I can't imagine that Mayim and Johnathan will ever see this but.. This series changed my life and gave me the vocabulary that I needed to finally do real and productive work on my mental health. I am forever grateful. Thank you🐝💜
My boyfriend passed away 11 months ago today. He went to sleep and never woke up at 44 years old. Every day still hurts. Thank you for sharing your story. ❤️
This is just the greatest stuff!! It's so thought provoking. My husband was killed when he was 25 and I was 22. We had a 4 year old daughter. I also got the "you're still young and you're so pretty" at the funeral. I thought it was just my luck to have all this peripheral junk distracting me. I drank and did drugs for years behind it. I'm here to report, you can survive, learn, and even grow from an awful experience like the death of a loved one. It's part of who I am today. I'm 70 years old, sober for nearly 40 years, and am living my best life.
I lost my dad last week, and it’s been so raw.. I have had many insights, taken comfort in so many small things because he spent the last forty years showing me the good, being the light and always doing the right thing.. I am going to miss his dad jokes so much.
"We don't get over things, we get through them." I told my roommate something similar when she asked when I'd get over my dad dying. (I'd been particularly horrible for a while after my dad died, so I can't blame her for asking something like that.) My dad dying isn't something I'm ever going to get over, but it's become something I've learned to live with.
I’m in the irritable stage of my grief. My beloved father passed in November. I have no stress tolerance right now. I go into doomsday mode. My dad was also a huge feminist and one of my safe havens. Since he’s been gone I’ve been ultra-feministic. And am very much channeling my frustrations at misogyny and oppression, and the small missteps the people close to me make because of their own conditioning. I wish I could access more compassion for mistakes from people who genuinely want to do better, but I haven’t given that to myself. I miss my dad’s gentle, patient, kind, creative presence. I wish there were more men openly being that way. The world feels like such a harsh place without him. I didn’t realize how much of a buffer his presence was for me to all the BS of the world.
My husband and I lost our twins twenty years ago in July. No one will or can understand our pain, experience, our forever sadness. It changed us as parents to our children. I don't fear death because I watched it happen in my arms. I also saw what real pain is in another human.
I am a straight cis female US Army combat veteran. During my deployment, at the age of 31, I lost my husband; was verbally sexually harassed EVERY DAY; raped; my ovaries failed permanently; and my grandmother passed away. I was numb until I got back to the states and grief slammed into me like a mack truck. My therapist at the Asheville, NC VA hospital is fantastic and has truly helped me, but I'm still trying to figure out how to put the shattered pieces of my life together. I cried during this entire episode. Thank you for what you do, Jamie Miller
I wish I could hug you. That is more than you should have ever had to endure. I am glad you're still here and that you still have hope. I hope you have love in your life and people who comfort you. I pray you get to a place of immense joy and peace.
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm so very sorry you had to experience all of that...you truly are a amazing example of courage and strength. Sending you hugs and encouragement for continued healing.
Just wanted to add a few trauma treatment options I’ve come across. You’ve been through A LOT Jamie. I’ve been through some of what you have and my nerves are shot so I can only imagine what you might be experiencing. Here are some healing options I am looking into for CPTSD. Maybe one of them will work for you? I decided I am just going to keep trying things until I find something that works. Best of luck on your healing journey. 1. Stellate Ganglion Block 2. Ketamine infusion 3. EMDR therapy 4. Psychedelics
This episode was very helpful. I went through a divorce after spending 11 years with my partner. Navigating grief of what you thought would be your future and your person was unlike other grief I’ve experienced. Keep going everyone, we got this!
"unlike other grief I've experienced..." -- yup, I feel you there... I grieved much longer than I thought healthy after my divorce-- but alas, I got over it and am better for it!
I have gone through a brutal divorce where I lost everything and fifteen years later my eldest son died, so I know grief and loss, and I just wanted to validate your feelings of loss at having gone through this divorce. It is a very real yet disenfranchised grief because no one is sending flowers or condolences, and depending on who this person was you may have been getting blamed, I know I was. Anyway, the point is that the grief is real, and so is the isolation. 💕
Nora, Mayim and Johnathan, thank you. I had watched this episode before, but didn't recognize it until I started replaying it. Seeing the words, "Moving Through Grief Paralysis" caught my eye, and I recognized that it was timely for me. It has been three months since my mother died. I was her only child. For the last four years I cared for her as strokes, cancers, failing mobility and insidious dementia took her from me day by day. Finally panic disorder along with the dementia made it necessary for me to move her to a nursing home. (11 months ago tomorrow.) Although I didn't know what else to do, I don't know how to get over taking her out of her home. Though I spent hours with her each day, she died alone in the middle of the night, and that haunts me. What really caught my attention, Mayim, is when you spoke about the three month point where the anger of grief sets in. Wow. It's only a few days past the three month mark but I am conscious of just being furious with the world. Thank you all for your work. Tonight I am appreciating you more than ever. Nora, I am going to seek out your book. Wishing you all every happiness with much love.
Thank you for this post. This conversation has helped me not to feel so alone or abnormal in my grief. I lost a friend of 17 years whom I dearly loved and my mother. Both to hellish cancer. Both just recently. He in February. Her in April. I thought I was alone in my paralyzed mental state and physical manifestations of hell. ☕️💜
I sobbed during most of this video gonna rewatch in hopes to get my shit together! Thank You Nora for being authentic and Mayim,Jonathan & crew for doing this podcast. I CANT imagine what you went through in one year Nora! Life isn’t alway fair…I appreciate the podcast more then I thought I would have! Happy 1year podanniversary!
One of the best episodes yet. After watching my sister become a widow at 25 she was so thankful to find Nora's hot widow club. This podcast and the people that open up on it have really helped me deal with my own grief and not feel so alone. Happy one year 🎉
This was heartbreaking 😢😭. I cried my eyes out. This lady is so young and so wise. I've lost loved ones in the past and I have experienced tremendous amount of grief like every human in this world but I admire her resilience so much. It impressed me the way she managed to be productive, write books, build herself back again, have another kid, and believe in love again. This woman is brilliant and brave. Thank you for another great podcast. Happy podcast-versary. Keep up the outstanding work you do.
