“Anxiety doesn’t care about things that are true or make sense, it just makes you feel the weight of the worst possible scenario, even if you’re not in it” that statement resonated with me so deeply. I really do hope things get better. Always take a moment to step back when you need it. There will always be people here to support you.
“depression is nothing” so aggressively, incredibly accurate and difficult to put into words. your depression is absolutely valid regardless of whether you have made any SH/SU attempts over the course of your lifetime, D’Angelo or anyone else. people put so much emphasis on the physical manifestations of pain but that is by no means the only outlet for those with mental health struggles.
I think apathy is the word for that. When he said it feels like nothing, I very much relate to that and think the feeling of nothing is apathy, which from a Google search is a symptom of depression.
This. Also, doubting/downplaying the severity of your own struggle is often a *feature* of mental illness. I literally struggled with SH for years but I have had the exact same thoughts D'Angelo expressed about my S ideation not being valid enough to talk about because I know I would never actually do it. It didn't even occur to me until this video that that's absurd. No matter what you've been through or haven't been through, your mental health struggles are valid, painful, deserving of healing.
Seriously. It's very hard NOT to have a black and white view on stuff, especially when you're often online and there are (usually) two poles of opinions. Depression is no exception. If you don't fit the "stereotype" of a depressed person, then it's very easy to dismiss yourself as not depressed at all. You just think it doesn't count. I definitely haven't experienced as dire a situation as D'Angelo's, but I have depressive episodes occasionally, and I always feel almost guilty for having them because they're not "proper" depression. But it IS depression. There's no reason to feel guilty for it. It sounds like a wild sentence to say, but there's no "right way" to be depressed lmao
you described anxiety & depression very well, I have experience similar things. Continue to put your mental health first. Thank you for being so open and vulnerable❤️ so many people out here that care about you as a human
Bigtime. I experience depression the same way: an expansive, all-consuming _nothing_ that swallows up everything. There are long periods of my life I have little to no memory of because I was in a depressive episode. Memory comes from and is strengthened by experience, sensation, emotion, interest... depression takes all of that away.
We are all here for you. I go through the same content, and unfortunately I’m feeling this way today. Unfortunately, I go through this because of my father and his overbearing behavior to place me down. It’s disheartening he always finds insults and displays actions where I’m not good enough for society or not knowledgeable and can’t please him. I understand where you are coming from and battled through this matter for 20 years.
Hey man, there's absolutely nothing pathetic about having anxiety issues. It's shockingly common, and people from all demographics experience it. It's a struggle, but I'd like to think that we're slowly building a world where people don't have to struggle alone and feel inadequate because of mental health. Solidarity, man. You look after yourself first and foremost. The fact that we get anything from you at all is a treat.
Y’all.. same.. my mental health is declining & im fighting to stay strong and get outta the Tomb stone mentality that is plaguing me and choking me out. Lost my dad & im struggling to cope. I have new diagnosis’ & am scared & was hoping I’d find a way to reach out and said hey!! HEY!!! Pls tell me you know you’re not alone! We’ve got these scars & issues but can exist together & in support of one another.. 🥺😣 I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.. 😢😢😢 but Fr bro!! Are you okay???
What people don’t realize is being a creator is an almost entirely isolating experience. Especially if you edit your own videos like you do, you spend all day only with yourself. It can become really lonely and dissociating tbh. And if your brain is in a rough spot, the darkness finds you quickly. Glad to have you back. Take care of yourself. You’ve got an audience of people who support YOU! ❤️
I find creating this divide between creator and person is the problem in the first place... putting yourself on a pedestal and creating expectations is damaging and when the public does it too it's whats isolating... creators are people and people do understand. Don't create divisions between being human. A job is a job regardless of what field. People are plagued by mental health problems regardless. Mental health illnesses don't ask who you are and cherry pick, it just happens. You isolate so many voices saying what you do. Students who are ordinary people crumbling under academic expectations go through this, ordinary office workers feel similar when they feel stuck doing something maybe they didn't see themselves doing when they were a child. People do understand. The only expectations I have for public content creators is hoping they're doing what they enjoy and finding success in their field which is what we all should collectively have for each other. Maybe it's just me who has these thoughts.
Not being a content creator and seeing how many creators that I watch suffer from anxiety and isolation and depression and so many other stressful things (that I cannot relate to bc I’m not a content creator) makes me hope they are able to find a community of other content creators that can be friends and provide a support system, people that can actually understand the struggles that come along with being a content creator and be able to provide support and understanding in a way that their audience cannot. I’m running on like 2 hours of sleep rn so I have no clue if any of this makes sense, but my point is I just want y’all creators to be able to find others who understand what you’re going through and hopefully you’ll feel less isolated. 😅☺️❤️
Sorry this is totally unsolicited, but my therapist told me to cultivate my friendships. If you got people that you haven’t talked to in a long time, reach out and catch up. Doesn’t mean they will be ready to hear about the dark stuff, but having support for even the little things (“ah my upload failed”, “my family’s being weird”, “my cars going through it”), will help lighten the load. That way it doesn’t all combine at once, especially when the darkness comes back.
@@JoyDawnHackett You just cultivated sharing. Cultivating friendships and relationships is so so so important to human mental health!! We are social animals and making sure you have a circle of true friends who are mutually supportive is important. Over the last 3 years that work and spending (almost completely virtual) time with my cultivated friends had saved my sanity!!
@@JoyDawnHackett damn this is so good!! I’m gonna keep this in mind, thank you so much for sharing this even if “unsolicited” it lit a lightbulb 💡 in me lol 🥰❤️
The whole “feeling like I need to know everything bad that’s going on” thing definitely struck a chord with me. It’s so hard to find the balance between staying informed and getting consumed by all the bad shit. Glad to see you’re on an upward swing. Thanks for your candor.
I try to stay informed, but I realize that peace begins with the Self. I can't hyperfocus on things beyond my control. What you give attention to grows, so I chose to grow (focus) on myself.
bro it fuckin sucks when it feels like you r doing everything right and you still wanna die, this video really resonates with me, its so hard, sending love, you’re not alone.
We missed you so much D. I feel like so many of us relate to feeling hopeless but I just hope that u know that we all care about u and ur so so precious. Depression is no joke and I'm glad u put ur mental health first. We love and care about u and will wait for when ur ready. I'm sending love ur way!! 😭😭💖💖💖
Oh my god, you put it into words. I can't imagine the subscriber-count scale of what you're dealing with, but after getting out of school I got a book deal for two graphic novels, and hoooo boy. I was able to churn through pages for the publisher for maybe six months, but like you said, I couldn't sustain myself. There's so much pressure to create, but you're stuck with zero spoons and this constant mantra of "I wanna die, I wanna die"...coupled with the guilt of like, "You should be happy! Look how lucky and successful you are!" How are you supposed to explain to people with soul-sucking jobs that you have their dream job-the job they'd give an arm and a leg to have-but you can barely force yourself to get out of bed in the morning? That you're so miserable and anxious that life HURTS? That the fun-hobby-turned-profession makes you hate yourself every day to the point of immobility, or that "nothing" black hole? I felt so alone because I didn't know how to talk about this stuff. So hearing you speak about this...I'm so grateful. Thank you so much. I feel seen.
You *are* seen 💜 I've been paralyzed by anxiety and depression for this past year, it literally didn't allow me to go to school bc my panic attacks got horrible- but I'm getting better slowly. So I somewhat understand what you mean, it's so difficult to lose interest in the things you once loved. A horrible feeling :( But you're never "too lucky" or "too successful" to suffer, you are allowed to feel. I hope you'll feel somewhat better soon, but it's okay if not. We're just happy you're here 🤗 Lots of hugs sent your way
no job or career is gonna cure mental illness. i feel like the 'wellness', motivational speakers of the world make us think that gratitude can cure everything
I don’t think enough people understand the “I don’t wanna exist but I also can’t do anything to hurt myself” aspect of depression and anxiety. Not wanting to exist in any sense or context isn’t good, and people need to pay attention. Just because they aren’t physically hurting themself doesn’t mean they aren’t mentally damaging themself even further. I told my doctor this and she said “ok you sound pretty bad, but you don’t wanna physically hurt yourself so you don’t need medication or anything.” It’s really hard and just feels extremely lonely because you can’t even connect with other people with these disorders because you’re made to feel like you’re not as bad. If anybody else feels like this, I hope you realise you’re worth the time and effort it takes to get help, and you’re worth hanging around. You deserve to be here as much as anybody else, and you don’t have to be alone. Big thanks to D’Angelo for talking about that and bringing awareness to this less talked about aspect of mental illness
exactly right, And people and doctors should be catching people when their at this stage BEFORE they try to 'prove' that they need help through things like self injury or suicide. It's our jobs as people to make sure the people around us are ok and are getting the help they need. Because otherwise they will end up hurting themselves or others.
Been relating for years to that line from that Robbie Williams song : "I don't wanna die, but I ain't keen on living either".. didn't know anyone who also felt this way ! I guess it's validating to some degree that other people feel the same....
@@lovepantalone_kaeya Tw//sh and a little backstory?? I take you seriously, because I've been there (and I would even if I hadn't been there). Before I started, I was so fucking scared of hurting myself because all I wanted was a solution. A way to exert control over my situation because there was nothing else I could do. I didn't take myself seriously because I started with a freaking butter knife in like fifth grade. and then i extended to a steak knife, shaving razors, blades, and so on. I thought that in order to get help I had to be a certain "kind" of suicidal. It's so fucking scary now. I try to get clean but I've become so attached to the feeling that stopping for long isn't plausible anymore. I highly recommend other coping mechanisms. The website "Fatal to the Flesh" really helps me to see the scars without inflicting them on myself. I also scribble on myself with sharp pens. I really really hope you don't ever take up self harm for your sake and that you improve mentally. Stay safe
I love your content and I check back every once in a while to see if something new has posted. Thing is dont forget that you don't have to "keep up" with the pace of dropping videos every week, or even every month or even every year. You don't owe TH-cam or your followers anything! You make great content which will keep people checking back and interested in the new content when it drops! Don't worry about trying to become a machine to keep up with other TH-camrs arbitrary video drop schedules. It's okay to do it when you want to, and stop when you want to.
I have an anxiety disorder, and keeping up with the standards that I hold myself to is nearly an impossible weight. I often think that the people I love find me lacking, boring, self centered, etc. I never feel as if I can live up to what I think they want. But something I've learned recently is that the reality in my head is not reality. The fears and the pressure that keep churning are my brains way of trying to keep me safe and protected by keeping me on my toes. I often need to remind myself that it's okay to slow down and it's okay not to be perfect and it's okay not to shoulder everything at once.
@@tashawilliams7229 something else you can try is being okay with them thinking those things about you. It is normal to not like someone all the time. We don't even like ourselves all the time. But people are usually understanding and forgiving. Siblings are a great example of this. Most siblings get annoyed with each other a lot but they still care about each other.
I'm just really happy black men are allowed to have emotions now in modern day, it took a very very long time for this to even be acceptable for black men in America
This is accidentally the most comforting video I've ever seen. "I want to die sometimes, all the time, but I am doing all the things I need to prevent that feeling". I've never heard anyone explain how I feel so well. As someone who suffers from severe anxiety and depression well always, I am glad you took a break. I know it's hard to feel like you deserve that time off, but you do, and did. It's better to take that long break and take a minute than run yourself dry. So proud of you for doing that and even more amazed that you have been so open today. You are amazing.
@@kiripedia exactly!! It’s so isolating at times especially when your friends aren’t that far gone, if that makes sense. Of course everyone has their demons but yeah, it can be hard even with good people in your life.
@@olliekoski7633 Yeah at some point it feels like it’s best to just accept it as a part of your life and to ride the waves when they come, not fight them.
“Anxiety doesnt care about things that are true or make sense. Anxiety makes you feel the weight of the worst possible scenario, even if you aren’t in it.” Very well said
I totally feel this. For me, I always have to remind myself that it's okay to feel emotions but I can't let it impact my actions. But it sucks to constantly feel like there's another shoe that will drop.
As someone who has “done things” to cope with severe mental health lows, I LOVE to hear that people who struggle like I do haven’t tried harm. Your pain is just as valid as anyone who has. Be safe and take it one day at a time. One minute at a time.
This video is what makes TH-cam, TH-cam. Thank you for your vulnerability and honest, relatable words. A lot of us have the same issues and problems. It makes life so much more doable when you know you’re not in this alone. Take as much time as you need D. We will all be here for you💖
Smart move. Honestly, I think more creators should take a break because the grind shows some of them slowly unraveling and making bad decisions. I wish I had the ability/luxury to take 9 months off my job to re-coup. Take advantage of it! D'Angelo's people will stick around to hear him talk about 'whatever he wants to talk about' when he's ready to talk about it. 🥰
“My anxiety peaked” say no more. When I tell you I can relate to that on a spiritual level. We don’t need you to be perfect or even consistent at all, just please take care of yourself. Your mental health is more important than this app. We love you D’Angelo. ❤️
This video was all too real, but I'm glad to hear you've been taking steps to improve your mental health. Looking forward to the content (TM), no pressure!
The part about feeling like you're not allowed to talk about si/mental health because you know you'll be okay and you haven't *done* anything drastic.... I relate & was astounded that you actually said those words, explained that feeling, which has been so difficult for me. It felt incredibly validating to me. If anything, thank you for that. I hope you're doing okay and feeling better on the whole. You don't owe us anything.
