DNA Test Revealed Grandpa Wasn’t My Grandpa
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 21 ต.ค. 2024
- #findingyourroots #nytn #ancestry #familyhistory #genealogy
When you dig into family history, secrets and heartache come with the territory. The real question? How do we handle them - do we reveal what was hidden, or let some stories rest?
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Come join me on a new docu-series that explores identity, racial tensions in the South during the 20th century, and the unique experiences of those who historically called Louisiana home.
My name is Danielle Romero, and all my life, I have romanticized Louisiana.
Growing up in New York, it represented a place where I could step back the sepia-toned life of my great grandmother, Lola Perot, who died before I was born.
Now, it was time to go back to Louisiana--although I had no idea what the truth would be or what questions to ask---who was Lola really? Who were we?
*Amazon links are affiliate links. If buy something through these links, we may earn affiliate commission. Thank you for supporting this project!
How have you handled your family secrets coming out?
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Thank you for sharing and also for the lesson on how to deal with the pain and see the good that came from the events.
My great-great-uncle sold my grandmother into servitude at the age of 8. She was transported (according to UK Department of Agriculture) to Canada from Scotland. There she was not adopted by a loving family. She was used and abused as a servant girl. Eventually she ran away and later met my grandfather when she was selling ice cream. This "useless waif" had 4 children, and 11 grandchildren including 2 doctors, 2 accountants, a lawyer and an engineer. We would love to know something more of our Scottish cousins.
Joseph is my favorite in the Bible too. ❤ ➕
And you should keep your grandpa's family tree. It is those ancestors that made him who he was. Think of another Saint Joseph from the Bible that sheltered the Theotokos and Christ as an infant.
Your mom or you would not be exactly who you are without that grandpa. That was the good: the love that you had for him and he for you.
Keep it in his memory for the honor of all the memories both you and your mom have with him.
I'm not aware of any like this related to me, but gosh I think in every family there are also some things that once you find out, you entertain the idea of wishing you never knew.
Please don't blame yourself. While biologically you are not related to that man, whereas emotionally and culturally (family cultural example the red robin) you are that man's granddaughter. I guarantee he loved you.
Maybe your Grandfather knew. He could have had fertility issues. So they had a way of having a family. He was your “Real Grandpop” in all that matter My heart just breaks hearing this Praying.hugs.
I fought my dad when I found out about my other sister.
I like the Be A Good Ancestor. It reminds us not only are we responsible for our actions during this lifetime but our record goes on for generations.
me too! thank you so much
Yes! Me too!
I believe that it was Smithsonian Magazine that once reported that genealogical research is bunk. For one thing, statistically for one out of every ten generations the father isn't who you think. Secondly, if you trace both sides of your family back five to six generations you are likely to find common ancestors on both sides.
@@nghtwtchmn129 that's interesting! the first part is definitely possible, but I dont think it makes the research bunk since a lot of the work is a paper trail and first prove the trail, then prove the DNA.The second part seems likely if your family is mostly from one area. If I go back 5 generations on both sides, I end up with Africa, Ireland, Italy, Mexico, South America haha
My grandfather was the best second dad a girl could ever wish for. I l never knew he was not my biological family until he died. He asked my grandmother to never tell us because he loved us too much to have our opinion about him change. It could never because he was perfect but I’m sad he was so scared we would find out 🎩. What a gentleman. I love you pa 🌹
😢
I had not one surprise, thank God. I do not forgive! I would have gone off. Tell the truth!!!!
I understand the guilt 😥. I took a DNA test and was contacted by a first cousin no one in the family knew about. She was searching for her biological father after her mother told her 2 other men were her father but no DNA match. In good faith, I introduced her to other family members and helped her figure out which one of my uncles was her father. That uncle had passed a few years prior and so had her mother. 2 of her half siblings refuse to even meet her. I believe bc they feel her existence tarnishes their father's great reputation. Her relationship with the other half sibling is rocky at best. We are of Louisiana Creole descent, her mother was white and she was raised as white in a rural Texas. Because of my new cousin's name and they way it is spelled, I'm convinced her mother knew who the father was all along. It's complicated! I was only trying to help but I went through a period of feeling guilty. A couple of family members "jokingly" remind me that I was the one who introduced her to the family whenever she does something they don't like. But I'm not giving up family history as my hobby 🙂
Dont quit! We need people like you keeping tabs on the facts.
I think I'd 'jokingly" remind them that "no, uncle XXX introduced her to the family" ;)
Don't feel guilty, you have no control over how other people feel but I think you helping your cousin to discover who her father is, is a wonderful thing you did. She isn't responsible for what her father did and neither of the siblings but he made choices which were not fair and it affected many people. She is here and nothing else can be done about it. I hope she came out to be a good person and hope that her questions were solved.
My great-grandfather that you see in my thumbnaill had several wives and dozens of children all over the world. All of us grandchildren and his great-grandchildren are all friends now. Apparently all the wives kind of knew about each other and got along
@@cynthiamartin2197Good retort Damn I wish she had said that touché😎
This is a tough topic. My father is from a part of America where everyone's secrets are out in the open. His 6 siblings had 3 different fathers, but they all grew up together. Cousins came in all colors. But they never called each other "half" siblings or cousins. Everyone knew, and nobody cared, _"That's my 'daddy,' but he's not my real daddy."_ My mother is from a part of America where people held their secrets to the grave. Only now is DNA beginning to unravel some of those secrets.
It's a reminder that people are people, no matter the generation. They had feelings, they felt hurt, they fell in love and out of love, or in lust and out of lust. And things happened. American History tends to wax poetic about the civility of past generations, juxtaposed with the wild nature of generations today. But they were just as "out of control" as we are today, except they didn't have smartphones or social media!
They're still your family. 😊 It's a hard topic to cover for sure. But it's a road worth traversing.
What a sensitive, thoughtful observation.
This. I grew up in southern West Virginia. I know so much wild stuff that went on in my parents, grandparent’s and great grandparents lives. Because of what I do in fact know, I can’t even begin to imagine what I don’t know. 😅🙏🏻❤️🔥
Most of what you say I agree with but not this "But they were just as "out of control" as we are today, except they didn't have smartphones or social media!" Things ARE more out of control and degenerate even from a dozen years ago. So it's not all nostalgia and loss of memory if we can point to a more innocent time within reach. And we can't always fall to the lame excuse of smartphones and SM as the cause without also including users. It's people and parents who use and allow use of those tools and their choices tell you something about about them.
