"we live in an extroverted society, unfortunately, which privileges and sees socializing as the best form of self-care, when actually for many people can be very draining and... it's ok to find it draining". u the best♥
For many of us introverts socializing can many times actually be the complete opposite of self-care and instead be too draining. For me, spending a whole day (or two) in bed alone in my room is my favorite form of self-care. Society is just too overwhelming with all the unrealistic expectations and pressures. I hate it.
"How do you do parties as an introvert? Ruby:" I dont do parties. I make the executive decision to not go to any parties." HAHAHA i truly admire your confidence to say this!! Ever since my friend and I have entered university, it seems like the only way to celebrate exam season is by going to a party. Yet, the environment, the values, the people, just don't click with us. At least we have each other and we celebrate together by going to fancy little shops and cafes. Thank you Ruby for making this video, you have given a voice to all of those who just do not enjoy going to parties! We love you!!
@Vicar Amelia yeah but if you meet people like that isnt it easy to just turn around? I was bullied and I actually lost my friend group because I was struggling with family problems and myself and I did not go out with them for a period of time :) so yeah, I like parties, but I couldnt bear meeting people at that time and my so called friends decided to make fun of me because Im not showing up. They said Im the one that doesnt like them and I only care about my boyfriend who (lol) was abroad at that time. So i surely spent all my time with him. So thank you for judging me and sorry, I still dont know why it is hard. I am sure people will find a lot of people that love the same stuff. Like you can just sit with two people and enjoy yourself that is amazing. Have a nice day :>
I feel like many alumni might say it was "the best years of their life" in retrospect... better aspects of the experience come to mind first. Or all things considered, they have fond memories. Sorry to hear you're feeling down right now- that can be really hard. Are there any small things you could add to your day-to-day to bring more joy? I find little things can really add up and help 😊
As a social anxious, strangely, university was for me the best years of my life for one and only reason: I started studying at 21. From 18 till 21, I felt incredibly lost and didn’t feel like finding myself in a classroom so I decided to travel. By age 21, I was so much more confortable in my own skin and mentally ready to go through something like university. That’d be my lifetime advice for anyone who wants to study: don’t be scared to start later ❤️
I'm the exact same. I started university at 21 (this year). When I was 17/18 I was a mess, terribly anxious and really unsure of myself. Starting my studies later has been the best decision ever. I'm not perfect, but I'm excelling both socially and academically now due to leaving myself a few years to mature and find myself a bit. Can totally relate! and by the time I finish everything and become a teacher I'll be starting at 27. Starting later is a great option I think!
I'm also 21 and was in the same boat, but went to university and ended up being very miserable. Being 21 has been so much better than being 18/19/20. I regret not giving myself a break from school while my mental health was completely in the gutter because I wasn't even in the headspace to reap the benefits of it (self-development, getting decent marks, making friends). Now I kind of have to heal from the last few years and am about to take a semester off to reevaluate and do things that make me happy again. ❤️ Good on you both for recognizing you weren't ready and taking a few years off before you start!
@@rapidol7 and good for you for taking much needed time off and knowing what’s best for yourself! I hope you find peace and security within yourself during your break and come back refreshed!
It's so great when you have time and abilities to take a rest and understand who you are. Many young adults (18 y.o. and older) don't have that ability and have to struggle in university or difficult work to survive...
I started university at 21 and for me it also gave me way more confidence to know how to interact and engage with others and I didn't feel immensely peer pressured.
There's a reason why so many university students are depressed. I believe that we should just make the best of any time in our lives, no matter how happy or difficult it is, and do the things that we enjoy, not what everyone else seems to be doing. Being introverted is totally okay and more common than many people think. The most important thing is: You can live a happy life being introverted or extroverted, being 21 or 38, enjoying parties and alcohol or preferring other activities. There are no rules, just be true to who you are and what's important to you, personally. :)
University was the worst time of my life.. I slept 5 hours or less every night because so much uni work (I did architecture), worked part time to pay rent/bills and had no social life because there was time for that. But it was worth it, now I love my job and my life is what my child self dreamed of. ☺️ If you're a uni student and not enjoying ur uni life, hang on, things will get better once you graduate.
Ohh I'm also an architecture student and I get everything you said, I don't work, but still uni work is soooo eavy that even if I have time to have a social life I'm so drained of energy that I just stay in. I'm also an introvert so I don't love to socialize. I hope I'll love my job too when I'm done!!! Hope the best for you fellow architect!
In my second year at Uni, a friend of mine died of suicide and myself and my friend group spent the rest of our time trying to cope with this loss. University can be a good time, but if it's not, that's ok. There's a whole future ahead of you.
This is so so sad. I really am sorry for the loss of your friend and the fact that they were struggling so much. Sending you and everyone affected lots of love ❤️
I'm so sorry for your loss. Same happened here (albeit not in uni) so I understand. 🙏 I hope that life is now being kinder to you and your friends now.
Hi Jade!! I love your videos and uni vlogs and your study tips have helped me so much❤ I really enjoyed watching this video too and it's made me realise that I don't have to be "perfect" at uni
@@annanaharis1925 She actually does! But offcourse, LOTS of people comment on her videos, she cant answer to every one, but if you keep commenting on her videos, chances are, one day she will reply to you 🙂
I hated university, particularly in my first year. I've never felt so alone in my life whilst surrounded by so many people. I graduated 6 years ago but still remember how sad I was all the time, so thank you for putting this in to words for all current students.
Finally someone saying it omg. My undergrad was miserable. I learned nothing of interest and met no one. Half of it was on Zoom in a micro studio. When people tell me uni was the best time of my life I just want to cry at the absolute lie of it all.
University was pretty horrible for me, especially the first year--I felt so ashamed that I wasn't having an amazing time like I thought everyone around me was, and like I was wasting what were supposed to be the best years of my life. In reality, I was dealing with a ton of mental health issues surfacing, an abusive relationship, and being in a campus culture that was really toxic in a lot of ways. I am SO much happier in my late 20s! I'm now finishing my PhD and feel like a lot of the friends and experiences that I thought I'd have in university I've actually found in my grad program. I also loved working for a few years and just having more time to spend on myself. Definitely don't put pressure on your university years. There are so many amazing times still to come in your life, every phase of your life has opportunities for growth and beauty and adventure
Are you a mindreader Ruby? Exactly the video I needed today! It's been my first two weeks at university and I'm not feeling happy at all - it's really hard to make friends, especially in times of COVID..
Hi I put so much pressure on myself in first year to make friends but now I'm in my second year I've realized that the reason why I came to uni is to learn. Focus on your studies and how interesting they are and I promise friends will come with time x good luck
I found first year at university extremely difficult. In fact, I think it was one of the worst periods of my life (especially mentally). I'm now in 2nd year and this video has been really helpful in showing the realities of life as a student.Thank you Ruby!
There is an element within all of this, in that you have to put effort in to get anything out of it. If you’re not having fun, you have to create situations which you find fun, make the effort and you’ll reap the rewards. I agree that university is an extroverted environment, but there are plenty of people who are introverted and don’t want to party, you just have to find them. University should be about personal growth in my opinion, try and step outside of your comfort zone a little, but also don’t make yourself miserable just because everyone else is doing it
Working professional of 6 years here - University was definitely not the best time of my life. I did appreciate parts of it - I had perhaps the most free time then that I ever had in my life, but I really struggled with my major, which was far less interesting than I have hoped for, admin on my uni was very stressful and teachers were unpleasant. Despite having that extra time to do with as I please, I found myself unmotivated to do anything useful with it. I was also feeling very anxious about the future, as I was questioning my career choices - people around me seemed very determined about their ideas for the future, which made me think I was somehow behind everyone else. I don’t miss feeling like that. I actually really enjoy being in the workforce. I like knowing I can provide for myself and survive. I enjoy the financial freedom that comes with it. I like the feeling that I’m so good at something that people are willing to pay me for doing it. I like not having to do any assignments after I come back home from work. I might have less free time overall, but thanks to that I prioritise doing the things I like the most. I know I speak here from the position of privilege, of someone who can survive on a single 9 to 5 job, has a working environment that allows me to thrive and has no financial debts to pay back. I totally realise that. And it’s not all ideal - this time of my life has some different challenges that I need to face. But overall - compared to uni, I think I enjoy this time of my life more.
what a lovely way of putting it! i’ve really rethought my choices now as you’ve said it is probably more beneficial during school and education to have an end goal to keep one motivated. i adore the way you put “i’m so good at something, someone wants to pay me for it” really changed my perspective and made me more grateful. glad you’re happier now and thank you for the unintended advice! :)
You are literally saying everything Ive been thinking recently. When I got a new job, I pushed myself a lot socially which really boosted my confidence, but at the same time, it is very draining having to constantly muster up energy to be extroverted.
