0:00 Download the Conscious Spending Plan so you can use your money GUILT-FREE: iwt.com/csp-youtube Please remember: These are real people who had the courage to come on my podcast and ask for help. Would you be willing to come on this podcast and share every detail of your financial life? Feel free to leave comments based on what you think, but remember that we are here to help in a supportive way, not to demean and criticize.
It's quite interesting watching commenter after commenter try to impose their values on this couple ("I can't believe they talked about their GPA" and "Why do they have debt??"). Unless you are a mixed-culture couple of extremely high achievers making an extremely high income, you likely cannot understand what Mel and Babu are going through. This is why I loved that they knew their GPAs -- all academic high achievers do -- and why I asked about their cultural backgrounds and obligations. Please use this video to listen and learn from people who might have radically different backgrounds than you.
As an “academic high achiever”, I have literally no idea what my gpa was. I think the point of the comments was to highlight the fact that hyper-focus on the numbers (whether it be a gpa or salary), can create unnecessary and unhealthy tension in a relationship. Pointing out a cultural difference is not an excuse and does not solve the root of the problem.
I'm also an academic high achiever and I agree. We're a bit neurotic and overthinking. I'm glad they came to share. I could relate to them in that way.
Friendly competition is okay, but if you define your self-worth by the outcome of the competition it makes things difficult for the individual and relationships. I make more than my wife now but next time we get raises it’s likely she’ll make more than me. Then when we have kids she wants to work fewer hours and I’ll make more than her again. We joke about our respective salaries and who makes more, but at the end of the day we’re a team and have family goals. If the salary competition gets in the way of those family goals then it’s counterproductive. Seems like If Mel could let go how their numbers compare she could look at the decision more clearly. My wife as a nurse does way more good in the world in her job than I do as a data analyst even if I’m making more money. If they both can practice that rich vision muscle these decisions will be clearer. Great content Ramit and thanks for the amazing work you do. Props to the couple for having the courage to come on the show.
I'm surprised you didn't address the fact that though it may be admirable to want and believe they could live the same lifestyle as before, as you know, part of the reason people are given such high salaries is so the can meet certain societal expectations of the firm he's joining. It's not acceptable for them to be living in a small apartment. He'll have social obligations and expectations to meet and use his high salary, at least in part, to fulfill them.
I think what a lot of people aren’t understanding is that him taking his high paying job means they have to move. She’s been moving around and following him for a long time AND she’s been supporting their household for years even working jobs she doesn’t like in order to do it. She wants to stay in the job she loves and that can’t happen if they have to move for this higher paying job. She’s not just mad that he would make more money than her. She just wants to be able to do something for herself for once because their whole relationship has been about prioritizing him.
Interesting take! She does admit they’ve both been making sacrifices. Maybe she needs to create a fuller vision of what she wants and then she’ll better to be able to evaluate the different options they have. If she sees how his higher paying job can enable her rich life maybe she’d feel better about it. I know her current job is better than her last, but doesn’t sound like it’s quite the dream job yet. I like your take on her feeling like the decision is another one based on his career instead of their family or her career. She doesn’t even know what she wants so I don’t think staying would make her happy either.
@@stalinov91I’m sure you’ve seen plenty of doctors who have been in the same city for decades. It’s a choice they make for their career whether they want to move or not
I get what Mel was saying. She wanted recognition for her career and personal sacrifices in following Babu and financially supporting both of them for several years. She lost opportunities to further her career that she fears will never come her way again. She was afraid that, should things go pop for Babu, that she could not earn enough to support both of them. She was afraid of being financially dependent on Babu, given the experiences of other women in her family. She fears being inferior in their relationship, and that her needs may be ignored in the pursuit of Babu's success. These are valid emotions and should not be dismissed. I don't see it as unhealthy competition but as a need for validation, respect, and consideration.
I agree. I thought I had more of an equal partnership when I was married, supporting my husband when he was in school or when his work was slow or he was unemployed, but I was wrong. Hopefully Babu is not the kind of man my now exhusband is. As soon as I was home with the children and he was the wage earner, he did not treat me as an equal but as a dependent who must do as he asked. It was like the power went to his head. Hopefully this will not happen here.
I agree with 95% of this. Her feelings, fears and dreams ARE real. She’s a good woman, and she’s deeply committed to a better future for everyone in her tribe… AND she’s demonstrating an unhealthy level of competition. That doesn’t make her bad, it makes her human. She also seems to have a very healthy level of self awareness. She does say near the end of the conversation something very near to “I’m just afraid… that I’ll never be able to win again.”
Mel is being smart, she is intuitively sensing how he is potentially going to power trip. I get that sense too. He speaks about the move based solely on how he can “be the man”, not on how he can be the best husband to her.
If this ridiculously high earning husband were to suddenly die only a few months into their new plan, or even just a few years, it makes sense to have some kind of backup plan that feels good enough financially in mind, like a plan to go back to work even if you had quit your job. If you know you can go back and earn a very good living even if not nearly that level you were accustomed to, that would be reassurance in a worst case scenario. What sucks is if you get into a dynamic where you can't afford your own home if your husband were to suddenly not be there anymore and that's where a lot of life insurance steps in and even alimony because it's so hard to not continue with the amount of income you thought you'd have. It can be devastating to your life you've built to suddenly have way less. So I get to some degree how she doesn't accept what her husband is about to start making really counts fully as money she can feel secure in counting on. It's different than when its your own salary. It just is.
Oh yeah, earning and spending your own money is empowering in and of itself. Women have seen way too many moms and females peers get treated as second class by men, after they gave up their careers for the family. We all don't want to end up like that and therefore are much more careful. Social pressure to domesticate women using 1950s ideas of housewives, is still rampant. Two sets of parents and him, all standing on one side, strong arming her to put him first, is no joke. @@VioletEmerald
I so appreciate these type of professionals being willing to come on this platform and be vulnerable. It’s not often us “normal” people get to see behind the curtains of high achievers. And realizing that it doesn’t matter how much money they make, they still face the same worries as everyone else.
This is probably my favorite episode so far, and I think it's because of how tender Babu and Mel are with each other. It comes across that they really do appreciate each other. Babu is going to have to continue to learn to feel his feelings and not let his inner quant take over, and Mel is aware that she needs to not let her anxiety over health concerns and the unpredictability of life (both real things!) overrule the very sound plan that she and Babu have built as partners. Finally, I love that part of their rich life is basically to be the ideal first gen kids, and just wow the pants off of their parents. Taking your frugal, grindset elders first class back home? SWAG! I love them. Go get it, I wish them the best.
Whoever falls on one of these two as their doctor is a very lucky person. So smart and caring both of them. Particularly Mel, she strikes me as a doctor who gives 110% to everything she does. Good luck to both of you!
I have the complete oppposite opinion. Never once did they mention going in to medicine to help people or getting any job satisfaction from helping people, its just going in to a field to make money. This is everything that is wrong with the health INDUSTRY in America.
One thing I appreciate about Ramit that isn’t talked about enough is how he says “my coworker” or “someone on my team” instead of “my employee” or other demeaning terms of superiority 👏👏👏
This was highlighted for me in this episode as Babu referred to Mel as "my wife" through most of the episode. (Interstingly, they still gave off mutual respect vibes. So much so that I kept thinking he was referring to someone else when he said it!)
I've always referred to paralegals I work with as colleagues. I hate it when I see my law school classmates saying "my paralegal" or dentists saying "my assistant." Doesn't feel right saying they're yours. They're a paralegal. They're an assistant. And they are very important to your work.
@@the1337fleet Being a leader means you have ownership of your team. You are responsible for their wins and losses. When times are good, they can be "someone you work with," but they will quickly want to be "your paralegal" when revenue is down.
Get over it. ‘My employee’ is not demeaning. Nor is it a sign of superiority. Grow up. If you have issues of inferiority, don’t take it out on common business terminology.
As an employee, I do not feel demeaned by the term. Let me tell you a secret… there are people superior to you and I in terms of social position, beauty, economic output, intelligence, life achievements, etc. That is OK. Out of this fantastic conversation this is what you react to? Says something about your focus in life.
The honesty is so profound. Most of the time we listener/viewers love to "feel better" about ourselves watching people making stupid choices an being stupid with their money. Or finding amusment with people who cannot get out of their own way. Then you see people like Mel. She has made all the right moves, put herself through years of schooling and makes a great yearly salary. But I wonder if her greatest/most satisfying feeling in the recent years was being THE provider. Speaking from experience, the PROVIDER role can be empowering and intoxicating. And not in the "power trip...I'm the final decision maker" way...but in the "I like the feeling of bringing stability into the game". Sometimes people like that have a hard time dealing with finally letting go. Thank you for being so vulnerable....in public.
