I am single, childless, an introvert, and also found myself without many friends in my 50s. I don't drink and I'm vegan so I felt left out because of those reasons as well. But then during COVID, I started going on guided bird walks with other people and have made several very nice friends that way-- male and female, young and old. This year, at 59 y/o, I started playing pickleball and have made some nice acquaintances as well. So if you're looking to find friends, I think joining activity groups is a wonderful way to meet people and at the very least, get out of the house and remain active. Pets are also amazing, of course!!
Thank you for your thoughtful comment, @MaidenBklyn. My daughter goes birding in Upstate NY where she lives, it sounds amazing, would love to do it. Have also thought about joining one of those "forest bathing" groups where people just walk peacefully in the woods together. Pickleball also does look enjoyable, so glad that you have been finding enjoyable group activities even as an introvert. 💕
Its a gigantic hole in my life that I didn't have a sister. Everyone I knew had at least one sister, many had two. Both my parents had 2 or 3 sisters. A friend is not a sister. My mother rubbed my nose in it all my life that she preferred her sisters over me. They hated me. Friends come and go.
Hello @junetaylor8396, I am so sorry to hear your story. That is not fair to you. Yes having a kind and caring sister is an absolute blessing. Having a parent who did not nurture you properly is totally unfair. Playing favorites, especially when it is to the detriment of a child, is wrong and abusive. I hope you are doing better in your life now, you deserved better. Some of my older friends felt like sisters because we basically grew up together, but they live in other states and have their own lives now so I need to accept that. Sometimes it is hard because we long for something we can't have or never had. As adults we have some power to entertain ourselves in ways that make our inner spirit happy, and we do have some agency over how our lives go, thankfully. Wishing you peace and wellness in the new year. 🙏🏽 ✨ 💖
You have your best friend, your husband. Thats all you need with your kids and family Everyone else are what we call aquintances. thats with everyone in life. Family first.
@craig8130 thank you for watching and commenting. Very grateful for my husband, kids, sister, and extended family. They are thankfully very kind and loving people. ✨💖
I have new unexpected friend. Went to buy a bus pass back in November and after purchasing it I came to learn after looking to deposit it in my wallet that I had already bought one. Silly me. I just left the vendor and thought I could get a refund but naa. Couple days later I went back to the transit store and hung around outside looking to gift this second pass. The first person was paranoid when I approached her (the world we live in) to give it to her. She got weirded out. The second person who came along understood that I was genuinely giving him the pass. He took it but then he chased after me wanting to buy me a coffee at the Tim Hortons across the street. We exchanged phone numbers and have been out twice for dinner. Just last night he gifted me a Presidents Choice Gift card. He couldnt resist the urge to return a gift. Such a nice fellow.
Hello @MelodyMaker, That's amazing! It sounds like something out of a movie. Acts of generosity might be a way to make friends if you find a person with a conscience who will not take advantage. Which it sounds like your friend does have a conscience, considering he gifted you a gift card. Happy to hear about how you found a friend unexpectedly. If you had not sought someone to give the bus pass to, and if he had not been brave enough to chase after you and ask to buy you a coffee at Tim Hortons perhaps the friendship may not have happened. Maybe it was meant to be.
@@LeaferLoves Forgot to mention...this fellow had no friends (seriously).The whole scenario unfolded soon before a time when I was listening to another youtuber share her story of woe. She is a singer who moved abroad and was going through issues and was very self involved. (could tell by her references to "I" and "my"). I told her to do something for someone else for free (comment section) and it would help her escape her funk. Time ensued until she replied about five days later earnestly grateful for the comment.
@MelodyMaker that is wonderful that you helped another TH-camr. I love how in the movie Groundhog Day the way that Bill Murray’s character finally escapes the doldrums of his repetitive existence was to start doing acts of kindness and service to others. Sometimes it is easy to become cynical and feel that the small acts of good that we do are not very impactful but I believe on a subtle plane where we may not “see” in an obvious way, those acts do make a big difference. Thanks for a good reminder to do more for others. Hope you’re enjoying your holiday season, take care and Happy New year! ✨ 💖 🙏🏽
Hi there @grownmellowmature, thank you for watching and commenting! Yes I think the reasons why are pretty complex, but it does seem to be easier to make new friends as a child vs. as an adult in our society. 🙏🏼 💖👍🏼
Same!!!!! People are so Toxic!!! I look after 10 cats here in Canada every day!!! I got sick with Brain tumor issues at 38!! I find as soon as you get Health issues, people disappear. Im 55 now& I hang out on my own. Im stuck caregiving for my Elderly Parents (87&94). I love animals,so I focus on Helping strays!!! Friends Disappear!!!
Hi there @christinebrunton1489, I am sorry you have had health issues for some years now and that your friends fell away when that came up. We noticed similar patterns with my husband’s friends. They all seemed to fall off the face of the earth after he got cancer. Maybe it is hard for humans on some level to see their friends go through illness because it reminds them of their own mortality, which can be a hard pill to swallow. As I mentioned in the video my dogs are a big part of my life now, they keep me feeling less lonesome and offer unconditional love. So glad that you look after cats and have learned to enjoy life without many human friends around (sounds like). Wishing you health and happiness in the coming year. 🙏🏽💕
Hi there @TeacherKellyTag, thank you for writing in, I agree, the challenge level for making friendships does seem to increase in adulthood, I’ve been musing on why that might be, maybe because we have so many social rules programmed into our heads, it becomes paralyzing.
@@LeaferLoves It's because modern society lacks what is known as a "third place" for adults. The first place is the home. The second place is work. The third place would be a casual, neutral setting where people can meet and become friends. For children the third place would be the neighbourhood. Children, in the past, could also have access to a public park and that would be a fourth place. Adults are siloed away in their houses we don't socialize with our neighbours or go to the park to meet people. Adults can still meet people, but unlike neighbourhoods and parks, it costs money: pubs, bars, taverns, coffee houses, etc. and time. Most people are just too tired after work to go out.
Hi there @AlanSmitheeman, oh for sure you are absolutely right! We don't have third spaces anymore, and it's just a weird feature of capitalism that we generally have to spend money in order to have or keep friendships. And yes another feature of modern society is being too drained and exhausted after work to go meet up with friends. Sometimes barely enough for kids and family at home, which is sad. Parks are one of our best remaining options, and libraries perhaps... in my town it is way too hot to go outdoors sometimes for weeks at a time, so most people hunker down indoors!
My dog is my best friend since my husband died in 2022. For the past few years, I have discovered that I do not really have much in common with my friend group from the past. I am committed to my own personal growth and healing now, and as a result, I don't fit in with them anymore. I have to believe that there are healthy friendships in my future, and they will arrive when I am ready.
Hi there @iwannawrite, thank you for your heartfelt comment. I am so sorry to hear that your husband passed in 2022. Perhaps things like losing a spouse or having an ill spouse, changes us and we find we no longer share as much in common with our previous friends. It is wonderful that you are committed to your own personal growth and healing now. That is most important! Sounds to me like it is quite likely that healthy friendships will exist for you in the future, when the time is right. In the meantime, it is probably good that you are learning to be happy without dependency on friendships. I love my dogs so much! They are wonderful friends! 🐾 💕 🐾 Working on the same myself. With hope of having close friends again one day in the future. 💕 🙏🏼 ✨
Hello @KenNeumeister, thank you for commenting! It seems it should work like that, being older should be an opportunity to connect with others... maybe because we are all so busy that we lack time to make the effort to make friends?
You’re not alone in this. Thank heavens I have my family and husband. As far as outsiders, with not working no outside people to have coffee or lunch with or call and just chat. 💕NonnaGrace 🐓
Hi there @NonaMaryGrace1952, thank you for your comments. Indeed, thank Heavens for our families and spouses if we are lucky enough to have them. Yes it feels like all the people outside of my inner circle's orbit have floated away. Which is kind of sad, but I'm just trying to accept it and acknowledge where I'm at now, and be happy and OK with what is. ✨
I am also 51 and I only have my sister. You have your husband and kids, but I get it. It's very lonely, I got used to it. I have never really understood why people don't like me, but they just don't. I have even lent money to people to try and be nice, but nope. It was the same in school. I guess some people are just meant to be alone.
@ochsana_1985 Thank you for your comment. Yes it can be very lonely at times. I know exactly what you mean about people just not liking you and not understanding why. Since very early childhood before we were even in Kindergarten I've had experiences with other little girls hating on me and very clearly pushing me outside of the friendship circle before I'd even had a chance to introduce myself or play with them at all. And yes it was the same all through school for me as well, with the exception of one or two gals I can think of. It can get a little bit dangerous when you start trying to pay people money or give gifts in order to keep their friendship as we run the risk of being taken advantage of, or giving too much in order to try to please people. I have been guilty of this too, being desperate for friends and becoming a people pleaser. Recovering from that these days, it is part of having healthy boundaries. It can be tough to strike the right balance. Glad to hear you have your sister, hope it is a positive relationship for you. Take care of you! 🙏🏼 ✨ 💕
Part of my wants to say don’t give up on people, another part thinks yes that is understandable, sometimes it’s easier to just be your own best friend. 💕🙏🏽 Perhaps there is no right answer except to do what feels right for you.
