Great to see Molly on your channel again! I've been following Molly on YT and Twitter for a while and she always posts the prettiest outfits! So similar to Jess, who wears the prettiest dresses! You two make me smile. Thanks.
Loved this. Please continue to collaborate in the future. Having both of your perspectives make it so enriching. With Molly talking about medical PTSD it made me realize that I've been experiencing it unknowingly ever since my brain tumor diagnosis. Thank you for enlightening all of us while adding much needed representation on this platform
SpeckOfDignity Totally! Right! or that... "eat your carrots so you can see better in the dark" Clearly that didn't help for your IQ - just switxh on the light!!!
It's so frustrating how teachers punish deaf and blind students- I'm neither, but my nephew was constantly punished for being "too loud". As it turns out, he not only struggles with tone because he's autistic, but he's also hearing impaired and DOESN'T KNOW how loud he's being. I love him so much and it's so frustrating to see that teachers are upset with him :-//
@@shellcharles3633 If you'd like a sweeping statement how about how most teachers who teach 1-5th grades often have trouble giving children the benefit of the doubt. While I recognize people are just doing their best teachers in Grade(/elementary) school have a very lasting impact. The two people in this video had the strength/support to not internalize teachers doing a bad. From my experience of having dyslexia and dysgraphia, it is very easy to believe teachers when they tell you A. you are just not trying hard enough and/or B. You are just not headed to higher education anyway.
I'm registered blind now but when I was in high school I was losing my sight and didn't have a diagnosis and wasn't really aware my sight was declining and I couldn't read the board at all from age 11 and dint get diagnosed till I was 17. I couldn't read the board and I asked to sit at the front and they said no got to stick to the seating plan no one can move because they ask. I just sat there and struggled and zoned out because i couldn't see at the front so I just spaced out and didn't pay attention because I felt ignored and I was very shy already so the teachers always seemed to place me near the back of the class and I was also bullied a lot and sat next to the bully boys and I had no one I could copy notes off. The teachers really made me suffer and I struggled in school. Teachers really aren't all that helpful. Edit: oh yeah I told my teachers I couldn't see and their response was "get some hlasses" the optician told my mum I was faking it and had nothing wrong with my sight...
My heart goes out to your nephew. I have ADHD and issues with auditory processing, and I've been scolded for being loud my entire life, when more often than not, I have literally no idea how loud I'm being; to me, it's loud enough in the room that I'd need to speak that loudly to be heard, and everyone else is speaking way too quietly!
Ok, as a writer I will take this challange and try and describe Jessica's voice to her , maybe she could appreciate it. So here's how it sounds to me: her british accent is so elegant and royal, it is at times hard and "stuttering" between one word and another (not sure if i can make myself clear here) in the best of ways as standard british english sounds to me as a non english speaker, her voice is sweet and cuddly but also put together and confident, and this makes me think she will be great to listen to, when she will tell stories to her future baby, it is a bit low and throaty for a woman, and that's sexy, especially when it gets a bit raspy for a second, but it can reach very sharp notes in a singing bird very feminine way and is not as low as Claudia's, her way to speak is also very elegant and classy and i think it matches her vintage style cause it sounds like she knows bon-ton and her social place, it sounds both spontaneous (especially when she laughs) and controlled at the same time. there always an inquisitive and curious hint to it. it is formal in a way where i could imagine her talking to the manager of a luxury law firm as their secretary in chief about important metters, i could also imagine her as a tv news speaker or an old ages duchess welcoming her guests to a ball or a teacher explaining lessons to her kids in a definite, ultimate way where they can not mess it up later or say that they didn't know the rules. I love how open her vowels are, it almost feels like her throat stretches to where she can physically feel it to be tense, when she pronounces them, and i love it, very british as well. Her s and t and d to me again as a foreigner that listens to a brit, sound very sweet and glam as if t and d where a mix with the s, almost a z. I think she sounds very positive and almost thrilled when she speaks, always joyful and excited but also very calm and serene, even when she is talking about unpleasent stuff. She sounds polite, or better said: kind, cause she sounds like she really cares, and mature, someone who already knows who she is very well and you can't tell her otherwise. Sometimes I just enjoy listening to her speak, no metter if I am interested in the topic or not, just to enjoy her voice on background as a musical thing. This is my own take on this of course and my own opinion and how i personally feel it. I hope it can be a pleasent input for her.
The "you are too pretty to be blind" is so reminiscent of "you don't look autistic", and I really wonder what on earth goes on in people's heads when they say these things.
It's ridiculous. I always get the "But you seem too smart too be mentally ill", but that is just not how it works. I think people are just flustered when the stereotypes they use to navigate the world are challenged.
@@creativedesignation7880 I agree. If they’ve never met someone with a specific disability, all they have to go off of is tv shows, where things are hyper exaggerated. It’s tragic that they think that’s all there is though.
Those statements make no sense because you can be attractive AND disabled. Also, it proves that they have low expectations of people with disabilties/health conditions.
This is probably the first collab with Molly I’ve seen that doesn’t just call her “Blind Girl” in the video title or use her disability as clickbait. it’s so nice to see. Jessica is such a breath of fresh air.
@@snowmu I think there’s a difference between choosing to label your own videos with “blind girl”, “dead girl”, “disabled person” etc and having someone else do that to you. On your own videos you have that control. And on your channel you’re able to put more of yourself and your identity out there. But if it’s a video by another creator (especially a business), then that’s all they’re presenting about you, if that makes sense? If I had a channel and I chose to label a video with “wheelchair user does X”, then that’s a choice I could make, because I do have that control over my content, including being able to show more of myself than just being a wheelchair user. But if it’s a big business channel, and all they’re talking about is my disability, and I don’t control it, and they aren’t including more of who I am, then it is really rather reductive (hello alliteration!), and it’s a bit insulting, I think. If someone else is presenting me, then they should present me, not just my disability (or what we else the video might be about). Because it is zeroing in on just that one aspect, and it’s not wholistic, it’s not me, it’s just my disability, if that makes sense? Where’s if it were in my own channel, I have that ability to present myself as a whole person, even if I do use a title that is focused more on just my disability.
Molly has done a video on this. When she does collabs they come up with titles together. She allows people to put "Blind Girl" if she doesn't find it offensive, why should you?
I am a straight woman, with no disability and I don't wear vintage clothes. I don't even remember how I end up watching a random video from Jessica's chanel, but I started to find the videos interesting, so I subscribed.
Watching her videos made me realise even more that you don't need to be the main audience to be engaged to the cause. It opened my mind to the world of people that I never thought existed, so I love videos like this one.
This was the same for me, but then I got diagnosed.... it had gotten worse and then I realized I’m relating too much to this and I talked to a dr about it.
I remember how I ended here - vintage hair tutorial it was. But that really wasn't why I stayed. "Dealing with not enough spoons" was definitely one theme that made me stay.
Same I literally started to cry because I've never heard anyone describe the feeling I feel so well and makes me sad none of family doesn't get why I overthink and get so much anxiety when it comes to medical stuff and change
yeah, i agree. people judge tf outta me when i say i don't trust doctors but when they've taken your life as expendable multiple times and refuse to listen to you over and over, you can't afford to start trusting them
I’d never given this much thought before. I had a tooth-related medical issue as a child (caused by dental malpractice) that put me in the hospital for a while. The experience wasn’t bad enough to give me a trauma disorder, but there have still been effects on my attitudes towards the medical community. And I had the experience of not being believed about my pain for a while. I also remember being expected to keep up with schoolwork which felt impossible. I got out lucky, in the end, with no lasting life changes. I can definitely see how ongoing, unsolved medical issues could have a lasting impact on your experience of so many institutions and relationships. Hope y’all can find peace and support.
This! I dealt with a lot of that when I was younger from having anxiety. Simple things are scary sometimes for me and the solution was "surprise her" or be dishonest about the process. It works in the moment, but it creates traumatic stress to never feel safe in a setting that's supposed to be helping you. If people can't develop a feeling of safety when they're being treated routinely, they won't feel safe seeking out help in more serious situations
Honestly, I'm not blind, I'm autistic and have pots cfs and other things, but molly's story of how she was diagnosed and teachers and ptsd and panics over 'irrational' things, not believing her and stuff is basically my story word for word. Im so close to tears now because I suddenly realised that I'm not alone, but also that others have been through what I have, so now I feel terrible for her and them
@@andressalopes599 1000%. I still struggle with ptsd and I can't go to college or university because of it, as if learning wasn't hard enough anyway, I'm terrified of how on earth I'm going to get a job that I can cope with and do
same, my ptsd and autism are rarely taken seriously and i've had teachers trigger me despite telling all of them at the beginning of the year that i may need trigger warning or accommodations
@@mammoneymelon Absolutely! It makes you feel inferior and unheard doesn't it? My pe teachers decided to have a thing where quote: 'if you are well enough to be in school, then you are well enough to do everything in pe' not only stupid and damaging (especially as they didn't believe you if you'd done something that day and had no magical note from your parents saying you where telling the truth. I know because this happened to me) and also that it seemed you had to be either half dead, unconscious or sick for anyone to believe you if you were ill. If people just stopped with this ageist thing of adults are always right and children are wrong then childrens lives would be so much easier, particularly disabled ones. Literally all the forces of the world seem to be against you, and by the time you've finished, you are in one of the worst mental health conditions on top of all else you had to begin with, and a really bleak future ahead
I was three and half when my sister who was two and half was found to be legally blind. I remember our parents telling me she was blind. And I was just like um yeah. That's why I lead her everywhere. Parents are slow sometimes.
@@melz6625 Yes, we are still close. Childhood therapy improved her vision. That combined with glasses technology improvements made it possible for her to see well enough to get around with her glasses on. She even drives. With her glasses off, she cannot see well enough to find her glasses.
Yes it’s like I know it’s irrational or not big deal/ I’m not in actual danger but that doesn’t mean I can control it and just turn off my emotions. when I’m so close to crying I’m about to throw up...ugh I had an episode recently and was close to having a complete meltdown in public and the added anxiety of not being able to stop it , I ended up spilling my guts to my driver and she was able to talk me down so that by the time I was home I wasn’t shaking anymore . Poor lady but she was a blessing 😇
Yep, it's even more fun when PTSD is triggering a rational fear of things that have happened before. I've had people try to talk me out of my "irrational fears" by telling me "What are the odds that will ever happen to you?". Seeing as it already has, 100%. It's even more fun when it's followed up with "Well it's never gonna happen twice so stop worrying". Yeah...it's happened twice.
When I was four I had my eyes dilated for the first time. I am STILL mad that no one told me that the procedure would make it so I couldn't see for awhile because when your four, you think that's forever. I thought these jerks just made everything look like it was melting forever, not for the next three hours. Lying to people just fosters mistrust regardless of age.
Totally resonated with Molly when she said people say “You’re too pretty to be blind”. I’ve been told I’m “pretty for a black girl”, so I can see how frustrating and offensive that is. It really is NOT the compliment people think it is!!!
Truly shows how low they think and expect of marginalized communities. Plus race and disability have nothing to do with attractiveness/beauty, no connection at all, so those statements don't make sense. A person can be of any race/have any condition AND be pretty.
When Molly talked about being tested for learning disabilities, it made me think of when I was diagnosed with ADHD (which I actually do have) - my kindergarten teacher wanted to hold me back because I couldn’t sit still, but the district said she couldn’t because my test scores were too high. Ironically, this put my first grade teacher on alert, so she was able to tell my parents that I needed to be tested for a learning disability because clearly, there was something happening there. And, yup, mega case of ADHD over here! Because of a really terrible teacher, a really good teacher was able to help me. I then was denied for an Individualized Education Plan because my test scores were too high, never learned how to study, and had a bunch of trouble the first couple years of college, but hey, I still graduated!
We are currently trying to figure out how to get my child evaluated because he has every sign of ADHD but high scores and only his teacher feels he needs evaluation.
@@bellajaid I wish you the best! Just keep seeking out new people or even switch schools if need be. It’s frustrating, but unfortunately how we got my brother the best support if you’re in the US.
congrats in graduating! i relate so hard, adhd awareness and support has a loooong way to go. It's honestly shocking how no teachers i ever had picked up on my adhd and i think part of it was that i was pretty decent at the work when i actually managed to do it
This is so important. I know many people that were "smart" in school and they get to uni where they actually need to study and they can't, because they haven't learnt how to study because they scored high in tests
As a nurse, that's 1 thing I don't do, I'll tell you, this is going to hurt..this will be uncomfortable. I find that my patients handle what I'm doing much better than they do with nurses that say this wont hurt a bit. I take the time to explain exactly what I'm going to do before I do it.
