Kyle, you asked and I am going to tell you. I've been a Registered Nurse for 33 years. I have over a decade of experience in Hospice/Palliative Care. Aside from the hundreds, possibly thousands, of end stage patients that I have cared for, I was my father's direct caregiver until he passed away in 2012 from NSCLC with mets to his bones and soft tissue. I was my sister's direct caregiver at the end stage of her disease until she passed away in 2017 from Metastatic Breast Cancer with mets to her lungs and brain. Right now you are seeking curative/life prolonging treatment and as long as there are treatment options and Jenny can tolerate it, then I believe you are doing the right thing. With that being said, Jenny is following the usual course, or usual progression, for stage IV NSCLC. Even though every person's journey can be a little different, there is still an expected course. The one thing that I can tell you is that nothing is going to stay the same, ever. As the disease progresses, medications, treatments, and routines will be constantly adjusted, altered, added, and removed,. Just when you think you have everything under control there are new symptoms or worsening symptoms. But it can be managed. From the caregiver side, the best advice that I can give you is to take care of you and do not be afraid to set boundaries. You can't take care of Jenny and those precious children if your reserves are depleted. Make yourself a priority and accept help from others. Your family and friends have the absolute best of intentions but they will show up and ring that door bell or the phone will ring just when Jenny has finally gotten comfortable or you finally get an opportunity to close your eyes. You will have to learn to say no and not right now. They WILL understand. You need to take breaks and just get away for a little while and decompress. You have to take care of your physical, mental, and emotional health first, Kyle. It wouldn't be a bad idea to go ahead and start making those plans with those people who you can count on to help you sit with or actually provide care for Jenny, help with household chores and running errands, and also to help to take care of the children. If you have it all planned out already and everyone knows what their role is then it wont be as overwhelming should you need to implement those plans.
Retired nurse here. I wholeheartedly agree. YOU must make YOU a priority! Maybe it’s time for a home health aide or housekeeper to take a little of the responsibility off your shoulders. I would also suggest a cancer caregiver support group. I know you’re in therapy, but it’s such a help to talk to people who are struggling with the same thing you are. There are support groups online if you want, and I’m sure CoH has them. And if you just need a few minutes away to clear the cobwebs, go for a bike ride! Use that awesome e-bike! Remember that you have all of us, too, just like Jenny does. Hugs and prayers from Ohio.
THAT WAS PRRFECTLY SAID HE DOES NEED TO DECOMPRESS AT TIMES HE WILL BE NO GOOD TO HIS GORGEOUS COURAGEOUS WIFE IF HE IS NOT MENTAL SND PHYSICALLY OK. HE NEEDS DOWN TIME TO WETHER IT BE A WALK, NAP WHEN ABLE, MAYBE A RIDE ON HIS LOVELY MOTORIZED BIKE JENNY BOUGHT FOR HIM ON FATHERS DAY HE WILL NOT BE GOOD TO THE BEAUTIFUL FAMILY IF HE DOES NOT TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF TO. HE AND THE KIDS SHOULD ALSO SPEND AS MUCH TIME TOGETHER ASOSSIBLE HENCE BAD NEWS. MAKE MEMORIES, WATCH MOVIES, READ TO THE SWEET KIDLETS. JUST ENJOY EVERY MINUTE YOU HAVE WITH THEM, AND HAVE FAMILY FRIENDS AND SUCH IN ORDER SHOULD THEY NEED A PLAN IS SER I,PORTANT. I REALLY LOVED WHAT YOU SAID.. ITS PRRFECTLY SAID GOD BLESS YOUR BEAUTIFUL HEART.. LOTS OF LOVE FROM PATRICIA JAMES IN CALGARY ALBERTA CANADA 🇨🇦 ❤ 💙 ♥ 💕 💖 🇨🇦 ❤ 💙 ♥ 💕 💖 🇨🇦 ❤ 💙 ♥ 💕 💖 🇨🇦 ❤ 💙 ♥ 💕 💖 🇨🇦 ❤ 💙 ♥ 💕 💖 🇨🇦 ❤ 💙
Former oncologist here: I would foremost advice to „accept“. Accept the stage of the disease and it’s prognosis. Switch from fight mode to „live the best day possible“ and „show each other your love“ mode. Don‘t try to be the „super-husband“. A nurse can drain the pleura catheter - it doesn’t have to be you. Call a hospice team and you concentrate on more important issues: being with your loved wife, and also doing something good for yourself. Join a self-help group for relatives of cancer patients - I can imagine it helps even more than individual therapy since those people go through the same difficulties and you don‘t feel alone. Much love and strength to you, your wife and family! ❤
Just like i said above. I've been through this too and i think it would be best for them to make the gime they have now count if they don't Kyle will regret it. Make it count, take care of her but accept reality. Her time is coming. Wish i was wrong but i've been following their story and i can see the changes. Kyle is doing amazing but the inevitable for poor Jenny is coming and it will come quick when ut does lije a theif in the night.
I think Jenny is excepting if it happens and telling Kyle to be there for his kids. We all want a happy ending, but family kept telling my siscand brother my mom would be all right. In our case it v was a time when all the treatments were not available. My brother could not cope, because people lied to him. He was a teenager and should have been told the truth . I want a miracle and believe in them, but we don't always get our miracle. We didn't with my mom.
@ritastutler1470 I felt your comment and it hit close to home. I'm a full grown 30+ adult, but I have a trauma of loosing my grandpa at age 7 and since then I can't cope very good with loss and grief, so since I live in another country, my family doesn't tell me everything or when it's too late (THE call) just to not upset or worry me for them because I have a life here.I lost my Godfather due to end stage lung cancer and metastatic bone cancer ,except his brain ,everything was full mith cancer .... but He didn't tell anyone, that he's incurable and only hast few months to live ... he started chemotherapy before last year Christmas and died end of March ... Then I got THE call .... I screamed at my boyfriend that he should bring the effin phone away and repeating no,no,no,not now and still keeping myself together to first get the pan with frying oil off from the stove and then I broke down ,becaus3 I thought he's gonna be okay and heal .... It broke me,he was only 55 ... 3yrs ago lost our grandma due to cancer and 11 years ago my Aunt (his oldersister)almost the same age as him,leaving a son behind, who was only 21 at the time 😭
Your children can't witness both parents going down with the ship. Don't wait for a break. MAKE THE BREAK YOU NEED. Talk with your care team to bring in HELP.
In honor of Jenny I am putting Jenny's chanel on my TV and letting it play from start to finish even if it's in background today. ❤ Sending everyone prayers love and light. Remember what Jenny leaves here is going to spread faster than cancer. R.I.P. Dearest Jenny no more suffering ❤🙏🌈🙏🌈🙏❤️🌈🙏🌈❤️🙏
Dear Kyle, you can’t do this on your own, no one can. At this point I think you need to delegate the clinical care giving, the management of the meds and pain relief, the oxygen etc, to someone else for instance a hospice nurse who can come to your home everyday. At this point you should be able to be the husband and friend so that you can be fully present during this precious time. You can’t also be the doctor, nurse and caregiver - and the housekeeper, cook and father. That’s just too much for anyone. Strange as it sounds you must look after yourself first and foremost. If your tank is drained you won’t have anything left for Jen. My heart goes out to you, and it just sucks that you and your family are having to go through this. Reach out for all the practical help you can get. Nothing can ease the pain you are going through but know that you are loved and admired by so many of us. ❤❤
yes ask about home health assistance. I don't think she would qualify for hospice, she isn't thank God in that place. We do forget that you are carrying this heavy burden and it is hard, worse than hard. Hopefully she can start the new trial soon and she will start feeling better.
Hospice/palliative care is the way to go Kyle, its not admitting defeat, its not "the end" for Jenny, its giving you the breathing room to be Kyle the husband, dad, son etc not Kyle the nurse. Letting somebody else take over those duties will allow your strength to return to help Jenny keep battling, one less thing for her to worry about. ❤❤❤
Hospice is needed If her tests come back rotten! Give her the opportunity to help you and those babies,don't stop,just take a break a few days......let her make a new friend who isn't biased,a hospice nurse can be a friend
Hospice means end of life. This will discourage her too much and whole family. Can’t professional care givers come home to her? I m from EU and things here are much more different over here.
Hospice is really helpful at this stage, too. Hospice or Comfort Care/Pall Only nurses are fantastic. That kind of care can be really scary for people, but it's truly care for her diagnosis because she's stage 4. It doesn't mean she has such & such time left. It means her diagnosis is technically pall only, so she can receive these benefits even while on treatment for clinical trial, etc... However, if you're not comfortable with it, that's 100% okay, too. It's just another resource option that has help benefits, etc...
@zoraspeak I hear you. I worked in oncology for 7 years with an amazing doctor who now leads at City of Hope. Everyone has different needs. My own mother passed away from cancer when I was a child, and we used hospice for a short time. There were families that had other support, or had other reasons why hospice wouldn't have benefitted them. They didn't need to try it. Respecting everyone choices and their why is really important. Offering advice is always welcome as long as all advice is welcome from everyone.
I was a caregiver respite volunteer working with hospice. I would sit with the patient while the caregiver could get away and relax, take the kids and enjoy some time away. I was free with no payment involved. We had background checks, classes and other instructional information.
I went to the ocean this past week. It's the place where I feel closest to God. I just wanted you to know that while I stood in the water I spoke aloud to God and prayed for you, Jenny and the kids. I prayed for the POG family and Paul in Perth. I prayed aloud for healing..physical and emotional. I prayed for strength. I prayed for peace of mind. I wish I had words of wisdom, but I don't, so I spoke to the ONE who does. God bless you all.
I am talking to God about all those same families! It's amazing how much you can care and ache for people you've never met. Oh how I look forward to the day when we all stand in glory and redemption is complete.
I so agree.. He is our strength. We have nothing without God. I have not c seen my mom except in dreams. She died ar forty nine from cancer, but I will see her again and she will be whole and happy..no more cancer.
@@bbgirl6741 both have YT channels…both are dealing with Stage IV cancer, and Sarah at POG is now on hospice care. Paul’s journey is also moving and he appreciates support. Worth taking a look; their sharing with us is a real gift!
Retired Register Nurse here Kyle. Spent 47 years in my profession, with a specialty in Oncology. As others have already shared....you have reached a turning point in this journey where it's time to consider that Jenny's needs are now surpassing your single ability to meet them. There's an expression we sometimes hear in conversations that goes like this: "this is all above my pay grade"....I don't say that to be flippant about what you are going through but to describe where you are right now. It is impossible to be the husband, father, "nurse/doctor", bread-winner, chauffeur, counselor, manager of the household, ...and so much more, in your circumstances. If you don't take care of YOU (FIRST, now) - you will have no strength to be there for Jenny and the kids. We used to partner with facilities in our area (nursing homes, rehab centers, hospice facilities, etc.)....who would take in the patient for a week or two stay (out of the home) to allow the caregiver some "respite time"...to recover, "recharge", rest and recuperate mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually along the way. Maybe contacting Social Services could help arrange such a strategy for you. It seems a place like City of Hope would have this kind of service available. She may not need actual "hospitalization", but does need the 24/hr. attention of professionals in this discipline. We also introduced Home Care Nursing Services in many situations, which I'm sure you have thought of or even considered. But it is critical now that YOU, take care of YOU. I agree 100% with the others who have shared the same concern. You have been "micro-managing" a situation that is beyond a single person's ability to do so for a long time now. I have so often said to myself...."Jenny and Kyle, and the two of them are the most incredible examples of what LOVE truly means...in a world that has all but lost the meaning of that word." God will show you the steps you need to take now....we all are praying that help is on the way. Much love, many prayers from Minnesota....and keep us informed so we know how to keep praying.
Wonderful advice. I really loved when you asked Kyle to keep us informed about Jenny’s condition and needs so we would know how to pray. I so agree with that request. When people have health conditions or other serious matters going on, things and needs can often change quickly. It really helps to know what we should be praying for at the moment.
Kyle I've been in your position. Lost my wife to Lung cancer after her 1.5 year battle. We were married for 30 years. I'm most concerned about you. Please reach out to me and provide means of contact. You cannot go through this alone. I look forward to hearing from you my friend. Blessings to both you and Jen. Bob B ❤
Kyle I just saw your last update. My heart goes out to you both I'm so sorry to hear this news. You asked about plans going forward. Jen will need a living will which you may need for Hospice should the situation arise. You will need to have an attorney to probate the will once the time comes. There is a lot of legalize so let the attorney handle. Once again reach out to me with your particulars so I can guide you. Stay strong my brother. Bob B
So good of you to want to help this family they really need all the help they can get , may God help them through it all, and may God bless everyone supporting them 🙏❤️
@@robblackman4255what in the world would she need a will for?? It’s THEIR stuff. Anything left behind finances kids etc stays with Kyle. And putting a will in probate makes things so much harder. You have to go through the courts for everything. Why make it so hard on yourself or him!?
Hi Kyle....as I watch your video, it takes me back many years ago. I found myself in a very similar situation as you and I can literally feel your pain as I watch you talking about the love of your life. My husband and I had only been married 4 years when we found out that he had terminal kidney cancer. Being in my 20s, I could not believe that this was happening to us. We were so happy together and just getting started with our life journey. I literally felt like I couldn't go on without him. One day while we were having some very difficult conversations, he said to me, "I think we should have a baby." I was in shock and disbelief and asked him why he would say such a thing at a time like this. His response was, "So you have a reason to go on without me." That was the hardest decision that we had to make as a couple and I wasn't even sure if we could have children because he had received mass doses of radiation and chemo at this point. Miraculously, I was soon pregnant with our one and only child. When we announced the pregnancy to his oncologist, the doctor's cold-hearted response was, "I'm sorry but you probably won't live to see your child be born." My husband was determined to see his child and so he did! Our son, Billy, was born on February 24th and my husband passed 3 weeks later. My husband, Ray, fought a hard 15-month battle with cancer. Looking back on the experience of losing my soul mate, I think about the things we did right. For example, we had some very hard conversations about his final arrangements. We talked about my future and our son's future. His biggest concern was not for him but for me and our child. Ray just wanted us to be happy and it brought him a sense of peace when I promised him that I would not close the door to love in the future. He did not want us to be alone. Another thing we did together is we took short trips and enjoyed watching the sunrise and sunset every single day. As time went on and he became weaker, we enjoyed the sunrises and sunsets from our bedroom window. We learned to appreciate every day as a gift and we learned to never take anything for granted. As odd as it may sound, I cherish the opportunity to live out Ray's final days by his side. I'm a different person because of the experience. When our son reached major milestones in his life (ie. high school and college graduations, wedding), it was very difficult to not have Ray with me but I could certainly feel his presence and knew he was watching proudly from above. I would like to say that you are an amazing caregiver and husband to your beautiful wife, Jenny. You are also a tremendous father to your two beautiful children. The love you have for your family is evident and you are a superhuman! You must be patient with yourself and allow yourself to grieve. Don't be afraid to ask for help from your family and friends. They want to help but sometimes don't know what to do. Also, it's ok to let Jenny see you in your darkest moments. It will help her to be there for you and let her feel like she can still support you as your wife. A mother must also know that her children will be taken care of and you have demonstrated that many times. Your support systems are crucial right now and I know that you want to spend every single minute with Jenny. I remember not wanting to sleep because I wanted to be with Ray every waking second. Please remember you must take care of yourself, both physically and mentally, in order to be there for Jenny. Please know that you and your precious family are in my thoughts and prayers daily. You are not alone and even though it might not feel like it at times, God is always by your side. Enjoy every day and every minute and if Jenny improves, then you have nothing to lose and so much to gain! We are on this Earth only for a short time but will be together in Heaven eternally. Much love and prayers Sherry
Your husband sounded like quite a good man. All he wanted was your happiness when he left. Wonderful and uplifting post in shade of such sadness and heartbreak.
Dear Kyle, Palliative Care, at this stage, is more for the benefit of you and the children. It doesn't mean giving up on anything. It means giving you the support you need so you can be the healthiest husband, father and provider your family needs you to be. You need the assistance both mentally and physically. God puts answers before us, but we have to be willing to surrender ourselves to His wisdom rather than our own. The hardest thing I ever had to learn in my life was to ask for help. I'm 67. I always thought asking for help means admitting weakness and/or defeat - but quite the contrary, my dear. Asking for help is a sign of strength! You are doing everything right. I am keeping you, Jenny and your precious children in my thoughts and prayers. Galatians 6:2: “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”
Yes to palliative care!!! Such a big misconception that palliative care = hospice care. Palliative care is there to provide help, resources, and a resource. Highly recommend!!
I love so much that Josh at POG Family has opened his heart to you. Many of us are also walking along with Josh and our beautiful Sarah, who is coming to the end of her journey. They are remarkable, as are you and Jenny.
Michelle is right. You need to take care of yourself. You need respite help. If you and Jenny see that as giving up, that is not the case. You need a break once in a while. That does not mean that you have given up, but this is the reality of your circumstances. Even if you can have time to go to the GYm, or go out for coffee with your buddies. A respite person can be a great boost for Jenny as well. Palliative care prolongs life, but might be a solution for your family. I'm praying for you and holding you close.
Hi K,yle I am losing my husband to stage 4 cancer for the intestines lungs and liver and he is now in the last months/weeks of his life with me and it is crushing me every single day. The dark days are soul destroying and the good days okay. You cannot make this better or go away so Kyle its okay to let go get angry and cry. We have no children and I would say to you that your little blessings will be what gets you through that and the prayers of others to. At this time my hubby is having pain management and assistance to sleep. You will be exhausted Physicaly, Mentaly and spiritualy. I and others get this to that are going through same situation. Treatment support changes in a heart beat. Kyle I cannot find the words to help you I wish I could but I and my hubby Joe are praying for you and your family. Embrace the good times that peek through the mist. I just wish I could express myself better to you all I can say is I understand and get it Cancer is a Bas---d. Love and blessings for you friends in Scotland.
