Conan the Destroyer - Nostalgia Critic
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 9 ก.ย. 2015
- Conan baby! Again! Nostalgia Critic takes a look at Conan the Destroyer.
Originally aired on 1/21/2010.
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"It sucks balls, let's watch it." - Nostalgia Critic 2010
""It sucks balls, let's watch it." - Nostalgia Critic 2010"
-Steven Stone 2016
See how pointless that is?
@@mugsmctuggs1318 Let people have their fun.
Nostalgia Critic in a nutshell.
I really didn't understand the end of this movie, even as a kid. "Conan, Dude! She's literally handing you a kingdom... which you JUST fought for." /facepalm
+rencrow *[wink]* Oh I know what you're getting at! *[elbow nudge]* She was totally gonna sneak him an extra cookie because I BET SHE LIKES HIM!!! *[taps nose]* I got your hint, buddy! *[wink again]*
Living Myth: Put that cookie down
Chris Cunningham Seriously? Dude its basically saying he doesnt want to usurp someone elses kingdom. He wants to build his own: when he's thinking on the steps, hes thinking hes spent his entire life, every moment since that wheel in search of revenge. Now its over. he doesnt have a purpose in life anymore, he doesnt want gold or riches- he wanted his family and his loved ones. The family is dead. The girl is dead. The childhood is gone forever.
So finally, he chooses one. To spend it carving his own empire. Thats his legend. And its badass.
Seriously this movie is incredibly deep.
"Sorry, my already established story prevents me from running your kingdom."
Living Myth [slams down beer mug] Are you insinuating something?!
Schwarzenegger wrote in his autobiography that between those two Conan-movies E.T. came out, and was such a big success, that all studios wanted to make family pictures. So, while the first Conan was full of blood, gore and vengeance, they made the second way more soft and family-friendly.
Schwarzenegger actually complained about this and said that Conan is not the nice barbarian from the neighborhood, but they would not listen. And as he had signed a contract for several movies, he could not refuse to play the role.
"Family Friendly", when the *2nd* time he got grabbed by Thoth-Amon's monster form, their genital areas were perfectly aligned!?!?! And this thing was rated *PG: Parental Guidance* *WHY EXACTLY*!?!
Because people were not sensitive back then.
WJZAV to hell with the studios!
@@noisemarine561 oh shut the fuck up with these bullshits.
"they would not listen. " - to the hell with them!
Conan ends up ruling Aquilonia which ironically rhymes with California.
Seriously read the books they're epicly awesome
Literally just noticed that it's not his magic that goes ding, he's hitting his bracers together. They just synced the shitty effect noise so badly it gave NC a funny bit.
3:00 She entrusts Wilt Chamberlain with protecting her virginity? Wouldn't that be like entrusting Johnny Storm with keeping ice sculptures from melting?
The novelization explains that Bombaata (Wilt Chamberlain's character) is actually a eunuch.
The joke is that Wilt Chamberlain is infamous for being promiscous to the point his own lawyer once said "some people collect stamps, Wilt collects women".
Or like trusting John Goodman not to eat until the whole family is at the table
It's like hiring a pack of dingos to run a day care..... Or a drug addict to guard your valuables.....or like leaving a bunch of Amish in an empty field with a pile of lumber and not expecting to find a barn when you come back
😆😆
I actually find Conan's rivalry with camels to be hilarious.
as i just found out today, that wasnt scripted in the first movie, the camel bit Arnold and he lashed back at him, creating the iconic rivalry.
Better than Peter vs the chicken.
toughest opponent in this flix
It was an early example of Arnold’s ability to bring humor into otherwise straight action pics.
If only they hadn't gotten off on the wrong foot Conan might have realized he had a better compatibly w camels as a mount than horses
I loved Conan the Destroyer. But I have to admit that at the age of 13, my eyes didn't see much past Olivia d'Abo!
She was 16 and kissed Arnold???
@@manpower386ify What about it? Its a fucking movie, and lets not pretend that this never happend in the world, trough history or even today. Fucking political corectness
@Chuck Alexander .. One of her first roles in a movie involved her standing buck naked in a washtub and being soaped up by an Bo Derek, at 14yrs old
@@mladenmark6758 of course you've got a joker symbol as your logo
@@mladenmark6758 lemme ask you a question. What are your opinions on feminism?
