As my psycholigist put it, our habits are like paths in the forest, that are wide and comfortable. We like walking on them, it is nice and easy. But forming a new habit is like carving another path torough a thick forest. First you break the mold by going through the thicket once. It is hard but may be exciting. Then, over the months and years, you try to choose the hard path over the easy one over and over again. And each time you do, the new path becomes a tad bit wider, and the old path starts to grow over with the bushes. The old one will always be there, straight with no trees, but it will get less accessibe. Meaning it is still fairly easy to fall back, but at the same time the new path will eventually become nice and comfy too :) Or you could just see it as having strong neural paths for one behaviour and having to grow new neural connections for another behaviour. The old one will never fully disappear, but when the new one gets stronger, it will be favoured much more often. Anyway: practice is key, and failure is just a part of it. And it is absolutely fantastic that you plan on forming better responses to stressors! Thinking about it actively or even making plans on paper is great. Fingers crossed!
Yes makes so much sense - and also helps to illustrate that when you're scared or nervous or upset you are much more likely to take the familiar comfortable path! I guess the tricky thing for me right now is that you can have a plan for the stressors but you can't plan to actually feel those things, so you won't necessarily expect to feel stressed when you do and predict when your plans will be tested. We shall see!
I found your channel randomly. I don't know much about no buy, but I've been watching mostly because I enjoy listening to you talk and the way you reason through your process. I've been finding your conscientiousness inspiring as someone who also tends to be attached to the shopping cycle. And I just want to throw this out there. Witnessing you admitting to and talking through your failure is incredibly valuable to anyone working on anything at all in life. We all share your experience in one way or another, and most of us try our best to hide it. I think its so wholesome and healing to be reminded that this is what we share as humans and we're truly in this together. You are very admirable, failing or not. Thank you for being so open.
Thank you so much! It's so interesting, I definitely used to be a person who was very upset by failing at things, and I guess could have been labeled a "perfectionist" or classic "over-thinker"...as I get older I become less embarrassed and hurt by failing, spend less time analyzing what I might have said or done "wrong" (I still feel and do these things, just to a lesser degree!) and try to embrace it as a part of a balanced life.
You are allowed to have a few hiccups on the journey and the idea is not to feel worse that you probably feel already. The easiest thing is to give up, so don’t. Stop. re assess , and start again. We have your back.
Thank you - definitely going to try and take it as "information gathering" and avoid holding onto negative feelings, I've also seen people talk about how taking failures personally can hinder the processes of growth and change (understandably!) so I'm trying to move on and focus forward!
I am 38 years into sobriety from alcohol, and a quarter of the way through my first no buy year, one in which I allowed myself some loopholes that I am now re-examining for their potential for setbacks. I think one of the distinguishing characteristics of addiction is that it is somewhat immune to willpower, at least two willpower as a long-term strategy. Addiction is a mental, spiritual and physical issue, as you are discovering in your first failures to master it. I have learned that there is no real mastery of it, only ways to outwit it. It is as again, you mentioned, so woven into our personal emotional and experiential histories. Deciding to be sober of an addictive habit mean learning to find pleasure and sustenance and enjoyment elsewhere, and being proactive about the means to comfort yourself when triggered, and substituting behaviors like crazy. These are all things a person learns in early sobriety. I think you are right on track. Keep going, keep going keep going.
Whenever this happens to me (usually around the 3/4 month mark, although I'm doing better lately), I remind myself how much more money I would have spent (wasted) during that time if I hadn't been at least trying. You're only human, the behavioural shift you're making is huge, overall you've come so far from where you started.
I’ve had mixed results with wishlists. Sometimes it’s good for me because when I see something on my list that I don’t want anymore, it helps remind me why I shouldn’t make impulse purchases. I’ve also noticed that sometimes I check my wishlist, and see something that I had forgotten about. And then the feeling of desire returns, and it takes more will power to not but something I had forgotten about.
Yes! I've learned that actually my memory is good enough that if I truly want something or especially if there's a legitimate NEED for something, I'll remember it without having to put it on a wishlist! 😅
Keep going 🤍 our idea about challenges and "failing" is so strange. Recognizing patterns, habits and continuing to try to be better is winning. You didn't fail.
In my experience, refraining from buying only works if I have found out what these purchases give me emotionally, what they compensate for, what feeling leads me to buy, where it comes from and what I can do to solve it WITHOUT buying. In my opinion, a lot of self-reflection and knowledge are the prerequisites for avoiding excessive shopping
Your clothing story is so similar to mine! We came from Puerto Rico to the US, and we were poor. My mom bought me a *wind breaker* for winter 🥶 I froze until I was finally given a sweater. I was in middle school. Now I'm trying not to shop. I'm an adult woman and I over shop just because I lived in poverty so long that now my brain is like "You can shop! All the time!! Yay!!" Which is a blessing, but I don't want to keep shopping compulsively. Thanks so much for sharing your own journey ❤️ It's really helpful!
I also failed this month. I’m in the process of updating my clothes to consist of mostly cotton (so hard to find 100% cotton nowadays) due to my eczema and Abercrombie has a pretty good selection of cotton jeans and shirts. But I got caught up in the shopping and bought more than I wanted to. It sucks and I feel so guilty but I’m going to do my best to make up for it next month. I’ve removed a lot of things from my wishlists so that I won’t be tempted to buy. I have some financial goals that I really need to focus on. Best of luck to anyone else who is going through the same ❤
Hooray for natural fibers - I just saw another video about how polyesters and other chemically made/treated materials can have PFAS which might be bad for our health...I'm definitely going to keep this in mind as I curate my wardrobe (mostly by decluttering this year, I probably still have enough cotton/linen/wool items to make a complete wardrobe but we'll see!). As long as you were mindful in what you bought I think you can let go of the guilt and just make sure everything gets the wear it deserves, and like you said, make up for it by not buying more in the future! :)
Thank you so much for being honest! We all fail, and to acknowledging it happens, is soo important. It maybe uncomfortable but I think everyone can relate. I so enjoy your videos and beyond happy you kept on going.
I’m so glad you didn’t give up and delete your channel. I found you when I was finally ready to face my shopping problem, and was looking for guidance, tips, and inspiration. I watch at least one video of yours almost daily, and I find them very helpful. Also, I have 5 Suzuki kids in strings, and I told my violist that a fellow alto clef baddie was helping his mom out. We had a good giggle. Thank you again for your content. I’m so, so helped by it.
Thank you for having a realistic take on a no- buy year. Things happen, life happens. I appreciate the way you address things are honest with yourself and us. 😊
I just randomly found you and have the same issue: i want to shop less but keep failing. Thank you for talking about failing, it shows that others are also human and struggle a little. I also try to understand my behaviour and triggers :)
9:33 you just caused me to explore my own obsession with clothing. And I’ve discovered that when I was a kid I couldn’t fit into anything and I was from a small town with little options. Now I’m an adult and I buy everything I like and can fit. I have to conquer this.
Give yourself a break. Its ok to love what you wear. It's actually good that you do. If you love most pieces that you buy, you will wear and keep them for a long time, which is good for sustainability. Your commitment to intentional shopping via your wish list is a good start. Perhaps instead of no-buys, you could set a maximum number of purchases for the year in each category. Maybe clothing, shoes, health and beauty. Set a low but realistic goal. Maybe 1 or 2 items per category per month.
Thanks for your ideas and feedback! I do think that after this period of attempting a no-buy, I will have a more realistic framework where a few items are allowed and I like your idea of having a maximum number. But for a few reasons (that I might talk about in a future video), I do still really want to accomplish a year of not buying stuff - I'll be trying again for the rest of this year at least!
I should admit, your story about your childhood and clothes was so familiar andI feel now I understand why I am so much into shopping clothes 🤦🏻♀️ Thank you 🙏
I really appreciate the sincerity and vulnerability. I’m currently in a difficult place of my addiction to shopping and these videos and insights help me evaluate things and give me new perspective. I’m a new subscriber. Thank you
Thanks for your transparency. Do not get discourage, you're doing your best and this is a process. I find your channel inspiring, don't be too hard with yourself
I have tried to do no buy years for the last three/four years and I have also failed. I was also feeling shame but upon reflection, I felt that bought much fewer things during the no-buy years than the years before. So it's at least better than before even though it's not perfect. Don't be so hard on yourself.
Yes likewise! It's kind of embarrassing to admit I used to buy more, but that is also true for me. So even though I'm "failing", the no buy challenge is helping. I think back to pre-internet times when shopping was so much less common (at least in my life), and want to get back to that level of frequency
Thank you so much for posting this. I’ve been trying to do a no buy since the beginning of April and also failed in a big way this past weekend…also things from my wishlist. You made it longer than me! I was feeling really guilty about it as well but trying to channel that guilt into stronger conviction going forward. I’m not hoping you fail or anything but it’s nice to know I’m not alone in the struggle. Many other “no buy influencers” seem to never fail or backslide which makes me feel even worse about myself and how hard it is not to shop. Hopefully we both can be successful from here on out!
Right? I like watching no-buy videos, but I often find myself questioning exactly HOW they manage to succeed...seems easy for others to say "I just decided not to do this and didn't break my commitment" but not for me, for whatever reason! I think one of my next steps is actually going to be eliminating my wishlist and seeing how that feels - and also limiting the sources of exposure to the things I add to that list (limiting ads, articles, social media...). I'll keep updating on here - and wishing you and me both the success we want!
Oh wow! Is so interesting to watch your journey on no buy. Wardrobe especially, want to express your artistic non conforming style, but want to be minimalist. Over the years, I learned a lot of my own shopping mistakes, and each time I declutter I notice items that I like, but is not my lifestyle, I learned to stick to my true self style, all the fancy self items I keep buying is not the correct choice for me, and took me a long time to get to a point of intentional shopping. For your job, uniform wardrobe is the best way to keep it together. Good content btw.
Thank you so much. It's an interesting kind of "battle" in the wardrobe between the idea of trying to actually wear the fantasy items, or accepting that I should be more practical, because I think both of these could work in theory. If I wear the "fantasy" items enough that they start to feel comfortable (depending on the reason why I don't wear them) then maybe I will actually "grow into" that style in a way that I really like. Or, I could not bother to do that, stick to more practical choices, and make a more uniform wardrobe like you suggest. I still don't know the answer for me but will be exploring it more as Fall season approaches and I go back to work!
There are always going to be setbacks and obviously I can see that you didn’t give up. I’m so glad you found the strength to keep going and I’m so proud of you for that. Resetting and knowing it’s ok to keep going is the biggest thing. The fact you realise you made a mistake means everything.❤
Thank you! And yes, I realized it's always better to keep going than to give up, one path leaves the possibility open for future progress and the other path doesn't so I'm glad I made this "confession video" and kept on going this time! I have given up in the past!!
You’re human… we make mistakes. You already have identified the triggers and making a plan for when it happens next. You did great; keep putting one foot in front of the other. Progress not perfection.👍👍🌸👍👍
I've failed every month this year. I do okay and then towards the end of the month I usually just snap. But every failure is a learning opportunity so don't think of it as a negative thing and keep going ❤
It's so hard not to snap after really trying to hold off from buying stuff, I feel this too. I'm going to see if the things I do to try and address that feeling can help me stay on track for the rest of the year - we still have over half the year to be successful! And like you said either way we learn and improve. We got this!
I admire your honesty. I bought clothes some days ago. Its fine but I feel shame now. I like architechture and plants/flowers and they can be appreciated for free. This channel is really healing❤ Thank you.