😪 Hi Kyle. I went thru this with my husband, he had a lung cancer. I have 2 suggestions. 1) do not try and control the situation. Wake up each day, focus on the day, and let it be. 2). Take time for yourself. I would take walks on the beach. I joined a hiking group and went on Saturday morning hikes, yes when spouse was so sick. It helped alot. 🦋
You should get in touch with the Pog Family dad, Josh. His wife is on hospice currently and it was a very fast change and he handling it with as much grace and love as he can. He's such a beautiful human being. I think he could be a good example for you Kyle.
Dear Kyle, as a hospice social worker for over 22 years I commend you for communicating your thoughts and feelings and articulating them so well. This is painful and no amount of positive thinking takes that away. It’s okay to feel sad, angry, disappointed, confused. The trajectory of decline is an unknown entity. Fighting is exhausting for both of you and putting on happy smiles when you feel scared and helpless is also depleting. This unfortunately is a disease of waiting and seeing, treating or not treating. Constant changes and adjustments. It is the roller coaster ride you can’t get off or take a break from. The hills and twists can seem bigger and longer and it takes a toll. Good boundaries are important. Having a plan in place for changes-specific duties done by specific people. You are blessed to be a teacher and have time off during the summer….but you still need time for you. Riding your new bike. If that means someone is with Jenny so you feel you can do that without worrying if she will be safe-ask someone. People want to help and many times don’t know what to do. This is one example of you being able to take care of yourself too. If you cry the whole time you’re on the bike-it’s okay. Pretending that something isn’t real doesn’t make the reality go away. I’m not suggesting that positivity and prayers don’t help-because they do. The reality is this disease is an unfair monster. You have great medical professionals to guide you. Ask the hard reality questions-what would they do in this situation-or if it was their loved one? You are one heck of a husband and father Kyle. Seeing your family in pain and struggling-while you also feel such pain and helplessness-is a testament to the love and devotion you have. I applaud you for asking for help. Keeping you in prayer for strength and comfort. 🤍🙏🤍🙏
I second everything you have said. Your an incredible communicator and spouse and parent. I’ve been in healthcare for 30+ yrs and you guys are one of the best couples I’ve seen with connecting and communicating with each other. It’s essential to keep going to have what you 2 have. Breath and keep moving forward. ❤️🙏
So beautifully said ..Kyle This is all so hard and scary.You are truly a great beat Friend to Jenny and the greatest Dad❤ What you both are going through is no Joke ,But Like these many comments that are left,You do have to have your own space just to decompress cry yell!!! So much love for you all Kyle and princess Jenny ❤
Contiue to pray and take one day at a time accept help. Take a day with you and the children. I lost my mama and sister to colan cancer snd many of my cousins. I decideded that things I cannot change pray about it snd give to God who has the last say. Trust God and his will. Take each day by rejoicing and praising God no matter what. Drs. Have told me many things about my own life but I turned to God and Belived tho he slay me yet will i trust him. Im sorry you are going through this pain , either way Jenny will be fine. You may not belive that tt now but you will later. One of the best thing ways to get through this is pray for others belive its all up to God and try to live each day knowing Gods got you all and ultimately it will be Gods decision to heal her or take her to heaven.sorry for the long message. Take care.
Hi Kyle I am a registered nurse going on 35 years. I follow both you and Jenny. Sometimes it's ok to let go. Release your grip on the wheel of trying to control the outcome. If Jenny is tired of fighting, stop fighting. Focus on palliative care. Keep her comfortable and enjoy the time you have left❤️
I got a reply like this from someone and was furious it felt like giving up, I couldn't have been more wrong and always wonder if I pushed to far and didn't allow us the time to just be. I just came off a 7 year journey and am so lost as to who I am & what to do now. I am sending you much love & support. ❤❤❤
I disagree with you, it's not time to let go just yet Jenny still has an appetite, and has no problem swallowing holding food down so it's not time just yet .
@@flowersandcandyflowersandc9093 I only meant in my case. I think anything or treatment option that eases pain is great. Also it's the person's call who is going through it. You can never say she didn't put up 1 H of a fight so far. I never ever gave up hope, but as I look back the meaning of Hope just changed a bit 💗💗💗
@@valerienelson3296 “For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord. Plans for your welfare not for calamity to give you hope & a future.” Jeremiah 29:11 “I set before you life & death…choose life that you may live.” Deuteronomy 30:19 The last scripture is a challenge to me personally. I need to embrace it to help me out of my depression especially since my son took his life by drowning two years ago.
Hi Kyle - I am in the same position. My wife has been battling stage 4 colon cancer for over six years. Lately, it has become chemo resistant, and she has had all the radio therapy she can handle. We’re at the end of the line in terms of treatment options. All we can do now is manage pain. We’re trying to get a cryro ablation procedure done on her bone mets, but the insurance company is pushing back. We both think the next step is reaching out to a hospice and having them assume the day-to-day management of symptoms. Keeping her pain free and in a controlled environment will be a priority. We both know that this is not going to end well and we can’t control that fact. However, we can control her environment. Being at home, with our dogs and friends and family will go a long way rather than a hospital bed and all the associated anxiety.
Tomorrow is not promised to any of us in this strange planet earth world we live in. My sister works as a nurse in a pediatric hospital, holding the hands of many young children as they transition to the other side. The intimacy that this disease journey has brought into your relationship as two loving adults; encompasses a kind of maturity rarely seen in couples so young. This journey is forcing wisdom into both of your lives. I believe that we come to this earth to be students, to navigate through sacred contracts established in communication with our creator, and then to move on to the next adventure when this one is complete. You cannot live Jenny's life and sacred contracts for her, nor can she do that for you. What you have co-created together during this experience is incredibly valuable. We live in a world where many will never learn the meaning of unconditional love; and both you and Jenny LIVE unconditional love right here and right now. Now is the time to reach out and be carried by others who have walked this path before you. We will hold space for you. We will intend grace and light for you both. Someday, it will be your turn to do so for another. I'm grateful to have learned your story through the internet. Your integrity; respect and resilience even in these moments when the heart that lives outside of your body is struggling to beat and breath touches all of us deeply. May you observe beauty in these challenging moments together.
I think this video was maybe a little bit overdue you've been carrying the weight of your whole family without skipping a beat! You are a true inspiration and Jenny deserves that. But you deserve a break too! You both hàve been brave enough to share this journey with all of us and I'm so grateful because it has taught me a lot about myself, alot about the disease. I too have a family member that's going through cancer but hopefully her disease remains what it is at this point and doesn't progress. Praying for good results. Praying you get to grow old together. Your story it's just means so much to me! 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏👌👌👌👌👌👌👌
As someone who has been bedridden since February & on oxygen 24/7 for the last two years, the ONLY thing that has gotten me through this is prayer. Having hope in better days. I lean on God's word. His promises. If I didn't have my faith in HIM, I don't know where I would be. I'm a single parent of a 4 & 5 yr old & my 5 yo is autistic. My biggest fear in life is the thought of them growing up without me. I don't know how anyone would be able to love them as much as I do. And it makes me really sad. You are doing everything you should be doing, Kyle. You are an amazing husband & father. Ask God to guide you. To search your heart. He will let you know what Jenny needs & what YOU need. So, make sure you take care of you. Sending loving energy your way.
I just posted and totally FORGOT to suggest asking to speak with the oncology social worker at City of Hope.🤦🏻♀️I am sure they have a great one. I'm an oncology social worker and have so many times thought it mighy be helpful to talk to one at COH. ONC SW'ERS have practical resources that could be super helpful. Again....doesn't make the pain go away, but it might turn the volume down a bit. So many supportive programs for your sweet kids, and you & Jenny.
Dear Kyle and Jenny- I lost my Dad, Sister and brother to Cancer, and now I have breast cancer. God is so good and so strong! Lean on him, talk to him, pray and cry to him, you will see and feel his love. Make him your Father and friend. He hears you. I pray for you and all the young couples (with children) in this battle. I believe in miracles. ❤
Of all the comments, yours hit me the hardest. I have a very advanced stage of multiple sclerosis. I am bedbound, cannot bathe myself, dress myself, feed myself. I am only 43 years old and I haven't been able to walk in about 7 years now. I have to rely on everyone to take care of me. I only have limited use of my left arm. Both my legs and my right arm are paralyzed. I keep wondering if God hears me when I get mad, frustrated , and I'm brokenhearted. I have caregivers doing their best, but I feel like such a burden, especially on my loved ones. I keep wondering what the purpose is, what my purpose is. I know I'm going to end up in a nursing home and it's going to be a rough rest of my life. I have a hard time breathing, a hard time swallowing. And I am a Christian, but I feel so far away from God. Thank you for your words. Thank you for reminding me that it's okay to cry to God.
@@deirdrekiely6187Yeah, I don't want to be a bummer, but how is that great or good? (to create humans and earth, only to watch them suffer) I was told growing up in a religious household that God knows everything ahead of time- so he must have known this was going to happen, but still created us anyway:/ again, I just don't see anything good or great with that, but other people will disagree and that's fine
You don’t have to be ok with it, Kyle, it is ok to scream and shout and cry and kick and bite. You are an amazing family, please know there are thousands of people with you and you are doing an incredible job supporting Jenny and your kids. I have had cancer twice and know it was harder for my family than it was for me. Sending huge hugs from the UK 🇬🇧
What a super human you are! Currently going through a tough spot with my wife. She is only 32 and we have 2 children under 7. The last couple of months have been dominated by biopsies, scans, medication and the unknown. We've had those dark conversations and whilst I can't offer you any advice, I can say that you are not alone in what you are going through. I've drawn strength from your vlogs ❤
I took Care of Father who was Diagnosed with Dementia and Of course it went into Alzheimer's Disease 24/7 Care! Watching Your Loved One Deteriorating right in front of You! It was a strenuous, I fell on The steps and broke My Neck, Broke a vertebrae in my back, While caring for him! I was in Trauma Unit for both! Doctors Told me I had to take care of Me in order to take care of Him! I wouldn't ask for help 2 weeks Before he passed away! Hospice Came to the Condo and a Nurse & A aide twice a week! I was dead tired handling My Father, Cleaning and cooking, laundry, Grocery shopping! It was a hard Time but I wouldn't want it other Way! The Nurse couldn't believe He went so quickly!
As a retired RN and older person who has had family members with cancer, I can say with confidence that cancer sucks! Dealing with cancer, sucks! Watching your loved one deal with cancer, SUCKS! I do understand the push to be positive, but toxic positivity can be detrimental. Acknowledging your feelings of despair, fear, and fatigue is ok. Sometimes you have to buck up, I get that, but letting down your guard and being sad and scared does not make cancer worse....it manages to do that all on its own. Continue to reach out and support your lovely wife and precious kids as you already do, while honoring your grief, anger, and fear. All the feelings are valid and necessary. I wish the very best for all of you and although it is said to be bad to have hate in your heart, I have to say that I hate this wretched disease with all of my being. Bless you.
❤❤❤ You're such a superman. Even Superman needs support. Hope you see your therapist every week & let your guard down even for 50 minutes. One day or minute at a time. ❤❤
IT’S OK TO NOT BE OK. Hold tight to Jesus. Hold tight to each other. Celebrate your love, even amidst the sorrow and trials. So many are praying with you 🙏
You and Josh Pog are the husbands of the year, actually of the past decade, as your strength, loyalty and love for your wives and your families have been beyond outstanding. God bless you both.
Hello, Kyle! I'm a senior citizen caring for my husband who is stage 4 and cannot fathom going through this when we were a young couple with small children. The only thing I can think of that comes close to it is water-boarding, the relentless struggle for air, brief relief, and then right back into it. Seeing a therapist is great, but I would also suggest a cancer support group where you can connect with people face-to-face who are going through similar struggles. (At my age, a good share of my close friends are caregivers, so we lean on each other!) Palliative care could be an option for Jenny. Unlike hospice, you can still continue with curative-type treatments. They can help relieve some of the caregiving load for you- organize medications, provide pain relief and comfort, as well as help with diet and meal prep. I won't tell you to hang in there, because I know you will. Just remember that it's okay for your kids to see you vulnerable and sad sometimes, as these are entirely normal human emotions and reactions to overwhelming circumstances. Know that you have a whole team of TH-cam family sending you and your family all the positive energy and prayers we can muster!
My daughter had cancer. I spent 7,000 hours on a plastic bench in one year as she fought it. One thing people forget is that the cancer patient is often medicated, asleep, out of it… but the caregiver isn’t. We are awake, sharp, aware, absorbing it all. Make sure you are eating, resting, and pushing away the things or voices that dont help you all get to the light at the end of this horrible tunnel. When the fight is over, please watch yourself at about six weeks post because that is when the caregiver crashes mentally and physically. The oncologist told us this and she was right. Then the patient crashes about three or four months past, if they are in remission. Accept help from non drama people. The drama people love to suck the drama and stir it all up. Surround yourself with strong, peaceful people. I will pray for you all!
Kyle, I am new to commenting, so here goes. I was the care giver to my daughter through all her hospital stays, ER visits, blood transfusions feeding tube, etc. It's hard, but your love for her is so strong, and I believe you will stay strong. I agree with everyone that you need to take care of yourself. It helps me to read Psalms; then, in her illness, and now with my husband who has had cancer three times. God's word is strong and comforting. God bless you, Jennie, and your precious children. I will continue to pray for ya'll. So very many people are praying for you, and care for you.❤
Yes Kyle It's time to get help into the house to help with Jenny's care and the kids care and the laundry and the housework and everything else. Please take advantage of everything palliative care and hospice have to offer. This is the worst thing you guys will ever go through in your lives and we are all with you every step of the way as much as we can be. Your pain is in our souls also. Please don't feel alone. It is the worst thing for anyone to be going through. More than the human soul can take. Do your best to take care of you and get help with everything from anyone. You guys are so loved. Praying always.
Dear Kyle - as an RN of 26 years I can tell you that it’s ultimately important for you to take care of you. What you are going through shakes a soul to its core. It’s daunting! I pray each day for you and Jenny and the children. Just face each day as it comes. You’re a wonderful husband and dad and Jenny knows this. You have a special bond and an amazing marriage. You have been such an example to many people. The scariest part of life is the unknown and feeling you have little control. You are so strong and whatever is coming, God will be walking through it with you. You guys are so loved and your YT family are here for you. ❤️🙏✝️
I am so sorry that this has happened to your wife and to you the husband and children and family. I have been sick for a long time and my husband takes care of so much for me. Give yourself grace as the giver and try to enjoy the little moments with her and rest yourself. Watch a movie to get your mind off of all you are going through. Get take out and have a bed picnic. Do a art contest. Have her draw you a picture and you the same picture to place in an frame or album for later. Have the kids and you make ice cream sundae bar. Paint your wife's fingernails.give each other facials. Just small bonding moments you will cherish and enjoy. Write down 5 things you love about her and have her write 5 things she loves about you. Do handprint art. I pray for God's peace for you and your wife. I will be praying for you all. Always remember God has your whole family in his hands.
Kyle, If haven't done so already, look into palliative care. It is my understanding that this can come befire hospice. With palliative care you can continue treatments, can go to the hospital, receive mrdication, etc. Most of these things cannot be done once you are in hospice care. Hope this helps. Praying for your family and for peace and strength for all of you.
Dearest Kyle....My daughter needed this message so I shared this video with her. Thank you so much for expressing your feelings. People rarely discuss the thoughts they are having while fighting this dreadful disease. She is 37 and her husband is 44. He was diagnosed with stage 4 appendix cancer. They have three babies ages 5,7 and 9. Three years ago their lives were changed forever when surgery for appendicitis revealed cancer everywhere in his body. Three major surgeries later and every hour is spent keeping this disease at bay. Thank you again for sharing. It means so much. I will keep following your journey and please know that I am holding your hand as we give each other the strength to continue this fight. You and Jenny are in my prayers every day.
I was diagnosed with stage 4 appendix cancer right around the same time Jenny was diagnosed , mine thankfully is considered stable now after a 15 hour hipec surgery, I had an oophorectomy and my spleen and gallbladder removed. I realize that they caught it in the nick of time, my first surgeon had no idea it was cancer, it was biopsied over and over, It was only because he reached out to Fred hutch and talked to an incredible surgeon who agreed to fight for me that I am still here. I realize everyday is a day I wasn't promised and I'm incredibly grateful, our world can change in a day, well a moment for better or worse. I'm moving along here grateful and happy and then get a call from our best friend, he fell in the bathroom and broke his neck. He's in the hospital now and getting the news he may never walk again. but there really are miracles everyday I feel like I'm here because of one... actually several. Love to you and your family. Let me know if I can help even from here, in any way.
Dearest Kyle Your video moved me beyond words. I read all the replies ,and the only thing I can add is , no.1 organize a plan with others, family or a team to give you a much needed break, and no2, maybe a temporary anti anxiety medication to get you through or to help you sleep. When my beloved father was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer,I was a single mother supporting two young children on my own, I did use medication to help me deal with my role as a caretaker, along with my sister who handled it better than me. Also try not to think beyond the present day. I know it’s easier to give advice than follow it when you are not coming from a place of strength, but please try. Thinking and praying for all of you🩷
Kyle, I'll add my voice to the chorus here. The advice that you have been given (esp from experienced oncology nurses) is spot on. I've been on both sides of this. First as an adult oncology nurse for 25+ years and recently being a full time caregiver for my adult son during the covid epidemic. Because healthcare resources were stretched to the breaking point, I couldn't get the help I desperately needed. My MD husband and I had to retire in order to provide the 24 hr care our son required. Fortunately, things have changed and more help is available. Ask City of Hope social workers about respite care. You need a break. You simply cannot care for Jenny, yourself, and the kids without some professional help now. Jenny's medical needs are becoming more than you, family, and concerned friends can reasonably be expected to provide. You need to be a husband and father now, not a full time caregiver. Respite care, visiting nurses, palliative care teams and yes......, even hospice care, should all be considered. G-d Bless you and your family. Beth, RN You are always welcome to contact me directly.
