agree, she didn't have enough of a chance to elaborate on what about herself needed to change. obviously people who perpetrate violence are the only ones who are at fault but people who become victims/survivors often don't realise that they have a choice about who they interact with or share intimacy with and that they have a choice about maintaining their own safety. if i had believed that what i wanted or didn't want mattered and that i had a choice i might not have stayed in abusive relationships/stayed friends with abusers. it was not my fault, but those people disempowered me and made me think i deserved what was being done to me and that i had no option of leaving and not coming back to them
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
ts difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back
you can hear her heart beating though her chest when she talks about her past experiences , yet she’s still strong enough to talk to bravely about them 🥺 such a courageous woman
Sometimes we listen expecting instructions, this served as confirmation and acknowledgement. Start over at conception, your inner child is waiting on you to come find it and raise it up in the love you are due.
I experienced Ayahuasca a couple of years ago and had visions of trauma followed by a vision of me attempting to rescue a little kid version of me, when I tried to reach for his hand though my hand went through it like a ghost.
Stuart Porteous Wow, that’s powerful I always have that feeling of wanting to save my child self. I talk to her every day.... sometimes I wish I could travel back and raise myself and look after myself. I had no one protecting me. Anyway thank you for sharing.
Same here, being so young and having experienced similar situations as her it felt good to know that I’m not alone nor am I at a complete fault for the situation
Agreed!!! Things happened like clockwork!! Over and over again!! I often wonder if I have a sign on me saying the same thing!! It feels good to see that I’m not alone!!i hope everyone’s journey process continues to go well!!
lost it at the part about going back for your childhood self. I've felt this so keenly in my journey healing from trauma and PTSD- going back for my younger self and teaching her that she's safe and it's okay to love is a long road. I also certainly resonate with the neon sign piece. Thank you, Dr. Kat Smith.
They need to teach kids about how to deal with this. It is happening to children too much and the education system needs to get into this. I personally hate men who do this to children. Something has to be done to stop this from happening. Too many lives ruined and too much happening to children. It just makes me angry and that guy should not be walking around any more.
I’m only now remembering my ex step father molested me several times growing up and I shut out the memories. I only have very little detail and there’s nothing I can do about it. He still has half custody of my half brother, and there’s nothing I can do about it.... I wish my memories would come back so I can save my brother but deep down I know it’s too late. Sometimes I just want to kill the guy. Nothing I can do about it...
I think every man who abuses a deserves to die my brother constantly abused me and I had many plans to murder him because my parents let him do it and were fine with it I finally got the chance to move just like her I slept with knifes and objects to beat him with to protect me especially since I had no room I had to sleep in a broken bed with one blanket in the dining room
The last answer was a really pointing at my direction. I really fear showing negative emotions in my family, especially towards my mother, who got really angry at me every time when I as younger was in bad mood. I see this also happening in my siblings, and its quite impossible to talk about it when everyone denies negative emotions :(
being able to say who did it to you is COURAGE- and I do not have that... but I am learning little by little that there is a possibility to breathe again through all of these. Thank you so much for this Dr. Kat Smith
Kat, thank you so much for sharing your experience. I am struggling with trauma and intimacy myself, and it feels like you gave me a direction. That can't be payed. Thank you. From all of my heart.
I related to so much of her story! And I appreciate her for also speaking on how men struggle in this culture with emotional developments which greatly affects their ability to have healthy, connected and nurturing experiences. Our culture has beaten them down so hard and made them believe they don't need, nor do they deserve love, nurturing and genuine care. EVERY human needs intimacy. Without it, we can "survive" but we'll never thrive. Without intimacy and emotional connection, we are reduced to mere mammals instead of being souls having a human experience.
Jeez. Thank you Kat. I Had to pull over as resonated so much like it was me sharing. It is wonderfu when we persevere from trauma and can freely talk about it from an empowered position not one of anymore fear guilt or shame. I needed this today. Much love to all 💜
The brain is structured differently in men and women; the portions of the brain that are stimulated during intimacy are also close to the aggressive parts of the brain. Emotional development is key!
Also very proud of you for not just how far you've come since we met, but also for sharing your story to inspire others. It's a good message. Too many of us wind up parenting our parents, or being left on our own and so we don't know how to relate to ourselves, much less other people.
