robiness5344, I can relate and what makes this happening even more painful can be it happening right in front of someone/someones we have helped in the past !
Yes!!! Seems all the things i did for previous friends/family was forgotten when I needed help 2 years ago when i had back surgery!!!! Recovered all alone! But I'm stronger now!!😊@cherylruss9229
Devastatingly sad, but so very very true. All those that loved me have now gone, left with estranged family who are cold, greedy, abusive, who have nothing to do with me now. Although family, they have nothing in common with me and certainly do not follow my values, it took a long time, but think I feel at peace now, with no family. I just wish that those who have gone before me, could return.
Your wrong about something, you can choose your friends and you can choose to have your own family by adopting kids or having a surrogate that will give you kids or get married and have your own kids. That’s having your own family. Forget about your parents, your grandparents, your aunts, your uncles, your cousins, your siblings. There all just blood related relatives in which you don’t need. Your supposed to leave them and have your own family in which gives you your own identity.
@scorpio88848 No one has genuine friends in America.only fake ones the toxic ones are narcissists. Bc 80% of American population are selfish narcissists.u will not say it that’s better to be alone when you get old and sick.and alone.good luck finding one among the remaining 20%.
Family is earned. It's worked for and you give up a lot to have a good family. IMO it's these social media platitudes that sabotage people. If a person goes in thinking a good family will be "a gift" sent from a fairy they're almost certain to fail.
My mother recently passed away at age 92. She was my last family tie. But she had a younger very best friend who was as close to her as a little sister, and I have now "adopted" her as my Aunt. It is so nice to have someone that can still share memories of my mother and my family....I am blessed!
Sorry for your loss, I'm sure no matter what the age that it can't be easy, but her living that long is the best case scenario. I'd very happy if I have 32 more years with my Mom.
If I'm super sick or injured I call 9-11 and go to the best hospital ER in the area. And pray. Actually i pray the whole time. It's worked for me so far. I'm 79.
I used to take care of an old woman, I lived with her for almost 2 years. The only person that I ever saw was one of her multiple sons... He had to go on the weekends so I could take those off. She was a nice old lady and had plenty of family... So, no, having a family doesn't guarantee anything.
I had a family. My "mom" is a narcissist. My "dad" was an alcoholic. I have two brothers and a sister. I was the scapegoat and treated like shit. I earned a Bachelor's Degree, and then a Master's Degree in Counseling. I taught family systems. I married at 32 and 7 years later my husband died quickly of an acute Leukemia. Our sons were 3 & 6. I quit work for a decade. My sons are wonderful and devoted with hysterical sense of humors. I have 3 grandchildren. I have more LOVE than I could hope for!!!
@@fml5910 Honest to God at 67 I realize EVERY shitty thing that happened to "young me" is now a strength/gift; BECAUSE I EMBRACED MY HEALING, via THERAPY in my late teens. Literally, dealing/addressing "chemically addicted" and "character disordered Narcissists" IS MY GIFT!! I now have a Narcissistic neighbor who is extremely jealous of me, because her Grandchildren love me. (The five year old reported "when I'm upstairs I have to pretend to not like you, so I don't get in trouble". How screwed up is that?!? I responded with "Good girl! Do what keeps you safe". (Unlike the Narcissist, I'm not running a competition. Nor is my self-esteem dependent on the contrived/captured love of small children.) Generally I like to dismiss (flat affect, maybe yawn, because her tantrum is boring.) However, on a *random reinforcement schedule* I like to shout "Good Morning, Neighbor! Have a GREAT DAY"! This MAKES HER INSANE. She flips me off. I laugh at her, to her face! ( Btw I would NEVER do this with a physically abusive, violence threatening Narcissist!) I KNOW her fragile projected self-esteem is wounded. Did I mention she's supposed to move soon? I will rent "a jump house for the kids to celebrate!!!
I’m so proud of you! To accomplish what you have e is amazing and probably made you more of a scapegoat. Once I bypassed my parents level of employment it got worse. I’m not competing here! Instead of being proud of their only daughter they tried harder to make me think I was a piece of crap. I also have a wonderful son who loves me and loves others. I couldn’t be happier without that family.
@@FMT2003 I'm looking for a "pat on the back emoji", but I'll have to settle for this: 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍 My younger brother once said to me "you're the Lisa Simpson in our family"- you know the smarter, more talented sister? I may put it on my headstone! The thing is at my age, no Narcissist can touch me... I call it "a touchdown" when they yell or become enraged (of course, because I'm sooooooooo powerful!) EVERYTHING I experienced earlier made me both strong and flexible.. At 66, God help the Narcissist who focuses on me. They will NOT enjoy the outcome...and I'm okay with that! 😉
Count yourself lucky if you have at any point in your life at least experienced having a loving family, however brief it was and whether it was just two people or an entire village of them. It's much harder and more painful to never have had a good family from which you've had to consciously separate in order to protect yourself. When you grow up in an abusive household where there's neglect and harm afflicted upon you, you more than often end up a very lonely adult. It's painful to know that you have physical 'family' members in the world but that you'd rather be as far away from them as possible. Blood does not make family. Love does! So cherish the people who have come into your life and shown you the type of love you deserved but never received from your family! Genetics mean nothing!
Thank you so much eb for your comment! I am grateful I had love when I was young. I know it is very painful to not have family/love as a child and even worse to suffer abuse. Thanks for writing about this! Families should love and care for one another but too often they don't! Take care!😊💜💫
I don't have any family. My dad's side disowned me 30 years ago for going public with Grandfather having molested me. They never spoke to me again. My only child is estranged and my mom's family are all dead. My parents died over 10 years ago. I literally have no one but myself and my dogs.
The last of my family died 23 years ago (I’m an only child) and have no kids of my own. It’s hell on earth. What makes it worse is that other people treat me like I’m some sort of weirdo - just because of my circumstances!
Following the passing of my mother i walked away from my extended family for my own protection . They are jealous , hostile and toxic , i deserve better . After 3 years i have peace and should have done it earlier .
@@aprilm2664 Your very welcome. I’m trying to show people that there are so many different things that we can be doing and should be doing physically and mentally on how we can change our life that we don’t have to feel or be alone at any age. I’m 52 years old and I always find the time to keep myself busy mentally and physically that I always find myself in a conversation with someone or I chat on here that allows me not to be alone. I’m very happy with my life now then I was when I was younger.
This is my situation and I’m convinced that a “Golden Girls” arrangement is what I’m looking for. Making a chosen family to enjoy and care for each other ❤
Has been popular with American women for awhile. However there is one hitch, getting along together. Americans seem to have lost the social skills needed to maintain friendships. Unable to maintain a relationship even with a spouse or kids. So the Golden Girls arrangement is extremely rare. More common are nightmare stories of these failing. It's the basic Catch-22. People with the skills generally already have good family relationships so don't need the Golden Girls arrangement. People without the skills can't maintain the Golden Girls arrangement and to top it off these are the same people who will never see themselves as having any issue. It's everyone else who is the problem. So they can't even try to learn the skills.
I postponed my colonoscopy for years because i had no one drive me home from the procedure.... no one would help me. I paid a coworker to give me the ride home
@stevenwalter1255 I have used *_"Visiting Nurse Services"_* for multiple occasions (bringing me home from tests that require anesthesia, caring on site following major surgeries). I came from a big family, and was the youngest female sibling, born with some birth defects. I learned early on to not depend on anyone (and to stop being disappointed when someone doesn't think to offer). I think there will be many of us that have no one reliable. If you live in or near a big enough city, look up a visiting nurse service. In some cases, your health insurance will cover all or part of the cost. Good luck!
Thank you for this video. I’m single and I have a good family, but I don’t have anyone I think I can rely on as I age. It’s become something I really fear. It’s so helpful to remember that you still have a meaningful life even when it doesn’t look like a hallmark movie
That's why you need to stay connected with people outside your family. Be a part of several communities. You don't have to be an extroverted social butterfly, but try to be a "regular" at certain restaurants, stores, ectcetera. And have a few friends where you _always_ return voice messages, texts, e-mails, ectcetera within twenty-four hours, so if you were to suddenly "disappear," they'd know to search for you. A few friends, siblings and I have this arrangement. I _always_ return messages from family, friends and regular connections within twenty-four hours.
I'm alone. Almost 60. Never married, no children, both parents dead, no siblings, no Aunts or Uncles, they've all passed away or in their late 90's and out of state, cousins here in the States are either Drug Addicts, or Alcoholics. Other cousins are in England and Ireland. Growing up we were all close and spent every holiday together. I was VERY close to my parents and all my life spent every vacation I ever had with them.....there was no going to Club Med or anything like that with friends for me I ALWAYS wanted to be with my Parents during vacation time. I lost my Dad in 2012 and my Mom in 2015 and have basically thrown myself into work. My family now is my dog and cats. I do have a small circle of close friends and I'm fine with that. Holidays are the WORST for me now though.....
These comments are heartbreaking. I notice there are so many people in the same situation that if they could be matched up they wouldn't have to be alone. Like a dating app but for friends. Hang out, spend holidays together, etc. I think just the shared experience would make great friendships. All the best to everyone! ❤
When my mom passes I won't have family either (she is elderly and is in very poor health.) I have a brother and his very young children (my nieces) but he hardly ever communicates despite me trying. I am childless and am going through perimenopause so it is too late for me to have children but I didn't want to have children anyway because of health issues though. I am an introvert and have no friends and don't really want to bother with the effort of making/maintaining friends especially since all of my friends faded out of my life over the years anyway (they would move away, get caught up with their own families and have no time for me, etc.) "Friends" have broken my heart too many times so why bother. Thankfully, I enjoy my own company and spending time alone is peaceful but I do worry about what it may be like for me as I grow older.
Thanks for sharing this SP! I understand your concerns here. It is important to just take life one day at a time and not focus on too far down the road. Take care!!😊💜💫
Is your sister in law somebody that you could create a relationship with that could in turn bring you closer to your brother and his children? Wishing you all the best. ❤
@@27acresaway24 No, unfortunately my sister-in-law is soon going to be my ex-sister-in-law since she and my brother are going through a divorce. She is so angry at my brother for having an affair with one of his coworkers that now she wants nothing to do with him and our side of the family. I've reached out to her many times but she does not return my messages. I am so anxious that she may get primary custody and then I will see my 2 and 8 year old nieces even less. They are so young that I can't even call and text them yet so my relationship with my nieces is entirely dependent on my brother and soon to be ex-sister-in-law. My heart hurts.
Me too. Take advantage of the freedom to travel or do as you please without ppl having expectations that you are going to be there when they need help.
Excellent video! I am 66 years old, and I grew up in a big, loving Italian family in Boston. I had my parents, 2 sisters, 4 uncles, 2 aunts, and 16 cousins all on my mother's side. I lived in 3 family house. My aunt, uncle, 2 cousins, and my grandmother lived on the first floor, and I lived on the second floor. Every Sunday, I saw my aunts, uncles, and cousins. We were all very close. That all changed when my parents, including my aunt and 2 uncles and cousins, moved to California, and my grandmother died. The family scattered to the 4 winds. When my mother and sister died, I was estranged from my sister and nephews and nieces. Now, all my aunts and uncles on my mothers side have passed, and I haven't seen my cousins in years. I virtually have no family now. My wife and I couldn't have children. You have your DNA family and the family you create. I have friends from church and neighbors who are my family. I also just recently I lost the beloved dog I had for years. Pets are family, too. I have learned to appreciate family and friends when you have them. As you get older, people die. It's also important to be able to live alone.
I'm in the same situation...no immediate family. A never married, only child, parents, grandparents, aunt/uncles all passed on. I came from a very loving family...a fine childhood. I do have friends, thankfully, but never want to be a burden on them. Sadness comes, sure, especially around the Holiday Season. Thankfully God has given me strength through the remaining years! Thank you for sharing!
For those who are alone, please consider letting others (non family) in or be open to friendship/relationship with people in similar circumstances. Also understand that for some, family history/trauma is simply too overwhelming and some of us don’t know how to bridge the gap with our blood relatives.
