Omg finally! I know in my bones I was molested as a kid by one of my parents. Hyper-sexuality, performing sex acts on myself with dolls, cps coming to the school to ask, trying to with other kids, nightmares, physical abuse I remember, even a bit of touching, multiple “utis” treated at home ect. Later forced into sexual relationships by the parent. I have a daughter who is about to be in the grade when the acting out started and now I’m suffering from debilitating c-ptsd and I’m starting to get flashbacks but man this is crazy. I finally don’t feel insane and am brave enough to go to therapy this Thursday now
Bro a lot of these things sound really similar to how I was as a kid...the hyper sexuality, doing sex acts with dolls and other kids, school being concerned, nightmares, etc. some family was concerned that I was abused even though I never remembered it and still don’t. I do remember my dad beating up “uncle willy”, his friend who frequently came over, because my dad accused him of molesting me. Uncle Willy was fond of tickling me. There was also a neighborhood kid who would do bad things to my brother and me. Actually watching this really makes me wonder if there’s any truth in it
good luck to you... Take this with a grain of salt or what you will... After so many years our brain sometimes tell us that's something is so, just because it's been there for so long. There WILL be false memories embedded with legitimate ones. I'm glad you are A brave soul, And i'm praying for you. I'm not brave enough myself to confront early life events just yet... But I also have no support. Hopefully In the coming years I too will do what needs to be done. You are so brave , Don't quit when the going gets tough . It will be so worth it in the end!
@@anonymousyoutubeperson6079 question for you. If someone were to try and tickle you now, how would you respond or how does it make you feel? I was abused when i was 5 and i dont specifically remember the incident but my body remembers. I still cringe when im touched. Like i want to jump out of my skin and run away.
I was molested as a kid, i remember how those friends of mine molested me, it's mixed feelings of self hatred disgust and sadness.... Now because of that i*m so afraid of bring vulnerable, also, i live in Narcissistic family, is so triggering to dealing with constant criticism for whatever we doing...
I want to remember I know for a fact I was abused. Now the problem even if i dont care about the details my subconscious is suffering from it. I get bouts of depressions, unjustified self hate and self doubt. I want to remember the details to process it and finally love myself completely and get over it
develop daily routines of self love, eating properly, sleeping properly, reading books, daily journals, showering daily walking, good music, good play be patient & focused, be honest in your day to day life, with yourself & people you trust. keep your head uP keep your heart uP keep your mind uP, lear to focus on this every day & don1t beat up on yourself if you get slack, just pick it up again & do the next right thing. Don`t project, sureender your negativities to maintaing healthy daily routines & self worth, I am good enough as I m today etc & you will be surprised of the changes you feel & the new insights & awareness's you create within yourself. you will gain insight & Self awareness, one foot in front of the other.it`s not who we are...it`s what we do with who we are...one step at a time, treat yourself & others well & you will create & feel the benefits each day. All the Best for your journeys.
@Dope-drunk G Omg same...Idk if it happened or was just a dream or am i just affected by the stories i heard, because i can't remember any faces or specific actions...Just a feeling.. And i'm afraid one day i may accuse the wrong person if i remembered anything cause i wouldn't be sure!
Same! I know my Dad did stuff to me, but I can't recall specific memories, it's driving me crazy because I'm living with him now to care for the narcissist and most of the time I want to punch the shit out of him, scream at him...but I don't feel I have justification other than overwhelming feelings I've had most of my teenage and adult life - and huge blocks of time missing.
I’m just astounded by how common this is. Reading the comments my heart goes out to all of us who have experienced and still relive, albeit through fight or flight or anxiety or depression, those same fearful feelings but haven’t a clue where or how they got there! It makes sense that our brain is protecting us and thank goodness it does, but it leaves a gap, a hole, a void, and it is this that causes confusion, separation/disassociation and self loathing. We are stronger than we realise 💪 love yourself ❤
God has been slowly hinting to me that I was abused somehow in childhood. I do know I was raised by narcissists. I found this out by recently getting caught in the snare of a narcissist. I never knew what that word meant until I met one. I see some toxic traits in myself and it revealed to me that I was raised by narcissists and it’s no wonder I did drugs and it’s no wonder my mom and dad are so cold and emotionally unavailable. I never noticed how cold they were until I started realizing I was chasing relationships that weren’t there to begin with. Whatever kind of bond I had with my mom and dad in the past was not what I thought it was. It was toxic.
We need a group hug here. (& I don't like clichés) I'm serious. OOOOOOO & some XXXXXs too. Peace and Love to everyone. The whole world is hurting, needs healing. I start with me.
Love learning more about psychology and the brain, it's fascinating. I personally found contact with the locked away trauma child by taking a heroic dose of psychedelic mushrooms, was having wild swings in mood and a deep feeling of desperate sadness that was leading me to a dark place and figured it was worth trying psychedelic's before potentially ending my life. Had a direct/out of body experience where I was watching myself as a baby sitting alone in the center of a large bed and watched the malnourished baby helplessly cry and scream for what felt like forever. I walked over to my baby self and talked to her because I didn't have a body and couldn't touch her, the words seemed to calm her down and she fell asleep. After this trip I felt as though a part of me was a little less anxious and fearful and even a little more conscious. I now no longer live with overwhelming subconscious pain and personal suffering and seek to keep digging deeper into myself in order to know the deeper truth and bliss of life filled with love and desire to share these findings with others.
I have quite a few actual memories of trauma from when I was very little, my mother was very abusive. What astounds me is that my cousin has told me of events she remembers when I would have been early teens (around 13 maybe) of my mother physically and emotionally abusing me in front of her and I have no recollection of this at all. Same goes for my partner, he can recall an event from 10 years ago (I would have been early 20's) where he had to go and collect me because my mother was being that bad and I can't for the life of me remember this! Yet I have an astounding memory, I remember great details of many things in my life so it's absolutely mind blowing to me that I have these huge memory blocks surrounding certain events. I do remember some of the abuse so it's interesting how the brain blocks some of it but not all of it 🤔
I have this ex that I keep going back to even though I know it was really bad because I literally dont remember it. Everytime something really bad would happen i’d tell myself “i’m not here” “this isn’t real” so i’d forget it. I remember snippets but only the feeling when I have nightmares.
I think I'm done trying to remember my childhood. There are a lot of holes. I don't want to discover I was sexually abused. It's my biggest fear. I don't want to know.
I'm the same. I can't remember much its very patchy even my teenage years. Sometimes I heat awful feelings of disgust which male me want to curl up or be physically sick. I don't know where this comes from?
@@dorianjoice when we have fear, only know it as fear, present moment awareness. We could widen our view and see all. Are there times I am happy, realize this is true also. We are not only fear, we are not only happy, it is always changing. Knowing it's always changing and can get better. Take note of who is doing the observing of the emotions and moods? We are that observer, the observer is not affected, not sick,not fearful, it is only the knowing, the observing. We are the observer, find out who is the observer. It is like a super highway leading to peace, untouchable, unaffected by any memory or problem. It's pure peace we can have, we have it always but it's covered. Find the super highway leading to peace ✌️💓
well we have alot in common I have the same fear. It is comforting to know I am not the only one. I was always, as an adult, ashamed to admitt I cant remember my childhood...Take care
Get help now ! I had my first breakdown at 17 and a physical breakdown again at 20, depression at 28 ish... and now at 42, I am recovering from a massive physical breakdown which I think arose from childhood trauma. When I was 17, children weren't offered psychological help so I think you are living in a better time to get this now
"Communicates the danger without the memory" that stood out for me! I disagree with the no exit part. There is a way of letting that trauma out. Dr. Joe Dispenza and Melanie Tonia Evans are great examples of showing how to do it. .
there is a reason biology blocks memories! I feel pretty balanced despite memories that if brought up would probably ruin me. interesting presentation!
From my earliest memories, around 7 years old, I've believed there's something wrong with me. I can't figure it out. I asked my mother when I was 12 and she just punched me in the mouth. I'm now 80 years old with a graduate degree, a great family, loving successful kids, and looking back on a rewarding successful career of helping others. I still feel the same as before my mother punched me in the mouth. This time I won't ask.
I used to think my parents were angry with each other due to what happened before I was born. I called it, "Staying married out of Obligation". Had my mother not taken him back I would not have been born. Instead, I now Realize what the marriage was/is. My Dad, the Selfish narcissist, my Mother, the Super Codependent. She did not protect my brother and sister then me. Very interesting awareness emerging.
I really need some help. I can't remember anything. And I have been trying to remember so hard. I was a deprived child. Never a hug or any show of love.
I’ve been able to re associate I’m 21 and I’m pretty sure this energy coming out my “core” when I relax is the “original pain” it’s a dense flow of energy that is warm and hurts you could call it the feeling of unworthiness. And the more I relax into it the better it flows out. And it does feel like my childhood despite being numb for so long when I allow it, it feels like my childhood so I guess this would be the wound I gotta sit with. I’ve been asking my self to reveal all despite having to hide it and there’s anger, which feels kinda nice (even the pain feels “good” nothing is worse than inner deadness)… but yeah we‘ll see when I arrive at my fulfilled heart or my “blank slate” that we all are underneath..
