Are You Seeing Red Flags in Your Relationships?
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 10 ก.พ. 2025
- On today’s show, we hear about:
A woman who wants to know how to stop mothering her boyfriend
A husband concerned his wife’s manic episode will ruin their finances
A woman wondering how to have a boyfriend after an abusive relationship
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My dad lived with bipolar 1. Sorry but this advice was super optimistic and casual. Yes, that’s how it’s going to be for life. Medications can reduce the severity but it’s still going to create significant issues in life. My Mom was optimistic about my dad’s bipolar 1 diagnosis and it killed her. Run dude. Run.
You can't overgeneralize on this one. Everyone's bipolar is different. People with mental health problems deserve to be in loving relationships too.
Bipolar 1 and Bipolar 2 are very different in intensity and symptoms ! Some with Bipolar 1 can get very delusional, and out of touch with reality, until treated!
She has Bipolar 2! Her depression would be more of an issue !
@@evachalupa6459 exactly. I can’t imagine saying, everyone with mental health is a throw away.
Dr John hit the nail on the head, “you go all in with him and he goes all in with you” that’s how is should be🤗
Laundry is such a chore. My hubby plumbed in a second washing machine for me and it changed everything. 😊
Need a 2nd dryer too 😂
That sounds amazing!!!
Make sure he doesn’t expect you to do ALL the laundry now forever, though! Or puts continuous energy in other places! Laundry is forever!
It takes me easy 40 minutes manual processing for a load, by the time it’s put away. Turning things inside out, bagging delicates, putting them in and adding detergents, then taking them out, removing bags and hanging delicates, throwing regulars in the dryer, then eventually taking them out/off and folding them putting them where they go!
Laundry machines are great (like healthy relationships) but it still takes time and effort!
Nichole, I can relate so much to you as a naturally nurturing person. Like so closely. Your story is so close to mine. We are easy prey (until we learn what you are learning) to people who want a mommy they can sleep with. The sad thing is there are some men who do not want a real partner. They look for people like us. When you get with one of these dudes, you are abused and become traumatized. You learn that your worth is what you do for them. You see yourself as a failure when you don't meet their needs. Then when you get in a healthy relationship, you panic. You are dealing with a man who appreciates your efforts, instead of abusing you and taking advantage of you. It sounds like you found the man that can help heal you. I found mine too. He is so patient and kind, does not lose his temper with me. He gives me peace and comfort. I'm praying you find healing and peace now!
My ex is extremely entitled. Always changing rules. Loves bacon on day and literally the next day having a tantrum because he decided not to eat pork...nothing ever good enough.
I'm still praying for a Mature Godly man...one who doesn't need a mommy or someone to control
I'd rather be 'a lot' than not enough
I rather be in the middle
A "lot" can mean a real pain in the ass. People don't usually mean that as a compliment.
Same, my husband says I'm a lot and hard to love. It bothered me the first time he told me that. Now I just tell him it's not my fault that he can't handle me. I was very open about who I was and what I wanted when we got married and now he's all mad about it.
@@umerica13 That's not good, dude. You need counseling. People who are too much need boundaries, self-control, manners, and an awareness of others just like people who aren't enough need to cultivate effort, discipline, respect, and an awareness of others.
You and he both have bad attitudes.
@bufficliff8978 there might be cases where it's true, that the "too-much-people" need to learn how to downregulate themselves. BUT. There are also cases where the picture is distorted and the opposite is true. Where the one who feels his partner as "too much", just doesn't want to mutually adjust in a relationship and demands everything done his way. There are people who have been told all their life to be smaller, to back down, to mask, to hide their weirdness, that they are lovable only if they perform well. Then, eventually later in life they learn to value themselves and to finally set boundaries. They might have abusive or superior-feeling partners, who tell them they are "too much". But they are not. They are only approaching a healthy field of self-confidence and boundary-setting. You can't just assume that the "you-are-too-much-sayer" is in the right, no matter what
Post partum is SO hard on mental health and I feel like it was glossed over this woman has a very little newborn. She probably needed to be very closely monitored during that season.
