I agree with everything you have shared and I have gone through a living long term nightmare, where words cannot encapsulate the experience. It was truly painful; I’m still recovering from the experience when she left suddenly and abruptly. Its only a little over a year and a half; felt like 5 years of going through an emotional “M.F.” in a Ninja blender. Just “Grieving” is an understatement in my book; I felt like I was on a bungie cord hanging over the Grand Canyon where every time I climbed back up to the top, the narcissist was waiting to push me back off.😬 My divorce went through back in October 2019, and I lost quite a bit financially. She tried to ruin me in every way. The smear campaigns of hers was cruel and very damaging. I’m still picking up the pieces and have lost over 99% of the people I knew for years. She Isolated me pretty well, even my kin. I have had a lot of alone time. Started of miserably, but have gotten use to it. I’m doing the inner work, yet still have a long road ahead. She sought to isolate me; however it was blessing in disguise, i was able to focus on myself and start the long road to recovery. It takes one day at a time. Trauma bonds are not easy to recover from at all; down right “sucks!” Thanks for your wonderful and well prepared videos!!!! If I ever get to meet you one day....I would love to take you and your husband out to dinner. Your work has helped me to survive and do the work to recover my mind. I have escaped and survive a narcissist, now I’m headed to thriving. Thanks, and Namaste! 🤩
I'm still suffering and recovering even after separation, divorce and his death for almost 2 decades. Wishing you a full and speedy recovery. You are born again , start from scratch, be thankful for being left by her. YOU ARE NEVER ALONE, BE STRONG. THIS SHALL PASS. 🙏🤲♥️🇨🇦
Yellow Bird....your story really resonates with me on a soul level. My story is so similar. Your analogy regarding grieving being an understatement was so spot on. TH-cam videos like these were my saving grace. Nobody GETS IT unless they have personally experienced it. Reading the comments from so many survivors brave enough to talk about thier experience was what kept me from loosing my mind, and helped tremendously in my healing journey. It was and at times continues to be an epic mind f**k. I am over a year into my healing journey and I am beyond grateful for these videos. I believe learning as much as possible about this disorder is KEY to surviving it. I wish you the best on your healing journey. ❤
Speaking the name of Jesus has helped me so much, Ephesians 6 is very real right now because Jesus is about to start the tribulation period. God bless ❤️
LilN3qu1 you’re right. The ILLUSION, is daunting. But I am so thankful I am learning and so thankful for all the support and survivors out there. Not falling for them anymore!! Xo God bless everyone out there suffering don’t ever give up 🌻
LilN3qu1 It really is like a death. Today I’m mourning the loss of the future she promised me on our wedding day 17 months ago. I loved someone who never really existed and I am devastated. 4 1/2 years before the mask slipped and I can’t pretend I didn’t see it. My wife knows I know and is so emotionally abusive. My heart is screaming out for the person I believed she was. My whole sense of reality is screwy at the moment.
Tabitha Jarzynka I know that exact feeling. I’m 3 years removed and everyday it becomes a faded memory. There’s still triggers from other people but I’m getting adjusted. What you thought was real wasn’t and soon you’ll adjust or have patience with yourself. It’s a hard road but we all get there and work towards healing ourselves. Be guided🤗
@Descola Bandz Everything about a narc causes stress and anxiety - just sometimes it more obvious which of their behaviors is causing it. YOU have to let THEM go. Nothing good will come from keeping the sick dance going. Best wishes..
Definitely. Also, they are mortified that ns come on contact with you, even though the narcissist has long before discarding you smear campaigned against you to discredit you in the future.
Oh yes, the covert aggression! My ex used to cry like a baby telling me how an evil person I was for not wanting him in my life... After 6 years of no contact he is writing me emails saying I am destroying him!!
@@mamlas9494 I am a mother and I wasn’t born with privilege, I have a daughter who is destroying my life doing everything to help me, I am really very 😢 i’m going to Therapi to get help because the pain in my heart is so intense that I cannot function my apartment looks like a disaster I don’t have ambition I don’t have anything no desire for anything I gave her all my money, and now I need help call mom because I never said NO “ to them I I thought I was doing something good because I wanted to stinks but I was poor, I neglected my life because I have known illusion for nothing everything I did for my kids I did it for love nothing else and now that I am a senior with a lot of fractures and Arthritis, no one helps me no one!!!
I was told by my sister who stole from my dead mother with my brother i was evil. They will project their evil to you and they slways have enablers,spouses and friends
ABSOLUTELY! I knew a woman friend like this. I ended our friendship because of her evil ass ways. Also, I just ended a recent relationship with a male narcissist. He did all this.
@@jccolly it is bad if your social life is around one narcissist. that is why I don't work in an office and I have many social groups that don't know each others. if you invest all your time in one social group and one of them is a narc.😳 I had one narc boss and she can make you become a subject of bully.
They not only hate it when you find out, they actually hate you for it and after it. If eyes could kill I probably would have been dead at least five times. My covert narcissist ex partner is a child in a mature / adult body.
The person I am dealing with is a covert Narcissist/Sociopath. All the love bombing was online then he met me in person. He immediately started to control everything then the pathological lying began. It took a while but once the mask came off the abuse began. He is the most vile and evil subject (sorry but I can't call him human) I have ever met!
Margie Geeb Yes they get scary very scary. Mine discarded my but didn’t leave or divorce me he wants me to do that so he can play the victim to his mommy who discarded him.
@@funlovinbloke6266 they hate you and give you death looks anyway, even before you finding out. They are not 'children', most children are NOTabusive and sadistic.
Omg yes! I literally just asked this in a support group on FB bc now I feel im the narcissistic nc he says I do all these things to him. But ita bc after 14 years im done and he knows he's losing me. So now he's depressed and does the ugly cries but he ao makes me feel awful for it.
Oh no, unless you are a bigger narcissist than them ! No one can come out ahead unless you totally run like hell and have no contact and even then they will ruin your life !!!
However nobody helps in the professional field either you I know he is pure demonic. And you get no support. That is what happened and as a result I lost a whole life except for perhaps 5 years of it and never could move on. I am 73 and it is unbelievable how I got this with absolutely NO FAMILY as he stole it all including my job and anything I worked for.
Amen to that...I mean they exist but not in my realm, not in my circle and I'm very protective of my boundaries, if there is a 3rd party connection that person knows what my boundaries are and not to violate them and they respect my limits
@@lucillecameron Do NOT answer or talk to them. They usually call when their newest victim has or is about to figure them out. I haven't answered a call from mine for 3 yrs now. Even though he's blocked, he can leave a voice mail. Fortunately it's been 8 months since he last tried. Love the peace and quiet.
@@PrimordialChaos07 people may think that is crazy but my sense before I was born was that my mother had lots of anger and didn't want me. When we were out of the womb she made clear that she would have preferred if we had not been born or conceived.
Yes, they attack any of their children who are not 100% submissive sheep. My narc mother got pregnant with me in order to 'secure' and marry my narc/player father. When he cheated again, she got pregnant with my sister to 'secure' him and failed again. When he left her, I got all the abuse from her, sister was golden child (but as an adult got abused too). Narc mother got pregnant again to 'secure' her second husband (who she psychologically abused so much that he got an autoimmune and died). She hates everyone, including all three of her children. MONSTER.
That has been my lifelong experience in my narcissistic family of origin system as the scapegoat. I called them all out when l woke up to the truth of why l have been in emotional pain my whole life. My parents also had hoped l would die in utero, my mom smoked and drank throughout the pregnancy and my father beat her up when l was 8 months in utero.
@@PrimordialChaos07 OH MY GOD, WHAT?!?!? I died for 20 minutes after being born 6 weeks early due to failure to thrive which was due to violence, chaos and traumas i sustained in utero and my mother as well via my father. My mother was also highly abusive to me. I saw through my entire family at a VERY young age. I saw Jesus and He held me and spoke to me. I remember ALL of it. Ever since then, i have fought demons my whole life! I can see them sometimes and even saw the one who made me deathly ill and his name. I fought back in the spirit with Biblical Scripture and i saw a flaming, golden sword in my right hand that was given to me by The Lord i think because i also saw The Bible in my left hand and i was reading from it while i swung My sword on top of the demon. My name is Brandy Carol-Ann and it actually does mean woman wielding a flaming sword singing songs of hymns and praise.....i KNOW they see me and i regularly engage in warfare..... They have tried to kill me since literally day one......
"I feel hurt, so I must hurt you". This is the dangerous reality of living with a narcissist. Because they will always be a victim, they can "feel hurt" by just about anything, which in their damaged minds demands that they hurt you with regularity.
We all learned about narcissists the "hard way". No one on this forum, picked up a book on Narcissism and said: "Hmmm ... I think I'll read this thing cover to cover, so I'll understand what makes them tick." We were all caught blind-sided, by something we couldn't understand, and we never would have believed that people like narcs existed, if we hadn't lived through the Hell of interacting with one.
How about when the narcissist is totally detached once they realize they have been found out. Lies never stop. Silent treatment and detachment is brutal.
@@helenhood5161 I encourage you to start educating your daughter about your sons toxic behaviour and his personality traits. Show her some of these videos on You Tube and teach her what a narcissist is and does. Open her eyes ASAP. Good luck xoxo
@@susanmcguire4664 yes I agree but it's a thousand piece puzzle that she doesn't want to put together.... and yes I have sent them both these links because their father is exactly like this.. they will wake up too late 🤣🤣🤣
Same here when we would go through a breakup (which was always bcus of something he did) he would tell ppl false truths about me and make up stuff about me n other guys. I knew nothing about this until a close friend caught onto his narcissistic ways and approached me about it and I was completely lost smh. ...they have no loyalty and do not know how to love
When I started to realize I was dealing with a narcissist. I wanted to throw up. That is a very dangerous spirit. Im angry with myself because I saw something their from day one. being that I had never encountered it, I thought I was overreacting. I told the narcissist. There was something very dark in him and I could not put my finger on it but there was a side of him his own family doesn't know about. Why did I ignore what I saw in him from day one!? :(
I remember when I first started hanging around him, I got bad feelings in my gut and I just didn’t know why. I even asked him about it. And all he said was “oh yeah?” And left it at that. I’m still not sure whats going on.... if he is a narcissist... if maybe I am a narcissist... I’m just so confused and maybe not letting myself believe the reality. 🥵😰
You've reminded me. The night the penny dropped with me, when he switched from all effort the night before to others & none to me, and I realised he had blatantly & coolly lied to my face, I got ill, felt like I had been kicked in the stomach and was physically sick. Sometimes my intuition & auto body reaction actually know before my brain.
@PJF: I am so sorry that you lost out on a relationship with a good mother. One thing you can do that I've seen other people do is to connect with someone who you respect and admire and who has integrity and have a mother-child type of relationship with them. I've seen people do this and even call the person mom (or dad if it's a dad thing) and it is a very healing thing to do.
Inkdraft that’s like what I have done I couldn’t have a relationship with my mom so I have a really nice friend she says mama to me She really loves me she’s a lot older then my own mom but yeh
Adam Rutherford wow I feel you on that I cut off all family members that bring stress on me I won’t even invite them to my wedding nothing I removed them out
Adam Rutherford you need to really cut off toxic family friends you will heal slowly it takes time I’m still in the process of healing from years of abuse and emotional abuse I wish you the best always put your self first 💓
Once they know you've got them figured out the campaign is on to discredit you to everyone else . The only way they can live with you knowing the truth is to project their behaviour onto you and play the victim themselves .
Barbara Christie -this is true and happening to me right now. The smear campaign will never stop. But I'm not moving. Just removed myself from the equation and disengaged....No turning back.
They always do and get away with everything they have no accountability and cross boundries every single time i know a lier and they are bad cheats leave them for the wolves were already leading the pack
TRUTH! Happening to me the last few years at least, and continues as I type. It is an endless game to them--one that will make the narcissist look WONDERFUL in everyone's eyes, and make YOU look crazy AF, as they continue to manipulate those FM's Those of us that have gone through or going through this could write a book on it, and all the books would sound almost the same, as the narcissists-for the most part-read from the same "playbook". Unfortunately, most people would think that the book is fiction...until/unless they deal with at least one of these nasty individuals.