That's incredible that you are able to understand yourself enough to do that. I feel like when I try and relax I feel the 'inner dreadness' and that scares me. I find it difficult to sit with that. I'm 28. I find that amazing that you have learnt to do that with yourself.
Thank you Ross. I don’t believe in evolution, but I believe that our Creator God has created this protective action in our brains. I keep having these horrible anxiety attacks and it feels like they’re coming out of nowhere, but apparently it’s coming from something stored in my brain that I’m not conscious of. It’s very difficult to live with, though, and greatly impedes my functioning.
This isn’t a God/Atheist thing. To not believe in evolution is to not believe in God. Living things evolve to survive and maximize living. Evolution is in you individually, and in our ancestors thousands of years ago. Look at dogs for example. Dog breads will evolve over time and develop changes over time that benefit that dog to better excel in the environment they are in. That is evolution.
I also am missing huge chunks of memory and suspect that day to day events were also coded as trauma since practically conception. Therefore I interpret very normal events as possible trauma - which causes me to further perceive trauma, which seems to cause further memory loss. This has seriously impacted my entire life, and various treatment programs have made me worse at times. I am practically non functional and broke with no idea where to begin. People scare the F out of me as I have, of course, attracted a couple of sociopaths 1 of whom still stalks, and the other who still takes half my tiny ssi check, Where would I begin? I have searched long and hard for this information. It is good to know so that I can stop trying stuff that makes me worse, and so that I finally know that I can't just "overcome" by sheer will. THIS INFORMATION NEEDS TO BE PUBLIC AND SHOVED DOWN EVERY PSYCHOLOGISTS, PSYCHIATRISTS, COUNSELORS, MENTORS, AND 12 STEP LEADERS THROATS!!!@!
Hi Ellen, I'm sorry you had to go through this, but you are not alone! I also came to conclusion that willpower will only be lasting a finite amount, when it wears out due to repeated trauma, the ego collapse, so goes the physical life in 3d. I can totally understand why you feel traumatized by seemingly normal life by others. Me as well, I went downstairs for breakfast, wearing fitness clothes that shows my figure, and I knew I'd get weird looks, I also wear my pants inside out, and headband I made that look like shredded clothes, I walk tall with ballerina posture, i already had premonition that I'd get made fun of because I look and act different. I felt these group of teenagers at the restaurant in the hotel was laughing and looking at me, I didn't want to look at them in the face, because I was afraid if they were really making fun and bullying me like I went through in school in China I wouldn't be able to deal with it and it would be too hurtful. Next time maybe I will just look at these people in the eye and see what's up. It's weird I could have covered my self up with a big puffy fur coat so nobody would notice my figure, but I deliberately want to train my to triggers like this. Next time I will be brave and if I feel others are looking at me I stare into their soul with warrior courage. I also understand completely why you attracted socio path into your life who stalk you and abuse you, it's because you are yet to be heal. Healing is a continuous process that may never come to an end. So be patient with yourself. You are already more enlightened than the mass majority who thinks going to mainstream matrix sponsored doctors who are indoctrinated to be ignorant and narro minded will not help, that's a big step. You also have more insight which is helping to get on the right path. Get in touch with your heart and inner child, be nonjudgmental and just observe her feelings and needs. You will make it 💖 I'm sorry you have been abused and stalked, I also feel extremely violated, threatened, disgusted, angered by those. You were most likely abused as a child so you don't know what boundaries are and let other people put your safety at risk. You are doing the right thing by protecting yourself now. I feel an overwhelming amount of disgust towards people who molested, stalkers and abusers etc. I also have a hard time processing it. As in why does it bother me that much? Is it because I feel that my safety is violated and my body sends these sensation to protect me? Be curious and observe. Xoxo
In short, brain is built to protect itself from feeling the pain and repeating to feel the same pain. In PureOCD this mechanisms comes up with if you label something as danger, brain will pick up on this and think and analyze it too much, so intrusive thoughts will turn into OCD as a protective mechanism. So if Classical CBT labels Social Anxiety as complex panic symptom issue - the brain will turn even more anxiety, which will turn into hypervigilance and suppressed anxiety in long term, which will result in people pleasing and fawning as way to cope with social issues. What we focus on, grows. What we turn our back on, dies. Ignoring something is not turning our back - it is active energy draining process that keeps anxiety and fears alive. This is why suppression is immature ego defense mechanism - and this is why Classical CBT does not work for social anxiety. Third wave of CBT called DBT, as PureOCD techniques to heal intrusive thoughts - and Humanistic Psychology - all tell us that instead of ignoring and suppressing that we accept and validate anything that bother us as a way to resolve something that bothers us.
I also suffered from psychological hell and disconnect from reality and self. So far, I'm still working on my fears and trauma...The journey isn't easy, but it's worth it👊❤
I just thought I have a bad memory, but all my siblings seem to remember more than me even though I'm the youngest. I was the invisible child in the family dynamics......
very interesting talk. I have pieces of the puzzle missing and i'm searching for information to help myself. I lack knowledge of what is happening and how it's happening.
Thanks for the comment. You may find more answers in other TH-cam videos in this channel, or visit Ross's website for more information. There are a couple of video seminar that may interest you: www.selfloverecovery.com/collections/video-seminars-downloads
Ross, I've watched many of your videos and found them very helpful. However, two glaring questions come to me when watching this one (and these have been with me for some time) 1. If it's true the brain represses our traumatic memories in order to protect us then why are there so many people who DO remember childhood abuse? 2. Are there any scientific studies that support repressed memories? I respect you tremendously and you've been my go-to person for codependency issues. But I am skeptical of this because I've heard about false memories being uncovered by therapists. In fact, I've read that memories themselves are unreliable. I've also read other reports that say a traumatic event is often the first thing we DO remember, so I'm just confused about this issue. I do want to know if there was trauma in my childhood that I've repressed. I believe it would help me to remember it, face it and move on. But if that's the case, I want to be certain it really happened. I do some work with the ACA program and part of the red book cautions about finding the right therapist who can help us remember things while not suggesting and/or leading us. I've never known how to find such a person.
My dad died right when I turned 7 from a heart condition .We had a large home with an 2 apartments behind. My mom began seeing one of those tenants right away ,a man older than my dad . That is when it started for me until I was about 10.Then he got a new girlfriend with a niece.I have vivid memories of certain things and even conversations .He would come and get me from my bed and take me to thiers . I even remember him stopping in the living room dropping a pill into a drink and giving it to me .Sometimes I don't know what made me more anxious the for sure memories I do have or the memories that seem like a bd dream I need to remember but can't. Some things the abuse caused in my life were an extreme fear of the dark I hated night time to come . I became terrified of the dark. I would sneak into my brothers rooms and hide under the bed . I hate the strong odor of ... ! I hate El Caminos. I hate original old spice cologne. He did a a clicking sound with his mouth I cant imitate but hate immensely. I hate 70's western style suits .We lived in Texas . I find it hard to be around men who have the same like appearence.I don't want to look at them . I'm nearing 60 and still have strong physical reactions to those particular things. I'm overprotective and hypersensitive sometimes about adults interacting with children .I don't like when I hear a child told they are different or special its a red flag to me. PS that caused me to feel different in a bad way socially like if he chose me there was something wrong with me . I even realize now perhaps him rejecting my mom was because i had grown beyond the age that gave him pleasure .I'm like a momma hen ready to attack to protect children. People don't seem to understand that children can't put into words what is happening to them and the dirty feeling and sence of something so wrong causes guilt shame and inward anger that for me appeared in Jr. High I discovered alcohol UGH l I was not shy and scared to talk when drinking but it was terrible I really had self destructive behavior .People would tell me what I did or I woul wake up with someone and the memory would be gone. I believe that came from what happened earlier in life as well. I was also raped several times it was like I had a sign on my head . I was pregnant at 18 and married an abusive man. Being pregnant was the best thing for me though as I had to protect the life inside me so I didnt drink and tried with all my might to be a good wife. That is when I started trying to put it all in perspective The healing and peace that passes all understanding came for my heart and mind from yes ... (I know people don't want to hear it )but excepting Jesus when my baby was born and trusting His love .He not only saved me but those who hurt me also. I had so much hate for him and disdain for my mom I had planned over and over in my mind how when I was able to locate him, I would get them to a place in public expose what happened ,cut off his ... and put it in my mom's lap. Murder him. Then go to prison. Now I would like to meet him to tell him how God saved him twice .I still wanted him in prison so he couldn't do that anymore. He probably isn't alive but I don't hate him I hate what He did and it changed my life forever but it no longer controls me in a downwars spiral. I was able to have a good relationship with my mom before she passed away. I no longer carry guilt and shame for something that wasn't mine to carry .From what I was to what I am now is a complete turn around. I'm still tempted to go there at times in my mind but pray immediately, I refuse to go Back to that hurt terrified angry shameful lonely special dirty little girl he molded in my heart and mind .I refuse to ever let him have that back ! The only thing that still bugs me are the big blank spots . I can only remember parts VERY WELL but most of that time in my life is blacked out.Hope anyone reading will find Hope Love Peace of mind Forgiveness as I have.I live in The Light and no longer fear the dark !!!
ACA is where I started, but I kept questioning everything until one woman told me to "Walk through the rage." I finally figured out how to do it and it worked. It opened the doors to a whole new life and a whole different me.
