God Bless you dr odija on TH-cam keep on the good work you have been doing and thanks also for curing me off this disease you are truly a God sent towards humanity I appreciate you sir dr odija,,
Honestly pretty sure that we do. Like I’ve done some of these things and I highly doubt I’m autistic. I’m good at reading people and have emotions. But like I was very shy and had to work on fixing that to be more normal. And I’ve definitely thought about the eye contact thing in some very uncomfortable conversations with teachers where they are just holding the eye contact way way too long for creepy amounts. It feels awkward and you gotta think “is this me or is it them being weird and unnatural?”
“Autism is diagnosed when social expectations for neurotypical behavior begin to outweigh the person’s ability to perform those behaviors.” Never heard such a clear and simple definition on the topic. Thanks.
Yeah, well, social expectations when verbal and other Linda of abuse is normalized can be kind of extreme. Im expected to have superficial skills .. and I guess I do, or I wouldnt survive.
I had no idea that hyper emotional sensitivity was related to autism. Everyday I discover more and more symptoms I have experienced since childhood and never had an explanation for. Thank you for spreading awareness to people with and without autism!!
I'm a empath and hsp. If you haven't of it check it out. I read people with hsp may be adhd and autistic. Empaths and hsp are extremely sensitive and tend to absorb people's emotions and physical pain.
Yeah and they can be miss diagnosed with borderline personality disorder….which I was and then my bf brought up”are you adhd” and now my mom and him think I have autism ✌🏽🥲
Masking is something people dont even realize they're doing. Someone mentioned it was weird I never looked people in the eyes so I was like "oh I'm not doing this right I guess" and started to force it. (The people complained I was looking into their eyes TOO much 😂😂) and rehearsing conversations because I dont want to be caught in an awkward position. I did this all before I even knew I was autistic
Same I had a phase where I used too much eye contact and now because of COVID I’m not used to eye contact anymore. Also now it makes sense as to why my parents would say “but you don’t act like this at school!” Because I was masking at school and knew I had to act a certain way and follow rules
I think my mum told me when I was very young that I wouldn’t look people in the eyes and since then I stare 😂I can’t stop giving too much eye contact. It’s actually given my male friends the wrong impression the past, they’ve taken it as a sign of interest 😭
Look in the mirror say “I’m not smart, I’m not beautiful, Nobody loves me, I wasn’t meant to be be born, Nobody will ever miss me, I am correcting the mistake to save the world” keep saying it to break the spell.
I was just formally diagnosed as autistic (I’m 51) and I have always been exhausted by the effort it takes to do stuff. It feels like everything is an endless sprint that others seemed to be able to just stroll through. Masking takes a Herculean amount of energy.
May I please ask how you got your healthcare provider to take you seriously about autism? What triggered the beginning of your diagnosis? I’m 30, and I’m sure at this point that this is me too. At this point, exhaustion is my entire life from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. I can’t keep going like this any more, I’m thinking “life doesn’t look THIS hard for other people around me” but I just don’t know how to bring it up cause I’m convinced they won’t believe me and they’ll probably think I’m just lazy and looking for an excuse for why I’m such a failure
I agree! I think I'm coming to the realization that I may be autistic, but what you described is what I've felt too. I've always thought I was lazy or not disciplined enough to do as much as other people, but at the same time I'm so tired all the time.
52 here! Same. I almost feel “robbed”. I’ve had to work/struggle so much harder than the neurotypical. Had I received support when I was young, I do believe my life would look so very different today.
as a learning disabilities nurse i have been waiting to hear somebody voice the stigma against “aspergers”, due to it’s “founder”. so happy that this lady has included this in her speech
@@taliahturqoise9673 I understand you are but saying this over and over again doesn't help. Each person will take it as it is. Saying it does not change the diagnosis is valid but saying people are oversensitive is not needed as it does not change things.
@Taliah turqose Aster há 0 segundo You don't even know what tf autism actually is. Asperger has been included into ASD, according to DSM-5 and ICD-11!!! STOP SPREADING MISINFORMATION, DAMNIT
I just recently told my mom that I think I’m autistic, I’m hopefully going to get a diagnosis soon! Nobody understands just how hard EVERYTHING is for me, nobody has listened or noticed until now. I could cry thinking about it. Everything makes sense, I’m not crazy and I’m not bad. I’m just different.
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@@melanatedwoman45 Yes and no. I was actually looking for a psychologist for my kids. It took six months of calling around to find anyone with availability. During that time I was doing a lot of research and started to think they were autistic and then myself as well. When I finally found someone who did have availability they got all three of us in really quickly. I have my diagnosis journey as a playlist on my channel.
@@i.am.mindblind I see! I am 37 and having a hard time finding specialists who test adults. Or if they do, they don't accept insurance and it's thousands of dollars!
Thank you so much for mentioning the racial disparities of autism diagnosis in the minority community. Hardly anyone mentions or gives it the attention it deserves. 🥰🥰🥰
So weird that neurotypicals don't have to think about it. I had to spend over 15 years masking, researching, rehearsing...watching documentaries and movies, reading books and studying social psychology (as this whole thing became one of my special interests) in order to learn it. I'm proud to say I think I do it better than most neurotypicals do. But it was painful, grueling work that took tons of practice, panic attacks and overstimulation (still get those but have to mask it and it's much less now) to achieve. I'm always told how charismatic I am, so I guess my work has paid off. Proud to be neurodivergent!!
I'm a 25 year old woman who was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and borderline personality disorder at 12 years old and have medicated as such from ages 12 - now. But now, I'm working with a psychiatrist to get an autism diagnosis because all of the signs are there. I was just pidgeonholed. I can't even begin to imagine how much easier my life would have been had I gotten the correct diagnosis at age 12, and what that would've meant for my self image and self-knowledge. My life in relation to having autism and having those traits has been incredibly difficult and it is breaking my heart to see how society fails people (but women particularly in this conversation) with autism. After learning what masking was for the first time, I literally broke down sobbing. I finally understood why I've felt so exhausted, left out, and misunderstood my entire life. Now, I just have to figure out what to do from here. I've struggled in education and jobs and can't seem to find a way to succeed.
This made me cry. I'm 67 years old and always felt like I was from another planet. I lived in a bubble that I didn't feel I could break out of to touch human beings. As a child I'd have thoughts that were way beyond my years but I couldn't communicate them, and I was so out of touch with other children, like I said earlier I was an alien who couldn't relate to them at all. I've been awkward, saying things meant one way that people took wrong and were hurt. I would lie awake and cry, because I felt so horrible for the pain I caused. I'd go over conversations in my head over and over changing things, adding new things, trying to make it come out right as if I could somehow fix it. I've been a performing musician, songwriter, and on the road. That was easier as I didnt have to spend time with people, learned the right short answers, and it worked for me. Now I live with family on an acre and write books. It's good to know there was a reason for it all. God knows, He is good.
Here's what I learned when I was diagnosed at 27 (I'm female). Neurotypicals usually can tell you're masking at some point in the conversation. But, they interpret that as you hiding something and therfore become suspicious. This is when you get people thinking you are creepy, or unsettling in a dangerous way. Sometimes they think we are on drugs. I found out after losing the ability to mask that it's actually a positive for me not to mask anyway. I'm less anxious in public now and I disclose to people in situations where I'll be spending a lot of time with them, like work. Ive found that it seems to be disarming to some, but that still others don't believe me and think its me larping because my differences are not very extreme. But they're not my boss so I don't care. I can let myself not care. 😊
@Sonja Ilic Most people? Really? And this is based on what, your idealistic faith in humanity? Because it has not been my actia; experience as an autistic person.
this!!! i started unmasking when i realized im autistic and oh it feels so freeing! my social anxiety is almost completely gone and i can just be myself because now i have answers and i know im not "weird"
@@sonjailic5770 I agree with them, most of the time disclosing it leads to more discrimination, not less. People start to make assumptions about you based on their often very poor understanding of what autism is and this leads to you not getting hired, experiencing medical discrimination and not being taken seriously by the police. And this isn't just me saying this, there is a lot of research supporting that.
@@robokill387 Yes, that's been my experience as well. Many neurotypicals mean well but their idea of accommodating us is based on misconceptions that are often outdated, many of them think of Rain Man or those nonverbal kids in viral "inspirational" posts. I have to resist the urge to be snarky when they offer to help me with basic tasks that I've been doing for most of my life just fine.
She went and SAID it. Thank goodness. It’s so hard to find ppl who understand what it feels like to be an autistic female. I’m “high functioning but also low functioning” apparently and that makes NO sense until you look at that nifty little chart.
@@kabo0m Not only, the sitting straight, not ruining your pink dress and white tights or shoes, not running around too much, being gentle with toys etc.
I really enjoyed this talk. One thing it made me think of is if society expects more of little girls than of little boys, or just different things. Girls are expected to have better social skills, but boys are expected to be less emotional, for example. I can definitely see some of the issues girls face in being diagnosed with autism being similar to what men masking depression might experience. Not within the scope of the talk exactly, but just made me think
I knew I was weird as I grew up, for almost two years now I'm researching and autism explains even the smallest details of my "character". It's just unbelievable!
Haha "character", so true! My psychologist will mention common experiences related to autism and I'm like, really??? Had assumed it was literally just me
I'm 25 and finally met a medical professional who believes in my autism. Having someone tell me that I'm not weird and that there is nothing wrong with me after living with those feelings my whole life is the most freeing experience I've ever had.