I watched a short video the other day from a psychiatrist who said he teaches his kids to reserve doing kind things to only people who treat you with respect. Boy, ain't that the truth.
If everyone were to employ that kind of thinking, no one would ever do anything kind becasue they'd be forever waiting for the other person to show kindness first. Just be kind (not generous) with no expectation of reciprocation and it will be reciprocated - that is a much more prudent approach.
No, it won't. My philosophy is: I always start off with kindness. If in reply to that I'm being treated rude or ignorant, the kindness stops. And yes, I do have expectations and it is valid and legitimate to have them. I expect people to treat me (back) with kindness and respect. If they don't, they are opting themselves out if my life.
Love love love Dr John. He's so validating.
Like Dr.John stated ,his callers are real…I recognized one of the callers! That was amazing!!!
Yipes ⁉️really?
That's what I'd be afraid of.
I hope you kept that to yourself.👍
Yes..I kept the call to myself!!!
@elainewinter8626 bqck in the last 90s i was.16 but I listened to a radio hour program called "sunday night s3x show" with sue jo hansen. Canadian celebrity lol but someone from my town called.. she said a small city close by. Her voice was very specific I knew her issues as we were friends. She was a compulsive liar. And I caught her on a big lie she was willing to do on the radio. I remember the first lie she told me I was in grade 3. She told me she had a sister but wouldnt tellcme her name. Shed ignore me. So i asked her mom what happened to her other daughter and she blew up at my friend about lying. She gave her soapcin her mouth right in front of me. Her mom also asked me to tell her if she told anymore lies. She was just sneekier.. im not sure if its bpd, npd or has bipolar disorder with a personality disorder-- but I think its more than lying a lot.
I havent thought about her in a while.
I once dated a super nice guy who had several severe mood swing from mania to deep depression. I ended up so scared about his next mood switch, that I ended the relationship. Because at that time I was hoping to create a family and get pregnant and I could not imagine me holding everything together with a guy like him. The thing was, that sometimes he took his meds and sometimes not... I guess I would have stayed, if I didn't want to create a family. But having a child involved with him going through the motions up and down, no matter what, I could not trust him enough to make bad decisions when he was manic.
I’m a mental health professional and a common length of a state is six months. Up to two years is not uncommon either. Two weeks is the minimum to be considered for a diagnosis, and four or more cycles per year is “rapid-cycling.”
Periods are rapid cycling then. This makes alot of sense 😅
What do you mean by that?
Thank you Dr Delony. You have unreal insight into us...
Your heart is amazing.
I watch you everyday.Reruns all the time😂...
Baggage, a person carries around for years, you resolve in an episode.This episode is my favorite...I've never married because of this...(I'm 53).
Love your show.
You are the best ever.
I did everything for my ex, and he had 2 affairs
I'm so sorry he took advantage of the good person you are. Sounds like he has some issues, it will happen again in his next relationship.
My mom was schizophrenic and severe mood swings, with a lot of the same conditions I read about associated with bipolar. She was never a dangerous person, and frankly, I didn't understand that everyone elses mom is different until around middle school. Being an adult looking back, I understand what Dr John is saying, but this guy will need to be prepared for the rest of his life being like this.
Your show has been inspiring and healing for me in the last couple months! Thank you for being you! So authenticate
25:45 If "splitting finances" means there is no joint account whatsoever, then this is 100% cause for chaos. However if it means you DO have a joint account but ALSO have separate accounts, I'd argue that is not only a good thing, but crucial for the success of a marriage. If everything goes in one pot it opens the door to arguments and resentment where one party doesn't like the other party's spending choice(s).
