Doesnt matter my mindset im to ugly for anyone to love. So I keep my hopes down cuz ik no one likes me even if i have a charming personality i dont fall on categories of good looking people.😶
And you shouldn't have to fight for it or constantly compromise - until you don't recognise yourself anymore! (or as my father says: "Don't stop travelers" (translated from the German: Reisende soll man nicht aufhalten!) - meaning that you should not try to stop somebody from leaving!) There, now it's complete :)
I just flat out gave up on dating. Whatever happens, happens and I've come to terms that it could lead to me being single for the rest of my life. I'm just focused on finding a happiness that doesn't come from relationships. Even though it does get lonely sometimes.
I think I'll give up, too. People tell me to not give up, but... I'm too lame and hurt to bring anything worthwhile to any girl I like. I see why I've been ditched and used several times. At most I'm a walking punching bag.
Honestly relationships never truly work. But it’s not about having that perfectly synergy. It’s about both wanting more than anything, to keep the relationship healthy. But yeah, finding relationships are too tiring. It’s difficult to Multi task love while still trying your hardest to keep your own life afloat
Nah... I ain't against the idea... BUT out of about 8 Billion motherf*ckers on this rock, my hands are FULL keeping up with the ONE (and ONLY ONE) that I'm actually fully responsible for... I'm going (for the foreseeable future) to bother with getting my own sh*t together and straight. If someone happens into my life to work more or less in similar directions and purposes with me, great.... AND if not... well... I've been on my own mostly so far, it ain't gonna start bugging me out now (all of a sudden)... "The Dating Scene" is a joke. You can't even look at it like that and take it seriously. I mean, REALLY??? Girls are supposed to find a certain spot and line up for examination, flaunt some "wares" (whatever that means) and attract a guy who is then supposed to come forward and ask one of them out??? OH... AND let's not forget making up rules about "not being creepy" and "don't forget to flirt a little, BUT NOT TOO MUCH!!!" and... seriously... as soon as you think you've got the "ethics" down, they (society at large) HAS to go around and change everything... What was cool last year, suddenly HAS to suck. Whatever was funny even a month ago, forget it. It's TOXIC now. Being on your best behavior USED to be the right way to act, but now, being nice is a plague... even doing something JUST because it's polite is a good way to have to stand through a half an hour of hellfire and brimstone from someone who HATES it when people "like you" do something for them because it's supposedly the decent thing to do... You can't f*cking WIN at "the game"... SO in regards to THAT whole mountain of crap, yeah... I'm out the door and running late to be anywhere but here! I'll tan the g** d*** rawhide to BUILD the f*ckin' drum! Then when I'm toodling along at my own pace, rhythm and beat... if someone shows up with an interest, great. If not, then the whole world can burn itself out for all I care. I've got sh*t to do... ;o)
I feel the same way. My second marriage was a disaster. Totally ruined me and my emotions. I do get lonely sometimes, but it's better than what I went through a few years back. I'm slowly starting to embrace my oneness. I really do think I was always meant to be a loner type person. Take care all and be safe out there. Cheers
The key points, as I see them, are this: 1. Do what makes you happy. 2. Have a passion or two. Work on it, cultivate it, and do not be afraid to share it with others. 3. Surround yourself with people who like you for you and share some of the same likes and passions as you. 4. Ask to join other people on their journey through life and enjoy their passions. 5. Leave the door open for others to join you. If someone takes an interest in you or in your passions, let them travel with you for a while on that journey. 6. Look for satisfaction from within yourself. Don't do something because someone else will admire you or praise you. Do things because you enjoy doing it. 7. If you find yourself being invited to share in the likes and passions of another person, and they are asking to be involved with your likes and passions, they probably like you. If you are interested in pursuing something romantic, it's ok to ask. But if they say no, don't take it too personally. They may not be ready for the relationship you want, but they might know someone who is. If they find you interesting, they are still going to find you interesting after you ask. If they don't, then you dodged a bullet.
I agree with every point apart from "let people who take interest in you in on your journey". What if I am not interested in the slightest in that person? I can't just pretend to like them, can I? I would take everyone I find at least a bit attractive on the inside and the outside in on my journey of life. But I couldn't do it (for a relationship purpose) with people I found ugly from the inside or the outside. I hate superficiality. But I also can't deny the fact that I'm not attracted to physically unattractive women, 99% of the time. I'm very open-minded, though. It makes me sad every time I think about it how I can't just ignore the looks... This world isn't fair at all, guys, girls and others genders... Finding love is probably the thing that you cannot control at all in your life. It either happens to you or it doesn't. For me finding a love partner was the most important thing for a long time. I'm now reaching the end of my twenties and it seems like finding love is harder than I thought. So I started concentrating on myself and how I can make me feel good (eating healthy, meeting good friends, partying from time to time, reading books from time to time, playing video games with or without friends, singing passionately, because it's the strongest skill I possess, going to the gym to keep my body in shape etc.). And ironically, I have the feeling that women find me more attractive now, while I can enjoy being single much more. Like I said in the beginning, finding partner love is not in our control. Might as well enjoy your journey without it. There are many forms of love. Find the love that makes you feel like you belong on this planet. Because, fellas, you do ♥️🙏 Have a great April 1st! This wasn't a joke comment btw. It came from my heart ♥️
@Sir Henry If you are not physically attracted to a person, nothing is going to change that. You can still travel with them, and they can travel with you, but that road will never lead to the bedroom. Maybe, eventually you go in separate directions, or that path leads to friendship. Maybe that path leads to you getting a restraining order on them. (A little humor there.) But you understand my main point wheb you say that the more you work on yourself and the happier you are with yourself, the more attractive you are to others. Be happy and comfort with yourself, and it will happen when it happens, if you want it to.
I've been single all my life. To be honest it's a combination of me being somewhat of a social reject, me being shy and mostly introverted, and also the issue that I've just never been given a chance to prove myself
1. 0:58 - I'm incomplete without a relationship. 2. 2:04 - It didn't work out for my parents, so it won't work out for me. 3. 2:43 - Beliefs about abandonment. 4. 3:26 - Beliefs about being damaged. 5. 4:13 - I'm still waiting for THE ONE.
Another factor that at least keeps me single is witnessing my mother refusing to leave a toxic husband, and watch her suffer mentally and emotionally in a bad relationship; and even after she receives my genuine encouragement to leave him, she still won’t. Seeing all of this made me weary about how will I be when I’ll be older (fear that I will turn up like my father) and about screening potential partners to ensure that they won’t be like that in the future. It’s hard to get close to someone when you screen them to see if they show red flags.
But that's a positive,not a negative. Many relationships are toxic, w a Controller and a Controlled. So why do people think a Relationship is the solution to unhappiness. Your mom once thought that, she was long and thought 'If I had a partner I'd be Happy'. That didn't work for her. It didn't work for millions of people. We are addicts, thinking the Solution is the next Relationship. We will waste our lives thinking a Relationship is the miracle to happiness. Even with all the evidences of unhappy people inside a Relationship.
@@FogelsChannel For the most part, it is true, a relationship adds something delicate, yet amazing to your grater picture, it isn’t a key to something, but a lot of people see it that way and end up in sup par relationship. High standards are a good thing, but they reduce my dating vodka shot glass (I’m gay so I have breadcrumbs for my dating options) down to a droplet at best.
I'm single because of my introverted personality, mostly. Still, I always thought I would like to meet someone at some point. Now, I'm not so sure. While it is lonely at times, I really love my alone time, if that makes sense. In addition, I'm not sure I would make that great of a partner if I'm being completely honest with myself. So, at the moment, I'm content with being single.
I'm the exact same way too, plus my other relationships, all went down for the same or a different reason entirely and those things alone has made me believe I can't be someone's partner in the future and my heart has been broken so many by them, I just don't know anymore to were I both cautious and skeptical about girls at this point, I don't want, but I am and it sucks.
@@blobyeol27i72 OMG Thank you for the best to heal .... really suprized me in a positive way. Ive been feeling rather alone since being recently widowed. Prayers Love and Light ~ AA Michael
Oh dear that's very heartbreaking, my condolences. Ik what it feels like to lose someone close too, so I hope you stay strong and hope that your wife is in a safer place now. R.I.P
Point 4 really hits my mark. I've grown up in a broken household and I have a hard time seeing myself as worthy enough to others. Not to mention, I am scared about being close to people as I have seen various people throughout the years betrayed me and my mom. And now, I'm by myself as my mother was displaying narcissitic traits. I know for some past traumas are not my fault but there is a part of me that feels like I should have known better or done something. A good guy that I have talked with online for over a year has made me feel things that I have never felt before, I know it's had an affect on me to change and I've been trying to be more open. Yet, I'm still afraid to get too deep as I'm afraid I'm just being used and/or will be hurt again. I want to open yet, I just don't see how anyone can see me as someone being worthy, especially to him. I feel so confused but at the same time, I feel better than I have been in years. It's been a process.
OMG point 4 destroys me. I am so lame. My past traumas, my parents getting a divorce, people bullying and using me... heck I even had a near-death experience that still haunts me. Nobody wants to be in a real relationship with me and I see why.
I can SO relate to all of this! 😫 I've always been afraid of getting hurt/abandoned and thinking that I'm not good enough for anyone. I too had someone who I had found online and talked to them for a couple of years, but I think my loooow self-esteem and some other stuff chased them off.
I'm not just "incomplete" without a relationship, I'm straight-up EMPTY. Right now I don't necessarily live, but rather just exist. I need someone to devote myself to, to fill my life with meaning and purpose!
@@yankiuhui2550 I do not believe in god or any other deities. And I absolutely hate all those religious organizations. In fact, I would openly despise those "higher beings" if they were real.
@@outcast4087 I hear you my friend. It is a strange idea to consider especially what you might have experienced and encountered with people who believe in God. My experience is I've been drifting and longing for someone fill the ache of my heart where i can give my all. But what I learn is nothing or no one can fill that besides God. I no longer believe that i am just a being who is simply meant to give and receive pleasure from another person. God could be the answer :) Now i just love anyone that i come across to the best way i can and i know everyday at the end i have done the right thing. Not preaching tho, just wanted to share how i found purpose to another :)
Subconsciously, I used to have this mindset when I first entered my second and still ongoing relationship of almost 9 years.... It honestly just becomes a waste of your time and energy the more you think that your identity needs to revolve around one singular relationship. Life's too short, and so for me, at least, maintaining a healthy sense of self is key towards leading a healthy and happy life. Best wishes to you!
Timestamps 1). I'm incomplete without a relationship 0:57 2). It didn't work out for my parents so it won't work for me 2:03 3). Beliefs about abandonment 2:42 4). Beliefs about being damaged 3:25 5). I'm still waiting for THE ONE 4:12 Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day.💙💙💙💙💙💙💙
plz don’t say that about urself. you might find a close partner to be around with someday but just not now. just bc it did not work out for ur parents (maybe they’re divorced) doesn’t mean it won’t work out for u…
@@A55a551n I got dumped the week before Thanksgiving. It's so hard for me to open up and be intimate due to childhood abuse. The complete 180 of "I see a future with you" to "I can't promise you any permanence, I can't be the man you need" .... within 2 weeks, with no warning. Yeah I have abandonment issues and all of them are triggered. I am tired of being a trophy to a make a man feel better about himself when he breaks down my walls because I'm a "challenge". I'm tired of relationships lasting 3 or 4 or 5 months before they freak out abd decide that I'm somehow too good for them????
As a fellow single person society always pressures me to be in a relationship and my family pressures me too even though I tell them No I’m fine for who I am they always say “don’t u ever get lonely or don’t u wanna be happy like all of us “ I’m like no I’m fine being alone there’s no written rule that u have to be in a relationship I’m fine being alone cuz relationships take up too much time and work besides I’m happy being single and alone 😄👍
Same here dude, it always irritated me how people would come up to me and say "hey, why don't you have a girlfriend?" Or You should get a girlfriend!" Like bro chill out, I don't necessarily need to be in a relationship to be happy 😒
It's funny. I've never been in a relationship. I'm nearly 22 now and never experienced anything like love, my first kiss or anything like that. Sometimes i really think that somethings wrong with me.. Especially when i'm told how ridicoulus it is, that someone my age doesn't have any experience in this field. They say i'm missing out... Living aside from what life is. What they don't realize is, that it hurts to hear such things. I'm a human with feelings and beeing said to be false in some kind of way just hurts... Yes, i feel lonely lot's of the time. But i don't think a realationship would fix this. I think I need to be ok with myself first before taking a shot on realationships. I even struggle to maintain close friendships, so how am i supposed to maintain a realationship? I grew up in an environment where every single realationship is a desaster.. maybe thats why i'm struggeling.. Idk...
People keep saysing it's rare but I feel it really isn't. I'm the same as you, 22 and no experiences whatsoever. Have multiple friends even older than me that are the same. Society has this negative view of this and I don't get why. Is not having relationship experience really worse than rushing into toxic relationships when you're young and regretting it later?
@@candycrows262 Yeah i don't get it... I rather wait and find someone that truely works with me instead of just blindly take every chance and end up in a toxic realationship or even worse.. Also, if you just take whoever you get, you're a fuckboy or a whore.. Like whatever you do, you do it wrong .-.
I’m about to turn 25 and have never been in a relationship. But seeing people around my age starting to settle down makes me feel like love will never happen for me.
@@candycrows262 it's because modern society wants you to procreate and consume family-oriented merchandise and crap out more low-wage workers. Anyone who doesn't do this is denounced as a deviant that should be ostracized.