I’m looking to return to university after one awful year but this time I’m going with the mindset that ‘I’m going to do university my way, for me and me alone’. If I make friends by happenstance then great, but if I don’t that’s fine by me. During my first I called my Mum every morning and evening because I missed home. I enjoyed fending for myself but being amongst horrible roommates especially made me miss being home where I felt comfortable. Thank you Ruby, this video is very reassuring to be reminded that we’re not alone.
Sometimes, it's okay if the only thing you did today was breathe 🙂 Ruby you are the purest and kindest soul I have ever seen. I really truly love and admire your perfect imperfections✨♥️
University was the best time for me academically - I was studying English full time and didn't have many other pressures other than studying... HOWEVER, it was one of the worst times for my mental health - I struggled so much with my self-confidence, with acceptance, with bullying, with trying to fit in. I would never go back to that time in my life, but I would definitely go back to studying full time! Actually, I've just applied for a full-time PhD haha :) thanks for talking about this topic and letting people like me know that it's okay if we didn't have the best time ever xx
Ruby it’s crazy how much I needed to see his video today- I feel so bad for just having made two friends at uni, only been out ( to the beach) once and love spending time on my own. My flat mates go out every weekend and are always invited to parties and I feel like I’m wasting my university time. Like I want more friends but dunno how- even though everyone seems to know everyone so well rn. I don’t drink and know I wouldn’t like the party environment so don’t go and I know that’s where most of the socialising happens- people have made such great friends already. I just feel like I’m supposed to making these plans to see people to push myself but it’s exhausting, and truth be told I can’t be bothered, aswell as general anxiety over work and workload to deal with
Once you graduate and find a job you won't be able to compare yourself as much and you'll start enjoying the things and people you actually enjoy doing/having around a lot more! I was the same as you and I also felt like I was wasting my """prime time in uni"""" You literally stop thinking this way the moment you graduate. + most kids got too drunk to remember all the parties they went to anyway LOL. For me, life got better after being done with school. Just less pressure and less comparing. You'll get through this!
honestly i'm in my first year of university and i definitely needed to hear this. most of my flatmates are always going out and i always think to myself: what am i doing wrong? i never want to go out and i feel guilty for staying in the flat or on campus. your words, ruby, really made me feel like I wasn't alone in this. thank you
University has been quite a difficult experience for me as an autistic woman. I'm in my third year and still haven't made a single friend. It feels like I can't make friends and have fun without going out, being extroverted, and excessively drinking
I started university this year and after a month of being here, I seriously believe I want to drop out (not indefinitely but for at least a year). I've really struggled socially but I know from personal experience that that will get better and shouldn't be a motivation for leaving. However, I cannot shake the feeling that this is not the right place for me to be at this moment in time. I'm not feeling enthused about my course in the ways I thought I would and I can feel that because I don't have that core drive for the subject or an end goal in mind to keep me going, the academic pressure would have a seriously adverse affect on my mental health. As much as its important to recognise that first year is not the most enjoyable for everyone and that it can improve, I'm learning that it's also OK to 'give up' and take some time away from academics if your gut tells you it's not right. I know what I've said isn't entirely related to this video but I feel it's so important to emphasise how much you should prioritise being happy, not doing something that makes you miserable but feel like you 'should' be doing right now.
I too struggled a lot during the first year. I wasn't sure if the subject was right for me or the academic setting in general. I talked with so many people about their first year in uni.. and all said they struggled and had self-doubt. You are not alone :) I don't know what or where you are studying, but try to ask older students or if your uni offers help, don't be afraid to take it :) Anyway take care of yourself :)
Dear person that' reading this, we may know each other but I wish you all best in life! 💫 Stop blaming yourself, accept things and go foward. Your smile is precious😍 All the keys of happiness is on your hand, so open it up💪 I believe in you, Love from a small TH-camr!💙 By the way, I would be very happy if you would like to join our EAL family ❤️
i had the same experience in first year. i ended up leaving university, taking a year out, reapplying to a new university, and am so glad i did it. i'm now in third year, love my course, and have a really solid group of friends. i really didn't think it would get better, but it did, and now i'm having the best time.
*"Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present." - Marcus Aurelius*
A part time job is good for building social skills, and joining clubs like hiking. It doesn't have to be about drinking. I was very driven to leave home and start my life independently but i was unhappy at home. I think its ok to go home alot ( and i can see how driven, happy and autonomous you are) For others i think its important to self reflect, whether its fear of growing up or being too reliant on your parents, its important to become an adult. I say this as a 42 yo women with life experience behind me. I know a couple of women who never cut the apron strings and the outcome is not good. I really enjoy your channel it has reinspired me to study. So thank you. Its important to learn from younger generation as well as older :)
Firstly, that was a breath of fresh air. Secondly, I enjoyed hearing your ideas on the oh so common phrase "uni is the best time of your life" that gets thrown around much more than it should. We tend to forget the struggles in life and hence people think that uni is such a great time. Usually that comment is followed by "wait until ...." where the older adult mentions some hardship they're experiencing currently and end up belittling you. How silly! Life isn't a competition of whose life is more challenging. That's a slight diversion off the original topic but thought viewers might like to read that too... Thanks for the great video!
You are so right about life not being a competition of whose is more challenging! Thank you for sharing that thought it gives a great addition the the topic :)
As a much extroverted person, who has suffered a lot of losses this year which left me with anxiety and made me a bit introverted, I really like your approach Ruby! My own mind tells me to go back to my old ways and try to please everyone by being externally happy ALL THE TIME, that takes a lot off of me and thinking about it the way you do might be really helpful, thank you so much for this ✨
this video came at the right time. i started uni at the start of october and have been feeling so lonely and then guilty about that feeling. thank you so much x
I’m living by myself for the first time in a big city and this video was exactly what I needed to hear. I’m introverted as well and nursing school has been very stressful so I spend most of my time alone. A lot of my friends spend lots of time socializing and partying and I’ve come to realize that that’s just not for me. I’m glad I’m not the only one feeling this way. Thanks Ruby ❤️
i’m in my first year right now and it’s so difficult. i’m making no friends and my major is not what i was expecting. struggling with almost every aspect of my life. thank you for sharing how the “best years of your life” starts at different times for everyone
I have never felt anyone understands me as much as you just did by saying how okay it is to just spend time on you're own. I feel so different to everyone else by not having many friends, by not going out, by not drinking. I always felt there was something wrong with me. Why I was never really invited out and I spent time painting or reading. Thank you for making me feel validated, and by making my university experience feel more normal.
I relate to every single one of your words.☺️ I've never been to any party, I know it's not my thing, i don't drink either and i love spending time alone. Reading in my room at night, drinking a Christmas tea is my version of happiness :)
I've just moved into a college on my university campus for first year, and orientation week has just been back to back parties. I don't hate parties, they can be fun on occasion, but as someone who doesn't drink and really needs my time to establish habits and be alone to recharge, I was getting very stressed and isolated. I watched this late last night and oh my god I can't express how much of a comfort this video is, thank you so so much
Feeling homesick is never a bad thing. I’m 26 and work as a teacher. But I live 5 hours away from my family and home. I still feel homesick and visit home every long weekend and school holiday. Many people see that as pathetic since I’m an adult, and they think I should be grown up enough to manage. But it isn’t that I’m not grown up or can’t manage alone. I am privileged to have had a lovely childhood and a wonderful family where I feel safe and loved and happy. Why would I not want to spend as much time at home with them as I can? That’s not a feeling you can grow out of, nor should you.
That was a really insightful reflection. When I was a student (late sixties) there was certainly a degree of pressure to go to parties, discos etc and you were often thought to be a bit odd if you didn't want to. It probably took me most of my adult life to realise that being true to yourself is so important and to be comfortable with that.
I want to add something: It's okay to change your behaviour during your university years. I was very outgoing and socialising during my bachelor studies, I went to parties, lived in a shared flat, joined a theatre club and a choir and met with other students a lot. When I started my master studies I recognised that I didn't feel like doing all of this any more. I still had my theatre group and my choir, but it was enough to join the rehearsals and concerts/plays so that I didn't want to go partying and connecting to new people any more. At first I thought something is wrong with me, because I really enjoyed these things before, but than I realised, that I just changed over the years. My priorities shifted and my life became more settled. I moved to my own flat and now I spend a lot of time alone and I love it. It's okay to change. Listen to your body and your mind - you may need different things in different times.