You’re so right. The only differences between then and now is technology and level of shame. But people have been getting buck wild since the beginning of time 😂
Thank you for this :)
My great grandmother was tied up and raped in her home when her husband went out to work in the fields. She gave birth to my great uncle, and they raised him as a gift from God, just like the rest of their children. The never caught the man that did that to her. It wasn't ever mentioned to any of us, until we began questioning just how two blue eyed people could have a brown eyed baby. We were then taken aside and threatened, and told what happened and that we do not ever mention it. My uncle is a good man, and he has a son, who became a police investigator for special victims unit. The world is a better place with them in it. With the grace of God, my ancestors made a silk purse out of a sows ear. And we never mention it out of respect of what they went through.
That happened to a lot of women, unfortunately. :(
Well, it sounds a typical response. I am an open person, I don't like secrets or clues left untouched. I cut people out of my life if they are secretive, unresponsive to questions because it just goes against everything I believe.
By-the-way two blue eyed people can have a brown eyed child, it's uncommon, and usually the eye color is green or hazel. Look at the children of Prince William and his wife.
I once wanted to apply to military services, but my cousin stop me from doing so, because ladies in military get raped all the times!!? It's awful.
You just mentioned it to potentially thousands of strangers on the internet? So maybe it's time to start talking about it in real life...
@@matttriano I agree wholeheartedly!
You’re such an engaging story teller. Thank you for being vulnerable with us!
Thank you so much! That was so nice of you
Please give your ancestors grace. Things were a lot different for women back then. Being the firstborn grandchild, my grandmother was giving me her old photos and she told me stories behind a lot of them. I had a whole new perspective on a lot! So many things that are shocking to us, were more common (though not spoken about) back then. The things she told me explained a lot, like why did one of my relatives look different than their siblings. While I was shocked at first, I’ve learned to give them grace.
I agree, grace is the best way forward
Beautiful sentiment. Give them grace.
I agree, we just don’t know the circumstances. I’m fairly certain that we all have something that we would like to change or avoid. Sometimes it is too painful or difficult to convey. It’s nothing that we can do to change. In some instances, some try to convince themselves that it never happened, or they live with the situation. That was the mindset with the Silent Generation and some of the Baby Boomer generation.
The women are still hiding fathers in modern times now and things aren't as bad as your comment suggests..... I've been watching paternity court you tubes.... let's not forget how withholding knowledge from the father's is very destructive.....
When my Dad passed, it began a process of discovering that he was not my oldest brother and sister's biological father. When it was confirmed, I just wanted to know why this was such a big secret. To this day there are family members that won't speak on this subject. As I processed this my respect and pride for my Dad only grew, because growing up he treated all 10 of us the same, no one could tell that two weren't his biologically. Both of the older siblings have passed , but my brother always told his children that Grandpa wasn't his "real father" and we would tell them he was lying (so sorry for that now. People on my mother's side of the family knew the story, but will only give us a first name of the bio Dad. Finally, one of my nephews (sisters son) wants to take the DNA test.
I completely understand this. My grandpa always treated us the same. I'll forever respect him for that
❤@@nytn
My cousin did one on all the elders I don't like DNA tests for these reasons. My Grandma's parents were not her parents. It shook me for a while because of how the information was given. I am happy with those that raised us and loved us.i am not interested in those missing, those that made a choice. I don't care about their 7:23 reasons.love your family that is there blood or not, that's what I believe.
@@terezahoward4008taking a DNA test is still better finding out someone married their sibling.
While doing my research, I now understand why my old aunts will not give me information about, especially, one side of the family. I've found so much info that had me shook, lol. Because some of my older family act as if they are paragons of virtue, but the govt records say otherwise.
You had me sitting up and paying attention so early today.
Love your videos. Keep strong 💪
Paragons of virtue vs government records.....This is one of the most poignant statements I've read it a while.
It's the same in my family and many families I'm familiar with.
Those government records are everything. I never have been able to find so much information about my ancestry if it wasn’t for those records. It’s insane 😮
@@virginiamorales1591 You're right. I have a 1st cousin who found out her dad wasn't her bio dad through a loud mouthed aunt when she was only 10. She's now 50 and her mother still hasn't admitted who her bio dad is even though she did the research and found out.
Yeah, paragons of virtue is what the older folk always pretend to be. However, I always knew that was a joke. They never fooled me!
I knew someone many years ago that found out about a half sibling put up for adoption the family was never told about during her parents marriage. She assumed that her mom had an affair and was angry, only to find out the baby was born out of an assault by a stranger. It goes to show even when we find out things like this don’t jump to conclusions. We never know what others are going through.
this is part of the reason I cant get into all the details, I think it's a complicated one
@@nytn oh no! I’m very sorry. The person I knew this happened to said their Mom didn’t know if it was her husbands or her attackers baby until it was born and she wanted to keep the baby even though the circumstances surrounding the conception were horrible. Her husband demanded she give the baby up when it was born. Very tragic situation for all involved. This was back in the early 60s.
That is so tragic. So much hidden heart ache. I do wonder the balance of finding the truth and letting sleeping dogs lie.
I would never want to meet my grandfather if I existed because of a rape he committed. I would probably hurt him if I did. At this point in my life he would be too old to have a chance against me in a fight which would be krama since that how his victim felt. Luckily none of my recent family members were rapist. My 3rd great grandfather might have been but there's no proof.
The past must have had a lot of assaults
I am a Search Angel and was previously in the group you mentioned. We did have one case where the person who tested as an NPE did not know who his mother was because he was egg-donor-conceived, so his mother gave birth to him, but she was not his biological mother. We typically help people who were adopted and do not know either parent, or people who were donor-conceived (either sperm donors or egg donors), or people who have taken a DNA test and had a surprise to learn they are not related to half of their known family. This is called NPE (not parent expected) or MPE (misattributed parental event).
It is very traumatic for most people who take the test for fun or just for ethnicity and do not realize the power of DNA matches.
I enjoy your videos.
Keep them coming.
Thank you for the work you are doing! And explaining the possibility of a maternal question.