Many prayers for good results and a better future sent your way .Kyle you take great care of everyone so please take care of your self as well and don't be afraid to ask friends and family to take on some tasks and I'm sure they will be more than grateful to lend a hand other than helping with the children. Love sent to you all.....❤❤❤
I know I'll probably have the unpopular opinion and I'm ok with that, but as a single parent, i think it's FAR more important to be a present & caring parent, than a partner. Your kids are going to hopefully live a full and wonderful life, after this cancer journey is over and THEY need you, the most. Pour yourself into them, always. You are the most caring man I've ever seen and I just hope & pray you find another partner, who is there for you and the kiddos. None of you deserve to be alone and you shouldn't be! Lots of love and big tight hugs, to all of you 🤍
Kyle, I know you have had so much on you. You are doing everything you can for Jenny. Maybe it is time to asked the City of Hope for help from Hospice. It by no means says it is the end but it will give you the chance to get away and clear your head. You have a good family that helps with the children. Kyle, you need someone to talk to other than your counselor. And it is ok to get away and get mad and cry we have had prayers for you also
Dearest Kyle, you can look into getting a HHA to assist you. They work 4 to 8 hrs a day. They can look after Jenny so you can have time during the day for other activities. It would give you time for the children and yourself. Your an amazing person. I can tell you there is so much power in prayer, a delay is never a denial. I will continue to pray for Jenny, I’ll ask Jesus Christ to give you continued strength to persevere. Remember the 2 footprints in the sand. Your not alone. In the midst of the struggles you will see a break through. This I can promise you. I’m living proof that God honors prayers. Don’t stop believing.
Hello Kyle. I was in your shoes for three years. People ask me how I got through three years as my wife’s caregiver. It was the love of God and exercise. Exercise and prayers helped me get through mentally. If I could live the last year over with her again, then I would have stopped all the treatments and brought her home. I prayed many prayers for God to heal my wife, but there at the end I prayed that if he wasn’t gonna heal her, then to take her to heaven. I couldn’t take seeing her suffer every day. Even the morphine pills didn’t even work. I’m praying for you buddy. Hang in there and God Bless you and your decision 🙏🙏🙏
Hi Kyle I live in San Diego and have an extra room in my house I would love to open to you and Jenny while you are here for her therapy. I would love to help you guys in any way that I can!
Kyle. I give you credit for being such a rock for Jenny and the kids. There is another channel, POG Family, that is going through a really rough time right now. Sarah, the mom, has a really aggressive form of cancer that unfortunately has spread to her brain and her husband Josh has had to make some really hard decisions and like you has been by her side throughout this long battle. He posts regularly about the struggles, good and bad, and what it’s like watching your spouse suffer. Unfortunately there is nothing the doctors can do for Sarah because her cancer is so aggressive. They have young kids as well and I bring this up not to compare situations or anything but so that maybe you could reach out to him and you could both support each other during these hard times. Sarah like Jenny is a kind soul and no one should have to deal with this in their lifetime. I see there are many helpful comments posted by caregivers but having another male/husband with young kids like yourself to talk to may be beneficial for both of you really. Your family is in my prayers and I admire you for asking for help. Stay strong!
I remember Sarah posting on her own space to encourage viewers to support Jenny. Weird to think that back then I thought Sarah had a less aggressive version of the disease because she seemed to be doing relatively well. Goes to show once again how unpredictable this monster is
This was my thought also - reach out to other husbands/parents/caregiver that is going through it also. He is so kind and so loving, like you and their kids are young also, one is 3 years old. I am also a big believer in living in the moment. Josh was just talking about how he was stressing out because of what might happen in future and said he realized being in the moment is where he needs to be right now. You are amazing and know that you are. Prayers are daily for you and your family.
I thought of Josh immediately. Kyle & Josh have been such wonderful husbands through this whole ordeal. I am so glad Sarah and Jenny have such kind husbands that love them so much.
As a hospice worker, hospice is not an option so long as the patient is being treated. Hospice referral happens when all treatment by physicians are no longer an option and the disease is progressing. There are several other ways to get help in the home to relieve the caregiver of alot of the stress we all can see Kyle is going through. I pray he asks medical professionals for some help with this. In so many ways it's much more difficult for the caregiver than the patient. Praying for you Kyle.
I think what the others have said is great advice. You need help with the day to day care. That would help free your mind space up to help Jen and the kids live the best you all can. If pain management and draining is someone else’s responsibility, you can hopefully spend the extra time together on happier things. You are such a wonderful family. xxxxx
I lost my only son at 10 year old from cancer, brain tumor, in 1993, seems like yesterday, you never get over it you just learn to deal with it, love life more, it's hard, hold on lean on Jesus and family friends. Enjoy her moment by moment one day she will be a precious memory
Kyle, I lost a very dear friend and Coworker to Stage 4 lung cancer last year. She lived 2 months after diagnosis, and I was crushed! You have been given some excellent advice by many caregivers and those in the medical field. I pray that you will follow the advice of asking for help in your daily care for Jenny. I'm sure City of Hope can put you in touch with good resources. You did a good thing by coming on to talk to us all and ask for help. You are an amazing husband and father, and both you and Jenny are in my prayers every day!
You are so right. I was a caregiver for 14 years. My mom passed in 2016 and 7 years later, I'm still struggling. It's SUPER important to take care of yourself. I wish I had know this.
I am a caregiver also! So many of us out here! My husband has thyroid cancer that is bmp in the last stages. I watch him struggle especially when he gets pneumonia every two weeks!
Sometimes you have to look back at God's faithfulness in order to move forward. Remember how God brought you through before, and trust that He will do it again. You have all our prayers, you are doing a great job Kyle. As a two-time survivor of cancer I can say that I wish I had been supported by someone like you. Jenny is very lucky to have you- but you are very lucky to have each other . Love and prayers 🙏x
Paul in Perth is terminal with cancer and he made you and Jenny a great video giving a list of things to do to help make sure everything is taken care of ❤. I’m so sorry y’all are in this boat
I was my husbands only care giver while he fought his battle against cancer. We also had a seven year old son, I know the struggle of being spread to thin and not being able to give each person what I thought they needed. All while depleating myself to the point of exhaustion. If i could give you any advice it would be to ask for help from family and friends to help with housework, yardwork, meal prep. Laundry. Maybe to watch Jenny while you take the kids out, trust me you will be glad you did. Just breathe and pray, pray as a family. It helps. It is a hard journey you both are on. Cancer sucks! Keeping you all in my prayers!
Sound advice here. It is essential to ask for help from family, friends…this group. Is it possible to ask family to help with laundry, yard work, cleaning, or for family to schedule quality time with Jenny and/or the kids so that you can step away for a few hours. Knowing you have an hour or even a few minutes to take care of yourself can help you through the tough times. It is natural to want to spend every minute with Jenny but also important that you can recharge so that you can be 100% present when you are there. I also hear you saying that this isn’t the way it was supposed to be. And you are right. It’s hard and can feel so very unfair, and grieving the loss of what you imagined for your future is normal. It’s OK to feel like you aren’t OK. Sending love. ❤
I'm so glad Josh from POG FAMILY on another youtube channel reached out to you yesterday. He is a father of young children and a wife who has been battling cancer. I strongly feel you and Josh can give each the support you both need during this difficult time. Hugs and prayers.
I follow both of their journeys and they are so similar 💔 it absolutely breaks my heart for both families. They both have the best husbands, so loving and patient!
@@stephanieelaine1935 I do too and am with you. Both families are beautiful and there is so much love there. These moms want to see their little kiddos grow up. It breaks my heart. Both Kyle and Josh are the most amazing husbands. They are so kind and gentle. I truly pray for them and the journey each is on.
There’s another youtube family vlog of a mom who was going through stage 4 ovarian cancer. Unfortunately, she just transitioned about two weeks ago. Since her husband is going through hell right now, I’m sure right now isn’t the best time to connect. However, this man could be a good support for Kyle and his family if things don’t improve for Jenny. I think the husband’s name is Taylor Odlozil, his wife was Haley Odlozil.
Transitioning to palliative care/hospice isn’t giving up. It’s moving to making the time you have the best it can possibly be. It may be time to have the hard discussions that even the medical community is not good at having. Or maybe it is time to look into respite care to help along with allowing family to help as much as they can. A medical social worker can help with finding community resources for respite care, in home caregivers, goals of care planning etc. Knowing all the resources available help you feel more prepared and in control. The uncertainty causes more anxiety and getting an handle on the things you can control/make decisions on will help a lot.
Hey Kyle I see your heart through your eyes. My ex-husband and I are the best of friends. Dec.2021 after a biopsy and bone scan he was diagnosed with Metastatic Osseous Prostate Cancer at the tender age of 64. He said he won't surrender and he hasn't. I am the only person he trusts. He is the strongest man I've ever known & love dearly. He finished all hormonal meds then 12 rds of docetaxel chemo, after that and now Extandi etc, Pelvic radiation treatment in May this year it went to his bladder, in June both kidneys shut down, had to have 2 nephrostomy tubes immediately went to ICU for 2 weeks, then a rehabilitation & nursing facility 2 weeks. Now home almost 3 wks & he is not surrendering. You are doing what God has ordained & commissioned for you and Jenny before you were born. Let Him continue fighting all the battles coming at you. Stay strong with the strength He has given you both. God is with you always you can believe that my dear brother.
Also a Registered Nurse here. I've been able to tell for a while that you are really struggling. This is something you've heard too many times.......Life Is So Unfair. I wish I were close enough to help all of you. My best advice is to take any help that is offered. Lawn, groceries, laundry, car washes, oil changes, housework, anything that is offered - accept. If a trusted friend or relative wants to take the kids to a movie, ice skating, the zoo, let them go. It'll give you time alone with Jenny, and give the kids a break. Take up the offer to connect with the Pog Family husband. Nobody can relate as much as he could. Although I'm a surgery nurse, I have previous oncology & general surgeon office background, and I agree you are at a fork in the road. Only time will tell the future, but a direction is coming sooner than later. Nobody could compare to the awesome job you are doing. Reach out, seek & accept help. Enjoy every day as best as you can.
We had to give up control of all medical care to the hospice nurse so we could enjoy my dad and not his cancer needs. It's not easy for anyone in this situation questioning your own decisions. Sending prayers
Kyle , I am also an RN ( oncology lots of years ) Michelle the palliative care RN has given great advice . The cancer road never seems straight or clear so many twists and turns … you are asking for advise but from my view , you are doing everything exactly correct… you prioritize your beautiful wife and children , you have had the ‘serious’ talks , and you are making memories as a family . You are a loving husband and father , I am sorry that you may not achieve your rocking chair visions , it is cruel and sad. I am happy that you have a therapist , and of course we are all here to listen . As RN Michelle advised , schedules are important and enlisting help now ..no one is meant to go it alone .. creating memories like you are doing , maybe having Jenny make more cards that can be opened in the future , even wrapping future gifts have helped some patients .. if I lived near you , I would be glad to assist , but I don’t ! You and Jenny are right to be shocked , so young for lung cancer stage 4 , no wonder you got a caregiver award … some of the spouses I have dealt with in the oncology world 🤦♀️, but that’s an entirely different subject … You may not believe it , but I think you are doing the BEST job , thrown into a situation that you know nothing about , how frightening ! You and Jenny are the sweetest couple and such great parents . Hugs, prayers to all of you ❤ ..
Being a Caregiver for a loved one, it's a 24/7 job! I lost a lot of weight and mind deteriorating experience! I took care of My Father for two years at home! Seeing him deteriorate before Your eyes! I have slept in a lazy boy chair in the living room for Over two years! Seeing Your Father who has always been there for me! Since his disease I have fell down the stairs and broke my neck, broken a vertebrae a in my back, and broken pelvis with no family to help out! So I did ask for Hospice before the last 2 weeks of his life! Hearing him fall out of His hospital bed in the middle of The night having to call EMS to. pick him up and place him back In bed! I was sleep deprived and Worrying constantly wishing I could a good day with day with. Dad! I promised my Dad I wouldn't put him in a Nursing Home and I NEVER did! He died In the hospital bed! I woke up that Sunday🤔😢knowing he was gone!❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
I met my best friend late in life. I never imagined I would have this kind of love as a middle aged woman with teenaged boys. We had 21 years together and each day was a joy. Pancreatic cancer was his diagnosis and his choices were different than yours because he was at a different stage in his life. He chose no treatment or chemo. We lived each day as if it was our last. He got 9 months because I am a nurse and could modify diet and do dressings etc. he chose to have nephrostomy tubes and had a gallbladder drain so we lived a constant whirlwind of doctors and hospital visits. He too had to have several blood transfusions. My story has to do with my grandsons grief after his beloved grandpa died because at 6 he wanted to help. I remember he was quite frantic one day because he wanted to help me stop crying and didn’t know how to “Help”. I explained to him that my heart was just so full of sadness and the only way I could get some of the sadness out was to cry it out. Once I cried all the sadness out it would leave a little room for happiness. All he could do was wait for me to cry and then come and give me a hug so I could fill my heart with some happiness and love again. He has never forgotten that and now at 15 he will still do that for me as well as his younger siblings. Your kids will want to help.
I have cancer and I have to remind my partner that it is out of his control. We need to live in the present moment and right now we are breathing so we are OK. You are not responsible for any of this, just be there for Jenny and thats all you need to do. If it all becomes too much, then maybe consider some outside help like hospice. It's not giving up, people can come off hospice if they don't need it anymore. Whatever you decide is going to be the right decision for you, Jenny and your family. Thinking of you guys!! (Edit: BTW keep doing these talking videos, it may be therapeutic for you and may help others.)
She would have to stop treatment to go on hospice and if she does that, there will be no coming off of hospice for her. They are not at that point at the present time.
@@Catfluff521 oh I did not know that. In my country we can still have treatments to stop the growth or shrink the cancer while on palliative care/hospice.
Hi Kyle, I’m in your position right now. My husband, my best friend, is battling esophageal cancer. It sucks to watch my love hurting. He just got back from the hospital a few days ago. I wish I had the answer, but my therapist reminds me when I’m struggling to do more of the things that bring you up; self care, visits with friends. I’ve also tried adding something new each week; reading, listening to music, watching silly videos. Sometimes I just run out of steam and will sit outside in the sun. I love listening to my kids play, because it reminds that life is all around us. We are starting new treatment; two chemos, immunotherapy, and herceptin all at once-it’s tough. Hank Green said something that we both love: your chance of survival is 100% right now, so live in that. I hope it helps you, because you sure help me. ❤
Can you get outside professional help? I was an in home c.n.a. for 3o years. I know you and your family want to do it all,but sometimes sometimes that not possible.
I am so sorry to hear you are in this same position. Stay strong. I hope you've seen @Michelle_Crn (above) that commented eloquently but with truth and honesty. I wish you and your husband strength during this horrific journey you find yourself on.
I feel horrible for you both 😢 I was a caregiver, in ON Canada it's called Personal Support Workers. I worked in nursing homes, retirement homes, and in home care. I would look into Home Care Support, just to help with basic house cleaning, cooking, helping with Jenny so you can go out for a few hours!! We did client care also...There are Support groups with specialized care that could help. Perhaps this would be a help Kyle, like other's comments "You are no good to anyone if you burn out". One step at a time, One day at a time ! Take care many are with you both through this journey.
As hospice rn our dr stated try to manage just 20 minutes at at time. You are living her cancer journey on your shoulder. I would reach out to the grief counselor for her and you. I would meet with him separately when my partner was dying. You are amazing
Kyle, I lost my oldest son to colon cancer in 2015 after a three year two months battle. It is so hard to take care of someone that is so sick and endure constant bad news. Many prayed for him and our family. I know that those prayers and my faith in God is what kept me strong and without it I couldn't have made it. As others have suggested ask for help, prayer, or anything you need when you need or want it. I know I felt at one time if I asked for help that somehow I was letting my son down but in reality it was a relief for him as he worried about us.He never shared this worry with me or my husband but he did share it with his brother and my husband's sister. I had very dark days and felt so helpless when he continually got worse. When I reflect on this time in my life I'm sure I made it with Gods's help and all of those prayers. My pastor gave me some very good advice and I followed that advice as much as humanly possible. He said to sleep when it's time to sleep, eat when it's time to eat, and most importantly don't ask why. You can't take care of Jenny if you don't take care of yourself mentally and/or physically. Continued prayers for you, Jenny, and your family. 🙏❤
"i just needed to.. talk with you guys a little bit...It's good for my mental health." Amen! We applaud you. Kyle, your being so open an vulnerable and asking for help is a gift to us all. Thank you for showing us how to let pride go and reach out with an open and hurting heart. You are heard. You are being held. Just as you are holding your beloved, Jenny.
My 25 daughter battled cancer for almost 5 years. Sadly she lost her battle. Friends, family and health care workers gave us incredible help and were there for us. I find comfort knowing cancer did not win - love did. I know how scary this is Kyle and you are so brave to share your struggles and feelings. My thoughts are with you, Jenni and your sweet children.
Cheryl, you said it well. Hard hard things happen to all of us. It’s how we rise above them that causes the hard things never to triumph really. Love gives us the strength to get through them and onto the other side. Love never fails. 💕💕
I'm so glad that Josh reached out to you. He understands what you are going through with his wife Sarah. Reach back out to him. 🙏❤️🙏 prayers for you both
My mother is at a similar stage with stage 4 nsc lung cancer. It's spread to most of her body. Tons of fluid issues around lungs and the heart, like Jenny. My mother got 69 years in- Jenny deserves more time. My heart breaks for your family. I found myself agreeing with everything you said. Cancer is disgusting and this is cruel. My heart breaks for you all. Sending you all the good vibes I can from canada.