I'm an introvert, before my first year in university started I didn't have any intentions about making friends or relations, but when I saw everyone hanging out and sit with others, I felt that I was forsed to do that, now I'm with people I don't feel I belong to them, I'm just doing that bcs I do think that this has to happen, that's all..
The two years of college I completed were the worst time of my life. Horrible roommates, classes and my mental health was at such a low I had to drop out. Best decision I could have made but I'm 23 now and planning on going back now to finally study History and feeling much more excited! Loved this video 😊
I think one consideration of "pushing to be social" that wasn't mentioned is with old friends who maybe aren't in University with you. It CAN be important to prioritize those long-term relationships, and this is somewhere that I think socializing is much more significant than establishing new relationships at school. In undergrad, I had no interest in parties or forming relationships with classmates. I was still super close with my friends who were not in post secondary, and saw them every now and again, and that for me was critical. The socializing you do doesn't have to be within university culture itself.
this was such a lovely discussion, Ruby 💛 to anyone who's going to uni soon / in uni rn, I'd say definitely don't be afraid to go out of your comfort zone & try new experiences, but know that that doesn't exclusively mean going to parties/clubs/bars or joining a million clubs and student initiatives. what makes uni "worthwhile" will vary drastically from person to person.
been watching you for years, and the way that you're unapologetically yourself is so beautiful- it always pushes me to be myself too, so thanks so much
I'm leaving for university tomorrow and Ruby really spoke to me through this video. I'm quite introverted but I like mingling with people in close-knit circles with common interests. I've spent the last few months feeling my anxiety shoot up every time I thought of how people will be always partying and clubbing at uni. This video helps me believe that sitting huddled up comfortably in a library corner is always better than subjecting myself to things I'm not comfortable with. Thank you! 🥰♥
Wow, I needed to hear this so badly. Technically, I am in my second year of university, but it feels like my first year, because I am just starting to meet people because of covid. I was just talking to an old school friend about this, but I have just been feeling SO out of place, because everytime I met up with people - which is usually at parties or at bars, because this seems to be the only time people socialize here - I just was not enjoying myself at all. I didn`t necessarily feel like there was anything wrong with me, I just felt like I didn`t fit in with "the university crowd", which made me feel and is still making me feel quite lonenly. I guess I should not give up hope and keep looking for people that I will actually click with even though that is so much easier said than done. Thank you for making this video, it made me feel a lot more confident in just being myself and being okay with not feeling like I fit at the moment :)
Dearest Ruby: This was a very lovely video in which you expressed your vulnerability out loud, even though you may have felt very anxious to do it. Thank you for sharing yourself in that way with us. Many of the points you made apply to extroverts as much as introverts. Although I attending university (and grad school) in America (a v long time ago) and I am very much an extrovert, I do not drink or smoke or party etc and never have chosen to do those things. Many of the people I called friends then and now did. The ways and means I met these friends varied from members of a class or lab (I did a science degree at undergrad), or in the various ways I chose to use my free time. These included a lot of volunteer opportunities for causes and ideals I hold dear, such as Big Brother/Big Sister; attending an Interfaith campus group where there was open acceptance of those of every faith and none but rather than staying fixed on any one dogma, we learnt about one another; having an on campus job that allowed me to meet others such as when I worked for the main school library; finding opportunities to do extended learning in fields that interested me but were not in my field (this is how I finished with a degree in one field and a minor degree in another that I went on to do graduate studies in later); and being a peer tutor for subjects in which I excelled but others may have struggled (I tutored higher level maths for instance). The point being - as you have pointed out, one does not have to party or drink or whatever in order to make friends or to feel like they “belong,” but whether introvert or extrovert, seeking friendships is important and can come from other sources. To this day some of my still closest friends I met in university (and I graduated before you were born). I think the whole, “time of your life,” comes from nostalgia not from specific activities but from the difference in freedom and responsibility when one is very young versus as one grows into a fully independent and responsible adult. Life is easier in school in as much as stress about work and exams pales in comparison to some of the stresses you will face once you live fully alone and have to fully provide for and take care of yourself, just as the stresses of that period pale in comparison to being a parent or those stresses pale to grow older etc. I don’t think the older adults mean they had all fun and no struggles. I think they are simplifying it to mean: life as a whole was simply easier. As a parent now I KNOW my life was easier when I didn’t have children and prior to that when I worked full time and was expanding a career whilst paying bills and taking care of all my own needs whilst also trying to ensure I spent time with those I love was still HARDER compared to being at university. It is just a relative comparison of life at point A versus life at point B. I don’t think any of us wish to put pressure on any young person to “have the time of their life,” in a way that is not congruent with who they are inside. Of course we have struggled in ALL stages of our lives with varying levels of difficulty but we can readily say, once past this stage or that, the stage before was a lot easier in terms of problems, responsibilities and - especially - life altering decisions (whether just for ourselves or our entire family later). However, you did rightly point out that the guilt one may feel in any stage can do far more damage than good and we must be considered of how we speak to those in a stage we have already passed and how we represent our time in that same stage as well. It was a very tender conversation and, as stated before, thank you for sharing. Yours Warmly, The extroverted non partying, non drinking but happy 🌹
Very valuable vlog. The important thing at uni is not socialising in the stereotypical settings (pubs, clubs, house parties), but forging new social circles, including with those whose interests may be more traditionally introverted. They're just trickier to locate at first!
PhD Candidate in agreement- know it is most definitely ok to feel like university isn't always the "best days of your life" 😀. I look back on undergrad fondly re: how much I learned, discovered, grew... wonderful people I met. It also had very difficult moments. Great video topic, Ruby - it will help others!
As someone who is both an introvert and who suffers from pretty bad social anxiety, this was really helpful to hear so thank you so much! I would love to see more videos about being an introvert at university from you!!! 💕
While my first semester/term in uni was one of the most stressful times in my younger years, I would STILL look at my uni experience as one of the best years of my life. While it could be said that I did go to parties, I was selective about which party to go to. And not once in those parties did I even drink a drop of alcohol. However, looking back, I was-and I still feel lucky to have had a circle of friends who could balance socialising and studying. And we all made sure we’ve handed everything in and studied before going out to have a good time. And I am still in touch with the friends I have made in university. There were days, however, that I would choose to do things alone so I can think and recharge and be a better friend to my friends, if that makes sense. Be that as it may, I admire you Ruby for staying true to yourself and being honest with your experiences. Yes, there’s nothing to be ashamed of in being homesick. Being homesick never made anyone less independent.
I love your chatty videos Ruby, they are so relatable as an introvert and I’m going to uni in 2 years, I don’t know how homesick I’ll feel as I’ve chosen Edinburgh uni for my top choice which is so far away from home but I’m excited to be in a new place so I guess I’ll see what if feels like when I’m there! Your words are so profound I think it’s great your speaking up about university topics that need shedding light on! There is so much pressure not just by friends but also family, they think you’ll completely change your decision to not club or drink a lot suddenly when you’re at university which is totally not the case!
I'm in my first year, and I really needed to hear this. I have been struggling, and I have felt bad for it not yet living up to people saying to be "it'll be the best time of your life". I've also been going home every weekend for a recharge from the stressful uni life, but have been feeling ashamed about it. Thank you Ruby 💕
Hi, Ruby I just wanted to say that I've looked up to you for a long time. I've been watching your study videos since I entered high school and now I'm going to apply to University this year. Know that you are an amazing person and thank you for all the support your channel has given me.
It helps a lot knowing that your experience is not unique. I really needed to listen to this, specially because it has made me aware that there have been a lot of times when I wasn't staying true to myself. I went on a party a couple weeks ago, it was my first time, and it really was awful. The atmosphere was just not my type. I feel that there are really so many people doing what they feel pressured to do instead of what they actually want, including myself sometimes. So I want to thank you so much for reminding me to stay true to myself
As a first year university student and an extremely quiet introvert, I really struggled to build friendships in general with other people. Thank you for the advice, Ruby!!!!
Thank you so much for making this - I'm a sophomore (second year) who was online last year (so i'm essentially like a freshman/first year) and university is SO difficult socially and personally. I miss home so much and I do go home on weekends every so often, and I really related to the projected judgement that you put on yourself for going home. I'm very introverted and I hate parties and it's so hard not to feel like I'm missing out despite knowing that if I went I wouldn't enjoy it. It's hard to make friends too and I feel lonely a lot. I totally get what you meant when you said that not having the "typical" university experience makes you feel like you're doing it wrong or failing. It's a struggle sometimes, but I know that in the end I'm doing what's best for myself even if others disagree with the way I'm doing university.
