cool girls ALWAYS finish last - reacting to mom without a christmas gift for 10 years
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In this episode, Elle explores the concept of the "cool girl" narrative, drawing from the viral video of a mom whose Christmas stocking was overlooked for years. She discusses the pitfalls of being a "cool girl" or a "pickmeisha," including the risk of living a life that isn't in alignment with who you truly are. Elle highlights the importance of self-assertiveness and setting high standards in relationships. She also delves into how women are objectified in the games men play with each other, and encourages listeners to view themselves as the prize. The episode concludes with a reminder that being high maintenance and materialistic can serve as protection for women.
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"Not ENOUGH men are lonely." Couldn't have said it better myself, thank you Elle! Not everyone deserves a wife and family. Incels whining about how no woman wants them when they're the combination of Jabba the hut and STINGY. Let's end their bloodlines, ladies 💅 i
ohhh im here for all this energy. Yes mam 🫡
YESS. This type of male that you described or either a lonely and desperate for attention male having the audacity to be disrespectful straight to your face... I geniuenly hope, that with time, these types ov videos will be leading materials and more women will decide to use them to listen to those eye opeing and freeing stuff and with that - will stop giving losers and Below Bare Minimum dusties chances to be.
Exactly- they are not willing to do the work to obtain and maintain a wide and family so I don’t know why they are complaining. It’s all good!
And drug addicts
@@Lafemmefutiletrue
I think that the 'cool girl' phenomenon stems from people-pleasing and lack of self-esteem. As a girlie who's recovering from this mindset I can attest that being 'cool' will only leave you resented and bitter, because you see the people getting all the things you want and you want to play the 'I'm not like other girls' game! Besties wake up and don't negotiate your worth! 💗
Cool women are enigma. It is not cool to be a people pleaser. I am cool because I do the things I like to do. People think I am cool because I am truly myself.
@opticalraven1935 In the context we refer to 'cool girls' here is as girls who do not want be truly themselves and be seen as 'cool' (they will agree with everything and let everything slide). But reality they are not being their authentic self like you. In that case you totally should keep being cool! 💛
💖
@@opticalraven1935cooo girls are doormats
@@canesugar911 That's a pickme girl. They tolerate whatever bullshit men throw at them.
"Men do not talk to women they do not find F-able". Truer words have never been spoken. They will actively ignore you as if you do not even exist. I always remember that after my glow-up.
How do you know that? Did they stop ignoring you after your glow-up?
@@gurgesater9933 yes. Absolutely.
I try to ignore most people because it's rare when people ignore me 😅
💯💯💯
Right?? When I was ugly, all my friends were female, the boys back then didn´t even talk to me in a normal friendly way. Once I got pretty I had soo many male friends and acquaintances and every time all their asses vanished after a short time (or after they got rejected). Rate of female friends was always stable and I´ve got some of them for 20+ years.
Stop rewarding toxic men with your presence and love.
So short, so simple, so true.
I need someone to make this into an inspirational poster asap
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
And with your money.
I also had a dad who didn't buy my mom anything and treated her badly. Insted of trying to fill the gap he left, I told her that she should leave him. She did as soon as she could, and she is dating a wonderful younger man who worships her, as she deserves. My dad had to move back with his dad and has lost his business without my mom's support.
I will never understand the stingy, resentful, over-reliant husband.
Wow great story with a happy ending, very happy for you and your mom.
Ayyyee PERFECT! Love that for mama!
So it was your mom the one who also worked. He lost the business because it actually was HER business. He did nothing. Sorry to say, but your dad is a child in an adult body. He must be taken care of, either by his parents or a wife. A man who can't take care of himself isn't a man. He's a child.
I once mentioned to a man I was talking to on a dating app that i have a disability. Later when I asked for a zoom call before meeting him in person, he said “as a disabled person, you are of lesser value as a partner, so you shouldn’t be making demands.” 😂 🤦♀️
It was so kind of him to tell you he’s an ass before wasting your time and meeting you 😊
@@JasminMiettunen exactly… the best thing he did the whole time we talked.
How is he accusing you of “making demands” when you just asked for a simple FaceTime call? Literally what an absolute tool. At least you’re out of that situation because it would’ve turned into a manipulative or borderline abusive relationship
@@Young4eva121 No doubt… being that resistant to my just wanting to see his face was a major red flag in itself, but the “demands” thing on top of it was really bizarre 👀 it’s a blessing when the mask slips right away.
I am a stripper and when men call me a goldigger or im only interested in money I respond with " so what if I am, and you just want my body and use me for my body/", its funny the cheap men are the ones that always have a hard time blowing money on you, but the ones that have the cash burning hole in their pocket, best believe they will blow it.
Lol the irony knowing damn well they’re the same🤣
“you just want money” YES. THATS THE POINT OF LITERALLY EVERY JOB‼️
@@spongebobonmolly fr they thought they was gonna get the experience for free and throw some usher bucks🤣😭
Since when being paid for doing your job is being a gold digger? Do they seriously wants us to work for free?
As someone once said "what gold?"
From a young age men have objectified us (“who is prettier than who”, “look at her body”) contributing to the epidemic of low self esteem among women. After all, an object can be outshined by a shinier object. Thanks for trying to give esteem back to women through your videos.
So true. Even men who are not attractive feel so confident in their preceived "right" to judge beautiful women & who is the most beautiful.... when they do not even take care of their basic hygience or physical health.