Our brain don't works like yours. To give an example. When I was 16 I rode the tram to school every morning with a friend. One day we got off and she started throwing up. I didn't know what to do and just pretended nothing was wrong. I ignored it. I didn't even ask if everything was OK. Now I know that if something like this happens you have to show understanding, possibly touch the person and ask if everything is OK. And so there are still everyday things that I have to analyze in my brain in seconds and think what you think is normal in response. My life is a stage, and I learn my lyrics seconds before I perform. Pierre-Paul Maes, Belgium.
I had that happen to me my boss fell flat on her back. I struggled with do I say something or do something or not.. I decided not to do anything for a while because when that happened to me before I would’ve preferred to just get up when I gathered myself enough but it was kind of cool to just lay there after the shock of falling.. so I didn’t say anything, and a coworker glared at me ash she came up to say oh my gosh are you OK. I knew my boss had to be embarrassed so I didn’t do the typical thing. I probably technically have autism but who cares people are so caught up in specific labels nowadays. In conclusion humans we are all different and at different areas on different spectrums
It's always weighing so many factors just to respond socially! What would I want, what have I been taught is correct, what do I know about this person and past experiences and reactions? All in a split second. Little did I know, most people don't need to weigh all these factors before reacting to someone throwing up, falling, getting hit with something etc.
Irony of needing to MASK to do the Ted Talk not lost. - Kate You are BOSS LEVEL inspiring and I will reach out to you soon connect as I will be focusing hard core research on Women on the Spectrum. Would love to touch base :) You are helping us all and so so appreciated in life!
I would add that masking is also an effective tool to avoid discipline for "bad" or "inappropriate" behavior, while not truly understanding why that behavior was inappropriate in the first place, or why the discipline enforced is being implemented. They just understand its unpleasant, so to avoid it, they mask.
This is exactly it. Knowing it's considered as bad, and the reaction causes me distress.........so masking to eliminate the reaction. For years. Without realizing it. Until recently, when I can't effectively mask anymore. So now I'm back in distress...........
I’m 48 and Deaf since birth. I now know I’m also Autistic. Self diagnosed right now but gathering all info to present to my doctor. My youngest was diagnosed at age 19 two years ago. She’s the one pointing out to me that I have a lot of Autistic traits. It’s also harder to diagnose Autism in Deaf/Hard of Hearing people as they tend to get diagnosed later. I’m a huge DHH advocate and I will be including Autism advocate as well. Need to spread awareness of DeafAutistic so more of us can be seen and heard. Thank you so much for your video and it like a huge “lightbulb” moment and my whole life makes so much sense now. ☺️❤️
Hi, I'm curious about this: I've been reading scientific research that people with autism, like soft colors, neutral, not bright colors, but I see that people who are diagnosed/or think they are autistic and wear colorful clothes or in your case they are dyed in bright colors. Shouldn't they feel overstimulated with things like that? shouldn't red, hot pink, etc be colors you don't choose or avoid?
@@linablues6881 my youngest loves colours especially rainbows. She started wearing more colours clothing. I love bright colours. When I used to own a house when I was married, I would paint the walls purple which is my favourite colour. I love colours too. Then my youngest did dyed her hair bright colours then I started doing that. She back to her natural strawberry blonde hair. I’m natural blonde but I love colouring my hair either purple or magenta. Sometimes red. It doesn’t bother me. I do think a lot of Autistics love colours and I do see a lot of them dye their hair bright colours. We like to be funky and different. I think it brings out our fun side. Colours are soothing actually and really wakes our brains up. But it’s all depends on an Autistic person. To some, colours can be overstimulating and to some, love looking at colours as a visual stimming. My youngest has Synesthesia. She sees words in colour. ☺️
@@linablues6881 also I think it is depends on where you see the colours and where you like the colours. Maybe kids prefer softer colours and as they get older like more bolder colours. Too much colour can be overstimulating yes. Like I said it depends on where is used and how. I can’t speak for all of us. This is my personal preference but I do see many others like colours. But my youngest and I also have ADHD. So I think that factors into it as well and majority of a Autistic have other disabilities as well such as ADHD, dyslexia and so on. So it’s all depends on a person. My suggestion is to follow other Autistic people on other social media platforms like Facebook, Instagram and TikTok. A lot in TikTok, many like to share their experiences and explain what Autism is. You’ll learn more by watching them. ☺️
I knew several girls in college who could not talk about something that they were not interested in and had trouble processing emotions or connecting with others. I always wondered how someone could be so unsure of their own or other people's emotions. This talk helped to shed some light on that.
I failed classes where we had to group with partners for the semester. One in particular I remembered was Sign Language. I dropped out of the class and never got the help or support I needed.
@@kabo0m I'm sorry that was your experience. I do want to be clear that my comment was not directed at people who struggled, only to show that I'm interested. I have only recently begun understanding autism in women. With guys, it is usually obvious, but not so much for girls. I also am not trying to diagnose any of my friends! That said, I can relate. I used to freak out in group sessions- usually in circumstances when someone in the group gave me the creeps. I also can't learn foreign language well. That really must be a bummer if sign language is a passion for you. I wish you the best!
Thank you for this. I have a sibling who was diagnosed very late because they are just so advanced and skilled in masking. Awareness like the one you share here is invaluably valid to us in the environment of loved souls as these.
I relate to this a lot... I was misdiagnosed (not officially diagnosed, but suspected), with OCD, being a highly sensitive person (which to me, is autism but trying to sound cool), and anxiety. I later got diagnosed with ADHD and suspected autism, but the sensory stuff is similar, and I grew up hiding a lot of stuff, and struggling to know why certain things were okay when others weren't. My special interest was in owls, then later birds on a whole, and then changed over time to be different animals, different crafts, and TV shows I liked. The combination of ADHD and autism often masks those traits even further because my special interests never lasted longer than a few years, which was seen as more normal, and often I'd have a few at once. My sensory things and stimming were seen as more acceptable since my dad's always in a rocking chair with music playing, or the TV on, and I'm the same, I find rocking chairs calming. Everyone had an excuse for my weirdness, whether because I was an only child and hadn't learn social interaction from others, or because my parents split up when I was 5. Admittedly, I don't remember much before I was 5, so I can't get diagnosed due to that. We really need more awareness, as it's so important. Instead of feeling like a failure of a woman, I know that I'm doing okay for being neurodivergent and that I don't have to meet society's roles for what I should do with my life, and what I should wear.
Yooo thank you so much for mentioning how your ADHD affects you ASD, same girl saaame!! I just didn't realize that's why I never had just one special interest, I have a carousel cupboard of special interests haha I mean I knew I had flowing cycles of "obsessions" but identifying as autistic is new to me, it's putting such a new perspective on myself. ☆ Cheers!
Dude the high level empathy for me got BAD in fourth grade i would burst into tears every time i thought about something i did wrong that could have hurt others so i cried like five times a day
What a beautiful and strong young women. As a fellow autistic woman in my early 20s who didn't get a diagnosis until after high school, I relate with so much of this. I'm so happy to see her advocating for the minority of autistic women. I couldn't count how many times I've heard "I never would've guessed you were autistic." 😂 I got so good at masking over the years and it was incredibly exhausting. I do still mask occasionally but not to the same extent that I used to. I've tried to embrace my true self and not feel ashmed for being different. Thankfully I've had good support
I haven't been diagnosed with autism, but I heavily relate to all of this and always say that interacting with people feels like a stage performance. I also normally feel like I am at a zoo exhibit watching these creatures (other humans) exist and interact with one another, and I have to study them and mimic their behavior to engage without scaring them off.
I feel exactly the same way. It’s so exhausting. I analyze others and Inside I think to myself “ who cares about this or leave me alone and stop talking to me” ( around specific people that like to over talk around me because I’m the “ listener “ and not talker. I push a lot of my old friends away because I hate feeling awkward in social settings.
@Balls_Deep I'm curious, were you picked on for being autistic? Or were you picked on by being called autistic when you really weren't? Or were you bullied by someone with autism, or that claimed to have autism to get away with being mean to you? You seem like you are hurting around this topic. I hope you eventually find the peace you need and deserve, but picking on other people is never going to give that to you. Best wishes.
I figured out I was autistic when my social skills never improved and I never felt better around people, it kind of sucks, I always feel lonely..like I’ll talk to someone but never really make a genuine connection and it’s exhausting
Same, I find it such an effort to interact with humans. I much prefer just hanging out with my cats as I can be my awkward self without having to put on an act and be constantly worrying. 😻 I don't think I have autism but I do have social anxiety and can relate to alot of the autistic traits.
I'm 20 and I've been researching autism on and off for the last 3 years. Nobody in my family believes that i might be autistic when i try to talk to them about it because they only know the white boy stereotype and for some reason they refuse to want to learn
i am not diagnosed either, but i've been researching about it a lot and now this feeling i had my entire life of being so ""different"" than other people makes so much sense now when i told my mom i suspected that i was autistic and i wanted go to a psychiatrist, she didnt belived me, but i think it was cause i didnt explained really well so idk ive been studying abt it for the past few weeks so i can talk to them, bc i show the symptons since i was a baby, and learning about this makes SO much sense
My daughter has just bern diagnosed as autistic. Such a relief after years of her suffering anxiety and depression as a teenager. She welcomed the diagnosis as it lifted a huge weight off her shoulders. Finally, she understands nothing wrong with her but as she said to me’ I have a differ ability not a disability “.