First things first: HAPPY POD-VERSARY! One year yet! Me too, watching and active commenting from 1st episode. How many things you gave us in a year for free. Such effort. From you, M & J, but also all the team! HUGE THANKS! I didn’t know who Nora was, but after today’s episode something “clicked” in me. Because grief, maybe not in such hard level as her, we all have experienced it. And yes, a bad epitaph can destroy your life legacy in a blink. I wrote mine as my farewell to this world while dealing with a cancer. Yet cured, it rests in my drawer…Till the day it must be needed.
@@believer773 OMG! Thank YOU for being so kind to me! I began to watch from the first episode, I’ve never lost one, and I find that the work both Mayim and Jonathan are doing, allowing all kind of people (not only the rich or the ones who can afford it) having access to Mental Health issues and experiences is an amazing endevour. I like to be active, and in the only way I can, help (that is comenting). I think they deserve the best.
Thank you so much for another awesome podcast, Mayim. Nora McInerny is a fantastic guest and I think so many people can benefit from all the mental health topics such as grief that are mentioned in this podcast. These podcasts have made me fell a whole lot better mentally!
Sorry for the out of place comment everyone but wow, i got goosebumps after accidentally finding this channel. i cried a lot when big bang theory ended. But finding out that Amy Farrah Fowler has a TH-cam channel?! That’s amazing
I am really glad that you choice this topic. As a culture there is so much pressure for our culture to "be normal" again. I lost my brother in 2019 and while I have learned to live with that loss, it is something that changed who I am and is something I carry with me everyday. The constant expectation from friends, co-workers, and even family that I should be fine made me feel alone and that I should be ashamed of my grief. I still struggle with the loss of my brother, but have worked to not be ashamed of my grief. People's being discomfort my grief is their issue and I don't have to lessen my loss to make them comfortable.
Such a moving episode! I’m still with tears & a knot in my throat. And feeling in some way fully “undressed” & exposed in it. Speaking of GRIEF, Jonathan’s LOTIC instagram account made not so long ago a great Live I highly recommend. Yes, everyone’s grief is different & no one has the “right” to judge, intrude or even understand yours. Word of one who while dealing with a cancer treatment lost a younger bro bc a sudden suicide & both parents, with only three days of differenve one from another, only months after. So the best my best friend & my hubby & my son did to me were BE THERE. For ME. Be. In silence. At reach. Since fully closure..that hasn’t fully arrived. Thank you Mayim and Jonathan for another AMAZINGLY FABULOUS episode! 💜🙏🏼 It resonates so much in me…
The 5 stages of grief is more about when given a terminal diagnosis. Grief from grandma, husband, other family and friends. Each is different, with grandma and grandpa like a peaceful graceful, they are at peace. With a younger person it feels wrong, out of order. Friends with children that die looks like the worst. There's a huge spectrum. But there are many more stages than five.
This resonated with me so much! My husband died in March 2020, 4 days later we were on lock down from the pandemic so I could not even be with my family or friends, almost to the day a year later my mom died in 2021. I was a caregiver to both in my home. I am a very optimistic person but wow does that sorrow come in waves out of no where! This podcast has been such a comfort to me! Thank you for all you both do, and your lovely guests!❤️❤️❤️❤️
This podcast -- of all the Breakdowns I've witnessed -- is the most acutely meaningful. I am experiencing so many of these emotions right now, and honestly, this dialogue has been so very helpful. Thank you, Mayim, thank you, Nora!
I didn't know who Nora was before this episode, and now I'm so in awe of her. I love her sardonic humour mostly :) But I can appreciate her articulation of her feelings, and her honesty. Loved this episode.
💔I lost my beloved adopted mom right before Christmas it has been severely devastating and has rocked me to the core. I’ve certainly been having even dark thoughts, emptiness, loss of faith, and even the will to live.😢😔😥 She was the mother I never had I still can’t believe she’s gone, and very difficult to imagine life without her. Very sad and heart wrenching times...💔
I empathize with you, I just lost my mom. Every day is a struggle, every word you wrote I can relate with. Like Mayim said, some people are "different" and deal with grief differently. It is interesting to see how others how people work through the pain. I appreciate what they said at the end of the podcast, when Mayim brought up that she does not see things the same way that she looks at it with more of a melancholy way. It doesn't come natural to me either to take lemons and make lemonade. At least not when it comes to my mother's passing. My life will never be the same. I am not sure how to live with this much pain.
@@dr.eliciarosen-fox1354 I thank you very much for your honest and vulnerable response, and I’m completely sorry for the loss, of your beloved mom as well.🥺😥🥺 First mother day weekend without my mom is absolutely heart wrenching life surely isn’t the same.💔 #GriefHurts
wow hard to hold back tears as you tell the part about seeing his life expectancy. What an incredible person you are, Nora, with such humor and grace. Your husband sounds like a true angel. Thank you for sharing your story.
59:19 Live fully. I learned this from David Kessler (author) Live fully, grieve fully. Yes, yes, yes. It is difficult and it does suck. Moving forward on the new road without my husband is not easy and that is ok. Being in a grief group is very helpful. We see ourselves in other people's stories. I for sure know that I'm modeling grief for our children and for other friends and family. This is such a great interview. Thank you
I find it amazingly how the “energy” we people have. Just yesterday one of my favorite uncle died after a long battle with Alzheimer’s and now I’m watching this interview. For me I find it weird the second time around, meaning when my boyfriend died from HIV 5 years ago I was a mess, but today I can even go to work.
This was a great episode. A huge thank you to Nora for sharing her story! Can I say that I’m envious of her productivity during such a tumultuous and heart broken time?? During my time with grief, I’m pretty sure I just floated around through what I thought were my daily obligations. No one told me it was ok to pause or feel.
My husband died the morning before my parents 60th wedding anniversary. I felt I had to attend the anniversary party because I had planned it and prepared much of the food. It was surreal. I was a robot to get through it.
