Thank you for the information. I have to treat my mother like a toddler. She has no concept that she can not do anything. She will tell me she went to the post office, went shopping etc. She has not done anything for 6 years. That is how I explain to people how to treat my mom, like a toddler...sometimes like a drunk toddler. No reasoning with them. Very frustrating. Like most of you, I also have no friends and have not left my city in 6 years
Since both my husband and I are older I try to make it like it's not just him that forgets things. I ask him to help me remember things, even though there is hardly any chance he will remember. It takes the focus off his memory, keeps me humble .
That's love in a nutshell! Such a loving way to navigate your way through what I've come to observe in my 94-year old father, as a very cruel disease of ageing. I pray a very blessed journey for you and your husband. (10/10/21)
I hardly follow anything on social media but have found Dr Nutall’s careblazers videos so helpful in understanding and managing my mum who has dementia. In UK, health and support systems are very different from U.S but we have this in common - there is not enough support for families of dementia suffers and dementia is the same bugger of a disease wherever in the world you live. Thank you for valuable advice and feeling some support from your videos from afar!
My mum has severe vascular dementia. The only time I remind her about her dementia is when she berates herself and tells me she's stupid. I sympathise and say "it must be awful feeling that way" but then again explain she has a biological issue deep in her brain that affects her memory; she's not stupid at all. It's a physical, medical problem. This usually reassures her. Edit: Temporarily! 😊
@@dgformersinna8644 Thank you for your lovely reply. Thinking of you and your father. It's a painful situation all round. My mum died in March 2020 and I admit it was a relief. It was good timing in a way as lockdown was about to hit. Three months later my 19 year old son died in an accident. That has over-shadowed grief around losing my parents, to be honest. I wish you well and send a hug.
@@kyliejones8827 A big hug back to you Kylie and how I feel for you being hit by bereavement twice in horrible ways and in such a short space of time - not even time to draw breath😢... but I trust God to keep you strong, as He has kept me. Sometimes I feel like a wrung out and shaken out rag doll, barely functioning, constantly trying to catch-up with my personal things. Praying for your healing🙏🏽
Im struggling with my mother having dimentia. For years i thought she hated me until i moved back home after 18 years living 2000 miles away and her sending weirdo texts to send to my therapist. Then i hot here and she doesnt even remember what she said to me two minutes in a conversation. Had no idea how bad it was. Meanwhile, your video was helpful because alcoholism and drug use is the same. She doesnt have that but resentment for asking them to have a better day that doesnt effect anyone else is key. Thats my dad but he quit substances in 1995. Doesnt change though. Pray for me dealing with a mentally ill mother and chemically altered father.
Thank you so much for your words of wisdom I have been doing all the things you said not to do and I think I was hurting my mother in the process I just want her to be safe and to understand why I need her to do the things I ask. You are right she just gets aggravated at me and she doesn’t believe she has Alzheimer’s. Your videos they are so helpful.
I'm glad the videos are helpful to you. Don't be hard on yourself about the way you did things in the past. Caring for someone with dementia is a process and you are doing an excellent job. Watching videos and trying to learn on your own about the disease goes to show just how much you care. Keep up the good work!
People who has Alzheimer's disease don't even realize they have it the disease is a slow process of changing their brain so they won't notice it, don't blame yourself or her cuz it's no one's fault
Yes, it makes total sense to me. Thank you. My moms going to the doctor this week, and 100% know what they’re going to say. I’ve been kind of doing this by saying you don’t remember so good, I’ve got you. I can do that for you. It’s food for thought. She’s still here sometimes, but she only retains part of the conversations.
Thankyou this I feel is such a important subject and I’m so glad I’ve listened to it. Even having dementia my husband still has feelings and is part off our family!
Thank you so much, I have just joined and this has been very difficult. I have watched many of your videos and all have brought tears!! You have hit home on so many issues!! I Have learned so much already and found I have been going about caring for my mom all wrong. Among everything else I am now fighting close family members who are in total denial and feed into her paranoia and lies that have developed. I am overwhelmed and again so thankful for finding you!!!
I'm glad you found the videos and that they are helping. You are not alone. If you haven't joined the closed FB community, you can request access here so you can get support from others who understand what you are going through and may be able to offer some insight. Here is the link: facebook.com/groups/dementiacareblazers/
Bob, my husband has recently said he doesn't know why he gets so upset with some people and has changed his attitude around some people. He knows he is changing his way of looking at things , he ask me if it is the dementia. I told him 90% of the time he doesn't feel like this. He knows I go to support and wants me to ask about it next time I go. It's so hard because has always been opinionated but now he is even more so, he was very rude to a lady on the phone yesterday and this morning said he needs to tell her he is sorry for the way he spoke to her . I had already e mailed her to apologize . He is a good man and knows things are changing with him, he doesn't understand why and I don't know if I should tell him it is the dementia. He doesn't know all that can occur in this disease.
I have had zero help in anyway for basically 2 and a half years with great outlook in something I didn't even sign up for,moved in only as roommate to the initial idiots living with him,don't get me wrong but they were taking advantage and he didn't have 2 penny's to rub together, I didn't want to get involved but wound up I got them out since I was only one paying my rent,since then no friends,he is a nice gentleman 77 I've grown fond of him, now I've become the guy who appreciates him nice home,he covers his mortgage I cover utilities and then some ,,so I'm going nuts and lost my cool a couple times and find great knowledge from your videos,,thank u for listening and letting me vent,, I have learned a lot from u
This makes perfect sense. I haven’t reminded my spouse of his Dementia since right after he was told he’s not allowed to drive anymore. He doesn’t remember it anyway.
Thank you so much for all your videos you tube. It has helped me tremendously! Thank you from the bottom of my heart! My husband is 81 and I am 77. He was tested by a group os Senior Care Dr's and they claimed he has a mld cognitive condition This was 7 months ago. He has become much worse as of this date. He is very difficult to live with and I do hav lot of health issues as well. He is a very stubborn British man and has always been very independent. Now he knows he has issues with his memory that are becoming worse. So now, he is hostile, cranky, and watches TV alot of the day or naps! So he does not want to do any of the daily chores to keep the house clean and tidy. So I,ve become very impatient with him at times which makes him worse. I will definitely donate to your videos! You re wonderful and so helpful! Thanks!!!!
HI Linda, This is Trisha. Dr. Natali's social media manager. I'm sorry to hear about your situation;. Here is a TH-cam video she made that I hope can help you with your situation. 💖 th-cam.com/video/lWtOJVTNTYw/w-d-xo.html
For my spouse, I have stopped using the word 'remember' unless I have pictures or videos from family or trips. These times do in fact help here to remember. Thanks!
My husband is starting to show obvious signs of dementia. I'm starting to keep a mental list of things he's still good at that I can ask him to do to divert him from the ones he shouldn't be doing. I'm also assisting him with things he used to be good at, letting him do the less confusing tasks. Example: When he sets up the coffee for church, I go with him to deal with the alarm system while he goes down to set up the coffee and snacks. He used to be the "go-to guy" when the alarm messed up. Now he gets confused and messes it up every week... so I've taken over dealing with the alarm. I usually tag along with the excuse that "I have some things I need to do at church too."