I don't have advice for you, Kyle, but you are on my heart and in my prayers every day. I have shared Jenny's story and yours with my church prayer team. 🙏
I have been watching you guys for over a month but had not subscribed untile today . I am a Christian. So is my best friend who was the poster child for leukemia when she was a toddler. She beat the odds with that diagnosis. She has since beat the odds with diagnosis of cancer in brests and abdomen . She follows a simple rule. She never says that she has cancer . She says that the Dr's say this or that but I believe that I am healed in the name of Jesus . She is doing great .She is now in her 50's . She looks 35. The Dr's still say she has cancer in various places. They say that she is a walking miracle . We believe that your words have power. She never ever says she has cancer . She always says she is healed in Jesus Name , no matter what the Drs say and no matter how she feels on any given day . As I said we believe that your words have power. Won't you give Jesus a try ? He is faithful and He is true. I am praying for you all every day ! ❤ God bless you ! Speak your healing .
Kyle, I am not a nurse but I am a caretaker and I am a person who has been by the side of my mother, father, 3 sisters, and 1 brother, best friends young and old through cancer's journey. My heart is with you and your family💞 It is so hard to stay focused on the patient sometimes when our hearts are breaking but I believe with all my being that God has a plan for you and your family and while I know first hand how hard it is to trust, to have faith, to and to put your heart in the "hands of God" but it really does help. I'm not a Bible thumper but I do believe in God and I know when I give my burdens over, I am SO much better able to move forward. Kyle, as much as you want to fulfill the needs of Jen and the kids, you must take care of yourself, as well. It's so very important for you to clear your head, take a few hours away to meditate, to be still and to regain some of your own sanity. Heavily lean on family and friends who offer to come and help. They are offering help to help themselves cope. There is no sense in bearing all the pain and frustration alone when you have these other people to help you. Let them help. I wish I lived closer than 3000 miles away, I would help in the drop of a hat. I'm so sad for you all but especially you as the main caretaker. You and Jen are so lucky to have each other. You have been such a saving grace to Jen and I know through the videos how much you love each other. You are both warriors! Love and prayers to you all from Parma, Ohio.❤
Hi Kyle. First I want to say you are a phenomenal caregiver. I have been one also for both my parents who I lost 10 months apart. There is a family on TH-cam called POG Family. The mother has stage 4 melanoma that has gone to her brain. She is near the end of her earthly life. When you feel the time is right, it might help to reach out to the dad (Josh) of that family for some advice that could help you. From my experience all I can say is you absolutely have to take time for yourself at least once a week for a day. That worked wonders for me and gave me a change to rest my mind and re-energize. If she wants to have dark conversations, let her do it. She needs to be able to say everything she wants to both good and bad. I will continue daily prayers for all of your family. Jenny is a beautiful person inside and out.
My step dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and he couldn't do treatments due to he wasn't strong enough and near the end the Dr put him in Pallative care. Mom and I were with him when he passed.
Hello Kyle- I am a silent observer from Europe. Let me say that am really impressed by all your love, strengh and care you are providing for Jenny and your amazing children!!!! But as you asked a very brave and a very necessary question, about how to deal with the progressiv sickness of your wife, not loosing hope and still bring some joy and laughter to your family- especially to your kids, I will very straighr with my answer, in hoping to give you a maybe other point of perception. I have been in the medical field since ages and I had very close family members dying from metestatic cancer- all kind of cancer- breast, lung, brain. And one thing they all had in common was having hope until their last breath, even when they knew the outcome because some of them were nurses And this perception put all around them in a traumatic experience, especially their kids. With cancer at this stage you have literally no controll about the sickness and this is tough.But you HAVE controll about many, many other things You have controll about talking the reality of things, you have controll how your kids yourself arw percieving this process. I don't want to go all too much in personal experiences- but it is devastating and traumatizing for children to stay in the mind set that mummy becomes well and ok in this life - and in the end they may witness something completly differend thing. Doesn't mean that there is no hope- miracles are happening daily in the medical field. But on the other hand- a close fried of my daughter age 17 - was with his dying mother all the time when he was 3 years old. And she died at home - and when he became from a funny, talking child to a deeply depressed teenager. He waa mourning thar he didn't say goodbye to his mommy and that he wishes to be with her again. This were the last words on his letter to his family and friends, when he decided to go to her with 17 I know this dark- and I am so sorry and I know there will be people out there who will condemn me now. But I really think- and know from my heart and soul space- that Jenny and you havev to make some decisions about hospice and palliative care and WHERE this shall happen.......Please don't be upset with me, but I don't think that sugar coating does anything good - for nobody. And be assured that probably no doctor will tell you that. They hate the word death - but this just shows me that they don't undersrand life from an expanded point of awarwness and conscioussnes And now I wish to see a miracle for you all. And if you may want to talk with me- let me know.
Karina, I couldn't have said it better myself. Today I am 65 years old. When I was 9, my father was deathly ill and I was told by my mother and grandmother that God listens to little kids prayers... I prayed in school, while playing, when eating etc and with Such devotion that I was in total shock when my dad passed away at home!!!-.... Till this day I wish I could have said goodbye to him and let him know how much I loved him...That was robbed from me as my mom desperately thought she was shielding me from the "Moment". -Parents need to realize that as children we too are engaged in the traumatic experience that they are going thru... Just wanted to let you know that your comment really hit home and I appreciate you bringing up such a delicate but realistic message.🙏🏻
I agree w ur advice & experience. Perhaps the kids could go tk a child therapist and get to write or draw some pictures or words to help them express any goodbye types of grief that they MAY have to face. Those fears are there for kids when if they don't know hoexpress them. Therapy for the kids might be a great thing instead of waiting until AFTER something might happen and they're caught by total surprise & in shock
@@linamartinez5808I thank you so much for your kind response and sharing your personal experience with your dad. I am so in agreement with you about the lost possibility to say I love and Goodbye. None of us knows when our time has come and it can liteeally happen within the blink of an eye. I had a horrible car accident 2012 and a NDE Beside of this my soul knows so well that this is just one experience of endless experiences we have. What I wanted ti express is that beside of all the sadness, the sorrows and the grief that it is still a blessing to tell your loved one how much you loves them. Qnd that they shall never leave in angst and sorrow. We don't loose each others soul- never.
@@msbeecee1 An absolutly GREAT idea that the children aldo get sone professional support. Sure they are loved by all around them to the moon and back, but in this case an "outsider" and therapist cqn bring q huge relief- not just for the kids but also for Kyle. He needs support so that he hasn't to be the personal care giver, especially ad this will become more and more difficult and traunatizing He shall be "allowed" to be there as a husband, best friend to his wife Her soulnate. This is what ai wish for him from my heart.
Hi Kyle, Josh from POG family is reaching out to you. Not sure if you are familiar with their channel, but his beautiful wife Sarah has stage 4 melanoma and is currently in hospice care. They are a wonderful and caring family, just like you and Jenny. Please consider reaching out if you can❤
My Mom had cancer when I was 9. My stepmother had cancer when I was 15 and I took care of my Dad as an adult for 3 years when he had Alzheimer’s as a caregiver. What helped me was talking it out and taking regular time for myself as a caregiver. A book called, “Writing through the Darkness” by Elizabeth Maynard Schaefer was hugely helpful in processing my feelings as well. Talking it out and not denying your feelings is one of the best things you can do. You are a wonderful husband and father.
hey man, im just a random kid who is currently following along your and jenny's cancer journey. i may not personally relate or understand the pain your family is suffering, all i can tell you guys is, even though times are hard and all you want to do is tell yourself to remain positive, sometimes it is better to feel your feelings, like you've said. remaining positive is helpful in pushing everyone forward, but sometimes when all you want to do is feel down, you need to really sit in your feelings to release them because constant positivity will bottle up your negative emotions. cry it out, scream, whatever heals you. positivity is good, but it can become more of a distraction to push away the necessary feelings that you need to process. now, im not saying to stop being positive, but i am saying to keep a balance. i agree, this is unfair and rough, and you all don't deserve any of this. i'm not really sure what advice to give, but to look our for your mental wellbeing. i'm glad the kids are helping your mental health tho :) and i wish you and jenny and your kids good luck in fighting this evil disease.
Dear Kyle, you have the weight of the world on your shoulders and its not an easy task. If you need help, by all means ask for it. There is no shame in doing so! God Bless you and Jenny (your world). Do remember, you have to take care of yourself ! 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏💖💖
I was a caregiver for 18 years and when hospice came along.... it was like I could breathe again. It's ok to ask hospice to help and you definitely need it. Not saying she won't get better but you need a break. I was so thankful for them. You are doing an incredible job.
It is amazing that you are here asking for help and you have just helped so many people with your words, honesty, insight, kindness and unconditional love. I am a 20+ year Inflammatory Breast Cancer survivor…I only had an 18% chance…and here I am. I will put my energy, positive thoughts and love directed straight to you and your whole family.
Remember the kids are resilient. They know and understand more than you think. Take care of yourself and your kids. Your wife is being taken care of. Who’s taking care of you?
dear Kyle, you are carrying more than one person possibly can... I feel like you have to be with your wife and kids and just love them - and let professionals do more of the medical care. It is absolutely no help for anyone (neither yourself nor your family) if you go on this way and finally suffer a breakdown. Your kids need you - and your wife needs you as a partner and friend (not as a nurse or necessarily caregiver); she needs all of the support she can get from you, your extended family and friends - as the people you are and have always been. Share the load and take the time for the really important stuff: making happy memories together. Lots of love for all of you from Europe!
Dear Kyle I’ve reported MK Lovif for hateful and abusive content towards Jenny and others . You are both damned great 👍 I feel so much love for you both. Love from Corinne. Brighton. UK. P.S remember Jenny will be carried to heaven by lost people and pets. She is a beautiful believer. Stay in truth. Never lose your honesty and openness. Cry a river if need be. I love your family more than I can say. Cx
Kyle, my heart goes out to you and your precious family. I have you all in my prayers constantly. Cancer is awful. I am watching my husband battle this too. It is heartbreaking. He is starting palliative care next week. His cancer is under control with the immunotherapy but he is a shell of the man he was. We have been together 49 years, married 44. Our kids are grown. This was supposed to be our golden years, watching the grandchildren grow up. This isnt fair to anyone. Sometimes I break down and think I cant go on but he needs me. I cant imagine life without him. I am scared. I know you are too. All we can do is love them and care for them. You couldnt be a more loving and supportive husband and daddy. Just know you arent alone. You are surrounded with love and prayers from people all over the world. ❤❤❤❤🙏🙏🙏🙏❤❤❤❤ Much love and prayers for the four of you always.
@@Meowch-vq2xq I am so sorry you are both going through this. My husband has Squamous Cell Head and Neck. He will never be cured as it always comes back. His treatment was very aggressive and included immuno therapy, which he will be on for the rest of his life or until it stops working. Then we go to plan B. cancer is so horrible. As I sit in the waiting room while he gets his infusions I look around and pray for each cancer patient and their weary caregivers. I pray GOD heals them and give the caregivers strength to take care of them. There are SO many. All ages. It’s heartbreaking. You and your husband are in my prayers. Take care. ❤
Kyle, I just want to say that you are love by so many out here who have gone through all that you are currently going through. My husband was 55 n the cancer went everwhere in just months. The biggest blessing for me was I lay next to him on the bed at home and spoke into his ear of love ,Gods love, my love, family love. I am so proud of you, as if you were my son. You are not alone in this. Heres a Bible verse I cling to. " God Is the everlasting God,and underneath are His everlasting arms" Fall into them. He loves you and so do I.
Dearest Kyle, I see your brokenness, fears, and I hear your cries. I am also here to remind you of your amazing strength while walking this journey with Jenny. This disease has taken so much from each of you but it cannot and will not take your love from one another. Love shines through even through the darkest hour. You are an amazing husband and father to your family. Reach out to your friends and family and they will be there to support you. Connect with your pastor and request visitation and prayer. Allow yourself time even if it’s just a walk around the block. Remember- you have an army praying for you, your precious children, and your all inspiration, beautiful,loving wife. We love you and we are wrapping are love and prayers around you.
Hi , I sympathize with you, my 59 year old husband on June 1st was helping me put up a swimming pool, he was having back pain and had a few tests done. On June 3 he was at work when the doctor called and told him he has cancer, A week later after oncologist did biopsies we were told that he has matastatic stage 4 pancreatic cancer that spread to his liver and stomach and on top of that bone cancer. He has been my life and safe place for 37 years and he has a few weeks left. I have watched him in the past weeks drop 60 pounds and is bedridden and not eating, I try to be strong for my family but it is hard. I am up all night with him and don’t leave his side because I know my time is running out with him. My heart goes out to you
Kyle. It's not hard sometimes; it's hard all of the time. Even on the good days. You are not alone with what you are saying. Having been a caregiver for both of my parents, it is in a way, just as much of a burden as the illness for your loved one is. This is what I have learned. Use your circle of friends and family to help out. Always ask for help when you need it. As many times as you need it. Stay in the moment. Stressing about test results or upcoming procedures does no good at all. All we have is this moment that we are in. Writing in a gratitude journal helped me out so much. Take care of yourself. Give yourself grace. Lots of grace. Take some time every week for yourself. Even if you go get your favorite coffee, do it. You are doing awesome and we are all here lifting you up in prayer and light.
Kyle, I am currently being treated for breast cancer. I asked my husband if on our wedding day we could have EVER imagined what we are going through now! I dare say we did not! You and Jenny got a real bad deal dealing with this so young. IT IS NOT FAIR. You need help. Perhaps the care team at City of Hope can guide you to any resources available. It is good you let this out. Sometimes the patient will resist help from outside, but you need to be honest if that happens. You and Jenny are in my prayers multiple times a day.
Kyle, I came across Jenny’s channel and began watching it after going through the ravages of aggressive cancer with my husband. It was one of the hardest things we have ever done. When I became completely overwhelmed I truly had to lean in on my faith and trust in God. There was a distinct time I remember reading Matthew 11:28-30 and really dug into the meaning. Matthew 11:28-30 NIV “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” A yoke is a long piece of wood that is fastened across the necks of two animals so that they can pull heavy loads. We can liken our trust to a yoke and our difficulties or problems to the heavy loads. When we place our trust in ourselves or other human beings or things, our yoke is ineffective in pulling the weight of our problems. However, when we put our trust in Jesus, i.e. take His yoke, we are able to easily pull along the weight of our problems; for Jesus says that His yoke is easy. That is, His yoke will make the pulling of the heavy loads easier. It is like having to work on a 10-acre farm with a hoe and then getting the hoe replaced with a tractor. The size of the farm remains the same, but the tractor makes the work far easier. Similarly, our trust in Jesus is the easy yoke (tractor) that makes whatever burden cancer has placed on us easier to carry. Your family is precious on so many levels. All four of you are always in my prayers. The Lord really put it on my heart to share this scripture with you. Loving your family from afar ❤
Dear Kyle, thank you for sharing your feelings with us. Even though my situation is different to yours I have been the caregiver for both my 52 year old Dad’s cancer journey and several years later, I quit my job and went to England to take care of my 45 year old sister with pancreatic. I live in Canada and fortunately I had my husband’s full support. I wanted to relay a unexpected event. My sister had a husband and 3 children. During the hell that is pancreatic cancer, she wouldn’t allow any negative comments because ‘she was always going to get better’. Obviously as a family we respected her wishes - it was her way of coping. After 9 months she passed and we had to deal with two extremely angry children, 10 and 12 years old respectively. We were shocked at how angry they were with their Mum. They had absolutely believed that she would get better and that it was her fault because she didn’t try hard enough. This shook us to our core and it took a great deal of time and patience before they understood. Kyle I know that this isn’t your reality, however, I thought that I would share this with the Hope it may help others. I will keep you, Jenny and your precious children in my prayers. God Bless ❤
Kyle, you asked and I am going to tell you. I've been a Registered Nurse for 33 years. I have over a decade of experience in Hospice/Palliative Care. Aside from the hundreds, possibly thousands, of end stage patients that I have cared for, I was my father's direct caregiver until he passed away in 2012 from NSCLC with mets to his bones and soft tissue. I was my sister's direct caregiver at the end stage of her disease until she passed away in 2017 from Metastatic Breast Cancer with mets to her lungs and brain. Right now you are seeking curative/life prolonging treatment and as long as there are treatment options and Jenny can tolerate it, then I believe you are doing the right thing. With that being said, Jenny is following the usual course, or usual progression, for stage IV NSCLC. Even though every person's journey can be a little different, there is still an expected course. The one thing that I can tell you is that nothing is going to stay the same, ever. As the disease progresses, medications, treatments, and routines will be constantly adjusted, altered, added, and removed,. Just when you think you have everything under control there are new symptoms or worsening symptoms. But it can be managed. From the caregiver side, the best advice that I can give you is to take care of you and do not be afraid to set boundaries. You can't take care of Jenny and those precious children if your reserves are depleted. Make yourself a priority and accept help from others. Your family and friends have the absolute best of intentions but they will show up and ring that door bell or the phone will ring just when Jenny has finally gotten comfortable or you finally get an opportunity to close your eyes. You will have to learn to say no and not right now. They WILL understand. You need to take breaks and just get away for a little while and decompress. You have to take care of your physical, mental, and emotional health first, Kyle. It wouldn't be a bad idea to go ahead and start making those plans with those people who you can count on to help you sit with or actually provide care for Jenny, help with household chores and running errands, and also to help to take care of the children. If you have it all planned out already and everyone knows what their role is then it wont be as overwhelming should you need to implement those plans.
Retired nurse here. I wholeheartedly agree. YOU must make YOU a priority! Maybe it’s time for a home health aide or housekeeper to take a little of the responsibility off your shoulders. I would also suggest a cancer caregiver support group. I know you’re in therapy, but it’s such a help to talk to people who are struggling with the same thing you are. There are support groups online if you want, and I’m sure CoH has them. And if you just need a few minutes away to clear the cobwebs, go for a bike ride! Use that awesome e-bike! Remember that you have all of us, too, just like Jenny does. Hugs and prayers from Ohio.
