Is It Bad if Two People With Mental Illness Fall in Love? | Kati Morton
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 27 ส.ค. 2024
- First I just want to say that of course it’s not “BAD” to fall in love with someone who has a mental illness if you have one yourself. But it can make a relationship that much more complicated. Especially if your illnesses work against one another.. For instance, let’s say your partner has Autism Spectrum Disorder and you have BPD or are highly sensitive. That’s going to be tricky, and tough at times, but it’s not impossible. See if someone has ASD they may not read all of the social cues that a highly sensitive person or someone with BPD would pick up on or even dish out to them hoping they would understand. Long story short, there could be a lot of mixed messages and missed non verbal communications. Which can lead to fights.
I do think it’s possible, if you are both committed to your own recovery. This could be medication, therapy, both, etc. But make sure you are BOTH doing what you need to take care of yourself.
You both are able to uphold healthy boundaries. And can I just say that any relationship can struggle if we don’t do these things..
I'm Kati Morton, a licensed therapist making Mental Health videos!
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Just because a relationship didn’t work out doesn’t mean you both failed. Sometimes two great ingredients don’t make a good recipe.
Exactly!! xoxo
Wow! What a great analogy!
Beautiful Sunset it’s one of Kati’s ❤️
Stop with the stupid sappy bs
Cope
I’m not married or dating her but one of my best friends and I share pretty much the same illnesses I personally love being able to relate to her she makes me feel like I’m not alone in the world and it’s nice to to be able to tell her absolutely everything
Thank you so much for sharing!!! I am glad you have someone in your life who really gets what you're going through. xoxo
People who go through similar things can also sometimes be more understanding of each other
I have BPD and GAD and my wife has BPD as well. Sharing the same perspective of the world has done nothing but make our relationship stronger with each other.
My girlfriend actually does have bpd and I’m probably autistic (I’ve talked about it w my therapist but don’t have a formal diagnosis). We also both have adhd, depression, and anxiety. It’s funny u used asd and bpd as ur example because one of my favorite things about my gf is that she’s a super direct communicator. If she has an issue with someone, she just says it flat out and I love that because I feel like I always know exactly where we stand. I don’t sit around going “oh no what if she secretly resents me for xyz” because I know for a fact that she would tell me if something I did upset her. Not only that but she inspires me to be more assertive and speak up for myself, which is something I’ve struggled with all my life due to anxiety and low self esteem.
I genuinely cannot see myself having a successful relationship with someone who isn’t mentally ill/neurodivergent. Interacting with neurotypical people is so alienating for me. My adhd in particular has shaped my life and personality in so many ways and I’ve known and dated people in the past who didn’t understand that and it was exhausting because I felt like I constantly had to justify how I feel and why I do things differently from other people. So yeah, for my sake I sure hope two mentally ill people can have a successful relationship lol
Colleen Millett I have High Functioning Autism and I DEFINITELY get along better w/ people with BPD than “normal” people. I have a really hard time reading most neurotypical ppl but because ppl w/ BPD have such exaggerated emotions, I don’t have any issues with that. Also, I don’t take emotional outbursts personally so I don’t get scared off easily. I was married to an empath who couldn’t read me because they couldn’t comprehend that I literally say exactly what I mean with no hidden agenda. We ended up divorcing because of it.
Such a wonderful comment, thanks for sharing
@@_just_TK well that's nice at least that you don't get scared off easily. I literally scared away everyone who has been in my life
You gave me a new perspective. I have always dated neurotypical people and it's exhausting when they don't get you and when I explain where I'm coming from, they think I'm just saying excuses. When I went to college, I had a roommate who had one of the things I was struggling with (anxiety) and it was like a breath of fresh air! We were able to talk about our problems and understood where we were both coming from. It was so wonderful having someone who finally understood me! Still, I'm currently with someone who is neurotypical (for the most part) but he kinda sees where I'm coming from as he deals with ptsd and has been working through his personal demons and anger issues (he hasn't exposed his anger issues to me but he had them in the past with other people as do I). It's middle ground but still nice. Anyway....point is...I loved your comment! Lol
i love your comment fam.
This necessary even for the so-called “healthy ones”.
every relationship requires work. if we truly love someone, it's worth the work. whether we struggle with mental illness or not, we all have our imperfections. none of us are perfect. if your heart is in it, you can make anything turn out alright.
My bf has ASD, ADHD, depression and bipolar disorder, and i have ADHD and anxiety.
We just had our second anniversary on September 24th, still going strong
CaitKat ❤️
Depression is a part of being bipolar. It's not a separate diagnosis. I thought I had depression for 12 years and was diagnosed today as bipolar 2.
@@Jane-yg3vz i would normally agree, however the depression is also linked outside of bipolar, as he has been raised in a toxic, borderline abusive household and really struggled with coping with abuse and neglect.
This gives me hope for me and my partner thank you ❤️
Aye my partner has ASD and anxiety/depression and I have ADHD, anxiety, and bipolar 2 disorder. We’ve been dating since June and he’s by far the best relationship I’ve had yet.