Is there anything more blissful, than getting the "Silent Treatment" from the narc? Its like they've put the Abuse Battery Pack on the charger for a while, after the battery died.
marshalllhiepler - yep the old silent treatment. Don’t they realize they all do it - just like sheep 🐑. Follow the leader. Nothing original. Same old games over and over. Narcs must stay exhausted with all the gameplay.
@@cathie1234, The reason they all dish out the silent treatment to others as punishment for not responding the way they want them to ... is because that is something that would "punish" them. Narcs need positive feedback from their flying monkeys/social circle to offset the inner hatred and self-doubt they feel about themselves. They have never had sufficient interest in, or cared enough about other people to realize that empaths don't need constant reassurance from the submission of others, to feel good about ourselves. In short; our self-value does not depend upon what others think of us. Let them dish out the silent treatment. It comes as a welcome break from the chaos.
@Be The Change You Want You're right💯 That's why they're serial cheaters because they need CONSTANT ATTENTION. If they feel ignored, they run to others to help fill the void, and you will never be able to satisfy them or make them happy because they are more comfortable living in misery. And they always start hell but once they get stuck in the fire, THEY CRY LIKE BABIES 🤣🤣🤣
I remember standing up for my self for the first time the dude crumbled it flipped he was scared of me usually i am a rough girl but he had me scared idk why...
Your comment made me realize something about my narc. mother! She raised us to NOT BE WEAK!! It was something she was very sensitive about, and since I figured her out we rarely speak- a blessing!! Yes she trashed talked me behind my back, but she always did that so nothing new. I just pray to God one day the others will figure her out too!
OMG!! Over interpreting everything! He said that I was angry (on my birthday) because I was looking down when he took a picture I didn't know he was taking. Pure BS! Another time he arrived late (we were going out for dinner). He caused huge scene and said that I was intentionally "making him wait" and disrespecting his time. Mind you, HE was the one who showed up late. I'm so completely grateful for these videos. Never let your guard down with them. Not even for one second!
@@lisaaromano1 Just one question. All the fases the narcicist goes through during the relationship and all the processes involved, is this done conciously? I mean, are they aware? If the answer is yes it means she already knew our relationship was doomed from the start? I hope the answer is no cause I cannot comprehend how someone can be this evil?
7 weeks no contact...(very hard time in my life, was left for dead and emotionally drained out).. this week I Started to get bombarded with private number missed calls. .. I didn't answer. Then she shows her number (thinking I would answer) . .. but I haven't answered.. now she is texting me saying we need to talk.. IV still not replied and blocked her. I'm trying to keep up the No Contact rule, but they seem to find a way to get to you.. These vids help A LOT to get you through. Thanks and stay strong people 💪💪..
When you start to realize and they know you are realizing... they find someone else. Most will be in a serious relationship within a few weeks of the breakup.
I figured my mother's scam out in the 80's, and I was inevitably treated badly. The smart money is on working it out, and gracefully making an exit, without causing a fuss. These demons will displace their guilt straight onto you. Good luck out there!
@@GeorgideMarne Well done! I foolishly left it until 46. ( I left at 16, but kept a 'relationship' of sorts.) Love, patience, and naive hope was waiting for a never arriving change. I hope others take action swiftly, like you. Have a great day. 👍✔
@@MH-cv5ye I have very low contact now for the last 12 years or so, and the fact that I figured it out early protected me from really toxic encounters since then. Some crappy bosses here and then, but not catastrophic losses, thank God The issue is that the majority of people do not recognize their behaviour promptly and I'm put in a difficult position of explaining myself or to them what's happening... arghhh so frustrating.. Good for you too and best of luck 🍀🌸
Unfortunately most children are not yet able to cover up their insight, and too insecure to realize they can live without parental support of some kind. You were somehow very smart.
Married a full on narcissist. He and his whole family were exhausting and rude. When I showed my distaste for their BS, I was blackballed, cheated on, smeared, and basically everything that you have described. Thank you for clarifying all of their behaviors. It truly helps and lessons the mystery behind these evil, sad people.
Get out while you can these people are for real and they will destroy you if they can almost done me in 2 years ago I'm still healing from it one day at a time.
Hello Lisa. This entire video is EXACTLY what I was dealing with. Not knowing then what I know now, I fought back and actually printed out a list of Narcissistic traits and sent it to him!! Looking back now, that was a mistake because he went ballistic!!! He tried to destroy my chances of getting a house and bringing my kids with me. He was ruthless!!!!! One time he put his fist through the wall in front of me and my son because the heat in the house was too high. I was ready to start a fist fight with him but my son held me back. That was the only altercation that we had in front of my son and regret it. I screamed at him to pack his back and get the 'f' out of the house. He already had new supply and was coming and going through to week to see his girlfriend which was humiliating and painful to myself and my kids. It was a very difficult time and I strongly suggest anyone reading this to quietly leave and take your kids. Don't reveal what you are doing!!!!
Kathy Bradley yeah me too, my narc just got our only Son taken away by CPS! I now spend every moment I am awake trying and fighting this evil court with a nasty judge who hates me trying to get our boy back. My life is crumbling, I can’t pay my bills, this narc is telling social media that I should slice my wrists, the boy is drifting farther away from me and when I DO get to speak to him ON THE PHONE, he is constantly asking me mama how many days till I come home? I can feel my heart breaking, just like HE wanted. A narcissist should be taken out into a dark alley, mercilessly sodomized by skinheads then dragged to the Desert and laid out on a rock to be pecked at by birds!
@Amber: I am so sorry you are going through all that. I went through it too. Many years ago when there was not much help. You will win this battle: I won by using my love for my kids as my motivating force. I learned to stonewall the narc. I learned to present myself in court as a stable, rational person not easily rattled by the narc. If you learn the techniques you will find that because of you maintaining control the narc will not be able to control himself even in public and will start falling apart in public thus revealing himself to others. You will prevail.
Raised by a narcissist mother. Realized way too late that I had not been running from narcs because it felt familiar, and I had fallen for the blame she always put on me.
I am literally living this right now. After a year of dating and being pushed towards marriage, I finally put my foot down that the next tantrum was it for me. So of course as he was ripping his clothes from the closet, telling me I'm nothing to lose, telling me everyone told him I was bad news...I told myself...NO MORE. After his tantrum, of course he felt the need to reach out and remind me it was my fault. I never responded. We are on day 4 of the silent treatment. The relief I have is knowing other people have experienced this same thing and I'm not crazy!
I am 30, 2 years ago i confronted my father ., now i Just ignored him, i feel better out of his emotional tirany. Now i realize that i never had a father.
@@gabrielegarcia358 the pain Is forever (low steem, insegurity etc) I just want tô break this Evel chain and be diferent with my son, because my "father " was abandoned and mistreated by my grandfather.
There is no self reflection, remorse, or accountability for their abusive actions When you dare to react and call them out ,hold them accountable ,and at very least expect to hear an apology for their abuse the abuse only gets worse as I had to deal with for years with my malignant npd ex husband .he would gaslight and project his guilt Onto me or my children, smear my name, triangulate with my children or my family and friends, then he would manipulate, twist and reframe the facts to make himself the consummate victim.ultimately like clockwork he would then ramp up his abuse to punish me for reacting to his constant abuse that I couldn’t take anymore
Nancy Elizabeth Grady I made him call my kids to tell them about the violence. Made him tell his twin brother & he said “ the other reason we broke up” no the only reason. was gonna marry him in 6 months! Thank the good lord from up above! My alcoholic father told me when I told him “ it’s not a big deal, it didn’t hurt that bad & wasn’t his problem. Cool I’m moving out of state. Alzheimer’s or dementia saturated in scotch. Sad life for them
@Abisola Abiodun Correct! When dealing with them there are two absolutes to always keep front-and-center in our minds: Nothing they say is the truth. Even if they say something nice, it is all theater, it isn't meant at all, it's just a ploy -- a way to manipulate you to try to get attention for themselves. The other absolute is that everything they say is in service of themselves and nothing more! They can try and hard sell you on some stupid plan they've cooked up and always it will be a way to slough off work so they don't have to do it, or whatever it turns out to be, you can be sure they stand to do a whole lot better than you will if you agree to buy whatever they're selling.
Your ex husband sounds a lot like my former NMIL. She did all that and more. I have NEVER met a more selfish, disrespectful & arrogant senior citizen than that woman.
No one understands that when this type of relationship dynamic ends it is not just an end to a relationship which in itself is something balanced normal people have to do when a relationship ends so every person on this planet grieves a relationship ending we have to sort of grieve a death, an illusion, a trick, childhood pain and the realization this has always been your life its a hardship like no other.
After a 15 year relationship, 8 years of marriage with a covert narcopath, she did the discard. I found out she was having affairs, she quit her job in Los Angeles, had a new job and home in San Francisco within a month. We had to sons one biological son12 years old and the other was hers from a previous relationship he was 17 at the time and with her. I found out about cluster b personality the week after i confronted her. I actually tried to get her to go to a psychiatric hospital because it stated online they should go immediately for borderline. I didn't know too much information on the subject at that time. She moved out left with with my son, afraid, distraught and sad. I was parental alienated in my own home, my career was in ruins, lost my business friends and family. now I know I'm an INFJ, Super Empath and I grew up in an alcolic/drug addicted (dad) and narc (mom). Thank Lisa and others online for having this information available. I would have been truly lost. I keep bumping into these types and had to cut off people who are like this. My son is 17 doing better tan ever, still has some of her traits but he's incredible. I'm still working on me, trying to get my life back on track.
@@djmidas7 I'm lucky I didn't know had suspicions but didn't know the full extent of my ex antics if you can even call them that up until after his death. I grieved for this person I was in love with it took me years to get over things then when I started to sort of move on best I could every despicable thing he had ever done fell right into my lap. Most people in here have codependent issues which you'll know having looked into the cluster b personality type codependency is a cluster c personality type. I never felt this fitted my life until I found out about AVPD which is avoidant personality disorder. This disorder sits with codependency and some others in the cluster c type. This is who I am avpd I also test as an infj I have always been very introverted and weighed down by life. Until I found my hidden infj side and I realized I could keep living this life were people take from me or I can stand up and say hell no this is my life. This was a long road for me so many twists and turns. Coming to recognize who he was who I was who my family were and who I have in and around my life. I took steps to do what I needed in aid of healing and understanding what I still even to this day don't fully understand you are just left with conclusions and this is when you realize closure comes from within. I had a lot people around me try make me feel guilty for standing up and doing what I had to they still now even try it. This is when I recognized I had a lot of either cluster b types or cluster c types around me. The b types would guilt me back into submission and the c types would shame me in to it. Both sides not realizing how unhealthy they actually are. Because I have avpd its easy for me to step away from people I'm not codependent I've spent my entire life always alone desperate for a connection this is similar to codependent types just takes a different form similar to how narc and borderline can do hand in hand. I have had to like you just cut people out and in doing so I have not only understood so much about people and myself with my disorders this had helped me heal quicker helped me to understand get over this and find that balance. My son which I had with my ex narc only had me well me as I guess the most functional family member in his life and I'll be damned if Im going to let him go down the same path as me or worse same path as his disgusting father. It's hard like I said it's a hard ship like to other people think because my ex is dead I should now be over it and let things go. That I'm not allowed to process the impact he's left on my life in the aftermath of finding out truly who he really is and what he's really done to me and his son. I get the same treatment from his mother like I'm talking I'll of a dead person she doesn't realize and now knowing who she really is she won't ever admit to how her son really is, he's untouchable in her eyes I think he always was but even more so now she can't cope with him being dead. There mother son narc on narc relationship was creepily incestuous well from an emotional and mental stand point. So I'm glad I've seen everything in its entirety through and through but it's been a long hard never ending road I'm still currently walking and it's been some years now. Just know things do get better, you got this and if you ever want to chat I'm here. 💜
You guys are so courageous for living with them for around years. I’ve been married to a narcissist for 2 years now and since I decided that I’m getting a divorce I feel so much better, I feel free. I’m so lucky that I wasn’t destroyed to the core, that I still had the ability to discern his crazy behavior.
...when u vent to a friend or family member about the narc and they say "oh, please, you have a nice house and cars with him." WTF? Terrifying is your own family/friends deny the narc abuse. 😥 I can't fn get a break... :(
A lot of people thought my former NMIL was a saint (mostly because she was elderly, but she always put her best foot forward in front of them) except 1 neighbor who saw her as she was.