I LOVED THIS EPISODE. I lost my littler sister 10 years ago, she was 15 with a terminal and degenerative disease that ulitimatly ended in her passing. This really spoke to me. And also, Johnathan , Grief constipated might translate to emotional incarseration. I think you should read "cry like a man" if you havent already. Love you both
Happy Podiversary! My life is better because you two create this podcast. Seriously. It’s educational, entertaining and truly helps me navigate some complicated stuff. So grateful for this show. Thank you Mayim, Jonathan and all the other people who make this possible. You guys are appreciated more than you know. ❤️🌺❤️
I hope people who are in deep grief at the loss of their parents like Mayim know how blessed they are to have had that kind of relationship. I can say that my mother's death in 2019 was a small g compared to the devastating divorce, and abandonment while I was in the midst of a health crisis, followed by 20 years of estrangement, and eventually my son's death all Huge G Grief. . I know grief and loss as I have lost everything at least once, including 3 children, including my first born son who died at 20 in 2016. Even as a mother who has survived the deaths of her children I want to say that not all divorces are the same AT ALL. Certainly if it goes the way decent people know it should where the children come first, and the parents are empathic and loving and honest and fair, then yes that would be a small g, but for some of us divorce became an unimaginable nightmare and as my story illustrates the kids don't always bounce back from the complex trauma that comes as a result of that kind of ongoing abuse, neglect, and manipulation and complete absence of love.
This video is (not "was") such an enlightening experience and is one I will watch on a repetitive basis. Dealing with grief has always been a difficult experience that we all will unfortunately experience in some way from a favorite kitty cat or Hamster to perhaps the most profound person in our life. Thank you for sharing that the full spectrum of emotion is entirely okay and even therapeutic. Very helpful!!
Wow! 1 year!! Congrats, I’ve recorded 117 pages worth of insights for me. Y’all have helped me over the last year and all it’s challenges plus challenges pre-MBB. Please keep up your awesomeness!!
Dr Bialik: First let me say, I’ve never met Nora personally, but her story was pivotal because, at the time I listened to her TED Talk, it was exactly a week after my husband died of terminal cancer. Prior to that, I’d lost my maternal grandmother who was my best friend and my father who was my hero. I’ve learned this journey of grief is very “person specific.” My grief for each person is very unique and different, and my mind told me because my relationship with each of these Three giants in my world was different, the grief would be different, too. I’m convinced, after listening to Nora’s TED Talk, that as different as our spouses were, the grief we experienced is nearly the same. A marital relationship, is a bond when you give your heart and all the emotions your heart holds to another person. I’m convinced the unique bond Nora and Aaron had was very similar to the bond held by my husband and me. That was evident when I listened to her TED talk, I couldn’t believe how her talk mimicked the Eulogy I’d given for my husband just a week earlier. People who’ve never watched a spouse slowly die (when the life drains from their body and their soul and spirit are gone from the physical shell)can’t understand when I tell them his soul went to his permanent home in heaven, but In that moment of earthly death, his spirit remained in my heart. When I tell people, I will never “just get over it” and move on from my husband, I choose to move forward with him and the memories we shared, I can tell they’ve never experienced the loss of their spouse because they don’t understand those words. My grief journey, I’ve determined, has no end. The pain of loss changes but never goes away. You learn to cope with the loss which allows you to (hopefully) function day to day. In 4 days, it will be the second full year he’s been gone. My heart still aches but I now laugh when I hear something funny. Progress? I suppose. I’m a big believer that we are all born into this world with a purpose to fulfill on our journey. I also believe just as God knows the day we will enter this world, He also knows the day we will exit. Thank you for choosing this topic. It’s one that is often overlooked but is much needed.
it has been 5 years and 7 months since my 2 sons were killed . just now getting better. And we have had 9 family members die since them and 3 friends. None have been as bad as losing the boys.
Thanks Breakdown team and Mayim for a year of amazing, life changing, helpful and entertaining shows. You guys are really making a difference out here in the world.
I am so glad i listened/watched this episode. I lost my partner suddenly last year and things that Nora McInerny spoke to me so much. I am currently in the feeling guilty for wanting some physical contact and company but i can not express how her words helped. completely off course, have you considered having Miranda on your podcast? She is an amazing woman as i am certain you know. Thank you for doing Breakdown. I love your view, questions and way you steer conversation
This episode so hits home. My husband passed in 2001 from end stage renal failure. He had been ill for 15 years and I watched as he slowly faded from this world. Our second son was born after his diagnosis, but the month before any treatment started, so I can relate to my husband being ill, working, and having a baby. It's been 21 years now, but it still seems like yesterday, even though some of the events are hazy in my mind. Thank you for having this episode. And HAPPY POD-VERSARY! Hope there are many more years and guests to come.
Fist of all happy pod- aversary! Been watching since the beginning!! ♥️💯 I have an ask Mayim anything: Could you speak about “little t’s” and how sometimes the accumulation of little t’s, specially in a small period of time can feel like one big T trauma? I recently started trauma therapy and within the signed consent form there was a chart where you had to check off your “potentially traumatic” life experiences - some big T’s and other little t’s - and date them. Out of 17 options I had gone through 12 , all within 1 year. As I sat there looking at this chart it hit me how truly these events have changed my life, turned it upside down and then some. A lot of people don’t quite understand where pain and grief is coming from when “nobody died” but it feels like the person who has passed away was the person you used to be. Thank you for this podcast and everything you do, you both inspire and motivate so many of us♥️
Her neck and shoulders response, wow, I didn't connect the dots. Had it for weeks after the cancer diagnosis of someone I loved and then another spout a few months after his death. There were no knots in the muscles so it puzzled therapists and the horrible pain disappeared overnight without treatment.
I feel like - yes she had great grief- yet she had so so many around her helping her- feeling sorry - the loss of such a young husband. Mayim had to kind of pull out of her yet HOW --- well she is so blessed a man just appeared AND he let her grieve. How many get that - friends do run when you don't just pop out of it. They ask how you are yet they really really do NOT want to know- they do not know what to do with what YOU are experiencing. So with a man THERE helping her grieve - does she really really know- I feel duped by this broadcast - she had so so much - I want to hear from those who do it on their OWN - as that 99 percent of the time is IT -
AFTER THE HORROR OF YEARS, UPON YEARS, UPON YEARS, OF THE GRIEF-WITHOUT-DEATH, THE DEATH HAD TO BE SILENT, BECAUSE, THERE WERE STILL YEARS, UPON YEARS, UPON YEARS, OF GRIEF-WITHOUT-DEATH, TO GET THROUGH. AND NOW, THERE IS ONLY GRIEF, AND I TRY TO LEARN HOW TO BREATHE. ALONE.