I have come to the realization that I have a shopping problem, it is a coping mechanism for me, much like yourself, and also stems from a recent mental health diagnosis; it has helped because I do recognize the pattern in my own behavior and how to avoid it, but I have not found something to replace it with yet. I also have two young children (elementary age) and I am also a full time grad student, I also don’t have the time for a lot of options. What I am getting at is that you are not alone, you have not failed, you’re adjusting as you learn more about yourself. 😊
It is tough, isn't it? And it's funny that I somehow used to manage to sneak shopping and browsing into my days, while starting a "new hobby" or replacing it with something more constructive (like reading a fun book, even) seems really hard, what with having kids and other things to do! Thank you for sharing, and for the solidarity 🥰
@@Alexas.nobuyyear Of course! And it really is, but we're already doing the best thing, which is recognizing the behavior and actively doing better. :)
I appreciate you so much. Also I think that you are very likable and kind on camera. Thank you for sharing. I have also failed and started again. Please keep going and know you're making a difference for me, too ❤
You are not alone. I failed my no-buy year too. I bought myself some wishlist items for my bday last month, this week I caved to peer pressure to buy something new for an upcoming work event, and I also bought some items on ThredUp b/c some people count thrifted items as okay to purchase during a no-buy (even though I didn't make that exclusion when I made my year rules, so I def cheating.) ... I'm doing the challenge with my mom and she hasn't failed yet. She's doing good! Growth looks different for everybody. I'm not going to give up!
Thank you for sharing your experience and solidarity - there's always so much gray area and for me, mental gymnastics regarding why to buy or not buy something. It's making me wonder if I need to simplify other aspects of life or develop other routines in order to help succeed in the no-buy challenge. Great job to your mom, that's awesome. We can do this!
You do such an amazing job of breaking this down and making sense of your own habits and self. I am so inspired by your candor and your commitment and your clarity of thought!
Hi from Denmark. Thank you for posting your real and vulnerable thoughts in this video. I so appreciate your honesty and reflections. I found your channel in early april and I always look forward to your videos 😃 The fact that your no-buy is a messy process rather than a linear progression is even more inspiring to me. I have shopping issues relating to buying for my kids. I homeschool them and I find myself browsing for the next new educational *something* to enrich our day even more. I too, more often than not, assign much more perceived value to the items that I end up buying than the items can actually provide - leaving me feeling distressed about the money spend AND the space these items will fill in our already crowded house. I've gotten a lot better at pausing before purchasing, especially after consuming even more no-spend content here on youtube this year (also a long time Hannah Louise Posten fan here), and your reflections always helps😃
Aw thank you so much. I've been thinking about homeschooling also, we aren't yet sure if we will go that route but I can definitely see how it might be tempting to make purchases in this category! I hope that by the time I cross that bridge (I have a couple more years!) I've found a balance I feel good about regarding consumerism and conscious spending.
Please keep making this videos you are human ! You know how many times I have started a no buy ? 2 many thank you for being relatable! I agree with you for me keeping a wishlist is a double edged sword, this year I’m doing a low buy and I’m not keeping a list if I really love something I feel like I won’t forget a list is just a reminder of wants
I have been attempting a no-buy year since the year 2020! Which I ended up letting go of back then for obvious reasons, and haven't felt ready to re-attempt in a serious way until now, in 2024. I think I am going to get rid of my wish-list after this month! You're right, if I really love something or it fulfills a legitimate need/gap in my life, I will remember it!
I’m so glad I found your channel. I don’t think it matters as much whether you’re fully “successful” or not, so much as how important your thought process is. You’re analyzing your mistakes and really figuring out what’s behind the shopping. In the long run that’s more effective than just white-knuckling your way through the year, but not understanding anything.
Thank you! And I definitely feel better about my chances of making it through the rest of the year successfully because of what I learned in these first few "failures", so, onwards and upwards!
I have found one of your most recent videos via TH-cam recommendations and I like it so much that I started binge watching your no buy year videos from the beginning. Your journey is so inspiring that I have started a no buy rest-of-the-year myself ( I am not as self-confident to do a full year, but maybe I will extend…) Thank you for admitting even the failure, it feels so relatable and human. And honestly, it gives me more strength to start at all, because you have shown to us that it is ok to make mistakes, take responsibility and learn from it.
Thank you! And welcome! I've realized that in a challenge such as this, maybe there is no such thing as "failure" as long as we remain committed to doing the reflection and work of change! I'd love to hear updates about how it goes for you 😊
I just wanted to say I've been wanting to share my own journey with trying to save money but every time I record a video I am extremely embarrassed and it's not just me. It affects my whole family and I don't want to embarrass my husband as well. With all that being said, I have this gnawing feeling that I need to share my journey because I know that there are others who struggle the same way. So I just wanted to say thank you for not giving up on sharing the struggle that you're experiencing as well. It's very relatable and you encourage me to share my story as well
Yes I can relate a lot to your feelings of having this feeling of needing to share but also not wanting to be embarrassed or embarrassing others! I think I finally just decided that the benefits are going to outweigh the possible cringe factor and ultimately, if I can look back on this year of "sharing" and say that it helped me change a habit and realize some things (and it already has, after the first 6 months!), then it doesn't matter if others think it's embarrassing, it worked for me. Go for it!!!
Your self awareness and courageous honesty are so inspiring. I share some of your struggles and your memories of being a child and not having the ‘right’ clothes really resonated with me. It’s good to hear someone else’s thought processes as I normally am stuck in my own. I do think you may be being very hard on yourself as slips and fails are part of the journey and look at all the reflection it’s triggered.❤
Thank you so much. I'm happy to be here with you and process together! And agree, the result of my "slipping up" here has brought about a lot of improvement so all in all I wouldn't change how it went!
I found your channel randomly and have been watching your videos for the last couple of days. I am learning a lot from your experience! I work full time and I have 2 young children - I totally get how easy it is to revert to shopping to feel better. Thank you for sharing your experience. Gave me lots to think about!
i really appreciate you posting this, your thoughts were really helpful for me. ive gotta say the stuff you bought does all seem really reasonable to me, but im glad you broke it down and shared it. when you said about the guilt and shame of not doing things that align with your values being so important in this, it made me think about stuff in my own life, and i wanted to say that its okay that sometimes we do (or rather dont do) stuff like that. there are so many things that are out of our isolated control and factors we consider in the moments making a decision but can easily diminish later on, at the end of the day we're animals (i mean this in a biological way, not as a euphemism for being 'primal' or something). we want to survive and enrich our lives and i really respect you for the learning youre undertaking and for letting yourself have this sort of experiment in "failure" which looks like it served you positively even if it isnt what you planned. like, i know its just small things, but those jeans seem to have helped you affirm your identity in a new place/community, those books might inspire you but also importantly you said you might share them with friends after which is great especially when dealing with some loneliness, and its nice that youre giving your child something you somewhat missed out on as a kid (self expression through fashion!). theres so many problems with consumerism but not so much with the reasons for your choices, you clearly have a good heart. also im glad things worked out for that fellow musician, and you've clearly taken it as a learning experience, but it is okay that you decided not to help. the overall situation sounds pretty stressful for you and that decision was maybe just the right one at the time and you dont have to be selfless. especially when you have little ones to look after omg !!!!! anyway, to be selfish, if you hadn't failed your no buy and shared this i would never have seen this and felt less alone and more inclined to do better myself. i really appreciate it!! take care and best of luck with your progress into the no buy year!!! ❤❤❤❤
Thanks for this thoughtful comment! I am happy with the stuff I did buy, and like you said I think the reasons for it were much more thought out than in years past when I bought things impulsively. But I just want to continue to be careful and mindful that shopping for little things all the time can really add up to excessive stuff and also isn't great for my finances! It's all just one step at a time to reaching a place I'm happier with, in my relationship to shopping and consumerism :)
You’re so insightful about how family background and the social pressure cooker of school, with the comparisons and conformity policing that goes on among peers there, plants the seeds of many subsequent thinking and behavior patterns. Your style seems more thoughtful and aesthetic than average than your peers’, now, though! I think also that women are still constrained in many ways even by well-meaning families and social structures. Or simply by financial limits. Or people in general may love their life but still feel a bit stuck. Sometimes objects like clothing feel like the only way to transform one’s life and beautify it a little in the short term. On a lighter note, recommend scrunchies with a velvet-like texture as a hair tie. The texture of that material is gently grippy. You can even find them at dollar stores and drugstores sometimes.
Thank you! And I agree - I hope the experience of being a woman can become less judged, and that people in general can grow up to have less experiences that make them feel "less than" as society progresses and people become educated about the differences of others early enough to approach with acceptance, loving curiosity, and shared humanity. Still figuring out how to get unstuck in life or rather, navigate the moments or periods of stuck-ness without turning to consumerism! I'll look into velvety textured scrunchies too, thanks for the recommendation!
Have you considered a career in fashion or styling?! Listening to you speak creatively about fashion and style, and trying to stifle that urge and energy with this no buy pact, is making me feel that u should find a buyer/styling/fashion job to fully lean into that and enjoy shopping! Hahaha. Sorry that doesn’t help I know. Anyway love your look, your style, your honesty. And I genuinely feel you’d do so well in fashion!
I'm honored to hear this! And it certainly is an idea - at the moment, my "career goals" are pretty all-consuming (taking auditions right now) so I haven't really considered an alternate path 😆 but it's also possible that I'll start doing a bit more "fashion content" just for fun on this channel, to have a little bit of an outlet to play with clothes, without the shopping part. I think the other thing that I'm not totally comfortable with is the idea of directing someone else's shopping, when I'm still working through my own relationship to overconsumerism and also reflecting on society's propensity to encourage shopping in general. But again thank you so much for this comment, I'm really flattered that you think I'd do well in the field of fashion!
Also found your channel randomly. To be very honest with you - I adored this video. You have such a calming personality and failing is and will be part of the process. Showing failures literally make me follow this journey because if you had not failed once, it would be very hard to relate with you. I'm trying to reframe my shopping habits too so I'll be following your journey. I love your content and will be watching all your previous videos. I feel my triggers are very similar to yours (and probably most people's). Please keep being honest on your journey. x
Thank you so much. Especially with starting to make these videos I'm noticing more and more how the media content I consume is often a problem for triggering the want to buy stuff, or it's otherwise kind of unrelatable because the creator is presenting something a little too "educationally," like they're the expert and we are not, with series of lists and etc. - I'm guilty of "list" videos too! They can be helpful but in my case at least I'm trying to show whether or not I can implement my intended new "good" habits to replace the "bad" ones...it really is a journey!
@@Alexas.nobuyyear I also relate with 'not fitting in' as a teen in terms of fashion to be part of my buying journey. I think it ties so much on buying to "show" others (albeit not highly conscious, it's very deep) or fit in somehow. And TOTALLY with the media content - sometimes I just watch a "beauty" video for fun and end up buying something straight away, so bad.
I love this video...I think your viewers are learning as much from your experiences as you are (I learned about a likely trigger for clothes also stemming from childhood experiences which I'd never really thought about before watching this). Seeing you go through the exercises of figuring out why there was a "failure", making adjustments/trying new approaches, etc., is really so valuable to those of us also trying to succeed at our goals, whether a no buy year or some other goal. The willpower revelation is really huge. Willpower doesn't work and it's like living Einstein's definition of insanity that we all still try to rely on it. Looking forward to hearing about your new strategies to support your renewed conviction to your no-buy.
Thank you so much. I feel like there are still more triggers and habitual behaviors to uncover for myself, some of which are new ideas I actually stumble upon while talking to the camera - and all of these revelations are things I never would have thought about without trying to do a no-buy in the first place. So regardless of how much I have failed so far and the moments of embarrassment and frustration related to that, I do know I'm making some kind of growth and progress as the year goes on!
I have just discovered your channel. I appreciate your content. Stick this out and it will be worth it. I think it takes some time to rewire your brain to not seek a fix through shopping but once it happens you're free! You'll still love all the beautiful things that never goes away, you'll just start to have an internal dialogue with yourself when thinking about buying. For me, I started saying/asking myself things like. "to what end...?!" and "I can only wear one dress at a time."... I don't know if this is the norm but once things shifted I started to get a 'high' on not purchasing. I started to get a lift on walking out of a store w/o making a purchase. This new rush didn't come from saving money it came from exercising discipline. I can't be the only one that experiences this?!?! Thank you!