Growing up in a family with narc parents will also have you being a huge magnet for those people in adulthood. I’m 25, almost 26, and recovering from a life full of narc abuse and I’m realizing after years of reading about all of this and experiencing several partners who were this way what I’ve been doing to myself keeping these relationships. It’s heartbreaking because I have no family history of Crohns and this is definitely why I have Crohns...abuse...I’m so grateful you’ve made these resources available to us via TH-cam. Thank you.
After my ex saw my changed expression when he went on his psycho tirades, he eventually gave up on that and started the smear campaigns. He filed for divorce. The best thing he ever did for me.
OMG, that is so TRUE!!!!!!!! When I "accidentally" came across what a narcissist was and started reading and reading and reading....I then realized who/what I had been dealing with for three and a half years. I thought back on everything he told me about each of his failed past relationships with women and how they each betrayed him or hurt him in some way where he was always the victim, and this light bulb came on in my head when I realized that 'everything' he told me about himself was one big lie. I think I even forgot to breathe in that moment because there was a tragedy involving one of his ex's and it made me shudder to think that it probably really was his fault after all (indirectly). And then I felt sick like someone had kicked me in the stomach or something. It was truly unbelievable, Lisa!! I'm so glad I had the courage to leave and not look back! What's that saying.... when God delivers you from evil, don't keep in touch!! Yeah. Thank you for your insight!!!!!!!!
Yep my ex wife ran like a rat in daylight when I figured her out. All it took was stopping her deflecting in an argument she started and refocusing the direction in what the problem was. After doing that she suddenly wanted to stop arguing then ran off shortly after. During arguments she resorted to low blows like I don’t care about nor take care of my kids or you’re a manipulative person and big abuser(accusing others of what she’s guilty of) When it was apparent I wasn’t falling for it she knew she lost. Her cowardice and fleeing was the best thing for me. I’m getting better now each day. I been no contact even though she’s broke into my house and attempted a second time then tries to text and offer nice things like watching the dog if I’m gone and other good deeds which are hollow with an ulterior motive behind it
LOL!!! OMG! I burst out laughing at this, Nerd's World NYC! Thanks for the chuckle, this is stated so perfectly, hahaha (I'm still laughing). The imagery I've been working with lately to entertain myself is this one: "I'd like to slap the features right off of her face!" (And here's the kicker: She's my therapist!)
Exactly what she does/did to me until I went no contact. She will never apologize and I will never see her again. I don't feel sad because she has no empathy for me.
Skelet3n -remember- “rocks have no life “, walk away, never look back, and never forget the truth of who you are and the lessons you have learned.God bless you.
Important to note "grief" is different for everyone individually. You're form seems (in this case) more anger than sadness. It's okay to let yourself be angry as you move from the denial through to acceptance... so you CAN accept the whole of the experience, including your shortcomings for not seeing through the lies before they got too tangled and obvious. There may yet be a period of sadness, not for ending it, but for the waste of time and energy of it all to end up back to "single at square one". BUT it's important to work it out and forgive yourself being human... and thereby flawed. Accepting that is some of the hardest part, though. We like to think we've got a "good bead on things" in spite of ourselves... and there's no reliable and repeatable way to "cold read" someone for lying. It all requires backstory and context, and getting to know them first... even a little bit. ;o)
My Ex narcissist called my office saying if I can help her with her CV I said No. She said she wanna talk I said no. I told my director to call her and advise her never to call my office again or else the police will be called. She hasn't called again. I'm free.
That is so true. Once you know what you're dealing with, the healing is so much easier and you've hit all the nails on the head with what they do and how they act. Yes this video has definitely helped.
We run in dimly lit circles only turning to find ourselves. (Octavio Paz) Shame you won't search for your moment of injury and just embrace it until the driving hurt in your life dissolves.
If you are a narc please help me. 1 Do they really know themselves they are evil? 2 Does a narc ever wake up and realize they are sick? Does a narc know they are a narc?
Hello Miss Lisa. So the most incredible situation appeared. I was at the ER with HIM and he starts saying that I am really loving and he stated sweet words all about me to the the nurse and Doctors. He said that I am the most loving and caring women and that he adores me to the moon. I was astonished. Then I realized that he was performing. Wow. This happens often out in public. He show's off attempting to appear as a loving Man.
Right on the head !!! Left him!! He wasn’t physically abusive but he was everything else!! I left him. Never again it was hard but you are right once I was aware what he was I healed n moved on!!! Yesssss never again🙌🏾
Lol, I crack up every time I see the likes and dislikes (thumbs up and thumbs down) on these extremely informative videos. My immediate thought when looking at anyone that disliked this video? Clearly unhealthy abusive/narcissistic/personality disordered people that are in fear that this person has given out this information to help people in protecting themselves are the ONLY people who are 'disliking' this video!
Lisa Romano; you’re statement; “I’m hurt I hurt you” literally just integrated seven years of educating myself about toxic a profound understanding of all of it!!!!! I’m super grateful!!! 💕
If we are friends then I would appreciate not to be called names etc as if one is your friend you don't call those you love names If you call somebody names you are either childish (a child) or you are not friends. You can not call somebody names and then consider yourselves to be friends. Then you don't need haters if you have such friends amongs so called friends. Friends respect each other not bully each other or use mobbing in a friendly way. For a good cause or out of goodness of your heart. If somebody is bullying is not a friend, but a child or a silly person. I understand in primary school 30 years ago children might had been nasty, but I think we are wiser now and teach our children this is not acceptable. You can't bully me and think am going to hug you, I wouldn't recomend it but try to bully those close to you like your mother or your dad see what happends.
This really hit home. I’m 4 months out of a 14-year relationship with a narcissist. He moved on a week later with a woman from his work. I’m having s difficult time focusing on me. Thank you for this video!
Speaking personally, This is true, I am a narcissist. And it’s really hard because I thought for the longest time I had a personality disorder it took me years of going to my psychologist to try and open up because i couldn’t stop lying about what was wrong, & they all thought I was sane, which is crazy because I would go home and cry. Ever since I went I just felt as if I was learning more narcissistic behavior more than getting help. And to this day I don’t know what to do, all I know is that for the first time in forever I am in a serious relationship in which has led me to be honest and it’s scary because I’m trying to change and to do that I had to tell them every detail about my self. But at the end of the day i am happy that someone cares for me and makes me feel like I don’t have to be defensive about my self, so if anyone is a narcissist out there, please get help and try letting more people in. It’s not as bad as it seems & not everyone is trying to hurt you
Are You a male or a female? How is Your relationship going? Do You feel Love - I mean REAL Love to Your partner? And for how long did You have being in this relationship? A lot of questions came up in my mind when You write that You are a narcissist - and that You also go to a physiologist - who told You to do that? Why I'm asking? ... cause I'm one of all those people who is a victim of that abuse a narc give his (or hers) victim. For 12 years. I'm free and singel now. Please answer my questions - I really want to know how a narc is thinking and their minds and purpose of abusing.
The mask started to slip, I was asking too many questions and finding holes in the stories, so he loved me one day and then discarded me the next for someone who he met online through Facebook. She’s a random person who lives across the country who is his new “soulmate”. Coming to the realization about all of this has been soul crushing, but I’m healing thanks to videos like this that show me that he is textbook malignant narc. Thank you.
So many trigger points for me in this video. Once it ended, I wrote 6.5 pages in my journal. It brought up the anger that I hadn't resolved yet from my triangulation. It brought up the hurt of being stonewalled before I discovered the cheating...all the stuff I suffered before realizing what he even was. 😭 Thank you for all your guidance Lisa!
That explains everything I experienced with a circle of friends. When I realized that she is a covert narc and I wanted her out of the group all hell broke lose. I went no contact immediately. I lost all of my „friends“. It was a lonely time. I had to go no contact with everybody. But found lots of her former victims who became new friends. I know she hates it. When I see her I just laugh at her and walk away. It makes her livid. 😁
Must be careful when you make "new friends" that may have been victims of the narcissist. Some of they may not be who they claim to be, and are just a flying monkey for the narc, feeding the narc info about you. That way the narc still has that "control", but it will appear they have NOTHING to do with you or that person. I know that sounds paranoid, but trust me, it happens!
I can so relate to "Why'd you put the mustard there!?"...I'm like wtf????? They project and get paranoid because I blatantly tell him he's Narcissist...and I tell him why...
I just experienced extreme pain after discovering my mother gave all of my siblings inheritance money and gave me nothing. She paid me back money I used to pay her bills and gave my siblings a lovely gift. The pain of knowing I have been rejected in this way has been excruciating. I am now on the path to changing my name and exiting their lives forever. When I discovered this and some vile comments about me they, of course, turned it around and accused me. It has been so painful. I had no idea these people I grew up with had the capacity to be this cruel.
The degree to which you feel that pain is what you can turn into strength. Yes, I honor your pain most sincerely as I have experienced a similar rejection, and you must recognize the gift you have been given: to learn who among your kith and kin you can trust and who you can't; to learn to discern a little better who are friends you can trust and who are not, be they family or not. My point is, you can build upon this and grow stronger from it in time and I wish you every success in the world with that.
I hope you can move into a knowing that your true inheritance comes from God, and then it can and does. Same thing happened to me. Narc borderline sister, meaner than a junkyard dog. The Universe can set right the scales of justice when you become less attached. It can be really hard to do. I meditate and listen to healing music frequencies. Namaste. 🙏🏼
@@karenhartman9774 Thank you for your reply. I have been in solid prayer now for a few weeks and am feeling the darkness lift. I also took Lisa's course last year which was amazing. She just recently posted about lying and narcissists and how they calm themselves by lying. I calm myself with resolve and knowing the truth. She explained my situation to a tee. I am grateful for all of her knowledge. Exposing how so many of us end up in these situations will hopefully, one day, make for a better world. Bless you.
This happened to me more than once [now that I think my brother who is violent is one of them then next my ex I dated short time a serious manipulator and dangerous narc,] several times b/c this kind of behavious is everywhere as if its spread by a storm, as if its popular or some kind of hit and I don't see anything positive about it , and I don't know who was causing drama (now that am thinking about it provably my own blood, my brother), probably people I know men who are sexualy involved with all women in town and if they don't sleep with him he speaks angrly and says bad words about them , my brother. Kj kj i Know first hand , my one year older brother . Sad Cause narcs all around us and they are allowed everything and they are humiliating and dangerous Some are non violent others are angry and violent some just have big mouth but otherwise not dangerous however the other narcs are dangerous specially the licking kind I just gave my resignation and left my post maybe is not the best way or only way but is one of the options that one can do when harrassted by evil individual who has sometimes many supoeters and their tormenting and bullying can take years Better take drugs instead than sociolize with this humiliating silly crowd if you have that choice Now come to think of it probably some big and growing narcis because they have many choice of women they sleep with and get emotionaly attached to, and if one cryed wolf even if am his birth sister be sure I'll feel his anger and strength 😚👍
This is spot on!! We have never once had a fulfilling relationship conversation. Each time I begin to communicate my perspective, the rage and escape comes on light a light switch. She will throw a million viscous insults and often subliminal insults and when I respond to them calmly and call her out, she immediately leaves the room, goes into the guest room and locks the door, and twists the scenario as if she needs to escape my abuse for defending myself. It is so predictable. So sad and I am tired of it. How can it ever get better if she doesn't even allow any honest self reflection? THIS SUCKS! SHE INFURIATES ME!!!
When my malignant narc mother sensed i was finally an independant person with a baby, ( at 31 ) she went into the rage, got my golden child brother and codependant father, along with her, giving the orders, to physically attack me. My father threw me through a window. I had done nothing but gotten married and have a baby. Thank foodness i survived. I didn't go to the police. I didn't know. I ran away. 20 years later, far away from them i started understanding . I am 56 and still studying NPD, doumg my own therapy, you, dear Lisa, are part of it thank you
I feel very sorry for all the enabling I did when I was my narcissist’s new source of narcissistic supply and I enabled her in her smear campaign against her ex-supply. I’ve now been discarded and she’s found her new supply and the new smear campaign has begun. She is saying the same things about me she said about her ex-supply and that’s when I new this was a pattern.