10 million dollars to retire definitely does not sound at all like an unrealistic goal . Will most people ever get there? No. But I’m guessing for two highly specialized physicians who are financially savvy it’s more than possible. I wish them both the best. It’s absolutely adorable that they’ve been together since 14 and I’m so impressed by their single minded dedication to succeed. I really hope they get to enjoy their life now after all that hard work!
when they said 10 you, me and Ramit were all like 'whats the problem?'. now that im financially literate(thanks IWT) and also deep into 60 episodes of this podcast, i could damn near do the rough calculations in my head lol. 10 is nothing for someone who makes close to 1 million a year lol
Love this episode! It made me cry because as a new full fledged physician, now board certified, I can relate with so many of both of their fears, worries, feelings, and desires. I wish them the best in this new chapter.
May I add one word that is too rarely used these days - that word is joy. People talk about being content or happy, but they rarely talk about being joyous. Ramit, I think that when you talk about the rich life, this is frequently what you mean, and that word might help what you are trying to communicate.
hahaha, when I'm telling my friends about Ramit's book and videos re: rich life I'm like "it's kind of like Marie Kondo for spending money--if it doesn't give you joy, throw it out!"
This has to be my favorite couple. They care deeply about each other and their future. Really confused by all the folks attacking her. She has moved around a lot and finally likes her job. Job stress is real and can cause extreme bad health. I don’t know a single high earning friend who hasn’t suffered health consequences due to their jobs. They will figure this out as a team and get through it!
I really appreciate this episode. I see so much of my husband and I in Babu and Mel. And that’s before we had a kid. The high risk pregnancy, medical challenges of our baby, move across the country, and my inability to balance caring for a baby while still trying to climb the corporate ladder and stay competitive with my husband led to a complete identity crisis and burnout. Therapy helped a lot but it’s still something we’re working through. I really hope this couple can come together and align on balancing life satisfaction with wealth accumulation. We ultimately decided to make a big life change that improved elements of our lifestyle but set us back from hitting our financial goals sooner. Phew. All of this to say, I see you Mel! Your goals, ambitions, and fears are valid. You have great instincts. I’m so proud of what you’ve accomplished already and what you will in the future. Thanks for being a kickass woman.
I see this a lot and I have encountered it too. Men can indeed create more balance, by building in a certain fixed monthly amount for a wife if she gets pregnant, prioritise his career or have to make career sacrifices and moving. It’s about the security and independence around having your own money, in case of incidentals.
I blame you Ramit for the click-baity title lol. People are jumping to conclusions based on that and the intro clip. Definitely works for the TH-cam algo, but dang the poor wife is unjustly being dragged under the bus in the comments section 😅
I feel for Mel. Imagine having to deprogram yourself from 30+ years of programming from your mother that conflicts with having a happy, healthy life with your husband and family. It is going to take a while to get comfortable with the new paradigm. This is why Ramit is so effective as he deals with the psychology of money.
48:12 She says: "... calmness and peace knowing that our shovel to get there is big" When I heard this, I almost dropped the weights I was lifting cos I laughed so hard! Girl, what y'all got ain't no shovel, it's a strip-mining excavator! Great job to both of y'all!
This right here. When I first read the headline, I was like she sounds crazy! But after watching the video what she's saying makes sense. The headline may be true, but it's definitely not that black and white.
it's purely for clickbait purposes. unfortunately that's the youtube landscape we live in and business is not about being right or wrong business is about making money
Nice couple and they've paid their dues and have earned their success. Congrats to them. The impression I get is that Babu is too focused on retiring early. He can still make a very good living while allowing his wife to keep the job she enjoys. Why force her to move so you can reach that magic $10 million mark a bit sooner? And if she hates her new job the extra money won't have been worth it. IMO.
Asking your spouse to move back to be by her family when she clearly doesn't want it so you can make more money is the opposite of a rich life. She probably doesn't want to be by his family also! This is, along with giving up her job she likes, is a huge ask.
As an early career physician myself, I can just add to the discussion that it's taken a number of years to really come to terms with and feel comfortable with the change in salary after finishing residency. It also takes some years to land on an enjoyable work/life balance. This is a normal adjustment and I'm sure that with time they will find more ease in their situation and be able to happily live in the moment while also accomplishing their financial goals.
I totally get her perspective, it’s hard knowing your a doctor too and worked just as hard as your husband to take care of you guys then boom. Switching roles and knowing your income isn’t 100% needed and you can just stay home. It’s a blessing and a curse you worked so hard and think dang just like that I may have to depend on a man even though I did everything RIGHT. In her mind. Coming from an immigrant background it’s ingrained to not depend on anyone and I understand her struggle but I would acknowledge even if it doesn’t work you have built such a strong healthy foundation that you will be fine no matter what. I truly enjoyed this episode and it helped me see myself in Mel a little bit also.
This episode was so fascinating. I really enjoy the high earning couples. They put a different perspective on everything. Mel is so kind and caring and smart and conscientious. I hope she can find an outlet (like a therapist) to work through some of her health anxiety so she can more easily enjoy her rich life
As a physician, you WILL reach 10M if you have a plan. Even a single physician family can achieve that. Now, to reach that before 45, that might be a challenge. Hitting that goal by 55, 60 for sure. What are you planning to do after 45? I do think drs should plan for a long marathon career, slow and steady. Not quick and burn out. If you retire at 45, you would have spend more time in med school and training than working as a full fledged Dr. Drs achieve the best years from 40-60. That's when you have a decade of working under your belt and ready to be mentors to younger drs. Why would you choose to retire at the peak?
The average physician salary is $265,000. You don’t start making that until at least age 30 and most likely have hundreds of thousands in student loans before starting to build wealth. It’s still a sure path to the upper middle class, but outside of some specialities I don’t see being a doctor as any longer guaranteeing an ultra-high net worth ($10-20m+) even with the very rare ability to avoid the lifestyle inflation and peer pressures that come with the career.
Extremely valuable insights. Thanks. "What are you planning to do after 45?" That is a VERY important question. I think sometimes we hate the formalities and politics around working so much that we miss the opportunity to appreciate what we really enjoy about the work we do... How it makes us feel to be useful and important... How it makes us feel to be a valuable contributor to society. After all those years of training and service, it's going to be a huge challenge to find something as fulfilling as doctoring - quite literally saving lives. And it probably gets even more rewarding the longer you do it - once you have the freedom to say "no" to things you simply don't want to do. You're right... it makes no sense to jump off the train at the first stop. Might as well enjoy the ride. 😊 Much appreciated. 💛
@@lucaspm98$300k in student loans isn't hard to pay off when you make $300k/yr. Also, googling the average salary isn't as informative as you might think - trainees and retirees skew the mean. As you can see, this young man has an offer for $500k fresh out of training. It's not the salary that keeps doctors from achieving ultra-high net worth - it's their behaviors.
Maybe they want to “retire at their peak” because they’d rather be sitting on a beach? I’m sure tutoring young doctors is great…but I’m sure sipping a drink on the North Shore is much better
It totally makes sense why this is difficult for her. Him accepting a job in a different state when she finally found a job she loves and has been primarily supporting them for the past few years makes it that much harder to let go. It totally makes sense, but it’s important they remember they are a team first and foremost, and him making more can provide her a season to take her time in finding a job she is happy to work at when they move. She just has to be okay with giving up some control.
Takes a lot of courage to come and share everything. As part of a two physician couple - I can relate to a lot of this (except the 750k job lol). These guys are killing it - lots of luck for your future success! Hope that anxiety vanishes soon as you continue to work on your rich life.
I really enjoyed this episode! I can understand both sides. It was also refreshing to see a couple who was operating as a team already and really JUST needed help with their emotions around money. Beautiful couple, I wish them the best.
This reminds me of when i realized money couldn’t buy happiness. Coming to understand that I didn’t personally desire to be wealthy. After spending years working towards wealth and then realizing that what I really desire if peace, joy, good relationships and good health. That the goal doesn’t always have to center “the highest amount of money”. It’s jarring and forces you to “look yourself in the face” ❤❤ Money is no longer the main focus and changes your reality and how you see things.
I actually enjoy this in general but today was even higher calibre because these were not folks on the brink of financial disaster but actually quite well off! Thanks for giving us that glimpse into your private life I am sure that you have give hope to MANY!
I feel like it’s easy to judge them just looking at their numbers and hearing them be worried about finances but the psychology behind money is insane! They understand they are privileged but still save like they will go broke next week. It’s gotten them this far but I guess I hope for 2 things and that is that they can realize they are going to be okay and that one day I could have their income because I am a GREAT SPENDER 😂😂😂 Another banger Ramit!
