Life after college is soooo weird in the sense that you’re literally taught what to do as a student for 22 years, then you graduate and realize adults don’t actually know what theyre doing and suddenly you’re one of them. I didn’t love school but at least there was some structure and friends that came along with it.
emphasis on friends that came along with it. it's so hard to make young people friends post-grad! especially if you move to a town away from where grads of your school go to
I’m not of your generation but am trying to keep up with the struggles of you younger folks. I’m 72 years old. Now retired. First career was CPA corporate CFO who after 5 years was ready to toss in the towel. Got professional help - psychoanalyst. Got deep into who I am. Ended up returning to college - pre med. Went to medical school. Had a fabulous career. Loved my job and my life. There is happiness out there. Keep looking.
Hi D Walker! You made my day with this comment. I'm actually going back to uni as well, to study psychology :-) Did you keep working while at pre-med college? Good day!
Wow, that's awesome. Never too late. May I ask how old you were when you went back to school as a pre-med major? How long did it take you from that point to finish medical school and start working?
So you did that in the 70's I'm assuming, where that was definitely possible. A lot of others should not fall prey to the high costs of student loans and tuition nowadays I think, this isn't the most sound advice imo. Not hating, just giving my bit (Maybe projecting lol)
"LinkedIn puts me in a bad headspace" This is so true and no one talks about it. Who actually enjoys spending time on LinkedIn? Why does it have to be a part of our professional life ughhhh
I love browsing LinkedIn posts cuz they’re so entertaining! So many stupid fake anecdotes and “inspirational” stories that legit make me laugh out loud 😂
@@lewdaniels1128 do you have any advice on how to get the most out of LinkedIn please? I know people use it to build their personal brand, I always struggled with making it work for me, the only benefit has been when recruiters would occasionally reach out to me. Are you looking at the certifications / courses of your peers to see areas to improve on etc?
In college I was so stressed trying to balance working, school assignments, paying bills, etc. that I never enjoyed the “college experience” so many upper middle class kids fantasize about. Must be nice 😬💁🏼♀️
try being the middle class kid from a strict household who fantasized about said "college experience" and independence only to realize your parents are still keeping tight control over your life(and mental health at this point) by using your financial dependence towards them so you focus your college years on becoming financial independent and finally break free from them... its like even though you have all the resources, its all for naught if you have to sacrifice your freedom and mental health; its not the majority but it sucks too
i didn’t even know people fantasized about the “college experience” because nobody in my family went to college before me. the beginning of college was so stressful as a first generation student on top of having a difficult major and balancing work/paying bills. i’m going into my senior year and i have not been thriving, i’ve just been trying to focus on surviving lol.
Absolutely. As a poor kid with no safety net, the college experience just feels super alienating. Like, during my junior year one of my parents passed away from cancer. Her cancer treatments put her into debt as we were already poor to begin with. After she died, the bank foreclosed on my house and my other parent became homeless for a time. I have literally no safety net, and so I have to always be focused on making sure I have food on the table and a roof over my head. Every time some school official is like "are you going home for the summer? :)" or "we mailed a letter home but for some reason it got returned to us?" I just have this pit in my stomach. Its exhausting having to explain my situation all the time, especially when I get no sympathy and the faculty person in question just gets super uncomfy... but hey I powered through and I have only one semester left!
@@fingerlickingoooood Coping gets easier with age too, in my opinion. The older you get, the less you care. The occasional reunions with old friends are super nice (though obviously not this year), the rest of the time you are so busy with your own family and obligations that it won't bother you if you haven't seen your friends in a while, or haven't made any new ones in a while.
Well there’s nine seasons of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic that’s all about keeping your old friends while making new ones, becoming successful and dealing with redefine your life afterwords, and coping with being a responsible adult. All from a kids show aimed at little girls buying colorful ponies.
I just graduated and am in the most confusing and painful mental space I’ve ever been in. All of my plans for the future flopped- didn’t get into the graduate school I hoped for, had to move out of my apartment and back home with my mom, my senior year (and most of Junior year) were spent in isolation through Zoom with no senior events or final recitals.... it wasn’t exactly as I hoped and I haven’t found closure. I thought graduation would be exciting, but it has been pretty depressing. For the first time in my life I don’t have a plan for the future and it’s terrifying.
I have been in a constant financial struggle during my years of study. I was hoping to do my masters but I couldn't stomach to spend another year, 2 years without any financial stability. So I'm going to work to save up
Kind of in a similar situation! Also just finished my undergrad, didn't get into vet school and not really sure what to do with my life. I also feel like part of me didn't get that closure from my undergrad since everything was online and I didn't get to be on campus to enjoy my last year thanks to the pandemic. I also don't have a plan as to what's next for me since I thought I'd be in vet school come September but guess that's not happening. Feeling kind of lost!
This was literally me when i graduated a few years ago apart from the covid part of of course. I always had a plan for everything and then after graduation i was like holy crap, I have nothing to do and there's so many choices how do i decide? I literally went through 18 months after that of job rejections and feeling soooo lost. I ended up having to do unpaid internships for 6 months to get a job and even landing those was really difficult. Everyone acts like your early 20s are so fun/ best time of your life but in reality it's one of the hardest times for most people. Keep sticking at it, reflect on who you are as a person-eventually you'll find your place in the world :)
This is so true. After college, bosses treat you worse than teachers/professors ever did. Bosses can make you feel completely replaceable at any time. You wind up being afraid to miss work every time you are legitimately sick because your boss will verbally abuse you for doing so. This happens a lot and young people get stuck just taking it because jobs are difficult to find and they truly need the money to survive.
There has been a stark (depressing) contrast going from spending 22 years of my life around peers my age with similar life aspirations to graduating into a pandemic and being isolated. It is incredibly hard to have a grasp on what life is supposed to be while already struggling with my own mental health. Thank you for sharing your perspective.
The loss of identity happens from 1.) Getting married. 2.) Having kids. 3.) Having a 9-5 job, they are very predictable, mentally mechanical and formulaic. From birth you are told that is what people do and that you have to do that as well. They put you in a system that you can't get out of. Soon enough you will be living to work...and working to support your kids, a mortgage, car payments, etc...then before you know it 40 years go by and you wonder where time went. College and grade school also does not prepare you for recessions either.
I just graduated from college and I think the thing that is getting to me the most is sorting out what I WANT to do vs. what I feel like I SHOULD do. It's hard to combat the feeling that I should be doing x, y and z (especially since I am a very conflict-averse person and sensitive to upsetting/disappointing my parents and other people in my life), but I've had the big realization in the past few months that I don't want to follow the path I think I "should" take and spend the rest of my life miserable. It's been hard learning how to listen to my heart (and it makes me feel like I'm in a Barbie movie or something tacky lol), but it has made a huge difference already. It's such a freeing feeling to finally connect with what I want to do and what makes my soul feel alive and to realize I can do it!!! I've decided to move halfway across the world post-graduation and pursue a career I never thought I would be doing, but instead of filling me with dread like my expected post-grad path did this route fills me with the most ecstatic feeling. Like seriously, I've known I was moving since probably September and I still get giddy when I think about it -- it's crazy. Anyway, I don't know if anyone else will read this comment, but if you do I really encourage you to take some time and think about what YOU want, not what other people think you should do. It might sound crazy -- moving to Spain (despite knowing 0 Spanish) sounded crazy to me -- but if that's what makes your heart skip a beat and makes you feel like you've grown wings, you need to do it. Don't talk yourself out of a big leap because the details scare you, because then you become the person who spends 50 years of their life saying they want to do it and realizing on your death bed that you never fulfilled that dream. You always have time, and you are smarter and more capable than you think. Let go of expectations and do what makes your soul feel alive and free, even if it takes you a lot of baby steps and many years to get there. You will feel so much happier stepping out of your comfort zone and into your dream life, I promise. That was a long rant, lol, but I wanted to say thank you Katherine for making these videos. I started feeling a lot of cognitive dissonance these past few months with what I want to do vs. what I should do and it's relieving to hear that I'm not alone and to see someone a bit older than me give advice and talk about their experience. I think it's incredible that you are posting about these things and starting a conversation on topics that have been brushed under the rug for so long. Thank you, and I look forward to your future videos about these things (:
Love this. So much. Relate 200%.. Sometimes there are setbacks, impossible to foresee, but thank you for your words, Who make me remember to never leave my Dreams. Thank you for your 'rant', it was ecstatically beautiful. . And why should People apologize for talking and for taking the Space for it? - i do it too. So, never apologize for how long is something you write, you have so many valuable things to say!!!
Thanks! This comment has really helped me feel better about what I’m doing. Where I did not move halfway across the world, I did move across the United States from Arizona to North Dakota for a job that’s not so typical for a college graduate but is something I’m really enjoying and have learned of the last few months that it doesn’t matter so much to what your doing but that your doing something you enjoy!
Hey, loved this comment, question: What are you doing that is allowing you to move to Spain without knowing Spanish (since you usually have to have a job to get a visa and I imagine that would be difficult knowing none of the language)? Curious as I would like to do this somewhere else
biggest lesson I learned is that you may feel obligated to fix a friendship or something, but if things don't feel good after trying to fix it time and time again, it's ok to give up and let the friendship go.
I got extremely depressed for about a year after college. Eventually came out of it at least, but distanced most of my friends and continued to not like my job.
I don't get how we STILL don't teach how to do your taxes, how to pay bills, how to run a household, mortgages, etc. Very important adult stuff that just never gets talked about. It's like it's a secret until you leave education and learn the hard way.
So glad you mentioned living with your parents even after college. I'm 29, living together with my mother BY CHOICE because we simply get along so well (and I have lived alone before, so it's not like I don't know how that works). I hate this Western ideal of living alone (or with your partner) as the only viable lifestyle. Like, people are different! Living with your parents does not equal being non-independent or refusing to grow up. EDIT: NON-independent, not independent, lol ^^
Yes you are emotionally weak and codependant of your parents. At 29 that is pathetic, my mother already had 2 kids by 29 on top of a career. You are almost 30 years old and living like a teenager, shame on you.
I have lived with my parents since I graduated from undergrad in 2016 and I've enjoyed it. They also haven't made me pay rent or anything. I did contribute financially to the phone bill and car insurance though. I've primarily been living with them because of not being able to find a stable full-time job in my field. I've worked since graduating but these jobs haven't paid me enough to move out. I do cherish the time that I have with them while living with them and I'm glad that I've never been made to feel like a "failure" for living with my parents for as long as I have.
In many many cultures, adults, especially women, stay with their parents until they're married. It's even common in more communal societies for the married couple to stay in the parents' home, creating multi-generational households. Don't let any of these social atomists tell you what you're doing is "weird" or "wrong" just on its face.
Wow this was so helpful. For me one of the weirdest feelings is realizing that I have to keep working until retirement now, with no real structure to what I have to do beyond a vague idea of saving. The lack of structure (and safety nets) is both fantastic and simultaneously terrifying.
Don’t just save. Invest a good portion of each of your paychecks into your 401k and into Index funds for long term financial stability. If you keep your money in savings inflation will destroy it
What you said about "you can just leave" really spoke to me. I've been moving from job to awful job just trying to pay the bills, and the idea of "just leaving" is something I never felt applied to me. But there is always another way, and you've inspired me to look harder for that. Thanks!
I absolutely encourage you to make an exit plan and find a way to get out, but also I just want you to know that leaving a job is a privilege under capitalism. (Which I am sure Katherout here agrees with). So, don't blame yourself if leaving your job isn't something you can do right now or ever. Keep trying to make a better life for yourself, but also recognize that you are stuck in a system which is designed to keep you from doing just that.
