We agreed before marriage that our kids needed mom at home. I worked to put my husband through school. When we had our first baby, he worked to support us. It wasn't an interchangeable job...my husband could not nurse the baby around the clock, and I was able to use my education to homeschool while his was a higher-paying career (mine would not have been). I'm thankful he recognizes the high importance of my contributions.
You only need a GED to homeschool. I'm all in favor of mom's being housewives if that's the best way to go but it means we should not be sending girls to college, it's a waste of money. Get them through with grade and a GED, get a matchmaker and marry them off at 16 while they still have their virtue, which few brides do nowadays
@@leisurelysam5412 i do agree .. but homeschooling, cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping and such are also work of the at home person. Working from home could make homeschooling far more difficult. It takes time and patience because children need constant supervision. We found it would have cost more in childcare, tho i did work part time occasionally to help out. He would work days and i would work nights. That is not recipe for happy marriage.
@@leisurelysam5412 You HAVE to be a male. Males think, being home, means it is NOT WORK. It is a lot of work, we just don't get PAID for that work. lol.
My wife's mother and my mother stayed home and my wife did too, until the children were old enough not to need them. We came home from school and Mother was there. All these families learned to live on what Daddy could bring home. It was a good life. I recommend learning to live on what you have.
That was me. My siblings and I were better off for it. My dad moved us from Queens to Long Island on one job and overtime. My mother was there when we got home and we had no opportunity to get in trouble. When we were all in a bit older my mom helped him by opening an group daycare in the home. Her business became very profitable and allowed him to not to work as much.
good point. You don't have to have a big house, two cars, and lots of things. as long as you have a roof over your head, food to eat and a good family values. you can survive. Honestly you don't need cell phones or all the latest electronics. Make your kids life what you want it to be.
And not just dollar for dollar. Factor in gas/transportation costs, TIME, plus all the other things a mom at home provides. It becomes almost a given for her to stay home if they have another kid
@@ItsTyrone7 Especially, if he's capable of bringing in another 12-18000/year by working overtime. I would presume he's enabled to do that partly by the fact that he doesn't necessarily have to take care of the kid much. So the extra job for wifey might have to clear that opportunity cost too.
@@tamiamyourfavoritedragon8890 And, we tried that. Our 2 kids got sick all the time, with so many different kids in child care. So, paying for child care, days off for sick child and doctor payment, medicine. NO WHERE AHEAD! Working outside the home, was great. 2 , 15 minute breaks, lunch in quiet, got adult conversations, and a little paycheck. lol. Staying home was MORE WORK!
As a 21 year old man.. Me and my wife (we have a child together) decided that she can play a substantially more supportive role in the home (at her discretion of course) than to be working. I work a 80+ hour work week to pay the bills and provide for our family and I take great comfort knowing that our child is being raised full time by my wife.. and thus motivates me to continue working hard.. no matter how hard it gets.. I feel it to be my obligation to provide and shield them from the stress that lies outside of the home. She takes care of the home and takes on her roles in the home and goes above and beyond.. thus taking a tremendous amount of stress off of me. So all i have to worry about is going to work and paying the bills.. I know that our child is safe at home and getting the best care and and attention even if it costs me my energy.. because i get to go home to a very happy wife. I embrace the pain and suck until i can start making money in my sleep.
he wants her back at work. it’s a values question. People get upset when women stay home, ultimately it’s up to the couple. my husband and i agreed i would not have to work in our marriage and it works for us. i stay with our kids.
What kind of a man would rather a stranger raise his kids so the mother of his children can go off and push a pencil for some insignificant dollar amount? Disgraceful.
I've always wanted my wife to stay at home becasue I believe that women become haggard and tired working a job and I want her to be energetic and invigorated. Even now that our kids are grown I see no need for her to work outside the home unless she chooses to. I have to remind her that I like her being home becasue the world constantly tells women they need to be wage slaves. Not MY wife.
I agree. If both people are working full time everyone is tired.. if one person stays home then the meals are prepped, houses is clean and laundry done etc etc… if both people arrive home at 6:00 it really makes life stressful. Evenings then can consist of simply hanging out etc.. otherwise it’s make supper, do laundry, etc.. it’s all about values in life.
Nice to hear from a man who doesn’t want to see his wife slaving away and coming home tired and stressed. And also is not resentful of being a provider. In other words, a real man ! Good for you Sir.
I'm due in September with our first. I've always been a worker. Never wanted to be a stay at home mom. Still not a goal of mine BUT my husband does not. He wants a stay at home mom. Running the numbers.....it will be a waste if I go back to work. All I'll be doing is working 40+hours a week just to hand my entire paycheck over to someone else to raise my kids. As much as I love and want to go back to work, it will actually cost me more to do so. This is definitely a hard debate....
Did I miss where they asked how much of the household duties is he willing to take on if she does go back to work? Does he simply think she should have a job outside the home for $$ and still be responsible for the care of the home and their child? They need to have a long conversation about what each wants and the expectations of each other with each option.
Yeah this is something that drives me crazy. Most people don’t want to pay for daycare once they find out how much it costs, but then it’s so much to juggle an at home job and a kid.
To be fair. Most guys, like myself, put off stuff around the house until we get around to it. She probably doesn’t want to live in a mess but I know many guys that don’t mind lol
@@TestTest-ei4giI get that, but if you’re going to be in a partnership, that’s not fair to bring down the quality of life of your partner because you’re unwilling to better your standard of care for the home, and also for the children. It affects everybody. You wouldn’t treat a roommate that way.
One giant issue nobody talks about is the cost of daycare almost all the daycares around here is just as much or even more than our rent! So my wife pretty much was forced to stay at home or have most of her paycheck just going to daycare and that's with one kid I can't imagine with more
There is significantly more value in her raising her kid then someone else doing it while she works. I happen to be incredibly lucky that my mom stays home with my kid all week while I work. I dont have to worry because my kid has a clean diaper plenty of healthy food and endless love and play time. I don’t know what I would do if I had to take my baby to daycare, but probably stay home. My income is higher than my husband’s and we already discussed what’s getting cut to keep us in a budget if we ever have to resort to this.
Wait, what? I truly get that it's important for both parents in your family to work outside the home. But your mental gymnastics are something else altogether. Sounds like your mom provides good care (like many providers), but that is not you or your partner at home.
Studies show that there is absolutely zero difference in children’s academic and social outcomes for those with stay at home moms vs working moms. There is of course a GIANT difference in the children’s student loan debt between those two groups.
that just makes me wanna cry :/children these days aren’t raised by their parents, they are raised by random childcare workers that are not paying attention to them
When I stayed home with our daughter, my husband went thru this phase of saying “what did you do all day?”…”It is my money, I am the only one who works”…he eventually changed, but it was a horrible phase. I was able to find a job that I can work from home, make amazing money and be able to watch my daughter if she has to do school at home again. Ever since I started working, my husband has been so much happier, and I am happier too.
Does he even know how much daycare cost per child? It's almost paying rent or mortgage. So, his problem is not financial burden, but thinking she's lazy and doesn't contribute. If he thinks it's a financial burden, then why have children, they cost too much to take care.
I was abused by babysitters. If at all possible, stay home with your children. Nobody will treat them like their own mother will. I stayed home and raised my son. It was not always easy, but it was the right thing. I do however know that it is not always possible to do and I would never condemn a mother for working. P.S. A baby cannot tell you if they are being abused.
Listening to these calls and reading the comments makes me appreciate my husband so much more. It also makes me appreciate my parents and their sacrifices to help me find the life I live now. I see our family as a team and different things happen at different times, just like a good sporting team we make adjustments to be successful.
Speaking of "hang ups", sometimes the men in this type of situation had a single mom growing up who may have worked more than one job at a time in order to take care of expenses, and never having had a stay at home mom, they just can't even see their own wife staying at home with the kids. (I've known men like that is why I can say that.) There are also stay at home dads, and sometimes that can work out well too.
@@diegodesouza9697 Well, there are times when a man may be disabled enough not to be able to hold down a job, but could stay home to help take care of the kids while the wife works. That wouldn't always be the case, but I'm sure in some instances it may be.