Just be careful. Has anyone seen the movie, "The Honeymoon Killers?" It's a true story about a man and his female accomplice who preyed upon lonely women searching for a loving relationship. The man would introduce his accomplice as a caring sister. After fleecing the victim, she would be killed. The two were eventually caught and executed in the electric chair. I'm not a bloodthirsty person, but the cruelty of their crimes was so extreme that their deaths were warranted.
I lost contact with my mother’s side of the family at the age of 10. By the time I was 20, my dad’s side was gone too. My kids have no family beyond me and it’s an awful, very isolating feeling. People really take the luxury of having family for granted.
Wonderful video. It was helpful. I lost my mom 12 years ago. Since then, I have lost all connection to any other living family members. I'm now 50. No kids. Never married.
@@RowenaSnow-px3jg then again, in some circles, many believe we DO indeed choose everything. Lessons to teach and learn, including our parents, family etc. That said, I still love the quote!
I lost my Dad when he was 69. He died in my arms. 6 years later my older Sister died suddenly in her sleep of a pulmonary embolism. 4 years after her, my Brother overdosed on herion. My siblings were both 54. Thankfully, my Mother lived until August of last year. Age 86. I am now 64 with no family left. I do have two children but they have their busy lives. I feel like I have zero purpose. I have my health but no motivation to do much of anything. I stay at home a lot and just hide away ❤. I know I need counseling for my grief but I can’t afford it. I’m grateful I found your channel today. I swear it was a gift from God! With all of your counseling education and experience, I hope you do a video on coping with loss and grief. With much appreciation! Lucy You can use my name or comment in the video if you want. ❤ Thanks again
Thanks so much for your comment Lucy! I did do videos on grief and loss at the very start of my channel. Look for the oldest videos - I think there are six on that topic. Take care and thanks for watching!
@@eldergal Thanks so much for replying! I will look for your older videos on Grief. I’m making myself start walking today at my local park. I use to walk 20 miles plus a week. I stopped after my Mom died. I’m really going to try! Thanks so much!!
I am on my way to being all alone. I am 32F and i still haven't found a husband. And i have health problems too. Once my beloved parents pass away, which will be in 14-20 years (if i am lucky) i am all alone. I am trying really hard to live for present , stay optimistic and not let get anxiety get the best of me. No matter who you are or how old you are, i hope you at least find good friends and love of pets. ❤
Thanks for your comment naturefreak!! Hope you have your parents in your life for many years! You have the right idea in enjoying friends and pets! Take care!😊💜💫
I've seen many stories here on TH-cam, about children that have just kicked their parents out of their lives. So many people are heartbroken and confused. I think the fabric of our nation is unraveling. I guess friendships are what we have left.
I agree Veronica! Our social fabric has been unraveling in the past couple of generations. It is scary to think about it getting worse! Thanks for your comment!!😊💜🌟
A lot of it has to do with this criminal “therapy” movement. They tell vulnerable people to toss everyone away they deem abusive. It’s a selfish society, based on money as God. So, these therapists (which are constantly being pushed on social media by influencers) are the personal entryways for young people to destroy unions, loyalties, and not do the hard work of relationships. Then, when they do find a partner, they don’t have the skills to overcome personality obstacles. It’s a sick sick culture.
Nobody cuts their parents out of their lives for "no reason", just on a whimsy. Believe me, I thought about it long and hard for years, and only did it when I had no other alternative. It was either save myself, or allow myself to be mentally, emotionally, and spiritually destroyed by an abuser.
I've been alone since I was 35. No siblings, parents, grandparents, cousins, anything. I had 2 boys who maintain contact sporadically. I just turned 65 last week. My dad died when I was 11. My mom didn't like his family. I have all kinds of health problems. I don't have anyone to talk to, except my 2 dogs. I'm sad all the time. Loss of family was something I was so afraid of. I prayed about it every night. I saw President Kennedy die on TV when I was 4. I realized that if Caroline and John Jr.'s daddy could die, mine could too. And he got lung cancer. My last one was my mom, when I was 35. It's very hard
Thanks for sharing lnelson! I had a similar thought at Kennedy's funeral (I was 9) and my dad died about a year and a half later. Thanks for being part of the channel.
Dear elder gal…I cannot express what this particular posting has done for me. I’m 83 and after years of having romping kids, cousins, aunts, uncles etc etc around and about I am alone except for my 91 year old husband and a couple of cousins far away and two lovely daughters who for their own reasons choose no contact with me or with each other. I live with hope but little expectation of reconnecting. I love, loved being a mother and thought I was fairly good at it because I was having fun in between silly bumps in the road. Must have read the signals wrongly because things went horribly belly up to my chagrin. Anyhow, I still love this thing called life and your talks, so straight forward and genuine, your even-handed honesty is JUST the balm I need. Know that you are, indeed, serving others with much needed love and sage pointers in how to navigate a life without family. Love you…
Thanks so much for sharing this Olivia! I feel for you and the separation from your daughters - I understand the pain of that. Thanks for your kind words and for watching!
Empath's learning the only solution for Malignant Narcissistic Families is to go "No-Contact" with them has orphaned John-Boy from the Waltons by the millions all over the world. That means Empaths must choose between the "trifecta" of being neglected, abused, or isolated. It has to be 1 or the other no exceptions. And also knowing they are now outnumbered 10,000 to 1...
Yes. No one understands what happens when your father, siblings, husband and child are malignant narcissists and what happens to you. The abuse and the alienation-from everyone. 🙏❤️🙏
The sad reality is: It is very possible to have a large extended group of relatives and still have no family. I have an older brother. My mother was the oldest of nine and my father was one of seven. When my mother was dying of cancer when I was 23, she told me: “I’m so worried about you. When I’m gone, you will be on your own.” She was right.
My great grandmother had 10 children. Every Sunday there was always some sort of family get together with her kids, or at least most of them, and their families. When she died at 102 years of age, I never saw the family again despite all of us living in the same town
This is tragic. I am in the same situation. I have been praying for 6years/asking God to take me. But I am still alive. My creator is silent. Every day is filled with pain.
@@cameliaturda6472 I am a mom of 3. Ex betrayed me and kids selected him as a moral compass. So I had an emotional funeral of 4 people in one day. God is overestimating my strength. I am so sick of pain.
Yep same here …,my dad passed when I was a child mom passed in 2016 and then I found my brother dead in his sleep in 2022. All my aunts and uncles are gone and I only have a couple first cousins that I am not a bit close with
Wow. Sounds a lot like me. My mom and dad are gone. Two older brothers from whom I grew apart from as we grew up. The one aunt and uncle I was close to are gone. When my oldest brother died in a motorcycle accident, my other brother-who lives on our childhood property that I pay taxes on-didn't even bother to call and tell me. He wrecked on a driveway just down the road from where my brother lives so he knew right away. NOT ONE person in my family called to give me condolences. My cousins who I thought I was close to, two brothers, said they hadn't seen my brother in years, as if that is a reason not to care for someone. It hit me really hard how little my family cares for me.....and most likely each other.
I am essentially all alone as well. Nobody calls me, nobody comes to visit. Unless I initiate contact, no one ever contacts me. I have spent a significant amount of time trying to find another partner and to build a group of friends but to no avail. I have adapted to the situation and I am relatively at ease with it. But I still have to ask: Surely I would be welcome company for someone else in my situation.
@linaanne3101 Always having to make the first contact and to make the ongoing contacts, to keep a relationship alive, was exhausting. So I just completely stopped. Very occasionally, I will hear from someone, asking where I have disappeared to. Otherwise, I never hear another word. I think you are being very kind with your reasoning on why we're required to always make contact. We are in a period of considerable selfishness. A period of me me me which has been driven by the advent of people like Trump and the mindless celebrity culture that we live in. We are also in a period of wall to wall social media and electronic gadgets. I never go anywhere now that virtually everybody isn't walking, commuting or driving while staring at their devices. I am virtually alone on the planet. Obviously that is a loss for me but it is also an enormous loss for others. They may or may not be surrounded by people but they are every bit as isolated as me. Or more so.
@linaanne3101 how many people say they don’t contact first because they are busy lives, but we all have busy lives and we can all make time for friends
There are millions of Americans in your situation...and they all apparently dislike everyone else. I'm 67, known many old people who are alone. They are not pleasant people to be around. They think they're great company so spend much of their time complaining about others. Like in this channel the woman tells of how she has no one but I assume she never considers her part. Kids just don't become "estranged". It's human instinct to love parents. A person has to drive that out of them. Doesn't have to be terrible. Can be as simple as not instilling the importance of family. You "having" to initiate contact has to mean others don't want to talk to you. Sorry, that's just reality. If it was one person or even a few we could blame them. But nobody??? Come on, time for reality. #1 problem...talking too much. It's self-centered. People love to talk. The more you let others talk the more they'll seek you out. There's an art to conversation. #2 Yeah, you have to initiate. Ask how their day is going. If they give a short answer say "OK, just wanted to check on you. I've got to go do..." It trains them to know your call isn't going to trap them for hours. Their time is valuable. Relationships are work. Skills are needed. There are many books written on how to maintain relationships. You can even pay for lessons. But I'll bet you've never done any research into improving your relationship skills. 99.9% of people who are alone never look at themselves to try to improve. That's fine as long as you're cool with being solo.
@@waterbug1135 Thanks for your "help". LOL. Imagine being accused of being difficult to be around by someone as full of shit as you. Thank you for your AMATEUR diagnosis of me, WITHOUT ANY CONTACT with me of any kind. WORK ON YOURSELF. If you live to be 110, there will still be work left to do. Good grief.
@@waterbug1135I agree with you but it can also be slight autism or just being plain socially awkward. That's me! Awkward and I don't have the best response in certain situations. I know it's just me and I don't blame others for not wanting to be around me. I've tried to improve and I have to an extent. My social anxiety is nearly gone or managed more like. I'm also a stranger living in a strange land at the moment. I'm the only Mexican in a predominantly white town. They're country and I was raised a city boy. I try to relate to them and fit in but I just don't and I don't try anymore. I've given up.
I'm 45 and completely alone. Between deaths and estrangements and distance and abuse and violence. On top of that the few close friends I had from childhood, I've lost to addiction, either they died or are still in active addiction and so they're effectively gone. I am so isolated and shocked even though like you say, it happened over time. It's still shocking having grown up never imagining it all disappearing x
I can relate. I'm in my early 50s and all my family have passed away, apart from an uncle that I haven't spoken to for over 45 years. I also live on my own so it's quite a lonely existence, but being an only child it doesn't bother me as I've always enjoyed my own company. I do miss my parents very much though and think about them all the time. Thanks for sharing your experience.
I have no family or friends it's been over 26 years for me. I was the scapegoat of my large family. I have tried everything over the years to acquire friends but sadly it won't happen for me. I gave up and just became a hermit who is morphing into misanthropy. Thanks for making these videos at least I'm not alone in this experience.
Hang in there...many of us are in your situation. I tell people I am alone though I have a brother and sister,,,because there is no love just obligation.
wow. I am going through it right now. Really appreciate you sharing this. Me. Too. Never had kids. Mom in hospice. Lost brother who was in hospice a few months ago. My one remaining brother has chosen to not be in my life for decades. appreciate you sharing so truthfully.
I'm nearly 60, I came from a dysfunctional background, my father and his side of the family hated us because of us not being born in the same part of the world, my parents split up in 1984, my father eventually moved back to his place of birth in 1989, he made it known that he didn't want us in his or any of his familys lives, followed by a death threat, during childhood there was a wedge driven between my sister and myself to the point that we are no longer close, my mother passed in 2019, I never married, never had a long term relationship, no kids, my sister and myself probably speak once a year, I guess it's just a fact of life, I don't experience sadness because I can't be sad over something I've never experienced, I live my life to the full, if I croak tomorrow, I've made the most of my life.