Thank you SO much Dr. John & Team. ❤ TH-cam kindly placed one of your videos in my feed & I have found more hope, comfort, peace, answers, understanding & peace so have 7+ friends & family are listening to you. Your kind words, insight, incite, examples, scenarios and boundaries statements, trauma information, jokes, real problems, real empathy are changing the world. Bonus, clean but fun content and poetic lyrical contemplation of music appeals to my, late GenX, healing journey with trauma, depression, aniexty, ADHD, OCD, rejection sensitivity self.
🙏❤️
It is NOT challenge take the Freeze off of your credit. It use to take a long time but now you call and through automated call you lift it. It will take at most 24 hours. Sorry but she kept this from him and he needs to legally do a separation so he won't be financially liable. I would never be attached financially to a person that acts put like this. That's my personal preference
My life changed when I faced my demons I had just stared going to a new church, and found myself dumping all my stuff on my Pastor it just "all" came out.
He found me a great psychologist, and we clicked and I was more than ready to purge it all and move forward.
Which I work on every day.
My church has been so much a part of this also because now I can truly forgive. That's such a beautiful blessing, for now anger and frustration have left my heart and I feel it's been replaced with compassion and peace.
I'm a work in progress 😊
The follow-up letter was so wonderful. I hope they keep the momentum going.. It sounds like they're doing so much to reunite their family. Hopefully the kids will recover from this, too, and thrive once they see their parents improve so much, the parents therefore having more energy and resources to devote to their children's well-being once they're more settled. Awesome show today. ❤
Want to eliminate racing thoughts? KNIT! Knitting is good for mental health because:
The rhythm of knitting helps with serotonin release, which helps regulate anxiety, happiness, and mood.
Knitting reduces stress and anxiety.
Knitting is good for memory and ability to focus.
Knitting improves social skills and boosts self-confidence.
Knitting can break unhealthy patterns and keeps you busy. If you don't know how, learn. It's for anyone - men and women, young and old.
Agree. Been knitting for 57 years.
I agree yarn and needle work maybe has compression of nerves. I do think any project using mind and hands works great!
Puzzles at least 750 pieces
@@elainebmack or gardening, walking, singing…
Pickleball has helped decrease my anxiety
The first caller is a people pleaser, a learnt behaviour from childhood and/or unhappy home. Glad to hear she sought out help to address her issue and prevent it from escalating to a dangerous level.. well done girl...🙂
I knew someone who shares similar traits as this caller. The sad part was her refusing to seek professional help (deep shame) after her divorce (partner cheated). The trauma from spouse betrayal was excruciating to handle that she spiral out of control. She went from people pleasing to overbearing (suffocating). From berating friends for not seeking her permission to social, hypercritical of people's parenting style, self-proclaimed morale officer advicing female colleagues (single/married) not to speak to male colleagues...and the list goes on...the bottom line was we need her permission how to behave, what to wear, what to eat…
Why does no one look up bi polar divorce rates before marrying one? Dealing with someone like that is a nightmare.
I wonder if people down play it and the potential spouse really doesn’t know what they are getting into. That’s what it seems like I gather from all of these calls I listen to regarding this
Yeah, I wouldn't choose that (my sister is bipolar). But I have depression and I'm not always fun
Way to over generalize. There are many, many different types of bi-polar people. Some are great, some are really f'd up.
@@RAS-oz5phNot in my experience. My husband is bi-polar , and my brother was i-polar.
@@RAS-oz5phWow! You are so disrespectful! She made good points! You are over generalizing and make it worse than it is! There are effective meds to treat it!
I think Dr.John should’ve asked deeper questions: Does partner say you’re acting like a mom? When does he say that? What does he say?
Loving the new setup
It’s hard for women to date because the thing that is the most unsafe for us is also who and what we’re pursuing.