I'm so sorry you're going through a hard time D'Angelo. You are loved, admired and cared for. Please take care of yourself and love yourself. You are an amazing person and an amazing creator. Sending you a virtual hug ❤️
LUKE IS WHO I THOUGHT OF AFTER CLICKING!!! We need to fix our world when we’re so educated, yet still made to feel so ashamed for simply not being okay. Ily both, take care of yourselves ♥️
I've never heard anyone talk about the physical pain that anxiety and depression can cause but it's so true and so horrible and often seems to go ignored compared to other symptoms. There's a few really important things in this video that I've never heard put into words before.
yep, can confirm, i have fibromyalgia/other joint issues and migraines bc of my anxiety and depression from ptsd. there's no "discernable" cause, and that leads to imposter syndrome from there being "no reason"
the chronic fatigue that comes from it no matter how many hours of sleep, rest, relaxation etc is so fucking exhausting. and the guilt of not being productive and you cant really understand why is actually purgatory
@@sweetsoverload9212 At the worst my depression and anxiety has ever been, I could barely stand or sit up for more than an hour or two per day. People don’t believe it most of the time but someone else I knew had the same thing at the same time for the same reasons.
I have super bad stomach aches when my anxiety kicks in, sometimes even without knowing whats the cause and then when im thinking properly/more positive again the feeling just stays and it hurts like a shit ton, sometimes it feels like the acidic fluid in my stomach is just slowly burning a hole in my stomach. So when d’angelo mentioned something similar i felt really comforted because nobody really talks about it like you said.
the way you explained the feeling of wanting to die yet not wanting to do it yourself really hit me. it’s the feeling i’ve dealt with for so long. it’s indescribable how strongly & deeply anxiety can take a hold on you. i completely understand anxiety being physically painful. some days i can’t breathe, not because i’m hyperventilating, but because my chest just *aches*. i’m disabled so i’m used to being in pain & i have a pretty high pain tolerance. but that ache in my chest is a kind of pain i can’t begin to explain.
I used to feel like "I won't kill myself, but if there was a switch that could end all this, I would hit that" It seems like a normal response when you're in so much pain and can't see a way out...
It breaks my heart seeing him so sad . I really just wanna hug this guy. I understand you yesterday i really had a really bad anxiety attak and i was crying so bad that Everything is just fucked and going downhill. And the next day i am like "lol" littrely i am not even joking. I won't do anything with my life and still be happy makes me angry on my self . Self harm did come in front but i just couldn't do it. I feel like everyone is just laughing at me . Everyone notices what i am doing and it sometimes even makes me start shaking in class. I know i always try to be a good person but yesterday i saw my childhood bully and that just made me go back to that shithole. Thanks for Sharing your story, I just want you too feel ok and do whatever you want . We are with you. P.s. sometimes it does make you read dark things that was me on Pinterest and i had to stop this ,so it's an amazing step to delete Twitter.
"Depression for me is like I feel nothing and it hurts" Genuinely found it difficult to shake off the way you put this. I really understand and deal with depression in this way, especially as someone personally dealing with bipolar mood swings, and not a lot of people understand how it feels. I'm really happy youre back (and I really found it touching that you showed vulnerability in making this video), keep putting yourself forward and ill be here when you are able to upload
i'm also bipolar and my depressive episodes mostly consist of that nothingness feeling. it feels so much worse than being sad or upset because at least sadness makes me feel something. i wish i knew how to explain it better to others than just "i feel empty inside" because i feel like words can't fully describe how much it actually eats away at you. so just know that you're not alone!! wishing you the best, bipolar disorder is a real nasty monster to deal with but it's possible to overcome it!!
I can’t explain how happy I am that you are talking about this. We NEED more people like you to talk about anxiety and depression so that others don’t feel scared speaking up about their own experiences. I pray your mental health continues to improve man!
hearing you talk about burnout was really comforting. reading statistics and symptoms only goes so far; so hearing someone share my symptoms basically to the letter makes me feel a lot less alone. i suffered from burnout earlier this year, and i legitimately considered dropping out of school, and when i couldn't do that, suicide looked like the only option. but i survived, i survived and now that i'm out of school i feel so glad i'm alive to experience this happiness. this video makes it clear that legitimately, actually, i'm not alone. it means a lot to me and so many others that you were open enough to let the mask drop. thank you.
I’m here after eight months and literally almost everything you said hit so close to home. Being unable to talk about my darkest thoughts because I know I won’t act on them, and because other people have it worse, but these thoughts weighing me down anyway. Quitting Twitter because of the negative impact it had on my health. Consuming bad news constantly. What I’ve realised since the quarantine is that most people who say that you’re privileged if you avoid bad news are people who they would themselves consider privileged and feel guilty about being unable to do anything about these terrible situations so they try to project this guilt onto others (I did that too at one point) it’s always great to stay updated while respecting your own boundaries and limits.
Hi D’Angelo. It broke my heart seeing you cry and I’m so incredibly proud of you for taking a step away from youtube. It takes a lot to step back and take care of yourself. I want you to know you aren’t alone in these feelings. Being a creative can be super lonely and fulfilling and also non fulfilling at times. Please know some of the best artists take their time. You deserve that too. Sending you love 🫶🏽 I wonder if having someone help you write your scripts would be helpful. That way you don’t feel like you’re the one in charge of researching and knowing everything that’s out there for your videos. Thinking out loud
I want to kind of piggy back off of your not alone sentiment to add that as someone who has hurt themselves, and tried, that doesn't make anyones journey who hasnt any less valid. We're all facing the same fight, we're in this together regardless of what struggles we've personally encountered.
TW::::::::: I understand how it can sneak up on him. As someone who struggled w ED, abuse, PTSD and severe medical trauma I wanted to unalive myself a lot. I tried several times as a teen/YA. It took lots of healing to realize for me, just existing is the win. It's not about the fact I wanted to give up, it's that I didn't give up. I deal a lot w ND sensory overload based panic attacks (sometimes just being touched causes mild panic attacks) and a lack of coping skills made the idea of being unalive like an addi
Had to stop 5 minutes in just to say this: as someone who HAS tried: your depression is valid. You don’t have “less” and I don’t have “more” just because of attempts. Depression is a thousand-headed beast and it shows a different, ugly face to each of us. Stay strong; we love you
Thankyou for this, I honestly needed to hear this lately. Sorry to vent, but I cannot work because of my depression yet I feel like I have nothing to show for WHY I’m depressed if that makes sense? I’ve been through trauma in relationships and family and I have never found myself pushed to the point of suicide or intense self harm and it just makes me feel less-than when other people talk about how awful their depression is. To sum up, just thankyou for saying depression of all types is valid.
"Depression isn't sadness. It's nothing. I feel nothing." I couldn't have said it any better. I faced my first real bout of depression (and recognized that it WAS depression) around 2016. It's been a constant battle since. But I never really understood what "being depressed" was until I was in it myself.
I'm sure I'm not alone in massively appreciating an upload like this, real human stuff needs to be online more. Love all of your videos but your health is way more important!
you described depression well. it does feel like a constantly aching void. and when you teared up talking about suicidal thoughts I teared up as well because I have them too and weirdly it made me feel less alone. anxiety loves her sources. getting your daily dose of suffering can get really addictive, that is why sometimes I struggle to be as informed as I'd like to be. lastly, people may have come for the drama and news but a lot of us stayed for you so create stuff that makes you happy - we'll be there.
Anxiety and depression doesn’t need a reason … all it needs is a moment. Thank you for being open with the world about you and your struggles, that was very brave. Much love to you and many prayers and blessings.
I really resonated when you talked about not feeling like you deserve to call yourself mentally ill. I was hospitalized earlier this year for mental health reasons and remember how hard it was feeling like I was the only person there who had “no reason” to be depressed. I’ve talked to my treatment friends and it’s the one thing we all seem to have experienced: feeling like you are never sick enough. Even the patients I met who were exactly the people my mental illness wanted me to be, reported this same feeling. It was never enough; we all wanted the others to get better but believed we didn’t deserve the same. I really had to change my relationship with social media, instead of watching the same romanticizing content that made me feel like my mental illness was who I am. Now I use Instagram and TikTok to indulge in things I enjoy and that make me feel better, like art, music and fashion. One thing I will say for anyone reading this, is that it truly does get better. I hardly recognize the person I used to be, and even though I still do struggle with mental illness, it is possible to turn your life around. Accepting treatment was the hardest thing I ever did, and I wish there was some magical wand I could wave to just make it all go away. But it had to be me who made it happen. It’s hard to see it when you’re in it, but it is possible.
When you said "anxiety doesn't care about things that are true or make sense" I felt that & how physical it is, the effect it has on the body.. it's like a black hole. Thank you for sharing this 🖤🥀 it helped me a lot to see your face & hear your take on how these things have felt & effected you. So much love from me to you regardless if you choose to do TH-cam or not.
“…I felt bad, so I read stories online to justify me feeling bad…” I can’t believe how hard that hit me. How all of this is. I struggle so similarly to this and I don’t even have a platform where people watch me all the time. You are so strong, wise, and you look freaking fantastic by the way. All the love and positivity to you friend.
I’m sad that I didn’t know this video existed until now but wow, everything you said resonated so much with my own mental health struggles and anxieties. Thank you for your vulnerability ❤
Me too!! Just watching and I feel for him so deeply. I also understand in my own way with my own mental health. I respect his honesty deeply. It’s gotta be a hard one to make, albeit helpful to so many.
@@elisa-beary Same here, only just stumbled across this video. When he talked about ideation (without any actual sh or plans to do so), I felt that in my soul - that's been a hallmark of my depressive struggles too. It makes it so hard to talk about. I'm glad he was able to share this with everyone, I'm hoping he's doing better now
He has just given so many of us validation. I absolutely feel the same feelings. I suffer from major depressive disorder, and I also have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome which sadly exacerbates my mental health. I’m so glad he took time and although he’s back, he’s still taking care. 💜💜💜
As someone who is also at a point where my anxiety is getting really bad, I get it. There are some days I can’t get out of bed, much less produce any sort of content. Do whatever you need to, most of your subscribers will be waiting when you get back.
"feeling the weight of the worst possible scenario even if you aren't in it" is the best way that I have ever heard anxiety described. it's easy to realize that the things that you are thinking aren't true or real, but it's so much harder to stop thinking them and feeling them
I’ve never heard someone explain depression so accurately : the only thing that has ever come close for me was Inside out: just like you said: depression is an absence of happiness AND sadness: a hole in the chest where your feelings , passions, motivations once were. You’re not alone: you are actually bringing to the light what so many of us have dealt with so that we know we’re not alone.
There’s nothing pathetic in this video. In fact watching this finally makes me feel understood which is something I gave up on a long time ago. I identify with so much you’ve expressed in this video yet I don’t know if I would’ve had the courage to share it as you have. No one blames you for taking the time you need, take as much as you need, and focus on yourself. We’ll be here.
When you said anxiety hurts. I felt that 🥺😭❤️ its can be so so physically painful. you’re not alone, This was comforting and so raw. Thank you for sharing this 🙏❤️❤️
Dude, there is NOTHING pathetic about dealing with anxiety. That's the exact opposite of pathetic. You as a content creator are so genuine and have so much respect from all of us who love your videos. None of us will judge you for sharing your problems. If you aren't in a place right now to upload things, don't upload things. We would rather have you safe and finding ways to get better than have more content from you. I am praying for you and I hope you know that we will be here for you when (or if) you do decide you are ready to come back. Take care of yourself, man. Before anything else, that is most important.
When you cried, it made me cry bro, we’re always here for you, sorry for such a delayed response, you’re always free to express your emotion, don’t hide it away. I absolutely love you as a creator and you don’t deserve any of this.
Take it from an old man who's been riding this rock around the Sun for 50 plus years. You have a rare combination of an intelligent open mind and a big beautiful heart. Sometimes that combination takes its toll. So just remember this, and this is my own opinion, you make the world a much more livable place. And this video shows just how brave and wonderful you are. I wish you peace, I wish you love, and I hope you find contentment.
This comment is beautiful. It always makes me smile to see older people who are open minded to Mental health bc of the lack of representation 40/50 yrs ago compared to today. I love people like you who are open to learning new information and being so empathetic. Not that theres not progressive boomers and Gen Xers and such, but the bad ones are always highlighted, just like my generation - millennials, but im on the cusp with Gen Z apparently - and theres a lot of hate for my generation so theres a lot of stories painting us in a bad light as well. All that to say - your commment made me smile. Thats all. Have a good day, you deserve it. And thanks for making my afternoon with your empathy.
@@AM-gt1yt I thank you very much for your sentiment. I found over the years that every generation has its good, bad, and it's indifferent. And I'd like to share something with you about your generation. You're far more open to mental health issues and an understanding of interpersonal struggles. From my late teen years to my 30s, the only time you ever heard about a mental health issue was usually at the tail end of some tragedy. I live my life by one simple principle. It's easier to find understanding in others if you're willing to accept and understand yourself. Again, thank you.
D'Angelo, we love you. The mom in me wishes I could give you a long, warm hug. You don't have to be perfect... ever. Take all the time you need, every. time. Don't ever feel like you owe consistent videos for the sake of an algorithm - all of us creators felt that heavy guilt and stress. Free yourself from that burden, you will feel free again. It sucks to feel like you're "letting your audience down" but your core supporters will always be by your side. XOXO Take care of YOU. YOU are precious and needed in this world ❤️❤️❤️
This hits like a truck. Always described depressive phases as "being hollow" like I'm just the shape of a person occupying the space that a real person should be in. Then the anxiety builds up and up and I can't eat or sleep properly due to the constant adrenaline until a panic attack hopefully breaks the cycle and the brain chemicals balance out a bit. I'm just a bartender. Can't imagine how bad it must be for someone that creates for a living with a huge audience - stay strong and thanks for being so open D'Angelo, this kind of stuff NEEDS to be spoken about openly and without fear.