I think I'm beginning to get there! Regarding getting a "high" on not purchasing. And interestingly, I am experiencing perhaps a decreased love of beautiful things as well, which I'm not sure whether that's the norm either, but it's almost like my whole system of values is totally changing as I do this re-wiring of my brain. Some of it might have to do with using my time for more "creative" pursuits now, and along with that realizing that sometimes "less" enables even more creativity...I'm sure I'll report back on that idea at some point haha Thank you for sharing your experience and welcome 🥰
I believe that failing is part of the learning process. Be kind to yourself. Thanks for sharing. Consider Low buy instead, it worked much better for me
Yes, and thank you! This year has kind of turned into a "low buy" and ultimately it's the more sustainable and realistic way to keep this habit - I'm still curious to see if I CAN do a strict no buy so I might try again next year, but it's really just to "say I did it" rather than because I believe it's the only way to change this habit.
Thank you for sharing the honest reality, it's not always necessarily a linear path we are going to, sometimes we are caught in a little cycle, and have to get back on the path. Thank you for a real representation, what it means to get out of that overconsumption cycle. :)
I agree with the wishlist, I think I dont keep them anymore because I was always reminded of the things I wanted but dont need (ads do that for me all the time). I think the realizations and the findings you get from doing the challenge are the real gems here, and you have been really good at examining over it and coming out with great observations. So please continue if you can!
Thank you so much! I will definitely continue, because I find that sometimes the things I learn about why I keep buying stuff only comes out when I'm actually talking about it, so it's turning out that sharing is a valuable part of my growth here too. I guess it's like a form of journaling. Also I think this is the last month I'll have a wishlist, going to try going without for awhile and limiting exposure to ads etc. and see how it feels/whether that helps!
I have no idea why TH-cam recommended this to me but don’t give up, I’m rooting for you! If no thing else this is an interesting topic to document even if you feel like you failed the challenge there is still something to learn from it.
Hi, I haven't seen one of your videos in awhile, but this one popped up on my feed. Thanks for your honesty and sharing your struggle. I am noticing that emotions affect my shopping habits too. I'm going to attempt a no buy month in May... Your videos will give me encourage!
I'm getting back on the wagon for May - learning to ride the waves of emotions without turning to old habits is proving to be a challenge, but we can do this!
I am a child of immigrants/ am a immigrant and having no control over your style really sucks. Becoming a adult made me buy so much to try to show myself off more and it’s pretty brave to see you make steps away from buying, specially clothes
Thank you! I'm just getting the feeling that finally I have enough, more than enough, and I want to step back from the cycle of trends of buying new stuff, especially fashion. New trends pop up each season and it's just too much for me now
Great video! I have an online shopping addiction but I think I am filling a void, to have something to look forward to. When it arrives 75% of the time I return the item. By the time it arrives I am already on to something else. Waste of my time and makes it hard to budget my money, even with all the returns.
As someone who previously worked with people living with addiction (in a much different context), it was interesting to hear you use all the language that we use (or hear) to talk about habits, without you realising that that is what you could call it. Because it's pretty much the same sentiments and feelings placed in a different context. And those same, immediate reward pathways are there, no matter what the habit is (beneficial or detrimental in whatever way those terms relate to someone's personal circumstances). I did read the pathway analogy someone else's psychologist gave, and while it's pretty good, in my practical experience it's imperfect. Sometimes multiple pathways remain fully accessible, and the only thing that differentiates them is choice. That's why I do then wholeheartedly agree that planning is a great thing; it sets you up to make the best choice you can in that moment between all the (inviting!) paths. Imo habit-forming isn't completely about reinforcing and maintaining a pathway to form another rote behaviour, it's primarily about maintaining the choice, which is where the meaning lies. But, tbh, overall whatever works!
That IS interesting! As someone totally inexperienced and unqualified to speak about "addiction" I try to stay away from referring to it or even myself as a "shopping addict" because I truly don't know what that would mean. I have had friends in the past who went through the AA program and I may have subconsciously absorbed some of the language they used talking about their journey there! And also thank you for this added tidbit about choice. I think this idea reinforces what I am currently feeling and experiencing a LOT, which is that there are reasons that people make certain choices and basically if you can make your "right choice" line up with your "core values" as a person, it becomes much easier to stick to the "right choice" - I have a video coming about how after gathering information, shopping became a moral decision for me (I talk about it today, and have another coming maybe next week) and this has made it simultaneously easier to make my right choice, and more difficult to make my wrong choice.
I tried the Tibi jeans in the store, on sale, found the styling excellent but the fabric was so stiff. Knew I wouldn’t wear them…….’comfortable ‘ is the first word of my three words.
Omg my story is very similar. I’m also an immigrant who grew up with frugal parents. As soon as I started working I went crazy with buying name brand clothes and designer bags/shoes.
Glad to hear I'm not the only one who's done this - most of my friends growing up were not children of immigrants, so I didn't really have anyone to relate to in these feelings. I was also in a small town so I was one of the few mixed-ethnicity people at my school, which made me feel like even more of an outsider. Hopefully with social media and etc. kids don't feel so much like that these days!
Hey, I have done one buy- nothing - year in 2018 but now I want to do once again. My conclusions from first experience is- there will be more desirable stuff even after that year, don’t worry that something like that Buffalo sweatshirt would not exist anymore, there will be! I used to channel the inspirations (or wishlist items) towards making things myself by sewing. If you don’t know how, you can easily learn it even with the help of TH-cam. I’m sure you can get free sewingmachine from a craigslist or FB Marketplace. Also, please encourage your friends or close people to encourage you to keep not buying when you feel you want to give in. You need to plan couple of exceptions- i kept my going out with my friends once a month for a coffee / cake/ lunch. Plan some new or other activity so that boredom induced shopping or wanting to shop will not kick in. Good Luck and I‘m off to consider if I can do this second time as well :) Kindest regards from Germany!
I’m sure you have learned by now because this seems like it was a while ago, but it’s very hard to do a no buy because you haven’t changed your habits yet. But I am sure that you are a lot smarter about what you buy and you are in the process of changing your habits and that’s all that matters and you should actually feel proud.
Yes! I've actually started several "no buy" challenges and failed every time. But the difference this time is that I decided to keep going and now the changes/progress is ACTUALLY happening! Thank you!!!
Hi! New subscriber here! I found your channel yesterday morning (this was my first video recommended to me!) and I’ve been watching your videos since. I still haven’t caught up will all of them but I’m planning to! I think an important thing to remember is that you’re not alone in this and that we, your community, are here to support you! If you ask for advice or feedback in your rules or no buy structure we could give you our thoughts on potential fallacies that you didn’t factor in. Maybe you could make a new video reinforcing your no buy rules and guidelines? Oh maybe you could watch other no buy rule and guideline videos and compare in a video what would/wouldn’t work for you? I know you are doing logs and updates mostly, but videos about the process and evaluating how the structure is working for you is one of my personal favorite aspects of no buy content! And it’s a nice reminder that we all need to adapt and adjust as our circumstances change. I’m excited for your journey!! 💓 Also, this is non-related but what instrument do you play? I thought it was violin but I also thought it might be cello?
Aw welcome and thanks so much. I do find myself re-examining exactly why I'm doing this especially since I keep "failing" in one way or another, so it might be a good idea to kind of re-do my rules and reasons, thanks so much for that feedback! And you're very close - I play the viola, the lovely string-instrument voice right in between the violin and cello. I did start on the violin though, (and have also played cello for teaching purposes), but the viola is my professional instrument.
Heyo, it's ok. I did a no buy almost a decade ago first with clothing and then with makeup and have continued it mostly organically since then. I did a quick assessment at the beginning of the year and knew that I did not need anything clothing or makeup wise. For me personally, I actually did enjoy a strict complete no buy because it freed up my entire mental load. There are no multiple rules that I had to think about everytime I'm faced with a decision because there is only one question "do I buy or not" and the answer is always "no." There is no "what if I buy this for you and give it to you so you're not technically buying it?" The answer is still no. Hope this offers a perspective that may be helpful to those who have not considered it.
Yes absolutely! Haha I JUST recorded a video a couple days ago (probably out next week) on the "#1 reason no buy actually works" and it's exactly that, the answer is automatically "no!" Which I know is perhaps the obvious point and arguably a "clickbait title" but it's just supposed to be a fun video (with a little walk through a Target store demonstrating how it's working 😄). Finally I am reaching the point of enjoying that aspect of mental freedom! I love how you said you did an assessment at the beginning of the year to know that you didn't need anything, this sounds like a great practice.
Gosh, I never needed for anything but my parents did the same thing. I never got real converse never had what other kids were wearing, and now I think because I have the money I CAN have what everyone else has for once. Unfortunately, I have discovered in buying for example the summer fridays lip balm: its not life changing and I am still not the cool girl. I’m happy with being the weird girl but I think part of me felt like I missed out and went back to give myself everything I wanted as a child. I understand my parents and I also understand the little girl too. Coming full circle ❤
I'm starting to even wonder what I thought the "cool girl" actually was! Because it's almost like there's "feeling cool" and being a "cool girl" in society - I DO feel like a "cool girl" now sometimes (even, often!), when I feel like I'm able to express myself and the "impression" I'm making is in line with what I actually value in life. But, I still don't think I'm a "cool girl" in society even when I FEEL cool, because my genuine interests are a bit "nerdy" - for example when I'm feeling cool it might be because I'm wearing a graphic t-shirt, lavender blazer, and cowboy boots (I lived in Texas) so it feels very "me" and authentic. I might even be wearing summer fridays lip balm (because it works for me, not just because it's "trendy"😆) But I don't have any illusions that me in my little "cool-to-me" outfit going to my "cool-to-me" job as a symphony viola player will translate as "general cool girl" unless other people think that cool is just a feeling....but I also don't care as much anymore like I definitely used to! Hopefully that made some kind of sense and thank you for your very relatable comment - as you can see, sometimes they provoke a long reflective response for me! haha
@@Alexas.nobuyyear Absolutely! Thank you for sharing, I just made the step to finally part with my very expired “cool makeup” which I felt like I wouldn’t be as interesting without but I just don’t want to wear purple lipstick anymore ya know? Its the same as me holding onto a top I used to love that I don’t fit and isn’t even my style anymore. Oddly enough, nearly every nerdy/weird interest I had is now a cool person thing. When I tell people I run a hospital lab and tell them what I do they think its cool, life is funny in its lessons isn’t it? Im also still a nerdy little girl at heart and now that I’m older I am happy I never really changed after all :)
I know I'm an adult obsessed with clothes because I always felt like I didn't have the right "in style" items as a kid 😔 Why are we all still dealing with our teen demons.
I fall so hard for the hunt for the best Option. I have at least adhd could also be on the spectrum and I often feel drained when I m around people . Bad clothes will make me drain faster and I m Always looking for the Thing that will make me have as much Energy as Others and make me Look stylish. 🙈 Yeah Not going to Happen but after years I m still looking.
Wow that's interesting! I do think some aspects of style and clothing make us feel certain ways, so it makes so much sense to me that you're still looking for a solution through clothing. I think maybe there's a time go settle for "good enough" and maybe trying a temporary "no new clothes" challenge can help you focus on choosing the best out of what you already own instead of looking to bring anything else in!
' Nothing' + ' 1 year' are a setup for failure if you are not naturally totally minimalistic and don't care what you wear or what people think. Why not set realistic limits such as a budget or number of items per month? A month to plan, think and prioritise, and a monthly fix of buying are more likely change binge behavior.