Brilliant video. I'm a final year, seemingly extroverted, mature (27) student. I found first year to be very stressful. The pressure to socialise, and to study in a way of which I wasn't accustomed was pretty overwhelming. Second year was ever so isolating due to the pandemic. My mental health was surprisingly good for the first two years, but has taken a hit this year. Resuming in-person classes after 18 months online has been challenging, and I'd completely forgotten how to interact with others. As a slightly older student, I no longer feel the pressure that some do, to fit in and join all clubs/societies. However, the pandemic led to me withdrawing from all interactions and pleasures, and I just wasn't aware of the impact on my mental health and happiness. My advice is to find a good group of friends, and your niche area. Grab a coffee, read, study with friends, take some time out. Whatever makes you happy :)
ive been quite stressed recently and im only learning to take care of myself. sometimes its okay to not be productive and im trying to get used to that!
My gap year was the best time of my life: I only had to focus on myself, on my personal growth not studying to get good grades to then get my dream job. My advice to fellow students is to not feel bad about having to take a "day off", resting is a basic human need 😉
This is so encouraging! I'm in my first year of university and I also don't like partying or staying up late and drinking. Hearing what you have to say really solidified my convictions. Thank you!
as an introvert in her first year of college, i feel really guilty when I don't enjoy my time with others, and when I spend money on days out with people I find myself trying to force joy, like ''come on you should be happy right now, your spending money on this entertainment and building connections instead of being isolated''. but at the end of the day I know that I didn't actually enjoy my time. And feel guilty, I feel guilty for wasting money, and I feel guilty because I didn't enjoy my time with them. If I like the people I hang out with, why do I still feel uncomfortable and why do I not enjoy being with them. It's very confusing.
I'm deeply deeply unhappy at uni right now, to be honest. the workload has left me on the edge of a nervous breakdown and I have no friends... like none at all.
I felt all these things at university. I think looking back, I wish I sought out therapy for some of my problems. Yet, going home helped me so much to get through university. I never felt strange about returning home. I could not image how COVID has disrupted university studies and stress tolerance. Much love.
I didn’t know how much I needed this video. Feeling overwhelmed lately with all the university work, and ever since I started a year ago I’ve been stressed so so much. Right now I would even rate my uni time as the worst time yet. Not that I’m not enjoying studying-I love it. But everything that’s attached to uni and the „getting the life together“-crisis is just so hard. But it’s okay to struggle. I feel like people don’t want to show or accept that. Which makes it even harder. Anyways, thank you Ruby, for this video. Sending love from Germany. Take care!
Thank you so much for this. I was absolutely exhausted in my efforts to make friends during the first few weeks of university and they all formed their own friendship groups. I am happy working on myself rather than thinking what could be wrong with me. Being social is extremely difficult for me because I haven't had the best relationships with my friends recently and rather than being lonely, it's been a relief to just think about myself for my first year. I have friends and family at home that support me and I'm trying to do better academically at the very least. It's been great to hear your experience and read comments of other people that have felt the same way as I am feeling in my first year of university.
I think parties is such a general term - it totally depends on the people there/ the vibe etc. If it’s a party with people you get along with, people with similar interests that you Cld actually have fun conversations with, then it’s great! Also depends on the music etc. One bad party that wasn’t your vibe shldnt determine that you never attend a party again because they can be a great place to meet new people/friends❤️
@@phoebewashington2709 yess!! It’s amazing how many interesting people you meet at uni, people from different backgrounds with different views on things to offer new perspectives - socialising can be amazing! I’m at uni atm and I do love being around other people and the occasional night out but I also spend time alone, nights in to illustrate, watch movies, play animal crossing with a candle burning etc - it’s all about balance and working out what what works for you! You don’t have to choose one either extroverted uni experience OR introverted uni experience, find the balance for you - you’re experiences will help shape you and prepare you for post uni life xx
I can't thank you enough... I'm in my first year and I went out today and left early and just felt so bad about myself... this makes me feel not alone. Thank you❤
When I went to Uni in 2011, I didn't do parties or drinking either. As a result, I made no friends because everyone thought I was strange. When you join a new society, the socialising happens at socials, which involve going clubbing and getting drunk. Things may be different 10 years on though, I'm not sure. I just wanted to chill with a good film or TV series and have deep conversations or go and do activities during the day. I've always been an old woman at heart 👵🏻😂
Thank you so much for your video....I was almost crying when you were saying that we are introvert in an extrovert dominated society. I was really struggling about how hard and exhausted should I push myself to be more socially. Love what you said about finding the right boundaries of pushing yourself... And sometimes I got lost about what everyone else are doing in uni, I just watch your videos and see that you are doing the same things as me; going to libraries, studying, reading, writing diaries, workout and occasionally having some social activities with one or two friends. Thank you so much again for helping me through these difficult times.
I'm in my first year of university and I could relate to this so much (and yes Ruby, this video was helpful, you just told that these feelings I feel are valid, and I think for lot of people that is important). I still really like university - I've had very good time even tho I haven't went to clubs or parties. I think the most important thing is to be confident in your decisions.
It is so nice to see this perspective represented here. When I was in school and uni that never went out clubbing or to parties because I found it sooo draining and dreaded it weeks in advance, I always felt like I was the only one. Thank you for sharing 💚
This video is SO important, I honestly couldn't agree more. Recently I've been thinking about this and I really relate to what you said. The point you made about stopping comparing yourself to others is probably the best piece of advice someone could give. Thank you!
Thank you so much Ruby, I think never in my history of watching TH-cam, has a video impacted me so positively. I’m on the autism spectrum and I have cerebral palsy, and I spread my first year at uni over two years, and I live in a really cool dorm where I live with students without disabilities who help with tasks such as making breakfast etc. Anyway, all of that to say that since living there, I’ve been putting so much pressure on myself to be social enough, as to not give the impression that I don’t like my roommates and it’s been so draining. Thanks for reminding me that it’s okay to not view socialising as a form of self care and for reminding me that I will and can make friends at university while being an introvert ❤️. You made my day and really helped me, thank you, thank you, thank you. As a longtime viewer, I’m sorry I never commented on how much your videos have changed my life for the better.
Hi Ruby! I'm approaching my own college graduation, and in the past few months I've had the chance to really think about my college experience from a more distanced perspective. I find this video incredibly relatable; I also had an intense period of struggle in my first year of college adjusting to the extremely forced atmosphere of socializing. I genuinely thought I was the only person who couldn't immediately make friends and had longings to go back home often! I felt really isolated because it seemed like all of my other friends weren't experiencing this. Now that I'm in my senior year and have become well-adjusted to the university experience, I know that what I was going through was very common! I think that the notion that college will be the best time of your life and that you will always be having fun is honestly a bit detrimental, and really caused me to struggle with this feeling that there was something wrong with me because I wasn't adjusting as quickly as everyone else. To this day, you and my dad are the only ones who I've ever heard say that college won't be the best experience of your life...so strange. Anyways, thanks for the video! I love your channel so much, I've been watching your videos everyday for the past week to help me get more motivation to write my final papers and prepare for graduation!
Thank you for this video ruby. I really needed to hear all this. Im in my first year, and I am really struggling. I haven’t been able to make any friends yet, and I really enjoy going home on weekends and spending time with my family. I have been feeling really guilty about that, but this video really helped me to realize that there is nothing wrong with me prioritize my own happiness❤️
Just wanted to let you know that I really relate to this. I'm in my first year and I tried being social for the first few weeks but I was so drained and realised I do like my own company. I love coming home, I usually come on Thursdays and stay till Sunday because of my timetable and don't think there is any reason to be ashamed as we have people who love us and make us happy. I hope you take care of your health and I'm glad you're prioritising your own happiness as I am trying to do the same!
Honestly, this is exactly what i needed to hear! I'm in first year right now, and i've forced myself to go to every part and social event so far, because I don't want to miss out on the typical uni experience. Especially because I didnt have many friends in high school and now suddenly I'm always included. But I have literally 0 energy left to study, paint and read or do any of the other things i genuinely enjoy. I just feel exhausted all the time and like i havent made any genuine connections with my uni friends😔 I'm studying business and I feel like all the people I'd usually be friends with, who have similar interests to me, are all majoring in some form of humanities. My best friend is currently taking a gap year and lives abroad, I literally cant wait for her to start uni and live in the same city as me (hopefully)
You don't need to go to every social event in uni to make friends. I went to a couple of those events in my first year and realised i was just having casual conversations, i ended up making real friends during lunch breaks, between classes, study sessions etc...