It's also a way to be autistic-friendly. We need to know what is about to happen, how much it will hurt, and how long it will last. It can make the difference and prevent a meltdown. As an autistic who also happens to have a chronic illness that requires lots of needles, I'd like to thank you for your way of speaking to your patients.
It's PTSD-friendly too! I love when medical providers take the time to explain things and they tell me what they're doing before and as they're doing it. It helps me feel more involved in the process instead of at the mercy of some stranger that has complete control over my body.
As a chronically ill person who ends up in the hospital frequently, I really appreciate that. I hate when I’m going to get an IV or a nasal swab for covid or the flu and being told it won’t hurt. You’re literally about to stick a needle in me and shove a swab so far up my nose my brain tickles, yes it’s going to hurt/be extremely uncomfortable.
Idk if you'll see this but I think it could also be a good idea to ask if they want it explained. Bc for me when I have work done I close my eyes and dissoate and when they explain it it freaks me out more bc I become hyperaware
Thank you Molly for talking about your medical anxiety. That cognitive dissonance of both being overwhelmed with anxiety, and knowing its not a logical reaction. What I find frustrating sometimes is having others (including medical personelle) trying to convince me to calm down, and that there is nothing to be anxious about. I'm like "I KNOW but this is happening anyways and you are not helping."
I've been struggling lately because most of my coping mechanisms have been taken away due to Covid. I have an extreme phobia of needles and typically end up with panic attacks during blood draws and vaccines. I need someone there with me to calm me down and just talk to me when it starts, but because I'm not a minor and don't have a caregiver, I can't. I almost passed out my last blood draw due to panic (and the incompetence of the phlebotomist who couldn't fathom a place where I could lay down during or after the draw). I am desperately hoping that I can get the Johnson & Johnson vaccine so I don't have to deal with the massive amounts of anxiety I'd have before a second dose. Medical personelle have such a varied response to those with medical anxiety. Some are completely understanding and patient. Others don't care at all and get irritated or refuse to accommodate.
@@ash_rock I relate so hard. I recently had to go into a hospital for an exam, and I was getting stressed out bc I was lost and I couldn't read the signs. I asked a couple administrators for help and they were both so rude to me that I nearly had a panic attack five minutes before I was meant to see the doctor. If my mum had been with me, she could have read for me and helped keep me calm.
I have a minor needle phobia. I get very anxious whenever I need a shot or blood draw. I have gotten better over the years but just last month had one of my worst episodes because the nurse refused to believe that it was a phobia for me. I am always upfront about my anxiety around needles and when I assured her that I don't pass out, she told me "there's a first time for everything. I had someone pass out on me earlier today". When I told her that I needed to think of something to distract myself she kept interrupting me to say "oh you just need to breath" I told her that wasn't good enough and she kept insisting it would be. By the end we needed to pull in a different phlebotomist who knew me and even then I was so freaked out I kept jerking my arm back involuntarily. I was almost in tears by the end of it. Also, I know it's not going to hurt. I am not afraid of the pain. I know it's not logical but just stop telling me you are using a tiny needle and it won't hurt. It doesn't help.
@@rebeccajesse4604 "Also, I know it's not going to hurt. I am not afraid of the pain. I know it's not logical but just stop telling me you are using a tiny needle and it won't hurt. It doesn't help." This exactly! For me, the part that causes me mental distress is the knowledge that things are being added or removed from my body. I can know that it is perfectly safe and even good for me, but my brain doesn't care. It still triggers the panic response. I also had been getting significantly better... until my last blood draw as well. I really hope that experience doesn't end up setting me back on the process of reducing my phobia.
I was looking for someone else who would articulate this. Like no people don't offer to pray that we'll be fixed, but we still get unsolicited comments all the time.
I was one of those “sickly” kids. I had a lot of underlying conditions that were undiagnosed at the time. The office staff at the school always rolled their eyes at me. I will never forget being in the 5th grade and it was a “fun” day right before Christmas break. I went to the office saying my mom needed to be called because I didn’t feel right. The receptionist slammed her hand on the desk, stood up, and yelled “Dammit (my name), today is a fun day. You will go back to class right now.” So, I went back class...where I proceeded to throw up all over my class room floor. My teacher was furious at the receptionist. As was my mom. My mom really learned, as she puts it, her listening lesson. I told her on the way to school that I really didn’t feel good, but because I didn’t have a fever she told me to try and if it got worse I could always call from the office. She didn’t make that mistake again!
This happened to me as a kid too! My mom sent me to school and I had a horrible stomachache but she insisted I would be okay because I didn’t have a fever. Threw up in the computer lab during first period, got sent to the office where the admins there were annoyed my mom had sent me to school when I didn’t feel well. My mom felt terrible obviously afterwards and never made that mistake again.
@@ameliesayshola8854 I’m sorry you feel my pain. I will say in my mom’s defense, I just told her I didn’t feel good, and at that point in my life I said that a lot. 😂
My mom always made me go to school if I felt able to and if I couldn’t to call her. For me it always went pretty well since the nurses trusted me. I had one nurse however that literally told me “I don’t believe you, if you don’t feel well you wouldn’t have come in today so it can’t be bad enough to go home”. What? As if people can’t get sicker/become sick as the day goes on.
I get this all the time as an adult because, with having an autoimmune disorder, I literally wake up every day not knowing how I’m going to feel. No matter what I do when I’m having a rough day I get crap for it. If I call in sick, the I get “but you were fine yesterday.” Yes I was and now today I’m not. Or if I come in, “why would you come in sick?”
@@carolinamurtha3102 I literally just made plans with my mom, for Wednesday, tonight, and she said, “Well, we’ll plan on Wednesday, but it’s okay if things change by then.” So, I totally feel you.
Medical trauma is horrible. My disabilities were not apparent as child but my mother died of cancer when I was 11. I still can't enter a hospital without a reaction. When I had surgery I took anti anxiety meds and my sister was able to advocate on my behalf.
Yeah, I’ve had medical anxiety for most of my life and I couldn’t figure out why, and just recently I’ve started to unpack how much it is probably because of the trauma of my dad dying of cancer when I was 4. The super fun part of trauma acquired that young is that so much of it is subconscious and hard to unpack.
The best part was the time I went to get birth control and when I said I had zero family history of high blood pressure she said “well somebody is obviously LYING TO YOU because your blood pressure measured high and you’re thin and young.” I tried to explain that I was just anxious and she didn’t understand.
@@bibliophilecb hello! Sorry if this is unsolicited advice but I have cptsd and specifically medical trauma, EMDR has really helped me a lot with unpacking all the subconscious memories from a pre-verbal age
Personally as someone with PTSD, I have realized that ptsd doesn't care if its rational or not. It just cares if your safe and will make you react to your safety in ways that aren't rational as a defense mechanism.
totally, I don't have ptsd specifically but anxiety/panic disorders can be so frustrating because usually you KNOW it's irrational but it doesn't stop how your body reacts in the moment
Or if it THINKS you are safe. For someone else you might seem safe, but PTSD may disagree. I have a friend whose one trigger is washing dishes by hand. It makes her ptsd + dissociation disorder kick in.
Yes, absolutely yes. I got my vaccine today and I completely over reacted. I know it's safe, I have been reading probably a book worth of information on how it works, side effects, etc etc. My subconscious however was terrified for some reason, so I have severe back cramps to the point that I can hardly walk, which started yesterday. I only ever have that as a reaction to stress, but it makes no sense on a rational level. I feel almost nothing from the vaccine btw, only my arm muscle is hurting, just like it does after every other vaccine.
I was over 30 before meeting a deaf person (but then we spent some 2-3 weeks together). I have still not met anyone blind IRL... I have known perhaps one or two persons in a wheelchair (I do not count seeing someone one the street as meeting them). It is actually really easy to not meet disabled persons, even if you do absolutely nothing to avoid it.
The praying for your healing thing always reminds me... I had a biology teacher who lost a finger, and when he was at the emergency room, a lady came up to him and said "pray to God and your finger will grow back!"
ok this is totally unrelated to this video, but in Molly's video Jessica said "my body is useless, but at least I'm gay!" I want merch with this quote on it. I want mugs and shirts, and stickers. I want everything. this is one of the best lines I have heard in my life. because I am gay, and while my body isn't totally useless (by knee has been an evil little poop nugget recently but other than that my body is fine) I have been using my gayness to get through this pandemic so this line just spoke to my soul. please. Jessica I am begging you. this line is just *chef's kiss* perfect! please. please. please, please, please, please please. pleeeeeeeeeeeease!!!!!!!!!!!
Sometimes, teachers do try but parents, understandably, deny that there might be something going on with their kids :/ for some reason instead of thinking about how to help the kid they seem to hear 'you're doing something wrong' or 'your kid is not normal'
yep, I have ADHD and I have always been struggling with social interactions. And as an undiagnosed kid my mom used to say to me, "you should behave more like this instead, otherwise people might think you're not normal".
Yes - my mom is a special education teacher and she frequently talks about how many students struggle without the assistance they need because of parents being in denial about their children's diagnoses and symptoms. This is largely a result of all the stigma placed on these diagnoses in the first place. If we worked to destigmatize them, there would be way more parents willing to accept the necessary aids for their children.
My elementary school teacher took months to realise that I actually couldn't read but memorized everything up until that point... Dyslexia diagnosis by 3rd grade 😅
@@fionafiona1146 I've heard other people have done that when they are little. Teachers are not mind readers and kids are clever, you must have a great memory. I bet you were doing your best not to be discovered and it totally makes sense, we're in a society that demands everyone be the same and if that's not the case you're usually cast aside.
I’m so glad you two touched on the ptsd subject because I feel like it’s not talked about enough. I was born completely able bodied with no medical issues but my mom has gotten some disastrous medical issues as she’s gotten older and after seeing her fight for her life on life support for like 6 months, I developed ptsd from medical trauma and I go through a lot of those same things. Physically could not love this collab more! Xoxo
My sister has a similar problem. Our grandparents have ended up hospitalized (and some have passed) and she absolutely cannot go into a hospital room and know who’s on the bed without panicking. Thank god our family understands and doesn’t force her.
My brother-in-law is quadriplegic and he always gets people reaching out "laying on hands" on him in random locations to "heal" him. Or people thinking he is mentally disabled, and speaking to him in really offensively slow baby talk. He is in his late 30's, working for the FBI and completed college ON HIS OWN. He drives himself to school and work, he volunteers at the VA Hospital and is an amazingly supportive spose to my sister. Disabled isn't UNable.
my mother has a genetic chronic illness (cystic fibrosis) and i have mental, learning, and neurological disabilities, including but not limited to ASD, depression, and anxiety. it’s irritating that people don’t take invisible disabilities seriously.. loved this video!!
I think that what people working in the medical field need to remember is that when you're a patient, during a consultation you're being brought to a state of physical vulnerability, firstly because the doctor is in a position of power and you're in the position of a child, without a say in the methods, but then also because you realize your body isn't perfect and it will decay and nothing can really be done about that... And it's not a pleasant thought. I hate going to the doctor even for small things because I like to live in my head and I don't like being brought to the physical reality of my vulnerable human body aha
I get a lot of, "you don't act like a blind person, so you aren't blind, stop trying to take advantage!" 😡 Edit: grammar and autocorrect assassination.
I had my second dose of vaccine yesterday, and today, I feel like I have flu with fever, soreness, and so on. This is the best gift the universe could come up with to uplift my spirit. Your two videos combined are almost an hour of pure gold content. Thank you from the bottom of my heart and sore bones 💙
Wow opposite! I am learning disabled, but the school kept thinking it was because I couldn't see. Nope, I'm just clumsy and am more comfortable holding books really close to my face.
I have the same Molly eye disease and was diagnosed when I was 6. When she talked about PTSD that made a lot of sense to me, I struggle with the same think but no one gave ever told this was actually due to all the medical stress i ve been to, thanks to talking about it, it was really important to me, definitely bring to my best therapy session haha
I’m still in my diagnostic process (we love being 5 years in without a comprehensive diagnosis) and I really needed this today. Thank you both for sharing your journeys!!
That thing Molly said about her teachers' influencing in her diagnoses really got to me... as a teacher I always felt torn over mentioning things I observed in my students that I though might need attention, like a kid who never did the reading assignments, I though he might need glasses, but didn't know how to say anything... and then it turned out he needed really thick glasses
As a medical student, I immensely appreciate the perspective I gain from hearing y'all's stories. Hopefully I can be a better doctor to my future patients.