My ex and I were adamant about both of us working no matter what....until we had a baby and got a reality check on how expensive quality childcare can be. We both didn’t make much money at the time but still crunched the numbers realizing it made more sense for me to not work. We kept that arrangement until our child was a toddler then I was going stir crazy and went back to work. By that time he was making substantially more so it all worked out.
I became stare crazy too and went back to work. I then quit my job because it just added to my work and I was just doing more work for little pay. Now I’m back home and my husband works two jobs. He also makes way more than I did at my job.
So good to see in many comments, that people realize the nearly inestimable value of mom being home with the children. My wife and I experienced that growing up, and our children had the same benefit. The sacrifice(s) it takes are well worth the rewards.
hey mate , atleast they have a job and they got married before they made a kid. Thats already above half of thr population in terms of responsible attitude against life ;)
This! I’ve told every man I’ve dated that I will be staying home until the kid is in Kindergarten. Early childhood is so important. I don’t want to trust that responsibility to a stranger.
I have a hard time dealing with it because of my first marriage with a stay at home wife. She actually put my son in daycare and I paid for it while she stayed home because she needed free time. Also there is always resentment because I was working so much to provide such an expensive lifestyle. Eventually what happened was she became bored while I was working and found someone else. I will never put myself in a situation where I work so hard and someone else putting no effort. Currently I’m a single parent and raise my son work full-time and manage my household and chores and cooking and paying bills and budgeting and landscaping and folding laundry and just the normal day-to-day homeowner duties. It’s going to be Hard to find a partner be safe
She was a user. You should have never allowed her to do nothing. I am stay at home mom. I don’t go to bed till 3 am. I exclusively pump breast milk, feed the baby milk, solid food, change, clean, cook, do laundry. It a a lot of work. Sometimes I wish I could work but daycare is way more expensive.
Absolutely not. You’re her husband and the father of the children. It’s your job to provide for them and let your wife stay home if she wants to. Get a higher paying job and take care of her and your children and provide for her and your children like any decent husband and father would.
@@tmusa2002 any husband that can’t be bothered to do that for his wife doesn’t deserve to be married. And aside from the high taxes, the 1950s were a much better time. We didn’t have a bunch of grown adults crying for a safe space to protect them from free speech and husbands and fathers actually did their jobs.
@@kyloren8133 that rarely happens. Also, someone’s got to take care of the kids. It’s so much easier and better for it to be their mother instead of some stranger from daycare, and in some cases, it may actually be cheaper. If the husband dies, then the mother can go back to work then.
I’ve worked and cared for my children. I was miserable. My husband has the benefit of coming home to cooked food and everything done for him. When I was working I didn’t have the benefit. I still had to care for myself. I’m so grateful my husband keeps me at home. I can take care of me, him and the home. When I was working our daughter was not learning at home and also for plot her colors, my husband and I both eat out every day and when my had a vacation day it was spent in the house with the toddler because I had to go to work. My hair a second job which pays way more then I was making. I was making around $200 and he went on to make $799 extra. He comes home to cooked food and happy his children are safe at home with no one hurting them, learning and living life. Also he gets to enjoy his days off being able to go out with the family. He has me available to him instead of me being like I got to go or I’m a be late your on your own with the children figuring out.
Glad Christy pointed out the child care aspect. Two incomes equal higher taxes, more consumables, more vehicle maintenance, child care... going backwards financially?
@@leisurelysam5412 It depends on the job. Some remote jobs want your complete attention for 8 hours. Hopping on and off to care for an infant/toddler might not work.
A husband is just not a paycheck. A husband will get tired of working two jobs and file for a divorce, On parent work one shift the other parent work another shift each have different off days until things get better
He shouldn't have to work two jobs, but parents working split shifts is exhausting and sometimes dangerous. I was a parent who did that. Now I realize our family could've gotten by easily on one income in those days.
@@a.c.7069 The person staying home needs to find a job that they can do at home, even if it is take care of two other kids my sister did that when we was younger,, her husband worked fixing cars they had two kids she took care of two kids from people who worked at the shop where her husband worked at help a lot of people,, I raised kids, grandkids, and nieces and nephews of all ages, Do not want to do it again but that is one job that is in high demand
@@altha-rf1et Good idea. The parent at home could babysit or do some other part-time work from home. Also, that parent can look for ways to save $$ by budgeting carefully, cooking meals from scratch, etc. The caller said he makes $30/hour. That's a good income.
Regardless of who makes the most money, the mother should be the one staying home, NOT the father. Men were created to provide financially. Mothers were created to be homemakers. I’m a stay at home wife and mother and my husband would never be able to do the job I’m doing, and I would never be able to the job he’s doing (he’s a truck driver for a concrete company).
Yall completely ignored the fact that the man said he's having to work overtime to make ends meat!! What happens when OT is no longer available? What happens to the marriage when he spends all his time at work and she becomes dissatisfied with how little time and attention is left for her and the child? What happens in divorce court when he was the sole provider during the marriage?? If it was me, there would be no question about her going back to work. Yall trippin!
She’s not a man. When the roles are reversed Dave will lay into the fact the mans needs to work. When it’s the opposite it’s the mans fault for writing/calling in and not discussing it with his wife first.
This is what happens when you don’t plan for things like personal finance,marriage,babies,family,etc.. “Things happen” is also beforehand and not just realized after the fact when trouble starts. All about choices.
@@khanhcao3123 yes! Especially the student loans which for a psychology degree could easily be $80K. No reason for him to be the only person bearing the burden of income when she decided to pursue a degree and then change her mind once having a kid. It’s on he to be responsible for her choices and not expect him to bail her out
He didn't say that. He said that IF he worked overtime he could bring in extra, but he didn't say they're not making ends meet unless he does. The thing is, these questions need to be answered and agreed upon before anyone gets married and has a child.
My fiancée and I talked about this a long time ago, and I told her that I don’t believe all women should stay at home, but whomever I marry will. At least until the children are kindergarten age. Then she can if she wants to. Sure, I may not get a newer car or the theater room I want anytime soon, but I’d much rather go to the grave knowing I gave my kids every chance they have at the best life, and having the mother around at those early stages is so important. And she agrees and is excited about it. Me too, because I know she’s going to be a great mother.
Since we all agree that raising a child is the most difficult job in the world, the husband should volunteer to do the harder job while the wife does the easier job of working 40+ hours a week for a boss.
Focus on your kid, that's more important then money! Dont have others raise them. Homeschool your kids also. If work is somehow more important dont have kids they need you 24/7.
@@kaylaa2466 Are you talking to me? I have four children, but what has that to do with my question. Her husband's letter was implying that he thinks his wife just does not want to work, so my question to him would be is that correct ie did she work before baby? or is work not the problem but rather she doesn't want to leave her baby? Yay him if he has no problem going to work and leaving his baby but maybe she does. Two parents one baby they need to figure it out but for him to imply that she just does not want to work, I think ( quite possibility) is off the mark. FYI
“She does work, it’s just at home” is the biggest cope ever. All these mums complaining how hard it is when they’re sat there in their pyjamas at 11am with a coffee and have to make a couple meals for their kids. Try going to work for 10 hours doing the mans job and they’ll realise how easy they have it.
I've always given my wife the choice to stay home. I wish she did more around the house as a housewife but she raised our daughter, kept her safe and healthy and happy, is faithful and we gave been together since 15.
My husband gives me the choice too, but I like working. I would have been miserable staying home. I did try for a little while and hated it. I do think this should be discussed before marriage but I know people change their minds. They both need to get true feelings out and come up with a compromise. Maybe she can work from home part time to increase income. I personally wouldn’t want my husband working constant overtime and our kids missing him just to misty have me. Hopefully they can discuss options and compromise. If not, there will be no winners.
I’m Active Duty. Wife stays at home with our daughter. As a man, being the breadwinner, a goal of mine was to allow my wife to stay at home while I pay the bills. My daughter has 24 hour eyes on her for her protection until she’s able to protect herself.
When I was young it was almost impossible to get evening and night jobs as a telephone operator because they gals with more seniority took them so they didn't have to hire babysitters.
do the math of the welfare any parent receives versus DINKS, with the tax credits, exemptions, free school etc. That certainly offsets some of the unearned income from the mother staying at home. Trust me, "The Village" is raising your child.
There were lots of options available to discuss before marriage and having kids. Apparently they didn’t want to. Now easily avoidable things happen and things get complicated.