Normalizing honest thoughts and conversations like this are SO important - thank you for speaking up so that others can feel more comfortable and know they're not the only ones going through the same struggles! As a fellow USC business alum, I felt so pressured to interview at the Big 4 Firms and try to do what everyone else was doing. Deep down I knew I didn't want to work in such environments, let alone wear uncomfortable business attire 40+ hrs a week (see my profile picture...). I love the transformation you're going through, keep staying true to you!
The loneliness / fomo really hits home. I moved back home last summer when my lease was up, I don't have that many friends who still live here. And I feel incredibly jealous watching my friends from high school / college living in their respective cities, having all these friends, seem to be having the time of their lives.
Adding student debt (you seem to have forgotten sis) and trauma from toxic party and "romantic" relationships to the mix and the anxiety, depression, and loneliness becomes REAL
I graduated two years ago and I didn’t feel like an adult until recently. After college, I felt like I was a toddler in her mom’s heels. I think it takes time to adjust from college to adult life and I wish people were more aware of that transitional period.
The transition from school to work is so disorientating. I've been in school 95% of my life and then working is weird - with school things come to an end. You have more breaks..working is continuous. It's so easy to become burned out and unhappy. With school, you can have do-overs and stop without larger penalties if you're unhappy..with work, you can't. You have to quit and it's harder to find another.
THIS! Nothing can prepare you for how ambiguous corporate work is. There’s no syllabus, no grades, and no solid way to measure your performance or tasks. It’s a huge adjustment especially because your paycheck is involved. Fail a class, you retake it. Fail at work, you could lose your job.
My former classmates that thrived at school definitely isn't correlatIng with who's doing better at their careers now! There were girls who slacked off in all their group projects with me (and yes I still hold a grudge against them for it) that are super successful now, and others that were amazing brilliant that are just getting by. An education is important, but it definitely doesn't define the life you will have.
I mean I always loved school/studying/academia, but I felt like I thrived after college too! Having a 9-5 means I can clock out and switch my brain off, instead of constantly having homework and papers looming over my head. And I get to actually make decent money instead of paying a college money 😂
The worst part of it all is being long-term unemployed, and not being able to find work in your field, seeing everyone you know pass you, even your mates who didn't go to college, being successful than you are. The part about growing apart from some friends is true, i've grown apart from some old childhood friends, realizing that we were only friends because we were in the same place together, but no real interests
I graduated high school a couple of weeks ago, i felt like college was a waste of time and money and I don’t want to be away from home where my brother is 5 yrs old and i want to experience life to the fullest with my family, thank you for telling me your experience
I didn’t know others also feel a sense of loss after college! I feel lost and like I have no identity, direction, or purpose out of school. Thank you for validating these fears and for letting us know these feelings are common among our peers. Thank you!!
I amused when people realize that not only are Facebook, Instagram, and other social media platforms in general high-light reels, BUT that LinkedIn is the biggest high-light reel.
I’ve been out of college for 2-3 years now. No high paying job related to my degree and in a retail job that i no longer like. Never lived away from parents but have been contributing to rent, their car payment, internet and groceries. Lucky to have savings and some investments. Lucky to have friends I talk to often which I met a lot through discord and a long distance relationship. My focus now is on keeping myself happy in the present moment while growing personally and professionally and keeping the future in my mind. Making your own path in life isn’t easy but doing your best and keeping a support system helps
Thank you for this! Currently struggling with the idea of moving back in with my parents at 26 because it’s expensive to live alone in the current economy, especially if you want to save to move away or buy a home one day. Loved what you had to say about going back at any time!
I moved back with my parents I’m 26 as well! For me it didn’t make sense to get a new place for the sake of it when it wasn’t where I wanted to be. I can work and save for my dream job and be around my parents more I didn’t see them much in college. Accepting it’s okay and a good thing has been good I was embarrassed the first couple months. Saving money and will land my dream job and building a better relationship with my parents as an adult
Remember the reason you had friends in school was because you met people frequently in the same place, same time, and a lot of the time some mutual interest. It's the same after school - pick up some hobby outside of the house (or online too) and meet with people regularly. In *no* way is this *easy* to do, especially when you are/feel strained for time, want to just bum out and relax, or have anxiety about these situations but it's the #1 way to find and make new friends
I just want to say something about the individualist society vs collectivist society. I hear this A LOT from Westerns. There's this idealization of collective societies that as someone who's born and raised in one makes me ache a lil. Just because a society is collectivist does not mean in any shape or form there's more of a safe sense of belonging or thriving or lack of loneliness. There's a hella lot of conforming in these societies that holds you back, it's rooted in a set ideology, in not separating from the herd, in a uniform set of values and the repercussions of leaning away from this are heartbreaking as people have them set in stone. You would feel triple amount of loneliness in a society that wants you to mold into how everyone else. So, maybe we can rethink this narrative when approaching loneliness in first world countries because I think neither is good enough. Outside of these binaries, I imagine the best one could do for themselves is find a tightknit community that suits *them* specifically. Community *is* important, just not *any* community would suffice.
There's something to be said of the concept of "oikonomia" in traditional Christianity. It is important to have an agreed upon basis and social structure and even ideology. To see the world in the same way is important for a cohesive community. However, exceptions are made for people who may be on the fringes, this is where love comes in. The compassion to love others who might have difficulty conforming and allowing them to express themselves in healthy ways. Oikonomia means not being a "legalist." Not irrationally forcing others to conform to set rules just for the sake of those rules themselves. We must put the spirit of the law before the letter of the law and love one another. This is something important to remember as we try to build society back better, away from a false dialectic of individualism vs. collectivism.
I’ve done the whole “besties with my coworkers” thing and it turned into a total disaster. A lot of drama, a lot of me thinking we were a lot closer than we actually were. Now that I work from home and only chat with my co workers on zoom or slack it is SO much better for me. They don’t see how I’m doing every single day and there is so much more of a boundary that I really appreciate. Also, I most definitely deleted my LinkedIn account. I hated it from the start and it just put me in a bad headspace no matter how much I tried to separate my feelings from it.
That reasonates so much with me! When I got my diploma I felt like the best part of my life was over. I didn't want to move on with life since adult life seemed so dull and boring. I could't feel any excitement with the idea of just working 8-6 for my entire life, having an "adult life", doing "adult stuff" & paying bills. But at the same time I felt embarassed of doing anything else. I struggled over going to job interviews for jobs I didn't really wanted and working on places I'd rather just leave, just because "this is adult life" and that's what everybody else is doing. I've been looking at my life at the past few years in terms of "What do I want to have accomplished in 10 years?". When I entered the working force, I felt so trapped and miserable. There is so little time to mantain friendships, have hobbies and simply enjoy life. Those things seemed not allowed for me anymore. It's like when you are 12 and feel embarassed for still playing with dolls, because you're too old for that. Recently I had a big realization that the most important thing for me is to be happy. And that shifted my priorities and my outlook on life. I can allow myself to have a gap in my resumé, stay out of linkedin, read books I'm interested on, start practicing yoga, start journaling again, and even doing a meditation retreat. No need to feel guilty for not prioritizing my career, not being ambicious. As the saying says, your path is your own path.
I discovered your channel just 2 hours ago and I'm currently in a marathon of your videos. I feel so relieved to see all of my struggles featuring your videos!
I just graduated and my mind has been full of all these questions for way too long lmao, thanks for this most of my friends are goin back to school so it’s hard to find others who get it
I felt a void in the year after university (6 years of my life in total) : looking for jobs, everything feeling new and not knowing what to do with my free time. I felt like I lost my identity as a student and I didn't know who I was. But now, 2 years after graduating, I settled into a routine with work and trying new hobbies every month in hopes of finding ones that will stuck with me and I am okay with the fact that I'm not a student anymore. I also appreciate how my anxiety is a lot more manageable now that exams and deadlines are not a thing anymore, I put my worth in things other than academic success and being smart, and I see my mental health is improving because of that.
My brain is CONSUMED by the idea that the best years of my life (aka early to mid 20s) are being wasted by the pandemic, my lack of ambition, lack of romance, opportunities etc. I feel like I need to be living my best possible life right now, when I don’t even know what that looks like or how it could be possible.
Same here 100%. I am in my mid-20s and I feel like I haven't lived yet. I talk to people that are older than me who say "you are so young and there is so much ahead of you", but this pandemic has put me in a bad thought-spiral of being so scared that I will never feel alive. I am terrified that when there are more years behind me than ahead of me I will feel like I wasted my life.
You need to relax and stop trying to rush your life. Sit yourself down somewhere and calm down. Take things one step at a time. Trying to rush your life based off nonsense will give you anxiety and depression.
I took a gap year this past year and working was so hard and I would get to the point where I would get headaches it was so emotionally exhausting. I love being a student and I’m so happy to be going back for grad school. This year definitely made me value it even more!
Thats insightful. from age 6-22 all you know is school. So its a culture shock to have it all end. And not just that, it was your most formative years that you now have to reWrite. My beef was always that its too expensive and doesn't hold up to its promise of career. I have a friend who got a degree in baking. Life After College for him was 12$ an hour, not his career choice lol.
I feel a quite large amount of guilt/privilege/gratitude having picked out the career I wanted at 16 and being almost 2 years into it so far and still being as excited by it. In no way do I "love what I do" I do indeed have to work many days in my life (unlike that cringey saying). Post grad life has been mediocre at best though and we should normalize that instead of setting such high expectations. Enough with the dream job, tight group of friends, life entirely mapped out stigma.
Many of our issues with loneliness are indeed systemic. Going from communal living in college, to moving away and being completely on my own was rough. This year I've decided I have had enough of that, and am looking into co-housing neighborhoods. There are a lot of these in Europe, and I think the US could really benefit from them. Our suburban development pattern (lots of time spent in cars and single family dwellings) keeps us isolated. Most of our socialization has to be scheduled, and we don't meet people organically as often.
10 years graduated now.. 10 years working; and I will tell you guys; it will get better; there are jobs that I just force myself to be present everyday; and honestly just for the paycheck; and mind you.., I jump from jobs to jobs... but now I am in a better place; it is different though if you choose a career to help others (e.g nurse) everyday is a experience; and you will receive a lot of appreciation that makes you want to work hard and be better in your craft; I don't mind to if I don't get rich or work throughout my life in this job-- coz honestly it's so rewarding..
I'm personally living my best life after college. I enjoy having stable income, and my free time is actually free (no homework). I however a from France , university is way less structured and we don't really have a campus life (no dorms on campus, not that many school events) and i had no friends at the uni but from work and hobbies so i there was none of the perks you mentionned during my college life.
I think Americans don’t know how lucky they are to be able to live the, duh, American college life experience. Campus, living with your bros and gals but not in 4 man apartments to save money, fraternities. I know this ain’t true for all American college students, but this ain’t even close for most of European colleges.
Right my undergrad life was shit! I struggled so much and came out with shit grades. Now I'm doing my postgraduate degree, bought a house, just came back from a trip to France and making some good money. Postgraduate is a struggle as well and I can't wait to leave school and be free of all oppressive exam and coursework feeling.
I thought I was the only one to feel this way. I never felt so lost in my entire life. I have no idea what I am even doing, like college is the easiest thing ever compared to post-grad.
I have literally SCOURED the internet to find evidence that I wasn’t the only one feeling alone and you basically just summed up every fear I’ve had in one video and genuinely made me feel better about it. Thank you
Thank you for this. I graduated last December, and was caught completely off guard by just how lonely and dull my life became after graduation, and even now, I still feel that way sometimes. But I'm glad to know that A) it's normal to feel this way and B) that it does get better.