Great couple! Thanks for having the courage to share your story! Love that you're working towards a shared end goal and vision you just have decide how you want to get there. Congratulations on your success and I hope you both are able to enjoy your hard work! I also hope that Mel is able to work on her anxiety around money - you're not alone ❤
Gosh my brain can’t even comprehend how much money they’ll be bringing in in a month! During the pandemic, I switched to travel nursing bringing home 15k a month. My husband and I didn’t know what to do with so much money. We saved up and kept living off of 4K a month. At the end of all this we were able to pay off our SUV, renovate our kitchen, and could’ve paid off our mortgage. We were so fortunate to be able to do all that. But omg I can’t even begin to comprehend even having the income to be able to put away 10mil for retirement! That’s awesome!!! Good for them!! I need to be making some more moves. I completely understand Mel’s feelings on money not feeling like it’s enough. I used to feel 20k and I’ll feel better. We have way more now and it still feels like not enough. I cried with Mel 😢
I love Babu and Mel. They are a great couple. I hope Mel find the reason that is making her feel financially insecure and she can start enjoying the life that they seem to deserve for their hard work. Thank you for your honesty. I’m rooting for you Mel.
I’m super impressed with the way Ramit is helping this couple through. I didn’t even think about the maximizing within the structured environment vs. the unstructured question.
So first, LOVED this episode. Very easy to tell both are very appreciative and respectful of each other on an emotional, personal, and professional level. From what I gather Babu is focused on the sheer earned income and idea of a very early retirement whereas Mel feels she’s sacrificed a lot to carry them through his schooling & training, she’s relocating and giving up a job she loves for him, and in some ways giving up some power and future say as his near million dollar salary would be substantially more than what she makes or could ever. Also probably because of their backgrounds both culturally and academically they’re both highly competitive, numbers focused, and conditioned to be extremely career oriented. Yet I can tell Mel questions more whether or not they’re actually enjoying themselves and their finances in the present moment whereas Babu is looking out to the future. I think these two would benefit from taking a step back and understanding how much they have and how much they really need. They don’t seem like very materialistic people, it’s likely they will always have more than what they need. They aught to plan out the kind of life they want to live (instead of job they want to have) learn how to take those 3-4 hours a day they spend focusing on money and instead spend that time enjoying themselves and each other while feeling confident they can afford to live happily. That may mean some compromises elsewhere, but that’s life !
Thank you, Mel and Babu, for sharing your story. I loved seeing a successful couple and value learning about your unique situation. It brought up excellent points that I would love to reflect on with my partner and that I am sure many successful couples are going through. Don't let the negative comments phase you; It is obviously just jealousy, and people can't understand what it is like functioning at this high level. I can tell you guys really love each other
It's crazy how our brains work... fear like this can destroy us and have us halt real living. Great episode! This and all couples are so courageous to be so vulnerable. What an amazing opportunity for these couples to counsel with you!
They are going to be just fine. It's not the destination that is most important, it's the journey. And that is true for everyone, regardless your numbers.
Great job, Mel & Babou! They are a fantastic couple and you can feel how deeply they care for each other. I think income-wise this is by far the most successful couple on the podcast and I have now doubts they will reach their goals, it's just important that they enjoy the journey to it! 👍😎
He says the most precious things are his time and his health (14.18) so why work themselves into the ground now and not spend any of their hard earned money? They are saving all this money for a point in the future which is not guaranteed (their sentiment) and they may not have the health to enjoy it (also picking up on some fears in their conversation) There seems to be a worried tone to their conversation where this fear exists. Maybe this comes with high pressure jobs. I would probably advise them to try to relax a lot more, enjoy more of their income in the present. This might help them feel more content overall without the pressure of a 12-year deadline when all this work stops. Yes - tomorrow is not guaranteed. Today is a gift - that’s why they call it the present. ❤ Sending best wishes
Wow, absolutely amazing episode, thank you Ramit. It's so interesting that they know tomorrow is not guaranteed, but they wanted to put their lives off another 10 years and pray for happiness in retirement. I hope they take what they learned from you and start living their rich life.
She has too much money anxiety and that something that needs to be resolved. I can tell she has so much money anxiety because she’s not able to say the amount of money she’s comfortable in having. She also needs to learn how to spend her money. I understand that she has probably family relying on her as Filipino culture, children are expected to take care of their parents. But you can’t take your money to the grave. With their income, they have more than enough money to take care of themselves and family. Wish these couple the best and loved watching this episode. It’s good to know that even high income earners also have anxiety and problems regarding money.
I love this couple! Thank you so much for the transparency. I learned a lot from them. I had no idea about all those perks from those super high-paying jobs. They seem to have so much love and obvious intelligence when it comes to their finances. #couplegoals. I think you all should choose the higher-paying job near the parents. Ramit, I really enjoyed this couple. I believe these are the people your philosophy is best suited for. I’m not in their class, nor will I ever be, but I still learned a lot. Sometimes, I worry that your ‘rich life’ philosophy might lead people further into debt. I think it applies more to high-income individuals.
The mindset that got them to where they are successfully is the same mindset that is keeping them on edge and anxious even after they have reached their goal. When you are in a competitive environment for so many years, knowing that a few points in an exam can make or break you , your whole world ends up being about the future number (which seems like where mel is stuck). I also know that if they let up and let loose for a bit, they probably feel like they loose the momentum and trajectory they are on. It's a hard balance , to let loose just enough (since you are there and are successful) but to also not let loose so much that you loose the momentum cause yes, in their careers they have made it and they should reward themselves, that milestone is reached , but life its self still has a long ways to run so you don't want to loose that trajectory either. Its a hard, they just need to re-learn how to move forward in this new phase of their life post training and becoming full time doctors and know what to worry and not worry about. Somethings you can control , others you can't.
Omg I have never related to another person this hard! The way we are raised hitting goals after goals and we don't even know when to stop. I am only seeing this now on a 6 month sabbatical that this is the first time I am able to think about my future with a childs imagination. What do I want to do and have my life be! Not evaluating jobs and businesses and hobbies and relationships based on what makes sense but what do we really really inherently want, without biases and assumptions and blinders put on by our society and world around us. What an amazing episode! Loved it so much!
I CANNOT relate to their income, but I can relate to their emotions. I 100% would react to this amount of money the same way. Thank you thank you for sharing!
As a regular person that has "a lot" in savings and investments, I can assure that most people will not understand how even with a lot of money and potential growth----Money will never be enough and never will 100% solve anxieties in life of a person.
Same with the MS. This episode was also appreciated because they're kind of a snapshot of where I'll likely be with my partner in 15 years. What is HYW though?
The insanely high salaries and perks for these top level medical jobs is very revealing about how messed up the insurance/healthcare industry is. There's a reason why they're willing to offer such high salaries - because they're making waaaaay more at the expense of the insured and mental health of the overworked health practitioners. Nevermind whether a job in the medical industry is mentally sustainable but the fact that you're contributing to a convoluted system is what turned me off from pursuing a career in that field.
The insanely high salaries are mostly the result of the medical educational community limiting the supply of doctors. Let's increase the supply of these professionals, and see prices for the rest of us go down.
I like this couple, but it seems like it's been a run of couples making high incomes. Give us a couple with a single earner with kids making $70k. Or how about someone in their late 40s / early 50s with no retirement. I realize that's probably not the audience for LMNT or an Eight Sleep Pod, but it might be neat to see a "We make $27,500 a year...Why am I stressed about money?" thrown in there.
@@LIVEINPEACE2023she’s just being polite. She said she told her mother in law how much Babu could make in a job offer as a plan to ease her into accepting them not living close to home. In Asian culture, married women often are required to live with their In laws, so it’s very hard and consider to be very rude for her to say I don’t want to live close to my in laws.
@@dearestdarling9467 I think nobody in this relationship needs to rely on the other for financial needs. They can both more than comfortably hold theirown. However money is emotional, and serious changes in the amount can shake the balance. Since she has been the caretaker not only for him but for others, she will need time to adjust, however if you read the comments, people see her as pathologicaly competitive. One person made a comment after 30s of video. I think that's unfair.
@@Maye0123 Why does what he earns got to do with anything that she earns Its being ultra-competitive to a point that harms both of you Let him work for a 10 years and they have 4.2mil in straight earnings. No investments on it. They are almost at the goal they want to retire, at age 40
Only 17 minutes in...clearly Mel likes being "on top"... splitting GPA to the nth degree to show her's was objectively "better", higher income ATM, but seems focused on limiting the future variable between what they each earn. Me? I'd LOVE for my partner to make 4-5X what I make. Pressure is off and I can focus on what truly satisfies me, career wise.
People who have been oppressed into min/maxing in this one aspect of life since childhood have a hard time taking the blinders off. Obviously, more combined money is better, very simple. But that does not help with an individuals self-worth.
Many men feel extreme discomfort with their spouse making more money than them, this only feels odd because she’s a woman. If the genders were reversed this would be a scenario we’ve all seen before
Part of me wonders if Mel is coming to realize the job she does is mentally more taxing than she predicted so the big numbers don’t feel like they can last forever because she knows she can’t mentally do that job forever
This conversation to me is enough enough in terms of income. Like if you can live a very good life financially where you are at does it make sense to move to get an extremely well paying job. Is it worth it if you are already living a well off life. Her points are very valid if she found a job where’s she’s happy and satisfied.