All u can do is put all your trust in God it's devastating I know keep pushing and pushing and pushing it's a very hard test the devil is a liar
THAT WAS PRRFECTLY SAID HE DOES NEED TO DECOMPRESS AT TIMES HE WILL BE NO GOOD TO HIS GORGEOUS COURAGEOUS WIFE IF HE IS NOT MENTAL SND PHYSICALLY OK. HE NEEDS DOWN TIME TO WETHER IT BE A WALK, NAP WHEN ABLE, MAYBE A RIDE ON HIS LOVELY MOTORIZED BIKE JENNY BOUGHT FOR HIM ON FATHERS DAY HE WILL NOT BE GOOD TO THE BEAUTIFUL FAMILY IF HE DOES NOT TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF TO. HE AND THE KIDS SHOULD ALSO SPEND AS MUCH TIME TOGETHER ASOSSIBLE HENCE BAD NEWS. MAKE MEMORIES, WATCH MOVIES, READ TO THE SWEET KIDLETS. JUST ENJOY EVERY MINUTE YOU HAVE WITH THEM, AND HAVE FAMILY FRIENDS AND SUCH IN ORDER SHOULD THEY NEED A PLAN IS SER I,PORTANT. I REALLY LOVED WHAT YOU SAID.. ITS PRRFECTLY SAID GOD BLESS YOUR BEAUTIFUL HEART.. LOTS OF LOVE FROM PATRICIA JAMES IN CALGARY ALBERTA CANADA 🇨🇦 ❤ 💙 ♥ 💕 💖 🇨🇦 ❤ 💙 ♥ 💕 💖 🇨🇦 ❤ 💙 ♥ 💕 💖 🇨🇦 ❤ 💙 ♥ 💕 💖 🇨🇦 ❤ 💙 ♥ 💕 💖 🇨🇦 ❤ 💙
Best advice I've heard so far!
Beautiful information ..
Former oncologist here: I would foremost advice to „accept“. Accept the stage of the disease and it’s prognosis. Switch from fight mode to „live the best day possible“ and „show each other your love“ mode. Don‘t try to be the „super-husband“. A nurse can drain the pleura catheter - it doesn’t have to be you. Call a hospice team and you concentrate on more important issues: being with your loved wife, and also doing something good for yourself. Join a self-help group for relatives of cancer patients - I can imagine it helps even more than individual therapy since those people go through the same difficulties and you don‘t feel alone. Much love and strength to you, your wife and family! ❤
Just an appreciation comment to an oncologist.
Just like i said above. I've been through this too and i think it would be best for them to make the gime they have now count if they don't Kyle will regret it. Make it count, take care of her but accept reality. Her time is coming. Wish i was wrong but i've been following their story and i can see the changes. Kyle is doing amazing but the inevitable for poor Jenny is coming and it will come quick when ut does lije a theif in the night.
Hard one for Kyle to hear but hope he hears what you are saying.
I think Jenny is excepting if it happens and telling Kyle to be there for his kids. We all want a happy ending, but family kept telling my siscand brother my mom would be all right. In our case it v was a time when all the treatments were not available. My brother could not cope, because people lied to him. He was a teenager and should have been told the truth . I want a miracle and believe in them, but we don't always get our miracle. We didn't with my mom.
@ritastutler1470 I felt your comment and it hit close to home. I'm a full grown 30+ adult, but I have a trauma of loosing my grandpa at age 7 and since then I can't cope very good with loss and grief, so since I live in another country, my family doesn't tell me everything or when it's too late (THE call) just to not upset or worry me for them because I have a life here.I lost my Godfather due to end stage lung cancer and metastatic bone cancer ,except his brain ,everything was full mith cancer .... but He didn't tell anyone, that he's incurable and only hast few months to live ... he started chemotherapy before last year Christmas and died end of March ... Then I got THE call .... I screamed at my boyfriend that he should bring the effin phone away and repeating no,no,no,not now and still keeping myself together to first get the pan with frying oil off from the stove and then I broke down ,becaus3 I thought he's gonna be okay and heal .... It broke me,he was only 55 ... 3yrs ago lost our grandma due to cancer and 11 years ago my Aunt (his oldersister)almost the same age as him,leaving a son behind, who was only 21 at the time 😭
Your children can't witness both parents going down with the ship. Don't wait for a break. MAKE THE BREAK YOU NEED. Talk with your care team to bring in HELP.
In honor of Jenny I am putting Jenny's chanel on my TV and letting it play from start to finish even if it's in background today. ❤ Sending everyone prayers love and light. Remember what Jenny leaves here is going to spread faster than cancer. R.I.P. Dearest Jenny no more suffering ❤🙏🌈🙏🌈🙏❤️🌈🙏🌈❤️🙏
Dear Kyle, you can’t do this on your own, no one can. At this point I think you need to delegate the clinical care giving, the management of the meds and pain relief, the oxygen etc, to someone else for instance a hospice nurse who can come to your home everyday. At this point you should be able to be the husband and friend so that you can be fully present during this precious time. You can’t also be the doctor, nurse and caregiver - and the housekeeper, cook and father. That’s just too much for anyone. Strange as it sounds you must look after yourself first and foremost. If your tank is drained you won’t have anything left for Jen. My heart goes out to you, and it just sucks that you and your family are having to go through this. Reach out for all the practical help you can get. Nothing can ease the pain you are going through but know that you are loved and admired by so many of us. ❤❤
yes ask about home health assistance. I don't think she would qualify for hospice, she isn't thank God in that place. We do forget that you are carrying this heavy burden and it is hard, worse than hard. Hopefully she can start the new trial soon and she will start feeling better.
I totally agree at this point. 😢
Perfectly said.❤
Well said
I agree 💯 percent
Hospice/palliative care is the way to go Kyle, its not admitting defeat, its not "the end" for Jenny, its giving you the breathing room to be Kyle the husband, dad, son etc not Kyle the nurse.
Letting somebody else take over those duties will allow your strength to return to help Jenny keep battling, one less thing for her to worry about. ❤❤❤
I absolutely agree with you..The Hospice and Staff are wonderful people...
I am surprised that with a drain and oxygen that Home Health is not involved in some way.
Hospice is needed If her tests come back rotten! Give her the opportunity to help you and those babies,don't stop,just take a break a few days......let her make a new friend who isn't biased,a hospice nurse can be a friend
Hospice means end of life. This will discourage her too much and whole family. Can’t professional care givers come home to her? I m from EU and things here are much more different over here.
My mother was very close with her nurse,my sister and I had a little break,we both had kids!
Hospice is really helpful at this stage, too. Hospice or Comfort Care/Pall Only nurses are fantastic. That kind of care can be really scary for people, but it's truly care for her diagnosis because she's stage 4. It doesn't mean she has such & such time left. It means her diagnosis is technically pall only, so she can receive these benefits even while on treatment for clinical trial, etc...
However, if you're not comfortable with it, that's 100% okay, too. It's just another resource option that has help benefits, etc...
@zoraspeak I hear you. I worked in oncology for 7 years with an amazing doctor who now leads at City of Hope. Everyone has different needs. My own mother passed away from cancer when I was a child, and we used hospice for a short time. There were families that had other support, or had other reasons why hospice wouldn't have benefitted them. They didn't need to try it. Respecting everyone choices and their why is really important. Offering advice is always welcome as long as all advice is welcome from everyone.
Yes, Pall Only absolutely. Thank you for explaining. Your comments are helpful, too. Yes, I'm cousin Tracie ❤
I was a caregiver respite volunteer working with hospice. I would sit with the patient while the caregiver could get away and relax, take the kids and enjoy some time away. I was free with no payment involved. We had background checks, classes and other instructional information.
@@LittleJoessuch a selfless thing to do. That’s truly wonderful you where there for people who truly need some support.
I went to the ocean this past week. It's the place where I feel closest to God. I just wanted you to know that while I stood in the water I spoke aloud to God and prayed for you, Jenny and the kids. I prayed for the POG family and Paul in Perth. I prayed aloud for healing..physical and emotional. I prayed for strength. I prayed for peace of mind. I wish I had words of wisdom, but I don't, so I spoke to the ONE who does.
God bless you all.
I am talking to God about all those same families! It's amazing how much you can care and ache for people you've never met. Oh how I look forward to the day when we all stand in glory and redemption is complete.
What is POG family & Paul in Perth ? 🤔
I so agree.. He is our strength. We have nothing without God. I have not c seen my mom except in dreams. She died ar forty nine from cancer, but I will see her again and she will be whole and happy..no more cancer.
@@bbgirl6741 both have YT channels…both are dealing with Stage IV cancer, and Sarah at POG is now on hospice care. Paul’s journey is also moving and he appreciates support. Worth taking a look; their sharing with us is a real gift!
Retired Register Nurse here Kyle. Spent 47 years in my profession, with a specialty in Oncology. As others have already shared....you have reached a turning point in this journey where it's time to consider that Jenny's needs are now surpassing your single ability to meet them. There's an expression we sometimes hear in conversations that goes like this: "this is all above my pay grade"....I don't say that to be flippant about what you are going through but to describe where you are right now. It is impossible to be the husband, father, "nurse/doctor", bread-winner, chauffeur, counselor, manager of the household, ...and so much more, in your circumstances. If you don't take care of YOU (FIRST, now) - you will have no strength to be there for Jenny and the kids. We used to partner with facilities in our area (nursing homes, rehab centers, hospice facilities, etc.)....who would take in the patient for a week or two stay (out of the home) to allow the caregiver some "respite time"...to recover, "recharge", rest and recuperate mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually along the way. Maybe contacting Social Services could help arrange such a strategy for you. It seems a place like City of Hope would have this kind of service available. She may not need actual "hospitalization", but does need the 24/hr. attention of professionals in this discipline. We also introduced Home Care Nursing Services in many situations, which I'm sure you have thought of or even considered. But it is critical now that YOU, take care of YOU. I agree 100% with the others who have shared the same concern. You have been "micro-managing" a situation that is beyond a single person's ability to do so for a long time now. I have so often said to myself...."Jenny and Kyle, and the two of them are the most incredible examples of what LOVE truly means...in a world that has all but lost the meaning of that word." God will show you the steps you need to take now....we all are praying that help is on the way. Much love, many prayers from Minnesota....and keep us informed so we know how to keep praying.
Excellent advice, and very well stated.
Again, wonderful advice. Thank you xxx
Beautiful advice.
I’m an RN too and this is solid advice.
Wonderful advice. I really loved when you asked Kyle to keep us informed about Jenny’s condition and needs so we would know how to pray. I so agree with that request. When people have health conditions or other serious matters going on, things and needs can often change quickly. It really helps to know what we should be praying for at the moment.
Kyle I've been in your position. Lost my wife to Lung cancer after her 1.5 year battle. We were married for 30 years. I'm most concerned about you. Please reach out to me and provide means of contact. You cannot go through this alone. I look forward to hearing from you my friend. Blessings to both you and Jen. Bob B ❤
Kyle I just saw your last update. My heart goes out to you both I'm so sorry to hear this news. You asked about plans going forward. Jen will need a living will which you may need for Hospice should the situation arise. You will need to have an attorney to probate the will once the time comes. There is a lot of legalize so let the attorney handle. Once again reach out to me with your particulars so I can guide you. Stay strong my brother. Bob B
@@robblackman4255❤
So good of you to want to help this family they really need all the help they can get , may God help them through it all, and may God bless everyone supporting them 🙏❤️
@@robblackman4255what in the world would she need a will for?? It’s THEIR stuff. Anything left behind finances kids etc stays with Kyle. And putting a will in probate makes things so much harder. You have to go through the courts for everything. Why make it so hard on yourself or him!?
@@kenniepennie9668Check out what a living will is!!
Hi Kyle....as I watch your video, it takes me back many years ago. I found myself in a very similar situation as you and I can literally feel your pain as I watch you talking about the love of your life. My husband and I had only been married 4 years when we found out that he had terminal kidney cancer. Being in my 20s, I could not believe that this was happening to us. We were so happy together and just getting started with our life journey. I literally felt like I couldn't go on without him. One day while we were having some very difficult conversations, he said to me, "I think we should have a baby." I was in shock and disbelief and asked him why he would say such a thing at a time like this. His response was, "So you have a reason to go on without me." That was the hardest decision that we had to make as a couple and I wasn't even sure if we could have children because he had received mass doses of radiation and chemo at this point. Miraculously, I was soon pregnant with our one and only child. When we announced the pregnancy to his oncologist, the doctor's cold-hearted response was, "I'm sorry but you probably won't live to see your child be born." My husband was determined to see his child and so he did! Our son, Billy, was born on February 24th and my husband passed 3 weeks later. My husband, Ray, fought a hard 15-month battle with cancer. Looking back on the experience of losing my soul mate, I think about the things we did right. For example, we had some very hard conversations about his final arrangements. We talked about my future and our son's future. His biggest concern was not for him but for me and our child. Ray just wanted us to be happy and it brought him a sense of peace when I promised him that I would not close the door to love in the future. He did not want us to be alone. Another thing we did together is we took short trips and enjoyed watching the sunrise and sunset every single day. As time went on and he became weaker, we enjoyed the sunrises and sunsets from our bedroom window. We learned to appreciate every day as a gift and we learned to never take anything for granted. As odd as it may sound, I cherish the opportunity to live out Ray's final days by his side. I'm a different person because of the experience. When our son reached major milestones in his life (ie. high school and college graduations, wedding), it was very difficult to not have Ray with me but I could certainly feel his presence and knew he was watching proudly from above.
I would like to say that you are an amazing caregiver and husband to your beautiful wife, Jenny. You are also a tremendous father to your two beautiful children. The love you have for your family is evident and you are a superhuman! You must be patient with yourself and allow yourself to grieve. Don't be afraid to ask for help from your family and friends. They want to help but sometimes don't know what to do. Also, it's ok to let Jenny see you in your darkest moments. It will help her to be there for you and let her feel like she can still support you as your wife. A mother must also know that her children will be taken care of and you have demonstrated that many times. Your support systems are crucial right now and I know that you want to spend every single minute with Jenny. I remember not wanting to sleep because I wanted to be with Ray every waking second. Please remember you must take care of yourself, both physically and mentally, in order to be there for Jenny.
Please know that you and your precious family are in my thoughts and prayers daily. You are not alone and even though it might not feel like it at times, God is always by your side. Enjoy every day and every minute and if Jenny improves, then you have nothing to lose and so much to gain! We are on this Earth only for a short time but will be together in Heaven eternally.
Much love and prayers
Sherry
🙏🏻💗
Your husband sounded like quite a good man. All he wanted was your happiness when he left. Wonderful and uplifting post in shade of such sadness and heartbreak.
Were you also scamming people for there lifesavings?
What?@@misskathleen490
Do you think she was with Ray because of the savings?@@misskathleen490
Dear Kyle, Palliative Care, at this stage, is more for the benefit of you and the children. It doesn't mean giving up on anything. It means giving you the support you need so you can be the healthiest husband, father and provider your family needs you to be. You need the assistance both mentally and physically. God puts answers before us, but we have to be willing to surrender ourselves to His wisdom rather than our own. The hardest thing I ever had to learn in my life was to ask for help. I'm 67. I always thought asking for help means admitting weakness and/or defeat - but quite the contrary, my dear. Asking for help is a sign of strength! You are doing everything right. I am keeping you, Jenny and your precious children in my thoughts and prayers. Galatians 6:2: “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”
Yes to palliative care!!! Such a big misconception that palliative care = hospice care. Palliative care is there to provide help, resources, and a resource. Highly recommend!!
Many prayers
I love so much that Josh at POG Family has opened his heart to you. Many of us are also walking along with Josh and our beautiful Sarah, who is coming to the end of her journey. They are remarkable, as are you and Jenny.
I think Josh may be a great supporter.
That’s good news
Josh is exploiting his wife at this point.
@@DanilucaaNo he is not. Shame on you and your ignorance.
@@Danilucaa that's a judgment you have no business making.
Michelle is right. You need to take care of yourself. You need respite help. If you and Jenny see that as giving up, that is not the case. You need a break once in a while. That does not mean that you have given up, but this is the reality of your circumstances. Even if you can have time to go to the GYm, or go out for coffee with your buddies. A respite person can be a great boost for Jenny as well. Palliative care prolongs life, but might be a solution for your family. I'm praying for you and holding you close.
Hi K,yle I am losing my husband to stage 4 cancer for the intestines lungs and liver and he is now in the last months/weeks of his life with me and it is crushing me every single day. The dark days are soul destroying and the good days okay. You cannot make this better or go away so Kyle its okay to let go get angry and cry. We have no children and I would say to you that your little blessings will be what gets you through that and the prayers of others to. At this time my hubby is having pain management and assistance to sleep. You will be exhausted Physicaly, Mentaly and spiritualy. I and others get this to that are going through same situation. Treatment support changes in a heart beat. Kyle I cannot find the words to help you I wish I could but I and my hubby Joe are praying for you and your family. Embrace the good times that peek through the mist. I just wish I could express myself better to you all I can say is I understand and get it Cancer is a Bas---d. Love and blessings for you friends in Scotland.
😪 Hi Kyle. I went thru this with my husband, he had a lung cancer. I have 2 suggestions. 1) do not try and control the situation. Wake up each day, focus on the day, and let it be. 2). Take time for yourself. I would take walks on the beach. I joined a hiking group and went on Saturday morning hikes, yes when spouse was so sick. It helped alot. 🦋
Great advice from someone who knows.
You should get in touch with the Pog Family dad, Josh. His wife is on hospice currently and it was a very fast change and he handling it with as much grace and love as he can. He's such a beautiful human being. I think he could be a good example for you Kyle.
