This is so beautiful. This is very much conversations I had with my own mother in my 20s. I have since gone no contact and it’s the hardest but the best thing I’ve done for myself and my family. The trauma stops with me. Thank for for your comment about wanting to honor that grief and torment. It was super healing for me.
Wow. My brother was right when he said my Father is a complete total Narcissist. Back then I couldn’t wrap my mind over the Fact; My Father is a Narcissist. He spiritually, emotionally, physically, and worst of all verbally abused me until my parents divorced when I was 18. Then they both remarried 4 months later and I was no longer important to other one of them.
🤔 I was listening to how it feels for the other to be around a narcissist n it saddens me the idea i might be one.I know i have made my ex feel so...😐I'm confused.I do my best to raise up to quite high standards.I love honesty.I always strive to choose what best for all n long term over my own short term interest.We r at too different stages our evolutionary path.I have a deeper understanding of the inner processes,he barely any or any interest in understanding them.Seeing n being so different n me being so blunt,word he used a lot to describe,well deserved,i admit,only worsened things for him n us.😔Whatever i told him that only made him feel worse wasn't neither with the intention to hurt him,neither to boost my own ego...Some of the ways he was n still is acting r only harmful to himself.For ex,him having hidden the relation between us from his parents out of fear of them not accepting it.So diminishing, hurtful,disrespectful for himself n us all,same time...I want/need close someone whom i can admire,respect at all levels.How could i have trusted n respected him? Also given i was being raised by godparents/matternal aunt n then back to my bio fam n then back n forth,ending feeling as none there for me...he was just another close person in my life who was not strong enough to fully keep me with them,make me theirs/his.Given i as daring n straightforward as he weak n around the bushes,he only felt more insecure n snowball...N yet empathy,I have too much,not too little...😣😒damn thin,intricate lines...N worse is not having anyone knowledgeable n blunt enough to give me real feedback.
You are not a narcissist if you think you are one. Chances are that you have endured emotional abuse in your childhood and you’re just repeating it. Praying for you to stop the cycle but it sounds like you are on the path. God bless you.
This is so beautiful. This is very much conversations I had with my own mother in my 20s. I have since gone no contact and it’s the hardest but the best thing I’ve done for myself and my family. The trauma stops with me. Thank for for your comment about wanting to honor that grief and torment. It was super healing for me.
Sounds like my parents! Denial, blame, betrayal, never took responsibility for the pain I felt!
Wow. My brother was right when he said my Father is a complete total Narcissist. Back then I couldn’t wrap my mind over the Fact; My Father is a Narcissist. He spiritually, emotionally, physically, and worst of all verbally abused me until my parents divorced when I was 18. Then they both remarried 4 months later and I was no longer important to other one of them.
Either *
🤔 I was listening to how it feels for the other to be around a narcissist n it saddens me the idea i might be one.I know i have made my ex feel so...😐I'm confused.I do my best to raise up to quite high standards.I love honesty.I always strive to choose what best for all n long term over my own short term interest.We r at too different stages our evolutionary path.I have a deeper understanding of the inner processes,he barely any or any interest in understanding them.Seeing n being so different n me being so blunt,word he used a lot to describe,well deserved,i admit,only worsened things for him n us.😔Whatever i told him that only made him feel worse wasn't neither with the intention to hurt him,neither to boost my own ego...Some of the ways he was n still is acting r only harmful to himself.For ex,him having hidden the relation between us from his parents out of fear of them not accepting it.So diminishing, hurtful,disrespectful for himself n us all,same time...I want/need close someone whom i can admire,respect at all levels.How could i have trusted n respected him? Also given i was being raised by godparents/matternal aunt n then back to my bio fam n then back n forth,ending feeling as none there for me...he was just another close person in my life who was not strong enough to fully keep me with them,make me theirs/his.Given i as daring n straightforward as he weak n around the bushes,he only felt more insecure n snowball...N yet empathy,I have too much,not too little...😣😒damn thin,intricate lines...N worse is not having anyone knowledgeable n blunt enough to give me real feedback.
You are not a narcissist if you think you are one. Chances are that you have endured emotional abuse in your childhood and you’re just repeating it. Praying for you to stop the cycle but it sounds like you are on the path. God bless you.