I don’t know if I should watch this. I lost my brother in September (COVID) & I have been getting through it by ignoring that he’s gone. I don’t handle emotional pain well so facing such a tremendous loss is terrifying.
Her story reminds me of Lindsay Nicholson, a British journalist and author who lost both her husband and her daughter to leukemia and wrote a book about it.
I love your videos, you are just amazing in everything you do. A fan question: have you considered inviting Jim Parsons to an episode of your podcast? kisses from Brazil, we love you so much. 🇧🇷❤
The phrase that made me snap after my husband died was, "At least he's no longer in pain." He died of a heart attack. He wasn't in any pain. What about me? What about my pain? How's this going to help me? He was a kid and didn't deserve it. But I was still in the phase of life getting less hard.
For me it was those folks who told me how devastated THEY were that MY husband died. They didn’t even know him, but I am supposed to comfort them for their loss?
@@vernss3092 I've been asked what is a good phrase for people going through grief such as this. "I'm so sorry for your loss," and the Star Trek, "I grieve with you," while bland it brings no equation with what you are feeling. A simple "Thank you," is a good and expected response to either phrase. They're both really good for relative strangers. Pretending to be otherwise is just unnecessary.
I'd like to recommend a book on this subject also! LETTERS TO BARBARA by Mary Croft! She was in her 80's when she wrote it and Barbara was her sister that died at 15 years old in the 1940's!
Is that a thing to be stiff in your shoulders and neck from grief? I’ve been deal with grief for a while now and I feel like I’m just so stiff and knots everywhere….
I am so grateful for this interview. Thank you. I have experienced so much death in the last 2 1/2 years of close family members and extended family members and friends. I had to leave my best friends side who was dying of cancer to go to my mother on her deathbed (long battle with heart disease), literally. How do you fully experience grief and its stages when you keep getting slapped in the face with more death. I feel like I keep getting knocked off a ladder and landing in a volcano of despair (sometimes it just percolates and then it blows). I tried counseling and was told only this at the end "have you tried a gratitude journal?". What? No compassion, no sympathy, no strategy to work thru stages of grief (stages of grief were not even brought up), no grief support group info, nothing. How do you go on?, is what I wanted to shout. Thank God for Prozac (which I asked my PCP for early on) or I would have lost it. I felt so failed by that psychologist that day. (Breathe!) I said thank you very much and left and never went back. But I have found insight and comfort in your words and shared experiences and thoughts of God and even humor. I am thankful. God bless you all. (I am so tempted to delete this, so I won't. Someone needs to see it, somewhere. But being vulnerable sucks.)
Grief feeling cannot be skipped over. No matter how busy people tell you to stay the grief comes to you in a tranquil moment and destroys you mood with so much sadness you wonder what the hell just happened. I love Nora McInerny she is brave but I worry about her like myself what will happen when the busy is stopped by grief?
My timeline of my grief is so similar :(. My brother (healthy 33 yr old) died from COVID in September 2021, then my father died of cancer the day after Christmas 2021 (after getting his diagnosis in May 2021) and my best friend of 25 years died of cancer in January 2022. I'm still trying to navigate my grief and it's so hard. I don't want to feel the pain so my left side of my brain has been taking over from the beginning and my right side of my brain is starting to manifest itself which is obviously telling me I need to cry.
That’s so much to endure. I send you a big hug. Unfortunately it seems the only way out of the pain is through it. You can do it! There’s lots more love waiting for you on the other side ❤
"It's only gonna be okay if you're allowed to NOT be okay for awhile." Wise words, Jonathan.
I can't imagine that Mayim and Johnathan will ever see this but..
This series changed my life and gave me the vocabulary that I needed to finally do real and productive work on my mental health. I am forever grateful.
Thank you🐝💜
My boyfriend passed away 11 months ago today. He went to sleep and never woke up at 44 years old. Every day still hurts. Thank you for sharing your story. ❤️
This is just the greatest stuff!! It's so thought provoking. My husband was killed when he was 25 and I was 22. We had a 4 year old daughter. I also got the "you're still young and you're so pretty" at the funeral. I thought it was just my luck to have all this peripheral junk distracting me. I drank and did drugs for years behind it. I'm here to report, you can survive, learn, and even grow from an awful experience like the death of a loved one. It's part of who I am today. I'm 70 years old, sober for nearly 40 years, and am living my best life.
I lost my dad last week, and it’s been so raw.. I have had many insights, taken comfort in so many small things because he spent the last forty years showing me the good, being the light and always doing the right thing.. I am going to miss his dad jokes so much.
"We don't get over things, we get through them." I told my roommate something similar when she asked when I'd get over my dad dying. (I'd been particularly horrible for a while after my dad died, so I can't blame her for asking something like that.) My dad dying isn't something I'm ever going to get over, but it's become something I've learned to live with.
agree - through them and it is a hard trip ... and it really - never goes away xo
💔
Same with me,, I carry my grief for my mom...
I’m in the irritable stage of my grief. My beloved father passed in November. I have no stress tolerance right now. I go into doomsday mode. My dad was also a huge feminist and one of my safe havens. Since he’s been gone I’ve been ultra-feministic. And am very much channeling my frustrations at misogyny and oppression, and the small missteps the people close to me make because of their own conditioning. I wish I could access more compassion for mistakes from people who genuinely want to do better, but I haven’t given that to myself. I miss my dad’s gentle, patient, kind, creative presence. I wish there were more men openly being that way. The world feels like such a harsh place without him. I didn’t realize how much of a buffer his presence was for me to all the BS of the world.