Haha same, I'm doing Computing but my 'crowd' is more the Psych/Humanities/Art lot! Definitely go and make friends at where that crowd would be, it doesn't matter if you're not part of that subject or not, a good group of friends will always find time to include you or think of you, even if you're across campus :)
Ah same! I'm not sure if my major is one of the factors that make it difficult for me to socialize. It's so hard to find people I connect with, For some reason, there's this feeling that I do not belong. Sometimes I wonder what if I pursued an art major? Maybe university isn't that isolating...
this was beyond helpful, i’ve been feeling very isolated in my experience. just the other day i went to this party “for the sake of going”, and looking back, i would’ve much rather stayed at home. it’s my first semester and i’ve yet to make friends and feel major social burn out whenever i do try, but i’m taking it one day at a time.
I'm going into first year next year and, being an introvert, I was getting worried about the socialising/ partying part of uni but this video really helped me get less worried and more excited for uni 😁✨
I needed this video. It came at the exact right time. I definitely do relate to the extroverted part. I am very shy and introverted, but I feel a certain pressure to have 20+ friends, go to parties, get in a relationship and drink. I feel as though I am doing it wrong, when everyone’s experience is different. Thank you.
This is such a good video. When I went to uni I forced myself to be extroverted to make friends and I did. I made friends easily but 3-4 weeks in I was burnt out. I couldn’t keep friendships with that many people so I cut back to just a few people and I was really close to them. I reverted back to being an introvert so it must have been really confusing to some people because I was two different people. I really didn’t enjoy uni at all. I hated halls of residence. I couldn’t stand how messy my flat mates were and I really hated how noisy it was. I would say it was probably one of the most depressing times of my life but it was a means to an end. I think uni is hyped up so much to be the best time of your life but for many people it isn’t.
I completely agree, Ruby. I'm 30 now and in hindsight, I wish I hadn't done nights out with my flatmates as much. When I was in my late teens, I HATED my university experience. I don't regret it though, because those experiences actually shaped me to be who I am today, in a positive way. I'm back at university part time now, distance learning and absolutely loving it! It suits my nature to study with distance learning, without all of the draining social pressure. ❤️
That is so true! But we should also debunk the myth that there will ever be a time where we will be 100% happy, have everything under control, and have no pressures. Being an adult unfortunately means that there’s always something you have to deal with (some have more troubles than others of course). I think it’s also harmful to expect this kind of perfection out of any point in our lives. Uni can still be a great time even if you’re not 100% happy all of the time.
OH. My God. Ruby. I can't put in words the tide of gratefulness and joy that has swept over me while watching your video. I am a first-year University student in one of the biggest cities in my country, and also due to this, struggling with anxiety. I feel guilty when I don't want to go to parties, but also feel maybe even more guilty if I indeed choose not to go. It's an indescribable feeling, and on top of this is my homesickness... anyways, this is the first video in the last few months that has really grabbed my attention, and I enjoyed watching it from the first second to the very last. It was as if some secret powers decided to put this video in my TH-cam recommendations so that it can really give me the help I need. This was the biggest step for me towards accepting my true nature and embracing it. Thank you for sharing your experience and helping people navigate through their lives which at the moment can seem like an untamed sea of emotions.
I am a introvert girl . I always love stay at home, not going out. I can say that I don't have much friends because I like to stay alone. And your videos are so relaxing. And your video is really helpful for me. Maybe because I like to spend time with my family rather than friends. ❤️❤️❤️
this is such an important video Ruby. I think you're right that people don't necessarily open up about how difficult it can be, and I don't think that some of the expectations about 'the university experience' are helpful either. I've got to admit that I left uni a few (well, quite a few!) years ago now and I catch myself looking back with a degree of nostalgia that ignores that, whilst yes, there were definitely good times, there were also times that I struggled. But I think it's really important for people going through it now to be able to acknowledge that they aren't doing university 'wrong,' and that they won't be the only ones feeling that way.
As someone with anxiety disorder, being at a large university was at best a struggle and at times horrific. Looking back it was emotionally the most difficult years of my life.
I think I'm feeling this now. Do you have any advice on how you dealt with this? Personally I'm just trying to focus on myself as I don't really feel loneliness anymore; I'm comfortable in my own company.
@@alishas7960 yeah, pay attention to what causes stress and avoid them, do the things that yield contentment. Give yourself REAL quiet time in an environment that calms you. This is hard when people who you love are absolutely convinced that engagement with others and a "successful" career will fix things. Just remember they are not you, and only you get to decide what floats your boat.
I know that a lot of people would disagree with me but I actually give up a whole chance to go to a really great uni on the capital of my country just cuz I did not want to be that far from home. now I go to college near to my home(not bad but not as good as the other one)and I am totally free from regret and love my choice . so THERE IS NO SHAME On THAT !!, do what makes you feel good .I always hear things like you could have become a doctor with your grades instead of HR student!! that used to make me feel really bad but I don't care anymore as I really start to value my self and feelings more then others.
I agree with the idea of staying true to yourself, doing things you enjoy and not letting societal pressures get to you. I'm also an introvert and recharge by myself with my little hobbies. However, I think it's important to get out of your comfort zone as much as you can and experiment with who you want to be, especially in uni. I think what you're missing in this video Ruby is the kind of growth mindset you apply to everything else in your life. I've always enjoyed parties but my social battery used to be way smaller than it is now. This year I applied the growth mindset to social activities and my social persona and now I feel like I have endless social energy! I can go to parties for a week straight and not feel burnt out simply because I stopped telling myself I would. It's more in your head than you think it is. If you keep telling yourself socializing is something you don't enjoy and would rather be at home that's what it will become for you. I've become someone who, although still an introvert, appreciates social interaction sooo much more because I stepped out of that mindset. I think learning to love different activities and being comfortable in every situation is probably one of the secrets to always finding joy and fun in things. That's one of the most important things I've learned so far in uni. The nights I push myself to go out are usually the best nights and become memories I will cherish forever. I truly think people that don't go out are missing out, even if you decide not to drink I feel like you are too stagnant in your personality for someone so young. You have to let yourself go with the flow more in order to grow. Take it as constructive criticism! I love your videos and come back every week.
Thank you for making this video. I can relate to a lot of what you’ve shared. I am American, and graduated from university about three years ago. My first year I didn’t party at all, my first party was a cast after party for a French play I’d done with a small group and a French professor; it was more a relaxed get-together than a party, and I loved it. I went home every few weeks, and looked forward to going home so much. I also didn’t drink (I didn’t touch a drink until my third year, after I’d come of age, and even then alcoholic drinks were few and far between), and never felt pressured to do so. I ended up spending a lot of free time watching Merlin and reading books, and it was the best thing I could’ve done for myself, a safe space to recharge. I did end up becoming more extroverted over the years, and don’t regret the clubs I joined and the eventual get-togethers (and occasional parties, most of which were hosted by people that by that time I’d gotten to know somewhat and knew I enjoyed hanging out with, so it was a comfortable party experience) I went to, as I truly enjoyed most of them. I did have to come to a decision as far as what extracurriculars to continue, what to drop and what else to try, as fear of missing out really is a force to be reckoned with. Still, I was lucky enough to be in an environment (and with a wonderfully patient roommate) where I was able to follow my instincts, take my time, meet my needs and do what I truly enjoyed. It definitely wasn’t a perfect university experience, and sometimes I wonder how much of my new extrovert/introvert balance was a result of healthy pushing or if it was a bit forced, but overall I felt very comfortable taking it at my own pace, eventually coming to find, almost naturally (perhaps because of the slow pace) where I wanted to invest my time and energy, who I wanted to spend time with (when not just by myself) and how I wanted to spend it. All that to say, I really appreciate you sharing your thoughts, as I felt my experience was a bit of an odd one out, even if I don’t regret how it went at all. (And several of my college friends also had experiences that were similar in one way or another.) I truly hope others are able to find their own paths to an enjoyable, healthy and hopefully to an extent happy university experience!
I went to Uni aged 24-28, after working full time since I was 17. I'm now 31, married, baby on the way, and look back at my time at Uni with really mixed feelings. I loved my course, but I was very unhappy for most of my time there. I was, socially, too old around a lot of the students who were 18-21, and too young around the real 'Mature" students. But I did make a few amazing friends (aged 30-60) who got me through it. I lived in halls and probably tried too hard to fit in with the extroverted younger students in my first year, which I massively regretted in my 2nd and 3rd (although I moved out by then). It was exhausting feeling like a fish out of water all the time. But, I worked SO HARD on my studies, put my head down, got a First, got out, never went back. It is only 3 and a half years since I left Uni and it honestly feels like ancient history now. The best times of my life were BEFORE Uni (when I worked at some amazing places) and AFTER Uni, when I met my now-husband and settled down a bit. Uni remains for me a useful, but difficult time. I'm glad I did it, but I'm glad it is over.
