Due to fear of failure...sometimes we sabotage to avoid taking risks or facing potential failure. This can stem from low self esteem or past negative experiences
@@Psych2go my fear of regret Is way more than the fear of failure....I have so much fear of not achieving my goals and not being where I want to be at some point...that forces me to take action
Self-loathing -> self-sabotage -> belief that goals are pointless because you screw everything up and nothing will ever change -> what's the point of life, exactly? Yep, that's me.
"But at least when you are the captain of the ship, sinking into the deep sea knowingly feels more manageable and hurts less than when it happens unexpectedly." This is me exactly. This is why people like me catastrophize and assume worst case scenario, so the pain is a lot less if it actually happens. When I am unprepared for it, it feels catastrophic.
yeah same i expect the worst case scenario and then just let it happen even if i could've done smth about this failure, i don't, it's like i am too lazy to do anything but then i regret it so much and hate myself but still continue to do the same thing again. It's so stupid honestly 💀
Same thing with me. Only when I expect the worst, I fear even getting close to it which causes more self-sabotage. It doesn't make anything better for me but for some reason I feel like expecting the worst will suddenly make whatever does happen so much easier and maybe even surprising in a good way. But I can't do that if I refuse to even try out of fear for the worst
Same here man. My brain have only 2 gears. Litteral void of nothingness-gear. And catastrophy, litterally end of the world-gear. And my brain is 90% of the time redlining on second gear, stacking problems on top of problems, that all are made up in my head.
Your videos make the mental problem representation very simple. My family really sucks they make me feel like a big headache. They simply don't want to change. They are ruining their life and mine too. Negativity is growing on me and I can't do anything but cry in my room most of the time. The feeling of envy for people who are surrounded by good and caring people really sucks. I will ensure that once I grow up as an adult my past won't interfere with my career and desires.
Thank you for sharing your personal experience with us. It sounds like you're surrounded by a very challenging environment. Do you have the right resources to help you in your situation like professional help or friends that you can confide in?
I'm crying right now, this is too relatable😭 I already knew before I watched this that I'm ruining every chance I get at something greater and something I desire, but it just hurts so much when all of this seems to be calling out everything I do. It's like someone telling me I need to get better and stop destroying everything I enjoy, but it's not that simple! So far the only solution I have to this problem is just digging this problematic hole bigger and I can't stop! But, unlike most people, this isn't caused by trauma in my past. No, this is caused by FEAR of those traumatic experiences happening to me. I'm already broken enough, I don't need more cracks! 😭
Timestamps 1). Your own worst enemy 1:02 2). Puppet master 2:05 3). Impostor among us 3:14 4). Neurons that fire together wired together 4:10 5). Relationship trauma 5:23 Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day. 💙💙💙💙💙💙
thats fist line of "finding the one and fell into unreasonably antagonistic behavior for you to push them away" hit me so hard i started to cry for how truthful that is. It hurts so bad and i never wanted that person to be a lesson when they were definitely a lover.....
I ALWAYS learn things the hardest way. ALWAYS to the point where the consequences outweigh the goals. Guess some people were made with purpose, others just ended up here on accident.
@@thatpersonyoudontknow4509 Well I believe in Hallowed (God), and if he put us down here, which he did, then we all must have a destiny somewhere. We just have to find it...
@Alex$py3DS Heard that multiple times before. I don't believe in a God but if he exists, he's not infallible. He makes mistakes too. I'm living proof of it.
I tend to self sabotage a lot, especially with friendships because of my low self-esteem and insecurities. I'm extremely self aware, which means i'm also very critical of myself. That's why I avoid my friends (people in general) and isolate myself. If I could afford therapy I would definitely try it. 😭
I blame myself sometimes for the reaction of people and feel bad and blame myself. It’s hard trying to understand if I’m in the wrong or they’re in the wrong and don’t deserve a second chance.
The only person who will never let you down is yourself. Stop comparing yourself to others, you are unique, just like everybody else. And if you think nobody cares about you, remember there are billions of cells inside your body which only care about you.
Ok, but is unique any better? "They'll hate you for your flaws. They'll hate you because you're weird. They'll hate you because you aren't as pretty as everyone else. They'll hate you because you're good at something they're bad at." The words playing in my mind over and over. The bad outweighs the good
If i dont let myself down, anyone around me will make sure to do it for me. Why should i stop comparing myself to others? Im the middle child of 3, aka the unloved and unwanted one. Nothing i do is ever good enough for my parents, and i can never go out and get big enough experiences in my life, to be recognized as a heartly part of this "family". And finally, litterally noone cares about me. Im looking forward to the day i dont have to be on this planet anymore. I have grown very tired of life.
How are you to know if you're doing well or need to improve if you don't compare yourself to others? How are you to be accepted by your family when they compare you to others? Cells don't have emotions, they have single jobs that they carry out. They don't care about us. If they do, they wouldn't turn on us and put us in chronic pain and cause other health problems for our entire lives, making us miserable.
Through a myriad of circumstances that I won’t get into here, I’ve taken a position as a life coach for a few people in my area. The #1 facet I focus on is eliminating fear. Once that fear barrier is removed, the sky’s the limit for these people, who have been conditioned over the course of their lives to hear “it’s a pipe dream, there’s too many people better than you at “X”, you’ve never been good at anything….” and the number one thing they’ve heard…”you only get disappointed if you go for “X”. Truthfully in my younger years I heard and subscribed to this mindset. Now I live in fear of not trying, not climbing, not taking a chance to better myself and my family. It’s hard to look back on the opportunities I let go over the years because I was afraid to fail. Sorry for writing a book guys, but I hope this helps some of you all! Hugs and positive vibes from the Roots of Eternity family! ❤
Learned recently I need love, need self acceptance and self worth to finally heal my inner child and gain emotional maturity. I self sabatoge so much of my growth. Its a slow progress and while I'm going backwards right now I am aware, so it's improvement to me from years ago
I've done everything humanly possible to avoid self sabotage. but no matter what I do to achieve my goals I am confronted by the same old road blocks. These are circumstances beyond my control. I concentrate on the positive in everything I do but still getting no where. It's as if I'm stuck in a loop. I take the straight and always end up back where I've started But I'm still bound and determined not to let anything stand in my way. What must I do to take control of the things I can't control, pray? That's all I've been doing.