Steve often is apologetic for forgetting something, like who I am. I've been assuring him it's not his fault it's just the Alzheimer's disease. I don't think he understands what AD is, but it deflects the blame away from him. Sometimes I tell him it's his CRS (Can't Remember Shit). Then He smiles. He used to say he has CRS when he'd forget something. Sometimes I tell him it's his birthdays. He's had so many of them. He used to use that to explain something he couldn't do as well as he could before
Hi Gwen! I LOVE the CRS diagnosis! lol. You are doing a great job! Sometimes it's harder when the person realizes something is wrong with them. It makes it a bit more heartbreaking. You are doing a wonderful job at explaining it and not letting him feel bad for something outside of his control. Keep up the good work!
Distraction has it's limitations but sadly when someone (with dementia) becomes fixated of obsessive to the point of aggression and all avenues of persuasion have been tried..... Medication or increase in medication is the only route. I find that (my own personal experience) that my mother in law tends to go through around 2 to 3, sometimes 6 months of fairly stable times and then, within a matter of a week there is a period degradation that seemingly only can be stabilised with an increase of medication. In that week there is no sleeping, no cooperation (can't agree with anything), aggression, hitting, pushing etc.... It can be very tiring. Seems the brain sleeps for a while and suddenly wakes up and says 'I don't want to play'. Kind of like the tantrums of a two year old but in adult form. Very disconcerting. I can only assume that the dementia follows a period of regression somewhat like the growth spurts in children except in reverse. She has calcification of the brain - brain like swiss cheese but predominantly in frontal lobe. She complains about being deaf, however it is her inability to cognitively process what is being said that is the problem. She hates bathing or showering (possibly too much information causing anxiety) and she is too proud to accept assistance and possibly too embarrassed. Makes for difficult times. Regards your comment on telling the person they have dementia.... What's the point? They won't remember. I realise that what I have said could sound negative, however, harping on at a person who in all likelyhood will forget an hour or a day later isn't worth the effort and besides, whose feelings are you trying to vindicate? I personally would much rather have a day of cooperation, smiles etc than fighting. Caregivers.... We have brains, something that I am sure dementia patients (if they could remember) would genuinely appreciate.... Lets be grateful and use them.
Thank you for sharing these videos, they are so very helpful. My mom (technically grandma) is 101 years old, and she was in excellent health and shape until at 96 her vision got too bad for her to drive, even though she couldn’t drive she was still mentally sharp as a tack until she turned 99. Even now she has some good days and some bad days, memory wise, and her body has recently been getting weaker making it more difficult for her to walk around and get up by herself but she still tries. Even though we are always right next to her just in case she needs support. I am the youngest in the family and even though I am almost 60 years old she always thinks of me as her baby because she raised me since I was 6 months old when my birth mother (mom’s daughter died). I say all this to say that even though she is 101, she was able to stay by herself for short periods of time until recently. For the last year & 1/2 we have had one of us with every minute. Some days she realizes she needs us there. But some days she doesn’t and your videos have taught us all some extremely great ways to make her difficult days not as bad for her. So, I sincerely thank Dr. Natalie and encourage all careblazers to keep supporting this channel. I don’t know what our family would do without your help. Thanks
Sending you so much love. You will forever be a part of the Careblazer family. Thank you for being there for your loved one when they needed you most. 💖
I think that your videos are so helpful to families with members in denial about the dimentia patient (usually this is a family member who is not always around the dimentia patient). People sometimes need to hear things from a new voice that they might consider an 'authority'. The Caregiver can send links to your videos and hope they are watched!
Its like you were here this afternoon when I tried to tell her she could let me make the plan for the day because her memory is not so great. It did not go well. I'll take your approach next time.
my husband forgot how to use remote presses some button it goesoff .asks hundred times to set it..he does not do any paper work,but carries lot of diaries with phone numbers and calanders and other rubbish.he wont let us clean the room spreads across the whole room .he doesnot listen he might slip and fall.i tried to explain nicer way.but looses patience how to deal with it.
The person I know and have questioned you about isn't diagnosed yet, but I don't focus on how he can't remember. If in the grand scheme of things the time of doing a task doesn't really matter, sometimes I just wait 10 minutes or ask him if he would like to do it later. I try to just adapt to the person's needs.
I seen a tick tock video the other day, a daughter recording her father asking if he knows he has dementia to pacify a viewer,,,just silly! I see no need to remind my mother. She's not difficult, neither did her father appear to be. I love your way of avoiding reminding them❤
My LOWD refuses to accept an in home caregiver and wants me to stay with him all day, every day. This is becoming impossible. How can I get him to accept this person without telling him that he needs help. I tried telling him the person was there to help me, but he said there is nothing for them to do. I am at the end of my rope and so is his son, so his son told him he has dementia and needs help and needs to make it work. Not sure if that worked, but we will see in a few days when the caretaker returns.
Although this is 6 years old post, it is very still relevant. My mother in law has no cognitive capacity to understand what is dementia anyway , so I basically tell her that there is something wrong with her brain. My mother in law is still able to go to a nearby grocery by foot and is able to buy red wine, which is making her worse. She is basically an alcoholic.she would say a lot “ I don’t feel too good “ in the morning well she has a hang over😩 Thank you for your input and advice.
It's really sad that everyone around the person knows they have dementia, except the person who has it, because they don't believe it. We've never told him and I don't think he's caught on or ever will.
Thank you so much. We are 6 sisters struggling with how best to relate, communicate and help our Mom. Question: Our Dad died 3 years ago. Mom keeps asking where he is and why didn't someone tell her he was sick. Thanks for your help.
Its strange that my mothers doctor did not mention that my mom had dementia and provide information on what possibly could be done. Instead we have been frustrated for years dealing with an aging person. What tension and problems could have been avoided for years! I only became aware when we had visiting nurses and a social worker come to the house after a fall, and I was in tears. The social worker said, "she doesn't mean what she says, it's cognitive deficit." No one ever said anything. I realize now I was dealing with it for years, perhaps decades, and no one ever said anything, ever!
My mom was just diagnosed and trying to work with her on proper care has been a challenge so fare. She wants at home care and wont budge but she why spent been living for years now is completely unsafe ugh. We tried to step in and now that things are finally happening to get her help it's still difficult. She doesn't realize she needs to be in a locked facility with 24hour care for her safety.
I take care of my husband with dementia. 24/7. I do nothing else, but take care of him. Can I get compancation from his insurance? Or any other outlet?
My wife has not been diagnosed with dementia. The question I can't get answered is: How do I get my wife to admit she has cognitive issues and needs to seek medical help? Any hint or suggestion to that possibility is met by instant hostility with statements like, "I know what I'm doing" or "I'm not crazy". What can I say to my wife that will make her agree to be assessed by a doctor.
My question also. How do I get her to see an MD or even less likely, a neurologist? She could have vascular dementia and we could do something about that. But she won't go to a doctor for anything much less a cognitive problem.
We had the same situation with my mum. We talked to our regular doctor who knows her for years now about this and that we suspect dementia. Then we booked a normal health check up with her there and the doctor tested her without her knowing. Doctors are used to it, because so many people are in the same situation. After it was clear that she has it, he told her and my dad and sended her to a specialist. She was not happy, but for her it looked like he discovered it during a normal check up. Yes, we felt shady about it but it took the pressure off from us and she finally got help.
@@brucemacsr.6776 From everything I can gather Ellen Schafer's response to my comment appears to be the only avenue to pursue. Best wishes & God bless you and yours.