Ruby, I am not sure if you will read this but when I was in college, I could not drink alcohol because of health issues. I would go to parties and drink soda or water and all my friends were fine with this and often would buy 0% beer just for me. In 10 years none of your peers will want to party and will be focused on getting married and having children. You can just go to a club just to dance and have some fun. Also socializing is more difficult when you are older, people keep in touch only with people from university and maybe work. This means now you have the best time to meet friends for life. Socializing requires a lot of trial and error, there is tons of failure there. I always had anxiety of being rejected. What helped me was approaching this as a skill I was learning, more like practice, until you know how to do it and it is ok to fail 99% of the time to find that one true friend. Rejection is normal and has nothing to do with you as a person. You are right to be true to yourself but your generation will be different in 10 years, so try not to regret that you did not to something when you were younger. I hope you feel better, I am really sorry you were bullied and I hope you find the magic of university again. ;)
Thank you for this video. It’s taken me my whole time at university to realise that there isn’t one way you ‘should’ do university, and to figure out what I like to do and how much I want to be around people and socialising, etc. I’m so so pleased for you that you’ve found other people who enjoy what you enjoy doing- seeing you and Blakeney with all your cosy vibes, tea chats and reading after all you’ve been through with the bullying makes me so happy 💗💗💗
thank you for making this video. im in my final year of uni and still struggling to find my feet as someone who is incredibly introverted and anxious around large groups. your video made me feel so much less alone
im just so happy to find this video. im always feeling so guilty for being introverted, but you made me feel so much better about myself and the things i want to experience in university. thank you, ruby
I've been thinking about this a lot this year (it's my second year). And there's this sort of pressure of "making the most of time" and "meeting loads of people". And I was quite annoyed at myself for "wasting" last year. And now I've realised what you've just said, that I should do what I enjoy and not feel like I should be doing these other things that I'm not comfortable with. This video has been so helpful. It's something that really isn't spoken about and I'm grateful for your honesty and transparency.
"we live in an extroverted society, unfortunately, which privileges and sees socializing as the best form of self-care, when actually for many people can be very draining and... it's ok to find it draining". u the best♥
So true
Needed to read this today
Yeeeees, it is so true
For many of us introverts socializing can many times actually be the complete opposite of self-care and instead be too draining. For me, spending a whole day (or two) in bed alone in my room is my favorite form of self-care. Society is just too overwhelming with all the unrealistic expectations and pressures. I hate it.
@@vixikie I'm not an introvert I just hate people
"How do you do parties as an introvert?
Ruby:" I dont do parties. I make the executive decision to not go to any parties."
HAHAHA i truly admire your confidence to say this!! Ever since my friend and I have entered university, it seems like the only way to celebrate exam season is by going to a party. Yet, the environment, the values, the people, just don't click with us. At least we have each other and we celebrate together by going to fancy little shops and cafes. Thank you Ruby for making this video, you have given a voice to all of those who just do not enjoy going to parties! We love you!!
i dont get why somebody has to be confident to say they dont like parties
@Vicar Amelia yeah but if you meet people like that isnt it easy to just turn around? I was bullied and I actually lost my friend group because I was struggling with family problems and myself and I did not go out with them for a period of time :) so yeah, I like parties, but I couldnt bear meeting people at that time and my so called friends decided to make fun of me because Im not showing up. They said Im the one that doesnt like them and I only care about my boyfriend who (lol) was abroad at that time. So i surely spent all my time with him. So thank you for judging me and sorry, I still dont know why it is hard. I am sure people will find a lot of people that love the same stuff. Like you can just sit with two people and enjoy yourself that is amazing. Have a nice day :>
omg literally everyone told me how college was there 4 best years of their life and im like, WHEN DOES IT GET BETTER? Im miserable and sad and lonely
Girl I’m so sorry u feel that way
@Lightifer omg you’re from nyc?? Me too!
@@nightsky4988 we’re not alone in this feeling!
@@rosie6 yea sigh but thank you🥰
I feel like many alumni might say it was "the best years of their life" in retrospect... better aspects of the experience come to mind first. Or all things considered, they have fond memories. Sorry to hear you're feeling down right now- that can be really hard. Are there any small things you could add to your day-to-day to bring more joy? I find little things can really add up and help 😊
As a social anxious, strangely, university was for me the best years of my life for one and only reason: I started studying at 21. From 18 till 21, I felt incredibly lost and didn’t feel like finding myself in a classroom so I decided to travel. By age 21, I was so much more confortable in my own skin and mentally ready to go through something like university. That’d be my lifetime advice for anyone who wants to study: don’t be scared to start later ❤️
I'm the exact same. I started university at 21 (this year). When I was 17/18 I was a mess, terribly anxious and really unsure of myself. Starting my studies later has been the best decision ever. I'm not perfect, but I'm excelling both socially and academically now due to leaving myself a few years to mature and find myself a bit. Can totally relate! and by the time I finish everything and become a teacher I'll be starting at 27. Starting later is a great option I think!
I'm also 21 and was in the same boat, but went to university and ended up being very miserable. Being 21 has been so much better than being 18/19/20. I regret not giving myself a break from school while my mental health was completely in the gutter because I wasn't even in the headspace to reap the benefits of it (self-development, getting decent marks, making friends). Now I kind of have to heal from the last few years and am about to take a semester off to reevaluate and do things that make me happy again. ❤️
Good on you both for recognizing you weren't ready and taking a few years off before you start!
@@rapidol7 and good for you for taking much needed time off and knowing what’s best for yourself! I hope you find peace and security within yourself during your break and come back refreshed!
It's so great when you have time and abilities to take a rest and understand who you are. Many young adults (18 y.o. and older) don't have that ability and have to struggle in university or difficult work to survive...
I started university at 21 and for me it also gave me way more confidence to know how to interact and engage with others and I didn't feel immensely peer pressured.
There's a reason why so many university students are depressed. I believe that we should just make the best of any time in our lives, no matter how happy or difficult it is, and do the things that we enjoy, not what everyone else seems to be doing. Being introverted is totally okay and more common than many people think. The most important thing is: You can live a happy life being introverted or extroverted, being 21 or 38, enjoying parties and alcohol or preferring other activities. There are no rules, just be true to who you are and what's important to you, personally. :)
Exactly! A big one is don't give into the FOMO, life is long and you can do exciting, young things at any age, its about the company you cultivate
University was the worst time of my life.. I slept 5 hours or less every night because so much uni work (I did architecture), worked part time to pay rent/bills and had no social life because there was time for that. But it was worth it, now I love my job and my life is what my child self dreamed of. ☺️ If you're a uni student and not enjoying ur uni life, hang on, things will get better once you graduate.
nice
Ohh I'm also an architecture student and I get everything you said, I don't work, but still uni work is soooo eavy that even if I have time to have a social life I'm so drained of energy that I just stay in. I'm also an introvert so I don't love to socialize. I hope I'll love my job too when I'm done!!! Hope the best for you fellow architect!
I'm currently studying medicine and i can relate !
Endless exams
In my second year at Uni, a friend of mine died of suicide and myself and my friend group spent the rest of our time trying to cope with this loss. University can be a good time, but if it's not, that's ok. There's a whole future ahead of you.
I'm so sorry
I am so sorry for your loss. This is truly heartbreaking. Thank you for sharing this.
This is so so sad. I really am sorry for the loss of your friend and the fact that they were struggling so much. Sending you and everyone affected lots of love ❤️
I’m so sorry for your loss
I'm so sorry for your loss. Same happened here (albeit not in uni) so I understand. 🙏 I hope that life is now being kinder to you and your friends now.
Ruby, I loved this so much. ❤️
Hey Jade I love your videos ❤ ❤
Hi Jade!! I love your videos and uni vlogs and your study tips have helped me so much❤ I really enjoyed watching this video too and it's made me realise that I don't have to be "perfect" at uni
@@almamater8997 She never read comments lol
@@annanaharis1925 She actually does! But offcourse, LOTS of people comment on her videos, she cant answer to every one, but if you keep commenting on her videos, chances are, one day she will reply to you 🙂
I love this video too so much!
I hated university, particularly in my first year. I've never felt so alone in my life whilst surrounded by so many people. I graduated 6 years ago but still remember how sad I was all the time, so thank you for putting this in to words for all current students.
Finally someone saying it omg. My undergrad was miserable. I learned nothing of interest and met no one. Half of it was on Zoom in a micro studio. When people tell me uni was the best time of my life I just want to cry at the absolute lie of it all.