Im all alone My whole family is gone ...and now divorced after 17yrs...we never had children Its a much quieter world now But the Lord helps me so much..He is merciful and loving
I am 65 and have no family connections. My parents are deceased and I have no contact with my brother or aunts and uncles. I never met a long-term partner or had my own children. None of this was my choice. There was a lot of dysfunction that resulted in estrangement within my family, as well as my own struggles that made it hard to partner. When I was 32, I started building my surrogate family with friends and their daughters. I saw them weekly, the girls slept over every Friday, and I was at every holiday and celebration, at school recitals, sporting events, graduations, and points in between. The girls talked about me being part of their family, and I thought the mom felt the same way. I took great comfort and felt happy having a surrogate family. It hugely enriched my life for 33 years. Then, last fall, the mom told me she didn't feel as close to me, that they weren't my family, and that she resented the feeling that she had to include me in family celebrations and wasn't going to any longer. I was stunned and utterly devastated. In an instant I lost my family, I was a woman alone in the world. I almost ended up in the hospital because I wasn't sure I could go on living, not sure that I wanted to live if I didn't have any family-like connections. Now, nine months later, it is still a struggle. This is the biggest loss of my adult life and I will never get over it. I will grieve this loss until the day I die. I thought of the girls as "my girls". I thought they'd be with me at the end. I will never again have what I have lost. Creating a chosen family takes place over time, through myriad shared experiences. I watched the girls grow up and was an important part of that journey. I will never have that feeling of "family" again. There is just not that much time left. It is a profound loss, totally disorienting. I have been in a depression ever since this happened, something I struggled with throughout my life, but no episode lasted this long or was this intense. It is sad and frightening to find myself alone at 65. Sure, I have a handful of friends, mostly long-distance, but it isn't the same, it isn't family. So, like you, being without family is something I will grieve for the rest of my life.
Your story is like my own, but I have 3 biological adult children. I was erased from their lives for reasons I don’t totally understand. I am elderly in my late 60’s and I feel so utterly alone in this world. I love my kids and pray for them daily as well as my grandchildren. I just don’t understand how people these days can be erased like they never existed. It’s so very sad 😢
How old are the girls now? If they have enough good memories of you, perhaps they will seek you out , when they are old enough to make their own decisions.
My neighbors have made offers to assist me as needed. I am fiercely independent, but life has popped me a few times in the past three years, and THEY WERE THERE FOR ME. Make friends. Be a good friend. Keep in touch with your neighbors. They can become your "family."
I live in a neighborhood that gentrified over a couple of decades as people died and relatives sold the property, or, empty nesters left. In their places are renters and owner occupiers who stay a few years then relocate. These people already have partners, children, extended families and friends of their own and don't feel any need to root in the community the way our parents and grandparents did. Plus, some neighbors are just plain weird with oddball habits or have questionable morality and ethics. One in particular....I think learned social norms from watching soap operas, sitcoms and Desperate Housewives. Her parents, who were from the hippie era, had four too many kids----and so not enough time and attention were given to her, it seems. I found her to be cloying, excessively offering help and overeager to form a friendship with me. I decided to keep my distance.
I had family up until about 5 years ago . I am 66 and yes my heart aches over it. I am a loner I have always kept to myself. I always loved my family but I guess they didn’t love me . I haven’t spoken to my son in over 5 years , it breaks my heart
I hear your pain and share it as I am in the same situation. It is hard to rise above it every day and to keep up the strength to try and enjoy life. It’s comforting to know that we are not alone in this.
Thank you for your honest words. I find myself alone at 65 having walked away from an abusive family. My Mother basically bribed my daughters with money and they turned away from me. Out of 3 children I only see my Son maybe 2 - 3 times a year and I feel he just thinks I am a burden even though I am very independent and ask nothing of him. However, I believe it is all my fault because I did not have strong boundaries. I do now and prefer to be on my own than be abused. It is hard and when I shed tears they are for myself as I have not loved myself enough.
@linaanne3101 Thank you for your reply - it has taken me a long time to start loving myself but I am getting there. I am grateful for your suggestions. Also grateful to know there are kind people in this world. 🙏
I don’t have family either. My parents were not the kind of people for raising kids. They were both damaged and I grew up the youngest of five in sheer chaos and animosity. I never met the right person for me and that was probably my own fault, never really having known loving people. I have found that you have to love and care for yourself, find the bliss just where the monk does, and never get external and compare yourself or your situation with that of others. I will always love my birth family but they were such abusive monsters that trust never came easily. We all, all of us, play the hand we are dealt and thank you for your honest video. There is nothing to be ashamed of. People live their level of consciousness, their level of awareness, and can do nothing else.
Your video hit home with me. My mom and dad passed away years ago. My only child got married and basically hangs with the in laws. My only sister had a stroke and can communicate but not like we used to because her mind is unstable. I do not have a "best friend", per say, mainly acquaintances. Many days my phone does not ring at all. When my husband, who was my very best friend, passed away, I became a "loner", we use to go everywhere together. Now I spend my days puttering around my house and watching videos. I love the Lord with all my heart; I KNOW He's here with me, but sometimes I want human contact. Life goes on...life goes on. God bless you.
Your comment really hit home! I do understand the need for human contact at times. Glad you have faith that helps sustain you. Thanks for sharing this, and take care!
I have found trying to make friends as a senior (67) is hard. Most ladies have families and don't have time for new friends. I take care of a fella that I thought I could spend the rest of my days with. He has no family....but this pastMarch, I had to put him in memory care. So he is very happy because for the first time in his life..he has people to be with all the time. I am so glad he is going to have this sense of family as he ages into his dementia. Me...I will just push forward.
I bet you might find connection with others who have also had to place loved ones in memory care. I have seen wonderful friendships develop among families who are visiting their loved ones.
Life is not supposed to be an easy ride. It has ups and downs, and believe me, I have gone through a lot and have survived a lot as well. I feel hopeless sometimes, but I always bounce back finding joy and purpose in hiden corners. I went back to college at 58, and started a new career afterwards. I cannot count on anyone financially, so I do not have choices. Only moving forward and enjoy simple and free things every day: going for a walk, talking to random people. a cup of coffee in the morning, a cup of tea before bed, a good book, Bridgerton :). Have faith and visualize your dream life. Everyday. God's power is infinite.
@@Coryraisa I totally agree. I did it for many years. I don't regret it, because I was rising my kids, I enjoyed every second, and they became extraordinary young adults. But I ended up in a very scary place afterwards. I needed to start from zero at 57y. It has been a very painfull, enlightening, and difficult growing process. Totally worth it.
The older I get the more I appreciate those simple things like you said: a walk outside, a good book, coffee or tea and working in my garden. Best thing for most of us if we’re so inclined is to have a pet. I’ve had dogs, cats and birds my entire life and they do bring so much joy!
I am 62, chronic illnesses and pain. My husband has a traumatic brain injury, his mother has Alzheimer’s we have two children with small kids. I’m a loner and I don’t want my kids to have to care for me. It is hard for my husband and I to take care of his Mom but we are doing the best we can, she is 89 and is such a wonderful person. I can’t imagine her not having anyone in her life.
@@thefuzzfactor2989 Thank you for saying that 🙏 I’m not sure I will have always have that though, my adult kids and I aren’t very close. They are great when it comes to me spending time with the grandkids, had they not had children I think our relationships would have been strained or non existent.
To those with no family we can create one with the people around us in church, community, parks. We have to be careful though of "choosing" our family because there are too😊 many scammers out there.
I belonged to a very large Church and while I made many friends, none of them was seeking a new family member or who wanted one. This showed up at Holidays.
@@jenniferlee7167that doesn’t sound right these people are supposed to be your friends at church but then couldn’t be Christian enough to invite you to their homes for thanksgiving dinner or Christmas. I know several times my mother( who barely went to church)would just invite people from her job who she wasn’t really friends with but found out they would be alone for thanksgiving and would invite them over. This is one of the reasons I have issues with church people( not all you sound like a beautiful person) and their so called Christian values. Sorry for the rant but I don’t like hypocrisy and phony people who claim to be compassionate.
I had the best Christmas inviting coworkers to my home as well as my dear friend who was in memory care for what turned out to be her last Christmas.. It was not that we were the best of friends at the time, but we all had the best time and I went on to become great friends with one of my coworkers after I retired. I have since moved and tried church and it was such an empty experience as some holidays have been spent alone. No one reached out at all and being new to the area, I did not have people to invite.
@@tracymorgan5386 I had a few of those invites but they were 'pity invites'. I would be the token charity case for them to get the gem in their heavenly crown. So I declined those invites. If people don't want to socialize with me during the year, don't throw me a pity bone at Christmas.
If you ever dealt with betrayal,backstabbing friends and coworkers or toxic family members that hate you living alone is not that bad.i.would rather live alone than deal with people like that again Lived with roommates.........in conclusion I learned that being alone is not that bad
Oh my goodness, so glad your video came on my feed!! 85% of your story is my story - loss of family (father and mother died before I was 20) no real interest of family - no children and didn’t marry the right person. Always had to fight for my own survival - and people assume you are strong ! But hardly any support system so I have no choice to not give up. Very very lonely space to be in 😢
I'm right there with you, but I do have my own family so I will have to focus on that and keep moving forward. My family of origin is another story. It's definitely a very sad situation, but we are miles apart in our coming together in our hearts. Sometimes things, material things can get in the way of life, which shouldn't happen, but often does. I am now to the point of not wanting a relationship with someone that is only willing to get their own way, be the taker, be the controller and decider for all without asking or allowing for input. No Thanks to that. I did that for 60 years too long. Does it hurt, of course it does, but I'm continuing to move in growth. The relationship was never a true one and I decided to face that rather than live in an illusionary world of fake Love. No thanks! It will never change, but I have.
Aside from having no family and no friends, the best thing in life to do is make yourself happy. Make a list of hobbies and activities that you’d like to do or that you’ve never done before and start doing them. There are so many lonely people in the world that doesn’t have anyone in there lives sitting home and feeling depressed in which that doesn’t mean that you have to be or feel that way. Start making changes like I did. Go on a cruise or take a vacation somewhere, change the old habits that you are doing and do something new in life, join a gym, etc., that’s how I see it. Go out and have some fun with your life.
I have no living family (since 2001). BUT I have a great family: 4 godchildern, their mom, 5 great, closr friends, and a secondary group. AND my numerous pets throughout the years. As an introvert, I feel blessed.
My friend's three sons estranged themselves from her. She died last year in a fall. All of their wives turned them away from their mother. She wasn't perfect but was certainly a kind and decent woman. Father ran off and left her with the boys, one of which was brutally molested by a "helpful" male neighbor...so likely some resentments there roo. That's occasionally the problem with a son. His wife holds the social rudder, which is fine if she's nice. My friend did a lot of volunteer work until age and poor vision got the best of her... and found comfort in that. She spent a great deal of time visiting nursing homes and was a huge blessing to people.
I recently, September of 2022, lost my mom. My siblings who hadn’t spoke to her in over 10 years came out of the woodwork to receive money, they wanted more than her house was worth and prolonged the situation until they gave up and accepted what the house was assessed for. I haven’t heard from them since. I am convinced that it is a blessing that they are absent from my life.
There may be people like me. I was an only child of elderly parents though my mom lived to 95. I have two adult kids and one step grandson none of which lived close to me nor visited for years. Also had an ex with whom I had a very good relationship but he died recently. So l took my life back and in my 80’s moved to another country l could afford and am learning the language. Have met lots of expats and despite physical challenges am having the time of my life. If my kids ever come that would be nice but no expectation. We do talk every month or so as they say they are always busy which probably is true but once you get the picture it is so much better to do what you want.
@@RowenaSnow-px3jg please check into this. I have regular SS which is deposited in my bank automatically. You are still a citizen so please find out more.
@lindarose2327 that only works for Social Security and Spcial Security Disability Insurance. What i have is Supplemental Security Income (SSI). It is NOT Social Security. Unfortunately a lot of people are confused on that point, even news outlets. With the first 2 you could move out of the us and still get it. With SSI they cut it off.
I am a sixty-eight year old loner and only child. I guess I am built different. I don't wish for family. I am content with my solitude. I did have a short and childless marriage, but I have never desired children. Of course, I do recognize the coming perils of aging. C'est la vie.
Family can be a blessing or a curse. It's better to focus on friendship. Be a friend to a hospice patient, a disabled or nursing home individual, do charity work thru a church, join a book club. The list is endless.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I never married or had kids. Never had a desire to. My parents will be 85 this summer. When they transition to the other side I’ll be alone. An elder orphan. I do have alot of friends who care. My friends are my chosen family. Unfortunately friends don’t have the access to medical information that blood family does. I’m researching how to set something up so one of my friends would be able to coordinate my care if/when I can’t do that myself. My biggest fear is being in a nursing home & being neglected because no one is checking on me/coordinating my care. I’m taking steps right now to make sure that doesn’t happen. Wish me luck 🍀 Sending light & love to all my fellow elder orphans ✨♥️
I’m like you. Looking for ways for care in the before hospice stage please share what you find out. Have a forum. I’d happily pay for shared knowledge. I’m scared.