@@law11school11girly TRUE OH MY GOD. THE MALE AUDACITY HAS SO MANY LEVELS OF BEING RUTHLESS AND GROSS
Mate barely any of them wipe their own @ss, like literally, the ugly ones are the worst.
Rating us from 1-10.
Isnt that what woman do to eachother though?
Former cool girl here, I buy my own gifts after several holidays like this poor Mom. I hand the dude a list of ideas, but get what I really want myself. I'm already doing all the mental and invisible labor for the whole family. I'm starting to look after my own mental health. Fellow ladies, give the same energy he gives you. This is not a mistake; men KNOW what they are doing.
I'm trying to understand the cool girl mentality...so whenever something upset you, you wouldn't speak up??
@@sandiipants21Yes
BESTIE, WAKE U P!
Please, remember that you only live once... So if so - why would you suck it up what sucks just for the sake of repeating the pattern when... You literally have one lifetime to make decision to be it a Happy Time...
BESTIE
WAKE
U
P🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻
For real WAKE UP.. why settle now and then once you get 15 years down the line you’ll be on the new version of Tik Tok talking about how you should’ve let sooner.. you’ll be exhausted and depleted.. but hey what do we know ?
So real 😭
ITs the PARADOX of life:
1. Suffer first via being called, "gold-digger, materialistic, stuck up" and live a life of luxury later...vs.
2. Being a cool girl (having immediate ease) and suffering later...
THIS!!
I am assexual and avoid men, I wonder what men think of me
I’ll take being a gold digger any day
@@MayaMaya-tj7kw They probably admire you because they cant have you
I never considered being called spoiled, materialistic etc suffering. I took it as a compliment and just leaned into that. In high school my friends voted me “most likely never to work a day in her life”. That was my persona. I was never cool
I just got out of a relationship with a guy and one thing he said to me was how I was “materialistic” and “out for his money” and ngl it definitely had me questioning how I operated in the past (being used to men paying for things for me and it being normal and no one gave it a second thought) and how I “”should”” act going forward. They really do try to convince you to settle for less or nothing at all 😭
Because they want you at a discount! They realize your worth or they would not be trying to have contact with you in the first place!
@@stayingdisciplined1456 nobody needs you babe
@@stayingdisciplined1456I’ve seen what you look like and … 😬😬 explains the bitterness here perfectly lmao
@@stayingdisciplined1456don't worry. Women are already decentering men which has left men devastated. Hence constant bashing on single women and threatening them with "lonely life with cats". It has got men panicking hard.
And if someone like you who deliberately misses point after point and insists on proving it under multiple comments like he has no life then yes, women should definitely leave you alone.
I was a50/50 girl against my wishes in one relationship. When that ended I said fuck that I’m never doing it again. So the guy I dated after, I made sure he knew he was expected to pay for dates and provide if he wanted marriage one day. He had a lot of problems so we broke up and afterwards he accused me of being a gold digger😂😂😂 the easy way out of taking accountability for his issues that ended our relationship
Watching your content feels like I’m in that scene of the Barbie movie where all the Barbies are getting deprogrammed to stop serving the patriarchy.
Omg yes exactly 😂😂😂
YES! :D
I couldn't have described it better😂🤞🏾
Yes I love it !!😂❤
Hahaha yes!
Everytime I've threatened breaking up with my boyfriend, he treated me way better. Sending me care packages, offering to pay for my hotels when traveling etc. My sister who modeled professionally and is an engineer, recently left a marriage where she was paying all the bills for the last year AND all the housework to a man she treated like a delicate little babt. Elle is right ladies, men only love what they struggle for.
@@stayingdisciplined1456 When did she say she needed all of her bills paid? Did you miss the point?
@@stayingdisciplined1456She is already bringing a lot of values in her boyfriend's life obviously. Why else would he struggle to keep her in his life? Cause unlike you, he acknowledges it and therefore paying for her lifestyle is the least he can do. Obviously it won't get into your head, you're here trying to police women as if money is the only valuable thing in the world. Good luck getting a good life mate
Threatening to break up with someone constantly is really toxic tho…although I agree with what you’re saying..this relationship seems toxic on your end from what you’re saying
@@stayingdisciplined1456the fact is women still give value when the man is paying all the bills by doing housechores and child care. When women are the breadwinners the men contribute nothing into the relationship except abuse or they cheat with other women with your own money. Why should she suck it up when he's contributing nothing into the relationship? She's better off on her own. Men only suck it up because they need women for their resources. Thats why a man will never leave a relationship even if he's unhappy or tired. It's the same reason why her boyfriend keeps paying for stuff when she threatens to leave. If she was really the problem in the relationship or at least if he was secure in himself to be alone he would let her go🤣🤣🤣
@@stayingdisciplined1456funding a woman’s lives is not a struggle when u want a stay at home wife. Thats the whole point, so that you enjoy paying her dreams too not just a role that is just work.
I’m at 6:06, and I’d like to add something; watch out for men who say THEY aren’t in to gift giving. Watch out for men who try and say they don’t celebrate birthdays, or that you can say I love you “too much”. It’s just one big excuse for them to not do anything.
💯🎯
@@anzaia2164 saying I love you does not lose its meaning, at all. That’s an issue on YOUR part. If you are someone personally who does not celebrate your birthday/etc, and don’t want to make it a big deal? Fine! But people who try to push that on others are lazy and rude (: have a good day!
