Q&A - Do I Ever Discipline Jess?
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 ก.ย. 2024
- I occasionally get asked if I discipline. My initial thought is always, "for what?" The discipline question makes me uncomfortable and I usually avoid the topic. Not today though. #autism #meltdowns #discipline #educating #teaching
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Jess is 34-years-old, autistic, and blind. Her favorite topics of conversation include getting a new dog, her friend Keely, her Aunt Sue, and cousin Donna. Jess collects CD’s of children’s music, cards, coloring books, and has a small collection of used up disposable cameras that she refuses to get developed. Favorite health foods include chicken and rice, chicken tenders, chicken nuggets, chicken biscuits, pepperoni pizza, and hash brown potatoes. Jess has naturally curly hair that she would rather not ever comb, brush, or cut.
Jessica’s multiple disabilities stem from brain damage that occurred in-utero, and from hydrocephalus. In addition to autism and blindness, Jess also has minor fine motor and gross motor deficits. Hannah is Jessica's sister, and Marlow is Jessica's paid support staff (and Hannah's best friend.)
I have so much respect for how you respect the fact that Jessica is an ADULT, and you make sure she has a say in her life wherever it is possible. And I 100% agree with how you handle behaviors without discipline. Your an excellent mother. ❤️
Beautifully said, I 10000% agree Val is an amazing mum and Jess is a wonderful young lady ❤ xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Thank you!
I know you always try to be very humble about your knowledge, but I’m here to tell you that you are such a wise, loving and patient mom and human being. Every one of us can learn something from you ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you!
Agree♥
You are such a Jessica “warrior”. Thank you for being that. You have taught her and help her to work things out when she is can’t express herself.
Hey Val. I appreciate how you discuss with Jessica why is feeling how she is feeling & weather or not we should not do certain things. I watched a current video when she was getting out either nuggets or crispies. You ket her have a little more the serving. She tried to add a couple more & you calmly asked her is she was going to be reasonable. Obviously this approach has been successful with Jess. Like you said in this video, you know Jess better than anyone & what works for ger. I noticed that she doesn't want to upset you ir make you upset with her. Bless her sensitive heart. Val, I've said this so many times, you have patiences of that is wonderful. It's just how you are & we can all kearn from you. I've noticed it in Nathan as well. So, I guess we can thank your parents 😊. Thank you for being such a great role model. We all need to be patient with each other. Thank you for discussing instead of discipline. How else do we learn about feelings & how to express our feelings.
I get exactly what you’re saying. I’m an adult on the autism spectrum, and I have a couple other mental health conditions. When I get upset, I can get aggressive with my words, make threats, (I never make threats to others. Not like I used to.) I also get physical with myself. I’m even tough on myself by telling myself to not express any sad emotions, or I’ll give myself something to be sad about. My mom and my husband are very great with me. They don’t really discipline me, but there are times where I want to discipline myself. I’ve even told myself that I’ll make myself go without dinner and I wouldn’t have anything to drink. I’ve never followed through with that one.
Val well said. With my son Max there are two big things I believe strongly in. One is after we have discussed whatever was said or done he has to apologize to that person. This is so important not only for the person but it is important for him as like Jess most of the time he feels so bad embarrassed and sad once the apology is made he can move on. It is also important for him to know obviously it is not ok for him to hurt someone’s feelings. The other big thing is I believe that siblings and other family members feel just as important as him so I remind him all the time unfortunately this is not max’s world lol and sometimes he needs to respect what his brother or another family member wants at the time. Those two things are the most important I feel as terms as respect for others.
Thanks so much for this Val. We learn so much from your experience’s. I watch so many of these videos daily and I noticed way back that I can go back two years and not realize it. Jessica has matured so much since some of the earlier videos and it makes me wonder if that’s where people are questioning discipline? Sometimes I see a glimpse of a child other times I see a glimpse of a grown adult in Jess.
The fact is we all care or we wouldn’t watch.
You And your girls are lovely people and most times I feel like I’m sitting right there in the room with you all. ♥️
I like the way you explain things.
Makes perfect sense .
I know how frustrating it is when people mis understand.