I relate to number 1, your own worst enemy. I first heard of this quote when Gouken in Super Street Fighter 4 said this. I try my best to avoid the negativity and anger dictate my actions. I actively learn how to be a better person everyday, so I can be my own best teacher.
Nothing is ever that simple really, and most people don't do this to themselves intentionally in fairness like . Also we always need to have compassion and understanding for ourselves and eachother and not make unsound judgements about things as nobody knows anybody else's journey.
The first one is definitely me. But, I also know it was brought about by how I was treated by my parents, grandparents, "friends", teachers, pretty much everyone. I was constantly told how I was never good enough and how nothing I ever did was right (still hear it constantly in my 40s, it's never stopped), and when you hear something enough, you believe it. And when that kind of attitude is attributed, not only to things you try to do, but who you are as a person, it destroys you, utterly and completely. And because this was all I heard about me all my life, and I believe it, how can I not sabotage myself when everything I've ever done in my life as proven to me that I can't ever do anything right by anyone? I'm also very afraid of success of any kind, because I've never really had it, and I know that expectations will go from too high to even higher, thereby making it even more impossible to ever see true success or be happy.
Sounds like surrounding yourself with different people, and realizing YOU decide what you are & you are not. Nothing “proved” you can’t do anything right. It’s EXPECTED to make mistakes or for it to take time to get things right. Success is what YOU feel it is. Not what others define it as. What’s there to be afraid of? If you fail, you fail 🤷🏽♀️ rarely do things end up being as hard as we think they are, & just as rare for successful people to be successful without multiple failures first. Perfectionism is a real enemy of success.
@@karmasutra2287 See, I can't meet people or surround myself with different people. I don't know how, and I don't like people in general and I'm an introvert. I'm not comfortable around people. Also, I have no problem failing, but I'm sick of it and it depresses me. I've failed everything I've ever tried. When I do manage to pull something off (like getting my 2 college degrees or winning a ribbon), it's just a task marked off my list. I have no idea what success is or what it feels like. That's what I'm afraid of. Also because the level of what's required of me would then increase dramatically if I succeed at something that matters. I have no idea how to set goals or even what goals really are because in my life goals = dreams = fiction = unattainable. And I'm sorry, but failure IS determined by others. If you try to sell something and no one buys it, that's failure. You try to better yourself to be able to get a job and no one wants you, that's failure. You try to make something and it turns out to not be what you were trying to make, that's failure. You can say to not listen to others, but an individual's place in society is based on what everyone thinks about that individual. Plain and simple. It's how the world works. And I'm afraid of ever fitting in with society and succeeding because I don't know what that's like, how it feels, and I don't want to continue spending my life changing who I am to fit in. I could put out my entire life story to show my proof of failure, but there isn't enough space, this isn't the place for it, and no one would read it anyway. Another failure. Also, another proof of failure is being stuck trying to learn something for 4 years and it's something that kids can learn in like 2 days. How is that not failing?
All those relate to me . Idk what to do except move forward i have already done everything in that sabotaged my future in a certain way, i guess now the only thing i can do is be satisfied with the position i am in and hope for happiness and a second chance.
List Self sabotage destroy best intention and goal -Afraid once received can’t maintain it -You own worst enemy negative self compassion self esteem Match want you do with what you believe -Fear of failure Control and/or procrastinate -Self Handicap failure of external circumstance -Imposter syndrome crave external validation may lead to double effort or procrastination alleviate your self from stress -Familiarity Stress tempt to known and familiar even it is not effective as novel idea -self sabotage relationship picky fight, micromanagement, cringy/needy
It's not only because of my caregiver as a child that I have an insecure attachment style. Ambivalent. I know that nothing here lasts forever. I have lost a ton of friends to addiction and even in my adult years, good friendships don't last. We grow apart and life happens. We find other interests and passions. So, when I bond with someone I open up too real quickly. And when it comes to places and things, I feel both strong positive and negative about them. I care. When I care. I am passionate. I don't do anything if I don't do it with passion.
4:45 this is so frustrating with ADHD because the novelty is supposed to be what pushes me and gives me that dopamine rush to get things done but it's also the super scary little fucking thing that makes things too scary to try
the familiarity heuristic can also play into the sunk cost fallacy. the puzzle study participants may have felt that they had devised a strategy for solving the first type of puzzle, and that despite the puzzle itself being longer, they would make shorter work of it with their strategy than if they had to solve an entirely different (but "shorter") puzzle. they'd already sunk the time into learning how to solve the first type of puzzle and didn't want to forfeit that cost to start over with a new type of puzzle.
Heyyy! Just wanted to ask, because I can’t find any good video about it, maybe you could make a video about how being bullied affects your adulthood? Just wanted to see how/if it affected me for the long run, and how I can be able to avoid being dragged down by it Hope you guys see this, with much love
I do believe that going to a therapist will help me with my problems and issues I am going through but really isn't there any other way because its easy to say that we can visit a therapist but for teens who aren't really financially independent and parents those who won't understand aren't there some healthy methods that we can practice to solve problems like these...I truly haven't really understood how does one show self compassion and that's become the most difficult part of my life.. leading me to do stupid things like not working towards my goals cause I don't believe I can achieve them anyways...it just ends up hurting me every time..its like I am stuck in a vicious cycle...