The original books were not only Sword and Sorcery but VERY close to Lovecraft. Things from beyond the stars and the seas of Time. Elder Gods, forgotten pits of hunger, etc etc. Things like this horned god was commonplace, but the difference is that man can, at least temporarily, overcome the beasts unlike in Lovecraft's stories.
I've seen that Monthy Python reference coming faster than an european swallow carrying a coconut...and it was good
You mean a African swallow?
+donutmaster437
What? I don't know that.
Now let's just say there were two swallows...
+Myrabbitsaninja two African swallows?
+Bender B. Rodriguez Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate?
Seriously Mako, you couldn't see five more years in the future? They're on the fifth chipmunks movie now! Far more terrifying
Indeed
+Eugenideddis actually it's only the fourth one, but it is equally terrifying.
ChefMatt Reviews Who said they were done yet?
it actually the fourth one
chippz lemonz I hope you're right
Basil Poledouris's soundtrack for Conan was amazing.
+Human Tacos No contest. One of the best soundtracks ever.
He also composed the soundtracks for Red Dawn, Hunt for Red October, Robocop and Starship Troopers.
fun fact that god daemon creature at the end of the movie is played by Andre the Giant if im not mistaken
Jd Jones both of whom dwarfed Arnold
Indeed you are not mistaken.
@@dionwoollaston5717 Arnold isn't very tall, only around 6 feet. He was just extremely muscular.
"Enough talk," [proceeds to attack somone]
Every barbarian in every game of D&D ever.
That sure his Harry Dresden playing one. Short story Day Off literally have him scream that repetitively
wow Conan's armored underwear look really uncomfortable
Fun fact. The Princess is played by Oliva d'Abo. Who also does TAK from Invader Zim and Jedi Master Luminara Unduli from Star Wars: The Clone Wars.
That was Andre the Giant in the monster costume btw
With Conan's sidekick being played by Tracey Walter, I am surprised the Critic didn't make any Bob the Goon references.
I would have definitely taken Jenna’s offer to rule with her
She wouldn't even have gotten through the whole first sentence before i was dry humping her leg and enthusiastically agreeing to whatever
Seriously, give Dave The Barbarian a watch. I know you'll love it.
+Willie Wonker here on youtube look up Korgath of barbaria only had a few episodes and was banned as soon as they aired on TV all in one night (prolly why they put em on all at once) they aired them on cartoon network originally lol its sick twisted, and i wish they would make an entire series lol
I FUCKING LOVE KOGATH. But due to budget issues, they couldn't continue it
lol korgath wasnt banned, they only made one episode but it was way too expensive to make an entire series and nobody picked it up
JURASSIC DANCE! YEAH!
That show was a beautiful fucking mess. It was on for such short of a time, but I can still quote most of its jokes to this day.
I'm convinced that the nostalgia critic is unaware of where the crotch really is.
maybe his genitals are on his stomach
Kind of like when Kirk was sent to the Klingon prison work camp, and has to fight the alien for his coat.
The same way TommyWiseau doesn't know where the vagina is
JackoftheDead you would think he would after all the times he has been hit there hell the angry video game nerd once used it like one of those punching bags you see at gyms not the big ones the small ones
+dion woollaston not the big ones, the small ones? Is that a comment on the Critic's balls? By the way, you're thinking of the speed-bag (my personal favorite to train on, though the heavy bag is good for venting).
You know...flowers.
I'd appreciate it if you kept that kind of filthy language out of the TH-cam comments section.
Pardon my French.
+Awesome Inspector Tu es pardonné mais ne recommence plus, d'accord?
Maxime Boileau
De acuerdo.
Sehr Gut!
11:08 Conan was choking the One Eyed Monster 😆😆
#Relatable
I can't believe NC never mentioned/referenced that the captain was played by basketball legend Wilt Chamberlain. Also, did he not realize that the "weasley guy" was played by Tracey Walter - Bob the Goon from Batman '89!
And as the NC said in one of his videos about Batman movies, "I fucking love Bob!"
"who said I was a woman" I had to pause to laugh!
Definitely walking a line with that one... She should have dated Prince...The Sexually Ambiguous Duo
That was hilarious 😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣
Hey, look at that Abu! It's not every day you see the Nostalgia Critic making an Aladdin reference!