@@ModernSouthernBelle I do it. I run my own online Poshmark reselling business and do contract work for my prior FT company. I do it all from home and I watch my baby like a hawk. Plus, babies sleep a lot lol
I think I’d go crazy staying at home with my baby, we pay my mother’s rent so she can take care of him while me and my husband work (it’s still cheaper for us than childcare). Two incomes are better than one and it takes a village to raise a kid.
As a stay at home mom and wife myself I always worried I was not doing enough. I am lucky enough that my husband supports all I do. Find you purpose of whatever that may be and work together as a team. I am currently working on new skills to learn digital marketing from home so I can help my husband work less and we can start enjoying time together. Open communication is key in this area and all others!
It’s amazing to read the comments here. Even listening to the responses from financial advisors about feelings 🤭. I’m so intrigued by the human mind. I wonder what people think working single moms are doing…magic?!
Unfortunately even if you're on the same page...after the child is born...in my experiences...you and wife may be on completely different pages with very little notice...
Just living within means is enough. If they have to live below their means they had a kid they could not afford. I guess this is part of that “sacrifice for my kids” thing I hear about. It’s all about choices though.
Taking care of a baby is a full time job. Paying for childcare is expensive. Anyone who thinks raising a child is lazy, then that person needs to stay home full time for a month with the child/children and see if they re-arrange their opinion. Financially, when we had kids I went back to work. My income put us into a higher tax rate, the cost of childcare took even more, and when we were washing clothes and floors at midnight, we decided I'd stay home a few more years.
It's possible Caleb's wife is burnt out and wants to focus on the kid for a bit while figuring out what her next move is. He needs to have a conversation with her about what's going on. They both need to be honest about their concerns. They could even make a pro con list together, listing emotional as well as financial aspects. Something people ignore when there is a sole provider is the pressure that sole provider is under. Caleb needs to consider if his hesitancy is due to feeling stressed out about his own job and what that would mean for his family if he lost his job.
I choose to work from home to be home with my children until they went to high school . I love being available for them. Now that they are older I focus on debt free journey .
The child comes first!!! Fulltime Mom of any age child is equal to Dad working at least 60 hours a week!!!!!!!! AND Dad must parent, clean the house and cook the meals half the time he is not working, or he can shut his face and wait until SHE decides to go back to work.
@@joyaustin6581 My State will pursue you across State lines and drag you back in chains for abandoning a spouse. God help you, if there are children involved. It is a crime not to support a spouse, when you can.
I have been a stay at home mom from day one. Oldest is 21, youngest is 11. We are 100% debt free (including mortgage) since 2016. I occasionally offer up the idea that I could work part or full time if we wanted to add more $$ to our retirement savings. My husband still values my work at home above the extra income and desire me to be at home. Home making is a career and has big impact on family health.
Your wife should drive a school bus. She can take your kids with her to work and she can make a little money with her. Also the middle of the day is completely open for her since the routes are split throughout the day!
My mother tried the stay at home thing. Dad cut her off financially. Dad took me to store bought me stuff, and he would buy the groceries. Besides feeding her that was it. Mom had to wear dresses from Dillards on Sunday, dad would buy all his clothing from K-Mart. Dad drove 20-25 year old cars mom wanted the newest.
Why on earth would I hire someone do do my job? Especially when it’s a job I do so much better. When I die god isn’t going to ask me how my career went. He’s going to ask how my kids were.
There is nothing wrong with a parent staying home if you can afford it, however they can not afford it. It is also mention that she has a bachelors and they have 100k in debt, I'm willing to bet some are college loans, it is outrageous to get a degree(on debt) and not work, you don't get to make that decision after you took the loans, you made the decision to work when you took the loans. She can stay home AFTER the debt is paid, one income of 30 an hour is plenty for the family to live on after they are debt free.
Imagine if Dave had a calculation to determine if the wife should get a job. That would settle a lot, although some people just don’t want a job on top of parenting. It’s not for the weak, that’s for sure. 💪
Birthing a child and taking proper care of it by being the primary caregiver. If all things are favorable (child is doing well and is able to adjust, house is well organized), then going to work.
It sounds to me that the father in this case isn't looking at the baby's welfare. Why have children if you are going to pay someone else to raise them? Of course, maybe he didn't want the kid anyway. My husband and I decided BEFORE we had children, that I would stay home with the children. After they started school, I worked part time so I could be with the children when they were home.
I agree. Why indeed. Maybe more couples need to have a "nuts & bolts" discussion before getting pregnant as to whether they can make it work. If they are both willing to make the necessary sacrifices. It they're not on the same page then maybe it's just not the best idea to have a baby.
I enjoyed seeing my mother at work and playing in her office. I like working outside but it biased me to want and office job when I could wear heels and have my own office
This is a ridiculous thing to have not figured out before marriage. Also it doesn't matter if staying at home is less work or more work than what the other parent is doing in their day job. It's about do you value having a parent there to raise your kids? It's often the woman but I've met couples where the man is a stay at home and regardless of who it is it's petty and destructive to be putting them down and saying they're less valuable.
If they are struggling, she should be helping out, taking care of a child is a lot of work, I understand that, but if the husband is breaking his back just so she can stay at home, that's real bad.
Taking care of little ones is a lot harder then going to work. I don’t understand how the parent who goes to work often has the attitude that the person who cares for the kids isn’t doing anything. I’ve seen relationships where one person doesn’t have kids and won’t work which is ridiculous but when you have a family you have to sacrifice.
Ouuu the hypocrites. They would be killing him if roles were reversed. If he wanted to stay home and she goes to work. Dave would be calling him a wuss
Me and my Fiancée just got our first house and specifically made the payment 1/4th of MY take home pay on a 20 year loan because we both understand, even before kids, that the value of a stay at home mom far out ways if she would work her two part time jobs while we had kids. All that would do is pay for childcare and maybe give us an extra 500 a month? Its really not worth it at all especially on a well being level. I want our kids to be raised by us not by someone else just make some extra cash. We will take the extra money now while she is still working and try to cut through that mortgage as much as we can for the next few years and then enjoy having kids and living life together
Nothing wrong with women staying home . Is the world better off since women have gone into work force? Has women going into workforce affected divorce 😳?
Nothing wrong with staying home. Problem is not planning to afford to stay home before marriage and having kids. Now there are issues. All about choices.
@@ModernSouthernBelle yup that's the thing look at all the youths getting into crime. That's the result of being raised by TV and daycare. Stay at home moms get looked down upon today . It isn't right. God did not design a women to spend 8hrs of day around a man That's not her husband. Since women have gone into workforce there has been an increase in divorce and adultery .
Why not hire "Alice" to take care of the house, while living in a little side room off the kitchen, and cooking while Carol can assist when she feels like baking some cookies and taking care of her hair, makeup and entertaining the kids.
But who wants to bet a nice chunk of that is her student loan for that psychology degree. An Mrs. degrees shouldnt keep you in debt, but if you keep your expenses low should be out of debt quickly sounded like she said that included the mortgage
I think these men are rediculouse. It's not like she will be home forever, it's only a few years until the kid is in school all day. Let her be with the baby for crying out loud, then once the kid is in school, she can go back to work. Why would you want to pay some other woman raising your child when you can have the actual mother take care of them instead. Him eanting her to go back to work is just a lack of respect for his wife and how much work it is to be a mother. Is he going to split the housework to.... or will he expect her to work and do all the housework and childcare. I think it's selfish when men want to separate a mother from their small child....it can heart wrenching guilt ridden experience for a mother to not be there for her children and I'm sure he isn't thinking about how difficult the whole experience might be on his wife.
Work life should be valued and appreciated, but not used as power or leverage. Your spouse at home should be recognized as much as a person solely working. Who wouldn’t want a great household with kids being taken care of by the person you love and trust? You’ll save money from not having house keeping & child care/pet care, but this could be a band aid to something deeper, including work ethic and ego. Equally both people need to understand their efforts and energy used, count towards the bigger picture, both contribute in different ways. Even if this person got a job to “release the stress of debt.”, would the pay check be good enough to the other person’s standards? Would this person wanting you to work, value you making MORE money than them? Really the question is “do you want to stay with this person for the long run?”. Debt or no debt…is this person valuable without debt in the conversation…? If this person is valuable, maybe recognize their value…realize you’ll be working harder for free to make up for your demeaning attitude towards the person you love apparently.