How do I find a search Angel? I did a DNA test on my uncle & it showed a NPE. I also never knew who my grandfathers parents were. I have been searching for over 30 years & have had no luck.
What is the abbreviations for a grandparent that no one can tell you where they came from? They are deceased, and anyone that could have known where they came from and who their parent is long gone too . This is a very lop- sided tree. You have a grandparent with no branches. 😢
@@renebrown995 What you describe is called a brick wall, where no one has been able to break through it to find the answers. Best wishes.
My hubby was adopted. We found his bio family through DNA. None of them wanted to know us. It’s been most painful. We’d hoped for some information but none forthcoming. It lead me to being a DNAngel. I’ve helped many people find their bio families. Most have at least shared information. Some have bonded and are a happier larger family. On my side, we found a NPE that had to be as far back as 2nd great grandfather. When it’s that far back, it’s an exercise in research. After 20+ years we still have questions. Just waiting for the right person(s) to DNA test. I’ve found the best way for us is to look at it in a scientific research way and try to keep our emotions out of the equation as best as possible. It’s a hard thing to do. Your mom is correct; it all had to happen for y’all to all exist. God made beauty from ashes.
That's life. You are closer to the people you grew up with in the same house whether related or not, than blood relatives you didn't know for one thing, or knew but never saw.
Be well. The truth is the truth. We live with too many falsehoods and lies. Family secrets are hard, uncomfortable history. We all got them waiting to show itself. It absolutely doesn't change who you are to the rest of the world. Respect from the Bayou.
That is some heavy thoughts you're thinking. To consider your responsibility to everyone else? Fascinating and exactly why I have been following this journey of yours.
This 100% happened to me. I now have a new uncle and cousin and an amazingly interesting family history from that branch that has been fun to explore. I was lucky in finding a historian who helped me unravel the mystery and was able to provide me with photographs and information to find my mothers half brother and both he and his daughter took dna tests and confirmed the connection.
I love how this turned out for you
So grandpa knew? If he did know, he was a tremendously courageous man for his time, and what a beautiful example he set. I would set aside the sadness and let the joy of this man's nobility being a part of you soak in.
Ancestry: stories of survival … great analogy with the story of Joseph
From what you are saying. That your Irish grandfather who’s not your blood grandfather, but it sounds like he really loved you.
He did! He was a great man
I would say so, although my grandpa's side of the family had some health stuff we were getting checked for and once the dna came out, we no longer needed to be as proactive...
As an aging Irishman this makes lots of sense to me. I think as a people who have experienced tragedy and hardship we have come to understand what's important.
I never knew my real grandfather on my mother side who was a Spaniard from El Salvador, but my step grandfather raised me. He was a Puerto Rican and he loves us very much and we Ioved him. We call him papa. Thank you for sharing. Great testimony. I myself took a DNA test. Found a brother that I never knew. We both found out on 23&me🤷🏻♂️. On my dad side. Well my dad or mom are not alive to tell the story. Found out in 2018. We are 7 months apart. The both of us born in 1964. We keep in touch. Get along just fine. Too long of a story to type out.
Danielle, this was a deep, heartfelt video. You did a great job of sharing your experience of potential negative impacts of DNA testing. And I have seen others sharing their experiences in the comments, too. You have given others the strength to open up and share the difficult stories they have experienced, too.
Your mom's response is precious, and lets us know what a special person she is. And the words you shared in telling this story really show that you are a precious person, too. Keep being genuine and caring, and telling your stories from that place in your heart.
I enjoy so much your stories and the honesty in which you present them. You help me keep going with my research. Sometimes I feel like it doesn't mean anything. Then I watch you and realize it's important. I don't have children, but I am still part of a family line -- thank you for that important insight.
How is it important?
Thank you for keeping on. We are all chipping away a little bit at this big massive human story
@@scaringclaring5240 The closest claim to fame (and infamy) my family tree has is a great great aunt who didn't have biological children, but did have a step child. These stories are still interesting and important to the non-descendant relatives decades later.
@@throckwoddleOh yeah! There were some very interesting aunts in my family story! 😂
I love your thoughts on this. I especially liked the point about how sometimes there’s a big gap of time that goes by between the bad that happened, and the good that will (eventually) come out of it. That was heavy. Love your point of view on the whole thing.
Uncovering family secrets is paving the way for healing inter-generational trauma!
This is my whole heart toward it! Yes
Intergenerational trauma means that one generation passes their own trauma down to the next generation. Honesty about the original source of the trauma does not necessarily stop the traumatizing behaviour. That requires very skilled support - therapy is good - combined with self-awareness, effort, strategies to employ time and time again until a person becomes different, with different responses to triggers, and to do all that before passing on their pain to the next generation. Paving the way? Yes, it is just one small supportive step,
When my dad passed away in 2021 my sister who already took a test and held the secret finally told me that my dads father was not his father. I took a test to confirm. I asked my grandmother who was 89 and after her denial and then a 3 week layover she finally gave me a name. One I never mentioned but who was apart of my research so I knew she was telling me the truth. His grandkids were showing as my highest half cousin matches. It was a roller-coaster. I never spoke to her after that. She died Year later.
At least, she gave you a name.
First off, I enjoyed your video.
My mom told me when I started my FT journey - Every family will have a preacher, politician, liar or horse thief ... we are all saints and sinners so don't be surprised nor judgemental of the people who came before - you do not know their story, just the bits-and-pieces you can find in documentation available. This has helped me, hope it helps others.
Personally, I found (in Sweden) where a young girl (in my line) was sent up to work in the 'big house' ... her child was christened at the church while the note said the 'boy's father' forced him to accept the child, name it and agree to support it - although the two did not have to get married. Interesting - and close to home! I was a teenage mom also. I have found several marriages that were 7-8 months before the birth of their first child! The more time goes on, the more I find we are alike! We cannot put our personal romantic notions into situations we are not familiar with. Times were so different, especially for the women.
I enjoyed a movie "The Magic of Ordinary Days" (2004) ... I find this is one way we may not be genetically related - we could have been grafted into a family before we even got here!
The Nature vs Nurture argument has been around for a long time. What makes us who we are - some genetic but a lot of who raised you. For Christians, we must also remember, Jesus tells us we are grafted into his family - ie adopted.