Well, for me it is the beliefs of abandonment and the beliefs about being damaged. With a history of bullying at school and a ludicrously messy parental divorce I had developed social anxiety/avoidant coping mechanism because all kids I called friends dropped me because I was too exhausting to hang out with and never dared to make any new ones at university because I always feared that if they ever found out about my home life, they'd drop me instantly as well. Therefore I only ever ended up with very superficial relationships, a "social ghost" who attached himself to existing groups, but never really belonged. A feeling that then caused my anxiety and panicked flight reflexes in social situations. The thing is, the same goes for dating. It puts me into a spot where I feel I am far too old to make any 'first' experiences and have a fear that anyone would run away hearing that at my age I never kissed anyone or had any relationship whatsoever and so a year ago I frantically tried online dating as the 30 came closer, but of course never matched with anyone and never dared to write strangers. Since that only further damaged my self-esteem, I learned my lesson and accepted that I have to focus on making friends first, but making friends as an adult who has to start from zero is absolute insanity. I joined Discords with similar interests and went to conventions to fully indulge in my nerd hobbies, but with my anxieties it's always one step forward and two steps backwards and unfortunately I ended up pretty much where I started.
I know it feels that way, and it'll feel that way for a while. But every step forward, even if accompanied by two steps back, is better than just taking steps back. You're doing your best with where you are, please never forget that.
Thats a lot to go through really.From what I see ,you did try whatever you could.Yeah, I have no explainations as to why things dont work out even when ones tries their best 🤷🏻♀️
I'm very sorry to read your story... (a true story, sadly) I emphatize with you a lot, I am not so great to talk english but I can say that I too got a similar situation of yours, I too with friends got rejected many times, but with the time I found some true friend so I compensate my single status with they, but they cannot help me to find a girl. But... I think that you have to find your friends on your cities, because this always helps to make right character and charisma (I found personality with videogames tournament on Italy, for example, before got some friends that loves videogames like me), I think that you are more flincked than uncapable to have a girl. I am becomed the guy that stops many girls (sometime I got some riugh response to their rejection VS me) to the street because I am understand that if I don't do anything, they will not come to me. But... if you find a girl, is not necessary to say of your past, you can say that you got some girl but they abandoned you; you have not to say that you don't got any kisses... When I was without any relationships before, I lied saying that I got something but was not so important. And I already got something like sex (talking on the detail in right times). So I don't think that for you can be a problem... I got some relationships on life after many bad episodes, and right now I'm suffering because I can't find a girl that really gets me attentions that I want (pretend from 1 years ago to today for a bad thing that got my first love, that reappaeared before me after many years that I don't see her)... and I spend time to give hint to the people to make get to they what I don't have, so even you can do this^^ Please don't give up, focus on your passion... cry a lot when you alone in home, go to places sometimes where there are some people with your passion in common... there are people that loves to listen 30's and their experiences, in the world^^ I can only add: I have always thinking that if I was a born woman, I got a blast to guys that got problems and needs partner, I give to they surely a date or two because I judge a person inside (if I want to know a girl outside is only for sex and no other, because I know that is hard to got in relationships with a random girl)
I was one of those people who constantly tried finding the one for me, but no matter how hard I tried I could never hold down a relationship. Now that I realize I won't find the one by looking for them, I've started focusing on myself
All except the first one. It's obvious that a relationship won't make me feel complete. I'm definitely more afraid of falling for someone and getting heartbroken than I am of dying alone. I'll just keep doing me.
@@blobyeol27i72its either you die alone knowing that you lived your life the way you wanted or live with someone who will stab you in the back when you least expect it
Been single for 18 years straight because nobody wants me because I'm black and overweight. I'm the king of being FRIENDZONED or rejected. I was abandoned as a kid and was physically and mentally abused for almost 22 years. Life hasn't been treating me well at all. Love don't come easy for me.
Hahaha I can relate to this so much as a female who is black too. However, I would not say that it is me who is a problem but more like the society. I have people who always friendzoned me or treat me shit as if I am not worth it. Moreover, the men will always choose a my friends who are more attractive than me which leads to jealousy. But at the end of the day you should know yourself that you are worth it and the right people will come to you and love just who you are than a play person who will jump to another more attractive person and cheat on their own people. And hey, am 20 dark-skinned black person where the society does accept my standard. At the meantime I concentrate more on working and improving myself. P.s also looks is not only one that are considered attractive, but as well as confidence, intelligents, sense of humour and kindness are also attractive. 😊 excuse for m’y grammar btw
modified 5 and 4. I was with 'my one' - amazing marriage, my best friend, the man I wanted to grow old with - we planned everything together... looking forward to spending the rest of our lives together. He got to spend the rest of his with me. Now I'm spending the rest of mine without him (because he passed away if that's not clear). I had "the one" and now I just feel broken and damaged. I'm at an age where, yes... "age is just a number" I'm not old by many people's accounts... but I feel it's wrong to date younger guys because they're young enough that they should be getting married and having kids of their own and I can't offer that... but the guys that are my age and older... well... there's usually a reason why they are still single (drink too much, abusive, still immature, have no ambitions, constantly in debt, ton of baby-mamas, etc). But it doesn't matter. No one is interested and I don't blame them. I want the impossible... I want my best friend back.
As an anxious avoidant I stayed in a relation too long because of fear. Then I learned I didn't feel compatible with them and had to admit it to myself. Confront the fear.
This video reminds me of my ex best friend. She would ALWAYS date people and want love but then get mad over the smallest things someone did honestly I felt bad for the guys because they are good people..
I'm sorry to hear that. Sometimes, even our friends can be victim of their own selves.However, we have to be patient with the growth of our close ones! And gently guide them.
I feel so lonely and hopeless..and i don't know what to do anymore. I am 33, have only one real friend, but who is too busy with work most of the time. I am not really the most attractive, partially overweight..I have no job due to circumstances, no relationship with a woman, even though i deeply wish for one because i yearn for that feeling of being loved, being intimate with my romantic partner and being held when i feel down or lonely..and give that care and comfort right back to that someone. I want to have a family, to have children, live a happy, fulfilled and not just lonely life.. I would try to go out and be around people, talk to new people or even try to get into dating, but with what little money i have it's difficult to engage in things like clubs, activities or parties..and i fear that due to all of these factors that people will just not like me and reject me.. The only few distractions i can find from this horrible feeling of loneliness and dread is when i get to talk to people with similar interests online, but at the same time it also reminds me of how i most likely will never meet any of those people, who live across the world..and that reinforces that feeling of isolation even more.. But I just.. I don't know what to do.. I just wish to find love and not not be alone anymore. At this point, I am truly afraid to die alone some day.. i'm sorry, i know it all sounds pathetic..
I was just finished telling some people that I am not attractive and here we are. Most of these ring true for me (the first and the last do not). I knew I wasn't attractive but wow I'm more than broken. I've been abandoned several times, so I'm super cautious about finding someone. Now that my parents are getting divorced, I bet people won't want anything to do with me. Add this to the fact that I get trampled by negative events and failures on the regular... I see why nobody wants to be with me. It's not like my hobbies were interesting, anyway. I get bullied and used, man. I'll try to build up my self-esteem and have fun, but I can't say it's easy.
Hey a lot of this goes for me too, except for the attractiveness thing because I can guarantee that you're more attractive than I am, but at least you don't have to live with the crippling embarrassment of starting to get used to not having a partner just as a girl flirts with you and convinces you to date her and then being really good at convincing you that you finally found the one and you'll finally be able to be happy just for it to all be an elaborate ruse causing you to develop love trauma from her using you and then desperately trying to fill the hole by finding somebody to replace her just to endlessly end up with another person exactly like her resulting in 27 times in a row of getting used like you're nothing but a plaything. Unless you can be happy knowing that you weren't stupid enough to let yourself get tricked over and over and over again Well actually you don't necessarily say that you haven't but you don't really say if you have either, so if that also happened to you then ignore my stupid ass and I apologize
@@kaizo4217 It's ok. I have met women who "said" they wanted to hang up with me, but then never followed through and then ghosted me. I swear they were flirting with me, too. I always think I have a chance but then I get let down right before I even experience a real date. To this day, I still occasionally have dreams of women actually loving me in a romantic way... but then I wake up to reality. Sometimes I have dreams of being stuck in an abusive relationship I had no control over (those always make me feel weak). You may have it tough as well but just know that you're not alone. Stay strong 💪
on your case is more simple: use her and then you will have some satisfacion. So her will think twice before to use someone, next time. I always make clear that I got many delusions but with that I learned a lot, so at me I seen that girls tends to evade me, so I think you are in a better condition than mine: but I personally NEVER understand a thing: I love when a girl got a sad past, I want a girl like this and I find her more attractive than a beautiful girl. I don't understand why grls don't think this on me either
Alas, i don't know if "use" is the appropriate term, because to not give a date to a person that we flirt... is useless, a total waste of time. I too can say "a girl written to me, I'm loved by girl, see that?" because I am writting sometime a crazy woman that I know that she's losing only time (I am doing at the same time to make her a ""lesson"" and feel less lonely) but on reality I am only saying to friends "I am hearing this crazy woman that things to play dump, but I am not doing anything with girls on those days". So, I don't understand what pride there is to ghosting or to not give a real date
I’m still working on changing my mindset. I have dealt with emotional abuse and being heartbroken many times. As much as I want to be in a relationship that can lead to marriage, I am scared of dealing with the same results again.
I feel and dealt with the same thing, cause I have also been heartbroken, damaged, betrayed, and useded by people before so I am very scared of it and that it will end the same way but I wish to find someone one and for true love to find me.
Yes, it can be scary when you let the same cycles or patterns happen over and over again. However, did you get hance to work on yourself to find out what it is that is attracting those patterns?
Same... I'm a depressed, mental mess. I try to make myself feel better but I hurt myself more in the end because I fail at doing some of the most basic things. Knowing that I have a mental illness or two puts a nail in my coffin.
For me, it's a rather deadly combination of several factors: 1. I was born poor, as was the majority of the Smoky Mountain population of North Carolina throughout its entire history, and I've worked full time, often with multiple jobs as I do now, from a very early age, and circumstances have always required I continue to do so, taking up my schedule to the extent that rarely in my life have I ever NOT had to choose not to sleep so I could work another shift immediately after the one I just finished and sometimes another right on top of it. 2. There's a running joke in the area I inhabit that there are three types of people here: married men, married women, and single men. The sad part is that it's largely true. The population is overwhelmingly male and younger folks tend to leave as soon as they're old enough to be capable of self-sustainment, so the population is largely married older couples and younger single men; put that together with my working four jobs and it's not a good combination. 3. Like the video mentioned and excellently described, abuse is a major factor. I've only been in one relationship in my entire life, one which was purely online, and it was abusive in multiple ways, including psychological, emotional, financial, and sexual. Put together with the next item on the list, it's made me extremely hesitant to trust women. 4. I was always the object of lust, not of love. My dad's side of the family always consisted of gigantic, strong, handsome men who worked the manual labor jobs only the strongest were capable of. For example, my great grandpa was a lumberman who stood 6'11" and weighed 385 lbs. IN HIS OLD AGE. I followed similar growth patterns to him for the first eight years of my life, by which point I reached 5'10". As a result of my absurdly early acquisition of a tall and strong physique, I was subjected to sexual harrassment, advances, and even assault at the hands of those we should be able to trust, such as teachers and doctors, and it traumatized me to women in general, though I have thankfully made immense progress in overcoming it; unfortunately my relationship served to undo some of that progress and revived the trauma, as my partner had fetishized me in multiple ways. 5. Having grown up in a strange mix of settings and time periods, my combination of interests, beliefs, and preferences seems so entirely like anyone else's. Where I grew up had experienced little-to-no change from the time it was settled in the early 1800s. After we moved away, suddenly I found out there's such a thing as technology, video games, Pokémon, and anime, to name a few examples. A massive part of my identity is tied to two-hundred years ago and just as big a part of who I am is tied to the here and now, and it's been expressed to me many times by many people that the combination simply does not work and that those two aspects are, in fact, completely opposite. I've even been told that the archaic aspect of my personality is outdated, offensive, and societally unacceptable. 6. I've never gone for any sort of diagnosis, but I'm socially aware enough to realize that I have communication problems but seemingly not socially aware enough to understand what they are, how to deal with them, or even if they're truly problems. It's sort of like being trapped in this body that can only communicate in one language, one which others don't understand, whereas the tiny you piloting the mech you speaks enough of the language others are speaking to know it's not coming out right but not enough to know how to make it come out right. Maybe it's my ancient upbringing or maybe it's undiagnosed autism of some sort; I truly don't know, and I have neither the knowledge nor the time to investigate the matter, something I deeply lament. 7. I'm way too interested. This comment is far too long. When I'm interested in something, I want to know absolutely everything about it. When I explain something, I want to provide every last detail. Too long, didn't read. It's boring, I fully understand. Self-aware enough to know the communication doesn't work, but more self-aware enough to know how to fix it. 8. I could never convey all of this verbally, only written or typed. Contrasting my desire to engage in in-depth conversation, my verbal communication abilities are limited entirely to voice acting and to impressing my bosses with my articulation and "well-spokenness". If it's not professional or for work, I don't articulate, much less communicate, effectively and, as a result (in addition to other factors), I'm not one for speaking. There were entire years of school in which my class assumed I was mute because I never said anything at all. Felt kind of nice to type all of that out. There are other factors, I'm sure, but this list is already far too long and convoluted. To anyone out there not feeling well, whether physically, mentally, emotionally, etc. it's hope and prayer that you'll soon be feeling fantastic!
dont lose hope bro keep trying and manifesting theres always a chance, if theres true love its ought to come together, sleep more, type less, find who sabotages ur relationship, dont believe in fate and synchronicity, i trust one true love of life
Dude you just wrote a novel in the comments god dam I’m impressed you should write a book I’m not very experienced in that love stuff cuz I’m a complete psycho and don’t even think I can feel love or anger or sadness I’m just in a strange state of calm excitement all the time I have some really close friends but I’m only able to make friends with people really similar to me so yeh my love life is strange I’ve tried dating but I always feel like if the other person died in front of me I’d be completely unfazed so it just feels like I’m faking everything around them but good luck with your search for another person if you can’t find anyone try doing more of the other stuff that makes you happy
I tend to self sabotage myself when it comes to love. Like a sense of worthlessness. Like, I’ll talk and make friends. But that’s it. I’m working on changing that. My emotions fluctuate. So I have been working on it. Praying on it as well.
