The Power of Radical Acceptance
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 ก.ย. 2024
- There’s a way to move forward. And it starts with accepting reality for what it is, which, in some cases, is an act of radicalism.
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#acceptance #stoicism #motivational
"Life can only be understood backwards, but lived forwards." Try to view your whole day in exact reverse, from getting into bed at night till getting up that morning. See how little we remember ? Very good exercise to improve memory plus...
Iike that a lot!!
I learned this from Nevell Goddard👌🏼
@@dominicossarg8931 Rudolf Steiner suggested this exercise among a host of others to prepare for becoming a seer.
that's the most large waste of time i have ever heard. just shoot +500mg of modafinil every morning and right before lunch each day
Bookmarked, thank you.
In my journey of acceptance , the thing that has helped me is the transitory nature of life. Everything is moving forward, every second, every emotion, every thought that we feel is in the past already the very next second. This has made me accept things as they are, and made me work on changing what I can. "' This too shall pass'" is the mantra I live by.
Everything is in the past already.. wow..
Best comment. Please say "Hii" if you read my comment 😌
Sounds like solid
Alcoholics Anonymous training.
There is only one cure for depression and that is acceptance of whatever you are refusing to accept.
Dakinilover That’s interesting. My Mom was an alcoholic. She was gentle and kind, thank God, but wrapped up in her head. I’ve tried to understand her abandonment of responsibility to her four children. Your statement’s made me think that she must have refused to accept something-maybe that fairytale lives are a fantasy, I don’t know. But, yes, something not accepted sounds right.
@@freedommascot My father is an alcoholic, so I know what it's like. It's a constant challenge for me to not feel resentful towards him and treat him with compassion. Accepting things in my own life seems relatively easy when compared with accepting of things happening to someone close to me. I wish I could help him, but he's the only one who can help himself. All I can really do is to love him.
As someone who had though depression several times I can truly say that it is the only way to fully cure your soul.
Lucas Ance I try to understand the deepest aspect of these mental disorders, whether it’s extreme neuroticism, as in my mom’s case, or narcissism. Both seem to be a response to a lack of parental engagement in their development of real confidence, the kind that accepts ones weakness but uses it to build up strength. I think you’re right about acceptance. If we don’t accept that we’re not loved then we’re going to create various strategies of hope within a framework of still trying to be loved at its core. The best thing is just accepting the fact because facing facts is never the trauma that avoiding them presents to an individual over the course of their life since they’re unable to learn from it.
Along with acceptance of difficult reality, a person needs compassion for oneself. I think such self-compassion is what allows for acceptance.
I radically accept that in this present moment, my life is unstable extremely unstable and that people that is almost everyone in my circle have rejected me and that I'm suffering from a mental illness that I'm up against. I radically accept this.
My prayers are with you brother. Going through similar issues right now. We will make it.
Same here stay strong
@@kelving1603third to the same , if your in your 20s like me bro just know it’s not over but just not your time yet ! Every dog has his day, just in us to find our niche ❤️❤️ much love
Dan that's deep hope you get better
You can’t know where your going unless you’ve accepted where you are at this moment.
This moment always leads to the next
As a person who struggles with an internal on and off suicidal switch, it's hard to keep wanting to look into the eye of the abyss and believe that somehow I'd be able to push through and find a way when there is no sense of what that way is at the moment.
This is the only self-help TH-cam channel that doesn't bullshit you. There's no fluff, no unrealistic "you can do it if you believe in yourself" horseshit, or any of that. It's ancient philosophy that's applicable to modern times. Everything this man says is relevant, there is no wasted motion. If I catch myself zoning out, I rewind the video and realize I missed something ESSENTIAL in those five seconds. Even the 30 seconds at the end of each video that is dedicated to his patrons serves a purpose. There is even beautiful imagery and music during that time to remind you to "be still." Thank you so much for the work you do. The message is always clear, concise, relevant, and life-changing. Godspeed.
I love you man. You helped a stranger get through something very major. I've had a bad breakup and I've been blaming myself ever since. Tonight it feels like I'm healing. I feel good. Thank you brother.