@@ellenritt7667 I don’t need to be paid. But thank you for offering 💜 Us elder orphans have to stick together. Someone from my local Area Agency on Aging sent me information about a DURABLE HEALTH CARE POWER OF ATTORNEY. I haven’t consulted with a lawyer yet. Quite frankly I can’t afford to consult with one. If you find out anything please let me know. BTW, how can I join your forum?
As an only child, I knew if I didn’t establish a family of my own I would be completely alone in my old age. I was not able to do that and by 2000 I knew I would remain alone for the rest of my life. Three years later I was able to move away from the city. I figured if I were going to be alone I may as well be completely alone. I am glad I did so as misfortune destroyed my finances. Now I at least have the nurturance of Nature, my pets, my intellect and the internet. There are so many worse fates.
My heart! My family all just one after another, passed away, most recently my Mother & my partner left me (he was awful anyways, day one no contact down, woo!) But dang, I'm 37 years old and I'm alone. I do have my 4 children, I'm on my own now though. Ive got no friends, no family, no partner & I'm so scared. I feel so small. No job, been a stay at home Mom for so long. Im lost. I wish i would've paid more attention to a lot of things, i thought I'd have my family forever i guess. More awareness on the subject should be spread like this. I tell my children often now, how important it is they stick together and not fight over petty things or drift apart.
Thanks so much for sharing this Cheree! So sorry for your losses! Glad you have encouraged your children to be there for one another! I can read the pain in your words! Remember to nurture yourself as you deal with this!!😊💜💫
Isn’t it ironic that you spent your entire life caring for others and now you have no family. It’s an epidemic now. 1 in 4 families are estranged. I love to hear you saying you value you! ❤🎉
66 here and have been alone for around 30 years or more and actually love it. A couple years ago someone told me two of my sisters passed away years earlier. I've never kept in touch.
Gosh, I feel like this is a real support group, and we’re chatting. Your videos, are the best thing that’s helped me, since my kids stopped talking to me , a few yrs ago. I need to hear that I can still be happy, but I need to move on. And I love all the comments. I am 60, and it’s hard to make friends. Thank you! Love and peace
You are a gift. Thank you for sharing your honest reflections, pain and accumulated wisdom. Parenthood was the best part of my life but not my life’s only work. We all got this🕊️ ❤
I lost all of my family at the age of four, except for my Mom. Lost my Mom a couple years ago. I have a son but his girlfriend felt we were too close and created wedge. So I'm alone on holidays and that's very hard. But I have some great friends that treat me well. This is my journey, mostly solo.
I propose that you (someone) put up a map. Then we can be ‘ a pin’ in the state of our residence, and if we see any close to ourselves, connect with letters…. If it grows from there, that’ll be a nice little friendship-future. We all have the same story, more or less, so there’ll be no shame in that connection!❤❤❤❤
Life is value for value. While there may be exceptions (a person here and there), life has a tendency to be value for value. If you give value to another person, they tend to give similar value to you. You have a very good friend who you (presumably) give value to...and she gives value to you.
Not in a narcissistic relationship. All the value is assigned to the narcissist and none flows back to the other person. It is not a reciprocal relationship. so the victim thinks they are not doing ENOUGH and they value the partner even MORE. The narcissist then devalues the victim even more....and so it goes. Until the victim wakes up and severs the relationship or the victim loses themselves in that relationship.
Just subscribed. Thank you for your video. You reminded me to appreciate what I do have. I am 77 now, and my sister and I live together. It's not always easy, but we resolve our differences and comfort each other. I have 2 sons who support us from afar, and a niece who shops for us. I was estranged from my youngest son for 16 years when he married someone who didnt approve of his family, but after his divorce he reconnected and we keep in touch by phone and facebook. But I am often sad because his two children don't know this side of their family and how much we long to love them. I send love to all those who worry about their old age. Read if you can, walk if you can, watch good movies (or True Crime!), sit in the sun, eat what you like, laugh with a child. I lost two good friends in 2020, a husband in 1983 and then again in 2014. There will always be sad days, but I am moving forward today because you popped up in my feed! Love from South Africa 🇿🇦 💜
I'm sorry for what you've gone through. I'm estranged from my family - it's been very painful. I moved to a new area where I don't know anyone and it feels hard to start from scratch and build friendships.
I can understand dharmaphile! I will likely be going to a new place in the next several months, and it does come with challenges. Appreciate your comment and take care!
I've never seen a video like this before. I come from a large family, but we used to "adopt" folks into our family and still do. There are countless folks that are going through this sort of thing, and it's good that you not only brought it to light, but told others that they are not alone. It is not some unique plight bestowed upon them by life because they deserve less. I think your statement here is a great service.🥰❤👌
Alone here, walking alongside a son with Autism. Have 3 Prodigals. Divorced. Im a Christian and Jesus is my constant light and it has raised my level of feeling rejected.
i see that most of the comments here are from people much older than me. i’m 17 and i live my aunt, uncle and cousin. my brother passed away almost 10 years ago now. suddenly my dad went from once a month visits to no contact, and over those years i watched my mum’s health decline as her alcoholism worsened. she passed just last year. i worry i’m not in any place to complain, i’m living with relatives after all, some people aren’t even fortunate enough to live with anyone. but it cuts so deep, being an outsider to the family i could have had. my mum and my brother were, and still are, the most important people in my life and it aches knowing that they died young, and in pain, and now i have to just carry on. but it feels like my entire family is dead. the two people who loved me unconditionally are gone, undeserving of the pain they went through and i wish i could have taken it from them. those constant “what ifs”: what if i died instead of my brother? my mum probably would have coped better with losing me, and my brother could have been there for her. with both of them gone, it feels like i have no ties anymore. i’ll just have to wait until i pass and we can share the same grave, but i’m not sure how well my relatives would respond. i miss them so much
Thanks for sharing this Tioradh! So sorry for the loss of your family at your young age. Make sure you give yourself time to grieve, and ask for help if needed. Take care!
As someone who lost most of my close family members at an early age, I would advise focusing on something that is important to you as a goal. Many people find out too late that it's not realistic to expect that other people will be there for you at any point in your life. I also suggest learning meditation techniques to be able to focus and control your mind and emotions. Life is limited and everyone has some type of burden to bear through life and this is yours. This is your life challenge and your mission is to figure out how to live a fulfilling life. In some ways, it's easier when all the deaths happens when you are younger rather than later since you have time to adjust and figure things out. But it is very sad to have lost them so early. Best of luck to you.
Having a healthy and strong family is great. Having a toxic family is worse than being without a family
Very true I heard that toxic families eat their own so to speak and that's how I look at them now cannibals lol
Rubbish! You have no idea how life-destroying it is.
I disagree having a family is everything. You say toxic. No family os worth it.
@@Lonelyone1111 what do you mean?
I totally agree
What’s most tragic is getting really sick and having NO ONE to call for help or support, it’s a scary situation 😞
Or injured
robiness5344, I can relate and what makes this happening even more painful can be it happening right in front of someone/someones we have helped in the past !
That's my situation
Yes!!! Seems all the things i did for previous friends/family was forgotten when I needed help 2 years ago when i had back surgery!!!! Recovered all alone! But I'm stronger now!!😊@cherylruss9229
That’s where a church family is a blessing!
Better to have no family than one that hurts you all the time 😢
🫢ooooo, I felt that
This is an absolute fact. It's hard and sad but there's more peace. I turn loneliness into solitude.
exactly, the amount of stress and anger from my family is relentless
AMEN
Devastatingly sad, but so very very true. All those that loved me have now gone, left with estranged family who are cold, greedy, abusive, who have nothing to do with me now. Although family, they have nothing in common with me and certainly do not follow my values, it took a long time, but think I feel at peace now, with no family. I just wish that those who have gone before me, could return.
Dealing with difficult family members is worse than having no family at all.
Alas indeed so too.
I’m not so sure that’s true. Both can be desperately painful.
@@oldandstillhere you are indeed so right there too alas.
did their greedy love for money have something to do with it ?
How are they difficult? Rude? Greedy? Mean? Completely self-centered?
It is better to be alone than with toxic people We can't choose our family but we can choose our friends
Yes, you can choose family. When you merry, you have instant family. If you want a large family merry into one then have lots of kids.
🌞
Your wrong about something, you can choose your friends and you can choose to have your own family by adopting kids or having a surrogate that will give you kids or get married and have your own kids. That’s having your own family. Forget about your parents, your grandparents, your aunts, your uncles, your cousins, your siblings. There all just blood related relatives in which you don’t need. Your supposed to leave them and have your own family in which gives you your own identity.
@scorpio88848 No one has genuine friends in America.only fake ones the toxic ones are narcissists. Bc 80% of American population are selfish narcissists.u will not say it that’s better to be alone when you get old and sick.and alone.good luck finding one among the remaining 20%.
We are born alone. We die alone. If somewhere between birth and death we have genuine family, that's a gift.
Family is earned. It's worked for and you give up a lot to have a good family. IMO it's these social media platitudes that sabotage people. If a person goes in thinking a good family will be "a gift" sent from a fairy they're almost certain to fail.
Geez, when most of us were born, at very least our mom was there....
My mother recently passed away at age 92. She was my last family tie. But she had a younger very best friend who was as close to her as a little sister, and I have now "adopted" her as my Aunt. It is so nice to have someone that can still share memories of my mother and my family....I am blessed!
Sorry for your loss, I'm sure no matter what the age that it can't be easy, but her living that long is the best case scenario. I'd very happy if I have 32 more years with my Mom.
If I'm super sick or injured I call 9-11 and go to the best hospital ER in the area. And pray. Actually i pray the whole time. It's worked for me so far. I'm 79.
I used to take care of an old woman, I lived with her for almost 2 years. The only person that I ever saw was one of her multiple sons... He had to go on the weekends so I could take those off. She was a nice old lady and had plenty of family... So, no, having a family doesn't guarantee anything.
I had a family.
My "mom" is a narcissist.
My "dad" was an alcoholic.
I have two brothers and a sister. I was the scapegoat and treated like shit.
I earned a Bachelor's Degree, and then a Master's Degree in Counseling. I taught family systems. I married at 32 and 7 years later my husband died quickly of an acute Leukemia. Our sons were 3 & 6. I quit work for a decade. My sons are wonderful and devoted with hysterical sense of humors. I have 3 grandchildren. I have more LOVE than I could hope for!!!
Thanks for sharing. So glad you have loving children and grandchildren!
@@fml5910
Honest to God at 67 I realize EVERY shitty thing that happened to "young me" is now a strength/gift; BECAUSE I EMBRACED MY HEALING, via THERAPY in my late teens.
Literally, dealing/addressing "chemically addicted" and "character disordered Narcissists" IS MY GIFT!!
I now have a Narcissistic neighbor who is extremely jealous of me, because her Grandchildren love me. (The five year old reported "when I'm upstairs I have to pretend to not like you, so I don't get in trouble".
How screwed up is that?!?
I responded with "Good girl! Do what keeps you safe".
(Unlike the Narcissist, I'm not running a competition. Nor is my self-esteem dependent on the contrived/captured love of small children.)
Generally I like to dismiss (flat affect, maybe yawn, because her tantrum is boring.) However, on a *random reinforcement schedule* I like to shout "Good Morning, Neighbor! Have a GREAT DAY"!
This MAKES HER INSANE.
She flips me off.
I laugh at her, to her face!
( Btw I would NEVER do this with a physically abusive, violence threatening Narcissist!)
I KNOW her fragile projected self-esteem is wounded.
Did I mention she's supposed to move soon?
I will rent "a jump house for the kids to celebrate!!!
I’m so proud of you! To accomplish what you have e is amazing and probably made you more of a scapegoat. Once I bypassed my parents level of employment it got worse. I’m not competing here! Instead of being proud of their only daughter they tried harder to make me think I was a piece of crap. I also have a wonderful son who loves me and loves others. I couldn’t be happier without that family.