I was born in the early 70s, and women/girls, or even POC weren't even tested back then...which is weird since everyone has a brain! Just recently diagnosed as high functioning ASD, at 50 YRS OLD! Of course, I've been dealing with the symptoms all my life, but never knew why...my family was neglectful, and abusive, always calling me weird, and need to act "normal". Such a RELIEF to know why I'm this way.
She did so well! I am self diagnosed with ASD (awaiting assessment) I suffer from crippling anxiety and I can’t imagine being able to speak so clearly and eloquently in public. 👏🏻 well done! She is giving me hope.
It’s okay to self diagnose but you really should speak with a doctor about it Sarah if you can. Having someone professional evaluate the symptoms and officially diagnose you is a relief because your 100% sure. It can really help understanding how our minds work
@@ishnu7988 not everyone can afford a diagnosis. Here in Ireland the only way to get one is to pay privately. I was lucky enough to get an inheritance from my grandmothers estate and have since received an official diagnosis of ASD. Not everyone is as lucky. Don’t presume everyone has access to services.
I just found out that my 4yr old grand daughter is autistic...thank you for this clear explanation...this information is well appreciated...it is nothing to be ashamed of ,in fact it is a gift ...a special gift in itself..
i can't believe i never knew this about the term Asperger's! horrible. i will be much more mindful b4 ever using that again, thats for sure. i worked with the autism population for many years and always had a soul bond due to my own extreme sensitivity and visceral feelings for all things on this 3d plane. we had secret ways of understanding one another, and it was some of the best work I've ever done, and I excelled in it. i watch these videos b/c it is always so close to my heart and there are still experiences i have with other adults that make me wonder how much they are masking--women in particular. thank you for this, Kate!
Excellent, such a strong woman…..well done and very well explained.thank you for the insight about Mr Asperger !! I’ve worked in the field of asd for many years, I have my own hyper and hyposesitivities ( Irlen syndrome)……I now want to know more about masking….it’s a new term for me and your personal experience of masking must be exhausting on your neural functioning, and consequent mental health. Have a great ‘asd’ typical life…..x
I just got a diagnosis today, I'm 25 and my parents never told me. They even had me tested for ADHD and autism, and my whole life just told me I have trauma, anxiety, or depression. And, I do have trauma but I always knew something about me was "off". My family has always called me weird, quirky, or different and I'm not sure if they meant it in a good/bad way.
I could cry! Thank you so much for being a voice for us and having the courage to do this! 💜 I felt your pain and how much you felt what you were saying up there, neurotypical people will never fully know the constant struggle we face and the proving ourselves over and over again to a world that you feel like you don’t belong in, but this is a step in the right direction and we are not alone X
Hi! i am autistic this made me really confident about myself! I was also diagnosed with Asperger's and I also refer to my self as autistic ever since 6th grade
Its great she eventually got the diagnosis. But i think a big key is getting the diagnosis before they learn to mask and hide themselves. Thats squarely on the parents. My daughter was diagnosed at age 2. But the steps to get her diagnosis started at 18 months at the recommendation of our pediatrician. The dr asked a lot of questions and I was 100% honest answering them. My daughter was not meeting milestones goals...etc. My wife on the otherhand seemed like she was not 100% forthcoming and was "masking" her concerns to the doctor. I feel alot of parents(including the speakers) are in denial and dont tell their doctors everything when they are young. We have to be honest with ourselves.
I am 59 and was diagnosed one month ago . I’m a mother of grown children and I work .I have found life hard but no-one would know how often I have to work out what people actually mean ……all the time , it is exhausting.
Me spending 3 decades as a quirky angry highly strung emotional person. Then realising. OH there’s a reason for all of this pain and struggle. Feels amazing for something to make sense and to no longer feel alone and crazy. Moments like this I’m still grateful for the comment section ❤️
I think I can relate to being autistic but I’ve just thought I’ve had anxiety for a long time and that it’s stronger recently. It’s difficult to know for sure. For instance, I’ve done some abnormal things socially, struggled with eye contact, become mute in social situations many times unless someone initiates conversation, been naive safety wise in public, don’t like being touched, I think I copy empathetic reactions, don’t know how to react when things go wrong, get overwhelmed sensory-wise, walking in public is stressful, feel like a robot sometimes, I’ve always struggled to connect with people, etc. 🤔 I used to be quite emotional/ empathetic but it’s the opposite now.
I share some of these…you are not alone. I remember not able to walk straight on the sidewalk…just like a drunk moving from one edge to the other when I neighbor boy my age asked why do I walk like that as he was laughing, I said like what ? He said side to side on the sidewalk…. I corrected it immediately But pushed it down like…why didn’t I know I was doing this?
I understand what you are going through. I avoid social gatherings which makes it hard on my marriage. Work is also difficult, people don't get me so I stay quiet most of the day. But I do have faith in Jesus and He gets me through!
Since recently learning that my autism was part of me, not something to be ashamed of, I decided to stop hiding it from my friends and fellow workers. I strongly appreciate people like Kate and others who have raised the public awareness of ASD, or as I prefer "Neurodivergence". Since "coming out" about my autism openly, no longer hiding it, a "weight" has been lifted from my shoulders which I have born since early childhood. Autism is NOT something I have, it is what I am, it is part of me.
Thank you for this talk! I've always known I was different especially socially. I'm terrified of trying to get a diagnosis as my Dr is male and very "rigid" for lack of a better term (we have a lack of good psychiatrists in my area.) I know I'm high functioning but I've masked for so many years and now so many things make sense about why I am the way I am. I'm almost 33. The eating disorder part really stood out to me since I struggled with that for years as a teen. While I feel confident in a self diagnosis, I personally would still like to be professionally diagnosed. I feel hopeful after seeing you speak so well in front of a crowd. Again, thank you.
I’ve never heard of anyone being so adverse to velvet aside from me. Just learning I’m very likely an autistic woman, and this is so good to hear. Thank you.
I have a big issue with eye contact. I brought it up to my mom when I was a kid and she told me "if you don't know their eye color, you weren't really paying attention" and that cheated me out of it for YEARS. Now that I know I have ASD, it feels easier to not have to force myself to look at people to seem "normal." There isn't a "normal", I'm just different. And that isn't bad.
It took me a whole lifetime of being severely bullied for social ineptitude, a younger sister autism diagnosed at 20, 10+ years of constant anxiety, depression and panic disorder medication, 2 years of therapy, a self evaluation of my impulse control issues with alcohol and sugar, and a total breakdown at the Dr.'s and near loss of my job during covid to finally get diagnosed and treated for ADHD with the family/genetic potential for comorbid Autism at 27. Masking is critical to surviving in society but also so damaging for people barely keeping their head above water wondering what's wrong with them. I finally have words and reasons and explanations that explain so much of things about myself I could not explain before despite being hyper self aware due to my anxiety of failing socially/publicly like how I did as a child. Videos like this are so important!!!
Am 18yo, and i suspect having authism, i can't efford a diagnosis atm, so may you tell me how have u been diagnosed and wut traits that assure u got authism
@@fatimabaali661 My doctor and I are still investigating the autism side but they did have me take a 65 question long survey for the ADHD, my guess is the autism evaluation may have a questionnaire to
Wonderful Kate.. I love your speach. I myself am autistic and never had an idea that hightend emotions and high affective empathy could be one part of it. Thank you so much. It explains so much of how I am and how I work.. so thank you so much. Btw I to am lectureing on the subject and will most certainly recommend your speach to my listeners..
I watched this video after watching the kdrama Extraordinary Attorney Woo and couldn't help but applaud Park Eunbin for such outstanding portrayal of women with autism. I want to understand people with autism better because when I was in elementary sometimes I acted immaturely and insensitively towards them due to the environment that influenced me to treat them like that but as I grow up, I learned what I did what wrong and insensitive. I want to become a better person with no prejudices towards people with diabilities and live a world full of love and justice.
It took me three years to get my ADHD diagnosis. And now, I’m on this journey. It’s been one year so far. I expect it to take three more. I am twenty six. 😭
Aiden Davis was first diagnosed with autism at 25 months and became a singer in 12th grade. He used the stage name ''Ayden Davis''. As of July 12th, 2004, He won the Greatest Teen Singer award.
I’m waiting for a diagnosis from my doctors, And researching stuff in case I have it fingers crossed I don’t but it explains a lot about my childhood behaviour and now behaviour
This was by far one of the most informative video's on this topic. I've been doing some research on the topic since my best friend is also Autistic and I want to know more about so that I know how to help her, by understanding how her brain works. I've already discovered stuff just by hanging out with her and I know her boundaries quite well. I'm still fascinated with these kinds of topics, so i'm gonna keep doing some research and hopefully I'll pick up a few things allong the way that can help our friendship grow stronger!
That was so helpful and reassuring to me because I am in the process of testing which takes two years in the UK due to waiting lists. I've been feeling ashamed and weird, and embarrassed to tell anyone because of the stigma attached to women with adhd or on the autistic spectrum.
I'm so sorry you're struggling too! Honestly, after the NHS dropped me from their lists the second time I gave up. I can't afford it right now, but I hope to save up for a private assessment, I just can't take another round of "new therapist every week". I hope you get the answers you're looking for x
Completely understand being embarrassed to tell anyone! You'll get there, cut yourself some slack (I've been working on doing that too haha) :) also if you can find some other adhd or autistic people to talk to it can make it easier to be open about it (and to feel understood) All the best!