University was pretty horrible for me, especially the first year--I felt so ashamed that I wasn't having an amazing time like I thought everyone around me was, and like I was wasting what were supposed to be the best years of my life. In reality, I was dealing with a ton of mental health issues surfacing, an abusive relationship, and being in a campus culture that was really toxic in a lot of ways. I am SO much happier in my late 20s! I'm now finishing my PhD and feel like a lot of the friends and experiences that I thought I'd have in university I've actually found in my grad program. I also loved working for a few years and just having more time to spend on myself. Definitely don't put pressure on your university years. There are so many amazing times still to come in your life, every phase of your life has opportunities for growth and beauty and adventure
Are you a mindreader Ruby? Exactly the video I needed today! It's been my first two weeks at university and I'm not feeling happy at all - it's really hard to make friends, especially in times of COVID..
Hi I put so much pressure on myself in first year to make friends but now I'm in my second year I've realized that the reason why I came to uni is to learn. Focus on your studies and how interesting they are and I promise friends will come with time x good luck
@@theswiftvet7107 that's true! Thank you for the reminder!
@@phoebewashington2709 you're right, thank you 💛
@@theswiftvet7107 Thank you for saying this! I’m about to go to uni soon and I’m already stressing about friends
I found first year at university extremely difficult. In fact, I think it was one of the worst periods of my life (especially mentally). I'm now in 2nd year and this video has been really helpful in showing the realities of life as a student.Thank you Ruby!
Feel you
There is an element within all of this, in that you have to put effort in to get anything out of it. If you’re not having fun, you have to create situations which you find fun, make the effort and you’ll reap the rewards. I agree that university is an extroverted environment, but there are plenty of people who are introverted and don’t want to party, you just have to find them.
University should be about personal growth in my opinion, try and step outside of your comfort zone a little, but also don’t make yourself miserable just because everyone else is doing it
University definitely WAS NOT my best time, neither was school. It took till my 30s to feel comfortable with myself enough to enjoy life.
I’m in my 30s now and still struggling to feel comfortable with myself, but I love knowing that there’s hope :)
Working professional of 6 years here - University was definitely not the best time of my life. I did appreciate parts of it - I had perhaps the most free time then that I ever had in my life, but I really struggled with my major, which was far less interesting than I have hoped for, admin on my uni was very stressful and teachers were unpleasant.
Despite having that extra time to do with as I please, I found myself unmotivated to do anything useful with it. I was also feeling very anxious about the future, as I was questioning my career choices - people around me seemed very determined about their ideas for the future, which made me think I was somehow behind everyone else. I don’t miss feeling like that.
I actually really enjoy being in the workforce. I like knowing I can provide for myself and survive. I enjoy the financial freedom that comes with it. I like the feeling that I’m so good at something that people are willing to pay me for doing it. I like not having to do any assignments after I come back home from work. I might have less free time overall, but thanks to that I prioritise doing the things I like the most.
I know I speak here from the position of privilege, of someone who can survive on a single 9 to 5 job, has a working environment that allows me to thrive and has no financial debts to pay back. I totally realise that. And it’s not all ideal - this time of my life has some different challenges that I need to face. But overall - compared to uni, I think I enjoy this time of my life more.
what a lovely way of putting it! i’ve really rethought my choices now as you’ve said it is probably more beneficial during school and education to have an end goal to keep one motivated. i adore the way you put “i’m so good at something, someone wants to pay me for it” really changed my perspective and made me more grateful. glad you’re happier now and thank you for the unintended advice! :)
You are literally saying everything Ive been thinking recently. When I got a new job, I pushed myself a lot socially which really boosted my confidence, but at the same time, it is very draining having to constantly muster up energy to be extroverted.
I’m looking to return to university after one awful year but this time I’m going with the mindset that ‘I’m going to do university my way, for me and me alone’. If I make friends by happenstance then great, but if I don’t that’s fine by me. During my first I called my Mum every morning and evening because I missed home. I enjoyed fending for myself but being amongst horrible roommates especially made me miss being home where I felt comfortable. Thank you Ruby, this video is very reassuring to be reminded that we’re not alone.
Sometimes, it's okay if the only thing you did today was breathe 🙂
Ruby you are the purest and kindest soul I have ever seen. I really truly love and admire your perfect imperfections✨♥️
University was the best time for me academically - I was studying English full time and didn't have many other pressures other than studying... HOWEVER, it was one of the worst times for my mental health - I struggled so much with my self-confidence, with acceptance, with bullying, with trying to fit in. I would never go back to that time in my life, but I would definitely go back to studying full time! Actually, I've just applied for a full-time PhD haha :) thanks for talking about this topic and letting people like me know that it's okay if we didn't have the best time ever xx
Ruby it’s crazy how much I needed to see his video today- I feel so bad for just having made two friends at uni, only been out ( to the beach) once and love spending time on my own. My flat mates go out every weekend and are always invited to parties and I feel like I’m wasting my university time. Like I want more friends but dunno how- even though everyone seems to know everyone so well rn. I don’t drink and know I wouldn’t like the party environment so don’t go and I know that’s where most of the socialising happens- people have made such great friends already. I just feel like I’m supposed to making these plans to see people to push myself but it’s exhausting, and truth be told I can’t be bothered, aswell as general anxiety over work and workload to deal with
Once you graduate and find a job you won't be able to compare yourself as much and you'll start enjoying the things and people you actually enjoy doing/having around a lot more! I was the same as you and I also felt like I was wasting my """prime time in uni"""" You literally stop thinking this way the moment you graduate. + most kids got too drunk to remember all the parties they went to anyway LOL. For me, life got better after being done with school. Just less pressure and less comparing. You'll get through this!
honestly i'm in my first year of university and i definitely needed to hear this. most of my flatmates are always going out and i always think to myself: what am i doing wrong? i never want to go out and i feel guilty for staying in the flat or on campus. your words, ruby, really made me feel like I wasn't alone in this. thank you
University has been quite a difficult experience for me as an autistic woman. I'm in my third year and still haven't made a single friend. It feels like I can't make friends and have fun without going out, being extroverted, and excessively drinking
@Alice thank you! I've joined a society for people on the spectrum so hopefully that will help
I started university this year and after a month of being here, I seriously believe I want to drop out (not indefinitely but for at least a year). I've really struggled socially but I know from personal experience that that will get better and shouldn't be a motivation for leaving. However, I cannot shake the feeling that this is not the right place for me to be at this moment in time. I'm not feeling enthused about my course in the ways I thought I would and I can feel that because I don't have that core drive for the subject or an end goal in mind to keep me going, the academic pressure would have a seriously adverse affect on my mental health. As much as its important to recognise that first year is not the most enjoyable for everyone and that it can improve, I'm learning that it's also OK to 'give up' and take some time away from academics if your gut tells you it's not right.
I know what I've said isn't entirely related to this video but I feel it's so important to emphasise how much you should prioritise being happy, not doing something that makes you miserable but feel like you 'should' be doing right now.
I too struggled a lot during the first year. I wasn't sure if the subject was right for me or the academic setting in general.
I talked with so many people about their first year in uni.. and all said they struggled and had self-doubt.
You are not alone :)
I don't know what or where you are studying, but try to ask older students or if your uni offers help, don't be afraid to take it :)
Anyway take care of yourself :)
Dear person that' reading this, we may know each other but I wish you all best in life! 💫
Stop blaming yourself, accept things and go foward. Your smile is precious😍
All the keys of happiness is on your hand, so open it up💪
I believe in you, Love from a small TH-camr!💙
By the way, I would be very happy if you would like to join our EAL family ❤️
i had the same experience in first year. i ended up leaving university, taking a year out, reapplying to a new university, and am so glad i did it. i'm now in third year, love my course, and have a really solid group of friends. i really didn't think it would get better, but it did, and now i'm having the best time.
@@marquisdehoto1638 I will be sure to talk to as many people as I can, thank you very much!
@@rhianna4972 I feel like that might be a good option for me too, I'm glad to hear it can work out for the better:)
*"Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present." - Marcus Aurelius*
@@sunrise9352 yeah he's annoying
@@phoebewashington2709 Yeah. And they're really annoying! lol
A part time job is good for building social skills, and joining clubs like hiking. It doesn't have to be about drinking.
I was very driven to leave home and start my life independently but i was unhappy at home.
I think its ok to go home alot ( and i can see how driven, happy and autonomous you are)
For others i think its important to self reflect, whether its fear of growing up or being too reliant on your parents, its important to become an adult. I say this as a 42 yo women with life experience behind me. I know a couple of women who never cut the apron strings and the outcome is not good.
I really enjoy your channel it has reinspired me to study. So thank you. Its important to learn from younger generation as well as older :)
Firstly, that was a breath of fresh air. Secondly, I enjoyed hearing your ideas on the oh so common phrase "uni is the best time of your life" that gets thrown around much more than it should.