I just started dating a guy who said he doesn't do gift giving... yall got me looking at him sideways 🤣🤣
@@yourdrunkaunt5409 any time i've heard this from a man, it's turned out to be a big red flag. especially if it means something to YOU. It doesn't make sense, really? So does he just not buy family christmas or birthday gifts? why not? is it an agreed upon thing for all of them? It's just like a guy that says since he doesn't celebrate HIS birthday, he won't celebrate YOURS. His personal choice shouldn't be reflected on you, especially if you've been together for a while. And keep an eye out for someone who claims you can say "i love you" too much.
Gotta say I'm a woman and I'm like that. Gifts and "I love yous" are not my love language, totally Quality Time and Acts of Service here. But the difference is I try to find some common ground. I know my friend is a total gift person, so even though I often don't know what's her thing as our styles are completely different, it's at least flowers, some pralines and a voucher saying "I know you'll pick the better present" or a service like a massage etc.
Earlier in my marriage I tried to pick on what my ex mentioned and gifted that. A total useless task, he wasn't really grateful. Tbh till this day I can't even say what my ex husbands love language is at all. He just doesn't have one. As a joke I often say he should have gotten a monk. Studying and gardening and isolated somewhere not really interacting much with people. I couldn't care less now if it wasn't for our kids that he treats the same shitty way.
Dont sacrifice your mental sanity to be a “cool girl”
*don't sacrifice your self respect and dignity to be socially acceptable, a.k.a a "cool girl"
"It is apparent that not enough men are lonely." I cackled because it's true. And enough men know how to mask bad behavior to lure women in.
Im glad younger women are having these conversations. I had no guidance.
My mum didn’t, either. I talk to her about all of these things and she agrees with me. I want to be the first woman in my maternal family to do things right. My half-sister is already living the spoiled girlie life, and I admire her for it! ❤
Same. It took me waaaaay too long to "get it"
"won't your girl mind that you're checking out other women so blatantly", "oh no she's cool" = "oh no, she's a doormat"
Why doesn't this have any likes? It's so true!
This Gen Xer is learning sooooo much from you! Grew up with a narc parents and ended up with abusive gross men when I was insanely hot, smart, and talented. They sucked the life, youth, and beauty right out of me!
Now it’s time to claim all that for myself! ❤
GIRL I feel you!! But i'll bet you have got a ton of life, youth and beauty in you yet :) go get it!!!
Go get that bag bestie!!! 💖
OMG same ❤ you go, girl!
❤
I will not date a guy who keeps telling me: you are so strong and independent.
@@muadhnatewhich is why she won't date him
"You're so down to earth and carefree!"
Right, I love that my husband describes me as delicate and soft. He works hard + does a lot for me because he thinks I need it. It wouldn’t be that way if he thought I was tough
"You're so tough and capable... You can work really hard" -.-
Yeah, I know I can, if I have to survive... The point is, I would rather not have to survive
Ugh enough with the brainwashing!!
It’s SCARY how the woman in the video was smiling and laughing… she was terrified of offending him.
Which just shows how belittled he made her be and how used she is of being unseen and underapprecisted and became okay with that...
I hope that she will have the courage and realisation of it and will leave him one day...
But also, the fact that the man was not embarassed or moved in any way by the neglection of his wife, a mother of his children...
Damn.
She must mean nothing to him:(
Right? His thoughts were “ooh, here’s a chance for content.”
@@Zuzzammayes, that is the point. I’m glad you caught that.
@@MoonFoxSassy YUPP. I mean,sadly a lot of evil/bad/unethic stuff is being filmed for the sake of makeing money out of it, instead of treating it with all seriousness.
Girl, if my friends can give me christmas gifts, birthday gifts, black friday gifts, give me money when I ask them, I expect more from my man!
My grandma told me: start to hold out. Do not start any behaviors or attitudes you can't or don't want to continue. This is true from friendships, relationships, and jobs. Reverse side: if there are behaviors or attitudes you can't offer don't want to endure, address it and if that fails, put distance between you and that person
"he wants access you but your standards are in the way" OMGGGGGGG YES
Since I started law school, I have purposely not engaged in male friendships (despite several men chasing after me under the faux-appearance of friendship) because I have woken up to "men use women in games with other men" ... & I have utilized my time & energy into my female friendships & hobbies & investing instead of the bit of time I spent entertaining male friends in undergrad. I look back on every experience as a learning opportuntiy, so I will not be bitter but instead grateful to understand now at 22 rather than never waking up!
SAAAAME I DELETED ALL GUYS OUT OF MY LIFE. EXCEPT one very good friend. Who is always respectful and Distant
Mm I have several male friends from college (CS), they're nice. Never had any problems with them. We usually play games together or help each other in coding projects.
Men bonding through stress is so true... In all my former relationships I was always there 100 per cent, giving my all double even when I got nothing, trying to understand the other person, thinking love is supposed to be selfless and was treated like shit and was even cheated on.
Now I'm in an 8 year relationship where I am just my true self and say no, so many times, and do not ever bend to his whims, and he just bends over for me and does 200 per cent. I am treated like a queen everyday just by being myself and saying no and making him work hard for it.
Yes!!!
I said no many times in my previous relationshit and got cheated on and emotionally abused precisely for not bending over to every whim... I think it has more to do with the person than with how we act. People are responsible for their own behaviors... say no to an entitled, abusive man and they will resent you.