Omg, 14:30 is exactly what I've been trying to tell people for years! I'm legally blind and I get the "you don't look blind" comment all the time and people genuinely don't get how insulting that is. I always reply with "Okay, what does blind look like?" and the answers are always the most horrible and unrealistic stereotypes followed by "You should take it as a compliment!", I just don't get why people are so freaking insensitive on this topic but if I commented on their weight or style, or hair that way they'd be enraged. They can change their weight/hair/style/appearance, I can't change my genetic disabilities, so whose comment is really worthless?
I feel that. I always get the "But you seem to smart to be mentally ill." and I hate it, because it contains two harmfull stereotypes wrapped in one insulting attempt at a compliment. It implies intelligent people can not suffer from mental illness and worse it implies that mentally ill people are stupid and both of those ideas are bigoted and completely detached from reality
The comments around representing the community really hit home for me. I'm experiencing hearing loss, and I'm a gay woman, and I've never really found a place in either the deaf/HOH community or the LGBTQ community until recently. Jessica and Claudia definitely helped me become more confident in my identity. And Molly, of course, is just awesome. Thank you for an amazing collab!!
Jessica's videos helped my sister get diagnosed with Eds.. I kept helping and pushing with her to get to the right doctor who was like 👍💯 this is eds how has no one caught this yet!
great conversation! i feel like i learned a lot :) i do wanna add on to what molly said about "cures" though, people ABSOLUTELY do try to ""pray away" fatness, and share their oh so amazing miracle cures / snake oil diets, and they don't recognize that it's shitty at all, because when it does come from a good place, it's usually told with the mindset of "oh i'm just worried for your health" which ties into ableism, because of the assumption that fatness is always a thing that will lead to (insert every possible health issue) and that every one of a persons health issues or disabilities will disappear if they just lose weight.
I will admit several years ago when I found this channel and Molly as well I was very unexposed. I had never heard a deaf person with such a clear speaking voice or met a blind person who was into fashion. And it’s so clear now how and why these things can and do exist but they’re not shown in media, people are underexposed. As I’ve begun my own disability journey with my undiagnosed chronic pain I’ve learned how unintentionally ableist I was, and often with the best of intentions. Which is why channels like these are so valuable, not only to the people who share their experiences (as finding a community is invaluable) but to people who don’t. It’s an unfortunately rare view into real people’s lives. So thank you both so much for everything you do. Lots of love to you both and stay safe. 💚
Thank you, Jessica and Molly! I am disabled myself (mild cerebral palsy) and I have also experienced adults brushing off my disability (they saw it as laziness, an excuse etc.) It can be really difficult. I'm doing my PhD in creative writing and disability studies now, so I'm reading a lot about disabilities I didn't have much knowledge of previously, but also about our history- the eugenics, the institutions, all of that. It's been incredibly draining and upsetting to read. I read about the Ashley Treatment recently, which I won't go into here, but I wondered if you knew about it? I have to keep reminding myself to take breaks and step away from it for a bit so I don't spiral, and your content is so uplifting and affirming that it helps! ❤
Thank you for talking about the anxiety about your disability. I haven’t been diagnosed with PTSD, but I have the same anxiety with my disability. Anytime I’m being taken care of and I get hurt, I get an anxiety attack. When my chronic pain gets really bad, I start crying. Even though my pain is chronic, I am terrified of being hurt more.
I'VE HAD THAT SO MANY TIMES. Like the "You don't seem......." or the "you don't act/sound like....." which is just??????? HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU DON'T HAVE IT AND I DO????? btw Thank you Jessica for collabing with Molly so I can follow her.
What Molly said at 10:37 hits so close to home! In the months before I was diagnosed with anxiety, I knew my fears were irrational but that didn't stop me from having panic attacks. And it was awful having people speak as if I were a "lunatic" when I'd tell them "I know this isn't real, I don't need you to tell me that, I need a different sort of help". I hardly ever see people mention that, I'm glad Molly did
I really wanna know how Jessica does her hair like that with no feeling in her hands and limited functionality in her wrists because I feel like I’ve been at the gym for a whole hour if I even attempt a braid tbh
@@johndododoe1411 It's because you have to hold your arms up to reach your hair lol, and if you suck at braids like me then that means holding your arms up for way too long
The part about how social media helps so much people who are marginalized find a community resonated a lot with me! Social media has helped me so much to understand my anxiety and other aspects of mental illness that I never would have known otherwise!
Oh yes I recently came to terms with the fact that I think I may be agoraphobic I never understood what all my symptoms meant I had just thought it was my anxiety disorder & ptsd , I have yet to get officially diagnosed with COVID and everything going on but I had a talk with my family about it. Luckily they understood and believed me they had already thought I might be they just didn’t know the name of it,
Molly, I especially appreciate your discussion about your PTSD vs logic. It’s so important to bring awareness to the fact that mental illness is mentionable and manageable, but it doesn’t always follow logical pathways. I can’t even count the number of times someone has told me to just “get over” my panic attacks.
11:20 I really hate this. Medical professionals will tell me all the time "It's ok, I know what I'm doing, I won't hurt you, you can trust me" and then wonder why I don't stop panicking. Like yeah, that's because basically those exact words came out of a doctor's mouth minutes before she traumatized me leading to worsening PTSD. She'd also told me she would never do what my previous doc did (aka the doctor who gave me PTSD in the first place) and then proceeded to literally do the exact same thing. Hmmm, I can't imagine why I don't trust those words.
Marvel wishes their crossovers were this iconic Real talk though, I'm so glad Molly talked about her PTSD. I'd never considered that the psychological stress of disability/chronic illness could manifest as PTSD. It's such a valuable perspective to hear as a med student, and they really don't teach us about this stuff in med school.
I love when they brought up the word “hear” and “see” and how they can be used! I study languages and one of them is sign language :) When you are communicating to a non native English speaker you have to realize that the translation for “I see” and “I heard” isn’t actually looking with your eyes or seeing something, “See” becomes ‘understand’ and “heard” becomes ‘to know’. The English language can be very difficult for some people because they certain phrases literal. Sign language has helped me not be so wordy and to make my speech clearer and easier to understand while speaking :)
It was nice to hear people I look up to talk about PTSD surrounding medical situations. We are OSDD and have PTSD because of the fact that we had to go through surgeries since being a baby and it heavily messed with us. We personally had to deal with a doctor tell us we were lucky to only be depressed and anxious after what we went through(we weren't diagnosed or aware of the PTSD and each other). Which ended up setting us back in the long run on accepting we have PTSD.
I really love the discussion around learning disabilities and how seriously the conversation was tackled. Often those with learning disability get watered down and not taken seriously I think it’s ablism to use the term “learning difficulties” as a difficulty is something to be fixed and this is a disability that effects everything I do my memory my temperament how I function
I was fan of molly for years and recently found Jess so I was so happy to see them colab together it just reaffirmed that fact that I had found a lovely creator.
The thing about not being able to communicate with able bodied adults is exactly why I always listen to my daughter straight away. It took me my entire life for anyone to listen to me, so I always listen to children and advocate for them.
Just echoing the others saying thanks for the medical trauma discussion. I've finally been diagnosed with anxiety after dealing with it since I was a teenager. I realise now that a big part of it is medical trauma now that I know that's a thing, but it's so hard for me to accept/deal with it because it's not "official". I'm trying to get therapy for it but until then just hearing others talk about it makes me feel so much better and less alone!
I'm an ESL teacher, I have ADHD, EDS and I'm on the spectrum. Sometimes it sucks but when I can help my students by understanding them because of my struggles it feels like it's worth something. If you're a teacher, be compassionate, even at uni level I've had teachers not understand any of my needs and even argue against them to the point they had me in tears. Thank you for this wonderful collab.
As someone who works in education thank you so much for raising the issue of how crucial teachers can be in helping or harming a neurodivergent or disabled student's experiences. It really made me aware of the important role I play in advocating for each child and actually taking the time to listen to what they tell us - children's concerns and what they say about their bodies are real and valid
Thank you so much for this, it was a delight to watch! I agree so much with the bit about being told 'it doesn't hurt' when it will. Even as someone who does not have an extensive medical history, I now do not believe any medical professional when they say that. It always hurts. ALWAYS. Sometimes less than other times, but if you stick a pointy thing far enough into my arm for it to bleed, I would be more concerned if it DIDN'T hurt. Dear medical professionals, please allow people, including children, to be brave enough to know it will/might hurt and do it anyway. Don't gaslight us, even if you mean well.
Jessica, your hair is fabulous! I love this! Thank you for this video. It's so important to listen to our children when they tell us something is wrong.
I wonder if Martina from Eat Your Kimchi/Simon and Martina would be willing to chat with you, she also has EDS and has talked about her life with it on YT. I don't mean to veer off track from this wonderful interview but the thought popped into my head while watching it and I wanted to get it out before I forgot.
I remember, in grade school, constantly going to the nurse because my stomach hurt. The nurse told my mom that she thought it was just anxiety. This was partially true, one of my friends had just died of cancer and my grandmother had just passed, both when I was about 8. But I have MAJOR upper digestive tract issues that weren't diagnosed until I was in my 20s. When I was 9-10ish, I started experiencing my first visual hallucinations. I don't remember ever NOT having auditory hallucinations, but I thought everyone heard things. I finally got up the courage to tell my mom when I was 11-12ish, and she just mocked and made fun of me. I finally got her to take me to a psychiatrist when I was 13, who told me I had a somatoform disorder and restless leg syndrome. I don't have either of those things. I have CPTSD, generalized and social anxiety, clinical depression, and schizophrenia, among other psychiatric illnesses. I've been told that I have an eating disorder- specifically bulimia when in reality I have gastroparesis and cyclical vomiting syndrome. I was told that my heart problems were purely from anxiety when I have a serious heart defect that is potentially fatal. I've been told that I fake my seizures when I have brain damage from a terrible head injury as a child that left me with multiple, rare forms of epilepsy. I was told that I was faking not being able to walk because it was too painful. I was told I was faking my back pain when in reality I had survived an attempt on my life that left me with a hairline fracture in one of my vertebrae and multiple herniated discs. I was told FOR YEARS that I was malingering in order to obtain prescription opiates- even though I have had multiple friends die from opiate overdoses, both intentionally and unintentionally, and that opiates terrify me. In reality, I had developed the most severe pain disorder known to medicine called CRPS. I still suffer with it to this day and it requires me to take opiates daily, for which I experience constant stigma both from other people and from medical "professionals". I've never met anyone with a disability or serious illness that doesn't have medical trauma. I almost died in 2018 after vomiting blood for over a week after my esophagus ruptured, as it's pretty much all scar tissue because of stomach acid. I absolutely refused to go to the hospital. I had a stroke in February of this year (I'm only 31, there's no real decent answer as to why I had one). Instead of going to the hospital, I took a couple Xanax and went back to bed. I'm now blind in my left eye and have motor function issues on the left side of my body. Medical trauma isn't just painful in terms of trauma, but it's incredibly dangerous in that many people with medical trauma refuse to visit certain doctors, specialists, or the ER despite how much danger they're in. For me, I refuse to deal with the ER. I've experienced so much hate, mockery, name-calling, even straight-up physical abuse from the doctors and nurses there. I remember I got drugged at a drag bar that I was at with my best friend. I was only just relearning how to walk at that time and had a fentanyl patch on to help manage the CRPS pain and the pain from the atrophy in my legs. I remember falling out of my wheelchair, and that's it. Apparently, I was laid out on the sidewalk outside the bar with my best friend watching over me, waiting for the paramedics to arrive. I woke up briefly in the ambulance when they ripped off my fentanyl patch. It's such a vital thing that I NEEDED to have on, so I feel like a part of me became alarmed and panicked which brought me back to consciousness. Didn't matter though, because after yelling "What the hell are you doing? I need that!" they injected me with some sort of sedative and I passed back out. I woke up in the ER. What woke me up was a painful snap in my finger. A male nurse was standing above me and was pushing my fingers and wrist backward as hard as he could. He had this sadistic smile on his face. I think he thought I was some drug addict or drunk and wouldn't remember, or if I did, wouldn't be credible enough to the police. I immediately sat up and screamed bloody murder. Then I pointed at every nurse I could see and yelled "This man just assaulted me and broke my fingers! And you're a witness, you're a witness, you're a witness, and you're a witness!". God, it still makes me so angry. Security pulled me out of my bed, and I guess he thought I was dragging my feet because I couldn't walk without crutches or canes, so he just pulled me by my torso (nearly ripping out my PICC line) into the lobby and threw me into the arms of my two best friends. I tried so hard to press charges. But I couldn't get the bloody nurse's name.