Same here .... Isn't it strange and wonderful how even though people are different and live thousands of miles away from each other, we all go through the pain of a breakup, it seems some form of universal rite of passage. The first true sign of the suffering imminent in life simultaneously, the first true tempering of ones inner strength . For me she was my first love and it's been killing me, it was my fault. But in acceptance I find momentary peace. This too shall pass
"What we resist persists, and what we accept we move beyond"
Thank you!
Rings right into the feels. After an adolescence with fighting parents, I've been avoiding pain. Now I'm trying to accept it and though overwhelming, looks like the path forward.
Resistance to anything strengthens it's hold over you. Radical acceptance requires tremendous strength
Surrender
Very true.
@@truenorthaffirmations7049 surrender to addiction?
@@zafarabbas5563 of course not, a person must accept they are an addict before they can address the root of the problem, they surrender pride and ego in order to address the issue at hand. I struggled with alchohol and meth for years, what helps me is i die daily to self and its useless desires and work on improving myself, best wishes!!
Yes I can relate to that. It ook so much mental strength but I did it and recommend radical acceptance to everyone.
"...When we find ourselves in a position of pain, no matter how horrendous it is, the only way not to get stuck is ACCEPTANCE..."
Gonna' wear that words!
I get crippled by anxiety when I fight the acceptance of any particular aspect of this reality. I'm getting much better at it and my world is blossoming bc of my better acceptance/stoicism habits. As I've said to you before, your channel is a big help. I appreciate you. And I'll keep telling you this until I can find some patreon doe to reciprocate with so it is more than words. Peace to all y'all here. Don't be distracted. Almost everything is a distraction anymore. Find balance. Enjoy the moment. Wiggle your toes and breathe. "It's just a ride" ~Bill Hicks RIP
"Take a deep breath, stand up straight with your shoulders back, and look into the abyss straight in the eye." ~ The right mix of J.B. Peterson and Nietzsche.
Please don't mention this charlatan in one breath with Nietzsche.
Kinda have to agree but I still get it
@@hape3862 angry for no reason
@@hape3862 I agree with you. Peterson isn't relevant anymore.
Hape charlatan is a harsh word for somebody speaking so much truth. Why so bitter man?
This channel needs more recognition, I’ve almost watched all your videos and they’re great. Thanks for the wisdom ✌🏼
It is amazing that so many people find this first step of living in the real world (as opposed to living in their fantasy about what they think the world should be), to be so difficult. So many people are sheltered from the consequences of their decision to ignore reality, which in a more primitive setting would have been either great pain or death(or both).
This radical acceptance becomes very easy when one understands that he is not the Supreme-all-powerful-and-all-knowing-God, and thus is very limited in all activities. Thus, gathering the most accurate information about the surrounding world becomes the first step (followed by deciding what to do, and then planing how to do it) in the performance of effective actions.
Because if you don't adapt, how are you different from a tool (or a collection of pre-programmed scripts), to be exploited, and discarded after use, by those who do?
I love the concept of radical acceptance. However, humans are primarily emotional beings and as such you need to also accept not just that which is happening to you (the uncontrollables) but also that which is occurring within you (the emotions). This is really where things become challenging if those emotions are sooo powerful that they are really difficult to overcome. Yes, by all means accept and radically so, yet also learn in accepting you can also let go of that which is detrimental to your being, your well-being.
I have observed some interesting examples of this approach of acceptance and letting go from people in my own life. One lady said 'You don't love me, I don't love you!' and she departed. But, when I next saw her I could see in her face she was still carrying the emotional pain. The way a person naturally deals with this is to become angry with rejection. Acceptance of both the feelings and the existence of rejection and it's inevitability does and will help to overcome this.
So, although many suggested solutions are available, the best form of a solution is a bespoke one that delivers for the individual needs of the person suffering.
it started when I was a little kid, now I am soon to be 33 years old and I been fighting a loosing battle against myself and my circumstances and my environment. Someone called me a dreamer, an idealist. But I just refuse to accept the life i have been given. I WANT TO BE DIFFERENT. I am the change. and I have failed. I thought the day I give up on my dreams and goals I die and I can't fight reality anymore. It isn't loosing. It's just seeing the truth that you have been ignoring and running from for so many dam years. I am running from myself and my childhood and everything that was fucked in my life because to me it was my only source of safety. To not accept what was infront of me, it was my only way out of this miserable life i had only known, i ended up lost and confused and now I can finally accept the reality of what it is. We all live in the same world. We all just have different experiences living. Just don't run anymore. Just embrace the hurt and the pain and work with it to move forward and change your situation and your outlook on life.