It helps that Jess can talk to you .
You're a wonderful mom .
Hello Val, I am a mum to 7 children. I have 6 boys and my youngest is a girl. 3 of my sons have been diagnosed with ADHD and Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD). I myself parent like you, I do not believe in "discipline" over the years we have found that compromise and listening works for us! Obviously we do have times where we have the sit down conversations about acceptable behaviour and how actions we make can impact others. I must point out that my children are very compassionate and understanding of others and their feelings. I am 100% with you on the way you do things and I am very experienced in doing my job as a mother just like you! I don't need to shout or scream at my children as believe it or not, my children understand calm conversations so much more then all that. Much love Jo x
❤️
Wow I just found this channel and so glad I did! This is an extremely important video that I think everyone should watch. I myself was diagnosed with both ADHD and level 1 autism (aspergers) a few years back at the age of 45. I mask very well and my ADHD certainly helps with being sociable. Many of my friends still don’t believe I have autism. I used to say “High Functioning” though many on my area of the spectrum do not appreciate that term as we do struggle underneath.
Autism is a spectrum and I think many don’t really realize that. In my case, my parents raised me in the 70s and 80s like any other child and they did phenomenal. I was punished for “meltdowns” and I was pushed out of my comfort zone many times. I look back now with gratitude as I would never be able to function in society otherwise. However, the huge difference with me is this: I can communicate and 100% choose what I am doing wrong other than the fact that yes, I too have meltdowns due to being overwhelmed. My dad aren’t a didn’t know that of course. For example: throwing things against the wall and at my parents. This is unacceptable behaviour and the outcome was : I control my anger and take responsibility for it. So today, if I’m out shopping at the mall and I start to get irritated, I know it’s time to go and my husband knows that too.
With Jess and others on her area of the spectrum, it has nothing to do with “misbehaving” other than a frustration about not being understood or being able to communicate her thoughts and feelings. Punishing Jess would have dire consequences. This would make her more frustrated and discourage any further attempts to learn to communicate better. I’m not saying that everyone on my end of the spectrum should be punished either. The spectrum is so vast and most of us have over diagnosis that it’s completely individual. This worked for me with my ADHD and autism level 1. Today I can control my emotions in a socially appropriate way and know my boundaries. I also continue to push myself out of my comfort zone which has allowed me to obtain a higher education and have had careers in business, finance, music, with now being a nurse and therapist. I’m going to share this video with many as it’s also an education tool. Thank-you for this really❤
Thank you for sharing ❤️
I love your family dynamics…everyone (including Bad-daddy) is so loving, caring & respectful. It feels like everyone is on the same page with their feelings & views…You are all very open & honest with one another and stay positive in solving dilemmas, difficult life experiences, and show such respect and patience. I love how Marlow and Jess click and “get each other,” and have such a close and fun relationship. Marlow’s like an extended family member, which is lovely to see!
The one thing that amazes me is how caring and respectful Jess is towards Mama Jo… she just knows mama Jo is older and treats her so kindly as she does her own grandparents. She’s protective & motherly towards Mama Jo! You can tell, she REALLY likes being in her company!
I really enjoy your channel. It has given me a glimpse into what it takes to raise a special needs person. Keep on doing what you do together! ❤️🧡💛💚💙
Thank you!
Good on you Val. While I have used discipline with the clients that I worked with in the past, my views on discipline have changed over the years. Whether or not you have a disability, we all have a reason behind why we "act out". And for my clients who are similar to Jess, it's often because they are trying to communicate something and it's not being received well or at all. Because of this I have been working on trying to figure out the root of the problem rather than just going off of the fact that the behaviour was not so positive. I strongly believe in talking it through, coming up with a plan for next time, then giving each person involved a space to cool off and recollect themselves. The only time I will ever "discipline" is if someone is hurt or if it's a safety concern. But even then, after the situation has been escalated, I like to sit down and talk about why it happened.
Great explanations
As a special educator, the term "behavior" used for negative behaviors that require correction bugs me too....behavior is anything we do, good and bad. I might call them outbursts or simply describe the behavior itself instead of saying "he/she had a behavior".