A lot of times I view his ASD a a positive because he’s so direct in literal in his expression, which is something I’ve needed to learn how to do better. Plus sometimes he can’t tell when I’m having a bad day so I have to clearly articulate what’s wrong and what I need to accommodate what’s happening, which in turn helps me out a lot. Plus I can be honest with what’s going on and he can empathize, unlike the neurotypical people I’ve dated in the past. Plus we’re both awkward as hell and can laugh about it with each other. 😂 It’s great he’s great uwu 💕
My husband has GAD and has had Panic Disorder in the past. I have major depressive disorder, GAD-social anxiety mostly and bipolar 2 traits.
It is complicated but also wonderful. We understand each other. We recognise each other when our mental health is deteriorating and can call each other out when we are neglecting ourselves. We are doing our own therapy and are responsible for ourselves individually. We respect that of each other. Some things we share and others we don’t and that’s ok. We are two separate individuals who love each other and are committed to make it work. We aren’t perfect but we are trying. Together for 13 years and counting.
This is also great advice for any relationship - both have to be committed to taking care of themselves first and not wait for the other person to change and adapt. Thanks, Kati, you rock! ❤️
Awe thanks!! I am so glad you liked the video!!! xoxo
Awesome answer I used to try and fix her but couldn't only to find out I needed fixing just as much as she did. Now I pray she would help me help us.
i started to date a guy who id personal say was depressed. he wouldn’t go to the doctor and was negative about the whole situation. “ i don’t want to have to take medicine to be happy “ - him. well, after trying to help him I started to feel depressed from all the negativity. after he refused to get help i finally had to leave. sucked but i had to do what was best for me
Chloe Peterson i’ve dealt with the same thing with a friendship. you’re not alone, and i’m proud of you for taking care of yourself :)
Hey girl, I think you did the right in protecting your energy. You can still have feelings for him.
Same here. This seems to happen everytime in my relationships. I'm finally taking a break from dating.
Same exact thing happened to me wow that's crazy but I feel so much better now
A relationship cannot save you. The highs are high and the lows are low. Many times our inherent selfishness is mistook for mental illness. Be it in others or one's self. My two.
I am a person with bpd who is in a romantic relationship with an autistic person, as well as having a few friends with autism. Though I understand the difficulties you describe, I've found a huge advantage in these relationships being both sides' need for things to be clear & communicated properly. A lot of bpd anxiety comes from not knowing what another person might think of you and if they might to abandon you, often interpreting the worst possible meaning in things like "I'm sorry, I can't talk right now". For me, I know my partner is practically incapable of communicating indirectly (being passive aggressive for example). This often eases my anxiety because I know and I trust that I don't have to read between the lines, because that's a place that doesn't exactly exist for my partner. If they can't talk to me, that means nothing more than just that. And actually, it's quite a beneficial learning experience to see how often I am trying to read between lines, looking for intentions that aren't there. This shows me where there's still healing to be done within myself.
Joelle Bouwman YES! I have ASD and I tend to get along MUCH better w/ ppl who have BPD than “normal” people. Because ppl w/ BPD have exaggerated emotions, I can actually read them and they tend to tell me exactly what they’re thinking which is a huge relief. I also don’t take emotional outbursts personally so I don’t get scared off as easily as most neurotypical people
I just wanted to let you know you inspired me to go to therapy! I have my first appointment on Tuesday! 😁
Awe yay!!! I am so proud of you!! xoxo
@@Katimorton Thank you so much! 💓
Alexandra Coleman you got this! ❤️
@@_just_TK Thank you! 🥰
This is true! Me and my fiance both have mental illnesses. He has ADHD and I have BPD!!!! It's been a huge struggle to find a happy medium where we can both help each other and we are both working on our illnesses especially to support the other, which ultimately gives us the strength and courage to help ourselves more than we ever had before 💗!
We are madly in love and have had huge difficulties but it's so possible and definitely worth the hard work you put in to be in that relationship if they are the one for you 💗
I'm bipolar depressive with adhd and my husband is adhd with previous suicidal tendencies (early preteen to his 20s) he still has random depressive moments but we have been together 11 years, married 10 years and see counselors and take appropriate medications. It can work, you just have to be willing to work together to find a happy balance of mental health and love.
Mental-I-Tea ❤️
I'm.44 and have had periods of depression on and off since age 18 but in all honesty I would prefer to date someone without depression themselves as I have done in the past, someone positive. But its whatever works for people
i met my ex in psych ward. she's bipolar, i have bpd, we both self-harmed pretty badly and had substance issues as well. she made me feel happier, ecstatic even, and for the first time i really wanted to recover and felt like i had something to lose and someone to stay strong for. but then it just went to shit, suddenly we weren't as in love anymore, i think we both kind of got bored of each other and we turned toxic and made each other feel worse.. then she beat up some mentors and got replaced to a stricter ward and literally ran away and fled the country to live with her mother. at first we still chatted but now she's been ignoring me and her 2 best friends for a month despite being online a lot and idk why. i worry about her so much. i miss her and just wish she could come back and we could be friends again. it just really messed me up and the whole situation is crazy. idk where she is right now or how she's doing and the cops called me asking about her. a relationship between mentally ill people DEFINITELY can work, but there's also a higher chance of it not working.. it's more of a challenge for sure. i also found she indirectly dragged my mood down, when we were dating and i was doing better she was still pretty suicidal and it just broke me. and when she relapsed i felt like doing it too. please be careful in your relationship. if it gets toxic and you have a bad feeling about it, break up. just explain to them this isn't working and that you have to focus on yourself. looking back i kinda wish i'd done that when the first warning signs were there. maybe i'd have grown less attached, maybe we could've been just friends for longer and i wouldn't be so fucking sad right now. i just wish she stops ignoring me so we can at least have some closure
r o s e I hope she’s okay and you’re able to work things out and get proper closure!