Why didn’t I meet you 10 years ago. EVERYTHING YOU SAID IS TRUE.
Young girls, please listen to it and don’t make mistakes what we already made. It will be almost impossible to fix your life when you already set in this situation and have family and kids.
Yes, young girls, please listen to her. I can tell from personal experience that you will spare yourself some pain that way.
Cool girls take the crumbs thrown at them and think they're smart for it. The funny thing is when a man meets his dream girl he gets on her programme and treats her way better for demanding the whole loaf.
Exactly
yeah, i don't understand the cool girl mentality... I'm usually very sweet and playful with my husband. but if he happens to do something inconsiderate or insensitive (which is not often haha), I'll call him out on it immediately. he'll apologize and do better next time. it's better to resolve issues as soon as possible than to say nothing, play the cool girl, and let the resentment fester until you can no longer hold it in one day.
thats great that you guys have healthy communication! That was definatly something lacking from my last relationship
BebeJane, I'll help you understand. It comes from childhood when you're either hit, yelled at, ignored, belittled, or punished when you express a need/want to your caregivers. You learn that honest communication and asking for things is not safe or acceptable. You learn to reassure everyone that you don't need or want anything. It's very, VERY hard to unlearn that, even when you're actively trying because you're drowning in toxic shame and believe "it's not okay to be me, or to feel what I feel, or want what I want." It's not a game like Scrabble, it's a very painful internal struggle that eats away at your heart. Signed, a Recovering Cool Girl
@@shimmeringchimps3842 this explains so much about me tbh,
She is still trying to act like it was a joke and it didn't hurt her. SO LADIES! THIS IS HOW IT STARTS! I hope she gets more in the divorce than she did in her stocking.
My boyfriend confronted me about this, I was saying I was cool with stuff but I would end up crying, and so he came to me and told me that he can’t make me happy unless I tell him the truth. And so now he happily buys me the things I want, takes me to get my nails done, goes to do “girly” things with me because I stopped being the “stoic” “shut-up and take it” girl.
Wow, you are lucky he was actually very thoughtful and kind. Someone else could have just abused you and treat you less then you deserve
and partners of "cool girls" are NEVER gonna change! they're gonna feel "betrayal" and that you no longer "love them" anymore, cause you don't want to be their doormat and actually be treated with respect. You live once, live it for you!
Fax
"be a bitch, be disagreeable, make them jump through hoops" THAT SHIT IS TRUE
Dating men is like studying to eventually work at nasa. This is just ugh, being single is the winning team at this point lol
so funny, so true and you just face the void 😂
i was raised to be materialistic...i was taught true love is actions and providing...this just blows my mind that a mother wouldn't be celebrated by her bozo husband :(
Seeing her face, smiling through the pain was enough of a warning for me. I am mentally reminding myself it's okay to spend money on myself and expect that treatment from those in my inner circle- it's a standard
De-center males from your life.
Accept and embrace the possibility of being single for life. It's true freedom. Focus on the things that make you happy and make you money
I have to tell you this comment liberated me
As a recovering cool girl, she always gets me when she says 'bestie wake up'!😂
Gold Diggers are rewarded with Birthday, Christmas, Just Because, and Valentine's Day Gifts. The luxury of being a stay at home wife/mom because your masculine husband love to provide for his family. Shopping, Spa Days, more pampering.
Pickme's are rewarded with: Pay for the date he asked you out on, single motherhood, OOPS yeah I forgot today was your birthday but I'll make it up to you later (shocker, he never does or will) oh and more paper clips with balls of lint yay!
Yeah, but if he's with you knowing that you're with him for the money, he can easily replace you with someone similar and younger after a while. We see this happen all the time.
@@iridescentraindrops I mean the other men do it to the pickmeishas too they use them for years (for sex, Money,free labour etc) then replace them with a younger woman. lol. Love is also important but it's not the only thing.
My point is they do it all women it.
@@chrzig554 Then why bother with men at all? I don't get what's in it for women. It seems we can lose in every scenario.
@@iridescentraindrops
Make him put things in your name, & invest in your career.
He funds the first years of your business, he teaches you to invest, he buys you property.
Win.
My dad married a gold digger and does ALL that stuff for her to KEEP HER QUIET while he is still out cheating on her…..
My husband just came home from buying stocking stuffers for our kiddo. If he didn't get to play Santa, he'd be so sad. So many men don't have any clue what they're missing out on.
This is absolutely true and happened to me. After I had my child reality hit me hard and you have really helped me let go of the cool girl mentality that was only ever modeled to me and taught to me that I used for survival growing up. Listening to you empowers me because I KNOW it’s 100% true.
Same
Hopefully you are getting spoiled this year :)
Girl same!! Like wtf 😳
My late husband who died in 2020 always surprised me with wonderful gifts. He even bought some from the kids when they were babies. My mother in law found a Christmas present he bought and hid in her attic before he died
That is beautiful. You were blessed, and I’m sure he knew that he was blessed to be your husband. ❤ I’m sorry for your loss. Please take care of yourself.
I have regretted every time I have told a guy that I appreciate the small things like being given shells and things, they immediately think I'm easy, start doing less straight away and think I accept nothing? I was just trying to explain how I like when someone pays attention to the little details and sentimental gifts. Never again haha.
EXACTLY they tell women to lower their standards ALL THE TIME but when we do we're "cheap and easy with no self respect" or we should've "picked better" if we get treated like trash
The thought truly does count. And the effort, and doing it willingly because he wants to
Seeing my generation of women getting stuck in the same trap that made so many women before us miserable has made choosing to be single so easy.