This video made me think about how a lot of people who get labeled as weird, eccentric, freaks, etc tend to have a certain kinship with other people who have had that experience even of they don't necessarily belong to the same community. For example, I'm neurodivergent and queer and have been called weird or "unique" since I was very young and I find that it has made me feel close to the disabled community and poc even tho I don't belong to those groups simply because I know our experiences have similarities and if someone can understand me, it would be them. I know many of my friends feel the same and I find this phenomena very interesting. Food for thought I suppose.
Molly, the PTSD from medical trauma can be treated over time. When I was 3-4 years old in China, I tripped and cracked my head open. In China there are still a lot of paranoia surrounding opioid use and painkiller use from the Opium wars, so the use of painkillers isn't a normal widespread practice in China. That night, in the ER, I was held down by 4-5 male nurses and my mom while the doctor gave me 4 stitches on my head. No anesthesia of any kind. I had PTSD from that ever since not only as nightmares, but whenever I had to get a shot, or even go to the hospital. At age 20, I had to get hormone pills, and that requires a blood test once a year, sometimes twice a year. Over time, it desensitized me to the hospital, needles, and getting shots. Now I can even watch as the nurse sticks the needle into my arm to draw blood. It can be treated, it just takes time. :)
My grandmother had severe medical trauma and was terrified of doctors. When she was very young, like maybe 4 or 5, her parents invited a friend who was a doctor over for dinner. My grandmother started choking on her food. This was before they invented the heimlich maneuver and the doctor wasn't able to get the food out of her airway, so he had to do an emergency tacheostomy with household objects (they do this on TV a lot with a pen or straw). So that doctor actually saved her life, but gave her a life-long phobia of doctors. She ultimately died of cancer in her 80s, which is a good long life but it might have been longer except she refused treatment because of the medical trauma of having a doctor cut her throat open while fully conscious as a little girl.
I'm not fully deaf or fully blind but I do have low vision and hearing and going through childhood was definitely difficult. Especially the feeling of being othered. I remember having to put my chair a few feet from the whiteboard so I could take notes while everyone else was sitting in their normal seats. The teachers thankfully knew I was just low sighted and didn't have learning disabilities when I was in grade school. But when I got to college unfortunately the professors were much less understanding. It became incredibly frustrating to have to defend myself constantly, even though I was an adult by that point. One teacher actually told me, "I don't give special treatment" when I asked for an extension on homework since it took me so much longer to be able to do anything - low vision makes things harder to do. I was so frustrated by her that I had to go to my school's disability center and have special papers printed that COMMANDED her to accommodate me. And even then she refused. So the disability department had to intervene again and threaten to cite her with violating my rights as a disabled person for her to finally comply. It's a never ending set of walls that you have to break through but it does make your stronger and more resilient in the long run.
Really enjoyed this. I learned a lot and also identified with a lot of it. Regarding women online -- I get told sometimes by viewers that I'm pretty. I'm a guitar teacher. None of the male teachers on TH-cam get told they're handsome. Also, I have a lazy eye and get told all the time that I don't look like I'm legally blind in one eye, as if I'm lying to them. Oh and one more thing -- I get migraines and you can't imagine the crazy-assed advice I've received. On second thought, I'll bet you can.
I love seeing this, I been told I may be blind at age of 24 because my eyes are just in a really bad state (told by the age of 8 ) , and I had a friend (the librarian of my school) who is like 70% deaf, and we used to talk about of how I have my hearing more, like in deep, and she explained to me colors and shapes that my reach it's out, and this sounds so much like those conversations and it's just soo comforty for me, because people with problems understand people with other problems (being deaf for my friend, and me my really poor vision) and I think it's amazing that the community can talk about their own experiences and tell some suggestions for each other, but its also soo sad that we get so turned down bcs we don't look like we have something, it's just so frustrating (I didn't write disabled bcs my friend doesn't use the term for herself and I respect her choice, and I don't use the term disable for myself, just because my only thing is having a really, really, poor vision and don't want to offend anyone )
Molly's story at 10:47 hit me hard I had cancer when i was still an infant, and I've heard stories of some of this things that had to happen to help and I realize now that, even though I can't remember it, it probably plays a big part in my fear of doctors and medical settings. I have current disabilities(potentially also due to that) and the thought of going to a doctor to even try to get help terrifies me
I have quite a lot of invisible disabilities and this community is so vast now it's extremely helpful. For me and for our progression in our world in general. I'm very grateful 😊
I've been long term followers of both of you for years and this video made me cry. I got really emotional. I'm Bipolar and I have PTSD and a bunch of other comorbid mental illnesses. I struggle a lot with finding representation, being my authentic self, and dealing with people who try to cure me or don't want to accept my disability as a part of me. I too also have medical anxiety that stems from doctors lying to me when I was really young as well, even though I was fairly healthy. But now it makes everything I need to do for my health so much harder. I'm looking forward to a society where disabled people have more power and can make changes to the ways things are done. The older I get the more community I build with fellow disabled people and wow does it really help. I love both of you so much and every video I watch brings me a warm feeling. I know we are all just interacting at a distance, but my life is better because of your all's videos. I hope you know that
I just found your channel thru Molly, I’ve followed her for years, but I’m so glad you collaborated. I have EDS, POTS, Mast Cell Activation, Cranial Cervical Instability, medical PTSD, anxiety, and ADHD. I started having joints issues at 12 years old, tried to get medical treatment at age 14 but Drs dismissed it as ‘growing pains’ and I was told I would grow out of it. I spinal cord surgery at 22. Chronic pain, more dismissals, finally got my diagnosis at age 26 when I specifically asked the Drs to look into EDS. I’m 35 yrs old, 14 surgeries with my next 3 already planned. Weekly osteopath visits so I’m not curled in a ball crying. I’m in pain every minute of every day and I will be for the rest of my life. When I yawn my jaw dislocates, coughing can pop my ribs out. You’d never know looking at me because I don’t remember what it’s like to not be in pain, I’m so use to it. I can function at a pain level most people can’t even fathom. Drs are so dismissive and don’t believe I could possibly know anything. I told the anesthesiologist over and over that IV’s in my wrist or the back of my hand will blow. He said it’s his job and he knows what he’s doing. As soon as the sedative was injected it blew and I had fire ripping thru my arm. I didn’t get enough sedation to go to sleep and I started to struggle, I felt the nurses holding me down as they tried to get another IV started, it I couldn’t speak. When the surgery was over and they brought me out of sedation I woke up screaming. It was horrific. I can pop my own hip back in place daily. But the second I see a nurse look at my wrist to draw blood, because all of my other veins suck, I have a panic attack.
I started to lose my hearing six months ago (I’m 22) and I have never heard it said better. It does feel like you’re disappearing. It’s not immediately clear that you can’t hear people, it feels like you can’t reach people and they can’t reach you. Even now that I know it’s my hearing (47% hearing left) it’s still extremely scary sometimes!
I had a very similar experience as you ladies too. I'm Hard of Hearing. I lost some hearing in my right ear that went undiagnosed for a very long time. I kept telling my doctor and my parents that I couldn't hear right. It was hard to get across what I was experiencing as a child when I was repeatedly told I "was fine". My parents were hugely supporting though, they took me to the back to our doctor and really advocated for me. I went to the Canadian Hearing Society and and Ear Nose Throat Specialist. This also became a battle for advocating for my hearing needs as a young person. My ENT told me I didn't need hearing aids because my hearing loss was not that bad. I did get one eventually, but I also get the "your too young to have a hearing aid". I'm a nurse now, and I try to remember these experiences when I care for my patients. You ladies are a good reminder that health care practitioners need to remain humble and empathetic throughout our practice.
I have severe hearing loss in one of my ears, I'm now 25 and just now on the waitlist for a bone anchored hearing aid, and I've never received treatment before, because my parents and doctors tested me at a young age and then I wasn't retested when I was older and continued to say that something was wrong in my hearing. This was a lovely story to hear, it was very validating, thank you.
You guys actually made me understand something today; why I get so frustrated and impatient with vets when they keep saying "oh it's ok we don't think there's anything major wrong with your pet", and I'm standing there like "No, they have symptoms, they are not ok and you need to figure out why!" Because as a kid I felt like I was constantly in and out of hospital/clinic/whatever and I don't want my poor babies to have to go through that stress. Figure it out, dummies! That's what I pay you for! Not to tell me "calming" half-truths!
So many heartbreaking and beautiful anecdotes in this conversation. You are both amazing people. I love your willingness to share and be honest about your experiences. The end bit about having to edit yourselves with words like "see" and "hear" was very illuminating. My grandmother's retina detached when my dad was in highschool. I've only every known her blind. It was my normal and when my grandpa (her husband) lost his hearing we didn't question it either. They would say "see" or "hear" or "I read____" "I was listening to so-and-so". I never questioned their vocabulary. Yes I knew their vision and hearing were compromised but we use a common words and phrases to communicate. Why should a blind or deaf person have to change their speaking patterns to make someone else feel "comfortable' or avoid questioning? I guess I was lucky to grow up in a family where disability was the norm and we just loved each other ❤️
thoroughly enjoyable and totally relatable! my wife and I were at a theatre and were told by an ignorant young employee that we couldn't buy the handicapped seats. Oh my goodness I was livid! I hadn't faced that public humiliation prior to that encounter, so, of course I gave her a lesson on unseen disabilities. I also requested her manager to coach her on this subject matter. LOL I noticed the lack of accommodations in the UK while living in Surrey for 5 years! I had to try to walk up a very steep staircase to reach an employment center, in heels! There were so many storefronts lacking accessibility for the differently abled people such as myself. Thank you for discussing and bringing social awareness to our community and the world!
i really appreciate people addressing how social media is not just *Bad* and nothing else, i've been telling people for forever that if you follow the right people then your experience can be so much better. of course you won't be spared all of the terrible things that do give the internet a bad rap, but just following the right people makes a huge difference! also, if you don't want to unfollow someone bc say they're your friend or whatever you can always just mute their posts! that way it doesn't show up in your feed but you're still following them.
You're both strong, beautiful (inside and out) women and I love that I found you, Jessica, through Molly. I love seeing strong women working together and lifting each other up
![Who's going to be a better mum?! [CC]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/_xwECYd6qss/mqdefault.jpg)
This was so fun.
Thanks for joining me Molly, you are a delight! I'm looking forward to doing this again xx
Love both of your channels! I’m so glad that this collab happened ♥️
Molly, are you from Toronto?
Great to see Molly on your channel again! I've been following Molly on YT and Twitter for a while and she always posts the prettiest outfits! So similar to Jess, who wears the prettiest dresses! You two make me smile. Thanks.
Loved this. Please continue to collaborate in the future. Having both of your perspectives make it so enriching. With Molly talking about medical PTSD it made me realize that I've been experiencing it unknowingly ever since my brain tumor diagnosis. Thank you for enlightening all of us while adding much needed representation on this platform
“There’s no amount of fish oil that will revive these retinas” I want to cross-stitch that on a pillow.
Lol, Molly totally needs to make this into a quote and put it on her merchandise.
10/10, would buy a t-shirt
@@sullendragon8900 me too.
Etsy ahoy!
SpeckOfDignity Totally! Right! or that... "eat your carrots so you can see better in the dark" Clearly that didn't help for your IQ - just switxh on the light!!!
It's so frustrating how teachers punish deaf and blind students- I'm neither, but my nephew was constantly punished for being "too loud". As it turns out, he not only struggles with tone because he's autistic, but he's also hearing impaired and DOESN'T KNOW how loud he's being. I love him so much and it's so frustrating to see that teachers are upset with him :-//
Bit of a sweeping statement
@@shellcharles3633 sorry, could you explain what you mean by that?
@@shellcharles3633 If you'd like a sweeping statement how about how most teachers who teach 1-5th grades often have trouble giving children the benefit of the doubt. While I recognize people are just doing their best teachers in Grade(/elementary) school have a very lasting impact. The two people in this video had the strength/support to not internalize teachers doing a bad. From my experience of having dyslexia and dysgraphia, it is very easy to believe teachers when they tell you A. you are just not trying hard enough and/or B. You are just not headed to higher education anyway.
I'm registered blind now but when I was in high school I was losing my sight and didn't have a diagnosis and wasn't really aware my sight was declining and I couldn't read the board at all from age 11 and dint get diagnosed till I was 17. I couldn't read the board and I asked to sit at the front and they said no got to stick to the seating plan no one can move because they ask. I just sat there and struggled and zoned out because i couldn't see at the front so I just spaced out and didn't pay attention because I felt ignored and I was very shy already so the teachers always seemed to place me near the back of the class and I was also bullied a lot and sat next to the bully boys and I had no one I could copy notes off. The teachers really made me suffer and I struggled in school. Teachers really aren't all that helpful.
