They are never happy and most likely never will be, also sleep around thinking it's alright. When you have been with a narcissist, it will open your eyes. Yes, it will break you. Physically and mentally, i promise you that you will prevail because you all are one of a kind, strong, positive, powerful people 🙏🏻✌🏻
Thank you, been 20 years divorced from a narcissist. Still healing from all his cheating, stealing, lying. Due to grown children, he always has a new woman he introduces to them. Flavor of the moment.
This. They're the ones who have to hide their true selves form ppl and more importantly, themselves. What a horrible existence! Glad I dont have to live like that!
inside the NARC. feels they have damaged their paartner so they can no longer have intimacy with them, anymore . Sex with Marcs. is too much reminder of how very damaged they are inside.
i've had it happen to me, they're like emotional drug dealers they give you a massive hit of dopamine then withdraw and hold it away from you, it's actually quite sadistic to gain pleasure from messing with peoples feelings,
Yes the constant dopamine hits. To my poor brain and heart was so bad he got me addicted to him then lost interest but kept me close to bread crumb me it’s been 9 months of hell. He won’t have sex with me. I’m almost out as I see. No w what he’s doing to me thanks ❤
@dawnfrew8251 same thing with me. Been with him for 14 years. Havent had sex since 2015. Found out he cheated. Reading his sexual text convos with the side chicks was torture.
The thing people have to remember is there is no incentive for them to care or take accountability for their actions because they’ve never had to pay the price. Because they replace one supply with a new one, it doesn’t bother them. They are emotion generating entities with zero empathy. They don’t have regrets about how they treat others.
Well said. The narcissist will try and convince you that you're the source of the problems. The keys to regaining your sanity and protecting yourself from the gaslighting is to recognize them for what they are, realizing that they cannot help it, so they can't be fixed, and finding an exit route for yourself getting them out of your life. No one deserves having to live with a narcissist.
The secret is to block them on all social media, and phone. Even if they have discarded the victim first. Because they will at some point come back to hoover ( even 10-20 years later) to get narcissistic supply. In the mind of the narcissist the victim is their « toy» for ever. There is no « expiration date». They simply lost interest in the victim in the same way a child is bored of a toy, they simply start to play with a new toy. To the same thing happens with that. That is what they are. A imature, delusional, desperat, newer content child. The difference is that they are also sadistic. At worst also psychopatic ( evil, abuseiv, violent)
They probably do that with material things as well, at least that’s how I’ve come to notice it in the people I’m picking up on having the tendencies to be one. Very materialistic shallow people
If a narcissist picks you, you are a good person. It means things were going well for you. So if a narcissist is on you, see it as a compliment and cut them off.
I was always the source of her self esteem issues. And yes she used to be highly sexual. And then she wasn’t. Eventually I quit asking for sex. Then that was when she accused me of being a cheater and not wanting her. She ballooned to 310 lbs. That was my fault. I was working 100 plus hours a week on a oil rig. And she would spend the pay check faster than I could make it. The reasons why she spent the money that fast…..was my fault. Along with a mountain of other crap. I finally woke up and did the only thing I could do……LEAVE. I am alienated from my children, homeless. But I am alive. And I will not let what she done to destroy me, define me.
My mother (a narcissist) keeps saying to me lately "You have no sympathy." 😂😂😂 Maybe I'm just older&wiser to her tactics. I know the psychology behind the NPD condition and I longer feed the pity party/amateur dramatics like I used to. Plus, boundaries. 🙌🙌🙌 All she does is garner sympathy from people. Every situation is twisted so that she's the victim. 🙃
@@MandyD445she is talking about her self. As they always are. Realise the truth. You never had a « mother» 😢😢😢😢. The narcissist is not a caretaker, and will never be. They only gave us birth to get harvest narcissistic supply.
After leaving the narc you become much wiser and more intuitive. Just wait till ypu meet someone who reciprocates love. It is amazing! I didnt know someone could love and value me just the way i was. No more jumping through hoops
Thank you for sharing that. I'ts 3 months since we split. I lost an awful lot leading up to it. No contact for 2 ish. I'm in therapy, which is going extremely well. Got my life back on track. I'm not ready for another relationship. I'm enjoying life again. But it's pleasing to hear what you've said.
@@c.fanger5083 the jumping through hoops is exhausting …. I keep confronting and making myself something that I am not to suit this individual that does not offer me anything good !
@@God_chose_us because he hadnt shown his true colors before. I moved 3 states solo to prep for hard times. I met him and he had complementary know how to ranch with me. I would have annulled the marriage, except I saw times getting very bad very fast. then months in what ever was happening outside didnt matter when it can to my health and safety behind closed doors. im now ranching on my own in the place I bought. I survived.
My father did this. Then had the audacity of projecting unfaithfulness& disloyalty onto my mother who is also a narcissist but stayed true to her wedding vows. He, however, lead a double life whilst simultaneously having Othello syndrome (Google if you'd like to know more). 😞
This video hit hard. I left him 7 months ago and left him due to him being abusive etc. I feel I was used in many different ways and I was emotionally attached to him but he kept me at a distance and I feel this video has given me my closure for the answers to how strange things were. I couldn't put it into words.... I knew he didn't want to be close to me and didn't want to be vulnerable with me and this has helped me alot. Thank you for this video. 💗💗
Narcs want to be close but fear vulnerability and intimacy, hence their relationship with you becomes an 'arms length' brother/sister connection and they source casual sex buddies outside the relationship, behind your back. They are extremely complicated people who need to appear socially normal respectable and traditional, but invariably lead double and treble lives of quite shocking proportions behind the scenes!
I'm living with one now, this man I don't even sleep in the same bed with him. I refuse what man does not want or touch his wife in bed. He turns his back. I'm beautiful and I know nothing is wrong with me. Wish I had know about this man before I married him but while dating we had sex all the time nothing seemed wrong at all. I fell that I have lost so many years with him when I could have been with some one who really loves me and appreciate me for a wife.
Reciprocal intimacy with a narcissist is a one-way street…. as long as the narcissist gets what he or she wants from the “exchange” he or she is “oh, so happy…” without, the screws are tightened!
They actually want it to be unbalanced&can sometimes seek what they perceive to be gullible/vulnerable/unwitting or ally targets/victims/enablers that are okay with it being unbalanced and unreciprocated so their own needs can be met. Desperately seeking their ego food. 💀
@@terrimichelleyoung3744 they don’t care about the value of human reciprocal exchange. They only care about what they are getting from ANY kind of human encounter, which includes those of an intimate nature which, in turn, allows them to be unfaithful without any consideration for whom they may hurt in the process.
@@MandyD445 YES, if ever there was a textbook example of a narcissist, I just encountered one. Too bad I didn't learn these things like hoovering or triangulation sooner bc its so easy to identify now. The main thing this person had over me was that they know where I live and can show up at any time and I don't know where they live or with who. Im sure it's probably some other sexual partner. So I just blocked them on social media/ phone. I'm sure they will probably show up here soon..
Well said. You've described what I've experienced. It's almost impossible to understand this strange narcissistic behavior unless you've experienced it yourself. People who haven't just can't see it. I suspect there are a LOT of people who have experienced this, but didn't take the time to understand what they were experiencing. It would be easy not to. They either exited the relationship before they knew where all of the toxicity was coming from, or they're so caught up in the toxicity & drama they can't see the actual cause of it.
No sorry, it isn't' take the time to understand' & get away. It is that even the most outgoing people can have, bit by bit, the fun and life chipped away at. Making you even wonder why you breathe. There is no brightness in your eyes or rest in your soul. You doubt everything, you're looks, decisions, ability and nothing that you ever do will be good enough. You can work 14 hours a day/7 days a week, nonstop, be as successful as you'd ever dreamed, making more money that you'd ever known. Still is not enough. Let alone the personal (sexual) things. You may as well sit alone as you won't be lonely for your own company. You do become pulled into it, almost as if you are one with it. That life was never something I would ask for nor offer to another. And I think most of us keep our stories to ourselves. Most people never would understand. i never knew what hit me.
I was raised with conditional love and I knew early on it wasn't normal. I left home as soon as I could to escape the toxic environment. I didn't turn into a narcissist. Don't give them an easy way out by blaming their upbringing. They are born this way.
Hi. This is so on point. I just recently got out of a relationship from a narcissistic man. As a woman you have to be very self aware dealing with people. You don't want to end up with a person who makes you feel terrible. I can so related when you said they will do everything and give you that intimacy and loving demeanor when things are going wrong. You see a different person and I wish that same person will remain but no. It's a weird feeling. It will leave you confused. Things will always be about them.
"As a woman..." ?? Wtf is the difference whether it happens to a woman or a man? BOTH can be victimized by either gender. Or are you saying it's ok for a guy to wind up or have to exist with a woman who makes them feel terrible??
My past experience intimacy was used as a tool, it was used for the first 3 months to draw me in, then it all changed, if I did anything like go to work, see my parents, see a friend, intimacy was then forbidden, I'm not just talking sex, but even a kiss or a hug. I would return to her and she would be so distant. Yet if anyone came around it was all hugs and attention. Made me feel like I had done something terrible or I had wronged her. If I raised it she would tell me to grow up. This caused me to have a low selfworth, after a year I didn't know if we were friends, a couple, had no idea, then a pattern emerged. If she met someone new she would latch onto them, their name would come into conversation on a regular basis, then two weeks or a month later she would then say negative things about that person and their name wouldn't be spoken again. The only way I could lay it to rest and move on was I realised she would use people for her own gain, chances are they were getting all the attention I used to get. It ended up I couldn't be bothered with it all. Constant drama, ups downs, I had no idea who I was to her. Ultimately I lost trust with her and even though I was living in hope of the person I met retuning I had come to terms that person didn't exist, it was all a game.. one statement she used several times would be she's learned to survive, this was my warning I missed. Survived in her eyes, used in everyone else's
Yes it seems to be a long convoluting strange alien game you find yourself in. A definite pattern begins to emerge, like lots of repeat cruel attacks over nothing, followed by distance, then approach again. A pattern of drama and chaos which eventually drains the life out of you!!
Exact same situation. Good and bad too read this and realize it’s just a trend for them. Worse part is being married too her but in the process of getting a divorce. I shall pray for all who have suffered from this men or women.
My ex wife also did the same with. No love and affection, always try to stop me with different excuses. If i tried to do something never appreciate me. Thanks to Almighty, she left me.
This is bang on. Unfortunately I’ve felt this with several women, and always wondered why they’d be so dismissive of something that I personally felt a deep connection from. It’s like they forgot all that happened. Maybe they never cared at all.