TK thanks! she still hasn't responded to me or her friends in belgium and she does read my messages.. i don't know where she is or how she's doing but i'm honestly just getting more and more pissed instead of worried. she changed her username and pfp, reads all our concerned messages and doesn't respond. i hope one day she will cause i just wanna know why the fuck she's ignoring everyone. i get that she maybe wants to 'start her life over' wherever she is now (i'm guessing she still lives in london w her mom but i really can't know for sure) but that's no excuse to just leave us hanging. all it would take is a small 'hey i want you to know i still care about you and this is nothing personal i just want to leave my old life behind and get better' and i would be sad but i'd understand at least. right now it's just so annoying not knowing shit. and it feels awful knowing i'll probably never see her again after all we've been through
I found that I had to be in a relationship with someone who had my mental illnesses. Some many guys didn’t understand that sometimes I need things to help and other times I don’t. I have DID along with PTSD, depression and anxiety. I love that you brought up that it’s still a personal thing to make you’re taking care of your own mental health!
Thank you so much! I've been in a relationship with my bf for 3+ years and we both have mental illnesses. We have followed these steps subconsciously and put in the work, even though it can be hard, and we're still going strong and supporting and loving one another. This has been the best and longest relationship I've ever had too. These steps work!
I have Asperger's, Anxiety, PTSD, possibly some form of Bipolar Disorder, and a few other undefined issues but despite all that, my boyfriend loves me with all his heart. And he has some issues of his own, including schizophrenia and a spine issue, but I still adore him. We've had struggles in the past but we're so much stronger now. We're so happy and trying to heal
I have been struggling with this for the past two weeks...you always post these videos at the best time
Love you Kati ❣
Awe I am so glad this came out at a good time :) xoxo
This was extremely helpful thank you
a few weeks ago I broke up with my (now ex) girlfriend.
we both have mental illnesses, and this video made me realize some of what went wrong was about this
she made me be emotionally available 24/7 when i was not. we are both 14 and she is not in a great family/home situation.she really needed a therapist but her mom refused, so she often treated me like a therapist instead of her boyfriend.
she never gave me time to talk about my my issues to her but always talked to me about hers. including topics she knew were triggering sometimes. But i wanted to help her because i cared about her i wasnt realizing what it was doing to me. I havent really talked about this part of the relashionship with anyone but im probably gonna talk to my therapist about it today. this video helped me a lot thank you so much - Brad
It IS very difficult, but not impossible. My significant other and I have been together 10 years. Its been a battle and sometimes it still is, but we are doing it.
Allison ❤️
@@_just_TK 💜 back at ya! ☺
man where was this video when i needed it? me and my ex were in love but we both had depression and she had such low self esteem. i also have panic disorder and i can’t leave my house like ever. so he bonked heads every time she wanted to hang out and i said i couldn’t and she would think it’s her fault. plus so much more like lack of communication. and i was the only one that was committed into my recover cause i started medication while she was getting so high she couldn’t even text me. it sucks man
This is great communication device for any relationship, mental illness or not. We have to remember that a diagnosis isn’t a life sentence. Just like a physical illness, we can get better and the diagnosis doesn’t define us. But if we’re currently dealing with mental illness, we have to know how to communicate to others about it.
Tbh my ex had severe mental issues and so did I when I was with him, that's how I attracted him. I was suicidal, depressed, anxious, and was struggling with PTSD from my childhood. He was the same as me . After dating him I began to be very negative and the relationship was the most toxic for me. He ended up breaking up with me about a few weeks ago. And I think that's a sign that it just would have never worked until we both got the help we needed tbh. I still need to go find a therapist just need the money first which I'm working towards
Anet Navarro hey i struggle with PTSD and depression as Well ❤️ i hope you find the money for a therapist if you need someone to talk to I am here, I totally understand if it’s too personal to talk to a stranger about but if you want my insta is bianca3400 :)
Don’t forget that if you value the bond for each other to come back together to do couples therapy
If both parties know about their own issues or have their respective diagnoses, I feel like that’s already much better than two people without self-awareness in that department getting together without realizing that they’re about to use each other or the relationship to (not) deal with some issues.
I suffer from Major Depressive Disorder and Anxiety, my wife also suffers from the same thing plus OCD. On top of this, we both also suffer from debilitating physical illnesses. Both of our families have a long history of mental illness, so we know it's hereditary as well.
Is it tough? Yeah but marriage is tough. We knew getting into it there were going to be challenges. No ignorance about it.
We met online. The first time we spoke on the phone she did something I've never heard of anyone doing before. In essence she said, "Look, I like you and I want to get to know you better and see where this goes. But there are a few things you need to know." She went into all of her mental illnesses and how her highs and lows are. She ended up by saying (paraphrasing), "I have a 4 year old and I won't put him in a situation that's not stable. If you don't think you can handle all of this, tell me now. Don't waste my time or invest in something you aren't willingly going to take on. It's not fair to either one of us." Yeah, she's pretty kick-a**.