Thank you Lisa , wish I knew this information years ahead of damaging my life ,mentally, physically, emotionally and financially. I don't care about the opinion of others , because those who knew me didn't believe him and those who were new didnt know me , so their judgment doesn't effect me anyway. Thank you again for being such a LIGHT in the life of so many BEAUTIFUL SOULS whose share in the relationship is just being an innocent ,naive, kind hearted human being. ♥️🇨🇦
I m going throguh it. 2 months in and I m exposing her. She smear campaigned me and lied when I literally been an amazing guy to her. So I had to protect my integrity. She's tripping and terrified now lol
You question someone's fishy behavior, then they call you crazy. One thing that's difficult is accepting this person is a narcissist when you love/loved this person. Complicated.
Grieving has been the hardest part for me. To realize this person really never loved me. He was with me to use me and take everything he could from me. I've known him for over 50 years and we were together for 10. When I finally woke up to who he really is, a flood of memories to situations that took place started to make sense. I finally got out of denial, took off my rose colored glasses and saw what was really happening. I'm grateful today that I see. All those times he'd be mad at me when I didn't do anything to create his reactions. He'd walk away as I stood there confused. He projected all of his shame that he felt onto me. I'm now loving myself more and more everyday. I'm still experiencing "ah ha" moments about my relationship. I really needed to make sense of this so that I wouldn't blame myself for all of it. I needed to look at what part I had in all of this so that whatever was his "stuff" I didn't carry with me. Everyday I see more clearly. It's giving me peace of mind...I'm getting my life back. Thank you
Dee Fraijo that is what is my toughest thing to make piece with! Truly! ...26 years!! How could I be so fooled? And I BELIEVED HIM! I was a free ride & rarely made him accountable. My bad totally. But never in my life! Had I been around or dealt with someone like him! I was so naive, so clueless & thought the whole world held the same moral compass as I did! I was so wrong & I have paid for it! I grieve lost “love”, my self worth , I grieve my dignity, I grieve the time I lost and the opportunity to have had a REAL RELATIONSHIP! I fear at this point... I never will. I can’t blame or get angry... I made the choices. It just took a lot of wasted time, emotions, hurt & humiliation to get here now!
Dee Fraijo ..25 years of my life... gone. And he has no remorse, grief , pain. He to this minute still is trying to “take” from me & getting angry & blaming... he’s out of the house for now, & every day I realize more & more WTH has been happening..I’m ashamed, relieved & know..IM NOT CRAZY! ...if COVID was not a factor I think I could release & move on faster. Maybe? But I still have to be easy on myself because I don’t know how I was so manipulated, used & abused?
Mine was a 50 year marriage that ended with his death from cancer. The hardest part was trying to understand why I stayed. I'm not weak, I always had an underlying sense of who I was, but maybe I thought with patience and understanding (50 years) I could change him. Well we all know how that worked out. However, in my usual pragmatic way, I realize that because emotionally and physically I was so alone, I could develop new talents that were mine alone. If my relationship had been more normal, perhaps these talents would never have come to light. I identify with everything you experienced and felt. BUT, I am grateful, that I am a healthy active senior, with knowledge and success of my own doing. I feel like I'm starting over, a new beginning. And as you say, I also still have "ah ha" moments but I am determined to live life to the fullness, and that is a gift.
Lisa is 100% right the best thing that can happen is the narcissist to leave. My narcissist ex wife left but not before she totally smeared my name in circles all around town. Meryl Streep had nothing on her. But all I can say is the day after she left I woke up and shouted hallelujah. It was the best gift she could have given me. They say that narcissistic abuse is like death by a thousand cuts. I was on cut 999. If you are dealing with a narcissist know one thing and take it to the bank... There is no cure there is no getting better. I have never heard of a single person ever say my husband or wife or mother or whatever who is a narcissist and now they are much better. I didn't want to believe it and no person in a relationship with a narcissist wants to believe it but it's absolutely true. Hallelujah she left.
They don't change. They actually get worse.And as they age they start to decompensate and isolate themselves as they lose their charm power , they get even more manipulative. I've seen a few in rest homes behaving very badly
Mine dragged the couch outside, chopped it up and burnt it while I was out at the grocery store. The reason... I asked him again why he slept on the couch for 5 years 😳 it was time for me to go!
I ghosted him. When I realized I was dealing with a monster. And the only thing left was a life insurance policy. I ran, left everything behind and started over with everything
I have read that narcissists were wounded, neglected and abused in some form as early as todlers and had to fend for and constantly protect themselves from an untrusted world.
Yes, they have some sort of trauma in their past.... however, MANY of us that had same situation when we were young did not turn out to be EVIL narcissists.
Sometimes it is imagined behavior and exaggerated because they have a sense of incompetance that they do not want to deal with , many of us didnt have ideal life situations growing up, but we decided to forge a new path, some people internalize and harbour resentment which is bad for their own soul, we cannot rationalize unacceptable behaviour putting into a catargory of childhood abuse, lots of narcissist were never abused they just have a complex.
Regina Droces Three marriage counselors advised me to run do not walk run in the opposite direction away from this man the marriage cannot be saved. One counselor even told me to leave the office by the back door walk across the parking lot to a nearby building and call a taxi and MOVE to a different house to hide. She gave me pamphlets about support groups and advised me to seek help in moving on and healing. This was my first meeting with the counselor on my own, our first session had been together as a couple. I followed her advice (she was counselor number three, he fired the other counselors after a couple of sessions). I didn’t realize that I was in physical danger but others saw it. She told me he was so wounded that it would take a decade of therapy to help him but he would first have to realize that he needed help. Yes, he was a wounded as a toddler but I needed a real relationship and personal safety.
This kinda reminds me of this guy I went on like one date with in college. He said he would call, and then didn't call for a couple months. When he did call, I ignored it because who does that? Then I happened to see him out and about, and he actually yelled at me for not returning his call! I just gave him a strange look and kept on walking.
I agree with everything you have shared and I have gone through a living long term nightmare, where words cannot encapsulate the experience.
It was truly painful; I’m still recovering from the experience when she left suddenly and abruptly.
Its only a little over a year and a half; felt like 5 years of going through an emotional “M.F.” in a Ninja blender.
Just “Grieving” is an understatement in my book; I felt like I was on a bungie cord hanging over the Grand Canyon where every time I climbed back up to the top, the narcissist was waiting to push me back off.😬
My divorce went through back in October 2019, and I lost quite a bit financially. She tried to ruin me in every way. The smear campaigns of hers was cruel and very damaging.
I’m still picking up the pieces and have lost over 99% of the people I knew for years. She Isolated
me pretty well, even my kin.
I have had a lot of alone time. Started of miserably, but have gotten use to it. I’m doing the inner work, yet still have a long road ahead. She sought to isolate me; however it was blessing in disguise, i was able to focus on myself and start the long road to recovery. It takes one day at a time.
Trauma bonds are not easy to recover from at all; down right “sucks!”
Thanks for your wonderful and well prepared videos!!!! If I ever get to meet you one day....I would love to take you and your husband out to dinner. Your work has helped me to survive and do the work to recover my mind. I have escaped and survive a narcissist, now I’m headed to thriving.
Thanks, and Namaste! 🤩
I appreciate your story and your triumphs as well. I am so sorry this has been your experience. Thank you for the dinner invitation too!
I'm still suffering and recovering even after separation, divorce and his death for almost 2 decades.
Wishing you a full and speedy recovery. You are born again , start from scratch, be thankful for being left by her. YOU ARE NEVER ALONE, BE STRONG. THIS SHALL PASS.
🙏🤲♥️🇨🇦
Troll Troller I am so sorry for the loss of your mother♥️ glad you are doing the work. You are worth it💖💖💖
Yellow Bird....your story really resonates with me on a soul level. My story is so similar. Your analogy regarding grieving being an understatement was so spot on. TH-cam videos like these were my saving grace. Nobody GETS IT unless they have personally experienced it. Reading the comments from so many survivors brave enough to talk about thier experience was what kept me from loosing my mind, and helped tremendously in my healing journey. It was and at times continues to be an epic mind f**k. I am over a year into my healing journey and I am beyond grateful for these videos. I believe learning as much as possible about this disorder is KEY to surviving it. I wish you the best on your healing journey. ❤
David Christ so happy for you! Keep knowing you are worth it! It feels good being me😍🥳💖💓💓💓
Once I found out I was in a narcissist relationship I no longer looked at him as a human but a demon on an assignment!
Speaking the name of Jesus has helped me so much, Ephesians 6 is very real right now because Jesus is about to start the tribulation period. God bless ❤️
That's how I see the narc as a demon.
Same.
Yes! I call mine Demon Spawn
Yes! Same I see them as demons
Yep the hardest part is grieving something that was an illusion and never really existed. One big fat lie!
Thank you for putting how I feel into words.
LilN3qu1 7 years a lie. Now 4 months later hes dating some co worker🙃💔
LilN3qu1 you’re right. The ILLUSION, is daunting. But I am so thankful I am learning and so thankful for all the support and survivors out there. Not falling for them anymore!! Xo God bless everyone out there suffering don’t ever give up 🌻
LilN3qu1 It really is like a death. Today I’m mourning the loss of the future she promised me on our wedding day 17 months ago. I loved someone who never really existed and I am devastated. 4 1/2 years before the mask slipped and I can’t pretend I didn’t see it. My wife knows I know and is so emotionally abusive. My heart is screaming out for the person I believed she was. My whole sense of reality is screwy at the moment.
Tabitha Jarzynka I know that exact feeling. I’m 3 years removed and everyday it becomes a faded memory. There’s still triggers from other people but I’m getting adjusted. What you thought was real wasn’t and soon you’ll adjust or have patience with yourself. It’s a hard road but we all get there and work towards healing ourselves. Be guided🤗
Oh my goodness. That moment you realize you were never in a relationship.
Just realizing this after 17yrs
When they disappear- that’s the trash taking itself out to the curb. Consider yourself lucky.
@Descola Bandz Everything about a narc causes stress and anxiety - just sometimes it more obvious which of their behaviors is causing it. YOU have to let THEM go. Nothing good will come from keeping the sick dance going. Best wishes..
TBD 😹
My favorite kind of problem is one that takes care of itself
Yup😊
TRD , that is so true , you are lucky to get away from them
The narcissist's worst nightmare is a well-informed survivor. You have done an amazing job informing, teaching and validating. Well done.
Definitely. Also, they are mortified that ns come on contact with you, even though the narcissist has long before discarding you smear campaigned against you to discredit you in the future.
I agree x
The worst is when they play the victim. Opposite to raging is dramatic crying.
Oh yes, the covert aggression! My ex used to cry like a baby telling me how an evil person I was for not wanting him in my life... After 6 years of no contact he is writing me emails saying I am destroying him!!
I had a friend who did this - vascilated from rage to histrionic tears. Exiting that friendship was like leaving a cult.!
Ughhh the yelling and name calling then a lightswitch to crying. So annoying and makes me disgusted.
Dude how about both😳😳😳pray for me.hes crazy AF
@@mamlas9494 I am a mother and I wasn’t born with privilege, I have a daughter who is destroying my life doing everything to help me, I am really very 😢 i’m going to Therapi to get help because the pain in my heart is so intense that I cannot function my apartment looks like a disaster I don’t have ambition I don’t have anything no desire for anything I gave her all my money, and now I need help call mom because I never said NO “ to them I I thought I was doing something good because I wanted to stinks but I was poor, I neglected my life because I have known illusion for nothing everything I did for my kids I did it for love nothing else and now that I am a senior with a lot of fractures and Arthritis, no one helps me no one!!!
Narcissism is EVIL- DON'T EVER FORGET THAT!
My ex insulted me and had a toxic behaviour for no reason
I was told by my sister who stole from my dead mother with my brother i was evil. They will project their evil to you and they slways have enablers,spouses and friends
You so right they very evil
You can't
And they never change
When you call them out..and they give you the academy award act
This has been the last two years of my LIFE. Wow!!!
Anytime I set a boundary with my mom.
Oh yes. I'm so frantic and over dramatize EVERYTHING.
Sad but true!!!!!
Big facts
for narcissist, you are either being manipulated or you are their enemies. very sick, they don't build relationships. 🤮
ABSOLUTELY! I knew a woman friend like this. I ended our friendship because of her evil ass ways. Also, I just ended a recent relationship with a male narcissist. He did all this.
My mom has no relationships left with friends or family.