@@shirleymorales3161 Adult Children Anonymous helped me. One woman told me to "Walk through the Rage" and after a couple of years, I figured out how to do it. It worked. I know you don't want to hear this, but he only did what was done to him. That doesn't make it better, nor does it make it right, but you're not the only one in that hell hole. It's hard to hear, but forgiving is the way out, hard as that is to imagine.
@@Girrrrrrrrrrrrrl66 I know what you mean. I was around them my whole life. I’m 40 and cut contact 2 months ago. I brought them with me in my mind. It takes a lot of years to reprogram your mind . I’m in therapy now and trying to work on it and I’m a mess. I hope to find a way to walk away.
Seeing some of the comments here I want to say (as a therapist) that recall is only useful when it happens in stages. Grieve what you can remember a bit at a time. More memories will come when you are ready to face them. As an adult you can give yourself the love and care and pampering and consoling you should have had as a child when you were unhappy. If you know God, pray to be shown the way to be healed. Meditation and mindfulness can also help. Do not worry if you cannot afford the programme or personal therapy, there are lots of affordable alternatives. Seek out resources such as videos like these and books on emotional recovery from childhood neglect or childhood abuse to work on your stuff bit by bit. ❤️🙏
Well then what are we supposed to do? Can we set these memories free? By ourselves? Or only through therapists who know this method? Are there other methods to relieve the body and brain of these hidden traumas that are accessible to the victim? What is your opinion of Yuen energetics? Can this type of work release and free the trauma child? Thank you.
j'huuki Thank you for your kind and knowing words. I understand what you are saying. I’m getting some relief from anxiety from breathing exercises. I am reading a book of prayers I recently ordered. Not religious, just prayers to try and find the love inside of me, that I’ve lost to trauma. To try and find the “me” that has been incinerated by the Narcissists in my life. These are really helpful! I have been waking up without the usual dread, and “what did I do wrong now” state of mind. I will look up the other thing you suggested, after the breathing technique. I can’t attend Ross’s workshops. I read a lot, listen to a lot of you tube videos and TedX talks, etc., when my fear and anxiety ramp up. Thank you again for replying to my questions!
I read a book on healing inner child trauma and it was VERY helpful. It gave the reader exercises to do, like writing a letter to your inner child. He would have you write with your left hand, or not your main hand you use to write, because this slowed down your thinking, and it also looked sloppy like a child would write. It was a step in healing for me. I highly recommend it. It was called, " Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child" by John Bradshaw.
Same here I lost my brother in 2014 he was 38 yrs old.. always asked why I didn't remember things.. He was my youngest brother, only sibling and I was always protecting him since we were little..
as crestons wife i didnt want to know that and I supressed and forgot and last year I remembered and I had to go through the stages of grief shock unbelief doubt anger forgiveness and acceptance and getting to the root for me was childhood trauma and coming out of denial and going through the stages of grief helped I hate what happened but it helped me heal forgive and accept what happened and I am glad I have gotten to the root of what happened to me my dad sexually abused me as a child he was an alcoholic and it helped me heal eventually it took a year for me but I am glad that I am on the other side I didnt want to know either but we have to get to the inside root issue before we can and its not our fault and we shouldnt feel ashamed about it because we didnt cause it and its not our fault and it helps me heal alot better knowing and going through the stages of grief and it led to acceptance of what and acceptance of myself and we didnt deserve and we didnt cause it.
We victims are, very often, at the mercy of those in our immediate vicinity. I’m trapped not only by my trauma, but by the continuing harassment of my family who don’t believe my symptoms are real or as severe as they are. And I can’t make them understand because when I’m triggered, I can’t describe what’s happening. So, of course, they say if I can’t explain it, it must not be real. Begging for help for years, turned away at every stop, treated for symptoms, provided no worthwhile therapy, hospitalized with no real improvement, and told any disability support is probably years away. I’ll be dead before then. It’s crushing to realize nobody cares.
Why doesn't the brain remember trauma? Because we do not want to remember it. And this "do not want to remember" comes from the heart. From our Selfs. The moment we are ready, the moment we come in good shape with our heart, our true Self COMMENDS our brain to remember it again. It's all about the heart, the brain is just a soldier who obeys. BUT: we do not have to remember is at all. With our analyzing thinking, witch we learned from school, we always want to know. But if our body is made in that way that we forget, simply to save us from pain and further trauma, we have to accept this. This whole thing has NOTHING to do with evolution theory what so ever! Accept and dare to trust, and stay humble. With peace from Belgium ❤️
I have mental break downs but I can never remember what happened But I think I was rap3d by my dad but I can’t remember and a part of me wants to know the other half is scared to find the truth
This. I remember when I was still a child I always had this scary and uncomfortable feeling while staring at my father and whenever he was around. It was like I'm stucked on my spot and I just want him to go away.
I wish I had someone like you to help me. I have been turned down by every psychiatrist in the large city I live in. And free counselling was always a huge failure d/t my fear of strangers...they were mostly students and there was no time to build trust or attachment with these people with good intentions. My psychiatrist fired me! He couldn't and would not provide any therapy to me and finally said he couldn't handle my many issues with DID, PTSD, agoraphobia, panic attacks, and social anxiety disorder. It's just me and God as it always has been and will be. I am just waiting to get to go to Heaven. Life is just too much. I live for my husband because he really loves me and wants me with him. If he passes I'm out of here even if God doesn't take pity on me.
I could have written this. Im sorry you live this way too. With a lifetime of trauma and nobody knowing how to help me or are unavailable to, I just want to GO. If it weren't for my husband and kids, I would be soooooo done.
There are some good self-help materials on websites and in books on healing your inner child, recovering from narcissistic abuse and/or childhood neglect. It is a long road but travel it bit by bit.
if u compartmentalize things and the stages of abuse or others around you in family deny the abuse does that make u any less credible. i have a family member that just states oh they were a veteran...(the group absolves them of every terrible thing said and done)...i understand cptsd but having the same i try never to repeat abusive behaviors......some of this comes back at the strangest moments . i do not make it a point to repeat it to anyone in the community. my dad was well know he spread rumors about my mental health. it has been hell. its affecting my health. i sit by his grave just crying..its not normal. it was his dog n pony show...meaning no disrespect. kicking your child in the ribs and pulling and punching..ripping out hair thats the cycle of abuse, ugly stuff....sad fact is i adored the man.
You deserved to be treated kindly. I am sorry he was so nasty to you and made you the scapegoat to his overwhelm abuse of you young body. No child deserves that. War affected my family badly too.
Omg my dad told my family I was mentally unwell. I actually had 2nd hand meth in my system and begged to go to the dr but he was telling my sister "I know in my heart she has issues"...I always felt he molested me so now im wondering if he was laying down the framework for people not believing me later. Every time someone brings up a child that's abused, he calls them a liar or says the adult learned their lesson.
I have almost no memory’s and if I do they feel like dreams but I have SOOO many side effects of trama I feel like I’m making it up but all the pieces flow together of who what when we’re how and why I am how I am now I don’t want to be making it up
I screamed at my parents as well and atp I don't care anymore. The abuse has to stop and they have to take responsibility for their actions or else I'm gonna go crazy.
If anyone could help, I have a small glimpse of trauma when I was I think 8. It is like the very beginning of something and then nothing. It has been a feeling inside me for so long but I have always suppressed it. Is this a real thing? Did something happen and my mind blocked it?
I feel the same - like the slightest stirring - as you said, just a glimpse and then nothing. It actually happened as I was watching this video. Not sure if I want to find out
From what I've read and listened to on trauma it sounds like you're describing a traumatic experience in your life. Your mind may not remember but your body does. I would try and feel into your body as you recall the memory. It would really be advised that you do that with a professional. But from what I know that "gut feeling" you're describing is incredibly smart and is definitely pointing you towards something important. All the best Kayla
Can a person get thrrough childhood trauma without bringing everything. back? Because I just discovered(or remembered) another molester like I remember my brother & his friend from 3-8 then the 1 time(I hope) then from 10 -12 Mr bird it's the in between 1 I don't want to remember can I get through without remembering everythin
I remember all the trauma, most anyways, I don’t remember anything else. We are all asked what our favorite Christmas was, my answer was simply “ I don’t remember any”
Well I have memories too of trauma, PTSD, in some situations or most I get deja vu experiences, and this to me is related to the subconscious, I think I’m living in right now. I’m living in the review now, but for some reason, I’m trying to find answers to something but I don’t know what.
Only thing I can remember is being always looked at as prey from my brothers friends and some of my older boys cousins it was never actual sex just remember being touched inappropriately. I also remember as a child always playing with shoes and dolls in a sexual way! I just want to understand myself and heal myself I suffer from low self esteem and low self worth i literally feel ugly and not good enough for myself or anybody else. I love hard and give the upmost loyalty to the people I love and never receive it back. My partner is a narcissist and its not making me feel any better he’s the reason I’m trying to learn myself and understand why I attract these kinds of people in my life and find it hard to let them go when they aren’t reciprocating the same love I give i just want to learn me and love me like I have never done before.
Fascinating! What empirical testing, or imaging, or lab work, or anything that's not just an assumption tells us this is where these memories are moved and stored? What's the repeatable science? Thank you.