@@FMT2003
I'm looking for a "pat on the back emoji", but I'll have to settle for this:
👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
My younger brother once said to me "you're the Lisa Simpson in our family"- you know the smarter, more talented sister?
I may put it on my headstone!
The thing is at my age, no Narcissist can touch me...
I call it "a touchdown" when they yell or become enraged (of course, because I'm sooooooooo powerful!)
EVERYTHING I experienced earlier made me both strong and flexible..
At 66, God help the Narcissist who focuses on me. They will NOT enjoy the outcome...and I'm okay with that!
😉
🎉
Count yourself lucky if you have at any point in your life at least experienced having a loving family, however brief it was and whether it was just two people or an entire village of them. It's much harder and more painful to never have had a good family from which you've had to consciously separate in order to protect yourself. When you grow up in an abusive household where there's neglect and harm afflicted upon you, you more than often end up a very lonely adult. It's painful to know that you have physical 'family' members in the world but that you'd rather be as far away from them as possible. Blood does not make family. Love does! So cherish the people who have come into your life and shown you the type of love you deserved but never received from your family! Genetics mean nothing!
Thank you so much eb for your comment! I am grateful I had love when I was young. I know it is very painful to not have family/love as a child and even worse to suffer abuse. Thanks for writing about this! Families should love and care for one another but too often they don't! Take care!😊💜💫
People who have a somewhat normal family relationship cant even really comprehend what is it to have no family to call on.
No they can't Spinner!
Right? They have no idea. My son will never know what it’s like to be abandoned or hurt by me and I’m proud of that.
I don't have any family. My dad's side disowned me 30 years ago for going public with Grandfather having molested me. They never spoke to me again. My only child is estranged and my mom's family are all dead. My parents died over 10 years ago. I literally have no one but myself and my dogs.
I’m in the same situation
@@ravenmckinnon5526 nice to meet you, I'm Rainn.
Pets can be real family
The last of my family died 23 years ago (I’m an only child) and have no kids of my own. It’s hell on earth. What makes it worse is that other people treat me like I’m some sort of weirdo - just because of my circumstances!
@@EdelweisSusieleave those people and get involved with kind people.
It helps me to know I am not the only one in this situation.
You're right. In addition to being 65 with no family, there's the added burden of feeling like I'm the only oddball in this position.
Indeed
Love your name ! lol
Ditto ❤
Following the passing of my mother i walked away from my extended family for my own protection . They are jealous , hostile and toxic , i deserve better .
After 3 years i have peace and should have done it earlier .
Smart move and God bless you
YES!!
Stay away from nasty siblings
Thankyou for sharing because so many people are going through the same thing and your really helping
@@aprilm2664 Your very welcome. I’m trying to show people that there are so many different things that we can be doing and should be doing physically and mentally on how we can change our life that we don’t have to feel or be alone at any age. I’m 52 years old and I always find the time to keep myself busy mentally and physically that I always find myself in a conversation with someone or I chat on here that allows me not to be alone. I’m very happy with my life now then I was when I was younger.
Im 60 years old, and i chose after many years of abuse from my 3 older brothers to turn and walk away. Best thing i ever did.
I also have an abusive older brother- he's like a bully for life
This is my situation and I’m convinced that a “Golden Girls” arrangement is what I’m looking for. Making a chosen family to enjoy and care for each other ❤
Has been popular with American women for awhile. However there is one hitch, getting along together. Americans seem to have lost the social skills needed to maintain friendships. Unable to maintain a relationship even with a spouse or kids. So the Golden Girls arrangement is extremely rare. More common are nightmare stories of these failing.
It's the basic Catch-22. People with the skills generally already have good family relationships so don't need the Golden Girls arrangement. People without the skills can't maintain the Golden Girls arrangement and to top it off these are the same people who will never see themselves as having any issue. It's everyone else who is the problem. So they can't even try to learn the skills.
I postponed my colonoscopy for years because i had no one drive me home from the procedure.... no one would help me. I paid a coworker to give me the ride home
get hospital transport
@stevenwalter1255 I have used *_"Visiting Nurse Services"_* for multiple occasions (bringing me home from tests that require anesthesia, caring on site following major surgeries). I came from a big family, and was the youngest female sibling, born with some birth defects. I learned early on to not depend on anyone (and to stop being disappointed when someone doesn't think to offer). I think there will be many of us that have no one reliable. If you live in or near a big enough city, look up a visiting nurse service. In some cases, your health insurance will cover all or part of the cost.
Good luck!
My hair stylist offered to drive me home from my colonoscopy. Sometimes the kindest people show up in life when you need help.
Sounds familiar to me too
taxi
Thank you for this video. I’m single and I have a good family, but I don’t have anyone I think I can rely on as I age. It’s become something I really fear. It’s so helpful to remember that you still have a meaningful life even when it doesn’t look like a hallmark movie
Thanks for your comment tehamill! It can be scary but it's really about finding a different way to be supported in the world!! Take care!😊💜💫
Am I the only one who when I have a bad cold or flu worry about how anyone will find me when I die?
No, you are not alone in this I'm sure. I've thought of it. Thanks Raven!
@@debbih0813 🤣 I new someone that was worried about being found with dirty underpants!
@@sylviasimpson-n2oit's a silly worry as nurses/doctors/emergency services people have seen almost everything
That's why you need to stay connected with people outside your family.
Be a part of several communities.
You don't have to be an extroverted social butterfly, but try to be a "regular" at certain restaurants, stores, ectcetera.
And have a few friends where you _always_ return voice messages, texts, e-mails, ectcetera within twenty-four hours, so if you were to suddenly "disappear," they'd know to search for you.
A few friends, siblings and I have this arrangement.
I _always_ return messages from family, friends and regular connections within twenty-four hours.
@@Coryraisa Good advice but really only matters if you're still alive. You won't care if you're found once you've passed.
I'm alone. Almost 60. Never married, no children, both parents dead, no siblings, no Aunts or Uncles, they've all passed away or in their late 90's and out of state, cousins here in the States are either Drug Addicts, or Alcoholics. Other cousins are in England and Ireland. Growing up we were all close and spent every holiday together. I was VERY close to my parents and all my life spent every vacation I ever had with them.....there was no going to Club Med or anything like that with friends for me I ALWAYS wanted to be with my Parents during vacation time. I lost my Dad in 2012 and my Mom in 2015 and have basically thrown myself into work. My family now is my dog and cats. I do have a small circle of close friends and I'm fine with that. Holidays are the WORST for me now though.....
Sorry for your losses Veronica! I know, things have changed a lot since we were young. Take care!
@@veronicalee5937 Holidays are hard each year for me.
These comments are heartbreaking. I notice there are so many people in the same situation that if they could be matched up they wouldn't have to be alone. Like a dating app but for friends. Hang out, spend holidays together, etc. I think just the shared experience would make great friendships. All the best to everyone! ❤
Thanks for your comment 27acresaway! You would think there might be a solution, right? Take care!
Maybe those of us without family should find a way to build a family on this channel. I'm in Nevada.
@@Dona-xd4goI agree!!
I am ready ❤
We're from all over the country so that's not possible.
@@prettylady995 Build a family, kind of like Build A Bear - only with people, lol.
When my mom passes I won't have family either (she is elderly and is in very poor health.) I have a brother and his very young children (my nieces) but he hardly ever communicates despite me trying. I am childless and am going through perimenopause so it is too late for me to have children but I didn't want to have children anyway because of health issues though. I am an introvert and have no friends and don't really want to bother with the effort of making/maintaining friends especially since all of my friends faded out of my life over the years anyway (they would move away, get caught up with their own families and have no time for me, etc.) "Friends" have broken my heart too many times so why bother. Thankfully, I enjoy my own company and spending time alone is peaceful but I do worry about what it may be like for me as I grow older.
Thanks for sharing this SP! I understand your concerns here. It is important to just take life one day at a time and not focus on too far down the road. Take care!!😊💜💫
Is your sister in law somebody that you could create a relationship with that could in turn bring you closer to your brother and his children? Wishing you all the best. ❤
@@27acresaway24 No, unfortunately my sister-in-law is soon going to be my ex-sister-in-law since she and my brother are going through a divorce. She is so angry at my brother for having an affair with one of his coworkers that now she wants nothing to do with him and our side of the family. I've reached out to her many times but she does not return my messages. I am so anxious that she may get primary custody and then I will see my 2 and 8 year old nieces even less. They are so young that I can't even call and text them yet so my relationship with my nieces is entirely dependent on my brother and soon to be ex-sister-in-law. My heart hurts.
I don't live in my head about any of it - follow Eckhart Tolle ideology lm free!! Hooray
I’m approaching 70. I have no family.
Me too. Take advantage of the freedom to travel or do as you please without ppl having expectations that you are going to be there when they need help.
The unbridled hedonism/materialism of the Western world destroyed ALL relationship. And technology has spread this disease all over the world.
God be with you
@meghanfredericks588 my mother always said "son God never leaves us truly alone"✨️
@@Peter_Pepper_Love She was right.
Excellent video! I am 66 years old, and I grew up in a big, loving Italian family in Boston. I had my parents, 2 sisters, 4 uncles, 2 aunts, and 16 cousins all on my mother's side. I lived in 3 family house. My aunt, uncle, 2 cousins, and my grandmother lived on the first floor, and I lived on the second floor. Every Sunday, I saw my aunts, uncles, and cousins. We were all very close. That all changed when my parents, including my aunt and 2 uncles and cousins, moved to California, and my grandmother died. The family scattered to the 4 winds. When my mother and sister died, I was estranged from my sister and nephews and nieces. Now, all my aunts and uncles on my mothers side have passed, and I haven't seen my cousins in years. I virtually have no family now. My wife and I couldn't have children. You have your DNA family and the family you create. I have friends from church and neighbors who are my family. I also just recently I lost the beloved dog I had for years. Pets are family, too. I have learned to appreciate family and friends when you have them. As you get older, people die. It's also important to be able to live alone.
I'm in the same situation...no immediate family. A never married, only child, parents, grandparents, aunt/uncles all passed on. I came from a very loving family...a fine childhood. I do have friends, thankfully, but never want to be a burden on them. Sadness comes, sure, especially around the Holiday Season. Thankfully God has given me strength through the remaining years! Thank you for sharing!
Thanks for watching Larry!
@@eldergal Thank you for your being open about what many of us "old orphans"!
Me too. I don’t pray or believe in a god, though.
Amen, He is always with us ❤️
For those who are alone, please consider letting others (non family) in or be open to friendship/relationship with people in similar circumstances.
Also understand that for some, family history/trauma is simply too overwhelming and some of us don’t know how to bridge the gap with our blood relatives.
Just be careful. Has anyone seen the movie, "The Honeymoon Killers?" It's a true story about a man and his female accomplice who preyed upon lonely women searching for a loving relationship. The man would introduce his accomplice as a caring sister. After fleecing the victim, she would be killed. The two were eventually caught and executed in the electric chair. I'm not a bloodthirsty person, but the cruelty of their crimes was so extreme that their deaths were warranted.
@@Friedrich-ck2leman 😢
I lost contact with my mother’s side of the family at the age of 10. By the time I was 20, my dad’s side was gone too. My kids have no family beyond me and it’s an awful, very isolating feeling. People really take the luxury of having family for granted.
Yes! And nobody thinks it's a big deal if no one says, Happy Birthday. Or, I love you
I'm 67, male. Moving to SE Asia next year to find a great wife and have kids. There are options.
Wonderful video. It was helpful. I lost my mom 12 years ago. Since then, I have lost all connection to any other living family members. I'm now 50. No kids. Never married.
Thanks for your comment Electrionizer! Sorry you have lost connection to family. I think this is more common in today's world! Take care!😊💜🌟
Same
Praying you get a living one
67, male. Moving to SE Asia next year, finding a good wife and having kids. Pretty cool having that option.
I have no family, adopted as a little girl and neglected and abused by certain members, called a liar and disbelieved.
Thanks for sharing this, Lesley; sorry it has been so difficult for you.💜💜
Nobody can make you hurt or pay more for caring than your children!
In our tradition we say...
"Small kids eat your energy. Big kids eat your liver."