Ohmygosh, you read my mind, Psych2Go 🥺💖 I have watched many videos of you and it helped me with my feelings and personality. Still improving and developing. 😌🙂
Thank You all at Psych2Go. This topic resonated so strongly with me.This trait is severely underrated as the severe problem that it is. The cognitive dissonance in one persons view has a major hold on the whole nation of India. The title "India, In Cognitive Dissonance". It may be less personal than the individual portion. When I have a problem ,the one approach that is part of my trying to understand is information gathering.
The first minute was a shoot out for me lol called me out on my entire being Edit: this whole video killed me lol can you make a video how to not self sabotage
According to the National Science Foundation, 80% of our thoughts are negative and 95% of our thoughts are repetitive. We replay negative loops and have a negative narrative in heads and although we may not always be the one saying it because alot of it goes unconsciously, we are the one who hears it. Change your narrative. An average person has about 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts per day. If we repeat those negative thoughts, we think negative way more than we think positive thoughts. The quality of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts. The human brain has a natural tendency to give weight to (and remember) negative experiences or interactions more than positive ones-they stand out more. Psychologists refer to this as negativity bias. “Our brains are wired to scout for the bad stuff” and fixate on the threat, says psychologist and author Rick Hanson.
I've had many people (family, friends, etc) over the years tell me that I'm engaged in self-sabotage, but could never give me an example or try to help me stop. Even this video is not relatable to me. Could it be that they were projecting onto me?
I've done the second and third ones, but not the first, fourth, and fifth ones. I was taking the STAAR test and I was on the writing portion in English. For some reason, when I would hit the spacebar on the document, it would erase a character somewhere in the document. This happened when I was almost on the conclusion paragraph. I got so frustrated and felt like I was messing up and failing, so I held down the spacebar and erased the entire thing. I told the teacher who was supervising me what happened and he told me he realized what was going on and fixed it. Whereas on the third one, I'm an admin in a Discord server and I feel like I'm undeserving of the position, even though I've well earned it. I underestimate myself and procrastinate because I'm scared I'm going to mess up. Everybody makes mistakes, and I know that. But I'm so scared of making them. I'm so scared of people thinking ill of me.
I understand. I've probably had one of the best childhoods in this current world, but yet I am broken, for lack of a better term. I am broken because of fears of things going poorly. I am broken because of my self-sabotage. I'm broken because of myself. They say you should never stick with your abusers, but what if your greatest abuser has, is, always will be yourself?
I wonder if being told abhorrent things (very often and since childhood) by older familial individuals can also lead to self-sabotage...I clearly have lots to unlearn.
I think the way we see ourselves is definitely influenced by the thing we hear from others, including family members who are older than us. How are you doing now? Do you feel like you're unlearning the things that may lead to self-sabotaging?
@@Psych2go I'm definitely better than before, thanks for asking. I'm starting to see myself differently little by little thanks to therapy. I learned that I'm not whatever other people said I was whenever I failed to live up to their expectations. I may fall back to my old habits every now and then but I'm more determined to get back up.
I'm so glad to hear that you're in a much better place! And yes, as you mentioned, we may slip up from time to time but that's completely normal. But it sounds like you're determined to care for yourself through therapy and not engage in self-sabotaging behavior. It's so great to hear that you're doing better and I hope that you continue this positive trend. Thank you for sharing! :)
I want to know why I self-sabotage in not taking my antidepressant for days on end and thus experiencing withdrawal symptoms (nausea, nightmares, depressive episodes, anger). I have ADHD so I sometimes forget to take my meds, but the only other reason I don’t take them is because of self-sabotage. And I feel like I need to find the reason for this to be able to stop sabotaging because each time I go to my doctor I can’t tell her if the med relieves my depression or not since I haven’t taken it consistently enough to even know if it works for me. I’ve been on this med for 11 months, yet I still have side effects (notably emotional flatlining...I don’t feel the sorrow or dread of my depression, but don’t feel lasting joy, either)
Hello ! I love your episodes. And I'd like you to do an episode about people who have Asperger's and are confirmed to be geniuses. Because I'm such a case that I have asperger's syndrome and it's proven that I'm a genius,with adhd and that's why I would like to see such an episode from you ;)
That's not right. That is a self-sabotage. Everyone is worthy to live, and if you weren't a good person in the past that leads to more reason to continue living to become a better person. I know you can do this!
@@Psych2go th-cam.com/video/GYh1aB4P3AY/w-d-xo.html for example. th-cam.com/video/TlCpU3BzMyQ/w-d-xo.html and th-cam.com/video/yjugNk1IQCE/w-d-xo.html are also good ones.
@@Psych2go I'm extroverted and pretty overprotective. Also I notice many details what was to much for her. Additonal she was afraid to hurt my feelings. A pretty bad combination so... it was helpful to learn how she see things.
Thank you for telling us! It sounds like our introvert content was very helpful for you. It also sounds like you two are great friends despite the difficulties you mentioned. I think it's awesome that you're willing to improve yourself in an attempt to be a better friend! :)
@@Psych2go Yes your videos were pretty helpful. I''m able to understand her better now and I often see something I didn't realize before. Additionally I know how it feels to be alone and she helps me to improve myself just through being herself so I would feel bad to give her lesser love. Excuse some bad written words. I setted the keyboard of my phone to my native language so maybe it doesn't see every mistake.
What if you end up sabotaging your ongoing sinking ship so you can have more reasons to jump out of it, since you are afraid of doing so in the middle of the ocean?
I'm not sure why but I don't believe in "self-sabotage". I feel like it's a term and a theory made to try to englobe our dysfunctions, to try to make the problems simpler. But I feel like the truth is that every "self-sabotage" we do to ourselves its a consequence to a lack of abilities, maturity and other factors. But nothing intentioned. They can be seen as just failures that we don't understand.