Dear Kyle, as a hospice social worker for over 22 years I commend you for communicating your thoughts and feelings and articulating them so well. This is painful and no amount of positive thinking takes that away. It’s okay to feel sad, angry, disappointed, confused. The trajectory of decline is an unknown entity. Fighting is exhausting for both of you and putting on happy smiles when you feel scared and helpless is also depleting. This unfortunately is a disease of waiting and seeing, treating or not treating. Constant changes and adjustments. It is the roller coaster ride you can’t get off or take a break from. The hills and twists can seem bigger and longer and it takes a toll. Good boundaries are important. Having a plan in place for changes-specific duties done by specific people. You are blessed to be a teacher and have time off during the summer….but you still need time for you. Riding your new bike. If that means someone is with Jenny so you feel you can do that without worrying if she will be safe-ask someone. People want to help and many times don’t know what to do. This is one example of you being able to take care of yourself too. If you cry the whole time you’re on the bike-it’s okay. Pretending that something isn’t real doesn’t make the reality go away. I’m not suggesting that positivity and prayers don’t help-because they do. The reality is this disease is an unfair monster. You have great medical professionals to guide you. Ask the hard reality questions-what would they do in this situation-or if it was their loved one? You are one heck of a husband and father Kyle. Seeing your family in pain and struggling-while you also feel such pain and helplessness-is a testament to the love and devotion you have. I applaud you for asking for help. Keeping you in prayer for strength and comfort. 🤍🙏🤍🙏
I second everything you have said. Your an incredible communicator and spouse and parent. I’ve been in healthcare for 30+ yrs and you guys are one of the best couples I’ve seen with connecting and communicating with each other. It’s essential to keep going to have what you 2 have. Breath and keep moving forward. ❤️🙏
Hi Lucy. Wow, an amazing, eloquent, and informative comment you have given Kyle. Thank you for your service in this field.
So beautifully said ..Kyle This is all so hard and scary.You are truly a great beat Friend to Jenny and the greatest Dad❤ What you both are going through is no Joke ,But Like these many comments that are left,You do have to have your own space just to decompress cry yell!!! So much love for you all Kyle and princess Jenny ❤
🙏🙏🙏🙏❤️
Well said!
Contiue to pray and take one day at a time accept help. Take a day with you and the children. I lost my mama and sister to colan cancer snd many of my cousins. I decideded that things I cannot change pray about it snd give to God who has the last say. Trust God and his will. Take each day by rejoicing and praising God no matter what. Drs. Have told me many things about my own life but I turned to God and Belived tho he slay me yet will i trust him. Im sorry you are going through this pain , either way Jenny will be fine. You may not belive that tt now but you will later. One of the best thing ways to get through this is pray for others belive its all up to God and try to live each day knowing Gods got you all and ultimately it will be Gods decision to heal her or take her to heaven.sorry for the long message. Take care.
Hi Kyle
I am a registered nurse going on 35 years.
I follow both you and Jenny.
Sometimes it's ok to let go.
Release your grip on the wheel of trying to control the outcome.
If Jenny is tired of fighting, stop fighting.
Focus on palliative care.
Keep her comfortable and enjoy the time you have left❤️
I got a reply like this from someone and was furious it felt like giving up, I couldn't have been more wrong and always wonder if I pushed to far and didn't allow us the time to just be. I just came off a 7 year journey and am so lost as to who I am & what to do now. I am sending you much love & support. ❤❤❤
I disagree with you, it's not time to let go just yet Jenny still has an appetite, and has no problem swallowing holding food down so it's not time just yet .
@@flowersandcandyflowersandc9093 I only meant in my case. I think anything or treatment option that eases pain is great. Also it's the person's call who is going through it. You can never say she didn't put up 1 H of a fight so far. I never ever gave up hope, but as I look back the meaning of Hope just changed a bit 💗💗💗
@@valerienelson3296 Your final line is intriguing. Thank you.
@@valerienelson3296 “For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord. Plans for your welfare not for calamity to give you hope & a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
“I set before you life & death…choose life that you may live.”
Deuteronomy 30:19
The last scripture is a challenge to me personally. I need to embrace it to help me out of my depression especially since my son took his life by drowning two years ago.
I’m a daughter of a mother who passed away from cancer. It’s going to be ok. Only live in the moment. That’s my advise. ❤
Hi Kyle - I am in the same position. My wife has been battling stage 4 colon cancer for over six years. Lately, it has become chemo resistant, and she has had all the radio therapy she can handle. We’re at the end of the line in terms of treatment options. All we can do now is manage pain. We’re trying to get a cryro ablation procedure done on her bone mets, but the insurance company is pushing back. We both think the next step is reaching out to a hospice and having them assume the day-to-day management of symptoms. Keeping her pain free and in a controlled environment will be a priority. We both know that this is not going to end well and we can’t control that fact. However, we can control her environment. Being at home, with our dogs and friends and family will go a long way rather than a hospital bed and all the associated anxiety.
Sending prayers your way.
Sensible thinking is required but isn’t what you hope for! Reality hits hard and forces change.
❤
Tomorrow is not promised to any of us in this strange planet earth world we live in. My sister works as a nurse in a pediatric hospital, holding the hands of many young children as they transition to the other side. The intimacy that this disease journey has brought into your relationship as two loving adults; encompasses a kind of maturity rarely seen in couples so young. This journey is forcing wisdom into both of your lives. I believe that we come to this earth to be students, to navigate through sacred contracts established in communication with our creator, and then to move on to the next adventure when this one is complete. You cannot live Jenny's life and sacred contracts for her, nor can she do that for you. What you have co-created together during this experience is incredibly valuable. We live in a world where many will never learn the meaning of unconditional love; and both you and Jenny LIVE unconditional love right here and right now. Now is the time to reach out and be carried by others who have walked this path before you. We will hold space for you. We will intend grace and light for you both. Someday, it will be your turn to do so for another. I'm grateful to have learned your story through the internet. Your integrity; respect and resilience even in these moments when the heart that lives outside of your body is struggling to beat and breath touches all of us deeply. May you observe beauty in these challenging moments together.
I have never wanted to reach into my computer and hug someone so bad in my life! Sending love and prayers to you all! Nurse Nana in Vermont
I think this video was maybe a little bit overdue you've been carrying the weight of your whole family without skipping a beat! You are a true inspiration and Jenny deserves that. But you deserve a break too! You both hàve been brave enough to share this journey with all of us and I'm so grateful because it has taught me a lot about myself, alot about the disease. I too have a family member that's going through cancer but hopefully her disease remains what it is at this point and doesn't progress. Praying for good results. Praying you get to grow old together. Your story it's just means so much to me!
🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏👌👌👌👌👌👌👌
As someone who has been bedridden since February & on oxygen 24/7 for the last two years, the ONLY thing that has gotten me through this is prayer. Having hope in better days. I lean on God's word. His promises. If I didn't have my faith in HIM, I don't know where I would be. I'm a single parent of a 4 & 5 yr old & my 5 yo is autistic. My biggest fear in life is the thought of them growing up without me. I don't know how anyone would be able to love them as much as I do. And it makes me really sad. You are doing everything you should be doing, Kyle. You are an amazing husband & father. Ask God to guide you. To search your heart. He will let you know what Jenny needs & what YOU need. So, make sure you take care of you. Sending loving energy your way.
I just posted and totally FORGOT to suggest asking to speak with the oncology social worker at City of Hope.🤦🏻♀️I am sure they have a great one. I'm an oncology social worker and have so many times thought it mighy be helpful to talk to one at COH. ONC SW'ERS have practical resources that could be super helpful. Again....doesn't make the pain go away, but it might turn the volume down a bit. So many supportive programs for your sweet kids, and you & Jenny.
Dear Kyle and Jenny- I lost my Dad, Sister and brother to Cancer, and now I have breast cancer. God is so good and so strong! Lean on him, talk to him, pray and cry to him, you will see and feel his love. Make him your Father and friend. He hears you. I pray for you and all the young couples (with children) in this battle. I believe in miracles. ❤
Shawn..what a great messenger you are! I am so glad and blessed to have read your thoughts and beliefs. Love and peace ❤✌to you. Val
Of all the comments, yours hit me the hardest. I have a very advanced stage of multiple sclerosis. I am bedbound, cannot bathe myself, dress myself, feed myself. I am only 43 years old and I haven't been able to walk in about 7 years now. I have to rely on everyone to take care of me. I only have limited use of my left arm. Both my legs and my right arm are paralyzed. I keep wondering if God hears me when I get mad, frustrated , and I'm brokenhearted. I have caregivers doing their best, but I feel like such a burden, especially on my loved ones. I keep wondering what the purpose is, what my purpose is. I know I'm going to end up in a nursing home and it's going to be a rough rest of my life. I have a hard time breathing, a hard time swallowing. And I am a Christian, but I feel so far away from God. Thank you for your words. Thank you for reminding me that it's okay to cry to God.
@@shadow03clb God bless you!❤️💐
How is God good to make people suffer so horribly?
@@deirdrekiely6187Yeah, I don't want to be a bummer, but how is that great or good? (to create humans and earth, only to watch them suffer)
I was told growing up in a religious household that God knows everything ahead of time- so he must have known this was going to happen, but still created us anyway:/
again, I just don't see anything good or great with that, but other people will disagree and that's fine
You don’t have to be ok with it, Kyle, it is ok to scream and shout and cry and kick and bite. You are an amazing family, please know there are thousands of people with you and you are doing an incredible job supporting Jenny and your kids.
I have had cancer twice and know it was harder for my family than it was for me.
Sending huge hugs from the UK 🇬🇧
Exactly what I was going to say!!!
Crying is ok. But scream, shout, kick and bite?! The cops might be over for that. They have 2 little ones, so be careful what you recommend 😅
@@dona4him942 😱 I did write the comment very late at night, didn’t mean to cause offence
What a super human you are!
Currently going through a tough spot with my wife. She is only 32 and we have 2 children under 7.
The last couple of months have been dominated by biopsies, scans, medication and the unknown.
We've had those dark conversations and whilst I can't offer you any advice, I can say that you are not alone in what you are going through. I've drawn strength from your vlogs ❤
♥️
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I took Care of Father who was Diagnosed with Dementia and
Of course it went into Alzheimer's Disease 24/7 Care!
Watching Your Loved One Deteriorating right in front of You! It was a strenuous, I fell on
The steps and broke My Neck,
Broke a vertebrae in my back,
While caring for him! I was in
Trauma Unit for both! Doctors
Told me I had to take care of
Me in order to take care of Him!
I wouldn't ask for help 2 weeks
Before he passed away! Hospice
Came to the Condo and a Nurse
& A aide twice a week! I was dead tired handling My Father,
Cleaning and cooking, laundry,
Grocery shopping! It was a hard
Time but I wouldn't want it other
Way! The Nurse couldn't believe
He went so quickly!
As a retired RN and older person who has had family members with cancer, I can say with confidence that cancer sucks! Dealing with cancer, sucks! Watching your loved one deal with cancer, SUCKS! I do understand the push to be positive, but toxic positivity can be detrimental. Acknowledging your feelings of despair, fear, and fatigue is ok. Sometimes you have to buck up, I get that, but letting down your guard and being sad and scared does not make cancer worse....it manages to do that all on its own. Continue to reach out and support your lovely wife and precious kids as you already do, while honoring your grief, anger, and fear. All the feelings are valid and necessary. I wish the very best for all of you and although it is said to be bad to have hate in your heart, I have to say that I hate this wretched disease with all of my being. Bless you.
100% this!!
Best advice ever, be sad, be mad, be happy.
❤❤❤ You're such a superman. Even Superman needs support. Hope you see your therapist every week & let your guard down even for 50 minutes. One day or minute at a time. ❤❤
100 percent agree with this advice.
Kyle- I think you need to look into palliative care. It’s not giving up. It’s getting additional help and resources.
IT’S OK TO NOT BE OK.
Hold tight to Jesus. Hold tight to each other. Celebrate your love, even amidst the sorrow and trials. So many are praying with you 🙏
Our precious creation are so often the best medicine / teachers ! Bless you all again 💞💝💞🥰💞👊💞
You and Josh Pog are the husbands of the year, actually of the past decade, as your strength, loyalty and love for your wives and your families have been beyond outstanding. God bless you both.
Hello, Kyle! I'm a senior citizen caring for my husband who is stage 4 and cannot fathom going through this when we were a young couple with small children. The only thing I can think of that comes close to it is water-boarding, the relentless struggle for air, brief relief, and then right back into it. Seeing a therapist is great, but I would also suggest a cancer support group where you can connect with people face-to-face who are going through similar struggles. (At my age, a good share of my close friends are caregivers, so we lean on each other!) Palliative care could be an option for Jenny. Unlike hospice, you can still continue with curative-type treatments. They can help relieve some of the caregiving load for you- organize medications, provide pain relief and comfort, as well as help with diet and meal prep.
I won't tell you to hang in there, because I know you will. Just remember that it's okay for your kids to see you vulnerable and sad sometimes, as these are entirely normal human emotions and reactions to overwhelming circumstances. Know that you have a whole team of TH-cam family sending you and your family all the positive energy and prayers we can muster!
YES! Ask about palliative care help- don't need to go straight to hospice, but can help with caregiver being overwhelmed. Sending love and hugs.
This just wrecked me. I wanted so badly to reach out and hug you, Kyle. I pray everyday for Jenny and your beautiful little family. I will never stop.
Palliative care I believe would be best for your family
My daughter had cancer. I spent 7,000 hours on a plastic bench in one year as she fought it. One thing people forget is that the cancer patient is often medicated, asleep, out of it… but the caregiver isn’t. We are awake, sharp, aware, absorbing it all. Make sure you are eating, resting, and pushing away the things or voices that dont help you all get to the light at the end of this horrible tunnel. When the fight is over, please watch yourself at about six weeks post because that is when the caregiver crashes mentally and physically. The oncologist told us this and she was right. Then the patient crashes about three or four months past, if they are in remission. Accept help from non drama people. The drama people love to suck the drama and stir it all up. Surround yourself with strong, peaceful people. I will pray for you all!
Kyle, I am new to commenting, so here goes. I was the care giver to my daughter through all her hospital stays, ER visits, blood transfusions feeding tube, etc. It's hard, but your love for her is so strong, and I believe you will stay strong. I agree with everyone that you need to take care of yourself. It helps me to read Psalms; then, in her illness, and now with my husband who has had cancer three times. God's word is strong and comforting. God bless you, Jennie, and your precious children. I will continue to pray for ya'll. So very many people are praying for you, and care for you.❤
Yes Kyle It's time to get help into the house to help with Jenny's care and the kids care and the laundry and the housework and everything else. Please take advantage of everything palliative care and hospice have to offer. This is the worst thing you guys will ever go through in your lives and we are all with you every step of the way as much as we can be. Your pain is in our souls also. Please don't feel alone. It is the worst thing for anyone to be going through. More than the human soul can take. Do your best to take care of you and get help with everything from anyone. You guys are so loved. Praying always.
Dear Kyle - as an RN of 26 years I can tell you that it’s ultimately important for you to take care of you. What you are going through shakes a soul to its core. It’s daunting! I pray each day for you and Jenny and the children. Just face each day as it comes. You’re a wonderful husband and dad and Jenny knows this. You have a special bond and an amazing marriage. You have been such an example to many people. The scariest part of life is the unknown and feeling you have little control. You are so strong and whatever is coming, God will be walking through it with you. You guys are so loved and your YT family are here for you. ❤️🙏✝️
Well said, Cheryl. Thank you for your service for so many years in the medical industry.
I am so sorry that this has happened to your wife and to you the husband and children and family. I have been sick for a long time and my husband takes care of so much for me. Give yourself grace as the giver and try to enjoy the little moments with her and rest yourself. Watch a movie to get your mind off of all you are going through. Get take out and have a bed picnic. Do a art contest. Have her draw you a picture and you the same picture to place in an frame or album for later. Have the kids and you make ice cream sundae bar. Paint your wife's fingernails.give each other facials. Just small bonding moments you will cherish and enjoy. Write down 5 things you love about her and have her write 5 things she loves about you. Do handprint art. I pray for God's peace for you and your wife. I will be praying for you all. Always remember God has your whole family in his hands.
Kyle, If haven't done so already, look into palliative care. It is my understanding that this can come befire hospice. With palliative care you can continue treatments, can go to the hospital, receive mrdication, etc. Most of these things cannot be done once you are in hospice care. Hope this helps. Praying for your family and for peace and strength for all of you.
Also, good to know that people can sign out of hospice and back in as circumstances may require.
Dearest Kyle....My daughter needed this message so I shared this video with her. Thank you so much for expressing your feelings. People rarely discuss the thoughts they are having while fighting this dreadful disease. She is 37 and her husband is 44. He was diagnosed with stage 4 appendix cancer. They have three babies ages 5,7 and 9. Three years ago their lives were changed forever when surgery for appendicitis revealed cancer everywhere in his body. Three major surgeries later and every hour is spent keeping this disease at bay. Thank you again for sharing. It means so much. I will keep following your journey and please know that I am holding your hand as we give each other the strength to continue this fight. You and Jenny are in my prayers every day.
I was diagnosed with stage 4 appendix cancer right around the same time Jenny was diagnosed , mine thankfully is considered stable now after a 15 hour hipec surgery, I had an oophorectomy and my spleen and gallbladder removed. I realize that they caught it in the nick of time, my first surgeon had no idea it was cancer, it was biopsied over and over, It was only because he reached out to Fred hutch and talked to an incredible surgeon who agreed to fight for me that I am still here. I realize everyday is a day I wasn't promised and I'm incredibly grateful, our world can change in a day, well a moment for better or worse. I'm moving along here grateful and happy and then get a call from our best friend, he fell in the bathroom and broke his neck. He's in the hospital now and getting the news he may never walk again. but there really are miracles everyday I feel like I'm here because of one... actually several. Love to you and your family. Let me know if I can help even from here, in any way.
Dearest Kyle
Your video moved me beyond words. I read all the replies ,and the only thing I can add is , no.1 organize a plan with others, family or a team to give you a much needed break, and no2, maybe a temporary anti anxiety medication to get you through or to help you sleep. When my beloved father was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer,I was a single mother supporting two young children on my own, I did use medication to help me deal with my role as a caretaker, along with my sister who handled it better than me. Also try not to think beyond the present day.
I know it’s easier to give advice
than follow it when you are not coming from a place of strength, but please try. Thinking and praying for all of you🩷
Kyle, I'll add my voice to the chorus here. The advice that you have been given (esp from experienced oncology nurses) is spot on.