I appreciate you saying "until hopefully a panic attack breaks the cycle". Panic attacks are terrifying and debilitating, but sometimes with the constant adrenaline and pressure... I'm just waiting for something to go ahead and break. Sometimes I find myself wishing I could cry just to relieve some tension...but I never can when I want to do it. It's weird to explain how the build up to a break down which you know is coming, is worse than the breakdown itself.
As soon as your voice started cracking and you tried to hold back your tears, my heart broke, I'm so sorry you've been dealing with this. I hope you're not alone, and also that you are well. Don't feel pressure to post. Take your time. Stay Strong.
The amount of respect and appreciation I have for you is massive, and only grows larger after watching this. I have faced EXACTLY (in my own way) the challenges you speak of regarding anxiety, depression, and the truly emptying trap of not wanting to be here, yet still being here. You, my dear, are a gift, however you are, regardless of if you share any of it with us or not. I’m cheering you on when you speak, and cheering you on when you don’t. If you ever want to talk, vent, or simply exist in the vicinity of someone who has lived very similar things in the life of social media as a creative, I’m here. Wishing you clarity, gentleness, and new breath for an ever renewing take on life. 💙
I feel you when you talk about how pathetic it seems to you and that there’s no big thing that happened to explain. After graduation last December, I just…stopped. And I hated myself every day for not living, not doing, just existing and not even doing that well. I still feel like I can’t. It feels stupid, but every millimeter forward is worth celebrating. My friends can’t understand why it’s such a big deal for me that I actually fed myself and left my bed every day for a week straight. Or why I feel so accomplished after making a 3 minute call I have avoided making for months. But these tiny victories make the next, bigger one seem doable. Step by step. I’ve never watched any of your other videos before, but I see you and I’m so proud of you.
recovering from a deppressive spell like that is like recovering from any other illness, on a much larger scale. "i could eat today", "i could sit up today", "i felt strong enough to go for a walk today". every tiny victory should be celebrated, because it means you feel, however minutely, better today than you did yesterday. i don't know you, man, but i'm proud of you. i've dealt with similar stuff and it's hard. keep celebrating the little victories. they do get bigger eventually.
I totally get this. Sometimes I have anxiety over the simplest thing like calling the bank to have a fee removed. I'd rather just pay the fee than to have to deal with it. And most of the time, the hardest part is getting the motivation to start a task. I have found that if I don't keep procrastinating and putting things off like doing the dishes, it makes me feel better and it really doesn't take long at all. Sometimes if you can just get yourself started on a small task, it gets the ball rolling and then you could be like, well while I'm at it, I'd might as well get this and this done too and it really does make you feel accomplished and better about yourself. Life is super monotonous especially when you work at a place you don't especially love going to. sometimes it's like, what's the point of life? Just know that there is a purpose for you and you are loved. Hugs
As someone who’s been similarly struggling with motivation, you’ve got this. Celebrate every millimeter forward like it’s a mile. Lots of people don’t understand and they don’t have to- just know you’re not alone. I feel you.
Almost exactly the same thing has been happening to me. And its excruciating. Its pain that's hard to explain in words. But it eats at you every day. I hope we can all get our strength back, whoever is going through this. ❤ 💙 💜 💖 💗
This is super late but I relate to you so much. I quit my last extremely mentally draining job and promised that I was going to start focusing more on my writing. I had one story of mine published and haven't barely been able to create since, I haven't been able to write all year. My depression, anxiety, ADHD and possible autism have just made me lose all semblance of inspiration. I feel like everything I was working on sucks, everything I've ever done is meaningless and dying would be an easy out so I won't feel the pain of worthlessness anymore. I started going back to school and every assignment I have just triggers my anxiety and gives me panic attacks. Thank you for verbalizing this, you've helped me so much and I hope talking to the camera like this was therapeutic for you.
'I don't feel like I'm allowed,' is so important because we gaslight and belittle our own trauma as if we have to earn it. We don't. It just is. I hope you the best DW.
I actually started crying when you talked about being so incredibly suicidal but not doing anything. I've been struggling with that for such a long time feeling like I wasn't that bad or my feelings were invalid just because I knew I wouldn't actually do it. I've never heard anyone else say that before. Thank you for sharing this.
Hi, I hope you're doing well now. And, I guess I found myself a friend since I knew how it felt. It went back in April of this year when I realized my friendship had been broken off and... I guess it's where I hit rock bottom and bam.. I went through a moment of thinking to commit sv1c1d3 but I just can't. I envision myself doing it... However, I can't do it for idk why. And this isn't the first time it happened. I went through something similar like this back in HS days.
i'm really proud of you for coming forward with those deep emotional parts, it takes a lot of strength to be open about that. wishing you luck and love
I miss him but I hope he’s chilling and just doing his own thing. If he ever chooses to come back I honestly hope to god he posts whatever the fuck he wants without the pressure of his audience or whatever is stressing him out. I would write something thoughtful or emotional but I’m tired of people expecting more out of him than he can give. He’s human. Bro could post like 30 second videos of random shit or he could upload a 10 hour reverb of tv static and we’d love it. I just hope he’s happy now.
5 minutes in and I'm crying with you. This year has been the worst since my early 20s when I was in an abusive relationship. Depression, insomnia, Anxiety and PTSD all piled on top of me. I'm sorry you also go through this. My heart goes out to all of you who have to deal with these awful mental illnesses. I feel you all.
My heart goes out to you as well. I’ve been dealing with a lot of trauma, anxiety, and depression unlike anything I’ve ever dealt with. I have not had insomnia and can’t imagine dealing with these things with insomnia on top of it. I hope you, my self, D’Angelo and everyone else can find some way to feel a bit better.
Thank you for even taking your time to come & explain to us what you’ve been through/what’s happening. You owed none of us an explanation for anything but you still took your time to come back here to talk to us. You’ve also, I’m sure, helped a lot of people with this video and your pure honesty.
I can 100000000% relate to how anxiety and depression being physical feels. I've gone to the ER several times thinking I was having a heart attack but it turns out to be a panic attack. I'm so glad you recognized your limits and took time off. ❤️
as someone who has attempted and has struggled with self harm, the fact that YOU didn't do anything that i did doesn't matter. the world likes to paint this idea of anxiety and depression as all or nothing, you either have it good or you're a wreck, but its not like that at all, and nearly everyone here understands that too. we're all just happy that you're safe and alive despite the weight you've been carrying. we love you, d !!
Yes- I hate that people think depression isn’t so bad because you haven’t attempted or anything. That’s such a toxic way of thinking because then when you do attempt suddenly it’s like all that emptiness and fear suddenly now matter. When it always did. Those feelings are valid and not something to overlook.
@@covereddonuts1279 I think some people have concerns claiming something they think they not apply to them because it doesn't fit the media presented form of that thing. There's many ways that depression expresses itself and you don't have to be planning your final day in order for it to be really negatively affecting your life. Kind of makes me think of when I finally came out as trans, I struggled accepting it because I didn't quite fit the media presented idea of how trans people realize they're trans and come out.
When you explained depression as “nothing”, I completely got it. It’s the same for me. It’s not a sadness. It’s an emptiness, and it’s a painful emptiness. Cuz you need something to be there. A figurative hand that grabs yours and reminds you you’re alive. But…there’s nothing there. It’s maddening. Also yeah. Social media is designed to activate the chemicals in your brain that give you positive reinforcement. Drugs and alcohol do the same thing only they have more physical side effects to go along with it.
Ironically, in my experience drugs and social media made me feel numb and empty. Both made it so I couldn't grab onto a single thought, I couldn't actually experience anything it was just mindless
In my experience, the closest feeling to it is when the power goes out and everything falls suddenly quiet. The electronic hum that you never noticed is suddenly gone, leaving a deeper silence. The world is missing something you never realized it had, and it feels very strange and unsettling. It's just.. empty.
The aftermath of clinical depression is WILD as well..Like you're not "depressed" anymore but the anxiety may still linger and the nonchalantness from the side effect of depression still is around even if you begin to feel again...Ever since i had a spiritual awakening ive been able to feel EVERYTHING!! Which is better than feeling nothing bc atleast i know what it feels like to be alive...It's a journey for sure
@@Jess-ew3tm there was a weird sense of apathy that stayed with me for months after I stopped really being depressed. I distinctly remember the first time I was genuinely happy to be alive again, rather than just "okay with it." I was finishing a run through the woods and looking at a couple of golden leaves on the ground. I felt so alive and everything was so perfect. Being grateful for life is something I never appreciated until having lost it for so long, but it was the most amazing feeling.
I watched this video within minutes of it being uploaded and came back to say that we miss you. Hopefully you’re taking a break for reasons that aren’t causing you pain (depression and anxiety that you talked about). Wishing you happiness and success in all that you do, and when you’re ready to come back to TH-cam we’ll be receiving you with open arms. We miss you!!!!!
When you talked about suicidal ideation and how you don't feel validated because you never actually attempted it - that really struck a chord with me, because I've been feeling the same way for years now. I felt like I can't call my thoughts "suicidal" because I never was at a "big enough risk" of actually doing it. Knowing that you also have been struggling with that, it makes me feel like I'm not alone. That my anxiety and thoughts and feelings aren't unique and therefore nobody could ever understand what I'm going through. Because I understand what YOU are going through. Thank you so, so much for this video.
I haven't watched the video yet, so sorry if he talks about this in it, but I've been the same way for much of my life. Between talking with my therapist and psychiatrist recently, they helped me realize I do this because I never learned healthy coping mechanisms for when I begin to feel overwhelmed-which is often. So instead, my brain jumps to suicide ideation, because the only way I know how to imagine getting out of that feeling is to imagine I wouldn't be here at all. So now, I'm working on catching it when I start to feel overwhelmed and putting "brakes" in between the emotion (anxiety, being overwhelmed, etc) and the thought (I have to die to stop feeling this way) so that I can deal with the emotions as they come in a way that doesn't feed into these thought patterns I've developed. I don't know if that's the same reason you've had these feelings before, or if it will resonate with anyone else who can relate, but I thought I'd chime in in case it helps anyone else out there get themselves out of the rut I'm clawing my way back out of currently.
It reminds me of the song "Numb Little Bug" by Em Behold...it's really powerful and one line is "Do you ever get a little bit tired of life Like you're not really happy but you don't wanna die" and just hovering in that space of feeling...yea I could go either way.
Same here. It's been a number of years since I was in the absolute thick of it, but those feelings definitely get stronger sometimes. . And as another commenter mentioned, "Numb Little Bug" is such a relatable song.
Identical struggles here. Some days are “fine” but mostly empty. Bad days are… intolerable.. We’re paddling in the same water.. but always alone in our boats. Thank you for sharing your story. It’s actually pretty badass to keep going even when we feel like pathetic, dead worms. ✌️ ♥️
i can’t believe this video is 9 months old now, i hope you’re feeling better now :) ♡ as someone who has hurt themselves out of suicidal ideation i can tell you that you aren’t any less valid in feeling how you feel just because you haven’t. sometimes the best thing you can do is just step back and take care of yourself, and i really applaud you for that because as you mentioned, just getting out of bed can make me miserable. i love you, hope you’re well! take as much time as you need ❤️🩹
HOLY SHIT dude the whole “I have to know everything bad happening all of the time” thing hits hardddddd I also really appreciate you talking about how depression isn’t just sadness all of the time for everyone. for me, it’s seething, inconsolable anger at everything in the world, so you can see how feeling like I have to know about every horrible thing can contribute to that. I just end up feeling like nothing I do will ever matter because there are always gonna be people hurting from things I can’t control. idk that specific part, feeling bad about not knowing every horrible thing in the world, feeling like that means you’re super privileged and only a part of the problem and blah blah blah blah blah. it really helped me to hear another person talking about that feeling
My depression is pain, like overwhelming emotional pain. Feeling like I have no control on anything and also helpless anger. The actions of one person did that to me, good times 👍
YES i feel like i never see anyone talking about this part of depression/anxiety. the shame that comes with knowing you are one of the privileged (in whatever way) and yet you still feel hopeless and pitiful all the time. feeling so so angry at the world for the way that it is and not believing you can do anything to change it. social media specifically has worsened all of these feelings for me in the past few years. i know people joke about it rotting our brains but i genuinely think it is (at least for a lot of us)
as someone with severe anxiety and depression, i completely understand where you’re coming from. i get panic attacks and tend to overthink things as well; sometimes i can’t even get myself to go outside. sometimes when I feel depressed to the point that I feel suicidal, it makes me feel like I don’t deserve to even talk about it, since so many people have terrible trauma and valid reasons to feel depressed and have it worse than me, while I went through some bullying and discrimination. I learned from my therapist that no one needs an absolute reason to explain their mental health, and we’re all human. and it’s really hard to talk about it; you’re so strong for talking about this. i’m glad you’re getting back to it, i really love your content 💓💓 keep it up, you got it, and you got us! :)
I've had terrible trauma, your depression is just as valid. I know my words can't change how you feel because that stuff happens to me too... where I don't feel I deserve to live and convince myself I'm that bad of a person (but I'm not). I know you deserve to talk about it, express and work through and heal and all the positive things, and I truly hope that someday that feeling fades because (at least to me) it doesn't matter how big or small the thing may be, if it's impacting someone, it's real and valid and shouldn't be belittled. I wish no one had to feel that their thing they are dealing isn't as important or anything like that. It is just as important.
The part where D'Angelo talked about "just not feeling anything" really hit me hard. I've always had trouble explaining that I'm just... numb. My close ones have never understood what it means to feel a void that consumes everything I should be experiencing. It makes me feel relieved to know that I'm not the only one, and I'm very grateful for this video. Anyway, I can''t wait for future content, we missed you!
exactly i think he explained it better than i could ever have. it just feels like you’re just wasting time… passing by and yet you still are there just breathing and existing and nothing happens…
i’ve often found that those that are self-aware are often the most cognizant of pain both inside and outside of themselves, which makes life extra painful sometimes. you are a very perceptive person, and although that’s a gift, i know that can also make life incredibly difficult. i am so sorry, you are seen.
thank you for saying that. even when i’m not in the midst of a panic attack or dissociative episode, i’m still afraid of the reality that it exists. it feels like you can’t win.