I agree - and I am not naturally totally minimalistic and DO care about what I wear, so it has been difficult! I think for me approaching from the "extreme end" is teaching me what the future limit might realistically look like regarding number of items and budget, because as evidenced in this video even during the "no buy year" I have not been 100% successful in not buying ANYTHING, and even since this "Failure" video I have bought a few things (which I will reveal in a 6 month update) but the difference already is that there have been more "legitimate" needs for the things purchased in the 2nd quarter of the year vs. the 1st quarter. Progress is being made, at least!
Hi! I am also doing a low buy year, where you have green ( essentials) yellow ( buy with thought/ in moderation ) and red ( cannot buy ) lists. This helps me alot. That said i have also "broke" my low buy, but i say slipped up. When i did i felt bad obviously but ultimately came to the conclusion that, messing up is okay aslong as you learn from it. I guess what im saying is everyones no / low buy will look different and you only have to justify it purchases to yourself - if you need them, buy them. No buys aren't meant to deprive us, they just help us to appreciate or use what we already have 😊. I also personally dont think you've 'failed', you've just slipped. I don't think you start again, I'd just take another look at your lists give yourself a little bit of grace ( we are all recovering hypocrites 😂) and move forward! Good luck ❤ Edit - you could also try a low buy dairy - which may help to work through you thoughts when you feel like you what to buy stuff ❤
I am going to revisit my lists and rules and re evaluate, we'll see what I come up with. I also love the idea of a low buy diary - I've started using a little notebook for ideas and thoughts just like this, also with the goal of staying away from my phone more and decreasing distractions/exposure to ads and social media. I think it's going to really help!
Gosh when I hear you talk you sound so much like me. Are you an INFP by any chance? I definitely get INFP vibes! :) I have also relied solely on my shakey-ass willpower and it hasn't gone well for me. I will definitely be exploring more of your videos; they are super insightful. I also have a new relationship on the horizon and I do not really want to come clean about this (would rather sort it out first) and this man is wise with his money and probably won't be overjoyed to find that he has found himself a woman with an impulsive shopping habit. If there ever was a good motivation for change, this is it!
Close! The last time I took the test I was an INTP - but it's possible that the T and P components fluctuate as I've also got INTJ before too. I totally feel you on the relationship component and managing the shopping - I was not always totally honest with my husband about things I had purchased until starting this challenge, and even the things purchased in this video I didn't explicitly tell him about until afterwards, so it's an important piece to the shopping puzzle! (How we feel about sharing our habits with others, I mean). Thank you for stopping by! 😊
The Damson Madder vest is fierce tho lol I found the Ali Abdaal book in the airport months ago and have yet to read it (I chalk it up to my ADHD) Also I live in a city that most New Yorkers would call a suburb called Jersey City which is literally just a 10 minute train ride but feel similarly to you in the sense that it’s a place I struggle with finding community even though I’ve lived here for 3 years - I made nyc my home for 12 years so adjusting to a place that feels more isolated in a bigger space to live does make me feel like I’ve subconsciously filled my house up with stuff because the space is available 😅
Some observations... You maybe should think about using "need" when everything is actually a want. I think this can help out brains. I like what you said about separating holidays from material things. I think it's odd (as a fellow mom) to buy yourself Mother's day gifts. I think you also bought your own valentine's gifts, if i recall correctly? It seems like you're failing because you made a loophole that allowed you to still browse and shop (like the frog and toad shirt being a "memory"), and that allowance then allows you to try to find legitimate reasons to purchase what you want. All this is said as someone who started a no buy year in January and made it til February...barely. So I'm seeing a lot of myself in what you're saying! I know the struggle is real!! I mentioned Shawna Ripari's channel in my other comment...I definitely think you'll enjoy her content and find it helpful. She no longer recommends a full blown no buy year, even having done one herself. Hannah's no buy year was amazing because she didn't make any loopholes, she was strict, everything was a no...some people can do that (I wish I was one!), others need to learn healthy coping mechanisms first and more about the psychology of shopping. I hope you keep posting videos, even if you don't continue your no buy! And kudos for being brave and sharing your journey💜
I can't edit from my phone. I meant to say "our brains" in the first paragraph. Also, I am not saying you're intentionally finding loopholes, I mean when we don't have a flat NO, our brains automatically try to create loopholes for us. It's like saying I'm not going to eat sweats at all, vs. I'm going to eat less sweets. If you just say less, our brains will start questioning if every time is the appropriate time (it is, hah!) Vs. that hard no. No is easier (I've had to do this with sweets!). I hope that makes sense. I think my comment may have sounded like I was accusing YOU, when I really am accusing our brains for being sneaky, haha, ALL of our brains! Not just yours😉
Thank you, love these observations - I have started making a point to tell myself I don't "need" anything and trying to catch myself talking through things! So we are thinking alike there. I agree also that it IS odd to buy yourself gifts for occasions where typically people would gift them to you. I think I saw this idea floating around during Christmastime though, that I'm not the only one who does this kind of thing, because some husbands/partners are notoriously bad about celebrating occasions (I understand Christmas and Valentines/Mother's day aren't a direct comparison, but I think the concept can still apply). However in my goals this year it has indeed allowed loopholes that I don't want to be grappling with, and I'm reevaluating this going forward because I DO want to recommit to the no-buy...and long-term I think it's better to be okay with whatever effort your loved ones do manage to put towards celebrated occasions than it is to make sure I "get what I want" out of it. I do like Shawna Ripari's content! And agree that for practical reasons a strict no-buy may not be the thing to do, but I still have reasons that I want to see if I can achieve this for at least a period of time (at least the remainder of the year or perhaps even a full year starting in May). Hannah did an amazing job of sticking to the rules she made for herself. I might unpack exactly why I really want to achieve the stricter goal in a future chat - after even more reflection! Haha
When I call a period a "no buy" period I buy like crazy, justify everything and fail. When I give myself permission to buy what I need and ask myself questions before buying I buy less. I think the rule just makes me want to break it. Ha.
Thank you for your comment and bringing this extremely important perspective to the discussion. I really appreciate it and I hope you have beauty in your life even if you don't have as much freedom to buy things or fall into the traps of these "first-world problems". I mean this in a genuine way and hope it doesn't sound trite, coming from a comment over the internet. I have been feeling the privilege of doing a "no-buy" year and I understand how totally ridiculous (and possibly frustrating) it seems to people who have not had the option or resources to spend money so frivolously or be concerned about things like buying too many clothes, because there are more important issues in their lives. But, I can only try and improve myself so that I can be a better person and more responsible user of resources for the rest of my time here, and hope that my experience can help others in my position to re-evaluate their choices and do the same!
maybe u could look into thrifting /buying secondhand more, rather than shopping so if what u want isn’t available, then yr just out of luck, or even buying basic pieces and making them unique to your liking yourself!!
Yes I do love thrifting and secondhand shopping! I'm still going to try and re-commit to a no-buy for the rest of the year, but going forward I'm going to try and prioritize secondhand over new even more.
It sounds like you’re extremely creative individual. Maybe you’re trying to express that creativity in the things you buy. Do you have a hobby or a way to release that creative energy?
I'm not sure if I said in this video but I'm actually a professional musician - it's my "real job" - but I haven't been able to put in as much practice as I'd like for the past few years and I do think this contributed to my shopping issue! I also feel like this year, creating these videos has become a kind of hobby that IS helping, slowly but surely. So in other words - thank you, you are right! 😊
I think you’re being really hard on yourself, i understand wanting to do a no buy year (though i believe conscious spending and a low buy are easier to keep up with) but if its gonna make you feel like you’ve done something bad each time you buy something like a hair clip then it’s not very helpfull to stop you from shopping. I think if you force yourself to write what you want to buy and give it one day to think about it, you will stop most times.
Yeah it was a bit like trying to run before I could walk, but the good news is I think I have learned a lot even from failing...and perhaps even more importantly I found true motivation. So hoping for a smoother second half of the year 😄
Haha yes thank you for this reminder! My problem in past years though is that the little impulse purchases added up to more than I wanted to be spending 😅 to trying this more extreme challenge this year as a kind of reset!
In my opinion far too many bad habits have been labeled a “disease.” A disease isn’t something you can instantly CURE by stopping a behavior. Yes many bad habits become addictive. An addiction still is not a disease. I stopped smoking. It was a bad habit with extremely strong biochemical addictive cravings. I was able to cure this habit by stopping the behavior. Not easy but I did it. Someone with cancer can’t cure the cancer by stopping a behavior. The idea that addictions are diseases are one of the major failings of present day psychology. Continuing to shop despite not wanting to means your habit has become addictive. You can break it by, as you’ve now realized, treating it like you would any other bad habit/ addictive behavior that has some biochemical impulses behind it. Good luck. 👍
I forget what I said in this video! But since this one, there have been some more moments of "awakening," (some of which shared indirectly on here) where I've basically realized she's hyper-focused on "curation" of stuff, and doesn't seem to have a great understanding of what reality is like for most people
I think you're being wayyyyyyy too hard on yourself. Enjoy your purchases - if everyone had your conscience and sense of ethics the world would be a better place.
Aw thank you - I'm still going to try and resume the more extreme challenge and see what happens for at least the rest of the year, even if I slip up and end up buying something, I'm learning a lot about myself and the general consumerism habits of society as I go!
From a fellow musician (collab pianist) - best of luck ❤ you have my sincerest admiration... I'm in the same boat - buy less, read and practice more!! 😅
@drc4168 amazing! Everyone needs a good pianist!! Somehow the whole day feels better knowing that I've practiced (especially scales)...I think it's the musician's version of "making the bed every morning" 😄
As my psycholigist put it, our habits are like paths in the forest, that are wide and comfortable. We like walking on them, it is nice and easy. But forming a new habit is like carving another path torough a thick forest. First you break the mold by going through the thicket once. It is hard but may be exciting. Then, over the months and years, you try to choose the hard path over the easy one over and over again. And each time you do, the new path becomes a tad bit wider, and the old path starts to grow over with the bushes. The old one will always be there, straight with no trees, but it will get less accessibe. Meaning it is still fairly easy to fall back, but at the same time the new path will eventually become nice and comfy too :)
Or you could just see it as having strong neural paths for one behaviour and having to grow new neural connections for another behaviour. The old one will never fully disappear, but when the new one gets stronger, it will be favoured much more often.
Anyway: practice is key, and failure is just a part of it.
And it is absolutely fantastic that you plan on forming better responses to stressors! Thinking about it actively or even making plans on paper is great. Fingers crossed!
Yes makes so much sense - and also helps to illustrate that when you're scared or nervous or upset you are much more likely to take the familiar comfortable path! I guess the tricky thing for me right now is that you can have a plan for the stressors but you can't plan to actually feel those things, so you won't necessarily expect to feel stressed when you do and predict when your plans will be tested. We shall see!
I found your channel randomly. I don't know much about no buy, but I've been watching mostly because I enjoy listening to you talk and the way you reason through your process. I've been finding your conscientiousness inspiring as someone who also tends to be attached to the shopping cycle. And I just want to throw this out there. Witnessing you admitting to and talking through your failure is incredibly valuable to anyone working on anything at all in life. We all share your experience in one way or another, and most of us try our best to hide it. I think its so wholesome and healing to be reminded that this is what we share as humans and we're truly in this together. You are very admirable, failing or not. Thank you for being so open.
Thank you so much! It's so interesting, I definitely used to be a person who was very upset by failing at things, and I guess could have been labeled a "perfectionist" or classic "over-thinker"...as I get older I become less embarrassed and hurt by failing, spend less time analyzing what I might have said or done "wrong" (I still feel and do these things, just to a lesser degree!) and try to embrace it as a part of a balanced life.
@@Alexas.nobuyyearyes I totally agree! You’re helping people! I related so much to what you said about the reasons why you’re so attached to clothing
sooo well said!! thank you!