Yes if your not serving them...they are gone...no friendship
Totally agree. Going through this now. I'm public enemy #1 because I want out of this cycle of foolishness!
@@jccolly it is bad if your social life is around one narcissist. that is why I don't work in an office and I have many social groups that don't know each others. if you invest all your time in one social group and one of them is a narc.😳 I had one narc boss and she can make you become a subject of bully.
They hate being found out. They get worse in my case. But I have learned to NOT react.
They not only hate it when you find out, they actually hate you for it and after it. If eyes could kill I probably would have been dead at least five times. My covert narcissist ex partner is a child in a mature / adult body.
The person I am dealing with is a covert Narcissist/Sociopath. All the love bombing was online then he met me in person. He immediately started to control everything then the pathological lying began. It took a while but once the mask came off the abuse began. He is the most vile and evil subject (sorry but I can't call him human) I have ever met!
Margie Geeb Yes they get scary very scary. Mine discarded my but didn’t leave or divorce me he wants me to do that so he can play the victim to his mommy who discarded him.
@@funlovinbloke6266 they hate you and give you death looks anyway, even before you finding out. They are not 'children', most children are NOTabusive and sadistic.
If I could escape from this ex I would do so immediately. Unfortunately I can't.
This should be thought in High
School it would save people
So much pain
Faxxx G
Why dont they like taking you anywhere?
Right instead they taught us bullshit
arizona dreaming because you don’t take sea shells to the beach
And that is A fact
Dealing with people like this will have you so screwed up, you’ll question rather your a narcissist or not smh
Yes, it is like that, no kidding.
SERIOUSLY. I’ve watched soooo many videos on TH-cam that have helped me realize the truth though
You are 100% correct
They don't care. It becomes obvious. They only care if they want something from you.
Omg yes! I literally just asked this in a support group on FB bc now I feel im the narcissistic nc he says I do all these things to him. But ita bc after 14 years im done and he knows he's losing me. So now he's depressed and does the ugly cries but he ao makes me feel awful for it.
Sometimes the narcissist needs to be careful who they mess with. They might not like the can of whip ass they opened. 👊
FACTS💯
WORD. ;)
Boom
Oh no, unless you are a bigger narcissist than them !
No one can come out ahead unless you totally run like hell and have no contact and even then they will ruin your life !!!
@@rnupnorthbrrrsm6123 Affidavits work wonders for exposing dirty narcs. forever on record.
When my ex-husband saw that I saw him for what he was, it was like watching a demon possessed psycho.
That is exactly what they are!!
@@mamlas9494 Amen
That's what exactly they're. "DEMONIC"
YES
However nobody helps in the professional field either you I know he is pure demonic. And you get no support. That is what happened and as a result I lost a whole life except for perhaps 5 years of it and never could move on. I am 73 and it is unbelievable how I got this with absolutely NO FAMILY as he stole it all including my job and anything I worked for.
Narcissism, gaslighting, and gangstalking should be in everyone's knowledge base in 2020.
100%
You could add wake the eff up
Indeed.
AND THESE NARCISSISTS SHOULD BE SHAMED AND CANCELED. Let us start with Trump. Lol.
this is what I teach my kids now. break the cycle.
When the narcissist is gone is the amazing part!
Are they ever really gone? Phoning once a year to rekindle is not gone 😒😒
@Ale A- Yes!
So true. When they leave, it's the best.
Amen to that...I mean they exist but not in my realm, not in my circle and I'm very protective of my boundaries, if there is a 3rd party connection that person knows what my boundaries are and not to violate them and they respect my limits
@@lucillecameron Do NOT answer or talk to them. They usually call when their newest victim has or is about to figure them out. I haven't answered a call from mine for 3 yrs now. Even though he's blocked, he can leave a voice mail. Fortunately it's been 8 months since he last tried. Love the peace and quiet.
I think the kids in the family who figure them out
are the ones most attacked by them as parents.
@@PrimordialChaos07 people may think that is crazy but my sense before I was born was that my mother had lots of anger and didn't want me. When we were out of the womb she made clear that she would have preferred if we had not been born or conceived.
eottoe2001 I agree
Yes, they attack any of their children who are not 100% submissive sheep. My narc mother got pregnant with me in order to 'secure' and marry my narc/player father. When he cheated again, she got pregnant with my sister to 'secure' him and failed again. When he left her, I got all the abuse from her, sister was golden child (but as an adult got abused too). Narc mother got pregnant again to 'secure' her second husband (who she psychologically abused so much that he got an autoimmune and died). She hates everyone, including all three of her children. MONSTER.
That has been my lifelong experience in my narcissistic family of origin system as the scapegoat. I called them all out when l woke up to the truth of why l have been in emotional pain my whole life. My parents also had hoped l would die in utero, my mom smoked and drank throughout the pregnancy and my father beat her up when l was 8 months in utero.
@@PrimordialChaos07 OH MY GOD, WHAT?!?!? I died for 20 minutes after being born 6 weeks early due to failure to thrive which was due to violence, chaos and traumas i sustained in utero and my mother as well via my father. My mother was also highly abusive to me. I saw through my entire family at a VERY young age. I saw Jesus and He held me and spoke to me. I remember ALL of it. Ever since then, i have fought demons my whole life! I can see them sometimes and even saw the one who made me deathly ill and his name. I fought back in the spirit with Biblical Scripture and i saw a flaming, golden sword in my right hand that was given to me by The Lord i think because i also saw The Bible in my left hand and i was reading from it while i swung My sword on top of the demon. My name is Brandy Carol-Ann and it actually does mean woman wielding a flaming sword singing songs of hymns and praise.....i KNOW they see me and i regularly engage in warfare..... They have tried to kill me since literally day one......
"I feel hurt, so I must hurt you". This is the dangerous reality of living with a narcissist. Because they will always be a victim, they can "feel hurt" by just about anything, which in their damaged minds demands that they hurt you with regularity.
Well put!
Story of my life from them.
You mean destroy?🤓🤓
Its always your fault for everything with them.
True 👌
Kinda feel sad I had to learn all of this the hard way.
ursamagick MT I always learn the hard way
Same.....
ursamagick MT me too but at least wr know now
We all learned about narcissists the "hard way".
No one on this forum, picked up a book on Narcissism and said: "Hmmm ... I think I'll read this thing cover to cover, so I'll understand what makes them tick."
We were all caught blind-sided, by something we couldn't understand, and we never would have believed that people like narcs existed, if we hadn't lived through the Hell of interacting with one.
ursamagick MT myself as well. Your not alone
They did you a favour by leaving, it's a Blessing in disguise 💗
Yes🎯
I'm learning that ...
Just a blessing. No disguise.
How about when the narcissist is totally detached once they realize they have been found out. Lies never stop. Silent treatment and detachment is brutal.
Totally! When I told my narc I needed a divorce, there were 4 days of raging, then absolute detachment. So weird and painful to experience.
Yes my son is a narcissist and has dragged my daughter into his web....unfortunately this trait trumps blood.....
@@helenhood5161 I encourage you to start educating your daughter about your sons toxic behaviour and his personality traits.
Show her some of these videos on You Tube and teach her what a narcissist is and does. Open her eyes ASAP. Good luck xoxo
@@susanmcguire4664 yes I agree but it's a thousand piece puzzle that she doesn't want to put together.... and yes I have sent them both these links because their father is exactly like this.. they will wake up too late 🤣🤣🤣
Absolutely brutal!!!
My narc used to tell me other people's dirt, even his own sister's and after a while something told me not to speak to him about anything
Same here when we would go through a breakup (which was always bcus of something he did) he would tell ppl false truths about me and make up stuff about me n other guys. I knew nothing about this until a close friend caught onto his narcissistic ways and approached me about it and I was completely lost smh. ...they have no loyalty and do not know how to love
Exactly! I learned the hard way.
I can keep a secret.
That's how I feel about my mom. I still slip and give her too much info but I try really hard not to talk about anything. Lol
Mine too
You know those people who get up and leave the room when someone starts talking? They are the one's who've detected that there is a narc among us. lol
This is exactly what I do.
When I started to realize I was dealing with a narcissist. I wanted to throw up. That is a very dangerous spirit. Im angry with myself because I saw something their from day one. being that I had never encountered it, I thought I was overreacting. I told the narcissist. There was something very dark in him and I could not put my finger on it but there was a side of him his own family doesn't know about. Why did I ignore what I saw in him from day one!? :(
This sounds like my experience to the t
I remember when I first started hanging around him, I got bad feelings in my gut and I just didn’t know why. I even asked him about it. And all he said was “oh yeah?” And left it at that. I’m still not sure whats going on.... if he is a narcissist... if maybe I am a narcissist... I’m just so confused and maybe not letting myself believe the reality. 🥵😰
Oh me too. :( spot on
Shelby Cohen your not a narcissist listen to yourself love don’t doubt ur intuition. I learned that lesson
You've reminded me. The night the penny dropped with me, when he switched from all effort the night before to others & none to me, and I realised he had blatantly & coolly lied to my face, I got ill, felt like I had been kicked in the stomach and was physically sick. Sometimes my intuition & auto body reaction actually know before my brain.
My narc mother discarded me when she realized I was on to her. Best thing she ever did for me.
@PJF: I am so sorry that you lost out on a relationship with a good mother. One thing you can do that I've seen other people do is to connect with someone who you respect and admire and who has integrity and have a mother-child type of relationship with them. I've seen people do this and even call the person mom (or dad if it's a dad thing) and it is a very healing thing to do.
Inkdraft that’s like what I have done I couldn’t have a relationship with my mom so I have a really nice friend she says mama to me
She really loves me she’s a lot older then my own mom but yeh
Adam Rutherford wow I feel you on that I cut off all family members that bring stress on me
I won’t even invite them to my wedding nothing I removed them out
Adam Rutherford you need to really cut off toxic family friends you will heal slowly it takes time
I’m still in the process of healing from years of abuse and emotional abuse
I wish you the best always put your self first 💓
It's so challenging 🙏
Once they know you've got them figured out the campaign is on to discredit you to everyone else . The only way they can live with you knowing the truth is to project their behaviour onto you and play the victim themselves .
Barbara Christie -this is true and happening to me right now. The smear campaign will never stop. But I'm not moving. Just removed myself from the equation and disengaged....No turning back.
@@lonerhappy good for you
They always do and get away with everything they have no accountability and cross boundries every single time i know a lier and they are bad cheats leave them for the wolves were already leading the pack
TRUTH! Happening to me the last few years at least, and continues as I type. It is an endless game to them--one that will make the narcissist look WONDERFUL in everyone's eyes, and make YOU look crazy AF, as they continue to manipulate those FM's Those of us that have gone through or going through this could write a book on it, and all the books would sound almost the same, as the narcissists-for the most part-read from the same "playbook". Unfortunately, most people would think that the book is fiction...until/unless they deal with at least one of these nasty individuals.
Just insecure, desperate people lololololololol
It took me around 10 years to heal from the damage caused by a narcissist when I left him. It hit me very hard. Smear campaign is a very real thing.
How long were you in the situation if you don't mind me asking
Then those people who believe criticism about you who don't ask you at the same time are Stupid and not worth a friendship they can have the Narc!
Is there anything more blissful, than getting the "Silent Treatment" from the narc? Its like they've put the Abuse Battery Pack on the charger for a while, after the battery died.
marshalllhiepler wow! That’s deep and accurate
Exactly!
marshalllhiepler - yep the old silent treatment. Don’t they realize they all do it - just like sheep 🐑. Follow the leader. Nothing original. Same old games over and over. Narcs must stay exhausted with all the gameplay.
@@cathie1234,
The reason they all dish out the silent treatment to others as punishment for not responding the way they want them to ...
is because that is something that would "punish" them. Narcs need positive feedback from their flying monkeys/social circle to offset the inner hatred and self-doubt they feel about themselves. They have never had sufficient interest in, or cared enough about other people to realize that empaths don't need constant reassurance from the submission of others, to feel good about ourselves. In short; our self-value does not depend upon what others think of us.
Let them dish out the silent treatment. It comes as a welcome break from the chaos.