My husband and I lost our twins twenty years ago in July. No one will or can understand our pain, experience, our forever sadness. It changed us as parents to our children. I don't fear death because I watched it happen in my arms. I also saw what real pain is in another human.
I am a straight cis female US Army combat veteran. During my deployment, at the age of 31, I lost my husband; was verbally sexually harassed EVERY DAY; raped; my ovaries failed permanently; and my grandmother passed away.
I was numb until I got back to the states and grief slammed into me like a mack truck.
My therapist at the Asheville, NC VA hospital is fantastic and has truly helped me, but I'm still trying to figure out how to put the shattered pieces of my life together. I cried during this entire episode.
Thank you for what you do,
Jamie Miller
Dang. That's some serious trauma. Accessing psychedelics has been very healing for me, in addition to this podcast. Best to you. ❤
I wish I could hug you. That is more than you should have ever had to endure. I am glad you're still here and that you still have hope. I hope you have love in your life and people who comfort you. I pray you get to a place of immense joy and peace.
Healing hugs from Tampa ❤❤❤
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm so very sorry you had to experience all of that...you truly are a amazing example of courage and strength. Sending you hugs and encouragement for continued healing.
Just wanted to add a few trauma treatment options I’ve come across. You’ve been through A LOT Jamie. I’ve been through some of what you have and my nerves are shot so I can only imagine what you might be experiencing. Here are some healing options I am looking into for CPTSD. Maybe one of them will work for you? I decided I am just going to keep trying things until I find something that works. Best of luck on your healing journey.
1. Stellate Ganglion Block
2. Ketamine infusion
3. EMDR therapy
4. Psychedelics
This episode was very helpful. I went through a divorce after spending 11 years with my partner. Navigating grief of what you thought would be your future and your person was unlike other grief I’ve experienced. Keep going everyone, we got this!
"unlike other grief I've experienced..." -- yup, I feel you there... I grieved much longer than I thought healthy after my divorce-- but alas, I got over it and am better for it!
I have gone through a brutal divorce where I lost everything and fifteen years later my eldest son died, so I know grief and loss, and I just wanted to validate your feelings of loss at having gone through this divorce. It is a very real yet disenfranchised grief because no one is sending flowers or condolences, and depending on who this person was you may have been getting blamed, I know I was. Anyway, the point is that the grief is real, and so is the isolation. 💕
Nora, Mayim and Johnathan, thank you.
I had watched this episode before, but didn't recognize it until I started replaying it. Seeing the words, "Moving Through Grief Paralysis" caught my eye, and I recognized that it was timely for me.
It has been three months since my mother died. I was her only child. For the last four years I cared for her as strokes, cancers, failing mobility and insidious dementia took her from me day by day. Finally panic disorder along with the dementia made it necessary for me to move her to a nursing home. (11 months ago tomorrow.) Although I didn't know what else to do, I don't know how to get over taking her out of her home. Though I spent hours with her each day, she died alone in the middle of the night, and that haunts me.
What really caught my attention, Mayim, is when you spoke about the three month point where the anger of grief sets in. Wow. It's only a few days past the three month mark but I am conscious of just being furious with the world.
Thank you all for your work. Tonight I am appreciating you more than ever. Nora, I am going to seek out your book.
Wishing you all every happiness with much love.
Thank you for this post. This conversation has helped me not to feel so alone or abnormal in my grief. I lost a friend of 17 years whom I dearly loved and my mother. Both to hellish cancer. Both just recently. He in February. Her in April. I thought I was alone in my paralyzed mental state and physical manifestations of hell. ☕️💜
Describing your fathers and husbands last rites was absolutely beautiful. Hail Mary Full of Grace Pray for us 💙💙💙
I sobbed during most of this video gonna rewatch in hopes to get my shit together! Thank You Nora for being authentic and Mayim,Jonathan & crew for doing this podcast. I CANT imagine what you went through in one year Nora! Life isn’t alway fair…I appreciate the podcast more then I thought I would have! Happy 1year podanniversary!
One of the best episodes yet. After watching my sister become a widow at 25 she was so thankful to find Nora's hot widow club. This podcast and the people that open up on it have really helped me deal with my own grief and not feel so alone. Happy one year 🎉
This was heartbreaking 😢😭. I cried my eyes out. This lady is so young and so wise. I've lost loved ones in the past and I have experienced tremendous amount of grief like every human in this world but I admire her resilience so much. It impressed me the way she managed to be productive, write books, build herself back again, have another kid, and believe in love again. This woman is brilliant and brave. Thank you for another great podcast. Happy podcast-versary. Keep up the outstanding work you do.
First things first: HAPPY POD-VERSARY! One year yet! Me too, watching and active commenting from 1st episode. How many things you gave us in a year for free. Such effort. From you, M & J, but also all the team! HUGE THANKS! I didn’t know who Nora was, but after today’s episode something “clicked” in me. Because grief, maybe not in such hard level as her, we all have experienced it. And yes, a bad epitaph can destroy your life legacy in a blink. I wrote mine as my farewell to this world while dealing with a cancer. Yet cured, it rests in my drawer…Till the day it must be needed.
Hi Marisa, your comments are always so kind on Mayims videos, it's nice to see, thank you for being a bright light.
@@believer773 OMG! Thank YOU for being so kind to me! I began to watch from the first episode, I’ve never lost one, and I find that the work both Mayim and Jonathan are doing, allowing all kind of people (not only the rich or the ones who can afford it) having access to Mental Health issues and experiences is an amazing endevour. I like to be active, and in the only way I can, help (that is comenting). I think they deserve the best.
I can not stop crying. I felt something similar when I saw my much loved brother leave us.
Thank you so much for another awesome podcast, Mayim. Nora McInerny is a fantastic guest and I think so many people can benefit from all the mental health topics such as grief that are mentioned in this podcast. These podcasts have made me fell a whole lot better mentally!
Mayim, what you are doing with this channel is incredibly important. Thank you!