@@Alexas.nobuyyeari think what your revealing is really really important!!!
@@SaralinaLoveThanks! It's definitely helping me anyway!
You are allowed to have a few hiccups on the journey and the idea is not to feel worse that you probably feel already. The easiest thing is to give up, so don’t. Stop. re assess , and start again. We have your back.
🥰
Don't be too hard on yourself - you're doing really well! It's all part of the learning journey xx
Thank you - definitely going to try and take it as "information gathering" and avoid holding onto negative feelings, I've also seen people talk about how taking failures personally can hinder the processes of growth and change (understandably!) so I'm trying to move on and focus forward!
I am 38 years into sobriety from alcohol, and a quarter of the way through my first no buy year, one in which I allowed myself some loopholes that I am now re-examining for their potential for setbacks. I think one of the distinguishing characteristics of addiction is that it is somewhat immune to willpower, at least two willpower as a long-term strategy. Addiction is a mental, spiritual and physical issue, as you are discovering in your first failures to master it. I have learned that there is no real mastery of it, only ways to outwit it. It is as again, you mentioned, so woven into our personal emotional and experiential histories. Deciding to be sober of an addictive habit mean learning to find pleasure and sustenance and enjoyment elsewhere, and being proactive about the means to comfort yourself when triggered, and substituting behaviors like crazy. These are all things a person learns in early sobriety. I think you are right on track. Keep going, keep going keep going.
Thank you! This is valuable insight.
Whenever this happens to me (usually around the 3/4 month mark, although I'm doing better lately), I remind myself how much more money I would have spent (wasted) during that time if I hadn't been at least trying. You're only human, the behavioural shift you're making is huge, overall you've come so far from where you started.
Yeah you're definitely right - I don't even want to compare with previous years shopping/spending, I'm sure I'd be horrified!
I’ve had mixed results with wishlists. Sometimes it’s good for me because when I see something on my list that I don’t want anymore, it helps remind me why I shouldn’t make impulse purchases. I’ve also noticed that sometimes I check my wishlist, and see something that I had forgotten about. And then the feeling of desire returns, and it takes more will power to not but something I had forgotten about.
Yes! I've learned that actually my memory is good enough that if I truly want something or especially if there's a legitimate NEED for something, I'll remember it without having to put it on a wishlist! 😅
Keep going 🤍 our idea about challenges and "failing" is so strange. Recognizing patterns, habits and continuing to try to be better is winning. You didn't fail.
Love that, thank you. Definitely winning in those ways! I will continue to try!
In my experience, refraining from buying only works if I have found out what these purchases give me emotionally, what they compensate for, what feeling leads me to buy, where it comes from and what I can do to solve it WITHOUT buying. In my opinion, a lot of self-reflection and knowledge are the prerequisites for avoiding excessive shopping
Absolutely! Happy to report that I'm finally doing that self-reflection and gaining that knowledge this year 😄
Your clothing story is so similar to mine! We came from Puerto Rico to the US, and we were poor. My mom bought me a *wind breaker* for winter 🥶 I froze until I was finally given a sweater. I was in middle school.
Now I'm trying not to shop. I'm an adult woman and I over shop just because I lived in poverty so long that now my brain is like "You can shop! All the time!! Yay!!" Which is a blessing, but I don't want to keep shopping compulsively.
Thanks so much for sharing your own journey ❤️ It's really helpful!
I also failed this month. I’m in the process of updating my clothes to consist of mostly cotton (so hard to find 100% cotton nowadays) due to my eczema and Abercrombie has a pretty good selection of cotton jeans and shirts. But I got caught up in the shopping and bought more than I wanted to. It sucks and I feel so guilty but I’m going to do my best to make up for it next month. I’ve removed a lot of things from my wishlists so that I won’t be tempted to buy. I have some financial goals that I really need to focus on. Best of luck to anyone else who is going through the same ❤
Hooray for natural fibers - I just saw another video about how polyesters and other chemically made/treated materials can have PFAS which might be bad for our health...I'm definitely going to keep this in mind as I curate my wardrobe (mostly by decluttering this year, I probably still have enough cotton/linen/wool items to make a complete wardrobe but we'll see!). As long as you were mindful in what you bought I think you can let go of the guilt and just make sure everything gets the wear it deserves, and like you said, make up for it by not buying more in the future! :)
Thank you so much for being honest! We all fail, and to acknowledging it happens, is soo important. It maybe uncomfortable but I think everyone can relate. I so enjoy your videos and beyond happy you kept on going.
I’m so glad you didn’t give up and delete your channel. I found you when I was finally ready to face my shopping problem, and was looking for guidance, tips, and inspiration. I watch at least one video of yours almost daily, and I find them very helpful. Also, I have 5 Suzuki kids in strings, and I told my violist that a fellow alto clef baddie was helping his mom out. We had a good giggle. Thank you again for your content. I’m so, so helped by it.
omg alto clef baddie, the highest praise! thank you for sharing 🥰
Thank you for having a realistic take on a no- buy year. Things happen, life happens. I appreciate the way you address things are honest with yourself and us. 😊
Thank you so much ☺️ "keepin it real" over here for sure
I just randomly found you and have the same issue: i want to shop less but keep failing. Thank you for talking about failing, it shows that others are also human and struggle a little. I also try to understand my behaviour and triggers :)
Yay! Hopefully we can continue in this journey to understand together - we can do this!
9:33 you just caused me to explore my own obsession with clothing. And I’ve discovered that when I was a kid I couldn’t fit into anything and I was from a small town with little options. Now I’m an adult and I buy everything I like and can fit. I have to conquer this.
I believe in you!
Give yourself a break. Its ok to love what you wear. It's actually good that you do. If you love most pieces that you buy, you will wear and keep them for a long time, which is good for sustainability. Your commitment to intentional shopping via your wish list is a good start. Perhaps instead of no-buys, you could set a maximum number of purchases for the year in each category. Maybe clothing, shoes, health and beauty. Set a low but realistic goal. Maybe 1 or 2 items per category per month.
Thanks for your ideas and feedback! I do think that after this period of attempting a no-buy, I will have a more realistic framework where a few items are allowed and I like your idea of having a maximum number. But for a few reasons (that I might talk about in a future video), I do still really want to accomplish a year of not buying stuff - I'll be trying again for the rest of this year at least!
I should admit, your story about your childhood and clothes was so familiar andI feel now I understand why I am so much into shopping clothes 🤦🏻♀️ Thank you 🙏
I really appreciate the sincerity and vulnerability. I’m currently in a difficult place of my addiction to shopping and these videos and insights help me evaluate things and give me new perspective. I’m a new subscriber. Thank you
Thanks for your transparency. Do not get discourage, you're doing your best and this is a process. I find your channel inspiring, don't be too hard with yourself
Thank you so much - I'm determined to get there and reach a "state of consumerism" that I'm more happy with!
I have tried to do no buy years for the last three/four years and I have also failed. I was also feeling shame but upon reflection, I felt that bought much fewer things during the no-buy years than the years before. So it's at least better than before even though it's not perfect. Don't be so hard on yourself.
Yes likewise! It's kind of embarrassing to admit I used to buy more, but that is also true for me. So even though I'm "failing", the no buy challenge is helping. I think back to pre-internet times when shopping was so much less common (at least in my life), and want to get back to that level of frequency
Thank you so much for posting this. I’ve been trying to do a no buy since the beginning of April and also failed in a big way this past weekend…also things from my wishlist. You made it longer than me! I was feeling really guilty about it as well but trying to channel that guilt into stronger conviction going forward. I’m not hoping you fail or anything but it’s nice to know I’m not alone in the struggle. Many other “no buy influencers” seem to never fail or backslide which makes me feel even worse about myself and how hard it is not to shop. Hopefully we both can be successful from here on out!
Right? I like watching no-buy videos, but I often find myself questioning exactly HOW they manage to succeed...seems easy for others to say "I just decided not to do this and didn't break my commitment" but not for me, for whatever reason!
I think one of my next steps is actually going to be eliminating my wishlist and seeing how that feels - and also limiting the sources of exposure to the things I add to that list (limiting ads, articles, social media...). I'll keep updating on here - and wishing you and me both the success we want!
Oh wow! Is so interesting to watch your journey on no buy. Wardrobe especially, want to express your artistic non conforming style, but want to be minimalist. Over the years, I learned a lot of my own shopping mistakes, and each time I declutter I notice items that I like, but is not my lifestyle, I learned to stick to my true self style, all the fancy self items I keep buying is not the correct choice for me, and took me a long time to get to a point of intentional shopping. For your job, uniform wardrobe is the best way to keep it together. Good content btw.
Thank you so much.
It's an interesting kind of "battle" in the wardrobe between the idea of trying to actually wear the fantasy items, or accepting that I should be more practical, because I think both of these could work in theory. If I wear the "fantasy" items enough that they start to feel comfortable (depending on the reason why I don't wear them) then maybe I will actually "grow into" that style in a way that I really like. Or, I could not bother to do that, stick to more practical choices, and make a more uniform wardrobe like you suggest. I still don't know the answer for me but will be exploring it more as Fall season approaches and I go back to work!
There are always going to be setbacks and obviously I can see that you didn’t give up. I’m so glad you found the strength to keep going and I’m so proud of you for that. Resetting and knowing it’s ok to keep going is the biggest thing. The fact you realise you made a mistake means everything.❤
Thank you! And yes, I realized it's always better to keep going than to give up, one path leaves the possibility open for future progress and the other path doesn't so I'm glad I made this "confession video" and kept on going this time! I have given up in the past!!
You didn’t fail! You’re working towards and through your goal and look how far you’ve come! You’re doing great! Keep going!
Thank you so much! Onwards and upwards 😊
You’re human… we make mistakes. You already have identified the triggers and making a plan for when it happens next. You did great; keep putting one foot in front of the other. Progress not perfection.👍👍🌸👍👍
I've failed every month this year. I do okay and then towards the end of the month I usually just snap. But every failure is a learning opportunity so don't think of it as a negative thing and keep going ❤
It's so hard not to snap after really trying to hold off from buying stuff, I feel this too. I'm going to see if the things I do to try and address that feeling can help me stay on track for the rest of the year - we still have over half the year to be successful! And like you said either way we learn and improve. We got this!
I admire your honesty. I bought clothes some days ago. Its fine but I feel shame now.
I like architechture and plants/flowers and they can be appreciated for free.
This channel is really healing❤
Thank you.
Please don't feel shame! We can't change what we did in the past, even just a few days ago, but we can learn and change if we want to. 🥰
@@Alexas.nobuyyear Thank you💓
I have come to the realization that I have a shopping problem, it is a coping mechanism for me, much like yourself, and also stems from a recent mental health diagnosis; it has helped because I do recognize the pattern in my own behavior and how to avoid it, but I have not found something to replace it with yet. I also have two young children (elementary age) and I am also a full time grad student, I also don’t have the time for a lot of options. What I am getting at is that you are not alone, you have not failed, you’re adjusting as you learn more about yourself. 😊
It is tough, isn't it? And it's funny that I somehow used to manage to sneak shopping and browsing into my days, while starting a "new hobby" or replacing it with something more constructive (like reading a fun book, even) seems really hard, what with having kids and other things to do!
Thank you for sharing, and for the solidarity 🥰
@@Alexas.nobuyyear Of course! And it really is, but we're already doing the best thing, which is recognizing the behavior and actively doing better. :)
I appreciate you so much. Also I think that you are very likable and kind on camera. Thank you for sharing. I have also failed and started again. Please keep going and know you're making a difference for me, too ❤
Aw this is so kind, thank you. We can do this!