I can’t remember anything from my childhood but I had a flashback six months ago and I’ve been trying to remember more. What should I do? I have to remember. I have to.
I have done the translation of your pictures in french and now I'm doing the transcription in french, I will send you the link before publishing on my channel. Please let me know if it's ok for you. I will need your permission. Where can I send you the french version of your pictures ? Thank you.
Why i feel not alive and hard to be in present moment? My body was here but my mind always repeat those traumatic event, i cant enjoy present moment. Any advice?
Bring the two together: take a bit of the memory at a time and allow your self to feel sad for the helpless child that you were. Have compassion for yourself and gently grieve. Take it bit by bit.
I have a question, may i translate the drawing with the list in french for some of my subscribers and add the link to your video and your website for your seminar ? Please let me know if you give me your permission. Thank you 👍
How to help people who were traumatized/abused as little children, yet have dissociative symptoms? schizofrenia? My mother has schizofrenia since about the age of 33. Now she is 68. It seems that I am the only person that she has ever trusted in her entire life to tell her most painful moments to. Yesterday she told me how abusive her paternal grandparents were toward her - even at a few years old she was not allowed to cry, some days she was so scared she spent much of the day silent lying under the bed, on one occasion she fled the house to the ajoining woods to get away. She tells the stories with alot of fictional factors (eg. the wolfes and bears took care of her in the forest) - its obviously dissociate fantasy. When I ask, she says she has never told anyone. It seems I am the only one she trusts, and she is in so much pain, it causes me pain. How Can I help her?
You are helping more than you know. By just being there as she goes through the memory helps to heal because this time she is not going through it alone, she has a witness to her pain. This is how therapy helps to heal. You are her therapist and need to look after yourself by talking to someone else about the feelings the whole thing brings up in you, otherwise you will suffer burnout. Be kind to you. Pamper and make time for yourself.
Ross has a complete video seminar that may help you: www.selfloverecovery.com/collections/video-seminars-downloads/products/healing-the-inner-trauma-child
My step mom was telling me they suspect some trauma happened to me while with my mom but she won’t tell me what it is and she says I might get those “flashes” or you know like panic attacks when something reminds me of it so how am I supposed to know what happened to me
I have plenty of memories from quite early childhood, very young, and memories I'd like to forget. I always knew there were some things I wasn't remembering though. I went to the "Children's Rehabilitation Center" for pre-K and speech therapy. I have plenty of memories from there but NO memories of the speech therapy itself which is bizarre. Nothing is online anymore, but 20 years ago I found ONE hit online about them, and they used hypnosis. I don't think anything bad happened there, and "hypnotherapy" is making a comeback. Just saying though, a parent or abuser could learn to use hypnosis, and do it on a young child quite easily. I've researched it. And then there's drugs that can cause amnesia, like Ambien which isn't hard to get. Ketamine causes amnesia too (I had it for dental extractions) but hard to get. Ambien is easy to get, just tell a doc you have trouble sleeping. I know a woman whose male roommate was drugging her with Ambien, she's pretty sure it was Ambien, he'd put it in her coffee (she did see white residue in it). Maybe trauma causes the brain to block it out, but unscrupulous people aren't above using hypnosis or drugs like Ambien and who knows what, on children to cause amnesia.
Who wants to remember bad stuff? Really - people dissociate to try to forget & get a break from the terrible way they were abused & or neglected. It's your mind's way of allowing you to survive such crap.
Why is it that when we resolve most of our repressed childhood trauma, we begin to remember those repressed feelings? It's an odd phenomena. Both sadness and anger!
What effect on the hypothalamic system can having Chiari I malformation with syringomyelia possibly have? I realize this is an old video and probably not read by or commented on anymore. Therapists in my experience do not want to get this involved with a patient. There is no help but from above for me.
Sorry to Everyone who can’t remember their childhood. I’m only here because of the way one person acted in my childhood and I’m very sure he at least wanted to abuse me. Suspect repressed memory
If we have to face trauma to heal from it (I'm assuming we do), why would our brains conceal the memories and thus our ability to heal? Evolution gone wrong?
I'm no expert, but I think that we do the best with the cognitive capacities we have at the time. So many are from childhood because we are not fully developed and unable to process many sensory experiences. Such experiences are stored, I believe in the body, and a corresponding trauma is subconsciously noted in the brain, but not necessarily the conscious mind.
It's an adaptation which functions as a type of survival mechanism when we are vulnerable due to being a child. The adult you is restricted by this adaptation (rather like continuing to wear shoes that are too tight) and needs to grieve the past in order to heal.
As I understand Amygdala is older part of brain, it is primitive. It is like old granny in the house. It is hard of hearing, hard of seeing - yet it has seen and know anything that goes around the house, since she experienced itself in her long time life. Sometimes it will get triggered and over-reacted as old people do. Many time their advice will be spot on yet annoying and irritating, due to our cognitive dissonance.
That sounds shocking beyond belief. My mother tried to kill herself in front of me when I was 8 whilst blaming me. Its very hard to integrate. EFT (tapping) helped me bring the repressed trauma through. Good luck.
I really like your intro and outro music but it is SO LOUD... I listen with ear buds most of the time and it blasts me so uncomfortably. I really wish you could get the volume level to more closely match your video volume.
I don’t understand. If this part of the brain is her medically sealed and there is only one way in and no way out, then how can you get in. This is very confusing !!
j'huuki thakyou for that yes that makes sense and as recoverer myself I would do anything to end this madness, I’m not rich but in this instance I would pay this money to get myself in a better place. Thanks again
It is sealed but at the same time the contents move around and seek a way out in the form of anxiety and depression so that you can pay attention and work through the pain.
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Omg finally! I know in my bones I was molested as a kid by one of my parents. Hyper-sexuality, performing sex acts on myself with dolls, cps coming to the school to ask, trying to with other kids, nightmares, physical abuse I remember, even a bit of touching, multiple “utis” treated at home ect. Later forced into sexual relationships by the parent. I have a daughter who is about to be in the grade when the acting out started and now I’m suffering from debilitating c-ptsd and I’m starting to get flashbacks but man this is crazy. I finally don’t feel insane and am brave enough to go to therapy this Thursday now
Bro a lot of these things sound really similar to how I was as a kid...the hyper sexuality, doing sex acts with dolls and other kids, school being concerned, nightmares, etc. some family was concerned that I was abused even though I never remembered it and still don’t. I do remember my dad beating up “uncle willy”, his friend who frequently came over, because my dad accused him of molesting me. Uncle Willy was fond of tickling me. There was also a neighborhood kid who would do bad things to my brother and me. Actually watching this really makes me wonder if there’s any truth in it
good luck to you... Take this with a grain of salt or what you will... After so many years our brain sometimes tell us that's something is so, just because it's been there for so long. There WILL be false memories embedded with legitimate ones. I'm glad you are A brave soul, And i'm praying for you. I'm not brave enough myself to confront early life events just yet... But I also have no support. Hopefully In the coming years I too will do what needs to be done. You are so brave , Don't quit when the going gets tough . It will be so worth it in the end!
@@anonymousyoutubeperson6079 question for you. If someone were to try and tickle you now, how would you respond or how does it make you feel?
I was abused when i was 5 and i dont specifically remember the incident but my body remembers. I still cringe when im touched. Like i want to jump out of my skin and run away.
I was molested as a kid, i remember how those friends of mine molested me, it's mixed feelings of self hatred disgust and sadness....
Now because of that i*m so afraid of bring vulnerable, also, i live in Narcissistic family, is so triggering to dealing with constant criticism for whatever we doing...
How’d it go?
I love that I finally have a scientific proof of what is going on in ny head and not another blog repeating what they learned in psych class 101...
Same here. I've lost count of how many videos I've watched that were basically useless
i feel you,i have had a tsunami of repressed memories
I want to remember I know for a fact I was abused. Now the problem even if i dont care about the details my subconscious is suffering from it. I get bouts of depressions, unjustified self hate and self doubt. I want to remember the details to process it and finally love myself completely and get over it
Right there with you.
develop daily routines of self love, eating properly, sleeping properly, reading books, daily journals, showering daily walking, good music, good play be patient & focused, be honest in your day to day life, with yourself & people you trust. keep your head uP keep your heart uP keep your mind uP, lear to focus on this every day & don1t beat up on yourself if you get slack, just pick it up again & do the next right thing. Don`t project, sureender your negativities to maintaing healthy daily routines & self worth, I am good enough as I m today etc & you will be surprised of the changes you feel & the new insights & awareness's you create within yourself.
you will gain insight & Self awareness, one foot in front of the other.it`s not who we are...it`s what we do with who we are...one step at a time, treat yourself & others well & you will create & feel the benefits each day. All the Best for your journeys.
Nurture your peace & face your fears in the moment & the details will come & be a good parent to yourself & you will flow & grow
@Dope-drunk G Omg same...Idk if it happened or was just a dream or am i just affected by the stories i heard, because i can't remember any faces or specific actions...Just a feeling..
And i'm afraid one day i may accuse the wrong person if i remembered anything cause i wouldn't be sure!
Same! I know my Dad did stuff to me, but I can't recall specific memories, it's driving me crazy because I'm living with him now to care for the narcissist and most of the time I want to punch the shit out of him, scream at him...but I don't feel I have justification other than overwhelming feelings I've had most of my teenage and adult life - and huge blocks of time missing.