Edit: oh yeah I told my teachers I couldn't see and their response was "get some hlasses" the optician told my mum I was faking it and had nothing wrong with my sight...
My heart goes out to your nephew. I have ADHD and issues with auditory processing, and I've been scolded for being loud my entire life, when more often than not, I have literally no idea how loud I'm being; to me, it's loud enough in the room that I'd need to speak that loudly to be heard, and everyone else is speaking way too quietly!
If I were to describe Jessica's voice with one word, I think I'd go with "cozy"
Her voice is so soothing. Perfect for nature documentaries and audiobooks.
I was listening and just thinking about that!
Ok, as a writer I will take this challange and try and describe Jessica's voice to her , maybe she could appreciate it. So here's how it sounds to me: her british accent is so elegant and royal, it is at times hard and "stuttering" between one word and another (not sure if i can make myself clear here) in the best of ways as standard british english sounds to me as a non english speaker, her voice is sweet and cuddly but also put together and confident, and this makes me think she will be great to listen to, when she will tell stories to her future baby, it is a bit low and throaty for a woman, and that's sexy, especially when it gets a bit raspy for a second, but it can reach very sharp notes in a singing bird very feminine way and is not as low as Claudia's, her way to speak is also very elegant and classy and i think it matches her vintage style cause it sounds like she knows bon-ton and her social place, it sounds both spontaneous (especially when she laughs) and controlled at the same time. there always an inquisitive and curious hint to it. it is formal in a way where i could imagine her talking to the manager of a luxury law firm as their secretary in chief about important metters, i could also imagine her as a tv news speaker or an old ages duchess welcoming her guests to a ball or a teacher explaining lessons to her kids in a definite, ultimate way where they can not mess it up later or say that they didn't know the rules. I love how open her vowels are, it almost feels like her throat stretches to where she can physically feel it to be tense, when she pronounces them, and i love it, very british as well. Her s and t and d to me again as a foreigner that listens to a brit, sound very sweet and glam as if t and d where a mix with the s, almost a z. I think she sounds very positive and almost thrilled when she speaks, always joyful and excited but also very calm and serene, even when she is talking about unpleasent stuff. She sounds polite, or better said: kind, cause she sounds like she really cares, and mature, someone who already knows who she is very well and you can't tell her otherwise. Sometimes I just enjoy listening to her speak, no metter if I am interested in the topic or not, just to enjoy her voice on background as a musical thing. This is my own take on this of course and my own opinion and how i personally feel it. I hope it can be a pleasent input for her.
I'd say "British polite aristocrat lady in a café"
I would say Vintage too, in the best way possible :)
The "you are too pretty to be blind" is so reminiscent of "you don't look autistic", and I really wonder what on earth goes on in people's heads when they say these things.
It's ridiculous. I always get the "But you seem too smart too be mentally ill", but that is just not how it works.
I think people are just flustered when the stereotypes they use to navigate the world are challenged.
@@creativedesignation7880 I agree. If they’ve never met someone with a specific disability, all they have to go off of is tv shows, where things are hyper exaggerated. It’s tragic that they think that’s all there is though.
I have family members who think autism "isn't really a thing" um yes it is I am autistic I am real
Those statements make no sense because you can be attractive AND disabled. Also, it proves that they have low expectations of people with disabilties/health conditions.
This is probably the first collab with Molly I’ve seen that doesn’t just call her “Blind Girl” in the video title or use her disability as clickbait. it’s so nice to see. Jessica is such a breath of fresh air.
molly literally labels her own videos that, it’s not click bait if it’s not misleading??? she is blind??
agree to disagree
@@snowmu i mean, it's click bait. Clickbait isn't always misleading
@@snowmu I think there’s a difference between choosing to label your own videos with “blind girl”, “dead girl”, “disabled person” etc and having someone else do that to you.
On your own videos you have that control. And on your channel you’re able to put more of yourself and your identity out there. But if it’s a video by another creator (especially a business), then that’s all they’re presenting about you, if that makes sense?
If I had a channel and I chose to label a video with “wheelchair user does X”, then that’s a choice I could make, because I do have that control over my content, including being able to show more of myself than just being a wheelchair user. But if it’s a big business channel, and all they’re talking about is my disability, and I don’t control it, and they aren’t including more of who I am, then it is really rather reductive (hello alliteration!), and it’s a bit insulting, I think. If someone else is presenting me, then they should present me, not just my disability (or what we else the video might be about). Because it is zeroing in on just that one aspect, and it’s not wholistic, it’s not me, it’s just my disability, if that makes sense? Where’s if it were in my own channel, I have that ability to present myself as a whole person, even if I do use a title that is focused more on just my disability.
Molly has done a video on this. When she does collabs they come up with titles together. She allows people to put "Blind Girl" if she doesn't find it offensive, why should you?
Who else heard “guide dog” as “guy dog” and just rolled with it, cause yeah, that dog looks like a solid guy
Lolololol
I heard "guy dog" and I thought she said it like it was a male dog haha
Gallop her current dog in the pic is a boy but her first was a girl not pictured but yeah he is a solid dog he’s huge as well as being chill LoL
Yea gallop is a solid unit
Her guide dog is easily bigger than herself so he is definitely a huge solid guy on top of being a good guide dog.
Molly: These retinas are dead and gone. There's not enough fish oil in the world that's gunna revive these retinas.
I'm in stitches.
I am a straight woman, with no disability and I don't wear vintage clothes. I don't even remember how I end up watching a random video from Jessica's chanel, but I started to find the videos interesting, so I subscribed.
Watching her videos made me realise even more that you don't need to be the main audience to be engaged to the cause. It opened my mind to the world of people that I never thought existed, so I love videos like this one.
It’s exactly the same for me!
This was the same for me, but then I got diagnosed.... it had gotten worse and then I realized I’m relating too much to this and I talked to a dr about it.
Well said & the same for me!
Same here. I learnt so much
I remember how I ended here - vintage hair tutorial it was. But that really wasn't why I stayed. "Dealing with not enough spoons" was definitely one theme that made me stay.
the talk on medical anxiety after being a disabled child, my feeling all of a sudden feel valid
Yes, me too! I have horrible medical PTSD and I was wondering if she was gonna mention it or not ☺️
Same I literally started to cry because I've never heard anyone describe the feeling I feel so well and makes me sad none of family doesn't get why I overthink and get so much anxiety when it comes to medical stuff and change
yeah, i agree. people judge tf outta me when i say i don't trust doctors but when they've taken your life as expendable multiple times and refuse to listen to you over and over, you can't afford to start trusting them
I’d never given this much thought before.
I had a tooth-related medical issue as a child (caused by dental malpractice) that put me in the hospital for a while. The experience wasn’t bad enough to give me a trauma disorder, but there have still been effects on my attitudes towards the medical community. And I had the experience of not being believed about my pain for a while. I also remember being expected to keep up with schoolwork which felt impossible. I got out lucky, in the end, with no lasting life changes.
I can definitely see how ongoing, unsolved medical issues could have a lasting impact on your experience of so many institutions and relationships. Hope y’all can find peace and support.
This! I dealt with a lot of that when I was younger from having anxiety. Simple things are scary sometimes for me and the solution was "surprise her" or be dishonest about the process. It works in the moment, but it creates traumatic stress to never feel safe in a setting that's supposed to be helping you. If people can't develop a feeling of safety when they're being treated routinely, they won't feel safe seeking out help in more serious situations
Honestly, I'm not blind, I'm autistic and have pots cfs and other things, but molly's story of how she was diagnosed and teachers and ptsd and panics over 'irrational' things, not believing her and stuff is basically my story word for word. Im so close to tears now because I suddenly realised that I'm not alone, but also that others have been through what I have, so now I feel terrible for her and them
Me too. I was only diagnosed with autism late in life at 23 and the adults ignoring what I was saying played a big role for it
@@andressalopes599 1000%. I still struggle with ptsd and I can't go to college or university because of it, as if learning wasn't hard enough anyway, I'm terrified of how on earth I'm going to get a job that I can cope with and do
same, my ptsd and autism are rarely taken seriously and i've had teachers trigger me despite telling all of them at the beginning of the year that i may need trigger warning or accommodations
@@mammoneymelon Absolutely! It makes you feel inferior and unheard doesn't it? My pe teachers decided to have a thing where quote: 'if you are well enough to be in school, then you are well enough to do everything in pe' not only stupid and damaging (especially as they didn't believe you if you'd done something that day and had no magical note from your parents saying you where telling the truth. I know because this happened to me) and also that it seemed you had to be either half dead, unconscious or sick for anyone to believe you if you were ill. If people just stopped with this ageist thing of adults are always right and children are wrong then childrens lives would be so much easier, particularly disabled ones. Literally all the forces of the world seem to be against you, and by the time you've finished, you are in one of the worst mental health conditions on top of all else you had to begin with, and a really bleak future ahead
Apologies, I really had a long rant on that. It really hits me in the heart these types of things
I was three and half when my sister who was two and half was found to be legally blind. I remember our parents telling me she was blind. And I was just like um yeah. That's why I lead her everywhere. Parents are slow sometimes.
@@melz6625 Yes, we are still close. Childhood therapy improved her vision. That combined with glasses technology improvements made it possible for her to see well enough to get around with her glasses on. She even drives. With her glasses off, she cannot see well enough to find her glasses.
Knowing PTSD is not rational, but PTSD not giving a damn what you know...OMG, yes.
Yes it’s like I know it’s irrational or not big deal/ I’m not in actual danger but that doesn’t mean I can control it and just turn off my emotions. when I’m so close to crying I’m about to throw up...ugh I had an episode recently and was close to having a complete meltdown in public and the added anxiety of not being able to stop it , I ended up spilling my guts to my driver and she was able to talk me down so that by the time I was home I wasn’t shaking anymore . Poor lady but she was a blessing 😇
Same with anxiety disorders. The amount of times I've had to explain to my dad that I can't look at things logistically ATM...
Yep, it's even more fun when PTSD is triggering a rational fear of things that have happened before. I've had people try to talk me out of my "irrational fears" by telling me "What are the odds that will ever happen to you?". Seeing as it already has, 100%. It's even more fun when it's followed up with "Well it's never gonna happen twice so stop worrying". Yeah...it's happened twice.
When I was four I had my eyes dilated for the first time. I am STILL mad that no one told me that the procedure would make it so I couldn't see for awhile because when your four, you think that's forever. I thought these jerks just made everything look like it was melting forever, not for the next three hours. Lying to people just fosters mistrust regardless of age.
Totally resonated with Molly when she said people say “You’re too pretty to be blind”. I’ve been told I’m “pretty for a black girl”, so I can see how frustrating and offensive that is. It really is NOT the compliment people think it is!!!
Truly shows how low they think and expect of marginalized communities. Plus race and disability have nothing to do with attractiveness/beauty, no connection at all, so those statements don't make sense. A person can be of any race/have any condition AND be pretty.
When Molly talked about being tested for learning disabilities, it made me think of when I was diagnosed with ADHD (which I actually do have) - my kindergarten teacher wanted to hold me back because I couldn’t sit still, but the district said she couldn’t because my test scores were too high. Ironically, this put my first grade teacher on alert, so she was able to tell my parents that I needed to be tested for a learning disability because clearly, there was something happening there. And, yup, mega case of ADHD over here! Because of a really terrible teacher, a really good teacher was able to help me. I then was denied for an Individualized Education Plan because my test scores were too high, never learned how to study, and had a bunch of trouble the first couple years of college, but hey, I still graduated!
We are currently trying to figure out how to get my child evaluated because he has every sign of ADHD but high scores and only his teacher feels he needs evaluation.
too damn relatable DX
@@bellajaid I wish you the best! Just keep seeking out new people or even switch schools if need be. It’s frustrating, but unfortunately how we got my brother the best support if you’re in the US.
congrats in graduating! i relate so hard, adhd awareness and support has a loooong way to go. It's honestly shocking how no teachers i ever had picked up on my adhd and i think part of it was that i was pretty decent at the work when i actually managed to do it
This is so important. I know many people that were "smart" in school and they get to uni where they actually need to study and they can't, because they haven't learnt how to study because they scored high in tests
As a nurse, that's 1 thing I don't do, I'll tell you, this is going to hurt..this will be uncomfortable. I find that my patients handle what I'm doing much better than they do with nurses that say this wont hurt a bit. I take the time to explain exactly what I'm going to do before I do it.