This was explained so well and all of it is so true with my recent experience in talking to someone for 2 months who I discovered is a narcissist. He was all about sex drinking and gambling. He had criticized and manipulated me. Also ghosted and gaslighted me as well. I walked away over 2 months ago. I never had any attraction to him. When he realized I wouldn’t give into him with the sex, he discarded me. Big blessing it was though getting away from him n walking away.
@@9thoracle797 6weeks for me now and I'm still numb too 😢she text me last night saying she wants to talk about stuff over the weekend 😐I hope I'm strong enough to say no
So grateful for your contributing members . Thankyou also for helping me understand the nature of this frying pan I jumped into . Am working on ‘exit ‘ & ‘don’t look back ‘.
This is a very accurate understanding of the pathology that characterizes narcissists. From a male perspective, you make love to a woman because you love her. But you realize she cannot feel the love because she believes she is unloveable. She is going through the motions because for her, that is all there is.
That's not necessarily true. With some men it can feel like being used as a vessel, while they're grunting and cavorting on top of you. Then they relieve themselves in you, and that's it. Oh sorry the last part: roll over and fall asleep! If women enjoyed it more, they'd do it! Sex toys are a huge business. Making love my eye.
well said Kevin, I've only started to realize her not being able to love herself so just goes through the motions, but was never present doing intimacy..... mine would do this creepy thing wich always bothered me, even if went for hours, was tired, thought we were going to cuddle, she'd grab my hand and put it wherever!, and expect me to just be a human vibrator while completely switching off..... and I used to think if I did the same, how would that look, or even feel, I coldn't imagine doing that either way..... was creepy looking back on it, and was creepy at the time, but once you're love bombed you do lose perspective a bit
THANK YOU!! You are literally the only person I’ve heard talk about this as a specific pattern. Like somebody else commented, it was like a switch turned off the day we were married and continued for 20 years of blaming me, claiming sex addiction (so I had to show up with compassion and support, though no work was done there), making up ED, more blaming me… I thought it was simply his preferred form of devaluing and harming me. Let’ be honest, how could discovering one’s spouse pursues sex with literally any other person not be harmful? Especially given how profoundly lazy they are in a relationship. Anyway, I long since stopped accepting blame for any part of it, but to hear that it is a PD related pattern? Blown away.
Anoushka you are bang on. What you described I have experienced more than once, but I could never explain it. This behaviour is so confusing because initially you think, "this person is really into this." and then it just disappears, and reappears during periods of crisis and fear. you have helped me to realize what i suspected, which is that they don't actually LIKE IT. my men actively avoided sex and blamed everything, until it became evident, one was a homosexual; and the other was addicted to porn and young women. NEITHER wanted me to leave. One went to prison. thank you for setting it straight.
My husband finally started to work at night. So I spent many nights alone and there is a whole other horrendous story that goes with it. Early in the marriage, I was always alone in bed with him. Always without any affection. I was just starving for affection, but scared to ask for any. If I did, he always was rough or cold and not tender, kind or sweet.
Hi, I did. I divorced him, but it cost me thousands of dollars. I will receive no spousal support, no health insurance and no help financially. I am completely dependent on my family for support and I am so lonely that it hurts. While he is having " a gay old time" with his girlfriend and hooker lovers. He lied and betrayed my trust and our marriage of 18 years, would be 20 this coming June. I am living off food stamps and food banks, with no job, no car and I am disabled using a cane to hobble around. I surviving off my faith, until things (life) can turn around and I can heal. @@God_chose_us
Narcissists are notorious for starving their targets from touch/warmth/intimacy/closeness/love. Everything you seek is within. Flip things around, see it as an opportunity to give yourself the love and affection he has starved you with. Don't let the deprivation from him condition you to feel as though you're unworthy or undeserving of it. Sometimes being alone is a reprieve from being surrounded by the wrong people. Sending warm hugs&genuine well wishes. 🙏 ❤️ 🤗💪 ✨
This is THE BEST, straight to the point explanation I’ve ever heard. This makes so much more sense to me. I’m going to share this video with my therapist because he wasn’t really able to articulate this very point, but I think this is what he was trying to convey.
Thank you. I just broke up with my covert narcissist boyfriend of 1 1/2 years. It took me so long to figure out why I was feeling so alone, dismissed, on a roller coaster of emotions waiting for the next moment of feeling connected and loved….which only came after I was so hurt and pulled away. It’s a sick and addictive cycle of emotional abuse. The sex was only to satisfy him, and has been totally gone for 5 months prior to the break up which happened just this past weekend. The last time was in November after a “little” breakup. Pulling me back in…ugh I also discovered he was cheating on me just recently. I feel free… and I know now what I was dealing with. Your shows have been so enlightening. They guided me through a dark and twisted path. You put clarity into a very confusing time. I’ve learned so much about myself and my boundaries. I am not an open bank account where anyone can access my kindness, compassion, love and generosity. I will be careful. Thank you ❤️🙏
and they will try reverse psychology on you- they will ask you to tell them to let them know when you want them-its a set up for rejection and also they must remain in control- so yah. Its a pathetic mean-spirited kid- who puts on a and half-ass adult act for you - but mostly for their own benefits. Lose those losers! Great Talk Anoushka. Thank You!
@@toneyfox6328 What about, him asking me to initiate and start the conversation first, everyday? Is that a form of manipulation too? I did what he asked when we were friends but he didn't block me. I did, block him, a second time and he was furious, eventhough i promised to treat him for his birthday which i didn't do coz i blocked him, a month earlier from his birthday in November 2021. Good riddance!
@@toneyfox6328 and he promised that something would happen, if i did what he asked, like fireworks would happen and i thought he would give me a good kiss and make out session too. Sigh.... Which i know, i wasn't ready for... Just want to share my past experience with this guy. Really good riddance!!!!
This explains SO much and you are on point 💯. My narc told me he didn’t like sex and preferred 🌽- he definitely was only initiate in the beginning to connect and then it was absolutely a manipulation tool. If I didn’t clean the house to his specifications then I didn’t “get intimacy” - if we had a fight and said I wanted him to leave he would then try to sleep with me. I though this was so weird bc I I thought narcs were chronic cheaters and almost sex addicts. Ty for this video.
Wow. 🤯 Heavy manipulation&coercion on his part in order to have power over you. No one should have to "earn" the right to get intimate with another. If you are with someone/dating/in a relationship/partnership/marriage sex should be consensual, mutual and equal. This situation you went through implies you had to somehow "work" for it, or go out of your way to please the other person accordingly in order to receive physical touch/affection/sex etc. Not all narcs are sex addicts, some have sex avoidance and only use it as a controlling tool. Every time they feel like they are losing their grip of you&their power is diminishing they lure you back into submission with the promise of intimacy. Once you know better, you choose better. Remember everything you went through with him wasn't in vain. Know your worth and set boundaries in place for future reference. You are loveable&worthy of love, sex and all the good stuff you desire. 💓 💪 🤗 🥰
They’re either somatic or cerebral & many temporarily switch to the other especially during a mortification just as one can switch between being covert/overt
You just described my 14 year marriage to a sociopathic narcissist. He lost interest after the first night together as man and wife. His disinterest was completely manipulative, the neglect so harmful to my self esteem. I felt like a mother substitute, an old chair. Withholding himself was a means to confuse and devalue me. The only time he acted interested was when he wanted a child. He later told a friend of his that the only reason he stayed with me was because " I made cute kids." Turns out, he was on the prowl constantly for women behind my back. When I finally figured it out, and confronted him, he told me that I had wasted 14 years of his life, to which I replied, " No. You wasted 14 years of mine." I divorced him, gained custody of our children, and moved away. He never paid child support, and even tried to loan our daughter out to his friends. What a sicko. This was on weekends with Dad. The boys told me he had sex with women right in front of them. He did not know what love was. His mother spoiled him rotten, he was her golden child, the other kids were ignored in his family. I never dated or remarried. I did not trust my own judgment in accepting another husband. The whole marriage was strange, weird. I never knew where I stood. That, of course, was the point. Older and wiser now, I have put the puzzle pieces together. Thanks for addressing this subject.
So glad that you survived that nightmare. Sounds like you made the right decisions. I know how hard it must have been. Was married for 13 years. April 2024 will be ten years free. Sadly, we’ll likely never fully recover to have a normal relationship in the future, but I haven’t completely ruled it out.
I had skipped relationships all together after my narc cause I didn’t trust myself or judgement either. But once I healed and learned about NPD I unlearned still healing but I trust myself more. Been in therapy since 2015 and that helped me unpack and unlearn.
Same..24 year marriage. Started withholding sex after 1 time on honeymoon. Ok to have kids, though...3 sons. Immaculate conception because he NEVER wanted to have sex. @#$%^&*!😡 But now is having affair with married co-worker. So messed up!
I really appreciate the way you talk both verbally and hands/body language. In a very long time I felt captivated and motivated to really attentively listen and take it all in. Soft tone with a twist of "I've got something important to tell you" vibe. Nice! 🙂👍🏼
Wow thanks sooo much for this video. Sums up my intimate relationship with my late Partner of 10 years. He was eventually diagnosed with BPD and Narcissist traits! Boy how i blamed myself! And yip only attempted intimacy whrn he had a tough time or things were bad, i was unhappy and thinking about ending the relationship! As someone else said...heveas never happy, always looking for the next thrill, bit of excitement to make hom happy...was like they had a hole in their soul that could never be whole! In the end you realise nothing ever satisfies them for more than a few months
My ex would accuse me of using sex for manipulation. It always confused the heck out of me. I was constantly being denied and i would respect her moods. I figure it was just projection.
It’s the most horrible thing any human being could do to anyone! And the obsession that I really can’t seem to comprehend, is that they seem to enjoy watching porn or escorts, swingers club, Asexual relationships than any actual committed relationship with their spouse . I always felt like it was only when he felt like he would approach me it’s just freaking sick !
I began to believe I wasn’t good enough nd even let people convince me this is how females work nd I began to mirror the behavior I was seeing and at times being treated with it such a rude awakening when someone actually makes you aware of it
I like her channel, and her approach to helping people heal from narcissistic abuse, with this caveat - be careful thinking that people can be boxed into the label narcissistic so easily. Each person is unique, so be prepared to find out that someone is acting strangely due to certain conditioning in their life that falls outside of psychoanalyses. Phew, that was a mouthful.
I agree. The amateur psychologising and pathologising going on in the world is worrying. We all have some narcissistic traits to a degree, a result of wounds or often even ignorance of how coping mechanisms are hurting others. It’s more about identifying and deealing with narcissistic traits than these alleged ‘narcissists’. And the amount of people having shitty dating experiences and then automatically jumping to the conclusion that the person they’re dating ‘is a narcissist!’ is pretty high. No doubt there are Narcisists out there, but they’re quite rare out in the wild. But almost everyone, especially in casual dating or the early nervous romantic phase can have sets of Behaviours that aren’t healthy, Either self destructive or consciously or unconsciously destructive to others.