I feel like the problem is more an internal conflict than it is something that needs to be "fixed" with therapy. Maybe it's better to see there's a part of you that doesn't want whatever it is you're sabotaging anyway. Like in my own situation people can say it's "trauma" causing me to push people away when in reality there is a feeling underneath that is saying "I don't want these relationships anyway." Or career or partner or whatever. I don't like the idea of trying to use cognitive stuff to try to force thoughts to be different. It almost feels like a form of self harm. Like do I really want a career that could potentially go against my own desires for closeness with someone? Or would you want a career that also might be against your own value and belief system? There's more to it than what self help tries to preach. We don't do this without good reason. It should be seen as an element of ourselves that is actually trying to protect us.
And in the case of relationships do you really want to be with someone who only wants you for x y or z reason? Like this person only wants me at my best but not my worst? And then sends me to therapy for not "acting right"? That's damn hurtful and if anything that gets in the way of creating a good relationship with closeness and intimacy. You can't get closeness by pushing aspects of someone or yourself away. It doesn't compute... But also most relationships in the world are a problem because of these kind of splits. It's like if you're an environmentalist who deeply feels for the environment and try to make something work with someone who has no problems destroying it. Wouldn't you sabotage that relationship? Or a relationship that someone only wants you for the money but doesn't even put that out there. Without communicating these underlying truths relationships are not safe.
First and pin plz and Hi and i just want to say love ur self no matter how short, tall, skinny or fat you are, everyone should treat you like a person and u should too!😁
Who do I vent to if my parents aren’t comforting and I don’t have privacy to vent to my friends? (I share a room with my little sister who has zero empathy)
Ich habe eine Frage. Ich hatte gute Freundschaften, als ich noch im Kindergarten und Mittelschule war. Als ich diese Abschnitte meines Lebens abgeschlossen habe, sind auch diese Freundschaften "kaputt" und danach komplett verschwunden, weil ich mich nicht "um diese gekümmert habe". Ich möchte nur wissen warum das passiert ist, weswegen ich mich nicht mehr wirklich um diese Freundschaften gekümmert habe.
I have few friends because I self sabotage myself by driving them away, feeling that I am not worthy of their friendship. It's also why I still am a virgin. I have had multiple, multiple chances at sex, but I become afraid of it that I intentionally do what I can to ensure it doesn't happen. And when the sex doesn't happen, because I sabatoged the effort, I blame myself, telling myself that I am not worthy, that I will always be alone, and that no one cares for me. It's a horrible cycle that has left me feeling numb, like an out of body experience.
Im 13, I dont rlly know if im the one overreacting but i remember my parents telling me that they want me to get runned over by a train, told me that they want me to get lost and they wouldn't care to search for me also my mom told me that she would be happy if i just die but they also treat me and buy me everything i need and sometimes care for me..... Im really confused and end up blaming myself idk if im being dramatic
Don't blame yourself! I'm sorry your parents said those awful things about you. I don't think your being dramatic Stay strong❤❤ Have a great day/night!❤
![ตีสิบเดย์ [FULL] | เปิดใจ "อาจารย์ เบียร์ ฅนตื่นธรรม" นักสนทนาธรรมสายดุดัน!](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/vqaBI_mnoDk/mqdefault.jpg)
Due to fear of failure...sometimes we sabotage to avoid taking risks or facing potential failure. This can stem from low self esteem or past negative experiences
Yes, absolutely true. For you personally, how do you overcome the fear of failure and still take the risk anyway?
@@Psych2go my fear of regret Is way more than the fear of failure....I have so much fear of not achieving my goals and not being where I want to be at some point...that forces me to take action
It can be worked on… Fortunately:)
For me it because I don't want to make the same mistakes ever again and want to be perfect even knowing I can't I'll just stay isolated
Always have a back up plan for a back up plan
I always love her calm voice
Innit
Me to nobody does it better than Amanda
Shes pretty too
I like her voice too.
@@grossadmiralthrawn8769 I also like it. Agreed.
Self-loathing -> self-sabotage -> belief that goals are pointless because you screw everything up and nothing will ever change -> what's the point of life, exactly?
Yep, that's me.
Omg yes this is so relatable, everything just leads to an existential crisis.
If you know that then it's time to change it.
"But at least when you are the captain of the ship, sinking into the deep sea knowingly feels more manageable and hurts less than when it happens unexpectedly."
This is me exactly. This is why people like me catastrophize and assume worst case scenario, so the pain is a lot less if it actually happens. When I am unprepared for it, it feels catastrophic.
yeah same i expect the worst case scenario and then just let it happen even if i could've done smth about this failure, i don't, it's like i am too lazy to do anything but then i regret it so much and hate myself but still continue to do the same thing again. It's so stupid honestly 💀
Same thing with me. Only when I expect the worst, I fear even getting close to it which causes more self-sabotage. It doesn't make anything better for me but for some reason I feel like expecting the worst will suddenly make whatever does happen so much easier and maybe even surprising in a good way. But I can't do that if I refuse to even try out of fear for the worst
It's called fear of betrayal
Same here man. My brain have only 2 gears. Litteral void of nothingness-gear. And catastrophy, litterally end of the world-gear.
And my brain is 90% of the time redlining on second gear, stacking problems on top of problems, that all are made up in my head.
Your videos make the mental problem representation very simple. My family really sucks they make me feel like a big headache. They simply don't want to change. They are ruining their life and mine too. Negativity is growing on me and I can't do anything but cry in my room most of the time. The feeling of envy for people who are surrounded by good and caring people really sucks. I will ensure that once I grow up as an adult my past won't interfere with my career and desires.
♡♡♡♡♡ Lots of hugs to you♡
@@EWAMILENAP thanks !