Also, "discipline" means teaching, so also not just for correcting undesired behavior. One can't learn while in the middle of those difficult situations, so talking about it after the fact, problem-solving or practicing/teaching more desired responses in the future is discipline, and your explanation of how you do that is spot on, at any age, but especially with regards to honoring the dignity of being an adult!
Val, have you ever considered doing a Ted Talk on "Parenting" an autistic or disabled adult? Your knowledge is so very valuable to many parents who may be struggling with transitioning from parenting their special needs child to empowering a special needs adult.. You explained this so beautifully, and you have such a careful way of speaking, to say just what you mean. People might get to hear and learn from you who otherwise would miss out! Blessings and Happy Holidays!
Great idea! Val, you should consider this!
Thank you. Maybe one of these days. 💕
What a great idea! Could start small with a local chapter of Toastmasters.
This is a fabulous idea! If Val is willing, she would be an amazing Ted Talk presenter. Her wisdom and wry humor make her an excellent speaker and advocate.
So wise. Redirect. I love parenting this way. One thing I love the most about Jessica is that you literally cannot put her into an age category. She is so many ages in one. I loved when she said…” I’m a grown up and I can have a kids Christmas “🎄amen 🥰
You’re my parenting role model Val. ♥️ J, Hannah and Madison are very lucky to have you as their Mama.
You have explained so well Val what is difficult to get others to understand. Autism is so complex. Human rights video would be very helpful too.
I think you are an AMAZING mom and explain things very well and totally agree with how you treat Jess. Love you and your family. Thanks for sharing your amazing family with us. Wishing y’all a very merry Christmas and a happy new year!!!!!
Thank you so much for this video.
I know it isn’t the same as having an adult, but my 7 year old is much like Jessica in so many ways. He’s autistic with adhd yet is verbal with an extensive vocabulary and knowledge. But like most autistics, he struggles when he’s misunderstood, when he’s confused about others words or actions, when his sensory or anxiety is overloaded, etc. This often looks like anger or rudeness, acting out, etc. He doesn’t like to share his things for fear of someone breaking, abusing, losing or taking something. This is so often misunderstood as being a spoiled brat. He doesn’t like to have detailed conversations or join in on things he doesn’t really care about, he’s more comfortable and less stressed talking about his interests. He has a major fear of babies and animals which comes out seeming horribly rude or naughty. Etc.
It’s so hard when nobody truly understands your child.
We deal with “discipline” in the same way you do. We work to help him calm down or use his sensory tools. Later in the day, when everyone is calm and happy, we talk about things that happened and some different ways everyone felt and how we could handle the situation in the future. Often times just explaining all perspectives and options helps a lot. But the “problem” is, with some family members or friends, they think we just don’t address it. They think we turn a blind eye to what they see as spoiled bratty issues which completely isn’t the case.
I see you have a whole other dynamic on top of that because Jess is an adult. I think you do a fabulous job with her though. Your entire family is amazing and patient and mesh together well.
I look forward to watching your video about Jess’ rights as an adult. I’ll need to take notes!
Thanks for sharing your family even with the unfair judgements.
I hear this about family misunderstanding a lot and it makes me sad. Educating on this issue within families is something I feel I need to eventually take on.
My daughter has autism and she is 24 but looks 12. I get the same question so I know what you are going through. The doctor said cognitively she is 7 or 8 years old. So I thank you area good mom so do what is best for you and Jess. Love you guys you helped me a lot in many ways. Thank you
Thanks for your comments. 😊
This is so amazingly wonderful! You are a beautiful soul! The things you spoke of could be and should be applied to how to deal with all children! Those children without autism deserve the same patience and love and understanding you speak of and apply!
Val, I completely agree with your view on discipline Jess. I love watching Jess videos, she is a wonderful person inside & out.
I love your attitude life. You're right. Everyone is different, and they deserve to be part of the family and use methods that work for each person. ❤
I wish I had your insight many years ago and had been a stronger person. I was many years being put down because of my child’s behaviour and now basically told I am a bad parent because of the disabilities many many people don’t understand. Thank you for sharing your life ❤️❤️!!