Yes, broken souls who try to break ours.Mine could never break my spirit, I just grew more and more tired of him till I went no contact after dumping him.
It’s a transaction: frankly I was embarrassed for her. Her core self-esteem issue came to the fore and she would essentially debase herself to please me, which created a huge issue around rejection. If I said “no” she would get terribly hurt. On many occasions I would say (in response to an “offer”) “hun, you really do not have to do this… I love you”. As we finished she threw everything back at me “I let you do xyz” but the truth was quite quite different.
The sex was great the first time, and pretty good the next couple of times, and very bad every time after that. The sex was actually terrible and not even something that I wanted or looked forward to. I stayed with her because I loved her but it was always extremely frustrating that the sex was so bad. She turned an enjoyable thing into something awkward and uncomfortable. the sex being good the first time was like a bait and switch
My narc stopped having sex with me out of nowhere for two months he says he’s stressed and can’t get it up. This never happened before I don’t believe him
I look at it that way. I saw my ex yesterday. Typically done up to the 9’s, but after watching these videos and learning a lot about narcissism, I could just see it in her with the looks she gave me. Glad to be free. 😊
I lost my self esteem, self worth and self confidence. i was in the relationship for twenty years and didn't realise what was happening. I remember feeling confused and anxious throughout the relationship. It was my grown up daughter who eventually explained who/what I was married to. I didn't even know what gas-lighting was until then. Sex was almost non-existent. I stopped trying to be intimate in the end but this would cause me to feel anger and resentment. There was always some excuse. It has taken me the best part of five years to find myself again after our divorce. It finally ended when she had yet another affair. How sick is it that it was made out to be my fault that she had the affair... and I apologised to her! She had multiple affairs and I ended up, on at least five occasions, on my arse. Each time she persuaded me to return home. It's not just women who experience abuse. I now know why the abused go back to or remain in an abusive relationship. I honestly thought no one else would want me.
Every thing said here describes almost all people. All of a sudden everywhere I turn there is a video about a narcissist. The whole world is full of them.
been going through this pull and push for a year, now blocked them and removed their email corrospondence, number blocked. ridiculous teasing. and yes when you pull back they come looking.
I agree with you Anoushka but many including myself was deprived of love growing up but I didn’t turn into a heartless evil selfish cheating manipulative abusive human. I have so much love to give because I expect the same love back.
He called me a sex maniac lol just because I initiated sex a few times a week, he even suggested I turn lesbian!? Then he started to say how he’s had 3 some before and I think that’s probably why he ended up single. He was so creepy quiet during sex a real turn off never once uttered a word…probably the worst lover I ever had yet he drew me in with his manipulations. I’m 4 months free and feel much better but I get the odd yearning stil for some strange reason. Happy to be away from him and the drama of his pimp lifestyle
This was the best description that I have ever heard about this concept. I wish I had seen this when I was in the relationship, but it certainly makes me feel better in letting it all go! Thank you!
It all makes so much sense! After he told me he don't want the relationship anymore and want to become friends, I refuse; the next time he came and visit our kids and I pretend to try to touch him and he said,"YOU AND I CAN'T TOUCH EACH OTHER NO MORE; I was confuse and didn't care but just wanted to see his reaction & I was like he's always the one whose the 1st who touches me and now it's like what is wrong and I tried to hold his hand another time he came to visit our kids just to see his reaction and he tried to toss it away & it's such a turn off!! Like wow, people are so CRUEL, no wonder he Drained my ENERGY and use his ex wife to come around and hurt me in ways and/or always bring her up and always comparing us & it just got out of hand so we both can just argue and it DRAINED me so to the point I was like enough is enough... He also keep talking bout marriage with another person like he didn't care for my feelings and he told me,"You'll always be my BABY MAMA forever and I'm like what kind of a man who leaves his kids with me and don't have hearts to love em, especially; his family isn't in their life too and they all seem like a bunch of ROBOTS who have no hearts and act like they don't have nieces,nephews or grandma and grandpa isn't in their life too!! I've seen his older sister taking care of his baby brother who is in prisons kids but never around for mine! What did I do wrong?? I was just there and I was kind and genuine and they act like I was the problem!! I am so confused like I did something wrong... So emotional drained!!
While we were dating, sex was never an issue. As soon as we got married and I moved 1500mi to his home, he said, "We don't need to have sex because our love is on such a high plain". He laid down the "law" and said he wouldn't have sex more than once a week, not after 9pm, not before 6am, not on weekdays, not on weekends. Why not just say never? Naturally, I just gave up and lost interest. When he finally decided years later that sex would be a good idea, I was no longer interested (which is exactly what I told him would happen). Then it was somehow my fault that we weren't having sex. 🙄
You just made a grown man cry in his work truck . I accidentally stumbled across your video. I’m going through something really bad right now. Cannot figure it out. There’s somebody I really love until I just watched your video . I realized you’re talking about me 100%.. I did have a horrible childhood that no kids should ever grown-up with by far. My biggest problem is now How do I prevent that with my own kids so they don’t grow up like me . I even have problems showing love to my own kids. The whole controlling somebody that’s not me I’m actually a very calm guy more closed in emotionally . I also don’t run around cheating so some of it’s not me.
Aye brotha, I was reading the comments cause of how down I got watching this video because I too am in the same boat as you. I’m 22 years old and a nursing student with no children or even a spouse! I go to say that to say you’re not alone and I pray that not only I but you get over this characteristic that we’ve held onto for so long and hopefully you see a brighter future with your family! Much love brotha🙏🏽
I also have extremely low self-esteem. I have worked with therapists for many years. I tried a few psychologists, but they said they could not help me. That was 35 years ago. After 37 years of marriage, we are now separated. What started out as separation anxiety, that I called jealousy, moved into begging for a more intimate relationship. Again, not in a healthy way. This slowly morphed into verbal and belittling abusive. After spending the last four years worthing with three different therapists, I was finally pointed to my tremendously low self-esteem. I seen these youtubes videos are looked up, "Are narcissist people with low self-esteem" While it hurt to be labeled a narcissistic individual, it hurts more that we, the human race, does not train "normal" people to express motherly love to the narcissistic individual. If that is rejected, and it will be as the person is wounded deeply by their past, understanding the why should not be a club but a tool to support the person. Untreated adhd, ptsd, and many other mental deficiencies produce people with deeper problems. Let's put the same connotation on narcissistic individual.
I suggest starting small, tell your kids you are proud of them. Introduce hugs and praise slowly. Fake it till you make it. You're kids will learn from you. They need to look to you. They need to see and know you love them. Don't try to be their friend. Be their parent. Discipline when needed out of love. Do things with them. Listen to them. Be the example they need. They will love you, respect you and show love healthier because of you. Eat right, stay away from sugar, do body squats, get your self right. Be a guy your kids can be proud of. I wish you best luck. God Bless!
Yeah, this was an old post and I do appreciate the feedback that I received. I have been working with somebody for just about a year now and there was more underlining stuff from my childhood into my adulthood that I never took care of and got the help that was well needed . With that said looks like I was more self destruction and more trauma that I never even understood. With the help I received my family life has been a lot better and a lot of pressure off my chest and feel a lot better about myself today. I highly recommend therapy and drop the macho man or woman attitude and getting the help that you may not understand today and that TH-cam video definitely opened my eyes and directed me in the right direction .,
He doesn’t like it at all. But he talks about it all the time. NEVER NO AFFECTION. NONE. I have cried 😢so much. Wanting attention and AFFECTION. Nothing. He sleeps on the edge of the bed. With his Clothes on. Not move at all. No Hugs Nothing. He Falls to sleep as soon as he lays down. I DONT. Everything has REALLY HURT MY Feelings. Because I Never got anything. I got health problems excruciating pain. He’s Made it so much worse. STRESS. No HES Never intimate. None. You have to beg to get a Hug. I know he’s giving someone else ATTENTION. 😢Sad 😢
Hey!! This was very good. Helps me a lot. I did blame myself, you are so right and this is the first time I’ve ever heard anyone talk about this. Thank you!
Step one they let you love them. Step two they get bored Step three they withhold if they want to punish you Step four try to push you to cheat so they can feel superior and cheat too Step five the internet porn isn’t boring Step five spend 30 minutes twice s day in the bathtub with the internet Step 6 stop relations altogether. Nobody deserves to make love to the narcissist, except the narcissist.
It’s so heartbreaking to think a human does this to someone especially someone you love I loved my wife so much I found messages to another guy last year and when I pulled her up about it she denied everything and love bombed me for a month I stayed and gave her a second chance we are now getting a divorce I’m devastated our child is as well it’s not nice at all and I don’t think I’ll ever love another women again or trust another women
Also the child inside the narcissist puts his woman into the mother role. Being intimate with her then becomes insest! Taboo! That, and the control issues, make intimacy a warped phenomenon.
I had a sense that all was not quite right from the start, but hoped it would go away. It got buried in day-to-day and her playing the part. I am working to build trust in other people- not specifically women, and my sense of reality and truth is improving.
Right there with you @craigy691 have 2 beautiful children with a narcissistic woman cheated on me for two years then found out on her phone. Said it was one guy but she was texting sharing pictures with 5 guys in total. Still don't know the truth on that one. But loved her so much been with her for 16 years gave her another chance. Found out in August that she was still cheating with this one guy. Now claiming I've abused her verbally for our whole relationship and this is the only way she could run away.. When she's been lying manipulating verbally mentally emotionally abusing me for the last 2 years. Absolutely heartbreaking someone that you love her so long would do that to you. Definitely hard to trust again.
I hear You.. The little things You miss, ignore or don't run down or ask for some clarity. The day to day comment really takes precedence over getting to the bottom of anything. Even from the onset, something never left me at peace/comfortable. So calculating and visceral they can be... This isn't easy, navigating this deep profound hurt/ pain. Healing journeys are so different for each and everyone on of Us. Stay Prayerful. Stay Away from Them, Stay on a path that at least leaves You open to being happier and in better spirits. Be easy on Yourself. I wish I knew this Stuff 25 years ago. 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏
During sex my ex narc would leave bruise marks on my arms and legs, whole fingerprint marks then would blame these marks as proof that id been sleeping with someone else, that i was into dark stuff and I needed to see a doctor!! Cant believe i stayed with him so long
My first love was a narc, I was 19 she was 22, and she broke me. We dated for 3 years (broke up on 3yr anniversary, I was waiting for her with flowers to get off work and go celebrate, she finally shows up at 9pm after going for drinks with her coworkers knowing I was waiting. Sex was magical for the first couple months, then she did exactly what you’re saying, it became almost a daily fight between us, she had to initiate and it was infrequent and only came with passion when I was ready to leave.