Sending love to fellow survivors of childhood sexual abuse/rituals. I remember almost everything its over, yet never will be.
I’m just astounded by how common this is. Reading the comments my heart goes out to all of us who have experienced and still relive, albeit through fight or flight or anxiety or depression, those same fearful feelings but haven’t a clue where or how they got there! It makes sense that our brain is protecting us and thank goodness it does, but it leaves a gap, a hole, a void, and it is this that causes confusion, separation/disassociation and self loathing. We are stronger than we realise 💪 love yourself ❤
You are soooo right. I am sending you a heart hug. Love yourself!
God has been slowly hinting to me that I was abused somehow in childhood. I do know I was raised by narcissists. I found this out by recently getting caught in the snare of a narcissist. I never knew what that word meant until I met one. I see some toxic traits in myself and it revealed to me that I was raised by narcissists and it’s no wonder I did drugs and it’s no wonder my mom and dad are so cold and emotionally unavailable. I never noticed how cold they were until I started realizing I was chasing relationships that weren’t there to begin with. Whatever kind of bond I had with my mom and dad in the past was not what I thought it was. It was toxic.
Yep, I experienced my parents the same ways.
Just explained my life
I am so glad you are becoming aware...because awareness is the first step to healing. Namaste!
I try to remember my early childhood. I can only get bits and the rest is blurred
I try and try.and it's impossible
Ignorance is bliss in a sense …
I remember & it’s torcherous emotionally..
I wish I didn’t remember any of it 🥺
We need a group hug here. (& I don't like clichés) I'm serious. OOOOOOO & some XXXXXs too. Peace and Love to everyone. The whole world is hurting, needs healing. I start with me.
Thanks so much for the good vibes. 🙏
hugs to you ♥️
Well said...and I join you!!! ❤
Love learning more about psychology and the brain, it's fascinating. I personally found contact with the locked away trauma child by taking a heroic dose of psychedelic mushrooms, was having wild swings in mood and a deep feeling of desperate sadness that was leading me to a dark place and figured it was worth trying psychedelic's before potentially ending my life. Had a direct/out of body experience where I was watching myself as a baby sitting alone in the center of a large bed and watched the malnourished baby helplessly cry and scream for what felt like forever. I walked over to my baby self and talked to her because I didn't have a body and couldn't touch her, the words seemed to calm her down and she fell asleep. After this trip I felt as though a part of me was a little less anxious and fearful and even a little more conscious. I now no longer live with overwhelming subconscious pain and personal suffering and seek to keep digging deeper into myself in order to know the deeper truth and bliss of life filled with love and desire to share these findings with others.
I have quite a few actual memories of trauma from when I was very little, my mother was very abusive. What astounds me is that my cousin has told me of events she remembers when I would have been early teens (around 13 maybe) of my mother physically and emotionally abusing me in front of her and I have no recollection of this at all. Same goes for my partner, he can recall an event from 10 years ago (I would have been early 20's) where he had to go and collect me because my mother was being that bad and I can't for the life of me remember this! Yet I have an astounding memory, I remember great details of many things in my life so it's absolutely mind blowing to me that I have these huge memory blocks surrounding certain events. I do remember some of the abuse so it's interesting how the brain blocks some of it but not all of it 🤔
I have this ex that I keep going back to even though I know it was really bad because I literally dont remember it. Everytime something really bad would happen i’d tell myself “i’m not here” “this isn’t real” so i’d forget it. I remember snippets but only the feeling when I have nightmares.
@@dharmabumpoetess i feel this too, this how it called retraumatize and dissociate...
I think I'm done trying to remember my childhood. There are a lot of holes. I don't want to discover I was sexually abused. It's my biggest fear. I don't want to know.
Wow Kara I feel the same way. I want to know who I am but am afraid to find out at the same time.
I'm the same. I can't remember much its very patchy even my teenage years. Sometimes I heat awful feelings of disgust which male me want to curl up or be physically sick. I don't know where this comes from?
*I get awful feelings * I meant to say
@@dorianjoice when we have fear, only know it as fear, present moment awareness. We could widen our view and see all. Are there times I am happy, realize this is true also. We are not only fear, we are not only happy, it is always changing. Knowing it's always changing and can get better. Take note of who is doing the observing of the emotions and moods? We are that observer, the observer is not affected, not sick,not fearful, it is only the knowing, the observing. We are the observer, find out who is the observer. It is like a super highway leading to peace, untouchable, unaffected by any memory or problem. It's pure peace we can have, we have it always but it's covered. Find the super highway leading to peace ✌️💓
well we have alot in common I have the same fear. It is comforting to know I am not the only one. I was always, as an adult, ashamed to admitt I cant remember my childhood...Take care
i'm only 17 and i can hardly remember my childhood or previous teenage years...
Exactly the same thing,I'm 16 and I remember Soo little
god exactly the same
Get help now ! I had my first breakdown at 17 and a physical breakdown again at 20, depression at 28 ish... and now at 42, I am recovering from a massive physical breakdown which I think arose from childhood trauma. When I was 17, children weren't offered psychological help so I think you are living in a better time to get this now
@@gabriellepeacock2709 I'm so sorry for what you have been through!😔 Thank you for your words, and I will definitely try to reach out for help!
@@めらにゃんu._.u I pray you find the right help
"Communicates the danger without the memory" that stood out for me!
I disagree with the no exit part. There is a way of letting that trauma out. Dr. Joe Dispenza and Melanie Tonia Evans are great examples of showing how to do it. .
there is a reason biology blocks memories! I feel pretty balanced despite memories that if brought up would probably ruin me. interesting presentation!
May we all heal graciously
From my earliest memories, around 7 years old, I've believed there's something wrong with me. I can't figure it out. I asked my mother when I was 12 and she just punched me in the mouth. I'm now 80 years old with a graduate degree, a great family, loving successful kids, and looking back on a rewarding successful career of helping others. I still feel the same as before my mother punched me in the mouth. This time I won't ask.
I used to think my parents were angry with each other due to what happened before I was born. I called it, "Staying married out of Obligation". Had my mother not taken him back I would not have been born. Instead, I now Realize what the marriage was/is. My Dad, the Selfish narcissist, my Mother, the Super Codependent. She did not protect my brother and sister then me. Very interesting awareness emerging.
Thank you so much for sharing.
Right on. My story is very similar.
A wonderful and explanatory piece. This model makes a lot of sense. Great work Mr Rosenberg.
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Beautiful work, Ross - beautifully presented. I wish this was understood decades ago. Could have helped my Father without passing it on...
You are very welcome Kimberly. Thanks for the support.
This man in my opinion is the best source on social media hands down......
I really need some help.
I can't remember anything. And I have been trying to remember so hard.
I was a deprived child. Never a hug or any show of love.
Try EMDR therapy, it is great for anxiety, trauma, ptsd
Same here, I cant remember no love, you are not alone and I give you a hug right now 🤗
EFT (tapping) can be incredibly helpful for bring up trapped emotions/memories. Good luck!!
Aww its okay. Dont be so hard on yourself. It will take some time. God bless❤
It's probably better you don't remember
I’ve been able to re associate I’m 21 and I’m pretty sure this energy coming out my “core” when I relax is the “original pain” it’s a dense flow of energy that is warm and hurts you could call it the feeling of unworthiness. And the more I relax into it the better it flows out. And it does feel like my childhood despite being numb for so long when I allow it, it feels like my childhood so I guess this would be the wound I gotta sit with. I’ve been asking my self to reveal all despite having to hide it and there’s anger, which feels kinda nice (even the pain feels “good” nothing is worse than inner deadness)… but yeah we‘ll see when I arrive at my fulfilled heart or my “blank slate” that we all are underneath..
That's incredible that you are able to understand yourself enough to do that. I feel like when I try and relax I feel the 'inner dreadness' and that scares me. I find it difficult to sit with that. I'm 28. I find that amazing that you have learnt to do that with yourself.
❤️ Hugs to you both 🤗
Thank you Ross. I don’t believe in evolution, but I believe that our Creator God has created this protective action in our brains. I keep having these horrible anxiety attacks and it feels like they’re coming out of nowhere, but apparently it’s coming from something stored in my brain that I’m not conscious of. It’s very difficult to live with, though, and greatly impedes my functioning.
This isn’t a God/Atheist thing. To not believe in evolution is to not believe in God. Living things evolve to survive and maximize living. Evolution is in you individually, and in our ancestors thousands of years ago.
Look at dogs for example. Dog breads will evolve over time and develop changes over time that benefit that dog to better excel in the environment they are in. That is evolution.
Your work is wonderful you are helping thousands of people heal thank you for your books videos and seminars
I also am missing huge chunks of memory and suspect that day to day events were also coded as trauma since practically conception. Therefore I interpret very normal events as possible trauma - which causes me to further perceive trauma, which seems to cause further memory loss.
This has seriously impacted my entire life, and various treatment programs have made me worse at times. I am practically non functional and broke with no idea where to begin. People scare the F out of me as I have, of course, attracted a couple of sociopaths 1 of whom still stalks, and the other who still takes half my tiny ssi check, Where would I begin?
