because one of them will just pop my balloon and say something to just wipe that damn smile off my face and steal my joy of the Lord. Cant and wont look you in the eyes either, why givevyou the satisfaction if being seen, youre just so small and insignificant that they need a microscope to find you. I'm isolating as much as possible.
I went through that when I was very young. It started when I was in high school & lingered on into early adulthood. I got pretty depressed about life. Then I found a great therapist, & decided to be honest no matter how bad I thought it would make me look. Changed my life!
Please don’t live in isolation.
Could tell the way he answered the phone. Short term relationship cuz I got the heck outta there.
Been there.
Am there
Terrible woman.
If you dont feel right in relationship. Run run run. Run.....
And if you ever fail to read their mind, there will be hell to pay
Yeeepp! Like oh your 7 year old brain didn't realize that I wanted you to take that thing upstairs just because it was on the stair? "How dare you take me for granted!" WILD.
Near the end, I could tell if I was in for a fight by her gait. By her use of punctuation in a text message. Or if she drank more than 2 beers.
I atill get a chill down my spine qhen i hear axman whistle like myvex used to. I've been away from him 22 years, still healing
Its decades after their death and even just house sounds trigger me in the night.
Mommy dearest. You are more important than me. Always. 😢 It's hard to overcome, but it can be done.
Oh yeah. . Jacked up nervoys system . Right oh. .thats were i went
Absolutely correct!!
I was like that 😢 once. It took so much from me 😢😢. I am trying to rebuild but they are still coming 😢for me. It's like they put me as their worker😢😢😢
So sad this is how I am with people
Great explanation
Thanks again, these videos are so helpful.
Spot on !
That was me. 100%
Love yourself ❤
Very well put
So true !
wow, explained so well.
So true
Man you got that right. I used to call it the tale of woe, I felt ai had to fix it, I prayed I’d not even notice and now I don’t, it might take me hrs to figured it out and I didn’t try to fix their woe.
Oh, wow. You are describing me.
Focussed on external factors
In my experience, they get worse as they age.
But the worse they get the more people realize what they are.
I’ve been the bad guy for 50 years and now people have opened their eyes to this evil 🤪
I'm really confused. I can predict what they'll say at times, I notice gaslighting rarely, idk what my emotions are anymore. I think I'm projecting onto them, everything I see in them I see in me. I feel that my feelings and opinions just don't matter. I'm being told by them that I'm the narcissist, my friends are saying that it's not me but them 🤷 this is driving me crazy.
Ely, Hi. Pointing at you when you confront them & blaming you is the mental illness of Psychological Projection or "Blame The Victim". You cannot reason with the mentally ill.
Talk therapy is best. It may benefit you to find a Psychological Therapist that you feel comfortable talking to. Take care of your own mental/behavioral health & keep it to yourself to protect your privacy.
"Guard your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life."
- The Bible.
Be Well.
Be careful of those friends Are they friends or flying monkeys??Don't tell them anything Find a good psychologist but make sure you are happy with them and you feel supported and understood Good luck
Wow 😮
I shut this radar, down. Stop fawning.
It worked when I was a kid. Enuf.
KNOWLEDGE IS POWERFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀
Walking on eggshells with a narcissistic gaslighter!!
Oups. This is me 😢
YES
Scary.
Tim, have you met my father? 😆
Right? When I began watching his videos years ago I felt like somehow he could explain my life to me better than I could've explained it to anyone. It's so validating and painful at the same time bc (at least for me) I realized just how F-ed up my family/I am.
Sounds like my experience of childhood.
Usually you just feel terrified Reading them is to do with survival for you and the children Do you need to place yourself so they can't hit you when they come into the room
So, how do you turn this off? Because i find myself doing this in everyday situations, even decades after any intial abuse
You're never a person but an object that's only there to meet their every need or supply. It's never about you. You will always need to be in tune with the feelings moods and energy of narcs, it will make you hyper sensitive towards people from now on! Which can be a good or a bad thing. After dealing with narcs I can feel people's energy especially the negative
Any beginning tips how to change this😢
Shanaya, leave the abuser. But never full frontal. Prepare carefully your exit. I speak from experience, saying you are leaving them triggers an incredible bout of rage and violence. Be careful, ask for help (someone you trust, not a traitor).