And.......
remember the importance of FORGIVENESS.
@@joannaedwards6325 I been trying to practice that ♡ its just really hard to learn to love myself and also forgive myself for past mistakes, i didn't know how angry I was at my past self and i didnt know how much guilt i would carry for the decisions i would make and the things I just did not know or understood at the time. I am so mean to my younger self lol it's been really hard to be able to forgive myself and others but I keep on trying everyday. I started going to the gym recently and stopped being mad at myself for not have gone years ago.
thank you for giving me your time and reading my comment by the way :) it meant a lot to me when you said forgiveness because i really have been working a lot on trying to forgive myself and the people that hurt me and life in general. lol I used to blame the world for my problems and not anymore.
I love getting the notifications for your new videos, always makes my day. 👍
To accept, we first need to self-reflect (which takes its own time) on the things which are holding us to our past mentally. That's how I feel about it. Thanks for the video, it was a good reminder!
God, grant me the SERENITY to accept the things I cannot change, the COURAGE to change the things I can, and the WISDOM to know the difference. 🙏
Interesting to note the original version of that prayer is the same except "courage to change the things that should be changed"
And God does, for God is creator⚘God is consciousness⚘
God grant me the courage to change what I cannot accept.
Ive always loved that prayer 😗
I MUST REMEMBER:
Resistance to ANYTHING strengthens its hold over me.
Radical acceptance requires tremendous strength,
and faith the size of a mustard seed!
Please please please, Lord, let me die.
I desperately want to die.
I'm in hell with no escape.
Constant and consistent panic attacks.
I'm terrified and all alone.
I desperately want to die.
I'm constantly in a state of paralyzed frozen trauma.
I wish only for death.
My soul is raped.
REMINDER TO SELF:
You're not crying about HIM, you sweet fool!
You've been crying about what you thought was real with him,
only to now discover... It was actually fake AS FUCK!
IT WAS ALL A WHOLE DAMN ILLUSION!
Trauma bonds are real.
I HAVE SEVERE PTSD.
The man whom I thought was my best friend,
he gave me this PTSD...
I want to die.
I beg to die.
My entire life is hell.
Just suffering.
The man whom I thought was my best friend...
He raped my soul.
My soul is anguished and tormented and raped,
I am so so so traumatized.
He fucked me up. Ruined me. Destroyed me.
Raped my soul; shattered my heart; fucked my mind.
I am debilitated from the trauma.
Paralyzed frozen. Living in constant terror and panic.
I DIE INSIDE.
THE PAIN IS UNCEASING AND UNBEARABLE.
I LIVE IN A STATE OF PERPETUAL TRAUMA AND PANIC.
He betrayed and abandoned me,
discarded me like garbage!!!
(HOW THE FUCK COULD HE?)
Replaced me for another.
* An important thing:
people (such as I) who had a difficult/traumatic childhood,
especially those who never had their emotional needs met (like me),
are prone to limerance. The reason is because we were always prone to imagining
a parallel reality, a whole world of fantasies we could escape to...
Fantasies have always been a safer world for us than the real one,
so our mind is already used to this dynamic (it's basically like 'muscle memory').
When something triggers this dynamic, it's like opening a portal
to our safe fantasy world, and as destructive as it is, we are used to actually loving it... *
ANOTHER REMINDER TO SELF:
This was a karmic friendship,
meant to be there for a limited time (17-months-ish)
to teach you, about yourself!
About boundaries, about self-love,
about self-respect, about self-worth, etc...
About a whole plethora of magical, juicy, alchemical things!
The universe, God, your guides, your ancestors, are pushing you, lovingly,
in the right direction: into your own magnificent powerful magical freedom!
When you let go. The universe will catch you. It’s talking to you.
Let go of everything and trust the universe. It’s within you. ✨💫
NOTE TO MY TWIN FLAME:
Dearest twin flame, I’m working on myself,
I am being 100% healed, on every level, in every way.