I'm surprised the frightening vision Mako showed that other wizard wasn't baby Arnold from Junior.
MY Magog produces lightning!
MY magic produces fire!
MY magic goes DING!
X'D
My Magog has a first name, it's M-A-G-O-G...
His Damn wrist armlets are what caused the ding sound!!! He hits them together every so often and, that's what makes the sound lol.
It still sounds silly
@@lbowler63 at least there's an answer for the sound, lol.
Well. while building a castle in the middle of a swamp is more of a SoIF thing, building a castle on an ISLAND (or even making an island in a lake that originally didn't have one of a sufficient size to house a whole castle) is not only a good, but also a historically accurate idea. Speaking of swamps, Peter the Great built an entire city in the middle of a swamp. Why would he do that? Because he could, mostly, but also because there was a fortress island of Kronstadt (if I'm not messing this up), which was a vital state border security point and needed to have decent support, and because he wanted a capitol as close to Europe, as physically possible, and that was the place he wanted.
Well, it was in the 18c., so architecture and overall technology would allow more than in the Middle Ages, but the idea was still nuts. Though I guess anybody chose to just roll with it, since by the time the emperor was an established crazy hyperactive type with all the power of autocracy to please his whims. Did Russia some good, too, and the city of St. Petersburg persisted not only as a curious building project, but as a capitol until 1917 and still stands today and isn't likely to go anywhere from the swamp. So, yeah, building structures in swamps is actually a thing.
Any other such structures stories of which can be told to our mutual amusement?
Tenochtitlan was a whole city in a lake, had like 200,000 people with a temple in the middle.
DouViction well the most famous one would be new orleans and Miami but other than that i don't really know any others
At least he doesn't get preggo in this one.
*****
It was a real movie, unfortunately.
*****
It's not porn. It's a movie, that people have watched. www.imdb.com/title/tt0110216/
*****
It's stupid either way. Don't watch it. It scared me for life.
HAHA, Have Wilt Chamberlain protect a virgin the irony
She was 13 at the time she made this movie and Willy hit on her during the whole filming
Shima Uma She was 16
Makes as much sense as Dingos guarding a maternity ward
@@sonikku956 Still though, ew.
🤣🤣😂
The "Ding sound" is him clanging his wrist/arm bands, you goof!
"Why would you want your weakness surrounding a room?"
Good question. I think I'll go ask Seath the Scaleless. He seems like he knows a lot.
Virgins=Purity or something, I don't know.
Yup.
+Marty Tardigrade He was making a joke you idiot
Ole Olsen And I was following up it up with this. Why do you think, I put in the "or something, I don't know" part?
Marty Tardigrade Every
+Jake Osborne Every!
"Look at that, Abu. It's not everyday you see a horse with two rear ends!"
As soon as the Reading Rainbow theme began to play, a big smile came upon my face.
The novelization of this film was actually pretty good and a lot more true to the character and setting.
I enjoyed Conan the destroyer. It was funny and relatively light- hearted.
Robert E. Howard was a pen pal with H.P. Lovecraft, and the Conan series is a part of the Lovecraft mythos.
I used to read the Conan books as a kid. Loved them. That was also over 30 years ago >.
conan reminds me of beowulf, for some odd reason
They are pretty much the same character, monster killing badass that every woman desires, who eventually became king.
Mordecai Eagle only difference is Beowulf cares not for gold and women he wants glory and nothing brings glory quite like monster slaying
"My God the Famous Baseball Diamond "
"I understood that reference "
I love the Great Muppet Caper more than the other Muppet movies! Diana Rigg, Charles Grodin, Peter Ustinov, Peter Falk, and of course John Cleese! 🐸🐷🐀🐻🐔🐧
You should do a Old VS New of Conan the Barbarian!
Old wins done
You..... are my #1... weasly guy! >:D
They actually are making a new Conan with Arnold.
Really? But I thought the movie franchise was cancelled.
+Captain 'Dan Damm, they told me it was camel powder.
Development hell
I absolutely cracked up at the Reading Rainbow theme music.
you thought Conan was dumb watch Kull the Conqueror
Sorbo on a stick! No!
