I imagine that there's a planetairy govener that was so brilliant his cititzens got an extra 1000 calories and 10 hours of extra sleep annually through his reforms.
There is a fanfic called Ciaphas Cain, Warmaster of Chaos, and the running joke is that his constant attempts at sabotaging the coalition of traitors he find himself leading backfires spectacularly. At every turn, he reasons "Take what the Imperium is doing, and do the exact opposite - surely, if the obvious solutions were actually _effective,_ the Imperium would already be doing it!" I won't spoil it, but suffice to say, workers with decent hours and paid time off, free and mandatory education for children, an engineering corps worshipping the twin virtues of innovation and OSHA compliance, and an all-volunteer army with a doctrine that emphasizes force preservation, combined arms, and encourages initiative on the tactical level - it didn't hobble his followers quite as much as Cain expected it would...
There are planets whose ruling Planetary Govenors do try to make the effort. Sadly such Govenors are the exception instead of the rule. If I was an Imperium Citizen? I'd rather be born and raised in the Ultramar Sector. Even during the worst days of the Age of the Imperium, that sector stood out as one of the better regions to live in over any other sector and planet.
@sebastianrubin7476 I dont think Cain was really as inept and cowardly as he says he is. I think he's been doing all this because he knows it improves the lives of his subordinates and is the right way to do things because it works and has a very healthy and normal response to horrifying situations but he lives in a society where all of this is technically very very very bad and something you could be killed summarily for, so he isn't even allowing himself to accept that he is, in fact, the very legend they say he is.
Yes and no. You need a thing to tempt them with… and what thing do they not already have access to without turning to Slaanesh? Slaanesh more appeals to ones that want or need more than their already obscene wealth and power grants them which is not as common as you’d think. Tzeentch could almost appeal more to the average ones since schemes and climbing the ladder is more their stock and trade. The whole existing in an especially hostile social order thing.
@@Anaxemenies Because when you have so much luxury it'll start feeling average eventually, now imagine them discovering there are more luxuries and experiences for them to discover, she who thirsts is the god of excess for a reason
I really love this. You perfectly described how absolutely miserable such an existence is. "There are no good nobles. Those who are, are either dead or have retreated to the imperial guard to get out of this mess."
There are good nobles. Warhammer Crime Serie in flesh and steel features the son of a rich magnate of the hive world Varagantua. That dude became a low level detective for the local police force, but he still lives in relative luxury. Yet he generally behaves like a good person. There are no absolutes in life, not even in the Imperium.
You're just talking about Asia. I'm in Thailand, and chicken feet / beaks are genuinely a pretty common snack, especially when you're out for a few drinks.
@@kevinaustin51 It's not just corpse starch. MRE's like what our current militaries using are more like what they're using,but a bit more with warhammer flavour.
My dude, I was eating a slice of pizza, and the audio and narration you gave for the noble's meal. Just practically elevated the satisfaction of my own meal by 5x.
I apologize but iron within iron without. I will go back to coping about how Dorn made a better sandcastle than my dad by only meager percentiles. Also that I had to carry the whole heresy, and most of the imperium during the great crusade, yet I was fed convicts and deranged to be turned into astartes. My malding knows no bounds.
@@IAmSwatchingYouso I'm not going to get into it but I've actually tried it and it was not particularly good. Honestly one of the most overrated vices out there IMHO.
One of the things I'm reminded of about 40k the fact it's all taken to the final degree with how bad it is. While the lifestyle described is over the top opulent it's built of equally if not more over the top misery
That's WH40K for you. Some 14-year old edgelords in Thatcher-era England went, 'the Empire from Star Wars just isn't evil enough, surely we can do better than that' and now we have this hilariously grimdark franchise.
@@maltheopiaOh, believe me, the Rogue trader era stuff was a hilarious joke compared to how it got. It was in the late nineties that Warhammer 40k began to really settle itself as the purposely worst future mankind could have. This was when Herman Von Strab was introduced. He really set the tone for nobility in 40k.
@@orumonuldor1340 Personally, I think the descent from Judge Dredd-style parody of scifi to its current grimdark state was inevitable. 'I want my sci-fi civilization to be more dysfunctional, genocidal, and EVIL than the Ur-Quan, Dominion, Umbrella Corp, Yuuzhang Vong, and Aztechnology combined, yet I also want them to be totally badass and also the most sympathetic faction' -- well, what do you think was going to happen after a couple of decades?
Instead of all the other Narrators just reading off wiki articles over an image gallery (although I like their content too) you truly exceed them by offering something much more interesting to listen to, can't wait to see what you do next!
@@erdene2476 I think he's grouping in every narrator. Only onemindsyndicate does it directly from the wiki. Others, like the GrimDark Narrator at least re-write it into a narrative script. Even Baldemort does this (though he usually includes damn good stories too). Especially the pure AI channels that popped out of nowhere this year.
@@insertname9736I mean... he's not. Info is taken from the books but yes clearly using it to make a small scene for you instead of reading it in a un-immersive, outside universe perspective.
And none of the are safe from one of Inquisitor Grendel's ogryns smashing in their doors and being dragged away by the Inquisition under suspicion of being a heritic.
I think they function like the underhives, they are steam-valves to make sure the rot doesn't infect a big population center... ineffective but better than nothing I guess
If the Immaterium is a reflection of the Materium, you can definitely see why the warp is so horrible. It's horrible because the Imperium is horrible. There is a reason why chaos corruption wasn't a going concern during the days of the Federation.
It's more than that my friend, both worlds reflect the other. As the material universe worsens, so too does the warp, which then influences the normal world. It's a feedback loop.
@orumonuldor1340 even then, when the Federation collapsed after the Iron War and the warp storms cut FTL travel, communication, and governance, Chaos still wasn't a systematic concern until the Anathema decided to spread his fascist genocidal empire across the entirety of the milky way galaxy. The Interex had a categorically better way of dealing with Chaos but they got exterminated because the Imperium is a bucket of crabs par excellence.