I am a nurturing giving woman but I won’t do a man’s laundry or ironing. I will do gardening and mowing and cooking 😄
My son is bipolar and refuses to accept it and won't take his medicine. It was a.nightmare for his ex and little girl. He has reckless spending and according to an old girlfriend has a sexual urge that can't be satisfied. He was always fighting with his dad and me about something. He would threaten us and the stress of being around him was unreal. His dad finally passed and I know he contributed to his stress on his heart. He moved back in a few years ago and it almost drove me insane. My other son finally moved him out and he sure was mad but we needed peace in our home!
His highs were bad but his lows were the worst. He never cared what he was putting the rest of us through. He never wanted anything to do with family events like cookouts or ball games. He'd get mad and run to his room. He really disrupted our family. He's in his 50s now and still blows up like a little kid. I could never live around him again, never!
Oh sweet lady, I hurt for you. Please don’t let this often inconsiderate world rob you of that beautiful spirit of love you obviously have.
After a traumatic and abusive last few years of my marriage, they were the worst, I am actually so scared. I'm trying to be strong and put up this front but I'm not. I'm still the scared little girl I've always been. I want to love someone, but I want to be loved.back!!!!!!
I just want to say. As I'm recovering from abuse. One of my heroes that opened my eyes. Said it's very dangerous to use this " we trained people to treat us" if we are codependent or CPTSD and we are programmed with bad parenting. We don't know what is the right way to be there to know how I was supposed to be treated. She needs to understand that. ❤
I can also be pretty impulsive with spending when I have extra discretionary money, so my rule of thumb is however much I spend I also have to put towards the mortgage/student loans. And once I spend more than $100 I have to stop for a week to let the dust settle.
I try to think about diagnosis as a gateway to treatment and/or support plans, because sometimes the only way to find the best solution is to understand the problem first.
I personally was diagnosed with different things from different professionals, and even though I don’t identify with the diagnoses anymore, it did lead me to DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) which has definitely helped me so much and changed my life in a very positive and constructive way.
Being young girl I learned REAL quick if you don’t respect yourself nobody, especially men, will respect you
Debra: “Damn! What did I do?” 😂😂
Good Luck Nicole! Your new guy sounds like a good dude 😁. I thought it was awesome that he gave you an insightful answer about your “mom” question. I am guilty of the “mom” thing. Keep being yourself authentically, keep that dialogue open between you and your new man 😁 he sounds like you can reach out and be vulnerable. Stay authentic to your feelings and find your worthiness within you from what was taken from you. It’s possible, I did it! Brené Brown has some great worthiness work out there and with Dr. Delony’s Past/Future book I think you will be well equipped to tackle this! You got this Nicole. 🙏🏻❤️
"You teach people how to treat you" and "You can't change people" are two oversimplified, unnuanced statements that are both in essence true and that are also in direct opposition. I do think you can show someone that you will stick around despite their bad behavior, and I also don't think you can train that bad behavior out of them. Therefore "You teach people how to treat you" is kind of pointless advice because when someone shows a certain level of disrespect in the way they treat others including you, you can't teach them to act differently. The only thing you can do is leave and don't make the mistake of thinking that you leaving helps them to learn their lesson and that when you go back to them they'll have changed. They won't change.
Some nuance: Of course a person who is mature and self-reflective and who understands the concept of respect can be taught how to treat you but that's a whole different thing/a whole different level. That's the kind, respectful guy who comes home wondering where the clean laundry is because his wife always does the laundry, and when his wife says to him "I need help with the laundry" he says "Of course! Anything else you need?" and he does the laundry.
What women and men need to know is that if you weren't there, the other person would have to do these things themselves, whether it be picking up after themselves, laundry etc. Let them be adults!
Watching from Finland 😊
I can't "click here" for Isaac's previous call 😢 no link in TH-cam or in iHeart radio either.
Love this show so much! Great one today...I could relate to 2 of them!
It is in the apple podcast show notes. The episode if you want to watch is my wife cheated with my best friend (is it over?) June 16th, 2023! :)
First girl just wants basic respect...a reciprical relationship. Her first bf took advantage of her kindness and viewed it as weakness...so she drained herself out for him, hoping he would reciprocate.