This is my purification process. I am doing this for me, for you, for us.
I’m proud of myself, and I’m getting ready for you.
I love you.
AFFIRMING:
- I am divine
- I am sacred
- I am radically honest
- I am radically free
- I am radically changed, in all the healthiest ways (180)
- I am a warrior
- I am an angel
- I am light
- I am love
- I am one with the eternal
- I am one with my twin flame
- I am protected
- I am strong
- I am beautiful
- I am royalty; daughter of the most high king
- I am multidimensional
- I am grateful
- I am abundantly blessed
- I am brave
- I am creative
- I am resilient
- I am ambitious
- I am a healer
- I make the world a better place
- The world makes me a better woman
The desire of my heart is to be in Jesus' presence and love, always, in all ways.
I am a vessel for God to bless, so that I, in turn, can be a blessing to others.💖
I love your channel, thanks for your hard work!
I've been watching your videos for a few months now, and learned a lot about stoicism here. This video in particular comes in a special time to me as today was my first day in a PhD program. I felt like I'll need to improve my endurance towards hardships, so these words touched me very deep inside.
Thank you and keep up with the good work. Cheers from Brazil.
All the best for your career. I finished my phd recently. Following this channel and stoicism will enhance your career and intellectual development as a whole.
Your problems are your problems -- until they are not your problems anymore.
Overcoming a problem requires understanding _the problem of the problem_. Not the bad feeling, situation, or whatever is uncomfortable, but their cause, why it is a problem, and what sustains it.
To reach through the curtain of your misery and with the courage to see all that is behind it is Radical Acceptance. It is a perspective that empowers you to address the cause and perpetuation of the problem as you see fit. 🙏
This almost brought me to tears.... it was so beautiful
I have just finished your book, it was really interesting knowing you a little bit more. The greatest thing I had from the book was 2 I think. 1. The purpose of being unoffendable through all the philosophy in the book and 2.People can change, for me reading all the experiences you have had in the past, your relationships, the way you touch sometimes bottom, and your behaviour with others significantly made me think in how a person from that point can reach the transformation of being a person that now transfers really deep and loving thoughts. I have watched your videos for a while and I was thinking you have always being in certain way "deep" but reading your book gave me the satisfaction that with enough will power and reasoning I can change from things I disgust from myself to be a better person, Once someone told me that people dont change and this thought remain a lot of time in my mind because I really though this was 100% true, but your expirience and mine also demonstrates at least for me that people can improve everyday in their way to eudaemonia, and this can conduct you to your happiness not as a destination but as enjoying and improving during this path called life. Thanks
The World isnt what you think but what you can feel with your senses.
Radical acceptance is mindfulness without resignation of stoicism. There Is a difference between acknowledging reality and surrender to it as done in stoicism acceptance as a beginning is very therapeutic it provides mental clarity to move forward though in pain as your thoughts are also part of reality which needs accepting though not surrenderee to unlike stoicism which is shutting of doors on those needs or desires since desire in their view is outside what we can control and should not want in the first place. Mindfulness is life affirming can reenergize you and discover which actions produce the best results it reinforces values and intention to succeed puts failure In perspective as only one point in time. I highly recommend acceptance commitment therapy. It's not about thinking though but connection to reality in the present. It's not about subservience to what is but a means to improving it. As a first step we cannot fix a problem unless we accept it IS one quite the opposite of stoicism which suggests problems are only problems if we view them as problems
Acceptance helped me to get through some major anxiety and panic attacks. It also assisted me in acquiring some life changing tools that I proactively use to move through some of the most uncomfortable situations that present themselves to me in my experiences.
#fearless
Ouch, feeling very called out. Needed, thank you ❤
Videos like this that give me hope and make me want to continue life however challenging it might be
We are only What is to Come. And how we react upon it, shows our charachter... Be always at peace with the pain in your heart and see the lord in the lonely walk of suffering
GREAT VIDEO A radical thought change leads to a radical life change!! We are in control
I didnt know radical acceptance was a thing. Its been something I noticed I just do since I was young. Was always the black sheep in the family due to how I treated and saw things. so happy now to know what this is and to learn more about
I had a fire and lost everything including my pets. Ppl couldn't work out how I just got up and kept going and I didn't realise it at the time but I was practising radical acceptance. There was nothing else I could do. I still grieved but I didn't let it keep me stuck...