Tennessee Williams wrote: 'Friends are a God's way of apologizing to us for our family.' I learned it from Wayne Dyer, a spiritual teacher.
@@kaoskronostyche9939 😊 Glad it spoke to you. We are all interconnected.
Wow! What an excellent quote! 😎
That is a great quote. We dont choose our relatives (usually) but can choose friends.
@@RowenaSnow-px3jg then again, in some circles, many believe we DO indeed choose everything. Lessons to teach and learn, including our parents, family etc.
That said, I still love the quote!
Yo también he leído a Wayne Dyer. Saludos desde 🇪🇦
I lost my Dad when he was 69. He died in my arms. 6 years later my older Sister died suddenly in her sleep of a pulmonary embolism. 4 years after her, my Brother overdosed on herion. My siblings were both 54.
Thankfully, my Mother lived until August of last year. Age 86. I am now 64 with no family left.
I do have two children but they have their busy lives. I feel like I have zero purpose. I have my health but no motivation to do much of anything. I stay at home a lot and just hide away ❤. I know I need counseling for my grief but I can’t afford it. I’m grateful I found your channel today. I swear it was a gift from God! With all of your counseling education and experience, I hope you do a video on coping with loss and grief.
With much appreciation!
Lucy
You can use my name or comment in the video if you want. ❤
Thanks again
Thanks so much for your comment Lucy! I did do videos on grief and loss at the very start of my channel. Look for the oldest videos - I think there are six on that topic. Take care and thanks for watching!
@@eldergal Thanks so much for replying! I will look for your older videos on Grief. I’m making myself start walking today at my local park. I use to walk 20 miles plus a week. I stopped after my Mom died. I’m really going to try! Thanks so much!!
@@melianna999 All good ideas. 💡. Ty. I never complain to them. In fact, I act like everything is fine. I’m a good actress.
❤ God be with you
I am the same . 72 years old and do not know my purpose as an old person.
Bloom where you are planted ! See it as a challenge to manage events independently because having family is no guarantee of support
I understand the pain, I am going through a similar situation without family.
Sorry that you are going through a similar situation!! Thanks for your comment so much!!😊💜💫
I am on my way to being all alone. I am 32F and i still haven't found a husband. And i have health problems too. Once my beloved parents pass away, which will be in 14-20 years (if i am lucky) i am all alone. I am trying really hard to live for present , stay optimistic and not let get anxiety get the best of me.
No matter who you are or how old you are, i hope you at least find good friends and love of pets. ❤
Thanks for your comment naturefreak!! Hope you have your parents in your life for many years! You have the right idea in enjoying friends and pets! Take care!😊💜💫
@@eldergal Thank you so much. 😭❤️ I hope you get much joy out of life and you're surrounded with good people.
I've seen many stories here on TH-cam, about children that have just kicked their parents out of their lives. So many people are heartbroken and confused. I think the fabric of our nation is unraveling. I guess friendships are what we have left.
I agree Veronica! Our social fabric has been unraveling in the past couple of generations. It is scary to think about it getting worse! Thanks for your comment!!😊💜🌟
I never realized how many people were in the same lonely situation as me.
A lot of it has to do with this criminal “therapy” movement. They tell vulnerable people to toss everyone away they deem abusive. It’s a selfish society, based on money as God. So, these therapists (which are constantly being pushed on social media by influencers) are the personal entryways for young people to destroy unions, loyalties, and not do the hard work of relationships. Then, when they do find a partner, they don’t have the skills to overcome personality obstacles. It’s a sick sick culture.
That happened to me.
Nobody cuts their parents out of their lives for "no reason", just on a whimsy. Believe me, I thought about it long and hard for years, and only did it when I had no other alternative. It was either save myself, or allow myself to be mentally, emotionally, and spiritually destroyed by an abuser.
I've been alone since I was 35. No siblings, parents, grandparents, cousins, anything. I had 2 boys who maintain contact sporadically. I just turned 65 last week. My dad died when I was 11. My mom didn't like his family. I have all kinds of health problems. I don't have anyone to talk to, except my 2 dogs. I'm sad all the time. Loss of family was something I was so afraid of. I prayed about it every night. I saw President Kennedy die on TV when I was 4. I realized that if Caroline and John Jr.'s daddy could die, mine could too. And he got lung cancer. My last one was my mom, when I was 35. It's very hard
Thanks for sharing lnelson! I had a similar thought at Kennedy's funeral (I was 9) and my dad died about a year and a half later. Thanks for being part of the channel.
Dear elder gal…I cannot express what this particular posting has done for me. I’m 83 and after years of having romping kids, cousins, aunts, uncles etc etc around and about I am alone except for my 91 year old husband and a couple of cousins far away and two lovely daughters who for their own reasons choose no contact with me or with each other. I live with hope but little expectation of reconnecting. I love, loved being a mother and thought I was fairly good at it because I was having fun in between silly bumps in the road. Must have read the signals wrongly because things went horribly belly up to my chagrin. Anyhow, I still love this thing called life and your talks, so straight forward and genuine, your even-handed honesty is JUST the balm I need. Know that you are, indeed, serving others with much needed love and sage pointers in how to navigate a life without family. Love you…
Thanks so much for sharing this Olivia! I feel for you and the separation from your daughters - I understand the pain of that. Thanks for your kind words and for watching!
Empath's learning the only solution for Malignant Narcissistic Families is to go "No-Contact" with them has orphaned John-Boy from the Waltons by the millions all over the world. That means Empaths must choose between the "trifecta" of being neglected, abused, or isolated. It has to be 1 or the other no exceptions. And also knowing they are now outnumbered 10,000 to 1...
Yes. No one understands what happens when your father, siblings, husband and child are malignant narcissists and what happens to you. The abuse and the alienation-from everyone. 🙏❤️🙏
@@debracappiccille6485 🎯🎯🎯
well said
@@beaulieuc8910 "John-Boy from the Waltons by the millions all over the world." Yeah. Totally makes sense.
@@debracappiccille6485 It's amazing how a malignant narcissist couple can somehow raise empaths.
It's tough. The world is a cold place without family. I have felt this for several decades. It is not solely limited to older adults. 😣
It can be a cold place with family.
Having a healthy and strong family is great. Having a toxic family is worse than being without a family
The sad reality is: It is very possible to have a large extended group of relatives and still have no family.
I have an older brother. My mother was the oldest of nine and my father was one of seven. When my mother was dying of cancer when I was 23, she told me: “I’m so worried about you. When I’m gone, you will be on your own.” She was right.
That's sad but true SummaGirl! Thanks for sharing this!
My great grandmother had 10 children. Every Sunday there was always some sort of family get together with her kids, or at least most of them, and their families. When she died at 102 years of age, I never saw the family again despite all of us living in the same town
This is terrible I'm sorry to hear that
This is tragic. I am in the same situation. I have been praying for 6years/asking God to take me. But I am still alive. My creator is silent. Every day is filled with pain.
Sorry to hear you are in a similar situation ona!! Please don't give up. I do understand the constant pain though!! Take care!!😊💜💫
... a mom of 3 , here ; same situation🖤
Also mum of three here, the pain is tremendous at times.
@@cameliaturda6472
I am a mom of 3. Ex betrayed me and kids selected him as a moral compass. So I had an emotional funeral of 4 people in one day. God is overestimating my strength. I am so sick of pain.
@@Grace0Claire
I am a mom of 3, so I feel your pain. God is the only TRUE friend.
Yep same here …,my dad passed when I was a child mom passed in 2016 and then I found my brother dead in his sleep in 2022. All my aunts and uncles are gone and I only have a couple first cousins that I am not a bit close with
Sorry you have experienced so much loss Christopher! Thanks for sharing this.😊💜💫
Wow. Sounds a lot like me. My mom and dad are gone. Two older brothers from whom I grew apart from as we grew up. The one aunt and uncle I was close to are gone. When my oldest brother died in a motorcycle accident, my other brother-who lives on our childhood property that I pay taxes on-didn't even bother to call and tell me. He wrecked on a driveway just down the road from where my brother lives so he knew right away. NOT ONE person in my family called to give me condolences. My cousins who I thought I was close to, two brothers, said they hadn't seen my brother in years, as if that is a reason not to care for someone. It hit me really hard how little my family cares for me.....and most likely each other.
When I married I was never in love. Drunk took out my family at 12. I love my animals so much.
yes my animals were there for me to love when I was alone and they never hurt me like people so often do
My two feline housemates are a blessing and keep me company. They always love me.
Same with me..family dead..but thank God I have my animals..I've always preferred animals anyway...🐱🐱🐱🦃🦃🐢🐢🐟🐟🐡🐡🐡
I am essentially all alone as well. Nobody calls me, nobody comes to visit. Unless I initiate contact, no one ever contacts me. I have spent a significant amount of time trying to find another partner and to build a group of friends but to no avail. I have adapted to the situation and I am relatively at ease with it. But I still have to ask: Surely I would be welcome company for someone else in my situation.
@linaanne3101
Always having to make the first contact and to make the ongoing contacts, to keep a relationship alive, was exhausting. So I just completely stopped.
Very occasionally, I will hear from someone, asking where I have disappeared to. Otherwise, I never hear another word.
I think you are being very kind with your reasoning on why we're required to always make contact.
We are in a period of considerable selfishness. A period of me me me which has been driven by the advent of people like Trump and the mindless celebrity culture that we live in.
We are also in a period of wall to wall social media and electronic gadgets. I never go anywhere now that virtually everybody isn't walking, commuting or driving while staring at their devices.
I am virtually alone on the planet. Obviously that is a loss for me but it is also an enormous loss for others.
They may or may not be surrounded by people but they are every bit as isolated as me. Or more so.
@linaanne3101 how many people say they don’t contact first because they are busy lives, but we all have busy lives and we can all make time for friends
There are millions of Americans in your situation...and they all apparently dislike everyone else. I'm 67, known many old people who are alone. They are not pleasant people to be around. They think they're great company so spend much of their time complaining about others. Like in this channel the woman tells of how she has no one but I assume she never considers her part. Kids just don't become "estranged". It's human instinct to love parents. A person has to drive that out of them. Doesn't have to be terrible. Can be as simple as not instilling the importance of family.
You "having" to initiate contact has to mean others don't want to talk to you. Sorry, that's just reality. If it was one person or even a few we could blame them. But nobody??? Come on, time for reality.
#1 problem...talking too much. It's self-centered. People love to talk. The more you let others talk the more they'll seek you out. There's an art to conversation.
#2 Yeah, you have to initiate. Ask how their day is going. If they give a short answer say "OK, just wanted to check on you. I've got to go do..." It trains them to know your call isn't going to trap them for hours. Their time is valuable.
Relationships are work. Skills are needed. There are many books written on how to maintain relationships. You can even pay for lessons. But I'll bet you've never done any research into improving your relationship skills. 99.9% of people who are alone never look at themselves to try to improve. That's fine as long as you're cool with being solo.
@@waterbug1135 Thanks for your "help". LOL. Imagine being accused of being difficult to be around by someone as full of shit as you. Thank you for your AMATEUR diagnosis of me, WITHOUT ANY CONTACT with me of any kind. WORK ON YOURSELF. If you live to be 110, there will still be work left to do. Good grief.
@@waterbug1135I agree with you but it can also be slight autism or just being plain socially awkward. That's me! Awkward and I don't have the best response in certain situations. I know it's just me and I don't blame others for not wanting to be around me. I've tried to improve and I have to an extent. My social anxiety is nearly gone or managed more like. I'm also a stranger living in a strange land at the moment. I'm the only Mexican in a predominantly white town. They're country and I was raised a city boy. I try to relate to them and fit in but I just don't and I don't try anymore. I've given up.
I'm 45 and completely alone. Between deaths and estrangements and distance and abuse and violence. On top of that the few close friends I had from childhood, I've lost to addiction, either they died or are still in active addiction and so they're effectively gone. I am so isolated and shocked even though like you say, it happened over time. It's still shocking having grown up never imagining it all disappearing x
I know what you mean Angela! It's strange how our lives turn out. Thanks for watching!