Hi Stephanie. Don't be too hard on yourself. People who are rude or mean simply don't understand you or your child. That is their problem. Just keep doing your best and move forward. Hang in there and know that we understand and support you.
@@baddaddy2826 Thank you so much! Healing is slow and steady 😊❤️.
Warmest thank you, I found this so helpful. As a mum to a 25 year old daughter with Autismn, adhd, memory problems and PTSD you will never know how much I appreciate this video very much. I hope you and your family are keeping well.
Thank you so much for your comment! ❤
You do a great job understanding Jess and guide her to be at piece.❤️❤️❤️
Val, Honestly, this has never entered my mind. You are Jess’ soft place to fall. You know better than anyone how to deal with Jess’ behaviors. You KNOW what works for her. Jess’ is a very smart young lady. She is delightful and loving. Jess is the only autistic person I know and I know her only through you tube. I look forward to her videos daily. I never question your methods of anything you go through and deal with concerning Jess’ care. This video reminds me of an older video where J had a hair appointment with Ashley. She became very upset and a bit aggressive about Ashley. Her anger was obviously a responsive to fear of getting her hair cut. That happens to people without autism as well. The sweetest thing I’ve ever seen is when you hold Jess like a baby in your arms and just love her and talk with her. Val, you are a great Mom. Jess is amazing as are Hannah and Madison. Thanks for the Q & A . I love them. Much love yo Jess, you and all the rest. 😘😘
❤️
It seems like some people assume that if someone is asked not to do something one day, and then repeats it the next day, that they must be being willfully "bad". I think that leads many to seeing people with special needs as 'bad' when compared to other kids (or adults). Where of course, the reality is that correcting behaviors is going to often take more time when someone has special needs. Though even as a neurotypical adult, I have to say, I can't always change my own behaviors in the flip of a switch, either! It takes time to get rid of old 'bad' habits or to create new positive habits. Both are tough to accomplish sometimes even when you really want to change. I think that's just human.
I notice that whenever she is upset or “acting out”. You talk her through it with such patience and kindness.
my moms students are close to 30 and they still are disciplined(not spanked but they lose privileges and have their happy face stickers taken if they misbehave
I love you Val!! Its really "nonYA" of our business! You sharing is the best part of my day! People just never know when to hold their tongues. Thanks for the videos of making drinks too , the girls crack me up! 🎄❤💚🎄🤗
Jessica is a precious sweet woman. She is so much more than her disabilities! She is in the perfect family. You are doing a wonderful job. You all are!!!
I respect and agree with everything you have shared here!!❤️
I 100% agree with you. My nine year old is not on the spectrum but is a lot like me (and I’m likely somewhere on the spectrum) - very very VERY sensitive and reactive and she doesn’t do well with punitive tactics or harsh tactics with behavior correction. She never has. She doesn’t see it as punishment for behavior - she takes it as a punishment of her self - her literal being. Punishment is taken very personally. I’m the same way - I have always internalized it and it has created a lot of shame in my life. Heck, I’m 38 and I STILL don’t respond well to that type of approach.
She’s frequently seen as a “brat” because of the way she presents her anxiety, worry, fear, and concern - which is usually a very defensive and harsh type of response. I am exactly the same way. So is my mother. Our worries and fears all manifest in very abrasive ways. My guess is that we all feel an innate anxiety that we’ll be misunderstood and tend to modify our behavior to be defensive in preparation for being misunderstood - before it even happens. Super ineffective and typically yields the exact opposite kind of response we really need: patience, communication, and understanding. (I know this can absolutely be seen as a failure in parenting, but my older daughter is actually very easy going and generally calm when worried and anxious - my little one came out of the womb ready to fight any and everyone lmao same mom, same parenting style, total opposite personalities lol sometimes genetics are just poised to make you a worried fighter, I guess.)