Thank you for this topic, it’s really hard to forget even after months after a breakup - how damaging that was. How it was even possible to be in a relationship with so many girls on his side and so zero sex among us?… And of course he wanted to be intimate with me just after I found out about him cheating Just disgusting
I always blamed it on his depression medications. From now on I will never date someone that has depression. I’m too afraid it’s all smoke and mirrors.
Thank you Anoushka for your in-depth clarification on this subject matter. By the way, you look really nice, your inner light shines bright too. Cheers!
My narcissist partner did this all the time over the last 20 years. Wouldn't share their likes but wanted to know all mine and used it against me But in public they'll always want to hold my hand to control their insecurity and jealousy ranges. Great video.
I dated a narcissist for 5 months. We spent almost everyday together. We never had sex. I thought it was so weird. He told me he couldn’t combine emotion and sex. He was used to only having one night stands. A month after he told me that I was gone. It was starting to bother me. I was so turned off by that comment. They are truly sick people.
I completely internalized it. It ruined the last bit of self esteem he hadnt already destroyed. I became suicidal. I felt ugly old unwanted unloved. Im none of these things. I spent hundreds of dollars on lingerie and makeup and cute dresses. Only to be looked at like a piece of furniture and made to feel even worse. I eventually ended up throwing everything beautifully away . I was told by plenty of other people how beautiful i was but i felt like if the man i was in love with didnt want to be intimate with me then i must be ugly and broken. It was especially hard for me because had never been rejected. By anyone especially not someone who professed to love me. This is the most dehumanizing hurtful thing i have experienced. I talked to my ex afyer he was away in jail for a year. He actually wanted to have sex with me. I was like wtf. I told him ypu dont want me you never wanted me. So why now do you think im going to have sex with you? After all the rejection and bullshit. He told me that of course he wanted me . That he always wanted me. That he just said and did those things to hurt me. Unbelievable
Fantastic video. This was my entire toxic marriage. Narcissist weaponize sex because they don’t have anything meaningful to offer you. After a while the sex,because there’s zero intimacy, because robotic. Pathetic POS
Agreed left today for good long distance let visit month ago hurts but had to block the half ass bs FB lies cheating all of it horrible block today hanent seem in a month almost
I was with this woman for 3 years, the final year was something of a true rollercoaster, we had a sex life from heaven for 2 months then it sort of fizzled out, we had occasional bursts of great intimacy and then towards the final 2 months it was barely even existing, the final time she withheld it because of a small argument about money as i asked her to go half on a takeaway the week before my payday. I broke it off 2 weeks later and she outright even admitted she withheld it for money. I do occasionally miss her, but then when i think about it, I was the source of all her misery and issues and she said i would never meet anyone else etc. I'm still suffering severe self esteem issues and is afraid of dating again because of this narcissist, hopefully with a bit of counselling i'll get over it and become a wolf man again as she essentially turned me into a puppydog.
I had to share this although I have already commented. It's funny now but at the time I didn't see it as one of the largest red flags a person can see. It was the first valentines day me and my narcissist ex had together and things were still going ok. So we were in a motel room and started having sex and I whispered to him to make love to me. Cuz we had had all kinds of sex but we had never made love. Well he proceeded to have the worst panic attack I've ever seen in my life. And it's funny to me now how I didn't fully add 2 and 2 together. He played it off as some kind of breathing issue but no it wasn't it was a full on anxiety attack. The very thought of me asking him to make love to be truly intimate with him must have scared the living day lights out of him. Now when this happened I knew it wasn't a breathing issue although he couldn't really breath. I knew it was something else goin on but never in a million years could I imagined that telling him to make love to me could have triggered such a reaction from him. I wish I had realized then what exactly was going on and what I was up against but you know hindsight is 20/20
It doesn't make me feel like there is something wrong with me. Nothing they do makes me feel like any of it is my doing. It just baffles me why he wants me to be his girlfriend when being just friends would make more sense. I know that the way I am is far more enjoyable than it appears that he is happy with how he is. Such senseless and pointless use of time on earth with other people. He's like a recluse who wants someone else in shouting distance. What I want to know is if I'm fine with it, will it still fall apart because of something else? The way I see it is I am anticipating getting bored with him, but he's fun to be around, even when we aren't directly interacting. There is no problem with supporting each other's ambitions without becoming involved in them a lot. The thing I see at risk is urgent situations where I can't get him to focus on demand, but I certainly step up when he needs something right away, not by routine but by unexpected circumstances.
Now I understand somewhat. My ex for 7yrs never gave oral but demanded it on her. She could not bring herself to give someone else pleasure, couldn't bring herself to do it even when I talked about it. Ugh! That sucks!
The only time my ex narc partner would really be affectionate towards me was during sex. And I was the one who mostly put the effort in. And she wanted sex nearly every night of the week. If I was knackered, or didn’t want it, she would straight away ask if it’s because I wasn’t attracted to her. Not the fact I had been up for 20hrs and wanted to sleep. She rarely was affectionate towards me before sex and always expected me to initiate sex. As soon as the sex was over, again, very little affection and was straight back in her phone scrolling. Anyone else experience this?
Yeah some bitxhes usually ex come heads need extreme stimulation. Clap her around and she will love it. 😂 After she will be bored. She just not wife material
Sounds like insecurity perhaps on her part. She took it personally if you ever knocked her back (perceived rejection) or didn't initiate. This plays on one's mind as it can make one spiral into negative self critical thinking, especially if there are previous unhealed self worth wounds at play. A little reassurance goes a long way in making a partner feel secure. In addition, don't be afraid to communicate. It sounds to me like your love language is touch therefore it could've been voiced more. Assert your needs. Be bolder next time with whomever you're with and say "I'm the kind of person who really enjoys physical affection aside from the physicality of sex." Sometimes we like to feel loved, accepted, appreciated, seen and wanted through touch away from the bedroom and that's okay. It's a matter of communication. Narcissists, however, are not open for negotiation or compromise as it's all about them and what they want. No amount of communication will garner their reciprocity. To be avoided at all costs. If it's one sided do not entertain or engage with them. Hope this helps. Wishing you wellness&happiness. Take care. 😀 💪 🎉 💫
Thank you for your reply. The last part was very true of my ex. Barely any negotiation if at all. And it always, somehow got turned into how it made her feel. Thankfully my new partner is the complete opposite and is very loving with me. 😊
@@arturobugaoan5615 That's good to hear. A loving, equal partnership is what you've always deserved. 🎊🎊🎊 In the end we meet our best possible match. These are merely lessons in disguise as we navigate our way through. Best of luck with everything&happy holidays. 🙌 ☃️🎄🎁🎅🤶
They are never happy and most likely never will be, also sleep around thinking it's alright. When you have been with a narcissist, it will open your eyes. Yes, it will break you. Physically and mentally, i promise you that you will prevail because you all are one of a kind, strong, positive, powerful people 🙏🏻✌🏻
Thank you, been 20 years divorced from a narcissist. Still healing from all his cheating, stealing, lying. Due to grown children, he always has a new woman he introduces to them. Flavor of the moment.
Yeeeeeesssssssss! Ain’t that the truth!
😎😎😎
@@deb2319 ✌🏻Have a great day 🙏🏻
@@Tune2dis41 it sure is 🙌🏻
They treat you like they have every right to discard you because you are “damaged goods”, but no one is more damaged than they are.
😊😊😊
This. They're the ones who have to hide their true selves form ppl and more importantly, themselves. What a horrible existence! Glad I dont have to live like that!
inside the NARC. feels they have damaged their paartner so they can no longer have intimacy with them, anymore . Sex with Marcs. is too much reminder of how very damaged they are inside.
They worship at the altar of Denial. Any narrative is preferable to the ugly darkness inside them.
What if you are damaged ? :)
i've had it happen to me, they're like emotional drug dealers they give you a massive hit of dopamine then withdraw and hold it away from you, it's actually quite sadistic to gain pleasure from messing with peoples feelings,
Yes!
Yes the constant dopamine hits. To my poor brain and heart was so bad he got me addicted to him then lost interest but kept me close to bread crumb me it’s been 9 months of hell. He won’t have sex with me. I’m almost out as I see. No w what he’s doing to me thanks ❤
Well said😢
@dawnfrew8251 same thing with me. Been with him for 14 years. Havent had sex since 2015. Found out he cheated. Reading his sexual text convos with the side chicks was torture.
Ya it hurts hit that block button today
This explains a lot! They enjoy manipulation and control more than anything
The thing people have to remember is there is no incentive for them to care or take accountability for their actions because they’ve never had to pay the price. Because they replace one supply with a new one, it doesn’t bother them. They are emotion generating entities with zero empathy. They don’t have regrets about how they treat others.
So true
Robots.
Eventually they'll pay for it in the end karma
Spot on my friend . X
This is so perfectly summarized !! 🤯
Well said.
The narcissist will try and convince you that you're the source of the problems. The keys to regaining your sanity and protecting yourself from the gaslighting is to recognize them for what they are, realizing that they cannot help it, so they can't be fixed, and finding an exit route for yourself getting them out of your life.
No one deserves having to live with a narcissist.
Yup. I was told I was the problem. And if I changed things would be fine.. well I did qnd it didn't
The secret is to block them on all social media, and phone. Even if they have discarded the victim first. Because they will at some point come back to hoover ( even 10-20 years later) to get narcissistic supply.
In the mind of the narcissist the victim is their « toy» for ever. There is no « expiration date». They simply lost interest in the victim in the same way a child is bored of a toy, they simply start to play with a new toy. To the same thing happens with that.
That is what they are. A imature, delusional, desperat, newer content child. The difference is that they are also sadistic. At worst also psychopatic ( evil, abuseiv, violent)
And gosh, don't ever try to teach them what you like or prefer. They know it all even your very own body and preferences somehow. Lol sad
@@carolhouston4071never works out the way they claim it’s all fallacies
It felt cold and disconnected.
It’s like getting a new toy, playing with it, then getting tired of it, so throw it away for a newer toy.
That’s exactly what they do
They probably do that with material things as well, at least that’s how I’ve come to notice it in the people I’m picking up on having the tendencies to be one. Very materialistic shallow people
@@norskibull2.021what about it’s like having a lot of different toys that you can choose to play with when you want?
@@juanzamarripa3778 yea I’d agree with that analysis… it is odd how it seems they’re all the same, like there is a playbook
@@juanzamarripa3778 bingo
If a narcissist picks you, you are a good person. It means things were going well for you. So if a narcissist is on you, see it as a compliment and cut them off.
Best comment I've heard thank you :-) I feel better thinking about this already :-)
@@lukedudley5030 Happy I made you feel better luke!