Sorry for the out of place comment everyone but wow, i got goosebumps after accidentally finding this channel. i cried a lot when big bang theory ended. But finding out that Amy Farrah Fowler has a TH-cam channel?! That’s amazing
I am really glad that you choice this topic. As a culture there is so much pressure for our culture to "be normal" again. I lost my brother in 2019 and while I have learned to live with that loss, it is something that changed who I am and is something I carry with me everyday. The constant expectation from friends, co-workers, and even family that I should be fine made me feel alone and that I should be ashamed of my grief. I still struggle with the loss of my brother, but have worked to not be ashamed of my grief. People's being discomfort my grief is their issue and I don't have to lessen my loss to make them comfortable.
Such a moving episode! I’m still with tears & a knot in my throat. And feeling in some way fully “undressed” & exposed in it. Speaking of GRIEF, Jonathan’s LOTIC instagram account made not so long ago a great Live I highly recommend.
Yes, everyone’s grief is different & no one has the “right” to judge, intrude or even understand yours. Word of one who while dealing with a cancer treatment lost a younger bro bc a sudden suicide & both parents, with only three days of differenve one from another, only months after. So the best my best friend & my hubby & my son did to me were BE THERE. For ME. Be. In silence. At reach. Since fully closure..that hasn’t fully arrived. Thank you Mayim and Jonathan for another AMAZINGLY FABULOUS episode! 💜🙏🏼 It resonates so much in me…
I am listening to this while doing my laundry and I didn't expect I would be crying
I’m struggling in grief I don’t want to say anymore love the honesty
The 5 stages of grief is more about when given a terminal diagnosis. Grief from grandma, husband, other family and friends. Each is different, with grandma and grandpa like a peaceful graceful, they are at peace. With a younger person it feels wrong, out of order. Friends with children that die looks like the worst. There's a huge spectrum. But there are many more stages than five.
I loved. Crying a lot. Thank you Mayim and Jonathan. From Brazil. 😘😘
A whole year! The addition of this podcast to my mental health routine has been wonderful! Thank you Mayim!
Same ! 💜
Dec 1 will be 3 years since my husband died. This episode hit home.
This resonated with me so much!
My husband died in March 2020, 4 days later we were on lock down from the pandemic so I could not even be with my family or friends, almost to the day a year later my mom died in 2021. I was a caregiver to both in my home. I am a very optimistic person but wow does that sorrow come in waves out of no where! This podcast has been such a comfort to me! Thank you for all you both do, and your lovely guests!❤️❤️❤️❤️
One of the best interviews I've ever watched.
This podcast -- of all the Breakdowns I've witnessed -- is the most acutely meaningful. I am experiencing so many of these emotions right now, and honestly, this dialogue has been so very helpful. Thank you, Mayim, thank you, Nora!
Love, love, love Nora.
Been listening to her forever ❤️
I didn't know who Nora was before this episode, and now I'm so in awe of her. I love her sardonic humour mostly :) But I can appreciate her articulation of her feelings, and her honesty. Loved this episode.
💔I lost my beloved adopted mom right before Christmas it has been severely devastating and has rocked me to the core. I’ve certainly been having even dark thoughts, emptiness, loss of faith, and even the will to live.😢😔😥 She was the mother I never had I still can’t believe she’s gone, and very difficult to imagine life without her. Very sad and heart wrenching times...💔
I empathize with you, I just lost my mom. Every day is a struggle, every word you wrote I can relate with. Like Mayim said, some people are "different" and deal with grief differently. It is interesting to see how others how people work through the pain. I appreciate what they said at the end of the podcast, when Mayim brought up that she does not see things the same way that she looks at it with more of a melancholy way. It doesn't come natural to me either to take lemons and make lemonade. At least not when it comes to my mother's passing. My life will never be the same. I am not sure how to live with this much pain.
@@dr.eliciarosen-fox1354 I thank you very much for your honest and vulnerable response, and I’m completely sorry for the loss, of your beloved mom as well.🥺😥🥺 First mother day weekend without my mom is absolutely heart wrenching life surely isn’t the same.💔 #GriefHurts
wow hard to hold back tears as you tell the part about seeing his life expectancy. What an incredible person you are, Nora, with such humor and grace. Your husband sounds like a true angel. Thank you for sharing your story.
59:19 Live fully. I learned this from David Kessler (author) Live fully, grieve fully. Yes, yes, yes. It is difficult and it does suck. Moving forward on the new road without my husband is not easy and that is ok. Being in a grief group is very helpful. We see ourselves in other people's stories. I for sure know that I'm modeling grief for our children and for other friends and family. This is such a great interview. Thank you
"I will do anything to not feel" 💯💯💯
I find it amazingly how the “energy” we people have. Just yesterday one of my favorite uncle died after a long battle with Alzheimer’s and now I’m watching this interview. For me I find it weird the second time around, meaning when my boyfriend died from HIV 5 years ago I was a mess, but today I can even go to work.
This was a great episode. A huge thank you to Nora for sharing her story! Can I say that I’m envious of her productivity during such a tumultuous and heart broken time?? During my time with grief, I’m pretty sure I just floated around through what I thought were my daily obligations. No one told me it was ok to pause or feel.
Ookay.
A very sweet bitter life experience turning bittersweet. I'm happy for her outcome. Not at all what I was thinking for this podcast.
Phew, that was heartbreaking; glad she was able to come to terms.
My husband died the morning before my parents 60th wedding anniversary. I felt I had to attend the anniversary party because I had planned it and prepared much of the food. It was surreal. I was a robot to get through it.
I LOVED THIS EPISODE. I lost my littler sister 10 years ago, she was 15 with a terminal and degenerative disease that ulitimatly ended in her passing. This really spoke to me. And also, Johnathan , Grief constipated might translate to emotional incarseration. I think you should read "cry like a man" if you havent already. Love you both
Happy Podiversary! My life is better because you two create this podcast. Seriously. It’s educational, entertaining and truly helps me navigate some complicated stuff. So grateful for this show. Thank you Mayim, Jonathan and all the other people who make this possible. You guys are appreciated more than you know. ❤️🌺❤️
What a beautiful, honest, sorrowful woman. Thank you.