@@Scriptedviolincethis. The Imperium was unnecessary in 30k. The Interex shows that better ways were available. But the Emperor gambled everything on 20 genetic and sorcerous monstrosities and now Mankind is locked in this positive feedback with the Immaterium, as mankind gets shittier so does the immaterium and it makes mankind even shittier.
I imagine there are likely a wide variety of highborn cultures in the vastness of the Imperium. Some more decadent, others more spartan. All of them taught in the ways of taking and keeping power.
I am beginning to believe that the Tyranids are the good guys, coming forth to punish the wicked and to put everyone else out of their misery. These unsung heroes who will end eternal torment and allow a new start.
One thing that never seemed realistic was that 90% of the Imperium lives in dire dystopian industrial squalor. All subsisting on corpsestarch and tiny dreams of impoverished survival. Yet every world owes a tithe of soldiers to serve in the Imperial Guard. Skipping payment or providing low quality troops risks the Imperium’s wrath. Either from the on world Arbites or the Inquisition or another agency that can call upon the Imperium’s military to “fix.” Yet how can a world levy competent troops from such a malnourished, beaten down population? By requirement they need a portion of the population living at a decent quality of life to recruit from.
The first and foremost requirement that there must be exact number of troops equipped with exact list of weapons and equipment. The second is actually mutations - the less the better (those soldiers will travel the empire in contrast to majority of locals). As for how they fix the scrawny part - they either conscript the okay ones or fatten them up before they are collected
@@SerCommander The actual equipment and weapons isn't that much of an issue. Hive cities can make all that. Indeed they're dedicated to it in many cases. Or the Mechanicum Forge Planets will. But scrawny recruits isn't a simple fix. Quite a lot of American men who volunteered after Pearl Harbor were turned away because they grew up malnourished during the Great Depression. There may be a 40k nutrition solution, of course. But will it really be cheaper than just a regular diet of protein and vitamins?
@@EricDaMAJ in several of the books it was mentioned that governors constantly tried to weasel out of providing teethes in q variety of ways - providing regiments with ramshacle vehicles and unusable weapons, crippled recruits etc. I think at least one Cain novel had this mention
40k fans thinking being a noble is easy when in reality you gonna need to navigate through politics, govern billions and dodge hundreds of assassination attempts per day
It's actually more of a matter of inevitability. When the first imperial governors were selected, they were the cream of the crop, military success stories, every single one. The emperor would only want meritocracy, after all. The first generation of descendants were fine, taking the values of their parents with no trouble, maybe even the second... But the third? Well even today we see how that works. Extrapolated across ten thousand years? It's a miracle that the Imperium functions at all. I hate to say it, but the Inquisition is absolutely necessary.
@@lilfattcatt7758 Over 10k years. The Imperium we know and love to hate is NOT what the emperor envisioned. The thing is, as bad as it is as a whole, it's actually had a very good run. I'd have expected the mundane corruption to cause a collapse merely three centuries in, not for it to be hobbling along roughly 12,000 years on. Especially when you consider that the chaos gods are doing everything they can to wipe out the Imperium from the get go.
in germany, even the lowest tiers -who "take part" in parlament, merely by being present for a few minutes and signing papers (to confirm presence) get 10s of thousands per month, for existing dont get me started on their even more generous retirement fund for their ... "services"
@alabastertheunicorn3204 True but it is possible to induce self-policing within a population such that they don't need an external government to keep a constant eye on them.
I'm overthinking here and it's more of a question. Why wouldn't they create perfect politicians and train them to the same extent as the sisterhood to predict, assess and deal with societal problems, distribute resources and delegate work efficiently, be almost incorruptible and spread pro- I mean spread the message of the Emperor among the people from a young age and produce productive, healthy, zealous, militarily educated soldiers?
I thought this channel would have at least 500,000 subs. I would be here all day explaining why everything is just perfect. Keep at it dude youll get there in no time.
No he will not. The nobles are part of the Imperium's government. Their arrangements, deals with each other actually help run things. He won't get rid of them just like he did not do the same with the Ecclesiarchy. Remember that Guilliman came from a time when the Emperor was still around and the Imperial Truth discarded religion and superstition to embrace science and reason. Space Marines were labeled traitors because they worshiped the Emperor. Yet Guilliman accepts the modern Imperium's zealots because they are part of the show now.
I have only read two Warhammer short stories from a Necromunda book. I was really surprised with how much I actually enjoyed them lol. I loved just how oddly believable the authors made such an insane dystopian system. I also love the RANGE of Warhammer lore. That being said it all felt very DnD to me which makes sense. What I loved was just how EVERY part of humanity was basically all about mass production. In the books I read even the nobles were basically mass produced lol. There was a short where a priest basically had to speak to a princess, but to get an appointment with her would've been like 100 years out, and he had to wait in a waiting room with dead bodies lol. He cheats the system and gets to meet the princess thinking she will be knowledgeable and able to help him, only to find out it's like a 10 year old girl and just one of like thousands. So she isn't anything special lol. She basically is really simple and he tries to plead with her and she kinda understands but ends up sending him to the underhive (I think that's what it's called). I also read another book where the nobles basically enter political fighting at birth where even siblings compete against each other and plot against each other, pushing each other off the giant towers of the hive cities. I just loved how in these books the authors make sure to completely destroy any bit of humanity, and to make it as bleak as possible, but yet even in all that darkness, humanity does poke through in the stories. Even in all that suffering some people manage to form true relationships and to fight against the giant machines even if only for a brief moment. That's what I guess I appreciated about the underhive stories I read, they are portrayed as these horrible places, yet people still go there searching for freedom, everyone always dies, no one survives long, but there are just these tiny little moments where people get to be people again.