Loved this episode. I am confused though. She made so many sacrifices, passing up jobs, advancing her career so that Babu can continue training for the potential of a much higher paying job. So if that was the end goal, what was she expecting? I also never got the feeling that Babu wasn’t appreciative of the work she’s put in. Seems to me like in someway she was hoping his pay would end up not being so much so she can keep “winning” like she said.
Girlfriend! Get in line! You say you have sacrificed many years. You are about to get blessed and paid in full WITH INTEREST. Get over your pride sister!
My thoughts exactly! She needs to put her pride aside and see this for the blessing it is. With his income, she can take all the time in the world to be choosy about her job wherever they move!
They make $270k after barely being done with training and they think $10M is crazy. They are adorable. Y'all will get there easily. Have fun and don't work a day past 60.
My husband is an electrical engineer and makes 75k. I’m a PA and currently unemployed but my last job was 105k. If my husband made even 200k that would cover both of us so I wouldn’t care if we had to move because if I couldn’t find a job I liked I would just stay at home. Or find maybe some telehealth or something virtually. But that’s just me. That being said, I understand having a bad job as a provider. My last job was so bad I wouldn’t have stayed if they doubled my pay. I left November 2022.
This isn't so much about money. This is more about them being mis-aligned and insecure. They need marriage counselling to become re-aligned again. There are questions they need to ask each other that have nothing to do with money, but yet money is the way the mis-alignment and insecurity is manifesting.
You guys are a team not competition. What he makes is yours and vice versa. Who makes a higher salary is a season. What if you have kids? Who is going to get a ding in their career? Work together not against each other.
One of my favourite episodes! I love learning how higher earners think. Earning more income does mean you have to spend more. I love their plan to maintain how they are living so they can pay off Their student loans before making big purchases. So good! Thanks for sharing
Amazing - love this couple! We can only dream to be as set-up in life as these rockstars - but with each conversation Ramit has with couples, I have learned so much! Enjoy your VERY RICH LIFE and thanks for sharing!
I'm not *quite* where these two are going to be, but our household had an already-good income that quadrupled over the last few years. We've changed nothing, spending wise. We were comfortable before; no reason to do anything different
I really feel for Mel. I think she is genuinely terrified. I think it's a generational trauma, but there was a kind of healing that happened here. Lovely couple and such a touching episode, esp, taking their parents in first class.
Numbers and jobs aside, I’m 8 mins away from in laws and less than 20mins away from my own parents, 10 mins from my husband’s grand parents, 20 mins from my sister’s family and 5 uncles and aunts families within half an hour and that’s not counting cousins and distant relatives. I hope they think it through too before committing to that life style, it’s a blessing especially for my 3 years old but it’s very tiring. We are spending every weekend with families except for when we are sick 😅
I understand why she may have misgivings and fear, but it is rare to see a husband and wife speak so respectfully and thoughtfully to each other. Take the leap, I have a feeling he will be there for you always, no matter what. A wonderful couple and an example to many of us both on how to love each other and how to live life with purpose instead of consumerism.
Also, when she says she recognizes all that he has done for them, she seems to not remember all that she has done for them… which he has mentioned from the start. ❤
I LOVED this episode, thanks to all! They are such a touching couple, bless them. But, I can't help wondering: which job did he end up taking??? Feels like a cliffhanger 😀
It makes me a little sad that new Babu’s higher earning potential sparks some envy in Mel. I would be thrilled to be in her position (I’m certain I’d find a way to adjust to all that financial freedom, lol.) I get the sense that Mel enjoys being in charge and equates money with power, which might be why it’s difficult to accept that she’ll never make as much in her career as Babu will. It’s odd to me that she phrased it that way. There’s nothing stopping Mel from going back to school to get credentials for that same field, or another one that pays higher salary than the one she’s currently making, if she wants to. Not especially if Babu will make enough to pay for her to do it and not impact their current lifestyle in any way. Then they both could earn that high income. While I think they are a lovely couple and I wish them the best of everything, I don’t really understand how his success can’t also be her success, especially since she helped him get there. They are teammates for life working together towards the same goals. At least, they should be. One of them seems not to understand that sometimes we must do what’s best for the team in order to win the game.
I feel like Mel’s underlying concerns didn’t get resolved. She said her primary fear is not having enough in the bank, but then she’s uncomfortable with Babu taking the higher salary. Her stated worry doesn’t match her decision-making. I wonder what’s driving that.
She worries about money, something most of us can identify with. And she wants to be the primary provider for the family, something most men can identify with. These aren’t foreign thoughts, maybe just unexpected coming for a woman.
I think there are many men and women who use salary to define their self-worth and I think she's suffering from the same problem. His salary increase was partly made possible by her sacrifices, but her self-worth key indicator doesn't show it, only his. That would be frustrating if salary is seen as an intrinsic value instead of just an extrinsic one. I don't think this was really addressed during the limited time in the interview.@@TonyCox1351
It’s two issues and they don’t mesh 1) reconciling a new reality and a new safety net 2) feeling like she is sacrificing her career …this is why she is confused and conflictex
I get the message, but was taken out a bit with asking why they can live beneath their means and others struggle to... when "beneath their means" is multiple outings to Michelin Star restaurants, that feels easy.
Living above their means would also be easy. Plenty of people making alot of money and still flying into financial ruin. At the end of the day, its all about mindset once you are at or above the avg income
This is a fantastic episode! The combination of classic high achievers, immigrant parents, and Asian backgrounds makes it hard for them to relax and enjoy their hard work and hard-earned money. My research of diasporic populations has shown me how future focused and disaster focused Asian immigrants can often be, forgetting the joy in the now and the everyday. Also, Asian immigrant parents have a hard time saying to their children - well done, I’m proud of you or even just I love you. And young people like Mel and Babu are the result of this kind of parenting. It requires therapy ( and possibly Ramit) to talk oneself out of this mindset.
![[#2024MAMA] ROSÉ (로제), Bruno Mars - APT. | Mnet 241122 방송](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/dgGqD28J6aQ/mqdefault.jpg)
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Please remember: These are real people who had the courage to come on my podcast and ask for help. Would you be willing to come on this podcast and share every detail of your financial life? Feel free to leave comments based on what you think, but remember that we are here to help in a supportive way, not to demean and criticize.
🎉 0:50 🎉🎉🎉
It's quite interesting watching commenter after commenter try to impose their values on this couple ("I can't believe they talked about their GPA" and "Why do they have debt??"). Unless you are a mixed-culture couple of extremely high achievers making an extremely high income, you likely cannot understand what Mel and Babu are going through. This is why I loved that they knew their GPAs -- all academic high achievers do -- and why I asked about their cultural backgrounds and obligations. Please use this video to listen and learn from people who might have radically different backgrounds than you.
As an “academic high achiever”, I have literally no idea what my gpa was. I think the point of the comments was to highlight the fact that hyper-focus on the numbers (whether it be a gpa or salary), can create unnecessary and unhealthy tension in a relationship. Pointing out a cultural difference is not an excuse and does not solve the root of the problem.
I'm also an academic high achiever and I agree. We're a bit neurotic and overthinking. I'm glad they came to share. I could relate to them in that way.
Friendly competition is okay, but if you define your self-worth by the outcome of the competition it makes things difficult for the individual and relationships.
I make more than my wife now but next time we get raises it’s likely she’ll make more than me. Then when we have kids she wants to work fewer hours and I’ll make more than her again. We joke about our respective salaries and who makes more, but at the end of the day we’re a team and have family goals. If the salary competition gets in the way of those family goals then it’s counterproductive.
Seems like If Mel could let go how their numbers compare she could look at the decision more clearly. My wife as a nurse does way more good in the world in her job than I do as a data analyst even if I’m making more money. If they both can practice that rich vision muscle these decisions will be clearer.
Great content Ramit and thanks for the amazing work you do. Props to the couple for having the courage to come on the show.
I'm surprised you didn't address the fact that though it may be admirable to want and believe they could live the same lifestyle as before, as you know, part of the reason people are given such high salaries is so the can meet certain societal expectations of the firm he's joining. It's not acceptable for them to be living in a small apartment. He'll have social obligations and expectations to meet and use his high salary, at least in part, to fulfill them.
Also in a mixed relationship with both high earners one being in finance one being a physician. I find this response condescending.
I think what a lot of people aren’t understanding is that him taking his high paying job means they have to move. She’s been moving around and following him for a long time AND she’s been supporting their household for years even working jobs she doesn’t like in order to do it. She wants to stay in the job she loves and that can’t happen if they have to move for this higher paying job. She’s not just mad that he would make more money than her. She just wants to be able to do something for herself for once because their whole relationship has been about prioritizing him.