Hi Danielle, I really felt your pain on this video. I agree family secrets like this hurt deeply, but there is a reason why the Lord gave you the truth. It’s because He has prepared your heart for the truth and He has equipped you to handle it, in a way that will bring healing to your bloodline. I know it still hurts but I will also tell you this, your grandfather may have known that your mother wasn’t his biological child. People in the past handled these things very differently than we do today. Men had much more honor when they loved a woman. Also have compassion for grandmother (I am only speaking from personal experience on this) she never meant to hurt anyone she was young and loved you all very much. I pray that you feel comfort and peace today ❤
......and there are still honorable men.....
And that's all I'm going to say😉
A strong tight family is best in my opinion.
@@StarDreamMemoriesI agree there are still honorable men today!! 😊
This is exactly how I felt. I felt so guilty for uncovering so many lies about my grandparents and even their parents.
I found out quite a bit but my family was already deceased so I didn't have anyone to answer the many questions I was left with!!
HUG!!! Feel what you feel. Have that feeling over for coffee, but don't let it stay for dinner. Repeat until you find a place for that feeling whether it is in a trunk in the attic or a shelf in a room. You are a brave woman, you come from brave ancestors, always remember that. I have a chant that I use when I am feeling less than. "I am Deborah, daughter of Joan, daughter of Arla, daughter of Dada, daughters of Catherine, daughter of Esther, daughter of Modalena. Strong women all."
That is an absolutely beautiful perspective and really can offer comfort and strength. ❤
💙💙💙
I like your new, more relaxed format where you’re sitting on the sofa. Makes it seem less formal and more like 2 friends just sitting around talking about family history. Anyway, I can definitely relate to your situation. I’ve been anointed the family historian, which I am honored to be seen in that way by my family. My niece, who is around your age, was inspired by my research into our families history through DNA analysis and decided to take a DNA test for herself. She contacted me after she got the results and told me there was something odd about it. She said it listed us as 1st cousins instead of uncle and niece. I immediately knew what that meant, but told her that 1st cousin and uncle/aunt share the same amount of DNA, so sometimes the system will spit out 1st cousin when it should say uncle or aunt. I lied to hide the truth that her dad and I were not full brothers but 1/2 brothers. This was also a new revelation to me as well. It means my mom had a child by another man. I’ve known about this for 3 years now, and have never told anyone. Even my niece doesn’t know. And my mom doesn’t know I know. I just can’t bring myself to tell anyone. So you are right, this DNA stuff is not for the faint of heart.
Thank you! I love sitting on the couch, cant lie haha.
I love you how you said that, "anointed" as the family historian. Ive been thinking about doing a video on that very topic.
Life is complicated and often messy. Our families don't always conform to "tradition" but we are here and can embrace and love each other without regard to our DNA. I would not wish anyone away so we can live without the complications.
Great point - life is complicated.
You have such a beautiful outlook on such a painful situation. I’m going through the same thing right now. Based on my DNA results, it is very likely that my dad is not my biological father. My parents are in their 70s and have been married for over 40 years so this is kind of a big deal. What’s worse, is that my mom was very defensive about it when I discreetly asked her, and she is not really interested in telling me anything. I’m not interested in making trouble, but I feel that I have a right to know the other half of me. I’m currently doing a lot of genealogy research to try to get some answers because at this rate, my mom is planning to take her secrets to the grave. And I’m pretty sure my dad doesn’t know.
Thank you so much for sharing this part of your story. I wish I had some great advice, but all I can say is that I’m glad that we brought it to the attention of the people involved and while I can’t control the response, now I don’t need to wonder “what if” about bringing it to them. Keep me posted, I’m in your corner!
I understand the sadness and anger. I don't fault my grandma. According to my dad, she was very loving and kind. She died in 1965 when I was 3. My father's grandparents+2 children immagrated to the US from Calabria. They were sent by train to Southern Colorado to live/work in a coal mining camp. Possibly in Berwind, which is close to Trinidad, CO. For perspective, the Ludlow Masacre happened happened during my grandmother's life. My grandmother had been married twice (5 children). She lost her first husband in a coal mining accident and her second husband to suicide. In 1937, Danoto was born (my dad❤). He was given the last name of her 2nd husband. He was 45 years old when he found out who his biological father was. (from a childhood friend)He was told his brother John was dying of cancer. My dad said that he didn't have a brother named John. The two brothers knew each other. They reconnected in a a brand new beautiful way. My dad would have loved to have had a much earlier relationship with John. My two siblings and I carry the last name of someone who is unrelated to us.
Im so glad you are preserving the story of where you are today. Even if it is bittersweet.
My father and I had a very tumultuous relationship and I was sitting beside him when he drew his last breath, and the last thing I ever said to him was why didn’t you ever seem to love me. I later told my mom’s younger sister that I had my dna tested because I had always been told that we had native blood in our family and while I desperately wanted that to be true when you look like Santa Claus it’s a little hard to believe. Anyway she immediately said “oh did you find out who your real father was “? I was shocked and said what are you talking about? Sadly my father went to his grave never knowing I was really his son. BTW I did find out that I do have Cherokee blood after all and that my mom actually lived on the reservation in Oklahoma as a child, but she never talked about it until she was in her mid 80’s.
I don’t mean to pry but I’m a little confused. So you’re saying your dad never seemed to love you and likely because he thought he wasn’t your biological father but you came to find out that he actually was?
@@kmsleyang1980 I read all the comments and the stories are often confusing.
@@kmsleyang1980 yes that is correct, you see I never knew that there was any controversy about it until I was in my late fifties. Back in the 50’s and 60’s things like that were pretty hush hush. I only knew that there was a major difference in the way my father treated my sister than the way I was treated. The only way I had it confirmed was that through DNA someone in my blood line reached out to me that was from my father’s side of the family. Oddly enough my mom had told my sister about the situation but nobody had ever said anything to me until my Aunt mentioned it. Thank you for asking.
@@denisjames8955 oh wow. That’s what I thought you meant, but I wanted to clarify. That is so sad. Gosh, I’m so sorry you went through that.
Congrats on the upcoming book. I always watch to the end btw lol 😆
You're the best! Thank you.
Hang in. Anyone with a heart can see you are good people.
Thank you, Danielle for sharing these unanticipated results from your research into your ancestry. I like the example you gave of Joseph and his reconciliation with his brothers. The study of ancestry is a process of discovery, one that brings joys at times and disappointments at other times.