We'll be married for 9 years in December. Yes, we've had our ups and downs. We've had our successes and our learning opportunities. But we've figured out how to make it work.
It's a lot to get into but If anyone has any questions, I'm happy to elaborate.
It is a deal breaker. I don't have the energy for it.
Do not feel guilty. I know people that feel bad for ppl with mental illness n stay. They are miserable and feel.obligated
Both my partner and I have mental health struggles and yes, it can be tough sometimes. Especially if we're both having a hard time at the same time. We've found it really important to make sure that we both have support systems and coping mechanisms that are external to the relationship. For me, part of that has been about getting back into counselling. At first I was worried that this would be misconstrued by my partner as me saying that she's not enough or doesn't support me enough which is not the case at all. I think we both understand though, that instead it's about us having places to vent and problem solve things with people who are emotionally a couple of steps removed from us. For me also, I find that I am not as able to give my wonderful partner the patience and understanding I would like if I am struggling to stay afloat myself.
We've been through a lot in our first couple of years together but I am lucky enough to have found my person.
Yo so relatable to expect friends or partner to fix you. That‘s such a problem. Thanks for reminding Kati ❤️
I love the video Katy. My girlfriend has BPD and I have Persistent Depression Disorder and also I am a Highly Sensitive Person so you can kinda imagine how the struggles of the relationship are. I hope we can get through this, but she doesn't want to communicate or even fight🤣 She just stays silent ☹️ and I talk to much sometimes. So let's say that the number 2 and 3 it's really complicated. The only thing that helps is that I read body language really well, so that's the only way I can know what's happening to her 🤷
I would say it depends on if you are treating your mental illness/have coping mechanisms or not. My first relationship in college, I was dating someone who had not been to therapy and was not treating their severe anxiety and mental illness. I was treating mine, but was not where I am now, and our relationship was horribly toxic. Well meaning, yes, but neither of us could cope with our own mental illness and I had a horrible tendency to adopt the issues of others to try and solve them as well. It was a mess. We ended things after a year and are still incredibly close friends, but we both needed better coping mechanisms.
Next week, I will have been with my current partner for 3 years. We both have anxiety disorders, depression, and ADD, and I have OCD. However, we are both much older and have been actively working on our mental illnesses for years, separately and together. My partner takes medication; I do not but have been in therapy for years now. We have much better and more solid coping mechanisms. We know our triggers. We are able to separate our mental illness from reality and our thought processes and we make accommodations for one another when we have bad mental health days. We have never had an issue in our relationship because we had already done the ground work before we met each other, and we never knew each other before therapy, medication, getting diagnosed, etc. I think that part is key as to why our relationship works. And, not to toot my own horn, but our relationship is pretty solid. We frequently get told my close friends and family that our relationship is "#goals" as the kids say, and I'm pretty proud of that. We still put in the hard work, daily, to work on our mental health individually but I think we do a pretty stinking good job and we don't take each other's bad mental health days personally.
Charlotte L Reading about your experiences and how you compared your former relationship to the one you’re in now was really helpful. Thank you so much for sharing!
Do you find that it's hard to cut ties with exes when you/they are dealing with mental illness or is that a factor in that decision to keep contact?
I love this video, especially the last part because it’s so true. I need a higher level of care for my eating disorder right now, and I’m doing it over Christmas break. I also want to mention, because of the last part, that I do that with my therapist. I’m attached to her and I wish she was my mom. I told you at Vidcon that I struggle with emailing her every single day because I’m so attached. Well she has stopped answering my emails so I think she may be doing this to help me with learning the boundaries a bit. I’m not sure
Individuals make all the difference. My husband and my best friend both have ASD among their other issues, and I've got PTSD and ADHD. I will tell you, my best friend will trigger the hell out of my RSD with her ASD symptoms sometimes but my husband's symptoms are so different to hers that it's pretty much never happened. My loud and direct nature can really mess with my best friend's noise sensitivity, or overwhelm her and make her dissociate (which in turn triggers my RSD) but with my husband it helps breach the communications gap. Different people fit together or don't fit together, even with the same conditions.
This video was so helpful thank you! I find it being really hard for me to be the one who feels “messed up”
I am so glad it was helpful :) xoxo And no one wants to feel like the one who is "messed up" I totally get that. And in reality we all have our issues and things we will need to work on within ourselves and our relationships. xoxo
Yeah when I was really mentally ill I started dating my best friend, who also suffers from mental illness. I got too sick to cope with anything at all and he felt powerless to help me and our relationship didn't survive. Sadly, neither did our friendship. 0/10 do not recommend.
I agree with others that have posted that ASD is NOT a mental illness, it's a neurological condition.
Other than that, a great video as usual!
True, but it makes relationships harder for them and their partner, similar to someone with mental illness. I know it's caused problems in my marriage because it took longer to learn eachother and what to do and not to do around eachother than it would in non autistic relationship. It certainly isn't a deal breaker though.
Could you explain rge difference please?
@@fidelitycreate People with ASD are not ill. They think, perceive and interact with the world in a different way, not better nor worse, than neurotypicals.
@@Jane-yg3vz I agree that it can make relationships harder, although that doesn't make it an illness.
lllCockroachlll I don’t think Kati was implying ASD is a mental illness, she was using it as an example of how 2 ppl in a relationship could have difficulty communicating. My guess is she’s giving examples based on what she’s seen. I have High Functioning Autism & my ex is an empath w/ HSP. I’m very involved in the Kinion Community & I’ve asked Kati several questions about our comparability on her Patreon livestreams!