Heard a man once say “I don’t give my girlfriend compliments or gifts, it’s been 3 years, I don’t need to impress her anymore” his girlfriend accepted this idea and is pressuring him heavily to propose. I was appalled for her.
I would rather die than be embarrassed by someone i CHOSE to partner in life with and have OUR offspring witness the disrespect and emotional neglect😬
Im a gen xer and this was my life. Please ladies, and girls, LISTEN TO THIS. I was never happy, until I divorced and cut all men out of my life. I am teaching my daughters (God blessed me with NO sons), very differently.
I’m an elder millennial and this was also my life. She’s right girlies. Listen up and take notes:
if you had sons you could have raised them to be good men:-)
@@eri-zj8krthere's only so much you can do as a parent. It's up to them to not listen to outside peer pressures from the media and their friends
This is true. Peer pressure affects girls too, but boys are much likelier to make the dangerous decisions just to fit in.
@@eri-zj8kr bestie go raise a couple of children and then we'll talk. obviously parents need to teach their kids especially sons how to be good people, but one can't simply mold a perfect person out of a kid. kids go to school, interact with peers, consume media, go on the internet, and get influenced by a loooot of things besides their parents. (also some kids are just mean from the start idk) I've seen an example of that bc I practically raised my 2 younger brothers, and one of them is super nice and respectful, while other is kind of a dickhead. not a horrible person thankfully, but not a nice one either. they both were raised by the same people, with the same standards, they're only a year apart in age, yet they grew up to be so different. one of them was just influenced by the wrong crowd and turned out... like that.
The description of a cool girl sounds like self-abuse, allowing it to be inflicted on someone or yourself doesn’t matter it’s self-abuse. I’m the prize and it weeds out the losers, saves you time
And even if you don't have the "high maintenance" look or career -- just don't entertain any men other than those who fit your standards. You can dress simple and live a modest life, and still only accept date invitation in high end restaurant, never anything lower than that.
Or tell them to buy your entire wishlist of books before they can call you. Be your very own kind of ✨gold digger✨
From experience, I bought everyone's gifts on Christmas, including his mother's and stepmother's gifts. I assure you this is why the moms end up with empty stockings. Cause the husband leaves it to the wife as an unspoken responsibility.
I tell people to buy me flowers while I'm alive because if I only get them when I'm dead then I'm haunting them. I get flowers all the time hahahahaha!
My mum keeps telling me that I'm such a good cook, I'll make such a good hostess/wife/mother. Yet she was that, and she doesn't want to be married again because her first marriage and divorce was so traumatic. Yet she thinks that being this way will reward women.
I groan in annoyance when I realise I have to shop for food/clean/cook because it's a chore. I think of Christmases ahead and dread what my mother will expect of me. I DON'T WANT TO HOST CHRISTMAS PARTIES AND COORDINATE EVERYTHING AND BUY PRESENTS FOR EVERYONE. I DON'T WANT TO COOK FOR EVERYONE. I DON'T WANT TO DRAIN MYSELF LIKE SHE DID.
I'M seriously contemplating not bothering having children because I don't want to cater for everyone for the rest of my life. I saw my mother do it find she was punished for it.
You don't have to if you don't want to. You're a free woman. You can chose how you wanna live and not bother with Christmas at all. You can fly to a tropical island on Christmas if you so chose.
Our parents are a product of their time and oftentimes their own trauma and sh***y upbringing
My mother had not one, but two abusive alcoholics as husbands (my father was abusive towards her and her second husband was abusive towards me) and with her history of unworthy men she had the audacity to call me complicated, a bitch, unlovable and telling me that I'll end up alone. To which I usually replied "I'd rather die alone than have the kind of men you have". I still had quite a few sh***y partners myself cause my upbringig did leave a mark on me nevertheless...
Point is: our parents can be just screwed up people who don't know any better.
Former cool girl who grew up hearing “all men want from you is s*x” from their birth giver and ended up internalizing very harmful dating advice. I’ve started setting boundaries with the men in my life and the responses have been revelatory. Whoever I end up with next will know from the jump that I have needs and I won’t be tolerating breadcrumbs.
When a guy tells you “ you are a grown independent women, aren’t you? You can do this and that…” RUN
🎯🎯🎯🎯
I remember my "friend" (we aren't that close anymore) saying "I don't mind going 50/50 on dates, other women do because they think they're so special" so you don't want your partner to think you're special?? (Also not going 50/50 doesn't necessarily make you special in other countries it's the standard lol)
And guess what: she's always complaining about how lazy her fiance is, how he never puts in effort and how he never makes anything for her like surprises/gifts like my man and the men of our friends. But what did she expect? You literally said that you're not special and indirectly shamed other women wanting good treatment.
He also makes her do all of the cooking and cleaning....
I would feel bad for her but she shamed women for not having low standards....
Also funny how she was going 50/50 because she's not "entitled and lazy" or " thinks she's special and stuck up" like other women (her literal words) yet her man had no problem making her do all of the chores AND pay bills.
Then turn around and complain how her man never takes, her on dates, gets her gifts/flowers or letters... What did you expect pickmeisha
@@chrzig554You should send this entire comment to her, if you haven’t already… matter fact send the whole video to her. 💀
There was a married comic artist who was like way over ten years older than me who sent me unsolicited nudes then later defamed me when I blocked him. His dumb wife just stayed with him and is now having that awful guy’s baby because she is weak to gaslighting. Stand up for yourself and stop feeling bad for toxic people.