I feel like I have to remind my husband age 61 he cannot start a new business or take on may more business accounting tax work because of his diagnosis. Is that wrong? I'm trying to save us/ him from financial issues later. People are starting to notice his problems though they would never say anything to him.... But how else to protect us???
Our loved one has an oversized calendar where reminders are written, ie time meals are delivered, appointments, & tasks like 9:00 Bath. With Alzheimers her short term memory is more impacted now & habit prior to diagnosis was daily crossing off the day & knowing what current day entails. Lately, calendar dates aren’t crossed off & the bath day & time has always been the same schedule. On that day the response to bath is disgruntled & dread w/ bewilderment that she thought the bath day was the next day. Ultimately when bath is finished she loves the feeling & fresh clothes. She seems indifferent to notations on the calendar. Is there a better response to her statement “‘I thought bath day was on (the next day) Friday!’” ?
Could you just go with her thoughts- I mean if she thinks bath is tomorrow, couldn't you just say something like yeah, you are right? And just help her the day she thinks it is? My person always thinks that it's Friday, and instead of arguing about how it's not, I just go with it. There are other situations where I just go along with their way as long as it doesn't harm them.
It sounds like you are doing a great job! The general rule of thumb is to avoid getting into any arguments. You may have to try different approaches to see what works best since everyone is different. One idea is to reply, "The bath got moved up to today, you are going to feel so good when it's over." If she really seems stuck on looking at her calendar, you can make sure the days are crossed off to the appropriate day before telling her it's bath day, that way when she looks at the calendar she will see that it is the correct day. Get creative, do a little trial and error, and see what works best for her. Good luck!
My dad has 'stage 6e' vascular dementia. How do you tell your dad in his 2am bathroom run that he needs to accept help from the caregiver when I'm not there. I understand reminding him every night before bed is something he may forget. But he has dementia and bad neuropathy in feet/legs. Very unsteady, and a fall risk. We need to check how well he cleaned himself too but insists (sometimes) he can do it himself. I don't tell him anymore that he has dementia but tell him he has some memory issues and the neuropathy which is why we have the caregiver to help him navigate with that. But, doesn't like that answer. I don't want him to get agitated with the caregiver which has happened a couple of times. I find it interesting that when he wets himself, he allows caregiver to change him with no problem. He knows that's beyond him.
How should I go about stopping my husband from being manipulated by his so called well meaning friends into bad decisions? He is in the early stages and still capable in the most part of independency.
im trying real hard but i have a lot to deal with in my own life and i just simpley DO NOT have the patience, knowledge or just simpley not smart enogh to come up with all these alternate ways to deal with this kind of condition, HELP!!! what can i do??? I myself are a recoverd drug user so its enogh dealing with my own demons. And in my situation im dealing with 2 family members and im all alone. Just want to end it all but i cant just leave them to dry. PLEASE i need advice.
I'm sorry you are struggling so hard. I have just been thrown into a caregiver role very suddenly and at long distance. It's a nightmare. I can empathize. Get as much advice from a seasoned person in recovery. Let go and let G-d, as far as your expectations go. Be gentle with yourself and them. Sometimes we have to rise to the occasion because it's the right thing to do, even when we don't feel equipped. I hope now, 3 months later you have a better handle on things. Peace friend
So sorry to hear of your struggles. Do try to find out about support groups, talking therapy/counselling and other essential support for your physical and mental health's sake. Your doctor should be able to signpost you and maybe refer you to have a caseworker to support you through this? I cannot imagine being in your situation but you are not alone. Don't struggle to deal with this in isolation, whatever you do. Take good care. PS: as it has been 11 months since you posted, I am truly hoping that your situation has improved through much needed support. (30/7/21)
This is very helpful. I wonder if you have advice on what to say when my dear lady (91 years old) can't get it out of her mind that she "urgently needs to call her mom and check on her. Where's her husband? He was just here. We need to call... do you have the number?" I can usually distract for a bit or day we'll call her daughter later after she gets home, but it will come back over and over until I get trapped and gently say, they have gone on to heaven. There must be a way to avoid that, but I can't come up with it.
Thank you, could you make a video that addresses when a loved one with dementia knows that they have dementia and is in psychological pain because of it?
HI Kaersten, This is Trisha. Dr. Natali's social media manager. I'm sorry to hear about your situation;. Here is a TH-cam video she made that I hope can help you with your situation. 💖 th-cam.com/video/o3SrplFGsoo/w-d-xo.html
I have made this mistake and after this and many other videos I have changed my APPROACH. I've eliminated these phrases from my previous attempts. 1. Don't you remember 2. Remember we talked about this before 3. What are you doing. Instead I have changed my responses from the above to 1. How is your day going? Instead of what are you doing. 2. Well before we talk about your question..what would you like to eat or drink. Then give time to listen and agree no matter what. Spending time just listening and trying to get the person to talk about whatever comes to their mind.
My mother keeps asking WHY she has to stay in memory care - almost every time we visit. Why, why, why. We have been telling her that it is not safe for her to be home alone any more. She asks why, we say because of her dementia. Is there something else we could say?
i am surprised no one else commented back to you..including the author of this channel...maybe a simple statement, such as Mom, because we love you...is the best thing you can say...logic no longer works...so a positive emotional response is best...imho....but i surely am no expert..and I struggle with all this with my 83 yr old mom, also, with vascular Dem...as I try to honor her rights and wishes to remain in her home, but no the eventuality is she will need to be in memory care soonenough...its deciding WHEN to pull the trigger, that is the tough part...the whole process is pure GUT WRENCHING and heart ache..
My mother is early middle stages of dementia, and I, her son, am her only surviving family member. She appears to me to have vascular dementia, that was worsened by a stroke she had on left neck line area of the brain about a year ago. She refuses to be diagnosed and is in total denial. She has put herself in dangerous situations, has caused property damage, and she is non-compliant medically. I have a hard time trying to avoid "hitting her between the eyes" that she has lost mental and physical capacity, and is very subject to falls and stroke. She refuses to stop driving because she doesn't want to ask me for anything, because then she must accept that she is no longer capable of living the life she once had. We live together now, and she says that the house is hers, and she wants me to move out, and then the next day, she can't remember saying that. She cannot live on her own, and I am tiring of trying to get her to accept her limits and help from me. What should I do? Should I contact the doctor and force her to get a diagnosis, or does it really matter? I am seeing this situation destroy our relationship.
I placed my wife in a Board and Care home recently. Should I bring her back home periodically (she needs to be brought places in a wheelchair) or should I leave her at the facility during holidays?
Should my husband be made to understand he has Lewy Body Dementia with Parkinsons? He is well aware of every day life and what is going on. He is in denial of anything he does wrong and blames it on me. The doctor has mentioned it to him but did not explain what the disease meant or what true future could bring.
Why does my loved one insist on empting her draws on the bed and spreading it out three or more times a day. I ask her and she says she has to and gets upset when I try to put it back.
My wife would set out milk or juice and cookies all over the house, day or night. For the children! She was a school teacher for 35 years and before that cared for her four younger sisters after she got about ten and her mother had some kind of mental deficiency.
What about explaining when person with Alzheimer's keeps frequently saying they feel so stupid and or know something is wrong. Or to help them understand why they r doing certain things.ex. letting dogs out, getting lost etc.
The person I am dealing with hasn't been formally diagnosed, but I have used her tips anyway. This had a hard time understanding why he couldn't do certain things due to a condition they had. I always try to find something the person could relate to. For example, I told them about a condition I have and how I need a tool to make me safer and then I explained that the thing they had was helping them live easier. Sometimes it would stop the frustration, other times I have tried to explain again what was going on like they never asked before. I try to empathize with them too. "Everybody forgets something sometimes."