I love how thorough your videos are. I'm about six years post grad (yikes) and just this year I have started to feel like I'm coming back to myself. I find myself missing my studies and being surrounded by like minded people. I'd love to find spaces for that that are not exclusively online. Mostly when it comes to making and maintaining friendships I find myself feeling so insecure that I stop myself from putting myself out there. Best wishes for your move to Seattle! I'm a Grit City (Tacoma) girl and I really hope that you like it here!
There was a quote I saw somewhere that went "College is so significant in America because it might be the only time in society where you have a sense of community"
Yeah tbh life after college has been one of the roughest periods of my life. The quarter life crisis hit me like a friggin train. I graduated four years ago and feel like in some ways I’m still recovering & recalibrating myself. Even though I’m no longer as depressed & anxious as I was initially, I’m still teaching myself to be at peace with not knowing what the next 5 years of my life will look like. I’m scared of losing friends but I also know I have to accept that reality. I keep comparing myself to my peers that are doing better career-wise & financially. Idk. Being a young adult sucks ass sometimes.
I really want to leave my job but I don't have the means. The first job is so hard especially considering I graduated into a pandemic and it's just so hard to feel like everything that I'm doing isn't enough to get what I want
Start applying elsewhere and contact recruiters, do not quit your job until you have secured a new position (contract signed and start date finalized). Be patient and you will find a better suited environment for you! A lot of my peers had terrible first job experiences, but years later are making good money and in companies they enjoy. It takes a little while to get there, but once you have accumulated the experience, lots of opportunities will open up.
Making friends after college is so hard. Once I got into my career I became hesitant to make friends at work because it can affect my career down the line. I moved to a new city so there weren’t old friends to connect with. It’s been a journey. My goal last year was to make new friends and then the pandemic hit. I’m fine with being lonely, I did that for some time and grew a lot in it. I feel fortunate to be married to my best friend and that we’ve had each other through this all. I’m looking forward to trying to make friends now that I’m fully vaccinated and ready to experience life again.
I hate the fact that a lot of employers require some type of experience. Recent college graduates have no experience. What do they expect. Also, there are a lot of college grads who get jobs they could of gotten out of high school. What a broken educational system.
just graduated and i'm so happy about it honestly. i'll miss some stuff but i'm looking forward to that stable income, financially independent, no homework life.
To be honest, you don't need to go out of your way to make friends even at work. As long as you're maintaining normal relationship with your colleagues, that's good enough. You don't have to go out of your way to make friends with all of them. That just seems kind of forced, and not everyone is your cup of tea. I don't know about other people, but I much rather have few trusted friends and keep that to a small group rather than trying to maintain a large group of so called "friends." One of the best way for me to make new friends is just simply focusing on my own hobby or doing something I enjoy on my free time. By doing this, I meet other people who share the same passion and understanding as me. Then when I run into someone I feel like they have a good personality I can vibe with during that process, that's how I become friends with them. My parents have always thought that video games is a waste of time. But I come to understand that video game is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I have made so many wonderful friends I still talk to today because of the online games I play all the time such as Final Fantasy XIV. People outside of that don't understand where we're coming from. They don't understand video games can really heal people and change them for the better. I'm only alive because of video games have continued to heal me, and through this I continue to meet other wonderful people who share the same passion as me and inspire me to become better. That's why I say online video games is my cure for my depression. And meeting other people who share that understanding, it's a wonderful feeling. A lot of people through video games, when I took the time to just ask them how they were doing, often time I found they were just looking for a friend to connect with because life is miserable for them. I think the biggest thing is when you show that you care, you can really change a person's life. Maybe that's just me, but I'm more interested in the person who is in the corner and being neglected by others rather than focusing on the person who is in the spotlight and cheered by everyone. Because to me, that person in the spotlight isn't worth my time and I lose interest because everyone else is so focused on that person in the spotlight. What's more important to me is the things people don't talk about. In this sense, you don't need to force yourself to become friends with someone. Friendship with people comes naturally without really you trying to make it happen. You don't just go up to people and ask "Are we friends?" It's more of you both acknowledge it overtime because of how your relationship is being developed with that person: the things you do with them, the things you talk with them, etc.
thank you. i feel kind of mothered and safe right now because you just validated a lot of the itty bitty struggles i've been going through/discussions i've been having with myself. i'm 20, just graduated college, and am excited/a little afraid for everything to come, but it helps to just remember that everyone probably faces some version of these dilemmas and although everyone's answers might be different, they're all equally valid :)
im living with my parents for right now since covid, i really dont care what people think!! they out here spending thousands on rent and im able to payback college loans so im pretty lucky it works for me! Love this video
Nice, I graduated from High School a couple of weeks ago, and I’m hearing these stories about people wasting their life in college, tbh I don’t want to take classes or major in business in a school while i can learn it on the internet, thanks for your story
This video could literally not have come out at a more perfect time. I hung out with the friends i made the past year because i took the initiative to make a discord server and i brought so many of us together and i hate that i have to leave in a couple of months and lose them. It's the first time that i made friends whose company i genuinely enjoyed and hanging out with them didn't deplete my social energy cause we're all the same vibe and now i have to leave and probably never see them again. They have 1 more semester together but i feel so alone and depressed these days just thinking about going to a different country completely alone.
Went to college once I could afford it, which was well into my 20s and older than nearly all my peers (who chose to go). Had a much, much better time than most people who went as teenagers. Student loans are predatory, but so is expecting a kid to put (sometimes) 100k+ on what they want to be for the rest of their working lives, usually until 65-72 (depends on how long they're paying those loans for).
I've been graduated for three years and I don't miss college AT ALL! I barely even remember it because so many of my happiest memories from that time occurred outside of school. I have zero hope of making a career out of my major. I honestly learned more about my creative passions through TH-cam tutorials than in any classes I took. Honestly, I feel like it was a waste of time and money for the most part. I probably could've started my life ten years earlier if I had ignored college and my parents' expectations.
Wow loved this video!! I am one year post grad now and I struggled this year a lot with loneliness and fomo bc I was the only one of my college friends that left the east coast. Even though it was probably mostly in my head I kept feeling left out of the fact that so many of my friends were within driving distance of each other and it felt like they got to see each other all the time... its hard starting over in a new place and trying to form new relationships but Im honestly really proud of myself for choosing to get out of my comfort zone and I dont regret it! For anyone experiencing fomo post grad and struggling to make friends in a new place im here for you and I promise it gets better
A really great video! I graduated two years ago and have been working for a bit. One thing I learned quickly for myself in my career after graduating was the importance of separating work and personal life, including friendships. I like my colleagues and enjoy working with them and collaborating. I would not say we are friends because how I communicate to my friends and family differs from work. It's also nice to have a community of people that do not know me from my work side and know me for what my personal interests are. When companies say "we're like a family here" I get really irked by that. It rubs me the wrong way and meshes work and personal life together too much. I will admit I'm very biased and some people have had great friendships with their colleagues, it differs by person.
My number one struggle is a job that is going to support my mental health and not just cause it to deteriorate. My current job cares about one thing and one thing only, going fast! I cant go much faster not with out a lot of practice. Also the whole what now? question. More Schooling? I dont want to go to grad school! Bachelor's in Social Work? Will people think I'm weird for getting a second bachelors or will it be the right pace for me? Where should I work? Hospital? will that cause too much anxiety? Maybe i should just find a cave to crawl into and never come out. Or one step at a time, you have what you need now just do what feels right take it one step at a time. Wow you just became my journal. I'm just gonna leave this here.
This is so helpful because I'm graduating in a year and I'm really having to figure out what I want my life to look like. I have goals for the next few years but they all focus around school! All of your advice has been phenomenal
As someone that graduated a couple years ago, can feel it, it's an adjustment, I've also avoided LinkedIn for at least a year now lol, I find it stressful to look at. Have lots of feels for everyone that graduated in the last 1-2 years, since can imagine what would've been like. I do think life after college has the potential to be exponentially better, but it depends much more on where you end up, how you navigate, and admittedly some luck, it's really the beginning, that can be a massive adjustment to everything, that only so many make it over the barrier, but can say those that do, it really does have potential, for example now after college, no homework, no exams, more freedom, more diversity, admittedly even better dates, for those singles, but think yeah really does depend on so many factors, since I've seen fellow classmates to all over.
I am currently in college and am nervous about what will happen after I graduate. I am 25, in college, and living with my parents and am also quite isolated and lonely.
Honestly I'm 26 and I think its really good to try not to peak in university. My undergrad life was absolute shit! I struggled so much and came out with shit grades, debt and unemployment. I took some time to bum fuck around and now I'm doing my postgraduate degree, bought my first property and just came back from a trip to France and have a graduate job. Postgraduate is a struggle as well and I can't wait to leave school and be free of all oppressive exam and coursework feeling. Try and look forward to life after school, school shouldn't be the highlight of your life. It gets better.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS!! I graduated in April and told myself I would take a month to just relax, after being a working university student for five years. In hind sight, this was a very arbitrary and unproductive way to look at things because that kind of time restraint set me back a lot and made me feel anxious with every day passing by that I was just letting myself exist?? One month turned into two and will most likely turn into three. I so tightly clung to my identity as a student and as someone who prides herself in her work ethic, or in other words someone who had the "grind hard" mentality even when working was not what I needed to do for my mental state, my body, me. I actually got out of this headspace (for the most part) before I left university, with the pandemic really causing me to assess my values. But now, that has left me refusing to work and cause strain on my physical and mental health to be paid 14.25 an hour, or to feel as though I need to actually exceed my position expectations in order to be valued as an employee. I am innately valuable and do not want an employer to reduce me to a number ID. I recognize that does come with a level of privilege, to currently have access to resources in order to feel like I have a safety net while not being employed at the moment. I lost all of my friendships and feel like I'm starting from scratch, because either close friends who I thought would be in my life forever disconnected entirely over the course of the last year, and other friendships I realized did not align with my moral and ethical values. And again, the pandemic and racial injustice, which are so strongly tied, really showed me that in their character. So here I am today, grieving the loss of a life I was drained to be participating in. Because being on the other end of acknowledging my needs and wants in all facets of my life feels like failure in some regard, when my peers are moving on to entry-level career positions. I have to keep reminding myself that that is not the case, and feeling this overwhelming weight post-graduation is not an anomaly. This really helped make me feel less alone.
I went to college abroad and making friends was tough, to I was still connected to my high school friends and folks I grew up with, I didn’t even make friends till my second year of college! Now at work it was so much easier but I found out that my real friends those who were able to get deep into my layers were the people who I met at college and growing up
I graduated in 2004 and I totally felt disappointed after graduating. Coworkers are not my friends. I have maybe one friend from work that I actually hang out with on the weekends. I make friends either through other friends or from volunteering or art events. I can't imagine graduating right before a pandemic. Isolation sucks.