I am 24 and just got diagnosed today. I got told to do some research as to what this diagnosis means, and this is a really good source of information. Definitely a good starting point for learning about my diagnosis, thank you for talking!
She is awesome! This explanation is so clear and instructional. Thank you Kate, you have given me a better understanding of my daughter. God bless you.
Kate, You finally helped me to make sense of these things. Your explanations and your presentation are SO very clear and easy to understand for me (I am autistic, too). I thank you so much, you have made a difference in my life.
What a wonderful explanation of what this is, how it shows up and the EFFORT it takes to manage that most people are unaware of. You share an experience that is incredibly similar to my daughter's (who was also not diagnosed until 18)
I was just diagnosed over the summer at age 39. My current therapist that I have been seeing for severe anxiety Had urged me to see a psychologist to get some more testing done. She was concerned that I might have been misdiagnosed and that I actually I'm on the autism spectrum. Sure enough. She was correct- autism spectrum disorder, level 2. Everything makes so much sense now. I've always been bothered by lots of textures, bright lights, loud sounds. I've also had things that I have been obsessed with, such as the Olsen twins. Growing up. I was overly obsessed and would gather as much information as I could to know about them. It actually would get on people's nerves because I would talk about them a lot or listen to their music all the time. And I get upset if I couldn't. But everything now makes so much sense. Now I'm just trying to learn more and gain coping skills of what I can help myself with and just learn to accept what I can't change.
Masking is so tiring 😞no one ever diagnosed me with autism,but I know for sure ..I learn to live with it . Doing therapy for mix anxiety and depression-but my healer is God Jesus and Holy Spirit ❤️🙏
How does your faith connect with the autism diagnosis? Do you see it as a spiritual condition? I ask because in church we are taught that we are free from disease and illness, that the blood of Jesus heals us completely. So if we say we are autistic, what does that mean for us as a believer? Just curious…
I feel I’m autistic I’ve learned to mask it at a young age I remember wondering as a child why I feel and think differently? In my teens it became full blown and I couldn’t mask any longer!
I feel seen. Thank you for sharing this. I’ve wondered in silence if I was autistic for years. As many symptoms got worse I did a lot of research and reflection on my life, and realized that it very well could be what was happening. I’m in the process of officially getting diagnosed. At 20 years old, I don’t quite know if there truly are benefits to being diagnosed at this point, but I hope I can get better resources to cope and inform people of why I act the way I do sometimes.
It sucks to have to weigh the pros and cons because diagnosis can improve your life exponentially but the stigma will cause you to lose many opportunities. I had been looking into applying for citizenship in New Zealand and they will deny you for simply having the diagnosis, high functioning or not. In the us you're technically supposed to disclose it to every job as well :(
I have an explanation between people with autism and people without that I think is pretty accurate. Imagine the brain having a main circuit between the initial stimuli and the final thought/action. and within that circuit, there are several ports that has to be placed in for the circuit to work. neurotypical people have several of these ports already filled in for them, they just have to manually fill in a few. Autistic people have to manually fill in EVERY port. This can lead to having to put more effort into doing simple tasks that normal people just do without a second thought. this leads someone with autism to have to fully understand what he/she is doing in order to do it. while this can be a deficit and a drawback due to the fact that it takes longer/more effort to do things, it can also be useful. Since someone with autism has to fully understand what he/she is doing, it leads to a deeper understanding of how to do things, which allows someone with autism to be able to help someone with something about something specific that most people don't even think about. At least this was my experience being autistic.
I'm 22 and in the process of getting diagnosed and I can just relate so well to everything she says. I'm so happy I've finally found out why I had so many issues without a clear cause and literally got burnt out at 18.
Sameee im 22 as well and i burnt out around the same age. I literally could never explain why although i was doing the same thing as everyone around me. I stopped working & going to school. I thought something was wrong with me and I’ve been told i was weird/off my entire life. I’ve never made the connection to autism though. Doing more research has given me relief & i feel more okay with myself because ik im not the only one. Now ik why i behave the way i do but I’m still waiting to be officially diagnosed as well
I also hit this burnout stage recently. I’ve been trying to mask and people please all my life. I reached a point where I’ve just gotten tired of faking everything; now I’m looking into an autism diagnosis.
I’m a woman with adhd and ocd amongst other things and I’m not so sure I’m not autistic. One thing that has made me question lately is that when I was younger and into my teens my parents would constantly remind me to look at them. I didn’t realize that anytime I’m talking to someone I am thinking about how to make eye contact, which eye I should be looking at, if I should be looking somewhere in the middle. That does get pretty exhausting, as well as trying to stop myself from saying everything that comes to mind and interrupting people with off topic comments (ADHD). And then of course my OCD comes in later to over-analyze how every conversation went.
I'm autistic and I will tell you that poor diet is not the cause and a good diet is not the cure, but a good diet low in carbs making sure all foods the person has sensitivities will lessen some of the symptoms. If you have IBS or IBD which way more autistic people do, than you probably have leaky gut. I am still autistic, but can focus on one thing more and block out distractions more now that I eat better.
I had a teacher who was so sexist. There were two girls whispering and a ton of boys yelling, this teacher said "Girls stop it, that's expected from boys, not girls!" I was so mad. As an autistic person that scared me knowing that I would be treated differently if I un-masked, so I didn't. It causes so much anxiety hiding your true self every single day! She did an awesome talk! If only everybody listened to this to understand autism more!
"I'd always had autistic traits and struggles, but just thought of myself as weird."
Relate much lovely. Xx
God Bless you dr odija on TH-cam keep on the good work you have been doing and thanks also for curing me off this disease you are truly a God sent towards humanity I appreciate you sir dr odija,,
Can completely relate. I’m also so tired of people saying it can be cured with herbs and essential oils.
Boggles my mind how neurotypicals dont have to constantly monitor their body and communication style to come off as "normal"
I agree, I noticed they can maintain eye contact with each other for a long time too without looking away ...I'm jealous
Honestly pretty sure that we do. Like I’ve done some of these things and I highly doubt I’m autistic. I’m good at reading people and have emotions. But like I was very shy and had to work on fixing that to be more normal. And I’ve definitely thought about the eye contact thing in some very uncomfortable conversations with teachers where they are just holding the eye contact way way too long for creepy amounts. It feels awkward and you gotta think “is this me or is it them being weird and unnatural?”
Right?? I can't imagine not doing that.
Hello guys have you tried herbs it works, I tried it and got cure from Herpes and Autism with the help of doc Okougbo TH-cam channel
Right? I'm not diagnosed, but I'm 99% sure I'm neurodiverse and I am always soo self aware when in social situations.
“Autism is diagnosed when social expectations for neurotypical behavior begin to outweigh the person’s ability to perform those behaviors.”
Never heard such a clear and simple definition on the topic. Thanks.
Yes. It helps a lot
Yeah, well, social expectations when verbal and other Linda of abuse is normalized can be kind of extreme. Im expected to have superficial skills .. and I guess I do, or I wouldnt survive.
Brilliant! Thank you Kate! 💗 Love T
Hello guys have you tried herbs it works, I tried it and got cure from Herpes and Autism with the help of doc Okougbo TH-cam channel
In other words, when our autism becomes too visible to the neurotypicals. Yep, that checks out.
I had no idea that hyper emotional sensitivity was related to autism. Everyday I discover more and more symptoms I have experienced since childhood and never had an explanation for. Thank you for spreading awareness to people with and without autism!!
The movies show us like 👤
I'm a empath and hsp. If you haven't of it check it out. I read people with hsp may be adhd and autistic. Empaths and hsp are extremely sensitive and tend to absorb people's emotions and physical pain.
Same for me
Totally agreed
Yeah and they can be miss diagnosed with borderline personality disorder….which I was and then my bf brought up”are you adhd” and now my mom and him think I have autism ✌🏽🥲
Masking is something people dont even realize they're doing. Someone mentioned it was weird I never looked people in the eyes so I was like "oh I'm not doing this right I guess" and started to force it. (The people complained I was looking into their eyes TOO much 😂😂) and rehearsing conversations because I dont want to be caught in an awkward position.
I did this all before I even knew I was autistic
Same I had a phase where I used too much eye contact and now because of COVID I’m not used to eye contact anymore. Also now it makes sense as to why my parents would say “but you don’t act like this at school!” Because I was masking at school and knew I had to act a certain way and follow rules
I think my mum told me when I was very young that I wouldn’t look people in the eyes and since then I stare 😂I can’t stop giving too much eye contact. It’s actually given my male friends the wrong impression the past, they’ve taken it as a sign of interest 😭
Me too, me too
How lame
Look in the mirror say “I’m not smart, I’m not beautiful, Nobody loves me, I wasn’t meant to be be born, Nobody will ever miss me, I am correcting the mistake to save the world” keep saying it to break the spell.
I was just formally diagnosed as autistic (I’m 51) and I have always been exhausted by the effort it takes to do stuff. It feels like everything is an endless sprint that others seemed to be able to just stroll through. Masking takes a Herculean amount of energy.
May I please ask how you got your healthcare provider to take you seriously about autism? What triggered the beginning of your diagnosis? I’m 30, and I’m sure at this point that this is me too. At this point, exhaustion is my entire life from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. I can’t keep going like this any more, I’m thinking “life doesn’t look THIS hard for other people around me” but I just don’t know how to bring it up cause I’m convinced they won’t believe me and they’ll probably think I’m just lazy and looking for an excuse for why I’m such a failure
I agree! I think I'm coming to the realization that I may be autistic, but what you described is what I've felt too. I've always thought I was lazy or not disciplined enough to do as much as other people, but at the same time I'm so tired all the time.