Underhives are a utopia compared to the modern world tbh. The modern world is lifeless with no inherent meaning. Everyone fights for their own cause. In the imperium there is actually a cause to fight for. There is meaning, which is the survival of the imperium and the god emperor. Today the only meaning we have is "muh human rights" and "don't be mean to people haha". It's so empty and nihilistic, far worse than. The worst dystopia.
Modern people are intrinsically materialistic (similar to how the communists boiled down all of human existence to material conditions). This materialism and fear of death common in the modern man has isolated us and cheapened are existence. In the middle ages it was actually similar to warhammer 40k. You died early sometimes in a brutal or painful way. Yet you had meaning in your god and afterlife. A cause to fight for. Today we have nothing but fast food, and dumb entertainment. No great civilizational progress, leaps of philosophical understanding or human expression. Simply the human detritus of half hearted gestures, desires and platitudes.
@@Awakened0101 Razorwings are not cherubs, they are weird dark eldar monsters so who the heck knows how much money was paid to get and cook one. It was *served* by cherubs who are weird imperial servitor monsters ;-)
Slaanesh and Tzeench are fighting over them. Plus, I sometimes wonder how angry the Emperor would be if he saw this. I'd also wonder what the returned Primarchs really think.
There's something very ominous about the way how ... strangely average this sounds. I feel like something terrible must be happening somewhere, but it doesn't. This is really well written by you, gonna subscribe.
Funny how in my country we constantly compare our country to Imperium and it really fucking clicks a lot of times. Especially with the nobles being so far away from common folk it's insulting.
Meanwhile that one imperial guard in some broken planet : dude my Lazgun aint working *looks at corpse starch can with tear filled eyes* I miss you dude, I miss you Timmy *starts eating the corpse starch like hungry animal* THANK YOU TIMMY! For everything!
And to think, the nobility are actually essential for the imperium - both to generate an economy through whatever business they have and whatever wages they pay their employees, and to subcontract the work of keeping the common man under control.
Nobility doesn't do business. It's beneath them. They're privileged for their service to the Imperium in the past or service of their ancestors. Their public mission is to serve as managers, administrators, representatives, diplomats. They're civil and military officials of the feudal space empire not business people.
@@Saphels It depends. The heads of Imperial Noble houses are often quite sharp and informed about all their responsibilities, because if they allow their fortunes to drop they have plenty of sharks ready to eat them (literally or figuratively). They probably have at least eight children of various levels of incompetent decadence however.
My man. youve just with this one video raised your self up to legends like baldermort in terms of quality!.(in my humble opinion ofcause!) Loved this exploration and story!
*Slaanesh, watching as the nobles indulge in more indulgence than most of it’s worshippers could dream of asking for: “Yes… yes… your soul shall be mine… and once it is, your Hive shall be ripe for my influence…”
Imagine if a single book of Marcus Aurellias and his teachings of stoicism survived and was part of the nobilities curriculum. It would change just about everything lol
Aurelius is the only reason Europe was not much worse than Genghis Khan all the time. He didn't invent stoicism but he showed you could exercise power using it as your theory. Harry S Truman was a huge Aurelius man and paid great attention to it as he designed the world you now live in. For now.
Yeah, I wanted to get a limited copy of each one before they start playing Disney games n put them in "vaults" so the new versions can be made politically correct.
@user-nz6bk7lf8u too late mate, it has already started, with some of the older material no longer available at all, just grab some of the pdfs from older sites and encrypt them. Put them on an external drive in a small Faraday cage. There was someone from Disney making changes to the skies to add cloudy streaks prior to the VHS releases, he came out and his role was found to be real.
Wow!! First channel donation - many thanks mate I greatly appreciate the support!! Re. next video well let’s just say we have seen the highest of highs and we might just have to head down in the direction of the lowest of lows 🗑️
@@dystopianchimp hell yeah and the thanks is all mine I love seeing smaller channels make really good content and it inspires me to want to make my own I look forward to seeing where this channel goes
Very nice! It makes me wish for something similar, but a bit more focused; the Rogue Traders. In some ways, they, too, are nobles, but instead of loving in a spire of a hive, on a world, they dwell within the mobile hive that is a ship, and sometimes must journey beyond the bounds of the Imperium, and its "safety" to serve the two greatest masters; the Emperor of Man, and their own unlimited ambition.
Its nice to see a warhammer lore channel that talks about the more nieches/normal things in the warhammer universe we take for granted, very cool work! Could we get a video on avarege dark eldar/eldar life? We get so little about them other than "stupid mon'keigh! You think you are on my level?!" Yada yada
@@dystopianchimp WWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO No fr, hella cool videos man, I love to speculate how the lives of the "lil ones" are in franchises like warhammer, you have no idea how big of an itch your videos scratch
"To the plebeians, the Highborns are the sun and moon, celestial bodies whose orbit dictates the rhythm of their existence. The masses bend like reeds in the wind, their lives shaped by the Highborn's whims, as if they were but clay in a sculptor's hand. In their presence, the air itself seems to kneel, heavy with the scent of incense and destiny, a palpable aura of otherworldly authority. Their lineage is a conduit of cosmic power, each descendant a torchbearer in a relay race through the aeons. The Highborn wield authority as an artist wields a brush, crafting dynasties with strokes of will and whispers of prophecy. As avatars of an ancient epoch, they govern with an elegance that belies their iron-fisted rule, weaving a tapestry of law and order. Their rule is a celestial waltz, each step a calculated perfection, each turn a manifestation of cosmic order. In the theater of the cosmos, they are both actors and directors, scripting the fates of countless souls with a steady, unyielding hand."
It'd be funny if you did the day in the life of a Skaven that is like 30 seconds of them scheming and then getting killed. But i know that is a different setting.
I imagine that there's a planetairy govener that was so brilliant his cititzens got an extra 1000 calories and 10 hours of extra sleep annually through his reforms.
There is a fanfic called Ciaphas Cain, Warmaster of Chaos, and the running joke is that his constant attempts at sabotaging the coalition of traitors he find himself leading backfires spectacularly. At every turn, he reasons "Take what the Imperium is doing, and do the exact opposite - surely, if the obvious solutions were actually _effective,_ the Imperium would already be doing it!"