I really needed this video. I was forced to graduate because I was meeting the “unit maximum” even though I wasn’t ready. I rushed through my last 2 quarters which didn’t help my GPA and I wasn’t able to take classes I needed as pre-requisites for a Masters In Nursing school. I have so much PTSD from my graduation that when I think about it, I cry because graduation early wasn’t part of my plan and being forced to graduate also made me feel unsupported from my university. It’s been 6 months post-graduation from Undergrad and I’ve been denied by my first masters program and have been rejected from every position I’ve applied to. I’ve gotten so far as interviews and have always been rejected. I’m working as a Student Assistant which I’m only getting by because Ive had to start taking classes at my local community college in order to get this student job. A student assistant position can only last so long because I’ll need to stop taking classes at community colleges eventually. So, I have a bachelors degree from a UC and still work a student position and have no real experience Bc the only experience I have is healthcare related (because I wanted to go into a Masters in Nursing program). I feel so stuck and have seriously considered taking my life multiple times. I’ve had to start therapy and was prescribed anti-depressants. I knew post grad was hard, but I never knew it would be so hard that I would find just *Living* to be so, so much harder. I also applied for a full time position in my department and they rejected me. I cried for days. The manager said “it’s not a slight to you”, but I felt so bad for myself. It was like, not only am I getting rejected from outside companies, but from the very own company and coworkers I work with. This was the last straw for my mental health and I had to take a hiatus from applying to jobs and it’s been about 1 month now. This one month break has been good and has allowed me to really think about what I want to do. I still don’t know what it is I want to do but, I’ve come to accept that the timeline I have set for myself may not go exactly as planned and THATS OK! Graduating in a pandemic and into a workforce where no ones hiring is still the hardest thing but, I do believe that Rejection is Redirection. I hope to feel better mentally and hope I find some sense of security in my life. I also hope to gain more confidence with my accomplishments because graduating is a huge accomplishment, but I can’t help but feel like a failure because I haven’t gotten a full time job yet. Another topic taking up space in my head is how I think people around me may judge me because I may be going into a career no one expected of me, and tbh, one that I never expected either. My timeline was to get into a masters in nursing school but, applying has been difficult since I don’t meet some requirements since I was forced to graduate early. Since getting rejected from one masters in nursing school, I’ve also been depressed over the idea of “what if I never become a nurse”. I’ve told everyone in my life that I wanted to be a nurse, so the very idea that I may not, makes me so depressed. I’m about 70/30 about it, 30% of me has doubts on whether I’ll be happy in the long term in that profession. But, the other career path I wasn’t expected is an office 8-5 job, which I also was never expecting. I’m 50/50 about this because I don’t know if I’ll ever be happy long-term in an office job, for a company that doesn’t support their student assistants. Overall, I still feel so lost as a post grad. I feel like a failure. I sometimes have those terrible thoughts of just ending my life so I don’t have to feel like such a failure. I have no security in my life and have no support system either, with friendships dwindling because they are still in school (they weren’t forced to graduate early). I don’t know if I’ll ever be my dream profession and I don’t know if I’ll even be happy in my dream profession. I have other career choices but, every-time I apply, I get interviewed and lose out to people who have *more experience*. Or, the idea of choosing a different career just scares me because I feel like everyone around me will judge me because now they know I never got accepted into a nursing program. I just feel so terrible. I hope anyone who actually has read this and feels like they’re going through the same thing, knows that there is someone who also feels the same. I hope we all figure it out someday and reach a state of peace and bliss.
On the other hand, if you lived as an introvert during college who is excited to start the career grind you always dreamed of that's when your life truly starts
@@el_chivo99 Building new relationships outside of school is VERY hard. I haven't figured it out and I've been out for two years. Expect the transition to be hard, because it will be.
so helpful!! experiencing more loneliness and feeling that loss of a long-term, concrete goal has been such an insane transition. i really wish we had more walkable communities or even apartment buildings specifically for people in their early to mid 20s so finding a new community after college would be easier
This video was really helpful! Knowing that I'm not alone in the lonely post-grad soup of sorrows is comforting. 25 y/o changing career paths currently because my high school dream job was NOT what I expected it to be. IK that my 17 y/o self would be disappointed, but my priorities have changed so much since then. We all gotta stop beating ourselves up and live our damn lives the way that we want to!
I'm so afraid of the future, two semester to go... college is a hellish experience, but starting to work, and attaining financial stability is a long wayyyyyy and I'm so afraid I might not do it right, like what if I messed up. Yeah I overthink... :
Boundary setting is HUGE I failed to do that with my fam, specifically my mother and now that I'm finally doing it in my early 30s I regret taking so long to do it. It's brutal!
I guess especially in the US people tend to live in college (ie at the University). So leaving that not only means a huge shift in What you are doing (full time, often more mundane work rather than studying/doing various uni activities), but also where you live, and often finding your our apartment for the first time. Whereas in Aus a lot of ppl transition from living at home to having their own place During undergrad (and some stay home the whole time). Even those who do go to college it is usually only for the first year or two and then they will move out (often with ppl they have met in college). So, is less of a Huge change finishing uni (unless, of course decide to move interstate / elsewhere), as more often than not your living situation will stay the same.
This isn't as common as you think. Many public unis in the US are "commuter campuses" where a majority of the students live off campus even though there are on-campus options. Often because its cheaper to live somewhere with roommates instead of on-campus where you pay an arm and a leg to live in a closet.
Im I've been feeling so depressed after college missing friends and i really can't bear working because college is a place where everyone is there for you and mistake aren't a problem, work is a place where you have to do everything for the business and you have no control over what you do over your day or week.
Loved this video! Something that's been hard for me is making friends at work because everyone is older than me by 20+ years. No one my age works at my office and it's so so hard. They're all married and settled down with kids and talk about retirement etc and I'm just here feeling so out of place living my 23 year old life. I would say I'm at a friend level with 1 or 2 of them, but we don't hang out or talk outside of work. Plus, I moved out of state to take this job, so I don't have a support network of college friends here, or ppl I could go out with. This isn't a problem I've heard many ppl talk about so just had to have a mini rant here :/
I felt that BIG TIME when I graduated. The majority of my coworkers were married women in their late 40s and up, with kids. Nothing wrong with that at all, it's just that I was single, 23, and childless. Never ended up making friends there.
The job I went to college for didn't work out almost immediately because I really hated it. So yeah, it was the worst time of my life. But after stumbling around for a while and playing around with a few other jobs I found a job that was sort of an indirect consequence of my college degree. I've been at that job for 15 years, and I went back to school at nights to get another degree, this time directly in the field I'm working in. So things are much better now. But I'm still really glad I got that first degree because it is something I have a passion for and I like to use it in my spare time.
7 years since I finished my education and went into full time work, and this is what I've learnt: It is very likely it won't be as easy to meet up with friends as often as you'd like because you now have more commitments, less time, and now probably live further apart. You have to learn to live with that - the friends you keep from the past have to be worth it and the time you make for these friends will be worth it, otherwise you will naturally drift apart. Now because you get less time with these people, the time you get with them has so much more value and will strengthen those friendships if you put the effort in - if you don't put the effort in you will drift apart from the people you need to keep in your life and will become more lonely. You also need a way to find a new place you turn up to regularly to make some new friends - but also accept that the bonds you form with these new people may not be as strong as the ones you've had in the past since everyone has less time, more commitments etc. (for example it could be someone you see each week at the park, cafe etc). Then if you decide to start a family most of your time will be dedicated to that and you find happiness in a different way. But all there is to learn is that things have changed and you find more happiness from your own company compared to when you were younger and were in the position to have more of a social life. But even so if you are willing to explore then there is someone there you can talk to or make friends with, and will have more in common with you if they are in a similar stage in life.
Beating yourself up about being lonely hit home. Wow. A couple months out of college I suddenly fell ill. Fast forward about a year & I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia & me/chronic fatigue syndrome. Almost 8 years later I can still barely leave my house. I have lost so many friends due to that & my 1st thoughts when I think of being lonely are always what I've done wrong to lose those friends. "I didn't reach out 1st." "I took too long to write back." "I'm not interesting because I can't have super long conversations anymore." "I'm too much work to hang out with." Thanks for this video because I didn't realize I was doing that.
I'm suffering from post graduation. I graduated college 6 yrs ago and I graduated from Broadcasting Electronic Media. I would never thought it would be difficult to get at job. Besides that I feel ppl I knew are getting jobs in their field and I'm here just at my college job, retail. Besides that my circle of friends have changed overtime. I'm contented being alone. But, it is hard.
thanks for talking about boundary setting. I learned it the hard way over the past few months while trying to better my relationship with my mother. you have no idea how much I needed to hear that the people who get most upset about you setting boudaries are the ones with whom you need them most. in general this video is pure gold, and I'm only in my 2nd semester hahah
I kinda went through this when I graduated as well. As a decade veteran of no longer being a student, here is some advice: 1) If you feel like you're the only one who doesn't know whats going on (with your job or how to make new friends or whatever), you're not. Everyone, even the smartest 20 somethings, are just winging it. 2) It is ok to ask questions still. In fact, I'd go so far as to say it's encouraged! If you think you're learning is complete, you're dead wrong! I've learned more about life in my 12 years working than I ever did in my 17 years of school. 3) One way or another, things are going to work out. So if you want to take a chance with something new, do it. No time like the present! You are a capable adult and will get where you need to be!
For me, the transition helped me realize the value in community. My community as a student was the reason I stayed and graduated. When I started working, I lost that community and didn't really find an alternative until I quit and changed my lifestyle
personally I much prefer working to taking classes, but what I do really miss is the sense of community. I would be fine with working if we still all lived in dorms and ate together at a cafeteria lol
I feel this so much. I graduated university last year, and this past year has been my first time in nearly 20 years of not being a full-time student. There's no structure, and all the days seemed to blend together for a bit. I definitely had a bit of an identity crisis, because being a student is all I'd ever really known up until this past year.
What were you studying? I’m also having a identity crisis after just graduating high school, i ask myself if i want to be a chef, business owner, or a digital artist, make an effort to become a soccer athlete
@@Risklander I studied theatre! So I feel you, because it was definitely taking a gamble and going into a field where work is hard to find and not guaranteed.
![ตีสิบเดย์ [FULL] | นางเอกหมอลำเงินล้าน "อุ๋งอิ๋ง เพชรบ้านแพง" & ไฮโซสาวสุดฮอต "ลิลลี่ เหงียน"](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/jPxQS_EgrJ4/mqdefault.jpg)
Life after college is soooo weird in the sense that you’re literally taught what to do as a student for 22 years, then you graduate and realize adults don’t actually know what theyre doing and suddenly you’re one of them. I didn’t love school but at least there was some structure and friends that came along with it.
emphasis on friends that came along with it. it's so hard to make young people friends post-grad! especially if you move to a town away from where grads of your school go to
@@ilikebobateaaa 100%! Currently trying to navigate making friends post grad too n its rufffff
Agree with you both.
So true alot of us only realise the importance of structure once we leave the schools
It’s riggedddd
I’m not of your generation but am trying to keep up with the struggles of you younger folks. I’m 72 years old. Now retired. First career was CPA corporate CFO who after 5 years was ready to toss in the towel. Got professional help - psychoanalyst. Got deep into who I am. Ended up returning to college - pre med. Went to medical school. Had a fabulous career. Loved my job and my life. There is happiness out there. Keep looking.
This is wonderful motivation, thank you!
Fancy
Hi D Walker! You made my day with this comment. I'm actually going back to uni as well, to study psychology :-) Did you keep working while at pre-med college? Good day!
Wow, that's awesome. Never too late. May I ask how old you were when you went back to school as a pre-med major? How long did it take you from that point to finish medical school and start working?
So you did that in the 70's I'm assuming, where that was definitely possible. A lot of others should not fall prey to the high costs of student loans and tuition nowadays I think, this isn't the most sound advice imo. Not hating, just giving my bit (Maybe projecting lol)
"LinkedIn puts me in a bad headspace" This is so true and no one talks about it. Who actually enjoys spending time on LinkedIn? Why does it have to be a part of our professional life ughhhh
It doesn't. I refuse to have it.
I love browsing LinkedIn posts cuz they’re so entertaining! So many stupid fake anecdotes and “inspirational” stories that legit make me laugh out loud 😂
I agree. I don’t even touch it anymore it makes me feel bad about myself. Tuning it out has made me relaxed and keeps it out of my mind
I use it for tips and recommendations on what to learn. I also got my last two jobs through it somehow but I agree many people love to show off etc
@@lewdaniels1128 do you have any advice on how to get the most out of LinkedIn please? I know people use it to build their personal brand, I always struggled with making it work for me, the only benefit has been when recruiters would occasionally reach out to me. Are you looking at the certifications / courses of your peers to see areas to improve on etc?