It's also a way to be autistic-friendly. We need to know what is about to happen, how much it will hurt, and how long it will last. It can make the difference and prevent a meltdown. As an autistic who also happens to have a chronic illness that requires lots of needles, I'd like to thank you for your way of speaking to your patients.
It's PTSD-friendly too! I love when medical providers take the time to explain things and they tell me what they're doing before and as they're doing it. It helps me feel more involved in the process instead of at the mercy of some stranger that has complete control over my body.
A few years ago I had a doctor tell me when I was getting a shot "this will hurt about a 2" and that helped a lot, having it put into scale like that!
As a chronically ill person who ends up in the hospital frequently, I really appreciate that. I hate when I’m going to get an IV or a nasal swab for covid or the flu and being told it won’t hurt. You’re literally about to stick a needle in me and shove a swab so far up my nose my brain tickles, yes it’s going to hurt/be extremely uncomfortable.
Idk if you'll see this but I think it could also be a good idea to ask if they want it explained. Bc for me when I have work done I close my eyes and dissoate and when they explain it it freaks me out more bc I become hyperaware
Thank you Molly for talking about your medical anxiety. That cognitive dissonance of both being overwhelmed with anxiety, and knowing its not a logical reaction. What I find frustrating sometimes is having others (including medical personelle) trying to convince me to calm down, and that there is nothing to be anxious about. I'm like "I KNOW but this is happening anyways and you are not helping."
I've been struggling lately because most of my coping mechanisms have been taken away due to Covid. I have an extreme phobia of needles and typically end up with panic attacks during blood draws and vaccines. I need someone there with me to calm me down and just talk to me when it starts, but because I'm not a minor and don't have a caregiver, I can't. I almost passed out my last blood draw due to panic (and the incompetence of the phlebotomist who couldn't fathom a place where I could lay down during or after the draw). I am desperately hoping that I can get the Johnson & Johnson vaccine so I don't have to deal with the massive amounts of anxiety I'd have before a second dose.
Medical personelle have such a varied response to those with medical anxiety. Some are completely understanding and patient. Others don't care at all and get irritated or refuse to accommodate.
💯
@@ash_rock I relate so hard. I recently had to go into a hospital for an exam, and I was getting stressed out bc I was lost and I couldn't read the signs. I asked a couple administrators for help and they were both so rude to me that I nearly had a panic attack five minutes before I was meant to see the doctor. If my mum had been with me, she could have read for me and helped keep me calm.
I have a minor needle phobia. I get very anxious whenever I need a shot or blood draw. I have gotten better over the years but just last month had one of my worst episodes because the nurse refused to believe that it was a phobia for me. I am always upfront about my anxiety around needles and when I assured her that I don't pass out, she told me "there's a first time for everything. I had someone pass out on me earlier today". When I told her that I needed to think of something to distract myself she kept interrupting me to say "oh you just need to breath" I told her that wasn't good enough and she kept insisting it would be. By the end we needed to pull in a different phlebotomist who knew me and even then I was so freaked out I kept jerking my arm back involuntarily. I was almost in tears by the end of it. Also, I know it's not going to hurt. I am not afraid of the pain. I know it's not logical but just stop telling me you are using a tiny needle and it won't hurt. It doesn't help.
@@rebeccajesse4604 "Also, I know it's not going to hurt. I am not afraid of the pain. I know it's not logical but just stop telling me you are using a tiny needle and it won't hurt. It doesn't help."
This exactly! For me, the part that causes me mental distress is the knowledge that things are being added or removed from my body. I can know that it is perfectly safe and even good for me, but my brain doesn't care. It still triggers the panic response. I also had been getting significantly better... until my last blood draw as well. I really hope that experience doesn't end up setting me back on the process of reducing my phobia.
As an overweight person, people don't offer to pray for me, but unsolicited weight advice is constant.
I was looking for someone else who would articulate this. Like no people don't offer to pray that we'll be fixed, but we still get unsolicited comments all the time.
I was one of those “sickly” kids. I had a lot of underlying conditions that were undiagnosed at the time. The office staff at the school always rolled their eyes at me. I will never forget being in the 5th grade and it was a “fun” day right before Christmas break. I went to the office saying my mom needed to be called because I didn’t feel right. The receptionist slammed her hand on the desk, stood up, and yelled “Dammit (my name), today is a fun day. You will go back to class right now.” So, I went back class...where I proceeded to throw up all over my class room floor. My teacher was furious at the receptionist. As was my mom.
My mom really learned, as she puts it, her listening lesson. I told her on the way to school that I really didn’t feel good, but because I didn’t have a fever she told me to try and if it got worse I could always call from the office. She didn’t make that mistake again!
This happened to me as a kid too! My mom sent me to school and I had a horrible stomachache but she insisted I would be okay because I didn’t have a fever. Threw up in the computer lab during first period, got sent to the office where the admins there were annoyed my mom had sent me to school when I didn’t feel well. My mom felt terrible obviously afterwards and never made that mistake again.
@@ameliesayshola8854 I’m sorry you feel my pain. I will say in my mom’s defense, I just told her I didn’t feel good, and at that point in my life I said that a lot. 😂
My mom always made me go to school if I felt able to and if I couldn’t to call her. For me it always went pretty well since the nurses trusted me. I had one nurse however that literally told me “I don’t believe you, if you don’t feel well you wouldn’t have come in today so it can’t be bad enough to go home”. What? As if people can’t get sicker/become sick as the day goes on.
I get this all the time as an adult because, with having an autoimmune disorder, I literally wake up every day not knowing how I’m going to feel. No matter what I do when I’m having a rough day I get crap for it. If I call in sick, the I get “but you were fine yesterday.” Yes I was and now today I’m not. Or if I come in, “why would you come in sick?”
@@carolinamurtha3102 I literally just made plans with my mom, for Wednesday, tonight, and she said, “Well, we’ll plan on Wednesday, but it’s okay if things change by then.” So, I totally feel you.
The absolute BEST PART of this collab is that it means there are two videos, so we get twice the Molly AND Jessica content this week! #DisabledJoy
Medical trauma is horrible. My disabilities were not apparent as child but my mother died of cancer when I was 11. I still can't enter a hospital without a reaction. When I had surgery I took anti anxiety meds and my sister was able to advocate on my behalf.
Having someone that you can trust to advocate for you, when you're unable to advocate for yourself, is such a gift.
@@rabbit__ It truly is. She did an amazing job.
Yeah, I’ve had medical anxiety for most of my life and I couldn’t figure out why, and just recently I’ve started to unpack how much it is probably because of the trauma of my dad dying of cancer when I was 4. The super fun part of trauma acquired that young is that so much of it is subconscious and hard to unpack.
The best part was the time I went to get birth control and when I said I had zero family history of high blood pressure she said “well somebody is obviously LYING TO YOU because your blood pressure measured high and you’re thin and young.” I tried to explain that I was just anxious and she didn’t understand.
@@bibliophilecb hello! Sorry if this is unsolicited advice but I have cptsd and specifically medical trauma, EMDR has really helped me a lot with unpacking all the subconscious memories from a pre-verbal age
Personally as someone with PTSD, I have realized that ptsd doesn't care if its rational or not. It just cares if your safe and will make you react to your safety in ways that aren't rational as a defense mechanism.
totally, I don't have ptsd specifically but anxiety/panic disorders can be so frustrating because usually you KNOW it's irrational but it doesn't stop how your body reacts in the moment
Or if it THINKS you are safe. For someone else you might seem safe, but PTSD may disagree. I have a friend whose one trigger is washing dishes by hand. It makes her ptsd + dissociation disorder kick in.
Yes, absolutely yes. I got my vaccine today and I completely over reacted. I know it's safe, I have been reading probably a book worth of information on how it works, side effects, etc etc. My subconscious however was terrified for some reason, so I have severe back cramps to the point that I can hardly walk, which started yesterday. I only ever have that as a reaction to stress, but it makes no sense on a rational level.
I feel almost nothing from the vaccine btw, only my arm muscle is hurting, just like it does after every other vaccine.
Molly's "they've never seen the disable creatures in real life"cracked me up.
I was over 30 before meeting a deaf person (but then we spent some 2-3 weeks together). I have still not met anyone blind IRL... I have known perhaps one or two persons in a wheelchair (I do not count seeing someone one the street as meeting them).
It is actually really easy to not meet disabled persons, even if you do absolutely nothing to avoid it.
The praying for your healing thing always reminds me... I had a biology teacher who lost a finger, and when he was at the emergency room, a lady came up to him and said "pray to God and your finger will grow back!"
ok this is totally unrelated to this video, but in Molly's video Jessica said "my body is useless, but at least I'm gay!"
I want merch with this quote on it. I want mugs and shirts, and stickers. I want everything. this is one of the best lines I have heard in my life. because I am gay, and while my body isn't totally useless (by knee has been an evil little poop nugget recently but other than that my body is fine) I have been using my gayness to get through this pandemic so this line just spoke to my soul.
please. Jessica I am begging you. this line is just *chef's kiss* perfect! please. please. please, please, please, please please. pleeeeeeeeeeeease!!!!!!!!!!!
I get the "you're too young to be sick". Um, yeah, disability isn't agist. LOL! Also, I'm older than both of you.
Sometimes, teachers do try but parents, understandably, deny that there might be something going on with their kids :/ for some reason instead of thinking about how to help the kid they seem to hear 'you're doing something wrong' or 'your kid is not normal'
yep, I have ADHD and I have always been struggling with social interactions. And as an undiagnosed kid my mom used to say to me, "you should behave more like this instead, otherwise people might think you're not normal".
Yes - my mom is a special education teacher and she frequently talks about how many students struggle without the assistance they need because of parents being in denial about their children's diagnoses and symptoms. This is largely a result of all the stigma placed on these diagnoses in the first place. If we worked to destigmatize them, there would be way more parents willing to accept the necessary aids for their children.
My elementary school teacher took months to realise that I actually couldn't read but memorized everything up until that point... Dyslexia diagnosis by 3rd grade 😅
@@fionafiona1146 I've heard other people have done that when they are little. Teachers are not mind readers and kids are clever, you must have a great memory. I bet you were doing your best not to be discovered and it totally makes sense, we're in a society that demands everyone be the same and if that's not the case you're usually cast aside.
@@BeauMeztli it's so difficult to tell when people are passing!
I’m so glad you two touched on the ptsd subject because I feel like it’s not talked about enough. I was born completely able bodied with no medical issues but my mom has gotten some disastrous medical issues as she’s gotten older and after seeing her fight for her life on life support for like 6 months, I developed ptsd from medical trauma and I go through a lot of those same things. Physically could not love this collab more! Xoxo
My sister has a similar problem. Our grandparents have ended up hospitalized (and some have passed) and she absolutely cannot go into a hospital room and know who’s on the bed without panicking. Thank god our family understands and doesn’t force her.
My brother-in-law is quadriplegic and he always gets people reaching out "laying on hands" on him in random locations to "heal" him. Or people thinking he is mentally disabled, and speaking to him in really offensively slow baby talk. He is in his late 30's, working for the FBI and completed college ON HIS OWN. He drives himself to school and work, he volunteers at the VA Hospital and is an amazingly supportive spose to my sister. Disabled isn't UNable.
This collab is best thing that happened today!
my mother has a genetic chronic illness (cystic fibrosis) and i have mental, learning, and neurological disabilities, including but not limited to ASD, depression, and anxiety. it’s irritating that people don’t take invisible disabilities seriously.. loved this video!!
I think that what people working in the medical field need to remember is that when you're a patient, during a consultation you're being brought to a state of physical vulnerability, firstly because the doctor is in a position of power and you're in the position of a child, without a say in the methods, but then also because you realize your body isn't perfect and it will decay and nothing can really be done about that... And it's not a pleasant thought. I hate going to the doctor even for small things because I like to live in my head and I don't like being brought to the physical reality of my vulnerable human body aha
I get a lot of, "you don't act like a blind person, so you aren't blind, stop trying to take advantage!" 😡
Edit: grammar and autocorrect assassination.
I had my second dose of vaccine yesterday, and today, I feel like I have flu with fever, soreness, and so on. This is the best gift the universe could come up with to uplift my spirit. Your two videos combined are almost an hour of pure gold content. Thank you from the bottom of my heart and sore bones 💙
Get well soon! 😊
Wow opposite! I am learning disabled, but the school kept thinking it was because I couldn't see. Nope, I'm just clumsy and am more comfortable holding books really close to my face.