Everyone hating on the man for asking the question. she had a job before so its not an issue of child care all of yall including Dave are just sexist I guess I dont understand the double standard if it was a stay at home dad yall would have a different opinion.
Any decent husband and father would provide for his wife and children and any decent husband would give his wife the option to stay home. Someone’s got to take care of the kids.
Before kids I said I'd want to be a working mom. Then I had kids. Got PPD,y view on life and priorities changed and now I'm a homeschooling mom of two. I recently started a job as part-time teacher at my kids' co-op, but it doesn't make much money, so my husband doesn't consider it a real contribution. He's very resentful of me and lets me know constantly that I'm living "the easy life". It SUCKS. So bad.
Dave is right on one aspect we don't know the numbers on what the date is but if she has a psychology degree I'm gonna almost guarantee she has student loan debt I don't understand why women do this they go they spent thousands upon thousands of dollars on a degree then they get married have kids then want to stay home with the kids if that was your plan to begin with why bother with college you're just making it harder for your future husband to provide for you and the family when you're spending thousands of dollars on a degree you're not going to use that's stupid
I suppose I am “stupid” because I stayed home with our children. I have a Master’s Degree in Education. I used my degree to nurture our children. I used my degree to teach them to love reading, math, and science before they started kindergarten. I used my time wisely with them to teach them about Jesus. I used my intellect and education as a volunteer at their school. I used my God given talent and degrees to teach at our church: children, youth, and women’s Bible Studies. I also help write curriculum for our middle schoolers. As you so eloquently stated, it’s that “wasted degree” being put to use there because I was EDUCATED how to teach. I use my degree as a ways and means to volunteer in under privileged schools. Teachers rely on me to come in and give their students a little extra help. I was fortunate that my parents and scholarships paid for every penny of my education. My children are now grown. One is a teacher of special needs children. The other just graduated from University and is going to use her business degree in the mission field. In the economic world, my life has probably been completely wasted because I only earned an income for seven years. I’m so grateful to have a husband who has lifted me up and reminded me of the greater purpose when I start to believe the myth you perpetuate. My treasure is in heaven, not in worldly gains.
@@Ineedtruth1 it’s not her own kid it’s their kid. And there’s also family that could help she could do a part time job while he is at home with THEIR kid. There’s things she could do but won’t.
@@jacksonbilly9979Of course it’s THEIR kid but pointing that out doesn’t diminish the fact that it’s HER kid and that children have a right to be nurtured by the person God gave them as a nurturer - their mother. It’s ridiculous to LARP about how mothers need to go out and get a job just to have a job.
@@jacksonbilly9979 If it’s their kid then it is also her kid. It’s an obvious implication of the word “their”. Women were designed to bear and nurture children, not be wage slaves for random employers until they reach retirement age.
Childcare is very expensive and harder to find now. I see it as a blessing if she can stay home with the baby. It’s good for their bond and the child’s development. She can do a side hustle to bring in extra cash.
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We agreed before marriage that our kids needed mom at home. I worked to put my husband through school. When we had our first baby, he worked to support us. It wasn't an interchangeable job...my husband could not nurse the baby around the clock, and I was able to use my education to homeschool while his was a higher-paying career (mine would not have been). I'm thankful he recognizes the high importance of my contributions.
Can all of the MRA ignoramuses that usually comment here please read this? Thanks.
What great team work!
What an amazing relationship!!
Until he leaves and she has to reenter the workforce. I will never recommend a woman to be a SAHM.
You only need a GED to homeschool. I'm all in favor of mom's being housewives if that's the best way to go but it means we should not be sending girls to college, it's a waste of money. Get them through with grade and a GED, get a matchmaker and marry them off at 16 while they still have their virtue, which few brides do nowadays
I was one who stayed home and also homeschooled our two children. They are successful adults. It was well worth it and i regret nothing.
But you can also work from home
@@leisurelysam5412 indeed, but this is relatively new, and it was not available when i had children at home.
@@maryreddell6529 but working from home is the best and also profitable for the family
@@leisurelysam5412 i do agree .. but homeschooling, cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping and such are also work of the at home person. Working from home could make homeschooling far more difficult. It takes time and patience because children need constant supervision. We found it would have cost more in childcare, tho i did work part time occasionally to help out. He would work days and i would work nights. That is not recipe for happy marriage.
@@leisurelysam5412 You HAVE to be a male. Males think, being home, means it is NOT WORK. It is a lot of work, we just don't get PAID for that work. lol.
This is a question that should have been discussed and agreed to prior to marriage.
This! 💯💯💯
Yup. No family planning or financial planning. Just the wedding and thinking below the waistline.
Bubbles popping just like in the movie “Idiocracy”
I did that in my marriage, we had agreed. But then hubby changed his mind…..the marriage didn’t survive.
People change their mind when they get it to it
Yeah plans or circumstances never change 🙄
My wife's mother and my mother stayed home and my wife did too, until the children were old enough not to need them. We came home from school and Mother was there. All these families learned to live on what Daddy could bring home. It was a good life. I recommend learning to live on what you have.
Thats us
Same here. Most of the neighborhood was like this when I was growing up.
Wonderful times.
That was me. My siblings and I were better off for it. My dad moved us from Queens to Long Island on one job and overtime. My mother was there when we got home and we had no opportunity to get in trouble. When we were all in a bit older my mom helped him by opening an group daycare in the home. Her business became very profitable and allowed him to not to work as much.
That's us too.
good point. You don't have to have a big house, two cars, and lots of things. as long as you have a roof over your head, food to eat and a good family values. you can survive. Honestly you don't need cell phones or all the latest electronics. Make your kids life what you want it to be.
The first thing that should be raked over is the cost of childcare and the cost compared to what she would bring in
This couple will have a wake up call when they see the current cost of child care.
@@tamiamyourfavoritedragon8890 Add another wife, to take care of the children.
" You will always be First Wife"
And not just dollar for dollar. Factor in gas/transportation costs, TIME, plus all the other things a mom at home provides. It becomes almost a given for her to stay home if they have another kid
@@ItsTyrone7 Especially, if he's capable of bringing in another 12-18000/year by working overtime. I would presume he's enabled to do that partly by the fact that he doesn't necessarily have to take care of the kid much. So the extra job for wifey might have to clear that opportunity cost too.
@@tamiamyourfavoritedragon8890 And, we tried that. Our 2 kids got sick all the time, with so many different kids in child care. So, paying for child care, days off for sick child and doctor payment, medicine. NO WHERE AHEAD! Working outside the home, was great. 2 , 15 minute breaks, lunch in quiet, got adult conversations, and a little paycheck. lol. Staying home was MORE WORK!
As a 21 year old man.. Me and my wife (we have a child together) decided that she can play a substantially more supportive role in the home (at her discretion of course) than to be working. I work a 80+ hour work week to pay the bills and provide for our family and I take great comfort knowing that our child is being raised full time by my wife.. and thus motivates me to continue working hard.. no matter how hard it gets.. I feel it to be my obligation to provide and shield them from the stress that lies outside of the home. She takes care of the home and takes on her roles in the home and goes above and beyond.. thus taking a tremendous amount of stress off of me. So all i have to worry about is going to work and paying the bills.. I know that our child is safe at home and getting the best care and and attention even if it costs me my energy.. because i get to go home to a very happy wife. I embrace the pain and suck until i can start making money in my sleep.
This is what im working towards . Good job bro🙌🏻
My Husband does this to but damnnnn😮80 hours
Children havin children. Don't you want your wife to have a life and carreeer of her own?
he wants her back at work. it’s a values question. People get upset when women stay home, ultimately it’s up to the couple. my husband and i agreed i would not have to work in our marriage and it works for us. i stay with our kids.
Stay home with the kid and don’t buy things yiu can not afford!
Amen!
I.e. the new car
Get a JOB
@@marktheshark2569😂😂😂😂
What kind of a man would rather a stranger raise his kids so the mother of his children can go off and push a pencil for some insignificant dollar amount? Disgraceful.
I've always wanted my wife to stay at home becasue I believe that women become haggard and tired working a job and I want her to be energetic and invigorated. Even now that our kids are grown I see no need for her to work outside the home unless she chooses to. I have to remind her that I like her being home becasue the world constantly tells women they need to be wage slaves.