Thank you for your excellent work Einzelganger.
I really needed this on this particular day, thank you🙏
I was just about to write an essay to myself on this.
And as usual, you just pop up!
Love you and your work so much!!
thank you einzelganger--i really needed this video today! you have a great channel! ❤️
So true ! By not accepting we live with a false reality
Radical acceptance is one of the most powerful books to end your suffering, I recommend it to everyone ❤️🙏🏼
reality is most feared thing by humanity
-me
And who are you?
He’s me
Relative to Seneca or the like, who are you?
@@Jason-eo1rh Im only a simple man who decided to take hardest path in life: "Trying to understand everything" Yeah I know that it's imposible but that t?doesn't mean that I won't try it until the end
@@heiskanbuscadordelaverdad8709 understanding everything lies in the paradox of realizing we cannot understand anything
Thank you so much - I really needed to hear this today. Love Taoism and your videos make it comprehensible to people today. Hope you keep going. All the best!
Very inspiring, as always, thank you!
I escape from reality by playing video games immersive rpgs or visualise a better scenario. It's just whenever I do some creative work painful memories appear in my mind. Most cases I ignore them there are painful ones, the old wounds which need addressing. The topics in the video reminds me of quite from the Lion King. The past can hurt, the way I see you can run from it or learn from it. By the way I have read your book and find this is a ray of light in these challenging times. I was bullied at school and recieved racists remarks from plain ignorant jerks and this wasn't helped by living with resident troll. I hope to move out one day. Looking back I realised all hurtful comments are not worth it the stress and never have gave stoicism some thought until your videos appeared in the feed. Thanks for making them.
you are a life saver, literally
Thank you. I accept. I am loving inner peace and reading the book called STOICISM that you wrote. Thank you.
One of your best videos. Thank you!
The timing of this video is on point 👌👌
Reminds me of Nietzsche’s amor fati
I thought that was Marcus Aurelius??
Existential Hangover I’m sure the basic idea has existed long before Nietzsche but he was the first to formally call it amor fati in his book Ecce Homo.
@@1999_reborn Oh right. I was thinking of Memento Mori...
Something about how he hired people to say that to him...or something.
My memory is terrible. 😂✌
Sorry.
Best way to change reality, even if your own reality, is to recognize how it is and accept it is that way.
brought to tears. so helpful
This video came at a perfect time in my life. Thank you so much!
Am so grateful to found this channel 🙏
A simple guide that works for me in this regards is the Serenity Prayer.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
It's an amazing prayer and someone in my life recommends it to me from time to time. Unfortunately it doesn't help me.
@@TheSkystrider If you don't mind me asking, why not?
@@Tavatos cuz I don't believe God can do that. I'd love for magic to exist but it doesn't work as hard as I try to use magic or as much as I might ask God to help me accept the things I cannot control. I still cannot accept them. It's my own problem, not a problem God can solve.
@@TheSkystrider I'd say it's not really about asking God for a magical solution but more surrendering to the knowledge and understanding that there are things you just can't control. That's acceptance.
Thank you for being.
4:13 Hahaha! I enjoyed the acknowledging nod to Jordan Peterson. He really has acquired deep insights about life.
I speak from the heart. I guess it's the stoic way. Thanks for all your content. U the best.
How to accept something when the very thing you want to accept happens at a daily basis, and reminds you of the pain and mistakes all the time? How is one supposed to forget it if that thing keeps happening over and over again to remind me of my guilts and mistakes?
I was responsible for everything that happened in my life. And, things didn't happen by accident. It happened by choice. My choice. Which makes it even more harder to forgive myself and move on. Worries of how life's gonna turn out in future leaves me empty and hopeless at times. Because facts are too hard to accept and assurance is what I am looking for but still in the process of finding it.
This just seems like "don't be yourself and let the world around you consume you as you accept everything"
One of the stongest messages that i so in your videos. Keep fighting a good fight. Salute.