Hi Pat! Offer comfort to them. Let them know it's not their fault and that you are there to help them. Sometimes it can be helpful to let them know that they will be following up with doctors to get the absolute best help. As always, no one approach works for everyone, but in general, when people notice they are not remembering things or doing things wrong, giving them comfort and support is a good approach.
My husband was diagnosed with FTD last October. His sister asked the neurologist this question. She asked my sister-in-law do you really want him to know that he has this and there’s nothing to do for it? Of course we don’t!
Thank you for this video! I am VERY new to caregiving with the older generation (I have experience with children as I was a Preschool Teacher prior to this job) so this is helpful. One of my clients has mild dementia but prior to this they were a Therapist (PhD). They noticed that they are “losing it” “losing themselves” (in their words) and asks me what is wrong with them. Now here is where I wondered if I should tell them. My gut was to tell them of their diagnosis in which I did thinking it would help them understand that they are not “losing themselves” but rather it is a condition that happens with aging. At first they seemed relieved to hear this but later on they became sad. I now know not to do this... but my question to you is what would you suggest I do in this case? How would I be able to console them without telling them of their diagnosis? Any way to reword or rephrase?
Thank you for your videos. I have just started watching, and sharing them. This one really struck a chord. My mom hasn't known us for a while, but now she is worried because she doesn't remember who she is. She is very worried she is stupid. (Her words) I try to calm her by telling her that she isn't, and she can't remember things because of this disease she has. It seems to calm her, for a minute, until she forgets again. Is this appropriate or is there a better way to handle it? Thanks, Kim
No one told my husband he had vascular dementia but I would want to know if it were me. I told him and explained it was from the stroke. His response was he didn’t have it and he didn’t want to talk about it so I dropped it and ask him if he was hungry? No point to continue the first conversation .
Weird. This popped up in my feed right as I'm struggling to explain to my mother that the brain damage from her stroke is more severe than she is willing to admit. She has good days and bad days but unfortunately she doesn't remember the bad ones so she is convinced that she is a lot healthier than she is.
Caregivers are seeking Consent and Permission from their loved one with dementia. It is a futile exercise. It is like dealing with a 5-year old. You are the parent now. You just need to convince them to Comply. Have faith in your own intentions.
My 93 year old mother has stage 4-5 Alzheimers and lives on her own. She is in total denial of her condition and just thinks her memory is going a bit. She refuses to let her carers carry out basic household tasks saying she can do them herself , she'll do it later or it doesn't need doing. Mother now needs to be placed into a Care Home because her mental capacity is endangering her health and safety. I tell her she has a problem but she will not accept the state she is in. All my siblings agree that mother's Alzheimer's is rapidly increasing but she will never accept that she needs help. We despair of the day when I find her a Care Home to move in to. Mother simply will resist and say she can manage on her own.
That's so much like my father who is 94, but still a little more able to do a few things for himself. Currently, he doesn't need to go into a care home, thank God for that. I wish you endurance and robust health to take you through your arduous journey. The role of a caregiver is a labour of love, for sure😕😥
This advice only applies if the person actually has dementia. Reminding a person who doesn't have dementia a few times a day that they have dementia however is a great idea and after enough times becomes fairly entertaining.
Can I donate w/o going on Facebook U helped me to understand how to be a careblazer. My wife and I are doing fine She calls me ninja. Thanks to ip cams. My wife keeps fighting back. I have to separate them, then listen to her cry and say that’s not my mom for an hour or 2 till she comes down. I be like ninja w/ her too. Watching mom on my iPhone and nodding yes I tell her to watch your show it helps. She always say she needs something for her head. Drugs booze anything. Like right now it’s 9am. She finally agreed to watch cuz I said this show is about caretakers and how to take care yourself so you can be a ninja like me and not be angry all the time. Thx for your help. Hoping after she watch,she will help me donate.
It sounds like you are doing a great job caring for your loved one. You are so sweet to want to donate. There is no need to do so, but if you would like, go to www.patreon.com/Careblazers It is a different website than Facebook. Keep up the good work, Careblazer!
He's had a diagnosis before he just can't remember so I got to go do it again so I'll know where he stands so he'll have a peace of mind so I'll have a piece of mind he's got a house and a car and all kinds of there's many other reasons for other than adulation cuz that ain't what I'm going for
Its fcked up but I just wanna see there reaction even if its not much. Just the idea of them Realizing they have dementia and then realizing they will forget they have dementia. Is so fascinating/cruel.
My mom has Alzheimer's. I have noticed that she gets resentful if I notify medical professionals about her condition. I started writing a quick note on the form you fill out at medical appointments so I don't have to say it out loud. This seems to eliminate any conflict. Also, I told the bank teller my mom was hard of hearing and had Alzheimer's because my mom just wasn't comprehending anything the teller was saying. My mom got really pissed and told me to sit down and wait for her in the lobby because she didn't need any help. Since then, I have been waiting in the lobby and figured if she needs my help, she will motion for me to come over.
*"Should you remind someone they have dementia?"* What kind of question is that?? Of course, you should! And you should remind them every 10 minutes just in case they forget!
What are you talking about? I agree that telling your loved one they have dementia is often not the best approach but also your suggestions on what to tell your mother about why she can’t make dinner is not very workable. “ Tell her you want to make dinner for her.” Unfortunately many people can not be available to intercede by making themselves available continually to do something or suggest something to steer the other person. Not every care giver has the energy to be all the time on notice to prevent a mishap. If you haven’t noticed there is a shortage of persons to help a caregiver. I think you are young and full of advice but haven’t any tested experience. Good luck with your u tube career.
Thank you for the information. I have to treat my mother like a toddler. She has no concept that she can not do anything. She will tell me she went to the post office, went shopping etc. She has not done anything for 6 years. That is how I explain to people how to treat my mom, like a toddler...sometimes like a drunk toddler. No reasoning with them. Very frustrating. Like most of you, I also have no friends and have not left my city in 6 years
Since both my husband and I are older I try to make it like it's not just him that forgets things. I ask him to help me remember things, even though there is hardly any chance he will remember. It takes the focus off his memory, keeps me humble .
That's love in a nutshell! Such a loving way to navigate your way through what I've come to observe in my 94-year old father, as a very cruel disease of ageing. I pray a very blessed journey for you and your husband. (10/10/21)
That's is so cute! Very heart warming way to deal with dementia.
I hardly follow anything on social media but have found Dr Nutall’s careblazers videos so helpful in understanding and managing my mum who has dementia. In UK, health and support systems are very different from U.S but we have this in common - there is not enough support for families of dementia suffers and dementia is the same bugger of a disease wherever in the world you live.
Thank you for valuable advice and feeling some support from your videos from afar!
My mum has severe vascular dementia. The only time I remind her about her dementia is when she berates herself and tells me she's stupid. I sympathise and say "it must be awful feeling that way" but then again explain she has a biological issue deep in her brain that affects her memory; she's not stupid at all. It's a physical, medical problem. This usually reassures her.
Edit: Temporarily! 😊
I must remember that way of reassuring my father. Thanks for sharing. Take care.
@@dgformersinna8644 Thank you for your lovely reply. Thinking of you and your father. It's a painful situation all round.