Thank you for sharing your personal experience with us. It sounds like you're surrounded by a very challenging environment. Do you have the right resources to help you in your situation like professional help or friends that you can confide in?
@@Psych2go Hey there, I have a problem that I can't fix on my own. Can you hear me out? I'll explain everything!
Don't be envious, they have their own battles
I'm crying right now, this is too relatable😭
I already knew before I watched this that I'm ruining every chance I get at something greater and something I desire, but it just hurts so much when all of this seems to be calling out everything I do. It's like someone telling me I need to get better and stop destroying everything I enjoy, but it's not that simple! So far the only solution I have to this problem is just digging this problematic hole bigger and I can't stop!
But, unlike most people, this isn't caused by trauma in my past. No, this is caused by FEAR of those traumatic experiences happening to me. I'm already broken enough, I don't need more cracks! 😭
Sending you lots of virtual hugs! Stay strong! ❤
@@Cloudy56746 Oh, thank you!
Timestamps
1). Your own worst enemy 1:02
2). Puppet master 2:05
3). Impostor among us 3:14
4). Neurons that fire together wired together 4:10
5). Relationship trauma 5:23
Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day. 💙💙💙💙💙💙
Man you're fast
Thankyou
You forgot relationship trauma
@@nicholasleipzig5448 thanks for the compliment
@@Lo.15 no I don't forget it
thats fist line of "finding the one and fell into unreasonably antagonistic behavior for you to push them away" hit me so hard i started to cry for how truthful that is. It hurts so bad and i never wanted that person to be a lesson when they were definitely a lover.....
I ALWAYS learn things the hardest way. ALWAYS to the point where the consequences outweigh the goals. Guess some people were made with purpose, others just ended up here on accident.
That sounds kinda sad actually...
@Alex$py3DS What's your point? Life is either a constant indifference, or everlasting misery
@@thatpersonyoudontknow4509 Well I believe in Hallowed (God), and if he put us down here, which he did, then we all must have a destiny somewhere. We just have to find it...
@Alex$py3DS Heard that multiple times before. I don't believe in a God but if he exists, he's not infallible. He makes mistakes too. I'm living proof of it.
I push people away because i don't want to hurt them, or because i can't help them through tough times ♡
I tend to self sabotage a lot, especially with friendships because of my low self-esteem and insecurities. I'm extremely self aware, which means i'm also very critical of myself. That's why I avoid my friends (people in general) and isolate myself. If I could afford therapy I would definitely try it. 😭
That sounds like it can be very lonely. Do you think you'll ever open yourself up to people despite your insecurities and self-esteem?
I blame myself sometimes for the reaction of people and feel bad and blame myself. It’s hard trying to understand if I’m in the wrong or they’re in the wrong and don’t deserve a second chance.
The only person who will never let you down is yourself. Stop comparing yourself to others, you are unique, just like everybody else. And if you think nobody cares about you, remember there are billions of cells inside your body which only care about you.
Ok, but is unique any better? "They'll hate you for your flaws. They'll hate you because you're weird. They'll hate you because you aren't as pretty as everyone else. They'll hate you because you're good at something they're bad at." The words playing in my mind over and over. The bad outweighs the good
LOL the cells do care! I never thought of that! How crazy XD. Thanks for this.
The last sentence is so wholesome☺☺🌸🌸
If i dont let myself down, anyone around me will make sure to do it for me. Why should i stop comparing myself to others? Im the middle child of 3, aka the unloved and unwanted one. Nothing i do is ever good enough for my parents, and i can never go out and get big enough experiences in my life, to be recognized as a heartly part of this "family". And finally, litterally noone cares about me. Im looking forward to the day i dont have to be on this planet anymore. I have grown very tired of life.
How are you to know if you're doing well or need to improve if you don't compare yourself to others? How are you to be accepted by your family when they compare you to others? Cells don't have emotions, they have single jobs that they carry out. They don't care about us. If they do, they wouldn't turn on us and put us in chronic pain and cause other health problems for our entire lives, making us miserable.
Through a myriad of circumstances that I won’t get into here, I’ve taken a position as a life coach for a few people in my area. The #1 facet I focus on is eliminating fear. Once that fear barrier is removed, the sky’s the limit for these people, who have been conditioned over the course of their lives to hear “it’s a pipe dream, there’s too many people better than you at “X”, you’ve never been good at anything….” and the number one thing they’ve heard…”you only get disappointed if you go for “X”. Truthfully in my younger years I heard and subscribed to this mindset. Now I live in fear of not trying, not climbing, not taking a chance to better myself and my family. It’s hard to look back on the opportunities I let go over the years because I was afraid to fail. Sorry for writing a book guys, but I hope this helps some of you all! Hugs and positive vibes from the Roots of Eternity family! ❤
Learned recently I need love, need self acceptance and self worth to finally heal my inner child and gain emotional maturity. I self sabatoge so much of my growth. Its a slow progress and while I'm going backwards right now I am aware, so it's improvement to me from years ago
I've done everything humanly possible to avoid self sabotage. but no matter what I do to achieve my goals I am confronted by the same old road blocks. These are circumstances beyond my control. I concentrate on the positive in everything I do but still getting no where. It's as if I'm stuck in a loop. I take the straight and always end up back where I've started But I'm still bound and determined not to let anything stand in my way. What must I do to take control of the things I can't control, pray? That's all I've been doing.
I relate to number 1, your own worst enemy. I first heard of this quote when Gouken in Super Street Fighter 4 said this. I try my best to avoid the negativity and anger dictate my actions. I actively learn how to be a better person everyday, so I can be my own best teacher.
This! I feel like I really do have this problem. Self-sabotage sucks!
we are often our own enemies
Nothing is ever that simple really, and most people don't do this to themselves intentionally in fairness like . Also we always need to have compassion and understanding for ourselves and eachother and not make unsound judgements about things as nobody knows anybody else's journey.