Anyways, strict and punitive discipline is just a no-go for her. It does not work. Ive tried it (against my better judgment) and it always fails spectacularly. I’ve worked with children for over twenty years. I know every possible approach to behavioral issues. Harsh discipline does NOT work with her. And it never worked with me, either. Appealing to someone’s own humanity is always a better approach. Talking about their worries, talking about how their behaviors impact others, talking about other ways we can handle things in the future is always infinitely more productive than discipline.
I know the world doesn’t typically use such a compassionate and individualized response, and I do try to tell my girls, “people in the world won’t know that you’re worried or upset and they, unfortunately, won’t take the time to find that out - you have to communicate when there’s a problem” (both girls have a frustrating habit of shutting down communication when they’re upset). I also explain that punishments are doled out far more often when you’re an adult. But I also refuse to employ harsh discipline.
I spent most of my childhood feeling misunderstood - as a picky eater, super sensitive, sensory-overloaded stubborn child, I was always seen as manipulative by adults - if I refused to eat something or wear a certain pair of tights, I was viewed as difficult or my issue was dismissed as something I could “get over.” But I couldn’t. Knowing that, knowing what I know about childcare, knowing what I know about each of my children, how could I possibly approach behavioral issues purely through the lens of “do this or be punished”? I just couldn’t.
Granted, this can be a dicey and slippery slope at times - my kids don’t always understand why I might be fuming when they’ve gotten out of bed for the thousandth time, and it can be easy for me to burn myself out because I don’t usually ask and they don’t always think to show me the same compassion I try to show them…but that’s a ME issue more than anything - I have to work on instilling compassion in them that goes both ways. And still, I also remember what it felt like to not understand - to not entirely understand that some scary things are in my imagination or scary noises are practical things with an explanation (like the air in the old radiators banging around); I remember what it felt like to be petrified but ignored; to be thirsty and yelled at; etc. If I know the reason for their issue, punishing them rather than helping them feels especially cruel.
advocate mama!!!! love how you speak up for Jess. have a Merry Christmas 🤶 🎄 🎅
The title of this video, plus the cameo pic...made me laugh out loud! Your graceful response to this question was 💯...bravo ❤️
you are a good mom I wish I had a mom who understand me I have a learning disabilities she reminds me of me thanks for being a great mom I do the same with my son I explain things to him
Keep doing what works for you and your family. You are amazing.
Val, you have had 34 years to figure out what works best for Jessica, and what I feel like is those people asking about “discipline” appear to have watched very little of your videos because if they had the would have already seen what you so eloquently described. For the number of diagnoses that Jess has it’s very apparent to me as a viewer that she is highly in tune with the world around her and understands right from wrong and when she does have a “slip up” she immediately apologizes - she is kind, she is caring, she is a precious soul and as you repeated she is an ADULT!
I love listening to her self talk and repeat conversations that you and she have had….it shows that she retains the information and is knowledgeable on what is expected of her in her roll within your family.
I appreciate your explanation for others to understand and learn, but I pray you never feel obligated to explain why you do or do not do what you do. I admire your strength and your sharing your family’s life with us! ❤️❤️❤️
Ohh Val, I refer back to this video quite often. This particular Q&A is a perfect tool for so many of us that struggle with a loved one or any human actually who most often IS MISUNDERSTOOD. I especially love this "tool" if you can even call it that. It starts at the 7:10 mark. Ohhhh, so many of us should make this a true part of how humans should interact with others all the time. It truly should be a natural behavior. This is just 1 of many helpful tips in this Q&A. Thank you so very much!!
I get this questioned asked a lot! 🙄
My son is 4, autistic and non verbal. There isn’t discipline, there is me talking to him to try to get him distracted and moved on to something I know he likes.
He can’t express his feelings, so when he gets frustrated! Wouldn’t we all get frustrated if we couldn’t express our feelings?
You’re a great mother and Jessica is so very lucky to have you as her mother.
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It is very important to share/ teach that discipline is not a solution.
Val , You are Jessica's Life . In a way , you are !!, and I wouldn't worry about what others think of you . If they think that Jessica's being spoiled or whatever , it shouldn't matter . 🙏🙄 Hopefully people will understand it 🙏🌷🌷🌷
Love this Q&A…Positivity is the best approach ❤️ Its so true! ♥️
I feel so uncomfortable that people would ask you this. Simply by following your channel they should see your amazing understanding of Jessica's needs. This is why autism awareness needs people like you Val. Would I punish my 32 year old, certainly not. Hopefully they can understand better now.