This is the collab I've always wanted🥰💕
Yay! 🥳
I have the same Molly eye disease and was diagnosed when I was 6. When she talked about PTSD that made a lot of sense to me, I struggle with the same think but no one gave ever told this was actually due to all the medical stress i ve been to, thanks to talking about it, it was really important to me, definitely bring to my best therapy session haha
I’m still in my diagnostic process (we love being 5 years in without a comprehensive diagnosis) and I really needed this today. Thank you both for sharing your journeys!!
That thing Molly said about her teachers' influencing in her diagnoses really got to me... as a teacher I always felt torn over mentioning things I observed in my students that I though might need attention, like a kid who never did the reading assignments, I though he might need glasses, but didn't know how to say anything... and then it turned out he needed really thick glasses
As a medical student, I immensely appreciate the perspective I gain from hearing y'all's stories. Hopefully I can be a better doctor to my future patients.
Omg, 14:30 is exactly what I've been trying to tell people for years! I'm legally blind and I get the "you don't look blind" comment all the time and people genuinely don't get how insulting that is. I always reply with "Okay, what does blind look like?" and the answers are always the most horrible and unrealistic stereotypes followed by "You should take it as a compliment!", I just don't get why people are so freaking insensitive on this topic but if I commented on their weight or style, or hair that way they'd be enraged. They can change their weight/hair/style/appearance, I can't change my genetic disabilities, so whose comment is really worthless?
I feel that. I always get the "But you seem to smart to be mentally ill." and I hate it, because it contains two harmfull stereotypes wrapped in one insulting attempt at a compliment.
It implies intelligent people can not suffer from mental illness and worse it implies that mentally ill people are stupid and both of those ideas are bigoted and completely detached from reality
The comments around representing the community really hit home for me. I'm experiencing hearing loss, and I'm a gay woman, and I've never really found a place in either the deaf/HOH community or the LGBTQ community until recently. Jessica and Claudia definitely helped me become more confident in my identity. And Molly, of course, is just awesome. Thank you for an amazing collab!!
Jessica's videos helped my sister get diagnosed with Eds.. I kept helping and pushing with her to get to the right doctor who was like 👍💯 this is eds how has no one caught this yet!
great conversation! i feel like i learned a lot :)
i do wanna add on to what molly said about "cures" though, people ABSOLUTELY do try to ""pray away" fatness, and share their oh so amazing miracle cures / snake oil diets, and they don't recognize that it's shitty at all, because when it does come from a good place, it's usually told with the mindset of "oh i'm just worried for your health" which ties into ableism, because of the assumption that fatness is always a thing that will lead to (insert every possible health issue) and that every one of a persons health issues or disabilities will disappear if they just lose weight.
Also the assumption that you don't have worth unless you are healthy. The fat phobia is rooted in ableism (and racism) 100%
You're both such lovely people, so happy this happened!! :)
I will admit several years ago when I found this channel and Molly as well I was very unexposed. I had never heard a deaf person with such a clear speaking voice or met a blind person who was into fashion. And it’s so clear now how and why these things can and do exist but they’re not shown in media, people are underexposed. As I’ve begun my own disability journey with my undiagnosed chronic pain I’ve learned how unintentionally ableist I was, and often with the best of intentions. Which is why channels like these are so valuable, not only to the people who share their experiences (as finding a community is invaluable) but to people who don’t. It’s an unfortunately rare view into real people’s lives. So thank you both so much for everything you do. Lots of love to you both and stay safe. 💚
Thank you, Jessica and Molly! I am disabled myself (mild cerebral palsy) and I have also experienced adults brushing off my disability (they saw it as laziness, an excuse etc.) It can be really difficult. I'm doing my PhD in creative writing and disability studies now, so I'm reading a lot about disabilities I didn't have much knowledge of previously, but also about our history- the eugenics, the institutions, all of that. It's been incredibly draining and upsetting to read. I read about the Ashley Treatment recently, which I won't go into here, but I wondered if you knew about it? I have to keep reminding myself to take breaks and step away from it for a bit so I don't spiral, and your content is so uplifting and affirming that it helps! ❤
Thank you for talking about the anxiety about your disability. I haven’t been diagnosed with PTSD, but I have the same anxiety with my disability. Anytime I’m being taken care of and I get hurt, I get an anxiety attack. When my chronic pain gets really bad, I start crying. Even though my pain is chronic, I am terrified of being hurt more.
MY TWO FAVE PEOPLE YAYYY
I'VE HAD THAT SO MANY TIMES. Like the "You don't seem......." or the "you don't act/sound like....." which is just??????? HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU DON'T HAVE IT AND I DO?????
btw Thank you Jessica for collabing with Molly so I can follow her.
What Molly said at 10:37 hits so close to home! In the months before I was diagnosed with anxiety, I knew my fears were irrational but that didn't stop me from having panic attacks. And it was awful having people speak as if I were a "lunatic" when I'd tell them "I know this isn't real, I don't need you to tell me that, I need a different sort of help". I hardly ever see people mention that, I'm glad Molly did
The colab of a century!!!
I really wanna know how Jessica does her hair like that with no feeling in her hands and limited functionality in her wrists because I feel like I’ve been at the gym for a whole hour if I even attempt a braid tbh
She also has an in-home carer that helps her.
@@johndododoe1411 It's because you have to hold your arms up to reach your hair lol, and if you suck at braids like me then that means holding your arms up for way too long
The part about how social media helps so much people who are marginalized find a community resonated a lot with me! Social media has helped me so much to understand my anxiety and other aspects of mental illness that I never would have known otherwise!
Oh yes I recently came to terms with the fact that I think I may be agoraphobic I never understood what all my symptoms meant I had just thought it was my anxiety disorder & ptsd , I have yet to get officially diagnosed with COVID and everything going on but I had a talk with my family about it. Luckily they understood and believed me they had already thought I might be they just didn’t know the name of it,
Molly, I especially appreciate your discussion about your PTSD vs logic. It’s so important to bring awareness to the fact that mental illness is mentionable and manageable, but it doesn’t always follow logical pathways. I can’t even count the number of times someone has told me to just “get over” my panic attacks.
11:20 I really hate this. Medical professionals will tell me all the time "It's ok, I know what I'm doing, I won't hurt you, you can trust me" and then wonder why I don't stop panicking. Like yeah, that's because basically those exact words came out of a doctor's mouth minutes before she traumatized me leading to worsening PTSD. She'd also told me she would never do what my previous doc did (aka the doctor who gave me PTSD in the first place) and then proceeded to literally do the exact same thing. Hmmm, I can't imagine why I don't trust those words.
Omg, I LOVE what Molly said about the "can I pray for you" thing!! YES, PREACH
Marvel wishes their crossovers were this iconic
Real talk though, I'm so glad Molly talked about her PTSD. I'd never considered that the psychological stress of disability/chronic illness could manifest as PTSD. It's such a valuable perspective to hear as a med student, and they really don't teach us about this stuff in med school.
I love when they brought up the word “hear” and “see” and how they can be used! I study languages and one of them is sign language :) When you are communicating to a non native English speaker you have to realize that the translation for “I see” and “I heard” isn’t actually looking with your eyes or seeing something, “See” becomes ‘understand’ and “heard” becomes ‘to know’. The English language can be very difficult for some people because they certain phrases literal. Sign language has helped me not be so wordy and to make my speech clearer and easier to understand while speaking :)
You're right molly! Jessica is HILARIOUS. Honestly I love her.
It was nice to hear people I look up to talk about PTSD surrounding medical situations. We are OSDD and have PTSD because of the fact that we had to go through surgeries since being a baby and it heavily messed with us. We personally had to deal with a doctor tell us we were lucky to only be depressed and anxious after what we went through(we weren't diagnosed or aware of the PTSD and each other). Which ended up setting us back in the long run on accepting we have PTSD.
this collab alone is enough to save us all. so happy it’s finally become a thing😭🥰
I really love the discussion around learning disabilities and how seriously the conversation was tackled. Often those with learning disability get watered down and not taken seriously
I think it’s ablism to use the term “learning difficulties” as a difficulty is something to be fixed and this is a disability that effects everything I do my memory my temperament how I function
No way!!! This is the best collaboration ever!!! I love Molly and you so much!!! 💗
I was fan of molly for years and recently found Jess so I was so happy to see them colab together it just reaffirmed that fact that I had found a lovely creator.
The thing about not being able to communicate with able bodied adults is exactly why I always listen to my daughter straight away. It took me my entire life for anyone to listen to me, so I always listen to children and advocate for them.
Just echoing the others saying thanks for the medical trauma discussion. I've finally been diagnosed with anxiety after dealing with it since I was a teenager. I realise now that a big part of it is medical trauma now that I know that's a thing, but it's so hard for me to accept/deal with it because it's not "official". I'm trying to get therapy for it but until then just hearing others talk about it makes me feel so much better and less alone!
I'm an ESL teacher, I have ADHD, EDS and I'm on the spectrum. Sometimes it sucks but when I can help my students by understanding them because of my struggles it feels like it's worth something. If you're a teacher, be compassionate, even at uni level I've had teachers not understand any of my needs and even argue against them to the point they had me in tears.
Thank you for this wonderful collab.
As someone who works in education thank you so much for raising the issue of how crucial teachers can be in helping or harming a neurodivergent or disabled student's experiences. It really made me aware of the important role I play in advocating for each child and actually taking the time to listen to what they tell us - children's concerns and what they say about their bodies are real and valid
Thank you so much for this, it was a delight to watch! I agree so much with the bit about being told 'it doesn't hurt' when it will. Even as someone who does not have an extensive medical history, I now do not believe any medical professional when they say that. It always hurts. ALWAYS. Sometimes less than other times, but if you stick a pointy thing far enough into my arm for it to bleed, I would be more concerned if it DIDN'T hurt. Dear medical professionals, please allow people, including children, to be brave enough to know it will/might hurt and do it anyway. Don't gaslight us, even if you mean well.
Jessica, your hair is fabulous! I love this! Thank you for this video. It's so important to listen to our children when they tell us something is wrong.
I wonder if Martina from Eat Your Kimchi/Simon and Martina would be willing to chat with you, she also has EDS and has talked about her life with it on YT. I don't mean to veer off track from this wonderful interview but the thought popped into my head while watching it and I wanted to get it out before I forgot.
^^This. I’ve thought it for a while too. Love Martina and Simon and her positive outlook got me through a lot
Possibly but it would only be Martina probably talking with them, since Simon and Martina are divorced now.
I remember, in grade school, constantly going to the nurse because my stomach hurt. The nurse told my mom that she thought it was just anxiety. This was partially true, one of my friends had just died of cancer and my grandmother had just passed, both when I was about 8. But I have MAJOR upper digestive tract issues that weren't diagnosed until I was in my 20s. When I was 9-10ish, I started experiencing my first visual hallucinations. I don't remember ever NOT having auditory hallucinations, but I thought everyone heard things. I finally got up the courage to tell my mom when I was 11-12ish, and she just mocked and made fun of me. I finally got her to take me to a psychiatrist when I was 13, who told me I had a somatoform disorder and restless leg syndrome. I don't have either of those things. I have CPTSD, generalized and social anxiety, clinical depression, and schizophrenia, among other psychiatric illnesses. I've been told that I have an eating disorder- specifically bulimia when in reality I have gastroparesis and cyclical vomiting syndrome. I was told that my heart problems were purely from anxiety when I have a serious heart defect that is potentially fatal. I've been told that I fake my seizures when I have brain damage from a terrible head injury as a child that left me with multiple, rare forms of epilepsy. I was told that I was faking not being able to walk because it was too painful. I was told I was faking my back pain when in reality I had survived an attempt on my life that left me with a hairline fracture in one of my vertebrae and multiple herniated discs. I was told FOR YEARS that I was malingering in order to obtain prescription opiates- even though I have had multiple friends die from opiate overdoses, both intentionally and unintentionally, and that opiates terrify me. In reality, I had developed the most severe pain disorder known to medicine called CRPS. I still suffer with it to this day and it requires me to take opiates daily, for which I experience constant stigma both from other people and from medical "professionals".
I've never met anyone with a disability or serious illness that doesn't have medical trauma. I almost died in 2018 after vomiting blood for over a week after my esophagus ruptured, as it's pretty much all scar tissue because of stomach acid. I absolutely refused to go to the hospital.