I have searched long and hard for this information. It is good to know so that I can stop trying stuff that makes me worse, and so that I finally know that I can't just "overcome" by sheer will. THIS INFORMATION NEEDS TO BE PUBLIC AND SHOVED DOWN EVERY PSYCHOLOGISTS, PSYCHIATRISTS, COUNSELORS, MENTORS, AND 12 STEP LEADERS THROATS!!!@!
Thank you for the support Ellen. Glad this information is helpful. Please also consider Ross's resources at www.selfloverecovery.com/
Hi Ellen, I'm sorry you had to go through this, but you are not alone!
I also came to conclusion that willpower will only be lasting a finite amount, when it wears out due to repeated trauma, the ego collapse, so goes the physical life in 3d.
I can totally understand why you feel traumatized by seemingly normal life by others.
Me as well, I went downstairs for breakfast, wearing fitness clothes that shows my figure, and I knew I'd get weird looks, I also wear my pants inside out, and headband I made that look like shredded clothes, I walk tall with ballerina posture, i already had premonition that I'd get made fun of because I look and act different. I felt these group of teenagers at the restaurant in the hotel was laughing and looking at me, I didn't want to look at them in the face, because I was afraid if they were really making fun and bullying me like I went through in school in China I wouldn't be able to deal with it and it would be too hurtful. Next time maybe I will just look at these people in the eye and see what's up. It's weird I could have covered my self up with a big puffy fur coat so nobody would notice my figure, but I deliberately want to train my to triggers like this. Next time I will be brave and if I feel others are looking at me I stare into their soul with warrior courage.
I also understand completely why you attracted socio path into your life who stalk you and abuse you, it's because you are yet to be heal. Healing is a continuous process that may never come to an end. So be patient with yourself. You are already more enlightened than the mass majority who thinks going to mainstream matrix sponsored doctors who are indoctrinated to be ignorant and narro minded will not help, that's a big step. You also have more insight which is helping to get on the right path.
Get in touch with your heart and inner child, be nonjudgmental and just observe her feelings and needs.
You will make it 💖
I'm sorry you have been abused and stalked, I also feel extremely violated, threatened, disgusted, angered by those. You were most likely abused as a child so you don't know what boundaries are and let other people put your safety at risk. You are doing the right thing by protecting yourself now. I feel an overwhelming amount of disgust towards people who molested, stalkers and abusers etc. I also have a hard time processing it. As in why does it bother me that much? Is it because I feel that my safety is violated and my body sends these sensation to protect me?
Be curious and observe. Xoxo
You need to come to Australia, Ross. Definitely a need for your specialty, especially in the Northern Territory.......
Thank you for sharing this video,I thank God for you.
In short, brain is built to protect itself from feeling the pain and repeating to feel the same pain.
In PureOCD this mechanisms comes up with if you label something as danger, brain will pick up on this and think and analyze it too much, so intrusive thoughts will turn into OCD as a protective mechanism.
So if Classical CBT labels Social Anxiety as complex panic symptom issue - the brain will turn even more anxiety, which will turn into hypervigilance and suppressed anxiety in long term, which will result in people pleasing and fawning as way to cope with social issues.
What we focus on, grows. What we turn our back on, dies.
Ignoring something is not turning our back - it is active energy draining process that keeps anxiety and fears alive. This is why suppression is immature ego defense mechanism - and this is why Classical CBT does not work for social anxiety.
Third wave of CBT called DBT, as PureOCD techniques to heal intrusive thoughts - and Humanistic Psychology - all tell us that instead of ignoring and suppressing that we accept and validate anything that bother us as a way to resolve something that bothers us.
I also suffered from psychological hell and disconnect from reality and self. So far, I'm still working on my fears and trauma...The journey isn't easy, but it's worth it👊❤
If the child remembers long-term abuse and neglect and gaslighting, is there still something to dig for, repressed trauma memories?
Yes
I just thought I have a bad memory, but all my siblings seem to remember more than me even though I'm the youngest. I was the invisible child in the family dynamics......
Yes. I have panic attacks in restraunts and public crowds. Don't know why
Finding this now I remember every detail of my childhood then there are two years I don’t even remember
very interesting talk. I have pieces of the puzzle missing and i'm searching for information to help myself. I lack knowledge of what is happening and how it's happening.
Thanks for the comment. You may find more answers in other TH-cam videos in this channel, or visit Ross's website for more information. There are a couple of video seminar that may interest you: www.selfloverecovery.com/collections/video-seminars-downloads
I have memories starting at 9 months old.
My sister who is 6 yrs older says that what I remember were not happy times yet won't go into detail.
I just realized it now. My fear of failure stems from my fear of pissing off my father as a child. Damn..
Ross, I've watched many of your videos and found them very helpful. However, two glaring questions come to me when watching this one (and these have been with me for some time) 1. If it's true the brain represses our traumatic memories in order to protect us then why are there so many people who DO remember childhood abuse? 2. Are there any scientific studies that support repressed memories?
I respect you tremendously and you've been my go-to person for codependency issues. But I am skeptical of this because I've heard about false memories being uncovered by therapists. In fact, I've read that memories themselves are unreliable. I've also read other reports that say a traumatic event is often the first thing we DO remember, so I'm just confused about this issue.
I do want to know if there was trauma in my childhood that I've repressed. I believe it would help me to remember it, face it and move on. But if that's the case, I want to be certain it really happened.
I do some work with the ACA program and part of the red book cautions about finding the right therapist who can help us remember things while not suggesting and/or leading us. I've never known how to find such a person.
My dad died right when I turned 7 from a heart condition .We had a large home with an 2 apartments behind. My mom began seeing one of those tenants right away ,a man older than my dad . That is when it started for me until I was about 10.Then he got a new girlfriend with a niece.I have vivid memories of certain things and even conversations .He would come and get me from my bed and take me to thiers . I even remember him stopping in the living room dropping a pill into a drink and giving it to me .Sometimes I don't know what made me more anxious the for sure memories I do have or the memories that seem like a bd dream I need to remember but can't. Some things the abuse caused in my life were an extreme fear of the dark I hated night time to come . I became terrified of the dark. I would sneak into my brothers rooms and hide under the bed . I hate the strong odor of ... ! I hate El Caminos. I hate original old spice cologne. He did a a clicking sound with his mouth I cant imitate but hate immensely. I hate 70's western style suits .We lived in Texas . I find it hard to be around men who have the same like appearence.I don't want to look at them . I'm nearing 60 and still have strong physical reactions to those particular things. I'm overprotective and hypersensitive sometimes about adults interacting with children .I don't like when I hear a child told they are different or special its a red flag to me. PS that caused me to feel different in a bad way socially like if he chose me there was something wrong with me . I even realize now perhaps him rejecting my mom was because i had grown beyond the age that gave him pleasure .I'm like a momma hen ready to attack to protect children. People don't seem to understand that children can't put into words what is happening to them and the dirty feeling and sence of something so wrong causes guilt shame and inward anger that for me appeared in Jr. High I discovered alcohol UGH l I was not shy and scared to talk when drinking but it was terrible I really had self destructive behavior .People would tell me what I did or I woul wake up with someone and the memory would be gone. I believe that came from what happened earlier in life as well. I was also raped several times it was like I had a sign on my head . I was pregnant at 18 and married an abusive man. Being pregnant was the best thing for me though as I had to protect the life inside me so I didnt drink and tried with all my might to be a good wife. That is when I started trying to put it all in perspective The healing and peace that passes all understanding came for my heart and mind from yes ... (I know people don't want to hear it )but excepting Jesus when my baby was born and trusting His love .He not only saved me but those who hurt me also. I had so much hate for him and disdain for my mom I had planned over and over in my mind how when I was able to locate him, I would get them to a place in public expose what happened ,cut off his ... and put it in my mom's lap. Murder him. Then go to prison. Now I would like to meet him to tell him how God saved him twice .I still wanted him in prison so he couldn't do that anymore. He probably isn't alive but I don't hate him I hate what He did and it changed my life forever but it no longer controls me in a downwars spiral. I was able to have a good relationship with my mom before she passed away. I no longer carry guilt and shame for something that wasn't mine to carry .From what I was to what I am now is a complete turn around. I'm still tempted to go there at times in my mind but pray immediately, I refuse to go Back to that hurt terrified angry shameful lonely special dirty little girl he molded in my heart and mind .I refuse to ever let him have that back ! The only thing that still bugs me are the big blank spots . I can only remember parts VERY WELL but most of that time in my life is blacked out.Hope anyone reading will find Hope Love Peace of mind Forgiveness as I have.I live in The Light and no longer fear the dark !!!
ACA is where I started, but I kept questioning everything until one woman told me to "Walk through the rage." I finally figured out how to do it and it worked. It opened the doors to a whole new life and a whole different me.
@@shirleymorales3161 Adult Children Anonymous helped me. One woman told me to "Walk through the Rage" and after a couple of years, I figured out how to do it. It worked.
I know you don't want to hear this, but he only did what was done to him. That doesn't make it better, nor does it make it right, but you're not the only one in that hell hole. It's hard to hear, but forgiving is the way out, hard as that is to imagine.
I will just remember if I can see some incidents that lingered to my past..
I see my abusers every day and all day and have for the past 45 years. It has kept me from knowing who I am and what I could've been.
Get away from them !