Very good advice
Its her body reacting to the trauma of her childhood
Her body is telling her she’s not safe
I also wonder if having a diagnosis is a convenient excuse for bad behavior
Not that type of diagnoses no
Remember the person also suffers in the long run, they aren’t doing anything to anyone but themselves.
❤❤ Scorpio cancer counseling session LOL❤❤
Im a big fan of the show but when I think about calling with my question I get anxiety 😥
Call! I’m calling!
I want to call so bad. But I need to write my question down so my anxiety doesn't get the best of me lol
To the man with the bipolar wife. You are not going to be able to deal with this alone. You may not be able to live with her. Good luck cause this wont be easy. And her opening a restaurant is undoable.
Very curious if the wife/new mom with BP2 mania phase if different due to her being post pardom?
Bipolar 2 sounds like typical addiction and people that don’t want to admit that they are just in typical addiction cycles.
I wonder if she struggles with feeling like she has to earn love. And if she doesn't give or do for him then he won't stick around. Can be a form of control if she's scared
There is gonna be a woman out there that will give him the same relief he gives you. Then he’ll realize he doesn’t have to do EVERYTHING
Just one time I want John to say “how about you get a grip, hmm 🤨 “
What a cute question 😂❤
Bipolar I is more dangerous in terms of suicide. There’s also Borderline Personality that sometimes gets diagnosed as Bipolar. Hypo mania is more like 4-7 days.
Bla bla bla... mental illness is mental illness and there are so many common symptoms that are different for literally every person, to speak with certainty as you have is just plain ignorant.
Abuse is abuse. Its starts with a word, a comment then a shove then a slap etc. Leave run!
Post partum tends to trigger other mental health issues
I think he should tell her he won't live like this. Period dot!! She can agree to drop her Cafe business and get a job to pay back what she did and sign over all access to money or hit the road because I WONT LIVE LIKE THIS!!
You'll always be walked all over if you act like a rug.
SO True! I had no idea, but after 30 years, I am learning ❤
Does Dr.John listen to Sick Of It All?!?!
I've been cheated on for years. It is hard for me to be myself now cause I don't know what they want. They all get mad eventually and critisize me cause I'm not what they want. Why should I bother,.nothing I do is right. I've done for men but they don't usually do anything for me. I did everything for my husband. All he did was go to work. I went to work, took care of the house, did the cooking, gardening, yard work, shopping. I would like to eat out once in awhile and he either would resentfully take me out and pout all the time or not take me at all. Wendy's was all he wanted to do but mainly me to cook and it better be started when he got home. I have no idea what it's like to have someone take care of me once in awhile. I've always done for myself and it's pretty lonely. Why is it this way. Am I so inferior
One of the last callers isn't in tune with her inner instinct .warning bells are going off because its feeling familiar ,saying we been down this road before
I generally agree with you but the leave him is he doesn't clean or do laundry is extreme. My husband doesn't do any of that and I've come to terms with the fact if i want clean i need to do it. Yes i get frustrated but I'm not leaving a good man over it. Good with the bad.
I have never lived with a woman but I don't like people doing things for me. Not sure how I would react to being mothered.
Nicole doesn’t want to become a mother and cleaner instead of a partner
She probably can’t help her self being kind and caring she just needs a partner that is the same
Can post pardom affect bipolar ups and down duration
Yes. Post-partum can exacerbate existing mental health issues.
20:00 Sounds like she has Bipolar I, which is what I have. The correct diagnosis and medication should work.
Bipolar 2 have similar symptoms ! Overspending, more sexual, overconfident, more social, more energetic, etc are true for a Bipolar 2 people also!
Mania symptoms are much more extreme, more likely to be delusional, and out of touch with a reality !!
Different meds used for each diagnosis ! Bipolar 1 have much stronger meds! Both need a mood stabilizer, and an anti-depressant!