Ayo who was it
That stocking video is heartbreaking! She just laughs it off, I'm taking all flowers and gifts no way will I give it all again to receive nothing. We set the standard
I’ve never been a cool girl haha…I get so much. Flowers, flight tickets, concert tickets for 800 a pop. 600 worth of makeup. My ex told me he doesn’t remember things so to tell him what I want. So Christmas, birthdays etc-I just started going babe, I was x please get it for my birthday. He would order it right away. Random week: you haven’t gotten me flowers recently - I love flowers please think of me when you see them next time ❤…men love spoiling me and I love being spoiled.
slay
My mother is a high maintenance woman and even though I have to tell her when she goes too far at times, she doesn’t know but I am so so grateful she’s so high maintenance. I tend to be a people pleaser when it comes to family (and my husband will be my family) so there are situations where I realize that seeing her demand more and receive it, not take BS? It makes me believe that saying that we pick our parents. I help her being nicer in the right ways and she teaches me not to take sht. I’m really lucky to have her and I know once I’m in a relationship, I’m not gonna take a mediocre man. A financially free, emotionally mentally stable, kind and genuine man who matches with me.
This is really good advice. Thanks!
Girl we do NOT pick our parents lol.
There is no “going too far” when it comes to these males… your mom sounds like a rockstar! 💯
It’s like applying for and getting hired for a job beneath you and then getting upset you aren’t getting paid or valued. You applied and welcomed the terms and conditions and now you are getting what you asked for. Quiet simple
How can that husband not spoil his beautiful wife? How is she laughing or smiling at being left out. "Santa didn't come for me..." 😢 My heart sank.
If that were me, I'd get that man nothing for fathers day, birthday or christmas in the new year!
My Dad can be forgetful however he always spoiled my mum on christmas, valentines, mothers day and her birthday!
Christ! This is why I am glad I do not tolerate such bullshit. If I am expected to spoil everyone around me, yes, I best receive the same treatment or no one gets it from me.
Sis should have put coal in his stocking lmao
@@Felicite-Etoile I don't think she should have even given that. Coal is expensive now 😂
@@vikki8699 Agreed! She MADE HIM HUMAN CHILDREN.
And my dad is the same way. By choosing him, my mother gave me high standards long before I even knew what they were.
In the late 00's-early 10's, my entire friend group collectively went through a cool girl phase. It was like a social contagion that infected our entire social circle. It was as if all of the girls were in competition to see who could maintain the lowest standards. Like the living embodiment of the stolen bicycle meme (It's ok if my bike was stolen because who ever stole it must have needed it more.) Everyone in the group was obsessed with vaguely eastern and buddhist spirituality at the time and it was seen as the ultimate virtue to not have any needs or negative emotions at all. (long story) Fast forward to now and almost every single one of those cool girls has become a single parent, trapped in very unfortunate financial circumstances. The only exceptions being those of us without kids. As it turns out, luxury beliefs hurt working class people. When the rubber meets the road, self sacrifice won't save you from abandonment. And don't be surprised when the man that makes zero effort leaves at the 1st sign of responsibility. Turns out that many components of old fashioned courtship (men pay & have to earn access to your body and meet basic standards in a relationship) are designed to protect women. I'm glad that younger women are becoming conscious of this, learning from the mistakes of others, raising their standards, and maintaining boundaries
Please turn this into a short op-ed or article! Your observations are valuable and many girls and women would benefit from them. 💜
I became that oldest daughter that makes sure every Christmas is special for my mom because she does everything for us as the most amazing single mom I know.
I am the youngest and really admire actually good older sisters. My older sister is actually crazy and tore apart our otherwise normal family. Your siblings and mom are lucky to have you around !! 💕💕💕💕
the worst men I ever had was those materialist and high maintenance. Those dudes got in their princess receiving energy and GOT THIS from me and their are not ashame of it, they was PROUD. I look back and remember their reactions when asking for things and took my time and energy to serve them without EVER give me NOTHING back. Those was MEN unapologetic profiting from feminine energy, why would I be ashamed?!
i’m late but the paragraph after the cool girl monologue in gone girl is not circulated nearly enough and i love this book so here.
“I waited patiently -years- for the pendulum to swing the other way, for men to start reading Jane Austen, learn how to knit, pretend to love cosmos, organize scrapbook parties, and make out with each other while we leer. And then we’d say ‘Yeah, he’s a cool guy.’ But it never happened. Instead, women across the nation colluded in our degradation! Pretty soon Cool Girl became the standard girl. Men believed she existed - she wasn’t just a dreamgirl one in a million. Every girl was supposed to be this girl, and if you weren’t, then there was something wrong with you.
“But it’s tempting to be Cool Girl. For someone like me, who likes to win, it’s tempting to want to be the girl that every guy wants.”
Thanks for this! I had never read it. 🎯
Im 54 and that was me. And literally this is my story. Ive just spent my first Xmas alone so that everyone else could be together and I wasn't invited (I even paid for the plane tickets so my son could go and be with them). And not a single text, card or present for Xmas from my ex or any of my adult children. And now they dont talk to me because I said I was upset about it.