I don't have any true friends nearby, my best friend passed away a few years ago. It's not hard on me I really can't stand people much with everything going on today. I dream of living somewhere remote and quiet by myself away from everyone.
Hi there @sjmom5119. Aww I am sorry to hear that your best friend passed away. Better to have had a best friend and lost them than never to have had a best friend at all. But it must still be difficult. I am always grateful for the memories that my previously close friends have given me. Many of the things we did together and the thought exercises we went through as young people have changed my life forever, for the good. Perhaps you can celebrate the time you had and know that your best friend lives on in your memory and your heart and soul. Regarding the dream of living somewhere remote and quiet, I have similar dreams/ fantasies as well. I feel at home in nature and dream of living in a place surrounded by trees, squirrels, deer, maybe near an ocean. Take care!
youre not alone. i just think its people you cross paths with and are on our own journeys. online groups are available as well. stay hopeful, keep shining!
Hey @altruistvibes, thank you for reminding me that I am not alone. Sometimes it feels I am the only one not out partying and celebrating with big groups of friends every week (especially now that everyone shares that stuff on social media all the time.) Yes a lot of it probably is simply that people are on their own journeys and don't really have time or energy to reach out or connect on a friendship level. Neither do I, to be honest. Yes, perhaps online groups would be a reasonable solution. ✨
@@LeaferLoves I like to now limit my interactions with people just because i already too spent the energy into wanting and yearning friendships so badly. therapy has been helpful for myself. I realized this whole entire time though after years of sessions im no longer in need of seeking relationships from broken people. i feel i fixed my "vase" and glued it back together and i have been wanting relationships from broken unrecognized trauma people also have? ummm that didnt make sense to my new way of thinking in life so i find lots of crafts,hikes, and just sitting in the sunshine is what i need. i didnt need friends and chaos. i found i needed peace.
@@LeaferLoves I found after years in therapy i was reaching out to people that were broken and didnt know how to manage themselves. of course this took me years to find out due to masking behaviors. however, i am proud to be alone and sufficient but i still apply grace when I sense the energy around me thats needed. I found out that lots of crafts, journaling, art, sitting in the sun is what i need to be happy. i realized i didnt need friends in my life. i needed to find peace.
@altruistvibes yes those are wonderful insights, I agree that when we haven’t dealt with our own traumas and issues we have a tendency to desperately seek companionship, even from people who have a lot of their own problems and who only serve to distract us from our own pain and ultimately cause further harm. We have to do the work and sometimes (oftentimes) that does include therapy. Seeing therapists helped me a lot when my husband was going through the worst of his illness. Counseling and therapy can be excellent tools for learning about what’s going on in the deep inner workings of your self.
@altruistvibes crafts, journaling/ art, sitting in the sun, yes!! Those are the types of activities that make me feel amazing, peaceful, happy. So glad that you have found healthy and sustainable ways to root your being in nurturing soil.🌻 Appreciate your thought provoking comments. 🙏🏽💕
I have no friends so I bought a 330' sailing yacht and hired a crew out of Argentina. I sailed the world for about a year and met this beautiful Brazilian young lady. We now sail the world together. We SCUBA dive & spearfish.
@apollothirteen9236 That is an amazing and inspiring story! Not sure sailing off in a yacht is in the cards for most of us, but I'm happy it worked out for you and your lady! SCUBA diving and spear fishing sounds like an amazing way to live! 💖 👍🏼 🐠
@NonaMaryGrace1952 it is true that making friends was easier as a child, I wonder if this is due to some sort of enculturation or mental shackle that gets loaded up on us as we go through life?
Yup. Me too. I have my family, and I value them sooooooo much. I have friends in the city where I used to live, and I enjoy keeping in touch and seeing them when I go back to visit. However, where I live, I have no friends. I had former friends here, but they all have rejected me, and it's not clear why, although it may be because I don't participate in their politics/news constant anxiety. But, anyways, it's been so difficult for me. It seems to me that it is very difficult to find a healthy friendship, and that's what I'd like, if it's out there.
Hi there @lisakleman5470, moving to a different city can surely make it a challenge to make new friends. Although I have been kind of rooted in one place for a long time, I have read a lot about this. It seems to depend on the town as well, some towns have a little bit more of an 'icy' attitude toward 'newcomers'. I understand about confusing rejections, it does seem like this day and age politics unfortunately harms so many of our personal relationships. I hope you can find some wonderful friends soon who you genuinely vibe with. It is great that you do have friends in your old city that you can visit when you go back there.
My social life changed like you said, right after middle school when making friends was still easy and people had similar hobbies, then Jr high and high school was like suddenly playing mind games, cliques, social circles, so on and so forth, when high school came around I had to move to another state and by then it was to late, I was completely unknown and people wanted to keep it that way.
@paradoxstudios6639 yes what is it about the magical junior high period. Where some kids get to enjoy popularity and others get to understand the sting of bullying and exclusion. The mind games and cliques are awful and scarring. I think it has to do with hormones coming in creating aggression mixed with the brain not being fully developed yet. And sadly some kids’ home lives being unkind. My junior high experiences made me painfully shy and nearly mute in the school halls and classrooms all the way through most of high school. There were entire semesters spent in classes where no one spoke a word to me and I spoke to no one. It was strange. Well, you can see that I am making up for lost time in the speaking arena now. Ha ha. I think going through challenges like that does deepen our empathy and appreciation for genuine kindness. Wishing you wellness and peace in the new year. 💖🙏🏽✨
Yes, I agree. I am a semi-retired 59 year old Australian. I have lived some of my life overseas working so the people I tend to keep in touch with via 'that time in my life' are great....but they all have their own families now and they are far removed from my current world. I have a long term partner (11 years). He has grown up children who don't even bother to call him and I never had children. I feel quite like you expressed. We lived in Thailand for 6 months in 2023 and then bought a house back in Australia. We both love to travel, cook, maintain and work on our home, but we are very, very different in many ways. I would love to have at least a female friend to chat to, laugh, discuss real world topics without fake BS, high school mean girl rules or ego wars. I'm a psychotherapist (I specialise in Lifestyle Redesign, Burnout, Mindfulness) and writer who currently works in the historical artisan industry. I hope you find a friend. I'd like to find a friend organically - find someone who has similar interests as me and isn't slavishly into image or what other people think. Someone who is kind and compassionate and sees the world through the lens of kindness. Loved your video. Wishes from Australia. M.
Hi there @mlbonventi, FIrst of all your life and work sounds amazing! It is awesome that you have had the opportunity to live and work in different, interesting countries. Glad to hear that you have a partner who has a lot of similar interests to you but I do get how even if your spouse is your best friend, there still could be kind of a void where a female friend should be? When you have a moment could you possibly explain what the historical artisan industry is? Not sure I am familiar with it. Thank you so much for writing in, your wish list for a friend is beautiful, why does it feel so hard to find a friend like that? 💕
Thats all you need if you have a good family.your sister is your best friend.cherish what you have.you dont need these so called friends that will let you down eventually.youu dont realise what you have. ❤
@Princesswarrior123 yes she is an amazing person and friend. There are nuances to all of it as discussed in the video. I am very grateful for her and the other family members in my life. Thank you for watching and commenting. 🙏🏽 ✨
I’m there with ya! I just turned 49. I’m a solo mom though. My children are 18, 22 and 25, so they have their own lives now. I discovered that I really love being by myself. I’ve had many friends along the way and probably can still reach out but prefer not to lol. I have lots of family too, but again, prefer not to reach out. My kids father passed away about 4 yrs ago. I do get human interaction from doing Uber rideshare 😊 I discovered that I’m more of an introvert and loner. I enjoy it! 🙏🏼😊💗
FlowWithRobin, thank you for your lovely comment. It is such a big life change when the kids start to leave and become grownups. I hear you about enjoying being an introvert and loner, and not really wanting to reach out to former connections. Same. That is awesome that you do Uber rideshare and get interaction that way! Good idea! ♥
I'm 67, semi retired nurse, never married, no children. My childhood was very restrictive where we were,nt allowed to bring friends into the house, I was raised on a farm in Ireland. With that background I always had difficulty with relationships both male and female. I never fitted into cliques either as a result I felt very lonely in life. I now live in supported living housing, same here there's a clique of women here too and a queen bee. I've learned to live with it I guess. I certainly know what your talking about. Wishing you well sister❤💋
@noracoyle4988 Thank you for sharing your story! Wow, your childhood certainly does sound unusual. Unfortunately the restrictions placed on you had an impact on your relationships for the rest of your life. Although a farm in Ireland does sound like a beautiful place to grow up, I'm sure you are well aware of the reality being perhaps not as wonderful as one might imagine. The thought of being in supportive housing with a clique of women sounds challenging indeed! I'm sorry you are experiencing that. You seem to have a healthy acceptance of what is, I commend you for it. Keep enjoying your life, with or without friendships, self acceptance and self care will always be there for you. ✨ 💕 🙏🏼
Hi @RobertMesa-fu9oy, thank you for your comment, yes I do appreciate all of the good times that I had with friends in my past and the ways that they changed my world (both good and bad I appreciate for the life lessons), but I agree that to acknowledge being friend free can feel liberating.