I'm glad you got to share some of your story. I was hoping for more instruction or information. I just got that people who are molested cover it up and are more likely to fall to more predators, and that divulging pain is a way to get more intimate.
What started as a talk about intimacy turned into sharing about this truly horrible experience. All I get from that is: "If I survived this horrible thing than you should stop your whining..." Hearing Kat speaking of this only increased my distrust in relationships. Tough.
You do have a neon sign, but it's only visible to certain people sick enough to see it that way. To most, the sign just says that you're vulnerable and need help. To the sick ones it says "take advantage of me because I am an easy target and you'll get away with it". I know this because it has happened to me too. It's not your fault that a sick person can't read properly.
Olha sou homem e tenho vergonha dessa geração de abusadores, tenho nojo disso imagina as mulheres que sofrem nas mãos de alguns que não podem em hipótese alguma serem chamados de homem mais sim, monstros
Thank you for sharing. And for everyone reading this, be sure to be safe before taking on intimacy. In any relationship there has to be reciprocated empathy and willingness to listen without judging when talking about emotions. Women tend to judge straight men so easily and loose interest as soon as they see them in a vulnerable position, opening up or talking about their demons. And, well, you can only fight a few fights on this life so make sure it’s reciprocated back to you if you decide to do healing work for/with your partner. I personally believe that two can heal better than solo but only after some inner child work has been done first on an individual level. Think of it like that: imagine 2 scared kids running away from demons. It’s very possible they can help one another to fight them and come out as winners but most probably they won’t be capable to do so and now they’re both been chased by two dragons instead of one. Whereas if you meet your partner at a stage when you have done your personal inner work and he’s done the same then the couple can enjoy more of their authentic selves together and heal further with voluntary love and enjoyment. Contrary yes the bond between a couple that has fought fights together would be that their shared trauma is seen and experienced by both them as a team in the couples dynamic but it’s the trauma reinforcement of the mirror of your past self on the eyes of your beloved one that can make you take on a passive aggressive love language. 🙏🏼
As human beings we are really good at hiding painful memories. The narrow pathway stuff. We Bury them. Like, under the earth? Yeah, just like under the earth. If eutopian paradise is without pain., we are evolving by burying our pain under the earth. And, being a lover of writing, when I ain't got no more answers, I look at it literally. Buried our pain. Buried it. No, nope, you buried the pain, inner massachist, not a body. I buried the pain. Now, what am I gonna fed the soil to evolve the pain into pleasure?
This is f** horrible, Im so scared of a new relationship as a single mother cause I need to be sure my daughter will be fine, so many terrible cases of step fathers, this is a nightmare
Moody and stubborn behaviour brings fear in life. Stress and guilt stop blessing. Discrimination brings fear in life. Do praise of God daily then souls connect with love and coprate in life. Be kind be honest be grateful obey souls help souls it makes you confident in life.
I would love to have a personal conversation with this speaker, on the subject of what avenues she took, to become this developed in her career, to be able to stand in front of an audience, free of her burdens and fears, without anger.. And, how much did that, personally cost you, in your education, to do so?
This was way too short. The speaker, Kat Smith, obviously has volumes of experience and studies to share. I want to her more from her and about her.
motheryuba57 agreed, I want to sit down and talk with her. She’s real.
definitely too short...
agree, she didn't have enough of a chance to elaborate on what about herself needed to change. obviously people who perpetrate violence are the only ones who are at fault but people who become victims/survivors often don't realise that they have a choice about who they interact with or share intimacy with and that they have a choice about maintaining their own safety.
if i had believed that what i wanted or didn't want mattered and that i had a choice i might not have stayed in abusive relationships/stayed friends with abusers. it was not my fault, but those people disempowered me and made me think i deserved what was being done to me and that i had no option of leaving and not coming back to them
Yes I agree
Ted talks are all less then 30 minutes
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
ts difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back
amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach him
His name is Fatherabulu, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
He is Fatherabulu has great powers, he can help you.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked he up now online. impressive
you can hear her heart beating though her chest when she talks about her past experiences , yet she’s still strong enough to talk to bravely about them 🥺 such a courageous woman
Sometimes we listen expecting instructions, this served as confirmation and acknowledgement. Start over at conception, your inner child is waiting on you to come find it and raise it up in the love you are due.