I won't spoil it, but suffice to say, workers with decent hours and paid time off, free and mandatory education for children, an engineering corps worshipping the twin virtues of innovation and OSHA compliance, and an all-volunteer army with a doctrine that emphasizes force preservation, combined arms, and encourages initiative on the tactical level - it didn't hobble his followers quite as much as Cain expected it would...
@@sebastianrubin7476
link?
There are planets whose ruling Planetary Govenors do try to make the effort. Sadly such Govenors are the exception instead of the rule.
If I was an Imperium Citizen? I'd rather be born and raised in the Ultramar Sector. Even during the worst days of the Age of the Imperium, that sector stood out as one of the better regions to live in over any other sector and planet.
@@sebastianrubin7476
link?
@sebastianrubin7476 I dont think Cain was really as inept and cowardly as he says he is. I think he's been doing all this because he knows it improves the lives of his subordinates and is the right way to do things because it works and has a very healthy and normal response to horrifying situations but he lives in a society where all of this is technically very very very bad and something you could be killed summarily for, so he isn't even allowing himself to accept that he is, in fact, the very legend they say he is.
Imperium nobles seem to be easily corruptible to slaneesh
Yes and no. You need a thing to tempt them with… and what thing do they not already have access to without turning to Slaanesh?
Slaanesh more appeals to ones that want or need more than their already obscene wealth and power grants them which is not as common as you’d think.
Tzeentch could almost appeal more to the average ones since schemes and climbing the ladder is more their stock and trade. The whole existing in an especially hostile social order thing.
@@Anaxemenies Because when you have so much luxury it'll start feeling average eventually, now imagine them discovering there are more luxuries and experiences for them to discover, she who thirsts is the god of excess for a reason
Tzeentch is also pretty common
@@Unregistered.Hypercam.2. do the imperium nobles know about chaos in the warp?
@@toospooky051 i don't think so , or at least most of them i mean... navigator houses 100% do obvs
I really love this. You perfectly described how absolutely miserable such an existence is. "There are no good nobles. Those who are, are either dead or have retreated to the imperial guard to get out of this mess."
There are good nobles. Warhammer Crime Serie in flesh and steel features the son of a rich magnate of the hive world Varagantua. That dude became a low level detective for the local police force, but he still lives in relative luxury. Yet he generally behaves like a good person.
There are no absolutes in life, not even in the Imperium.
To participate in The Endless War is the only morality? 😆
@@DamanHillard *by imperial standards.
@@KalashVodka175 The sheer vastness of the Imperium guarantees exceptions to every rule.
@@codyvandal2860
Everything does but its likely more common than one would admit
Why am I waiting for a chaos marine to burst in and kill everyone at the banquet.
I thought the bird was poisoned and the noble would keel over.
@@j.p3289 hmm you never know - the night was very young after all
And interrupt Slannesh's work?
@@danielturczan2485It was a Khorne Marine, not a Corn Marine.
@@corryjamieson3909 corn for the cornflakes!
Life for imperial nobles: "MUST EAT BIRD BEAK!!!"
Yeah, no... Give me my guard rations. I'm good.
Corpse starch? Yum 😋
You're just talking about Asia. I'm in Thailand, and chicken feet / beaks are genuinely a pretty common snack, especially when you're out for a few drinks.
@@kevinaustin51 It's not just corpse starch. MRE's like what our current militaries using are more like what they're using,but a bit more with warhammer flavour.
I am pretty sure there were cases of people diying of starvation near tonns of guard rations😂
@@Whanevs this is warhammer after all. such cases are a necessary evil to provide the astra militarum with enough rations to survive the next day.
My dude, I was eating a slice of pizza, and the audio and narration you gave for the noble's meal. Just practically elevated the satisfaction of my own meal by 5x.
now go grab yourself a roast chicken and goon bag for full immersion and try again to see what happens
@@dystopianchimp An idea but I would prefer something crunchy to munch on to match with the audio and bone.
@@dystopianchimp not all servitors are lobotomised people. A lot of them are artificial lab-grown bodis which never had sentience in the first place.
Slaanesh approves and offers more delights and excesses than your noble mind can imagine, just succumb to his dark embrace
I apologize but iron within iron without.
I will go back to coping about how Dorn made a better sandcastle than my dad by only meager percentiles. Also that I had to carry the whole heresy, and most of the imperium during the great crusade, yet I was fed convicts and deranged to be turned into astartes.
My malding knows no bounds.
Really gotta wonder what would happen if misery were also brewing as a nascent god in the warp...
yeaaaah no thanks i'm more of a "one of the 10,000" kinda person
It's a good pain
@@kallistiX1 the most exquisite and excessive pain
Imperial nobles: *exist
Slaanesh-chan: _It's free real estate!_
Ara ara...erm that's not it
@@Walker733 No no, you got the spirit.
Merry Slaaneshmas!
Have I been eating chicken completely wrong this whole time?
It's a reference to Ortolan, a fucked up but apparently exquisite delicacy
Reference? It's practically plagiarism.
@@TheBigMclargehuge Not really plagiarism if it's a RL thing that happens.
@@IAmSwatchingYouso I'm not going to get into it but I've actually tried it and it was not particularly good. Honestly one of the most overrated vices out there IMHO.
@@KS-PNWget into it PLEASE don’t hold out on us bb🥺
8:00 Somewhere in the galaxy, an inquisitor's spine tingled
My Heresy Senses are tingling
😂
😭😭😭
One of the things I'm reminded of about 40k the fact it's all taken to the final degree with how bad it is. While the lifestyle described is over the top opulent it's built of equally if not more over the top misery
That's WH40K for you. Some 14-year old edgelords in Thatcher-era England went, 'the Empire from Star Wars just isn't evil enough, surely we can do better than that' and now we have this hilariously grimdark franchise.