That notion of wanting to die/self destruct, but never doing so... it honestly hit so close when you talked about how frustrating that is. I’ve always had severe anxiety, but I also excelled academically and managed to remain ‘functional.’ It always felt so frustrating to feel like such shit, but have nothing to show for it. I wanted to just explode, but I felt I had to keep up my success streak.
no one ever talks about the part of depression where you really are trying and doing your best, and it still isn't good enough. or the guilt of not being what society deems "depressed". i never knew anyone else felt this. thankyou
I just watched this. I felt this whole video, the way you described your depression and anxiety was spot on. I have had dark thoughts like you since I was 9 ( I’m now 55) I’m glad to see you’re better now that you feel able to upload content. Thank you for sharing your struggles with mental health, it does make a difference to people to know that they’re not alone. Love from the U.K.
omg look at you♥. this was such a relatable, warm, and heartfelt video. most of the times we feel we're all alone, anxious, and just freaking out for things that have happened or haven't happened yet, and the camera, youtube, art, become our escape to pretend we're fine when we really are not. im glad you have the courage to talk about this part of you and expose your vulnerability to others. take care of yourself brother, and know that you're never alone.
“I have no big story; nothing actually happened to me.” This is something that really resonated with me. I felt this way when I started experiencing depression and anxiety. I would very often think to myself, “nothing is wrong, so why do I feel so sad?” I kept these thoughts and feelings mostly to myself because, just like you said, I didn’t know how to say it when there wasn’t a reason “why.” I have friends and family members who experienced what I view as legitimate trauma. I thought to myself, “how could I tell them that I was experiencing these thoughts and feelings when I haven’t gone through anything like they had?“ I remember desperately wishing that something bad would happen to me, just so that I can start telling people that I felt the way I did and finally have a reason to justify it. And something finally did happen, about 6 years after I started experiencing depression and anxiety. But I didn’t find the relief that I was expecting. I did start to open up to more people and find the people in my life who were incredibly supportive, but I didn’t experience that “finally” moment that I had been waiting for. I only wished that I had started seeking help and support earlier on in my life. I learned a lot and am in a much better place now, but it is still something I continue to work on. I hope this doesn’t come across it anyway as me thinking you “should have” done anything differently. I am sincerely proud of you for being so open and vulnerable, especially on such a big platform. Thank you so much for sharing. I wish you the very best on your mental health journey.
Every word you said resonates with me so much, I have tears running down my face. I gaslight myself by thinking that what I'm feeling is stupid and insignificant. That i can't feel like ki!!ing myself because I haven't had something severely "bad" happen to me. I still feel that way and i dont see myself living more than a couple of years from now, I just can't imagine life beyond a certain point. I just hope things get better but I'm also very tired of hurting all the time. And tired of then numbing myself to it all because it's too painful otherwise. I'm proud of you for continuing to work on your mental health. More power to you!
@@sabam3080 Thank you so much! I’m really thankful to hear that this resonated with you. I hope things continue to get better for you and wish you the best as well.
@@twinkle7389 Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I apologize in advance if any of this sounds cliche, but I truly mean it when I say that your feeling is valid. These feelings might not be rooted in what many view as “real trauma,” but they are still incredibly valid and true to you. I also hope you know that though I do not know you personally, I am rooting for you and your continued mental health journey. You are right, it can be very painful and difficult and can take longer than you would hope. But you deserve what that hard work leads to and to have love and support along the way. I hope things get better and that you know I believe in you.
The day I finally talked to my doctor about my mental health I felt almost like I was lying because I was having a good day and describing a bad day felt disingenuous. Even though when I had bad days, I knew I needed help. It was incredibly odd. But I did it, and meds have done wonders for me, personally. The human brain is an enigma.
When you said the part "i just want to die most of the time" it validated what ive been going through too. Anxiety and depression go hand in hand and make eachother worse. I have depression and anxiety and i know how it feels to want to die but not want to actively kill yourself. I sometimes feel so hopeless and exhausted by existance.
This was affirming to hear as another person struggling with depression and anxiety. It's crazy that I can be so productive and creative for so long but then, for any reason my anxiety can give me, to sabotage all that work, all that progress. It's hard to be a creative on the internet with a huge audience and while I admire you I do not envy that responsibility. I'm always going to be checking back to see what you've created because your work is some of the highest quality online these days and that won't leave my memory so soon. Thank you for taking care of yourself and doing what you love.
"Depression is I feel nothing and it hurts." This hit me. I've said this to people so many times. Family, friends, therapists, etc. And even other people with depression don't get it. Everyone says "what hurts?" And my only answer is "bring a person." I don't know how to explain it besides that. So thank you D'Angelo. I appreciate your vulnerability and I'm wishing you the best.
the problem is that everyone frames it from their own perspective, and it can be tricky to properly bridge that conceptual gap. for me, I say that I'm tired of the unfathomable weight of existence. like reality itself is a vast ocean and it's crushing and suffocating me under its pressure.
Hearing you talk about depression and anxiety is actually giving me the strength to deal with mine. It’s not our faults..but we can do things to help ourselves. I feel that.
Came to this video because I recognized D’Angelo from his comment on ChadChad’s video & realized I haven’t seen him online for some time. I don’t think I’ll be able to make it through this whole video, but I truly hope D’Angelo is feeling better and not alone in his struggles. I fully relate to feeling illegitimate in mental health struggles because of lack of prior history or intent to do anything serious to yourself. It doesn’t make it less hard, and it doesn’t make it make sense either. I hope you have the support system you need, and if you feel comfortable enough to come back online at some point in the future, know that you have viewers that will support you! Now I’m going to try to muster up the willpower to actually shower & maybe clean up my room a bit. Stay strong & hopeful ❤
“Anxiety doesn’t care about what’s true or what makes sense” I’ve never heard a better explanation. I’m so glad you took the time you needed, got help, and are being kinder to yourself. I love your videos and I’m excited to watch whatever you create next.
the self-gatekeeping struggle when it comes to discussing mental health is SO real. it's so hard to communicate to the people around me when i'm having an anxiety spiral or i'm stuck in a depressive rut if i can't give a "good enough" reason as to why. i'm glad you spoke up about this and i hope you know we are all here for you no matter what ❤️
There’s never a “good enough” for other people, it’s always a “well enough reason” for YOURSELF. As someone who’s struggling with mental health myself, I hate the stigma out of the community but the gatekeeping ESPECIALLY in the community. Don’t let people tell you what’s the requirement to talk and feel about your own mental health. I hope you heal well and much love coming your way! 💙💜💖
TW: When you stated that you often felt like you wanted to die, I could relate to it. My depression often leads me to not necessarily wanting to die, but wanting to be in a coma; wanting to sleep forever. I told my father: "I don't know how people... live. How they go to work, take care of their children, meeting people.. I don't get it." After coming back to therapy, my face hurt, my back hurt, my neck hurt... It's exhausting and the online sphere doesn't make it better, especially for well known people. But it got a little better for me. Therapy helped. Spirituality helped. Books helped too. Friends and family helped the most. It's hard work, but it gets a little easier. Gotta do it every day, though.
very much relate to that, i call it just being tired sometimes when i don’t want to scare the people around me sometimes. my heart ached when he said that because i feel it so hard, it’s such an awful feeling. i’m so glad you’ve been able to get help and support 💖💖💖
As someone on disability for severe anxiety and depression and I am on medications but I still have intrusive thoughts similar to what you are struggling with. It feels impossible to talk about because youtube says it's not ok to talk about and it "makes others uncomfortable ". You are so freaking strong, thank you for coming out about this and talking about depression in a very real light. Thank you, thank you, thank you
Nobody hurt this man like genuinely I am PRAYING the internet conducts themselves for ONCE don’t pressure him for content it’s almost a duty as human beings we have to know the proper response to a man who is opening up to us and being vulnerable on the internet. That’s the only thing we can do to help him right now and I’ll be damned if any shitty person can’t see that.
“Anxiety doesn’t care about things that are true or make sense” THIS!!!!!!!>>>> So dang true, it puts that into perspective so well. I wish you luck in whatever you do d’angelo, we all love you and hope you will be able to feel healthy about your work, whether that involves us or not :)
I'm 56, and have had catastrophic anxiety on and off all my life. I am so impressed with you for making this video and putting yourself out there like this. Normalizing mental health struggles is SO IMPORTANT, and you have a huge platform that will reach so many people. I hope things are more manageable now. Lots of internet hugs from a complete stranger, fwiw.
"Anxiety doesn't care about things that are true or make sense, it just makes you feel the weight of the worst possible scenario."
I felt that.
Dangelo was being bad on Twitter so he caused it to himself
@@SSIMS what do you mean?
that's right
@@SSIMS what?
same🥲
“Anxiety doesn’t care about things that are true or make sense, it just makes you feel the weight of the worst possible scenario, even if you’re not in it” that statement resonated with me so deeply. I really do hope things get better. Always take a moment to step back when you need it. There will always be people here to support you.
I know, that quote made me pause the video.
@@peachylady me too! i lit paused the video and kept replaying the part
Amen! That was so perfectly worded.
i couldn't have worded it better ! i feel this so much !!
Me too, nobody around me believes or helps me, I hope I meet new people who care soon
People severely underestimate how much anxiety can just take over your life. I’m glad you took time for yourself, we missed you
Exactly!
L anxiety W dangleo
THIS!
Yes! And it can be so hard to tell to even close friends
Fr, everything becomes so draining and you feel like you just can't do anything and just stay in bed all day... Anxiety is no joke nor an aesthetic
An update for those of you who aren't in the discord:
D'Angelo is okay! One of the admins let us know. He's doing much better now. :)
Thank goodness! I had joined his discord a while back, but haven't been active as much! I came to his video today worrying about him.
thank you for letting us know 🫶 I’m not in the discord and I’ve been v worried
I was just checking up to see if there was an update. Thank goodness he’s okay :)
Glad to hear he's doing OK.
Thank God. Happy to hear that, health comes first
“depression is nothing” so aggressively, incredibly accurate and difficult to put into words. your depression is absolutely valid regardless of whether you have made any SH/SU attempts over the course of your lifetime, D’Angelo or anyone else. people put so much emphasis on the physical manifestations of pain but that is by no means the only outlet for those with mental health struggles.
Dont read my name 😑
:)
I think apathy is the word for that. When he said it feels like nothing, I very much relate to that and think the feeling of nothing is apathy, which from a Google search is a symptom of depression.
This. Also, doubting/downplaying the severity of your own struggle is often a *feature* of mental illness. I literally struggled with SH for years but I have had the exact same thoughts D'Angelo expressed about my S ideation not being valid enough to talk about because I know I would never actually do it. It didn't even occur to me until this video that that's absurd.
No matter what you've been through or haven't been through, your mental health struggles are valid, painful, deserving of healing.
Seriously. It's very hard NOT to have a black and white view on stuff, especially when you're often online and there are (usually) two poles of opinions. Depression is no exception. If you don't fit the "stereotype" of a depressed person, then it's very easy to dismiss yourself as not depressed at all. You just think it doesn't count. I definitely haven't experienced as dire a situation as D'Angelo's, but I have depressive episodes occasionally, and I always feel almost guilty for having them because they're not "proper" depression. But it IS depression. There's no reason to feel guilty for it. It sounds like a wild sentence to say, but there's no "right way" to be depressed lmao
you described anxiety & depression very well, I have experience similar things. Continue to put your mental health first. Thank you for being so open and vulnerable❤️ so many people out here that care about you as a human
Dont read my name 😑..
I agree. When he said it’s not as much sadness, but just nothingness hit HARD. That’s totally it for me too
@@angielott83 ✨anhedonia✨
Bigtime. I experience depression the same way: an expansive, all-consuming _nothing_ that swallows up everything. There are long periods of my life I have little to no memory of because I was in a depressive episode. Memory comes from and is strengthened by experience, sensation, emotion, interest... depression takes all of that away.
We are all here for you. I go through the same content, and unfortunately I’m feeling this way today. Unfortunately, I go through this because of my father and his overbearing behavior to place me down. It’s disheartening he always finds insults and displays actions where I’m not good enough for society or not knowledgeable and can’t please him. I understand where you are coming from and battled through this matter for 20 years.
Hey man, there's absolutely nothing pathetic about having anxiety issues. It's shockingly common, and people from all demographics experience it. It's a struggle, but I'd like to think that we're slowly building a world where people don't have to struggle alone and feel inadequate because of mental health. Solidarity, man. You look after yourself first and foremost. The fact that we get anything from you at all is a treat.
I’m sad to see this is 6 months old now. I hope you’re doing okay. I know the struggle, but sometimes it helps to continue to share your story.
I think we're all sad to see how long it's been, right? I hope he's better these days.
@@sentientdonut it’s been so long I hope he’s honestly doing the best
Y’all.. same.. my mental health is declining & im fighting to stay strong and get outta the Tomb stone mentality that is plaguing me and choking me out. Lost my dad & im struggling to cope. I have new diagnosis’ & am scared & was hoping I’d find a way to reach out and said hey!! HEY!!! Pls tell me you know you’re not alone! We’ve got these scars & issues but can exist together & in support of one another.. 🥺😣 I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.. 😢😢😢 but Fr bro!! Are you okay???
He's too talented and wholesome for this platform. 🙏💕
I was just thinking about him and checked here too. I really hope he's doing okay.