I experienced Ayahuasca a couple of years ago and had visions of trauma followed by a vision of me attempting to rescue a little kid version of me, when I tried to reach for his hand though my hand went through it like a ghost.
Stuart Porteous Wow, that’s powerful I always have that feeling of wanting to save my child self. I talk to her every day.... sometimes I wish I could travel back and raise myself and look after myself. I had no one protecting me. Anyway thank you for sharing.
@@tamisweetie i feel the same way, i wish i could just go back in time and protect myself, tell me im enough and dont allow anybody to touch me
claudia Agreda I hope we have our moment... we will, we will my friend.
@@tamisweetie you guys a beautiful sharing honestly and openly, i understand what you mean. i want to send my inner child love
Ugh the "neon sign" spoke to me. I feel like a magnet for all the bad. I love how she speaks
Same here, being so young and having experienced similar situations as her it felt good to know that I’m not alone nor am I at a complete fault for the situation
Agreed!!!
Things happened like clockwork!! Over and over again!! I often wonder if I have a sign on me saying the same thing!! It feels good to see that I’m not alone!!i hope everyone’s journey process continues to go well!!
Qahnaarxn my sisters. Thank you for sharing, I was hit with anxiety, shame and self blame, but reading this definitely made me feel less bad❤️
It triggered something
Same af🥺
Another introspective survivor, to learn how to love love is not violence. I love you for your courage
Cate aCaTeLySteLeVeN so true...love is not violence. Amen to that. Fellow survivor here as well. 💜
Beautifully spoken. Makes me sad her mother never left him.
lost it at the part about going back for your childhood self. I've felt this so keenly in my journey healing from trauma and PTSD- going back for my younger self and teaching her that she's safe and it's okay to love is a long road.
I also certainly resonate with the neon sign piece.
Thank you, Dr. Kat Smith.
Isn't it amazing how you can hear her heartbeat?!
I was really looking for how to engage in intimacy after trauma, and I didn’t get that. But thank you for sharing your story.
They need to teach kids about how to deal with this. It is happening to children too much and the education system needs to get into this. I personally hate men who do this to children. Something has to be done to stop this from happening. Too many lives ruined and too much happening to children. It just makes me angry and that guy should not be walking around any more.
Women do it too I was molested by more women than men
Precisely. It's not only men - remember that, Maximus.
I’m only now remembering my ex step father molested me several times growing up and I shut out the memories. I only have very little detail and there’s nothing I can do about it. He still has half custody of my half brother, and there’s nothing I can do about it.... I wish my memories would come back so I can save my brother but deep down I know it’s too late. Sometimes I just want to kill the guy. Nothing I can do about it...
D'Jhane Costin my brother molested drugged and beat me 😐😐
I think every man who abuses a deserves to die my brother constantly abused me and I had many plans to murder him because my parents let him do it and were fine with it I finally got the chance to move just like her I slept with knifes and objects to beat him with to protect me especially since I had no room I had to sleep in a broken bed with one blanket in the dining room
The last answer was a really pointing at my direction. I really fear showing negative emotions in my family, especially towards my mother, who got really angry at me every time when I as younger was in bad mood. I see this also happening in my siblings, and its quite impossible to talk about it when everyone denies negative emotions :(
This is me aswell!!
omg yes!!!!!
Yes
This has helped so much with me dealing with my PTSD and hearing her talk so clearly is comforting. Thank you for this Ted x
It’s always the step parent. It’s hard to believe all of these moms didn’t know.
Amazingly brave woman.
Many times they don’t know but sometimes they do.
being able to say who did it to you is COURAGE- and I do not have that... but I am learning little by little that there is a possibility to breathe again through all of these. Thank you so much for this Dr. Kat Smith
Thank you for your kind words of support. My best to you.
Kat, thank you so much for sharing your experience. I am struggling with trauma and intimacy myself, and it feels like you gave me a direction. That can't be payed. Thank you. From all of my heart.
I related to so much of her story! And I appreciate her for also speaking on how men struggle in this culture with emotional developments which greatly affects their ability to have healthy, connected and nurturing experiences. Our culture has beaten them down so hard and made them believe they don't need, nor do they deserve love, nurturing and genuine care. EVERY human needs intimacy. Without it, we can "survive" but we'll never thrive. Without intimacy and emotional connection, we are reduced to mere mammals instead of being souls having a human experience.