Dubai in a nutshell.
yeah still prefare this about... basicly every alternative in 40k
@@maltheopiaOh, believe me, the Rogue trader era stuff was a hilarious joke compared to how it got.
It was in the late nineties that Warhammer 40k began to really settle itself as the purposely worst future mankind could have. This was when Herman Von Strab was introduced. He really set the tone for nobility in 40k.
@@orumonuldor1340 Personally, I think the descent from Judge Dredd-style parody of scifi to its current grimdark state was inevitable. 'I want my sci-fi civilization to be more dysfunctional, genocidal, and EVIL than the Ur-Quan, Dominion, Umbrella Corp, Yuuzhang Vong, and Aztechnology combined, yet I also want them to be totally badass and also the most sympathetic faction' -- well, what do you think was going to happen after a couple of decades?
Instead of all the other Narrators just reading off wiki articles over an image gallery (although I like their content too) you truly exceed them by offering something much more interesting to listen to, can't wait to see what you do next!
Not as good as Baldemort but still very good.
Whta narrators do that? I only know of onemindsyndicate who does that and he's vehemently hated for it. Curious
@@erdene2476 I think he's grouping in every narrator. Only onemindsyndicate does it directly from the wiki. Others, like the GrimDark Narrator at least re-write it into a narrative script. Even Baldemort does this (though he usually includes damn good stories too). Especially the pure AI channels that popped out of nowhere this year.
Wut? He's doing the exact same as the others, lmao. But he instead reads from the books and not the wikis, tho.
@@insertname9736I mean... he's not. Info is taken from the books but yes clearly using it to make a small scene for you instead of reading it in a un-immersive, outside universe perspective.
Nivocado Avocado is noble from 40k
Edit: thank you everybody for the likes.
1 like 1 bypass
Lord Avocado noble of some distant planet
Isn't he actually losing weight at this time?
@@bfg10000-Dawn-of-gold Lord Niklis Avagoto
@@somerandommen He would be tube connected to servitors with extra stomachs
Same
And none of the are safe from one of Inquisitor Grendel's ogryns smashing in their doors and being dragged away by the Inquisition under suspicion of being a heritic.
As if no matter what door is broken down, they have guaranteed the heretic behind it.
"ah, an ogryn servant has arrived. what is your role here brute? table-clearer?"
"SKAL'BRAKAH."
"Skull..Break-? Who's Skull?"
"YA'ORS."
@@TannuWannu this is great bro
imagine a game of thrones type show about the nobility in the Imperium
I don't know if they could pull it off.
I'd settle for a complex political grand strategy game about them. Crusader Kings 40k type thing.
I’d settle for a Downton Abbey type show about the nobility in the Imperium.
Noble, and worse... pleasure worlds... have always confused me.
In a universe where Slaneesh exists, you can't have these classes without ruin.
Precisely, why else Chaos corruption is so common place?
I think they function like the underhives, they are steam-valves to make sure the rot doesn't infect a big population center... ineffective but better than nothing I guess
As always with WH40K, what are you gonna do about it?
Slaneesh gets energy from people enjoying themselves but it’s passive unlike when people to excessive things right?
@pinkbosschanel The power Slaneesh gets from just enjoyment ot happiness is paltry compared to excess. Although it is not necessarily passive.
If the Immaterium is a reflection of the Materium, you can definitely see why the warp is so horrible. It's horrible because the Imperium is horrible. There is a reason why chaos corruption wasn't a going concern during the days of the Federation.
Or maybe because chaos was being kept in check by the Eldar during daot at least until slaanesh was born which did fuck everything over.
It's more than that my friend, both worlds reflect the other. As the material universe worsens, so too does the warp, which then influences the normal world. It's a feedback loop.
@orumonuldor1340 even then, when the Federation collapsed after the Iron War and the warp storms cut FTL travel, communication, and governance, Chaos still wasn't a systematic concern until the Anathema decided to spread his fascist genocidal empire across the entirety of the milky way galaxy. The Interex had a categorically better way of dealing with Chaos but they got exterminated because the Imperium is a bucket of crabs par excellence.
@@Scriptedviolincethis. The Imperium was unnecessary in 30k. The Interex shows that better ways were available. But the Emperor gambled everything on 20 genetic and sorcerous monstrosities and now Mankind is locked in this positive feedback with the Immaterium, as mankind gets shittier so does the immaterium and it makes mankind even shittier.
@@Scriptedviolince If they didn't want to get exterminated they should have had something to deal with the Legiones Astartes eh?
I imagine there are likely a wide variety of highborn cultures in the vastness of the Imperium. Some more decadent, others more spartan. All of them taught in the ways of taking and keeping power.
I am beginning to believe that the Tyranids are the good guys, coming forth to punish the wicked and to put everyone else out of their misery. These unsung heroes who will end eternal torment and allow a new start.
“I apologize for nothing” - Hedonism-bot
Also: 'I apologize for nothing!' - War Marshal "Mad Dog" Kazan.
He's way more attuned to life in the Imperium.
Especially YOU HEDONISM BOT
@3:00 me in the work truck with my gas station fried chicken on lunch break
One thing that never seemed realistic was that 90% of the Imperium lives in dire dystopian industrial squalor. All subsisting on corpsestarch and tiny dreams of impoverished survival. Yet every world owes a tithe of soldiers to serve in the Imperial Guard. Skipping payment or providing low quality troops risks the Imperium’s wrath. Either from the on world Arbites or the Inquisition or another agency that can call upon the Imperium’s military to “fix.” Yet how can a world levy competent troops from such a malnourished, beaten down population? By requirement they need a portion of the population living at a decent quality of life to recruit from.
They don't care. Guardsmen are fodder for the Imperium, not exactly valued assets.