I’m a still-healing survivor of #4. I was subject to family abuse for years before realising the problem, and that proved to be the point of catalysis. Since then my self-image has gradually improved, my wounds healing little-by-little, and I’ve realised that not only am I unbroken, but I was _never_ broken in the first place, and all it took was one snap decision to begin the healing process. Perhaps one day I’ll find romance with the perfect partner. Until then, I am my own unique person with his own special quirks and qualities, who doesn’t need a boyfriend to feel complete. I’m in no rush. All good things take time to nurture, and here and now I’m still in self-discovery, learning who I am day-by-day, savouring each moment as it comes… and preparing for what life brings this way.
This is inspiring. Thank you for this. I'm a boy getting ready for college next year but I'm soooo depressed. I think I'm very broken but after reading your comment, I think I might have a chance at being worth something.
The thumbnail is so true. I swear it feels like this video was made specially for me. I even have a body spray called "The One". I'll never find the one. Period.
I've been Pro-Bachelor all my life. One day when I was younger I took one look at the dating scene and thought "My family must have some grudge against me if they're encouraging me to deal with this"😑😑😑
I healed. I think it was helpful to see so many mistakes from relatives, on top of my traumas and abuse. It helped comprehending certain issues of relationships at an early age. My partner ain't perfect but I'm so grateful to him for the mutual understanding and asking me realize I can stay imperfect, too, while doing what I love to do; teach.
Social anxiety. In any situation, it's just plain easier and less stressful to be alone. Sucks that it doesn't prevent being lonely, though. It's hard to imagine being perfectly happy with or without a partner.
For me I don't care about who I am with just as long as we have shared hobbies that we can do together and can enjoy and love our time together and they can accept me for being who I am and not to be judged for it either. But... I dunno. Just feel like at this point love is either just forcing yourself to be with someone you know you won't be happy with and try to make it work or just accept that it's not ever gonna happen. I don't expect it to be perfect like with my previous crush who only just led me on but... I just rather be alone than be with someone who doesn't get me :c
Watching it after I rejected a possible relationship recently. Exactly because of all the factors mentioned in the video, I couldn't just verbalize them. Thank you a lot 🌻
@@Danielsonic87 I rejected him. I wanted to start with friendship first because he constantly pushed me going for a relationship. For me it was more important to build trust and going step by step into a relationship. In a sense from friends to best friends and then to lovers. He chose to leave.
@@iuinshine5213 I think that, in my experience, a friend cannot become more than friend because all my female friends always rejected me, never wanting more than that. So I think that the best way is to give an occasion without say the word "friend", otherwise any men would go away: if a person needs a partner, they don't want a friend, a friend, maybe, they have it already.
@@Danielsonic87 I see, it does make sense. I just hoped he would give me more reassurance and not the opposite. Saying that it's ok, labels are not so important and that he just wants to be by my side, we can take things slowly. Or if he asked what being friends even means ... he hasn't, he just left. Later I messaged him myself, explained to him what I meant but he still didn't replied. So it kinda makes me feel even more that all he wanted is a girlfriend and not me.
Abandonment is my issue from childhood. I've basically shape-shifted in all extremes of weight most of my life, usually in sync with whomever deemed me any love or attention. The bare minimum was enough for me. Now I feel my expectations are too high, and wonder if I should lower them. I want to date but I have a hard habit developing emotions for ones who are difficult to crack and/or emotionally shutdown.
Coming from a #5 so maybe I'm a bit biased, but I'd say don't lower your expectations. Find what makes you happy and go for it. Personally, if my life goals (family-oriented and wanting to have kids eventually, building and maintaining a secondary residence for Airbnb) and at least one pass time (say hiking, biking, video games, MTG) line up with a woman's, I go for it. I've shifted my approach after the last few I've got along with well later revealed they don't want kids one day, to now bringing up life goals in some of the starting conversations. The most recent one I thought was the one, but a few months later flip flopped on the idea of having kids.
I'm the man that is emotionally open and communicative. Trust me, you don't want us. You'll hate it. You'll think we're needy and clingy. Don't let society fool you into believing you want a man who is emotionally open. It's nonsense.
@@Victoria-Vixen Nope. Because where is that man now? Not your boyfriend. You all lied to men like me, and my dumbass ate it up as a kid. Be kind. Be emotional. Be open and communicative and honest. Yep, and now I'm just the "friend" or the "big brother" because women like you don't think your expectations of men aren't way too high and out of bounds.
@@Victoria-Vixen Lol, yes you are. You all ALL BEG and PLEAD for men like me, but when it comes time to actually do the damn thing, you call us needy and clingy. You all have in your minds how a man should act, and it's not even close to how you say you want us to act. You poisoned my well. And now I feel GUILTY for trying to be an asshole and get laid and use you all like the toys you treat yourself as. You all keep dating the same men, and then ask where all the good men are at. Please. It's a joke at this point. Good luck finding the guy that's going to buy you Gucci and a Lambo, though.
not finding "the one" was holding me back, but also thinking nobody wanted me. and now it is with great regards to say i told my crush i liked them and were dating. maybe, just maybe i am wanted after all...
I'm 23. And my parents married and had me in early 20s. Always thought that I had to do the same. Marry, have a kid, etc. Yet here I am, single after destroying 4 relationships and developing commitment and abandonment issues...
#3 really hit a home run in my book. It's not that I think I'm better than everyone else, literally quite the opposite, however after being let down my entire life by parental figures, you learn it's just easier to rely on yourself. We never learned boundaries cause frankly our parents never learned themselves, so how could they teach us what boundaries are? Same goes for physical boundaries, (imo) that's one of the hardest parts of relationships is actually physically growing closer. Dealing with autism doesn't help much with touch, but I see people hug, hold hands, lean on shoulders, cuddle.... it unleashes an unholy urge to have those actions replicated with you. Once I learn to cope and continue with therapy, I think truly it's gonna be the last thing holding me back from the loving partner I deserve.
Agreed. I have felt like I've worked twice as hard just to be average. I'm socially awkward, don't know how to react when people touch me. I have adhd, so I can blurt out the wrong thing too. I'm 41, so I've dealt with this so long I don't care what anyone thinks at this point. Men would be a dumbass if they didn't like me. I make cheese fries, and like giving head scratches.🤭🤭🤭
Honestly, I'm glad I found this channel. At the moment I am going through a very rough patch of my life. My girlfriend of a year and a half left me, I had been in a few relationships prior but they were never because of love but more out of loneliness, and then now I fell in love for the very first time. I always had trust issues and she's the only person I've ever fully trusted. In September her and I went on a break so she could figure out mental health. The longer she stayed away, the more it affected my mental health. A few weeks ago, she texts me saying we won't get back together again and a week later she's dating another guy. Then some time later as I try my best to stay friends with her despite the frequent breakdowns this gave me, she started yelling at all my friends, telling them that they were horrible people and that they always neglected her. They then abandoned her entirely, though she'd never been rude with any of them previously, and I got mad at all of them for none of them even bothering to ask her what was up, and then they all abandoned me entirely as well. Now, she doesn't want to talk to me anymore and I just can't get over her. I gave her everything, I trusted her with my body and my soul, showed her more than I ever showed anybody, and now she's left me alone entirely. I haven't been eating or sleeping well, I constantly have to repress my thoughts of suicide and self harm, and I can't get over her. At the start of our relationship, she saved my life, and I don't know where I'd be without her. Being able to find your videos has helped me cope with all of this and figure out how to handle certain situations better, both when I dated her as she struggled and when I'm struggling myself. There's not enough I can say that will ever express my gratitude for people such as your channel who do these things to help others who need it. I thank you eternally.
Wow... I feel so bad for you. You deserve so much better. This is coming from a depressed boy turning 19 in two months. You shouldn't have been betrayed like that. If your ex got with someone else a week after your breakup, I bet she was seeing that other guy during your relationship. That's what it sounds like to me, but maybe I'm just taking it too far because I think that happened to me. I met a girl I thought liked me and I hung out with her a lot in 12th grade, but she started favoring other boys over me (and they were all taller and more attractive). She ghosted me and boom, she's all "bros" with someone else. I felt so horrible because she lied about wanting to hang out with me prior to her ghosting me. I was just... Anyway, I'm glad Psych2go exists. I probably would've... you know... if I didn't find this channel. It's so uplifting... I can't imagine a world without it.
@@DeRez19 I doubt she was seeing him during most of our relationship, as we were genuinely happy together until, well, she met him at the start of the school year. But, I know this may not mean much, but I know depression is a tough thing to fight. Keep going. Even if everybody in your life gives up on you, there is someone still out there hoping that you are safe. Good luck, I wish you the best.
@@sneakyphantom2376 Thank you. Ibet you're right. You met her for real and even dated her. I guess I'm just upset because at least you've had a chance to date someone for as long as you did and be happy during it. I never had that chance.
I feel like the second one is definitely me because my parents, although they never divorced, are the archetypal "stayed together for the kids" pair. I can't call up a single memory where they kissed, hugged, or held hands. They even crashed my 4th birthday with their arguments. But they kept forcing themselves to keep going for whatever reason. I never had an example of what a positive relationship looks like so even if I might like to have one someday I just don't have a mental image of what it is and frankly I assume it's statistically likely to crash and burn, after all their relationship started with sunshine and daisies despite the direction it went in. So I weigh that potential for disaster into the pros and cons of any potential for a romantic partnership. Maybe I will get over this someday. Right now its hard to imagine a reality where I have.
Same here. But I've decided to analyze the problems my parents did and I'll try to avoid them at any costs. First, they got married just after 2 years of dating, even my 17 years old best friend is longer with her boyfriend lol. I've always wanted to be in an relationship so bad and I was kind of desperate, but now I've realized that I shouldn't rush. I'm only 17 so I'm sure that my time will come. I'm just worried that my parents will never told me more why their relationship failed because it would be too painful for us, but I want to talk to psychologist soon and hopefully he/she will help me deal with that burden. Stay strong!!
#4 hits hard, I remember having this exact thought 2 weeks ago when it finally hit me what my now two year removed relationship actually was, after having a basically one month long panic attack.
Don't say that ^^ i don't know your reason of saying that, but i'm sure u will find someone who likes the same things as u and will vibe together that's what i say to myself xD
Fear of change and laziness are the biggest things holding me back. I am happy, however, that I've lost that sense of "needing" one I had in my younger years (or that I should have one and thus a failure for not). I'm quite happy with my family and friends, and if someone should someday come along I hope I'm not too oblivious to recognize it lol
I’m a student and I told myself I’ll remain single and I’ll start dating when I start earning a real salary because I want to take care of my partner so well.
I just turned 30 last month and I've been single my whole life. I've never been in any kind of relationship and I couldn't be happier about it. I choose to be single and I feel it's the easier way to go through life. It's like what they say... if it ain't broke, don't fix it. 😁👍
Oh no! I'm literally the one who believes I'm incomplete without someone else, but I just can't help but feel that way! That may be why I've always been single :(
1st situation describes me the best, I'm not single by choice. No one likes me and if I like someone I'm too shy or nervous to propose so that's why I've never been in a relationship.
When I was younger, I was definitely a 3. I had no emotional awareness of the people around me at all and was obsessed with my own problems. I remember when my parents went to school with me, my mom commented on how everyone was giving me friendly greetings and I wasn't responding. I didn't even notice it. I was so deep into my shell I used to protect myself from bullies in the past that I wasn't even aware of people being friendly towards me. Now that I'm older, I'm firmly a 4. Whenever I think about going back into the dating scene, I feel like no one would want to be with me and all my baggage.
Me who has been shaped by past wounds and trauma and who has learned to be as self-sufficient as possible and to be embarrassed asking for help from anybody.
I'm unlovable and nobody with any amount of option would ever choose me as their one. Nobody cares what happens to me. I don't even have family trying to get me hitched. I'm older than most of you all, and life in an empty house with no partner is a very bleak prospect.
I feel exactly the same. The only guy who "wants me" betrays me, meets other girls etc. I'm trying to accept it, because ohtherwise i will be alone forever. My mindset is: everyone betrays, no one thinks that I am good enough.
@@siouxsie99 Thank you for relating. And you don't need to accept bad treatment. Being alone and giving yourself a chance to find someone better is a better way. Even sad and lonely, I will not accept being treated poorly by the person I should be able to trust most.
Someone's said: "“Someone who truly loves you sees what a mess you can be, how moody you can get, and how hard you can be to handle but still wants you.” 😜
I don't believe that. I have to be almost perfect if I want to be loved like that. I've been crushed after every slip up and weird moment I've caused and had. If I am not dependable, I have no worth to others in a relationship.
@@DeRez19 That's not true. I've also grown up with that mindset that I need to be dependable, to always have something to offer and to fit other people's terms and conditions in order to be loved. I've learnt that from my upbringing and from past experiences. What I realised is that that way of thinking is incredibly unhealthy and not beneficial to me. I've learnt to step back and move away from people that make me feel inadequate or make me feel like I can't be myself. It's important to realise that good people who genuinely care about you will love you even if you're not perfect, even when you feel like you're at your worst or when you're doing things that others find quirky and weird. Recognise that if someone can't love you as you are then that is not love. If you're like me you've probably had some negative past experiences with love that conditioned you to feel this way. I hope you find people who truly care about you and don't make you feel like this.