Regardless, we work our way through to discover our true legacy.
I always appreciate your thoughtfulness on here
I have been doing ancestry for over 30 years and I have found awesome stories and I have found gut wrenching stories. But what I have found in doing all of the family stories. It’s so important that we do not judge our ancestors because we don’t know what was going on at the time so it’s not fair to judge them by today’s standards. Because, like you said, if that path had not been taken, we would not be here now. Like Joseph’s story
Did anyone ask your grammy about this before she passed away? Or did everyone pretend like they didn't know the secret? Your story is fascinating!
All evidence is thrown out unless you take the dna of those who have passed away. Including your grands
We have been down this road as a family. I inherited a new half sister through Ancestry DNA. It caused a lot of upheaval in my family. I embraced it, but others did not. Nearly 7 years later it still causes tension amongst family members. I found another close DNA match a short time later. I spoke to the match and shared it with his potential father. I shared the information with both parties and left it up to them to connect. I kept it to myself after that. I can relate to you, I had feelings of responsibility and guilt associated with my discovery.
I got the same result on my dad's side -- my Grandpop on that side wasn't the father of my dad nor his three younger siblings. It actually answered some questions about some family attitudes that my dad's generation had sensed.
For some reason, no one took it badly in the family. We all figured it was water under the bridge, and that Grandpop might as well have been our biological grandfather anyhow. It was all due to a choice that happened by definition before any of us were born. And while this makes me sound like a typical clannish Italian American, he was still Italian, so maybe we didn't find it "threatening" in any way. It just meant we were all part Campanese instead of part Lucano. (Yet more proof that paesani are fkkin weird, which we already knew. 😄)
I think my oldest cousin on that side may have felt a little strange like, "But I'm not your real cousin anymore!" and I was like, "Of course you're my real cousin, you knucklehead. We spent how many weekends over your house when we were little?" It just didn't seem to land hard for us for some reason. The only real impact it had on me was that when my cousin contacted that side of the family and got some photos, it was strange seeing people that resembled me and my dad strongly. We hadn't had that before, and it's not like everyone looks like a carbon copy of their parents, so we didn't think much of it until I saw the noses on that side of the family ...
That would be a great show paisan ancestry
My Mother never told me the man I thought was a “dead beat dad” was Not my biological father at all? He took a paternity test for me, while in the nursing home. He was not my father 😢 . It was a “mixed blessing “. Some of his family were mean and had ugly ways.
Why my Mother lied is unknown to me. She is with the Ancestors.
DNA test helped me locate my paternal side.
My new cousin is someone who looks like me.( if I had a brother). I have a photo of my biological dad. He was so smart and beautiful. He died at 22yrs.
I am glad I know most of the truth.
My Mother was simply a flawed human being as well as a beautiful soul.❤
I gave several clippins away of my plants to different friends and as I thought deeply about after seeing it at a their home it made me view family in this way and come to the understanding of beautiful it too have extended family and if we just look at each other in that way the world would be so better
Danielle you are such a sweetheart. I love your new setup because it’s more intimate and you look more reachable. Green is one of my favorite colors so that’s an A+ for me. I love your story telling because it’s so well executed and it encourages us to see the bright side of things. We all have “family secrets” and it will always be a part of us. In my personal experience, I learned that my mother’s father married another woman before he “married my mom’s mother”? In one of the government’s annual household census reports, from my mother’s grandmother’s home, I found out that my mother’s parents and their first child lived with her. In the line of their age my grandmother was 19 and her first child was 6. With basic math skills, I could tell that my grandmother was 13 y/o when she had her first child. It broke my heart because she was a child and my grandfather was 26. So, to me he was a pedo. I told my mother and it shooked her up at first, and she said that that could not be true, but then she said that in those days that was a normal thing in rural areas. They were so poor that they lived like animals. It is sad to me that this still happens to young girls throughout our country and worldwide. This is one of those “secrets” that stays hidden forever, but I knew about it when I was searching for my ancestry. So, it can be a good experience but you can always get surprises not expected. But, don’t give up on your search. I’m sure you’ll find a lot of great stuff. Love you ❤️👍🙏😊
Thank you! You are a kindred.
We had our own family situation that was terrible at the time but if it didn’t happen my family would not have happened.
In the last days of WW2 my father in law at the age of 13 was stuffed into a box car filled with other young teens and was bound for the Russian front line. If he had made it there it certainly would have been his death.
He was a tall skinny boy. He was skinny enough to slip through a gap in the wall of the box car. It was dangerous to run away because he could have been shot for doing so.
He hide in a farm’s field for a week before the farmer found him there. By then Germany surrendered and the farmer told him to go home. When he went home which was now East Germany his mother said he had to go because he would be held as a prisoner of war if the Russian army found him.
I don’t know how he made it to Canada being so young when all this happened to him but if he didn’t none of his family would be alive and safe in Canada.
One of the things I admire about you is your pursuit of truth. I'm sorry this caused you pain 😢 but I still feel inspired by your example of doing that. I hope you and your family heal and find joy in the midst of this disappointment. I have a grandson I love like he's my blood, even though he's not. I'm so happy I get to be his grandma, even if I'm not his biological grandmother. I hope you get to keep your grandpa ❤ and also find your grandfather.
I wish I can hug you through the screen. You have been throughout this journey. However, I’m so happy that you are able to discover all the secrets that came along with the journey because now you know who you are to help with your identity. You now have the truth to give to your children too ❤❤❤❤❤❤ Bless you and your family
This one made me cry. Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful work ❤️
You will be a “good Ancestor “ because of all your research and stories.
Certainly unsettling. My 70+ neighbor to discover that his Dad was not his biological dad. He has since found the other side of that family, but I think he still is shaken somehow. I feel for him.
Reason why people should leave these things alone and not go digging. Especially while there are generations alive who might be affected.
@@scaringclaring5240 I worked with a man who found out that his great grandfather had been a runaway slave to Canada. The man had thought his ancestry came from Europe.
Men have an irrational love and respect for their mothers. As these morally perfect creatures. We know our mom's aren't perfect. But the lowest a woman can do in most men's eyes is cheat. For your mother, to be a cheater. To cheat on the man that raised and loved you... that's an almost impossible task to forgive or get over.