My mum died in March 2020 and I admit it was a relief. It was good timing in a way as lockdown was about to hit. Three months later my 19 year old son died in an accident. That has over-shadowed grief around losing my parents, to be honest.
I wish you well and send a hug.
@@kyliejones8827 A big hug back to you Kylie and how I feel for you being hit by bereavement twice in horrible ways and in such a short space of time - not even time to draw breath😢... but I trust God to keep you strong, as He has kept me. Sometimes I feel like a wrung out and shaken out rag doll, barely functioning, constantly trying to catch-up with my personal things. Praying for your healing🙏🏽
@@dgformersinna8644 Thank you. 🙏
Dementia actually damages the gray matter of the brain so not that deep
Im struggling with my mother having dimentia. For years i thought she hated me until i moved back home after 18 years living 2000 miles away and her sending weirdo texts to send to my therapist. Then i hot here and she doesnt even remember what she said to me two minutes in a conversation. Had no idea how bad it was.
Meanwhile, your video was helpful because alcoholism and drug use is the same. She doesnt have that but resentment for asking them to have a better day that doesnt effect anyone else is key. Thats my dad but he quit substances in 1995. Doesnt change though. Pray for me dealing with a mentally ill mother and chemically altered father.
Thank you so much for your words of wisdom I have been doing all the things you said not to do and I think I was hurting my mother in the process I just want her to be safe and to understand why I need her to do the things I ask. You are right she just gets aggravated at me and she doesn’t believe she has Alzheimer’s. Your videos they are so helpful.
I'm glad the videos are helpful to you. Don't be hard on yourself about the way you did things in the past. Caring for someone with dementia is a process and you are doing an excellent job. Watching videos and trying to learn on your own about the disease goes to show just how much you care. Keep up the good work!
People who has Alzheimer's disease don't even realize they have it the disease is a slow process of changing their brain so they won't notice it, don't blame yourself or her cuz it's no one's fault
Yes, it makes total sense to me. Thank you. My moms going to the doctor this week, and 100% know what they’re going to say. I’ve been kind of doing this by saying you don’t remember so good, I’ve got you. I can do that for you. It’s food for thought. She’s still here sometimes, but she only retains part of the conversations.
Thankyou this I feel is such a important subject and I’m so glad I’ve listened to it. Even having dementia my husband still has feelings and is part off our family!
You're so right. They still have feelings and it must be very frightening to be in their position.
Thank you so much, I have just joined and this has been very difficult. I have watched many of your videos and all have brought tears!! You have hit home on so many issues!! I Have learned so much already and found I have been going about caring for my mom all wrong. Among everything else I am now fighting close family members who are in total denial and feed into her paranoia and lies that have developed. I am overwhelmed and again so thankful for finding you!!!
I'm glad you found the videos and that they are helping. You are not alone. If you haven't joined the closed FB community, you can request access here so you can get support from others who understand what you are going through and may be able to offer some insight. Here is the link: facebook.com/groups/dementiacareblazers/
This is exactly what I’m going through. So painful.
Bob, my husband has recently said he doesn't know why he gets so upset with some people and has changed his attitude around some people. He knows he is changing his way of looking at things , he ask me if it is the dementia. I told him 90% of the time he doesn't feel like this. He knows I go to support and wants me to ask about it next time I go. It's so hard because has always been opinionated but now he is even more so, he was very rude to a lady on the phone yesterday and this morning said he needs to tell her he is sorry for the way he spoke to her . I had already e mailed her to apologize . He is a good man and knows things are changing with him, he doesn't understand why and I don't know if I should tell him it is the dementia. He doesn't know all that can occur in this disease.
I have had zero help in anyway for basically 2 and a half years with great outlook in something I didn't even sign up for,moved in only as roommate to the initial idiots living with him,don't get me wrong but they were taking advantage and he didn't have 2 penny's to rub together, I didn't want to get involved but wound up I got them out since I was only one paying my rent,since then no friends,he is a nice gentleman 77 I've grown fond of him, now I've become the guy who appreciates him nice home,he covers his mortgage I cover utilities and then some ,,so I'm going nuts and lost my cool a couple times and find great knowledge from your videos,,thank u for listening and letting me vent,, I have learned a lot from u
This makes perfect sense. I haven’t reminded my spouse of his Dementia since right after he was told he’s not allowed to drive anymore. He doesn’t remember it anyway.
Thank you so much for all your videos you tube. It has helped me tremendously! Thank you from the bottom of my heart! My husband is 81 and I am 77. He was tested by a group os Senior Care Dr's and they claimed he has a mld cognitive condition This was 7 months ago. He has become much worse as of this date. He is very difficult to live with and I do hav lot of health issues as well. He is a very stubborn British man and has always been very independent. Now he knows he has issues with his memory that are becoming worse. So now, he is hostile, cranky, and watches TV alot of the day or naps! So he does not want to do any of the daily chores to keep the house clean and tidy. So I,ve become very impatient with him at times which makes him worse.
I will definitely donate to your videos! You re wonderful and so helpful! Thanks!!!!
Glad it helped!
HI Linda, This is Trisha. Dr. Natali's social media manager. I'm sorry to hear about your situation;. Here is a TH-cam video she made that I hope can help you with your situation. 💖 th-cam.com/video/lWtOJVTNTYw/w-d-xo.html
th-cam.com/video/SyGH5TFKre4/w-d-xo.html
Great video and right on target. You have been of great help with information and insight. I really appreciate your efforts.
Thank you, Ron.
For my spouse, I have stopped using the word 'remember' unless I have pictures or videos from family or trips. These times do in fact help here to remember. Thanks!
My husband is starting to show obvious signs of dementia. I'm starting to keep a mental list of things he's still good at that I can ask him to do to divert him from the ones he shouldn't be doing. I'm also assisting him with things he used to be good at, letting him do the less confusing tasks. Example: When he sets up the coffee for church, I go with him to deal with the alarm system while he goes down to set up the coffee and snacks. He used to be the "go-to guy" when the alarm messed up. Now he gets confused and messes it up every week... so I've taken over dealing with the alarm. I usually tag along with the excuse that "I have some things I need to do at church too."
Steve often is apologetic for forgetting something, like who I am. I've been assuring him it's not his fault it's just the Alzheimer's disease. I don't think he understands what AD is, but it deflects the blame away from him. Sometimes I tell him it's his CRS (Can't Remember Shit). Then He smiles. He used to say he has CRS when he'd forget something. Sometimes I tell him it's his birthdays. He's had so many of them. He used to use that to explain something he couldn't do as well as he could before
Hi Gwen! I LOVE the CRS diagnosis! lol. You are doing a great job! Sometimes it's harder when the person realizes something is wrong with them. It makes it a bit more heartbreaking. You are doing a wonderful job at explaining it and not letting him feel bad for something outside of his control. Keep up the good work!
Thanks for sharing. I will use the CRS for myself😉.
Dear Dr. Natalie you are really helping me understand what’s happening in my days caring for my sister. Many many many thanks.
I'm so glad you are finding it helpful!