Just came across this video,I am the mom of a 25 year old son with autism. I love how you worded this on discipline. I have been asked same about my son when he acts out. I try and explain to then but they do not understand. Thank you for this video. ❤️
I'd say I'm still parented similar and it's also how I approach my girls. If we can talk it out then why would we fuss and argue?? That's just my view. My kids are still kids so sometimes I do have to discipline them but the calmer the better for me!
Discipline? Seriously? So many people would rather judge than educate. I too was once upon a time extremely ignorant with all forms of autism. My answer was always spank them every time they act up, I bet you see a big difference in behavior. 😢🥺I am not proud of that, but appreciate my friends step-mom who hired me as a special needs coordinator/caretaker. We did everything from the special Olympics to finding our friends jobs. I so miss that. But it took a lot of learning.......willingness to learn and acceptance on being so wrong 😑 but in the end I am grateful to God for everything I learned and was able..... am able to do. God bless
You rocked that!!! Amen!!!
“These people misunderstand that they misunderstand.” Such a great comment.
Didn’t catch that one, yes! Such a great framing of misunderstanding ❤️
of course you shouldnt because its not her fault she gets frustrated. i see this in my mom's special needs class. the kids are being disciplined and they do not understand why. if they act out its because they either cant talk or express themselves like other people. i know this is an old video but just thought i'd pass that along
I totally agree! You don’t discipline another adult. You can talk to them to see what was behind the behavior so you can intercede if the situation happens again. You are wise! Your way of associating with Jess breads mutual respect. 💕💕💕
Hi I’m Linda Green from Aylmer Ontario 🇨🇦 you do a great job with Jessica you’re very intelligent lady and you explain things perfectly well and I just love Jessica she’s a great girl and a very smart one too
Hi Linda. Thanks for your comment.
Yes please! (To your perspective on Jessica’s rights). Great Q&A. Captivating. Thank you.
I don’t punish my son !! Because when he was younger the doctors told us that it really wasn’t good because within minutes to hours he had already forgotten what or why he was in trouble!! It’s still like that now!! I am like you when it comes to disciplining him !! But there is a certain family member very close to my son that really Erik’s me bc he is always getting into him or making comments about him doing or not doing something!! But it is awful because my son would be the first one to help this person out when needed ! Also we drink can soda and my son will crush the cans and when we take them off he gets the money for the work he has done
Thank you for sharing ❤️
Val, you are a wonderful mom and bad daddy is a great dad!! I love Jess and your little family as well as Marlow and Mama Jo 😊!
Thank you!
It's so shocking to me that there's people out there that think this way. I know I'm quite nieve, due to being on the spectrum. It's very surprising to me such a huge lack of knowledge regarding Autism and other disabilities. We live in a world of information at our fingertips. I wish more people would take the time to learn about disabilities. This is especially important if you're following someone on social media, or you know someone in person with a disability. You really should be educating yourself about that person's disability/disabilities. ✌💚
Thank you so much for this video. You are a blessing.
Discipline her for what? How can you discipline someone for something they were born with? 😢😢 Jessica is perfect the way God made her. I love watching her laugh and her excitement and joy over the smallest things.
Thank you!
well it technically is bad behavior. it should still be addressed
@@krystalharwood6359 it's not bad behavior. You are actually misinterpreting these behaviors and should remember that her brain doesn't work the same as neurotypicals. You don't punish somebody for a disorder they were born with. You stay patient and try to educate or in this case redirect.
Did you ever get the results of her MRI?
Hi Penny. Jess hasn't had her MRI yet. She had the EEG and we received a good report. Jess will stay on her current meds for that. Thanks.
@@baddaddy2826 Thank you for letting me know as I'm concerned as I'm sure others are too. Your a bad Daddy haha 🤣
Much respect+++
Love the videos! You do a great job! Why would they care how you discipline Jess what's their to discipline ? people need to mind their own business!!