I feel for him too. Thats a lot of years to live under the wrong story
Sorry to hear that your family had to endure this season. Continue to be at peace and address the past to help the heal from the truth
I am feeling that healing and I hope this encourages others who are in that season still!
When my dad was in his 40s, long after his parents were dead, his aunt came to him and told him that his dad wasn't really his dad. His birth father was still living, and Dad met him once. The old man was in his 90s and very feeble, but he got tears in his eyes when someone asked if he knew who my dad was. According to my aunt, there had been rumors around town and my Grandpa (the one who raised my dad) knew, but as he put it, "the boy got caught in my net and he's mine now." He and my grandmother never had any children of their own; my dad was born 14 years into their marriage. I don't know his feelings on the matter, but by all accounts he gave my dad a lot of love. Nobody knows the circumstances, but our closure is that Grandpa gave us a family legacy of love, even if he didn't give us his genes. I know the way he loved my dad taught my dad how to love his own children, and my dad is the best dad ever. I also don't share genes with my dad, but we always knew that. :)
I have the same story of my dad. The whole community knew except him. And because there were rumors, I decided to do a DNA test.. that’s when it was confirmed. My dad was in his 70s, when he found out. “Wow. I had nothing to do with it. I wasn’t there, so my father was 5 miles from me? And all those kids he had are my younger siblings, all these years I thought only had one sister and I lost her long ago..My story is nobody wanted me even my mom left me so my grandparents raised me. Now there’s proof, even without anything you can still live and make your own family. As far as I know I had a father who my mom was married to but he never cared for me and left my mom and she remarried years later. My step-dad was what you call a dad, he loved me…carried me on his shoulders everywhere ans wanted me but my mom didn’t want me so I raised by my grandparents”
Thank you for showing others that searching for yourself is complicated and emotional. And that's okay. Forgiveness and communication are so important.☮️💜
You are an incredible Bodhisattva of the Earth! I am so grateful for your ability to share this aspect of your personal life.
Danielle, I love the relaxed setting of your story telling. There are so many different stories of our ancestors. DNA is fascinating AND scary. Regardless of what the story is I’m not sure what the right answer is. Maybe, there is no right answer. For example IF the parents/grandparents are still alive and keep these secrets does that make it any better than not telling the secret? I remember hearing stories of best friends finding out they are related. I remember hearing stories that family members living so close to each other yet never knew it. I remember hearing stories of twins/triplets being separated at birth, etc. Btw, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the story of Joseph.
DNA reveals a lot into our History.
I'm going through something similar re. the same ancestor. Two new additional families, one from his father and one from him. The hard part is the unwillingness of some of the new family members to acknowledge our family. I'm not expecting to be invited to family barbecues, but we can at least be fb friends.
Our family went through a similar process. When our dad passed away years ago we found out the last name all his kids have is different from what it says on his birth certificate. He gave us all the same last name but we don't know why his was different.
A lot of families are holding on to secrets with some taking it to their grave. My family has uncovered secrets that deceased relatives took to their graves.
Thanks for sharing. Your surprise discovery will help others process the same experience. 💙💚💛🧡❤
I hope so!
You are helping so many people by sharing your family history. Your channel’s revelations are striking a chord with many, many people. Over a 1000 likes in one day!
You're going through the stages of grief over knowing that what you thought was reality isn't.
You can still "link" to the influence of the nonbiological family. Many people are adopted as infants, and their biological parents are completely unknown with no influence on their lives.
Danielle, thank you for the work that goes into the research. The emotion and passion for Truth is inspirational. As your children mature I hope they share and carry your work forward. What you do matters!
I discovered my Grandpa wasn’t my Grandpa biologically. It was a complete shock to our whole family. Mind-blowing! My Grandma had 10 children. My Mom, who was number 3 in birth order. 1,2,5-10 are full siblings with each other…. and to our complete surprise my Mom had a full sister, who was number 4 in birth order. That was mind blowing, as well! My G and G were married throughout the birth of 10 children. But obviously to our complete surprise, she had a relationship with another man for 2 years….as my Mom and my full aunt were conceived during that time. It was a great shock to all “three” branches of our tree. It impacted us all. I was the one in my big family to make discovery and broke news gently to everyone. I was hesitant to have to break the news of my discovery, but felt for various reasons that people should know.
The family we grew up with is 100% family, it doesn’t matter that we have a tad different DNA. I don’t see this family anything different than whole. On the other hand, our “new” family has been welcoming. We didn’t “lose” family, but we actually “gained” some family.
My 85 year old Mom passed away before definitely knowing this fact. (She knew I was doing detective work on finding why these “random” people were showing up).
So, I can relate to your story. I had various emotions when dealing with the news. Looking in the mirror for the first time, was weird… I looked at myself, and thought…we aren’t who we thought we were. Do we look like our “new” Grandfather?! Looking at pictures of my Mom’s new line. we look like that side of the family. My brother is a doppelgänger of our 2nd Great-grandfather. We always thought my Mom looked a tad different than the rest of her siblings…now it totally makes sense why. We have yet to come across a picture of our biological Grandfather.
For some reason, I have empathy and love for my Grandma (who had already passed away when we found out) …and found that I couldn’t be “upset” with her. I too believe good can come from what may be considered bad, evil, or unfortunate and complicated circumstances. The Lord knows the whole story and big picture, and for some reason this was part of the picture.
I LOVE this grandma - NO STRINGS ATTACHED!!! 🎉
You are an angel 😇 and a gift to us all. Thanks for your honesty and sharing your heart. Families are messy. Hugs friend.
I love that quote from Joseph of Egypt. His words about good coming from the intended evil/bad, is a very good way to choose to look at those hard things. 👏🥰 I am glad you are coming to see the goodness. I am sure it was a very hard thing to process. Good on ya for overcoming!
Good morning neighbor lady, have a great weekend!😊😊
Good morning!