@@marshalllhiepler 👏👏👏
The realize how WEAK they really are😂😂😂💯
That's what happens 😂😂😂
@Be The Change You Want
You're right💯
That's why they're serial cheaters because they need CONSTANT ATTENTION. If they feel ignored, they run to others to help fill the void, and you will never be able to satisfy them or make them happy because they are more comfortable living in misery. And they always start hell but once they get stuck in the fire,
THEY CRY LIKE BABIES 🤣🤣🤣
I remember standing up for my self for the first time the dude crumbled it flipped he was scared of me usually i am a rough girl but he had me scared idk why...
Your comment made me realize something about my narc. mother! She raised us to NOT BE WEAK!! It was something she was very sensitive about, and since I figured her out we rarely speak- a blessing!! Yes she trashed talked me behind my back, but she always did that so nothing new. I just pray to God one day the others will figure her out too!
OMG!! Over interpreting everything! He said that I was angry (on my birthday) because I was looking down when he took a picture I didn't know he was taking. Pure BS! Another time he arrived late (we were going out for dinner). He caused huge scene and said that I was intentionally "making him wait" and disrespecting his time. Mind you, HE was the one who showed up late. I'm so completely grateful for these videos. Never let your guard down with them. Not even for one second!
I am going threw this all right now. 12 years and almost all moved out. I am still so confused but i am free. Thank you god!!!
Shevuan Sereday so proud of you! 4 years & I’m moving out of state. Freedom is right!! 😉💗
You've got this!
Remember they are about control and act anti-love. This is not love. Go find it.
CONFUSION is a commonly reported symptom when dealing with Narcissists...
I was lost thinking I was the problem. I didnt have this information in the past. I feel stronger but I am so carefull now when meeting new people.
That is a good thing😉
@@lisaaromano1 Just one question. All the fases the narcicist goes through during the relationship and all the processes involved, is this done conciously? I mean, are they aware? If the answer is yes it means she already knew our relationship was doomed from the start? I hope the answer is no cause I cannot comprehend how someone can be this evil?
@Tewdy Quew Thx m8. Maybe I needed to go through this to get to the next level in life.
Happier than ever now. Looking back, I’m so glad I stood up to him and his creepy
family. Education on this is so empowering!
ON POINT!!!!! EVERYTHING....EVERYTHING......
WAS AN ILLUSION!!!!! I
Welcome, join the club.
I'm learning this. Heart breaking all over again.
what really is an illusion
7 weeks no contact...(very hard time in my life, was left for dead and emotionally drained out).. this week I Started to get bombarded with private number missed calls. .. I didn't answer. Then she shows her number (thinking I would answer) . .. but I haven't answered.. now she is texting me saying we need to talk..
IV still not replied and blocked her.
I'm trying to keep up the No Contact rule, but they seem to find a way to get to you..
These vids help A LOT to get you through. Thanks and stay strong people 💪💪..
When you start to realize and they know you are realizing... they find someone else. Most will be in a serious relationship within a few weeks of the breakup.
Or already have somebody lined up during the relationship days after the breakup
My mom and sis gonna be move on to my sis’s kids soon enough. Sad...
Because they are on the hunt as soon as you r dependent on them......
@@mewpie85 God bless and hugs hope you are ok 👍😊
Yep. This happened to me!!!
I figured my mother's scam out in the 80's, and I was inevitably treated badly. The smart money is on working it out, and gracefully making an exit, without causing a fuss. These demons will displace their guilt straight onto you. Good luck out there!
Same here, planned to get out at 18 and I did.
@@GeorgideMarne Well done! I foolishly left it until 46. ( I left at 16, but kept a 'relationship' of sorts.) Love, patience, and naive hope was waiting for a never arriving change. I hope others take action swiftly, like you. Have a great day. 👍✔
@@MH-cv5ye I have very low contact now for the last 12 years or so, and the fact that I figured it out early protected me from really toxic encounters since then. Some crappy bosses here and then, but not catastrophic losses, thank God The issue is that the majority of people do not recognize their behaviour promptly and I'm put in a difficult position of explaining myself or to them what's happening... arghhh so frustrating.. Good for you too and best of luck 🍀🌸
Unfortunately most children are not yet able to cover up their insight, and too insecure to realize they can live without parental support of some kind. You were somehow very smart.
🥵
To cite Phoebe from Friends: "but they don't know that we know they know we know" 😂😂 I apply this since the 90's.
I love that! I use it too 😂
Easy... Go no contact on them and NEVER TALK TO THEM AGAIN. I repeat.... THE LIVING👼 DO NOT TALK TO THE DEAD 👹. ITS REAL.🎯
Well said 👍
Many of us can’t, we share minor children
Married a full on narcissist. He and his whole family were exhausting and rude. When I showed my distaste for their BS, I was blackballed, cheated on, smeared, and basically everything that you have described. Thank you for clarifying all of their behaviors. It truly helps and lessons the mystery behind these evil, sad people.
Sounds like my life right now
Get out while you can these people are for real and they will destroy you if they can almost done me in 2 years ago I'm still healing from it one day at a time.
Hello Lisa. This entire video is EXACTLY what I was dealing with. Not knowing then what I know now, I fought back and actually printed out a list of Narcissistic traits and sent it to him!! Looking back now, that was a mistake because he went ballistic!!! He tried to destroy my chances of getting a house and bringing my kids with me. He was ruthless!!!!! One time he put his fist through the wall in front of me and my son because the heat in the house was too high. I was ready to start a fist fight with him but my son held me back. That was the only altercation that we had in front of my son and regret it. I screamed at him to pack his back and get the 'f' out of the house. He already had new supply and was coming and going through to week to see his girlfriend which was humiliating and painful to myself and my kids. It was a very difficult time and I strongly suggest anyone reading this to quietly leave and take your kids. Don't reveal what you are doing!!!!
it's difficult when the narc is the wife, and takes your kid away
Kathy Bradley I agree, never reveal what you are doing. That's when we're in our most vulnerable position.
Kathy Bradley yeah me too, my narc just got our only Son taken away by CPS! I now spend every moment I am awake trying and fighting this evil court with a nasty judge who hates me trying to get our boy back. My life is crumbling, I can’t pay my bills, this narc is telling social media that I should slice my wrists, the boy is drifting farther away from me and when I DO get to speak to him ON THE PHONE, he is constantly asking me mama how many days till I come home? I can feel my heart breaking, just like HE wanted. A narcissist should be taken out into a dark alley, mercilessly sodomized by skinheads then dragged to the Desert and laid out on a rock to be pecked at by birds!
@Amber: I am so sorry you are going through all that. I went through it too. Many years ago when there was not much help. You will win this battle: I won by using my love for my kids as my motivating force. I learned to stonewall the narc. I learned to present myself in court as a stable, rational person not easily rattled by the narc. If you learn the techniques you will find that because of you maintaining control the narc will not be able to control himself even in public and will start falling apart in public thus revealing himself to others. You will prevail.
Raised by a narcissist mother. Realized way too late that I had not been running from narcs because it felt familiar, and I had fallen for the blame she always put on me.
same. i know how it feels ;(
Juile Miller I can totally relate to this! 😥
When I was done with my ex I was the one who felt crazy and I was exhausted and felt half the shell of my former self
I no the feeling its been 2 years post and im steal dealing with the residue
It kills you. Many out there. Be careful.
NGL Williams same here. Be strong
@@kerrinnaude2777 thank you and you 2 the struggle is real.
Yup been there
I am literally living this right now. After a year of dating and being pushed towards marriage, I finally put my foot down that the next tantrum was it for me. So of course as he was ripping his clothes from the closet, telling me I'm nothing to lose, telling me everyone told him I was bad news...I told myself...NO MORE. After his tantrum, of course he felt the need to reach out and remind me it was my fault. I never responded. We are on day 4 of the silent treatment. The relief I have is knowing other people have experienced this same thing and I'm not crazy!
RUN!! Go and live your best life yet!
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
How's the last year been?
@@patriciawhite9509 YES!!!!!
GO AND LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE!!!
✨💛💪💛✨
I am 30, 2 years ago i confronted my father ., now i Just ignored him, i feel better out of his emotional tirany. Now i realize that i never had a father.
You’re not alone. Peace to you
JUST DID TODAY AND IM AT PEACE,HE KNOWS I KNOW
Congratulations! The worst part for me was realizing that I never had a mom. It still hurts so bad. You're really brave.
@@gabrielegarcia358 the pain Is forever (low steem, insegurity etc) I just want tô break this Evel chain and be diferent with my son, because my "father " was abandoned and mistreated by my grandfather.
Same here . Never had a moms but it was for the best she was so gone in her own reality and now pushing 50 and SINGLE.
There is no self reflection, remorse, or accountability for their abusive actions
When you dare to react and call them out ,hold them accountable ,and at very least expect to hear an apology for their abuse the abuse only gets worse as I had to deal with for years with my malignant npd ex husband .he would gaslight and project his guilt Onto me or my children, smear my name, triangulate with my children or my family and friends, then he would manipulate, twist and reframe the facts to make himself the consummate victim.ultimately like clockwork he would then ramp up his abuse to punish me for reacting to his constant abuse that I couldn’t take anymore
I am sorry this has been your experiences I hope you are on the healing path now🔥
Nancy Elizabeth Grady I made him call my kids to tell them about the violence. Made him tell his twin brother & he said “ the other reason we broke up” no the only reason. was gonna marry him in 6 months! Thank the good lord from up above! My alcoholic father told me when I told him “ it’s not a big deal, it didn’t hurt that bad & wasn’t his problem. Cool I’m moving out of state. Alzheimer’s or dementia saturated in scotch. Sad life for them
@Abisola Abiodun Correct! When dealing with them there are two absolutes to always keep front-and-center in our minds: Nothing they say is the truth. Even if they say something nice, it is all theater, it isn't meant at all, it's just a ploy -- a way to manipulate you to try to get attention for themselves. The other absolute is that everything they say is in service of themselves and nothing more! They can try and hard sell you on some stupid plan they've cooked up and always it will be a way to slough off work so they don't have to do it, or whatever it turns out to be, you can be sure they stand to do a whole lot better than you will if you agree to buy whatever they're selling.
Your ex husband sounds a lot like my former NMIL. She did all that and more. I have NEVER met a more selfish, disrespectful & arrogant senior citizen than that woman.
Their such sick people.
No one understands that when this type of relationship dynamic ends it is not just an end to a relationship which in itself is something balanced normal people have to do when a relationship ends so every person on this planet grieves a relationship ending we have to sort of grieve a death, an illusion, a trick, childhood pain and the realization this has always been your life its a hardship like no other.
Its like the end of the World
Wow... this is incredinly...true.
Thank you.
WOW JUST THİS...
After a 15 year relationship, 8 years of marriage with a covert narcopath, she did the discard. I found out she was having affairs, she quit her job in Los Angeles, had a new job and home in San Francisco within a month. We had to sons one biological son12 years old and the other was hers from a previous relationship he was 17 at the time and with her. I found out about cluster b personality the week after i confronted her. I actually tried to get her to go to a psychiatric hospital because it stated online they should go immediately for borderline. I didn't know too much information on the subject at that time. She moved out left with with my son, afraid, distraught and sad. I was parental alienated in my own home, my career was in ruins, lost my business friends and family. now I know I'm an INFJ, Super Empath and I grew up in an alcolic/drug addicted (dad) and narc (mom). Thank Lisa and others online for having this information available. I would have been truly lost. I keep bumping into these types and had to cut off people who are like this. My son is 17 doing better tan ever, still has some of her traits but he's incredible. I'm still working on me, trying to get my life back on track.