Yep, it can be depressing; especially with increasing number of years the valuation by others decreases, despite how we all have the same intrinsic value.
@PsiCorps85, exactly, and then it makes one question oneself and go through all kinds of self-doubt and insecurity, when I think a lot of the challenge stems from keeping-up-with-the-Joneses type programming that bombards us all.
Wow! I was just thinking about this the other day and wondered if I was kidding myself about being happy with my friend free(by choice) life? I do have casual friends that I care about but I choose to make my personal life very tight. My husband,my mom, sister and my forever baby🐶 I am very happy and content, FOR NOW🎉 can’t imagine losing any of them 😢I think I feel this way because I am an empath and my job as a flight attendant makes me appreciate and LOVE my little circle and peace that much more….❤ Wish you and your family all the best…😊
Hey there @halinayen9744. Thank you for your thoughtful comment! Whoa really?! You were just thinking about being friend free by choice the other day, how weird! Synchronicities like that are awesome. Yes being an empath makes friendship and connection with other humans very complex. Sometimes to the point where it's even hard to deal with it all. Being a flight attendant sounds incredibly difficult, on the one hand, and incredibly cool on the other. I have thought about doing that myself but always feel that it would be too much. Mad respect for you being strong enough to do it! YES when we are like this (lol) our small teensy tiny circle of family and loved ones becomes incredibly precious to us. Happy Holidays ✨💙❄️ and Happy New Year to you and yours!
It sounds like you have friends but you want a really close friend or friends. Good friends are hard to find. Lot of good people but its hard to really connect. I know tons of people but the really close reliable people are hard to find. You seem very likable and I would be your friend.
Thanks for watching and commenting! 🙏🏽 💖 I do hope to find a close friend again, (or reconnect with old friends, maybe) eventually. There are complexities to it in this season of life though, as my time is limited and my hubs and kids still need a lot of support from me, and sometimes my energy is too low to even imagine spending time with a friend outside my immediate family. Thank you for saying that I seem likable, I know that I have definitely not been perfect in my past friendships and have made mistakes and missteps, so some of the lack of current friendships is without a doubt at least partly my own fault. Have a wonderful rest of your week! 👍🏼 ✨
Hi there @AnotherCaroline176, thank you for your comment. I am sorry to hear that my situation sounds familiar to you. With far away friends who are busy with their own lives and rarely reach out or communicate, it’s hard to know if you should keep trying to keep it going, or let it fade away. It’s hard to know if contacting them/ trying to visit with them is welcome or bothersome for them. I’m leaning towards releasing people who don’t seem interested in staying connected. Because like I say in the video, I don’t believe in chasing after people. If someone is meant to be in your life, they’ll be there, and if they aren’t, it’s OK to let them go without resentment. That’s what feels the most mentally healthy for me, because we’re not yearning for the past but staying fresh in the now, accepting what is.
I hope you find a group or activity that you enjoy doing so you can meet new people 🌸glad you have an awesome sister and a few friends you can count on…yes we are all busy trying to keep up with life!!!Wishing you a happy life and healing for your husband as well🦋much aloha from a person who listened and cares about you 🌺blessings…🙏aloha
Thank you, Lisabigam7734, your words of encouragement are so appreciated. Mahalo for the aloha (hope I said that right lol). Wishing you all the best in life as well, knowing that you listened and cared really helps. 🙏🏾💕
@ your so welcome…I don’t have a lot of friends but cherish the few I have…my family all lives in California and I live in Hawai’i for many years so I’ve made friends my adopted family!! I do some yoga so that’s cool you are teaching a class🤙write back anytime,stay strong and count your blessings dear Lady…I’m 16 years ahead of you on this journey of life…I have one grown daughter and I one awesome granddaughter that I love💕focus on what you’d like to see in your life instead of the problems and you will see more blessings come your way🌸💜🌸
Thank you for watching and commenting! Yes I am beyond grateful for my family. However my sister has a thriving social life that I am not a part of, (rightfully so as she deserves her own separate friend group.) After my husband’s life threatening long term cancer battle I got to thinking about who I would have to talk to if, God forbid, I were to lose him. It’s a bit existential but we all face these types of questions sooner or later. 🙏🏽💕
@dawnbrookman Appreciate your kind words🙏🏽💕And yes there are a few great comments in this section with some pretty helpful ideas on activities to try. At least trying activities could give us some practice interacting with people who have similar interests and maybe even find a new friend.
Are you on the autism spectrum, by any chance? I have found that other autistic women like me really don't get along well in neurotypical groups because none of us are willing to kiss up to the queen bee.
Hello @ExiledStardust, good question. Almost certainly on the Autism spectrum, but don’t have a formal diagnosis. Thought about getting one but at my age not sure it’s worth it or whether it would matter. Also have not yet been able to find a place or doctor who diagnoses autism in adults in my area. Thank you for writing in.
Friendship is overrated as a concept. Take care of yourself first and foremost and then when you have the extra resources time energy and willpower and if you are willing to then and only then do you lift a finger to help another person. This is not being selfish. Take care of yourself first. Hello from Taiwan.
Hi there @k.h.p.9862 , you may be right about the concept of friendship being overrated. I definitely agree that it's most important to take care of yourself first and foremost. You really can't do much good for anybody else, in the bigger world unless you have yourself dialed in. Wow, hello Taiwan! 💕 🙏🏼 ✨
I am having a similar experience. No partner, 1 dear friend, and my kids. I would like to expand my community, but im not sure how to make that happen.
Hi @el9388, it does sound like a similar experience. It is difficult to know how to go about expanding your circle. Especially if you are busy in your life. Glad to hear that you have 1 dear friend and your kids. Some people here in the comments have been offering some gentle suggestions on how to meet people, maybe some of those could spark ideas no how to make it happen. 💕
Hi @lucasanderson. I’m sorry to hear that. Please stay strong and keep trying. You are worthy of consistent caring people in your life. In the meantime good books can be an excellent companion. Fantasy books can help escape the doldrums especially. Shelter dogs are grateful and loyal companions too. Take care of yourself always. Wishing you peace and wellness in 2025 and beyond. ✨🙏🏽💖
@giab1188 from reading these comments, it’s clear you are not the only one. Loneliness is a big problem these days. Yes I am very fortunate to have family that cares. I am not as fortunate in being able to make and keep friends. Thank you for watching and commenting. Some of the commenters on here have left some pretty good suggestions on how to try to meet some nice friends with similar interests. Wishing you happiness and wellness in the new year.
@anntunaley9974 Thank you!! Yes and I believe in her video she mentions that she originally heard of that idea from a book. I need to go back and watch the video again because it was informative and helpful to me personally. Probably ought to read the book as well! ✨ 💕 🙏🏽
@catlady1462, appreciate you sharing your thoughts! I do somewhat agree, I think family should be the most important, if we are lucky enough to have even a small but caring family. But, I'm not sure if I fully agree that friendship is not a mature adult interest. I imagine friends are supposed to be there and support each other through the hard times in life and provide a little amusement as well. However I am definitely not an expert on adult friendship! 😅 As I unfortunately don't have much of it going on outside of my family circle. 😄
Hi @BEACHDUDE71, Being in your 50s, single with no children or pets sounds challenging for sure. It is hard and I think many of us are dealing with varying degrees of loneliness. Some of the people here in the comments here have had some pretty good suggestions on how to meet friends in your area. Wishing you peace and wellness. 🙏🏾
My wife and best friend died in 2023. My best friend from high school died 3 weeks ago. Mom died in 2019. Dad died 2001. My hero role model brother’s death in 1977 rocked my family. No friends? I am being left alone worse than you but I have a sister and 2 friends left,
So sorry to hear about all the recent losses of your loved ones. What a thing to go through! I’ve had concerns about losing my hubs due to his long term illness. Sometimes it feels like family are all I have and I am very grateful to have them. Glad you still have someone who cares. Hope the remaining relationships are positive and supportive for you.