Interesting take! She does admit they’ve both been making sacrifices. Maybe she needs to create a fuller vision of what she wants and then she’ll better to be able to evaluate the different options they have. If she sees how his higher paying job can enable her rich life maybe she’d feel better about it. I know her current job is better than her last, but doesn’t sound like it’s quite the dream job yet.
I like your take on her feeling like the decision is another one based on his career instead of their family or her career. She doesn’t even know what she wants so I don’t think staying would make her happy either.
That’s how it seems to me too. And it’s fair if she doesn’t want to live 5 minutes from their families.
Isn't it a big part about being a doctor? They get matched with different hospitals across the country since beginning
@@stalinov91I’m sure you’ve seen plenty of doctors who have been in the same city for decades. It’s a choice they make for their career whether they want to move or not
Well Husband leads the family, saying yes is agreeing that this is the leader you chose for your family and relationship.
I get what Mel was saying.
She wanted recognition for her career and personal sacrifices in following Babu and financially supporting both of them for several years. She lost opportunities to further her career that she fears will never come her way again.
She was afraid that, should things go pop for Babu, that she could not earn enough to support both of them.
She was afraid of being financially dependent on Babu, given the experiences of other women in her family.
She fears being inferior in their relationship, and that her needs may be ignored in the pursuit of Babu's success.
These are valid emotions and should not be dismissed.
I don't see it as unhealthy competition but as a need for validation, respect, and consideration.
I agree. I thought I had more of an equal partnership when I was married, supporting my husband when he was in school or when his work was slow or he was unemployed, but I was wrong. Hopefully Babu is not the kind of man my now exhusband is. As soon as I was home with the children and he was the wage earner, he did not treat me as an equal but as a dependent who must do as he asked. It was like the power went to his head. Hopefully this will not happen here.
I agree with 95% of this. Her feelings, fears and dreams ARE real. She’s a good woman, and she’s deeply committed to a better future for everyone in her tribe… AND she’s demonstrating an unhealthy level of competition. That doesn’t make her bad, it makes her human. She also seems to have a very healthy level of self awareness.
She does say near the end of the conversation something very near to “I’m just afraid… that I’ll never be able to win again.”
Mel is being smart, she is intuitively sensing how he is potentially going to power trip. I get that sense too. He speaks about the move based solely on how he can “be the man”, not on how he can be the best husband to her.
If this ridiculously high earning husband were to suddenly die only a few months into their new plan, or even just a few years, it makes sense to have some kind of backup plan that feels good enough financially in mind, like a plan to go back to work even if you had quit your job. If you know you can go back and earn a very good living even if not nearly that level you were accustomed to, that would be reassurance in a worst case scenario. What sucks is if you get into a dynamic where you can't afford your own home if your husband were to suddenly not be there anymore and that's where a lot of life insurance steps in and even alimony because it's so hard to not continue with the amount of income you thought you'd have. It can be devastating to your life you've built to suddenly have way less.
So I get to some degree how she doesn't accept what her husband is about to start making really counts fully as money she can feel secure in counting on. It's different than when its your own salary. It just is.
Oh yeah, earning and spending your own money is empowering in and of itself. Women have seen way too many moms and females peers get treated as second class by men, after they gave up their careers for the family. We all don't want to end up like that and therefore are much more careful. Social pressure to domesticate women using 1950s ideas of housewives, is still rampant. Two sets of parents and him, all standing on one side, strong arming her to put him first, is no joke. @@VioletEmerald
I so appreciate these type of professionals being willing to come on this platform and be vulnerable. It’s not often us “normal” people get to see behind the curtains of high achievers. And realizing that it doesn’t matter how much money they make, they still face the same worries as everyone else.
Thank you. That's one of my favorite parts of doing this podcast -- shining a light on topics that are too often kept behind closed doors
This is probably my favorite episode so far, and I think it's because of how tender Babu and Mel are with each other. It comes across that they really do appreciate each other. Babu is going to have to continue to learn to feel his feelings and not let his inner quant take over, and Mel is aware that she needs to not let her anxiety over health concerns and the unpredictability of life (both real things!) overrule the very sound plan that she and Babu have built as partners. Finally, I love that part of their rich life is basically to be the ideal first gen kids, and just wow the pants off of their parents. Taking your frugal, grindset elders first class back home? SWAG! I love them. Go get it, I wish them the best.
Beautiful comment. Thank you for watching
Your video about financial gurus was disguting, YOU ARE a finacial guru LMAO @@ramitsethi
Whoever falls on one of these two as their doctor is a very lucky person. So smart and caring both of them. Particularly Mel, she strikes me as a doctor who gives 110% to everything she does. Good luck to both of you!
I'm really curious what specialties they're in! They do seem like truly amazingly caring doctors.
My guess is that she is a primary care provider or pediatrician. Sadly, they are the lowest paying providers.
I have the complete oppposite opinion. Never once did they mention going in to medicine to help people or getting any job satisfaction from helping people, its just going in to a field to make money. This is everything that is wrong with the health INDUSTRY in America.
I don’t understand the negative commentary. This couple actually communicate with each other and want the best for their future.
One thing I appreciate about Ramit that isn’t talked about enough is how he says “my coworker” or “someone on my team” instead of “my employee” or other demeaning terms of superiority 👏👏👏
This was highlighted for me in this episode as Babu referred to Mel as "my wife" through most of the episode. (Interstingly, they still gave off mutual respect vibes. So much so that I kept thinking he was referring to someone else when he said it!)
I've always referred to paralegals I work with as colleagues. I hate it when I see my law school classmates saying "my paralegal" or dentists saying "my assistant." Doesn't feel right saying they're yours. They're a paralegal. They're an assistant. And they are very important to your work.
@@the1337fleet Being a leader means you have ownership of your team. You are responsible for their wins and losses. When times are good, they can be "someone you work with," but they will quickly want to be "your paralegal" when revenue is down.
Get over it. ‘My employee’ is not demeaning. Nor is it a sign of superiority. Grow up. If you have issues of inferiority, don’t take it out on common business terminology.
As an employee, I do not feel demeaned by the term. Let me tell you a secret… there are people superior to you and I in terms of social position, beauty, economic output, intelligence, life achievements, etc. That is OK. Out of this fantastic conversation this is what you react to? Says something about your focus in life.
The honesty is so profound. Most of the time we listener/viewers love to "feel better" about ourselves watching people making stupid choices an being stupid with their money. Or finding amusment with people who cannot get out of their own way. Then you see people like Mel. She has made all the right moves, put herself through years of schooling and makes a great yearly salary. But I wonder if her greatest/most satisfying feeling in the recent years was being THE provider. Speaking from experience, the PROVIDER role can be empowering and intoxicating. And not in the "power trip...I'm the final decision maker" way...but in the "I like the feeling of bringing stability into the game". Sometimes people like that have a hard time dealing with finally letting go. Thank you for being so vulnerable....in public.
10 million dollars to retire definitely does not sound at all like an unrealistic goal . Will most people ever get there? No. But I’m guessing for two highly specialized physicians who are financially savvy it’s more than possible. I wish them both the best. It’s absolutely adorable that they’ve been together since 14 and I’m so impressed by their single minded dedication to succeed. I really hope they get to enjoy their life now after all that hard work!
when they said 10 you, me and Ramit were all like 'whats the problem?'. now that im financially literate(thanks IWT) and also deep into 60 episodes of this podcast, i could damn near do the rough calculations in my head lol. 10 is nothing for someone who makes close to 1 million a year lol
Right that's what I thought infact I thought they could have a larger number.
With their salaries, it is certainly possible.
Love this episode! It made me cry because as a new full fledged physician, now board certified, I can relate with so many of both of their fears, worries, feelings, and desires. I wish them the best in this new chapter.
May I add one word that is too rarely used these days - that word is joy. People talk about being content or happy, but they rarely talk about being joyous. Ramit, I think that when you talk about the rich life, this is frequently what you mean, and that word might help what you are trying to communicate.
I will use it in future episodes! Thank you
hahaha, when I'm telling my friends about Ramit's book and videos re: rich life I'm like "it's kind of like Marie Kondo for spending money--if it doesn't give you joy, throw it out!"
This has to be my favorite couple. They care deeply about each other and their future.
Really confused by all the folks attacking her. She has moved around a lot and finally likes her job. Job stress is real and can cause extreme bad health. I don’t know a single high earning friend who hasn’t suffered health consequences due to their jobs.
They will figure this out as a team and get through it!
I agree!
I think the attacks on her come from the click-bait title of this episode framing her as the bad-guy.
@@StorytellingHeadshots possibly. I think there are a lot of incels lurking also.