The first one is definitely me. But, I also know it was brought about by how I was treated by my parents, grandparents, "friends", teachers, pretty much everyone. I was constantly told how I was never good enough and how nothing I ever did was right (still hear it constantly in my 40s, it's never stopped), and when you hear something enough, you believe it. And when that kind of attitude is attributed, not only to things you try to do, but who you are as a person, it destroys you, utterly and completely. And because this was all I heard about me all my life, and I believe it, how can I not sabotage myself when everything I've ever done in my life as proven to me that I can't ever do anything right by anyone? I'm also very afraid of success of any kind, because I've never really had it, and I know that expectations will go from too high to even higher, thereby making it even more impossible to ever see true success or be happy.
Sounds like surrounding yourself with different people, and realizing YOU decide what you are & you are not. Nothing “proved” you can’t do anything right. It’s EXPECTED to make mistakes or for it to take time to get things right. Success is what YOU feel it is. Not what others define it as. What’s there to be afraid of? If you fail, you fail 🤷🏽♀️ rarely do things end up being as hard as we think they are, & just as rare for successful people to be successful without multiple failures first. Perfectionism is a real enemy of success.
@@karmasutra2287 See, I can't meet people or surround myself with different people. I don't know how, and I don't like people in general and I'm an introvert. I'm not comfortable around people. Also, I have no problem failing, but I'm sick of it and it depresses me. I've failed everything I've ever tried. When I do manage to pull something off (like getting my 2 college degrees or winning a ribbon), it's just a task marked off my list. I have no idea what success is or what it feels like. That's what I'm afraid of. Also because the level of what's required of me would then increase dramatically if I succeed at something that matters. I have no idea how to set goals or even what goals really are because in my life goals = dreams = fiction = unattainable. And I'm sorry, but failure IS determined by others. If you try to sell something and no one buys it, that's failure. You try to better yourself to be able to get a job and no one wants you, that's failure. You try to make something and it turns out to not be what you were trying to make, that's failure. You can say to not listen to others, but an individual's place in society is based on what everyone thinks about that individual. Plain and simple. It's how the world works. And I'm afraid of ever fitting in with society and succeeding because I don't know what that's like, how it feels, and I don't want to continue spending my life changing who I am to fit in. I could put out my entire life story to show my proof of failure, but there isn't enough space, this isn't the place for it, and no one would read it anyway. Another failure. Also, another proof of failure is being stuck trying to learn something for 4 years and it's something that kids can learn in like 2 days. How is that not failing?
@@Moraenil have yourself pretty convinced so didn’t fail at that 🤷🏽♀️
I've struggled to be successful at anything and everything is a self doubt mess.
That sounds rough... why do you think you've been struggling with lots of self doubt?
All those relate to me . Idk what to do except move forward i have already done everything in that sabotaged my future in a certain way, i guess now the only thing i can do is be satisfied with the position i am in and hope for happiness and a second chance.
Short answer, it's a symptom of illusion of control.
List
Self sabotage destroy best intention and goal
-Afraid once received can’t maintain it
-You own worst enemy negative self compassion self esteem
Match want you do with what you believe
-Fear of failure Control and/or procrastinate
-Self Handicap failure of external circumstance
-Imposter syndrome crave external validation may lead to double effort or procrastination alleviate your self from stress
-Familiarity Stress tempt to known and familiar even it is not effective as novel idea
-self sabotage relationship picky fight, micromanagement, cringy/needy
It's not only because of my caregiver as a child that I have an insecure attachment style. Ambivalent. I know that nothing here lasts forever. I have lost a ton of friends to addiction and even in my adult years, good friendships don't last. We grow apart and life happens. We find other interests and passions. So, when I bond with someone I open up too real quickly. And when it comes to places and things, I feel both strong positive and negative about them. I care. When I care. I am passionate. I don't do anything if I don't do it with passion.
Once again thank you so much for these videos they make me realise so much about myself❤❤❤
4:45 this is so frustrating with ADHD because the novelty is supposed to be what pushes me and gives me that dopamine rush to get things done but it's also the super scary little fucking thing that makes things too scary to try
What on Earth is with this channel always calling us out in the best way possible
I dont know why that thumnail made me cry.... It reminded me of how i see myself... No one else to blame..
I think I Finally get it, I was struggling from Self-Sabotage!
the familiarity heuristic can also play into the sunk cost fallacy. the puzzle study participants may have felt that they had devised a strategy for solving the first type of puzzle, and that despite the puzzle itself being longer, they would make shorter work of it with their strategy than if they had to solve an entirely different (but "shorter") puzzle. they'd already sunk the time into learning how to solve the first type of puzzle and didn't want to forfeit that cost to start over with a new type of puzzle.
Ur uploading so quick keep up the good work!!!!❤❤❤
Thank you so much for watching!
Heyyy!
Just wanted to ask, because I can’t find any good video about it, maybe you could make a video about how being bullied affects your adulthood? Just wanted to see how/if it affected me for the long run, and how I can be able to avoid being dragged down by it
Hope you guys see this, with much love
I do believe that going to a therapist will help me with my problems and issues I am going through but really isn't there any other way because its easy to say that we can visit a therapist but for teens who aren't really financially independent and parents those who won't understand aren't there some healthy methods that we can practice to solve problems like these...I truly haven't really understood how does one show self compassion and that's become the most difficult part of my life.. leading me to do stupid things like not working towards my goals cause I don't believe I can achieve them anyways...it just ends up hurting me every time..its like I am stuck in a vicious cycle...
Your videos seem to unexpectedly relate to me sometimes and I don’t know how to feel about it.
I just started watching ur videos and its a MASTERPIECE
Thank you! I really needed to hear this.