Is it worth me getting diagnosed at 43? I’ve learnt to mask so well, to fit in I’m not sure I want to be outed 😅 How would it help me at this stage?
I feel as an autistic person that it's easy to do everything but.... Emotions or connecting with non autistic people
52 here! Same. I almost feel “robbed”. I’ve had to work/struggle so much harder than the neurotypical. Had I received support when I was young, I do believe my life would look so very different today.
as a learning disabilities nurse i have been waiting to hear somebody voice the stigma against “aspergers”, due to it’s “founder”. so happy that this lady has included this in her speech
@Wesley Hinson doubt it. autism isn’t something you can get rid of. this is really damaging for the ASD community.
Who tf cares. I was diagnosed with Asperger so I will keep saying it. If you get offended you're oversensitive.
@@taliahturqoise9673 if we were all the same, the world would be boring. I’m recently diagnosed but reject the term myself!
@@taliahturqoise9673 I understand you are but saying this over and over again doesn't help. Each person will take it as it is. Saying it does not change the diagnosis is valid but saying people are oversensitive is not needed as it does not change things.
@Taliah turqose
Aster
há 0 segundo
You don't even know what tf autism actually is. Asperger has been included into ASD, according to DSM-5 and ICD-11!!! STOP SPREADING MISINFORMATION, DAMNIT
I just recently told my mom that I think I’m autistic, I’m hopefully going to get a diagnosis soon! Nobody understands just how hard EVERYTHING is for me, nobody has listened or noticed until now. I could cry thinking about it. Everything makes sense, I’m not crazy and I’m not bad. I’m just different.
Same!
NO FR
exactly same here!
I am fully with you. I wish you learn that You are the always available human ti care for Yourself🫂
Beautiful speech. I am a late diagnosed woman. I got diagnosed at 42 years old. It's a lot to unravel. Talk about being an expert at masking!
Coming across Doctor Isibor Herbal Healing was God’s plan and gift to our Autistic son who has 😊😊improve perfectly in communication, understanding, eating solid foods and sleeps well at night ❤❤😊😊😊 I recommend Herbal treatment for every struggling mothers out there 🎉❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Was it hard for you to find a specialist to test and diagnose you?
@@melanatedwoman45 Yes and no. I was actually looking for a psychologist for my kids. It took six months of calling around to find anyone with availability. During that time I was doing a lot of research and started to think they were autistic and then myself as well. When I finally found someone who did have availability they got all three of us in really quickly. I have my diagnosis journey as a playlist on my channel.
@@i.am.mindblind I see! I am 37 and having a hard time finding specialists who test adults. Or if they do, they don't accept insurance and it's thousands of dollars!
I am MindBlind, I'm 42, and I believe that I was born with ASD. I'm going to explore receiving a diagnostic exam
Thank you so much for mentioning the racial disparities of autism diagnosis in the minority community. Hardly anyone mentions or gives it the attention it deserves. 🥰🥰🥰
So weird that neurotypicals don't have to think about it. I had to spend over 15 years masking, researching, rehearsing...watching documentaries and movies, reading books and studying social psychology (as this whole thing became one of my special interests) in order to learn it. I'm proud to say I think I do it better than most neurotypicals do. But it was painful, grueling work that took tons of practice, panic attacks and overstimulation (still get those but have to mask it and it's much less now) to achieve. I'm always told how charismatic I am, so I guess my work has paid off. Proud to be neurodivergent!!
What books have you found helpful? I’m just starting on this path of self discovery and it’s overwhelming to say the least.
??
I'm a 25 year old woman who was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and borderline personality disorder at 12 years old and have medicated as such from ages 12 - now. But now, I'm working with a psychiatrist to get an autism diagnosis because all of the signs are there. I was just pidgeonholed.
I can't even begin to imagine how much easier my life would have been had I gotten the correct diagnosis at age 12, and what that would've meant for my self image and self-knowledge. My life in relation to having autism and having those traits has been incredibly difficult and it is breaking my heart to see how society fails people (but women particularly in this conversation) with autism.
After learning what masking was for the first time, I literally broke down sobbing. I finally understood why I've felt so exhausted, left out, and misunderstood my entire life. Now, I just have to figure out what to do from here. I've struggled in education and jobs and can't seem to find a way to succeed.
And? If you are autistic, what? No cure.
@@linablues6881 autism doesn't need to be cured.
It's because the medical system keeps failing women. At this point I'm thinking it's being deliberate to misdiagnose or mistreat women
🤍I love you and I'll pray for you. Jesus loves you.
@@hym3323 we live in a male dominated society where they want women to suffer. They absolutely do it for us to suffer.
This made me cry. I'm 67 years old and always felt like I was from another planet. I lived in a bubble that I didn't feel I could break out of to touch human beings. As a child I'd have thoughts that were way beyond my years but I couldn't communicate them, and I was so out of touch with other children, like I said earlier I was an alien who couldn't relate to them at all. I've been awkward, saying things meant one way that people took wrong and were hurt. I would lie awake and cry, because I felt so horrible for the pain I caused. I'd go over conversations in my head over and over changing things, adding new things, trying to make it come out right as if I could somehow fix it. I've been a performing musician, songwriter, and on the road. That was easier as I didnt have to spend time with people, learned the right short answers, and it worked for me. Now I live with family on an acre and write books. It's good to know there was a reason for it all. God knows, He is good.
I can relate to you. God bless
He is good indeed!
Here's what I learned when I was diagnosed at 27 (I'm female). Neurotypicals usually can tell you're masking at some point in the conversation. But, they interpret that as you hiding something and therfore become suspicious. This is when you get people thinking you are creepy, or unsettling in a dangerous way. Sometimes they think we are on drugs.
I found out after losing the ability to mask that it's actually a positive for me not to mask anyway. I'm less anxious in public now and I disclose to people in situations where I'll be spending a lot of time with them, like work. Ive found that it seems to be disarming to some, but that still others don't believe me and think its me larping because my differences are not very extreme. But they're not my boss so I don't care. I can let myself not care. 😊
@Sonja Ilic Most people? Really? And this is based on what, your idealistic faith in humanity? Because it has not been my actia; experience as an autistic person.
this!!! i started unmasking when i realized im autistic and oh it feels so freeing! my social anxiety is almost completely gone and i can just be myself because now i have answers and i know im not "weird"
@@sonjailic5770 I agree with them, most of the time disclosing it leads to more discrimination, not less. People start to make assumptions about you based on their often very poor understanding of what autism is and this leads to you not getting hired, experiencing medical discrimination and not being taken seriously by the police. And this isn't just me saying this, there is a lot of research supporting that.
@@robokill387 Yes, that's been my experience as well. Many neurotypicals mean well but their idea of accommodating us is based on misconceptions that are often outdated, many of them think of Rain Man or those nonverbal kids in viral "inspirational" posts. I have to resist the urge to be snarky when they offer to help me with basic tasks that I've been doing for most of my life just fine.
She went and SAID it. Thank goodness. It’s so hard to find ppl who understand what it feels like to be an autistic female. I’m “high functioning but also low functioning” apparently and that makes NO sense until you look at that nifty little chart.
Truth-
“Society expects more from a little girl than a little boy.”
Great talk!
When it comes to communication skills this is true.
@@kabo0m Not only, the sitting straight, not ruining your pink dress and white tights or shoes, not running around too much, being gentle with toys etc.
I really enjoyed this talk. One thing it made me think of is if society expects more of little girls than of little boys, or just different things. Girls are expected to have better social skills, but boys are expected to be less emotional, for example. I can definitely see some of the issues girls face in being diagnosed with autism being similar to what men masking depression might experience. Not within the scope of the talk exactly, but just made me think
I completely agree, masking isn't autism-specific and it's a good thing to have that convo!
Learning about autism has really helped me realize that something isnt wrong with me.. thank you for talking about your experience!
Yes! Nothing is wrong with us, it's just that society has never changed to accept us.
@Joice Omo Oh my god shut up. Your poor kid isn't "cured" of their autism
I knew I was weird as I grew up, for almost two years now I'm researching and autism explains even the smallest details of my "character". It's just unbelievable!
What’s your mbti type?
@@Thelittleclipstore Mine is intp,does that mean something in relation to that topic?
Haha "character", so true! My psychologist will mention common experiences related to autism and I'm like, really??? Had assumed it was literally just me
She did a great job describing the basic facts about Autism and describing her experiences, kudos to this young lady!
I'm 25 and finally met a medical professional who believes in my autism. Having someone tell me that I'm not weird and that there is nothing wrong with me after living with those feelings my whole life is the most freeing experience I've ever had.
Our brain don't works like yours. To give an example. When I was 16 I rode the tram to school every morning with a friend. One day we got off and she started throwing up. I didn't know what to do and just pretended nothing was wrong. I ignored it. I didn't even ask if everything was OK. Now I know that if something like this happens you have to show understanding, possibly touch the person and ask if everything is OK. And so there are still everyday things that I have to analyze in my brain in seconds and think what you think is normal in response. My life is a stage, and I learn my lyrics seconds before I perform. Pierre-Paul Maes, Belgium.
I have sometimes felt smothered by other’s concern. I give people space because I’d rather be given space.