It is more challenging, but you have to stick together and fight through it. My boyfriend is schizofrenic and I am bipolar. So there have been lots of ups and downs, but it is all worth it if you love each other.
My husband has ASD and ADHD.
I have ADD/ADHD, BPD and Bipolar. We met in a psychiatry where we were both patients. Even we both have mental illnesses...
yet we support each other through thick and thin. My husband is just amazing, he is my buddy, my best friend and soul mate. I don't know what I would do without him.
When my boyfriend and I got together, he said that I make him happy, and that he's happier than he has been in a long time. It wasn't until recently that he told me he's depressed, but he said I still make him happy. I have my own problems with mental illness, including a long history of severe depression and anxiety. I also have trust issues, and we get into arguments because of it. He thinks I don't trust him. On those days, I'm not making him happy. He's depressed and angry for the entire day. It's almost as if he builds a wall around him. So I feel like I then have to try extra hard to make him happy and keep his mood up, while also struggling to make myself happy. Is that unhealthy? I'm sure it is but I don't know what to do about it. I don't want our problems to be the thing that tears us apart. Sometimes it seems like it might.
Silent Shadow it took my marriage falling apart to realize that u can’t be responsible for someone else’s happiness and they can’t be responsible for your happiness. Kati has a great video on relationships that may have some helpful tips! th-cam.com/video/AZQYZQL9hI8/w-d-xo.html
I do know that I want that person that I can hold their face in my hands ,be able to put our heads together and know we are not alone. Not just the sensual, but the friendship and trust. That he knows he is worth my heart and my time. And to know I am worth his heart and time.
I’m 57 with bipolar disorder. I was married for 31 years. I don’t want to be alone anymore. So many people have told me that I will never be married again. As soon as I tell someone I’m bipolar they literally run away. Finding someone else with an illness is my last hope.
I have chronic severe depression, my ex hisband was an addict, we were delusional that love would "save" us, I was happy, he was sober. He ended up robbing me for drug money and abusing me and I ended up attempting suicide and lying in bed for 6 months because of his actions. I got enough mental problems to worry about myself, will never ever date anyone with issues again
Just when I am looking for some help with my current relationship with my partner who has been diagnosed with MDD and panic disorder. I myself am a HSP been diagnosed with anxiety induced depression, ranging somewhere mild to moderate.
Initially when we first met each other we didn't have the groundwork done in managing our mental health, and it was a very challenging time with me having to take my professional exam while working full-time. He was also trying to figure his career path as well. We were both at a very bad place, and we got together pretty fast. We understood and could relate with one another easily.
9 months later we are at a better place together and we are both separately managing it with me meditating, occasionally journalling and taking my medication while he focuses on getting his interest back in gaming and is going for consultation and taking his medications.
On a side note, I still wrestle with the feeling that I am responsible for his mental health, which I know I am not. Sometimes I have trouble concentrating and remembering our conversation because I am often in a daydream like headspace in a foggy morning. I do feel bad because I felt like I am not giving him the full attention when he is talking about something important. So on one hand it usually tires me after a long conversation, on the other, I try my hardest to pay attention.
Anyways, I'm glad that you made this video, Kati. It is a good reminder for us to look after ourselves while supporting our loved one. Thank you. Love watching your videos too. 😊❤️
Your videos are always the best part of my day! ❤️ For me, it’s the connection with other people that matters most, and I won’t mind if they struggling with a mental illness because I’ve been through that myself
So glad you enjoy the videos!! And thank you for sharing your thoughts on it :) xoxo
@@Katimorton You're welcome, I'm happy to contribute to the discussion!! :)
You honestly may have saved my relationship with the love of my life. Thank you so so so so much.
Kati, please answer... Is it OK that my therapist gave me a long hug and took my hand while I was crying. She also moved hair from my face while I was crying because she was sitting in front of me so... I have attachment issues (I am over attached to her) so this was great for me. But, is that allowed in therapy, i.e. is that transference and is it ethical?
It depends on your state and laws and some do it for connective purposes. I don't think she did it out of a place of wrong. If it made you uncomfortable speak to her about it. Even if it didn't let her know your thoughts about it.
Just relax. Its a normal thing to do when someone is upset. Stop overthinking things
I don't know how it actually went in details, but what I am gonna advice is, if this happens in normal way as like a friend trying to comfort you then it's okay, but if you notice uncomfortable situations and unnecessary ones then it's not okay. Plus, how many times it did happen? Once or more than that? You have to talk to her about it or someone close of you to who knows you better to give better advice. Just know that at times some comforting heals so maybe thought so while you were crying!
there's a lot of boundaries some therapists feel the need to stick by, but if she gives you a hug, i don't think that's "bad," as long as it doesn't affect you in a negative way. i know if i was a therapist, i'd most likely hug my clients. it's human to care, which i'm sure she does.
Oh God I feel so uncomfortable if she did. She gives my chocolate though so that's nice.
Perfect timing on this upload. Holy crap, I needed this.