Ohmygosh, you read my mind, Psych2Go 🥺💖 I have watched many videos of you and it helped me with my feelings and personality. Still improving and developing. 😌🙂
I really needed this today.
We're so glad that the video was here for you when you needed it. Did you learn anything new from the video?
@@Psych2go Yes. I'm often my own barrier.
Thank You all at Psych2Go. This topic resonated so strongly with me.This trait is severely underrated as the severe problem that it is. The cognitive dissonance in one persons view has a major hold on the whole nation of India. The title "India, In Cognitive Dissonance". It may be less personal than the individual portion. When I have a problem ,the one approach that is part of my trying to understand is information gathering.
Thank you for this i might need it 😊❤
The first minute was a shoot out for me lol called me out on my entire being
Edit: this whole video killed me lol can you make a video how to not self sabotage
I can’t believe to hear the word failure so much in 1 vid
"self-sabotage is sweet romance"
Yes...
According to the National Science Foundation, 80% of our thoughts are negative and 95% of our thoughts are repetitive. We replay negative loops and have a negative narrative in heads and although we may not always be the one saying it because alot of it goes unconsciously, we are the one who hears it. Change your narrative. An average person has about 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts per day. If we repeat those negative thoughts, we think negative way more than we think positive thoughts. The quality of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.
The human brain has a natural tendency to give weight to (and remember) negative experiences or interactions more than positive ones-they stand out more. Psychologists refer to this as negativity bias. “Our brains are wired to scout for the bad stuff” and fixate on the threat, says psychologist and author Rick Hanson.
I've had many people (family, friends, etc) over the years tell me that I'm engaged in self-sabotage, but could never give me an example or try to help me stop. Even this video is not relatable to me. Could it be that they were projecting onto me?
thanks for sharing about mental health my friend Godbless you always
I self- sabotage alot
I've done the second and third ones, but not the first, fourth, and fifth ones. I was taking the STAAR test and I was on the writing portion in English. For some reason, when I would hit the spacebar on the document, it would erase a character somewhere in the document. This happened when I was almost on the conclusion paragraph. I got so frustrated and felt like I was messing up and failing, so I held down the spacebar and erased the entire thing. I told the teacher who was supervising me what happened and he told me he realized what was going on and fixed it. Whereas on the third one, I'm an admin in a Discord server and I feel like I'm undeserving of the position, even though I've well earned it. I underestimate myself and procrastinate because I'm scared I'm going to mess up. Everybody makes mistakes, and I know that. But I'm so scared of making them. I'm so scared of people thinking ill of me.
Thanks!
I didn't a have a bad childhood but, nowhere I received traumas , emotional wounds and stress/anxiety.
I understand. I've probably had one of the best childhoods in this current world, but yet I am broken, for lack of a better term. I am broken because of fears of things going poorly. I am broken because of my self-sabotage. I'm broken because of myself. They say you should never stick with your abusers, but what if your greatest abuser has, is, always will be yourself?
eyyyyy I’m early and I don’t know what to say
I can relate to this, I blame myself all the time👍
Excited to be here fairly early on this video
i wish i knew how to help someone who might be struggling with this, and that she would give me a chance
I wonder if being told abhorrent things (very often and since childhood) by older familial individuals can also lead to self-sabotage...I clearly have lots to unlearn.
I think the way we see ourselves is definitely influenced by the thing we hear from others, including family members who are older than us. How are you doing now? Do you feel like you're unlearning the things that may lead to self-sabotaging?
@@Psych2go I'm definitely better than before, thanks for asking. I'm starting to see myself differently little by little thanks to therapy. I learned that I'm not whatever other people said I was whenever I failed to live up to their expectations. I may fall back to my old habits every now and then but I'm more determined to get back up.
I'm so glad to hear that you're in a much better place! And yes, as you mentioned, we may slip up from time to time but that's completely normal. But it sounds like you're determined to care for yourself through therapy and not engage in self-sabotaging behavior. It's so great to hear that you're doing better and I hope that you continue this positive trend. Thank you for sharing! :)
@@Psych2go you're welcome
I want to know why I self-sabotage in not taking my antidepressant for days on end and thus experiencing withdrawal symptoms (nausea, nightmares, depressive episodes, anger). I have ADHD so I sometimes forget to take my meds, but the only other reason I don’t take them is because of self-sabotage. And I feel like I need to find the reason for this to be able to stop sabotaging because each time I go to my doctor I can’t tell her if the med relieves my depression or not since I haven’t taken it consistently enough to even know if it works for me. I’ve been on this med for 11 months, yet I still have side effects (notably emotional flatlining...I don’t feel the sorrow or dread of my depression, but don’t feel lasting joy, either)
1:03 among us 😮
Amanda hae the most calming voice much better than asmr Lol
See? I knew my body is betraying me as I’am betraying it
The animations are so cute!
It’s good to know I’m not a lazy imposter. I belong here and I’m happy.
Hello ! I love your episodes. And I'd like you to do an episode about people who have Asperger's and are confirmed to be geniuses. Because I'm such a case that I have asperger's syndrome and it's proven that I'm a genius,with adhd and that's why I would like to see such an episode from you ;)
I always feel empowered by your amazing & informative videos. 😊 Keep on uploading more informative videos. 👍
yeah maybe this is me
Is there a channel like yours for germans? So my parents can finaly understand me after 19 years
she really cares more abt my mental heath then my parents do...
Honestly I know I'm not worthy to be alive. It's not a self sabotage. I wish it was with my whole heart. But it's not :(
That's not right. That is a self-sabotage. Everyone is worthy to live, and if you weren't a good person in the past that leads to more reason to continue living to become a better person. I know you can do this!
I like your videos. They helped me to propitiate myself with my introverted friend as she was mad at me.