@@chaoticsiv4167 Are you a girl or a boy If you're a girl, I see exactly why you think this way. Girls get far more support than any guy ever, even if it's just for something miniscule. If you're a boy, I'm amazed. I've been raised to always be better and people have high expectations of me (especially my parents). Every time something bad happens on my end, they blame it on me not reading my Bible enough, not working hard enough, or playing too many video games (even though I barely play them). There are rare occasions where it's evidently not my fault so they're actually on my side, but they'll jump the gun about things that are really not a big deal.
#4: I feel I'm over the atrociously abusive relationship that I was in almost twenty years ago, and that has left me happy with being alone. It can be lonely, but that way I have no worries about about what someone thinks of me or wants me to do when I am at home.
Well, I just believe no one's going to ever love me even though I want it. My anxiety keeps me from even confessing to anyone I like. I'm scared of rejection because I've received a lot of it. So I just wait for someone I guess. My mental health at the moment is terrible. I'm unable to love myself or feel as though the people around me, love me. I'm still living with someone who constantly criticizes me and destroys my mental image of myself or just triggers me really badly. I don't have anyone to live with that'll take me in and I'm underage. Even with therapy, I won't be able to fully heal until I get out of my current environment.
Granted, yes, I would love to get married, it'd be great if I found "the one" However, I have been single my entire life and every time I even ask a girl out on a date, I get rejected. That's what makes me believe I'll be permanently single- experience.
After I've been rejected for being too short once, I stopped looking for anyone. I'm perfectly fine without a partner, which is why I won't waste my time actively looking for one. I'm just going to let the time pass and eventually I find someone I like, but I won't make the first step this time.
I think it's best for me to just... Not be in a relationship for a while. Both previous relationships ended in such a way I was incredibly emotionally affected which honestly indicates that I have a negative way of perceiving relationships. I want to.. grow as me. Become a better person y'know?
My biggest hangups are related to my rock bottom self-esteem. I have a terrible view of myself, both inside and out. I have a hard time even imagining someone wanting me.
I'm 32, i've never had a relationship but I've grown so much to think now that the best time for a relationship is when you don't feel like you need one. It just happens naturally.
Yes, when you don't date for a long time, you can start to feel it's not necessary. However, I think if you make the effort to find the right one and work on yourself, you will feel so much joy. Afterall, at one point or another, we're here in this world to experience life and it's incomplete without finding love.
@@Psych2go Definitely, I went into therapy and learned the importance of practicing self love and once I felt better about myself then I could seek out a partner for my needs.
I'm working on myself but worried I'll never be good enough for the person I want. I won't stop trying to make myself proud but I'm not cut out for a lonely life
This year I promised myself to make a change with regards of love after years of deep loneliness. I have talked to more than a hundred people, went on dates with a few women, got ghosted a lot, and eventually had a physical relationship with a woman whom I was for half a year. Eventually I was in love and she wanted only to be friends. Kept chatting with people trying to meet a potential partner, but continued to end up ghosted or finding out they were already taken. By the end of this year I am much more experienced, yet my sadness and loneliness are exactly the same. I am simply exhausted of hearing "but", just want to have a serious relationship...
For the things that did resonate with me, I’ve dealt with them. My problem is either when I find someone I like they are either not interested, or date me before they “found someone better” (their words). Or people who are interested are proclaiming undying love after having only met me once or twice and a few online conversations, and that for me is a massive turn off. While I have no doubt they like me, this unrealistic approach is a big warning sign of something that will burn out quickly. Where are the guys who want to take their time, go out with me and get to know me, spend hours on the phone chatting and want me to be the same to them in every respect? Nothing too fast, just growing interest. I know; between my low vision and Asperger’s, I have a hard time seeing people’s subtle hints, so they think I’m not interested.
I have come to realise I am not the type of person that should be in a relationship. I have accepted this and am embracing my destiny as a crazy cat lady.
okay ill sound like an asshole but i went through that too and you don't need a relationship to be loved, being single is not a thing to be ashamed of for beginners you need some friends, good friends don't rush a relationship, it's okay you'll know when you're ready
3 and 4 hit HARD. I thought that i wasnt the kind of person with abandonment issues, or at least i didnt think it shaped my personality in any way but man... ive got some trauma going on affecting my day-to-day without me knowing. Another belief that i struggle with is feeling like im literally out of this world. I dont feel like im human or at least ot human enough. Ive always found myself thinking and doing things that ohers dont, thus making me feel like i was just too weird and strange to meet someone who would accept me and understand me, which eventually led me to believe that i will be forever single. I dont know what it is about me but apparently i push people away without really wanting to.
I don’t know why but I just feel like I’m very critical of myself all the time and that’s probably another factor that holds people back. I was not a nice person in the past. But I worked hard to change who I was and became a better person because of it all on my own. However, that came with the habit of criticizing myself too much and too often. It’s draining and frustrating when every single thing I do feels wrong or I feel like a jerk for saying X. It’s definitely something that I acknowledge is holding me back from truly being myself and the good person I want to be.
Yeah as soon as stuff start to look more serious I tend to want to run away. I think it is because of my unrealistic expectations and standards. I'm at that point where I'm not sure if I want to be in the relationship or not. Appreciation of the person I'm dating should be there because they are very nice and a good person. Kind of feels like the case of trying to find the one. Since I don't really have platonic friend's where I currently live maybe using a relationship to be happy might be happening as well. Saying all this feels like outing myself lol. Is it falling towards old bad habits again?
All of these hit somewhat close to home, but with therapy I am working on changing myself and how I think. I don't think I need a relationship, I enjoy being alone, but sometimes the loneliness is overwhelming. Abandonment does scare me, but I have started accepting that people sometimes come and go. While I do have emotional and mental health problems due to a broken childhood, I wouldn't say I am broken more incomplete like some puzzle pieces are missing. I have learned how to start setting boundaries and being happier and I focus more on my goals since my last relationship. I really just have to work on my stubbornness and emotional regulation a bit more. I do not want a perfect partner, but I do want someone who is also a friend and not just a lover. Someone who understands me and someone to build something with.
As an INFP, I always find it hard to accept those that like me because they don’t meet the unrealistic standards that I have of the ✨one✨ so I end up missing an opportunity to start an amazing relationship with someone. I understand that I need to get out of my fantasies about who the ✨one✨ could be, but I find it hard to 😢
Omg same! It's so difficult, but one thing that help is having a list of what you can't accept in a relationship. For me, it's my religious beliefs, respect (obviously), and vision of the future, so the list help me when I think too much.
Every relationship I've been in I've been cheated on or dumped, regardless of how understanding, caring or respectful I am. My most recent one was a friend of 14 years where we knew each other for so long and shared so much in common. After a near death experience where I was sent to hospital she asked if I wanted to take our friendship to the next level and I whole heatedly agreed. It was the happiest year of my life...but then she just decided that It wasn't working out and said "we" started this relationship under bad circumstances when technically she proposed the idea to me and I agreed to it. Before any of that I was literally coming to terms that I was going to die alone. For that whole year she gave me hope that I was wrong. We were happy...but apparently she wasn't happy enough...I'd give anything to have that relationship again...but because she wasn't fully committed it would just end in tragedy again anyways...now I don't know if I'll ever find anyone again...or if I even want to anymore if all it's going to do is bring me more heartache...
3:51 This is going to miss the point SO completely for many. Because to many if not most, it's not what "happened to them", but what they've either let happen or what they did. Acting as if there was no control over anything, when you were the one capable of controlling, is not helpful either. It's more about acknowledging when you messed up (or more often your part in messing up) and trying to move on. Which can be super hard if no one else does or if they give you more responsibility for it, than you deserve. It's insanely hard to not play the guilt game, to not try and ignore it and to not be constantly reminded. Doesn't help, when time let's the actual memories fade and leaves only the feelings. (Seems to be similar to "Devola and Popola" in that regard) And if you try to talk with people about it, they'll either don't care, they will try to justify whatever happened or they will blame you. Either way, it won't help much, because none of these things will help to deal with what happened in a meaningful way. Even if you acknowledge your part in screwing up, there are many people, which will not be satisfied with that, they will go through putting the blame on you and convince others that they're right. Or that you didn't do enough to remedy what happened, etc. Leaving you to believe that the only right thing you can do is to deal with that by embracing the suffering. It's what happens on the internet and IRL so much and it's that, why I'm very hesitant about a partner. I just don't want to be blamed for more than I failed. And I don't want to play the emotional tank anymore for someone else's mindset. Just some random comments on the internet about Devola and Popola, blaming them and not forgiving them, is enough to ruin my month. (I've only played NieR: Automata in that regard, but whatever they've done prior, seeing them still suffering from other people's judgment for an "ancient sin" is just so fucked up, imo. And it's even more fucked, that probably most people see nothing wrong with it either)
Its officially been a year since my bf of 10 years and I broke up. He was my first...well everything. It hurt and even now I am still dealing with some negative feelings caused by the break up. This video is really nice because it reminds me that I am not alone in my feelings or experiences and that I need to continue to work on self improvement and how to deal with constant depression and anxious feelings. Therapy is so wonderful
Number 3 & 4 was my problem for a long time. It ruined my 2 longterm relationships I had but therapy has allowed me to change this mindset. Being single is not bad, and being on apps to find something does not interest me at all. I get to meet people in person in everyday life is so much better but I am not looking for anybody, it is better to focus on yourself and people are attracted to you, then love will find you. But i wont lie sometimes it would be nice to have somebody next to me in bed watching tv and eating something yummy, I mean somebody other than my dog lol
My ex came back to me few days ago I got help from a Relationship Restorer Dr enema Who was able to mend back my broken relationship and make my ex to come back and beg For a second chance. He can bring your ex back, and he also do a lot of work also like... financial problem, and court case, etc
#3 and #4 As someone who got grinded through the foster system just to end up in a toxic family, holy shit these two describe me perfectly. I don’t trust people because my parents didn’t love me and when I got into a new family the people I trusted abused me so now I just don’t trust anyone. The annoying thing is I’m actually not that bad looking and I get asked out in high school but I never go out with anyone. I don’t trust anyone
Lately i try to not get too attached to new people. I'm on my 30s and keeping people has been hard, life gets in the way and you're forced to separate from them. No matter how connected are with them in social media, it's always hard to meet each other. And it has been happening with every connection i have, people come and go, and they don't stay anymore. I did my best.
Good video as always. I'm single and OK, but I think I suffer from some of the beliefs mentioned in the video. Several rejections when I was younger haven't helped.
We know in the video, we said 6 beliefs, but if you're single right now, what's holding you back?
Myself
Honestly myself. I always try too hard and end up coming off as “the big brother”. Idk I just need to work on that.
Doesnt matter my mindset im to ugly for anyone to love. So I keep my hopes down cuz ik no one likes me even if i have a charming personality i dont fall on categories of good looking people.😶
I'm not single I have a wonderful girlfriend 😌 that I'm happy with we celebrated our 1 month anniversary in November
I dunno.. i have trouble meeting New people..i do not like parties at all.. or big social gatherings in general..
"A relationship should enhance you, not complete you"
Yes, that's what I personally feel is healthy too. It's not about completing you but bringing out the best in you.
Cool, I'll never be at my best :)
And you shouldn't have to fight for it or constantly compromise - until you don't recognise yourself anymore! (or as my father says: "Don't stop travelers" (translated from the German: Reisende soll man nicht aufhalten!) - meaning that you should not try to stop somebody from leaving!)
There, now it's complete :)
Well what's so wrong with feeling complete with another person?
no relationships for me then
I just flat out gave up on dating. Whatever happens, happens and I've come to terms that it could lead to me being single for the rest of my life. I'm just focused on finding a happiness that doesn't come from relationships. Even though it does get lonely sometimes.
I think I'll give up, too. People tell me to not give up, but... I'm too lame and hurt to bring anything worthwhile to any girl I like. I see why I've been ditched and used several times. At most I'm a walking punching bag.
Honestly relationships never truly work. But it’s not about having that perfectly synergy. It’s about both wanting more than anything, to keep the relationship healthy. But yeah, finding relationships are too tiring. It’s difficult to Multi task love while still trying your hardest to keep your own life afloat
Given up on it a long time ago, I've no chance with anyone.
Nah... I ain't against the idea... BUT out of about 8 Billion motherf*ckers on this rock, my hands are FULL keeping up with the ONE (and ONLY ONE) that I'm actually fully responsible for... I'm going (for the foreseeable future) to bother with getting my own sh*t together and straight. If someone happens into my life to work more or less in similar directions and purposes with me, great.... AND if not... well... I've been on my own mostly so far, it ain't gonna start bugging me out now (all of a sudden)...
"The Dating Scene" is a joke. You can't even look at it like that and take it seriously. I mean, REALLY??? Girls are supposed to find a certain spot and line up for examination, flaunt some "wares" (whatever that means) and attract a guy who is then supposed to come forward and ask one of them out??? OH... AND let's not forget making up rules about "not being creepy" and "don't forget to flirt a little, BUT NOT TOO MUCH!!!" and... seriously... as soon as you think you've got the "ethics" down, they (society at large) HAS to go around and change everything...
What was cool last year, suddenly HAS to suck. Whatever was funny even a month ago, forget it. It's TOXIC now. Being on your best behavior USED to be the right way to act, but now, being nice is a plague... even doing something JUST because it's polite is a good way to have to stand through a half an hour of hellfire and brimstone from someone who HATES it when people "like you" do something for them because it's supposedly the decent thing to do...
You can't f*cking WIN at "the game"... SO in regards to THAT whole mountain of crap, yeah... I'm out the door and running late to be anywhere but here!