You are not alone. I failed my no-buy year too. I bought myself some wishlist items for my bday last month, this week I caved to peer pressure to buy something new for an upcoming work event, and I also bought some items on ThredUp b/c some people count thrifted items as okay to purchase during a no-buy (even though I didn't make that exclusion when I made my year rules, so I def cheating.) ... I'm doing the challenge with my mom and she hasn't failed yet. She's doing good! Growth looks different for everybody. I'm not going to give up!
Thank you for sharing your experience and solidarity - there's always so much gray area and for me, mental gymnastics regarding why to buy or not buy something. It's making me wonder if I need to simplify other aspects of life or develop other routines in order to help succeed in the no-buy challenge. Great job to your mom, that's awesome. We can do this!
You do such an amazing job of breaking this down and making sense of your own habits and self. I am so inspired by your candor and your commitment and your clarity of thought!
Thank you!
Hi from Denmark. Thank you for posting your real and vulnerable thoughts in this video. I so appreciate your honesty and reflections. I found your channel in early april and I always look forward to your videos 😃 The fact that your no-buy is a messy process rather than a linear progression is even more inspiring to me. I have shopping issues relating to buying for my kids. I homeschool them and I find myself browsing for the next new educational *something* to enrich our day even more. I too, more often than not, assign much more perceived value to the items that I end up buying than the items can actually provide - leaving me feeling distressed about the money spend AND the space these items will fill in our already crowded house. I've gotten a lot better at pausing before purchasing, especially after consuming even more no-spend content here on youtube this year (also a long time Hannah Louise Posten fan here), and your reflections always helps😃
Aw thank you so much. I've been thinking about homeschooling also, we aren't yet sure if we will go that route but I can definitely see how it might be tempting to make purchases in this category! I hope that by the time I cross that bridge (I have a couple more years!) I've found a balance I feel good about regarding consumerism and conscious spending.
Please keep making this videos you are human ! You know how many times I have started a no buy ? 2 many thank you for being relatable! I agree with you for me keeping a wishlist is a double edged sword, this year I’m doing a low buy and I’m not keeping a list if I really love something I feel like I won’t forget a list is just a reminder of wants
I have been attempting a no-buy year since the year 2020! Which I ended up letting go of back then for obvious reasons, and haven't felt ready to re-attempt in a serious way until now, in 2024. I think I am going to get rid of my wish-list after this month! You're right, if I really love something or it fulfills a legitimate need/gap in my life, I will remember it!
I’m so glad I found your channel. I don’t think it matters as much whether you’re fully “successful” or not, so much as how important your thought process is. You’re analyzing your mistakes and really figuring out what’s behind the shopping. In the long run that’s more effective than just white-knuckling your way through the year, but not understanding anything.
Thank you! And I definitely feel better about my chances of making it through the rest of the year successfully because of what I learned in these first few "failures", so, onwards and upwards!
I have found one of your most recent videos via TH-cam recommendations and I like it so much that I started binge watching your no buy year videos from the beginning.
Your journey is so inspiring that I have started a no buy rest-of-the-year myself ( I am not as self-confident to do a full year, but maybe I will extend…)
Thank you for admitting even the failure, it feels so relatable and human. And honestly, it gives me more strength to start at all, because you have shown to us that it is ok to make mistakes, take responsibility and learn from it.
Thank you! And welcome! I've realized that in a challenge such as this, maybe there is no such thing as "failure" as long as we remain committed to doing the reflection and work of change! I'd love to hear updates about how it goes for you 😊
You're a genuinely good soul. I can feel that through this video. You can do this. Keep going hun.
Aw thank you so much.
I just wanted to say I've been wanting to share my own journey with trying to save money but every time I record a video I am extremely embarrassed and it's not just me. It affects my whole family and I don't want to embarrass my husband as well. With all that being said, I have this gnawing feeling that I need to share my journey because I know that there are others who struggle the same way. So I just wanted to say thank you for not giving up on sharing the struggle that you're experiencing as well. It's very relatable and you encourage me to share my story as well
Yes I can relate a lot to your feelings of having this feeling of needing to share but also not wanting to be embarrassed or embarrassing others! I think I finally just decided that the benefits are going to outweigh the possible cringe factor and ultimately, if I can look back on this year of "sharing" and say that it helped me change a habit and realize some things (and it already has, after the first 6 months!), then it doesn't matter if others think it's embarrassing, it worked for me. Go for it!!!
Your self awareness and courageous honesty are so inspiring. I share some of your struggles and your memories of being a child and not having the ‘right’ clothes really resonated with me. It’s good to hear someone else’s thought processes as I normally am stuck in my own. I do think you may be being very hard on yourself as slips and fails are part of the journey and look at all the reflection it’s triggered.❤
Thank you so much. I'm happy to be here with you and process together! And agree, the result of my "slipping up" here has brought about a lot of improvement so all in all I wouldn't change how it went!
I found your channel randomly and have been watching your videos for the last couple of days. I am learning a lot from your experience! I work full time and I have 2 young children - I totally get how easy it is to revert to shopping to feel better. Thank you for sharing your experience. Gave me lots to think about!
Welcome! 🥰
i really appreciate you posting this, your thoughts were really helpful for me. ive gotta say the stuff you bought does all seem really reasonable to me, but im glad you broke it down and shared it. when you said about the guilt and shame of not doing things that align with your values being so important in this, it made me think about stuff in my own life, and i wanted to say that its okay that sometimes we do (or rather dont do) stuff like that. there are so many things that are out of our isolated control and factors we consider in the moments making a decision but can easily diminish later on, at the end of the day we're animals (i mean this in a biological way, not as a euphemism for being 'primal' or something). we want to survive and enrich our lives and i really respect you for the learning youre undertaking and for letting yourself have this sort of experiment in "failure" which looks like it served you positively even if it isnt what you planned. like, i know its just small things, but those jeans seem to have helped you affirm your identity in a new place/community, those books might inspire you but also importantly you said you might share them with friends after which is great especially when dealing with some loneliness, and its nice that youre giving your child something you somewhat missed out on as a kid (self expression through fashion!). theres so many problems with consumerism but not so much with the reasons for your choices, you clearly have a good heart. also im glad things worked out for that fellow musician, and you've clearly taken it as a learning experience, but it is okay that you decided not to help. the overall situation sounds pretty stressful for you and that decision was maybe just the right one at the time and you dont have to be selfless. especially when you have little ones to look after omg !!!!! anyway, to be selfish, if you hadn't failed your no buy and shared this i would never have seen this and felt less alone and more inclined to do better myself. i really appreciate it!! take care and best of luck with your progress into the no buy year!!! ❤❤❤❤
Thanks for this thoughtful comment! I am happy with the stuff I did buy, and like you said I think the reasons for it were much more thought out than in years past when I bought things impulsively. But I just want to continue to be careful and mindful that shopping for little things all the time can really add up to excessive stuff and also isn't great for my finances!
It's all just one step at a time to reaching a place I'm happier with, in my relationship to shopping and consumerism :)
You’re so insightful about how family background and the social pressure cooker of school, with the comparisons and conformity policing that goes on among peers there, plants the seeds of many subsequent thinking and behavior patterns. Your style seems more thoughtful and aesthetic than average than your peers’, now, though!
I think also that women are still constrained in many ways even by well-meaning families and social structures. Or simply by financial limits. Or people in general may love their life but still feel a bit stuck. Sometimes objects like clothing feel like the only way to transform one’s life and beautify it a little in the short term.
On a lighter note, recommend scrunchies with a velvet-like texture as a hair tie. The texture of that material is gently grippy. You can even find them at dollar stores and drugstores sometimes.
Lol, just saw the end of the video. So true.
Thank you! And I agree - I hope the experience of being a woman can become less judged, and that people in general can grow up to have less experiences that make them feel "less than" as society progresses and people become educated about the differences of others early enough to approach with acceptance, loving curiosity, and shared humanity.
Still figuring out how to get unstuck in life or rather, navigate the moments or periods of stuck-ness without turning to consumerism!
I'll look into velvety textured scrunchies too, thanks for the recommendation!
I've failed my no buy year and I feel a lot better listening to your experience and those of others who struggle, so just know, I appreciate you.
Thank you and appreciate you too!
Have you considered a career in fashion or styling?! Listening to you speak creatively about fashion and style, and trying to stifle that urge and energy with this no buy pact, is making me feel that u should find a buyer/styling/fashion job to fully lean into that and enjoy shopping! Hahaha. Sorry that doesn’t help I know. Anyway love your look, your style, your honesty. And I genuinely feel you’d do so well in fashion!
I'm honored to hear this! And it certainly is an idea - at the moment, my "career goals" are pretty all-consuming (taking auditions right now) so I haven't really considered an alternate path 😆 but it's also possible that I'll start doing a bit more "fashion content" just for fun on this channel, to have a little bit of an outlet to play with clothes, without the shopping part. I think the other thing that I'm not totally comfortable with is the idea of directing someone else's shopping, when I'm still working through my own relationship to overconsumerism and also reflecting on society's propensity to encourage shopping in general.
But again thank you so much for this comment, I'm really flattered that you think I'd do well in the field of fashion!
Thank you for sharing ❤❤❤
Also found your channel randomly. To be very honest with you - I adored this video. You have such a calming personality and failing is and will be part of the process. Showing failures literally make me follow this journey because if you had not failed once, it would be very hard to relate with you. I'm trying to reframe my shopping habits too so I'll be following your journey. I love your content and will be watching all your previous videos. I feel my triggers are very similar to yours (and probably most people's). Please keep being honest on your journey. x
Thank you so much.
Especially with starting to make these videos I'm noticing more and more how the media content I consume is often a problem for triggering the want to buy stuff, or it's otherwise kind of unrelatable because the creator is presenting something a little too "educationally," like they're the expert and we are not, with series of lists and etc. - I'm guilty of "list" videos too! They can be helpful but in my case at least I'm trying to show whether or not I can implement my intended new "good" habits to replace the "bad" ones...it really is a journey!
@@Alexas.nobuyyear I also relate with 'not fitting in' as a teen in terms of fashion to be part of my buying journey. I think it ties so much on buying to "show" others (albeit not highly conscious, it's very deep) or fit in somehow.
And TOTALLY with the media content - sometimes I just watch a "beauty" video for fun and end up buying something straight away, so bad.
I love this video...I think your viewers are learning as much from your experiences as you are (I learned about a likely trigger for clothes also stemming from childhood experiences which I'd never really thought about before watching this). Seeing you go through the exercises of figuring out why there was a "failure", making adjustments/trying new approaches, etc., is really so valuable to those of us also trying to succeed at our goals, whether a no buy year or some other goal. The willpower revelation is really huge. Willpower doesn't work and it's like living Einstein's definition of insanity that we all still try to rely on it. Looking forward to hearing about your new strategies to support your renewed conviction to your no-buy.
Thank you so much. I feel like there are still more triggers and habitual behaviors to uncover for myself, some of which are new ideas I actually stumble upon while talking to the camera - and all of these revelations are things I never would have thought about without trying to do a no-buy in the first place. So regardless of how much I have failed so far and the moments of embarrassment and frustration related to that, I do know I'm making some kind of growth and progress as the year goes on!
The real time Under Armor experience is a core memory for me as well -_- Thanks for sharing!
Oh wow I'm glad I'm not the only one! 😅
I have just discovered your channel. I appreciate your content. Stick this out and it will be worth it. I think it takes some time to rewire your brain to not seek a fix through shopping but once it happens you're free! You'll still love all the beautiful things that never goes away, you'll just start to have an internal dialogue with yourself when thinking about buying. For me, I started saying/asking myself things like. "to what end...?!" and "I can only wear one dress at a time."...
I don't know if this is the norm but once things shifted I started to get a 'high' on not purchasing. I started to get a lift on walking out of a store w/o making a purchase. This new rush didn't come from saving money it came from exercising discipline. I can't be the only one that experiences this?!?! Thank you!