Distraction has it's limitations but sadly when someone (with dementia) becomes fixated of obsessive to the point of aggression and all avenues of persuasion have been tried..... Medication or increase in medication is the only route. I find that (my own personal experience) that my mother in law tends to go through around 2 to 3, sometimes 6 months of fairly stable times and then, within a matter of a week there is a period degradation that seemingly only can be stabilised with an increase of medication. In that week there is no sleeping, no cooperation (can't agree with anything), aggression, hitting, pushing etc.... It can be very tiring. Seems the brain sleeps for a while and suddenly wakes up and says 'I don't want to play'. Kind of like the tantrums of a two year old but in adult form. Very disconcerting. I can only assume that the dementia follows a period of regression somewhat like the growth spurts in children except in reverse. She has calcification of the brain - brain like swiss cheese but predominantly in frontal lobe. She complains about being deaf, however it is her inability to cognitively process what is being said that is the problem. She hates bathing or showering (possibly too much information causing anxiety) and she is too proud to accept assistance and possibly too embarrassed. Makes for difficult times. Regards your comment on telling the person they have dementia.... What's the point? They won't remember. I realise that what I have said could sound negative, however, harping on at a person who in all likelyhood will forget an hour or a day later isn't worth the effort and besides, whose feelings are you trying to vindicate? I personally would much rather have a day of cooperation, smiles etc than fighting. Caregivers.... We have brains, something that I am sure dementia patients (if they could remember) would genuinely appreciate.... Lets be grateful and use them.
Thank you for sharing these videos, they are so very helpful. My mom (technically grandma) is 101 years old, and she was in excellent health and shape until at 96 her vision got too bad for her to drive, even though she couldn’t drive she was still mentally sharp as a tack until she turned 99. Even now she has some good days and some bad days, memory wise, and her body has recently been getting weaker making it more difficult for her to walk around and get up by herself but she still tries. Even though we are always right next to her just in case she needs support. I am the youngest in the family and even though I am almost 60 years old she always thinks of me as her baby because she raised me since I was 6 months old when my birth mother (mom’s daughter died). I say all this to say that even though she is 101, she was able to stay by herself for short periods of time until recently. For the last year & 1/2 we have had one of us with every minute. Some days she realizes she needs us there. But some days she doesn’t and your videos have taught us all some extremely great ways to make her difficult days not as bad for her. So, I sincerely thank Dr. Natalie and encourage all careblazers to keep supporting this channel. I don’t know what our family would do without your help. Thanks
Always welcome! 💖
Sending you so much love. You will forever be a part of the Careblazer family. Thank you for being there for your loved one when they needed you most. 💖
Thank you . You really saved me . I thought I was by myself
Absolutely, this question came up recently on my support page, the question came up should I remind my mother she had dementia!
You are a angel. Just don't realize it. I thank you so so muck. Made my life better with how to talk to my wife, with D.😌
Glad I could help
I think that your videos are so helpful to families with members in denial about the dimentia patient (usually this is a family member who is not always around the dimentia patient). People sometimes need to hear things from a new voice that they might consider an 'authority'. The Caregiver can send links to your videos and hope they are watched!
You are so welcome!
Excellent. Yes a lot of sense.
Word can be helpful easy to move around and not hurt.
Its like you were here this afternoon when I tried to tell her she could let me make the plan for the day because her memory is not so great. It did not go well. I'll take your approach next time.
my husband forgot how to use remote presses some button it goesoff .asks hundred times to set it..he does not do any paper work,but carries lot of diaries with phone numbers and calanders and other rubbish.he wont let us clean the room spreads across the whole room .he doesnot listen he might slip and fall.i tried to explain nicer way.but looses patience how to deal with it.
Thankyou so much 💓 for your videos they help me to understand and redirect my Lo s behavior may God ,blessyou always 🙏❤
I was doing this wrong. Your dress and hair are very pretty.
Thanks!
You're welcome, I'm glad the video helped. Thank you so much for your help! 💖
The person I know and have questioned you about isn't diagnosed yet, but I don't focus on how he can't remember. If in the grand scheme of things the time of doing a task doesn't really matter, sometimes I just wait 10 minutes or ask him if he would like to do it later. I try to just adapt to the person's needs.
That is a wonderful approach! The perfect Careblazer way of responding...keep up the good c,are, Lauren!
I seen a tick tock video the other day, a daughter recording her father asking if he knows he has dementia to pacify a viewer,,,just silly! I see no need to remind my mother. She's not difficult, neither did her father appear to be. I love your way of avoiding reminding them❤
Thank you! This make perfect sense to me.
Great advice. Thank you 😊
My LOWD refuses to accept an in home caregiver and wants me to stay with him all day, every day. This is becoming impossible. How can I get him to accept this person without telling him that he needs help. I tried telling him the person was there to help me, but he said there is nothing for them to do. I am at the end of my rope and so is his son, so his son told him he has dementia and needs help and needs to make it work. Not sure if that worked, but we will see in a few days when the caretaker returns.
Totally makes sense... This is a GREAT reminder! THANK YOU 😘
Very helpful video, Thank You!!!!
You are welcome!
I remind my mom so she understands why I am taking over her details. I dont like doing it. I would love a better approach.
Oh my word! I wish it were that simple 😔
Although this is 6 years old post, it is very still relevant. My mother in law has no cognitive capacity to understand what is dementia anyway , so I basically tell her that there is something wrong with her brain.
My mother in law is still able to go to a nearby grocery by foot and is able to buy red wine, which is making her worse. She is basically an alcoholic.she would say a lot “ I don’t feel too good “ in the morning well she has a hang over😩
Thank you for your input and advice.
I will stop reminding my mom about her dementia. What should I do with my moms brooding and focusing on the graphic and unpleasant memories.
Good advice.
It's really sad that everyone around the person knows they have dementia, except the person who has it, because they don't believe it. We've never told him and I don't think he's caught on or ever will.
I honestly think a person with dementia knows that something is wrong with him or her but they just don't want to admit to having a problem.
Very helpful tips 👌
Very helpful approach. Thanks your ideas make sense . Dr Prashantham
So nice of you
Thank you so much. We are 6 sisters struggling with how best to relate, communicate and help our Mom. Question: Our Dad died 3 years ago. Mom keeps asking where he is and why didn't someone tell her he was sick. Thanks for your help.
Dont tell her he died, she will only forget you told her and it will stress her out. Just tell her hes gone shopping
Its strange that my mothers doctor did not mention that my mom had dementia and provide information on what possibly could be done. Instead we have been frustrated for years dealing with an aging person. What tension and problems could have been avoided for years! I only became aware when we had visiting nurses and a social worker come to the house after a fall, and I was in tears. The social worker said, "she doesn't mean what she says, it's cognitive deficit." No one ever said anything. I realize now I was dealing with it for years, perhaps decades, and no one ever said anything, ever!
My mom was just diagnosed and trying to work with her on proper care has been a challenge so fare. She wants at home care and wont budge but she why spent been living for years now is completely unsafe ugh. We tried to step in and now that things are finally happening to get her help it's still difficult. She doesn't realize she needs to be in a locked facility with 24hour care for her safety.
I take care of my husband with dementia. 24/7. I do nothing else, but take care of him. Can I get compancation from his insurance? Or any other outlet?
My wife has not been diagnosed with dementia. The question I can't get answered is: How do I get my wife to admit she has cognitive issues and needs to seek medical help? Any hint or suggestion to that possibility is met by instant hostility with statements like, "I know what I'm doing" or "I'm not crazy". What can I say to my wife that will make her agree to be assessed by a doctor.
My question also. How do I get her to see an MD or even less likely, a neurologist? She could have vascular dementia and we could do something about that. But she won't go to a doctor for anything much less a cognitive problem.