Are you slightly autism spectrum? I was slightly autism spectrum and had a problem with teen understanding teen social codes at age 15 when I was very socially insecure. My Autism was mild and by age 18 I was closer to being cool kid than awkward kid. I was passing as normal and had a bit of bad boy appeal for marching to my own drummer.
@@kkst3552 hello and thank you for your comment! Yes I believe almost certainly I am on the autism spectrum but I haven’t pursued formal diagnosis because I don’t know whether it would be worth it at this point in my life. That is awesome that you had a bit of a unique bad boy appeal. I think in my late teens/ early twenties I may have had a bit of that too and that might explain why there were a few little friend groups who tried to onboard me. lol. My therapist said when spectrumy peeps find their people they really attach to them and such is the case with me and my husband. Hope you are still thriving socially. 👍🏼💖🙏🏽
Yes but they sort of have to be because they are family. Also our kids. Discussed some of the nuances of this in the video. Very grateful to have them.
There's so many of us on this board that are like-minded and experiencing similar things. So many of us that would like the same thing. I wish we could somehow actually form a group in real life. I would be very open to that. I live near Seattle, Wa so if there's anyone out there.........
Hi there @TLA123y6f , thank you for your comment! It would be awesome to form a group in real life. Seattle is a beautiful city. I have been there once, but only for a couple of days. I am going to start looking for ways to form an online group in the meantime. I would advise anyone on TH-cam to be careful with who you connect with in the comments section (on this channel and on every other channel on TH-cam). There have definitely been scammers in some comments sections, my channel is still small, but always exercise caution on the internet and be sure who you are dealing with before giving personal information.
@@LeaferLoves I am phobic about scammers/online whatever - trust me. I've got a few friends but my family has fallen apart and I finally figured out that my partner was a narcissist - what a strange trip that was. It was sad because there was a part of him that was good but the other part was a total head trip. And when someone is a manipulater you can't trust anything.
@TLA123y6f Oh that is good that you are extra cautious about online scammers. The internet is a wild place, ha ha. Glad that you have a few friends, that is a plus. So sorry to hear about your former partner being not a great guy. I have done some reading and watched some videos on narcissistic personality disorder. It is frankly scary, and sad, I worry about those who end up involved with people like that. Enmeshed in their matrix. A part of him may have been good but it still isn't worth you having to deal with the rest of the parts of him that were not. It is definitely for the best that you got yourself clear of that problem, certainly you are better off. But yes I understand how the loneliness can be difficult, I am sorry that your family has fallen apart as well, that cannot be easy. Keep doing good healthy activities for yourself and keep respecting yourself to the highest degree. Consider adopting a shelter dog, (that's what I did)... they make wonderful companions! 🐾 💕 ✨
@@LeaferLoves Just like other things - narcissism is a spectrum. Some are worse than others. And there's different categories. I had gone on an online group therapy and some of the stories were horrific - far worse than my situation but was very scary and it can be progressive. I can't be with someone I don't feel safe with.
Hi there @Jdksneo, Wish I could take credit for that take on reincarnation and family. Pretty sure I have read or heard about it from a few different sources. I used to read a lot about Hinduism and Buddhism, religions where Karma and Reincarnation were a pretty significant component of the philosophy. I continue to do Yoga and meditation practices. But yes, it is an interesting idea that sometimes seems to resonate with me and my family connections. Take care! ✨💙❄️
Maybe just me but i feel like friends when your young are about having fun but friends when you're an adult is a competition of who's got the best car or job or holiday booked etc. most people aren't interested in that nonsense.
Hi there @garnhamr - Yes! I have felt that way, to some extent. Comparing and competing is not healthy and especially not with people who are supposed to be our friends. Ideally it would be great to find adult friends who don't care about that kind of stuff, or who want to go back to the basics when it comes to friendship.
@cheryl1909 thank you for watching and commenting. Totally understandable how one might feel that way, though I would encourage all of us to keep trying to have faith in humanity. But yea I get that my dogs are a huge part of my world now. Unfortunately they have much shorter lifespans than us so when one passes away we kind of have to learn to accept it again and again. My philosophy is to try to rescue another dog from the shelter every time one of my dear dogs passes away. I don’t wait as long in between anymore I just dive right in with the next dog and I have found doing so does help with the grief of pet loss. Rescued animals are grateful and loving non human friends in my experience. 🐾💕🙏🏽
@LeaferLoves my son not long ago lost 2 lrg dogs- Bruce and Hunter !! One was 14 and the other 13!! They passed away 7 weeks apart and my son replaced them with two new pups; ones a blue staf and the other is a dash hound!! Their young kids love there new dogs; as it's helped the family heal ❤️
@cheryl1909 aww that is heartbreaking that your son lost 2 big dogs so close together. But it is beautiful that he already got two new dogs and that they are helping the family heal. Our shelter rescue is a Staffy mix, we are discovering that those are the sweetest cuddle bugs! 💕 😄
There no real friends, everyone is selfish. Only in it for themselves , if you cant do anything for them youre discarded..some people are just leeches. I only have family, but they have their own lives too.
Hi there @raymondlin8728 . Definitely understand how struggling with friendships can make one cynical. I have certainly been there and felt that way too. However I do believe there can be genuine enjoyment of one another's company and pure love for our friends that exists simply because they are their kind, genuine selves. In recent years I haven't experienced it as much, however, I know it exists and I believe it is possible for most people. Sometimes it feels like it requires so much of our energy and time to get to that place of friendship with another human, and even then they might randomly decide to ghost you, etc... that is why I say I do not allow my happiness to be dependent upon the whims of any other person. Wishing you good luck and wellness in this new year. 👍🏼💖✨
@catlady1462 thank you for watching and commenting. Therapy can be beneficial and although I haven't been doing it lately, I have thought about getting back into therapy again because it was good to have someone to talk to a few years ago. I actually do pray and talk with my TH-cam subscribers as well. I am grateful for you. You offered some really good suggestions! Sometimes I do feel that the energy to maintain friendships is not there. Like I rarely feel like leaving the house or driving anywhere if I don't have to. The city I live in has grown and the traffic has gotten worse in recent years. Also, at this time we are low income and going out is expensive! However, I sometimes see/ read reports, studies and films that say that friendship is so important to humans especially as we age. And I do miss what used to be really fun times with my closest gal pals. I hear you though! 🙏🏽 💖 ✨
@benyomovod6904, your comment made me chuckle. I don't know if it's entirely true that friends are for the weak, but I will say that lacking friends does cause one to tap into one's reserves of inner strength. I think it is natural to have friends in your life and to want to have caring connections with good/ kind people. It can be hard to know who is trustworthy, whose intentions are pure and whose are not. Going without friends for a long time leads one to overthink when a potential new friend appears. It is definitely challenging for some. Wishing you peace and wellness in the new year.
Hello there Hank9663, thank you for your comment, I grew up in a household with one very religious parent and one who was a moderate believer, so have had plenty of exposure to Bible as well as other religions because I was interested in comparative religion in my 20s and sought out to learn about beautiful aspects of different cultures and religions.
U don't need religion. All u need is Jesus. Seek him and he will be your best friend ever. Ask him to save u and he will give u Eternal life as a free Gift ❤
![LEARN TO LONGBOARD in Your 40s [and Beyond!]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/AVuuYnrv5Ng/mqdefault.jpg)
I am single, childless, an introvert, and also found myself without many friends in my 50s. I don't drink and I'm vegan so I felt left out because of those reasons as well. But then during COVID, I started going on guided bird walks with other people and have made several very nice friends that way-- male and female, young and old. This year, at 59 y/o, I started playing pickleball and have made some nice acquaintances as well. So if you're looking to find friends, I think joining activity groups is a wonderful way to meet people and at the very least, get out of the house and remain active. Pets are also amazing, of course!!
Thank you for your thoughtful comment, @MaidenBklyn. My daughter goes birding in Upstate NY where she lives, it sounds amazing, would love to do it. Have also thought about joining one of those "forest bathing" groups where people just walk peacefully in the woods together. Pickleball also does look enjoyable, so glad that you have been finding enjoyable group activities even as an introvert. 💕
Jesus is my friend.
He is a friend like no other.
Its a gigantic hole in my life that I didn't have a sister. Everyone I knew had at least one sister, many had two. Both my parents had 2 or 3 sisters. A friend is not a sister. My mother rubbed my nose in it all my life that she preferred her sisters over me. They hated me. Friends come and go.