For me at least, the problem isn't acceptance of bad experiences from the past: I'm well aware that's how the world is today, a world I've given up on for this very reason. Problem is, there is no way to be okay with it... you know it can happen again as things are getting worse and always need to be on guard, not being disgusted and against it is a different thing.
Acceptance as "RADICAL" is an interesting "twist" on something the vast majority of "society" denies even exists!!! IF it is indeed "RADICAL," then so must the actual perception of "acceptance" be "RADICAL" ...no wonder I am seen as such an "anomaly"...
I fought "acceptance" when younger, as it flew directly in the face of how I BELIEVED things should operate. Reality soon adjusted those perceptions into a "me vs. them" attitude: I refused then, as now, to lower my standards. That inherently CREATES conflict, but I adjusted DOWN my "expectations" of "them" to compensate for the disparity. Consequently, I am viewed as "arrogant," "bossy," "a control freak" ...choose your own descriptor...
Acceptance *DOES NOT BY ITSELF IMPLY AGREEMENT* ...a fallacy in logic, "assumed" by most: I can accept the reality that "you're an idiot" but it does not also imply that "I accept idiots." I choose to avoid "idiots" whenever they "present".... It goes back to my standards, wherein I cut zero slack to idiots... THEY OWN THEIR IDIOCY...& my zero tolerance is respecting ME. 💜
By that you mean a "free" radical? As a carcinogen to a paradigm that is nothing more than a corpse? I'd say more of a somatid; a bs clearing powerhouse that maintains vitality. You'll find yourself as the very same in a decayed and fetid mass; immortal in intent, yet listless in purpose. Sure. You'll have these more antagonistic, even misanthropic moments; but there is value to fluidity in motion. Not flight. Not fight. Those are the goalposts that symbolize the term 'option'; the ideal of the freedom of choice. The one that lives in you.
Struggling against the tide can be fun once in a while, but it gets boring after a time, doesn't it? Your anger is kindred; congrats - and sorry; You are your worst enemy. That means you've got a better shot at seeing with better eyes than most will ever even blink at.
I've got an axiom: The louder the judgement, the greater the guilt
Yeah, nothing new. Only, I put it in my own way, owned it, and now damn, and thank anyone who reminds me of it...
So... Damn you... But also? Thanks.
Stay the course; you're on your own; but you're not alone.
@@Koenshakuable Interesting that you chose to frame "radical" in a medical diagnostic context...
My context is solidly "against the socially acceptable norm," in a psychological context...
To each their own...
@@catherinerhea6336 Please re-read. The context was a play on the dual nature of the English language; relating to your plight in opposition to a fast-becoming-obvious fictional society. If there was anything that could be taken as a critique, it could only be done so by way of something I can very easily see in myself.
I've been (and most assuredly will be again) antagonistic when words from kindred spirits fell on my frustrated ears. Cooler heads always prevail in time, when the context becomes clear.
Please look into the terms I utilized in the 'medical' sense. What we're told is not what things are.
In (not so) short, it was an statement of kinship and thanks. No more, no less.
But you are correct; Chacun so gout. Wouldn't be the fun fuster cluck that is the singularity's account. Fare thee well.
Your videos are very good made, I love watching them and the do help me a lot, thanks Brother in Spirit
Have you been reading my diary? lol I needed to hear this, appreciate it!
You don't understand ? You live in a simulation, we are all watching you look at the clues !
Big difference between acceptance and resignation.......
confident ill find a way to deal with it
Sometimes surrender and acceptance is only way to freedom. Also shifting away from your old life. Moving abroad for example helps tremendously. 🙏
Couldn't stop thinking about 8man Hikigaya
Giorno Giovanna teaches this by not running or hiding from fate but choosing to accept it
Not all battles can be won, not all of them are even worth fighting.
So many things on youtube, this, people teaching manifestation, people teaching how to be present, how to this, how to that. I entered this world 3 years ago and today I feel worst and worst with all of this.
I’ve had to face the negative perceptions I’ve had and explore where they come from and change what is a narrative
I hope you'd make a podcast on Spotify about stoicism.
It's the difference between responsibility, victimization, and becoming aware that you have an account of the tale to tell. It happened; what comes after is how it is integrated into one's being now. Control is an illusion. One only has command of the sails - the winds can be read, but what lies beyond oneself is part of the experience. Tell your tale, until you're not here to do so.