I've been on both sides of this. First as an adult oncology nurse for 25+ years and recently being a full time caregiver for my adult son during the covid epidemic. Because healthcare resources were stretched to the breaking point, I couldn't get the help I desperately needed. My MD husband and I had to retire in order to provide the 24 hr care our son required.
Fortunately, things have changed and more help is available. Ask City of Hope social workers about respite care. You need a break. You simply cannot care for Jenny, yourself, and the kids without some professional help now. Jenny's medical needs are becoming more than you, family, and concerned friends can reasonably be expected to provide.
You need to be a husband and father now, not a full time caregiver.
Respite care, visiting nurses, palliative care teams and yes......, even hospice care, should all be considered.
G-d Bless you and your family.
Beth, RN
You are always welcome to contact me directly.
Many prayers for good results and a better future sent your way .Kyle you take great care of everyone so please take care of your self as well and don't be afraid to ask friends and family to take on some tasks and I'm sure they will be more than grateful to lend a hand other than helping with the children. Love sent to you all.....❤❤❤
May HS bless you and _your_ family as well! It sounds like you’ve been through the ringer. My heart goes out to you and your husband. Take care!
I know I'll probably have the unpopular opinion and I'm ok with that, but as a single parent, i think it's FAR more important to be a present & caring parent, than a partner. Your kids are going to hopefully live a full and wonderful life, after this cancer journey is over and THEY need you, the most. Pour yourself into them, always. You are the most caring man I've ever seen and I just hope & pray you find another partner, who is there for you and the kiddos. None of you deserve to be alone and you shouldn't be! Lots of love and big tight hugs, to all of you 🤍
Kyle, I know you have had so much on you. You are doing everything you can for Jenny. Maybe it is time to asked the City of Hope for help from Hospice. It by no means says it is the end but it will give you the chance to get away and clear your head. You have a good family that helps with the children.
Kyle, you need someone to talk to other than your counselor. And it is ok to get away and get mad and cry we have had prayers for you also
Dearest Kyle, you can look into getting a HHA to assist you. They work 4 to 8 hrs a day. They can look after Jenny so you can have time during the day for other activities. It would give you time for the children and yourself. Your an amazing person. I can tell you there is so much power in prayer, a delay is never a denial. I will continue to pray for Jenny, I’ll ask Jesus Christ to give you continued strength to persevere. Remember the 2 footprints in the sand. Your not alone. In the midst of the struggles you will see a break through. This I can promise you. I’m living proof that God honors prayers. Don’t stop believing.
Hello Kyle. I was in your shoes for three years. People ask me how I got through three years as my wife’s caregiver. It was the love of God and exercise. Exercise and prayers helped me get through mentally. If I could live the last year over with her again, then I would have stopped all the treatments and brought her home. I prayed many prayers for God to heal my wife, but there at the end I prayed that if he wasn’t gonna heal her, then to take her to heaven. I couldn’t take seeing her suffer every day. Even the morphine pills didn’t even work. I’m praying for you buddy. Hang in there and God Bless you and your decision 🙏🙏🙏
I agree with ending the treatments; "quality" over trying to gain "quantity", which is not guaranteed.
Hi Kyle I live in San Diego and have an extra room in my house I would love to open to you and Jenny while you are here for her therapy. I would love to help you guys in any way that I can!
Kyle. I give you credit for being such a rock for Jenny and the kids. There is another channel, POG Family, that is going through a really rough time right now. Sarah, the mom, has a really aggressive form of cancer that unfortunately has spread to her brain and her husband Josh has had to make some really hard decisions and like you has been by her side throughout this long battle. He posts regularly about the struggles, good and bad, and what it’s like watching your spouse suffer. Unfortunately there is nothing the doctors can do for Sarah because her cancer is so aggressive. They have young kids as well and I bring this up not to compare situations or anything but so that maybe you could reach out to him and you could both support each other during these hard times. Sarah like Jenny is a kind soul and no one should have to deal with this in their lifetime. I see there are many helpful comments posted by caregivers but having another male/husband with young kids like yourself to talk to may be beneficial for both of you really. Your family is in my prayers and I admire you for asking for help. Stay strong!
I remember Sarah posting on her own space to encourage viewers to support Jenny. Weird to think that back then I thought Sarah had a less aggressive version of the disease because she seemed to be doing relatively well. Goes to show once again how unpredictable this monster is
Yes! I agree Josh and Kyle might find themselves in a sacred friendship if they got connected.
On so shocked at how fast and aggressive Sarah cancer has progressed. It's simply devastating and a reality of how fragile life can be
This was my thought also - reach out to other husbands/parents/caregiver that is going through it also. He is so kind and so loving, like you and their kids are young also, one is 3 years old. I am also a big believer in living in the moment. Josh was just talking about how he was stressing out because of what might happen in future and said he realized being in the moment is where he needs to be right now. You are amazing and know that you are. Prayers are daily for you and your family.
I thought of Josh immediately. Kyle & Josh have been such wonderful husbands through this whole ordeal. I am so glad Sarah and Jenny have such kind husbands that love them so much.
As a hospice worker, hospice is not an option so long as the patient is being treated. Hospice referral happens when all treatment by physicians are no longer an option and the disease is progressing. There are several other ways to get help in the home to relieve the caregiver of alot of the stress we all can see Kyle is going through. I pray he asks medical professionals for some help with this. In so many ways it's much more difficult for the caregiver than the patient. Praying for you Kyle.
I think what the others have said is great advice. You need help with the day to day care. That would help free your mind space up to help Jen and the kids live the best you all can. If pain management and draining is someone else’s responsibility, you can hopefully spend the extra time together on happier things. You are such a wonderful family. xxxxx
I lost my only son at 10 year old from cancer, brain tumor, in 1993, seems like yesterday, you never get over it you just learn to deal with it, love life more, it's hard, hold on lean on Jesus and family friends. Enjoy her moment by moment one day she will be a precious memory
Kyle, I lost a very dear friend and Coworker to Stage 4 lung cancer last year. She lived 2 months after diagnosis, and I was crushed! You have been given some excellent advice by many caregivers and those in the medical field. I pray that you will follow the advice of asking for help in your daily care for Jenny. I'm sure City of Hope can put you in touch with good resources. You did a good thing by coming on to talk to us all and ask for help. You are an amazing husband and father, and both you and Jenny are in my prayers every day!
I am also a caregiver and I know EXACTLY how you feel. People don’t realize the stress a caregiver is under!! God Bless, Kyle. 🙏🏻🙏🏻
You are so right. I was a caregiver for 14 years. My mom passed in 2016 and 7 years later, I'm still struggling. It's SUPER important to take care of yourself. I wish I had know this.
I am a caregiver also! So many of us out here! My husband has thyroid cancer that is bmp in the last stages. I watch him struggle especially when he gets pneumonia every two weeks!
@@nonnieharvey295 🙏
Sometimes you have to look back at God's faithfulness in order to move forward.
Remember how God brought you through before, and trust that He will do it again.
You have all our prayers, you are doing a great job Kyle. As a two-time survivor of cancer I can say that I wish I had been supported by someone like you.
Jenny is very lucky to have you- but you are very lucky to have each other .
Love and prayers 🙏x
Paul in Perth is terminal with cancer and he made you and Jenny a great video giving a list of things to do to help make sure everything is taken care of ❤. I’m so sorry y’all are in this boat
I was my husbands only care giver while he fought his battle against cancer. We also had a seven year old son, I know the struggle of being spread to thin and not being able to give each person what I thought they needed. All while depleating myself to the point of exhaustion. If i could give you any advice it would be to ask for help from family and friends to help with housework, yardwork, meal prep. Laundry. Maybe to watch Jenny while you take the kids out, trust me you will be glad you did. Just breathe and pray, pray as a family. It helps. It is a hard journey you both are on. Cancer sucks! Keeping you all in my prayers!
Sound advice here. It is essential to ask for help from family, friends…this group. Is it possible to ask family to help with laundry, yard work, cleaning, or for family to schedule quality time with Jenny and/or the kids so that you can step away for a few hours. Knowing you have an hour or even a few minutes to take care of yourself can help you through the tough times. It is natural to want to spend every minute with Jenny but also important that you can recharge so that you can be 100% present when you are there. I also hear you saying that this isn’t the way it was supposed to be. And you are right. It’s hard and can feel so very unfair, and grieving the loss of what you imagined for your future is normal. It’s OK to feel like you aren’t OK. Sending love. ❤
I'm so glad Josh from POG FAMILY on another youtube channel reached out to you yesterday. He is a father of young children and a wife who has been battling cancer. I strongly feel you and Josh can give each the support you both need during this difficult time. Hugs and prayers.
I follow both of their journeys and they are so similar 💔 it absolutely breaks my heart for both families. They both have the best husbands, so loving and patient!
@@stephanieelaine1935 I do too and am with you. Both families are beautiful and there is so much love there. These moms want to see their little kiddos grow up. It breaks my heart. Both Kyle and Josh are the most amazing husbands. They are so kind and gentle. I truly pray for them and the journey each is on.
I follow both families also its heart breaking 🙏🙏 for both families.
There’s another youtube family vlog of a mom who was going through stage 4 ovarian cancer. Unfortunately, she just transitioned about two weeks ago. Since her husband is going through hell right now, I’m sure right now isn’t the best time to connect. However, this man could be a good support for Kyle and his family if things don’t improve for Jenny. I think the husband’s name is Taylor Odlozil, his wife was Haley Odlozil.
Follow you and the pog family😢😢😢😢😢 ❤❤❤im so sorry sending love and prayers ❤😊
Transitioning to palliative care/hospice isn’t giving up. It’s moving to making the time you have the best it can possibly be. It may be time to have the hard discussions that even the medical community is not good at having. Or maybe it is time to look into respite care to help along with allowing family to help as much as they can. A medical social worker can help with finding community resources for respite care, in home caregivers, goals of care planning etc. Knowing all the resources available help you feel more prepared and in control. The uncertainty causes more anxiety and getting an handle on the things you can control/make decisions on will help a lot.
Hey Kyle I see your heart through your eyes. My ex-husband and I are the best of friends. Dec.2021 after a biopsy and bone scan he was diagnosed with Metastatic Osseous Prostate Cancer at the tender age of 64. He said he won't surrender and he hasn't. I am the only person he trusts. He is the strongest man I've ever known & love dearly. He finished all hormonal meds then 12 rds of docetaxel chemo, after that and now Extandi etc, Pelvic radiation treatment in May this year it went to his bladder, in June both kidneys shut down, had to have 2 nephrostomy tubes immediately went to ICU for 2 weeks, then a rehabilitation & nursing facility 2 weeks. Now home almost 3 wks & he is not surrendering. You are doing what God has ordained & commissioned for you and Jenny before you were born. Let Him continue fighting all the battles coming at you. Stay strong with the strength He has given you both. God is with you always you can believe that my dear brother.
Also a Registered Nurse here. I've been able to tell for a while that you are really struggling. This is something you've heard too many times.......Life Is So Unfair. I wish I were close enough to help all of you. My best advice is to take any help that is offered. Lawn, groceries, laundry, car washes, oil changes, housework, anything that is offered - accept. If a trusted friend or relative wants to take the kids to a movie, ice skating, the zoo, let them go. It'll give you time alone with Jenny, and give the kids a break. Take up the offer to connect with the Pog Family husband. Nobody can relate as much as he could. Although I'm a surgery nurse, I have previous oncology & general surgeon office background, and I agree you are at a fork in the road. Only time will tell the future, but a direction is coming sooner than later. Nobody could compare to the awesome job you are doing. Reach out, seek & accept help. Enjoy every day as best as you can.
We had to give up control of all medical care to the hospice nurse so we could enjoy my dad and not his cancer needs. It's not easy for anyone in this situation questioning your own decisions. Sending prayers
Good decision
Your unwavering devotion to your family is beautiful, you are the purest example of unconditional love
Kyle , I am also an RN ( oncology lots of years ) Michelle the palliative care RN has given great advice . The cancer road never seems straight or clear so many twists and turns … you are asking for advise but from my view , you are doing everything exactly correct… you prioritize your beautiful wife and children , you have had the ‘serious’ talks , and you are making memories as a family . You are a loving husband and father , I am sorry that you may not achieve your rocking chair visions , it is cruel and sad. I am happy that you have a therapist , and of course we are all here to listen . As RN Michelle advised , schedules are important and enlisting help now ..no one is meant to go it alone .. creating memories like you are doing , maybe having Jenny make more cards that can be opened in the future , even wrapping future gifts have helped some patients .. if I lived near you , I would be glad to assist , but I don’t ! You and Jenny are right to be shocked , so young for lung cancer stage 4 , no wonder you got a caregiver award … some of the spouses I have dealt with in the oncology world 🤦♀️, but that’s an entirely different subject … You may not believe it , but I think you are doing the BEST job , thrown into a situation that you know nothing about , how frightening ! You and Jenny are the sweetest couple and such great parents . Hugs, prayers to all of you ❤ ..
Being a Caregiver for a loved one, it's a 24/7 job! I lost a lot of weight and mind deteriorating experience! I took care of My Father for two years at home!
Seeing him deteriorate before Your eyes! I have slept in a lazy boy chair in the living room for
Over two years! Seeing Your Father who has always been there for me! Since his disease
I have fell down the stairs and broke my neck, broken a vertebrae a in my back, and broken pelvis with no family to help out! So I did ask for Hospice before the last 2 weeks of his life! Hearing him fall out of
His hospital bed in the middle of
The night having to call EMS to. pick him up and place him back
In bed! I was sleep deprived and
Worrying constantly wishing I could a good day with day with.
Dad! I promised my Dad I wouldn't put him in a Nursing Home and I NEVER did! He died
In the hospital bed! I woke up that Sunday🤔😢knowing he was gone!❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
I met my best friend late in life. I never imagined I would have this kind of love as a middle aged woman with teenaged boys. We had 21 years together and each day was a joy. Pancreatic cancer was his diagnosis and his choices were different than yours because he was at a different stage in his life. He chose no treatment or chemo. We lived each day as if it was our last. He got 9 months because I am a nurse and could modify diet and do dressings etc. he chose to have nephrostomy tubes and had a gallbladder drain so we lived a constant whirlwind of doctors and hospital visits. He too had to have several blood transfusions. My story has to do with my grandsons grief after his beloved grandpa died because at 6 he wanted to help. I remember he was quite frantic one day because he wanted to help me stop crying and didn’t know how to “Help”. I explained to him that my heart was just so full of sadness and the only way I could get some of the sadness out was to cry it out. Once I cried all the sadness out it would leave a little room for happiness. All he could do was wait for me to cry and then come and give me a hug so I could fill my heart with some happiness and love again. He has never forgotten that and now at 15 he will still do that for me as well as his younger siblings. Your kids will want to help.
My heart broke to hear about your grandson's experience.❤
I have cancer and I have to remind my partner that it is out of his control. We need to live in the present moment and right now we are breathing so we are OK. You are not responsible for any of this, just be there for Jenny and thats all you need to do. If it all becomes too much, then maybe consider some outside help like hospice. It's not giving up, people can come off hospice if they don't need it anymore. Whatever you decide is going to be the right decision for you, Jenny and your family. Thinking of you guys!! (Edit: BTW keep doing these talking videos, it may be therapeutic for you and may help others.)
She would have to stop treatment to go on hospice and if she does that, there will be no coming off of hospice for her. They are not at that point at the present time.
@@Catfluff521 oh I did not know that. In my country we can still have treatments to stop the growth or shrink the cancer while on palliative care/hospice.
Hi Kyle, I’m in your position right now. My husband, my best friend, is battling esophageal cancer. It sucks to watch my love hurting. He just got back from the hospital a few days ago. I wish I had the answer, but my therapist reminds me when I’m struggling to do more of the things that bring you up; self care, visits with friends. I’ve also tried adding something new each week; reading, listening to music, watching silly videos. Sometimes I just run out of steam and will sit outside in the sun. I love listening to my kids play, because it reminds that life is all around us. We are starting new treatment; two chemos, immunotherapy, and herceptin all at once-it’s tough. Hank Green said something that we both love: your chance of survival is 100% right now, so live in that. I hope it helps you, because you sure help me. ❤
My husband has the same cancer, he is in remission now and we are so grateful.
Will be sending healing prayers.
Can you get outside professional help? I was an in home c.n.a. for 3o years. I know you and your family want to do it all,but sometimes sometimes that not possible.
I am so sorry to hear you are in this same position. Stay strong. I hope you've seen @Michelle_Crn (above) that commented eloquently but with truth and honesty. I wish you and your husband strength during this horrific journey you find yourself on.
I feel horrible for you both 😢 I was a caregiver, in ON Canada it's called Personal Support Workers. I worked in nursing homes, retirement homes, and in home care. I would look into Home Care Support, just to help with basic house cleaning, cooking, helping with Jenny so you can go out for a few hours!! We did client care also...There are Support groups with specialized care that could help. Perhaps this would be a help Kyle, like other's comments "You are no good to anyone if you burn out". One step at a time, One day at a time ! Take care many are with you both through this journey.
As hospice rn our dr stated try to manage just 20 minutes at at time.
You are living her cancer journey on your shoulder. I would reach out to the grief counselor for her and you. I would meet with him separately when my partner was dying.
You are amazing
Kyle, I lost my oldest son to colon cancer in 2015 after a three year two months battle. It is so hard to take care of someone that is so sick and endure constant bad news. Many prayed for him and our family. I know that those prayers and my faith in God is what kept me strong and without it I couldn't have made it. As others have suggested ask for help, prayer, or anything you need when you need or want it. I know I felt at one time if I asked for help that somehow I was letting my son down but in reality it was a relief for him as he worried about us.He never shared this worry with me or my husband but he did share it with his brother and my husband's sister. I had very dark days and felt so helpless when he continually got worse. When I reflect on this time in my life I'm sure I made it with Gods's help and all of those prayers. My pastor gave me some very good advice and I followed that advice as much as humanly possible. He said to sleep when it's time to sleep, eat when it's time to eat, and most importantly don't ask why. You can't take care of Jenny if you don't take care of yourself mentally and/or physically. Continued prayers for you, Jenny, and your family. 🙏❤
"i just needed to.. talk with you guys a little bit...It's good for my mental health."