The first and foremost requirement that there must be exact number of troops equipped with exact list of weapons and equipment. The second is actually mutations - the less the better (those soldiers will travel the empire in contrast to majority of locals). As for how they fix the scrawny part - they either conscript the okay ones or fatten them up before they are collected
@@SerCommander The actual equipment and weapons isn't that much of an issue. Hive cities can make all that. Indeed they're dedicated to it in many cases. Or the Mechanicum Forge Planets will. But scrawny recruits isn't a simple fix. Quite a lot of American men who volunteered after Pearl Harbor were turned away because they grew up malnourished during the Great Depression. There may be a 40k nutrition solution, of course. But will it really be cheaper than just a regular diet of protein and vitamins?
@@EricDaMAJ in several of the books it was mentioned that governors constantly tried to weasel out of providing teethes in q variety of ways - providing regiments with ramshacle vehicles and unusable weapons, crippled recruits etc. I think at least one Cain novel had this mention
@@SerCommander And they get away with it all the way up until they get caught by the Arbites or the Inquisition. Then they get purged.
This dude said said he paid for the WHOLE Dictionary so he's going to use all of it.
what are you, eleven?
I feel it's more his cadence than the words being said.
I don't think it has to do much with vocabulary- its moreso eloquence, and as the comment above me said, cadence.
It's called vocabulary, heard of it?
This is the single best satire of the modern one percent I've ever seen.
15:10 Animals, huh? I think the Ordo Hereticus needs to pay that man a visit.
Agreed
Inquisitor Headsmash thinks it's time someone brought him his big plastic red button.
The Imperium Nobility and their Perfumed Asses 😂
40k fans thinking being a noble is easy when in reality you gonna need to navigate through politics, govern billions and dodge hundreds of assassination attempts per day
still pretty easy compared to everyone else
So just the life of any noble in any timeline XP
@@damienpace7350 until you try to abstain from indulgence… then you are effectively damned.
@realah3001 That's all they are, sci-fi nobles.
People exaggerate way too much what they are and can do.
Damn, really eloquent delivery and attention to detail is fascinating. I like animalistic, carnivorous undertones when describing a noble's dinner
Thank you! Glad you liked the the vid ❤
The picture on your preview and 17:42 was created by Bella Bergolts. Please credit the artists, when you use their arts
Rouge trader told me everything i needed to know
The game or the books?
@@Herberberber game
@@plasma_master Ahh... check out the books, the videogame is really bad fan fiction that scribbles all over the lore with crayons.
I swear that Big E is an agent of Chaos. He made the perfect ecosystem for them.
He did almost become the dark god of ruin at one point.
It's actually more of a matter of inevitability.
When the first imperial governors were selected, they were the cream of the crop, military success stories, every single one. The emperor would only want meritocracy, after all.
The first generation of descendants were fine, taking the values of their parents with no trouble, maybe even the second... But the third? Well even today we see how that works. Extrapolated across ten thousand years? It's a miracle that the Imperium functions at all. I hate to say it, but the Inquisition is absolutely necessary.
Tbf by this point the imperium has had what 6000 years to evolve with him sitting almost dead on the throne
@@lilfattcatt7758 Over 10k years. The Imperium we know and love to hate is NOT what the emperor envisioned. The thing is, as bad as it is as a whole, it's actually had a very good run.
I'd have expected the mundane corruption to cause a collapse merely three centuries in, not for it to be hobbling along roughly 12,000 years on. Especially when you consider that the chaos gods are doing everything they can to wipe out the Imperium from the get go.
Its basically the life of the average politician
in germany, even the lowest tiers -who "take part" in parlament, merely by being present for a few minutes and signing papers (to confirm presence) get 10s of thousands per month, for existing
dont get me started on their even more generous retirement fund for their ... "services"
That was awesome you have quickly become one of my favorite 40k lore youtubers.
You should do a day in the life of rogue traders next.
Thanks mate - very glad to hear it! Will add RTs to the list ❣
@@dystopianchimpplease do
Noble, Highborn, Noble savages.
The inquisition: "why are we ok with this again?"
You would think the Imperium would be stricter about limiting selfish behavior, given the circumstances of WH40K.
@@Mark-in8juwell it's absolutely hard to govern millions of worlds
@alabastertheunicorn3204 True but it is possible to induce self-policing within a population such that they don't need an external government to keep a constant eye on them.
@@Walker733 well it would need a non corrupt society and Warhammer 40k is written to be batshit insane always
I'm overthinking here and it's more of a question.
Why wouldn't they create perfect politicians and train them to the same extent as the sisterhood to predict, assess and deal with societal problems, distribute resources and delegate work efficiently, be almost incorruptible and spread pro- I mean spread the message of the Emperor among the people from a young age and produce productive, healthy, zealous, militarily educated soldiers?
I thought this channel would have at least 500,000 subs. I would be here all day explaining why everything is just perfect. Keep at it dude youll get there in no time.
Thanks mate ❤appreciate it! More vids on the way
That meal description would make George Martin proud. I swear I could taste it!
Roboute definitely will not obliterate them once he have a spare moment :DDDDDD
No he will not. The nobles are part of the Imperium's government. Their arrangements, deals with each other actually help run things.
He won't get rid of them just like he did not do the same with the Ecclesiarchy. Remember that Guilliman came from a time when the Emperor was still around and the Imperial Truth discarded religion and superstition to embrace science and reason. Space Marines were labeled traitors because they worshiped the Emperor. Yet Guilliman accepts the modern Imperium's zealots because they are part of the show now.
I have only read two Warhammer short stories from a Necromunda book. I was really surprised with how much I actually enjoyed them lol. I loved just how oddly believable the authors made such an insane dystopian system. I also love the RANGE of Warhammer lore. That being said it all felt very DnD to me which makes sense.
What I loved was just how EVERY part of humanity was basically all about mass production. In the books I read even the nobles were basically mass produced lol. There was a short where a priest basically had to speak to a princess, but to get an appointment with her would've been like 100 years out, and he had to wait in a waiting room with dead bodies lol. He cheats the system and gets to meet the princess thinking she will be knowledgeable and able to help him, only to find out it's like a 10 year old girl and just one of like thousands. So she isn't anything special lol. She basically is really simple and he tries to plead with her and she kinda understands but ends up sending him to the underhive (I think that's what it's called).