Wow, we're so glad that our video was helpful in mending your friendship! Which video helped you do that?
@@Psych2go th-cam.com/video/GYh1aB4P3AY/w-d-xo.html for example.
th-cam.com/video/TlCpU3BzMyQ/w-d-xo.html and th-cam.com/video/yjugNk1IQCE/w-d-xo.html are also good ones.
@@Psych2go I'm extroverted and pretty overprotective. Also I notice many details what was to much for her. Additonal she was afraid to hurt my feelings. A pretty bad combination so... it was helpful to learn how she see things.
Thank you for telling us! It sounds like our introvert content was very helpful for you. It also sounds like you two are great friends despite the difficulties you mentioned. I think it's awesome that you're willing to improve yourself in an attempt to be a better friend! :)
@@Psych2go Yes your videos were pretty helpful. I''m able to understand her better now and I often see something I didn't realize before.
Additionally I know how it feels to be alone and she helps me to improve myself just through being herself so I would feel bad to give her lesser love.
Excuse some bad written words. I setted the keyboard of my phone to my native language so maybe it doesn't see every mistake.
Does not studying for an exam count?
why am i like this
The thing about self sabatage is only death can save you.
Please answer my question
What does it mean if i am just overthinking some stuff in the night and I just start to cry out of nowhere
What if you end up sabotaging your ongoing sinking ship so you can have more reasons to jump out of it, since you are afraid of doing so in the middle of the ocean?
I use to think if I failed my own childhood, those were the dark days... 😢
How about now? Do you still feel that way about yourself?
@@Psych2go
nope! 😁
I'm not sure why but I don't believe in "self-sabotage". I feel like it's a term and a theory made to try to englobe our dysfunctions, to try to make the problems simpler. But I feel like the truth is that every "self-sabotage" we do to ourselves its a consequence to a lack of abilities, maturity and other factors. But nothing intentioned. They can be seen as just failures that we don't understand.
I feel like the problem is more an internal conflict than it is something that needs to be "fixed" with therapy.
Maybe it's better to see there's a part of you that doesn't want whatever it is you're sabotaging anyway.
Like in my own situation people can say it's "trauma" causing me to push people away when in reality there is a feeling underneath that is saying "I don't want these relationships anyway."
Or career or partner or whatever.
I don't like the idea of trying to use cognitive stuff to try to force thoughts to be different. It almost feels like a form of self harm.
Like do I really want a career that could potentially go against my own desires for closeness with someone?
Or would you want a career that also might be against your own value and belief system?
There's more to it than what self help tries to preach.
We don't do this without good reason.
It should be seen as an element of ourselves that is actually trying to protect us.
And in the case of relationships do you really want to be with someone who only wants you for x y or z reason?
Like this person only wants me at my best but not my worst? And then sends me to therapy for not "acting right"?
That's damn hurtful and if anything that gets in the way of creating a good relationship with closeness and intimacy.
You can't get closeness by pushing aspects of someone or yourself away.
It doesn't compute...
But also most relationships in the world are a problem because of these kind of splits.
It's like if you're an environmentalist who deeply feels for the environment and try to make something work with someone who has no problems destroying it.
Wouldn't you sabotage that relationship?
Or a relationship that someone only wants you for the money but doesn't even put that out there.
Without communicating these underlying truths relationships are not safe.
So yeah.......
How do you solve it
Can i have the bg sound here? It's very cute
More like self destruct 💀
Psych2Go , can you explain what love feel like? And what is love meaning
Interesting🤔
When it really hit me was when I started laughing 😀💀 cuz why is that so relatable
What should i do this happens to me and i am only 13,
I am constantly being to by my father that i am (bad things)and all that
What should i do😢
First and pin plz and
Hi and i just want to say love ur self no matter how short, tall, skinny or fat you are, everyone should treat you like a person and u should too!😁
Who do I vent to if my parents aren’t comforting and I don’t have privacy to vent to my friends? (I share a room with my little sister who has zero empathy)
Ich habe eine Frage.
Ich hatte gute Freundschaften, als ich noch im Kindergarten und Mittelschule war. Als ich diese Abschnitte meines Lebens abgeschlossen habe, sind auch diese Freundschaften "kaputt" und danach komplett verschwunden, weil ich mich nicht "um diese gekümmert habe".
Ich möchte nur wissen warum das passiert ist, weswegen ich mich nicht mehr wirklich um diese Freundschaften gekümmert habe.
I have few friends because I self sabotage myself by driving them away, feeling that I am not worthy of their friendship. It's also why I still am a virgin. I have had multiple, multiple chances at sex, but I become afraid of it that I intentionally do what I can to ensure it doesn't happen. And when the sex doesn't happen, because I sabatoged the effort, I blame myself, telling myself that I am not worthy, that I will always be alone, and that no one cares for me. It's a horrible cycle that has left me feeling numb, like an out of body experience.
Can we just simply appreciate the Among Us style art xD
For some reason it's extremely difficult for me to focus on the video with captions on. And now I can't turn them off :(
Nice
Bc everyone tells me to
Im 13, I dont rlly know if im the one overreacting but i remember my parents telling me that they want me to get runned over by a train, told me that they want me to get lost and they wouldn't care to search for me also my mom told me that she would be happy if i just die but they also treat me and buy me everything i need and sometimes care for me..... Im really confused and end up blaming myself idk if im being dramatic
Don't blame yourself! I'm sorry your parents said those awful things about you. I don't think your being dramatic Stay strong❤❤ Have a great day/night!❤
What to do about it
What is the song playing in the background?
Someone please make a k-drama from all these betrayal where protagonist betrays the body and the body betrays the protagonist
I do this all of time .. how do u fix it??
What if it's not self sabotage and I really can't do anything?
oh, the fact that I do all of these....