I found an older brother, he looks just like my dad. You just have to remember there is always love in imperfections
Can I just say that I have been doing Genealogy for several years and whenever these things happen where someone finds out that their parent who they thought was their parent wasn't, is very difficult to deal with and I have at least 2 stories of that in my family with some cousins. It's really sad that a parent goes to the grave without ever being honest to their children about their true parentage but even I personally come from a single parent household and I can tell you even knowing who my bio parent is, still made my bio parent a not great parent. It's sad and I had anger for so many years. Reading and learning about Genealogy has changed a lot of my perspective that parent relationships are complicated even with bio family. Secrets come out and at least you foundd the truth even if it wasn't the way you expected. I had to start from scratch with my bio dad's family cause I practically knew nothing of them. I know a lot more than they do now but I hope that you realize that your grandpa is still your grandpa, he is the one that raised and loved your mom and we don't know if he knew the truth or not. But he loved you just like you loved him, he is the only one you knew despite everything. So please don't feel guilty about this. You had no control over what your Grandma did and neither did your mom. The only thing you can do is just use the information as you wish, if you choose to go forward or not to find your mom's bio dad is totally up to you. Godbless you and your family, I hope it all works out.
Thank you for sharing. Lots of people will understand they are not alone.
Thanks for sharing your pain. I would like to know my maternal grandfathers name. My grandmother took it to the grave with her. So many secrets.
Same. I tried for years to make my mothers matches make sense. They didn’t because her father was not her biological father. I’ve been able to connect with the bio family. My mother was raised as an only child and the whole time she had 8 siblings here in the same city
I’m going to keep following you because I also have ancestry in Louisiana. My mother’s father was from there.
NPE. Not Parent Expected. I didn't know what to expect.
I feel you, Danielle. Your desire to explore this avenue yet respect your mother's wishes is a lesson in itself. I appreciate your honesty, scholarship, and struggle.
It's a mixed bag. As the child of an adoptee, I wonder what it all matters. I doubt if my father were alive he'd agree to my searches.
The parents who raised him ARE my grandparents. My culture comes from them. Their histories pre-1921 when they came to the USA are shrouded in mystery. Escaping the pogroms murdering Jews in Russia, and involuntary conscription into 25-years of army service, they rarely spoke of the Old Country.
Yet, his bio-parents fascinate me as my genetic heritage. And, I feel a connection to those cousins I've met. But, I'll always wonder about the conditions of my father's conception. That man's first name is on the birth certificate, but the last name says "Smith." (I've determined the real name via genetic connections.) Did she know him well ? was it loving? violent?casual? I know it wasn't welcome. She gave birth in another state. She died 15 months later, allegedly with another unwanted pregnancy.
And now here am I, my children, and grandchildren.
Hello Danielle Romero! Warm greetings to you from New Orleans, Louisiana. I’m watching your podcast during my lunch break today. I’m also a Christian. What a lovely tender heart our God has given you. It’s is difficult to reconcile how much time it takes for the good outcomes to be realized as promised in Romans 8:28. I have often felt like I’m Josephine (aka female version of Joseph in Genesis 39- ). Yes. After we grieve over the pain of our new reality God promises to work all things together for our good! 😢❤😊 Amen!🙏🏾 God’s mercy towards us is unending…
Her reply was not Christian, it was Jewish. Jesus is the New Testament not the Torah Old Testament. Joseph and his brothers is a Jewish story.
Thank you, Danielle. Keep doing what you do 👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾
you know the same happened here. I had no idea I had a half sister and a first cousin I never knew but they are great people and I am so glad I met them 💜
this happened to me, got a dna test and accidentially discovered my grandpa wasnt.. well.. my grandpa. the guilt ate me up for a while but things are going better now. on the positive side ive gotten in touch with my "new" family and they are really kind people. feels good to know im not the only one whos experienced this, hugs from norway!
Wow! You’re such a sweet person. Very genuine. Raw emotions. A lot like your mom who sounds awesome. I’m so sorry about your discovery but unfortunately these things do happen. The fact is secrets exist because none of us is perfect and we all make mistakes. Sin everyday. Due to imperfection. I love your account of Joseph. I love that account as well. Joseph although being persecuted understood in the end it all worked out in everyone’s favor… his.. his family’s… his people. And he stayed very loyal to Jehovah regardless of his trauma. Jehovah gave him the strength to endure. Through prayer.. I know you’ll be fine. What you’re doing right now is very cathartic ❤
I was so lucky! No skeleton in the closet. Me, my sister, and my aunt on my dad's side took the DNA test. When I got our results back, none of my cousins were very interested. As I found our history and reported things as I found them, every response from ALL the cousins was, Well, that explains a lot. No one cared about the family bumps I found! So there was nothing to cause me to lay awake at night but there were also few "good stories".
Simply because some people will die with lies and leave emotional grenades for their children, I can understand your emotions on this..
I really don't understand why people fight truly knowing who they are and where they come from.
I also think this is another case for mandatory paternity test upon birth, worldwide!!!
😂 that would make some of our lives waaay more complicated.
I'm glad that's not a thing.
I agree regarding mandatory paternity testing.
It won't happen even in the most open and candid countries. As to not truly knowing, quite a lot of people simply don't care, and what family means is different for every person. So knowing your father is Pope what's his name means nothing to many. I like to know, but there is no emotion in it, just curiosity.
@@Ponto-zv9vf Wow I didn't know how messed up people are until you said it.
"Means nothing to many"...until they need a kidney and find out that none of their siblings match genetically (Real life situation that's happened). Or when their child has downs-drome (TH-cam blocks the actual medical term) because they find out the mother and father are closely related ( real life situation that's happened). Or when you find out your predisposed to a very specific genetic disease and you find out why in the hospital ( real life situation that's happened).
But hey, no one cares, right?
I doubt anyone hears your braid against the mic. You are courageous to share your experiences.
In Australia we called those plaits.
Through DNA I found a couple hickups in my Adams-Schoeber family tree. My paternal grandfather was not an Adams … and my maternal grandpa Schoeber was not my mom’s father. So my identity for 65 years was flipped on its ear. I was able to find the identity of my paternal great-grandpa who had been a 19-yr-old neighbor of my 15-yr-old great-grandma. Finding my maternal grandpa has been reduced to a cluster of brothers and first cousins who lived two states away from my maternal grandma who was in an abusive marriage to my supposed grandpa. Their descendants are considered my 2nd-3rd cousinsd on Ancestry. It has been complicated for sure. Since my mom and her siblings have died, as well as my brother, there aren’t too many Schoeber “cousins” to tell. I don’t blame my grandma. It was 1934, her mom had recently died, she and her husband had lost their house in the Crash of ‘29, and he was more of a fighter and drinker than a husband and father. It is ok if I never know the name of my grandfather. If I am suppose to know, I’ll meet him in another place called heaven.