We had the same situation with my mum. We talked to our regular doctor who knows her for years now about this and that we suspect dementia. Then we booked a normal health check up with her there and the doctor tested her without her knowing. Doctors are used to it, because so many people are in the same situation. After it was clear that she has it, he told her and my dad and sended her to a specialist. She was not happy, but for her it looked like he discovered it during a normal check up. Yes, we felt shady about it but it took the pressure off from us and she finally got help.
@@brucemacsr.6776 From everything I can gather Ellen Schafer's response to my comment appears to be the only avenue to pursue. Best wishes & God bless you and yours.
I feel like I have to remind my husband age 61 he cannot start a new business or take on may more business accounting tax work because of his diagnosis. Is that wrong? I'm trying to save us/ him from financial issues later. People are starting to notice his problems though they would never say anything to him.... But how else to protect us???
Our loved one has an oversized calendar where reminders are written, ie time meals are delivered, appointments, & tasks like 9:00 Bath. With Alzheimers her short term memory is more impacted now & habit prior to diagnosis was daily crossing off the day & knowing what current day entails. Lately, calendar dates aren’t crossed off & the bath day & time has always been the same schedule. On that day the response to bath is disgruntled & dread w/ bewilderment that she thought the bath day was the next day. Ultimately when bath is finished she loves the feeling & fresh clothes. She seems indifferent to notations on the calendar. Is there a better response to her statement “‘I thought bath day was on (the next day) Friday!’” ?
Could you just go with her thoughts- I mean if she thinks bath is tomorrow, couldn't you just say something like yeah, you are right? And just help her the day she thinks it is? My person always thinks that it's Friday, and instead of arguing about how it's not, I just go with it. There are other situations where I just go along with their way as long as it doesn't harm them.
It sounds like you are doing a great job! The general rule of thumb is to avoid getting into any arguments. You may have to try different approaches to see what works best since everyone is different. One idea is to reply, "The bath got moved up to today, you are going to feel so good when it's over." If she really seems stuck on looking at her calendar, you can make sure the days are crossed off to the appropriate day before telling her it's bath day, that way when she looks at the calendar she will see that it is the correct day. Get creative, do a little trial and error, and see what works best for her. Good luck!
My dad has 'stage 6e' vascular dementia. How do you tell your dad in his 2am bathroom run that he needs to accept help from the caregiver when I'm not there. I understand reminding him every night before bed is something he may forget. But he has dementia and bad neuropathy in feet/legs. Very unsteady, and a fall risk. We need to check how well he cleaned himself too but insists (sometimes) he can do it himself. I don't tell him anymore that he has dementia but tell him he has some memory issues and the neuropathy which is why we have the caregiver to help him navigate with that. But, doesn't like that answer. I don't want him to get agitated with the caregiver which has happened a couple of times.
I find it interesting that when he wets himself, he allows caregiver to change him with no problem. He knows that's beyond him.
How should I go about stopping my husband from being manipulated by his so called well meaning friends into bad decisions? He is in the early stages and still capable in the most part of independency.
Block some phone numbers?
PCP can help with power of financial decisions?
@@alysononoahu8702 PCP please explain.
im trying real hard but i have a lot to deal with in my own life and i just simpley DO NOT have the patience, knowledge or just simpley not smart enogh to come up with all these alternate ways to deal with this kind of condition, HELP!!! what can i do??? I myself are a recoverd drug user so its enogh dealing with my own demons. And in my situation im dealing with 2 family members and im all alone. Just want to end it all but i cant just leave them to dry. PLEASE i need advice.
I'm sorry you are struggling so hard. I have just been thrown into a caregiver role very suddenly and at long distance. It's a nightmare. I can empathize. Get as much advice from a seasoned person in recovery. Let go and let G-d, as far as your expectations go. Be gentle with yourself and them. Sometimes we have to rise to the occasion because it's the right thing to do, even when we don't feel equipped. I hope now, 3 months later you have a better handle on things. Peace friend
So sorry to hear of your struggles. Do try to find out about support groups, talking therapy/counselling and other essential support for your physical and mental health's sake. Your doctor should be able to signpost you and maybe refer you to have a caseworker to support you through this? I cannot imagine being in your situation but you are not alone. Don't struggle to deal with this in isolation, whatever you do. Take good care.
PS: as it has been 11 months since you posted, I am truly hoping that your situation has improved through much needed support. (30/7/21)
Is using a notebook helpful to communicate with my family and my Mom with dementia?
This is very helpful. I wonder if you have advice on what to say when my dear lady (91 years old) can't get it out of her mind that she "urgently needs to call her mom and check on her. Where's her husband? He was just here. We need to call... do you have the number?" I can usually distract for a bit or day we'll call her daughter later after she gets home, but it will come back over and over until I get trapped and gently say, they have gone on to heaven. There must be a way to avoid that, but I can't come up with it.
A+..thanks again...love u
Thank you, could you make a video that addresses when a loved one with dementia knows that they have dementia and is in psychological pain because of it?
HI Kaersten, This is Trisha. Dr. Natali's social media manager. I'm sorry to hear about your situation;. Here is a TH-cam video she made that I hope can help you with your situation. 💖 th-cam.com/video/o3SrplFGsoo/w-d-xo.html
I have made this mistake and after this and many other videos I have changed my APPROACH.
I've eliminated these phrases from my previous attempts.
1. Don't you remember
2. Remember we talked about this before
3. What are you doing.
Instead I have changed my responses from the above to
1. How is your day going?
Instead of what are you doing.
2. Well before we talk about your question..what would you like to eat or drink. Then give time to listen and agree no matter what. Spending time just listening and trying to get the person to talk about whatever comes to their mind.
Should my brother ever ask me if he has dementia, I would never lie about this. But I'd add that I am here to help him as well as other people.
thank you
You are always welcome.
My mother keeps asking WHY she has to stay in memory care - almost every time we visit. Why, why, why. We have been telling her that it is not safe for her to be home alone any more. She asks why, we say because of her dementia. Is there something else we could say?
i am surprised no one else commented back to you..including the author of this channel...maybe a simple statement, such as Mom, because we love you...is the best thing you can say...logic no longer works...so a positive emotional response is best...imho....but i surely am no expert..and I struggle with all this with my 83 yr old mom, also, with vascular Dem...as I try to honor her rights and wishes to remain in her home, but no the eventuality is she will need to be in memory care soonenough...its deciding WHEN to pull the trigger, that is the tough part...the whole process is pure GUT WRENCHING and heart ache..
My mother is early middle stages of dementia, and I, her son, am her only surviving family member. She appears to me to have vascular dementia, that was worsened by a stroke she had on left neck line area of the brain about a year ago. She refuses to be diagnosed and is in total denial. She has put herself in dangerous situations, has caused property damage, and she is non-compliant medically. I have a hard time trying to avoid "hitting her between the eyes" that she has lost mental and physical capacity, and is very subject to falls and stroke. She refuses to stop driving because she doesn't want to ask me for anything, because then she must accept that she is no longer capable of living the life she once had. We live together now, and she says that the house is hers, and she wants me to move out, and then the next day, she can't remember saying that. She cannot live on her own, and I am tiring of trying to get her to accept her limits and help from me. What should I do? Should I contact the doctor and force her to get a diagnosis, or does it really matter? I am seeing this situation destroy our relationship.
I placed my wife in a Board and Care home recently. Should I bring her back home periodically (she needs to be brought places in a wheelchair) or should I leave her at the facility during holidays?