I have never seen numbers like this in my life!!! Hats off to these two.. i cannot imagine the hard work they do everyday to earn those numbers
Yeah no wonder medical expenses in US are astronomical
If you think it’s because of physicians’ salaries, you know nothing
@@_-6912The doctors do not make enough. Stop it with that
@@stop08ityup
This couple seems so understanding and respectful of each other. I hope they can make it all work
I really appreciate this episode. I see so much of my husband and I in Babu and Mel. And that’s before we had a kid. The high risk pregnancy, medical challenges of our baby, move across the country, and my inability to balance caring for a baby while still trying to climb the corporate ladder and stay competitive with my husband led to a complete identity crisis and burnout. Therapy helped a lot but it’s still something we’re working through. I really hope this couple can come together and align on balancing life satisfaction with wealth accumulation.
We ultimately decided to make a big life change that improved elements of our lifestyle but set us back from hitting our financial goals sooner.
Phew. All of this to say, I see you Mel! Your goals, ambitions, and fears are valid. You have great instincts. I’m so proud of what you’ve accomplished already and what you will in the future. Thanks for being a kickass woman.
Why did you feel the need to stay "competitive" with your husband? Where does that come from?
I see this a lot and I have encountered it too. Men can indeed create more balance, by building in a certain fixed monthly amount for a wife if she gets pregnant, prioritise his career or have to make career sacrifices and moving. It’s about the security and independence around having your own money, in case of incidentals.
I blame you Ramit for the click-baity title lol. People are jumping to conclusions based on that and the intro clip. Definitely works for the TH-cam algo, but dang the poor wife is unjustly being dragged under the bus in the comments section 😅
I feel for Mel. Imagine having to deprogram yourself from 30+ years of programming from your mother that conflicts with having a happy, healthy life with your husband and family. It is going to take a while to get comfortable with the new paradigm. This is why Ramit is so effective as he deals with the psychology of money.
She also was the bread winner, so I get her having to change that mindset. She's a giver and has a hard time receiving.
48:12 She says: "... calmness and peace knowing that our shovel to get there is big"
When I heard this, I almost dropped the weights I was lifting cos I laughed so hard! Girl, what y'all got ain't no shovel, it's a strip-mining excavator! Great job to both of y'all!
😂😂😂
This headline is unfair to her. Their situation is far more complex than it suggests.
This right here. When I first read the headline, I was like she sounds crazy! But after watching the video what she's saying makes sense. The headline may be true, but it's definitely not that black and white.
The headline is what gets you to click on the video. Obviously that's not the whole story.
@@jeanineweise Some folks judged them because of the headline and didn't watch much of the video before they commented.
I felt the same but it dies make you click which is its job. The headline is the only thing I didn't love about this episode
it's purely for clickbait purposes. unfortunately that's the youtube landscape we live in
and business is not about being right or wrong
business is about making money
This couple is so kind! I wish they were my friends!
Such a sweet couple. And the fear of leaving a job where you're actually happy is so relatable, regardless of the salary that is attached.
Nice couple and they've paid their dues and have earned their success. Congrats to them.
The impression I get is that Babu is too focused on retiring early. He can still make a very good living while allowing his wife to keep the job she enjoys. Why force her to move so you can reach that magic $10 million mark a bit sooner? And if she hates her new job the extra money won't have been worth it. IMO.
Asking your spouse to move back to be by her family when she clearly doesn't want it so you can make more money is the opposite of a rich life. She probably doesn't want to be by his family also! This is, along with giving up her job she likes, is a huge ask.
As an early career physician myself, I can just add to the discussion that it's taken a number of years to really come to terms with and feel comfortable with the change in salary after finishing residency. It also takes some years to land on an enjoyable work/life balance. This is a normal adjustment and I'm sure that with time they will find more ease in their situation and be able to happily live in the moment while also accomplishing their financial goals.
Did they divulge his specialty? He's obviously NOT in primary care! Maybe a neurosurgeon??
@@MNP208or anasteogoligist
I totally get her perspective, it’s hard knowing your a doctor too and worked just as hard as your husband to take care of you guys then boom. Switching roles and knowing your income isn’t 100% needed and you can just stay home. It’s a blessing and a curse you worked so hard and think dang just like that I may have to depend on a man even though I did everything RIGHT. In her mind. Coming from an immigrant background it’s ingrained to not depend on anyone and I understand her struggle but I would acknowledge even if it doesn’t work you have built such a strong healthy foundation that you will be fine no matter what. I truly enjoyed this episode and it helped me see myself in Mel a little bit also.
But his job will get her a job, too! I'm sure she will never get a better job.
Filipino parents have done a number on their kids. Keep communicating. Good luck.
This episode was so fascinating. I really enjoy the high earning couples. They put a different perspective on everything. Mel is so kind and caring and smart and conscientious. I hope she can find an outlet (like a therapist) to work through some of her health anxiety so she can more easily enjoy her rich life
As a physician, you WILL reach 10M if you have a plan. Even a single physician family can achieve that. Now, to reach that before 45, that might be a challenge. Hitting that goal by 55, 60 for sure. What are you planning to do after 45? I do think drs should plan for a long marathon career, slow and steady. Not quick and burn out. If you retire at 45, you would have spend more time in med school and training than working as a full fledged Dr.
Drs achieve the best years from 40-60. That's when you have a decade of working under your belt and ready to be mentors to younger drs. Why would you choose to retire at the peak?
The average physician salary is $265,000. You don’t start making that until at least age 30 and most likely have hundreds of thousands in student loans before starting to build wealth.
It’s still a sure path to the upper middle class, but outside of some specialities I don’t see being a doctor as any longer guaranteeing an ultra-high net worth ($10-20m+) even with the very rare ability to avoid the lifestyle inflation and peer pressures that come with the career.
@@lucaspm98 it can still be done. I charted 100k in investments per yr for 30 yrs at 7% CAGR. 11M.
Extremely valuable insights. Thanks.
"What are you planning to do after 45?" That is a VERY important question. I think sometimes we hate the formalities and politics around working so much that we miss the opportunity to appreciate what we really enjoy about the work we do... How it makes us feel to be useful and important... How it makes us feel to be a valuable contributor to society. After all those years of training and service, it's going to be a huge challenge to find something as fulfilling as doctoring - quite literally saving lives. And it probably gets even more rewarding the longer you do it - once you have the freedom to say "no" to things you simply don't want to do.
You're right... it makes no sense to jump off the train at the first stop. Might as well enjoy the ride. 😊
Much appreciated. 💛
@@lucaspm98$300k in student loans isn't hard to pay off when you make $300k/yr. Also, googling the average salary isn't as informative as you might think - trainees and retirees skew the mean. As you can see, this young man has an offer for $500k fresh out of training. It's not the salary that keeps doctors from achieving ultra-high net worth - it's their behaviors.
Maybe they want to “retire at their peak” because they’d rather be sitting on a beach? I’m sure tutoring young doctors is great…but I’m sure sipping a drink on the North Shore is much better
It totally makes sense why this is difficult for her. Him accepting a job in a different state when she finally found a job she loves and has been primarily supporting them for the past few years makes it that much harder to let go.
It totally makes sense, but it’s important they remember they are a team first and foremost, and him making more can provide her a season to take her time in finding a job she is happy to work at when they move. She just has to be okay with giving up some control.
😮😮p
Lord.... They're perfect for each other.
Takes a lot of courage to come and share everything. As part of a two physician couple - I can relate to a lot of this (except the 750k job lol). These guys are killing it - lots of luck for your future success! Hope that anxiety vanishes soon as you continue to work on your rich life.
I just gotta say that I absolutely ADORE this couple. Genuine good people. I'm rooting for them!
I really enjoyed this episode! I can understand both sides. It was also refreshing to see a couple who was operating as a team already and really JUST needed help with their emotions around money. Beautiful couple, I wish them the best.
This reminds me of when i realized money couldn’t buy happiness. Coming to understand that I didn’t personally desire to be wealthy. After spending years working towards wealth and then realizing that what I really desire if peace, joy, good relationships and good health. That the goal doesn’t always have to center “the highest amount of money”. It’s jarring and forces you to “look yourself in the face” ❤❤ Money is no longer the main focus and changes your reality and how you see things.
Yeeesss. You’ve got it
I absolutely love this.
Get it Mel and Babu! You both are lovely and I wish you all the best!
I actually enjoy this in general but today was even higher calibre because these were not folks on the brink of financial disaster but actually quite well off! Thanks for giving us that glimpse into your private life I am sure that you have give hope to MANY!
I feel like it’s easy to judge them just looking at their numbers and hearing them be worried about finances but the psychology behind money is insane! They understand they are privileged but still save like they will go broke next week. It’s gotten them this far but I guess I hope for 2 things and that is that they can realize they are going to be okay and that one day I could have their income because I am a GREAT SPENDER 😂😂😂
Another banger Ramit!
Great couple! Thanks for having the courage to share your story! Love that you're working towards a shared end goal and vision you just have decide how you want to get there. Congratulations on your success and I hope you both are able to enjoy your hard work! I also hope that Mel is able to work on her anxiety around money - you're not alone ❤
Gosh my brain can’t even comprehend how much money they’ll be bringing in in a month!