I can literally hear her heart beat, it was a nice touch ❤️🤗
i was going thru the comments to see if anyone else noticed!
I thought it was mine!
@@soap7368 same 😅 I paused for a second to check
Respect...... She is an amazing woman, as only few people will be able to open up about their devastation's
Mark thank you so much for your kind words.
Devastations was such a good word here. Very accurate.
👏🏻 This is amazing! She was brave to share her story and I admire her for choosing to use it to help others.
Thank you for your words and support ;-)
Jeez. Thank you Kat. I Had to pull over as resonated so much like it was me sharing. It is wonderfu when we persevere from trauma and can freely talk about it from an empowered position not one of anymore fear guilt or shame. I needed this today. Much love to all 💜
Dear Kat, thank you for sharing. I am so sorry that you have been hurt. Well done for developing as you have and for helping others.
xxx
My heart aches listening to her story, God bless her for sharing it with us and her teaching
She spoke to me. If she sees this, thank you.
The brain is structured differently in men and women; the portions of the brain that are stimulated during intimacy are also close to the aggressive parts of the brain. Emotional development is key!
Be careful who you tell. This was shared as a gift you gave someone .
Also very proud of you for not just how far you've come since we met, but also for
sharing your story to inspire others. It's a good message. Too many of
us wind up parenting our parents, or being left on our own and so we
don't know how to relate to ourselves, much less other people.
Hello love! Thank you for being in my life. YOu have touched me as well. Hugs to you.
Dr. Kat thanks for sharing, strong lady!! God always Bless you 🙏🏻
Thank you ;-)
Very powerful Kay Smith and you are a living testimony. You have overcome life challenges and thank you for sharing your story beautiful Queen.🙌🏾✊🏾💪🏾
I can relate to feeling like I had a neon sign over my head signaling predators. I felt like it must be my fault because it kept happening.
U r gourgeous. It jus dont make sense. Im so sorry 4 that. 🫂
Compassion and respect for courage, openness. Great help.
My venus and lilith placements hate these issues/feelings but
I'm also not surprised
Recovery from any trauma is huge
❤ this resonates on every level especially the neon sign. Thank you sister for sharing your story
as a survivor thank you for doing this work
I'm glad you got to share some of your story. I was hoping for more instruction or information. I just got that people who are molested cover it up and are more likely to fall to more predators, and that divulging pain is a way to get more intimate.
THIS HELPED ME FIGURE OUT A BETTER WAY TO VERBALIZE POLYSEXUALITY THANK YOU
lmaaoo, she had the crowd HOOKED
Wow what an amazing woman she is ❤❤ my heart goes out to you love, you’ve been through so much 😢 I wish nothing but a lot of love in your life ❤❤❤
What started as a talk about intimacy turned into sharing about this truly horrible experience. All I get from that is: "If I survived this horrible thing than you should stop your whining..." Hearing Kat speaking of this only increased my distrust in relationships. Tough.
Wow! So knowledgeable and so well presented. She lays everything out in layman's terms and can really cause one to self reflect.
wow, would've loved to hear more from her and more answers to questions, bet she'd have lots of insightful answers ♡
Wow, what a wonderful woman. So happy I came across this.
great presence and delivery
I needed to hear this. I know this wasn't a coincidence that I came across this.
What an incredible speaker. A wonderful and gifted human.
Thanks for sharing your story. It definitely hit home for me as I continue to share my story.
After my last heartbreak i completely lost my desire for an intimate relationship of any kind. I feel like i can never open up again …
I don't what love is, I don't what a good man is, I don't how to behave with men....I don't who I am.
Angelica A. Then let’s discover who you are & what those things are 💕
You do have a neon sign, but it's only visible to certain people sick enough to see it that way. To most, the sign just says that you're vulnerable and need help. To the sick ones it says "take advantage of me because I am an easy target and you'll get away with it". I know this because it has happened to me too. It's not your fault that a sick person can't read properly.
Olha sou homem e tenho vergonha dessa geração de abusadores, tenho nojo disso imagina as mulheres que sofrem nas mãos de alguns que não podem em hipótese alguma serem chamados de homem mais sim, monstros
I have never heard a story similar to mine. Thank you.