I had that happen to me my boss fell flat on her back. I struggled with do I say something or do something or not.. I decided not to do anything for a while because when that happened to me before I would’ve preferred to just get up when I gathered myself enough but it was kind of cool to just lay there after the shock of falling.. so I didn’t say anything, and a coworker glared at me ash she came up to say oh my gosh are you OK. I knew my boss had to be embarrassed so I didn’t do the typical thing. I probably technically have autism but who cares people are so caught up in specific labels nowadays. In conclusion humans we are all different and at different areas on different spectrums
Last-minute....me too......under certain pressure give my best 👌
It's always weighing so many factors just to respond socially! What would I want, what have I been taught is correct, what do I know about this person and past experiences and reactions? All in a split second. Little did I know, most people don't need to weigh all these factors before reacting to someone throwing up, falling, getting hit with something etc.
Same, this matter made me think I was a robot at the age of 7 :) thankfully after growing up I finally know the words to what I am !
Irony of needing to MASK to do the Ted Talk not lost. - Kate You are BOSS LEVEL inspiring and I will reach out to you soon connect as I will be focusing hard core research on Women on the Spectrum. Would love to touch base :)
You are helping us all and so so appreciated in life!
Glad I wasn’t the only one who noticed.
Yes to bringing up cultural differences 👏 As a hispanic woman, there isn't enough understanding of the spectrum within cultures.
@Joice Omo ???
I would add that masking is also an effective tool to avoid discipline for "bad" or "inappropriate" behavior, while not truly understanding why that behavior was inappropriate in the first place, or why the discipline enforced is being implemented. They just understand its unpleasant, so to avoid it, they mask.
YES! this is a memory i have, no one explaining why things were bad and inappropriate, and i was just supposed to know when to not do it?
Oh yes.
Yep. I apologized a LOT. Then I’d try again. “Fake it until you make it.”
This is exactly it. Knowing it's considered as bad, and the reaction causes me distress.........so masking to eliminate the reaction. For years. Without realizing it. Until recently, when I can't effectively mask anymore. So now I'm back in distress...........
I’m 48 and Deaf since birth. I now know I’m also Autistic. Self diagnosed right now but gathering all info to present to my doctor. My youngest was diagnosed at age 19 two years ago. She’s the one pointing out to me that I have a lot of Autistic traits. It’s also harder to diagnose Autism in Deaf/Hard of Hearing people as they tend to get diagnosed later. I’m a huge DHH advocate and I will be including Autism advocate as well. Need to spread awareness of DeafAutistic so more of us can be seen and heard. Thank you so much for your video and it like a huge “lightbulb” moment and my whole life makes so much sense now. ☺️❤️
Hi, I'm curious about this: I've been reading scientific research that people with autism, like soft colors, neutral, not bright colors, but I see that people who are diagnosed/or think they are autistic and wear colorful clothes or in your case they are dyed in bright colors. Shouldn't they feel overstimulated with things like that? shouldn't red, hot pink, etc be colors you don't choose or avoid?
@@linablues6881 my youngest loves colours especially rainbows. She started wearing more colours clothing. I love bright colours. When I used to own a house when I was married, I would paint the walls purple which is my favourite colour. I love colours too. Then my youngest did dyed her hair bright colours then I started doing that. She back to her natural strawberry blonde hair. I’m natural blonde but I love colouring my hair either purple or magenta. Sometimes red. It doesn’t bother me. I do think a lot of Autistics love colours and I do see a lot of them dye their hair bright colours. We like to be funky and different. I think it brings out our fun side. Colours are soothing actually and really wakes our brains up. But it’s all depends on an Autistic person. To some, colours can be overstimulating and to some, love looking at colours as a visual stimming. My youngest has Synesthesia. She sees words in colour. ☺️
@@linablues6881 also I think it is depends on where you see the colours and where you like the colours. Maybe kids prefer softer colours and as they get older like more bolder colours. Too much colour can be overstimulating yes. Like I said it depends on where is used and how. I can’t speak for all of us. This is my personal preference but I do see many others like colours. But my youngest and I also have ADHD. So I think that factors into it as well and majority of a Autistic have other disabilities as well such as ADHD, dyslexia and so on. So it’s all depends on a person. My suggestion is to follow other Autistic people on other social media platforms like Facebook, Instagram and TikTok. A lot in TikTok, many like to share their experiences and explain what Autism is. You’ll learn more by watching them. ☺️
@@linablues6881 This really depends on the person.
@Joice Omo that is not true
I'm a woman and I received my formal diagnosis yesterday, just before my 30th birthday. This video was so, so helpful. Thank you!
I knew several girls in college who could not talk about something that they were not interested in and had trouble processing emotions or connecting with others. I always wondered how someone could be so unsure of their own or other people's emotions. This talk helped to shed some light on that.
I failed classes where we had to group with partners for the semester. One in particular I remembered was Sign Language. I dropped out of the class and never got the help or support I needed.
@@kabo0m I'm sorry that was your experience. I do want to be clear that my comment was not directed at people who struggled, only to show that I'm interested. I have only recently begun understanding autism in women. With guys, it is usually obvious, but not so much for girls. I also am not trying to diagnose any of my friends!
That said, I can relate. I used to freak out in group sessions- usually in circumstances when someone in the group gave me the creeps. I also can't learn foreign language well. That really must be a bummer if sign language is a passion for you. I wish you the best!
Thank you for this. I have a sibling who was diagnosed very late because they are just so advanced and skilled in masking. Awareness like the one you share here is invaluably valid to us in the environment of loved souls as these.
I relate to this a lot... I was misdiagnosed (not officially diagnosed, but suspected), with OCD, being a highly sensitive person (which to me, is autism but trying to sound cool), and anxiety. I later got diagnosed with ADHD and suspected autism, but the sensory stuff is similar, and I grew up hiding a lot of stuff, and struggling to know why certain things were okay when others weren't. My special interest was in owls, then later birds on a whole, and then changed over time to be different animals, different crafts, and TV shows I liked. The combination of ADHD and autism often masks those traits even further because my special interests never lasted longer than a few years, which was seen as more normal, and often I'd have a few at once. My sensory things and stimming were seen as more acceptable since my dad's always in a rocking chair with music playing, or the TV on, and I'm the same, I find rocking chairs calming. Everyone had an excuse for my weirdness, whether because I was an only child and hadn't learn social interaction from others, or because my parents split up when I was 5. Admittedly, I don't remember much before I was 5, so I can't get diagnosed due to that. We really need more awareness, as it's so important. Instead of feeling like a failure of a woman, I know that I'm doing okay for being neurodivergent and that I don't have to meet society's roles for what I should do with my life, and what I should wear.
No, I'm an HSP emotionally since trauma. I'm not sensitive to textures or sounds particularly though.
Yooo thank you so much for mentioning how your ADHD affects you ASD, same girl saaame!! I just didn't realize that's why I never had just one special interest, I have a carousel cupboard of special interests haha I mean I knew I had flowing cycles of "obsessions" but identifying as autistic is new to me, it's putting such a new perspective on myself. ☆
Cheers!
Dude the high level empathy for me got BAD in fourth grade i would burst into tears every time i thought about something i did wrong that could have hurt others so i cried like five times a day
Same
Same. Hugs to you all.
Damn! Same. Only just finding out that was a thing. Guilt….all…the….time🤦🏾♀️
What a beautiful and strong young women. As a fellow autistic woman in my early 20s who didn't get a diagnosis until after high school, I relate with so much of this. I'm so happy to see her advocating for the minority of autistic women. I couldn't count how many times I've heard "I never would've guessed you were autistic." 😂
I got so good at masking over the years and it was incredibly exhausting. I do still mask occasionally but not to the same extent that I used to. I've tried to embrace my true self and not feel ashmed for being different. Thankfully I've had good support
I haven't been diagnosed with autism, but I heavily relate to all of this and always say that interacting with people feels like a stage performance. I also normally feel like I am at a zoo exhibit watching these creatures (other humans) exist and interact with one another, and I have to study them and mimic their behavior to engage without scaring them off.
I feel exactly the same way. It’s so exhausting. I analyze others and Inside I think to myself “ who cares about this or leave me alone and stop talking to me” ( around specific people that like to over talk around me because I’m the “ listener “ and not talker. I push a lot of my old friends away because I hate feeling awkward in social settings.
@Balls_Deep How it's monitoring your own behavior claiming victim status? I don't think you fully understand what this conversation is about.
@Balls_Deep I'm curious, were you picked on for being autistic? Or were you picked on by being called autistic when you really weren't? Or were you bullied by someone with autism, or that claimed to have autism to get away with being mean to you? You seem like you are hurting around this topic. I hope you eventually find the peace you need and deserve, but picking on other people is never going to give that to you. Best wishes.
I figured out I was autistic when my social skills never improved and I never felt better around people, it kind of sucks, I always feel lonely..like I’ll talk to someone but never really make a genuine connection and it’s exhausting
Same, I find it such an effort to interact with humans. I much prefer just hanging out with my cats as I can be my awkward self without having to put on an act and be constantly worrying. 😻 I don't think I have autism but I do have social anxiety and can relate to alot of the autistic traits.