I think I'm beginning to get there! Regarding getting a "high" on not purchasing. And interestingly, I am experiencing perhaps a decreased love of beautiful things as well, which I'm not sure whether that's the norm either, but it's almost like my whole system of values is totally changing as I do this re-wiring of my brain. Some of it might have to do with using my time for more "creative" pursuits now, and along with that realizing that sometimes "less" enables even more creativity...I'm sure I'll report back on that idea at some point haha
Thank you for sharing your experience and welcome 🥰
I believe that failing is part of the learning process. Be kind to yourself. Thanks for sharing. Consider Low buy instead, it worked much better for me
Yes, and thank you! This year has kind of turned into a "low buy" and ultimately it's the more sustainable and realistic way to keep this habit - I'm still curious to see if I CAN do a strict no buy so I might try again next year, but it's really just to "say I did it" rather than because I believe it's the only way to change this habit.
Thank you for sharing the honest reality, it's not always necessarily a linear path we are going to, sometimes we are caught in a little cycle, and have to get back on the path. Thank you for a real representation, what it means to get out of that overconsumption cycle. :)
Yes - here's to getting back on the path of progress! The good news is that it's getting easier 🙂
I agree with the wishlist, I think I dont keep them anymore because I was always reminded of the things I wanted but dont need (ads do that for me all the time). I think the realizations and the findings you get from doing the challenge are the real gems here, and you have been really good at examining over it and coming out with great observations. So please continue if you can!
Thank you so much! I will definitely continue, because I find that sometimes the things I learn about why I keep buying stuff only comes out when I'm actually talking about it, so it's turning out that sharing is a valuable part of my growth here too. I guess it's like a form of journaling. Also I think this is the last month I'll have a wishlist, going to try going without for awhile and limiting exposure to ads etc. and see how it feels/whether that helps!
I have no idea why TH-cam recommended this to me but don’t give up, I’m rooting for you! If no thing else this is an interesting topic to document even if you feel like you failed the challenge there is still something to learn from it.
Aw thanks so much 😊 I will try again!!
So glad that you are keeping with your challenge. I’m doing the same along with you and we’ll know the struggle.
Yes! Thank you for the solidarity - we can do this!
Hi, I haven't seen one of your videos in awhile, but this one popped up on my feed.
Thanks for your honesty and sharing your struggle.
I am noticing that emotions affect my shopping habits too.
I'm going to attempt a no buy month in May... Your videos will give me encourage!
I'm getting back on the wagon for May - learning to ride the waves of emotions without turning to old habits is proving to be a challenge, but we can do this!
@@Alexas.nobuyyear 👍👏🤗 #letsdoit
I am a child of immigrants/ am a immigrant and having no control over your style really sucks. Becoming a adult made me buy so much to try to show myself off more and it’s pretty brave to see you make steps away from buying, specially clothes
Thank you! I'm just getting the feeling that finally I have enough, more than enough, and I want to step back from the cycle of trends of buying new stuff, especially fashion. New trends pop up each season and it's just too much for me now
You can donate books to your library, especially if they are popular at the moment
Great video! I have an online shopping addiction but I think I am filling a void, to have something to look forward to. When it arrives 75% of the time I return the item. By the time it arrives I am already on to something else. Waste of my time and makes it hard to budget my money, even with all the returns.
Thank you for sharing, I failed quite a few times now. I learned many things and I think it’s a process. Even though I failed Im getting better at it
Yes! The old mantra of "progress over perfection" is true...we can do this!
As someone who previously worked with people living with addiction (in a much different context), it was interesting to hear you use all the language that we use (or hear) to talk about habits, without you realising that that is what you could call it. Because it's pretty much the same sentiments and feelings placed in a different context. And those same, immediate reward pathways are there, no matter what the habit is (beneficial or detrimental in whatever way those terms relate to someone's personal circumstances).
I did read the pathway analogy someone else's psychologist gave, and while it's pretty good, in my practical experience it's imperfect. Sometimes multiple pathways remain fully accessible, and the only thing that differentiates them is choice. That's why I do then wholeheartedly agree that planning is a great thing; it sets you up to make the best choice you can in that moment between all the (inviting!) paths. Imo habit-forming isn't completely about reinforcing and maintaining a pathway to form another rote behaviour, it's primarily about maintaining the choice, which is where the meaning lies.
But, tbh, overall whatever works!
That IS interesting! As someone totally inexperienced and unqualified to speak about "addiction" I try to stay away from referring to it or even myself as a "shopping addict" because I truly don't know what that would mean. I have had friends in the past who went through the AA program and I may have subconsciously absorbed some of the language they used talking about their journey there!
And also thank you for this added tidbit about choice. I think this idea reinforces what I am currently feeling and experiencing a LOT, which is that there are reasons that people make certain choices and basically if you can make your "right choice" line up with your "core values" as a person, it becomes much easier to stick to the "right choice" - I have a video coming about how after gathering information, shopping became a moral decision for me (I talk about it today, and have another coming maybe next week) and this has made it simultaneously easier to make my right choice, and more difficult to make my wrong choice.
I tried the Tibi jeans in the store, on sale, found the styling excellent but the fabric was so stiff. Knew I wouldn’t wear them…….’comfortable ‘ is the first word of my three words.
Youre doing amazing! ive def failed in impluse putchasing but i am trying to mend that! It just takes time and all we can do is fail forward!
We can do this - thank you for sharing this journey with me!
Keep going and give yourself some grace.
Thank you 🥰
Omg my story is very similar. I’m also an immigrant who grew up with frugal parents. As soon as I started working I went crazy with buying name brand clothes and designer bags/shoes.
Glad to hear I'm not the only one who's done this - most of my friends growing up were not children of immigrants, so I didn't really have anyone to relate to in these feelings. I was also in a small town so I was one of the few mixed-ethnicity people at my school, which made me feel like even more of an outsider. Hopefully with social media and etc. kids don't feel so much like that these days!
Hey,
I have done one buy- nothing - year in 2018 but now I want to do once again.
My conclusions from first experience is- there will be more desirable stuff even after that year, don’t worry that something like that Buffalo sweatshirt would not exist anymore, there will be!
I used to channel the inspirations (or wishlist items) towards making things myself by sewing. If you don’t know how, you can easily learn it even with the help of TH-cam. I’m sure you can get free sewingmachine from a craigslist or FB Marketplace.
Also, please encourage your friends or close people to encourage you to keep not buying when you feel you want to give in.
You need to plan couple of exceptions- i kept my going out with my friends once a month for a coffee / cake/ lunch.
Plan some new or other activity so that boredom induced shopping or wanting to shop will not kick in.
Good Luck and I‘m off to consider if I can do this second time as well :)
Kindest regards from Germany!
Thank you for the advice!!
I deleted my wish list right now. Thank you so much!
I’m sure you have learned by now because this seems like it was a while ago, but it’s very hard to do a no buy because you haven’t changed your habits yet. But I am sure that you are a lot smarter about what you buy and you are in the process of changing your habits and that’s all that matters and you should actually feel proud.
Yes! I've actually started several "no buy" challenges and failed every time. But the difference this time is that I decided to keep going and now the changes/progress is ACTUALLY happening! Thank you!!!
Hi! New subscriber here! I found your channel yesterday morning (this was my first video recommended to me!) and I’ve been watching your videos since. I still haven’t caught up will all of them but I’m planning to!
I think an important thing to remember is that you’re not alone in this and that we, your community, are here to support you! If you ask for advice or feedback in your rules or no buy structure we could give you our thoughts on potential fallacies that you didn’t factor in. Maybe you could make a new video reinforcing your no buy rules and guidelines? Oh maybe you could watch other no buy rule and guideline videos and compare in a video what would/wouldn’t work for you? I know you are doing logs and updates mostly, but videos about the process and evaluating how the structure is working for you is one of my personal favorite aspects of no buy content! And it’s a nice reminder that we all need to adapt and adjust as our circumstances change.
I’m excited for your journey!! 💓
Also, this is non-related but what instrument do you play? I thought it was violin but I also thought it might be cello?
Aw welcome and thanks so much. I do find myself re-examining exactly why I'm doing this especially since I keep "failing" in one way or another, so it might be a good idea to kind of re-do my rules and reasons, thanks so much for that feedback!
And you're very close - I play the viola, the lovely string-instrument voice right in between the violin and cello. I did start on the violin though, (and have also played cello for teaching purposes), but the viola is my professional instrument.
Heyo, it's ok. I did a no buy almost a decade ago first with clothing and then with makeup and have continued it mostly organically since then. I did a quick assessment at the beginning of the year and knew that I did not need anything clothing or makeup wise. For me personally, I actually did enjoy a strict complete no buy because it freed up my entire mental load. There are no multiple rules that I had to think about everytime I'm faced with a decision because there is only one question "do I buy or not" and the answer is always "no." There is no "what if I buy this for you and give it to you so you're not technically buying it?" The answer is still no. Hope this offers a perspective that may be helpful to those who have not considered it.
Yes absolutely! Haha I JUST recorded a video a couple days ago (probably out next week) on the "#1 reason no buy actually works" and it's exactly that, the answer is automatically "no!" Which I know is perhaps the obvious point and arguably a "clickbait title" but it's just supposed to be a fun video (with a little walk through a Target store demonstrating how it's working 😄). Finally I am reaching the point of enjoying that aspect of mental freedom!
I love how you said you did an assessment at the beginning of the year to know that you didn't need anything, this sounds like a great practice.
@@Alexas.nobuyyear I'm so happy to hear that you're beginning to enjoy this. Looking forward to this video you filmed!
Gosh, I never needed for anything but my parents did the same thing. I never got real converse never had what other kids were wearing, and now I think because I have the money I CAN have what everyone else has for once. Unfortunately, I have discovered in buying for example the summer fridays lip balm: its not life changing and I am still not the cool girl. I’m happy with being the weird girl but I think part of me felt like I missed out and went back to give myself everything I wanted as a child. I understand my parents and I also understand the little girl too. Coming full circle ❤
I'm starting to even wonder what I thought the "cool girl" actually was! Because it's almost like there's "feeling cool" and being a "cool girl" in society - I DO feel like a "cool girl" now sometimes (even, often!), when I feel like I'm able to express myself and the "impression" I'm making is in line with what I actually value in life. But, I still don't think I'm a "cool girl" in society even when I FEEL cool, because my genuine interests are a bit "nerdy" - for example when I'm feeling cool it might be because I'm wearing a graphic t-shirt, lavender blazer, and cowboy boots (I lived in Texas) so it feels very "me" and authentic. I might even be wearing summer fridays lip balm (because it works for me, not just because it's "trendy"😆) But I don't have any illusions that me in my little "cool-to-me" outfit going to my "cool-to-me" job as a symphony viola player will translate as "general cool girl" unless other people think that cool is just a feeling....but I also don't care as much anymore like I definitely used to!
Hopefully that made some kind of sense and thank you for your very relatable comment - as you can see, sometimes they provoke a long reflective response for me! haha
@@Alexas.nobuyyear Absolutely! Thank you for sharing, I just made the step to finally part with my very expired “cool makeup” which I felt like I wouldn’t be as interesting without but I just don’t want to wear purple lipstick anymore ya know? Its the same as me holding onto a top I used to love that I don’t fit and isn’t even my style anymore. Oddly enough, nearly every nerdy/weird interest I had is now a cool person thing. When I tell people I run a hospital lab and tell them what I do they think its cool, life is funny in its lessons isn’t it? Im also still a nerdy little girl at heart and now that I’m older I am happy I never really changed after all :)
Nice Video. I think you learn from your mistake and trying again is always better then giving up. you can do it
Thank you so much - yes, I am trying again, this time armed with more knowledge!
no buy is really hard - shopping is such a difficult habit to break - go easy on yourself
Thank you 🥰
I know I'm an adult obsessed with clothes because I always felt like I didn't have the right "in style" items as a kid 😔 Why are we all still dealing with our teen demons.