Hello @junetaylor8396, I am so sorry to hear your story. That is not fair to you. Yes having a kind and caring sister is an absolute blessing. Having a parent who did not nurture you properly is totally unfair. Playing favorites, especially when it is to the detriment of a child, is wrong and abusive. I hope you are doing better in your life now, you deserved better. Some of my older friends felt like sisters because we basically grew up together, but they live in other states and have their own lives now so I need to accept that. Sometimes it is hard because we long for something we can't have or never had. As adults we have some power to entertain ourselves in ways that make our inner spirit happy, and we do have some agency over how our lives go, thankfully. Wishing you peace and wellness in the new year. 🙏🏽 ✨ 💖
You have your best friend, your husband. Thats all you need with your kids and family Everyone else are what we call aquintances. thats with everyone in life. Family first.
@craig8130 thank you for watching and commenting. Very grateful for my husband, kids, sister, and extended family. They are thankfully very kind and loving people. ✨💖
I have new unexpected friend. Went to buy a bus pass back in November and after purchasing it I came to learn after looking to deposit it in my wallet that I had already bought one. Silly me. I just left the vendor and thought I could get a refund but naa. Couple days later I went back to the transit store and hung around outside looking to gift this second pass. The first person was paranoid when I approached her (the world we live in) to give it to her. She got weirded out. The second person who came along understood that I was genuinely giving him the pass. He took it but then he chased after me wanting to buy me a coffee at the Tim Hortons across the street. We exchanged phone numbers and have been out twice for dinner. Just last night he gifted me a Presidents Choice Gift card. He couldnt resist the urge to return a gift. Such a nice fellow.
Hello @MelodyMaker, That's amazing! It sounds like something out of a movie. Acts of generosity might be a way to make friends if you find a person with a conscience who will not take advantage. Which it sounds like your friend does have a conscience, considering he gifted you a gift card. Happy to hear about how you found a friend unexpectedly. If you had not sought someone to give the bus pass to, and if he had not been brave enough to chase after you and ask to buy you a coffee at Tim Hortons perhaps the friendship may not have happened. Maybe it was meant to be.
@@LeaferLoves Forgot to mention...this fellow had no friends (seriously).The whole scenario unfolded soon before a time when I was listening to another youtuber share her story of woe. She is a singer who moved abroad and was going through issues and was very self involved. (could tell by her references to "I" and "my"). I told her to do something for someone else for free (comment section) and it would help her escape her funk. Time ensued until she replied about five days later earnestly grateful for the comment.
@MelodyMaker that is wonderful that you helped another TH-camr. I love how in the movie Groundhog Day the way that Bill Murray’s character finally escapes the doldrums of his repetitive existence was to start doing acts of kindness and service to others. Sometimes it is easy to become cynical and feel that the small acts of good that we do are not very impactful but I believe on a subtle plane where we may not “see” in an obvious way, those acts do make a big difference. Thanks for a good reminder to do more for others. Hope you’re enjoying your holiday season, take care and Happy New year! ✨ 💖 🙏🏽
@@LeaferLoves Happy New Year LL!
@MelodyMaker Happy New Year!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, it's definitely way easier to make new friends when you are younger.
Hi there @grownmellowmature, thank you for watching and commenting! Yes I think the reasons why are pretty complex, but it does seem to be easier to make new friends as a child vs. as an adult in our society. 🙏🏼 💖👍🏼
Same!!!!! People are so Toxic!!! I look after 10 cats here in Canada every day!!! I got sick with Brain tumor issues at 38!! I find as soon as you get Health issues, people disappear. Im 55 now& I hang out on my own. Im stuck caregiving for my Elderly Parents (87&94). I love animals,so I focus on Helping strays!!! Friends Disappear!!!
Hi there @christinebrunton1489, I am sorry you have had health issues for some years now and that your friends fell away when that came up. We noticed similar patterns with my husband’s friends. They all seemed to fall off the face of the earth after he got cancer. Maybe it is hard for humans on some level to see their friends go through illness because it reminds them of their own mortality, which can be a hard pill to swallow. As I mentioned in the video my dogs are a big part of my life now, they keep me feeling less lonesome and offer unconditional love. So glad that you look after cats and have learned to enjoy life without many human friends around (sounds like). Wishing you health and happiness in the coming year. 🙏🏽💕
You are right about recognizing your true friends in times of health hardships. And many times, there is no friend left.
It’s hard to make friends as an adult.
Hi there @TeacherKellyTag, thank you for writing in, I agree, the challenge level for making friendships does seem to increase in adulthood, I’ve been musing on why that might be, maybe because we have so many social rules programmed into our heads, it becomes paralyzing.
@@LeaferLoves It's because modern society lacks what is known as a "third place" for adults. The first place is the home. The second place is work. The third place would be a casual, neutral setting where people can meet and become friends. For children the third place would be the neighbourhood. Children, in the past, could also have access to a public park and that would be a fourth place. Adults are siloed away in their houses we don't socialize with our neighbours or go to the park to meet people. Adults can still meet people, but unlike neighbourhoods and parks, it costs money: pubs, bars, taverns, coffee houses, etc. and time. Most people are just too tired after work to go out.
Hi there @AlanSmitheeman, oh for sure you are absolutely right! We don't have third spaces anymore, and it's just a weird feature of capitalism that we generally have to spend money in order to have or keep friendships. And yes another feature of modern society is being too drained and exhausted after work to go meet up with friends. Sometimes barely enough for kids and family at home, which is sad. Parks are one of our best remaining options, and libraries perhaps... in my town it is way too hot to go outdoors sometimes for weeks at a time, so most people hunker down indoors!
@@LeaferLoves great points
My dog is my best friend since my husband died in 2022. For the past few years, I have discovered that I do not really have much in common with my friend group from the past. I am committed to my own personal growth and healing now, and as a result, I don't fit in with them anymore. I have to believe that there are healthy friendships in my future, and they will arrive when I am ready.
Hi there @iwannawrite, thank you for your heartfelt comment.
I am so sorry to hear that your husband passed in 2022. Perhaps things like losing a spouse or having an ill spouse, changes us and we find we no longer share as much in common with our previous friends.
It is wonderful that you are committed to your own personal growth and healing now. That is most important!
Sounds to me like it is quite likely that healthy friendships will exist for you in the future, when the time is right. In the meantime, it is probably good that you are learning to be happy without dependency on friendships.
I love my dogs so much! They are wonderful friends! 🐾 💕 🐾
Working on the same myself. With hope of having close friends again one day in the future. 💕 🙏🏼 ✨
So many older adults complain about having no friends, being older should be an opportunity to connect with others in the same situation.
Hello @KenNeumeister, thank you for commenting! It seems it should work like that, being older should be an opportunity to connect with others... maybe because we are all so busy that we lack time to make the effort to make friends?
Also, it does not come as easily as when you re in your 20s. @@LeaferLoves
You’re not alone in this. Thank heavens I have my family and husband. As far as outsiders, with not working no outside people to have coffee or lunch with or call and just chat. 💕NonnaGrace 🐓
Hi there @NonaMaryGrace1952, thank you for your comments. Indeed, thank Heavens for our families and spouses if we are lucky enough to have them. Yes it feels like all the people outside of my inner circle's orbit have floated away. Which is kind of sad, but I'm just trying to accept it and acknowledge where I'm at now, and be happy and OK with what is. ✨
I am also 51 and I only have my sister. You have your husband and kids, but I get it. It's very lonely, I got used to it. I have never really understood why people don't like me, but they just don't. I have even lent money to people to try and be nice, but nope. It was the same in school. I guess some people are just meant to be alone.
@ochsana_1985 Thank you for your comment. Yes it can be very lonely at times. I know exactly what you mean about people just not liking you and not understanding why. Since very early childhood before we were even in Kindergarten I've had experiences with other little girls hating on me and very clearly pushing me outside of the friendship circle before I'd even had a chance to introduce myself or play with them at all.
And yes it was the same all through school for me as well, with the exception of one or two gals I can think of.
It can get a little bit dangerous when you start trying to pay people money or give gifts in order to keep their friendship as we run the risk of being taken advantage of, or giving too much in order to try to please people. I have been guilty of this too, being desperate for friends and becoming a people pleaser. Recovering from that these days, it is part of having healthy boundaries.
It can be tough to strike the right balance.
Glad to hear you have your sister, hope it is a positive relationship for you.
Take care of you! 🙏🏼 ✨ 💕
@@LeaferLoves thanks for sharing. Nowadays I keep myself to myself. I no longer try to interact nor make friends.
Part of my wants to say don’t give up on people, another part thinks yes that is understandable, sometimes it’s easier to just be your own best friend. 💕🙏🏽 Perhaps there is no right answer except to do what feels right for you.
I don't have any true friends nearby, my best friend passed away a few years ago. It's not hard on me I really can't stand people much with everything going on today. I dream of living somewhere remote and quiet by myself away from everyone.
Hi there @sjmom5119. Aww I am sorry to hear that your best friend passed away. Better to have had a best friend and lost them than never to have had a best friend at all. But it must still be difficult.