During the pandemic, I switched to travel nursing bringing home 15k a month. My husband and I didn’t know what to do with so much money. We saved up and kept living off of 4K a month. At the end of all this we were able to pay off our SUV, renovate our kitchen, and could’ve paid off our mortgage. We were so fortunate to be able to do all that. But omg I can’t even begin to comprehend even having the income to be able to put away 10mil for retirement! That’s awesome!!! Good for them!! I need to be making some more moves. I completely understand Mel’s feelings on money not feeling like it’s enough. I used to feel 20k and I’ll feel better. We have way more now and it still feels like not enough. I cried with Mel 😢
I love Babu and Mel. They are a great couple. I hope Mel find the reason that is making her feel financially insecure and she can start enjoying the life that they seem to deserve for their hard work. Thank you for your honesty. I’m rooting for you Mel.
I’m super impressed with the way Ramit is helping this couple through. I didn’t even think about the maximizing within the structured environment vs. the unstructured question.
These two are another really sweet, caring couple! One of my faves and clearly Ramit's fave 🤩
I know Mel! I’m praying they get to seize the joy and rich life they can have today; they are in an amazing trajectory and should be proud!
Also! Kasama is the bomb!
So first, LOVED this episode. Very easy to tell both are very appreciative and respectful of each other on an emotional, personal, and professional level.
From what I gather Babu is focused on the sheer earned income and idea of a very early retirement whereas Mel feels she’s sacrificed a lot to carry them through his schooling & training, she’s relocating and giving up a job she loves for him, and in some ways giving up some power and future say as his near million dollar salary would be substantially more than what she makes or could ever. Also probably because of their backgrounds both culturally and academically they’re both highly competitive, numbers focused, and conditioned to be extremely career oriented. Yet I can tell Mel questions more whether or not they’re actually enjoying themselves and their finances in the present moment whereas Babu is looking out to the future.
I think these two would benefit from taking a step back and understanding how much they have and how much they really need. They don’t seem like very materialistic people, it’s likely they will always have more than what they need. They aught to plan out the kind of life they want to live (instead of job they want to have) learn how to take those 3-4 hours a day they spend focusing on money and instead spend that time enjoying themselves and each other while feeling confident they can afford to live happily. That may mean some compromises elsewhere, but that’s life !
Thank you, Mel and Babu, for sharing your story. I loved seeing a successful couple and value learning about your unique situation. It brought up excellent points that I would love to reflect on with my partner and that I am sure many successful couples are going through. Don't let the negative comments phase you; It is obviously just jealousy, and people can't understand what it is like functioning at this high level. I can tell you guys really love each other
I agree
It's crazy how our brains work... fear like this can destroy us and have us halt real living. Great episode! This and all couples are so courageous to be so vulnerable. What an amazing opportunity for these couples to counsel with you!
They are going to be just fine. It's not the destination that is most important, it's the journey. And that is true for everyone, regardless your numbers.
Great job, Mel & Babou!
They are a fantastic couple and you can feel how deeply they care for each other. I think income-wise this is by far the most successful couple on the podcast and I have now doubts they will reach their goals, it's just important that they enjoy the journey to it! 👍😎
He says the most precious things are his time and his health (14.18) so why work themselves into the ground now and not spend any of their hard earned money? They are saving all this money for a point in the future which is not guaranteed (their sentiment) and they may not have the health to enjoy it (also picking up on some fears in their conversation) There seems to be a worried tone to their conversation where this fear exists. Maybe this comes with high pressure jobs.
I would probably advise them to try to relax a lot more, enjoy more of their income in the present. This might help them feel more content overall without the pressure of a 12-year deadline when all this work stops.
Yes - tomorrow is not guaranteed. Today is a gift - that’s why they call it the present. ❤ Sending best wishes
Wow, absolutely amazing episode, thank you Ramit. It's so interesting that they know tomorrow is not guaranteed, but they wanted to put their lives off another 10 years and pray for happiness in retirement. I hope they take what they learned from you and start living their rich life.
She has too much money anxiety and that something that needs to be resolved. I can tell she has so much money anxiety because she’s not able to say the amount of money she’s comfortable in having. She also needs to learn how to spend her money. I understand that she has probably family relying on her as Filipino culture, children are expected to take care of their parents. But you can’t take your money to the grave. With their income, they have more than enough money to take care of themselves and family. Wish these couple the best and loved watching this episode. It’s good to know that even high income earners also have anxiety and problems regarding money.
I love this couple! Thank you so much for the transparency. I learned a lot from them. I had no idea about all those perks from those super high-paying jobs. They seem to have so much love and obvious intelligence when it comes to their finances. #couplegoals. I think you all should choose the higher-paying job near the parents.
Ramit, I really enjoyed this couple. I believe these are the people your philosophy is best suited for. I’m not in their class, nor will I ever be, but I still learned a lot. Sometimes, I worry that your ‘rich life’ philosophy might lead people further into debt. I think it applies more to high-income individuals.
The mindset that got them to where they are successfully is the same mindset that is keeping them on edge and anxious even after they have reached their goal. When you are in a competitive environment for so many years, knowing that a few points in an exam can make or break you , your whole world ends up being about the future number (which seems like where mel is stuck).
I also know that if they let up and let loose for a bit, they probably feel like they loose the momentum and trajectory they are on. It's a hard balance , to let loose just enough (since you are there and are successful) but to also not let loose so much that you loose the momentum cause yes, in their careers they have made it and they should reward themselves, that milestone is reached , but life its self still has a long ways to run so you don't want to loose that trajectory either.
Its a hard, they just need to re-learn how to move forward in this new phase of their life post training and becoming full time doctors and know what to worry and not worry about. Somethings you can control , others you can't.
Such a hard balance!
Omg I have never related to another person this hard! The way we are raised hitting goals after goals and we don't even know when to stop. I am only seeing this now on a 6 month sabbatical that this is the first time I am able to think about my future with a childs imagination. What do I want to do and have my life be! Not evaluating jobs and businesses and hobbies and relationships based on what makes sense but what do we really really inherently want, without biases and assumptions and blinders put on by our society and world around us. What an amazing episode! Loved it so much!
I’m just so happy for this couple. What an amazing thing to have accomplished this in life. They’ve got a bright future.
I CANNOT relate to their income, but I can relate to their emotions. I 100% would react to this amount of money the same way.
Thank you thank you for sharing!
As a regular person that has "a lot" in savings and investments, I can assure that most people will not understand how even with a lot of money and potential growth----Money will never be enough and never will 100% solve anxieties in life of a person.
Well said!
This is not only intriguing to watch, educational financially, but it’s also inspirational. Great episode
I really enjoyed this episode, especially how they view their Rich Life goals.
I wish the very best to them, but I know they'll be fine.
As an overachiever with a HYW and who was also recently diagnosed with multiple sclerosis I really appreciated this episode and discussion.
Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for watching
Same with the MS. This episode was also appreciated because they're kind of a snapshot of where I'll likely be with my partner in 15 years. What is HYW though?
What a great couple, full of tender love and respect for each other. You can tell they have been through a lot.
The insanely high salaries and perks for these top level medical jobs is very revealing about how messed up the insurance/healthcare industry is. There's a reason why they're willing to offer such high salaries - because they're making waaaaay more at the expense of the insured and mental health of the overworked health practitioners. Nevermind whether a job in the medical industry is mentally sustainable but the fact that you're contributing to a convoluted system is what turned me off from pursuing a career in that field.
The insanely high salaries are mostly the result of the medical educational community limiting the supply of doctors. Let's increase the supply of these professionals, and see prices for the rest of us go down.
I like this couple, but it seems like it's been a run of couples making high incomes. Give us a couple with a single earner with kids making $70k. Or how about someone in their late 40s / early 50s with no retirement. I realize that's probably not the audience for LMNT or an Eight Sleep Pod, but it might be neat to see a "We make $27,500 a year...Why am I stressed about money?" thrown in there.
That’s sounds stressful. I like higher income stories. It let me know I am not off.
It looks like she does not want to be close to his family. Living 5 minutes from your in-laws can be real scary
❓
She doesn’t want to live close to HER family.
@@LIVEINPEACE2023she’s just being polite. She said she told her mother in law how much Babu could make in a job offer as a plan to ease her into accepting them not living close to home. In Asian culture, married women often are required to live with their In laws, so it’s very hard and consider to be very rude for her to say I don’t want to live close to my in laws.
Mel, don't listen to the comment section. People that have no ambitions and are not competitive can't understand. I salute you both for your honesry
You can have ambition and still know when to rely on your spouse instead of competing at all times.