What people don’t realize is being a creator is an almost entirely isolating experience. Especially if you edit your own videos like you do, you spend all day only with yourself. It can become really lonely and dissociating tbh. And if your brain is in a rough spot, the darkness finds you quickly. Glad to have you back. Take care of yourself. You’ve got an audience of people who support YOU! ❤️
I find creating this divide between creator and person is the problem in the first place... putting yourself on a pedestal and creating expectations is damaging and when the public does it too it's whats isolating... creators are people and people do understand. Don't create divisions between being human. A job is a job regardless of what field. People are plagued by mental health problems regardless. Mental health illnesses don't ask who you are and cherry pick, it just happens. You isolate so many voices saying what you do. Students who are ordinary people crumbling under academic expectations go through this, ordinary office workers feel similar when they feel stuck doing something maybe they didn't see themselves doing when they were a child. People do understand. The only expectations I have for public content creators is hoping they're doing what they enjoy and finding success in their field which is what we all should collectively have for each other. Maybe it's just me who has these thoughts.
Not being a content creator and seeing how many creators that I watch suffer from anxiety and isolation and depression and so many other stressful things (that I cannot relate to bc I’m not a content creator) makes me hope they are able to find a community of other content creators that can be friends and provide a support system, people that can actually understand the struggles that come along with being a content creator and be able to provide support and understanding in a way that their audience cannot. I’m running on like 2 hours of sleep rn so I have no clue if any of this makes sense, but my point is I just want y’all creators to be able to find others who understand what you’re going through and hopefully you’ll feel less isolated. 😅☺️❤️
Sorry this is totally unsolicited, but my therapist told me to cultivate my friendships. If you got people that you haven’t talked to in a long time, reach out and catch up. Doesn’t mean they will be ready to hear about the dark stuff, but having support for even the little things (“ah my upload failed”, “my family’s being weird”, “my cars going through it”), will help lighten the load.
That way it doesn’t all combine at once, especially when the darkness comes back.
@@JoyDawnHackett You just cultivated sharing.
Cultivating friendships and relationships is so so so important to human mental health!! We are social animals and making sure you have a circle of true friends who are mutually supportive is important.
Over the last 3 years that work and spending (almost completely virtual) time with my cultivated friends had saved my sanity!!
@@JoyDawnHackett damn this is so good!! I’m gonna keep this in mind, thank you so much for sharing this even if “unsolicited” it lit a lightbulb 💡 in me lol 🥰❤️
The whole “feeling like I need to know everything bad that’s going on” thing definitely struck a chord with me. It’s so hard to find the balance between staying informed and getting consumed by all the bad shit. Glad to see you’re on an upward swing. Thanks for your candor.
@Don't Read Profle Photo these don’t work anymore lol
I try to stay informed, but I realize that peace begins with the Self. I can't hyperfocus on things beyond my control. What you give attention to grows, so I chose to grow (focus) on myself.
Anxiety is so debilitating. I have medication for it but it still effects me daily. Glad you're doing better now D'Angelo :)
Good job Regan
Did not expect someone as based as you to enjoy D'Angelo content but welcome!
citalopram changed my life. i was STUCK
bro it fuckin sucks when it feels like you r doing everything right and you still wanna die, this video really resonates with me, its so hard, sending love, you’re not alone.
you too! I see you friend. sending love ❤️
We missed you so much D. I feel like so many of us relate to feeling hopeless but I just hope that u know that we all care about u and ur so so precious.
Depression is no joke and I'm glad u put ur mental health first. We love and care about u and will wait for when ur ready. I'm sending love ur way!! 😭😭💖💖💖
Fr😭
THUMINNN omg
True~!🥺😭✨
@EDP445 🅥 hi edp445
Dont read my name 😑
Oh my god, you put it into words. I can't imagine the subscriber-count scale of what you're dealing with, but after getting out of school I got a book deal for two graphic novels, and hoooo boy. I was able to churn through pages for the publisher for maybe six months, but like you said, I couldn't sustain myself. There's so much pressure to create, but you're stuck with zero spoons and this constant mantra of "I wanna die, I wanna die"...coupled with the guilt of like, "You should be happy! Look how lucky and successful you are!"
How are you supposed to explain to people with soul-sucking jobs that you have their dream job-the job they'd give an arm and a leg to have-but you can barely force yourself to get out of bed in the morning? That you're so miserable and anxious that life HURTS? That the fun-hobby-turned-profession makes you hate yourself every day to the point of immobility, or that "nothing" black hole? I felt so alone because I didn't know how to talk about this stuff. So hearing you speak about this...I'm so grateful. Thank you so much. I feel seen.
Dont read my name 😑..
You *are* seen 💜
I've been paralyzed by anxiety and depression for this past year, it literally didn't allow me to go to school bc my panic attacks got horrible- but I'm getting better slowly. So I somewhat understand what you mean, it's so difficult to lose interest in the things you once loved. A horrible feeling :(
But you're never "too lucky" or "too successful" to suffer, you are allowed to feel.
I hope you'll feel somewhat better soon, but it's okay if not. We're just happy you're here 🤗
Lots of hugs sent your way
@don't be surprised your gonna get ur account banned if u dont stop the spam. Or maybe ur account has been hacked. In that case I'm so sorry
@@fannidemeter4996 This reply really means a lot. Thank you so much
no job or career is gonna cure mental illness. i feel like the 'wellness', motivational speakers of the world make us think that gratitude can cure everything
I don’t think enough people understand the “I don’t wanna exist but I also can’t do anything to hurt myself” aspect of depression and anxiety. Not wanting to exist in any sense or context isn’t good, and people need to pay attention. Just because they aren’t physically hurting themself doesn’t mean they aren’t mentally damaging themself even further. I told my doctor this and she said “ok you sound pretty bad, but you don’t wanna physically hurt yourself so you don’t need medication or anything.” It’s really hard and just feels extremely lonely because you can’t even connect with other people with these disorders because you’re made to feel like you’re not as bad. If anybody else feels like this, I hope you realise you’re worth the time and effort it takes to get help, and you’re worth hanging around. You deserve to be here as much as anybody else, and you don’t have to be alone.
Big thanks to D’Angelo for talking about that and bringing awareness to this less talked about aspect of mental illness
exactly right, And people and doctors should be catching people when their at this stage BEFORE they try to 'prove' that they need help through things like self injury or suicide. It's our jobs as people to make sure the people around us are ok and are getting the help they need. Because otherwise they will end up hurting themselves or others.
SH//
I swear I tried to self harm to "feel something" but I was too scared. And I feel like no one takes me seriously. Thanks for this.
I used to say "I don't wanna die, I'd just like to stop"
Most definitely resonates
Been relating for years to that line from that Robbie Williams song : "I don't wanna die, but I ain't keen on living either".. didn't know anyone who also felt this way ! I guess it's validating to some degree that other people feel the same....
@@lovepantalone_kaeya Tw//sh and a little backstory??
I take you seriously, because I've been there (and I would even if I hadn't been there). Before I started, I was so fucking scared of hurting myself because all I wanted was a solution. A way to exert control over my situation because there was nothing else I could do. I didn't take myself seriously because I started with a freaking butter knife in like fifth grade. and then i extended to a steak knife, shaving razors, blades, and so on. I thought that in order to get help I had to be a certain "kind" of suicidal. It's so fucking scary now. I try to get clean but I've become so attached to the feeling that stopping for long isn't plausible anymore. I highly recommend other coping mechanisms. The website "Fatal to the Flesh" really helps me to see the scars without inflicting them on myself. I also scribble on myself with sharp pens. I really really hope you don't ever take up self harm for your sake and that you improve mentally. Stay safe
I love your content and I check back every once in a while to see if something new has posted. Thing is dont forget that you don't have to "keep up" with the pace of dropping videos every week, or even every month or even every year. You don't owe TH-cam or your followers anything! You make great content which will keep people checking back and interested in the new content when it drops! Don't worry about trying to become a machine to keep up with other TH-camrs arbitrary video drop schedules. It's okay to do it when you want to, and stop when you want to.
I have an anxiety disorder, and keeping up with the standards that I hold myself to is nearly an impossible weight. I often think that the people I love find me lacking, boring, self centered, etc. I never feel as if I can live up to what I think they want. But something I've learned recently is that the reality in my head is not reality. The fears and the pressure that keep churning are my brains way of trying to keep me safe and protected by keeping me on my toes. I often need to remind myself that it's okay to slow down and it's okay not to be perfect and it's okay not to shoulder everything at once.
@@tashawilliams7229 you described my anxiety to a t. 'If I'm not perfect, what's my value?' Which of course is crippling and then you bury yourself.
@@tashawilliams7229 something else you can try is being okay with them thinking those things about you. It is normal to not like someone all the time. We don't even like ourselves all the time. But people are usually understanding and forgiving. Siblings are a great example of this. Most siblings get annoyed with each other a lot but they still care about each other.
I'm just really happy black men are allowed to have emotions now in modern day, it took a very very long time for this to even be acceptable for black men in America
This is accidentally the most comforting video I've ever seen. "I want to die sometimes, all the time, but I am doing all the things I need to prevent that feeling". I've never heard anyone explain how I feel so well. As someone who suffers from severe anxiety and depression well always, I am glad you took a break. I know it's hard to feel like you deserve that time off, but you do, and did. It's better to take that long break and take a minute than run yourself dry. So proud of you for doing that and even more amazed that you have been so open today. You are amazing.
Dont read my name 😑..
Yes, same here. I didn’t know other people felt that way too, and hearing it put into words so perfectly was very, very comforting to me
@@kiripedia exactly!! It’s so isolating at times especially when your friends aren’t that far gone, if that makes sense. Of course everyone has their demons but yeah, it can be hard even with good people in your life.
@@olliekoski7633 Yeah at some point it feels like it’s best to just accept it as a part of your life and to ride the waves when they come, not fight them.
u miss quoted him
“Anxiety doesnt care about things that are true or make sense. Anxiety makes you feel the weight of the worst possible scenario, even if you aren’t in it.”
Very well said
!
I totally feel this. For me, I always have to remind myself that it's okay to feel emotions but I can't let it impact my actions. But it sucks to constantly feel like there's another shoe that will drop.
As someone who has “done things” to cope with severe mental health lows, I LOVE to hear that people who struggle like I do haven’t tried harm. Your pain is just as valid as anyone who has. Be safe and take it one day at a time. One minute at a time.
This video is what makes TH-cam, TH-cam. Thank you for your vulnerability and honest, relatable words. A lot of us have the same issues and problems. It makes life so much more doable when you know you’re not in this alone. Take as much time as you need D. We will all be here for you💖
Very well said, and I agree completely.
This nigga a victim your generation is full of gay cowards
There’s absolutely nothing pathetic about getting overwhelmed by anxiety and taking a break. We will always be here for you.
Dont read my name 😑
Wtf are these replies and why did they choose this particular comment lol
Smart move. Honestly, I think more creators should take a break because the grind shows some of them slowly unraveling and making bad decisions. I wish I had the ability/luxury to take 9 months off my job to re-coup. Take advantage of it! D'Angelo's people will stick around to hear him talk about 'whatever he wants to talk about' when he's ready to talk about it. 🥰
Who’s we😂😂😂 please get a life and let this stupid mean bully battle his depression and kick the bucket hopefully
I love you videos D'Angelo you deserve the biggest break just be sure to come back to us:)
“My anxiety peaked” say no more. When I tell you I can relate to that on a spiritual level. We don’t need you to be perfect or even consistent at all, just please take care of yourself. Your mental health is more important than this app. We love you D’Angelo. ❤️
Dont read my name 😑
YOUR PFP YESSSS
This video was all too real, but I'm glad to hear you've been taking steps to improve your mental health. Looking forward to the content (TM), no pressure!
I love both of your content and it’s great to see you supporting each other. This video is very real and mental health is important.
omg my faves!!!!!!!
Dont read my name 😑....
oh wow hey kasey :D
Dangelo Wallace is so fake
The part about feeling like you're not allowed to talk about si/mental health because you know you'll be okay and you haven't *done* anything drastic.... I relate & was astounded that you actually said those words, explained that feeling, which has been so difficult for me. It felt incredibly validating to me. If anything, thank you for that. I hope you're doing okay and feeling better on the whole. You don't owe us anything.
I'm so sorry you're going through a hard time D'Angelo. You are loved, admired and cared for. Please take care of yourself and love yourself. You are an amazing person and an amazing creator. Sending you a virtual hug ❤️
awwww my fav two ytbers!! i love you
♥️♥️
LUKE IS WHO I THOUGHT OF AFTER CLICKING!!! We need to fix our world when we’re so educated, yet still made to feel so ashamed for simply not being okay. Ily both, take care of yourselves ♥️
I've never heard anyone talk about the physical pain that anxiety and depression can cause but it's so true and so horrible and often seems to go ignored compared to other symptoms. There's a few really important things in this video that I've never heard put into words before.
yep, can confirm, i have fibromyalgia/other joint issues and migraines bc of my anxiety and depression from ptsd. there's no "discernable" cause, and that leads to imposter syndrome from there being "no reason"
the chronic fatigue that comes from it no matter how many hours of sleep, rest, relaxation etc is so fucking exhausting. and the guilt of not being productive and you cant really understand why is actually purgatory
@@sweetsoverload9212 This one right here is the one that fucks me up the most.
@@sweetsoverload9212 At the worst my depression and anxiety has ever been, I could barely stand or sit up for more than an hour or two per day. People don’t believe it most of the time but someone else I knew had the same thing at the same time for the same reasons.