I am always grateful for the memories that my previously close friends have given me. Many of the things we did together and the thought exercises we went through as young people have changed my life forever, for the good.
Perhaps you can celebrate the time you had and know that your best friend lives on in your memory and your heart and soul.
Regarding the dream of living somewhere remote and quiet, I have similar dreams/ fantasies as well. I feel at home in nature and dream of living in a place surrounded by trees, squirrels, deer, maybe near an ocean. Take care!
youre not alone. i just think its people you cross paths with and are on our own journeys. online groups are available as well. stay hopeful, keep shining!
Hey @altruistvibes, thank you for reminding me that I am not alone. Sometimes it feels I am the only one not out partying and celebrating with big groups of friends every week (especially now that everyone shares that stuff on social media all the time.) Yes a lot of it probably is simply that people are on their own journeys and don't really have time or energy to reach out or connect on a friendship level. Neither do I, to be honest. Yes, perhaps online groups would be a reasonable solution. ✨
@@LeaferLoves I like to now limit my interactions with people just because i already too spent the energy into wanting and yearning friendships so badly. therapy has been helpful for myself. I realized this whole entire time though after years of sessions im no longer in need of seeking relationships from broken people. i feel i fixed my "vase" and glued it back together and i have been wanting relationships from broken unrecognized trauma people also have? ummm that didnt make sense to my new way of thinking in life so i find lots of crafts,hikes, and just sitting in the sunshine is what i need. i didnt need friends and chaos. i found i needed peace.
@@LeaferLoves I found after years in therapy i was reaching out to people that were broken and didnt know how to manage themselves. of course this took me years to find out due to masking behaviors. however, i am proud to be alone and sufficient but i still apply grace when I sense the energy around me thats needed. I found out that lots of crafts, journaling, art, sitting in the sun is what i need to be happy. i realized i didnt need friends in my life. i needed to find peace.
@altruistvibes yes those are wonderful insights, I agree that when we haven’t dealt with our own traumas and issues we have a tendency to desperately seek companionship, even from people who have a lot of their own problems and who only serve to distract us from our own pain and ultimately cause further harm. We have to do the work and sometimes (oftentimes) that does include therapy. Seeing therapists helped me a lot when my husband was going through the worst of his illness. Counseling and therapy can be excellent tools for learning about what’s going on in the deep inner workings of your self.
@altruistvibes crafts, journaling/ art, sitting in the sun, yes!! Those are the types of activities that make me feel amazing, peaceful, happy. So glad that you have found healthy and sustainable ways to root your being in nurturing soil.🌻 Appreciate your thought provoking comments. 🙏🏽💕
I have no friends so I bought a 330' sailing yacht and hired a crew out of Argentina. I sailed the world for about a year and met this beautiful Brazilian young lady. We now sail the world together. We SCUBA dive & spearfish.
@apollothirteen9236 That is an amazing and inspiring story! Not sure sailing off in a yacht is in the cards for most of us, but I'm happy it worked out for you and your lady! SCUBA diving and spear fishing sounds like an amazing way to live! 💖 👍🏼 🐠
@LeaferLoves It is. I am 79 & my GF is 18. As they say age is just a number. We are getting married in Brazil next month .
Making friends as a child was a lot easier
@NonaMaryGrace1952 it is true that making friends was easier as a child, I wonder if this is due to some sort of enculturation or mental shackle that gets loaded up on us as we go through life?
Yup. Me too. I have my family, and I value them sooooooo much. I have friends in the city where I used to live, and I enjoy keeping in touch and seeing them when I go back to visit. However, where I live, I have no friends. I had former friends here, but they all have rejected me, and it's not clear why, although it may be because I don't participate in their politics/news constant anxiety. But, anyways, it's been so difficult for me. It seems to me that it is very difficult to find a healthy friendship, and that's what I'd like, if it's out there.
Hi there @lisakleman5470, moving to a different city can surely make it a challenge to make new friends. Although I have been kind of rooted in one place for a long time, I have read a lot about this. It seems to depend on the town as well, some towns have a little bit more of an 'icy' attitude toward 'newcomers'. I understand about confusing rejections, it does seem like this day and age politics unfortunately harms so many of our personal relationships. I hope you can find some wonderful friends soon who you genuinely vibe with. It is great that you do have friends in your old city that you can visit when you go back there.
My social life changed like you said, right after middle school when making friends was still easy and people had similar hobbies, then Jr high and high school was like suddenly playing mind games, cliques, social circles, so on and so forth, when high school came around I had to move to another state and by then it was to late, I was completely unknown and people wanted to keep it that way.
@paradoxstudios6639 yes what is it about the magical junior high period. Where some kids get to enjoy popularity and others get to understand the sting of bullying and exclusion. The mind games and cliques are awful and scarring. I think it has to do with hormones coming in creating aggression mixed with the brain not being fully developed yet. And sadly some kids’ home lives being unkind. My junior high experiences made me painfully shy and nearly mute in the school halls and classrooms all the way through most of high school. There were entire semesters spent in classes where no one spoke a word to me and I spoke to no one. It was strange. Well, you can see that I am making up for lost time in the speaking arena now. Ha ha. I think going through challenges like that does deepen our empathy and appreciation for genuine kindness. Wishing you wellness and peace in the new year. 💖🙏🏽✨
Yes, I agree. I am a semi-retired 59 year old Australian. I have lived some of my life overseas working so the people I tend to keep in touch with via 'that time in my life' are great....but they all have their own families now and they are far removed from my current world. I have a long term partner (11 years). He has grown up children who don't even bother to call him and I never had children. I feel quite like you expressed. We lived in Thailand for 6 months in 2023 and then bought a house back in Australia. We both love to travel, cook, maintain and work on our home, but we are very, very different in many ways. I would love to have at least a female friend to chat to, laugh, discuss real world topics without fake BS, high school mean girl rules or ego wars. I'm a psychotherapist (I specialise in Lifestyle Redesign, Burnout, Mindfulness) and writer who currently works in the historical artisan industry.
I hope you find a friend. I'd like to find a friend organically - find someone who has similar interests as me and isn't slavishly into image or what other people think. Someone who is kind and compassionate and sees the world through the lens of kindness. Loved your video. Wishes from Australia. M.
Oops I meant 'without' fake BS etc... my apologies.
Hi there @mlbonventi,
FIrst of all your life and work sounds amazing! It is awesome that you have had the opportunity to live and work in different, interesting countries. Glad to hear that you have a partner who has a lot of similar interests to you but I do get how even if your spouse is your best friend, there still could be kind of a void where a female friend should be? When you have a moment could you possibly explain what the historical artisan industry is? Not sure I am familiar with it. Thank you so much for writing in, your wish list for a friend is beautiful, why does it feel so hard to find a friend like that? 💕
No worries at all i didn't even see that. ;)
Thats all you need if you have a good family.your sister is your best friend.cherish what you have.you dont need these so called friends that will let you down eventually.youu dont realise what you have. ❤
@Princesswarrior123 yes she is an amazing person and friend. There are nuances to all of it as discussed in the video. I am very grateful for her and the other family members in my life. Thank you for watching and commenting. 🙏🏽 ✨
I’m there with ya! I just turned 49. I’m a solo mom though. My children are 18, 22 and 25, so they have their own lives now. I discovered that I really love being by myself. I’ve had many friends along the way and probably can still reach out but prefer not to lol. I have lots of family too, but again, prefer not to reach out. My kids father passed away about 4 yrs ago. I do get human interaction from doing Uber rideshare 😊 I discovered that I’m more of an introvert and loner. I enjoy it! 🙏🏼😊💗
FlowWithRobin, thank you for your lovely comment. It is such a big life change when the kids start to leave and become grownups. I hear you about enjoying being an introvert and loner, and not really wanting to reach out to former connections. Same. That is awesome that you do Uber rideshare and get interaction that way! Good idea! ♥
I'm 67, semi retired nurse, never married, no children.
My childhood was very restrictive where we were,nt allowed to bring friends into the house, I was raised on a farm in Ireland.
With that background I always had difficulty with relationships both male and female. I never fitted into cliques either as a result I felt very lonely in life.
I now live in supported living housing, same here there's a clique of women here too and a queen bee.
I've learned to live with it I guess. I certainly know what your talking about.
Wishing you well sister❤💋
@noracoyle4988 Thank you for sharing your story!
Wow, your childhood certainly does sound unusual.
Unfortunately the restrictions placed on you had an impact on your relationships for the rest of your life. Although a farm in Ireland does sound like a beautiful place to grow up, I'm sure you are well aware of the reality being perhaps not as wonderful as one might imagine.