Not MY wife.
I agree. If both people are working full time everyone is tired.. if one person stays home then the meals are prepped, houses is clean and laundry done etc etc… if both people arrive home at 6:00 it really makes life stressful. Evenings then can consist of simply hanging out etc.. otherwise it’s make supper, do laundry, etc.. it’s all about values in life.
Nice to hear from a man who doesn’t want to see his wife slaving away and coming home tired and stressed. And also is not resentful of being a provider. In other words, a real man ! Good for you Sir.
Amen !!! We need more men with this mentality.
I absolutely love this comment.
You, sir, are rare.
I'm due in September with our first. I've always been a worker. Never wanted to be a stay at home mom. Still not a goal of mine BUT my husband does not. He wants a stay at home mom. Running the numbers.....it will be a waste if I go back to work. All I'll be doing is working 40+hours a week just to hand my entire paycheck over to someone else to raise my kids. As much as I love and want to go back to work, it will actually cost me more to do so. This is definitely a hard debate....
I stayed home until the kids were in school, then I worked part time so I would be home when they were.
@@marycarricaburu3683 bingo
Maybe you could work park time
Lots of people don't add the cost of daycare, gas, clothes, food, etc. Most women like this are working for a couple dollars an hour
Maybe you can start a business from home?
Did I miss where they asked how much of the household duties is he willing to take on if she does go back to work? Does he simply think she should have a job outside the home for $$ and still be responsible for the care of the home and their child? They need to have a long conversation about what each wants and the expectations of each other with each option.
Good information, Dave didn't mention this aspect.
Yeah this is something that drives me crazy. Most people don’t want to pay for daycare once they find out how much it costs, but then it’s so much to juggle an at home job and a kid.
To be fair. Most guys, like myself, put off stuff around the house until we get around to it. She probably doesn’t want to live in a mess but I know many guys that don’t mind lol
@@TestTest-ei4giI get that, but if you’re going to be in a partnership, that’s not fair to bring down the quality of life of your partner because you’re unwilling to better your standard of care for the home, and also for the children. It affects everybody. You wouldn’t treat a roommate that way.
One giant issue nobody talks about is the cost of daycare almost all the daycares around here is just as much or even more than our rent! So my wife pretty much was forced to stay at home or have most of her paycheck just going to daycare and that's with one kid I can't imagine with more
Don't let the net fool ya. This is a primary reason there are so many childless women in their 30s and 40s right now. (Usa).
There is significantly more value in her raising her kid then someone else doing it while she works. I happen to be incredibly lucky that my mom stays home with my kid all week while I work. I dont have to worry because my kid has a clean diaper plenty of healthy food and endless love and play time. I don’t know what I would do if I had to take my baby to daycare, but probably stay home. My income is higher than my husband’s and we already discussed what’s getting cut to keep us in a budget if we ever have to resort to this.
Wait, what? I truly get that it's important for both parents in your family to work outside the home. But your mental gymnastics are something else altogether. Sounds like your mom provides good care (like many providers), but that is not you or your partner at home.
Yup. Easy to do nowadays.
The homeschooling parents here understands and master this well.
All it takes is planning.
You're so lucky that your mom took care of your kids. Now.. remember to take care of your mom when she needs you.
@@lzkrishmom 🙃of course 👍🏻
Studies show that there is absolutely zero difference in children’s academic and social outcomes for those with stay at home moms vs working moms. There is of course a GIANT difference in the children’s student loan debt between those two groups.
Real Question: Should she outsource someone to raise her children for $3k+ a month?
But women need to be strong and independent feminists! Raising your own children is outdated, the TV works just fine.
@@baddog6003 this is sarcasm, correct?
that just makes me wanna cry :/children these days aren’t raised by their parents, they are raised by random childcare workers that are not paying attention to them
Yes cuz more moms staying home drinking a box of wine a day popping Xanax ignoring the child completely is what we need more of.
@@jacksonbilly9979 I think you are mixing with the wrong type of women to be mother of your child.
When I stayed home with our daughter, my husband went thru this phase of saying “what did you do all day?”…”It is my money, I am the only one who works”…he eventually changed, but it was a horrible phase. I was able to find a job that I can work from home, make amazing money and be able to watch my daughter if she has to do school at home again. Ever since I started working, my husband has been so much happier, and I am happier too.
Why was he so disrespectful? Did he ever apologize for acting that way? 🤔
He was probably really feeling the pain of caring for the family. Happy it all worked out in the end.
I was in the same boat. My husband was a jerk until I got my degree and a job.
What sort of at-home job did you get if you don't mind me asking? It seems like they're so hard to find.
Does he even know how much daycare cost per child? It's almost paying rent or mortgage. So, his problem is not financial burden, but thinking she's lazy and doesn't contribute. If he thinks it's a financial burden, then why have children, they cost too much to take care.
But you can also work from home
@TheRain yeah but it depends on the type of work
Do you even know you can also work on the weekends or pick up 1-2 night shifts while he's off from work?
If child care is 1700 and she makes 4k a month then it’s worth it
@@inthebooks3947 A lot of Ifs here, we don't know.
I was abused by babysitters. If at all possible, stay home with your children. Nobody will treat them like their own mother will. I stayed home and raised my son. It was not always easy, but it was the right thing. I do however know that it is not always possible to do and I would never condemn a mother for working. P.S. A baby cannot tell you if they are being abused.
Listening to these calls and reading the comments makes me appreciate my husband so much more. It also makes me appreciate my parents and their sacrifices to help me find the life I live now. I see our family as a team and different things happen at different times, just like a good sporting team we make adjustments to be successful.
A lot of these people making comments probably don't even have a girlfriend, so don't read too much into them
Speaking of "hang ups", sometimes the men in this type of situation had a single mom growing up who may have worked more than one job at a time in order to take care of expenses, and never having had a stay at home mom, they just can't even see their own wife staying at home with the kids. (I've known men like that is why I can say that.) There are also stay at home dads, and sometimes that can work out well too.
Well said! 👏🏾
@@jasminejoseph8307 👍
My wife and I are retired Pensioners.
Neither of us work.
We raise small children
Work 20 years, get a pension, then raise children.
Stay home man it’s not a man. I’ll never ever even if my wife was millionaire I would stay home.
@@diegodesouza9697 Well, there are times when a man may be disabled enough not to be able to hold down a job, but could stay home to help take care of the kids while the wife works. That wouldn't always be the case, but I'm sure in some instances it may be.
My ex and I were adamant about both of us working no matter what....until we had a baby and got a reality check on how expensive quality childcare can be. We both didn’t make much money at the time but still crunched the numbers realizing it made more sense for me to not work. We kept that arrangement until our child was a toddler then I was going stir crazy and went back to work. By that time he was making substantially more so it all worked out.
If possible, what was the cause(s) of the divorce?
I became stare crazy too and went back to work. I then quit my job because it just added to my work and I was just doing more work for little pay. Now I’m back home and my husband works two jobs. He also makes way more than I did at my job.
@@likethecolorgreen lol
So good to see in many comments, that people realize the nearly inestimable value of mom being home with the children. My wife and I experienced that growing up, and our children had the same benefit. The sacrifice(s) it takes are well worth the rewards.
Yup and it is a sacrifice many people don't see it like that.
Shouldn't you have this conversation with your spouse BEFORE you decide to reproduce ? What's wrong with people
hey mate , atleast they have a job and they got married before they made a kid. Thats already above half of thr population in terms of responsible attitude against life ;)
@@murderouskitten2577
Actually having the kid after marriage is worse when you think about it.
They didn’t even communicate before or after marriage.
@@murderouskitten2577 that's true
This! I’ve told every man I’ve dated that I will be staying home until the kid is in Kindergarten. Early childhood is so important. I don’t want to trust that responsibility to a stranger.
@@blackworldtraveler3711 nobody is perfect .
I have a hard time dealing with it because of my first marriage with a stay at home wife.
She actually put my son in daycare and I paid for it while she stayed home because she needed free time.
Also there is always resentment because I was working so much to provide such an expensive lifestyle.
Eventually what happened was she became bored while I was working and found someone else.
I will never put myself in a situation where I work so hard and someone else putting no effort.