In college I was so stressed trying to balance working, school assignments, paying bills, etc. that I never enjoyed the “college experience” so many upper middle class kids fantasize about. Must be nice 😬💁🏼♀️
It's funny you mention that; I wasn't sexually active until AFTER college. I didn't have the time or money for relationships in college.
try being the middle class kid from a strict household who fantasized about said "college experience" and independence only to realize your parents are still keeping tight control over your life(and mental health at this point) by using your financial dependence towards them so you focus your college years on becoming financial independent and finally break free from them... its like even though you have all the resources, its all for naught if you have to sacrifice your freedom and mental health; its not the majority but it sucks too
@@lizdiaz3951 same :(
i didn’t even know people fantasized about the “college experience” because nobody in my family went to college before me. the beginning of college was so stressful as a first generation student on top of having a difficult major and balancing work/paying bills. i’m going into my senior year and i have not been thriving, i’ve just been trying to focus on surviving lol.
Absolutely. As a poor kid with no safety net, the college experience just feels super alienating. Like, during my junior year one of my parents passed away from cancer. Her cancer treatments put her into debt as we were already poor to begin with. After she died, the bank foreclosed on my house and my other parent became homeless for a time. I have literally no safety net, and so I have to always be focused on making sure I have food on the table and a roof over my head. Every time some school official is like "are you going home for the summer? :)" or "we mailed a letter home but for some reason it got returned to us?" I just have this pit in my stomach. Its exhausting having to explain my situation all the time, especially when I get no sympathy and the faculty person in question just gets super uncomfy... but hey I powered through and I have only one semester left!
Friendships are definitely much harder after college, especially as time goes on and friends move away, get married and have kids.
Gross :( how to cope?
@@fingerlickingoooood Coping gets easier with age too, in my opinion. The older you get, the less you care. The occasional reunions with old friends are super nice (though obviously not this year), the rest of the time you are so busy with your own family and obligations that it won't bother you if you haven't seen your friends in a while, or haven't made any new ones in a while.
Making friends as an adult sucks. People are so mobile, and so busy.
Yeah, I've found that at least putting yourself out there and making an effort really helps though. Most people are nice and happy to chat lol
Well there’s nine seasons of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic that’s all about keeping your old friends while making new ones, becoming successful and dealing with redefine your life afterwords, and coping with being a responsible adult. All from a kids show aimed at little girls buying colorful ponies.
I just graduated and am in the most confusing and painful mental space I’ve ever been in. All of my plans for the future flopped- didn’t get into the graduate school I hoped for, had to move out of my apartment and back home with my mom, my senior year (and most of Junior year) were spent in isolation through Zoom with no senior events or final recitals.... it wasn’t exactly as I hoped and I haven’t found closure. I thought graduation would be exciting, but it has been pretty depressing. For the first time in my life I don’t have a plan for the future and it’s terrifying.
I have been in a constant financial struggle during my years of study. I was hoping to do my masters but I couldn't stomach to spend another year, 2 years without any financial stability. So I'm going to work to save up
Same.
Kind of in a similar situation! Also just finished my undergrad, didn't get into vet school and not really sure what to do with my life. I also feel like part of me didn't get that closure from my undergrad since everything was online and I didn't get to be on campus to enjoy my last year thanks to the pandemic. I also don't have a plan as to what's next for me since I thought I'd be in vet school come September but guess that's not happening. Feeling kind of lost!
This was literally me when i graduated a few years ago apart from the covid part of of course. I always had a plan for everything and then after graduation i was like holy crap, I have nothing to do and there's so many choices how do i decide? I literally went through 18 months after that of job rejections and feeling soooo lost. I ended up having to do unpaid internships for 6 months to get a job and even landing those was really difficult. Everyone acts like your early 20s are so fun/ best time of your life but in reality it's one of the hardest times for most people. Keep sticking at it, reflect on who you are as a person-eventually you'll find your place in the world :)
@@daviddied7252 Literally ME!!! I cannot spend 2 more years living with mom and dad and not being able to be stable and save up for things!
This is so true. After college, bosses treat you worse than teachers/professors ever did. Bosses can make you feel completely replaceable at any time. You wind up being afraid to miss work every time you are legitimately sick because your boss will verbally abuse you for doing so. This happens a lot and young people get stuck just taking it because jobs are difficult to find and they truly need the money to survive.
oh yes
sad but it true and it can have a serious toll on the human body sadly. Like why being a human has to be so damn freaking hard tbh
There has been a stark (depressing) contrast going from spending 22 years of my life around peers my age with similar life aspirations to graduating into a pandemic and being isolated. It is incredibly hard to have a grasp on what life is supposed to be while already struggling with my own mental health. Thank you for sharing your perspective.
The loss of identity happens from 1.) Getting married. 2.) Having kids. 3.) Having a 9-5 job, they are very predictable, mentally mechanical and formulaic. From birth you are told that is what people do and that you have to do that as well. They put you in a system that you can't get out of. Soon enough you will be living to work...and working to support your kids, a mortgage, car payments, etc...then before you know it 40 years go by and you wonder where time went. College and grade school also does not prepare you for recessions either.
I just graduated from college and I think the thing that is getting to me the most is sorting out what I WANT to do vs. what I feel like I SHOULD do. It's hard to combat the feeling that I should be doing x, y and z (especially since I am a very conflict-averse person and sensitive to upsetting/disappointing my parents and other people in my life), but I've had the big realization in the past few months that I don't want to follow the path I think I "should" take and spend the rest of my life miserable. It's been hard learning how to listen to my heart (and it makes me feel like I'm in a Barbie movie or something tacky lol), but it has made a huge difference already. It's such a freeing feeling to finally connect with what I want to do and what makes my soul feel alive and to realize I can do it!!! I've decided to move halfway across the world post-graduation and pursue a career I never thought I would be doing, but instead of filling me with dread like my expected post-grad path did this route fills me with the most ecstatic feeling. Like seriously, I've known I was moving since probably September and I still get giddy when I think about it -- it's crazy. Anyway, I don't know if anyone else will read this comment, but if you do I really encourage you to take some time and think about what YOU want, not what other people think you should do. It might sound crazy -- moving to Spain (despite knowing 0 Spanish) sounded crazy to me -- but if that's what makes your heart skip a beat and makes you feel like you've grown wings, you need to do it. Don't talk yourself out of a big leap because the details scare you, because then you become the person who spends 50 years of their life saying they want to do it and realizing on your death bed that you never fulfilled that dream. You always have time, and you are smarter and more capable than you think. Let go of expectations and do what makes your soul feel alive and free, even if it takes you a lot of baby steps and many years to get there. You will feel so much happier stepping out of your comfort zone and into your dream life, I promise.
That was a long rant, lol, but I wanted to say thank you Katherine for making these videos. I started feeling a lot of cognitive dissonance these past few months with what I want to do vs. what I should do and it's relieving to hear that I'm not alone and to see someone a bit older than me give advice and talk about their experience. I think it's incredible that you are posting about these things and starting a conversation on topics that have been brushed under the rug for so long. Thank you, and I look forward to your future videos about these things (:
Love this. So much. Relate 200%.. Sometimes there are setbacks, impossible to foresee, but thank you for your words, Who make me remember to never leave my Dreams. Thank you for your 'rant', it was ecstatically beautiful. . And why should People apologize for talking and for taking the Space for it? - i do it too. So, never apologize for how long is something you write, you have so many valuable things to say!!!
Thank you for this comment. It really resonates with what I'm feeling at the moment
Your life is yours and you are the only person responsible for it. Don't let the others, no matter who (i. e. parents), decide for your own life.
Thanks! This comment has really helped me feel better about what I’m doing. Where I did not move halfway across the world, I did move across the United States from Arizona to North Dakota for a job that’s not so typical for a college graduate but is something I’m really enjoying and have learned of the last few months that it doesn’t matter so much to what your doing but that your doing something you enjoy!
Hey, loved this comment, question: What are you doing that is allowing you to move to Spain without knowing Spanish (since you usually have to have a job to get a visa and I imagine that would be difficult knowing none of the language)? Curious as I would like to do this somewhere else
biggest lesson I learned is that you may feel obligated to fix a friendship or something, but if things don't feel good after trying to fix it time and time again, it's ok to give up and let the friendship go.
Oof. This!
I got extremely depressed for about a year after college. Eventually came out of it at least, but distanced most of my friends and continued to not like my job.
gosh, I feel you :(
Change jobs! I'm at my 5th one in a 4.5 years long career and only now I'm comfortable staying.
I don't get how we STILL don't teach how to do your taxes, how to pay bills, how to run a household, mortgages, etc. Very important adult stuff that just never gets talked about. It's like it's a secret until you leave education and learn the hard way.
Exactly, its so weird.
They scam us because they know they can get away with it.
So glad you mentioned living with your parents even after college. I'm 29, living together with my mother BY CHOICE because we simply get along so well (and I have lived alone before, so it's not like I don't know how that works).
I hate this Western ideal of living alone (or with your partner) as the only viable lifestyle. Like, people are different! Living with your parents does not equal being non-independent or refusing to grow up.
EDIT: NON-independent, not independent, lol ^^
Yes you are emotionally weak and codependant of your parents. At 29 that is pathetic, my mother already had 2 kids by 29 on top of a career. You are almost 30 years old and living like a teenager, shame on you.
I have lived with my parents since I graduated from undergrad in 2016 and I've enjoyed it. They also haven't made me pay rent or anything. I did contribute financially to the phone bill and car insurance though. I've primarily been living with them because of not being able to find a stable full-time job in my field. I've worked since graduating but these jobs haven't paid me enough to move out. I do cherish the time that I have with them while living with them and I'm glad that I've never been made to feel like a "failure" for living with my parents for as long as I have.
Support this 100%. No need to move out right away after school if you don’t want to. Plus you save so much money which is a plus :)
@@gibememoni Tell that to their mother who allows them stay there. Then their mother would slap the taste out of your mouth for being hateful.
In many many cultures, adults, especially women, stay with their parents until they're married. It's even common in more communal societies for the married couple to stay in the parents' home, creating multi-generational households. Don't let any of these social atomists tell you what you're doing is "weird" or "wrong" just on its face.
Wow this was so helpful. For me one of the weirdest feelings is realizing that I have to keep working until retirement now, with no real structure to what I have to do beyond a vague idea of saving. The lack of structure (and safety nets) is both fantastic and simultaneously terrifying.
Don’t just save. Invest a good portion of each of your paychecks into your 401k and into Index funds for long term financial stability. If you keep your money in savings inflation will destroy it
1) Have goals
2) Plan
3) Enjoy. Now you have an structure
4) Be de-attached and willing to start over as many times as needed
What you said about "you can just leave" really spoke to me. I've been moving from job to awful job just trying to pay the bills, and the idea of "just leaving" is something I never felt applied to me. But there is always another way, and you've inspired me to look harder for that. Thanks!
I absolutely encourage you to make an exit plan and find a way to get out, but also I just want you to know that leaving a job is a privilege under capitalism. (Which I am sure Katherout here agrees with). So, don't blame yourself if leaving your job isn't something you can do right now or ever. Keep trying to make a better life for yourself, but also recognize that you are stuck in a system which is designed to keep you from doing just that.
Normalizing honest thoughts and conversations like this are SO important - thank you for speaking up so that others can feel more comfortable and know they're not the only ones going through the same struggles!