Debra😂
My dad lived with bipolar 1. Sorry but run.
The women in my family are very traditional and have always done all the cooking, cleaning, and general house work like 99.99% of the time.
Shes very clearly dragged her baggage from previous relationship into this one ..when not being ready bor healed from previous one and this poor guy is going to suffer.. she needs to understand the dynamics with the feminine energy and masculine energy ,
He has postpartum she might even have a prolactinoma get her tested
I cant believe the guy that dishes out advice and labels on people all day long after a briefing of a few minutes before he interupts; has to give his wife his debit card to avoid spending mistakes because of his impulsivity.
He is human like the rest of us and he is brave enough to admit it
It's actually very healthy and mature to know your weaknesses and to ask someone for help. If only perfect people were therapist, we wouldn't have any. Many therapist have accountability partners to keep them in line
@@mightymouse1005 fair point. He is open about it... it's bold
Delony completely ignores the contradictory psychology of the female. Lady 1 was alpha widowed. She still loves the ex that cheated, treated her badly and demanded x y z. His advice to her new fellow, who is totally behind the 8 ball, as probably a decent chap, is to tell her he will never cheat. Lady 1 would be massively turned off by that statement. Women want men to have the ability to step out. Mr. Faithful turns off most modern women. She likely knows he is a safe bet, and would drop by her ex if he asked. Better advice for new fellow would be to get caught in an affair, and she would gain attraction for him. Best advice would be to leave that disaster of a broken woman and find one without the baggage.
Pretty obvious why your comment got no likes
Hong crap this episode was boring
Sorry this lady annoys me
My husband leaves his clothes on the floor, doesn't naturally take out the trash unless told, plays video games all day during his time off, doesn't help with laundry, doesn't help to pick a day to cook for me at least once.. unless told. I feed and walk both dogs, he won't help unless I ask him to help me and he will get annoyed because im interrupting him from his video games...he barely talks to me and talks to his guy friend every day almost all night...I honestly feel not appreciated but instead he expects it from a wife to do all these chores and I work full time and a mom . This feels like a mom 6 wife. I sometimes have to ask for sex... we have sex once of twice a month. We love each other, and he is a home body, which I like, but it will eventually grow into resentment. 😢
eventually? You’ve resented this unequal labor since day one.
Since you love each other- I would say this: “ok dear I have been doing all the household labor for ___years, or months and NOW-now it’s your turn for the same number of months. I mean this seems reasonable, right honey? And then we can switch again I think every 6 months. So starting tomorrow-here’s a list of everything I do to maintain this home around my working hours. Where’s the remotes because NOW it’s MY turn to play online games! OK?! Let me know when supper is done…or if you want to go out tonight that’s ok but normally I cook 6 nights a week so we can go with the kids. You can change nights if course-Your choice this time.” And the first time he balks at any of it say “Do I need to vet your Mom and Dad over here to show you how to do all this? I mean I’m not tour parent and don’t wanna be. I thought I married a man not a boy.”
Take back your power. He is being maliciously remote to opt out of chores. It’s purposeful and HE KNOWS he is doing it!
Wow. I'm so sorry. If this hasn't changed in the past 4 months, maybe see if you can get on a call with Dr John to get clarity and direction. Blessings to you!
My man is like that but he works 70 hours a week. He sleeps very little because of this and is exhausted all the time. I get frustated about intimacy too but i try to not complain about it. I know begging for sex can be a huge turnoff. But it does make me insecure when we dont touch for a long time. So i understand how you feel. You're not alone!
He sounds like a child. Even when my sons were little, they had chores and picked up after themselves.
If I was you, I would QUIT
Do your laundry and make yourself sandwiches and simple food for YOU.. I wouldn't do anything for him....if he asks...just say "the maid and chef quit "
We love each other? No, he doesn't even respect you. Without respect, no love is possible. You are convenient for him and he refuses to grow up. You deserve better ❤