@@dearestdarling9467 I think nobody in this relationship needs to rely on the other for financial needs. They can both more than comfortably hold theirown. However money is emotional, and serious changes in the amount can shake the balance. Since she has been the caretaker not only for him but for others, she will need time to adjust, however if you read the comments, people see her as pathologicaly competitive. One person made a comment after 30s of video. I think that's unfair.
No. She’s sabotaging her own global goals to even a local playing field.
@@Maye0123 Why does what he earns got to do with anything that she earns
Its being ultra-competitive to a point that harms both of you
Let him work for a 10 years and they have 4.2mil in straight earnings. No investments on it. They are almost at the goal they want to retire, at age 40
This was mindblowing. Thanks for this.
Mel I feel you girl 💕
Only 17 minutes in...clearly Mel likes being "on top"... splitting GPA to the nth degree to show her's was objectively "better", higher income ATM, but seems focused on limiting the future variable between what they each earn. Me? I'd LOVE for my partner to make 4-5X what I make. Pressure is off and I can focus on what truly satisfies me, career wise.
People who have been oppressed into min/maxing in this one aspect of life since childhood have a hard time taking the blinders off.
Obviously, more combined money is better, very simple. But that does not help with an individuals self-worth.
Amen. I have zero competition with my spouse
Easy decision if you ask me.
Many men feel extreme discomfort with their spouse making more money than them, this only feels odd because she’s a woman. If the genders were reversed this would be a scenario we’ve all seen before
Part of me wonders if Mel is coming to realize the job she does is mentally more taxing than she predicted so the big numbers don’t feel like they can last forever because she knows she can’t mentally do that job forever
💯
Oh that's interesting too.
This conversation to me is enough enough in terms of income. Like if you can live a very good life financially where you are at does it make sense to move to get an extremely well paying job. Is it worth it if you are already living a well off life. Her points are very valid if she found a job where’s she’s happy and satisfied.
Loved this episode. I am confused though. She made so many sacrifices, passing up jobs, advancing her career so that Babu can continue training for the potential of a much higher paying job. So if that was the end goal, what was she expecting? I also never got the feeling that Babu wasn’t appreciative of the work she’s put in. Seems to me like in someway she was hoping his pay would end up not being so much so she can keep “winning” like she said.
Girlfriend! Get in line! You say you have sacrificed many years. You are about to get blessed and paid in full WITH INTEREST.
Get over your pride sister!
My thoughts exactly! She needs to put her pride aside and see this for the blessing it is. With his income, she can take all the time in the world to be choosy about her job wherever they move!
They make $270k after barely being done with training and they think $10M is crazy. They are adorable. Y'all will get there easily. Have fun and don't work a day past 60.
My husband is an electrical engineer and makes 75k. I’m a PA and currently unemployed but my last job was 105k. If my husband made even 200k that would cover both of us so I wouldn’t care if we had to move because if I couldn’t find a job I liked I would just stay at home. Or find maybe some telehealth or something virtually. But that’s just me. That being said, I understand having a bad job as a provider. My last job was so bad I wouldn’t have stayed if they doubled my pay. I left November 2022.
This isn't so much about money. This is more about them being mis-aligned and insecure. They need marriage counselling to become re-aligned again. There are questions they need to ask each other that have nothing to do with money, but yet money is the way the mis-alignment and insecurity is manifesting.
You guys are a team not competition. What he makes is yours and vice versa. Who makes a higher salary is a season. What if you have kids? Who is going to get a ding in their career? Work together not against each other.
One of my favourite episodes! I love learning how higher earners think. Earning more income does mean you have to spend more. I love their plan to maintain how they are living so they can pay off
Their student loans before making big purchases. So good! Thanks for sharing
Amazing - love this couple! We can only dream to be as set-up in life as these rockstars - but with each conversation Ramit has with couples, I have learned so much! Enjoy your VERY RICH LIFE and thanks for sharing!
Yes, yes! The Firm is exactly what I thought of! Mitch got lots of expensive perks, but he didn't realize it was a deal with the devil!
Bro that’s not at all what he said, he just said accept the opportunity while stop making sound financial decisions.
@ramitsethi, how you handled this podcast is a true testament to your awesome nature. Bravo!
Great episode. All I want to say is I hope things look up for you both, and sending extra gratitude vibes 🫶🏼
Thank you RAMIT...LOVE this discussion 🎉 and scenario.
I'm not *quite* where these two are going to be, but our household had an already-good income that quadrupled over the last few years. We've changed nothing, spending wise. We were comfortable before; no reason to do anything different
I really feel for Mel. I think she is genuinely terrified. I think it's a generational trauma, but there was a kind of healing that happened here. Lovely couple and such a touching episode, esp, taking their parents in first class.
Numbers and jobs aside, I’m 8 mins away from in laws and less than 20mins away from my own parents, 10 mins from my husband’s grand parents, 20 mins from my sister’s family and 5 uncles and aunts families within half an hour and that’s not counting cousins and distant relatives. I hope they think it through too before committing to that life style, it’s a blessing especially for my 3 years old but it’s very tiring. We are spending every weekend with families except for when we are sick 😅
I understand why she may have misgivings and fear, but it is rare to see a husband and wife speak so respectfully and thoughtfully to each other. Take the leap, I have a feeling he will be there for you always, no matter what. A wonderful couple and an example to many of us both on how to love each other and how to live life with purpose instead of consumerism.
Also, when she says she recognizes all that he has done for them, she seems to not remember all that she has done for them… which he has mentioned from the start. ❤
I love this episode. Something about the way they love each other just warms the heart.
Thank you all so much for sharing this! It’s very inspirational❤❤
I LOVED this episode, thanks to all! They are such a touching couple, bless them.
But, I can't help wondering: which job did he end up taking??? Feels like a cliffhanger 😀
It makes me a little sad that new Babu’s higher earning potential sparks some envy in Mel. I would be thrilled to be in her position (I’m certain I’d find a way to adjust to all that financial freedom, lol.) I get the sense that Mel enjoys being in charge and equates money with power, which might be why it’s difficult to accept that she’ll never make as much in her career as Babu will. It’s odd to me that she phrased it that way. There’s nothing stopping Mel from going back to school to get credentials for that same field, or another one that pays higher salary than the one she’s currently making, if she wants to. Not especially if Babu will make enough to pay for her to do it and not impact their current lifestyle in any way. Then they both could earn that high income. While I think they are a lovely couple and I wish them the best of everything, I don’t really understand how his success can’t also be her success, especially since she helped him get there. They are teammates for life working together towards the same goals. At least, they should be. One of them seems not to understand that sometimes we must do what’s best for the team in order to win the game.
I feel like Mel’s underlying concerns didn’t get resolved. She said her primary fear is not having enough in the bank, but then she’s uncomfortable with Babu taking the higher salary. Her stated worry doesn’t match her decision-making. I wonder what’s driving that.
Exactly... She worries about not having enough. So let her husband get the highest paying job will solve that problem.
She worries about money, something most of us can identify with. And she wants to be the primary provider for the family, something most men can identify with. These aren’t foreign thoughts, maybe just unexpected coming for a woman.
I think there are many men and women who use salary to define their self-worth and I think she's suffering from the same problem. His salary increase was partly made possible by her sacrifices, but her self-worth key indicator doesn't show it, only his. That would be frustrating if salary is seen as an intrinsic value instead of just an extrinsic one. I don't think this was really addressed during the limited time in the interview.@@TonyCox1351
It’s about winning for Mel. She said it herself. That she’ll never be able to win again. Like what!? That’s your husband.
It’s two issues and they don’t mesh 1) reconciling a new reality and a new safety net 2) feeling like she is sacrificing her career …this is why she is confused and conflictex
They are both so sweet. You can see how much they love each other and they are such a great team.
This is a very difficult episode to watch for a fellow person who has crazy high anxiety about health 😅 but I enjoy hearing Mel and Babu's story
They make more than I have in my 401k but I appreciate their lifestyle choices. I get a lot of grief from *some* friends for my frugal ways.
I get the message, but was taken out a bit with asking why they can live beneath their means and others struggle to... when "beneath their means" is multiple outings to Michelin Star restaurants, that feels easy.
Living above their means would also be easy. Plenty of people making alot of money and still flying into financial ruin. At the end of the day, its all about mindset once you are at or above the avg income
I think those Michelin Star weekends were a flash in the pan.
Fantastic episode!
This is a fantastic episode! The combination of classic high achievers, immigrant parents, and Asian backgrounds makes it hard for them to relax and enjoy their hard work and hard-earned money. My research of diasporic populations has shown me how future focused and disaster focused Asian immigrants can often be, forgetting the joy in the now and the everyday. Also, Asian immigrant parents have a hard time saying to their children - well done, I’m proud of you or even just I love you. And young people like Mel and Babu are the result of this kind of parenting. It requires therapy ( and possibly Ramit) to talk oneself out of this mindset.
I love this episode. They are by far the most loving and supportive couple that have ever come on this show!