As a fellow USC business alum, I felt so pressured to interview at the Big 4 Firms and try to do what everyone else was doing. Deep down I knew I didn't want to work in such environments, let alone wear uncomfortable business attire 40+ hrs a week (see my profile picture...).
I love the transformation you're going through, keep staying true to you!
this talks are nothing new though. Watch the Movie, Reality Bites, its a 90s cult movie starring Queen Wynonna Ryder.
@@eduardochavacano haha i know, for a newer generation though it seems new at first - always a good reminder, even if it's old news!
The loneliness / fomo really hits home. I moved back home last summer when my lease was up, I don't have that many friends who still live here. And I feel incredibly jealous watching my friends from high school / college living in their respective cities, having all these friends, seem to be having the time of their lives.
Adding student debt (you seem to have forgotten sis) and trauma from toxic party and "romantic" relationships to the mix and the anxiety, depression, and loneliness becomes REAL
I graduated two years ago and I didn’t feel like an adult until recently. After college, I felt like I was a toddler in her mom’s heels. I think it takes time to adjust from college to adult life and I wish people were more aware of that transitional period.
The transition from school to work is so disorientating. I've been in school 95% of my life and then working is weird - with school things come to an end. You have more breaks..working is continuous. It's so easy to become burned out and unhappy. With school, you can have do-overs and stop without larger penalties if you're unhappy..with work, you can't. You have to quit and it's harder to find another.
THIS! Nothing can prepare you for how ambiguous corporate work is. There’s no syllabus, no grades, and no solid way to measure your performance or tasks. It’s a huge adjustment especially because your paycheck is involved. Fail a class, you retake it. Fail at work, you could lose your job.
@@TexasToast221 Exactly!! I'm glad someone else relates.
@@TexasToast221 me currently
Personally, I felt like I was thriving once I left college. 😅 School life just wasn't it for me.
Same!! The thought of never having to „study“ again made me so thrilled🤩
Amen
My former classmates that thrived at school definitely isn't correlatIng with who's doing better at their careers now! There were girls who slacked off in all their group projects with me (and yes I still hold a grudge against them for it) that are super successful now, and others that were amazing brilliant that are just getting by. An education is important, but it definitely doesn't define the life you will have.
I mean I always loved school/studying/academia, but I felt like I thrived after college too! Having a 9-5 means I can clock out and switch my brain off, instead of constantly having homework and papers looming over my head. And I get to actually make decent money instead of paying a college money 😂
@@TheBeatlesToday YES to all of this 👌🏻
The worst part of it all is being long-term unemployed, and not being able to find work in your field, seeing everyone you know pass you, even your mates who didn't go to college, being successful than you are. The part about growing apart from some friends is true, i've grown apart from some old childhood friends, realizing that we were only friends because we were in the same place together, but no real interests
I graduated high school a couple of weeks ago, i felt like college was a waste of time and money and I don’t want to be away from home where my brother is 5 yrs old and i want to experience life to the fullest with my family, thank you for telling me your experience
I didn’t know others also feel a sense of loss after college! I feel lost and like I have no identity, direction, or purpose out of school. Thank you for validating these fears and for letting us know these feelings are common among our peers. Thank you!!
I amused when people realize that not only are Facebook, Instagram, and other social media platforms in general high-light reels, BUT that LinkedIn is the biggest high-light reel.
So true, its like almost awkward to post anything on Linkedin that is not a mega flex xD
I’ve been out of college for 2-3 years now. No high paying job related to my degree and in a retail job that i no longer like. Never lived away from parents but have been contributing to rent, their car payment, internet and groceries. Lucky to have savings and some investments. Lucky to have friends I talk to often which I met a lot through discord and a long distance relationship. My focus now is on keeping myself happy in the present moment while growing personally and professionally and keeping the future in my mind. Making your own path in life isn’t easy but doing your best and keeping a support system helps
We should be friends
Thank you for this! Currently struggling with the idea of moving back in with my parents at 26 because it’s expensive to live alone in the current economy, especially if you want to save to move away or buy a home one day. Loved what you had to say about going back at any time!
I moved back with my parents I’m 26 as well! For me it didn’t make sense to get a new place for the sake of it when it wasn’t where I wanted to be. I can work and save for my dream job and be around my parents more I didn’t see them much in college. Accepting it’s okay and a good thing has been good I was embarrassed the first couple months. Saving money and will land my dream job and building a better relationship with my parents as an adult
Remember the reason you had friends in school was because you met people frequently in the same place, same time, and a lot of the time some mutual interest. It's the same after school - pick up some hobby outside of the house (or online too) and meet with people regularly. In *no* way is this *easy* to do, especially when you are/feel strained for time, want to just bum out and relax, or have anxiety about these situations but it's the #1 way to find and make new friends
I just want to say something about the individualist society vs collectivist society. I hear this A LOT from Westerns. There's this idealization of collective societies that as someone who's born and raised in one makes me ache a lil. Just because a society is collectivist does not mean in any shape or form there's more of a safe sense of belonging or thriving or lack of loneliness. There's a hella lot of conforming in these societies that holds you back, it's rooted in a set ideology, in not separating from the herd, in a uniform set of values and the repercussions of leaning away from this are heartbreaking as people have them set in stone. You would feel triple amount of loneliness in a society that wants you to mold into how everyone else. So, maybe we can rethink this narrative when approaching loneliness in first world countries because I think neither is good enough. Outside of these binaries, I imagine the best one could do for themselves is find a tightknit community that suits *them* specifically. Community *is* important, just not *any* community would suffice.
There's something to be said of the concept of "oikonomia" in traditional Christianity. It is important to have an agreed upon basis and social structure and even ideology. To see the world in the same way is important for a cohesive community. However, exceptions are made for people who may be on the fringes, this is where love comes in. The compassion to love others who might have difficulty conforming and allowing them to express themselves in healthy ways. Oikonomia means not being a "legalist." Not irrationally forcing others to conform to set rules just for the sake of those rules themselves. We must put the spirit of the law before the letter of the law and love one another. This is something important to remember as we try to build society back better, away from a false dialectic of individualism vs. collectivism.
I’ve done the whole “besties with my coworkers” thing and it turned into a total disaster. A lot of drama, a lot of me thinking we were a lot closer than we actually were. Now that I work from home and only chat with my co workers on zoom or slack it is SO much better for me. They don’t see how I’m doing every single day and there is so much more of a boundary that I really appreciate.
Also, I most definitely deleted my LinkedIn account. I hated it from the start and it just put me in a bad headspace no matter how much I tried to separate my feelings from it.
That reasonates so much with me! When I got my diploma I felt like the best part of my life was over. I didn't want to move on with life since adult life seemed so dull and boring. I could't feel any excitement with the idea of just working 8-6 for my entire life, having an "adult life", doing "adult stuff" & paying bills. But at the same time I felt embarassed of doing anything else. I struggled over going to job interviews for jobs I didn't really wanted and working on places I'd rather just leave, just because "this is adult life" and that's what everybody else is doing. I've been looking at my life at the past few years in terms of "What do I want to have accomplished in 10 years?".
When I entered the working force, I felt so trapped and miserable. There is so little time to mantain friendships, have hobbies and simply enjoy life. Those things seemed not allowed for me anymore. It's like when you are 12 and feel embarassed for still playing with dolls, because you're too old for that.
Recently I had a big realization that the most important thing for me is to be happy. And that shifted my priorities and my outlook on life. I can allow myself to have a gap in my resumé, stay out of linkedin, read books I'm interested on, start practicing yoga, start journaling again, and even doing a meditation retreat. No need to feel guilty for not prioritizing my career, not being ambicious. As the saying says, your path is your own path.
I discovered your channel just 2 hours ago and I'm currently in a marathon of your videos. I feel so relieved to see all of my struggles featuring your videos!
I just graduated and my mind has been full of all these questions for way too long lmao, thanks for this most of my friends are goin back to school so it’s hard to find others who get it
Post grad life is hard 😭
I felt a void in the year after university (6 years of my life in total) : looking for jobs, everything feeling new and not knowing what to do with my free time. I felt like I lost my identity as a student and I didn't know who I was. But now, 2 years after graduating, I settled into a routine with work and trying new hobbies every month in hopes of finding ones that will stuck with me and I am okay with the fact that I'm not a student anymore. I also appreciate how my anxiety is a lot more manageable now that exams and deadlines are not a thing anymore, I put my worth in things other than academic success and being smart, and I see my mental health is improving because of that.
My brain is CONSUMED by the idea that the best years of my life (aka early to mid 20s) are being wasted by the pandemic, my lack of ambition, lack of romance, opportunities etc. I feel like I need to be living my best possible life right now, when I don’t even know what that looks like or how it could be possible.
Same here 100%. I am in my mid-20s and I feel like I haven't lived yet. I talk to people that are older than me who say "you are so young and there is so much ahead of you", but this pandemic has put me in a bad thought-spiral of being so scared that I will never feel alive. I am terrified that when there are more years behind me than ahead of me I will feel like I wasted my life.
You need to relax and stop trying to rush your life. Sit yourself down somewhere and calm down. Take things one step at a time. Trying to rush your life based off nonsense will give you anxiety and depression.
I took a gap year this past year and working was so hard and I would get to the point where I would get headaches it was so emotionally exhausting. I love being a student and I’m so happy to be going back for grad school. This year definitely made me value it even more!
Uh, headaches are part of the process I thought. How do you see it?
Thats insightful. from age 6-22 all you know is school. So its a culture shock to have it all end. And not just that, it was your most formative years that you now have to reWrite. My beef was always that its too expensive and doesn't hold up to its promise of career. I have a friend who got a degree in baking. Life After College for him was 12$ an hour, not his career choice lol.
I feel a quite large amount of guilt/privilege/gratitude having picked out the career I wanted at 16 and being almost 2 years into it so far and still being as excited by it. In no way do I "love what I do" I do indeed have to work many days in my life (unlike that cringey saying). Post grad life has been mediocre at best though and we should normalize that instead of setting such high expectations. Enough with the dream job, tight group of friends, life entirely mapped out stigma.
Many of our issues with loneliness are indeed systemic. Going from communal living in college, to moving away and being completely on my own was rough. This year I've decided I have had enough of that, and am looking into co-housing neighborhoods. There are a lot of these in Europe, and I think the US could really benefit from them. Our suburban development pattern (lots of time spent in cars and single family dwellings) keeps us isolated. Most of our socialization has to be scheduled, and we don't meet people organically as often.
LinkedIn has sent me into a spiral more times than I'd like to admit
Use the tool and don't let it use you
I find linkedin so cringeeeee. The fake posts and obsession people have with their work bragging about how many extra hours they have worked. 😂😂😩
10 years graduated now.. 10 years working; and I will tell you guys; it will get better; there are jobs that I just force myself to be present everyday; and honestly just for the paycheck; and mind you.., I jump from jobs to jobs... but now I am in a better place; it is different though if you choose a career to help others (e.g nurse) everyday is a experience; and you will receive a lot of appreciation that makes you want to work hard and be better in your craft; I don't mind to if I don't get rich or work throughout my life in this job-- coz honestly it's so rewarding..
I'm personally living my best life after college. I enjoy having stable income, and my free time is actually free (no homework). I however a from France , university is way less structured and we don't really have a campus life (no dorms on campus, not that many school events) and i had no friends at the uni but from work and hobbies so i there was none of the perks you mentionned during my college life.
Same in Buenos Aires. I felt it for the Americans in this video.
I think Americans don’t know how lucky they are to be able to live the, duh, American college life experience. Campus, living with your bros and gals but not in 4 man apartments to save money, fraternities. I know this ain’t true for all American college students, but this ain’t even close for most of European colleges.