Currently I’m a single parent and raise my son work full-time and manage my household and chores and cooking and paying bills and budgeting and landscaping and folding laundry and just the normal day-to-day homeowner duties.
It’s going to be Hard to find a partner be safe
Yes, a woman should do something to contribute to family , i have heard a lot of cases like yours!👀
She was a user. You should have never allowed her to do nothing. I am stay at home mom. I don’t go to bed till 3 am. I exclusively pump breast milk, feed the baby milk, solid food, change, clean, cook, do laundry. It a a lot of work. Sometimes I wish I could work but daycare is way more expensive.
I forgot to mention I do dishes 24/7 by hand, broken dishwasher. Can’t replace it yet because our baby needed cranial helmet, nearly 5k.
I hope you took her to court for child support, but then again she sounds like the type that it would be like wringing blood from a stone.
That’s not a stay at home wife, that’s an overgrown child.
That conversation should be held before marriage.
Absolutely not. You’re her husband and the father of the children. It’s your job to provide for them and let your wife stay home if she wants to. Get a higher paying job and take care of her and your children and provide for her and your children like any decent husband and father would.
Whoa! I see 1950 has come for a visit!
@@tmusa2002 any husband that can’t be bothered to do that for his wife doesn’t deserve to be married. And aside from the high taxes, the 1950s were a much better time. We didn’t have a bunch of grown adults crying for a safe space to protect them from free speech and husbands and fathers actually did their jobs.
@@johnmartin4641 Your job as a mother is also to provide for your children. What happens when your husband hits the bucket?
@@kyloren8133 that rarely happens. Also, someone’s got to take care of the kids. It’s so much easier and better for it to be their mother instead of some stranger from daycare, and in some cases, it may actually be cheaper. If the husband dies, then the mother can go back to work then.
😂😂😂 enjoy being broke ur whole life with a single income
I’ve worked and cared for my children. I was miserable. My husband has the benefit of coming home to cooked food and everything done for him. When I was working I didn’t have the benefit. I still had to care for myself. I’m so grateful my husband keeps me at home. I can take care of me, him and the home. When I was working our daughter was not learning at home and also for plot her colors, my husband and I both eat out every day and when my had a vacation day it was spent in the house with the toddler because I had to go to work. My hair a second job which pays way more then I was making. I was making around $200 and he went on to make $799 extra. He comes home to cooked food and happy his children are safe at home with no one hurting them, learning and living life. Also he gets to enjoy his days off being able to go out with the family. He has me available to him instead of me being like I got to go or I’m a be late your on your own with the children figuring out.
Glad Christy pointed out the child care aspect. Two incomes equal higher taxes, more consumables, more vehicle maintenance, child care... going backwards financially?
But you can also work from home
@@leisurelysam5412 It depends on the job. Some remote jobs want your complete attention for 8 hours. Hopping on and off to care for an infant/toddler might not work.
I bet this guy expects his wife to do ALL the housework, cooking, cleaning, laundry, and pm childcare too while she's working....
exactly he needs to ask himself if they can afford the baby sitter, the cook, and the maid if his wife goes back to work.
@@mariad5275 why hire a cool and maid, just split the responsibilities equally
Cook
I bet you’re shoving words in his mouth
that is your negative assumption
A husband is just not a paycheck. A husband will get tired of working two jobs and file for a divorce, On parent work one shift the other parent work another shift each have different off days until things get better
He shouldn't have to work two jobs, but parents working split shifts is exhausting and sometimes dangerous. I was a parent who did that. Now I realize our family could've gotten by easily on one income in those days.
@@a.c.7069 The person staying home needs to find a job that they can do at home, even if it is take care of two other kids my sister did that when we was younger,, her husband worked fixing cars they had two kids she took care of two kids from people who worked at the shop where her husband worked at help a lot of people,, I raised kids, grandkids, and nieces and nephews of all ages, Do not want to do it again but that is one job that is in high demand
@@altha-rf1et Good idea. The parent at home could babysit or do some other part-time work from home. Also, that parent can look for ways to save $$ by budgeting carefully, cooking meals from scratch, etc. The caller said he makes $30/hour. That's a good income.
We don't know in this case, but the student loans that these future stay at home moms take out can be brutal.
Regardless of who makes the most money, the mother should be the one staying home, NOT the father. Men were created to provide financially. Mothers were created to be homemakers. I’m a stay at home wife and mother and my husband would never be able to do the job I’m doing, and I would never be able to the job he’s doing (he’s a truck driver for a concrete company).
Yall completely ignored the fact that the man said he's having to work overtime to make ends meat!! What happens when OT is no longer available? What happens to the marriage when he spends all his time at work and she becomes dissatisfied with how little time and attention is left for her and the child? What happens in divorce court when he was the sole provider during the marriage?? If it was me, there would be no question about her going back to work. Yall trippin!
Don't forget she is equal and independent. She needs to help pay expenses.
She’s not a man. When the roles are reversed Dave will lay into the fact the mans needs to work. When it’s the opposite it’s the mans fault for writing/calling in and not discussing it with his wife first.
This is what happens when you don’t plan for things like personal finance,marriage,babies,family,etc..
“Things happen” is also beforehand and not just realized after the fact when trouble starts.
All about choices.
@@khanhcao3123 yes! Especially the student loans which for a psychology degree could easily be $80K. No reason for him to be the only person bearing the burden of income when she decided to pursue a degree and then change her mind once having a kid. It’s on he to be responsible for her choices and not expect him to bail her out
He didn't say that. He said that IF he worked overtime he could bring in extra, but he didn't say they're not making ends meet unless he does. The thing is, these questions need to be answered and agreed upon before anyone gets married and has a child.
My fiancée and I talked about this a long time ago, and I told her that I don’t believe all women should stay at home, but whomever I marry will. At least until the children are kindergarten age. Then she can if she wants to. Sure, I may not get a newer car or the theater room I want anytime soon, but I’d much rather go to the grave knowing I gave my kids every chance they have at the best life, and having the mother around at those early stages is so important. And she agrees and is excited about it. Me too, because I know she’s going to be a great mother.
Since we all agree that raising a child is the most difficult job in the world, the husband should volunteer to do the harder job while the wife does the easier job of working 40+ hours a week for a boss.
She can go work on the oil rig while I'll be the husband putting DVDs in the player wearing my pajamas.
Focus on your kid, that's more important then money! Dont have others raise them. Homeschool your kids also. If work is somehow more important dont have kids they need you 24/7.
“This sounds like a FIGHT!” 😂😂😂
Doesn't want to go to work or doesn't want to leave her baby?
Tell me you don’t have kids without telling me. Like being a stay at home mom ISN’T a full time job. Bye
@@kaylaa2466 Are you talking to me? I have four children, but what has that to do with my question. Her husband's letter was implying that he thinks his wife just does not want to work, so my question to him would be is that correct ie did she work before baby? or is work not the problem but rather she doesn't want to leave her baby? Yay him if he has no problem going to work and leaving his baby but maybe she does. Two parents one baby they need to figure it out but for him to imply that she just does not want to work, I think ( quite possibility) is off the mark. FYI
But you can also work from home
“She does work, it’s just at home” is the biggest cope ever.
All these mums complaining how hard it is when they’re sat there in their pyjamas at 11am with a coffee and have to make a couple meals for their kids.
Try going to work for 10 hours doing the mans job and they’ll realise how easy they have it.
I've always given my wife the choice to stay home. I wish she did more around the house as a housewife but she raised our daughter, kept her safe and healthy and happy, is faithful and we gave been together since 15.
That's what you think...
My husband gives me the choice too, but I like working. I would have been miserable staying home. I did try for a little while and hated it. I do think this should be discussed before marriage but I know people change their minds. They both need to get true feelings out and come up with a compromise. Maybe she can work from home part time to increase income. I personally wouldn’t want my husband working constant overtime and our kids missing him just to misty have me. Hopefully they can discuss options and compromise. If not, there will be no winners.
What would you have liked her to do more of around the house?
Same boat as you , except for me I have a son lol
@@ashleyjones5396 I agree
I’m Active Duty. Wife stays at home with our daughter. As a man, being the breadwinner, a goal of mine was to allow my wife to stay at home while I pay the bills. My daughter has 24 hour eyes on her for her protection until she’s able to protect herself.