I was that girl. I had a career, got married to a decent guy but we were very different and I had to be someone I wasn't the whole time we were married. We had 4 kids and he left when our youngest was 2 so I had 4 kids under 10 that I had to bring up on my own. I had no idea who I was, I didn't even know what I wore when we split. So I spent 20 years with no life of my own and I completely fell apart when the kids grew up as I had no identity outside of being a mum.
I don't even think it was my ex that was the issue. I think he didn't like who I was when I became a mum either, I was miserable and bored and had no time or energy for anything that gave me joy (and before anyone says anything I did love my kids but sometimes I wanted to be an adult too). I was codependent and a people pleaser and didnt put value on myself and only thought about what other people needed because thats what I thought a mum did.
This lady is talking sense. Keep your own identity, ensure that you value yourself too and make sure other people do because if you dont then they won't, especially if you keep telling them they dont have to.
I'm 55 and identify all too well with the presentless woman. Don't judge her too harshly; she is trapped. He rubbed that empty stocking in her face. I would have reacted the way she did because if I didn't I would have been "punished". Manifestelle, keep preaching your message. It is correct.
God that husband should be ashamed of himself. That is YOUR WIFE bro. Who raised him?
He was raised by a struggle loving pickmeisha and a dusty
you don’t have to BE materialistic… you just have to communicate and be honest with yourself and your partner. Communicate that you love flowers. If your partner never does, then it’s clear that your wishes aren’t being valued. Then actually stand your ground and break up, don’t just let things slide
Yeah, this sounds better. I dont want to be a cool girl or god forbid a pickme, but I really don't want to be an entitled, materialistic gold digger either.
Men don't communicate darling
Do not listen/ talk to further any man that tries to bargain down your worth.
The oldest daughter notices. This is the most true statement my oldest daughter is so aware of so much but I don’t allow her to carry the burden and guilt of my bad decisions and her dad’s minimum effort. She is amazing tho ❤
EVERY daughter eventually notices lol.
"How do you lose a woman?!"
"You forget to cherish her."
A lot of men enjoy shaming women by pulling shit like this too. Like how did he not notice for 10 years? No way. He noticed, and a best didn’t care. At worst he was secretly enjoying how that must have hurt her. Most likely somewhere in the middle he noticed but jokes with his friends about how he bought himself a ‘well deserved’ case of beer with the money instead.
My boyfriend gave me so many gifts and its not even christmas yet. Gave me a cellphone we were not even dating. He worships me and i would never go for less than that. And if the treatment stop, we stop dating.
Honest to god I wish I knew this knowledge 12 years ago. Before I even started dating men.
The whole “cool girl” persona, “easy going” persona has f’d up my dream for a committed happy family for real…
You know what you will get with that persona? Abuse and neglect. You thinking he is a nice person is not enough. He needs to show you that he thinks your worth it and since the beginning of time men have done that with money.
Also never date down. Ever. Having to scrape by, while raising a child, and sideeying your man because he’s sleeping and talking shit on livestreams instead of working his ass of is torture.
Also I know the pill is full of chemicals but girlie if you’re not with child yet and you’re not wearing a ring, take it. Regardless!
Or just don’t have sex, even better. They’re not worth it anyways since they won’t commit
Sorry to hear that. I wish you all the best!
All in all the pill is a disservice to women, cause it can have great and partially irreversible physical effects on your health and it tends to have bad side effects in regards to mental health, such as depression. Plus: the spiritual side of it, it disconnects us from our cycle disrupting our natural connection to ourselves. Our menstrual cycle directly influences how we percieve men and how we chose potential mates (studies have shown that women who are not on the pill tend to gravitate to more traditionally masculine men).
Do you really wanna endure all those side effects so you can give man access to casual sex without consequences? Besides, sex is never trivial for us women. We release a lot more oxytocin after orgasm and tend to develop emotional attachement really fast. Having sex literally clouds our judgement.
It really is better to either use condoms or, even better, only sleep with men you wouldn't mind getting impregnated by.
Every month I see new reasons to wait until marriage. You’re not catching me as a single mother with a deadbeat father.
"you're either going to have standards or you're going to have a man... But you can't have both" ~some wise woman.
I think it's true the main reason why long marriages "work out" as in they aren't legally divorced is because the woman has excepted that she'll be the doormat. That's she won't be a priority, that she won't get gifts, flowers etc, that she's gonna do most of the chores/childcare by herself while paying bills), that her emotional needs won't be met either because she has to be man's peace and suck everything in. (Ofc it's not true for all)
But I also want to say that good men exist 💗💗💗💗
you nailed it ! 🎯
No matter how many times you repeat it, it will never get old. Learning and remembering through repetition. Thank you Elle.
Sis, I personally NEED her to tell me over and over again 💀 Yes, I’m a strong, smart, capable woman, but my skull is just thick af.
@@haldareu we’re growing stronger with each upload! 💪🏻
Absolutely. I need to hear it over and over again and implant it into my psyche.
My fellow men really can't fathom how high maintenance WE actually are. I grew up with a single mom and she never hid how physically, mentally, and emotionally draining the job of raising me was. The idea that a married man with 5 kids could behave this way is completely unacceptable
obviously this is not the same thing so take what i’m about to say with a grain of salt…. because of my trauma, i tend to push men away. when i was younger, it was “bullying them because i liked them” but as a grew up and the relationships became way deeper, i would literally just push them away, although i didn’t mean to. i would avoid, ghost, talk to other guys, etc and these guys STILL LIKED ME and would chase me down. i never knew why because i’d be like “why hasn’t my self sabotage worked yet?” but then i found out that it was the fact that guys love b*tches. everything makes sense now.
no they didn't love you..that was not love at all sweetie..they just like the chase
im absolutely an materialistic entitled spoiled gold digger
What a inspiring and transformstional way of percieving... I love that.