If you are isolated, ask an association, erase your calls, the history of your computer ( yeah, it was at that level for me, knives and more, plus this army guy ruined me, went away with 2 of my bank accounts). I'm still healing, but I'm free!!!
And prepare to move, some are nuts and stalk. Record everything, go to your local enforcement also. Secure yourself, narcos are nasty.
To never know happiness equals this sad life
What can one do to change this pattern?
Take our focus off the narcissist and put the focus on to ourselves, it may take some time to break old habits that aren't serving us anymore.
Leave narcissists as soon as possible.
Watching Tim's videos has helped me a lot. There's years upon years of work that needs to be undone and then re-done in a healthier way. I'm in therapy and have as little interaction with my dad as possible. I've had trouble fully cutting ties bc I lost my mom 10 yrs ago who was also not healthy for me and we were very close. I'm not sure what I'm still holding onto... I feel guilty that I'm not doing more to help my dad as he's in his old age, but I was always there for him far more than he ever was for me.
All I can say is- if you're not in therapy, give it a go. It'll likely get harder before it gets easier/ better. Not every therapist is the right fit so I'd suggest keep trying different ones or give one a few chances before deciding they/ it is not for you.
There's a book called Reinventing Your Life by Jeffrey Young that I think has a lot of great therapeutic exercises.
@@JustJ-Me "Understanding does not cure evil, but it is a definite help, inasmuch as one can cope with a comprehensible darkness."
Carl Jung
Psyche and symbol
@@politereminder6284 I love Tim's videos about Complex Trauma. He practically taught me about it. I read the book by Peter Walker - but Tim's educational videos hit the mark. It got me solid basis to understand this complex yet important matter which we do not have enough education,, until now.
Am I ever glad that’s OVER😅😅😅
🌟💛🌟
Basically you're their caregiver, not wife/husband.
The road to complex PTSD.
Your implied perspective is that the codependent isn’t an abuser as well! They are Tim! Why? They are responsible for emotional neglect. They don’t apply the a Word to their relationship either! We are always going to be predator (narcissist making extension of people) or prey (codependent making them selves an extension of people). As Christians we have a third way! It’s Christlike behavior in the face of the other’s narcissism or codependency.
Oh God 😢😢😢😮
I learned to understand Spanish so I could spy on my parents and see if they were talking about me. They called me “the radar.”
True😂😂😂😂
My sister is a narcissistic histrionic and she is in her 60’s now , and the abuse continues. Her and I are the only females in a family of all males including cousins. She targets me.
My saving grace is my relationship with my Savior. 🙏🏻✝️
This.
Radar 😂✅️
That is not healthy or right😊🌹🙏🏼
Demonic activity
Codependency on the very thing that buys and sells lies of the world of it's master $atan. Love of money the root of all kinds of evil that buys and sells power of suggestion lies cause it is a power of suggestion lie. $atani$m power of suggestion under guise of psychology.
Sounds like Satan, the angels and we the people. You better get your act together because God's going to punish us if we don't.
You and your Shorts and videos are one thing that has never let me down, Tim. I continue to recommend them daily, if not several times a day. I'm glad to see how much your channel is growing. I knew how valuable it was from the beginning. You deserve this as much as those of us with Complex Trauma deserve to finally feel validated, recognized... seen & heard. ❤️🩹
This is explained in such an easy to understand way. Thank you. 🩷
Instead of trying to be everyone else’s light…..I’m going to let God be mine.
Best thing you can do
Amen...
Yep! And let HIS light shine thru you for the world to see the power & glory of HIM; Lord Jesus Christ.