No one ever talks about working off shifts
exactly, wife works nights as a nurse, we manage and we both make great money. she just has a useless degree and no prospects
When I was young it was almost impossible to get evening and night jobs as a telephone operator because they gals with more seniority took them so they didn't have to hire babysitters.
do the math of the welfare any parent receives versus DINKS, with the tax credits, exemptions, free school etc. That certainly offsets some of the unearned income from the mother staying at home. Trust me, "The Village" is raising your child.
Even if she stays home, there's things she can do to bring more income into the household to help with debt. Lots of options, she just has to want to.
It’s next to impossible to work when you have a newborn or very young child. You would pretty much have to neglect them to get anything done.
There were lots of options available to discuss before marriage and having kids.
Apparently they didn’t want to.
Now easily avoidable things happen and things get complicated.
@@ModernSouthernBelle Good point!
@@ModernSouthernBelle I do it. I run my own online Poshmark reselling business and do contract work for my prior FT company. I do it all from home and I watch my baby like a hawk. Plus, babies sleep a lot lol
@@Chelsea_Tries_Stuff Some of them.
Kids need a mom at home. Reduce your standard of living.
What. U still have about 16 hours in a day with them
Sounds like they need marriage counseling.
😂 why? Normal question to have
sounds like Divorce
sounds like Divorce
She could work weekends. No childcare needed.
With the wife's degree shouldn't she be able to get a job at a daycare center, bringing the child with her to work and being paid to boot?
Daycares don't pay much at all around me only $12 an hour and they only give you a discount not free child care if you work there.
I think I’d go crazy staying at home with my baby, we pay my mother’s rent so she can take care of him while me and my husband work (it’s still cheaper for us than childcare). Two incomes are better than one and it takes a village to raise a kid.
As a stay at home mom and wife myself I always worried I was not doing enough. I am lucky enough that my husband supports all I do. Find you purpose of whatever that may be and work together as a team. I am currently working on new skills to learn digital marketing from home so I can help my husband work less and we can start enjoying time together. Open communication is key in this area and all others!
It’s amazing to read the comments here. Even listening to the responses from financial advisors about feelings 🤭. I’m so intrigued by the human mind. I wonder what people think working single moms are doing…magic?!
Unfortunately even if you're on the same page...after the child is born...in my experiences...you and wife may be on completely different pages with very little notice...
If you live below your means you can stay home with your child!
Just living within means is enough.
If they have to live below their means they had a kid they could not afford.
I guess this is part of that “sacrifice for my kids” thing I hear about.
It’s all about choices though.
And if they don't?
Taking care of a baby is a full time job. Paying for childcare is expensive. Anyone who thinks raising a child is lazy, then that person needs to stay home
full time for a month with the child/children and see if they re-arrange their opinion. Financially, when we had kids I went back to work. My income put
us into a higher tax rate, the cost of childcare took even more, and when we were washing clothes and floors at midnight, we decided I'd stay home
a few more years.
A lot of wisdom in this short talk, thanks guys.
Sounds like a lot of people here need to read some child development books or something. Kids are not dogs. They need their mothers.
It's possible Caleb's wife is burnt out and wants to focus on the kid for a bit while figuring out what her next move is. He needs to have a conversation with her about what's going on. They both need to be honest about their concerns. They could even make a pro con list together, listing emotional as well as financial aspects.
Something people ignore when there is a sole provider is the pressure that sole provider is under. Caleb needs to consider if his hesitancy is due to feeling stressed out about his own job and what that would mean for his family if he lost his job.
I choose to work from home to be home with my children until they went to high school . I love being available for them. Now that they are older I focus on debt free journey .
The child comes first!!!
Fulltime Mom of any age child is equal to Dad working at least 60 hours a week!!!!!!!!
AND Dad must parent, clean the house and cook the meals half the time he is not working, or he can shut his face and wait until SHE decides to go back to work.
Your husband sounds very lucky
Don't be a stay at home mom/dad. Always have your own resources.
My wife and I are stay at home Parents.
We have your own resources.
Forcing someone to support you is wrong
@@joyaustin6581 My State will pursue you across State lines and drag you back in chains for abandoning a spouse.
God help you, if there are children involved.
It is a crime not to support a spouse, when you can.
Someone’s got to take care of the kids.
@@joyaustin6581 a husband and father’s job is to support his wife and kids.
Too much info is missing to make any kind of accurate judgement here.
Amen! Best comment out in this charged string! Everybody needs to live and let live.
I have been a stay at home mom from day one. Oldest is 21, youngest is 11. We are 100% debt free (including mortgage) since 2016. I occasionally offer up the idea that I could work part or full time if we wanted to add more $$ to our retirement savings. My husband still values my work at home above the extra income and desire me to be at home. Home making is a career and has big impact on family health.
Your wife should drive a school bus. She can take your kids with her to work and she can make a little money with her. Also the middle of the day is completely open for her since the routes are split throughout the day!
My mom took me to work with her everyday , grew up working with her, with no pay, it was terrible but now I don’t mind since I understand now
Sounds like the moment she goes to work is the moment they split.
My mother tried the stay at home thing. Dad cut her off financially. Dad took me to store bought me stuff, and he would buy the groceries. Besides feeding her that was it. Mom had to wear dresses from Dillards on Sunday, dad would buy all his clothing from K-Mart. Dad drove 20-25 year old cars mom wanted the newest.
Why on earth would I hire someone do do my job? Especially when it’s a job I do so much better.
When I die god isn’t going to ask me how my career went. He’s going to ask how my kids were.
Exactly!!
Amen!
There is nothing wrong with a parent staying home if you can afford it, however they can not afford it.
It is also mention that she has a bachelors and they have 100k in debt, I'm willing to bet some are college loans, it is outrageous to get a degree(on debt) and not work, you don't get to make that decision after you took the loans, you made the decision to work when you took the loans.
She can stay home AFTER the debt is paid, one income of 30 an hour is plenty for the family to live on after they are debt free.
That's a fact.. but you cannot say that...
@@NaNa-lt1po Boiiii I just did~
Imagine if Dave had a calculation to determine if the wife should get a job. That would settle a lot, although some people just don’t want a job on top of parenting. It’s not for the weak, that’s for sure. 💪
My husband wants me to work because he's content making a very small wage in an expensive state...
If most women’s definition of a “real man” is being a provider & paying all or mostly all the bills. Then what is the definition of a “real woman” ?
Staying home lol
It’s Making sure the house is cleaned up and having the food ready
Simple: What this woman is already doing. Staying at home with the baby and taking care of the household.
Birthing a child and taking proper care of it by being the primary caregiver. If all things are favorable (child is doing well and is able to adjust, house is well organized), then going to work.
It sounds to me that the father in this case isn't looking at the baby's welfare. Why have children if you are going to pay someone else to raise them? Of course, maybe he didn't want the kid anyway.
My husband and I decided BEFORE we had children, that I would stay home with the children. After they started school, I worked part time so I could be with the children when they were home.
I agree. Why indeed. Maybe more couples need to have a "nuts & bolts" discussion before getting pregnant as to whether they can make it work. If they are both willing to make the necessary sacrifices. It they're not on the same page then maybe it's just not the best idea to have a baby.
I enjoyed seeing my mother at work and playing in her office. I like working outside but it biased me to want and office job when I could wear heels and have my own office
This is a ridiculous thing to have not figured out before marriage. Also it doesn't matter if staying at home is less work or more work than what the other parent is doing in their day job. It's about do you value having a parent there to raise your kids? It's often the woman but I've met couples where the man is a stay at home and regardless of who it is it's petty and destructive to be putting them down and saying they're less valuable.
If they are struggling, she should be helping out, taking care of a child is a lot of work, I understand that, but if the husband is breaking his back just so she can stay at home, that's real bad.
I don't think you understand how much work taking care of a child is, as evidenced by your opinion that she "should be helping out".
@@jeannedarc5351 Exactly!
what about asynchronous remote work until the debts paid off?
She should get a work at home job.
@john Smith she can do both
@john Smith troll
@john Smith Why does a man need a second job... when an able bodied woman can work.
Taking care of little ones is a lot harder then going to work. I don’t understand how the parent who goes to work often has the attitude that the person who cares for the kids isn’t doing anything. I’ve seen relationships where one person doesn’t have kids and won’t work which is ridiculous but when you have a family you have to sacrifice.