This is so powerful. Thank you for this vital information.
thank you so much for this explanation of intimacy. it helped me prepare for a workshop. God bless you!
Great, powerful TedTalk. Nicely executed, and impactful.
great woman, a warrior.
Very inspiring talk...thank you for sharing
An amazing brave lady. Thank you for this video. I would've liked to have heard a little more about the components of intimacy though ☺
Thank you Karen for your kind words.
Empowering speech!! Wish it was longer ❤️
Amazing tedx talk! I wish it were longer!
Incredible Woman, Soul & Person 🌹
Wow you literally can hear her heartbeat
Thank you for sharing.
And for everyone reading this, be sure to be safe before taking on intimacy.
In any relationship there has to be reciprocated empathy and willingness to listen without judging when talking about emotions.
Women tend to judge straight men so easily and loose interest as soon as they see them in a vulnerable position, opening up or talking about their demons.
And,
well, you can only fight a few fights on this life so make sure it’s reciprocated back to you if you decide to do healing work for/with your partner.
I personally believe that two can heal better than solo but only after some inner child work has been done first on an individual level.
Think of it like that: imagine 2 scared kids running away from demons. It’s very possible they can help one another to fight them and come out as winners but most probably they won’t be capable to do so and now they’re both been chased by two dragons instead of one.
Whereas if you meet your partner at a stage when you have done your personal inner work and he’s done the same then the couple can enjoy more of their authentic selves together and heal further with voluntary love and enjoyment. Contrary yes the bond between a couple that has fought fights together would be that their shared trauma is seen and experienced by both them as a team in the couples dynamic but it’s the trauma reinforcement of the mirror of your past self on the eyes of your beloved one that can make you take on a passive aggressive love language.
🙏🏼
Dr. Smith, thank you for your courage.
This video helped me so much
I was looking for tips* to practice to overcome these traumas 🤷...
This was invaluable.
Thank you, Dr. Smith.
Her talk should be so much longer
She’s so strong
I was never abused but they made me feel like my emotions were alien
That's a kind of abuse
Not feeling safe in your own home is really hard.
I wish I was in one of those empty chairs
what an amazing talk thank you .
Kate Smith, you are lovely. Thank you.
Thank you so much for your openness it helps everyone
This has given me some
Insight on my own experience. Thank you
🙌 .thank you Kat Smith.🙌
🌹 ❤❤❤❤🌹
Is she a Capricorn? I like how her speech is structured 👍🏽
Joshua Velazquez Haha, I’m Capricorn and always wondering if I can spot them. Sometimes you can tell huh
;-) Aries Joshua. Thank you.
the last part of this video about the men definitely explains me
I needed this so badly rn, thank you
This is brilliant!
This...just explained alot of things.
What an inspiring lady :-)
It’s the heartbeat for me❤
Respect
As human beings we are really good at hiding painful memories. The narrow pathway stuff. We Bury them. Like, under the earth? Yeah, just like under the earth. If eutopian paradise is without pain., we are evolving by burying our pain under the earth. And, being a lover of writing, when I ain't got no more answers, I look at it literally. Buried our pain. Buried it. No, nope, you buried the pain, inner massachist, not a body. I buried the pain. Now, what am I gonna fed the soil to evolve the pain into pleasure?
Thank you!
Dear Ms. Kat Smith We Love You. You are so beautiful. 🫀🧠👁
I like how the music interrupted her answering the question at the end.
*I actually Hate That.*
Just powerful !!!
Wow you are so strong
Great talk 😃
This is f** horrible, Im so scared of a new relationship as a single mother cause I need to be sure my daughter will be fine, so many terrible cases of step fathers, this is a nightmare
Gratitude 🖤💜✨
Brilliant.
Moody and stubborn behaviour brings fear in life. Stress and guilt stop blessing. Discrimination brings fear in life. Do praise of God daily then souls connect with love and coprate in life. Be kind be honest be grateful obey souls help souls it makes you confident in life.
Thank you M'am
Warrior Queen 👑💎🙏💓💪
Truly brave
Thank u.
I would love to have a personal conversation with this speaker, on the subject of what avenues she took, to become this developed in her career, to be able to stand in front of an audience, free of her burdens and fears, without anger.. And, how much did that, personally cost you, in your education, to do so?