Best comment
Great comment
Thanks
I was always the source of her self esteem issues. And yes she used to be highly sexual. And then she wasn’t. Eventually I quit asking for sex. Then that was when she accused me of being a cheater and not wanting her. She ballooned to 310 lbs. That was my fault. I was working 100 plus hours a week on a oil rig. And she would spend the pay check faster than I could make it. The reasons why she spent the money that fast…..was my fault. Along with a mountain of other crap. I finally woke up and did the only thing I could do……LEAVE. I am alienated from my children, homeless. But I am alive. And I will not let what she done to destroy me, define me.
Oh I can relate to this!
Mine did this but she was the one cheating!
I am so sorry that happened.
Damn. Ty for educating me with your story. I realize this isn't going to work, no matter what I do to try to "fix" it. I am praying for u..
yep brother, i came close stayed for my son and destroyed myself
That is why you must leave a narcissist as soon as you’re able to….Also make sure you have no sympathy or mercy on the narcissist at anytime.
My mother (a narcissist) keeps saying to me lately "You have no sympathy." 😂😂😂 Maybe I'm just older&wiser to her tactics. I know the psychology behind the NPD condition and I longer feed the pity party/amateur dramatics like I used to. Plus, boundaries. 🙌🙌🙌 All she does is garner sympathy from people. Every situation is twisted so that she's the victim. 🙃
They dont understand sympathy. It looks like a chance to reclaim you (to them).
I’m a narcissist and I love sex, that’s where I get to lay my dominance
@@MandyD445she is talking about her self. As they always are. Realise the truth. You never had a « mother» 😢😢😢😢. The narcissist is not a caretaker, and will never be. They only gave us birth to get harvest narcissistic supply.
After leaving the narc you become much wiser and more intuitive. Just wait till ypu meet someone who reciprocates love. It is amazing! I didnt know someone could love and value me just the way i was. No more jumping through hoops
Thank you for sharing that.
I'ts 3 months since we split. I lost an awful lot leading up to it. No contact for 2 ish.
I'm in therapy, which is going extremely well. Got my life back on track. I'm not ready for another relationship. I'm enjoying life again.
But it's pleasing to hear what you've said.
🎉soon❤❤❤
😭😩💪🏾🔥
The funny part if been in the other relationship for years. It almost feels weird when it's genuine. It actually takes time to get used to.
@@c.fanger5083 the jumping through hoops is exhausting …. I keep confronting and making myself something that I am not to suit this individual that does not offer me anything good !
what sex????? the most painful year married . I never felt as alone as with him. so cruel. held my hand once!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why did you marry
@@God_chose_us because he hadnt shown his true colors before.
I moved 3 states solo to prep for hard times. I met him and he had complementary know how to ranch with me. I would have annulled the marriage, except I saw times getting very bad very fast. then months in what ever was happening outside didnt matter when it can to my health and safety behind closed doors.
im now ranching on my own in the place I bought. I survived.
I remember feeling grateful because he actually kissed me goodbye. Head slap! Thank god I finally left.
and I bet it felt like a dead kiss
@@mamab8175
I had sec but nothing else
You've just explained what I have felt and experienced for the last 37 years
And narc will never have sex on day or occasion that you would be expecting like holiday, vacation, anniversary home alone ect. Just to hurt you.
It's crazy. So crazy ! How the society does not recognized these behavior ! 😰😰
Effing weirdos. No other way to wrap one’s head around it. Just effing weirdos.
He had an obsession with prostitutes and unprotected sex. He cheated in every relationship but, of course always blamed the women. They're truly sick.
My father did this. Then had the audacity of projecting unfaithfulness& disloyalty onto my mother who is also a narcissist but stayed true to her wedding vows. He, however, lead a double life whilst simultaneously having Othello syndrome (Google if you'd like to know more). 😞
Yup
Seems to be a common theme. Homeless drug addicts are another favorite…
Some of u women are no different
thats him....i would never want a prostitute...or cheat...shoot im single and dont sleep around...
This video hit hard. I left him 7 months ago and left him due to him being abusive etc. I feel I was used in many different ways and I was emotionally attached to him but he kept me at a distance and I feel this video has given me my closure for the answers to how strange things were. I couldn't put it into words.... I knew he didn't want to be close to me and didn't want to be vulnerable with me and this has helped me alot. Thank you for this video. 💗💗
Narcs want to be close but fear vulnerability and intimacy, hence their relationship with you becomes an 'arms length' brother/sister connection and they source casual sex buddies outside the relationship, behind your back. They are extremely complicated people who need to appear socially normal respectable and traditional, but invariably lead double and treble lives of quite shocking proportions behind the scenes!
Thanks it’s opened my eyes I thought I was going insane a lot of the time now I feel like an idiot for wasting so much time on Narcs
I'm living with one now, this man I don't even sleep in the same bed with him. I refuse what man does not want or touch his wife in bed. He turns his back. I'm beautiful and I know nothing is wrong with me. Wish I had know about this man before I married him but while dating we had sex all the time nothing seemed wrong at all. I fell that I have lost so many years with him when I could have been with some one who really loves me and appreciate me for a wife.
@@tiffany4951 I'm sorry hugs
Oh they want us to be vulnerable but they are not!
Reciprocal intimacy with a narcissist is a one-way street…. as long as the narcissist gets what he or she wants from the “exchange” he or she is “oh, so happy…” without, the screws are tightened!
They actually want it to be unbalanced&can sometimes seek what they perceive to be gullible/vulnerable/unwitting or ally targets/victims/enablers that are okay with it being unbalanced and unreciprocated so their own needs can be met. Desperately seeking their ego food. 💀
Not a drop of reciprocation
@@terrimichelleyoung3744 they don’t care about the value of human reciprocal exchange. They only care about what they are getting from ANY kind of human encounter, which includes those of an intimate nature which, in turn, allows them to be unfaithful without any consideration for whom they may hurt in the process.
@@MandyD445 YES, if ever there was a textbook example of a narcissist, I just encountered one.
Too bad I didn't learn these things like hoovering or triangulation sooner bc its so easy to identify now. The main thing this person had over me was that they know where I live and can show up at any time and I don't know where they live or with who. Im sure it's probably some other sexual partner. So I just blocked them on social media/ phone. I'm sure they will probably show up here soon..
Well said. You've described what I've experienced. It's almost impossible to understand this strange narcissistic behavior unless you've experienced it yourself. People who haven't just can't see it. I suspect there are a LOT of people who have experienced this, but didn't take the time to understand what they were experiencing. It would be easy not to. They either exited the relationship before they knew where all of the toxicity was coming from, or they're so caught up in the toxicity & drama they can't see the actual cause of it.
I was caught up in it! Truths
No sorry, it isn't' take the time to understand' & get away. It is that even the most outgoing people can have, bit by bit, the fun and life chipped away at. Making you even wonder why you breathe. There is no brightness in your eyes or rest in your soul. You doubt everything, you're looks, decisions, ability and nothing that you ever do will be good enough. You can work 14 hours a day/7 days a week, nonstop, be as successful as you'd ever dreamed, making more money that you'd ever known. Still is not enough. Let alone the personal (sexual) things. You may as well sit alone as you won't be lonely for your own company. You do become pulled into it, almost as if you are one with it. That life was never something I would ask for nor offer to another. And I think most of us keep our stories to ourselves. Most people never would understand. i never knew what hit me.
I was raised with conditional love and I knew early on it wasn't normal. I left home as soon as I could to escape the toxic environment. I didn't turn into a narcissist. Don't give them an easy way out by blaming their upbringing. They are born this way.
Genetics and nurture are BOTH at play!
Hi. This is so on point. I just recently got out of a relationship from a narcissistic man. As a woman you have to be very self aware dealing with people. You don't want to end up with a person who makes you feel terrible. I can so related when you said they will do everything and give you that intimacy and loving demeanor when things are going wrong. You see a different person and I wish that same person will remain but no. It's a weird feeling. It will leave you confused. Things will always be about them.
"As a woman..." ?? Wtf is the difference whether it happens to a woman or a man? BOTH can be victimized by either gender. Or are you saying it's ok for a guy to wind up or have to exist with a woman who makes them feel terrible??
This works both ways women can be narcissist as well.
I think narcissists don't want their partners to know that they need them so they have to pretend that making love is not important...
For them, it's not making love.
Totally transactional
True
My past experience intimacy was used as a tool, it was used for the first 3 months to draw me in, then it all changed, if I did anything like go to work, see my parents, see a friend, intimacy was then forbidden, I'm not just talking sex, but even a kiss or a hug. I would return to her and she would be so distant. Yet if anyone came around it was all hugs and attention. Made me feel like I had done something terrible or I had wronged her. If I raised it she would tell me to grow up. This caused me to have a low selfworth, after a year I didn't know if we were friends, a couple, had no idea, then a pattern emerged. If she met someone new she would latch onto them, their name would come into conversation on a regular basis, then two weeks or a month later she would then say negative things about that person and their name wouldn't be spoken again. The only way I could lay it to rest and move on was I realised she would use people for her own gain, chances are they were getting all the attention I used to get. It ended up I couldn't be bothered with it all. Constant drama, ups downs, I had no idea who I was to her. Ultimately I lost trust with her and even though I was living in hope of the person I met retuning I had come to terms that person didn't exist, it was all a game.. one statement she used several times would be she's learned to survive, this was my warning I missed. Survived in her eyes, used in everyone else's
I lived it as well your words mirror my life lived it for so long finally ended it she wasn't that person it was all lies 💯❤️🙏🙌
Perpetuators perennially perpetrate wrongdoings, perpetually performing the part of being wronged. 🙅🏻♀️
Yes it seems to be a long convoluting strange alien game you find yourself in. A definite pattern begins to emerge, like lots of repeat cruel attacks over nothing, followed by distance, then approach again. A pattern of drama and chaos which eventually drains the life out of you!!
Exact same situation. Good and bad too read this and realize it’s just a trend for them. Worse part is being married too her but in the process of getting a divorce. I shall pray for all who have suffered from this men or women.
@@amandajohnson-williams7718yes! The hours/days-long violent arguments over literally nothing…are so draining.
My ex wife made no effort whatsoever, no affection or anything , it made me feel isolated and unwanted, she had to go.
Yup! LEAVE HER!!!
I’m like that to my narc husband he would say that of me and it’s on purpose!!!
My ex wife also did the same with. No love and affection, always try to stop me with different excuses. If i tried to do something never appreciate me. Thanks to Almighty, she left me.
This is bang on. Unfortunately I’ve felt this with several women, and always wondered why they’d be so dismissive of something that I personally felt a deep connection from. It’s like they forgot all that happened. Maybe they never cared at all.