@@djmidas7 I'm lucky I didn't know had suspicions but didn't know the full extent of my ex antics if you can even call them that up until after his death. I grieved for this person I was in love with it took me years to get over things then when I started to sort of move on best I could every despicable thing he had ever done fell right into my lap. Most people in here have codependent issues which you'll know having looked into the cluster b personality type codependency is a cluster c personality type. I never felt this fitted my life until I found out about AVPD which is avoidant personality disorder. This disorder sits with codependency and some others in the cluster c type. This is who I am avpd I also test as an infj I have always been very introverted and weighed down by life. Until I found my hidden infj side and I realized I could keep living this life were people take from me or I can stand up and say hell no this is my life. This was a long road for me so many twists and turns. Coming to recognize who he was who I was who my family were and who I have in and around my life. I took steps to do what I needed in aid of healing and understanding what I still even to this day don't fully understand you are just left with conclusions and this is when you realize closure comes from within. I had a lot people around me try make me feel guilty for standing up and doing what I had to they still now even try it. This is when I recognized I had a lot of either cluster b types or cluster c types around me. The b types would guilt me back into submission and the c types would shame me in to it. Both sides not realizing how unhealthy they actually are. Because I have avpd its easy for me to step away from people I'm not codependent I've spent my entire life always alone desperate for a connection this is similar to codependent types just takes a different form similar to how narc and borderline can do hand in hand. I have had to like you just cut people out and in doing so I have not only understood so much about people and myself with my disorders this had helped me heal quicker helped me to understand get over this and find that balance. My son which I had with my ex narc only had me well me as I guess the most functional family member in his life and I'll be damned if Im going to let him go down the same path as me or worse same path as his disgusting father. It's hard like I said it's a hard ship like to other people think because my ex is dead I should now be over it and let things go. That I'm not allowed to process the impact he's left on my life in the aftermath of finding out truly who he really is and what he's really done to me and his son. I get the same treatment from his mother like I'm talking I'll of a dead person she doesn't realize and now knowing who she really is she won't ever admit to how her son really is, he's untouchable in her eyes I think he always was but even more so now she can't cope with him being dead. There mother son narc on narc relationship was creepily incestuous well from an emotional and mental stand point. So I'm glad I've seen everything in its entirety through and through but it's been a long hard never ending road I'm still currently walking and it's been some years now. Just know things do get better, you got this and if you ever want to chat I'm here. 💜
This is helping me because I’m dealing with someone now who I realize is a narcissist and it really hurts me 😞
You guys are so courageous for living with them for around years. I’ve been married to a narcissist for 2 years now and since I decided that I’m getting a divorce I feel so much better, I feel free. I’m so lucky that I wasn’t destroyed to the core, that I still had the ability to discern his crazy behavior.
...when u vent to a friend or family member about the narc and they say "oh, please, you have a nice house and cars with him." WTF?
Terrifying is your own family/friends deny the narc abuse. 😥
I can't fn get a break... :(
My dad said it didn’t hurt it’s not that bad & it’s not a his problem. Alcohol raised me😝 52 years of booze.
I can relate it's a complete charade.
This is true it only looks good on the outside meanwhile we're the ones living in a hell house behind closed doors...
A lot of people thought my former NMIL was a saint (mostly because she was elderly, but she always put her best foot forward in front of them) except 1 neighbor who saw her as she was.
Cut them all out.
"Save your pretty"....I love it gotta put that in my journal 🥰
ALL THE NARCISSIST THUMBS DOWN THIS VIDEO....SO SAD!! I CAN RELATE TO EVERYTHING YOU SAID. THANKS FOR SHARING
I've been through EXACTLY what your talking about. You gotta get away from them and GET STRONG! THEY LIE ALL THE TIME!
Growing up in a family with narc parents will also have you being a huge magnet for those people in adulthood. I’m 25, almost 26, and recovering from a life full of narc abuse and I’m realizing after years of reading about all of this and experiencing several partners who were this way what I’ve been doing to myself keeping these relationships. It’s heartbreaking because I have no family history of Crohns and this is definitely why I have Crohns...abuse...I’m so grateful you’ve made these resources available to us via TH-cam. Thank you.
After my ex saw my changed expression when he went on his psycho tirades, he eventually gave up on that and started the smear campaigns. He filed for divorce. The best thing he ever did for me.
OMG, that is so TRUE!!!!!!!! When I "accidentally" came across what a narcissist was and started reading and reading and reading....I then realized who/what I had been dealing with for three and a half years. I thought back on everything he told me about each of his failed past relationships with women and how they each betrayed him or hurt him in some way where he was always the victim, and this light bulb came on in my head when I realized that 'everything' he told me about himself was one big lie. I think I even forgot to breathe in that moment because there was a tragedy involving one of his ex's and it made me shudder to think that it probably really was his fault after all (indirectly). And then I felt sick like someone had kicked me in the stomach or something. It was truly unbelievable, Lisa!! I'm so glad I had the courage to leave and not look back! What's that saying.... when God delivers you from evil, don't keep in touch!! Yeah. Thank you for your insight!!!!!!!!
Yep my ex wife ran like a rat in daylight when I figured her out. All it took was stopping her deflecting in an argument she started and refocusing the direction in what the problem was. After doing that she suddenly wanted to stop arguing then ran off shortly after. During arguments she resorted to low blows like I don’t care about nor take care of my kids or you’re a manipulative person and big abuser(accusing others of what she’s guilty of) When it was apparent I wasn’t falling for it she knew she lost. Her cowardice and fleeing was the best thing for me. I’m getting better now each day. I been no contact even though she’s broke into my house and attempted a second time then tries to text and offer nice things like watching the dog if I’m gone and other good deeds which are hollow with an ulterior motive behind it
They live in Fantasy Island,so when they start gaslighting and word salad,you really want to punch them in the throat.
Nerd's World NYC 😂
LOL!!! OMG! I burst out laughing at this, Nerd's World NYC! Thanks for the chuckle, this is stated so perfectly, hahaha (I'm still laughing). The imagery I've been working with lately to entertain myself is this one: "I'd like to slap the features right off of her face!" (And here's the kicker: She's my therapist!)
Lol! I said to my ex. Why are you acting so nice? He said because I am nice. Ah no! I know him better than that. Smh!
At the moment I'm dealing with the covert narcissist with Jezebel spirits yes pray for me... Thank you
May God and his powerful Angels surround you and protect you always. ♥️🤗
They run you down but try to act like you or be you at the same time, it's sad really.
Exactly what she does/did to me until I went no contact. She will never apologize and I will never see her again. I don't feel sad because she has no empathy for me.
Skelet3n -remember- “rocks have no life “, walk away, never look back, and never forget the truth of who you are and the lessons you have learned.God bless you.
Important to note "grief" is different for everyone individually. You're form seems (in this case) more anger than sadness. It's okay to let yourself be angry as you move from the denial through to acceptance... so you CAN accept the whole of the experience, including your shortcomings for not seeing through the lies before they got too tangled and obvious.
There may yet be a period of sadness, not for ending it, but for the waste of time and energy of it all to end up back to "single at square one". BUT it's important to work it out and forgive yourself being human... and thereby flawed. Accepting that is some of the hardest part, though. We like to think we've got a "good bead on things" in spite of ourselves... and there's no reliable and repeatable way to "cold read" someone for lying. It all requires backstory and context, and getting to know them first... even a little bit. ;o)
I was ghosted
Then 2 months later
I was hooverd
But I rejected
I went no contact
And have not
Heard from the
Narcissit in 4 months
michael morgan
Be careful they will come again
@@mukttamahajan524 You think so
I sent thé narc à video
Why the narcissit disappears
I dont think i will
If i do then I know
I have à real nut case
They come back belive me, you have to move, ignore them no contact, or it will carry on for the rest of your life.
@@Mal-be6ei whats the name of the subreddit? I couldn't find it
My Ex narcissist called my office saying if I can help her with her CV I said No. She said she wanna talk I said no. I told my director to call her and advise her never to call my office again or else the police will be called. She hasn't called again. I'm free.
That is so true. Once you know what you're dealing with, the healing is so much easier and you've hit all the nails on the head with what they do and how they act. Yes this video has definitely helped.
I'm a narcissis trying to change. I really needed to hear this.
We run in dimly lit circles only turning to find ourselves. (Octavio Paz) Shame you won't search for your moment of injury and just embrace it until the driving hurt in your life dissolves.
Dylan Wing look at attachment trauma and a good therapist ..... good luck
If you are a narc please help me. 1 Do they really know themselves they are evil? 2 Does a narc ever wake up and realize they are sick? Does a narc know they are a narc?
Sweetheart go back in your childhood and heal I'm very proud of you ❤️
Your probably not a real narcissist maybe you just have a couple traits
Hello Miss Lisa. So the most incredible situation appeared. I was at the ER with HIM and he starts saying that I am really loving and he stated sweet words all about me to the the nurse and Doctors. He said that I am the most loving and caring women and that he adores me to the moon. I was astonished. Then I realized that he was performing. Wow. This happens often out in public. He show's off attempting to appear as a loving Man.
Sadly that's the trick..
They may even stalk you, damage your automobile or rob your home.
Right on the head !!! Left him!! He wasn’t physically abusive but he was everything else!! I left him. Never again it was hard but you are right once I was aware what he was I healed n moved on!!! Yesssss never again🙌🏾
Lol, I crack up every time I see the likes and dislikes (thumbs up and thumbs down) on these extremely informative videos. My immediate thought when looking at anyone that disliked this video? Clearly unhealthy abusive/narcissistic/personality disordered people that are in fear that this person has given out this information to help people in protecting themselves are the ONLY people who are 'disliking' this video!
I so needed this video, I am currently grieving.
Lisa Romano; you’re statement; “I’m hurt I hurt you” literally just integrated seven years of educating myself about toxic a profound understanding of all of it!!!!! I’m super grateful!!! 💕
God bless you for helping all of us
We just need to tell them that we can either be friends or not be friens at all
I can't see anything in between
If we are friends then I would appreciate not to be called names etc as if one is your friend you don't call those you love names
If you call somebody names you are either childish (a child) or you are not friends.
You can not call somebody names and then consider yourselves to be friends. Then you don't need haters if you have such friends amongs so called friends. Friends respect each other not bully each other or use mobbing in a friendly way. For a good cause or out of goodness of your heart. If somebody is bullying is not a friend, but a child or a silly person.
I understand in primary school 30 years ago children might had been nasty, but I think we are wiser now and teach our children this is not acceptable.
You can't bully me and think am going to hug you, I wouldn't recomend it but try to bully those close to you like your mother or your dad see what happends.
This really hit home. I’m 4 months out of a 14-year relationship with a narcissist. He moved on a week later with a woman from his work. I’m having s difficult time focusing on me. Thank you for this video!
Speaking personally, This is true, I am a narcissist. And it’s really hard because I thought for the longest time I had a personality disorder it took me years of going to my psychologist to try and open up because i couldn’t stop lying about what was wrong, & they all thought I was sane, which is crazy because I would go home and cry. Ever since I went I just felt as if I was learning more narcissistic behavior more than getting help. And to this day I don’t know what to do, all I know is that for the first time in forever I am in a serious relationship in which has led me to be honest and it’s scary because I’m trying to change and to do that I had to tell them every detail about my self. But at the end of the day i am happy that someone cares for me and makes me feel like I don’t have to be defensive about my self, so if anyone is a narcissist out there, please get help and try letting more people in. It’s not as bad as it seems & not everyone is trying to hurt you
Are You a male or a female? How is Your relationship going? Do You feel Love - I mean REAL Love to Your partner? And for how long did You have being in this relationship?
A lot of questions came up in my mind when You write that You are a narcissist - and that You also go to a physiologist - who told You to do that? Why I'm asking? ... cause I'm one of all those people who is a victim of that abuse a narc give his (or hers) victim. For 12 years. I'm free and singel now.
Please answer my questions - I really want to know how a narc is thinking and their minds and purpose of abusing.
The mask started to slip, I was asking too many questions and finding holes in the stories, so he loved me one day and then discarded me the next for someone who he met online through Facebook. She’s a random person who lives across the country who is his new “soulmate”. Coming to the realization about all of this has been soul crushing, but I’m healing thanks to videos like this that show me that he is textbook malignant narc. Thank you.
You can get through this. No Contact is the way. It’s been 3 years for me and Inwas with him for 23 yrs. baby steps, support system and love yourself!
Yes!
I needed this. Twenty years ago. You've just written my story with the 'biggest' narcissist in my life after my father.
So many trigger points for me in this video. Once it ended, I wrote 6.5 pages in my journal. It brought up the anger that I hadn't resolved yet from my triangulation. It brought up the hurt of being stonewalled before I discovered the cheating...all the stuff I suffered before realizing what he even was. 😭 Thank you for all your guidance Lisa!
Rebecca Tandem I am so happy it helped🙏
That explains everything I experienced with a circle of friends. When I realized that she is a covert narc and I wanted her out of the group all hell broke lose.
I went no contact immediately. I lost all of my „friends“. It was a lonely time.
I had to go no contact with everybody.
But found lots of her former victims who became new friends. I know she hates it.