I'll tan the g** d*** rawhide to BUILD the f*ckin' drum! Then when I'm toodling along at my own pace, rhythm and beat... if someone shows up with an interest, great. If not, then the whole world can burn itself out for all I care. I've got sh*t to do... ;o)
I feel the same way. My second marriage was a disaster. Totally ruined me and my emotions. I do get lonely sometimes, but it's better than what I went through a few years back. I'm slowly starting to embrace my oneness. I really do think I was always meant to be a loner type person. Take care all and be safe out there. Cheers
The key points, as I see them, are this:
1. Do what makes you happy.
2. Have a passion or two. Work on it, cultivate it, and do not be afraid to share it with others.
3. Surround yourself with people who like you for you and share some of the same likes and passions as you.
4. Ask to join other people on their journey through life and enjoy their passions.
5. Leave the door open for others to join you. If someone takes an interest in you or in your passions, let them travel with you for a while on that journey.
6. Look for satisfaction from within yourself. Don't do something because someone else will admire you or praise you. Do things because you enjoy doing it.
7. If you find yourself being invited to share in the likes and passions of another person, and they are asking to be involved with your likes and passions, they probably like you. If you are interested in pursuing something romantic, it's ok to ask. But if they say no, don't take it too personally. They may not be ready for the relationship you want, but they might know someone who is. If they find you interesting, they are still going to find you interesting after you ask. If they don't, then you dodged a bullet.
I agree with every point apart from "let people who take interest in you in on your journey". What if I am not interested in the slightest in that person? I can't just pretend to like them, can I? I would take everyone I find at least a bit attractive on the inside and the outside in on my journey of life. But I couldn't do it (for a relationship purpose) with people I found ugly from the inside or the outside. I hate superficiality. But I also can't deny the fact that I'm not attracted to physically unattractive women, 99% of the time. I'm very open-minded, though. It makes me sad every time I think about it how I can't just ignore the looks...
This world isn't fair at all, guys, girls and others genders...
Finding love is probably the thing that you cannot control at all in your life. It either happens to you or it doesn't. For me finding a love partner was the most important thing for a long time. I'm now reaching the end of my twenties and it seems like finding love is harder than I thought. So I started concentrating on myself and how I can make me feel good (eating healthy, meeting good friends, partying from time to time, reading books from time to time, playing video games with or without friends, singing passionately, because it's the strongest skill I possess, going to the gym to keep my body in shape etc.). And ironically, I have the feeling that women find me more attractive now, while I can enjoy being single much more.
Like I said in the beginning, finding partner love is not in our control. Might as well enjoy your journey without it. There are many forms of love. Find the love that makes you feel like you belong on this planet. Because, fellas, you do ♥️🙏
Have a great April 1st! This wasn't a joke comment btw.
It came from my heart ♥️
@Sir Henry If you are not physically attracted to a person, nothing is going to change that. You can still travel with them, and they can travel with you, but that road will never lead to the bedroom. Maybe, eventually you go in separate directions, or that path leads to friendship. Maybe that path leads to you getting a restraining order on them. (A little humor there.) But you understand my main point wheb you say that the more you work on yourself and the happier you are with yourself, the more attractive you are to others. Be happy and comfort with yourself, and it will happen when it happens, if you want it to.
@@davedave8263 Oh, I WANT it to. I'll stay patient and work on myself in the meantime. :)
parents: "you're too young to date!"
me: "ok"
my 18th birthday: *give us grandchildren.*
I've been single all my life. To be honest it's a combination of me being somewhat of a social reject, me being shy and mostly introverted, and also the issue that I've just never been given a chance to prove myself
How old are you
@@Jithhhhhh old enough to drink
1. 0:58 - I'm incomplete without a relationship.
2. 2:04 - It didn't work out for my parents, so it won't work out for me.
3. 2:43 - Beliefs about abandonment.
4. 3:26 - Beliefs about being damaged.
5. 4:13 - I'm still waiting for THE ONE.
Thanks
Thanks
Ok, 3 things
You need to bath
What is going on with the static
You made this comment 7 days ago when it came out today
@@OrangePiggy .....omg he did write it 7 days ago 💀
@@OrangePiggy You're welcome.
Another factor that at least keeps me single is witnessing my mother refusing to leave a toxic husband, and watch her suffer mentally and emotionally in a bad relationship; and even after she receives my genuine encouragement to leave him, she still won’t.
Seeing all of this made me weary about how will I be when I’ll be older (fear that I will turn up like my father) and about screening potential partners to ensure that they won’t be like that in the future. It’s hard to get close to someone when you screen them to see if they show red flags.
But that's a positive,not a negative. Many relationships are toxic, w a Controller and a Controlled. So why do people think a Relationship is the solution to unhappiness. Your mom once thought that, she was long and thought 'If I had a partner I'd be Happy'. That didn't work for her. It didn't work for millions of people. We are addicts, thinking the Solution is the next Relationship. We will waste our lives thinking a Relationship is the miracle to happiness. Even with all the evidences of unhappy people inside a Relationship.
@@FogelsChannel
For the most part, it is true, a relationship adds something delicate, yet amazing to your grater picture, it isn’t a key to something, but a lot of people see it that way and end up in sup par relationship. High standards are a good thing, but they reduce my dating vodka shot glass (I’m gay so I have breadcrumbs for my dating options) down to a droplet at best.
I'm single because of my introverted personality, mostly. Still, I always thought I would like to meet someone at some point. Now, I'm not so sure. While it is lonely at times, I really love my alone time, if that makes sense. In addition, I'm not sure I would make that great of a partner if I'm being completely honest with myself. So, at the moment, I'm content with being single.
same here
welcome me to the club
Same mate!
I'm the exact same way too, plus my other relationships, all went down for the same or a different reason entirely and those things alone has made me believe I can't be someone's partner in the future and my heart has been broken so many by them, I just don't know anymore to were I both cautious and skeptical about girls at this point, I don't want, but I am and it sucks.
@@henrydiamond3435 At least you have been in relationships! You`re winner into my eyes
I just lost my wife ... she died after we were married 15 years :(
Thank you for your awesome channel - I LOVE your work !
I'm sorry to hear that, I wish the best and to heal
@@blobyeol27i72 OMG
Thank you for the best to heal .... really suprized me in a positive way. Ive been feeling rather alone since being recently widowed.
Prayers Love and Light ~ AA Michael
Oh dear that's very heartbreaking, my condolences. Ik what it feels like to lose someone close too, so I hope you stay strong and hope that your wife is in a safer place now. R.I.P
that is absolutely heartbreaking, i’m so sorry for your loss. rest in peace to your wife
Point 4 really hits my mark. I've grown up in a broken household and I have a hard time seeing myself as worthy enough to others. Not to mention, I am scared about being close to people as I have seen various people throughout the years betrayed me and my mom. And now, I'm by myself as my mother was displaying narcissitic traits. I know for some past traumas are not my fault but there is a part of me that feels like I should have known better or done something. A good guy that I have talked with online for over a year has made me feel things that I have never felt before, I know it's had an affect on me to change and I've been trying to be more open. Yet, I'm still afraid to get too deep as I'm afraid I'm just being used and/or will be hurt again. I want to open yet, I just don't see how anyone can see me as someone being worthy, especially to him. I feel so confused but at the same time, I feel better than I have been in years. It's been a process.
OMG point 4 destroys me. I am so lame. My past traumas, my parents getting a divorce, people bullying and using me... heck I even had a near-death experience that still haunts me. Nobody wants to be in a real relationship with me and I see why.
i completely feel like this
I can SO relate to all of this! 😫 I've always been afraid of getting hurt/abandoned and thinking that I'm not good enough for anyone. I too had someone who I had found online and talked to them for a couple of years, but I think my loooow self-esteem and some other stuff chased them off.
You’re lucky, cherish it
I'm not just "incomplete" without a relationship, I'm straight-up EMPTY. Right now I don't necessarily live, but rather just exist. I need someone to devote myself to, to fill my life with meaning and purpose!
Try looking for meaning in church :) i find my purpose in life through learning about what i am made for.
@@yankiuhui2550 I do not believe in god or any other deities. And I absolutely hate all those religious organizations. In fact, I would openly despise those "higher beings" if they were real.
@@outcast4087 I hear you my friend. It is a strange idea to consider especially what you might have experienced and encountered with people who believe in God.
My experience is I've been drifting and longing for someone fill the ache of my heart where i can give my all. But what I learn is nothing or no one can fill that besides God. I no longer believe that i am just a being who is simply meant to give and receive pleasure from another person.
God could be the answer :)
Now i just love anyone that i come across to the best way i can and i know everyday at the end i have done the right thing.
Not preaching tho, just wanted to share how i found purpose to another :)
Subconsciously, I used to have this mindset when I first entered my second and still ongoing relationship of almost 9 years.... It honestly just becomes a waste of your time and energy the more you think that your identity needs to revolve around one singular relationship. Life's too short, and so for me, at least, maintaining a healthy sense of self is key towards leading a healthy and happy life. Best wishes to you!
@@outcast4087 why?
Timestamps
1). I'm incomplete without a relationship 0:57
2). It didn't work out for my parents so it won't work for me 2:03
3). Beliefs about abandonment 2:42
4). Beliefs about being damaged 3:25
5). I'm still waiting for THE ONE 4:12
Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day.💙💙💙💙💙💙💙
Hope you have a good day too 😊
plz don’t say that about urself. you might find a close partner to be around with someday but just not now.
just bc it did not work out for ur parents (maybe they’re divorced) doesn’t mean it won’t work out for u…
I have 3 and 4, and most of the people I end up with have 2 and 4. Sigh.
@@amandaforrester7636 do not give up
@@A55a551n I got dumped the week before Thanksgiving. It's so hard for me to open up and be intimate due to childhood abuse. The complete 180 of "I see a future with you" to "I can't promise you any permanence, I can't be the man you need" .... within 2 weeks, with no warning. Yeah I have abandonment issues and all of them are triggered. I am tired of being a trophy to a make a man feel better about himself when he breaks down my walls because I'm a "challenge". I'm tired of relationships lasting 3 or 4 or 5 months before they freak out abd decide that I'm somehow too good for them????
As a fellow single person society always pressures me to be in a relationship and my family pressures me too even though I tell them No I’m fine for who I am they always say “don’t u ever get lonely or don’t u wanna be happy like all of us “ I’m like no I’m fine being alone there’s no written rule that u have to be in a relationship I’m fine being alone cuz relationships take up too much time and work besides I’m happy being single and alone 😄👍
i know right being single rules!!!
Yeah but I hate being single tbh but I’ve been very patient as of rn
Just be yourself do what you want it's cool
There is a society.
Same here dude, it always irritated me how people would come up to me and say "hey, why don't you have a girlfriend?" Or You should get a girlfriend!" Like bro chill out, I don't necessarily need to be in a relationship to be happy 😒
It's funny. I've never been in a relationship. I'm nearly 22 now and never experienced anything like love, my first kiss or anything like that. Sometimes i really think that somethings wrong with me.. Especially when i'm told how ridicoulus it is, that someone my age doesn't have any experience in this field. They say i'm missing out... Living aside from what life is. What they don't realize is, that it hurts to hear such things. I'm a human with feelings and beeing said to be false in some kind of way just hurts... Yes, i feel lonely lot's of the time. But i don't think a realationship would fix this. I think I need to be ok with myself first before taking a shot on realationships. I even struggle to maintain close friendships, so how am i supposed to maintain a realationship? I grew up in an environment where every single realationship is a desaster.. maybe thats why i'm struggeling.. Idk...
People keep saysing it's rare but I feel it really isn't. I'm the same as you, 22 and no experiences whatsoever. Have multiple friends even older than me that are the same. Society has this negative view of this and I don't get why. Is not having relationship experience really worse than rushing into toxic relationships when you're young and regretting it later?
@@candycrows262 Yeah i don't get it... I rather wait and find someone that truely works with me instead of just blindly take every chance and end up in a toxic realationship or even worse.. Also, if you just take whoever you get, you're a fuckboy or a whore.. Like whatever you do, you do it wrong .-.
I’m about to turn 25 and have never been in a relationship. But seeing people around my age starting to settle down makes me feel like love will never happen for me.
@@candycrows262 it's because modern society wants you to procreate and consume family-oriented merchandise and crap out more low-wage workers. Anyone who doesn't do this is denounced as a deviant that should be ostracized.
That is really what asexual people feel like... You are right, so many expectations from society
Well, for me it is the beliefs of abandonment and the beliefs about being damaged. With a history of bullying at school and a ludicrously messy parental divorce I had developed social anxiety/avoidant coping mechanism because all kids I called friends dropped me because I was too exhausting to hang out with and never dared to make any new ones at university because I always feared that if they ever found out about my home life, they'd drop me instantly as well. Therefore I only ever ended up with very superficial relationships, a "social ghost" who attached himself to existing groups, but never really belonged. A feeling that then caused my anxiety and panicked flight reflexes in social situations.
The thing is, the same goes for dating. It puts me into a spot where I feel I am far too old to make any 'first' experiences and have a fear that anyone would run away hearing that at my age I never kissed anyone or had any relationship whatsoever and so a year ago I frantically tried online dating as the 30 came closer, but of course never matched with anyone and never dared to write strangers. Since that only further damaged my self-esteem, I learned my lesson and accepted that I have to focus on making friends first, but making friends as an adult who has to start from zero is absolute insanity. I joined Discords with similar interests and went to conventions to fully indulge in my nerd hobbies, but with my anxieties it's always one step forward and two steps backwards and unfortunately I ended up pretty much where I started.
I know it feels that way, and it'll feel that way for a while. But every step forward, even if accompanied by two steps back, is better than just taking steps back. You're doing your best with where you are, please never forget that.