@@xBugzilla This is true ! It comes at a cost tho (student law) whereas I came out of UNi with savings
Right my undergrad life was shit! I struggled so much and came out with shit grades. Now I'm doing my postgraduate degree, bought a house, just came back from a trip to France and making some good money. Postgraduate is a struggle as well and I can't wait to leave school and be free of all oppressive exam and coursework feeling.
I thought I was the only one to feel this way. I never felt so lost in my entire life. I have no idea what I am even doing, like college is the easiest thing ever compared to post-grad.
I have literally SCOURED the internet to find evidence that I wasn’t the only one feeling alone and you basically just summed up every fear I’ve had in one video and genuinely made me feel better about it. Thank you
Thank you for this. I graduated last December, and was caught completely off guard by just how lonely and dull my life became after graduation, and even now, I still feel that way sometimes. But I'm glad to know that A) it's normal to feel this way and B) that it does get better.
Goal at 12 years old was to be an electronics engineer. Achieved the goal upon graduation at 22. Now retired at 67. A fantastic ride.
I needed to hear this. I have a feeling in my group of friends, most people are experiencing these things, but no one is really talking about it.
I love how thorough your videos are. I'm about six years post grad (yikes) and just this year I have started to feel like I'm coming back to myself. I find myself missing my studies and being surrounded by like minded people. I'd love to find spaces for that that are not exclusively online. Mostly when it comes to making and maintaining friendships I find myself feeling so insecure that I stop myself from putting myself out there. Best wishes for your move to Seattle! I'm a Grit City (Tacoma) girl and I really hope that you like it here!
omg i need to read up on the backstory behind grit city
There was a quote I saw somewhere that went "College is so significant in America because it might be the only time in society where you have a sense of community"
I will be graduating in three weeks with a BS in mathematics. I will soon learn what life after graduation is truly like. I hope it's good.
Yeah tbh life after college has been one of the roughest periods of my life. The quarter life crisis hit me like a friggin train. I graduated four years ago and feel like in some ways I’m still recovering & recalibrating myself. Even though I’m no longer as depressed & anxious as I was initially, I’m still teaching myself to be at peace with not knowing what the next 5 years of my life will look like. I’m scared of losing friends but I also know I have to accept that reality. I keep comparing myself to my peers that are doing better career-wise & financially. Idk. Being a young adult sucks ass sometimes.
I really want to leave my job but I don't have the means. The first job is so hard especially considering I graduated into a pandemic and it's just so hard to feel like everything that I'm doing isn't enough to get what I want
Same here
OMG.. Same!
Start applying elsewhere and contact recruiters, do not quit your job until you have secured a new position (contract signed and start date finalized). Be patient and you will find a better suited environment for you! A lot of my peers had terrible first job experiences, but years later are making good money and in companies they enjoy. It takes a little while to get there, but once you have accumulated the experience, lots of opportunities will open up.
Making friends after college is so hard. Once I got into my career I became hesitant to make friends at work because it can affect my career down the line. I moved to a new city so there weren’t old friends to connect with. It’s been a journey. My goal last year was to make new friends and then the pandemic hit. I’m fine with being lonely, I did that for some time and grew a lot in it. I feel fortunate to be married to my best friend and that we’ve had each other through this all. I’m looking forward to trying to make friends now that I’m fully vaccinated and ready to experience life again.
I hate the fact that a lot of employers require some type of experience. Recent college graduates have no experience. What do they expect. Also, there are a lot of college grads who get jobs they could of gotten out of high school. What a broken educational system.
just graduated and i'm so happy about it honestly. i'll miss some stuff but i'm looking forward to that stable income, financially independent, no homework life.
To be honest, you don't need to go out of your way to make friends even at work. As long as you're maintaining normal relationship with your colleagues, that's good enough. You don't have to go out of your way to make friends with all of them. That just seems kind of forced, and not everyone is your cup of tea.
I don't know about other people, but I much rather have few trusted friends and keep that to a small group rather than trying to maintain a large group of so called "friends." One of the best way for me to make new friends is just simply focusing on my own hobby or doing something I enjoy on my free time. By doing this, I meet other people who share the same passion and understanding as me. Then when I run into someone I feel like they have a good personality I can vibe with during that process, that's how I become friends with them.
My parents have always thought that video games is a waste of time. But I come to understand that video game is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I have made so many wonderful friends I still talk to today because of the online games I play all the time such as Final Fantasy XIV. People outside of that don't understand where we're coming from. They don't understand video games can really heal people and change them for the better. I'm only alive because of video games have continued to heal me, and through this I continue to meet other wonderful people who share the same passion as me and inspire me to become better. That's why I say online video games is my cure for my depression. And meeting other people who share that understanding, it's a wonderful feeling.
A lot of people through video games, when I took the time to just ask them how they were doing, often time I found they were just looking for a friend to connect with because life is miserable for them. I think the biggest thing is when you show that you care, you can really change a person's life. Maybe that's just me, but I'm more interested in the person who is in the corner and being neglected by others rather than focusing on the person who is in the spotlight and cheered by everyone. Because to me, that person in the spotlight isn't worth my time and I lose interest because everyone else is so focused on that person in the spotlight. What's more important to me is the things people don't talk about.
In this sense, you don't need to force yourself to become friends with someone. Friendship with people comes naturally without really you trying to make it happen. You don't just go up to people and ask "Are we friends?" It's more of you both acknowledge it overtime because of how your relationship is being developed with that person: the things you do with them, the things you talk with them, etc.
thank you. i feel kind of mothered and safe right now because you just validated a lot of the itty bitty struggles i've been going through/discussions i've been having with myself. i'm 20, just graduated college, and am excited/a little afraid for everything to come, but it helps to just remember that everyone probably faces some version of these dilemmas and although everyone's answers might be different, they're all equally valid :)
needed this big time queen
im living with my parents for right now since covid, i really dont care what people think!! they out here spending thousands on rent and im able to payback college loans so im pretty lucky it works for me! Love this video
Nice, I graduated from High School a couple of weeks ago, and I’m hearing these stories about people wasting their life in college, tbh I don’t want to take classes or major in business in a school while i can learn it on the internet, thanks for your story
As a disabled person, its even harder entering the job market. Im going back to university this fall.
Uh, whats your thing, my friend? Do you have career goals?
i am ready 2 be a founding member of the Katherout Book Club
This entire video just covered everything I've been struggling with since graduating in May 2019, thank you for helping me feel seen Katherine!
This video could literally not have come out at a more perfect time. I hung out with the friends i made the past year because i took the initiative to make a discord server and i brought so many of us together and i hate that i have to leave in a couple of months and lose them. It's the first time that i made friends whose company i genuinely enjoyed and hanging out with them didn't deplete my social energy cause we're all the same vibe and now i have to leave and probably never see them again. They have 1 more semester together but i feel so alone and depressed these days just thinking about going to a different country completely alone.
Went to college once I could afford it, which was well into my 20s and older than nearly all my peers (who chose to go). Had a much, much better time than most people who went as teenagers. Student loans are predatory, but so is expecting a kid to put (sometimes) 100k+ on what they want to be for the rest of their working lives, usually until 65-72 (depends on how long they're paying those loans for).
i just graduated college, and this video is perfect timing, thank you!!
I've been graduated for three years and I don't miss college AT ALL! I barely even remember it because so many of my happiest memories from that time occurred outside of school. I have zero hope of making a career out of my major. I honestly learned more about my creative passions through TH-cam tutorials than in any classes I took.
Honestly, I feel like it was a waste of time and money for the most part. I probably could've started my life ten years earlier if I had ignored college and my parents' expectations.
Wow loved this video!! I am one year post grad now and I struggled this year a lot with loneliness and fomo bc I was the only one of my college friends that left the east coast. Even though it was probably mostly in my head I kept feeling left out of the fact that so many of my friends were within driving distance of each other and it felt like they got to see each other all the time... its hard starting over in a new place and trying to form new relationships but Im honestly really proud of myself for choosing to get out of my comfort zone and I dont regret it! For anyone experiencing fomo post grad and struggling to make friends in a new place im here for you and I promise it gets better
A really great video! I graduated two years ago and have been working for a bit. One thing I learned quickly for myself in my career after graduating was the importance of separating work and personal life, including friendships. I like my colleagues and enjoy working with them and collaborating. I would not say we are friends because how I communicate to my friends and family differs from work. It's also nice to have a community of people that do not know me from my work side and know me for what my personal interests are. When companies say "we're like a family here" I get really irked by that. It rubs me the wrong way and meshes work and personal life together too much. I will admit I'm very biased and some people have had great friendships with their colleagues, it differs by person.
My number one struggle is a job that is going to support my mental health and not just cause it to deteriorate. My current job cares about one thing and one thing only, going fast! I cant go much faster not with out a lot of practice. Also the whole what now? question. More Schooling? I dont want to go to grad school! Bachelor's in Social Work? Will people think I'm weird for getting a second bachelors or will it be the right pace for me? Where should I work? Hospital? will that cause too much anxiety? Maybe i should just find a cave to crawl into and never come out. Or one step at a time, you have what you need now just do what feels right take it one step at a time. Wow you just became my journal. I'm just gonna leave this here.
This is so helpful because I'm graduating in a year and I'm really having to figure out what I want my life to look like. I have goals for the next few years but they all focus around school! All of your advice has been phenomenal
As someone that graduated a couple years ago, can feel it, it's an adjustment, I've also avoided LinkedIn for at least a year now lol, I find it stressful to look at. Have lots of feels for everyone that graduated in the last 1-2 years, since can imagine what would've been like. I do think life after college has the potential to be exponentially better, but it depends much more on where you end up, how you navigate, and admittedly some luck, it's really the beginning, that can be a massive adjustment to everything, that only so many make it over the barrier, but can say those that do, it really does have potential, for example now after college, no homework, no exams, more freedom, more diversity, admittedly even better dates, for those singles, but think yeah really does depend on so many factors, since I've seen fellow classmates to all over.
I am currently in college and am nervous about what will happen after I graduate. I am 25, in college, and living with my parents and am also quite isolated and lonely.
Honestly I'm 26 and I think its really good to try not to peak in university. My undergrad life was absolute shit! I struggled so much and came out with shit grades, debt and unemployment. I took some time to bum fuck around and now I'm doing my postgraduate degree, bought my first property and just came back from a trip to France and have a graduate job. Postgraduate is a struggle as well and I can't wait to leave school and be free of all oppressive exam and coursework feeling. Try and look forward to life after school, school shouldn't be the highlight of your life. It gets better.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS!! I graduated in April and told myself I would take a month to just relax, after being a working university student for five years. In hind sight, this was a very arbitrary and unproductive way to look at things because that kind of time restraint set me back a lot and made me feel anxious with every day passing by that I was just letting myself exist?? One month turned into two and will most likely turn into three. I so tightly clung to my identity as a student and as someone who prides herself in her work ethic, or in other words someone who had the "grind hard" mentality even when working was not what I needed to do for my mental state, my body, me. I actually got out of this headspace (for the most part) before I left university, with the pandemic really causing me to assess my values. But now, that has left me refusing to work and cause strain on my physical and mental health to be paid 14.25 an hour, or to feel as though I need to actually exceed my position expectations in order to be valued as an employee. I am innately valuable and do not want an employer to reduce me to a number ID. I recognize that does come with a level of privilege, to currently have access to resources in order to feel like I have a safety net while not being employed at the moment. I lost all of my friendships and feel like I'm starting from scratch, because either close friends who I thought would be in my life forever disconnected entirely over the course of the last year, and other friendships I realized did not align with my moral and ethical values. And again, the pandemic and racial injustice, which are so strongly tied, really showed me that in their character. So here I am today, grieving the loss of a life I was drained to be participating in. Because being on the other end of acknowledging my needs and wants in all facets of my life feels like failure in some regard, when my peers are moving on to entry-level career positions. I have to keep reminding myself that that is not the case, and feeling this overwhelming weight post-graduation is not an anomaly. This really helped make me feel less alone.