When I see her I just laugh at her and walk away. It makes her livid. 😁
Be true to you 🤗
But you lost all the TOXIC 'friends'. And found all the RIGHT friends. That is PURE GOLD....
Must be careful when you make "new friends" that may have been victims of the narcissist. Some of they may not be who they claim to be, and are just a flying monkey for the narc, feeding the narc info about you. That way the narc still has that "control", but it will appear they have NOTHING to do with you or that person. I know that sounds paranoid, but trust me, it happens!
I can so relate to "Why'd you put the mustard there!?"...I'm like wtf????? They project and get paranoid because I blatantly tell him he's Narcissist...and I tell him why...
I just experienced extreme pain after discovering my mother gave all of my siblings inheritance money and gave me nothing. She paid me back money I used to pay her bills and gave my siblings a lovely gift. The pain of knowing I have been rejected in this way has been excruciating. I am now on the path to changing my name and exiting their lives forever. When I discovered this and some vile comments about me they, of course, turned it around and accused me. It has been so painful. I had no idea these people I grew up with had the capacity to be this cruel.
The degree to which you feel that pain is what you can turn into strength. Yes, I honor your pain most sincerely as I have experienced a similar rejection, and you must recognize the gift you have been given: to learn who among your kith and kin you can trust and who you can't; to learn to discern a little better who are friends you can trust and who are not, be they family or not. My point is, you can build upon this and grow stronger from it in time and I wish you every success in the world with that.
I hope you can move into a knowing that your true inheritance comes from God, and then it can and does. Same thing happened to me. Narc borderline sister, meaner than a junkyard dog. The Universe can set right the scales of justice when you become less attached. It can be really hard to do. I meditate and listen to healing music frequencies. Namaste. 🙏🏼
@@karenhartman9774 Thank you for your reply. I have been in solid prayer now for a few weeks and am feeling the darkness lift. I also took Lisa's course last year which was amazing. She just recently posted about lying and narcissists and how they calm themselves by lying. I calm myself with resolve and knowing the truth. She explained my situation to a tee. I am grateful for all of her knowledge. Exposing how so many of us end up in these situations will hopefully, one day, make for a better world. Bless you.
It's a genetic trait they you did not inherit & they did.
My mom told my 5 siblings not to invite me to her funeral.
.i have 2 kids 1 grand married 30yrs but it never ends
Her talks are saving my life and giving me hope
This was perfect to open my eyes to what I just survived for the second time.
I had to quit my job back in Sept cause the narcissistic employee causing drama. Straight up evil person.
This happened to me more than once [now that I think my brother who is violent is one of them then next my ex I dated short time a serious manipulator and dangerous narc,] several times b/c this kind of behavious is everywhere as if its spread by a storm, as if its popular or some kind of hit and I don't see anything positive about it , and I don't know who was causing drama (now that am thinking about it provably my own blood, my brother), probably people I know men who are sexualy involved with all women in town and if they don't sleep with him he speaks angrly and says bad words about them , my brother. Kj kj i
Know first hand , my one year older brother . Sad
Cause narcs all around us and they are allowed everything and they are humiliating and dangerous
Some are non violent others are angry and violent some just have big mouth but otherwise not dangerous however the other narcs are dangerous specially the licking kind
I just gave my resignation and left my post maybe is not the best way or only way but is one of the options that one can do when harrassted by evil individual who has sometimes many supoeters and their tormenting and bullying can take years
Better take drugs instead than sociolize with this humiliating silly crowd if you have that choice
Now come to think of it probably some big and growing narcis because they have many choice of women they sleep with and get emotionaly attached to, and if one cryed wolf even if am his birth sister be sure I'll feel his anger and strength 😚👍
@Blackbre2010 Peace and love to you as you recover 💖
@Blackbre2010 You're on the healthy path of recovery from that terrible experience 💖
Same. I got fired after a year of tap dancing. I knew what she was. They truly over interpret everything. I was the target
@BindiLaaa Aww. Well thanks. I try. Such a hard year dealing with a narcissist
This is spot on!! We have never once had a fulfilling relationship conversation. Each time I begin to communicate my perspective, the rage and escape comes on light a light switch. She will throw a million viscous insults and often subliminal insults and when I respond to them calmly and call her out, she immediately leaves the room, goes into the guest room and locks the door, and twists the scenario as if she needs to escape my abuse for defending myself. It is so predictable. So sad and I am tired of it. How can it ever get better if she doesn't even allow any honest self reflection? THIS SUCKS! SHE INFURIATES ME!!!
best thing about a narc, IM NOT ONE!
I love to feel my own emotions good or bad!
That part ‼️‼️‼️
@@allainsasha what do you actually have if you dont have or cant feel them, emotions.
your a blob of biology!
When my malignant narc mother sensed i was finally an independant person with a baby, ( at 31 ) she went into the rage, got my golden child brother and codependant father, along with her, giving the orders, to physically attack me. My father threw me through a window. I had done nothing but gotten married and have a baby. Thank foodness i survived. I didn't go to the police. I didn't know. I ran away. 20 years later, far away from them i started understanding . I am 56 and still studying NPD, doumg my own therapy, you, dear Lisa, are part of it thank you
Goodness ;)
Hi there Natalie, very sorry to hear those tough times x
Your "goodness" correction made me chuckle!
Be happy xx
@@mariadee2208 thank you very much :)
@@nathaliedufour3891 🤗
may you get all the happiness in this world
All of this happened to me😭 Its just unbelievable what they are capable of. You 100% understand this, Lisa! Thank you.
I feel very sorry for all the enabling I did when I was my narcissist’s new source of narcissistic supply and I enabled her in her smear campaign against her ex-supply. I’ve now been discarded and she’s found her new supply and the new smear campaign has begun. She is saying the same things about me she said about her ex-supply and that’s when I new this was a pattern.
Thank you Lisa , wish I knew this information years ahead of damaging my life ,mentally, physically, emotionally and financially.
I don't care about the opinion of others , because those who knew me didn't believe him and those who were new didnt know me , so their judgment doesn't effect me anyway.
Thank you again for being such a LIGHT in the life of so many BEAUTIFUL SOULS whose share in the relationship is just being an innocent ,naive, kind hearted human being. ♥️🇨🇦
Ever told your story and realized you were just telling another Narcissist personality about your abuser..😫 I need to talk to someone like Lisa
I've done that and they end up sticking up for the abuser or telling you it's not that bad.
I m going throguh it. 2 months in and I m exposing her. She smear campaigned me and lied when I literally been an amazing guy to her. So I had to protect my integrity. She's tripping and terrified now lol
Yess
The silent treatment is the best thing a narcissist can give you 😊
You question someone's fishy behavior, then they call you crazy. One thing that's difficult is accepting this person is a narcissist when you love/loved this person. Complicated.
Truth
Grieving has been the hardest part for me. To realize this person really never loved me. He was with me to use me and take everything he could from me. I've known him for over 50 years and we were together for 10. When I finally woke up to who he really is, a flood of memories to situations that took place started to make sense. I finally got out of denial, took off my rose colored glasses and saw what was really happening. I'm grateful today that I see. All those times he'd be mad at me when I didn't do anything to create his reactions. He'd walk away as I stood there confused. He projected all of his shame that he felt onto me. I'm now loving myself more and more everyday. I'm still experiencing "ah ha" moments about my relationship. I really needed to make sense of this so that I wouldn't blame myself for all of it. I needed to look at what part I had in all of this so that whatever was his "stuff" I didn't carry with me. Everyday I see more clearly. It's giving me peace of mind...I'm getting my life back. Thank you
Where would I even begin? I've been with him for 18 years. My heart feels so heavy right now.
First 3 sentences = ditto. BEEN SO SO HARD to come to terms with the perniciousness of this monster.o
Dee Fraijo that is what is my toughest thing to make piece with! Truly! ...26 years!! How could I be so fooled? And I BELIEVED HIM! I was a free ride & rarely made him accountable. My bad totally. But never in my life! Had I been around or dealt with someone like him! I was so naive, so clueless & thought the whole world held the same moral compass as I did! I was so wrong & I have paid for it!
I grieve lost “love”, my self worth , I grieve my dignity, I grieve the time I lost and the opportunity to have had a REAL RELATIONSHIP! I fear at this point... I never will. I can’t blame or get angry... I made the choices. It just took a lot of wasted time, emotions, hurt & humiliation to get here now!
Dee Fraijo ..25 years of my life... gone. And he has no remorse, grief , pain. He to this minute still is trying to “take” from me & getting angry & blaming... he’s out of the house for now, & every day I realize more & more WTH has been happening..I’m ashamed, relieved & know..IM NOT CRAZY! ...if COVID was not a factor I think I could release & move on faster. Maybe? But I still have to be easy on myself because I don’t know how I was so manipulated, used & abused?
Mine was a 50 year marriage that ended with his death from cancer. The hardest part was trying to understand why I stayed. I'm not weak, I always had an underlying sense of who I was, but maybe I thought with patience and understanding (50 years) I could change him. Well we all know how that worked out. However, in my usual pragmatic way, I realize that because emotionally and physically I was so alone, I could develop new talents that were mine alone. If my relationship had been more normal, perhaps these talents would never have come to light. I identify with everything you experienced and felt. BUT, I am grateful, that I am a healthy active senior, with knowledge and success of my own doing. I feel like I'm starting over, a new beginning. And as you say, I also still have "ah ha" moments but I am determined to live life to the fullness, and that is a gift.
These vidios litterally brought me back to Life!
Lisa is 100% right the best thing that can happen is the narcissist to leave. My narcissist ex wife left but not before she totally smeared my name in circles all around town. Meryl Streep had nothing on her. But all I can say is the day after she left I woke up and shouted hallelujah. It was the best gift she could have given me. They say that narcissistic abuse is like death by a thousand cuts. I was on cut 999.
If you are dealing with a narcissist know one thing and take it to the bank... There is no cure there is no getting better. I have never heard of a single person ever say my husband or wife or mother or whatever who is a narcissist and now they are much better. I didn't want to believe it and no person in a relationship with a narcissist wants to believe it but it's absolutely true.
Hallelujah she left.
Great advice and I am glad you are free🙏
They don't change. They actually get worse.And as they age they start to decompensate and isolate themselves as they lose their charm power , they get even more manipulative. I've seen a few in rest homes behaving very badly
Hallelujah indeed!
Mine dragged the couch outside, chopped it up and burnt it while I was out at the grocery store. The reason... I asked him again why he slept on the couch for 5 years 😳 it was time for me to go!
@EJ N kind of the shining though😳😂
I ghosted him. When I realized I was dealing with a monster. And the only thing left was a life insurance policy. I ran, left everything behind and started over with everything
Please how did you get out without money?
Yes, how did you do it??
Yes, how did you? $$$
Yes the smear campaign... lived through that. It was devastating. Knowing all the dark secrets and revealing them to everyone in my life circle.
I have read that narcissists were wounded, neglected and abused in some form as early as todlers and had to fend for and constantly protect themselves from an untrusted world.
Yes, they have some sort of trauma in their past.... however, MANY of us that had same situation when we were young did not turn out to be EVIL narcissists.
Sometimes it is imagined behavior and exaggerated because they have a sense of incompetance that they do not want to deal with , many of us didnt have ideal life situations growing up, but we decided to forge a new path, some people internalize and harbour resentment which is bad for their own soul, we cannot rationalize unacceptable behaviour putting into a catargory of childhood abuse, lots of narcissist were never abused they just have a complex.
Regina Droces Three marriage counselors advised me to run do not walk run in the opposite direction away from this man the marriage cannot be saved. One counselor even told me to leave the office by the back door walk across the parking lot to a nearby building and call a taxi and MOVE to a different house to hide. She gave me pamphlets about support groups and advised me to seek help in moving on and healing. This was my first meeting with the counselor on my own, our first session had been together as a couple. I followed her advice (she was counselor number three, he fired the other counselors after a couple of sessions). I didn’t realize that I was in physical danger but others saw it. She told me he was so wounded that it would take a decade of therapy to help him but he would first have to realize that he needed help. Yes, he was a wounded as a toddler but I needed a real relationship and personal safety.
This kinda reminds me of this guy I went on like one date with in college. He said he would call, and then didn't call for a couple months. When he did call, I ignored it because who does that? Then I happened to see him out and about, and he actually yelled at me for not returning his call! I just gave him a strange look and kept on walking.