Actually Kull the Conqueror was supposed to be the third movie in the Conan franchise. Unfortunately Arnold was demanding too much money. So they renamed the movie Kull The Conqueror, cast Kevin Sorbo in the title role, and Arnie went and made Terminator 3 instead. Too bad too, because Terminator 3 sucks (although Kull isn’t much better) and I would have loved to see Arnold play Conan once more.
To this day i still like the move alot and the script made more sense than conan 1 and two
I remember going to the movies and watching it.
@@Thundarr100 Original Pogue's script for Conan the Conqueror was great. I read it. When they change it to Kull, they fucked it up, by keeping only one third of the original and other parts they watered down to get childish flick and adapt it to a smaller budget... Eh... Road to Kull was set with good intentions... Fuck...
I don't think it was meant to be a Conan movie. Kull acts nothing like Conan, uses a battle axe and has no skill with swords, and is background is totally different. Kull was a pirate type barbarian, the Sea Tiger was what he was called, and he had no god until he saw the face of Volta, the Frost and Sea God.
Conan was Northland barbarian, specifically an avenger and servant of the Earth God. Even the kingdoms were different - Conan came to rule Aquilonia, and Kull ruled Atlantis? I could be off on that name, but Atlantis and Aquilonia are two different biomes altogether.
Anyway, when you look at the end credits they say it was based off a book, "The Barbarian of the Sea", rather than Conan the Anything, as the books had "Conan the ..." As the titles. They would have called it "Conan the High Lord", but they chose "Red Sonja" instead because they wanted a female warrior back in the 60s when the loincloth legends started making the rounds.
For a really fun photo, look up the set photo of Arnold next to Wilt Chamberlain and Andre the Giant and seeing how much shorter Arnold is compared to them, lol
Saruman and Uncle Iroh? Hello darkness my old friend...
It cracks me up everytime you mimic Arnold's speech xD
I've hugged Olivia D'abo.
She's still hot.
You lucky bastard
Wait, really?! Why you lucky git...
To say I am jealous would be the definition of an understatement
2:34 Jokes aside, that’s pretty much one of the most famous Russian fairytales for kids.
One of the few classic NC reviews where he does not use his opening catchphrase
10:40 He's transformed into Andre the Giant inside a monster outfit. Yes that was none other than Andre the Giant inside a rubber suit.
4:04 Honestly, I can't tell if they're actually fighting or screwing.
just noticed, that beast at the end is sort of like a mirelurk from fall out.
Is it just me or does Arnold have a thing for punching four legged animals?
Conan the Barbarian "bad"? Seriously??! Ive done thesis on old ancient cultures (indic, Slavic, central Asian) This movie is the MOST FAITHFUL adaptation of that historical world ever. It captures perfectly how people then saw and lived in that environment.
Thematically, its as good as Seven Samurai and The Searchers. I mean it starts with a Nietzsche quote for Gods sake. Hugely underrated
Look at the ending for example: when he's thinking on the steps, hes thinking hes spent his entire life, every moment since that wheel in search of revenge. Now its over. He doesn't have a purpose in life anymore. Vengeance gave his life meaning. Having succeeded, instead of having joy he is alone and empty.
He doesnt want gold or riches, to be the best warrior etc. All he wanted was his family and his loved ones. His family is dead. His lover is dead. His childhood, youth is gone forever, lost to time. How poignant.
So finally, he chooses a new destiny. To spend it carving his own empire. Thats his legend. And its badass.
Seriously this movie is incredibly deep. Anr thats the Ancient world.
It's brilliance hiding under a mask of violence; nudity; and over the topness, it's a lot like RoboCop.
Well said mate
Joshua you say violence, nudity and over the topness like it's a bad thing
agree. Conan as a character is faithful to the movie's setting - unlike movies as Kingdom of Heaven who give us modern men thinking and acting modern but being placed in a medieval setting theryby looking out of place... Conan is weird sometimes, but faithful. He acts and thinks and , sort of, talks as one might expect a barbarian to act and think and talk in a barbaric age.
While sitting there Conan's head was hit by a twin tailed comet crashing down. He lost his memory and went on a new journey, by his new name: Sigmar Heldenhammer
The princess should have just asked Conan for directions.