Should my husband be made to understand he has Lewy Body Dementia with Parkinsons?
He is well aware of every day life and what is going on. He is in denial of anything he does wrong and blames it on me. The doctor has mentioned it to him but did not explain what the disease meant or what true future could bring.
Why does my loved one insist on empting her draws on the bed and spreading it out three or more times a day. I ask her and she says she has to and gets upset when I try to put it back.
My wife would set out milk or juice and cookies all over the house, day or night. For the children! She was a school teacher for 35 years and before that cared for her four younger sisters after she got about ten and her mother had some kind of mental deficiency.
What about explaining when person with Alzheimer's keeps frequently saying they feel so stupid and or know something is wrong. Or to help them understand why they r doing certain things.ex. letting dogs out, getting lost etc.
The person I am dealing with hasn't been formally diagnosed, but I have used her tips anyway. This had a hard time understanding why he couldn't do certain things due to a condition they had. I always try to find something the person could relate to. For example, I told them about a condition I have and how I need a tool to make me safer and then I explained that the thing they had was helping them live easier. Sometimes it would stop the frustration, other times I have tried to explain again what was going on like they never asked before. I try to empathize with them too. "Everybody forgets something sometimes."
Hi Pat! Offer comfort to them. Let them know it's not their fault and that you are there to help them. Sometimes it can be helpful to let them know that they will be following up with doctors to get the absolute best help. As always, no one approach works for everyone, but in general, when people notice they are not remembering things or doing things wrong, giving them comfort and support is a good approach.
My husband was diagnosed with FTD last October. His sister asked the neurologist this question. She asked my sister-in-law do you really want him to know that he has this and there’s nothing to do for it? Of course we don’t!
Thank you for this video! I am VERY new to caregiving with the older generation (I have experience with children as I was a Preschool Teacher prior to this job) so this is helpful. One of my clients has mild dementia but prior to this they were a Therapist (PhD). They noticed that they are “losing it” “losing themselves” (in their words) and asks me what is wrong with them. Now here is where I wondered if I should tell them. My gut was to tell them of their diagnosis in which I did thinking it would help them understand that they are not “losing themselves” but rather it is a condition that happens with aging. At first they seemed relieved to hear this but later on they became sad. I now know not to do this... but my question to you is what would you suggest I do in this case? How would I be able to console them without telling them of their diagnosis? Any way to reword or rephrase?
Thank you for your videos. I have just started watching, and sharing them.
This one really struck a chord. My mom hasn't known us for a while, but now she is worried because she doesn't remember who she is. She is very worried she is stupid. (Her words) I try to calm her by telling her that she isn't, and she can't remember things because of this disease she has. It seems to calm her, for a minute, until she forgets again. Is this appropriate or is there a better way to handle it?
Thanks,
Kim
I never remind my mom about her dementia, she says I must be crazy...lol
No one told my husband he had vascular dementia but I would want to know if it were me. I told him and explained it was from the stroke. His response was he didn’t have it and he didn’t want to talk about it so I dropped it and ask him if he was hungry? No point to continue the first conversation .
Weird. This popped up in my feed right as I'm struggling to explain to my mother that the brain damage from her stroke is more severe than she is willing to admit. She has good days and bad days but unfortunately she doesn't remember the bad ones so she is convinced that she is a lot healthier than she is.
Caregivers are seeking Consent and Permission from their loved one with dementia. It is a futile exercise. It is like dealing with a 5-year old. You are the parent now. You just need to convince them to Comply. Have faith in your own intentions.
My 93 year old mother has stage 4-5 Alzheimers and lives on her own. She is in total denial of her condition and just thinks her memory is going a bit. She refuses to let her carers carry out basic household tasks saying she can do them herself , she'll do it later or it doesn't need doing. Mother now needs to be placed into a Care Home because her mental capacity is endangering her health and safety. I tell her she has a problem but she will not accept the state she is in. All my siblings agree that mother's Alzheimer's is rapidly increasing but she will never accept that she needs help. We despair of the day when I find her a Care Home to move in to. Mother simply will resist and say she can manage on her own.
That's so much like my father who is 94, but still a little more able to do a few things for himself. Currently, he doesn't need to go into a care home, thank God for that. I wish you endurance and robust health to take you through your arduous journey. The role of a caregiver is a labour of love, for sure😕😥
I just want to figure out a way to tell him he cant drive without him getting irate every time.
This advice only applies if the person actually has dementia. Reminding a person who doesn't have dementia a few times a day that they have dementia however is a great idea and after enough times becomes fairly entertaining.
I don't have a desire to remind him it's been one whole year haven't even said the word Demintia
Can I donate w/o going on Facebook
U helped me to understand how to be a careblazer. My wife and I are doing fine She calls me ninja. Thanks to ip cams.
My wife keeps fighting back.
I have to separate them, then listen to her cry and say that’s not my mom for an hour or 2 till she comes down. I be like ninja w/ her too.
Watching mom on my iPhone and nodding yes I tell her to watch your show it helps. She always say she needs something for her head. Drugs booze anything. Like right now it’s 9am.
She finally agreed to watch cuz I said this show is about caretakers and how to take care yourself so you can be a ninja like me and not be angry all the time. Thx for your help. Hoping after she watch,she will help me donate.
It sounds like you are doing a great job caring for your loved one. You are so sweet to want to donate. There is no need to do so, but if you would like, go to www.patreon.com/Careblazers
It is a different website than Facebook. Keep up the good work, Careblazer!
He's had a diagnosis before he just can't remember so I got to go do it again so I'll know where he stands so he'll have a peace of mind so I'll have a piece of mind he's got a house and a car and all kinds of there's many other reasons for other than adulation cuz that ain't what I'm going for
Its fcked up but I just wanna see there reaction even if its not much. Just the idea of them Realizing they have dementia and then realizing they will forget they have dementia. Is so fascinating/cruel.
For me my dad is in denial and you can not reason with a person who is in denial, dementia, angry, and stubborn.
My mom has Alzheimer's. I have noticed that she gets resentful if I notify medical professionals about her condition. I started writing a quick note on the form you fill out at medical appointments so I don't have to say it out loud. This seems to eliminate any conflict. Also, I told the bank teller my mom was hard of hearing and had Alzheimer's because my mom just wasn't comprehending anything the teller was saying. My mom got really pissed and told me to sit down and wait for her in the lobby because she didn't need any help. Since then, I have been waiting in the lobby and figured if she needs my help, she will motion for me to come over.
I can't wait to get DEMENTIA..
I won't have to worry about bills or any debt I have...!!!😆😆😆😆😆
Nope. I leave them along and let them tell themselves they have dementia.
*"Should you remind someone they have dementia?"*
What kind of question is that?? Of course, you should! And you should remind them every 10 minutes just in case they forget!
Get RID of the stupid bells....it DETRACTS from message!!!!
What are you talking about? I agree that telling your loved one they have dementia is often not the best approach but also your suggestions on what to tell your mother about why she can’t make dinner is not very workable. “ Tell her you want to make dinner for her.” Unfortunately many people can not be available to intercede by making themselves available continually to do something or suggest something to steer the other person. Not every care giver has the energy to be all the time on notice to prevent a mishap. If you haven’t noticed there is a shortage of persons to help a caregiver. I think you are young and full of advice but haven’t any tested experience. Good luck with your u tube career.
Don't be ugly, Alfa.