I went to college abroad and making friends was tough, to I was still connected to my high school friends and folks I grew up with, I didn’t even make friends till my second year of college! Now at work it was so much easier but I found out that my real friends those who were able to get deep into my layers were the people who I met at college and growing up
I graduated in 2004 and I totally felt disappointed after graduating. Coworkers are not my friends. I have maybe one friend from work that I actually hang out with on the weekends. I make friends either through other friends or from volunteering or art events. I can't imagine graduating right before a pandemic. Isolation sucks.
"Going to Tahoe together" lmfao I'm in the Bay Area and this is too real
it is A Thing
I really needed this video. I was forced to graduate because I was meeting the “unit maximum” even though I wasn’t ready. I rushed through my last 2 quarters which didn’t help my GPA and I wasn’t able to take classes I needed as pre-requisites for a Masters In Nursing school. I have so much PTSD from my graduation that when I think about it, I cry because graduation early wasn’t part of my plan and being forced to graduate also made me feel unsupported from my university.
It’s been 6 months post-graduation from Undergrad and I’ve been denied by my first masters program and have been rejected from every position I’ve applied to. I’ve gotten so far as interviews and have always been rejected. I’m working as a Student Assistant which I’m only getting by because Ive had to start taking classes at my local community college in order to get this student job. A student assistant position can only last so long because I’ll need to stop taking classes at community colleges eventually. So, I have a bachelors degree from a UC and still work a student position and have no real experience Bc the only experience I have is healthcare related (because I wanted to go into a Masters in Nursing program). I feel so stuck and have seriously considered taking my life multiple times. I’ve had to start therapy and was prescribed anti-depressants. I knew post grad was hard, but I never knew it would be so hard that I would find just *Living* to be so, so much harder. I also applied for a full time position in my department and they rejected me. I cried for days. The manager said “it’s not a slight to you”, but I felt so bad for myself. It was like, not only am I getting rejected from outside companies, but from the very own company and coworkers I work with. This was the last straw for my mental health and I had to take a hiatus from applying to jobs and it’s been about 1 month now. This one month break has been good and has allowed me to really think about what I want to do. I still don’t know what it is I want to do but, I’ve come to accept that the timeline I have set for myself may not go exactly as planned and THATS OK! Graduating in a pandemic and into a workforce where no ones hiring is still the hardest thing but, I do believe that Rejection is Redirection.
I hope to feel better mentally and hope I find some sense of security in my life. I also hope to gain more confidence with my accomplishments because graduating is a huge accomplishment, but I can’t help but feel like a failure because I haven’t gotten a full time job yet.
Another topic taking up space in my head is how I think people around me may judge me because I may be going into a career no one expected of me, and tbh, one that I never expected either. My timeline was to get into a masters in nursing school but, applying has been difficult since I don’t meet some requirements since I was forced to graduate early. Since getting rejected from one masters in nursing school, I’ve also been depressed over the idea of “what if I never become a nurse”. I’ve told everyone in my life that I wanted to be a nurse, so the very idea that I may not, makes me so depressed. I’m about 70/30 about it, 30% of me has doubts on whether I’ll be happy in the long term in that profession. But, the other career path I wasn’t expected is an office 8-5 job, which I also was never expecting. I’m 50/50 about this because I don’t know if I’ll ever be happy long-term in an office job, for a company that doesn’t support their student assistants.
Overall, I still feel so lost as a post grad. I feel like a failure. I sometimes have those terrible thoughts of just ending my life so I don’t have to feel like such a failure. I have no security in my life and have no support system either, with friendships dwindling because they are still in school (they weren’t forced to graduate early). I don’t know if I’ll ever be my dream profession and I don’t know if I’ll even be happy in my dream profession. I have other career choices but, every-time I apply, I get interviewed and lose out to people who have *more experience*. Or, the idea of choosing a different career just scares me because I feel like everyone around me will judge me because now they know I never got accepted into a nursing program. I just feel so terrible.
I hope anyone who actually has read this and feels like they’re going through the same thing, knows that there is someone who also feels the same. I hope we all figure it out someday and reach a state of peace and bliss.
On the other hand, if you lived as an introvert during college who is excited to start the career grind you always dreamed of that's when your life truly starts
graduating from college next week. this video spoke to literally all of my fears. great video as always Katherine, you're the best
personally what's taking up the most space in my head is: maintaining relationships as everyone disperses and building new ones
@@el_chivo99 Building new relationships outside of school is VERY hard. I haven't figured it out and I've been out for two years. Expect the transition to be hard, because it will be.
so helpful!! experiencing more loneliness and feeling that loss of a long-term, concrete goal has been such an insane transition. i really wish we had more walkable communities or even apartment buildings specifically for people in their early to mid 20s so finding a new community after college would be easier
I agree 100%! I feel like the transition from college to working life would be so much easier if we had IRL living communities for people our age…
This video was really helpful! Knowing that I'm not alone in the lonely post-grad soup of sorrows is comforting.
25 y/o changing career paths currently because my high school dream job was NOT what I expected it to be. IK that my 17 y/o self would be disappointed, but my priorities have changed so much since then. We all gotta stop beating ourselves up and live our damn lives the way that we want to!
I'm so afraid of the future, two semester to go... college is a hellish experience, but starting to work, and attaining financial stability is a long wayyyyyy and I'm so afraid I might not do it right, like what if I messed up. Yeah I overthink... :
I feel like you're the big sister I've always wanted 💕. Thank you so much for sharing your experience and insight.
Boundary setting is HUGE I failed to do that with my fam, specifically my mother and now that I'm finally doing it in my early 30s I regret taking so long to do it. It's brutal!
This was... So comforting. Honestly could be a series. Thank you thank you thank you for helping me feel a bit less alone.
I guess especially in the US people tend to live in college (ie at the University). So leaving that not only means a huge shift in What you are doing (full time, often more mundane work rather than studying/doing various uni activities), but also where you live, and often finding your our apartment for the first time. Whereas in Aus a lot of ppl transition from living at home to having their own place During undergrad (and some stay home the whole time). Even those who do go to college it is usually only for the first year or two and then they will move out (often with ppl they have met in college). So, is less of a Huge change finishing uni (unless, of course decide to move interstate / elsewhere), as more often than not your living situation will stay the same.
This isn't as common as you think. Many public unis in the US are "commuter campuses" where a majority of the students live off campus even though there are on-campus options. Often because its cheaper to live somewhere with roommates instead of on-campus where you pay an arm and a leg to live in a closet.
Im I've been feeling so depressed after college missing friends and i really can't bear working because college is a place where everyone is there for you and mistake aren't a problem, work is a place where you have to do everything for the business and you have no control over what you do over your day or week.
Loved this video! Something that's been hard for me is making friends at work because everyone is older than me by 20+ years. No one my age works at my office and it's so so hard. They're all married and settled down with kids and talk about retirement etc and I'm just here feeling so out of place living my 23 year old life. I would say I'm at a friend level with 1 or 2 of them, but we don't hang out or talk outside of work. Plus, I moved out of state to take this job, so I don't have a support network of college friends here, or ppl I could go out with. This isn't a problem I've heard many ppl talk about so just had to have a mini rant here :/
I felt that BIG TIME when I graduated. The majority of my coworkers were married women in their late 40s and up, with kids. Nothing wrong with that at all, it's just that I was single, 23, and childless. Never ended up making friends there.
The job I went to college for didn't work out almost immediately because I really hated it. So yeah, it was the worst time of my life. But after stumbling around for a while and playing around with a few other jobs I found a job that was sort of an indirect consequence of my college degree. I've been at that job for 15 years, and I went back to school at nights to get another degree, this time directly in the field I'm working in. So things are much better now. But I'm still really glad I got that first degree because it is something I have a passion for and I like to use it in my spare time.
7 years since I finished my education and went into full time work, and this is what I've learnt: It is very likely it won't be as easy to meet up with friends as often as you'd like because you now have more commitments, less time, and now probably live further apart. You have to learn to live with that - the friends you keep from the past have to be worth it and the time you make for these friends will be worth it, otherwise you will naturally drift apart. Now because you get less time with these people, the time you get with them has so much more value and will strengthen those friendships if you put the effort in - if you don't put the effort in you will drift apart from the people you need to keep in your life and will become more lonely. You also need a way to find a new place you turn up to regularly to make some new friends - but also accept that the bonds you form with these new people may not be as strong as the ones you've had in the past since everyone has less time, more commitments etc. (for example it could be someone you see each week at the park, cafe etc). Then if you decide to start a family most of your time will be dedicated to that and you find happiness in a different way. But all there is to learn is that things have changed and you find more happiness from your own company compared to when you were younger and were in the position to have more of a social life. But even so if you are willing to explore then there is someone there you can talk to or make friends with, and will have more in common with you if they are in a similar stage in life.
Beating yourself up about being lonely hit home. Wow. A couple months out of college I suddenly fell ill. Fast forward about a year & I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia & me/chronic fatigue syndrome. Almost 8 years later I can still barely leave my house. I have lost so many friends due to that & my 1st thoughts when I think of being lonely are always what I've done wrong to lose those friends. "I didn't reach out 1st." "I took too long to write back." "I'm not interesting because I can't have super long conversations anymore." "I'm too much work to hang out with." Thanks for this video because I didn't realize I was doing that.
I'm suffering from post graduation.
I graduated college 6 yrs ago and I graduated from Broadcasting Electronic Media. I would never thought it would be difficult to get at job. Besides that I feel ppl I knew are getting jobs in their field and I'm here just at my college job, retail. Besides that my circle of friends have changed overtime. I'm contented being alone. But, it is hard.
maybe we can set a discord chat?????
thanks for talking about boundary setting. I learned it the hard way over the past few months while trying to better my relationship with my mother. you have no idea how much I needed to hear that the people who get most upset about you setting boudaries are the ones with whom you need them most. in general this video is pure gold, and I'm only in my 2nd semester hahah
I kinda went through this when I graduated as well. As a decade veteran of no longer being a student, here is some advice:
1) If you feel like you're the only one who doesn't know whats going on (with your job or how to make new friends or whatever), you're not. Everyone, even the smartest 20 somethings, are just winging it.
2) It is ok to ask questions still. In fact, I'd go so far as to say it's encouraged! If you think you're learning is complete, you're dead wrong! I've learned more about life in my 12 years working than I ever did in my 17 years of school.
3) One way or another, things are going to work out. So if you want to take a chance with something new, do it. No time like the present! You are a capable adult and will get where you need to be!
I just finished my last final and I already don’t know what to do with myself lol
For me, the transition helped me realize the value in community.
My community as a student was the reason I stayed and graduated. When I started working, I lost that community and didn't really find an alternative until I quit and changed my lifestyle
personally I much prefer working to taking classes, but what I do really miss is the sense of community. I would be fine with working if we still all lived in dorms and ate together at a cafeteria lol
I love your channel and these eloquent discussions.
I feel this so much. I graduated university last year, and this past year has been my first time in nearly 20 years of not being a full-time student. There's no structure, and all the days seemed to blend together for a bit. I definitely had a bit of an identity crisis, because being a student is all I'd ever really known up until this past year.
What were you studying? I’m also having a identity crisis after just graduating high school, i ask myself if i want to be a chef, business owner, or a digital artist, make an effort to become a soccer athlete
@@Risklander I studied theatre! So I feel you, because it was definitely taking a gamble and going into a field where work is hard to find and not guaranteed.