Where are you if you can come to my home you are welcome my family will be happy to have you and my kids am from Uganda
I truly hope your son will open his heart and let you back in,dear Allison❤️😢
Thanks so much tenderhearted!! Appreciate your kindness!!😊💜💫
It's better to be alone than to live with drama
I can relate. I'm in my early 50s and all my family have passed away, apart from an uncle that I haven't spoken to for over 45 years. I also live on my own so it's quite a lonely existence, but being an only child it doesn't bother me as I've always enjoyed my own company. I do miss my parents very much though and think about them all the time. Thanks for sharing your experience.
I have no family or friends it's been over 26 years for me. I was the scapegoat of my large family. I have tried everything over the years to acquire friends but sadly it won't happen for me. I gave up and just became a hermit who is morphing into misanthropy. Thanks for making these videos at least I'm not alone in this experience.
Thanks for sharing bobbysgirl! No, you're not alone in this. Appreciate you watching!
Hang in there...many of us are in your situation. I tell people I am alone though I have a brother and sister,,,because there is no love just obligation.
Me too. But I have 2 doggos who love me❤
@@ilax4244 Yep, some of these relatives can be real leaches.
There are lots of people who would be friends with you
wow. I am going through it right now. Really appreciate you sharing this. Me. Too. Never had kids. Mom in hospice. Lost brother who was in hospice a few months ago. My one remaining brother has chosen to not be in my life for decades. appreciate you sharing so truthfully.
Thanks for watching robasiansensation! Sorry for your losses. Take care.
I'm nearly 60, I came from a dysfunctional background, my father and his side of the family hated us because of us not being born in the same part of the world, my parents split up in 1984, my father eventually moved back to his place of birth in 1989, he made it known that he didn't want us in his or any of his familys lives, followed by a death threat, during childhood there was a wedge driven between my sister and myself to the point that we are no longer close, my mother passed in 2019, I never married, never had a long term relationship, no kids, my sister and myself probably speak once a year, I guess it's just a fact of life, I don't experience sadness because I can't be sad over something I've never experienced, I live my life to the full, if I croak tomorrow, I've made the most of my life.
Add salvation to that through Jesus Christ so you also will have an eternity.
Im all alone My whole family is gone ...and now divorced after 17yrs...we never had children Its a much quieter world now But the Lord helps me so much..He is merciful and loving
I am 65 and have no family connections. My parents are deceased and I have no contact with my brother or aunts and uncles. I never met a long-term partner or had my own children. None of this was my choice. There was a lot of dysfunction that resulted in estrangement within my family, as well as my own struggles that made it hard to partner. When I was 32, I started building my surrogate family with friends and their daughters. I saw them weekly, the girls slept over every Friday, and I was at every holiday and celebration, at school recitals, sporting events, graduations, and points in between. The girls talked about me being part of their family, and I thought the mom felt the same way. I took great comfort and felt happy having a surrogate family. It hugely enriched my life for 33 years. Then, last fall, the mom told me she didn't feel as close to me, that they weren't my family, and that she resented the feeling that she had to include me in family celebrations and wasn't going to any longer. I was stunned and utterly devastated. In an instant I lost my family, I was a woman alone in the world. I almost ended up in the hospital because I wasn't sure I could go on living, not sure that I wanted to live if I didn't have any family-like connections. Now, nine months later, it is still a struggle. This is the biggest loss of my adult life and I will never get over it. I will grieve this loss until the day I die. I thought of the girls as "my girls". I thought they'd be with me at the end. I will never again have what I have lost. Creating a chosen family takes place over time, through myriad shared experiences. I watched the girls grow up and was an important part of that journey. I will never have that feeling of "family" again. There is just not that much time left. It is a profound loss, totally disorienting. I have been in a depression ever since this happened, something I struggled with throughout my life, but no episode lasted this long or was this intense. It is sad and frightening to find myself alone at 65. Sure, I have a handful of friends, mostly long-distance, but it isn't the same, it isn't family. So, like you, being without family is something I will grieve for the rest of my life.
I’m so very sorry. That’s so painful. I pray the girls will come looking for you on their own. ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
Thanks for sharing this painful story - sorry for the loss!
Your story is like my own, but I have 3 biological adult children. I was erased from their lives for reasons I don’t totally understand. I am elderly in my late 60’s and I feel so utterly alone in this world. I love my kids and pray for them daily as well as my grandchildren. I just don’t understand how people these days can be erased like they never existed. It’s so very sad 😢
❤❤
How old are the girls now? If they have enough good memories of you, perhaps they will seek you out , when they are old enough to make their own decisions.
My neighbors have made offers to assist me as needed. I am fiercely independent, but life has popped me a few times in the past three years, and THEY WERE THERE FOR ME. Make friends. Be a good friend. Keep in touch with your neighbors. They can become your "family."
Great advice bria! Thanks for watching!
I live in a neighborhood that gentrified over a couple of decades as people died and relatives sold the property, or, empty nesters left. In their places are renters and owner occupiers who stay a few years then relocate. These people already have partners, children, extended families and friends of their own and don't feel any need to root in the community the way our parents and grandparents did.
Plus, some neighbors are just plain weird with oddball habits or have questionable morality and ethics. One in particular....I think learned social norms from watching soap operas, sitcoms and Desperate Housewives. Her parents, who were from the hippie era, had four too many kids----and so not enough time and attention were given to her, it seems. I found her to be cloying, excessively offering help and overeager to form a friendship with me. I decided to keep my distance.
I had family up until about 5 years ago . I am 66 and yes my heart aches over it. I am a loner I have always kept to myself. I always loved my family but I guess they didn’t love me . I haven’t spoken to my son in over 5 years , it breaks my heart
So sorry Janice. I know how that feels! Take care!
I hear your pain and share it as I am in the same situation. It is hard to rise above it every day and to keep up the strength to try and enjoy life. It’s comforting to know that we are not alone in this.
I am in a similar situation all I know is that I have to keep going and live my life it gets hard some days I take it day by day
Thank you for your honest words. I find myself alone at 65 having walked away from an abusive family. My Mother basically bribed my daughters with money and they turned away from me. Out of 3 children I only see my Son maybe 2 - 3 times a year and I feel he just thinks I am a burden even though I am very independent and ask nothing of him. However, I believe it is all my fault because I did not have strong boundaries. I do now and prefer to be on my own than be abused. It is hard and when I shed tears they are for myself as I have not loved myself enough.
Thanks for sharing Pam! The last sentence you wrote is key. Loving yourself is the greatest gift you can give yourself! Take care!
@linaanne3101 Thank you for your reply - it has taken me a long time to start loving myself but I am getting there. I am grateful for your suggestions. Also grateful to know there are kind people in this world. 🙏
May God bless all these lovely seniors in this time of life. Please send them peace and help in reaching out to others.
I don’t have family either. My parents were not the kind of people for raising kids. They were both damaged and I grew up the youngest of five in sheer chaos and animosity. I never met the right person for me and that was probably my own fault, never really having known loving people. I have found that you have to love and care for yourself, find the bliss just where the monk does, and never get external and compare yourself or your situation with that of others. I will always love my birth family but they were such abusive monsters that trust never came easily. We all, all of us, play the hand we are dealt and thank you for your honest video. There is nothing to be ashamed of. People live their level of consciousness, their level of awareness, and can do nothing else.
Well said Patrick!
God and Jesus keep me going every single day.
Your video hit home with me. My mom and dad passed away years ago. My only child got married and basically hangs with the in laws. My only sister had a stroke and can communicate but not like we used to because her mind is unstable. I do not have a "best friend", per say, mainly acquaintances. Many days my phone does not ring at all. When my husband, who was my very best friend, passed away, I became a "loner", we use to go everywhere together. Now I spend my days puttering around my house and watching videos. I love the Lord with all my heart; I KNOW He's here with me, but sometimes I want human contact. Life goes on...life goes on. God bless you.
Your comment really hit home! I do understand the need for human contact at times. Glad you have faith that helps sustain you. Thanks for sharing this, and take care!
Hits home... struggling daily
I have found trying to make friends as a senior (67) is hard. Most ladies have families and don't have time for new friends.
I take care of a fella that I thought I could spend the rest of my days with. He has no family....but this pastMarch, I had to put him in memory care. So he is very happy because for the first time in his life..he has people to be with all the time. I am so glad he is going to have this sense of family as he ages into his dementia.
Me...I will just push forward.
I'm 67. Moving to SE Asia next year. Much different world there. Being surrounded by caring people is common.
I bet you might find connection with others who have also had to place loved ones in memory care. I have seen wonderful friendships develop among families who are visiting their loved ones.
Life is not supposed to be an easy ride. It has ups and downs, and believe me, I have gone through a lot and have survived a lot as well. I feel hopeless sometimes, but I always bounce back finding joy and purpose in hiden corners. I went back to college at 58, and started a new career afterwards. I cannot count on anyone financially, so I do not have choices. Only moving forward and enjoy simple and free things every day: going for a walk, talking to random people. a cup of coffee in the morning, a cup of tea before bed, a good book, Bridgerton :). Have faith and visualize your dream life. Everyday. God's power is infinite.
I like how you walk through life. You are an inspiring person. 🌻
Even if you _could_ count on somebody financially, you never want to be financially dependent on another person.
@@Coryraisa I totally agree. I did it for many years. I don't regret it, because I was rising my kids, I enjoyed every second, and they became extraordinary young adults. But I ended up in a very scary place afterwards. I needed to start from zero at 57y. It has been a very painfull, enlightening, and difficult growing process. Totally worth it.
Thank you for sharing your positive attitude. I agree with you that God has infinite power.
The older I get the more I appreciate those simple things like you said: a walk outside, a good book, coffee or tea and working in my garden. Best thing for most of us if we’re so inclined is to have a pet. I’ve had dogs, cats and birds my entire life and they do bring so much joy!
I am 62, chronic illnesses and pain. My husband has a traumatic brain injury, his mother has Alzheimer’s we have two children with small kids.
I’m a loner and I don’t want my kids to have to care for me.
It is hard for my husband and I to take care of his Mom but we are doing the best we can, she is 89 and is such a wonderful person.
I can’t imagine her not having anyone in her life.
You sound like a very caring person and I'm guessing you will always have people around you who love you.
@@thefuzzfactor2989
Thank you for saying that 🙏
I’m not sure I will have always have that though, my adult kids and I aren’t very close. They are great when it comes to me spending time with the grandkids, had they not had children I think our relationships would have been strained or non existent.
It’s hard being a caregiver, but rewarding. You’ll always be glad you were able to do it.
@@malloryjines5050
You are right, I won’t regret a second of it. I am so grateful I got to be by Mom’s side through her cancer and her passing.
To those with no family we can create one with the people around us in church, community, parks. We have to be careful though of "choosing" our family because there are too😊 many scammers out there.
I belonged to a very large Church and while I made many friends, none of them was seeking a new family member or who wanted one. This showed up at Holidays.
@@jenniferlee7167that doesn’t sound right these people are supposed to be your friends at church but then couldn’t be Christian enough to invite you to their homes for thanksgiving dinner or Christmas. I know several times my mother( who barely went to church)would just invite people from her job who she wasn’t really friends with but found out they would be alone for thanksgiving and would invite them over. This is one of the reasons I have issues with church people( not all you sound like a beautiful person) and their so called Christian values. Sorry for the rant but I don’t like hypocrisy and phony people who claim to be compassionate.
I had the best Christmas inviting coworkers to my home as well as my dear friend who was in memory care for what turned out to be her last Christmas.. It was not that we were the best of friends at the time, but we all had the best time and I went on to become great friends with one of my coworkers after I retired. I have since moved and tried church and it was such an empty experience as some holidays have been spent alone. No one reached out at all and being new to the area, I did not have people to invite.
@@jenniferlee7167find a better kinder church. The bigger the less personal.
@@tracymorgan5386 I had a few of those invites but they were 'pity invites'. I would be the token charity case for them to get the gem in their heavenly crown. So I declined those invites. If people don't want to socialize with me during the year, don't throw me a pity bone at Christmas.
If you ever dealt with betrayal,backstabbing friends and coworkers or toxic family members that hate you living alone is not that bad.i.would rather live alone than deal with people like that again
Lived with roommates.........in conclusion I learned that being alone is not that bad
Oh my goodness, so glad your video came on my feed!! 85% of your story is my story - loss of family (father and mother died before I was 20) no real interest of family - no children and didn’t marry the right person. Always had to fight for my own survival - and people assume you are strong ! But hardly any support system so I have no choice to not give up. Very very lonely space to be in 😢
I understand Elise. Thanks for sharing!