This was explained so well and all of it is so true with my recent experience in talking to someone for 2 months who I discovered is a narcissist. He was all about sex drinking and gambling. He had criticized and manipulated me. Also ghosted and gaslighted me as well. I walked away over 2 months ago. I never had any attraction to him. When he realized I wouldn’t give into him with the sex, he discarded me. Big blessing it was though getting away from him n walking away.
Best to walk away from this. I got out of a situation like this just 3 weeks ago
Same here 10 weeks for me and I am still numb.
@@9thoracle797 6weeks for me now and I'm still numb too 😢she text me last night saying she wants to talk about stuff over the weekend 😐I hope I'm strong enough to say no
So grateful for your contributing members . Thankyou also for helping me understand the nature of this frying pan I jumped into . Am working on ‘exit ‘ & ‘don’t look back ‘.
This is a very accurate understanding of the pathology that characterizes narcissists. From a male perspective, you make love to a woman because you love her. But you realize she cannot feel the love because she believes she is unloveable. She is going through the motions because for her, that is all there is.
That's not necessarily true. With some men it can feel like being used as a vessel, while they're grunting and cavorting on top of you. Then they relieve themselves in you, and that's it. Oh sorry the last part: roll over and fall asleep! If women enjoyed it more, they'd do it! Sex toys are a huge business. Making love my eye.
well said Kevin, I've only started to realize her not being able to love herself so just goes through the motions, but was never present doing intimacy..... mine would do this creepy thing wich always bothered me, even if went for hours, was tired, thought we were going to cuddle, she'd grab my hand and put it wherever!, and expect me to just be a human vibrator while completely switching off..... and I used to think if I did the same, how would that look, or even feel, I coldn't imagine doing that either way..... was creepy looking back on it, and was creepy at the time, but once you're love bombed you do lose perspective a bit
Sad.
THANK YOU!! You are literally the only person I’ve heard talk about this as a specific pattern. Like somebody else commented, it was like a switch turned off the day we were married and continued for 20 years of blaming me, claiming sex addiction (so I had to show up with compassion and support, though no work was done there), making up ED, more blaming me… I thought it was simply his preferred form of devaluing and harming me. Let’ be honest, how could discovering one’s spouse pursues sex with literally any other person not be harmful? Especially given how profoundly lazy they are in a relationship.
Anyway, I long since stopped accepting blame for any part of it, but to hear that it is a PD related pattern? Blown away.
Anoushka you are bang on. What you described I have experienced more than once, but I could never explain it. This behaviour is so confusing because initially you think, "this person is really into this." and then it just disappears, and reappears during periods of crisis and fear. you have helped me to realize what i suspected, which is that they don't actually LIKE IT. my men actively avoided sex and blamed everything, until it became evident, one was a homosexual; and the other was addicted to porn and young women. NEITHER wanted me to leave. One went to prison. thank you for setting it straight.
My husband finally started to work at night. So I spent many nights alone and there is a whole other horrendous story that goes with it. Early in the marriage, I was always alone in bed with him. Always without any affection. I was just starving for affection, but scared to ask for any. If I did, he always was rough or cold and not tender, kind or sweet.
If you haven’t already leave that relationship
Hi, I did. I divorced him, but it cost me thousands of dollars. I will receive no spousal support, no health insurance and no help financially. I am completely dependent on my family for support and I am so lonely that it hurts. While he is having " a gay old time" with his girlfriend and hooker lovers. He lied and betrayed my trust and our marriage of 18 years, would be 20 this coming June. I am living off food stamps and food banks, with no job, no car and I am disabled using a cane to hobble around. I surviving off my faith, until things (life) can turn around and I can heal. @@God_chose_us
Woo, hoo!!! whew!!! I left him then divorced him. I will finalized in December 31st.@@God_chose_us
I am so relieved, bc he already had 2STDs that were diagnosed. known. So glad that I did not sleep with him afterall. @@God_chose_us
Narcissists are notorious for starving their targets from touch/warmth/intimacy/closeness/love. Everything you seek is within. Flip things around, see it as an opportunity to give yourself the love and affection he has starved you with. Don't let the deprivation from him condition you to feel as though you're unworthy or undeserving of it. Sometimes being alone is a reprieve from being surrounded by the wrong people. Sending warm hugs&genuine well wishes. 🙏 ❤️ 🤗💪 ✨
This is THE BEST, straight to the point explanation I’ve ever heard. This makes so much more sense to me. I’m going to share this video with my therapist because he wasn’t really able to articulate this very point, but I think this is what he was trying to convey.
Thank you. I just broke up with my covert narcissist boyfriend of 1 1/2 years. It took me so long to figure out why I was feeling so alone, dismissed, on a roller coaster of emotions waiting for the next moment of feeling connected and loved….which only came after I was so hurt and pulled away. It’s a sick and addictive cycle of emotional abuse.
The sex was only to satisfy him, and has been totally gone for 5 months prior to the break up which happened just this past weekend. The last time was in November after a “little” breakup. Pulling me back in…ugh
I also discovered he was cheating on me just recently.
I feel free… and I know now what I was dealing with.
Your shows have been so enlightening. They guided me through a dark and twisted path. You put clarity into a very confusing time.
I’ve learned so much about myself and my boundaries. I am not an open bank account where anyone can access my kindness, compassion, love and generosity. I will be careful.
Thank you ❤️🙏
and they will try reverse psychology on you- they will ask you to tell them to let them know when you want them-its a set up for rejection and also they must remain in control- so yah. Its a pathetic mean-spirited kid- who puts on a and half-ass adult act for you - but mostly for their own benefits. Lose those losers! Great Talk Anoushka. Thank You!
I agree with you, 100💯
Facts the one I dealt with would tell me I could initiate but I never did honey I felt it was to get me comfortable to deny me at some point later
@@toneyfox6328 What about, him asking me to initiate and start the conversation first, everyday? Is that a form of manipulation too? I did what he asked when we were friends but he didn't block me. I did, block him, a second time and he was furious, eventhough i promised to treat him for his birthday which i didn't do coz i blocked him, a month earlier from his birthday in November 2021. Good riddance!
@@toneyfox6328 and he promised that something would happen, if i did what he asked, like fireworks would happen and i thought he would give me a good kiss and make out session too. Sigh....
Which i know, i wasn't ready for...
Just want to share my past experience with this guy. Really good riddance!!!!
@@merlinsvdd yes it was def still manipulation, n u did the right thing proud of u ❤️
This explains SO much and you are on point 💯. My narc told me he didn’t like sex and preferred 🌽- he definitely was only initiate in the beginning to connect and then it was absolutely a manipulation tool. If I didn’t clean the house to his specifications then I didn’t “get intimacy” - if we had a fight and said I wanted him to leave he would then try to sleep with me. I though this was so weird bc I I thought narcs were chronic cheaters and almost sex addicts. Ty for this video.
Wow. 🤯 Heavy manipulation&coercion on his part in order to have power over you. No one should have to "earn" the right to get intimate with another. If you are with someone/dating/in a relationship/partnership/marriage sex should be consensual, mutual and equal. This situation you went through implies you had to somehow "work" for it, or go out of your way to please the other person accordingly in order to receive physical touch/affection/sex etc. Not all narcs are sex addicts, some have sex avoidance and only use it as a controlling tool. Every time they feel like they are losing their grip of you&their power is diminishing they lure you back into submission with the promise of intimacy. Once you know better, you choose better. Remember everything you went through with him wasn't in vain. Know your worth and set boundaries in place for future reference. You are loveable&worthy of love, sex and all the good stuff you desire. 💓 💪 🤗 🥰
They’re either somatic or cerebral & many temporarily switch to the other especially during a mortification just as one can switch between being covert/overt
Thank you so much. This clarifies something deeply painful to me. I feel better now that I get it.
Man i wasnt even looking for this but it was definitely what i needed to hear. Thank you.
You just described my 14 year marriage to a sociopathic narcissist. He lost interest after the first night together as man and wife. His disinterest was completely manipulative, the neglect so harmful to my self esteem. I felt like a mother substitute, an old chair. Withholding himself was a means to confuse and devalue me. The only time he acted interested was when he wanted a child. He later told a friend of his that the only reason he stayed with me was because " I made cute kids." Turns out, he was on the prowl constantly for women behind my back. When I finally figured it out, and confronted him, he told me that I had wasted 14 years of his life, to which I replied, " No. You wasted 14 years of mine." I divorced him, gained custody of our children, and moved away. He never paid child support, and even tried to loan our daughter out to his friends. What a sicko. This was on weekends with Dad. The boys told me he had sex with women right in front of them. He did not know what love was. His mother spoiled him rotten, he was her golden child, the other kids were ignored in his family. I never dated or remarried. I did not trust my own judgment in accepting another husband. The whole marriage was strange, weird. I never knew where I stood. That, of course, was the point. Older and wiser now, I have put the puzzle pieces together. Thanks for addressing this subject.
SO TRUE! 😢😢😢😢😢
So glad that you survived that nightmare. Sounds like you made the right decisions. I know how hard it must have been. Was married for 13 years. April 2024 will be ten years free. Sadly, we’ll likely never fully recover to have a normal relationship in the future, but I haven’t completely ruled it out.
I had skipped relationships all together after my narc cause I didn’t trust myself or judgement either. But once I healed and learned about NPD I unlearned still healing but I trust myself more. Been in therapy since 2015 and that helped me unpack and unlearn.
Same..24 year marriage. Started withholding sex after 1 time on honeymoon. Ok to have kids, though...3 sons. Immaculate conception because he NEVER wanted to have sex. @#$%^&*!😡 But now is having affair with married co-worker. So messed up!
Glad u made it out sis ❤
I really appreciate the way you talk both verbally and hands/body language. In a very long time I felt captivated and motivated to really attentively listen and take it all in. Soft tone with a twist of "I've got something important to tell you" vibe. Nice! 🙂👍🏼
Wow thanks sooo much for this video. Sums up my intimate relationship with my late Partner of 10 years. He was eventually diagnosed with BPD and Narcissist traits! Boy how i blamed myself! And yip only attempted intimacy whrn he had a tough time or things were bad, i was unhappy and thinking about ending the relationship! As someone else said...heveas never happy, always looking for the next thrill, bit of excitement to make hom happy...was like they had a hole in their soul that could never be whole! In the end you realise nothing ever satisfies them for more than a few months
My ex would accuse me of using sex for manipulation. It always confused the heck out of me. I was constantly being denied and i would respect her moods. I figure it was just projection.
Huh. Using that against you.
It’s the most horrible thing any human being could do to anyone! And the obsession that I really can’t seem to comprehend, is that they seem to enjoy watching porn or escorts, swingers club, Asexual relationships than any actual committed relationship with their spouse . I always felt like it was only when he felt like he would approach me it’s just freaking sick !