@@jennykelter9518 I see them in my mind even when I don't try to.
@@Girrrrrrrrrrrrrl66 I know what you mean. I was around them my whole life. I’m 40 and cut contact 2 months ago. I brought them with me in my mind. It takes a lot of years to reprogram your mind . I’m in therapy now and trying to work on it and I’m a mess. I hope to find a way to walk away.
Seeing some of the comments here I want to say (as a therapist) that recall is only useful when it happens in stages. Grieve what you can remember a bit at a time. More memories will come when you are ready to face them. As an adult you can give yourself the love and care and pampering and consoling you should have had as a child when you were unhappy. If you know God, pray to be shown the way to be healed. Meditation and mindfulness can also help. Do not worry if you cannot afford the programme or personal therapy, there are lots of affordable alternatives. Seek out resources such as videos like these and books on emotional recovery from childhood neglect or childhood abuse to work on your stuff bit by bit. ❤️🙏
Well then what are we supposed to do? Can we set these memories free? By ourselves? Or only through therapists who know this method?
Are there other methods to relieve the body and brain of these hidden traumas that are accessible to the victim?
What is your opinion of Yuen energetics? Can this type of work release and free the trauma child?
Thank you.
j'huuki
Thank you for your kind and knowing words. I understand what you are saying.
I’m getting some relief from anxiety from breathing exercises. I am reading a book of prayers I recently ordered. Not religious, just prayers to try and find the love inside of me, that I’ve lost to trauma. To try and find the “me” that has been incinerated by the Narcissists in my life. These are really helpful! I have been waking up without the usual dread, and “what did I do wrong now” state of mind.
I will look up the other thing you suggested, after the breathing technique.
I can’t attend Ross’s workshops. I read a lot, listen to a lot of you tube videos and TedX talks, etc., when my fear and anxiety ramp up.
Thank you again for replying to my questions!
I read a book on healing inner child trauma and it was VERY helpful. It gave the reader exercises to do, like writing a letter to your inner child. He would have you write with your left hand, or not your main hand you use to write, because this slowed down your thinking, and it also looked sloppy like a child would write. It was a step in healing for me. I highly recommend it. It was called, "
Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child" by John Bradshaw.
Awesome information!!! Thank you
Glad it was helpful!
My brother used to ask why can't you remember,I always felt more scared for him then myself..he died at 31❤it was really the worst thing!!
monica warren know that he is always there in spirit ♥️ contact me if you want to chat
Same here - and his death continues to create sadness and guilt in me, 15 years later
Same here lost my brother May 2013.. he was 26:/
Same here I lost my brother in 2014 he was 38 yrs old.. always asked why I didn't remember things.. He was my youngest brother, only sibling and I was always protecting him since we were little..
Not JUST HD video. Those memories also include an audio file. It's crazy.
as crestons wife i didnt want to know that and I supressed and forgot and last year I remembered and I had to go through the stages of grief shock unbelief doubt anger forgiveness and acceptance and getting to the root for me was childhood trauma and coming out of denial and going through the stages of grief helped I hate what happened but it helped me heal forgive and accept what happened and I am glad I have gotten to the root of what happened to me my dad sexually abused me as a child he was an alcoholic and it helped me heal eventually it took a year for me but I am glad that I am on the other side I didnt want to know either but we have to get to the inside root issue before we can and its not our fault and we shouldnt feel ashamed about it because we didnt cause it and its not our fault and it helps me heal alot better knowing and going through the stages of grief and it led to acceptance of what and acceptance of myself and we didnt deserve and we didnt cause it.
We victims are, very often, at the mercy of those in our immediate vicinity. I’m trapped not only by my trauma, but by the continuing harassment of my family who don’t believe my symptoms are real or as severe as they are. And I can’t make them understand because when I’m triggered, I can’t describe what’s happening. So, of course, they say if I can’t explain it, it must not be real.
Begging for help for years, turned away at every stop, treated for symptoms, provided no worthwhile therapy, hospitalized with no real improvement, and told any disability support is probably years away. I’ll be dead before then. It’s crushing to realize nobody cares.
Why doesn't the brain remember trauma? Because we do not want to remember it. And this "do not want to remember" comes from the heart. From our Selfs. The moment we are ready, the moment we come in good shape with our heart, our true Self COMMENDS our brain to remember it again. It's all about the heart, the brain is just a soldier who obeys. BUT: we do not have to remember is at all. With our analyzing thinking, witch we learned from school, we always want to know. But if our body is made in that way that we forget, simply to save us from pain and further trauma, we have to accept this. This whole thing has NOTHING to do with evolution theory what so ever! Accept and dare to trust, and stay humble. With peace from Belgium ❤️
I have mental break downs but I can never remember what happened But I think I was rap3d by my dad but I can’t remember and a part of me wants to know the other half is scared to find the truth
You don't know how old you were exactly ??
@@stargirl8946 1-3
This. I remember when I was still a child I always had this scary and uncomfortable feeling while staring at my father and whenever he was around. It was like I'm stucked on my spot and I just want him to go away.
I wish I had someone like you to help me. I have been turned down by every psychiatrist in the large city I live in. And free counselling was always a huge failure d/t my fear of strangers...they were mostly students and there was no time to build trust or attachment with these people with good intentions. My psychiatrist fired me! He couldn't and would not provide any therapy to me and finally said he couldn't handle my many issues with DID, PTSD, agoraphobia, panic attacks, and social anxiety disorder. It's just me and God as it always has been and will be. I am just waiting to get to go to Heaven. Life is just too much. I live for my husband because he really loves me and wants me with him. If he passes I'm out of here even if God doesn't take pity on me.
I could have written this. Im sorry you live this way too. With a lifetime of trauma and nobody knowing how to help me or are unavailable to, I just want to GO. If it weren't for my husband and kids, I would be soooooo done.
There are some good self-help materials on websites and in books on healing your inner child, recovering from narcissistic abuse and/or childhood neglect. It is a long road but travel it bit by bit.
Continue to ask God to heal you and he will direct you to people and resources to help you.
How are you now?
Can't wait to be able to afford the full seminars......
if u compartmentalize things and the stages of abuse or others around you in family deny the abuse does that make u any less credible. i have a family member that just states oh they were a veteran...(the group absolves them of every terrible thing said and done)...i understand cptsd but having the same i try never to repeat abusive behaviors......some of this comes back at the strangest moments . i do not make it a point to repeat it to anyone in the community. my dad was well know he spread rumors about my mental health. it has been hell. its affecting my health. i sit by his grave just crying..its not normal. it was his dog n pony show...meaning no disrespect. kicking your child in the ribs and pulling and punching..ripping out hair thats the cycle of abuse, ugly stuff....sad fact is i adored the man.
You deserved to be treated kindly. I am sorry he was so nasty to you and made you the scapegoat to his overwhelm abuse of you young body. No child deserves that. War affected my family badly too.
Just think this...they do the best they know how,that will you❤ i am so sorry for you!
I have complex PTSD due partly to my father having PTSD from active duty - i hear you ❤️🍀
Omg my dad told my family I was mentally unwell. I actually had 2nd hand meth in my system and begged to go to the dr but he was telling my sister "I know in my heart she has issues"...I always felt he molested me so now im wondering if he was laying down the framework for people not believing me later. Every time someone brings up a child that's abused, he calls them a liar or says the adult learned their lesson.
I have almost no memory’s and if I do they feel like dreams but I have SOOO many side effects of trama I feel like I’m making it up but all the pieces flow together of who what when we’re how and why I am how I am now I don’t want to be making it up
why i can't feel bad when i do something wrong such as screaming at my parents for the abuse they gave me?
It's "normal" so don't worry child
Screaming at your parents for them abusing u isn't wrong
I screamed at my parents as well and atp I don't care anymore. The abuse has to stop and they have to take responsibility for their actions or else I'm gonna go crazy.
If anyone could help, I have a small glimpse of trauma when I was I think 8. It is like the very beginning of something and then nothing. It has been a feeling inside me for so long but I have always suppressed it. Is this a real thing? Did something happen and my mind blocked it?
I feel the same - like the slightest stirring - as you said, just a glimpse and then nothing. It actually happened as I was watching this video. Not sure if I want to find out
From what I've read and listened to on trauma it sounds like you're describing a traumatic experience in your life. Your mind may not remember but your body does. I would try and feel into your body as you recall the memory. It would really be advised that you do that with a professional. But from what I know that "gut feeling" you're describing is incredibly smart and is definitely pointing you towards something important. All the best Kayla
How do you begin to process things you can't remember and can't get the answers to 😢
Can a person get thrrough childhood trauma without bringing everything. back? Because I just discovered(or remembered) another molester like I remember my brother & his friend from 3-8 then the 1 time(I hope) then from 10 -12 Mr bird it's the in between 1 I don't want to remember can I get through without remembering everythin
Thank you im watching this
Hope you liked it. 🙂
@@RossRosenberg it is a lifelong healing and it is not easy living in this control narcissistic cognitive dissonance world - non stop
Why can't I forget it more importantly ✌🏽☺
I remember all the trauma, most anyways, I don’t remember anything else. We are all asked what our favorite Christmas was, my answer was simply “ I don’t remember any”
Well I have memories too of trauma, PTSD, in some situations or most I get deja vu experiences, and this to me is related to the subconscious, I think I’m living in right now. I’m living in the review now, but for some reason, I’m trying to find answers to something but I don’t know what.