Thats a lot to go through really.From what I see ,you did try whatever you could.Yeah, I have no explainations as to why things dont work out even when ones tries their best 🤷🏻♀️
I'm very sorry to read your story... (a true story, sadly) I emphatize with you a lot, I am not so great to talk english but I can say that I too got a similar situation of yours, I too with friends got rejected many times, but with the time I found some true friend so I compensate my single status with they, but they cannot help me to find a girl. But... I think that you have to find your friends on your cities, because this always helps to make right character and charisma (I found personality with videogames tournament on Italy, for example, before got some friends that loves videogames like me), I think that you are more flincked than uncapable to have a girl. I am becomed the guy that stops many girls (sometime I got some riugh response to their rejection VS me) to the street because I am understand that if I don't do anything, they will not come to me.
But... if you find a girl, is not necessary to say of your past, you can say that you got some girl but they abandoned you; you have not to say that you don't got any kisses...
When I was without any relationships before, I lied saying that I got something but was not so important. And I already got something like sex (talking on the detail in right times).
So I don't think that for you can be a problem... I got some relationships on life after many bad episodes, and right now I'm suffering because I can't find a girl that really gets me attentions that I want (pretend from 1 years ago to today for a bad thing that got my first love, that reappaeared before me after many years that I don't see her)... and I spend time to give hint to the people to make get to they what I don't have, so even you can do this^^ Please don't give up, focus on your passion... cry a lot when you alone in home, go to places sometimes where there are some people with your passion in common... there are people that loves to listen 30's and their experiences, in the world^^
I can only add: I have always thinking that if I was a born woman, I got a blast to guys that got problems and needs partner, I give to they surely a date or two because I judge a person inside (if I want to know a girl outside is only for sex and no other, because I know that is hard to got in relationships with a random girl)
@@Danielsonic87 italia?
@@ichikimura8132 Yes, I am italian^^ Si, sono italiano
I was one of those people who constantly tried finding the one for me, but no matter how hard I tried I could never hold down a relationship. Now that I realize I won't find the one by looking for them, I've started focusing on myself
All except the first one. It's obvious that a relationship won't make me feel complete. I'm definitely more afraid of falling for someone and getting heartbroken than I am of dying alone. I'll just keep doing me.
For sure, protect yourself and only proceed when you're ready.
Can I ask why ? Or what is your way of thinking ? Because Im really afraid of being alone for life and thus, die alone.
@@blobyeol27i72its either you die alone knowing that you lived your life the way you wanted or live with someone who will stab you in the back when you least expect it
Been single for 18 years straight because nobody wants me because I'm black and overweight. I'm the king of being FRIENDZONED or rejected. I was abandoned as a kid and was physically and mentally abused for almost 22 years. Life hasn't been treating me well at all. Love don't come easy for me.
Hahaha I can relate to this so much as a female who is black too.
However, I would not say that it is me who is a problem but more like the society. I have people who always friendzoned me or treat me shit as if I am not worth it. Moreover, the men will always choose a my friends who are more attractive than me which leads to jealousy. But at the end of the day you should know yourself that you are worth it and the right people will come to you and love just who you are than a play person who will jump to another more attractive person and cheat on their own people.
And hey, am 20 dark-skinned black person where the society does accept my standard. At the meantime I concentrate more on working and improving myself.
P.s also looks is not only one that are considered attractive, but as well as confidence, intelligents, sense of humour and kindness are also attractive. 😊 excuse for m’y grammar btw
good luck, i wish you to heal and find someone who treats you well
Don't worry bro, I got you. I've had so many emotional exploitations from crushes and friend zones. So ig It's a war I can't win...
its not cuz you're black its the overweight part. hit the gym bro watch your life change
In love with someone who is not ready
Choosing to stay single keeps me sane and keeps me from getting hurt. I stay away from relationships.
you dropped this 👑
modified 5 and 4. I was with 'my one' - amazing marriage, my best friend, the man I wanted to grow old with - we planned everything together... looking forward to spending the rest of our lives together. He got to spend the rest of his with me. Now I'm spending the rest of mine without him (because he passed away if that's not clear). I had "the one" and now I just feel broken and damaged. I'm at an age where, yes... "age is just a number" I'm not old by many people's accounts... but I feel it's wrong to date younger guys because they're young enough that they should be getting married and having kids of their own and I can't offer that... but the guys that are my age and older... well... there's usually a reason why they are still single (drink too much, abusive, still immature, have no ambitions, constantly in debt, ton of baby-mamas, etc). But it doesn't matter. No one is interested and I don't blame them. I want the impossible... I want my best friend back.
Me not even remotely interested in getting engaged or married:
*i see this as an absolute win*
As an anxious avoidant I stayed in a relation too long because of fear. Then I learned I didn't feel compatible with them and had to admit it to myself. Confront the fear.
This video reminds me of my ex best friend. She would ALWAYS date people and want love but then get mad over the smallest things someone did honestly I felt bad for the guys because they are good people..
I'm sorry to hear that. Sometimes, even our friends can be victim of their own selves.However, we have to be patient with the growth of our close ones! And gently guide them.
I feel so lonely and hopeless..and i don't know what to do anymore. I am 33, have only one real friend, but who is too busy with work most of the time. I am not really the most attractive, partially overweight..I have no job due to circumstances, no relationship with a woman, even though i deeply wish for one because i yearn for that feeling of being loved, being intimate with my romantic partner and being held when i feel down or lonely..and give that care and comfort right back to that someone. I want to have a family, to have children, live a happy, fulfilled and not just lonely life..
I would try to go out and be around people, talk to new people or even try to get into dating, but with what little money i have it's difficult to engage in things like clubs, activities or parties..and i fear that due to all of these factors that people will just not like me and reject me..
The only few distractions i can find from this horrible feeling of loneliness and dread is when i get to talk to people with similar interests online, but at the same time it also reminds me of how i most likely will never meet any of those people, who live across the world..and that reinforces that feeling of isolation even more..
But I just.. I don't know what to do.. I just wish to find love and not not be alone anymore. At this point, I am truly afraid to die alone some day..
i'm sorry, i know it all sounds pathetic..
I was just finished telling some people that I am not attractive and here we are. Most of these ring true for me (the first and the last do not). I knew I wasn't attractive but wow I'm more than broken.
I've been abandoned several times, so I'm super cautious about finding someone. Now that my parents are getting divorced, I bet people won't want anything to do with me. Add this to the fact that I get trampled by negative events and failures on the regular... I see why nobody wants to be with me. It's not like my hobbies were interesting, anyway. I get bullied and used, man. I'll try to build up my self-esteem and have fun, but I can't say it's easy.
Hey a lot of this goes for me too, except for the attractiveness thing because I can guarantee that you're more attractive than I am, but at least you don't have to live with the crippling embarrassment of starting to get used to not having a partner just as a girl flirts with you and convinces you to date her and then being really good at convincing you that you finally found the one and you'll finally be able to be happy just for it to all be an elaborate ruse causing you to develop love trauma from her using you and then desperately trying to fill the hole by finding somebody to replace her just to endlessly end up with another person exactly like her resulting in 27 times in a row of getting used like you're nothing but a plaything. Unless you can be happy knowing that you weren't stupid enough to let yourself get tricked over and over and over again
Well actually you don't necessarily say that you haven't but you don't really say if you have either, so if that also happened to you then ignore my stupid ass and I apologize
@@kaizo4217 It's ok. I have met women who "said" they wanted to hang up with me, but then never followed through and then ghosted me. I swear they were flirting with me, too. I always think I have a chance but then I get let down right before I even experience a real date. To this day, I still occasionally have dreams of women actually loving me in a romantic way... but then I wake up to reality. Sometimes I have dreams of being stuck in an abusive relationship I had no control over (those always make me feel weak).
You may have it tough as well but just know that you're not alone. Stay strong 💪
on your case is more simple: use her and then you will have some satisfacion. So her will think twice before to use someone, next time.
I always make clear that I got many delusions but with that I learned a lot, so at me I seen that girls tends to evade me, so I think you are in a better condition than mine: but I personally NEVER understand a thing: I love when a girl got a sad past, I want a girl like this and I find her more attractive than a beautiful girl. I don't understand why grls don't think this on me either
Alas, i don't know if "use" is the appropriate term, because to not give a date to a person that we flirt... is useless, a total waste of time. I too can say "a girl written to me, I'm loved by girl, see that?" because I am writting sometime a crazy woman that I know that she's losing only time (I am doing at the same time to make her a ""lesson"" and feel less lonely) but on reality I am only saying to friends "I am hearing this crazy woman that things to play dump, but I am not doing anything with girls on those days". So, I don't understand what pride there is to ghosting or to not give a real date
I’m still working on changing my mindset. I have dealt with emotional abuse and being heartbroken many times. As much as I want to be in a relationship that can lead to marriage, I am scared of dealing with the same results again.
I feel and dealt with the same thing, cause I have also been heartbroken, damaged, betrayed, and useded by people before so I am very scared of it and that it will end the same way but I wish to find someone one and for true love to find me.
Yes, it can be scary when you let the same cycles or patterns happen over and over again. However, did you get hance to work on yourself to find out what it is that is attracting those patterns?
@@Psych2go sociopath meets a dark empath what would happen
Same... I'm a depressed, mental mess. I try to make myself feel better but I hurt myself more in the end because I fail at doing some of the most basic things. Knowing that I have a mental illness or two puts a nail in my coffin.
@@Psych2go I am still trying to figure out what there is about me that attracts the wrong type of person every time.
I'm single because no one wants me; and with that being the case, I've completely given up.
X2
For me, it's a rather deadly combination of several factors:
1. I was born poor, as was the majority of the Smoky Mountain population of North Carolina throughout its entire history, and I've worked full time, often with multiple jobs as I do now, from a very early age, and circumstances have always required I continue to do so, taking up my schedule to the extent that rarely in my life have I ever NOT had to choose not to sleep so I could work another shift immediately after the one I just finished and sometimes another right on top of it.
2. There's a running joke in the area I inhabit that there are three types of people here: married men, married women, and single men. The sad part is that it's largely true. The population is overwhelmingly male and younger folks tend to leave as soon as they're old enough to be capable of self-sustainment, so the population is largely married older couples and younger single men; put that together with my working four jobs and it's not a good combination.
3. Like the video mentioned and excellently described, abuse is a major factor. I've only been in one relationship in my entire life, one which was purely online, and it was abusive in multiple ways, including psychological, emotional, financial, and sexual. Put together with the next item on the list, it's made me extremely hesitant to trust women.
4. I was always the object of lust, not of love. My dad's side of the family always consisted of gigantic, strong, handsome men who worked the manual labor jobs only the strongest were capable of. For example, my great grandpa was a lumberman who stood 6'11" and weighed 385 lbs. IN HIS OLD AGE. I followed similar growth patterns to him for the first eight years of my life, by which point I reached 5'10". As a result of my absurdly early acquisition of a tall and strong physique, I was subjected to sexual harrassment, advances, and even assault at the hands of those we should be able to trust, such as teachers and doctors, and it traumatized me to women in general, though I have thankfully made immense progress in overcoming it; unfortunately my relationship served to undo some of that progress and revived the trauma, as my partner had fetishized me in multiple ways.
5. Having grown up in a strange mix of settings and time periods, my combination of interests, beliefs, and preferences seems so entirely like anyone else's. Where I grew up had experienced little-to-no change from the time it was settled in the early 1800s. After we moved away, suddenly I found out there's such a thing as technology, video games, Pokémon, and anime, to name a few examples. A massive part of my identity is tied to two-hundred years ago and just as big a part of who I am is tied to the here and now, and it's been expressed to me many times by many people that the combination simply does not work and that those two aspects are, in fact, completely opposite. I've even been told that the archaic aspect of my personality is outdated, offensive, and societally unacceptable.
6. I've never gone for any sort of diagnosis, but I'm socially aware enough to realize that I have communication problems but seemingly not socially aware enough to understand what they are, how to deal with them, or even if they're truly problems. It's sort of like being trapped in this body that can only communicate in one language, one which others don't understand, whereas the tiny you piloting the mech you speaks enough of the language others are speaking to know it's not coming out right but not enough to know how to make it come out right. Maybe it's my ancient upbringing or maybe it's undiagnosed autism of some sort; I truly don't know, and I have neither the knowledge nor the time to investigate the matter, something I deeply lament.
7. I'm way too interested. This comment is far too long. When I'm interested in something, I want to know absolutely everything about it. When I explain something, I want to provide every last detail. Too long, didn't read. It's boring, I fully understand. Self-aware enough to know the communication doesn't work, but more self-aware enough to know how to fix it.
8. I could never convey all of this verbally, only written or typed. Contrasting my desire to engage in in-depth conversation, my verbal communication abilities are limited entirely to voice acting and to impressing my bosses with my articulation and "well-spokenness". If it's not professional or for work, I don't articulate, much less communicate, effectively and, as a result (in addition to other factors), I'm not one for speaking. There were entire years of school in which my class assumed I was mute because I never said anything at all.
Felt kind of nice to type all of that out. There are other factors, I'm sure, but this list is already far too long and convoluted. To anyone out there not feeling well, whether physically, mentally, emotionally, etc. it's hope and prayer that you'll soon be feeling fantastic!
dont lose hope bro keep trying and manifesting theres always a chance, if theres true love its ought to come together, sleep more, type less, find who sabotages ur relationship, dont believe in fate and synchronicity, i trust one true love of life
Dude you just wrote a novel in the comments god dam I’m impressed you should write a book
I’m not very experienced in that love stuff cuz I’m a complete psycho and don’t even think I can feel love or anger or sadness I’m just in a strange state of calm excitement all the time
I have some really close friends but I’m only able to make friends with people really similar to me so yeh my love life is strange I’ve tried dating but I always feel like if the other person died in front of me I’d be completely unfazed so it just feels like I’m faking everything around them but good luck with your search for another person if you can’t find anyone try doing more of the other stuff that makes you happy
I tend to self sabotage myself when it comes to love. Like a sense of worthlessness. Like, I’ll talk and make friends. But that’s it. I’m working on changing that. My emotions fluctuate. So I have been working on it. Praying on it as well.