The thought of being in supportive housing with a clique of women sounds challenging indeed! I'm sorry you are experiencing that. You seem to have a healthy acceptance of what is, I commend you for it. Keep enjoying your life, with or without friendships, self acceptance and self care will always be there for you. ✨ 💕 🙏🏼
Im 59 and single glad for the friends I did have but im actually feeling free of commitment
Hi @RobertMesa-fu9oy, thank you for your comment, yes I do appreciate all of the good times that I had with friends in my past and the ways that they changed my world (both good and bad I appreciate for the life lessons), but I agree that to acknowledge being friend free can feel liberating.
Yep, it can be depressing; especially with increasing number of years the valuation by others decreases, despite how we all have the same intrinsic value.
@PsiCorps85, exactly, and then it makes one question oneself and go through all kinds of self-doubt and insecurity, when I think a lot of the challenge stems from keeping-up-with-the-Joneses type programming that bombards us all.
Wow! I was just thinking about this the other day and wondered if I was kidding myself about being happy with my friend free(by choice) life? I do have casual friends that I care about but I choose to make my personal life very tight. My husband,my mom, sister and my forever baby🐶 I am very happy and content, FOR NOW🎉 can’t imagine losing any of them 😢I think I feel this way because I am an empath and my job as a flight attendant makes me appreciate and LOVE my little circle and peace that much more….❤
Wish you and your family all the best…😊
Hey there @halinayen9744. Thank you for your thoughtful comment! Whoa really?! You were just thinking about being friend free by choice the other day, how weird! Synchronicities like that are awesome.
Yes being an empath makes friendship and connection with other humans very complex. Sometimes to the point where it's even hard to deal with it all. Being a flight attendant sounds incredibly difficult, on the one hand, and incredibly cool on the other. I have thought about doing that myself but always feel that it would be too much. Mad respect for you being strong enough to do it!
YES when we are like this (lol) our small teensy tiny circle of family and loved ones becomes incredibly precious to us. Happy Holidays ✨💙❄️ and Happy New Year to you and yours!
It sounds like you have friends but you want a really close friend or friends. Good friends are hard to find. Lot of good people but its hard to really connect. I know tons of people but the really close reliable people are hard to find. You seem very likable and I would be your friend.
Thanks for watching and commenting! 🙏🏽 💖
I do hope to find a close friend again, (or reconnect with old friends, maybe) eventually.
There are complexities to it in this season of life though, as my time is limited and my hubs and kids still need a lot of support from me, and sometimes my energy is too low to even imagine spending time with a friend outside my immediate family.
Thank you for saying that I seem likable, I know that I have definitely not been perfect in my past friendships and have made mistakes and missteps, so some of the lack of current friendships is without a doubt at least partly my own fault. Have a wonderful rest of your week! 👍🏼 ✨
Sounds very familiar, having far away friends but hard to keep in touch with then and know what to expect.
Hi there @AnotherCaroline176, thank you for your comment. I
am sorry to hear that my situation sounds familiar to you. With far away friends who are busy with their own lives and rarely reach out or communicate, it’s hard to know if you should keep trying to keep it going, or let it fade away. It’s hard to know if contacting them/ trying to visit with them is welcome or bothersome for them. I’m leaning towards releasing people who don’t seem interested in staying connected. Because like I say in the video, I don’t believe in chasing after people. If someone is meant to be in your life, they’ll be there, and if they aren’t, it’s OK to let them go without resentment. That’s what feels the most mentally healthy for me, because we’re not yearning for the past but staying fresh in the now, accepting what is.
I hope you find a group or activity that you enjoy doing so you can meet new people 🌸glad you have an awesome sister and a few friends you can count on…yes we are all busy trying to keep up with life!!!Wishing you a happy life and healing for your husband as well🦋much aloha from a person who listened and cares about you 🌺blessings…🙏aloha
Thank you, Lisabigam7734, your words of encouragement are so appreciated. Mahalo for the aloha (hope I said that right lol). Wishing you all the best in life as well, knowing that you listened and cared really helps. 🙏🏾💕
@ your so welcome…I don’t have a lot of friends but cherish the few I have…my family all lives in California and I live in Hawai’i for many years so I’ve made friends my adopted family!!
I do some yoga so that’s cool you are teaching a class🤙write back anytime,stay strong and count your blessings dear Lady…I’m 16 years ahead of you on this journey of life…I have one grown daughter and I one awesome granddaughter that I love💕focus on what you’d like to see in your life instead of the problems and you will see more blessings come your way🌸💜🌸
I have Jesus. I'm happy with that. He has never let me down.
Sounds like you have two best friends in your sister and husband who truly love you. Trust me, that's all you need
Thank you for watching and commenting! Yes I am beyond grateful for my family. However my sister has a thriving social life that I am not a part of, (rightfully so as she deserves her own separate friend group.) After my husband’s life threatening long term cancer battle I got to thinking about who I would have to talk to if, God forbid, I were to lose him. It’s a bit existential but we all face these types of questions sooner or later. 🙏🏽💕
@@LeaferLoves I totally understand and you have to follow your heart
@dawnbrookman Appreciate your kind words🙏🏽💕And yes there are a few great comments in this section with some pretty helpful ideas on activities to try. At least trying activities could give us some practice interacting with people who have similar interests and maybe even find a new friend.
Are you on the autism spectrum, by any chance? I have found that other autistic women like me really don't get along well in neurotypical groups because none of us are willing to kiss up to the queen bee.
Hello @ExiledStardust, good question. Almost certainly on the Autism spectrum, but don’t have a formal diagnosis. Thought about getting one but at my age not sure it’s worth it or whether it would matter. Also have not yet been able to find a place or doctor who diagnoses autism in adults in my area. Thank you for writing in.
Friendship is overrated as a concept. Take care of yourself first and foremost and then when you have the extra resources time energy and willpower and if you are willing to then and only then do you lift a finger to help another person. This is not being selfish. Take care of yourself first. Hello from Taiwan.
Hi there @k.h.p.9862 , you may be right about the concept of friendship being overrated. I definitely agree that it's most important to take care of yourself first and foremost. You really can't do much good for anybody else, in the bigger world unless you have yourself dialed in. Wow, hello Taiwan! 💕 🙏🏼 ✨
I am having a similar experience. No partner, 1 dear friend, and my kids. I would like to expand my community, but im not sure how to make that happen.
Hi @el9388, it does sound like a similar experience. It is difficult to know how to go about expanding your circle. Especially if you are busy in your life. Glad to hear that you have 1 dear friend and your kids. Some people here in the comments have been offering some gentle suggestions on how to meet people, maybe some of those could spark ideas no how to make it happen. 💕
I have a Mum who has her own life.That's it.
Hi @lucasanderson. I’m sorry to hear that. Please stay strong and keep trying. You are worthy of consistent caring people in your life. In the meantime good books can be an excellent companion. Fantasy books can help escape the doldrums especially. Shelter dogs are grateful and loyal companions too. Take care of yourself always. Wishing you peace and wellness in 2025 and beyond. ✨🙏🏽💖
Don't feel bad.... I'm totally alone, no friends or family.
Congratulations! You're doing well
@giab1188 from reading these comments, it’s clear you are not the only one. Loneliness is a big problem these days. Yes I am very fortunate to have family that cares. I am not as fortunate in being able to make and keep friends. Thank you for watching and commenting. Some of the commenters on here have left some pretty good suggestions on how to try to meet some nice friends with similar interests. Wishing you happiness and wellness in the new year.
The you tuber youre talking about is Amy Brown. She talks about the Queen Bee in charge of the mean girls groups, etc.
@anntunaley9974 Thank you!! Yes and I believe in her video she mentions that she originally heard of that idea from a book. I need to go back and watch the video again because it was informative and helpful to me personally. Probably ought to read the book as well! ✨ 💕 🙏🏽
Friends are for school days. Adults have more mature interests and acquaintances.
@catlady1462, appreciate you sharing your thoughts! I do somewhat agree, I think family should be the most important, if we are lucky enough to have even a small but caring family. But, I'm not sure if I fully agree that friendship is not a mature adult interest. I imagine friends are supposed to be there and support each other through the hard times in life and provide a little amusement as well. However I am definitely not an expert on adult friendship! 😅 As I unfortunately don't have much of it going on outside of my family circle. 😄
I love Yoga too btw!! 🧘🏻💗✨
That's amazing! Subbed to your channel :)
@ Ahhh!! Thank you 🥹🙏🏼
53 single no children or pets, yup
Hi @BEACHDUDE71, Being in your 50s, single with no children or pets sounds challenging for sure. It is hard and I think many of us are dealing with varying degrees of loneliness. Some of the people here in the comments here have had some pretty good suggestions on how to meet friends in your area. Wishing you peace and wellness. 🙏🏾
My wife and best friend died in 2023. My best friend from high school died 3 weeks ago. Mom died in 2019. Dad died 2001. My hero role model brother’s death in 1977 rocked my family.