Only thing I can remember is being always looked at as prey from my brothers friends and some of my older boys cousins it was never actual sex just remember being touched inappropriately. I also remember as a child always playing with shoes and dolls in a sexual way! I just want to understand myself and heal myself I suffer from low self esteem and low self worth i literally feel ugly and not good enough for myself or anybody else. I love hard and give the upmost loyalty to the people I love and never receive it back. My partner is a narcissist and its not making me feel any better he’s the reason I’m trying to learn myself and understand why I attract these kinds of people in my life and find it hard to let them go when they aren’t reciprocating the same love I give i just want to learn me and love me like I have never done before.
Try self-help from narcissistic abuse, there are some good books.
Fascinating! What empirical testing, or imaging, or lab work, or anything that's not just an assumption tells us this is where these memories are moved and stored? What's the repeatable science? Thank you.
I also underwent.a.horrific adolescence and worse marriage. I had ECT. Towards the end. My memories r blurred, crying .fear and calling Lifeline!
Hi Dr. Ross - thanks so much for such amazing work indeed. would it be okay if I quote some of your work in my own healing work with clients ? Thanks
Ross always appreciates the reference of his work. Please also consider exploring his other resources at: www.selfloverecovery.com/. Thanks!
@@RossRosenberg Thanks so much for your groundbreaking work that inspired life changes! Forever grateful 🙏
Fascinating 🇬🇧👍❤️
Today I.suffer high stress levels and bouts of depression.
I am struggling with this and my baby sister doesn't eve. Remember how bad the abuse was.
I have DID. But not an extreme form as I experienced trauma from infancy but not neglect. Maybe it’s why it’s not as severe
I can’t remember anything from my childhood but I had a flashback six months ago and I’ve been trying to remember more. What should I do? I have to remember. I have to.
You can try meditating with an intention or just wait it out until your brain wants you to remember
Anyone tried hypnotism to uncover lost memories ??
Please be aware that hypnosis can cause false memories. Look into it and make an informed decision
I have done the translation of your pictures in french and now I'm doing the transcription in french, I will send you the link before publishing on my channel. Please let me know if it's ok for you. I will need your permission. Where can I send you the french version of your pictures ? Thank you.
Please email me at help@selfloverecovery.com. Mention our conversation on TH-cam. Thank you!
Why i feel not alive and hard to be in present moment? My body was here but my mind always repeat those traumatic event, i cant enjoy present moment. Any advice?
Bring the two together: take a bit of the memory at a time and allow your self to feel sad for the helpless child that you were. Have compassion for yourself and gently grieve. Take it bit by bit.
I have a question, may i translate the drawing with the list in french for some of my subscribers and add the link to your video and your website for your seminar ? Please let me know if you give me your permission. Thank you 👍
Yrs, please translate. May i please get a copy of it when you do this? Thank you!
I have very few memories of my childhood. I thought it was because nothing memorable had happened. I figured I just had a boring, dull childhood.
How to help people who were traumatized/abused as little children, yet have dissociative symptoms? schizofrenia? My mother has schizofrenia since about the age of 33. Now she is 68. It seems that I am the only person that she has ever trusted in her entire life to tell her most painful moments to. Yesterday she told me how abusive her paternal grandparents were toward her - even at a few years old she was not allowed to cry, some days she was so scared she spent much of the day silent lying under the bed, on one occasion she fled the house to the ajoining woods to get away. She tells the stories with alot of fictional factors (eg. the wolfes and bears took care of her in the forest) - its obviously dissociate fantasy. When I ask, she says she has never told anyone. It seems I am the only one she trusts, and she is in so much pain, it causes me pain. How Can I help her?
You are helping more than you know. By just being there as she goes through the memory helps to heal because this time she is not going through it alone, she has a witness to her pain. This is how therapy helps to heal. You are her therapist and need to look after yourself by talking to someone else about the feelings the whole thing brings up in you, otherwise you will suffer burnout. Be kind to you. Pamper and make time for yourself.
i can’t remember anything and it’s so frustrating. i just want to know.
Ross has a complete video seminar that may help you: www.selfloverecovery.com/collections/video-seminars-downloads/products/healing-the-inner-trauma-child
My step mom was telling me they suspect some trauma happened to me while with my mom but she won’t tell me what it is and she says I might get those “flashes” or you know like panic attacks when something reminds me of it so how am I supposed to know what happened to me
What about using psychedelics to access those memories?
I have plenty of memories from quite early childhood, very young, and memories I'd like to forget. I always knew there were some things I wasn't remembering though. I went to the "Children's Rehabilitation Center" for pre-K and speech therapy. I have plenty of memories from there but NO memories of the speech therapy itself which is bizarre. Nothing is online anymore, but 20 years ago I found ONE hit online about them, and they used hypnosis. I don't think anything bad happened there, and "hypnotherapy" is making a comeback.
Just saying though, a parent or abuser could learn to use hypnosis, and do it on a young child quite easily. I've researched it. And then there's drugs that can cause amnesia, like Ambien which isn't hard to get. Ketamine causes amnesia too (I had it for dental extractions) but hard to get. Ambien is easy to get, just tell a doc you have trouble sleeping. I know a woman whose male roommate was drugging her with Ambien, she's pretty sure it was Ambien, he'd put it in her coffee (she did see white residue in it). Maybe trauma causes the brain to block it out, but unscrupulous people aren't above using hypnosis or drugs like Ambien and who knows what, on children to cause amnesia.
How to reach memories safely if not there ???
I can't remember the trauma but there are connecting data points that shadow the events.
Who wants to remember bad stuff? Really - people dissociate to try to forget & get a break from the terrible way they were abused & or neglected. It's your mind's way of allowing you to survive such crap.
Why is it that when we resolve most of our repressed childhood trauma, we begin to remember those repressed feelings? It's an odd phenomena. Both sadness and anger!
What effect on the hypothalamic system can having Chiari I malformation with syringomyelia possibly have? I realize this is an old video and probably not read by or commented on anymore. Therapists in my experience do not want to get this involved with a patient. There is no help but from above for me.
Sorry to Everyone who can’t remember their childhood. I’m only here because of the way one person acted in my childhood and I’m very sure he at least wanted to abuse me. Suspect repressed memory
If we have to face trauma to heal from it (I'm assuming we do), why would our brains conceal the memories and thus our ability to heal? Evolution gone wrong?
I'm no expert, but I think that we do the best with the cognitive capacities we have at the time. So many are from childhood because we are not fully developed and unable to process many sensory experiences. Such experiences are stored, I believe in the body, and a corresponding trauma is subconsciously noted in the brain, but not necessarily the conscious mind.
It's an adaptation which functions as a type of survival mechanism when we are vulnerable due to being a child. The adult you is restricted by this adaptation (rather like continuing to wear shoes that are too tight) and needs to grieve the past in order to heal.
I can remember til I was 3 but I can't remember when my mom beating my dad?
Besides implicit memories held in our brain we also hold memories in our inner child.
tbh i physically cant stand the idea of having the get fully undressed in a room with a mirror. its a fear that haunts
im 14 and i know my uncle molested me when i was younger (7ish) i know it happened but i feel like i'm making it up??
Mr. Ross, evolution didnt produce the amygdala....you know Who did...😇❤
🙏💖
so my own brain is gatekeeping or gaslighting me from understanding my forgotten trauma?
How does the amygdala know what to feel or what kind of experience a person is having? Who feels the feeling first?
As I understand Amygdala is older part of brain, it is primitive. It is like old granny in the house. It is hard of hearing, hard of seeing - yet it has seen and know anything that goes around the house, since she experienced itself in her long time life. Sometimes it will get triggered and over-reacted as old people do. Many time their advice will be spot on yet annoying and irritating, due to our cognitive dissonance.
I may never remeber my trauma because I sister took an axe 🪓 to my head as a child
That sounds shocking beyond belief. My mother tried to kill herself in front of me when I was 8 whilst blaming me. Its very hard to integrate. EFT (tapping) helped me bring the repressed trauma through. Good luck.
Its look ik have trauma but idk what it is
I really like your intro and outro music but it is SO LOUD... I listen with ear buds most of the time and it blasts me so uncomfortably. I really wish you could get the volume level to more closely match your video volume.
Sorry about that Amber. We will pay attention to that! Thanks for the feedback. 🙂
I know what dissociation is.
What is disassociation?
I don’t understand. If this part of the brain is her medically sealed and there is only one way in and no way out, then how can you get in. This is very confusing !!
j'huuki thakyou for that yes that makes sense and as recoverer myself I would do anything to end this madness, I’m not rich but in this instance I would pay this money to get myself in a better place. Thanks again
j'huuki
I’ve been watching his videos for about two years. Very helpful!
j'huuki thank you for the help, but can you get the full vid for the hitch method for free ?
j'huuki thank you my friend.. if I do get to purchase this and if it’s possible, I will forward it on to you when I’ve finished with it
It is sealed but at the same time the contents move around and seek a way out in the form of anxiety and depression so that you can pay attention and work through the pain.
I take a medication that helps me with PTSD caused by my childhood that I can’t remember. It’s helped a little bit.