OMG SAME
I began to believe I wasn’t good enough nd even let people convince me this is how females work nd I began to mirror the behavior I was seeing and at times being treated with it such a rude awakening when someone actually makes you aware of it
I like her channel, and her approach to helping people heal from narcissistic abuse, with this caveat - be careful thinking that people can be boxed into the label narcissistic so easily. Each person is unique, so be prepared to find out that someone is acting strangely due to certain conditioning in their life that falls outside of psychoanalyses. Phew, that was a mouthful.
I agree. The amateur psychologising and pathologising going on in the world is worrying.
We all have some narcissistic traits to a degree, a result of wounds or often even ignorance of how coping mechanisms are hurting others.
It’s more about identifying and deealing with narcissistic traits than these alleged ‘narcissists’. And the amount of people having shitty dating experiences and then automatically jumping to the conclusion that the person they’re dating ‘is a narcissist!’ is pretty high.
No doubt there are Narcisists out there, but they’re quite rare out in the wild.
But almost everyone, especially in casual dating or the early nervous romantic phase can have sets of
Behaviours that aren’t healthy,
Either self destructive or consciously or unconsciously destructive to others.
Soo true … I’ve dealt with one and it was the worse experience ever yet I’ve learned a lot and now I’m single for a good reason . Thank you
This is so true - very insightful. They are broken people. No, I mean, they are broken souls.
Yes, broken souls who try to break ours.Mine could never break my spirit, I just grew more and more tired of him till I went no contact after dumping him.
It’s a transaction: frankly I was embarrassed for her. Her core self-esteem issue came to the fore and she would essentially debase herself to please me, which created a huge issue around rejection. If I said “no” she would get terribly hurt. On many occasions I would say (in response to an “offer”) “hun, you really do not have to do this… I love you”. As we finished she threw everything back at me “I let you do xyz” but the truth was quite quite different.
This explains so much about my ex. What you are saying really resonates.
The sex was great the first time, and pretty good the next couple of times, and very bad every time after that. The sex was actually terrible and not even something that I wanted or looked forward to. I stayed with her because I loved her but it was always extremely frustrating that the sex was so bad. She turned an enjoyable thing into something awkward and uncomfortable. the sex being good the first time was like a bait and switch
My narc stopped having sex with me out of nowhere for two months he says he’s stressed and can’t get it up. This never happened before I don’t believe him
Was probably with new supply for those 2 months.
I look at it that way. I saw my ex yesterday. Typically done up to the 9’s, but after watching these videos and learning a lot about narcissism, I could just see it in her with the looks she gave me. Glad to be free. 😊
I've made the fatal error of loving someone so much they didn't have to love me back.
That’s called Love addicted & Limerance
I lost my self esteem, self worth and self confidence. i was in the relationship for twenty years and didn't realise what was happening. I remember feeling confused and anxious throughout the relationship. It was my grown up daughter who eventually explained who/what I was married to. I didn't even know what gas-lighting was until then. Sex was almost non-existent. I stopped trying to be intimate in the end but this would cause me to feel anger and resentment. There was always some excuse.
It has taken me the best part of five years to find myself again after our divorce. It finally ended when she had yet another affair. How sick is it that it was made out to be my fault that she had the affair... and I apologised to her! She had multiple affairs and I ended up, on at least five occasions, on my arse. Each time she persuaded me to return home. It's not just women who experience abuse. I now know why the abused go back to or remain in an abusive relationship. I honestly thought no one else would want me.
Every thing said here describes almost all people. All of a sudden everywhere I turn there is a video about a narcissist. The whole world is full of them.
been going through this pull and push for a year, now blocked them and removed their email corrospondence, number blocked. ridiculous teasing. and yes when you pull back they come looking.
I agree with you Anoushka but many including myself was deprived of love growing up but I didn’t turn into a heartless evil selfish cheating manipulative abusive human. I have so much love to give because I expect the same love back.
Absolutely.
Right!!! I think that's why we fall for them.
He'd withhold and say he didn't want to participate in making my sex addiction worse. So noble of him.
He called me a sex maniac lol just because I initiated sex a few times a week, he even suggested I turn lesbian!? Then he started to say how he’s had 3 some before and I think that’s probably why he ended up single. He was so creepy quiet during sex a real turn off never once uttered a word…probably the worst lover I ever had yet he drew me in with his manipulations. I’m 4 months free and feel much better but I get the odd yearning stil for some strange reason. Happy to be away from him and the drama of his pimp lifestyle
sounds like he is has problems . better off
Wow, we were with the same person.
Same story. Don’t tell me his name was Renso. 😅
This was the best description that I have ever heard about this concept. I wish I had seen this when I was in the relationship, but it certainly makes me feel better in letting it all go! Thank you!
Well well. You've just described every woman I've ever been intimate with.
😮😬😳🤯🤯🤯thank you, for helping to make some kind of sense of this. ❤. blessing to anyone stuck in this situation
You have explained this very well. So sad.
It all makes so much sense! After he told me he don't want the relationship anymore and want to become friends, I refuse; the next time he came and visit our kids and I pretend to try to touch him and he said,"YOU AND I CAN'T TOUCH EACH OTHER NO MORE; I was confuse and didn't care but just wanted to see his reaction & I was like he's always the one whose the 1st who touches me and now it's like what is wrong and I tried to hold his hand another time he came to visit our kids just to see his reaction and he tried to toss it away & it's such a turn off!! Like wow, people are so CRUEL, no wonder he Drained my ENERGY and use his ex wife to come around and hurt me in ways and/or always bring her up and always comparing us & it just got out of hand so we both can just argue and it DRAINED me so to the point I was like enough is enough...
He also keep talking bout marriage with another person like he didn't care for my feelings and he told me,"You'll always be my BABY MAMA forever and I'm like what kind of a man who leaves his kids with me and don't have hearts to love em, especially; his family isn't in their life too and they all seem like a bunch of ROBOTS who have no hearts and act like they don't have nieces,nephews or grandma and grandpa isn't in their life too!! I've seen his older sister taking care of his baby brother who is in prisons kids but never around for mine! What did I do wrong?? I was just there and I was kind and genuine and they act like I was the problem!! I am so confused like I did something wrong... So emotional drained!!
You got this right. I talked to 3 of his ex girlfriends and he did the same thing to them. It confirmed for me that I was not the problem.
You talked to 3 exes, you might be the problem just not the problem you're aware of.
While we were dating, sex was never an issue. As soon as we got married and I moved 1500mi to his home, he said, "We don't need to have sex because our love is on such a high plain".
He laid down the "law" and said he wouldn't have sex more than once a week, not after 9pm, not before 6am, not on weekdays, not on weekends. Why not just say never? Naturally, I just gave up and lost interest. When he finally decided years later that sex would be a good idea, I was no longer interested (which is exactly what I told him would happen). Then it was somehow my fault that we weren't having sex. 🙄
Yep. Same exact story.
You just made a grown man cry in his work truck .
I accidentally stumbled across your video. I’m going through something really bad right now. Cannot figure it out. There’s somebody I really love until I just watched your video . I realized you’re talking about me 100%.. I did have a horrible childhood that no kids should ever grown-up with by far. My biggest problem is now How do I prevent that with my own kids so they don’t grow up like me . I even have problems showing love to my own kids. The whole controlling somebody that’s not me I’m actually a very calm guy more closed in emotionally . I also don’t run around cheating so some of it’s not me.
Aye brotha, I was reading the comments cause of how down I got watching this video because I too am in the same boat as you. I’m 22 years old and a nursing student with no children or even a spouse! I go to say that to say you’re not alone and I pray that not only I but you get over this characteristic that we’ve held onto for so long and hopefully you see a brighter future with your family! Much love brotha🙏🏽
I also have extremely low self-esteem.
I have worked with therapists for many years.
I tried a few psychologists, but they said they could not help me. That was 35 years ago.
After 37 years of marriage, we are now separated.
What started out as separation anxiety, that I called jealousy, moved into begging for a more intimate relationship. Again, not in a healthy way.
This slowly morphed into verbal and belittling abusive.
After spending the last four years worthing with three different therapists, I was finally pointed to my tremendously low self-esteem.
I seen these youtubes videos are looked up, "Are narcissist people with low self-esteem"
While it hurt to be labeled a narcissistic individual, it hurts more that we, the human race, does not train "normal" people to express motherly love to the narcissistic individual.
If that is rejected, and it will be as the person is wounded deeply by their past, understanding the why should not be a club but a tool to support the person.
Untreated adhd, ptsd, and many other mental deficiencies produce people with deeper problems.
Let's put the same connotation on narcissistic individual.
I suggest starting small, tell your kids you are proud of them. Introduce hugs and praise slowly. Fake it till you make it. You're kids will learn from you. They need to look to you. They need to see and know you love them. Don't try to be their friend. Be their parent. Discipline when needed out of love. Do things with them. Listen to them. Be the example they need. They will love you, respect you and show love healthier because of you. Eat right, stay away from sugar, do body squats, get your self right. Be a guy your kids can be proud of. I wish you best luck. God Bless!
Yeah, this was an old post and I do appreciate the feedback that I received.
I have been working with somebody for just about a year now and there was more underlining stuff from my childhood into my adulthood that I never took care of and got the help that was well needed .
With that said looks like I was more self destruction and more trauma that I never even understood.
With the help I received my family life has been a lot better and a lot of pressure off my chest and feel a lot better about myself today.
I highly recommend therapy and drop the macho man or woman attitude and getting the help that you may not understand today and that TH-cam video definitely opened my eyes and directed me in the right direction .,
He doesn’t like it at all. But he talks about it all the time. NEVER NO AFFECTION. NONE. I have cried 😢so much. Wanting attention and AFFECTION. Nothing. He sleeps on the edge of the bed. With his Clothes on. Not move at all. No Hugs Nothing. He Falls to sleep as soon as he lays down. I DONT. Everything has REALLY HURT MY Feelings. Because I Never got anything. I got health problems excruciating pain. He’s Made it so much worse. STRESS. No HES Never intimate. None. You have to beg to get a Hug. I know he’s giving someone else ATTENTION. 😢Sad 😢
Sorry dear...i hope you get some comfort soon...I understand how you feel
@@Tboy_ty Thank you. Been a nightmare
Leave him. Walk away with your head held high. This is mental cruelty. You deserve to be loved. This man is toxic.
Been there, praying for you!!@@Tboy_ty
Call a divorce lawyer, immediately.
Hey!! This was very good. Helps me a lot. I did blame myself, you are so right and this is the first time I’ve ever heard anyone talk about this. Thank you!
She said lets be friends after forcing me out of my home.
Remember that one , its there favourite saying to be kept in there Harem
She tried to put me in the " friend zone". Nope, never happened. I walked away.
Step one they let you love them.