I have super bad stomach aches when my anxiety kicks in, sometimes even without knowing whats the cause and then when im thinking properly/more positive again the feeling just stays and it hurts like a shit ton, sometimes it feels like the acidic fluid in my stomach is just slowly burning a hole in my stomach. So when d’angelo mentioned something similar i felt really comforted because nobody really talks about it like you said.
the way you explained the feeling of wanting to die yet not wanting to do it yourself really hit me. it’s the feeling i’ve dealt with for so long. it’s indescribable how strongly & deeply anxiety can take a hold on you. i completely understand anxiety being physically painful. some days i can’t breathe, not because i’m hyperventilating, but because my chest just *aches*. i’m disabled so i’m used to being in pain & i have a pretty high pain tolerance. but that ache in my chest is a kind of pain i can’t begin to explain.
I used to feel like "I won't kill myself, but if there was a switch that could end all this, I would hit that"
It seems like a normal response when you're in so much pain and can't see a way out...
I know that pain. 🥺🤍🫂
It's like.. being passively s****dal. That's what I call it at least. I think a lot of people with substance addictions (alcohol, drugs) are this way.
@@abigaelmacritchie1365 exactly. like if i didn’t have to actually do anything, i wouldn’t have said no to dying.
@@chatnoir9038 that’s such a good name for it, sums the feeling up pretty well.
It breaks my heart seeing him so sad . I really just wanna hug this guy. I understand you yesterday i really had a really bad anxiety attak and i was crying so bad that Everything is just fucked and going downhill. And the next day i am like "lol" littrely i am not even joking. I won't do anything with my life and still be happy makes me angry on my self . Self harm did come in front but i just couldn't do it. I feel like everyone is just laughing at me . Everyone notices what i am doing and it sometimes even makes me start shaking in class. I know i always try to be a good person but yesterday i saw my childhood bully and that just made me go back to that shithole. Thanks for Sharing your story, I just want you too feel ok and do whatever you want . We are with you. P.s. sometimes it does make you read dark things that was me on Pinterest and i had to stop this ,so it's an amazing step to delete Twitter.
Hug him for what😂😂😂 he can talk bs on people but can’t handle a lil mental health. Hopefully he kicks the bucket and joins aaron carter and everyone
@@Syddddddddddd8 wdym
"Depression for me is like I feel nothing and it hurts"
Genuinely found it difficult to shake off the way you put this. I really understand and deal with depression in this way, especially as someone personally dealing with bipolar mood swings, and not a lot of people understand how it feels.
I'm really happy youre back (and I really found it touching that you showed vulnerability in making this video), keep putting yourself forward and ill be here when you are able to upload
i'm also bipolar and my depressive episodes mostly consist of that nothingness feeling. it feels so much worse than being sad or upset because at least sadness makes me feel something. i wish i knew how to explain it better to others than just "i feel empty inside" because i feel like words can't fully describe how much it actually eats away at you.
so just know that you're not alone!! wishing you the best, bipolar disorder is a real nasty monster to deal with but it's possible to overcome it!!
@@letrangeinconnu thank you so much! I appreciate hearing that im not going through this alone!
I can’t explain how happy I am that you are talking about this. We NEED more people like you to talk about anxiety and depression so that others don’t feel scared speaking up about their own experiences. I pray your mental health continues to improve man!
Dont read my name 😑...
hearing you talk about burnout was really comforting. reading statistics and symptoms only goes so far; so hearing someone share my symptoms basically to the letter makes me feel a lot less alone. i suffered from burnout earlier this year, and i legitimately considered dropping out of school, and when i couldn't do that, suicide looked like the only option. but i survived, i survived and now that i'm out of school i feel so glad i'm alive to experience this happiness. this video makes it clear that legitimately, actually, i'm not alone. it means a lot to me and so many others that you were open enough to let the mask drop. thank you.
Congrats on surviving. I know how hard it is to overcome it, almost felt like I wouldn’t. Only up from here for all of us. Peace and love 💗
I’m here after eight months and literally almost everything you said hit so close to home. Being unable to talk about my darkest thoughts because I know I won’t act on them, and because other people have it worse, but these thoughts weighing me down anyway. Quitting Twitter because of the negative impact it had on my health. Consuming bad news constantly. What I’ve realised since the quarantine is that most people who say that you’re privileged if you avoid bad news are people who they would themselves consider privileged and feel guilty about being unable to do anything about these terrible situations so they try to project this guilt onto others (I did that too at one point) it’s always great to stay updated while respecting your own boundaries and limits.
Hi D’Angelo. It broke my heart seeing you cry and I’m so incredibly proud of you for taking a step away from youtube. It takes a lot to step back and take care of yourself. I want you to know you aren’t alone in these feelings. Being a creative can be super lonely and fulfilling and also non fulfilling at times. Please know some of the best artists take their time. You deserve that too. Sending you love 🫶🏽
I wonder if having someone help you write your scripts would be helpful. That way you don’t feel like you’re the one in charge of researching and knowing everything that’s out there for your videos. Thinking out loud
Very well said ♥️
I want to kind of piggy back off of your not alone sentiment to add that as someone who has hurt themselves, and tried, that doesn't make anyones journey who hasnt any less valid. We're all facing the same fight, we're in this together regardless of what struggles we've personally encountered.
TW:::::::::
I understand how it can sneak up on him.
As someone who struggled w ED, abuse, PTSD and severe medical trauma I wanted to unalive myself a lot. I tried several times as a teen/YA. It took lots of healing to realize for me, just existing is the win. It's not about the fact I wanted to give up, it's that I didn't give up.
I deal a lot w ND sensory overload based panic attacks (sometimes just being touched causes mild panic attacks) and a lack of coping skills made the idea of being unalive like an addi
@@SaintShion Beautiful words. Sometimes just making the decision to stay alive is the hardest thing to do but in the end, the most important.
@@SSIMS L + ratio + ur mad + get good + stfu
Had to stop 5 minutes in just to say this:
as someone who HAS tried: your depression is valid. You don’t have “less” and I don’t have “more” just because of attempts. Depression is a thousand-headed beast and it shows a different, ugly face to each of us. Stay strong; we love you
"Depression is a thousand-headed beast and it shows a different, ugly face to each of us."
Goddamn, that's a powerful analogy. Can I steal that? haha
@@kaitlin9288 absolutely!
Thankyou for this, I honestly needed to hear this lately. Sorry to vent, but I cannot work because of my depression yet I feel like I have nothing to show for WHY I’m depressed if that makes sense? I’ve been through trauma in relationships and family and I have never found myself pushed to the point of suicide or intense self harm and it just makes me feel less-than when other people talk about how awful their depression is. To sum up, just thankyou for saying depression of all types is valid.
I love the way you worded this.
@@ghoultooth We’re all fighting this infinite headed beast together bruv. You’re not alone. I’m sending a virtual hug to you because internet 💖
"Depression isn't sadness. It's nothing. I feel nothing." I couldn't have said it any better. I faced my first real bout of depression (and recognized that it WAS depression) around 2016. It's been a constant battle since. But I never really understood what "being depressed" was until I was in it myself.
It's comforting to see someone with similar issues talk about it. If it's any consolation, I don't think this video was a mistake.
I'm sure I'm not alone in massively appreciating an upload like this, real human stuff needs to be online more. Love all of your videos but your health is way more important!
Mental health isn’t pathetic D’Angelo. I’m glad to see you are doing better
you described depression well. it does feel like a constantly aching void.
and when you teared up talking about suicidal thoughts I teared up as well because I have them too and weirdly it made me feel less alone.
anxiety loves her sources. getting your daily dose of suffering can get really addictive, that is why sometimes I struggle to be as informed as I'd like to be.
lastly, people may have come for the drama and news but a lot of us stayed for you so create stuff that makes you happy - we'll be there.
Dont read my name 😑..
perfectly put! ❤️
Anxiety and depression doesn’t need a reason … all it needs is a moment. Thank you for being open with the world about you and your struggles, that was very brave. Much love to you and many prayers and blessings.
I really resonated when you talked about not feeling like you deserve to call yourself mentally ill. I was hospitalized earlier this year for mental health reasons and remember how hard it was feeling like I was the only person there who had “no reason” to be depressed. I’ve talked to my treatment friends and it’s the one thing we all seem to have experienced: feeling like you are never sick enough. Even the patients I met who were exactly the people my mental illness wanted me to be, reported this same feeling. It was never enough; we all wanted the others to get better but believed we didn’t deserve the same.
I really had to change my relationship with social media, instead of watching the same romanticizing content that made me feel like my mental illness was who I am. Now I use Instagram and TikTok to indulge in things I enjoy and that make me feel better, like art, music and fashion.
One thing I will say for anyone reading this, is that it truly does get better. I hardly recognize the person I used to be, and even though I still do struggle with mental illness, it is possible to turn your life around. Accepting treatment was the hardest thing I ever did, and I wish there was some magical wand I could wave to just make it all go away. But it had to be me who made it happen. It’s hard to see it when you’re in it, but it is possible.
When you said "anxiety doesn't care about things that are true or make sense" I felt that & how physical it is, the effect it has on the body.. it's like a black hole. Thank you for sharing this 🖤🥀 it helped me a lot to see your face & hear your take on how these things have felt & effected you. So much love from me to you regardless if you choose to do TH-cam or not.
“…I felt bad, so I read stories online to justify me feeling bad…” I can’t believe how hard that hit me. How all of this is. I struggle so similarly to this and I don’t even have a platform where people watch me all the time. You are so strong, wise, and you look freaking fantastic by the way. All the love and positivity to you friend.
Dont read my name 😑....
@@MbitaChizi ok
I’m sad that I didn’t know this video existed until now but wow, everything you said resonated so much with my own mental health struggles and anxieties. Thank you for your vulnerability ❤
Me too!! Just watching and I feel for him so deeply. I also understand in my own way with my own mental health. I respect his honesty deeply. It’s gotta be a hard one to make, albeit helpful to so many.
@@elisa-beary Same here, only just stumbled across this video. When he talked about ideation (without any actual sh or plans to do so), I felt that in my soul - that's been a hallmark of my depressive struggles too. It makes it so hard to talk about. I'm glad he was able to share this with everyone, I'm hoping he's doing better now
He has just given so many of us validation.
I absolutely feel the same feelings.
I suffer from major depressive disorder, and I also have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome which sadly exacerbates my mental health.
I’m so glad he took time and although he’s back, he’s still taking care.
💜💜💜
As someone who is also at a point where my anxiety is getting really bad, I get it. There are some days I can’t get out of bed, much less produce any sort of content. Do whatever you need to, most of your subscribers will be waiting when you get back.
Same here, a lot of us understand.
Our sympathy for others alike will go a long way to uplift those in need of this very understanding.
Dont read my name 😑
We are here for you D’angelo! 🙏🏽
Yea
Dont read my name 😑....
We love you
"feeling the weight of the worst possible scenario even if you aren't in it" is the best way that I have ever heard anxiety described. it's easy to realize that the things that you are thinking aren't true or real, but it's so much harder to stop thinking them and feeling them
It makes me sick that he was going through all of this while CreepShowArt was busy saying bad things about him and I pray he doesn't see her comments
I kinda wanna copy this to help explain to my family haha
yeah.. it just makes you feel crazy because you often know it's irrational but you can't just stop it... it's an automatic response
It also makes me think that maybe it's important for him to disconnect and learn better emotional boundaries. It's okay to say fuck it.
Dangelo is trying to justify selfishness
I’ve never heard someone explain depression so accurately : the only thing that has ever come close for me was Inside out: just like you said: depression is an absence of happiness AND sadness: a hole in the chest where your feelings , passions, motivations once were. You’re not alone: you are actually bringing to the light what so many of us have dealt with so that we know we’re not alone.
There’s nothing pathetic in this video. In fact watching this finally makes me feel understood which is something I gave up on a long time ago. I identify with so much you’ve expressed in this video yet I don’t know if I would’ve had the courage to share it as you have. No one blames you for taking the time you need, take as much as you need, and focus on yourself. We’ll be here.
When you said anxiety hurts. I felt that 🥺😭❤️ its can be so so physically painful. you’re not alone, This was comforting and so raw. Thank you for sharing this 🙏❤️❤️
THAT'S WHY YOU GOTTA FOLLOW SADHGURU'S WISDOM
Hope you get well soon brother
exactly!!
Dont read my name 😑....
Dude, there is NOTHING pathetic about dealing with anxiety. That's the exact opposite of pathetic. You as a content creator are so genuine and have so much respect from all of us who love your videos. None of us will judge you for sharing your problems. If you aren't in a place right now to upload things, don't upload things. We would rather have you safe and finding ways to get better than have more content from you. I am praying for you and I hope you know that we will be here for you when (or if) you do decide you are ready to come back.
Take care of yourself, man. Before anything else, that is most important.
Dont read my name 😑....
When you cried, it made me cry bro, we’re always here for you, sorry for such a delayed response, you’re always free to express your emotion, don’t hide it away. I absolutely love you as a creator and you don’t deserve any of this.
Take it from an old man who's been riding this rock around the Sun for 50 plus years.
You have a rare combination of an intelligent open mind and a big beautiful heart. Sometimes that combination takes its toll. So just remember this, and this is my own opinion, you make the world a much more livable place. And this video shows just how brave and wonderful you are. I wish you peace, I wish you love, and I hope you find contentment.
Dont read my name 😑...
This comment is beautiful. It always makes me smile to see older people who are open minded to Mental health bc of the lack of representation 40/50 yrs ago compared to today. I love people like you who are open to learning new information and being so empathetic. Not that theres not progressive boomers and Gen Xers and such, but the bad ones are always highlighted, just like my generation - millennials, but im on the cusp with Gen Z apparently - and theres a lot of hate for my generation so theres a lot of stories painting us in a bad light as well. All that to say - your commment made me smile. Thats all. Have a good day, you deserve it. And thanks for making my afternoon with your empathy.