True words of encouragement. Ty for making this video as well as all of your content
Thank you👍
Thank you.
Great insight !
just sit and let you feel what ever you feel but dont act on it dont judge just watch
Thank you for making!
I really needed this , thank you
thank you😍
this is powerful.. I felt the words in this video
My favorite channel, thanks for share.
God bless you brother
It is what it is
I still don’t understand. For parenting, what does acceptance look like for a child destroying your house? You teach them why it’s important to keep a clean house and taking care of their things but they don’t listen so you punish by temporarily taking away something and they still don’t listen, so you find yourself cleaning and fixing things nonstop while they still have no respect for the home in which they reside. what would acceptance look like and how would it be better for everyone involved?
Hey guys, I’d appreciate if you could understand where I’m coming from with this cognitive dissonance that I’m experiencing. So basically I have grown up in a moderate Muslim household which forbids alcohol and premarital copulation. Recently I fell in love with a woman, my age too, 23, from the same country, religion, and household circumstances- But she had openly accepted such behaviours as a norm. Difference possibly arising from the fact that she moved away at 18, and I’ve lived with the family my whole life. As someone that completely understands such temptations of the world, I forgave her for such tendencies, even though it kind of hurt that I had waited for her (supposedly the one), whereas she couldn’t see the significance of how much something like that meant to me. Anyways, after a few months of dating, 4 months or so, we ended things, based on those differences (because she’d always be getting piss drunk etc and it made me upset) and it left me heartbroken- forcing me into this deep void of contemplation, whether my understanding of reality contends with my personal beliefs. Any advice would be appreciated. And please be respectful in regards to ones upbringing and religion, thanks heaps guys
You are experiencing cognitive dissonance, seeing the values that you have been brought up with being callously rejected by someone who came from a similar background.
May I suggest that the path lies neither in a retreat into your familiar beliefs, nor in simply abandoning them for the freer lifestyles of society? Perhaps the path forward lies in a philosophical engagement with your inner turmoil?
stoic x , thank you I really appreciate your words of wisdom. So you’re saying it may be a mixture of both aspects, while staying true to oneself? It’s a really stressful dilemma because for alcohol- I don’t want to raise a future household believing it is acceptable. And for the whole freely having sex thing, it devalues the significance of the action- one will inevitably compare it to their previous experiences in doing so, and may never be satisfied. So in my perspective I believe such beliefs are derived from justified reasoning, but it breaks my heart thinking that the only reason we couldn’t proceed further was because of these differences. She felt guilty that I held onto these beliefs while she didn’t, and because she couldn’t live with someone that was a living proof of that guilt, I feel she just left me.
@@awaisaurelius6745 No, my friend, that's not what I am saying. Also, I have to clarify that I am not proposing any solution, as in drink alcohol or don't drink alcohol.
There are two ways to resolve this cognitive dissonance:
1. To retreat to your beliefs and say that it has everything figured out.
2. To give in to the values of society and take the freedom and enjoyment on offer.
It appears that what I am saying is a bit out of the box, so please read carefully. My suggestion is don't resolve it. Stay in cognitive dissonance. Staying in this state can be useful to provide insight and understanding.
You appear to prefer path number 1: retreat to beliefs. I am not here to dissuade you from your beliefs. But there is a reason that you are in cognitive dissonance. Because it has something to tell you. So the answer is not that simple.
If it makes sense I will explain further.
I am trying to share with you a psychological technique. You are in a state of cognitive dissonance. You can use this state of mind for your benefit. For gaining insight and understanding. In order to do that you need to avoid exiting this state of mind prematurely. Which is what I meant by 'don't resolve it'. Leave the resolution for later. Resolution will exit you from cognitive dissonance.
10 minutes ago before watching this video, I was actually thinking about that part: "if someone would stab me with a knife what would I do" sitting alone in the room.
Sometimes one of your videos will show up like a kind guiding spirit, right when I need to see them.
Only acceptance can help you all...
A lifetime of denial can easily eat someone from the inside
Díky!
Thanks!
Thank you, Mark!
See thing's externally without any judging point of view and then acept that fact
12 steps right here
Life on life's terms
Great content as always!