I guess they really are the "formative years" sometimes!
I fall so hard for the hunt for the best Option. I have at least adhd could also be on the spectrum and I often feel drained when I m around people . Bad clothes will make me drain faster and I m Always looking for the Thing that will make me have as much Energy as Others and make me Look stylish. 🙈 Yeah Not going to Happen but after years I m still looking.
Wow that's interesting! I do think some aspects of style and clothing make us feel certain ways, so it makes so much sense to me that you're still looking for a solution through clothing. I think maybe there's a time go settle for "good enough" and maybe trying a temporary "no new clothes" challenge can help you focus on choosing the best out of what you already own instead of looking to bring anything else in!
' Nothing' + ' 1 year' are a setup for failure if you are not naturally totally minimalistic and don't care what you wear or what people think. Why not set realistic limits such as a budget or number of items per month? A month to plan, think and prioritise, and a monthly fix of buying are more likely change binge behavior.
I agree - and I am not naturally totally minimalistic and DO care about what I wear, so it has been difficult! I think for me approaching from the "extreme end" is teaching me what the future limit might realistically look like regarding number of items and budget, because as evidenced in this video even during the "no buy year" I have not been 100% successful in not buying ANYTHING, and even since this "Failure" video I have bought a few things (which I will reveal in a 6 month update) but the difference already is that there have been more "legitimate" needs for the things purchased in the 2nd quarter of the year vs. the 1st quarter. Progress is being made, at least!
Hi! I am also doing a low buy year, where you have green ( essentials) yellow ( buy with thought/ in moderation ) and red ( cannot buy ) lists. This helps me alot. That said i have also "broke" my low buy, but i say slipped up. When i did i felt bad obviously but ultimately came to the conclusion that, messing up is okay aslong as you learn from it. I guess what im saying is everyones no / low buy will look different and you only have to justify it purchases to yourself - if you need them, buy them. No buys aren't meant to deprive us, they just help us to appreciate or use what we already have 😊. I also personally dont think you've 'failed', you've just slipped. I don't think you start again, I'd just take another look at your lists give yourself a little bit of grace ( we are all recovering hypocrites 😂) and move forward! Good luck ❤
Edit - you could also try a low buy dairy - which may help to work through you thoughts when you feel like you what to buy stuff ❤
I am going to revisit my lists and rules and re evaluate, we'll see what I come up with. I also love the idea of a low buy diary - I've started using a little notebook for ideas and thoughts just like this, also with the goal of staying away from my phone more and decreasing distractions/exposure to ads and social media. I think it's going to really help!
Gosh when I hear you talk you sound so much like me. Are you an INFP by any chance? I definitely get INFP vibes! :) I have also relied solely on my shakey-ass willpower and it hasn't gone well for me. I will definitely be exploring more of your videos; they are super insightful. I also have a new relationship on the horizon and I do not really want to come clean about this (would rather sort it out first) and this man is wise with his money and probably won't be overjoyed to find that he has found himself a woman with an impulsive shopping habit. If there ever was a good motivation for change, this is it!
Close! The last time I took the test I was an INTP - but it's possible that the T and P components fluctuate as I've also got INTJ before too.
I totally feel you on the relationship component and managing the shopping - I was not always totally honest with my husband about things I had purchased until starting this challenge, and even the things purchased in this video I didn't explicitly tell him about until afterwards, so it's an important piece to the shopping puzzle! (How we feel about sharing our habits with others, I mean).
Thank you for stopping by! 😊
The Damson Madder vest is fierce tho lol
I found the Ali Abdaal book in the airport months ago and have yet to read it (I chalk it up to my ADHD)
Also I live in a city that most New Yorkers would call a suburb called Jersey City which is literally just a 10 minute train ride but feel similarly to you in the sense that it’s a place I struggle with finding community even though I’ve lived here for 3 years - I made nyc my home for 12 years so adjusting to a place that feels more isolated in a bigger space to live does make me feel like I’ve subconsciously filled my house up with stuff because the space is available 😅
Ooh I love leaving books I've finished in the airport for others to find.
Leaving NYC I can imagine would be a bit of an identity shift!
Maybe this failure was a true success. You have been educated and that carries a lot of power for your future.
Absolutely! Mistakes are always a source of education if we allow them to be, thanks for this reminder!
Some observations...
You maybe should think about using "need" when everything is actually a want. I think this can help out brains.
I like what you said about separating holidays from material things. I think it's odd (as a fellow mom) to buy yourself Mother's day gifts. I think you also bought your own valentine's gifts, if i recall correctly? It seems like you're failing because you made a loophole that allowed you to still browse and shop (like the frog and toad shirt being a "memory"), and that allowance then allows you to try to find legitimate reasons to purchase what you want.
All this is said as someone who started a no buy year in January and made it til February...barely. So I'm seeing a lot of myself in what you're saying! I know the struggle is real!! I mentioned Shawna Ripari's channel in my other comment...I definitely think you'll enjoy her content and find it helpful. She no longer recommends a full blown no buy year, even having done one herself. Hannah's no buy year was amazing because she didn't make any loopholes, she was strict, everything was a no...some people can do that (I wish I was one!), others need to learn healthy coping mechanisms first and more about the psychology of shopping.
I hope you keep posting videos, even if you don't continue your no buy! And kudos for being brave and sharing your journey💜
I can't edit from my phone.
I meant to say "our brains" in the first paragraph.
Also, I am not saying you're intentionally finding loopholes, I mean when we don't have a flat NO, our brains automatically try to create loopholes for us. It's like saying I'm not going to eat sweats at all, vs. I'm going to eat less sweets. If you just say less, our brains will start questioning if every time is the appropriate time (it is, hah!) Vs. that hard no. No is easier (I've had to do this with sweets!). I hope that makes sense. I think my comment may have sounded like I was accusing YOU, when I really am accusing our brains for being sneaky, haha, ALL of our brains! Not just yours😉
Thank you, love these observations - I have started making a point to tell myself I don't "need" anything and trying to catch myself talking through things! So we are thinking alike there.
I agree also that it IS odd to buy yourself gifts for occasions where typically people would gift them to you. I think I saw this idea floating around during Christmastime though, that I'm not the only one who does this kind of thing, because some husbands/partners are notoriously bad about celebrating occasions (I understand Christmas and Valentines/Mother's day aren't a direct comparison, but I think the concept can still apply). However in my goals this year it has indeed allowed loopholes that I don't want to be grappling with, and I'm reevaluating this going forward because I DO want to recommit to the no-buy...and long-term I think it's better to be okay with whatever effort your loved ones do manage to put towards celebrated occasions than it is to make sure I "get what I want" out of it.
I do like Shawna Ripari's content! And agree that for practical reasons a strict no-buy may not be the thing to do, but I still have reasons that I want to see if I can achieve this for at least a period of time (at least the remainder of the year or perhaps even a full year starting in May). Hannah did an amazing job of sticking to the rules she made for herself. I might unpack exactly why I really want to achieve the stricter goal in a future chat - after even more reflection! Haha
When I call a period a "no buy" period I buy like crazy, justify everything and fail. When I give myself permission to buy what I need and ask myself questions before buying I buy less. I think the rule just makes me want to break it. Ha.
Right? The thrill of rebellion 😜
I‘m doing this no buy challenge since I was a child. I’m living in eastern Europe
Thank you for your comment and bringing this extremely important perspective to the discussion. I really appreciate it and I hope you have beauty in your life even if you don't have as much freedom to buy things or fall into the traps of these "first-world problems". I mean this in a genuine way and hope it doesn't sound trite, coming from a comment over the internet.
I have been feeling the privilege of doing a "no-buy" year and I understand how totally ridiculous (and possibly frustrating) it seems to people who have not had the option or resources to spend money so frivolously or be concerned about things like buying too many clothes, because there are more important issues in their lives. But, I can only try and improve myself so that I can be a better person and more responsible user of resources for the rest of my time here, and hope that my experience can help others in my position to re-evaluate their choices and do the same!
I'm very sad to realize that I've spent 537 euros on clothes since January. I think I'll start my year without shopping now. 😢
You can do it! Still half a year left to try a "no buy" 😁
maybe u could look into thrifting /buying secondhand more, rather than shopping so if what u want isn’t available, then yr just out of luck, or even buying basic pieces and making them unique to your liking yourself!!
yr allowed to have fun with fashion in non expensive ways
Yes I do love thrifting and secondhand shopping! I'm still going to try and re-commit to a no-buy for the rest of the year, but going forward I'm going to try and prioritize secondhand over new even more.
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It sounds like you’re extremely creative individual. Maybe you’re trying to express that creativity in the things you buy. Do you have a hobby or a way to release that creative energy?
I'm not sure if I said in this video but I'm actually a professional musician - it's my "real job" - but I haven't been able to put in as much practice as I'd like for the past few years and I do think this contributed to my shopping issue!
I also feel like this year, creating these videos has become a kind of hobby that IS helping, slowly but surely.
So in other words - thank you, you are right! 😊
I think you’re being really hard on yourself, i understand wanting to do a no buy year (though i believe conscious spending and a low buy are easier to keep up with) but if its gonna make you feel like you’ve done something bad each time you buy something like a hair clip then it’s not very helpfull to stop you from shopping. I think if you force yourself to write what you want to buy and give it one day to think about it, you will stop most times.
Also a lot of times i forget what i wanted by the hour and before i felt like i needed it
Yeah it was a bit like trying to run before I could walk, but the good news is I think I have learned a lot even from failing...and perhaps even more importantly I found true motivation. So hoping for a smoother second half of the year 😄
Oh boy there is a lot more to life than buying a hair clip wether you buy it or not it will certainly not keep you poor My goodness
Haha yes thank you for this reminder! My problem in past years though is that the little impulse purchases added up to more than I wanted to be spending 😅 to trying this more extreme challenge this year as a kind of reset!
In my opinion far too many bad habits have been labeled a “disease.” A disease isn’t something you can instantly CURE by stopping a behavior. Yes many bad habits become addictive. An addiction still is not a disease. I stopped smoking. It was a bad habit with extremely strong biochemical addictive cravings. I was able to cure this habit by stopping the behavior. Not easy but I did it. Someone with cancer can’t cure the cancer by stopping a behavior. The idea that addictions are diseases are one of the major failings of present day psychology. Continuing to shop despite not wanting to means your habit has become addictive. You can break it by, as you’ve now realized, treating it like you would any other bad habit/ addictive behavior that has some biochemical impulses behind it. Good luck. 👍
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Don't trip chocolate chip.
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Oh my gosh I find Hannah Louise Poston soo pretentious. You seem a lot more grounded...that was surprising to hear 😅
I forget what I said in this video! But since this one, there have been some more moments of "awakening," (some of which shared indirectly on here) where I've basically realized she's hyper-focused on "curation" of stuff, and doesn't seem to have a great understanding of what reality is like for most people
I think you're being wayyyyyyy too hard on yourself. Enjoy your purchases - if everyone had your conscience and sense of ethics the world would be a better place.
Aw thank you - I'm still going to try and resume the more extreme challenge and see what happens for at least the rest of the year, even if I slip up and end up buying something, I'm learning a lot about myself and the general consumerism habits of society as I go!
From a fellow musician (collab pianist) - best of luck ❤ you have my sincerest admiration... I'm in the same boat - buy less, read and practice more!! 😅
@drc4168 amazing! Everyone needs a good pianist!!
Somehow the whole day feels better knowing that I've practiced (especially scales)...I think it's the musician's version of "making the bed every morning" 😄
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Great thought - admiring things without acquiring them. Thank you! 🤍✨
Easier said than done sometimes but I'm getting better at it 😄