Yes, we'd never talk about "disciplining" a neurotypical adult. Disabled adults are still adults, with all the years of life experience that goes along with that. Their life experience might look different from many people's, but all people benefit from having guidance and good mentors in their lives.
Yes! Best comment ever!
So, how do these people get punished when they have a bad day and they "act out" or show out due to frustation? This is something you should never have to explain - understanding or not.
“It takes a village to raise a child. It takes a child with autism to raise the consciousness of the village.” - Coach Elaine Hall
I love that quote, and your videos with Jess do just that. 💜
It doesn’t take a village to raise all children.
@@kristytyler217 Agree to disagree then. 😊 Happy Holidays
I think you rock!
I’m glad you’re taking good care of jess
👍❤️❤️
Your mantle looks beautiful!!!
Never, ever did disciplining Jess enter my mind. Interesting, how people think.
I see how you do it and you are in adult way, which Jess does respond to! But yes that is definitely the wrong word to use absolutely!!
I have noticed, especially during your packing opens on Thursday, that you just give her some look and she calms down. I think you are doing a great job. The one question I have is lack of Jessica saying please and thank you?
Val has previously addressed the "thank you" issue in a previous video.
th-cam.com/video/nWkHhMY5M-o/w-d-xo.html
Jess can't see her mom's facial expressions so I doubt it's that.
Anytime I have ever seen Jess react negatively to something, it's because she's frustrated or anxious. There's absolutely always an underlying reason that she hasn't been able to express. That is until momma Val or somebody helps her get down to the bottom of it 🙂
Well said, Val!
You are amazing!!❤️
Val....you are awesome and so is all your children & baddaddy!!! :-)
Thank you!
I also firmly believe these things are PRIVATE and shouldn't be talked about, or ASSUMED, by others. It's NO one else's BUISNESS
Val puts it all out there to help educate.
Honestly my first thought was "Who disciplines an adult?" I think experiencing natural consequences are often enough for most people, and talking out issues it the best route.
@@Emma_3861 excuse you? Who are you? Your opinion is irrelevant in this case. There is no need to traumatize a person with autism, blindness, and disabilities. What a heartless suggestion.
Praying for you.
@@Emma_3861 you clearly know nothing about Jessica. You take care now.
@@Emma_3861 clearly not similar at all, since you have the capacity to be so rude and jealous of others. Sounds like you could learn a lot from Jess.
@@Emma_3861 look, sweetie. Jess doesn't break laws. I'm truly sorry you're so bitter in heart that this family bothers you so much. I'm praying for you.
I remember a video in which Jessica was startled by a loud noise during a family outing. When recalling the event she had remarked that she had cussed "a little" and had added "but I didn't lose my phone." I realized then that she sometimes had a loss of privileges when she had a negative behavior. She was so sweet as she made those remarks. I remember thinking that I would have cussed too.
She was very aware that others/friends had temporarily lost their phone privileges. She has never had her phone taken away. It’s a major life line for her.
@@Shaping_Serenity Thank you for clarifying that. I'm watching the Thursday Livestream after the fact. Jess just received $100. Love her excitement.
Thank you for trying to help people understand.
Your awesome Val.
That's a lot of people
You are so awesome 💙💜✌️
Discipline does not equal punishment. People get mixed up on that score.
Discipline comes from “discipulus,” the Latin word for pupil, which also provided the source of the word disciple.
It’s much more to do with teaching, and Val is Jessica’s very best teacher and mentor.
Good comment! Thanks.