I hope people who are in deep grief at the loss of their parents like Mayim know how blessed they are to have had that kind of relationship. I can say that my mother's death in 2019 was a small g compared to the devastating divorce, and abandonment while I was in the midst of a health crisis, followed by 20 years of estrangement, and eventually my son's death all Huge G Grief. . I know grief and loss as I have lost everything at least once, including 3 children, including my first born son who died at 20 in 2016. Even as a mother who has survived the deaths of her children I want to say that not all divorces are the same AT ALL. Certainly if it goes the way decent people know it should where the children come first, and the parents are empathic and loving and honest and fair, then yes that would be a small g, but for some of us divorce became an unimaginable nightmare and as my story illustrates the kids don't always bounce back from the complex trauma that comes as a result of that kind of ongoing abuse, neglect, and manipulation and complete absence of love.
This video is (not "was") such an enlightening experience and is one I will watch on a repetitive basis. Dealing with grief has always been a difficult experience that we all will unfortunately experience in some way from a favorite kitty cat or Hamster to perhaps the most profound person in our life. Thank you for sharing that the full spectrum of emotion is entirely okay and even therapeutic. Very helpful!!
Love the realness of your show and the topic and the guest
It's been 24 days since my beautiful partner died and I'm so lost.
Wow! 1 year!! Congrats, I’ve recorded 117 pages worth of insights for me. Y’all have helped me over the last year and all it’s challenges plus challenges pre-MBB. Please keep up your awesomeness!!
Dr Bialik: First let me say, I’ve never met Nora personally, but her story was pivotal because, at the time I listened to her TED Talk, it was exactly a week after my husband died of terminal cancer. Prior to that, I’d lost my maternal grandmother who was my best friend and my father who was my hero. I’ve learned this journey of grief is very “person specific.”
My grief for each person is very unique and different, and my mind told me because my relationship with each of these Three giants in my world was different, the grief would be different, too.
I’m convinced, after listening to Nora’s TED Talk, that as different as our spouses were, the grief we experienced is nearly the same. A marital relationship, is a bond when you give your heart and all the emotions your heart holds to another person. I’m convinced the unique bond Nora and Aaron had was very similar to the bond held by my husband and me. That was evident when I listened to her TED talk, I couldn’t believe how her talk mimicked the Eulogy I’d given for my husband just a week earlier.
People who’ve never watched a spouse slowly die (when the life drains from their body and their soul and spirit are gone from the physical shell)can’t understand when I tell them his soul went to his permanent home in heaven, but In that moment of earthly death, his spirit remained in my heart. When I tell people, I will never “just get over it” and move on from my husband, I choose to move forward with him and the memories we shared, I can tell they’ve never experienced the loss of their spouse because they don’t understand those words.
My grief journey, I’ve determined, has no end. The pain of loss changes but never goes away. You learn to cope with the loss which allows you to (hopefully) function day to day.
In 4 days, it will be the second full year he’s been gone. My heart still aches but I now laugh when I hear something funny. Progress? I suppose.
I’m a big believer that we are all born into this world with a purpose to fulfill on our journey. I also believe just as God knows the day we will enter this world, He also knows the day we will exit.
Thank you for choosing this topic. It’s one that is often overlooked but is much needed.
it has been 5 years and 7 months since my 2 sons were killed . just now getting better. And we have had 9 family members die since them and 3 friends. None have been as bad as losing the boys.
I'm so sorry for all your lost.. God bless 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
Thanks Breakdown team and Mayim for a year of amazing, life changing, helpful and entertaining shows. You guys are really making a difference out here in the world.
I am so glad i listened/watched this episode. I lost my partner suddenly last year and things that Nora McInerny spoke to me so much.
I am currently in the feeling guilty for wanting some physical contact and company but i can not express how her words helped.
completely off course, have you considered having Miranda on your podcast? She is an amazing woman as i am certain you know.
Thank you for doing Breakdown. I love your view, questions and way you steer conversation
This episode so hits home. My husband passed in 2001 from end stage renal failure. He had been ill for 15 years and I watched as he slowly faded from this world. Our second son was born after his diagnosis, but the month before any treatment started, so I can relate to my husband being ill, working, and having a baby. It's been 21 years now, but it still seems like yesterday, even though some of the events are hazy in my mind. Thank you for having this episode. And HAPPY POD-VERSARY! Hope there are many more years and guests to come.
Thank you so much for this! My mother passed going on 2 years ago and so much of this talk resonated with me.
💗💗💗 I love Nora! Her podcast is amazing and I was super excited to see her on your amazing pod!
Had a lot of losses/death in the last few years. Thank you for this episode. Related to this so much. 💖
Fist of all happy pod- aversary! Been watching since the beginning!! ♥️💯
I have an ask Mayim anything:
Could you speak about “little t’s” and how sometimes the accumulation of little t’s, specially in a small period of time can feel like one big T trauma?
I recently started trauma therapy and within the signed consent form there was a chart where you had to check off your “potentially traumatic” life experiences - some big T’s and other little t’s - and date them. Out of 17 options I had gone through 12 , all within 1 year. As I sat there looking at this chart it hit me how truly these events have changed my life, turned it upside down and then some. A lot of people don’t quite understand where pain and grief is coming from when “nobody died” but it feels like the person who has passed away was the person you used to be.
Thank you for this podcast and everything you do, you both inspire and motivate so many of us♥️
Absolutely fabulous conversation about grief.
"Faster emotional metabolism" ... that was good.
Loved this & needed it❤
One the best n Honest interviews Mayim!!!!
Her neck and shoulders response, wow, I didn't connect the dots. Had it for weeks after the cancer diagnosis of someone I loved and then another spout a few months after his death. There were no knots in the muscles so it puzzled therapists and the horrible pain disappeared overnight without treatment.
Happy Podversary, thank you for starting this channel, it has been so helpful, fun and informative
wow. what a remarkable episode. I did not know about Nora and her story. She is so engaging.