Eloquently put ❤️
@@AM-gt1yt I thank you very much for your sentiment. I found over the years that every generation has its good, bad, and it's indifferent. And I'd like to share something with you about your generation. You're far more open to mental health issues and an understanding of interpersonal struggles.
From my late teen years to my 30s, the only time you ever heard about a mental health issue was usually at the tail end of some tragedy. I live my life by one simple principle. It's easier to find understanding in others if you're willing to accept and understand yourself. Again, thank you.
D'Angelo, we love you. The mom in me wishes I could give you a long, warm hug. You don't have to be perfect... ever. Take all the time you need, every. time. Don't ever feel like you owe consistent videos for the sake of an algorithm - all of us creators felt that heavy guilt and stress. Free yourself from that burden, you will feel free again. It sucks to feel like you're "letting your audience down" but your core supporters will always be by your side. XOXO Take care of YOU. YOU are precious and needed in this world ❤️❤️❤️
Yes, 100% this!!!
I agree with this comment.
This is such a beautiful comment.
@@SSIMS what the hell is wrong with you?
Dream stan.
This hits like a truck. Always described depressive phases as "being hollow" like I'm just the shape of a person occupying the space that a real person should be in. Then the anxiety builds up and up and I can't eat or sleep properly due to the constant adrenaline until a panic attack hopefully breaks the cycle and the brain chemicals balance out a bit.
I'm just a bartender. Can't imagine how bad it must be for someone that creates for a living with a huge audience - stay strong and thanks for being so open D'Angelo, this kind of stuff NEEDS to be spoken about openly and without fear.
yes! the shell analogy hit hard. 👌
The hole in the chest is exactly how I've tried to describe it too, so that super resonated with me.
I appreciate you saying "until hopefully a panic attack breaks the cycle". Panic attacks are terrifying and debilitating, but sometimes with the constant adrenaline and pressure... I'm just waiting for something to go ahead and break. Sometimes I find myself wishing I could cry just to relieve some tension...but I never can when I want to do it. It's weird to explain how the build up to a break down which you know is coming, is worse than the breakdown itself.
As soon as your voice started cracking and you tried to hold back your tears, my heart broke, I'm so sorry you've been dealing with this. I hope you're not alone, and also that you are well. Don't feel pressure to post. Take your time. Stay Strong.
The amount of respect and appreciation I have for you is massive, and only grows larger after watching this. I have faced EXACTLY (in my own way) the challenges you speak of regarding anxiety, depression, and the truly emptying trap of not wanting to be here, yet still being here. You, my dear, are a gift, however you are, regardless of if you share any of it with us or not. I’m cheering you on when you speak, and cheering you on when you don’t. If you ever want to talk, vent, or simply exist in the vicinity of someone who has lived very similar things in the life of social media as a creative, I’m here. Wishing you clarity, gentleness, and new breath for an ever renewing take on life. 💙
You are always so well spoken Swoop loved this comment and I hope d’angelo finds some peace
You are literally the absolute best ❤️❤️❤️
Dangelo doesn't respect us
Yes mama swoop we love you miss thing ❤️
This comment is beautiful
Glad you came back and made this. Good to see you again; we missed you!!!
Dont read my name 😑..
hi theft king :)
Hello 👋
Who's we I was celebrating because Dangelo is a bad person
@@SSIMS you’re just looking for attention LMAOO
I feel you when you talk about how pathetic it seems to you and that there’s no big thing that happened to explain. After graduation last December, I just…stopped. And I hated myself every day for not living, not doing, just existing and not even doing that well. I still feel like I can’t. It feels stupid, but every millimeter forward is worth celebrating. My friends can’t understand why it’s such a big deal for me that I actually fed myself and left my bed every day for a week straight. Or why I feel so accomplished after making a 3 minute call I have avoided making for months. But these tiny victories make the next, bigger one seem doable. Step by step. I’ve never watched any of your other videos before, but I see you and I’m so proud of you.
I’m sorry your friends don’t understand. You are doing amazing and I’m proud of you ❤️
recovering from a deppressive spell like that is like recovering from any other illness, on a much larger scale. "i could eat today", "i could sit up today", "i felt strong enough to go for a walk today". every tiny victory should be celebrated, because it means you feel, however minutely, better today than you did yesterday. i don't know you, man, but i'm proud of you. i've dealt with similar stuff and it's hard. keep celebrating the little victories. they do get bigger eventually.
I totally get this. Sometimes I have anxiety over the simplest thing like calling the bank to have a fee removed. I'd rather just pay the fee than to have to deal with it. And most of the time, the hardest part is getting the motivation to start a task. I have found that if I don't keep procrastinating and putting things off like doing the dishes, it makes me feel better and it really doesn't take long at all. Sometimes if you can just get yourself started on a small task, it gets the ball rolling and then you could be like, well while I'm at it, I'd might as well get this and this done too and it really does make you feel accomplished and better about yourself. Life is super monotonous especially when you work at a place you don't especially love going to. sometimes it's like, what's the point of life? Just know that there is a purpose for you and you are loved. Hugs
As someone who’s been similarly struggling with motivation, you’ve got this. Celebrate every millimeter forward like it’s a mile. Lots of people don’t understand and they don’t have to- just know you’re not alone. I feel you.
Almost exactly the same thing has been happening to me. And its excruciating. Its pain that's hard to explain in words. But it eats at you every day. I hope we can all get our strength back, whoever is going through this. ❤ 💙 💜 💖 💗
This is super late but I relate to you so much. I quit my last extremely mentally draining job and promised that I was going to start focusing more on my writing. I had one story of mine published and haven't barely been able to create since, I haven't been able to write all year. My depression, anxiety, ADHD and possible autism have just made me lose all semblance of inspiration. I feel like everything I was working on sucks, everything I've ever done is meaningless and dying would be an easy out so I won't feel the pain of worthlessness anymore. I started going back to school and every assignment I have just triggers my anxiety and gives me panic attacks. Thank you for verbalizing this, you've helped me so much and I hope talking to the camera like this was therapeutic for you.
'I don't feel like I'm allowed,' is so important because we gaslight and belittle our own trauma as if we have to earn it. We don't. It just is. I hope you the best DW.
This is SO true. I'm working on not doing this so much anymore.
Self gaslighting is sooooo fucked and real
I actually started crying when you talked about being so incredibly suicidal but not doing anything. I've been struggling with that for such a long time feeling like I wasn't that bad or my feelings were invalid just because I knew I wouldn't actually do it. I've never heard anyone else say that before. Thank you for sharing this.
♥️♥️♥️
❤️
you are not alone I struggle with the same thing ❤️❤️
Hi, I hope you're doing well now. And, I guess I found myself a friend since I knew how it felt. It went back in April of this year when I realized my friendship had been broken off and... I guess it's where I hit rock bottom and bam.. I went through a moment of thinking to commit sv1c1d3 but I just can't. I envision myself doing it... However, I can't do it for idk why. And this isn't the first time it happened. I went through something similar like this back in HS days.
suicide ideation is usually one of first steps on the road to suicide - so if you're feeling invalid in your experience just know that.
i'm really proud of you for coming forward with those deep emotional parts, it takes a lot of strength to be open about that. wishing you luck and love
@@SSIMS 😂😂 dumb comment
@@SSIMS I'm sorry to hear you didn't get anything out of it, I appreciated what he had to say
I miss him but I hope he’s chilling and just doing his own thing. If he ever chooses to come back I honestly hope to god he posts whatever the fuck he wants without the pressure of his audience or whatever is stressing him out. I would write something thoughtful or emotional but I’m tired of people expecting more out of him than he can give. He’s human. Bro could post like 30 second videos of random shit or he could upload a 10 hour reverb of tv static and we’d love it. I just hope he’s happy now.
i couldn’t have said it better fr
We are not owed this transparency, but it is so so appreciated to see you again and to hear about your experience with depression and anxiety.
My heart chakra feels such Light from listening to him, I hope I can heal my throat chakra and be speaking up too
5 minutes in and I'm crying with you. This year has been the worst since my early 20s when I was in an abusive relationship. Depression, insomnia, Anxiety and PTSD all piled on top of me. I'm sorry you also go through this. My heart goes out to all of you who have to deal with these awful mental illnesses. I feel you all.
I definitely needed this tonight! Thank you
My heart goes out to you as well. I’ve been dealing with a lot of trauma, anxiety, and depression unlike anything I’ve ever dealt with. I have not had insomnia and can’t imagine dealing with these things with insomnia on top of it. I hope you, my self, D’Angelo and everyone else can find some way to feel a bit better.
Same. It's exhausting.
Thank you for even taking your time to come & explain to us what you’ve been through/what’s happening. You owed none of us an explanation for anything but you still took your time to come back here to talk to us. You’ve also, I’m sure, helped a lot of people with this video and your pure honesty.
:)
I can 100000000% relate to how anxiety and depression being physical feels. I've gone to the ER several times thinking I was having a heart attack but it turns out to be a panic attack. I'm so glad you recognized your limits and took time off. ❤️
"I feel nothing, and it hurts."
I don't know if I've ever heard a more perfect description of how the depths of depression feel.
Apathy. Apathy is the worst and must be avoided at all costs.
It's the vacuum of your body trying to bring ANYTHING into being.
as someone who has attempted and has struggled with self harm, the fact that YOU didn't do anything that i did doesn't matter. the world likes to paint this idea of anxiety and depression as all or nothing, you either have it good or you're a wreck, but its not like that at all, and nearly everyone here understands that too. we're all just happy that you're safe and alive despite the weight you've been carrying. we love you, d !!
You put it well. It's a scale, all of it. Just because you didn't struggle "as much" as someone else, doesn't mean you didn't.
Yes- I hate that people think depression isn’t so bad because you haven’t attempted or anything. That’s such a toxic way of thinking because then when you do attempt suddenly it’s like all that emptiness and fear suddenly now matter. When it always did. Those feelings are valid and not something to overlook.
@@covereddonuts1279 I think some people have concerns claiming something they think they not apply to them because it doesn't fit the media presented form of that thing. There's many ways that depression expresses itself and you don't have to be planning your final day in order for it to be really negatively affecting your life.
Kind of makes me think of when I finally came out as trans, I struggled accepting it because I didn't quite fit the media presented idea of how trans people realize they're trans and come out.
When you explained depression as “nothing”, I completely got it. It’s the same for me. It’s not a sadness. It’s an emptiness, and it’s a painful emptiness. Cuz you need something to be there. A figurative hand that grabs yours and reminds you you’re alive. But…there’s nothing there.
It’s maddening.
Also yeah. Social media is designed to activate the chemicals in your brain that give you positive reinforcement. Drugs and alcohol do the same thing only they have more physical side effects to go along with it.
When he explained it that way, it made so much sense to me. Wow.
Ironically, in my experience drugs and social media made me feel numb and empty. Both made it so I couldn't grab onto a single thought, I couldn't actually experience anything it was just mindless
In my experience, the closest feeling to it is when the power goes out and everything falls suddenly quiet. The electronic hum that you never noticed is suddenly gone, leaving a deeper silence. The world is missing something you never realized it had, and it feels very strange and unsettling. It's just.. empty.
The aftermath of clinical depression is WILD as well..Like you're not "depressed" anymore but the anxiety may still linger and the nonchalantness from the side effect of depression still is around even if you begin to feel again...Ever since i had a spiritual awakening ive been able to feel EVERYTHING!! Which is better than feeling nothing bc atleast i know what it feels like to be alive...It's a journey for sure
@@Jess-ew3tm there was a weird sense of apathy that stayed with me for months after I stopped really being depressed. I distinctly remember the first time I was genuinely happy to be alive again, rather than just "okay with it." I was finishing a run through the woods and looking at a couple of golden leaves on the ground. I felt so alive and everything was so perfect. Being grateful for life is something I never appreciated until having lost it for so long, but it was the most amazing feeling.
I watched this video within minutes of it being uploaded and came back to say that we miss you. Hopefully you’re taking a break for reasons that aren’t causing you pain (depression and anxiety that you talked about). Wishing you happiness and success in all that you do, and when you’re ready to come back to TH-cam we’ll be receiving you with open arms. We miss you!!!!!
Same :(
Right
so glad to have you back d’angelo! sending endless love and support, we’re always here no matter what breaks you need after this all.
Our king's returned after many years of long training.
Dont read my name 😑
When you talked about suicidal ideation and how you don't feel validated because you never actually attempted it - that really struck a chord with me, because I've been feeling the same way for years now. I felt like I can't call my thoughts "suicidal" because I never was at a "big enough risk" of actually doing it. Knowing that you also have been struggling with that, it makes me feel like I'm not alone. That my anxiety and thoughts and feelings aren't unique and therefore nobody could ever understand what I'm going through. Because I understand what YOU are going through. Thank you so, so much for this video.
I haven't watched the video yet, so sorry if he talks about this in it, but I've been the same way for much of my life. Between talking with my therapist and psychiatrist recently, they helped me realize I do this because I never learned healthy coping mechanisms for when I begin to feel overwhelmed-which is often. So instead, my brain jumps to suicide ideation, because the only way I know how to imagine getting out of that feeling is to imagine I wouldn't be here at all. So now, I'm working on catching it when I start to feel overwhelmed and putting "brakes" in between the emotion (anxiety, being overwhelmed, etc) and the thought (I have to die to stop feeling this way) so that I can deal with the emotions as they come in a way that doesn't feed into these thought patterns I've developed.
I don't know if that's the same reason you've had these feelings before, or if it will resonate with anyone else who can relate, but I thought I'd chime in in case it helps anyone else out there get themselves out of the rut I'm clawing my way back out of currently.
It reminds me of the song "Numb Little Bug" by Em Behold...it's really powerful and one line is "Do you ever get a little bit tired of life
Like you're not really happy but you don't wanna die" and just hovering in that space of feeling...yea I could go either way.