No friends? I am being left alone worse than you but I have a sister and 2 friends left,
So sorry to hear about all the recent losses of your loved ones. What a thing to go through! I’ve had concerns about losing my hubs due to his long term illness. Sometimes it feels like family are all I have and I am very grateful to have them. Glad you still have someone who cares. Hope the remaining relationships are positive and supportive for you.
You will better be alone, trust me!
Thank you for watching, you may be right about that!
Are you slightly autism spectrum?
I was slightly autism spectrum and had a problem with teen understanding teen social codes at age 15 when I was very socially insecure. My Autism was mild and by age 18 I was closer to being cool kid than awkward kid. I was passing as normal and had a bit of bad boy appeal for marching to my own drummer.
@@kkst3552 hello and thank you for your comment! Yes I believe almost certainly I am on the autism spectrum but I haven’t pursued formal diagnosis because I don’t know whether it would be worth it at this point in my life. That is awesome that you had a bit of a unique bad boy appeal. I think in my late teens/ early twenties I may have had a bit of that too and that might explain why there were a few little friend groups who tried to onboard me. lol. My therapist said when spectrumy peeps find their people they really attach to them and such is the case with me and my husband. Hope you are still thriving socially. 👍🏼💖🙏🏽
@@LeaferLoves wife died 2023, high school best friend died 3 weeks ago. I am doing well socially with strahgers.
@@LeaferLoves i just joined my first dating site at age 64
I can be your's for ever
:)
Well it seems your husband is a friend. Your sister is your friend.
Yes but they sort of have to be because they are family. Also our kids. Discussed some of the nuances of this in the video. Very grateful to have them.
There's so many of us on this board that are like-minded and experiencing similar things. So many of us that would like the same thing. I wish we could somehow actually form a group in real life. I would be very open to that. I live near Seattle, Wa so if there's anyone out there.........
Hi there @TLA123y6f , thank you for your comment! It would be awesome to form a group in real life. Seattle is a beautiful city. I have been there once, but only for a couple of days. I am going to start looking for ways to form an online group in the meantime.
I would advise anyone on TH-cam to be careful with who you connect with in the comments section (on this channel and on every other channel on TH-cam). There have definitely been scammers in some comments sections, my channel is still small, but always exercise caution on the internet and be sure who you are dealing with before giving personal information.
@@LeaferLoves I am phobic about scammers/online whatever - trust me. I've got a few friends but my family has fallen apart and I finally figured out that my partner was a narcissist - what a strange trip that was. It was sad because there was a part of him that was good but the other part was a total head trip. And when someone is a manipulater you can't trust anything.
@TLA123y6f Oh that is good that you are extra cautious about online scammers. The internet is a wild place, ha ha.
Glad that you have a few friends, that is a plus. So sorry to hear about your former partner being not a great guy. I have done some reading and watched some videos on narcissistic personality disorder.
It is frankly scary, and sad, I worry about those who end up involved with people like that. Enmeshed in their matrix. A part of him may have been good but it still isn't worth you having to deal with the rest of the parts of him that were not.
It is definitely for the best that you got yourself clear of that problem, certainly you are better off. But yes I understand how the loneliness can be difficult, I am sorry that your family has fallen apart as well, that cannot be easy.
Keep doing good healthy activities for yourself and keep respecting yourself to the highest degree. Consider adopting a shelter dog, (that's what I did)... they make wonderful companions! 🐾 💕 ✨
@@LeaferLoves Just like other things - narcissism is a spectrum. Some are worse than others. And there's different categories. I had gone on an online group therapy and some of the stories were horrific - far worse than my situation but was very scary and it can be progressive. I can't be with someone I don't feel safe with.
your takes on reincarnation and family are interesting. nice video
Hi there @Jdksneo, Wish I could take credit for that take on reincarnation and family. Pretty sure I have read or heard about it from a few different sources.
I used to read a lot about Hinduism and Buddhism, religions where Karma and Reincarnation were a pretty significant component of the philosophy.
I continue to do Yoga and meditation practices.
But yes, it is an interesting idea that sometimes seems to resonate with me and my family connections. Take care! ✨💙❄️
Maybe just me but i feel like friends when your young are about having fun but friends when you're an adult is a competition of who's got the best car or job or holiday booked etc. most people aren't interested in that nonsense.
Hi there @garnhamr - Yes! I have felt that way, to some extent. Comparing and competing is not healthy and especially not with people who are supposed to be our friends. Ideally it would be great to find adult friends who don't care about that kind of stuff, or who want to go back to the basics when it comes to friendship.
I agree!!! Sadly it's a shallow world out there!!!!!! Me me me world!!! My animals are my world!!!!!
@cheryl1909 thank you for watching and commenting. Totally understandable how one might feel that way, though I would encourage all of us to keep trying to have faith in humanity. But yea I get that my dogs are a huge part of my world now. Unfortunately they have much shorter lifespans than us so when one passes away we kind of have to learn to accept it again and again. My philosophy is to try to rescue another dog from the shelter every time one of my dear dogs passes away. I don’t wait as long in between anymore I just dive right in with the next dog and I have found doing so does help with the grief of pet loss. Rescued animals are grateful and loving non human friends in my experience. 🐾💕🙏🏽
@LeaferLoves my son not long ago lost 2 lrg dogs- Bruce and Hunter !! One was 14 and the other 13!! They passed away 7 weeks apart and my son replaced them with two new pups; ones a blue staf and the other is a dash hound!! Their young kids love there new dogs; as it's helped the family heal ❤️
@cheryl1909 aww that is heartbreaking that your son lost 2 big dogs so close together. But it is beautiful that he already got two new dogs and that they are helping the family heal. Our shelter rescue is a Staffy mix, we are discovering that those are the sweetest cuddle bugs! 💕 😄
Jesus is my friend. HE is faithful and will never leave me.
I'll be your friend
friendship is overrated
Hi @halcyon_distilled, you may be right about that, sometimes one wonders!
There no real friends, everyone is selfish. Only in it for themselves , if you cant do anything for them youre discarded..some people are just leeches.
I only have family, but they have their own lives too.
Hi there @raymondlin8728 . Definitely understand how struggling with friendships can make one cynical. I have certainly been there and felt that way too. However I do believe there can be genuine enjoyment of one another's company and pure love for our friends that exists simply because they are their kind, genuine selves. In recent years I haven't experienced it as much, however, I know it exists and I believe it is possible for most people.
Sometimes it feels like it requires so much of our energy and time to get to that place of friendship with another human, and even then they might randomly decide to ghost you, etc... that is why I say I do not allow my happiness to be dependent upon the whims of any other person. Wishing you good luck and wellness in this new year. 👍🏼💖✨
Get a therapist to talk with. Pray. Talk with your TH-cam subs. Friends are just another obligation who require needy maintenance.
@catlady1462 thank you for watching and commenting. Therapy can be beneficial and although I haven't been doing it lately, I have thought about getting back into therapy again because it was good to have someone to talk to a few years ago.
I actually do pray and talk with my TH-cam subscribers as well. I am grateful for you. You offered some really good suggestions!
Sometimes I do feel that the energy to maintain friendships is not there. Like I rarely feel like leaving the house or driving anywhere if I don't have to. The city I live in has grown and the traffic has gotten worse in recent years. Also, at this time we are low income and going out is expensive!
However, I sometimes see/ read reports, studies and films that say that friendship is so important to humans especially as we age. And I do miss what used to be really fun times with my closest gal pals. I hear you though! 🙏🏽 💖 ✨
Well thats all the friends you need ur.... husband
Can I be your friend??
Appreciate the offer, one never knows the possibilities that life can bring!
I would love to be friends. Dm me?
Friends are for the weak
@benyomovod6904, your comment made me chuckle. I don't know if it's entirely true that friends are for the weak, but I will say that lacking friends does cause one to tap into one's reserves of inner strength. I think it is natural to have friends in your life and to want to have caring connections with good/ kind people. It can be hard to know who is trustworthy, whose intentions are pure and whose are not. Going without friends for a long time leads one to overthink when a potential new friend appears. It is definitely challenging for some. Wishing you peace and wellness in the new year.
Mormon?
No I am not Mormon, I think I’ve only been inside a Mormon church one time as a kid when they were having an open to the public event.
Read the Bible
Hello there Hank9663, thank you for your comment, I grew up in a household with one very religious parent and one who was a moderate believer, so have had plenty of exposure to Bible as well as other religions because I was interested in comparative religion in my 20s and sought out to learn about beautiful aspects of different cultures and religions.
U don't need religion. All u need is Jesus. Seek him and he will be your best friend ever. Ask him to save u and he will give u Eternal life as a free Gift ❤