That’s total Bull and you know it. Put on a movie and give them an iPad and they’re totally immersed
So true!!!!....They should hire Alice as she can live in a little room off the kitchen and have some life balance.
Ouuu the hypocrites. They would be killing him if roles were reversed. If he wanted to stay home and she goes to work. Dave would be calling him a wuss
She married him and got knocked up so he can pay off her student loans.
Motherhood and fatherhood are not roles or jobs that can be reversed
A stay at home mom is looked at like w integrity. A stay at home dad = a bum in most ppls eyes.
Make your own money wife. Don’t be a stay at home. When divorce you have no job. Don’t be like me! Bad idea to be stay at home mom!
Ok Caleb you take care of the baby and see how easy it is while cooking and house work included
Who said she’s cooking and cleaning?
Yup he should cook, clean, change diapers, run errands, work out and still have energy for s*x at the end of the day and see how he feel? 😉
Me and my Fiancée just got our first house and specifically made the payment 1/4th of MY take home pay on a 20 year loan because we both understand, even before kids, that the value of a stay at home mom far out ways if she would work her two part time jobs while we had kids. All that would do is pay for childcare and maybe give us an extra 500 a month? Its really not worth it at all especially on a well being level. I want our kids to be raised by us not by someone else just make some extra cash. We will take the extra money now while she is still working and try to cut through that mortgage as much as we can for the next few years and then enjoy having kids and living life together
Child care is the second greatest stressor in a marriage after finances
Nothing wrong with women staying home . Is the world better off since women have gone into work force? Has women going into workforce affected divorce 😳?
who said there is something wrong ? And even if people say it's wrong so what ? It's a free country, you can do whatever you want.
I can’t speak for the workforce but look at the younger generation. Raised by daycare and TV. Then we wonder why the world is in the state it’s in.
Nothing wrong with staying home.
Problem is not planning to afford to stay home before marriage and having kids.
Now there are issues.
All about choices.
@@ModernSouthernBelle yup that's the thing look at all the youths getting into crime. That's the result of being raised by TV and daycare. Stay at home moms get looked down upon today . It isn't right. God did not design a women to spend 8hrs of day around a man That's not her husband. Since women have gone into workforce there has been an increase in divorce and adultery .
@@ModernSouthernBelle
Now it’s the next generation.
More expensive daycare now.
Ipad and cellphones replace the tv.
Why not hire "Alice" to take care of the house, while living in a little side room off the kitchen, and cooking while Carol can assist when she feels like baking some cookies and taking care of her hair, makeup and entertaining the kids.
LOL! I was watching Brady Bunch after school and couldn’t care less that my mom wouldn’t be home until 5:00. It was a peaceful time. 😊
But who wants to bet a nice chunk of that is her student loan for that psychology degree. An Mrs. degrees shouldnt keep you in debt, but if you keep your expenses low should be out of debt quickly sounded like she said that included the mortgage
I think these men are rediculouse. It's not like she will be home forever, it's only a few years until the kid is in school all day. Let her be with the baby for crying out loud, then once the kid is in school, she can go back to work. Why would you want to pay some other woman raising your child when you can have the actual mother take care of them instead. Him eanting her to go back to work is just a lack of respect for his wife and how much work it is to be a mother. Is he going to split the housework to.... or will he expect her to work and do all the housework and childcare. I think it's selfish when men want to separate a mother from their small child....it can heart wrenching guilt ridden experience for a mother to not be there for her children and I'm sure he isn't thinking about how difficult the whole experience might be on his wife.
She can stay home and sell stuff online
What stuff can she sell online?
@@subjecttochrist crafts, items in the home they don't need, browse garage sales locally, so many options.
@@gregoryking4796 that’s interesting! I thought you were gonna say, Amazon reseller
@@gregoryking4796
You know that’s not going to happen.
I’d rather work outside the home than in a home with a toddler any day.
Work life should be valued and appreciated, but not used as power or leverage.
Your spouse at home should be recognized as much as a person solely working. Who wouldn’t want a great household with kids being taken care of by the person you love and trust? You’ll save money from not having house keeping & child care/pet care, but this could be a band aid to something deeper, including work ethic and ego.
Equally both people need to understand their efforts and energy used, count towards the bigger picture, both contribute in different ways. Even if this person got a job to “release the stress of debt.”, would the pay check be good enough to the other person’s standards? Would this person wanting you to work, value you making MORE money than them? Really the question is “do you want to stay with this person for the long run?”. Debt or no debt…is this person valuable without debt in the conversation…?
If this person is valuable, maybe recognize their value…realize you’ll be working harder for free to make up for your demeaning attitude towards the person you love apparently.
Everyone hating on the man for asking the question. she had a job before so its not an issue of child care all of yall including Dave are just sexist I guess I dont understand the double standard if it was a stay at home dad yall would have a different opinion.
"SHE NEEDS TO GO TO THE SALT MINES NOW!" - Dave Ramsey
Wifey needs to go to work. She needs to step up to the plate! Be a contributor and not a drain!!!! Be an equal woman!!!!
Any decent husband and father would provide for his wife and children and any decent husband would give his wife the option to stay home. Someone’s got to take care of the kids.
Child care is insane however she should work until they get out of debt. Once debt free come back home.
Before kids I said I'd want to be a working mom. Then I had kids. Got PPD,y view on life and priorities changed and now I'm a homeschooling mom of two. I recently started a job as part-time teacher at my kids' co-op, but it doesn't make much money, so my husband doesn't consider it a real contribution.
He's very resentful of me and lets me know constantly that I'm living "the easy life".
It SUCKS. So bad.
Your husband is an A hole…. Your not living the easy life
Are the headsets supposed to make them more appealing to boomers?
Uhhh Boomers 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🚩
Dave is right on one aspect we don't know the numbers on what the date is but if she has a psychology degree I'm gonna almost guarantee she has student loan debt I don't understand why women do this they go they spent thousands upon thousands of dollars on a degree then they get married have kids then want to stay home with the kids if that was your plan to begin with why bother with college you're just making it harder for your future husband to provide for you and the family when you're spending thousands of dollars on a degree you're not going to use that's stupid
I suppose I am “stupid” because I stayed home with our children.
I have a Master’s Degree in Education.
I used my degree to nurture our children. I used my degree to teach them to love reading, math, and science before they started kindergarten. I used my time wisely with them to teach them about Jesus.
I used my intellect and education as a volunteer at their school.
I used my God given talent and degrees to teach at our church: children, youth, and women’s Bible Studies. I also help write curriculum for our middle schoolers. As you so eloquently stated, it’s that “wasted degree” being put to use there because I was EDUCATED how to teach.
I use my degree as a ways and means to volunteer in under privileged schools. Teachers rely on me to come in and give their students a little extra help.
I was fortunate that my parents and scholarships paid for every penny of my education.
My children are now grown. One is a teacher of special needs children. The other just graduated from University and is going to use her business degree in the mission field.
In the economic world, my life has probably been completely wasted because I only earned an income for seven years. I’m so grateful to have a husband who has lifted me up and reminded me of the greater purpose when I start to believe the myth you perpetuate.
My treasure is in heaven, not in worldly gains.
100% she needs to get a job. Even if its just a part time
Or she could raise her own kid instead of outsourcing parenting to the government & daycares.
@@Ineedtruth1 it’s not her own kid it’s their kid. And there’s also family that could help she could do a part time job while he is at home with THEIR kid. There’s things she could do but won’t.
@@jacksonbilly9979Of course it’s THEIR kid but pointing that out doesn’t diminish the fact that it’s HER kid and that children have a right to be nurtured by the person God gave them as a nurturer - their mother. It’s ridiculous to LARP about how mothers need to go out and get a job just to have a job.
@@Ineedtruth1 you have the right to your own opinion, even if it’s wrong and think it’s her kid and not THEIR kid
@@jacksonbilly9979 If it’s their kid then it is also her kid. It’s an obvious implication of the word “their”. Women were designed to bear and nurture children, not be wage slaves for random employers until they reach retirement age.
Childcare is very expensive and harder to find now. I see it as a blessing if she can stay home with the baby. It’s good for their bond and the child’s development. She can do a side hustle to bring in extra cash.
How do you spell baby?
WORK!