I feel like - yes she had great grief- yet she had so so many around her helping her- feeling sorry - the loss of such a young husband. Mayim had to kind of pull out of her yet HOW --- well she is so blessed a man just appeared AND he let her grieve. How many get that - friends do run when you don't just pop out of it. They ask how you are yet they really really do NOT want to know- they do not know what to do with what YOU are experiencing. So with a man THERE helping her grieve - does she really really know- I feel duped by this broadcast - she had so so much - I want to hear from those who do it on their OWN - as that 99 percent of the time is IT -
She has such an interesting story 😂❤😂And I can see why she wanted to be a writer she’s such a natural storyteller
AFTER THE HORROR OF YEARS, UPON YEARS, UPON YEARS, OF THE GRIEF-WITHOUT-DEATH, THE DEATH HAD TO BE SILENT, BECAUSE, THERE WERE STILL YEARS, UPON YEARS, UPON YEARS, OF GRIEF-WITHOUT-DEATH, TO GET THROUGH. AND NOW, THERE IS ONLY GRIEF, AND I TRY TO LEARN HOW TO BREATHE.
ALONE.
Nora is so wonderful
I love nora and terrible, thanks for asking. Also I am so grateful for work from home so I could weep through this episode in peace.
I don’t know if I should watch this. I lost my brother in September (COVID) & I have been getting through it by ignoring that he’s gone. I don’t handle emotional pain well so facing such a tremendous loss is terrifying.
Thank you for telling it like it is.
Her story reminds me of Lindsay Nicholson, a British journalist and author who lost both her husband and her daughter to leukemia and wrote a book about it.
I'm happy to hear how mayim breaks down complex information,but I still have to think for myself
This was really helpful 🙏😘🌻😍🥰😰❤️
I lost my Beloved dog 🐶 of 12 years. Not else shares my grief. My stories. My connection. This is okay 🙏😰😘🌻
Honestly,, animals try to help us ,,they feel grief too.. makes me cry so sorry for your lost.🙏🙏🙏
@@rosep9866 thank you 🙏 so much Rose 🌹!! 😘🙏🌻💗😻😘
So sorry to hear that, I have never heard my mom cry as hard as when we were told our dog had a tumor
@@casy6203 🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲. So sorry. 😰😰😰
I love your videos, you are just amazing in everything you do. A fan question: have you considered inviting Jim Parsons to an episode of your podcast?
kisses from Brazil, we love you so much. 🇧🇷❤
Also NEVER feel bad for loving someone that has died NEVER!!! Grieve the way you want....
The phrase that made me snap after my husband died was, "At least he's no longer in pain." He died of a heart attack. He wasn't in any pain. What about me? What about my pain? How's this going to help me? He was a kid and didn't deserve it. But I was still in the phase of life getting less hard.
For me it was those folks who told me how devastated THEY were that MY husband died. They didn’t even know him, but I am supposed to comfort them for their loss?
@@vernss3092 I've been asked what is a good phrase for people going through grief such as this. "I'm so sorry for your loss," and the Star Trek, "I grieve with you," while bland it brings no equation with what you are feeling. A simple "Thank you," is a good and expected response to either phrase. They're both really good for relative strangers. Pretending to be otherwise is just unnecessary.
I'd like to recommend a book on this subject also! LETTERS TO BARBARA by Mary Croft! She was in her 80's when she wrote it and Barbara was her sister that died at 15 years old in the 1940's!
Bravo! I’ll never forget this one. Such powerful truth telling! 💗
Is that a thing to be stiff in your shoulders and neck from grief? I’ve been deal with grief for a while now and I feel like I’m just so stiff and knots everywhere….
Yes it can certainly cause (or contribute to) physical symptoms.
Yes there is a book called the body keeps score and it talks about how our body displays our emotions
I loved this. thank you.
TY SO much for this lovely nuanced lady & fantastic podcast! Spot on timing for me 😘😘
Just Commenting for the algorithm 🖤
I am so grateful for this interview. Thank you.
I have experienced so much death in the last 2 1/2 years of close family members and extended family members and friends. I had to leave my best friends side who was dying of cancer to go to my mother on her deathbed (long battle with heart disease), literally. How do you fully experience grief and its stages when you keep getting slapped in the face with more death. I feel like I keep getting knocked off a ladder and landing in a volcano of despair (sometimes it just percolates and then it blows). I tried counseling and was told only this at the end "have you tried a gratitude journal?". What? No compassion, no sympathy, no strategy to work thru stages of grief (stages of grief were not even brought up), no grief support group info, nothing. How do you go on?, is what I wanted to shout. Thank God for Prozac (which I asked my PCP for early on) or I would have lost it. I felt so failed by that psychologist that day. (Breathe!) I said thank you very much and left and never went back.
But I have found insight and comfort in your words and shared experiences and thoughts of God and even humor. I am thankful. God bless you all.
(I am so tempted to delete this, so I won't. Someone needs to see it, somewhere. But being vulnerable sucks.)
Grief feeling cannot be skipped over. No matter how busy people tell you to stay the grief comes to you in a tranquil moment and destroys you mood with so much sadness you wonder what the hell just happened.
I love Nora McInerny she is brave but I worry about her like myself what will happen when the busy is stopped by grief?
YAY! More great conversation!
What does TED talk? What does TED stand for? that you all mentioned...
Love this episode so much 🥺
I make "grief survival bags" for people who suffer a death and loss of a loved one , pet or human a like.
Happy Podaversary! Love this podcast! Very helpful!
"Jews have death down. Living... not so much..." Lol! This is why I love you Mayim!! ❤️😆 I'm kvelling!
This was amazing. So insightful and beautiful.
My timeline of my grief is so similar :(. My brother (healthy 33 yr old) died from COVID in September 2021, then my father died of cancer the day after Christmas 2021 (after getting his diagnosis in May 2021) and my best friend of 25 years died of cancer in January 2022. I'm still trying to navigate my grief and it's so hard. I don't want to feel the pain so my left side of my brain has been taking over from the beginning and my right side of my brain is starting to manifest itself which is obviously telling me I need to cry.
That’s so much to endure. I send you a big hug. Unfortunately it seems the only way out of the pain is through it. You can do it! There’s lots more love waiting for you on the other side ❤
Great show
Loads of grief lie ahead-worldwide.
Blossom!!!
I've been hoping for this one!
I have a suggestion for a guest. Justin Bieber is very forthcoming about his mental health issues and I am sure he would be a great guest.