I like that you mentioned boundaries. I braved asking someone I like for coffee. Him saying right now I am not doing so good, is a healthy boundary to respect. I mean I totally get it. I just came out of a rough patch due to my ptsd. We are both in a sheltered art studio, which means we also have our own support people. But if we can respect each others boundaries I think we might be ok. And I know he sees his support people. I mean my life is not exactly for everybody. My son scares off most people due to his behavioural issues. And my complex PTSD and relationship history isn’t so great either. I need to think about what I can offer, as well as what do I want in a relationship. And then if he says yes we can figure out how to navigate it,
Love is already complicated but, know if both put that effort in the relationship or it’ll crumble
Agreed!! Relationships take work! xoxo
love sure can be complicated I guess.
I love this. Really. Thank you for responding to people's fears and worrys. In your free time.
I personally think we shouldn't have relationships if we're not receiving a proper therapy, and especially we shouldn't have children. We really mess them up, and that mistake is the regret of my life
I can relate. I had two, and as much as i love them, i have such heavy heavy guilt because i can already see them struggling (theyre 7 and 9). I just keep pushing to be a better me so i can help them be better too. 💜 wishing you the best 💜
@@twiztidmomma22 Mine is 17. Wishing you the best too :)
tsukigalleta have u seen Kati’s awesome video on parenting w/ a mental illness? th-cam.com/video/H1n_brM-vbI/w-d-xo.html
I have found that when my anxiety is worse, it’s hard for me to be in a relationship with someone with depression.
In general, I don’t care what a partner’s baggage is, as long as they’re committed to working on it.
I feel the same way with dating. One of the main reasons I broke up with my boyfriend recently was because he refused to acknowledge or do anything for his depression. Just couldn't stand it anymore
Couples with mental health should be together. Not everyone is equip to deal with mental health
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think another thing that can help relationships is communication. Especially in the example you had about a person with autism and a person with bipolar disorder, it seems like directly saying what you think - even if it's as bland as "I feel x right now" or "I want/need y right now" - would clear up a lot of miscommunication. It's kind of difficult to state your feelings most of the time, or even be able to put them into words, but I think it could help.
Take this with a grain of salt (I'm no professional), but maybe consider it and let me know if you think it helps.
Chloe Naylor I have ASD and I tell people all the time: “you need to tell me EXACTLY what you are thinking, I don’t pick up on subtlety!”
Mental illness is a pain. Sometimes I don't even know why I'm depressed. I'm autistic..it that why I'm low all the time. I hate life and can't wait to go. I can't understand life
Dino_sore_asd being autistic shouldn’t cause depressive symptoms (although ppl on the autism spectrum do have higher occurrences on depression). It sounds like u have clinical depression. If there doesn’t seem to be any cause to it, it might be due to a chemical imbalance which happens a lot during puberty. PLEASE reach out to a mental health professional because with the right help it DOES GET BETTER! Also, ck out Kati’s playlist on depression th-cam.com/play/PL_loxoCVsWqzZv5mmk-Xw4IvoHRzc7ki4.html
I have general anxiety,social anxiety,abandonment issues,depression and NSSI. My girlfriend has anxiety,depression, a lot of distrust, and gender dismorphia.
I can be completely content with not a single doubt and fear which already for me is a rare state but she will be upset and me trying to help her express her feelings to me brings me down cause she doesn’t trust me or rather her own self hate makes her doubt everything I say. Me being so honest and naturally almost dangerously trusting it’s hard for me to relate and understand cause
I’m like if I’m happy but she’s not I’m doing something wrong I’m failing her one minute then the next I’m like I’m trying so hard I can’t fix this she has to why doesn’t she want to.
Tiger Heart it sounds like you may be in an unhealthy relationship. I personally went through this w/ my ex. Kati has some great videos on this that I’ll link below!
th-cam.com/video/_IoIQRyMBmI/w-d-xo.html
th-cam.com/play/PL_loxoCVsWqyhwivZ5xbaV98XsbqoTRo8.html
@@_just_TK tank you ill happily watch these i reaaly wanna make us work but your not the first person to say this tome since our issues started and it makes me wonder if its better for us both to just stop
It can be tricky but I honestly think it’s the best because they have better understand of your illness and know how to act or react when you are having a bad time dealing with them. And vise versa
Kati, ASD with an HSP. I think you just described my last failed relationship. His ASD is undiagnosed to my knowledge but is highly suspected by many people including my therapist. That being said he wasn't getting treatment and denied it when I brought up the possibility of an ASD diagnosis. On the other hand, I'm an HSP and have Avoidant Personality Disorder. I rarely felt heard and it was easy to feel rejected. It was a challenging relationship to say the least.
Maaaaaaan this ones right on time geesh, KEEP PUSHING YALL
You have a good day too.
I feel like i could only see me in a relationship with another one like me. Only someone with same proplems like me could love me and accept me as i am. Normal healty person could never understan why i am the way i am.