I also read another book where the nobles basically enter political fighting at birth where even siblings compete against each other and plot against each other, pushing each other off the giant towers of the hive cities.
I just loved how in these books the authors make sure to completely destroy any bit of humanity, and to make it as bleak as possible, but yet even in all that darkness, humanity does poke through in the stories. Even in all that suffering some people manage to form true relationships and to fight against the giant machines even if only for a brief moment. That's what I guess I appreciated about the underhive stories I read, they are portrayed as these horrible places, yet people still go there searching for freedom, everyone always dies, no one survives long, but there are just these tiny little moments where people get to be people again.
From what book were they from?
Underhives are a utopia compared to the modern world tbh. The modern world is lifeless with no inherent meaning. Everyone fights for their own cause. In the imperium there is actually a cause to fight for. There is meaning, which is the survival of the imperium and the god emperor.
Today the only meaning we have is "muh human rights" and "don't be mean to people haha". It's so empty and nihilistic, far worse than. The worst dystopia.
Modern people are intrinsically materialistic (similar to how the communists boiled down all of human existence to material conditions). This materialism and fear of death common in the modern man has isolated us and cheapened are existence. In the middle ages it was actually similar to warhammer 40k. You died early sometimes in a brutal or painful way. Yet you had meaning in your god and afterlife. A cause to fight for. Today we have nothing but fast food, and dumb entertainment. No great civilizational progress, leaps of philosophical understanding or human expression. Simply the human detritus of half hearted gestures, desires and platitudes.
You remember our venerable house, opulent and imperial. Gazing proudly from its stoic perch above the hive.
My mouth literally water from the food description in the beginning.
You know that bird is a cherub, right..
@@Awakened0101 Razorwings are not cherubs, they are weird dark eldar monsters so who the heck knows how much money was paid to get and cook one. It was *served* by cherubs who are weird imperial servitor monsters ;-)
Slaanesh and Tzeench are fighting over them.
Plus, I sometimes wonder how angry the Emperor would be if he saw this. I'd also wonder what the returned Primarchs really think.
Exactly, all the shi they're doing is making fighting the chaotic forces EVEN HARDER 😭 Bros not gonna win if they keep up like this
Dang this is making me hungry, the guy who wrote this should be a food reviewer😂
Great idea for a second channel - a 40k cookbook??
@@dystopianchimpdo eeeeeet
@@dystopianchimp dewit
@@dystopianchimp I'd show up to any video you make there.
There's something very ominous about the way how ... strangely average this sounds.
I feel like something terrible must be happening somewhere, but it doesn't.
This is really well written by you, gonna subscribe.
As a guardsman in my heart just one thing comes to my mind watching this: It is better to die for the Emperor than to live for yourself.
Recognizing the description of Ortolan being eaten gives this a whole other layer of rich debauchery
The Imperium seems like a weird mix of the old French monarchy and fucking ISIS lol
You wrote french monarchy twicw
@@sarubet8725 Well the Versailles was full of excesses and debauchery, the nobility weren't really religious fanatics like those ISIS fellows.
Funny how in my country we constantly compare our country to Imperium and it really fucking clicks a lot of times. Especially with the nobles being so far away from common folk it's insulting.
I don't think it's ISIS, ISIS is way too different. They're not religious fanatics, they're mercenaries larping as zealots
ISIS and Robespierre were pretty similar if you think about it, quite 2 opposite things to combine into one lol
Meanwhile that one imperial guard in some broken planet : dude my Lazgun aint working *looks at corpse starch can with tear filled eyes* I miss you dude, I miss you Timmy *starts eating the corpse starch like hungry animal* THANK YOU TIMMY! For everything!
Fucked up
dude i love the angle at which you approached this. subscribed. about to watch all your content.
Thanks mate - welcome aboard!
“We shouldn’t negotiate, integrate or work along with the Xenos. But, we will eat them.”
The ogres of fantasy approve.
And to think, the nobility are actually essential for the imperium - both to generate an economy through whatever business they have and whatever wages they pay their employees, and to subcontract the work of keeping the common man under control.
Cringe, the Austrian painter was right
Nobility doesn't do business. It's beneath them. They're privileged for their service to the Imperium in the past or service of their ancestors. Their public mission is to serve as managers, administrators, representatives, diplomats. They're civil and military officials of the feudal space empire not business people.
@@Saphels It depends. The heads of Imperial Noble houses are often quite sharp and informed about all their responsibilities, because if they allow their fortunes to drop they have plenty of sharks ready to eat them (literally or figuratively).
They probably have at least eight children of various levels of incompetent decadence however.
My man. youve just with this one video raised your self up to legends like baldermort in terms of quality!.(in my humble opinion ofcause!) Loved this exploration and story!
Haha thank you! Love to hear it!! ❤
How much do you have to goon for Slaanesh to summon
divide your rizz level and times it by your number of edge sessions per day
She always watches ;)
Why are you asking me. Ask the dark eldar… at least 100 times a day to slaanesh fanart. They told me after replacing my blood with a painful toxin
@@dystopianchimpcan confirm
The cake at 1:35 is not cut right
Why did you have to point that out. I hate that
That cut is a form of heresy
We are not able to unsee that now!
*Slaanesh, watching as the nobles indulge in more indulgence than most of it’s worshippers could dream of asking for:
“Yes… yes… your soul shall be mine… and once it is, your Hive shall be ripe for my influence…”
Yesss milord! even sooner so, because you whispered that sweet nuthin into my ear in front of the inquisitor..
And he heard it.😢
Imagine if a single book of Marcus Aurellias and his teachings of stoicism survived and was part of the nobilities curriculum. It would change just about everything lol
Aurelius is the only reason Europe was not much worse than Genghis Khan all the time. He didn't invent stoicism but he showed you could exercise power using it as your theory.