I'm right there with you, but I do have my own family so I will have to focus on that and keep moving forward. My family of origin is another story. It's definitely a very sad situation, but we are miles apart in our coming together in our hearts. Sometimes things, material things can get in the way of life, which shouldn't happen, but often does. I am now to the point of not wanting a relationship with someone that is only willing to get their own way, be the taker, be the controller and decider for all without asking or allowing for input. No Thanks to that. I did that for 60 years too long. Does it hurt, of course it does, but I'm continuing to move in growth. The relationship was never a true one and I decided to face that rather than live in an illusionary world of fake Love. No thanks! It will never change, but I have.
Thanks for sharing this Ruby! It sounds like you have found a healthier path for yourself. Glad you are determined to move forward!😊💜💫
Aside from having no family and no friends, the best thing in life to do is make yourself happy. Make a list of hobbies and activities that you’d like to do or that you’ve never done before and start doing them. There are so many lonely people in the world that doesn’t have anyone in there lives sitting home and feeling depressed in which that doesn’t mean that you have to be or feel that way. Start making changes like I did. Go on a cruise or take a vacation somewhere, change the old habits that you are doing and do something new in life, join a gym, etc., that’s how I see it. Go out and have some fun with your life.
I have no living family (since 2001). BUT I have a great family: 4 godchildern, their mom, 5 great, closr friends, and a secondary group. AND my numerous pets throughout the years. As an introvert, I feel blessed.
My friend's three sons estranged themselves from her. She died last year in a fall. All of their wives turned them away from their mother. She wasn't perfect but was certainly a kind and decent woman. Father ran off and left her with the boys, one of which was brutally molested by a "helpful" male neighbor...so likely some resentments there roo.
That's occasionally the problem with a son. His wife holds the social rudder, which is fine if she's nice. My friend did a lot of volunteer work until age and poor vision got the best of her... and found comfort in that. She spent a great deal of time visiting nursing homes and was a huge blessing to people.
If your daughter in law doesn't want you, you're out. Sons rarely come to your defense.
I recently, September of 2022, lost my mom. My siblings who hadn’t spoke to her in over 10 years came out of the woodwork to receive money, they wanted more than her house was worth and prolonged the situation until they gave up and accepted what the house was assessed for. I haven’t heard from them since.
I am convinced that it is a blessing that they are absent from my life.
Sorry about your mom, and how your siblings have acted. It's unfortunately a common situation. Thanks for sharing Michelle!
There may be people like me. I was an only child of elderly parents though my mom lived to 95. I have two adult kids and one step grandson none of which lived close to me nor visited for years. Also had an ex with whom I had a very good relationship but he died recently. So l took my life back and in my 80’s moved to another country l could afford and am learning the language. Have met lots of expats and despite physical challenges am having the time of my life. If my kids ever come that would be nice but no expectation. We do talk every month or so as they say they are always busy which probably is true but once you get the picture it is so much better to do what you want.
Thanks for sharing Linda!
You are amazing 😊
I have thought about going the expat route. But I get SSI and on that program, if you leave the country, they cut you off.
@@RowenaSnow-px3jg please check into this. I have regular SS which is deposited in my bank automatically. You are still a citizen so please find out more.
@lindarose2327 that only works for Social Security and Spcial Security Disability Insurance. What i have is Supplemental Security Income (SSI). It is NOT Social Security. Unfortunately a lot of people are confused on that point, even news outlets. With the first 2 you could move out of the us and still get it. With SSI they cut it off.
I am a sixty-eight year old loner and only child. I guess I am built different. I don't wish for family. I am content with my solitude. I did have a short and childless marriage, but I have never desired children.
Of course, I do recognize the coming perils of aging.
C'est la vie.
I'm 80 and know the feeling.
Family can be a blessing or a curse. It's better to focus on friendship. Be a friend to a hospice patient, a disabled or nursing home individual, do charity work thru a church, join a book club. The list is endless.
Exact same story,
exact same feelings, exact same regrets. Thank you for your courage.
Thanks so much for your comment and for watching, Julia!
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I never married or had kids. Never had a desire to. My parents will be 85 this summer. When they transition to the other side I’ll be alone. An elder orphan. I do have alot of friends who care. My friends are my chosen family. Unfortunately friends don’t have the access to medical information that blood family does. I’m researching how to set something up so one of my friends would be able to coordinate my care if/when I can’t do that myself. My biggest fear is being in a nursing home & being neglected because no one is checking on me/coordinating my care. I’m taking steps right now to make sure that doesn’t happen. Wish me luck 🍀 Sending light & love to all my fellow elder orphans ✨♥️
Thanks peekaboo!
I’m like you. Looking for ways for care in the before hospice stage please share what you find out. Have a forum. I’d happily pay for shared knowledge. I’m scared.
@@ellenritt7667 I don’t need to be paid. But thank you for offering 💜 Us elder orphans have to stick together. Someone from my local Area Agency on Aging sent me information about a DURABLE HEALTH CARE POWER OF ATTORNEY. I haven’t consulted with a lawyer yet. Quite frankly I can’t afford to consult with one. If you find out anything please let me know. BTW, how can I join your forum?
This is so relatable. Biggest heartbreak of my life as well.
I feel for you, Jennifer!
As an only child, I knew if I didn’t establish a family of my own I would be completely alone in my old age. I was not able to do that and by 2000 I knew I would remain alone for the rest of my life. Three years later I was able to move away from the city. I figured if I were going to be alone I may as well be completely alone. I am glad I did so as misfortune destroyed my finances. Now I at least have the nurturance of Nature, my pets, my intellect and the internet. There are so many worse fates.
In the end, we're all alone on our journey. Our loved ones are stars passing by.
Well said crewmax! I love it! Thanks for sharing!
That's fine for a tee shirt but nonsense in real life.
@@waterbug1135 what a sage.
My heart!
My family all just one after another, passed away, most recently my Mother &
my partner left me
(he was awful anyways, day one no contact down, woo!)
But dang, I'm 37 years old and I'm alone.
I do have my 4 children, I'm on my own now though.
Ive got no friends, no family, no partner & I'm so scared.
I feel so small.
No job, been a stay at home Mom for so long.
Im lost.
I wish i would've paid more attention to a lot of things, i thought I'd have my family forever i guess.
More awareness on the subject should be spread like this.
I tell my children often now, how important it is they stick together and not fight over petty things or drift apart.
Thanks so much for sharing this Cheree! So sorry for your losses! Glad you have encouraged your children to be there for one another! I can read the pain in your words! Remember to nurture yourself as you deal with this!!😊💜💫
Isn’t it ironic that you spent your entire life caring for others and now you have no family. It’s an epidemic now. 1 in 4 families are estranged. I love to hear you saying you value you! ❤🎉
Thanks mtrue!
66 here and have been alone for around 30 years or more and actually love it. A couple years ago someone told me two of my sisters passed away years earlier. I've never kept in touch.
Gosh, I feel like this is a real support group, and we’re chatting. Your videos, are the best thing that’s helped me, since my kids stopped talking to me , a few yrs ago. I need to hear that I can still be happy, but I need to move on. And I love all the comments. I am 60, and it’s hard to make friends. Thank you! Love and peace
So glad this has helped you! Thanks for sharing!
You are a gift. Thank you for sharing your honest reflections, pain and accumulated wisdom. Parenthood was the best part of my life but not my life’s only work. We all got this🕊️ ❤
I lost all of my family at the age of four, except for my Mom. Lost my Mom a couple years ago. I have a son but his girlfriend felt we were too close and created wedge. So I'm alone on holidays and that's very hard. But I have some great friends that treat me well. This is my journey, mostly solo.
I propose that you (someone) put up a map. Then we can be ‘ a pin’ in the state of our residence, and if we see any close to ourselves, connect with letters…. If it grows from there, that’ll be a nice little friendship-future. We all have the same story, more or less, so there’ll be no shame in that connection!❤❤❤❤
I love this idea. Instant connection. There are so many of us. How to do? Maybe a spreadsheet filled in and sort by zip?
I think that's a great idea. I'll put my "pin" in the hat. I live nearby Seattle, Wa.
I'm so amazed at how much of your story is MY story.
Life is value for value. While there may be exceptions (a person here and there), life has a tendency to be value for value. If you give value to another person, they tend to give similar value to you. You have a very good friend who you (presumably) give value to...and she gives value to you.
Not in a narcissistic relationship. All the value is assigned to the narcissist and none flows back to the other person. It is not a reciprocal relationship. so the victim thinks they are not doing ENOUGH and they value the partner even MORE. The narcissist then devalues the victim even more....and so it goes. Until the victim wakes up and severs the relationship or the victim loses themselves in that relationship.
Just subscribed. Thank you for your video. You reminded me to appreciate what I do have. I am 77 now, and my sister and I live together. It's not always easy, but we resolve our differences and comfort each other. I have 2 sons who support us from afar, and a niece who shops for us. I was estranged from my youngest son for 16 years when he married someone who didnt approve of his family, but after his divorce he reconnected and we keep in touch by phone and facebook. But I am often sad because his two children don't know this side of their family and how much we long to love them. I send love to all those who worry about their old age. Read if you can, walk if you can, watch good movies (or True Crime!), sit in the sun, eat what you like, laugh with a child. I lost two good friends in 2020, a husband in 1983 and then again in 2014. There will always be sad days, but I am moving forward today because you popped up in my feed! Love from South Africa 🇿🇦 💜
I'm sorry for what you've gone through. I'm estranged from my family - it's been very painful. I moved to a new area where I don't know anyone and it feels hard to start from scratch and build friendships.
I can understand dharmaphile! I will likely be going to a new place in the next several months, and it does come with challenges. Appreciate your comment and take care!
I've never seen a video like this before. I come from a large family, but we used to "adopt" folks into our family and still do. There are countless folks that are going through this sort of thing, and it's good that you not only brought it to light, but told others that they are not alone. It is not some unique plight bestowed upon them by life because they deserve less. I think your statement here is a great service.🥰❤👌
Thanks so much Jay! It is wonderful that your family "adopted" others like that.
Alone here, walking alongside a son with Autism. Have 3 Prodigals. Divorced. Im a Christian and Jesus is my constant light and it has raised my level of feeling rejected.
Thank you so much beautiful Allison for sharing this❤️😢
Thank you so much tenderhearted!!😊💜💫
You have a positive and lovely outlook toward dealing with the heartbreak but also the joy of life. Thanks for this video.
Very kind, Judith!
i see that most of the comments here are from people much older than me. i’m 17 and i live my aunt, uncle and cousin. my brother passed away almost 10 years ago now. suddenly my dad went from once a month visits to no contact, and over those years i watched my mum’s health decline as her alcoholism worsened. she passed just last year.
i worry i’m not in any place to complain, i’m living with relatives after all, some people aren’t even fortunate enough to live with anyone. but it cuts so deep, being an outsider to the family i could have had. my mum and my brother were, and still are, the most important people in my life and it aches knowing that they died young, and in pain, and now i have to just carry on. but it feels like my entire family is dead. the two people who loved me unconditionally are gone, undeserving of the pain they went through and i wish i could have taken it from them. those constant “what ifs”: what if i died instead of my brother? my mum probably would have coped better with losing me, and my brother could have been there for her.
with both of them gone, it feels like i have no ties anymore. i’ll just have to wait until i pass and we can share the same grave, but i’m not sure how well my relatives would respond. i miss them so much
Thanks for sharing this Tioradh! So sorry for the loss of your family at your young age. Make sure you give yourself time to grieve, and ask for help if needed. Take care!
As someone who lost most of my close family members at an early age, I would advise focusing on something that is important to you as a goal. Many people find out too late that it's not realistic to expect that other people will be there for you at any point in your life. I also suggest learning meditation techniques to be able to focus and control your mind and emotions. Life is limited and everyone has some type of burden to bear through life and this is yours. This is your life challenge and your mission is to figure out how to live a fulfilling life. In some ways, it's easier when all the deaths happens when you are younger rather than later since you have time to adjust and figure things out. But it is very sad to have lost them so early. Best of luck to you.