My girlfriend and I both deal with mental illness. I have several different illnesses such as depression, ptsd, bipolar and anxiety. She deals with BPD, depression, and anxiety. We both are recovering addicts as well. It's been rough at times. We've had to take because we noticed we became codependent on each other. We've recently gotten back together. Trying it again. ❤️ Were both just going to have to work harder and hold ourselves accountable for own mental health. Thank you this video helped so much. ❤️
This is pure gold.....a lot of this describes my recently ended relationship. My ex gf has BPD, anxiety, depression possibly other things. But it was so difficult at times. I loved her with all of my heart but she ended up leaning on my far too much and even though I set boundaries apparently they were good enough as she developed a huge emotional dependency on me. Not to mention her entire family was mentally ill and treated me terribly I must say that I feel better off even though I still love her. This video really gave me a bit of closure I needed I think because I always felt bad because I felt I was never doing good enough when in reality she was just leaning on me too much and would manipulate me into providing her with her emotional as well as other needs. Thank you for this really. Now it’s time for me to heal 😅
My best friend has bipolar II and ASD, and her fiance has BPD, but they are the best couple I know in my age group! What matters is that they're both really in love and won't stop trying to make it work. They aren't in the business in blaming each other and are working on their treatment.
I TOTALLY get it! have High Functioning Autism and I DEFINITELY get along better w/ people with BPD than “normal” people. I have a really hard time reading most neurotypical ppl but because ppl w/ BPD have such exaggerated emotions, I don’t have any issues with that. Also, I don’t take emotional outbursts personally so I don’t get scared off easily.
As a nurotypical person . Dating someone who has asburgers or on the A spectrum is s nightmare and honestly very mentally abusive . I will never ever do it again. Personally I think they need to date one another and I feel therapist should tell them to do so. To save the rest of us a lot of abuse from them.
I have BPD and my ex boyfriend had autism. It was very difficult. I really enjoyed being with him and we had fun together but too many miscommunications. We decided to be friends and now we are just really good friends
I feel a little like John from Sherlock when he finds out his wife is an assassin. So many people in his life are killers/find killers but his wife was supposed to be that one person who was 'normal' and not part of that world. The explanation given in Sherlock is that he is subconsciously attracted to 'dangerous' people and lifestyles. I was practically raised by therapists, been in hospitals for months at a time, have so many diagnoses and most of the people I know are mentally ill as well. There's nothing wrong with that, but when I started dating, I wanted to step out of the mental health world and into the 'normal' one. Turns out the girl I've been talking to has a very similar story to mine. I still think she's a great person and we talk every day but it definitely gives me pause. I didn't want to like someone part of the mental health world, which I am desperately trying to escape from, but I do.
I have been diagnosed with clinical depression, panic disorder and cPTSD after suffering a breakdown in the mid 80's due to being "raised" by narcissistic parents and sexually abuse by an immediate family member. In '87 I got married to a narcissist, (I didn't know she was a narcissist, I didn't know the signs and thought these actions were normal). After 15yrs and 2 kids and several hospitalizations, I filed for divorce.
Several months later, while in an day hospital program, I met a girl,
who had been diagnosed with NPD. I still was not aware of the danger to my mental health this woman was. After 8 yrs of her cheating and spending all MY money, (over $200,000), I threw her out. (BTW, we both kept up on our meds and therapy).She and her new boyfriend later falsely accused me of Assault on HIM and I was arrested, costing me another $4000. Needless to say, I didn't look for romance for a about a year after that. 12yrs ago I found a non mentally ill woman and she's a keeper. That's my story of being in relationships with people with mental illness. I'm not saying that it shouldn't be done, just do it cautiously.
how can i fall on love with someone that doesn't have mental problems? i mean. i just ... idk its lack the spark i need in it? the emotions? i have no clue. its just to calm and boring to feel this is it.
I relate to that!
Thank you. Thank you so much. I really need this advice right now. Can't believe you're covering this right when I needed it the most
i have ASD and my girlfriend has BPD and it does have its challenges but with understanding and open communication we make it work :) i love your videos miss kati
If both of two in a marriage have moderate psychological developments the odds are good that the marriage will last; but if even just one of the two in a marriage has an extreme psychological development the odds are good that it will end in divorce (if not worse). If you're blessed enough to have a moderate psychological development then by all means _do_ get married. Just don't make the mistake of marrying someone whose own psychological development is extreme.
Hey. Love the vlog. Big fan.
That said, the question is being in a relationship with another person with mental illness, ASD is not a mental illness.
Cheers
I was just looking to seeing if anyone mentioned this. Autism is not an "illness."
Leon Ardos I don’t think Kati was implying ASD is a mental illness, she was using it as an example of how 2 ppl in a relationship could have difficulty communicating. My guess is she’s giving examples based on what she’s seen. I have High Functioning Autism & my ex is an empath w/ HSP. I’m very involved in the Kinion Community & I’ve asked Kati several questions about our comparability on her Patreon livestreams!
I'm concerned by the use of the word recovery in context of the conditions you talked about, esp ASD. Otherwise I love your videos and learn a heap.
While people with ASD cannot "recover" they and their families and loved ones can certainly benefit from therapy (eg learning ways to manage anxiety or over stimulation, ways to communicate with each other better, how to manage meltdowns better etc)
@@PRoseLegendary that's not recovery as you mentioned, management would be a better word.
AnEnglishRider I don’t think Kati was implying ASD is a mental illness, she was using it as an example of how 2 ppl in a relationship could have difficulty communicating. My guess is she’s giving examples based on what she’s seen. I have High Functioning Autism & my ex is an empath w/ HSP. I’m very involved in the Kinion Community & I’ve asked Kati several questions about our comparability on her Patreon livestreams!
I usually only comment to talk shit about videos and do so with more detail but, I just had to comment and say that I love love love this video!