Not only should we be good ancestors but we should also endeavour to be awesome relatives/cousins. Instead of sawing off that unrelated branch and just dumping it, gift it to your relatives to whom the branch does belong. I promise, their descendants will consider you an awesome ancestor too!
Am very fascinated about doing an Ancestral DNA report...
Even though it is a walk into the unknown, where the results can be surprising, (as you discovered) like you stated, good can come from it and maybe answers a few questions.
Thanks for sharing. 🙏🏿
oh i'm so sorry you feel that way...folks back then did the SAME messy things back then that we do today but they just didn't TALK about it! You can thank your puritan christian background for all that judgement and shame you're feeling but until we can view or visit the past, you will never know the WHOLE story. I think if you're going to root around the price of admission is the willingness to suspend judgement 🤔. Luv you girl ❤.
Very well said!
I appreciate you being here. I dont think I have any shame from my faith, in fact, it is what helped me get through this! :) xo
Thank you for sharing this deeply personal part of your story. ❤
Many of us have “holes” in our family story. An NPE happens for so many different reasons and digging into one can be scary and even polarizing for a family.
You have to use common sense, and tread carefully. Some people are emotional timebombs.
Girl, Don’t feel guilty one bit! This is coming from someone who went looking for my Dad’s bio parents and uncovered a secret concerning his bio dad. They were super secretive back then. EVERYONE has the right to know their true background. Every family has the good, bad, and ugly.
I don't have an NPE in my direct lineage, however, my family tree is complicated in that I have so many ancestors who married more than once.
oh yes, that creates a tangle of branches :)
@AnnaChristina-z2w not parent expected or non paternity event. Say you were raised with a dad who is biologically related to your sibling but shares not even 5% with you.
@AnnaChristina-z2w Your welcome, understanding DNA and all that comes with it can be difficult at times.
When I had my dna done, I was mainly trying to find my mother's biological father. She was adopted and knew her biological mother's name and family, but her bio mom would never tell her the bio father's name. We never knew if they knew his name and just wouldn't tell us, or if they didn't know. I found a great aunt and she told me all about my bio grampa. They never knew about us at all. Both of my mother's bio parents had been married to other people at the time, and it wasn't my bio grama's first child resulting from an affair (although there were different affairs responsible for a few of her bio mom's children). So that was a huge thing. Then, come to find out, the percentages for cousins, etc., on my father's side were also not adding up. Turns out my paternal grama had also been with another man and my grampa on that line was also not my biological grampa. I was never close to my paternal side, as they were from another country, but even so, I felt.....robbed. The only bio grampa I had ever known was not my, "actual", grampa. It was a big, messy secret, but I was easily able to figure out his name, and my father looked exactly like him, which must have been difficult for my parernal grandma. I think she told my father the truth of his parentage before she died, but I don't know how much my father actually knew/knows. I sent all the information I could find to my father's sister, as she did genealogy, too, and that's how we found each other again. They all kind of knew, but they didn't have all the receipts I had. And my aunt didn't know how to find me to tell me, or what she would have said to me. Funny thing, though, both the paternal grampa I had always known and my father's bio dad both descended through the same Scottish clan, so I kinda-sorta-in a way got my paternal grampa back (or at least a number of the same ancestors.) Guess my paternal grama just had a thing for Scottish guys. 😊
You have the receipts! Thats a lot of work.
I was reading some of the transcript of Finding Your Roots to see the story of celebs I was familiar with out of 20 bizarre stories of which I only recalled the name of only 2... Norah O'Donnell & Ben Aflac. One of the other celebs was told her grandfather wasn't her grandfather but her real grandpa lived in same neighborhood for awhile and actually lived close by to her grandmother after she had moved if I'm not mistaken (but that could have been Sammy Hagar).
I love that show. Wish they’d make me a big fancy chart to hang on the wall!
"Mater semper certa, pater incertus est".
haha yes
As I get older, I realize that my grandparents did the best they could with what they knew. I have an aunt who is the middle child and for years, she knew that she was different but my grandmother would never admit to her that she had a different father. I’m sure she felt that she was protecting them both and my grandfather never treated her any differently than his own kids. I feel for my aunt and my grandmother. That’s only one of my family stories. It’s made me realize how human we all are. How life can change and how we do the best we can to make good out of bad.
We have to grow up. Mommy and Daddy become our parents Joe and Mary. Emotional attachments lessen as time passes.
🌾I am blessed, to have known so many of my extended family, and have enough information and documentation of my birth, as well as, my ancestors. Unfortunately no one took a DNA, and their is just a few alive now from the elders. My Dad definitely say, I was his, and of my mother claimed me to as her child, so I'm good. It's enough, and I'm pleased . I don't forsee any plans on taking a DNA at this time. I don't have any children. Note, recently 23 and me allegedly walk away from data.. Not and perfect life, but I embrace my experiences. Ireland close to the northern border would be great to visit . I've never been to Europe yet. Have fun , NYTN, you have a great channel. It's oK to inquire about your family, but know it might not always be how you would prefer to hear. ✌🏼Respecting others boundaries is very important to. ❤🕊
Your site is great one of TH-cams best!
Love, love, love your channel and your family stories. Keep 'em coming! 😁
Thank you! :)
Finding out that kind of information is really tough to handle but it’s more common than we know. As they say, “momma’s baby, papa’s maybe”.
Watching the video now. Haven’t finished. Thank you for sharing. This is very personal and raw obviously. I think many people need to be prepared for things like this. The truth is the truth even if it’s uncomfortable. And you wouldn’t be you if things didn’t happen the way they happened.
I messaged you on Facebook messenger.
As a kid back then I had a feeling things were going on behind the scenes in my family on both sides.
that gut feeling!
My husband found his biological sister at the age of 73. There were rumors about her but, nothing real concrete. Then when my father in-law was getting sick in his old age he did tell us the truth that a daughter was adopted out but requested we not look for her until he died. We found her in ancestry. We all met in Vegas and had a great time. My husband talks to her a couple times a month. She had a great life and holds no anger or resentment toward my husband. It was fun to see them both so excited. God can work all things for good. Take care and God Bless.
I was initially told that I was .02 African which I could totally believe because I’m southern Italian. I would love to know how far back that went. Then, it was taken away! So I may never know.