I want to start off by saying I don’t have a diagnosis for ASD, but I’ve been researching and this… this makes SO much sense
I'm 20 and I've been researching autism on and off for the last 3 years. Nobody in my family believes that i might be autistic when i try to talk to them about it because they only know the white boy stereotype and for some reason they refuse to want to learn
i am not diagnosed either, but i've been researching about it a lot and now this feeling i had my entire life of being so ""different"" than other people makes so much sense now
when i told my mom i suspected that i was autistic and i wanted go to a psychiatrist, she didnt belived me, but i think it was cause i didnt explained really well so idk
ive been studying abt it for the past few weeks so i can talk to them, bc i show the symptons since i was a baby, and learning about this makes SO much sense
My daughter has just bern diagnosed as autistic. Such a relief after years of her suffering anxiety and depression as a teenager. She welcomed the diagnosis as it lifted a huge weight off her shoulders. Finally, she understands nothing wrong with her but as she said to me’ I have a differ ability not a disability “.
I was born in the early 70s, and women/girls, or even POC weren't even tested back then...which is weird since everyone has a brain! Just recently diagnosed as high functioning ASD, at 50 YRS OLD! Of course, I've been dealing with the symptoms all my life, but never knew why...my family was neglectful, and abusive, always calling me weird, and need to act "normal". Such a RELIEF to know why I'm this way.
She did so well! I am self diagnosed with ASD (awaiting assessment) I suffer from crippling anxiety and I can’t imagine being able to speak so clearly and eloquently in public. 👏🏻 well done! She is giving me hope.
You can't diagnose yourself. Just say you suspect you have it, saying You are self diagnosed is cringe
@@taliahturqoise9673 self diagnosis is valid whilst awaiting assessment. The only thing “cringe” here is your reply.
@@sarahcarry4037 how?
It’s okay to self diagnose but you really should speak with a doctor about it Sarah if you can. Having someone professional evaluate the symptoms and officially diagnose you is a relief because your 100% sure. It can really help understanding how our minds work
@@ishnu7988 not everyone can afford a diagnosis. Here in Ireland the only way to get one is to pay privately. I was lucky enough to get an inheritance from my grandmothers estate and have since received an official diagnosis of ASD. Not everyone is as lucky. Don’t presume everyone has access to services.
I just found out that my 4yr old grand daughter is autistic...thank you for this clear explanation...this information is well appreciated...it is nothing to be ashamed of ,in fact it is a gift ...a special gift in itself..
I REALLY want to be your friend KATE
i can't believe i never knew this about the term Asperger's! horrible. i will be much more mindful b4 ever using that again, thats for sure. i worked with the autism population for many years and always had a soul bond due to my own extreme sensitivity and visceral feelings for all things on this 3d plane. we had secret ways of understanding one another, and it was some of the best work I've ever done, and I excelled in it. i watch these videos b/c it is always so close to my heart and there are still experiences i have with other adults that make me wonder how much they are masking--women in particular. thank you for this, Kate!
Excellent, such a strong woman…..well done and very well explained.thank you for the insight about Mr Asperger !! I’ve worked in the field of asd for many years, I have my own hyper and hyposesitivities ( Irlen syndrome)……I now want to know more about masking….it’s a new term for me and your personal experience of masking must be exhausting on your neural functioning, and consequent mental health. Have a great ‘asd’ typical life…..x
I just got a diagnosis today, I'm 25 and my parents never told me. They even had me tested for ADHD and autism, and my whole life just told me I have trauma, anxiety, or depression. And, I do have trauma but I always knew something about me was "off". My family has always called me weird, quirky, or different and I'm not sure if they meant it in a good/bad way.
This is a phenomenal talk. I wish every Neurotypical would listen to this and heed it.
I could cry! Thank you so much for being a voice for us and having the courage to do this! 💜 I felt your pain and how much you felt what you were saying up there, neurotypical people will never fully know the constant struggle we face and the proving ourselves over and over again to a world that you feel like you don’t belong in, but this is a step in the right direction and we are not alone X
Thank you for stepping up and expressing your challenges with the world .
Hi! i am autistic this made me really confident about myself! I was also diagnosed with Asperger's and I also refer to my self as autistic ever since 6th grade
I’m 52 and it’s just dawned on me over the past few years that I’m probably living with ASD. Suddenly I make sense.
Its great she eventually got the diagnosis. But i think a big key is getting the diagnosis before they learn to mask and hide themselves. Thats squarely on the parents. My daughter was diagnosed at age 2. But the steps to get her diagnosis started at 18 months at the recommendation of our pediatrician. The dr asked a lot of questions and I was 100% honest answering them. My daughter was not meeting milestones goals...etc. My wife on the otherhand seemed like she was not 100% forthcoming and was "masking" her concerns to the doctor. I feel alot of parents(including the speakers) are in denial and dont tell their doctors everything when they are young. We have to be honest with ourselves.
Thank you, Ms. Kahle. I'm researching for a book about a teenage girl with autism and your information was very helpful.
I started crying 8 min in. Thank you.
I am 59 and was diagnosed one month ago .
I’m a mother of grown children and I work .I have found life hard but no-one would know how often I have to work out what people actually mean ……all the time , it is exhausting.
How were you diagnosed? Any special test? I am suspecting that I have this thing. I have ADHD and dyslexia.
Me spending 3 decades as a quirky angry highly strung emotional person. Then realising. OH there’s a reason for all of this pain and struggle. Feels amazing for something to make sense and to no longer feel alone and crazy. Moments like this I’m still grateful for the comment section ❤️
I think I can relate to being autistic but I’ve just thought I’ve had anxiety for a long time and that it’s stronger recently. It’s difficult to know for sure.
For instance, I’ve done some abnormal things socially, struggled with eye contact, become mute in social situations many times unless someone initiates conversation, been naive safety wise in public, don’t like being touched, I think I copy empathetic reactions, don’t know how to react when things go wrong, get overwhelmed sensory-wise, walking in public is stressful, feel like a robot sometimes, I’ve always struggled to connect with people, etc. 🤔 I used to be quite emotional/ empathetic but it’s the opposite now.
I share some of these…you are not alone. I remember not able to walk straight on the sidewalk…just like a drunk moving from one edge to the other when I neighbor boy my age asked why do I walk like that as he was laughing, I said like what ? He said side to side on the sidewalk…. I corrected it immediately
But pushed it down like…why didn’t I know I was doing this?
I understand what you are going through. I avoid social gatherings which makes it hard on my marriage. Work is also difficult, people don't get me so I stay quiet most of the day. But I do have faith in Jesus and He gets me through!
I relate to every one of these behaviors.
I definitely feel I can use too much eye contact and I have very high empathy.
I'm 29 and just realized today that this describes my entire life. My entire life!..
Since recently learning that my autism was part of me, not something to be ashamed of, I decided to stop hiding it from my friends and fellow workers. I strongly appreciate people like Kate and others who have raised the public awareness of ASD, or as I prefer "Neurodivergence". Since "coming out" about my autism openly, no longer hiding it, a "weight" has been lifted from my shoulders which I have born since early childhood. Autism is NOT something I have, it is what I am, it is part of me.
crazy that you’re only 20. i turn 20 in 9 days and i look 15, you’re also so much more articulate and professional than i am.
Thank you for this talk! I've always known I was different especially socially. I'm terrified of trying to get a diagnosis as my Dr is male and very "rigid" for lack of a better term (we have a lack of good psychiatrists in my area.) I know I'm high functioning but I've masked for so many years and now so many things make sense about why I am the way I am. I'm almost 33. The eating disorder part really stood out to me since I struggled with that for years as a teen. While I feel confident in a self diagnosis, I personally would still like to be professionally diagnosed. I feel hopeful after seeing you speak so well in front of a crowd. Again, thank you.
I’ve never heard of anyone being so adverse to velvet aside from me. Just learning I’m very likely an autistic woman, and this is so good to hear. Thank you.
I have a big issue with eye contact. I brought it up to my mom when I was a kid and she told me "if you don't know their eye color, you weren't really paying attention" and that cheated me out of it for YEARS. Now that I know I have ASD, it feels easier to not have to force myself to look at people to seem "normal." There isn't a "normal", I'm just different. And that isn't bad.
I can’t mask anymore, it’s almost impossible at this point, I just don’t make eye contact and if they think I’m weird, I don’t care anymore
It took me a whole lifetime of being severely bullied for social ineptitude, a younger sister autism diagnosed at 20, 10+ years of constant anxiety, depression and panic disorder medication, 2 years of therapy, a self evaluation of my impulse control issues with alcohol and sugar, and a total breakdown at the Dr.'s and near loss of my job during covid to finally get diagnosed and treated for ADHD with the family/genetic potential for comorbid Autism at 27.
Masking is critical to surviving in society but also so damaging for people barely keeping their head above water wondering what's wrong with them. I finally have words and reasons and explanations that explain so much of things about myself I could not explain before despite being hyper self aware due to my anxiety of failing socially/publicly like how I did as a child.
Videos like this are so important!!!
Am 18yo, and i suspect having authism, i can't efford a diagnosis atm, so may you tell me how have u been diagnosed and wut traits that assure u got authism
@@fatimabaali661 My doctor and I are still investigating the autism side but they did have me take a 65 question long survey for the ADHD, my guess is the autism evaluation may have a questionnaire to
@@VioletBlackWings Thank you 🖤
Wonderful Kate.. I love your speach. I myself am autistic and never had an idea that hightend emotions and high affective empathy could be one part of it. Thank you so much. It explains so much of how I am and how I work.. so thank you so much. Btw I to am lectureing on the subject and will most certainly recommend your speach to my listeners..