Amen! We applaud you.
Kyle, your being so open an vulnerable and asking for help is
a gift to us all. Thank you for showing us how to let pride go and reach out with an open and hurting heart.
You are heard. You are being held. Just as you are holding your beloved, Jenny.
My 25 daughter battled cancer for almost 5 years. Sadly she lost her battle. Friends, family and health care workers gave us incredible help and were there for us. I find comfort knowing cancer did not win - love did. I know how scary this is Kyle and you are so brave to share your struggles and feelings. My thoughts are with you, Jenni and your sweet children.
Cheryl, you said it well. Hard hard things happen to all of us. It’s how we rise above them that causes the hard things never to triumph really. Love gives us the strength to get through them and onto the other side. Love never fails. 💕💕
Much love to you also. Huge hugs from Australia
Pallative care team is a great suggestion and I agree housekeeper would alleviate some responsibility.
I'm so glad that Josh reached out to you. He understands what you are going through with his wife Sarah. Reach back out to him. 🙏❤️🙏 prayers for you both
My mother is at a similar stage with stage 4 nsc lung cancer. It's spread to most of her body. Tons of fluid issues around lungs and the heart, like Jenny. My mother got 69 years in- Jenny deserves more time. My heart breaks for your family. I found myself agreeing with everything you said. Cancer is disgusting and this is cruel. My heart breaks for you all. Sending you all the good vibes I can from canada.
I don't have advice for you, Kyle, but you are on my heart and in my prayers every day. I have shared Jenny's story and yours with my church prayer team. 🙏
I have been watching you guys for over a month but had not subscribed untile today . I am a Christian. So is my best friend who was the poster child for leukemia when she was a toddler. She beat the odds with that diagnosis. She has since beat the odds with diagnosis of cancer in brests and abdomen . She follows a simple rule. She never says that she has cancer . She says that the Dr's say this or that but I believe that I am healed in the name of Jesus . She is doing great .She is now in her 50's . She looks 35. The Dr's still say she has cancer in various places. They say that she is a walking miracle . We believe that your words have power. She never ever says she has cancer . She always says she is healed in Jesus Name , no matter what the Drs say and no matter how she feels on any given day . As I said we believe that your words have power. Won't you give Jesus a try ? He is faithful and He is true. I am praying for you all every day ! ❤ God bless you ! Speak your healing .
Kyle, I am not a nurse but I am a caretaker and I am a person who has been by the side of my mother, father, 3 sisters, and 1 brother, best friends young and old through cancer's journey. My heart is with you and your family💞 It is so hard to stay focused on the patient sometimes when our hearts are breaking but I believe with all my being that God has a plan for you and your family and while I know first hand how hard it is to trust, to have faith, to and to put your heart in the "hands of God" but it really does help. I'm not a Bible thumper but I do believe in God and I know when I give my burdens over, I am SO much better able to move forward. Kyle, as much as you want to fulfill the needs of Jen and the kids, you must take care of yourself, as well. It's so very important for you to clear your head, take a few hours away to meditate, to be still and to regain some of your own sanity. Heavily lean on family and friends who offer to come and help. They are offering help to help themselves cope. There is no sense in bearing all the pain and frustration alone when you have these other people to help you. Let them help. I wish I lived closer than 3000 miles away, I would help in the drop of a hat. I'm so sad for you all but especially you as the main caretaker. You and Jen are so lucky to have each other. You have been such a saving grace to Jen and I know through the videos how much you love each other. You are both warriors! Love and prayers to you all from Parma, Ohio.❤
Hi Kyle. First I want to say you are a phenomenal caregiver. I have been one also for both my parents who I lost 10 months apart. There is a family on TH-cam called POG Family. The mother has stage 4 melanoma that has gone to her brain. She is near the end of her earthly life. When you feel the time is right, it might help to reach out to the dad (Josh) of that family for some advice that could help you. From my experience all I can say is you absolutely have to take time for yourself at least once a week for a day. That worked wonders for me and gave me a change to rest my mind and re-energize. If she wants to have dark conversations, let her do it. She needs to be able to say everything she wants to both good and bad. I will continue daily prayers for all of your family. Jenny is a beautiful person inside and out.
My step dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and he couldn't do treatments due to he wasn't strong enough and near the end the Dr put him in Pallative care. Mom and I were with him when he passed.
I follow them too! And yes - they do remind me of Jenny and Kyle somewhat.
Hello Kyle- I am a silent observer from Europe. Let me say that am really impressed by all your love, strengh and care you are providing for Jenny and your amazing children!!!! But as you asked a very brave and a very necessary question, about how to deal with the progressiv sickness of your wife, not loosing hope and still bring some joy and laughter to your family- especially to your kids, I will very straighr with my answer, in hoping to give you a maybe other point of perception. I have been in the medical field since ages and I had very close family members dying from metestatic cancer- all kind of cancer- breast, lung, brain. And one thing they all had in common was having hope until their last breath, even when they knew the outcome because some of them were nurses And this perception put all around them in a traumatic experience, especially their kids. With cancer at this stage you have literally no controll about the sickness and this is tough.But you HAVE controll about many, many other things You have controll about talking the reality of things, you have controll how your kids yourself arw percieving this process. I don't want to go all too much in personal experiences- but it is devastating and traumatizing for children to stay in the mind set that mummy becomes well and ok in this life - and in the end they may witness something completly differend thing. Doesn't mean that there is no hope- miracles are happening daily in the medical field. But on the other hand- a close fried of my daughter age 17 - was with his dying mother all the time when he was 3 years old. And she died at home - and when he became from a funny, talking child to a deeply depressed teenager. He waa mourning thar he didn't say goodbye to his mommy and that he wishes to be with her again. This were the last words on his letter to his family and friends, when he decided to go to her with 17 I know this dark- and I am so sorry and I know there will be people out there who will condemn me now. But I really think- and know from my heart and soul space- that Jenny and you havev to make some decisions about hospice and palliative care and WHERE this shall happen.......Please don't be upset with me, but I don't think that sugar coating does anything good - for nobody. And be assured that probably no doctor will tell you that. They hate the word death - but this just shows me that they don't undersrand life from an expanded point of awarwness and conscioussnes And now I wish to see a miracle for you all. And if you may want to talk with me- let me know.
Karina, I couldn't have said it better myself.
Today I am 65 years old. When I was 9, my father was deathly ill and I was told by my mother and grandmother that God listens to little kids prayers... I prayed in school, while playing, when eating etc and with Such devotion that I was in total shock when my dad passed away at home!!!-.... Till this day I wish I could have said goodbye to him and let him know how much I loved him...That was robbed from me as my mom desperately thought she was shielding me from the "Moment".
-Parents need to realize that as children we too are engaged in the traumatic experience that they are going thru... Just wanted to let you know that your comment really hit home and I appreciate you bringing up such a delicate but realistic message.🙏🏻
I agree w ur advice & experience. Perhaps the kids could go tk a child therapist and get to write or draw some pictures or words to help them express any goodbye types of grief that they MAY have to face. Those fears are there for kids when if they don't know hoexpress them. Therapy for the kids might be a great thing instead of waiting until AFTER something might happen and they're caught by total surprise & in shock
@@linamartinez5808I thank you so much for your kind response and sharing your personal experience with your dad. I am so in agreement with you about the lost possibility to say I love and Goodbye. None of us knows when our time has come and it can liteeally happen within the blink of an eye. I had a horrible car accident 2012 and a NDE Beside of this my soul knows so well that this is just one experience of endless experiences we have. What I wanted ti express is that beside of all the sadness, the sorrows and the grief that it is still a blessing to tell your loved one how much you loves them. Qnd that they shall never leave in angst and sorrow. We don't loose each others soul- never.
@@msbeecee1 An absolutly GREAT idea that the children aldo get sone professional support. Sure they are loved by all around them to the moon and back, but in this case an "outsider" and therapist cqn bring q huge relief- not just for the kids but also for Kyle. He needs support so that he hasn't to be the personal care giver, especially ad this will become more and more difficult and traunatizing He shall be "allowed" to be there as a husband, best friend to his wife Her soulnate. This is what ai wish for him from my heart.
What a lovely husband you are. I said a prayer for you and your family. The treatment will work. God is good.
Hi Kyle, Josh from POG family is reaching out to you. Not sure if you are familiar with their channel, but his beautiful wife Sarah has stage 4 melanoma and is currently in hospice care.
They are a wonderful and caring family, just like you and Jenny.
Please consider reaching out if you can❤
My Mom had cancer when I was 9. My stepmother had cancer when I was 15 and I took care of my Dad as an adult for 3 years when he had Alzheimer’s as a caregiver. What helped me was talking it out and taking regular time for myself as a caregiver. A book called, “Writing through the Darkness” by Elizabeth Maynard Schaefer was hugely helpful in processing my feelings as well. Talking it out and not denying your feelings is one of the best things you can do. You are a wonderful husband and father.
hey man, im just a random kid who is currently following along your and jenny's cancer journey. i may not personally relate or understand the pain your family is suffering, all i can tell you guys is, even though times are hard and all you want to do is tell yourself to remain positive, sometimes it is better to feel your feelings, like you've said. remaining positive is helpful in pushing everyone forward, but sometimes when all you want to do is feel down, you need to really sit in your feelings to release them because constant positivity will bottle up your negative emotions. cry it out, scream, whatever heals you. positivity is good, but it can become more of a distraction to push away the necessary feelings that you need to process. now, im not saying to stop being positive, but i am saying to keep a balance.
i agree, this is unfair and rough, and you all don't deserve any of this. i'm not really sure what advice to give, but to look our for your mental wellbeing. i'm glad the kids are helping your mental health tho :) and i wish you and jenny and your kids good luck in fighting this evil disease.
Agree and you are very wise for a kid!
Dear Kyle, you have the weight of the world on your shoulders and its not an easy task. If you need help, by all means ask for it. There is no shame in doing so! God Bless you and Jenny (your world). Do remember, you have to take care of yourself ! 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏💖💖
I was a caregiver for 18 years and when hospice came along.... it was like I could breathe again. It's ok to ask hospice to help and you definitely need it. Not saying she won't get better but you need a break. I was so thankful for them. You are doing an incredible job.
It is amazing that you are here asking for help and you have just helped so many people with your words, honesty, insight, kindness and unconditional love. I am a 20+ year Inflammatory Breast Cancer survivor…I only had an 18% chance…and here I am. I will put my energy, positive thoughts and love directed straight to you and your whole family.
Thank God for your life, pls are you now on any special diet?
Remember the kids are resilient. They know and understand more than you think. Take care of yourself and your kids. Your wife is being taken care of. Who’s taking care of you?
dear Kyle, you are carrying more than one person possibly can... I feel like you have to be with your wife and kids and just love them - and let professionals do more of the medical care. It is absolutely no help for anyone (neither yourself nor your family) if you go on this way and finally suffer a breakdown.
Your kids need you - and your wife needs you as a partner and friend (not as a nurse or necessarily caregiver); she needs all of the support she can get from you, your extended family and friends - as the people you are and have always been.
Share the load and take the time for the really important stuff: making happy memories together.
Lots of love for all of you from Europe!
Dear Kyle I’ve reported MK Lovif for hateful and abusive content towards Jenny and others . You are both damned great 👍 I feel so much love for you both. Love from Corinne. Brighton. UK. P.S remember Jenny will be carried to heaven by lost people and pets. She is a beautiful believer. Stay in truth. Never lose your honesty and openness. Cry a river if need be. I love your family more than I can say. Cx
Kyle, my heart goes out to you and your precious family. I have you all in my prayers constantly. Cancer is awful. I am watching my husband battle this too. It is heartbreaking. He is starting palliative care next week. His cancer is under control with the immunotherapy but he is a shell of the man he was. We have been together 49 years, married 44. Our kids are grown. This was supposed to be our golden years, watching the grandchildren grow up. This isnt fair to anyone. Sometimes I break down and think I cant go on but he needs me. I cant imagine life without him. I am scared. I know you are too. All we can do is love them and care for them. You couldnt be a more loving and supportive husband and daddy. Just know you arent alone. You are surrounded with love and prayers from people all over the world. ❤❤❤❤🙏🙏🙏🙏❤❤❤❤ Much love and prayers for the four of you always.
@@Meowch-vq2xq I am so sorry you are both going through this. My husband has Squamous Cell Head and Neck. He will never be cured as it always comes back. His treatment was very aggressive and included immuno therapy, which he will be on for the rest of his life or until it stops working. Then we go to plan B. cancer is so horrible. As I sit in the waiting room while he gets his infusions I look around and pray for each cancer patient and their weary caregivers. I pray GOD heals them and give the caregivers strength to take care of them. There are SO many. All ages. It’s heartbreaking. You and your husband are in my prayers. Take care. ❤
Kyle, I just want to say that you are love by so many out here who have gone through all that you are currently going through. My husband was 55 n the cancer went everwhere in just months. The biggest blessing for me was I lay next to him on the bed at home and spoke into his ear of love ,Gods love, my love, family love. I am so proud of you, as if you were my son. You are not alone in this. Heres a Bible verse I cling to. " God Is the everlasting God,and underneath are His everlasting arms" Fall into them. He loves you and so do I.
Dearest Kyle, I see your brokenness, fears, and I hear your cries. I am also here to remind you of your amazing strength while walking this journey with Jenny. This disease has taken so much from each of you but it cannot and will not take your love from one another. Love shines through even through the darkest hour. You are an amazing husband and father to your family. Reach out to your friends and family and they will be there to support you. Connect with your pastor and request visitation and prayer. Allow yourself time even if it’s just a walk around the block. Remember- you have an army praying for you, your precious children, and your all inspiration, beautiful,loving wife. We love you and we are wrapping are love and prayers around you.
❤❤❤Amen❤❤❤
❤❤❤
Hi , I sympathize with you, my 59 year old husband on June 1st was helping me put up a swimming pool, he was having back pain and had a few tests done. On June 3 he was at work when the doctor called and told him he has cancer, A week later after oncologist did biopsies we were told that he has matastatic stage 4 pancreatic cancer that spread to his liver and stomach and on top of that bone cancer. He has been my life and safe place for 37 years and he has a few weeks left. I have watched him in the past weeks drop 60 pounds and is bedridden and not eating, I try to be strong for my family but it is hard. I am up all night with him and don’t leave his side because I know my time is running out with him. My heart goes out to you
So very sorry , sending 🙏🙏🙏
Kyle. It's not hard sometimes; it's hard all of the time. Even on the good days. You are not alone with what you are saying. Having been a caregiver for both of my parents, it is in a way, just as much of a burden as the illness for your loved one is. This is what I have learned. Use your circle of friends and family to help out. Always ask for help when you need it. As many times as you need it. Stay in the moment. Stressing about test results or upcoming procedures does no good at all. All we have is this moment that we are in. Writing in a gratitude journal helped me out so much. Take care of yourself. Give yourself grace. Lots of grace. Take some time every week for yourself. Even if you go get your favorite coffee, do it. You are doing awesome and we are all here lifting you up in prayer and light.
Kyle, I am currently being treated for breast cancer. I asked my husband if on our wedding day we could have EVER imagined what we are going through now! I dare say we did not! You and Jenny got a real bad deal dealing with this so young. IT IS NOT FAIR. You need help. Perhaps the care team at City of Hope can guide you to any resources available. It is good you let this out. Sometimes the patient will resist help from outside, but you need to be honest if that happens. You and Jenny are in my prayers multiple times a day.
Kyle, I came across Jenny’s channel and began watching it after going through the ravages of aggressive cancer with my husband. It was one of the hardest things we have ever done. When I became completely overwhelmed I truly had to lean in on my faith and trust in God. There was a distinct time I remember reading Matthew 11:28-30 and really dug into the meaning.
Matthew 11:28-30 NIV
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
A yoke is a long piece of wood that is fastened across the necks of two animals so that they can pull heavy loads. We can liken our trust to a yoke and our difficulties or problems to the heavy loads. When we place our trust in ourselves or other human beings or things, our yoke is ineffective in pulling the weight of our problems. However, when we put our trust in Jesus, i.e. take His yoke, we are able to easily pull along the weight of our problems; for Jesus says that His yoke is easy. That is, His yoke will make the pulling of the heavy loads easier. It is like having to work on a 10-acre farm with a hoe and then getting the hoe replaced with a tractor. The size of the farm remains the same, but the tractor makes the work far easier. Similarly, our trust in Jesus is the easy yoke (tractor) that makes whatever burden cancer has placed on us easier to carry.
Your family is precious on so many levels. All four of you are always in my prayers. The Lord really put it on my heart to share this scripture with you. Loving your family from afar ❤
Dear Kyle, thank you for sharing your feelings with us. Even though my situation is different to yours I have been the caregiver for both my 52 year old Dad’s cancer journey and several years later, I quit my job and went to England to take care of my 45 year old sister with pancreatic. I live in Canada and fortunately I had my husband’s full support. I wanted to relay a unexpected event. My sister had a husband and 3 children. During the hell that is pancreatic cancer, she wouldn’t allow any negative comments because ‘she was always going to get better’. Obviously as a family we respected her wishes - it was her way of coping. After 9 months she passed and we had to deal with two extremely angry children, 10 and 12 years old respectively. We were shocked at how angry they were with their Mum. They had absolutely believed that she would get better and that it was her fault because she didn’t try hard enough. This shook us to our core and it took a great deal of time and patience before they understood. Kyle I know that this isn’t your reality, however, I thought that I would share this with the Hope it may help others. I will keep you, Jenny and your precious children in my prayers. God Bless ❤
Is there anyone in the family that could be with you and your wife during the day? the more you are alone, the worse it is,