Harry S Truman was a huge Aurelius man and paid great attention to it as he designed the world you now live in. For now.
40k's magnificent lore must be protected. For The Greater Good. For The Dark Gods. For The Emperor.
Yeah, I wanted to get a limited copy of each one before they start playing Disney games n put them in "vaults" so the new versions can be made politically correct.
@user-nz6bk7lf8u too late mate, it has already started, with some of the older material no longer available at all, just grab some of the pdfs from older sites and encrypt them.
Put them on an external drive in a small Faraday cage.
There was someone from Disney making changes to the skies to add cloudy streaks prior to the VHS releases, he came out and his role was found to be real.
Its a combination of moorcock books, starship troopers and dune lmao
Mf really hit all bases
WAAAAARGH!
It's good to be Planetary governor
yes, slaanesh is very pleased with this indeed, great video
Basically normal real live nobles/ super rich people.
Watching this while enjoying a large cord on bleu and thick pasta with grape wine.
Great video any hint on what we can expect next from this series? EDIT: I was a little stoned and needed to correct my spelling
Wow!! First channel donation - many thanks mate I greatly appreciate the support!!
Re. next video well let’s just say we have seen the highest of highs and we might just have to head down in the direction of the lowest of lows 🗑️
@@dystopianchimp hell yeah and the thanks is all mine I love seeing smaller channels make really good content and it inspires me to want to make my own I look forward to seeing where this channel goes
bro im so happy for you, you have found a formula that is working for you, and i could wish you nothing less. keep going, you have bright future
Thanks for the kind words mate - really appreciate it! More videos coming out soon
The fact that a part of this is basically more or less just the description of eating a hortulana is so funny
@@eccoeco3454 haha great pick up!
Very nice! It makes me wish for something similar, but a bit more focused; the Rogue Traders. In some ways, they, too, are nobles, but instead of loving in a spire of a hive, on a world, they dwell within the mobile hive that is a ship, and sometimes must journey beyond the bounds of the Imperium, and its "safety" to serve the two greatest masters; the Emperor of Man, and their own unlimited ambition.
I dont know how i got here as i dont know anything about warhammer
But your storytelling kept me listening the whole time
not gonna lie for about 5 minutes there I was thinking KFC sounded really good about now.
7:01 ABELARD MY GOOD MAN GLORY TO THE VON VALANCIUS DYNASTY
Dude this video is fantastic- from your voice to the ambiance in the background. Absolutely wonderful! Great work!
@@SquiddlyInk Thanks mate - glad you liked it!!
Intro feels like a restaurant google review an imperial noble would write
The first five minutes of describing the eating made me the most uncomfortable ive been in years, superb work
Its nice to see a warhammer lore channel that talks about the more nieches/normal things in the warhammer universe we take for granted, very cool work!
Could we get a video on avarege dark eldar/eldar life? We get so little about them other than "stupid mon'keigh! You think you are on my level?!" Yada yada
Will be making the dive into xenos lore soon... Emprah preserve me 🤫
@@dystopianchimp WWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
No fr, hella cool videos man, I love to speculate how the lives of the "lil ones" are in franchises like warhammer, you have no idea how big of an itch your videos scratch
40k "newb" who cant afford warhammer tabletop, but holy smokes you create Very compelling content, with great commentary
Thank you! More on the way!
Your use of words mixed with the grim dark is simply perfect and commendable
The way this guy describes the food the nobles are eating is making me hungry
I love the story “fools” where the salamanders are evacuating civilians and they end up leaving this selfish noble to be killed by the tyranids
dude this channel is a recipe for sucess dude, just got of a huge binge of your 40k videos, ur story telling is inanse, keep it up bro!
Thank you!! Love to hear it and more vids coming!
The juxtaposition of this video about nobles vs the rest of warhammer lore vids. Well thought out vid.
This feels like the most under developed part of the lord imo
"To the plebeians, the Highborns are the sun and moon, celestial bodies whose orbit dictates the rhythm of their existence. The masses bend like reeds in the wind, their lives shaped by the Highborn's whims, as if they were but clay in a sculptor's hand. In their presence, the air itself seems to kneel, heavy with the scent of incense and destiny, a palpable aura of otherworldly authority.
Their lineage is a conduit of cosmic power, each descendant a torchbearer in a relay race through the aeons. The Highborn wield authority as an artist wields a brush, crafting dynasties with strokes of will and whispers of prophecy.
As avatars of an ancient epoch, they govern with an elegance that belies their iron-fisted rule, weaving a tapestry of law and order. Their rule is a celestial waltz, each step a calculated perfection, each turn a manifestation of cosmic order. In the theater of the cosmos, they are both actors and directors, scripting the fates of countless souls with a steady, unyielding hand."
Yaay. The GOAT has uploaded.
Bro made me hungry with his words
That was an amazing video. Thanks!
Your writing is very good mate
Ugh, this is beautiful
*HAPPY PEOPLE* in the Warhammer 40K universe!
Almost sounds like heresy.
19:12
I like this guy. He looks so rugged and cool!
He is cool
One day I hope you do a day in the garden of Nurgle!
Death Guard might just already be on the list 🤢🤮
Oh yeeeees!
the writing here is just immaculate
Another banger of a video!!
YOUR NARRATION IS SOO GOOD
BRAVO👏👏👏
Those cherub wings need hair nets.
amazing narration and sfx
"I Apologize for nothing!" - Creed of the nobles.
Beautiful writing bro! 👊
is there a gluck2 4000 servitor skull in the 41st millenium? asking for a guardsmen friend.
It'd be funny if you did the day in the life of a Skaven that is like 30 seconds of them scheming and then getting killed.
But i know that is a different setting.
Damn the emperor would've been disappointed
oh he is.
This is so high quality. Its excellent, wow.
Man what a way to eat a turky for Thanksgiving