I watched this video after watching the kdrama Extraordinary Attorney Woo and couldn't help but applaud Park Eunbin for such outstanding portrayal of women with autism. I want to understand people with autism better because when I was in elementary sometimes I acted immaturely and insensitively towards them due to the environment that influenced me to treat them like that but as I grow up, I learned what I did what wrong and insensitive. I want to become a better person with no prejudices towards people with diabilities and live a world full of love and justice.
OMG same!!! I could relate to Woo Young Woo so much!
@@MR-gj3cf Now I want to go watch Woo Young Woo.
@@kabo0m hey theree😛. It's such a cute drama. I watched it on dramacool for free. But there will be lots of ads.
I was called out for 13mins straight.
It took me three years to get my ADHD diagnosis. And now, I’m on this journey. It’s been one year so far.
I expect it to take three more.
I am twenty six. 😭
My therapist sent me this video and it's SO RELATABLE
I wish I had your therapist but I am in Canada.
Aiden Davis was first diagnosed with autism at 25 months and became a singer in 12th grade. He used the stage name ''Ayden Davis''. As of July 12th, 2004, He won the Greatest Teen Singer award.
So beautifully said.
I’m waiting for a diagnosis from my doctors, And researching stuff in case I have it fingers crossed I don’t but it explains a lot about my childhood behaviour and now behaviour
This was by far one of the most informative video's on this topic. I've been doing some research on the topic since my best friend is also Autistic and I want to know more about so that I know how to help her, by understanding how her brain works. I've already discovered stuff just by hanging out with her and I know her boundaries quite well. I'm still fascinated with these kinds of topics, so i'm gonna keep doing some research and hopefully I'll pick up a few things allong the way that can help our friendship grow stronger!
She is lucky to have you. I wish I had the support that she has.
I did not know the fact about Asbergers, I thought it was someone who’d been diagnosed with it - thanks for sharing!
as a female entomologist who has just realized my neuro - atypicalness - my jaw dropped when she said her interests were insects.
That was so helpful and reassuring to me because I am in the process of testing which takes two years in the UK due to waiting lists. I've been feeling ashamed and weird, and embarrassed to tell anyone because of the stigma attached to women with adhd or on the autistic spectrum.
I'm so sorry you're struggling too! Honestly, after the NHS dropped me from their lists the second time I gave up. I can't afford it right now, but I hope to save up for a private assessment, I just can't take another round of "new therapist every week". I hope you get the answers you're looking for x
Completely understand being embarrassed to tell anyone! You'll get there, cut yourself some slack (I've been working on doing that too haha) :) also if you can find some other adhd or autistic people to talk to it can make it easier to be open about it (and to feel understood)
All the best!
I'm scared to even know how much testing would cost in the US... I heard it was thousands! D:
I love the positive comments.
I am 24 and just got diagnosed today. I got told to do some research as to what this diagnosis means, and this is a really good source of information. Definitely a good starting point for learning about my diagnosis, thank you for talking!
She is awesome! This explanation is so clear and instructional. Thank you Kate, you have given me a better understanding of my daughter. God bless you.
Kate, You finally helped me to make sense of these things. Your explanations and your presentation are SO very clear and easy to understand for me (I am autistic, too). I thank you so much, you have made a difference in my life.
I hope Kate is gonna read this comment: congrats for this speech! And thanks!
Just loved your video. It made me feel less alone. Keep doing what you are doing. I never new that about Hans Asperger.
What a wonderful explanation of what this is, how it shows up and the EFFORT it takes to manage that most people are unaware of. You share an experience that is incredibly similar to my daughter's (who was also not diagnosed until 18)
Holy smokes. I never thought about masking as the reason why I have an anxiety disorder.
Learning who I am at 33. Lots of women still don't know.
48 and still figuring it out. Feel like I’m 20
thank you thank you thank you I'm 55 years old and this explains so much about my life
Same. I am 49 and this explains sooooo much!
very well spoken kate thank you for sharing your voice.
I was just diagnosed over the summer at age 39. My current therapist that I have been seeing for severe anxiety Had urged me to see a psychologist to get some more testing done. She was concerned that I might have been misdiagnosed and that I actually I'm on the autism spectrum. Sure enough. She was correct- autism spectrum disorder, level 2. Everything makes so much sense now. I've always been bothered by lots of textures, bright lights, loud sounds. I've also had things that I have been obsessed with, such as the Olsen twins. Growing up. I was overly obsessed and would gather as much information as I could to know about them. It actually would get on people's nerves because I would talk about them a lot or listen to their music all the time. And I get upset if I couldn't. But everything now makes so much sense. Now I'm just trying to learn more and gain coping skills of what I can help myself with and just learn to accept what I can't change.
Masking is so tiring 😞no one ever diagnosed me with autism,but I know for sure ..I learn to live with it .
Doing therapy for mix anxiety and depression-but my healer is God Jesus and Holy Spirit ❤️🙏
What’s ur mbti type?
@@Thelittleclipstore I am INFJ ,what about you ?
Amen!
How does your faith connect with the autism diagnosis? Do you see it as a spiritual condition? I ask because in church we are taught that we are free from disease and illness, that the blood of Jesus heals us completely. So if we say we are autistic, what does that mean for us as a believer? Just curious…
I feel I’m autistic I’ve learned to mask it at a young age I remember wondering as a child why I feel and think differently? In my teens it became full blown and I couldn’t mask any longer!
Excellent talk, thank you. I'm a therapist, always trying to learn from autistic voices!
I feel seen. Thank you for sharing this. I’ve wondered in silence if I was autistic for years. As many symptoms got worse I did a lot of research and reflection on my life, and realized that it very well could be what was happening. I’m in the process of officially getting diagnosed. At 20 years old, I don’t quite know if there truly are benefits to being diagnosed at this point, but I hope I can get better resources to cope and inform people of why I act the way I do sometimes.
It sucks to have to weigh the pros and cons because diagnosis can improve your life exponentially but the stigma will cause you to lose many opportunities. I had been looking into applying for citizenship in New Zealand and they will deny you for simply having the diagnosis, high functioning or not. In the us you're technically supposed to disclose it to every job as well :(
Thank you so much for this Kate. This is so easy to understand and will really help me talk to my daughter about her autism
I have an explanation between people with autism and people without that I think is pretty accurate.
Imagine the brain having a main circuit between the initial stimuli and the final thought/action. and within that circuit, there are several ports that has to be placed in for the circuit to work.
neurotypical people have several of these ports already filled in for them, they just have to manually fill in a few. Autistic people have to manually fill in EVERY port. This can lead to having to put more effort into doing simple tasks that normal people just do without a second thought. this leads someone with autism to have to fully understand what he/she is doing in order to do it. while this can be a deficit and a drawback due to the fact that it takes longer/more effort to do things, it can also be useful. Since someone with autism has to fully understand what he/she is doing, it leads to a deeper understanding of how to do things, which allows someone with autism to be able to help someone with something about something specific that most people don't even think about.
At least this was my experience being autistic.
@Wesley Hinson is this a bot, or are you genuinely trying to be helpful? either way, I don't want a cure.
@Wesley Hinson Thank you?!? Are you a bot? Yes or no?
@Wesley Hinson ok.
@Okami Amaterasu yay. someone who is not a bot
I'm 22 and in the process of getting diagnosed and I can just relate so well to everything she says. I'm so happy I've finally found out why I had so many issues without a clear cause and literally got burnt out at 18.
Sameee im 22 as well and i burnt out around the same age. I literally could never explain why although i was doing the same thing as everyone around me. I stopped working & going to school. I thought something was wrong with me and I’ve been told i was weird/off my entire life. I’ve never made the connection to autism though. Doing more research has given me relief & i feel more okay with myself because ik im not the only one. Now ik why i behave the way i do but I’m still waiting to be officially diagnosed as well
I also hit this burnout stage recently. I’ve been trying to mask and people please all my life. I reached a point where I’ve just gotten tired of faking everything; now I’m looking into an autism diagnosis.
I’m a woman with adhd and ocd amongst other things and I’m not so sure I’m not autistic. One thing that has made me question lately is that when I was younger and into my teens my parents would constantly remind me to look at them. I didn’t realize that anytime I’m talking to someone I am thinking about how to make eye contact, which eye I should be looking at, if I should be looking somewhere in the middle. That does get pretty exhausting, as well as trying to stop myself from saying everything that comes to mind and interrupting people with off topic comments (ADHD). And then of course my OCD comes in later to over-analyze how every conversation went.
Exceptional talk Kate!
Thank you for this talk! I did not realize that testing was still geared toward boys.
I'm autistic and I will tell you that poor diet is not the cause and a good diet is not the cure, but a good diet low in carbs making sure all foods the person has sensitivities will lessen some of the symptoms. If you have IBS or IBD which way more autistic people do, than you probably have leaky gut. I am still autistic, but can focus on one thing more and block out distractions more now that I eat better.
Great job! Asd self diagnosed at 30
Thats amazing vídeo! Very easy explanation for the maskering factor! 40 years experience, in 2022! 💗❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
I had a teacher who was so sexist. There were two girls whispering and a ton of boys yelling, this teacher said "Girls stop it, that's expected from boys, not girls!" I was so mad. As an autistic person that scared me knowing that I would be treated differently if I un-masked, so I didn't. It causes so much anxiety hiding your true self every single day!
She did an awesome talk! If only everybody listened to this to understand autism more!
I've tried to study and mask my way out of autism, all my life. It is exhausting.