Ladies, we gotta take the blam out of the Word "materialistic' , "spoiled" and", "gold digger".
Nothing to be ashamed of, nothing wrong with that - this is a PROTECTION. Self care!!
Love it!!🙌🏻💌🌼
And proud!
So many facts! When we’re out with friends and one of the men say anything slick to their partners my man will bring it up later in shock (while laughing) and usually says something to me like “I didn’t know we were allowed to talk like that!” He knows what behavior and speech I’ll accept and what’s absolutely inappropriate. He also loves a “bitch” 😅 it provides him with a stable home life, no guessing bc we communicate directly, and he knows no one else is getting access to me but him. Be a bitch, ladies! It pays in the long run for real!!!
practical advice there.
Cool girl, right here, fit myself into a very nice little box. Now I’ve burst out and am taking notes!
💜💜💜💜💜
so true.. when I was in high school it was so cool to hook up with guys, to be cold and emotionally unavailable. So I pretended to be the cool girl. Guess what? I was never happy, my needs were never met and I could never be myself around the guys I attracted.
Me face palming over every time I prided myself on being “a cheap date” no gurl we fancy sushi dating it from here!
This is what it looks like to laugh instead it crying. 😢 All of her daily sacrifices and she can’t get anything?
before hearing this term I thought my mom was a pick me, but she definitely fits here 😭 and it's so heartbreaking not being able to get through her and help her be a spoiled girlie :(
just realizing that my mom is a cool girl. i don't remember dad buying her a gift for their anniversary or her birthday... heck, she doesn't even like celebrating it anymore. and she doesn't like going out anymore bc she knows she's the one that's gonna pay and she says it like it's funny but honestly it's just sad. this just taught me to love her more...
@ 8:35 she's not kidding. There's a reason why "glory hole" is even a thing in p*rn.
true most moms give and give their entire lives to their husbands & children... taking this as a sign to be exrtra loving to my cherished mom!
Listen to her!! I am a divorced mother now and all that she says is right! I wish I knew all about this 10 years ago… Im starting over my life and will never settle ever again 😉
Not gonna lie you have no idea how important your content is I'm learning so much.
Please never Never NEVER STOP Making your content we need it so much.
I literally dumped a friend who I got a Christmas present for and they forgot not only that but my birthday too and said they’re glad their low standard friends don’t expect them to remember things. I canceled myself from that low standard friend list of theirs
For my spoiled girlies out there, my man thanks me for being disagreeable and confrontational. He's used to women that just let go of problems or ignore the issue at hand and just "go with the flow" all the time even tho there's clearly a problem. He compliments me for wanting to resolve and communicate difficult and stressful situations instead of brushing them off and letting it go. A real man will appreciate you for all of that!
as the second oldest daughter i feel an obligation to always gift my mom well during holidays and bdays coz it was lacking somewhere else 💀 and herself as well, just being stuck in this giver role. never wanting or being able to spoil herself. i think my problem with the convo at 10:30 about accepting men objectify us and we have to play the game is that i don’t want to be with someone like that. aka i don’t ever want to be with a man.
It’s difficult to digest I know
But she’s telling the truth. I’ve lived it. We all believe “the man I marry will be different” in the end all men (heterosexual men anyways) default to this mindset. Unless they encounter something that causes them to DECIDE to make a radical change against this nature. It sucks to know but it’s sadly true.
There's nothing about gift-giving that HAS to be materialistic either. It's just our society usually has us thinking that gift = stuff. Hubby always gets me (us) spa weekend for Christmas, and I give some kind of city get away weekend. That's two weekends just for the two of us, best gifts ever (especially when you have kids). I'm from a slightly different society (Scandi) and I feel like these sexist stereotypes don't quite fit tbh. My partner never had to struggle for me. But I guess we should establish what struggle means here, because of course he had to put in effort. And I 110% agree that should be a given, that the person you're with puts some f*ing effort into it.
As a “cool” girl on the other side of what she described. I hope she saves someone. It really does suck here. Have the highest effing standards in a man’s effort.
“Privilege to access us, not a right” hell yea! 🤘
Your hair & skin look radiant, as always! Please keep up this content... it is actually saving women from being taken advantage of by below-bare-minimum-low-effort men!!!
This began happening to me around 15 with my own family. My brothers (1 and 4 years younger than me) began getting video game consoles, 60 dollar games, and PCs every year while I got a mug, socks, and paint brushes. yesr after year. It has come to the point where i get my entire family thoughtful gifts and I still get nothing useful or meaningful (of course i dont make this obvious). I have been taught to always show thanks and appreciate no matter what, this is why I am high maintenance with my boyfriend, i wont take that anymore im done being demure
Why would he not get his wife a gift ? Ew
I'm so glad I'm a lesbian. Every time I see one of these videos I feel so sorry for yall 😭 like we def have our own issues but not 5 kids and 10 years with zero presents issues. The worst *talking stage* I've been in with a woman, she offered to pay for a 100+$ Uber to a party I wanted to go to for my birthday after talking for (at that point) about 6 days