Step two they get bored
Step three they withhold if they want to punish you
Step four try to push you to cheat so they can feel superior and cheat too
Step five the internet porn isn’t boring
Step five spend 30 minutes twice s day in the bathtub with the internet
Step 6 stop relations altogether. Nobody deserves to make love to the narcissist, except the narcissist.
It’s so heartbreaking to think a human does this to someone especially someone you love I loved my wife so much I found messages to another guy last year and when I pulled her up about it she denied everything and love bombed me for a month I stayed and gave her a second chance we are now getting a divorce I’m devastated our child is as well it’s not nice at all and I don’t think I’ll ever love another women again or trust another women
Also the child inside the narcissist puts his woman into the mother role. Being intimate with her then becomes insest! Taboo! That, and the control issues, make intimacy a warped phenomenon.
Sad, no one else mattered what a shallow individual would destroy their family.
I had a sense that all was not quite right from the start, but hoped it would go away. It got buried in day-to-day and her playing the part. I am working to build trust in other people- not specifically women, and my sense of reality and truth is improving.
Right there with you @craigy691 have 2 beautiful children with a narcissistic woman cheated on me for two years then found out on her phone. Said it was one guy but she was texting sharing pictures with 5 guys in total. Still don't know the truth on that one. But loved her so much been with her for 16 years gave her another chance. Found out in August that she was still cheating with this one guy. Now claiming I've abused her verbally for our whole relationship and this is the only way she could run away.. When she's been lying manipulating verbally mentally emotionally abusing me for the last 2 years. Absolutely heartbreaking someone that you love her so long would do that to you. Definitely hard to trust again.
I hear You..
The little things You miss, ignore or don't run down or ask for some clarity.
The day to day comment really takes precedence over getting to the bottom of anything.
Even from the onset, something never left me at peace/comfortable.
So calculating and visceral they can be...
This isn't easy, navigating this deep profound hurt/ pain. Healing journeys are so different for each and everyone on of Us.
Stay Prayerful.
Stay Away from Them,
Stay on a path that at least leaves You open to being happier and in better spirits.
Be easy on Yourself.
I wish I knew this Stuff 25 years ago.
🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏
This explains so much. Thanks for explaining it
During sex my ex narc would leave bruise marks on my arms and legs, whole fingerprint marks then would blame these marks as proof that id been sleeping with someone else, that i was into dark stuff and I needed to see a doctor!! Cant believe i stayed with him so long
Mine would bite me and be rough even though I didn't like it
My first love was a narc, I was 19 she was 22, and she broke me. We dated for 3 years (broke up on 3yr anniversary, I was waiting for her with flowers to get off work and go celebrate, she finally shows up at 9pm after going for drinks with her coworkers knowing I was waiting. Sex was magical for the first couple months, then she did exactly what you’re saying, it became almost a daily fight between us, she had to initiate and it was infrequent and only came with passion when I was ready to leave.
Thank you for this topic, it’s really hard to forget even after months after a breakup - how damaging that was.
How it was even possible to be in a relationship with so many girls on his side and so zero sex among us?…
And of course he wanted to be intimate with me just after I found out about him cheating
Just disgusting
I always blamed it on his depression medications. From now on I will never date someone that has depression. I’m too afraid it’s all smoke and mirrors.
yeah this will better the world
Don't know if I'll date again but the knowledge is powerful n explains so much that no one understood.
If i mention it i am so wrong...starts whole argument...going on 2yrs.... sad part is i deal with it
Get out fast
Thank you Anoushka for your in-depth clarification on this subject matter. By the way, you look really nice, your inner light shines bright too. Cheers!
My narcissist partner did this all the time over the last 20 years. Wouldn't share their likes but wanted to know all mine and used it against me
But in public they'll always want to hold my hand to control their insecurity and jealousy ranges.
Great video.
I dated a narcissist for 5 months. We spent almost everyday together. We never had sex. I thought it was so weird. He told me he couldn’t combine emotion and sex. He was used to only having one night stands. A month after he told me that I was gone. It was starting to bother me. I was so turned off by that comment. They are truly sick people.
They are horrible
I completely internalized it. It ruined the last bit of self esteem he hadnt already destroyed. I became suicidal. I felt ugly old unwanted unloved. Im none of these things. I spent hundreds of dollars on lingerie and makeup and cute dresses. Only to be looked at like a piece of furniture and made to feel even worse. I eventually ended up throwing everything beautifully away . I was told by plenty of other people how beautiful i was but i felt like if the man i was in love with didnt want to be intimate with me then i must be ugly and broken. It was especially hard for me because had never been rejected. By anyone especially not someone who professed to love me. This is the most dehumanizing hurtful thing i have experienced. I talked to my ex afyer he was away in jail for a year. He actually wanted to have sex with me. I was like wtf. I told him ypu dont want me you never wanted me. So why now do you think im going to have sex with you? After all the rejection and bullshit. He told me that of course he wanted me . That he always wanted me. That he just said and did those things to hurt me. Unbelievable
I am in a 40 year marriage. Many of those things sound familiar.
I just found this video. Thank you for explaning the last 20 years of my life to me. I might finally be allright now.
Signposts in the dark. Thank you. It is a rare topic in oceans of this topic.
It's been a year no contact now, saw her the other day and she looks a mess.
I saw mine recently and she looked like a caricature- not aging well.
Very enlightening video. Thank you!
Fantastic video. This was my entire toxic marriage. Narcissist weaponize sex because they don’t have anything meaningful to offer you. After a while the sex,because there’s zero intimacy, because robotic. Pathetic POS
Agreed left today for good long distance let visit month ago hurts but had to block the half ass bs FB lies cheating all of it horrible block today hanent seem in a month almost
I was with this woman for 3 years, the final year was something of a true rollercoaster, we had a sex life from heaven for 2 months then it sort of fizzled out, we had occasional bursts of great intimacy and then towards the final 2 months it was barely even existing, the final time she withheld it because of a small argument about money as i asked her to go half on a takeaway the week before my payday. I broke it off 2 weeks later and she outright even admitted she withheld it for money. I do occasionally miss her, but then when i think about it, I was the source of all her misery and issues and she said i would never meet anyone else etc. I'm still suffering severe self esteem issues and is afraid of dating again because of this narcissist, hopefully with a bit of counselling i'll get over it and become a wolf man again as she essentially turned me into a puppydog.
I couldn’t understand what happen . How can a person take advantage of a person ?I discovered he is a narsasist 1 1/2 years ago .
I had to share this although I have already commented. It's funny now but at the time I didn't see it as one of the largest red flags a person can see. It was the first valentines day me and my narcissist ex had together and things were still going ok. So we were in a motel room and started having sex and I whispered to him to make love to me. Cuz we had had all kinds of sex but we had never made love. Well he proceeded to have the worst panic attack I've ever seen in my life. And it's funny to me now how I didn't fully add 2 and 2 together. He played it off as some kind of breathing issue but no it wasn't it was a full on anxiety attack. The very thought of me asking him to make love to be truly intimate with him must have scared the living day lights out of him. Now when this happened I knew it wasn't a breathing issue although he couldn't really breath. I knew it was something else goin on but never in a million years could I imagined that telling him to make love to me could have triggered such a reaction from him. I wish I had realized then what exactly was going on and what I was up against but you know hindsight is 20/20
Was married to narcissist for 14 years. Yes, it did me in. I've been solo for 28 years.
It doesn't make me feel like there is something wrong with me. Nothing they do makes me feel like any of it is my doing. It just baffles me why he wants me to be his girlfriend when being just friends would make more sense. I know that the way I am is far more enjoyable than it appears that he is happy with how he is. Such senseless and pointless use of time on earth with other people. He's like a recluse who wants someone else in shouting distance. What I want to know is if I'm fine with it, will it still fall apart because of something else? The way I see it is I am anticipating getting bored with him, but he's fun to be around, even when we aren't directly interacting. There is no problem with supporting each other's ambitions without becoming involved in them a lot. The thing I see at risk is urgent situations where I can't get him to focus on demand, but I certainly step up when he needs something right away, not by routine but by unexpected circumstances.
No soul sex is no sex don't miss it
Wow, this really sheds a light on a lot of things I experienced! Thank you for sharing!
I’ve never heard it explained so well!!! Thank you!!!!!
😢You are the first, I hear explain sexuality with a narcissist. Thank you.
Now I understand somewhat. My ex for 7yrs never gave oral but demanded it on her. She could not bring herself to give someone else pleasure, couldn't bring herself to do it even when I talked about it. Ugh! That sucks!
This is all too familiar 🙁great video, thank you for sharing this valuable information
Is it possible to have attachment disorder after being abused physically and mentally from a narcissist?
The only time my ex narc partner would really be affectionate towards me was during sex. And I was the one who mostly put the effort in. And she wanted sex nearly every night of the week. If I was knackered, or didn’t want it, she would straight away ask if it’s because I wasn’t attracted to her. Not the fact I had been up for 20hrs and wanted to sleep. She rarely was affectionate towards me before sex and always expected me to initiate sex. As soon as the sex was over, again, very little affection and was straight back in her phone scrolling.
Anyone else experience this?
Yeah some bitxhes usually ex come heads need extreme stimulation. Clap her around and she will love it. 😂 After she will be bored. She just not wife material
Sounds like insecurity perhaps on her part. She took it personally if you ever knocked her back (perceived rejection) or didn't initiate. This plays on one's mind as it can make one spiral into negative self critical thinking, especially if there are previous unhealed self worth wounds at play. A little reassurance goes a long way in making a partner feel secure. In addition, don't be afraid to communicate. It sounds to me like your love language is touch therefore it could've been voiced more. Assert your needs. Be bolder next time with whomever you're with and say "I'm the kind of person who really enjoys physical affection aside from the physicality of sex." Sometimes we like to feel loved, accepted, appreciated, seen and wanted through touch away from the bedroom and that's okay. It's a matter of communication. Narcissists, however, are not open for negotiation or compromise as it's all about them and what they want. No amount of communication will garner their reciprocity. To be avoided at all costs. If it's one sided do not entertain or engage with them. Hope this helps. Wishing you wellness&happiness. Take care. 😀 💪 🎉 💫
Thank you for your reply. The last part was very true of my ex. Barely any negotiation if at all. And it always, somehow got turned into how it made her feel. Thankfully my new partner is the complete opposite and is very loving with me. 😊
@@arturobugaoan5615 That's good to hear. A loving, equal partnership is what you've always deserved. 🎊🎊🎊 In the end we meet our best possible match. These are merely lessons in disguise as we navigate our way through. Best of luck with everything&happy holidays. 🙌 ☃️🎄🎁🎅🤶
I'm Shook .. didn't want to believe it ... But it's exactly like that ... I'm so Mad to My Self! Thank you will look forward to understand this BS. ✌🏽