I’m a still-healing survivor of #4. I was subject to family abuse for years before realising the problem, and that proved to be the point of catalysis.
Since then my self-image has gradually improved, my wounds healing little-by-little, and I’ve realised that not only am I unbroken, but I was _never_ broken in the first place, and all it took was one snap decision to begin the healing process.
Perhaps one day I’ll find romance with the perfect partner. Until then, I am my own unique person with his own special quirks and qualities, who doesn’t need a boyfriend to feel complete.
I’m in no rush. All good things take time to nurture, and here and now I’m still in self-discovery, learning who I am day-by-day, savouring each moment as it comes… and preparing for what life brings this way.
This is inspiring. Thank you for this. I'm a boy getting ready for college next year but I'm soooo depressed. I think I'm very broken but after reading your comment, I think I might have a chance at being worth something.
Lots of support to you !! Hope you may find your happiness 💚
Hope things go well for you, and God bless! :)
The thumbnail is so true. I swear it feels like this video was made specially for me. I even have a body spray called "The One". I'll never find the one. Period.
I've been Pro-Bachelor all my life. One day when I was younger I took one look at the dating scene and thought "My family must have some grudge against me if they're encouraging me to deal with this"😑😑😑
Currently talking to someone and we both said we’re not opposed to being more than friends!!
good for you!
Go for it!
Wow, amazing! Hope things go well!
Lucky you 🥲😭
finally a cute and hopeful comment in this comment section T_T I'm happy for you
I healed. I think it was helpful to see so many mistakes from relatives, on top of my traumas and abuse. It helped comprehending certain issues of relationships at an early age. My partner ain't perfect but I'm so grateful to him for the mutual understanding and asking me realize I can stay imperfect, too, while doing what I love to do; teach.
Social anxiety. In any situation, it's just plain easier and less stressful to be alone. Sucks that it doesn't prevent being lonely, though. It's hard to imagine being perfectly happy with or without a partner.
For me I don't care about who I am with just as long as we have shared hobbies that we can do together and can enjoy and love our time together and they can accept me for being who I am and not to be judged for it either. But... I dunno. Just feel like at this point love is either just forcing yourself to be with someone you know you won't be happy with and try to make it work or just accept that it's not ever gonna happen. I don't expect it to be perfect like with my previous crush who only just led me on but... I just rather be alone than be with someone who doesn't get me :c
#2-4 hit hard. Imo this is one of the most supportive channels out there, thank you guys for doing this
Watching it after I rejected a possible relationship recently. Exactly because of all the factors mentioned in the video, I couldn't just verbalize them. Thank you a lot 🌻
You rejected her or she against you?
@@Danielsonic87 I rejected him. I wanted to start with friendship first because he constantly pushed me going for a relationship. For me it was more important to build trust and going step by step into a relationship. In a sense from friends to best friends and then to lovers. He chose to leave.
@@iuinshine5213 I think that, in my experience, a friend cannot become more than friend because all my female friends always rejected me, never wanting more than that. So I think that the best way is to give an occasion without say the word "friend", otherwise any men would go away: if a person needs a partner, they don't want a friend, a friend, maybe, they have it already.
@@Danielsonic87 I see, it does make sense. I just hoped he would give me more reassurance and not the opposite. Saying that it's ok, labels are not so important and that he just wants to be by my side, we can take things slowly. Or if he asked what being friends even means ... he hasn't, he just left. Later I messaged him myself, explained to him what I meant but he still didn't replied. So it kinda makes me feel even more that all he wanted is a girlfriend and not me.
@@iuinshine5213 if it was friendship you never even wanted him.
I just see how whipped all of the "taken" people I know seem to be and it makes me feel much better about being single
The conviction in their voice when they said we aren’t what happened to us. It really felt nice to hear ❤
I believe im broken and i burst into tears from what you said so thank you. I really want to tell my boyfriend i appreciate him not giving up on me
Abandonment is my issue from childhood. I've basically shape-shifted in all extremes of weight most of my life, usually in sync with whomever deemed me any love or attention. The bare minimum was enough for me. Now I feel my expectations are too high, and wonder if I should lower them. I want to date but I have a hard habit developing emotions for ones who are difficult to crack and/or emotionally shutdown.
Coming from a #5 so maybe I'm a bit biased, but I'd say don't lower your expectations. Find what makes you happy and go for it. Personally, if my life goals (family-oriented and wanting to have kids eventually, building and maintaining a secondary residence for Airbnb) and at least one pass time (say hiking, biking, video games, MTG) line up with a woman's, I go for it. I've shifted my approach after the last few I've got along with well later revealed they don't want kids one day, to now bringing up life goals in some of the starting conversations. The most recent one I thought was the one, but a few months later flip flopped on the idea of having kids.
I'm the man that is emotionally open and communicative. Trust me, you don't want us. You'll hate it. You'll think we're needy and clingy. Don't let society fool you into believing you want a man who is emotionally open. It's nonsense.
@@Victoria-Vixen Nope. Because where is that man now? Not your boyfriend. You all lied to men like me, and my dumbass ate it up as a kid. Be kind. Be emotional. Be open and communicative and honest. Yep, and now I'm just the "friend" or the "big brother" because women like you don't think your expectations of men aren't way too high and out of bounds.
@@Victoria-Vixen Lol, yes you are. You all ALL BEG and PLEAD for men like me, but when it comes time to actually do the damn thing, you call us needy and clingy. You all have in your minds how a man should act, and it's not even close to how you say you want us to act. You poisoned my well. And now I feel GUILTY for trying to be an asshole and get laid and use you all like the toys you treat yourself as. You all keep dating the same men, and then ask where all the good men are at. Please. It's a joke at this point. Good luck finding the guy that's going to buy you Gucci and a Lambo, though.
not finding "the one" was holding me back, but also thinking nobody wanted me. and now it is with great regards to say i told my crush i liked them and were dating. maybe, just maybe i am wanted after all...
I'm 23. And my parents married and had me in early 20s. Always thought that I had to do the same. Marry, have a kid, etc. Yet here I am, single after destroying 4 relationships and developing commitment and abandonment issues...
25 mate. Haven’t dated since high school. It’ll be alright.
Some people have never had relationships in their 20s. You are actually successed man. I'm 19 and have never had one
@@neofulcrum5013 I’m 25 as well dude, had a couple of crushes here and there but never had an actual date. I don’t know if I’ll ever have one.
#3 really hit a home run in my book. It's not that I think I'm better than everyone else, literally quite the opposite, however after being let down my entire life by parental figures, you learn it's just easier to rely on yourself. We never learned boundaries cause frankly our parents never learned themselves, so how could they teach us what boundaries are? Same goes for physical boundaries, (imo) that's one of the hardest parts of relationships is actually physically growing closer. Dealing with autism doesn't help much with touch, but I see people hug, hold hands, lean on shoulders, cuddle.... it unleashes an unholy urge to have those actions replicated with you. Once I learn to cope and continue with therapy, I think truly it's gonna be the last thing holding me back from the loving partner I deserve.
Agreed. I have felt like I've worked twice as hard just to be average. I'm socially awkward, don't know how to react when people touch me. I have adhd, so I can blurt out the wrong thing too. I'm 41, so I've dealt with this so long I don't care what anyone thinks at this point. Men would be a dumbass if they didn't like me. I make cheese fries, and like giving head scratches.🤭🤭🤭
Honestly, I'm glad I found this channel. At the moment I am going through a very rough patch of my life. My girlfriend of a year and a half left me, I had been in a few relationships prior but they were never because of love but more out of loneliness, and then now I fell in love for the very first time. I always had trust issues and she's the only person I've ever fully trusted. In September her and I went on a break so she could figure out mental health. The longer she stayed away, the more it affected my mental health. A few weeks ago, she texts me saying we won't get back together again and a week later she's dating another guy. Then some time later as I try my best to stay friends with her despite the frequent breakdowns this gave me, she started yelling at all my friends, telling them that they were horrible people and that they always neglected her. They then abandoned her entirely, though she'd never been rude with any of them previously, and I got mad at all of them for none of them even bothering to ask her what was up, and then they all abandoned me entirely as well. Now, she doesn't want to talk to me anymore and I just can't get over her. I gave her everything, I trusted her with my body and my soul, showed her more than I ever showed anybody, and now she's left me alone entirely. I haven't been eating or sleeping well, I constantly have to repress my thoughts of suicide and self harm, and I can't get over her. At the start of our relationship, she saved my life, and I don't know where I'd be without her. Being able to find your videos has helped me cope with all of this and figure out how to handle certain situations better, both when I dated her as she struggled and when I'm struggling myself. There's not enough I can say that will ever express my gratitude for people such as your channel who do these things to help others who need it. I thank you eternally.
Wow... I feel so bad for you. You deserve so much better. This is coming from a depressed boy turning 19 in two months. You shouldn't have been betrayed like that. If your ex got with someone else a week after your breakup, I bet she was seeing that other guy during your relationship. That's what it sounds like to me, but maybe I'm just taking it too far because I think that happened to me. I met a girl I thought liked me and I hung out with her a lot in 12th grade, but she started favoring other boys over me (and they were all taller and more attractive). She ghosted me and boom, she's all "bros" with someone else. I felt so horrible because she lied about wanting to hang out with me prior to her ghosting me. I was just...
Anyway, I'm glad Psych2go exists. I probably would've... you know... if I didn't find this channel. It's so uplifting... I can't imagine a world without it.
@@DeRez19 I doubt she was seeing him during most of our relationship, as we were genuinely happy together until, well, she met him at the start of the school year. But, I know this may not mean much, but I know depression is a tough thing to fight. Keep going. Even if everybody in your life gives up on you, there is someone still out there hoping that you are safe. Good luck, I wish you the best.
@@sneakyphantom2376 Thank you. Ibet you're right. You met her for real and even dated her. I guess I'm just upset because at least you've had a chance to date someone for as long as you did and be happy during it. I never had that chance.
@@DeRez19 you will.
3:51-4:10 makes me cry. Thank for this video. I wept after watching this several times.
I feel like the second one is definitely me because my parents, although they never divorced, are the archetypal "stayed together for the kids" pair. I can't call up a single memory where they kissed, hugged, or held hands. They even crashed my 4th birthday with their arguments. But they kept forcing themselves to keep going for whatever reason. I never had an example of what a positive relationship looks like so even if I might like to have one someday I just don't have a mental image of what it is and frankly I assume it's statistically likely to crash and burn, after all their relationship started with sunshine and daisies despite the direction it went in. So I weigh that potential for disaster into the pros and cons of any potential for a romantic partnership. Maybe I will get over this someday. Right now its hard to imagine a reality where I have.
Same here. But I've decided to analyze the problems my parents did and I'll try to avoid them at any costs. First, they got married just after 2 years of dating, even my 17 years old best friend is longer with her boyfriend lol. I've always wanted to be in an relationship so bad and I was kind of desperate, but now I've realized that I shouldn't rush. I'm only 17 so I'm sure that my time will come. I'm just worried that my parents will never told me more why their relationship failed because it would be too painful for us, but I want to talk to psychologist soon and hopefully he/she will help me deal with that burden. Stay strong!!
#4 hits hard, I remember having this exact thought 2 weeks ago when it finally hit me what my now two year removed relationship actually was, after having a basically one month long panic attack.
1st one hit me so hard
I'll try to work on myself a bit more, and try to be more like myself.
I'm single cos no one wants me 😢
You and me both. 😔
Don't say that ^^ i don't know your reason of saying that, but i'm sure u will find someone who likes the same things as u and will vibe together that's what i say to myself xD
That's never true. It's usually the person you want doesn't want you.
Fear of change and laziness are the biggest things holding me back. I am happy, however, that I've lost that sense of "needing" one I had in my younger years (or that I should have one and thus a failure for not). I'm quite happy with my family and friends, and if someone should someday come along I hope I'm not too oblivious to recognize it lol
I’m a student and I told myself I’ll remain single and I’ll start dating when I start earning a real salary because I want to take care of my partner so well.
I just turned 30 last month and I've been single my whole life. I've never been in any kind of relationship and I couldn't be happier about it. I choose to be single and I feel it's the easier way to go through life. It's like what they say... if it ain't broke, don't fix it. 😁👍
Oh no! I'm literally the one who believes I'm incomplete without someone else, but I just can't help but feel that way! That may be why I've always been single :(
1st situation describes me the best, I'm not single by choice. No one likes me and if I like someone I'm too shy or nervous to propose so that's why I've never been in a relationship.
I LOVE YOUR ANIMATION VERY MUCH !✨♥️❤️
It's very cute and very nice !
Your voice is very calming, and I listen your voice before sleeping !✨♥️
When I was younger, I was definitely a 3. I had no emotional awareness of the people around me at all and was obsessed with my own problems. I remember when my parents went to school with me, my mom commented on how everyone was giving me friendly greetings and I wasn't responding. I didn't even notice it. I was so deep into my shell I used to protect myself from bullies in the past that I wasn't even aware of people being friendly towards me. Now that I'm older, I'm firmly a 4. Whenever I think about going back into the dating scene, I feel like no one would want to be with me and all my baggage.