Okay it was stupid but the punching Camel got a laugh out of me xD
9:08 Just like that one machine The Doctor invented, his magic goes "Ding!" Not to be confused with Monty Python's machine that goes "PIIIIINNNNNG!"
One of the best movie reviews ever! Love your sense of humor! 😀
The flowers part killed me😂
It always made me laugh that Taramis asks Wilt Chamberlain to make sure Jehna remains virgin due to his reputation 😅
And to make things worse she adds Arnold to it
10:06 （笑）
I love Mako he's Iroh from Avatar the last airbender which was awesome
3:50 A horse tail on Zula's butt makes me think she was an original faunus.
I love the Conan movies. and Wilt the Stilt is a freaking giant in this film
That "Cheesy monster" at the end of this film scared the shit out of me the first time I saw the movie. But I was only 8 at the time ;-)
Funny how I loved the second one for years until one time I re-visionned the 1st one and I was like: "How could I have NOT loved this one better.
Second movie is more of a fantasy kid's movie... with a bit of blood here and there. 1rst one is the real thing.
Are you going to review the new Conan movie with Jason Momoa ? As much as I like Momoa, I could not stand the remake.
Fun fact: the giant monster at the end was played by Andre the Giant.
Had to pause the review when the reading rainbow music started- I was laughing too hard
1:14
I have come from the future to tell you that this, California shown in flames, aged like fine wine unfortunately. 😓
The conan reviews are some of the best nc vids.
A man and a woman have to join... That reminded me of The Thing. And flowers certainly don't grow by having sex. Go seek the advice of somebody else,girl, preferably somebody who can give you some practical examples.
Alexandre Martins correction the advice of someone who has actually had sex. PS farm animals don't count
7:30
Oh, hey, Mr. President!
Watching it today is still enjoyable it isn't first movie but I can enjoy it still the music is still nice
7:06, and then SNU SNU!!!!
1:56 I didn't know that Dagoth was modeled after Jeff Goldblum from Jurassic Park!😄
Fun fact...the monster at the end is played by Andre the Giant
Doug could you make review of Kull the Conqueror? I believe it is material worth of your attention :D
Red sonja is also a good review
9:25 I thought he was going to see baby Arnold from Junior
It's not a cinematic masterpiece but it's so much fun. And I thought the princess was so hot when I was a kid.
Whenever I'll introduce my friends to _The Nostalgia Critic_, I'll show 'em these two videos! :3
I've been quoting stuff like: "Ya'nnow... like flowers!" for years now but forgot *exactly* where I got them from.
Someone told me that Andre the Giant was in the Dagoth suit, the horned beast that Conan slayed in the end.
5:30 The Handmaid’s Tale is a lot different than I remember.
The reading rainbow part was perfect 😂😂😂😂
Oh God! Alvin and the Chipmunks! It burns my eyes!
That reading rainbow joke was PERFECT.
I'm shocked no one pointed out that they got Wilt Chamberlain to protect the princesses's virginity...
This reminds me of Xena, Hercules, and beast Master. It'd be awesome to see a nostalgia review of em someday.
They're both good movies, as long as you're not looking for some major philosophical point. Lots of fun and well done for their time.
So they trust Wilt Chamberlain to protect the princesses virginity? That's like trusting critic with a... BAT CREDIT CARD
Used to love this you tuber when I was a kid. His voice grates on me as an adult lol.
i've never heard of nets being used elsewhere in real combat, but they were used by gladiators in combat-but usually paired with a sword of some kind to finish the job.
Hey, that sidekick was Bob from Batman. Tracey Walter.
And the 'virgin' was the daughter from The Wonder Years. FUCKING HILARIOUS they assigned Wilt Chamberlain to protect her chastity.
I enjoyed both the conan movies as a kid, these were cool back in the day :)
Because in some cultures Sex is actually a way of connecting to divinity being a virgin they basically sacrifice a vessel with out being connected, which makes the soul easier to own...or its just bullshit and they like virgins
You know, both these movies are guilty pleasures for me. Especially the epic constipated wizard battle in this one. Come on, seriously. You know, Mako would've dropped a log if he had to concentrate just a little bit longer.
the Reading Rainbow part made me tear up for some reason...dang i miss the 90's
Reading Rainbow is more 80s than 90s.
Wasn't the Weasley Guy also the Joker's henchman, Bob in 'Batman'?