From currently being in love with someone who has mental illnesses that are similar, it’s tough sometimes like I’ll be depressed and then he’ll be happy and that can mess with his happiness especially if I’m hopeless or something and it just depends and if you really love the person then you’ll do whatever to be With that person which can get toxic but you just have to show the person love and it can be hard if you’re distant and etc etc etc. but I love this boy and that’s what really matters to me 🖤
I have severe debilitating crippling physical illness and mental illness
That's seems to be a deal breaker for everyone . That's why im alone
My partner and I try so hard at it. Its complex. But i can at least honestly say he does all 5 things better and better everyday. We are both learning
Both me and my GF have autism + Other things i won't name here. But shes getting help soon and i'm so happy for that :)
Caveguy22 so glad she’s getting the help she needs! ❤️
But Kati, what if nobody cares about what’s on my mind? I feel like nobody cares what’s on my mind, at least with social media. Because I just say whatever on Twitter, but it’s like nobody’s there. Regardless, I don’t want to share what’s on my mind because I feel like I’ll be disappointed by not getting what I want or even what I need. It’ll never happen, even if I do speak my mind; So, I shouldn’t bother because my needs are stupid and so are my thoughts.
Hi Kati , thanks for this video , this answers a few questions !! HSP + Autistic person , might be a hard match for a relationship , possible just added work and understanding. I actually can see that now , if a person is really sensitive , they might take things the wrong way , summarily a person who is autistic may not alway be able to comprehend ones actions. You explained it very well , thank you , Gary XOXO
Dreamer this is essentially my story. I have ASD and my ex is an empath. They couldn’t read me at all because they couldn’t comprehend that I literally meant what I said and they always assumed I had a hidden agenda. We decided to end our marriage to save our friendship!
@@_just_TK I am sorry , but glad you were able to remain friends . It truly sounds like a deep affection is still there , and being friends is great way to building that strong foundation for an everlasting relationship. I truly believe and hope you guys can build on that . Without friendship , love is an impossible task. Take care , all my best , Dreamer
yes thank you Kati
my fiance and i share a few dxes and i feel so lucky that i met them during later stages of my recovery. we both work on ourselves constantly and help lift each other up through the struggles. i'm gonna start crying if i think too hard about the fact that i'm going to spend the rest of my life in such a mutually empathetic relationship. my more neurotypical partners usually responded to emotional crises with a lot of blank stares and fumbling suggestions to just go to the gym more or have another beer.
I appreciate you and all of your videos greatly xx Thank you!
she gave an example of an especially incompatible combination of mental illnesses. i wish she gave an example of a more compatible combination. she could make a video outlying compatibilities, can be useful in many other ways
Thanks for yet another informative and empowering video! Much love to you Kati :-*
Thank you for the great video Kati!!! I’ve been wondering this!
ASD person here... yep I don’t always get social cues and when I do realize something it’s after the whole scene.. 😂. But I had your exact relationship example.. ASD VS highly sensitive person. That didn’t work out and I’m trying to find a relationship and I’m 16 and haven’t had an actual GF and I envy those people who are my age who’ve been with someone 1-2 years already 😤
Hi Kati, I love your videos and find them really helpful and interesting. I just have one thing to say about this particular video - I was surprised to hear you refer to ASD as a mental illness. I would usually describe things such as ASD, ADHD etc as neurodiversity. The difference being that we are born with our neurodiversities, and while they may be co-morbid with mental illnesses as life can be tougher (the world is built for neurotypical people), it can be offensive to some people to have their neurological differences referred to as an illness. It also perpetuates a stigmatising idea that there is something "wrong" with being neurodiverse or that it can be "fixed", when really we should celebrate and embrace people's differences and the benefits that everyone's diverse perspectives can bring to the world. No shade to you at all, and perhaps this is something we do/say in the UK that is different to the US, but seeing as your vidoes are watched all over the world, I wanted to let you know my thoughts. Perhaps the difference between neurodiversity and mental illness could be an interesting topic for a video.
Rachel Kraftman I don’t think Kati was implying ASD is a mental illness, she was using it as an example of how 2 ppl in a relationship could have difficulty communicating. My guess is she’s giving examples based on what she’s seen. I have High Functioning Autism & my ex is an empath w/ HSP. I’m very involved in the Kinion Community & I’ve asked Kati several questions about our comparability on her Patreon livestreams!
Great tips! Thank you Kati! :)
This is really true and helpful!
I have ADHD and I'm about to marry someone who's been diagnosed with schizophrenia... I felt responsible towards my partner as he didn't have anyone else to reach out to...
The real question is: Is it possible to fall in love with someone that is not mentally ill if you are mentally ill.
I find normies either uninteresting or simply don’t relate to them.
What if you have a friend with BPD who doesn’t respect your boundaries? Should you reiterate it again what if they turn it against you and hate you for it?
You can definitely tell them again.. but if someone won't respect your boundaries and turns against you or hates you for it, then they really aren't a friend at all. We all deserve to have friendships that are supportive and understanding. Not judgmental and hurtful. xoxo
Thank you
My wife and i found each other on Match.com. Both of our profiles were up front (i.e. i have Aspergers - ASD). We found out after we started dating the we were actually both patients of a local Therapist group (different therapists though). It can work, and it does take both partners. :)