Can you do a video on how strict parenting affects self-confidence? Like I have trouble feeling proud unless my mom is
Me who has been shaped by past wounds and trauma and who has learned to be as self-sufficient as possible and to be embarrassed asking for help from anybody.
I'm unlovable and nobody with any amount of option would ever choose me as their one. Nobody cares what happens to me. I don't even have family trying to get me hitched. I'm older than most of you all, and life in an empty house with no partner is a very bleak prospect.
I feel exactly the same. The only guy who "wants me" betrays me, meets other girls etc. I'm trying to accept it, because ohtherwise i will be alone forever.
My mindset is: everyone betrays, no one thinks that I am good enough.
@@siouxsie99 Thank you for relating. And you don't need to accept bad treatment. Being alone and giving yourself a chance to find someone better is a better way. Even sad and lonely, I will not accept being treated poorly by the person I should be able to trust most.
'Anxious avoidance' can also be caused by peer neglect during teenage and by trust issues with others.
Someone's said: "“Someone who truly loves you sees what a mess you can be, how moody you can get, and how hard you can be to handle but still wants you.” 😜
I don't believe that. I have to be almost perfect if I want to be loved like that. I've been crushed after every slip up and weird moment I've caused and had. If I am not dependable, I have no worth to others in a relationship.
@@DeRez19 That's not true. I've also grown up with that mindset that I need to be dependable, to always have something to offer and to fit other people's terms and conditions in order to be loved. I've learnt that from my upbringing and from past experiences. What I realised is that that way of thinking is incredibly unhealthy and not beneficial to me. I've learnt to step back and move away from people that make me feel inadequate or make me feel like I can't be myself. It's important to realise that good people who genuinely care about you will love you even if you're not perfect, even when you feel like you're at your worst or when you're doing things that others find quirky and weird. Recognise that if someone can't love you as you are then that is not love. If you're like me you've probably had some negative past experiences with love that conditioned you to feel this way. I hope you find people who truly care about you and don't make you feel like this.
@@chaoticsiv4167 Are you a girl or a boy If you're a girl, I see exactly why you think this way. Girls get far more support than any guy ever, even if it's just for something miniscule.
If you're a boy, I'm amazed. I've been raised to always be better and people have high expectations of me (especially my parents). Every time something bad happens on my end, they blame it on me not reading my Bible enough, not working hard enough, or playing too many video games (even though I barely play them). There are rare occasions where it's evidently not my fault so they're actually on my side, but they'll jump the gun about things that are really not a big deal.
#4: I feel I'm over the atrociously abusive relationship that I was in almost twenty years ago, and that has left me happy with being alone. It can be lonely, but that way I have no worries about about what someone thinks of me or wants me to do when I am at home.
Well, I just believe no one's going to ever love me even though I want it. My anxiety keeps me from even confessing to anyone I like. I'm scared of rejection because I've received a lot of it. So I just wait for someone I guess. My mental health at the moment is terrible. I'm unable to love myself or feel as though the people around me, love me. I'm still living with someone who constantly criticizes me and destroys my mental image of myself or just triggers me really badly. I don't have anyone to live with that'll take me in and I'm underage. Even with therapy, I won't be able to fully heal until I get out of my current environment.
yeah, i feel you man
It's true that sometimes we need love of others but we need to love ourselves first so we can others properly.
yep but unfortunately it's easier to say than to do
Granted, yes, I would love to get married, it'd be great if I found "the one"
However, I have been single my entire life and every time I even ask a girl out on a date, I get rejected. That's what makes me believe I'll be permanently single- experience.
After I've been rejected for being too short once, I stopped looking for anyone. I'm perfectly fine without a partner, which is why I won't waste my time actively looking for one. I'm just going to let the time pass and eventually I find someone I like, but I won't make the first step this time.
I think it's best for me to just... Not be in a relationship for a while. Both previous relationships ended in such a way I was incredibly emotionally affected which honestly indicates that I have a negative way of perceiving relationships. I want to.. grow as me. Become a better person y'know?
My biggest hangups are related to my rock bottom self-esteem. I have a terrible view of myself, both inside and out. I have a hard time even imagining someone wanting me.
I'm 32, i've never had a relationship but I've grown so much to think now that the best time for a relationship is when you don't feel like you need one. It just happens naturally.
Yes, when you don't date for a long time, you can start to feel it's not necessary. However, I think if you make the effort to find the right one and work on yourself, you will feel so much joy. Afterall, at one point or another, we're here in this world to experience life and it's incomplete without finding love.
@@Psych2go Definitely, I went into therapy and learned the importance of practicing self love and once I felt better about myself then I could seek out a partner for my needs.
@@Psych2go well, i guess my life will never be complete since I'm aromantic
👍🏿
I'm working on myself but worried I'll never be good enough for the person I want. I won't stop trying to make myself proud but I'm not cut out for a lonely life
The fact I clicked on this so fast
This year I promised myself to make a change with regards of love after years of deep loneliness. I have talked to more than a hundred people, went on dates with a few women, got ghosted a lot, and eventually had a physical relationship with a woman whom I was for half a year. Eventually I was in love and she wanted only to be friends. Kept chatting with people trying to meet a potential partner, but continued to end up ghosted or finding out they were already taken. By the end of this year I am much more experienced, yet my sadness and loneliness are exactly the same. I am simply exhausted of hearing "but", just want to have a serious relationship...
Every time I watch one of these I relate to all of them. I’m a sociopathic victim who can’t hold a relationship.
Me too.
For the things that did resonate with me, I’ve dealt with them. My problem is either when I find someone I like they are either not interested, or date me before they “found someone better” (their words). Or people who are interested are proclaiming undying love after having only met me once or twice and a few online conversations, and that for me is a massive turn off. While I have no doubt they like me, this unrealistic approach is a big warning sign of something that will burn out quickly.
Where are the guys who want to take their time, go out with me and get to know me, spend hours on the phone chatting and want me to be the same to them in every respect? Nothing too fast, just growing interest.
I know; between my low vision and Asperger’s, I have a hard time seeing people’s subtle hints, so they think I’m not interested.
my face is what keeps me single
Me too
I have come to realise I am not the type of person that should be in a relationship. I have accepted this and am embracing my destiny as a crazy cat lady.
i just feel quite lonely. i've never been in a relationship and i want to be. i want to feel loved and love someone else.
Same. Nothing hurts more than loneliness.
okay ill sound like an asshole but i went through that too and
you don't need a relationship to be loved, being single is not a thing to be ashamed of
for beginners you need some friends, good friends
don't rush a relationship, it's okay
you'll know when you're ready
Same, it's plain terrible, but the worse part it's hearing the same BS like: "single is not that bad", "relationship won't makes you happy" and so on
3 and 4 hit HARD. I thought that i wasnt the kind of person with abandonment issues, or at least i didnt think it shaped my personality in any way but man... ive got some trauma going on affecting my day-to-day without me knowing. Another belief that i struggle with is feeling like im literally out of this world. I dont feel like im human or at least ot human enough. Ive always found myself thinking and doing things that ohers dont, thus making me feel like i was just too weird and strange to meet someone who would accept me and understand me, which eventually led me to believe that i will be forever single. I dont know what it is about me but apparently i push people away without really wanting to.
Want to know what keeps me single? Not wanting to lose my assets is what keeps me single. Relationships aren't worth the headaches they cause.
I don’t know why but I just feel like I’m very critical of myself all the time and that’s probably another factor that holds people back. I was not a nice person in the past. But I worked hard to change who I was and became a better person because of it all on my own. However, that came with the habit of criticizing myself too much and too often. It’s draining and frustrating when every single thing I do feels wrong or I feel like a jerk for saying X. It’s definitely something that I acknowledge is holding me back from truly being myself and the good person I want to be.
Yeah as soon as stuff start to look more serious I tend to want to run away. I think it is because of my unrealistic expectations and standards. I'm at that point where I'm not sure if I want to be in the relationship or not. Appreciation of the person I'm dating should be there because they are very nice and a good person. Kind of feels like the case of trying to find the one. Since I don't really have platonic friend's where I currently live maybe using a relationship to be happy might be happening as well. Saying all this feels like outing myself lol. Is it falling towards old bad habits again?
All of these hit somewhat close to home, but with therapy I am working on changing myself and how I think. I don't think I need a relationship, I enjoy being alone, but sometimes the loneliness is overwhelming. Abandonment does scare me, but I have started accepting that people sometimes come and go. While I do have emotional and mental health problems due to a broken childhood, I wouldn't say I am broken more incomplete like some puzzle pieces are missing.
I have learned how to start setting boundaries and being happier and I focus more on my goals since my last relationship. I really just have to work on my stubbornness and emotional regulation a bit more. I do not want a perfect partner, but I do want someone who is also a friend and not just a lover. Someone who understands me and someone to build something with.
The music is too loud i cant focus
As an INFP, I always find it hard to accept those that like me because they don’t meet the unrealistic standards that I have of the ✨one✨ so I end up missing an opportunity to start an amazing relationship with someone. I understand that I need to get out of my fantasies about who the ✨one✨ could be, but I find it hard to 😢
Omg same! It's so difficult, but one thing that help is having a list of what you can't accept in a relationship. For me, it's my religious beliefs, respect (obviously), and vision of the future, so the list help me when I think too much.
Needed to hear that today. Thank you always Amanda. With your soothing rationale.
Thank you for watching and supporting our work! :)
@@Psych2go what would happen if a sociopath meets a dark empath
Believing I'm damaged because of love triangle followed by betrayal (different people) + believing that I'm not good enough
I think I spoke enough
I am single, cause my bloodline ends with me.
Every relationship I've been in I've been cheated on or dumped, regardless of how understanding, caring or respectful I am. My most recent one was a friend of 14 years where we knew each other for so long and shared so much in common. After a near death experience where I was sent to hospital she asked if I wanted to take our friendship to the next level and I whole heatedly agreed. It was the happiest year of my life...but then she just decided that It wasn't working out and said "we" started this relationship under bad circumstances when technically she proposed the idea to me and I agreed to it. Before any of that I was literally coming to terms that I was going to die alone. For that whole year she gave me hope that I was wrong. We were happy...but apparently she wasn't happy enough...I'd give anything to have that relationship again...but because she wasn't fully committed it would just end in tragedy again anyways...now I don't know if I'll ever find anyone again...or if I even want to anymore if all it's going to do is bring me more heartache...
Don't sabotage your love life! It gets harder as you get older.
3:51 This is going to miss the point SO completely for many. Because to many if not most, it's not what "happened to them", but what they've either let happen or what they did.
Acting as if there was no control over anything, when you were the one capable of controlling, is not helpful either.
It's more about acknowledging when you messed up (or more often your part in messing up) and trying to move on. Which can be super hard if no one else does or if they give you more responsibility for it, than you deserve.
It's insanely hard to not play the guilt game, to not try and ignore it and to not be constantly reminded. Doesn't help, when time let's the actual memories fade and leaves only the feelings.
(Seems to be similar to "Devola and Popola" in that regard)
And if you try to talk with people about it, they'll either don't care, they will try to justify whatever happened or they will blame you. Either way, it won't help much, because none of these things will help to deal with what happened in a meaningful way.
Even if you acknowledge your part in screwing up, there are many people, which will not be satisfied with that, they will go through putting the blame on you and convince others that they're right.
Or that you didn't do enough to remedy what happened, etc.
Leaving you to believe that the only right thing you can do is to deal with that by embracing the suffering.
It's what happens on the internet and IRL so much and it's that, why I'm very hesitant about a partner. I just don't want to be blamed for more than I failed.
And I don't want to play the emotional tank anymore for someone else's mindset.
Just some random comments on the internet about Devola and Popola, blaming them and not forgiving them, is enough to ruin my month.
(I've only played NieR: Automata in that regard, but whatever they've done prior, seeing them still suffering from other people's judgment for an "ancient sin" is just so fucked up, imo. And it's even more fucked, that probably most people see nothing wrong with it either)
This is a slap in the face. but a welcomed one
Its officially been a year since my bf of 10 years and I broke up. He was my first...well everything. It hurt and even now I am still dealing with some negative feelings caused by the break up. This video is really nice because it reminds me that I am not alone in my feelings or experiences and that I need to continue to work on self improvement and how to deal with constant depression and anxious feelings. Therapy is so wonderful
give him another chance he might be working through some issues
Number 3 & 4 was my problem for a long time. It ruined my 2 longterm relationships I had but therapy has allowed me to change this mindset. Being single is not bad, and being on apps to find something does not interest me at all. I get to meet people in person in everyday life is so much better but I am not looking for anybody, it is better to focus on yourself and people are attracted to you, then love will find you. But i wont lie sometimes it would be nice to have somebody next to me in bed watching tv and eating something yummy, I mean somebody other than my dog lol
My ex came back to me few days ago
I got
help from a Relationship Restorer Dr enema
Who was able to mend back my broken relationship and make my ex to come back and beg For a second chance. He can bring your ex back, and he also do a lot of work also like...
financial problem, and court case, etc
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#3 and #4
As someone who got grinded through the foster system just to end up in a toxic family, holy shit these two describe me perfectly.
I don’t trust people because my parents didn’t love me and when I got into a new family the people I trusted abused me so now I just don’t trust anyone. The annoying thing is I’m actually not that bad looking and I get asked out in high school but I never go out with anyone. I don’t trust anyone
Perfect score! What do I win?
You've won my condolences. RIP
Lately i try to not get too attached to new people. I'm on my 30s and keeping people has been hard, life gets in the way and you're forced to separate from them. No matter how connected are with them in social media, it's always hard to meet each other. And it has been happening with every connection i have, people come and go, and they don't stay anymore. I did my best.
Good video as always. I'm single and OK, but I think I suffer from some of the beliefs mentioned in the video. Several rejections when I was younger haven't helped.