Same here. It's been a number of years since I was in the absolute thick of it, but those feelings definitely get stronger sometimes. . And as another commenter mentioned, "Numb Little Bug" is such a relatable song.
Same for me
Identical struggles here.
Some days are “fine” but mostly empty.
Bad days are… intolerable..
We’re paddling in the same water.. but always alone in our boats.
Thank you for sharing your story.
It’s actually pretty badass to keep going even when we feel like pathetic, dead worms.
✌️ ♥️
f*ckin love this comment. felt this, screenshotted it to look back at later. you’re dope.
i can’t believe this video is 9 months old now, i hope you’re feeling better now :) ♡ as someone who has hurt themselves out of suicidal ideation i can tell you that you aren’t any less valid in feeling how you feel just because you haven’t. sometimes the best thing you can do is just step back and take care of yourself, and i really applaud you for that because as you mentioned, just getting out of bed can make me miserable. i love you, hope you’re well! take as much time as you need ❤️🩹
HOLY SHIT dude the whole “I have to know everything bad happening all of the time” thing hits hardddddd
I also really appreciate you talking about how depression isn’t just sadness all of the time for everyone. for me, it’s seething, inconsolable anger at everything in the world, so you can see how feeling like I have to know about every horrible thing can contribute to that. I just end up feeling like nothing I do will ever matter because there are always gonna be people hurting from things I can’t control. idk that specific part, feeling bad about not knowing every horrible thing in the world, feeling like that means you’re super privileged and only a part of the problem and blah blah blah blah blah.
it really helped me to hear another person talking about that feeling
My depression is pain, like overwhelming emotional pain. Feeling like I have no control on anything and also helpless anger. The actions of one person did that to me, good times 👍
YES i feel like i never see anyone talking about this part of depression/anxiety. the shame that comes with knowing you are one of the privileged (in whatever way) and yet you still feel hopeless and pitiful all the time. feeling so so angry at the world for the way that it is and not believing you can do anything to change it. social media specifically has worsened all of these feelings for me in the past few years. i know people joke about it rotting our brains but i genuinely think it is (at least for a lot of us)
as someone with severe anxiety and depression, i completely understand where you’re coming from. i get panic attacks and tend to overthink things as well; sometimes i can’t even get myself to go outside. sometimes when I feel depressed to the point that I feel suicidal, it makes me feel like I don’t deserve to even talk about it, since so many people have terrible trauma and valid reasons to feel depressed and have it worse than me, while I went through some bullying and discrimination. I learned from my therapist that no one needs an absolute reason to explain their mental health, and we’re all human. and it’s really hard to talk about it; you’re so strong for talking about this. i’m glad you’re getting back to it, i really love your content 💓💓 keep it up, you got it, and you got us! :)
Yeah I honestly agree with you this is basically me too
@@guesswho-h5q it’s nice to hear that i’m not the only one with these feelings, and i really hope you’re doing well :)
This.
Dont read my name 😑
I've had terrible trauma, your depression is just as valid. I know my words can't change how you feel because that stuff happens to me too... where I don't feel I deserve to live and convince myself I'm that bad of a person (but I'm not). I know you deserve to talk about it, express and work through and heal and all the positive things, and I truly hope that someday that feeling fades because (at least to me) it doesn't matter how big or small the thing may be, if it's impacting someone, it's real and valid and shouldn't be belittled. I wish no one had to feel that their thing they are dealing isn't as important or anything like that. It is just as important.
The part where D'Angelo talked about "just not feeling anything" really hit me hard. I've always had trouble explaining that I'm just... numb. My close ones have never understood what it means to feel a void that consumes everything I should be experiencing. It makes me feel relieved to know that I'm not the only one, and I'm very grateful for this video.
Anyway, I can''t wait for future content, we missed you!
Dont read my name 😑..
You’re not even almost the only one 💜
I agree for me it's some sort of unexplainable emptiness that just stops me feeling anything
If it helps at all, the word for it is apathy and it's a very real thing
exactly i think he explained it better than i could ever have. it just feels like you’re just wasting time… passing by and yet you still are there just breathing and existing and nothing happens…
“It makes you feel the weight of the worst possible case scenario, even when you’re not in it.” I’ve never heard that worded better.
i’ve often found that those that are self-aware are often the most cognizant of pain both inside and outside of themselves, which makes life extra painful sometimes. you are a very perceptive person, and although that’s a gift, i know that can also make life incredibly difficult. i am so sorry, you are seen.
thank you for saying that. even when i’m not in the midst of a panic attack or dissociative episode, i’m still afraid of the reality that it exists. it feels like you can’t win.
That notion of wanting to die/self destruct, but never doing so... it honestly hit so close when you talked about how frustrating that is. I’ve always had severe anxiety, but I also excelled academically and managed to remain ‘functional.’ It always felt so frustrating to feel like such shit, but have nothing to show for it. I wanted to just explode, but I felt I had to keep up my success streak.
same dude 😔
no one ever talks about the part of depression where you really are trying and doing your best, and it still isn't good enough. or the guilt of not being what society deems "depressed". i never knew anyone else felt this. thankyou
This hits really hard
I just watched this. I felt this whole video, the way you described your depression and anxiety was spot on. I have had dark thoughts like you since I was 9 ( I’m now 55) I’m glad to see you’re better now that you feel able to upload content. Thank you for sharing your struggles with mental health, it does make a difference to people to know that they’re not alone. Love from the U.K.
omg look at you♥. this was such a relatable, warm, and heartfelt video. most of the times we feel we're all alone, anxious, and just freaking out for things that have happened or haven't happened yet, and the camera, youtube, art, become our escape to pretend we're fine when we really are not. im glad you have the courage to talk about this part of you and expose your vulnerability to others. take care of yourself brother, and know that you're never alone.
Beautifully said
“I have no big story; nothing actually happened to me.” This is something that really resonated with me.
I felt this way when I started experiencing depression and anxiety. I would very often think to myself, “nothing is wrong, so why do I feel so sad?” I kept these thoughts and feelings mostly to myself because, just like you said, I didn’t know how to say it when there wasn’t a reason “why.”
I have friends and family members who experienced what I view as legitimate trauma. I thought to myself, “how could I tell them that I was experiencing these thoughts and feelings when I haven’t gone through anything like they had?“
I remember desperately wishing that something bad would happen to me, just so that I can start telling people that I felt the way I did and finally have a reason to justify it. And something finally did happen, about 6 years after I started experiencing depression and anxiety. But I didn’t find the relief that I was expecting.
I did start to open up to more people and find the people in my life who were incredibly supportive, but I didn’t experience that “finally” moment that I had been waiting for. I only wished that I had started seeking help and support earlier on in my life. I learned a lot and am in a much better place now, but it is still something I continue to work on.
I hope this doesn’t come across it anyway as me thinking you “should have” done anything differently. I am sincerely proud of you for being so open and vulnerable, especially on such a big platform. Thank you so much for sharing. I wish you the very best on your mental health journey.
This is exactly how i feel and I’m so glad you shared this
Every word you said resonates with me so much, I have tears running down my face. I gaslight myself by thinking that what I'm feeling is stupid and insignificant. That i can't feel like ki!!ing myself because I haven't had something severely "bad" happen to me. I still feel that way and i dont see myself living more than a couple of years from now, I just can't imagine life beyond a certain point. I just hope things get better but I'm also very tired of hurting all the time. And tired of then numbing myself to it all because it's too painful otherwise.
I'm proud of you for continuing to work on your mental health. More power to you!
@@sabam3080 Thank you so much! I’m really thankful to hear that this resonated with you. I hope things continue to get better for you and wish you the best as well.
@@twinkle7389 Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I apologize in advance if any of this sounds cliche, but I truly mean it when I say that your feeling is valid. These feelings might not be rooted in what many view as “real trauma,” but they are still incredibly valid and true to you. I also hope you know that though I do not know you personally, I am rooting for you and your continued mental health journey.
You are right, it can be very painful and difficult and can take longer than you would hope. But you deserve what that hard work leads to and to have love and support along the way. I hope things get better and that you know I believe in you.
The day I finally talked to my doctor about my mental health I felt almost like I was lying because I was having a good day and describing a bad day felt disingenuous. Even though when I had bad days, I knew I needed help. It was incredibly odd. But I did it, and meds have done wonders for me, personally. The human brain is an enigma.
When you said the part "i just want to die most of the time" it validated what ive been going through too. Anxiety and depression go hand in hand and make eachother worse. I have depression and anxiety and i know how it feels to want to die but not want to actively kill yourself. I sometimes feel so hopeless and exhausted by existance.
This was affirming to hear as another person struggling with depression and anxiety. It's crazy that I can be so productive and creative for so long but then, for any reason my anxiety can give me, to sabotage all that work, all that progress. It's hard to be a creative on the internet with a huge audience and while I admire you I do not envy that responsibility. I'm always going to be checking back to see what you've created because your work is some of the highest quality online these days and that won't leave my memory so soon. Thank you for taking care of yourself and doing what you love.
"Depression is I feel nothing and it hurts."
This hit me. I've said this to people so many times. Family, friends, therapists, etc. And even other people with depression don't get it. Everyone says "what hurts?" And my only answer is "bring a person." I don't know how to explain it besides that.
So thank you D'Angelo. I appreciate your vulnerability and I'm wishing you the best.
the problem is that everyone frames it from their own perspective, and it can be tricky to properly bridge that conceptual gap.
for me, I say that I'm tired of the unfathomable weight of existence. like reality itself is a vast ocean and it's crushing and suffocating me under its pressure.
“depression is when i feel nothing and it hurts” i’ve never heard someone describe it so well. i feel seen after watching this, thank you for sharing.
Hearing you talk about depression and anxiety is actually giving me the strength to deal with mine. It’s not our faults..but we can do things to help ourselves. I feel that.
💯
Came to this video because I recognized D’Angelo from his comment on ChadChad’s video & realized I haven’t seen him online for some time.
I don’t think I’ll be able to make it through this whole video, but I truly hope D’Angelo is feeling better and not alone in his struggles. I fully relate to feeling illegitimate in mental health struggles because of lack of prior history or intent to do anything serious to yourself. It doesn’t make it less hard, and it doesn’t make it make sense either. I hope you have the support system you need, and if you feel comfortable enough to come back online at some point in the future, know that you have viewers that will support you!
Now I’m going to try to muster up the willpower to actually shower & maybe clean up my room a bit. Stay strong & hopeful ❤
“Anxiety doesn’t care about what’s true or what makes sense” I’ve never heard a better explanation.
I’m so glad you took the time you needed, got help, and are being kinder to yourself. I love your videos and I’m excited to watch whatever you create next.
@Don't Read Profle Photo you’re really gonna self promo on a video about someone’s fight for their life?
the self-gatekeeping struggle when it comes to discussing mental health is SO real. it's so hard to communicate to the people around me when i'm having an anxiety spiral or i'm stuck in a depressive rut if i can't give a "good enough" reason as to why. i'm glad you spoke up about this and i hope you know we are all here for you no matter what ❤️
There’s never a “good enough” for other people, it’s always a “well enough reason” for YOURSELF. As someone who’s struggling with mental health myself, I hate the stigma out of the community but the gatekeeping ESPECIALLY in the community. Don’t let people tell you what’s the requirement to talk and feel about your own mental health. I hope you heal well and much love coming your way! 💙💜💖
TW: When you stated that you often felt like you wanted to die, I could relate to it. My depression often leads me to not necessarily wanting to die, but wanting to be in a coma; wanting to sleep forever. I told my father: "I don't know how people... live. How they go to work, take care of their children, meeting people.. I don't get it." After coming back to therapy, my face hurt, my back hurt, my neck hurt... It's exhausting and the online sphere doesn't make it better, especially for well known people.
But it got a little better for me. Therapy helped. Spirituality helped. Books helped too. Friends and family helped the most. It's hard work, but it gets a little easier. Gotta do it every day, though.
very much relate to that, i call it just being tired sometimes when i don’t want to scare the people around me sometimes. my heart ached when he said that because i feel it so hard, it’s such an awful feeling. i’m so glad you’ve been able to get help and support 💖💖💖
D’Angelo THANK YOU ❤️🙏
For sharing this, for opening up, for being so brave.
We resonate with you, we are here for you and we LOVE you!!
As someone on disability for severe anxiety and depression and I am on medications but I still have intrusive thoughts similar to what you are struggling with. It feels impossible to talk about because youtube says it's not ok to talk about and it "makes others uncomfortable ". You are so freaking strong, thank you for coming out about this and talking about depression in a very real light. Thank you, thank you, thank you
Yeah I was genuinely surprised when d'angelo started talking about it exactly in the way I was experiencing it
Nobody hurt this man like genuinely I am PRAYING the internet conducts themselves for ONCE don’t pressure him for content it’s almost a duty as human beings we have to know the proper response to a man who is opening up to us and being vulnerable on the internet. That’s the only thing we can do to help him right now and I’ll be damned if any shitty person can’t see that.
Dont read my name 😑
I don't even care if he never uploads, I just want him to be alright.
Yes! Like puhhhleeease let the internet conduct themselves accordingly!
i'm ready to throw hands at anyone that bothers him istg
“Anxiety doesn’t care about things that are true or make sense” THIS!!!!!!!>>>> So dang true, it puts that into perspective so well. I wish you luck in whatever you do d’angelo, we all love you and hope you will be able to feel healthy about your work, whether that involves us or not :)
I'm 56, and have had catastrophic anxiety on and off all my life. I am so impressed with you for making this video and putting yourself out there like this. Normalizing mental health struggles is SO IMPORTANT, and you have a huge platform that will reach so many people.
I hope things are more manageable now. Lots of internet hugs from a complete stranger, fwiw.