I have seen when she is opening her mail and a few other times when gets anxious. Like when you are reading the notes in the packages. She can’t wait and she starts to grab packages and you put your arm over the package and she stops. The she keeps worrying that she made you upset with her. You can tell she really feels bad about it. Jessica does not have a bad bone in her body. I love her and love seeing her in her everyday life. I worked with children with disabilities in elementary school. I loved them and sometimes they would have a bad day. We did not discipline them. We would talk to them and they would tell us their feelings. We had several children with Downs Syndrome. They would make us laugh a lot. We had to hide our laughs because we had to talk to them about their action or words. If we laughed they would just think it was funny and keep doing it. We did have children with Autism and they were all different with different disabilities. So I leaned about each from the info we were given and by working with them. We never understood everything but we wanted them to feel safe and happy. I miss working with them so much. I would love to see them and see how they are doing. You are a awesome Mom. Jessica loves you so much. I am sorry you had to go through so much getting Jessica help and keeping your nursing job. I felt your anger and sadness. I am so happy to see you happy now and you have all your family together. I just have one son that is not married yet. He has his own home and he is always busy with his job. He and I do have fun together when we get to see him. I can’t wait for Christmas. We like to do silly things together. His father is not so much. But this Christmas I have the pimple popping game and the potty game that he will love. I got the idea from the video of you all playing games with Jessica. He will love it. He is a great cook so he will make a mess in my kitchen but I don’t care. I do wish I had a daughter y’all have so much fun. I am so sorry to be so long winded. I would love to meet all of you one day. Merry Christmas to all!
Jessica is just being human, she reacts like I would have.. Jessica doesn't need to be treated like a child she's an adult, so mom keep doing what you think should be done because you know her more than anyone else.. You do a awesome job...
How are you doing Val? X
I’m well, thank you!
Your amazing mom proude of you ❤
Happy HollyDays!! 💕💕🎄🎄🥂
Love you Jesse
You keep her safe but don't worry about discipline of less important things, especially when it throws her off totally. You do what's best for her. Nobody can judge because we don't live your life. You know what works.
I have always viewed discipline as a matter between the parents and the child.
Very well stated!
It's called human dignity.
Disciplining an adult just sounds so silly
Has Jessica ever worn makeup? Does she ever dress up?
She has no interest in make up. Getting dressed up is not really meaningful for her but she’s also okay with it for special occasions.
I am a christian along with my high functioning autism and grew up in church. So many evangelical Christians tend to be judge mental of people on the autism spectrum as if it is a sin to act socially inappropriate. Unfortunately there are people in our church that act that way and do not even realize that they are doing it. I have trouble sitting still through a a church service especially if it’s incredibly boring and not motivating. Do you guys go to church? How do you handle issues with church, religion, etc. Would you be willing to do a video based on your experiences in a religious environment with Jessica. Would you please consider answering questions such as how does she handle stirring still through church service, does anyone judge you guys in anyway, how does she react when the preacher mentions the end of the world, etc as well as other religious stuff,
Hello. Our church members love Jess and she loves them. We haven't experienced any judgement from our church friends. Jess understands the concepts about God, loving others, being kind, Heaven, etc. Jess occasionally asks questions about what our pastor says but mostly sits quietly. Now that she is an adult Jess sits quietly and still at church. Thanks for your questions.
I notice she worries about being rude and asks if she is being rude or impatient. Makes me aware that you have somehow sometime talked to her about being rude or impatient. Which is exactly what I have done with my children for when they are in a hurry to do something and are either rude or impatient. I also use teach life lessons.
Val you explained it so well
Happy Holidays
👍❤️❤️
I agree, I don't discipline my adult children so why would you discipline Jess. You guide her and I think that is good. You are training her. Keep doing a good job all of you.
The first thing that comes to mind is that taking into consideration the world view and motivation for behaviors for all people, including children is much more productive than “punishment” out of our own frustrations. You provide boundaries for Jess because in many ways she’s unable to make decisions that are in her best interest. Examples include giving her instructions on bathing and dressing, her diet, taking medications, making dr appts… things she has to have help with to keep her safe and content. I think about the time you were at a family gathering and Jessica lost her phone. She became very upset and said things that are out of character for Jessica. As you spoke with her it became crystal clear how things went off the rails, and nobody was more upset than Jessica about her behaviors. It was heartbreaking to see her so upset and beautiful watching the way you helped her process what happened. There were natural consequences, you had to leave the gathering early. Nobody wanted that but it was best and you know the boundaries within which Jessica thrives. She is childlike in many ways, but she is not a child. Thank you so much for taking the time to address this, even though you were uncomfortable in doing so.
Thank you!