I had a stroke in February of this year (I'm only 31, there's no real decent answer as to why I had one). Instead of going to the hospital, I took a couple Xanax and went back to bed. I'm now blind in my left eye and have motor function issues on the left side of my body. Medical trauma isn't just painful in terms of trauma, but it's incredibly dangerous in that many people with medical trauma refuse to visit certain doctors, specialists, or the ER despite how much danger they're in. For me, I refuse to deal with the ER. I've experienced so much hate, mockery, name-calling, even straight-up physical abuse from the doctors and nurses there. I remember I got drugged at a drag bar that I was at with my best friend. I was only just relearning how to walk at that time and had a fentanyl patch on to help manage the CRPS pain and the pain from the atrophy in my legs. I remember falling out of my wheelchair, and that's it. Apparently, I was laid out on the sidewalk outside the bar with my best friend watching over me, waiting for the paramedics to arrive. I woke up briefly in the ambulance when they ripped off my fentanyl patch. It's such a vital thing that I NEEDED to have on, so I feel like a part of me became alarmed and panicked which brought me back to consciousness. Didn't matter though, because after yelling "What the hell are you doing? I need that!" they injected me with some sort of sedative and I passed back out.
I woke up in the ER. What woke me up was a painful snap in my finger. A male nurse was standing above me and was pushing my fingers and wrist backward as hard as he could. He had this sadistic smile on his face. I think he thought I was some drug addict or drunk and wouldn't remember, or if I did, wouldn't be credible enough to the police. I immediately sat up and screamed bloody murder. Then I pointed at every nurse I could see and yelled "This man just assaulted me and broke my fingers! And you're a witness, you're a witness, you're a witness, and you're a witness!". God, it still makes me so angry. Security pulled me out of my bed, and I guess he thought I was dragging my feet because I couldn't walk without crutches or canes, so he just pulled me by my torso (nearly ripping out my PICC line) into the lobby and threw me into the arms of my two best friends.
I tried so hard to press charges. But I couldn't get the bloody nurse's name.
This video made me think about how a lot of people who get labeled as weird, eccentric, freaks, etc tend to have a certain kinship with other people who have had that experience even of they don't necessarily belong to the same community. For example, I'm neurodivergent and queer and have been called weird or "unique" since I was very young and I find that it has made me feel close to the disabled community and poc even tho I don't belong to those groups simply because I know our experiences have similarities and if someone can understand me, it would be them. I know many of my friends feel the same and I find this phenomena very interesting. Food for thought I suppose.
The crossover I didn't know I needed until now 💕
This is the best collab that could have ever happened. Period.
Molly, the PTSD from medical trauma can be treated over time. When I was 3-4 years old in China, I tripped and cracked my head open. In China there are still a lot of paranoia surrounding opioid use and painkiller use from the Opium wars, so the use of painkillers isn't a normal widespread practice in China. That night, in the ER, I was held down by 4-5 male nurses and my mom while the doctor gave me 4 stitches on my head. No anesthesia of any kind. I had PTSD from that ever since not only as nightmares, but whenever I had to get a shot, or even go to the hospital. At age 20, I had to get hormone pills, and that requires a blood test once a year, sometimes twice a year. Over time, it desensitized me to the hospital, needles, and getting shots. Now I can even watch as the nurse sticks the needle into my arm to draw blood. It can be treated, it just takes time. :)
My grandmother had severe medical trauma and was terrified of doctors. When she was very young, like maybe 4 or 5, her parents invited a friend who was a doctor over for dinner. My grandmother started choking on her food. This was before they invented the heimlich maneuver and the doctor wasn't able to get the food out of her airway, so he had to do an emergency tacheostomy with household objects (they do this on TV a lot with a pen or straw). So that doctor actually saved her life, but gave her a life-long phobia of doctors. She ultimately died of cancer in her 80s, which is a good long life but it might have been longer except she refused treatment because of the medical trauma of having a doctor cut her throat open while fully conscious as a little girl.
I'm not fully deaf or fully blind but I do have low vision and hearing and going through childhood was definitely difficult. Especially the feeling of being othered. I remember having to put my chair a few feet from the whiteboard so I could take notes while everyone else was sitting in their normal seats. The teachers thankfully knew I was just low sighted and didn't have learning disabilities when I was in grade school. But when I got to college unfortunately the professors were much less understanding. It became incredibly frustrating to have to defend myself constantly, even though I was an adult by that point. One teacher actually told me, "I don't give special treatment" when I asked for an extension on homework since it took me so much longer to be able to do anything - low vision makes things harder to do. I was so frustrated by her that I had to go to my school's disability center and have special papers printed that COMMANDED her to accommodate me. And even then she refused. So the disability department had to intervene again and threaten to cite her with violating my rights as a disabled person for her to finally comply. It's a never ending set of walls that you have to break through but it does make your stronger and more resilient in the long run.
Really enjoyed this. I learned a lot and also identified with a lot of it. Regarding women online -- I get told sometimes by viewers that I'm pretty. I'm a guitar teacher. None of the male teachers on TH-cam get told they're handsome. Also, I have a lazy eye and get told all the time that I don't look like I'm legally blind in one eye, as if I'm lying to them. Oh and one more thing -- I get migraines and you can't imagine the crazy-assed advice I've received. On second thought, I'll bet you can.
I love seeing this, I been told I may be blind at age of 24 because my eyes are just in a really bad state (told by the age of 8 ) , and I had a friend (the librarian of my school) who is like 70% deaf, and we used to talk about of how I have my hearing more, like in deep, and she explained to me colors and shapes that my reach it's out, and this sounds so much like those conversations and it's just soo comforty for me, because people with problems understand people with other problems (being deaf for my friend, and me my really poor vision) and I think it's amazing that the community can talk about their own experiences and tell some suggestions for each other, but its also soo sad that we get so turned down bcs we don't look like we have something, it's just so frustrating
(I didn't write disabled bcs my friend doesn't use the term for herself and I respect her choice, and I don't use the term disable for myself, just because my only thing is having a really, really, poor vision and don't want to offend anyone )
Molly's story at 10:47 hit me hard
I had cancer when i was still an infant, and I've heard stories of some of this things that had to happen to help and I realize now that, even though I can't remember it, it probably plays a big part in my fear of doctors and medical settings. I have current disabilities(potentially also due to that) and the thought of going to a doctor to even try to get help terrifies me
I have quite a lot of invisible disabilities and this community is so vast now it's extremely helpful. For me and for our progression in our world in general. I'm very grateful 😊
I've been long term followers of both of you for years and this video made me cry. I got really emotional. I'm Bipolar and I have PTSD and a bunch of other comorbid mental illnesses. I struggle a lot with finding representation, being my authentic self, and dealing with people who try to cure me or don't want to accept my disability as a part of me. I too also have medical anxiety that stems from doctors lying to me when I was really young as well, even though I was fairly healthy. But now it makes everything I need to do for my health so much harder. I'm looking forward to a society where disabled people have more power and can make changes to the ways things are done. The older I get the more community I build with fellow disabled people and wow does it really help. I love both of you so much and every video I watch brings me a warm feeling. I know we are all just interacting at a distance, but my life is better because of your all's videos. I hope you know that
Two of my favorite people collabing! What a gift! The sheer light and positivity you both exude is an absolute treasure.
The collab we didn’t know we needed. ❤️
Greetings from México 🇲🇽
I just found your channel thru Molly, I’ve followed her for years, but I’m so glad you collaborated.
I have EDS, POTS, Mast Cell Activation, Cranial Cervical Instability, medical PTSD, anxiety, and ADHD.
I started having joints issues at 12 years old, tried to get medical treatment at age 14 but Drs dismissed it as ‘growing pains’ and I was told I would grow out of it. I spinal cord surgery at 22. Chronic pain, more dismissals, finally got my diagnosis at age 26 when I specifically asked the Drs to look into EDS. I’m 35 yrs old, 14 surgeries with my next 3 already planned. Weekly osteopath visits so I’m not curled in a ball crying. I’m in pain every minute of every day and I will be for the rest of my life. When I yawn my jaw dislocates, coughing can pop my ribs out.
You’d never know looking at me because I don’t remember what it’s like to not be in pain, I’m so use to it. I can function at a pain level most people can’t even fathom.
Drs are so dismissive and don’t believe I could possibly know anything. I told the anesthesiologist over and over that IV’s in my wrist or the back of my hand will blow. He said it’s his job and he knows what he’s doing. As soon as the sedative was injected it blew and I had fire ripping thru my arm. I didn’t get enough sedation to go to sleep and I started to struggle, I felt the nurses holding me down as they tried to get another IV started, it I couldn’t speak. When the surgery was over and they brought me out of sedation I woke up screaming. It was horrific. I can pop my own hip back in place daily. But the second I see a nurse look at my wrist to draw blood, because all of my other veins suck, I have a panic attack.
I started to lose my hearing six months ago (I’m 22) and I have never heard it said better. It does feel like you’re disappearing. It’s not immediately clear that you can’t hear people, it feels like you can’t reach people and they can’t reach you. Even now that I know it’s my hearing (47% hearing left) it’s still extremely scary sometimes!
I had a very similar experience as you ladies too. I'm Hard of Hearing. I lost some hearing in my right ear that went undiagnosed for a very long time. I kept telling my doctor and my parents that I couldn't hear right. It was hard to get across what I was experiencing as a child when I was repeatedly told I "was fine". My parents were hugely supporting though, they took me to the back to our doctor and really advocated for me. I went to the Canadian Hearing Society and and Ear Nose Throat Specialist. This also became a battle for advocating for my hearing needs as a young person. My ENT told me I didn't need hearing aids because my hearing loss was not that bad. I did get one eventually, but I also get the "your too young to have a hearing aid". I'm a nurse now, and I try to remember these experiences when I care for my patients. You ladies are a good reminder that health care practitioners need to remain humble and empathetic throughout our practice.
I have severe hearing loss in one of my ears, I'm now 25 and just now on the waitlist for a bone anchored hearing aid, and I've never received treatment before, because my parents and doctors tested me at a young age and then I wasn't retested when I was older and continued to say that something was wrong in my hearing.
This was a lovely story to hear, it was very validating, thank you.
You guys actually made me understand something today; why I get so frustrated and impatient with vets when they keep saying "oh it's ok we don't think there's anything major wrong with your pet", and I'm standing there like "No, they have symptoms, they are not ok and you need to figure out why!" Because as a kid I felt like I was constantly in and out of hospital/clinic/whatever and I don't want my poor babies to have to go through that stress. Figure it out, dummies! That's what I pay you for! Not to tell me "calming" half-truths!
This whole conversation was GOLD! Thank you both so much for sharing and being you!
*crossovers I've anxiously been awaiting but never expected to actually happen*
Jessica, can you please tell us about your experience with lip reading regarding different accents or dialects? 🦄
Thank you both for sharing your stories and experiences with us you lovely people 💖
So many heartbreaking and beautiful anecdotes in this conversation. You are both amazing people. I love your willingness to share and be honest about your experiences. The end bit about having to edit yourselves with words like "see" and "hear" was very illuminating. My grandmother's retina detached when my dad was in highschool. I've only every known her blind. It was my normal and when my grandpa (her husband) lost his hearing we didn't question it either. They would say "see" or "hear" or "I read____" "I was listening to so-and-so". I never questioned their vocabulary. Yes I knew their vision and hearing were compromised but we use a common words and phrases to communicate. Why should a blind or deaf person have to change their speaking patterns to make someone else feel "comfortable' or avoid questioning? I guess I was lucky to grow up in a family where disability was the norm and we just loved each other ❤️
thoroughly enjoyable and totally relatable! my wife and I were at a theatre and were told by an ignorant young employee that we couldn't buy the handicapped seats. Oh my goodness I was livid! I hadn't faced that public humiliation prior to that encounter, so, of course I gave her a lesson on unseen disabilities. I also requested her manager to coach her on this subject matter. LOL I noticed the lack of accommodations in the UK while living in Surrey for 5 years! I had to try to walk up a very steep staircase to reach an employment center, in heels! There were so many storefronts lacking accessibility for the differently abled people such as myself. Thank you for discussing and bringing social awareness to our community and the world!
I have strabismus and nystagmus and molly is the first person I’ve met or seen on the internet who has them too!
i really appreciate people addressing how social media is not just *Bad* and nothing else, i've been telling people for forever that if you follow the right people then your experience can be so much better. of course you won't be spared all of the terrible things that do give the internet a bad rap, but just following the right people makes a huge difference!
also, if you don't want to unfollow someone bc say they're your friend or whatever you can always just mute their posts! that way it doesn't show up in your feed but you're still following them.
You're both strong, beautiful (inside and out) women and I love that I found you, Jessica, through Molly. I love seeing strong women working together and lifting each other up