We tend to forget the struggles in life and hence people think that uni is such a great time. Usually that comment is followed by "wait until ...." where the older adult mentions some hardship they're experiencing currently and end up belittling you. How silly! Life isn't a competition of whose life is more challenging.
That's a slight diversion off the original topic but thought viewers might like to read that too...
Thanks for the great video!
You are so right about life not being a competition of whose is more challenging! Thank you for sharing that thought it gives a great addition the the topic :)
As a much extroverted person, who has suffered a lot of losses this year which left me with anxiety and made me a bit introverted, I really like your approach Ruby! My own mind tells me to go back to my old ways and try to please everyone by being externally happy ALL THE TIME, that takes a lot off of me and thinking about it the way you do might be really helpful, thank you so much for this ✨
this video came at the right time. i started uni at the start of october and have been feeling so lonely and then guilty about that feeling. thank you so much x
I’m living by myself for the first time in a big city and this video was exactly what I needed to hear. I’m introverted as well and nursing school has been very stressful so I spend most of my time alone. A lot of my friends spend lots of time socializing and partying and I’ve come to realize that that’s just not for me. I’m glad I’m not the only one feeling this way. Thanks Ruby ❤️
i’m in my first year right now and it’s so difficult. i’m making no friends and my major is not what i was expecting. struggling with almost every aspect of my life. thank you for sharing how the “best years of your life” starts at different times for everyone
I have never felt anyone understands me as much as you just did by saying how okay it is to just spend time on you're own. I feel so different to everyone else by not having many friends, by not going out, by not drinking. I always felt there was something wrong with me. Why I was never really invited out and I spent time painting or reading. Thank you for making me feel validated, and by making my university experience feel more normal.
I relate to every single one of your words.☺️ I've never been to any party, I know it's not my thing, i don't drink either and i love spending time alone. Reading in my room at night, drinking a Christmas tea is my version of happiness :)
I've just moved into a college on my university campus for first year, and orientation week has just been back to back parties. I don't hate parties, they can be fun on occasion, but as someone who doesn't drink and really needs my time to establish habits and be alone to recharge, I was getting very stressed and isolated. I watched this late last night and oh my god I can't express how much of a comfort this video is, thank you so so much
Feeling homesick is never a bad thing. I’m 26 and work as a teacher. But I live 5 hours away from my family and home. I still feel homesick and visit home every long weekend and school holiday. Many people see that as pathetic since I’m an adult, and they think I should be grown up enough to manage. But it isn’t that I’m not grown up or can’t manage alone. I am privileged to have had a lovely childhood and a wonderful family where I feel safe and loved and happy. Why would I not want to spend as much time at home with them as I can? That’s not a feeling you can grow out of, nor should you.
That was a really insightful reflection. When I was a student (late sixties) there was certainly a degree of pressure to go to parties, discos etc and you were often thought to be a bit odd if you didn't want to. It probably took me most of my adult life to realise that being true to yourself is so important and to be comfortable with that.
I want to add something: It's okay to change your behaviour during your university years. I was very outgoing and socialising during my bachelor studies, I went to parties, lived in a shared flat, joined a theatre club and a choir and met with other students a lot. When I started my master studies I recognised that I didn't feel like doing all of this any more. I still had my theatre group and my choir, but it was enough to join the rehearsals and concerts/plays so that I didn't want to go partying and connecting to new people any more. At first I thought something is wrong with me, because I really enjoyed these things before, but than I realised, that I just changed over the years. My priorities shifted and my life became more settled. I moved to my own flat and now I spend a lot of time alone and I love it. It's okay to change. Listen to your body and your mind - you may need different things in different times.
I'm an introvert, before my first year in university started I didn't have any intentions about making friends or relations, but when I saw everyone hanging out and sit with others, I felt that I was forsed to do that, now I'm with people I don't feel I belong to them, I'm just doing that bcs I do think that this has to happen, that's all..
The two years of college I completed were the worst time of my life. Horrible roommates, classes and my mental health was at such a low I had to drop out. Best decision I could have made but I'm 23 now and planning on going back now to finally study History and feeling much more excited! Loved this video 😊
I think one consideration of "pushing to be social" that wasn't mentioned is with old friends who maybe aren't in University with you. It CAN be important to prioritize those long-term relationships, and this is somewhere that I think socializing is much more significant than establishing new relationships at school. In undergrad, I had no interest in parties or forming relationships with classmates. I was still super close with my friends who were not in post secondary, and saw them every now and again, and that for me was critical. The socializing you do doesn't have to be within university culture itself.
this was such a lovely discussion, Ruby 💛
to anyone who's going to uni soon / in uni rn, I'd say definitely don't be afraid to go out of your comfort zone & try new experiences, but know that that doesn't exclusively mean going to parties/clubs/bars or joining a million clubs and student initiatives. what makes uni "worthwhile" will vary drastically from person to person.
been watching you for years, and the way that you're unapologetically yourself is so beautiful- it always pushes me to be myself too, so thanks so much
I'm leaving for university tomorrow and Ruby really spoke to me through this video. I'm quite introverted but I like mingling with people in close-knit circles with common interests. I've spent the last few months feeling my anxiety shoot up every time I thought of how people will be always partying and clubbing at uni. This video helps me believe that sitting huddled up comfortably in a library corner is always better than subjecting myself to things I'm not comfortable with. Thank you! 🥰♥
Wow, I needed to hear this so badly. Technically, I am in my second year of university, but it feels like my first year, because I am just starting to meet people because of covid. I was just talking to an old school friend about this, but I have just been feeling SO out of place, because everytime I met up with people - which is usually at parties or at bars, because this seems to be the only time people socialize here - I just was not enjoying myself at all. I didn`t necessarily feel like there was anything wrong with me, I just felt like I didn`t fit in with "the university crowd", which made me feel and is still making me feel quite lonenly. I guess I should not give up hope and keep looking for people that I will actually click with even though that is so much easier said than done. Thank you for making this video, it made me feel a lot more confident in just being myself and being okay with not feeling like I fit at the moment :)
Dearest Ruby:
This was a very lovely video in which you expressed your vulnerability out loud, even though you may have felt very anxious to do it. Thank you for sharing yourself in that way with us.
Many of the points you made apply to extroverts as much as introverts. Although I attending university (and grad school) in America (a v long time ago) and I am very much an extrovert, I do not drink or smoke or party etc and never have chosen to do those things. Many of the people I called friends then and now did. The ways and means I met these friends varied from members of a class or lab (I did a science degree at undergrad), or in the various ways I chose to use my free time.
These included a lot of volunteer opportunities for causes and ideals I hold dear, such as Big Brother/Big Sister; attending an Interfaith campus group where there was open acceptance of those of every faith and none but rather than staying fixed on any one dogma, we learnt about one another; having an on campus job that allowed me to meet others such as when I worked for the main school library; finding opportunities to do extended learning in fields that interested me but were not in my field (this is how I finished with a degree in one field and a minor degree in another that I went on to do graduate studies in later); and being a peer tutor for subjects in which I excelled but others may have struggled (I tutored higher level maths for instance). The point being - as you have pointed out, one does not have to party or drink or whatever in order to make friends or to feel like they “belong,” but whether introvert or extrovert, seeking friendships is important and can come from other sources. To this day some of my still closest friends I met in university (and I graduated before you were born).
I think the whole, “time of your life,” comes from nostalgia not from specific activities but from the difference in freedom and responsibility when one is very young versus as one grows into a fully independent and responsible adult. Life is easier in school in as much as stress about work and exams pales in comparison to some of the stresses you will face once you live fully alone and have to fully provide for and take care of yourself, just as the stresses of that period pale in comparison to being a parent or those stresses pale to grow older etc. I don’t think the older adults mean they had all fun and no struggles. I think they are simplifying it to mean: life as a whole was simply easier. As a parent now I KNOW my life was easier when I didn’t have children and prior to that when I worked full time and was expanding a career whilst paying bills and taking care of all my own needs whilst also trying to ensure I spent time with those I love was still HARDER compared to being at university. It is just a relative comparison of life at point A versus life at point B. I don’t think any of us wish to put pressure on any young person to “have the time of their life,” in a way that is not congruent with who they are inside. Of course we have struggled in ALL stages of our lives with varying levels of difficulty but we can readily say, once past this stage or that, the stage before was a lot easier in terms of problems, responsibilities and - especially - life altering decisions (whether just for ourselves or our entire family later).
However, you did rightly point out that the guilt one may feel in any stage can do far more damage than good and we must be considered of how we speak to those in a stage we have already passed and how we represent our time in that same stage as well.
It was a very tender conversation and, as stated before, thank you for sharing.
Yours Warmly,
The extroverted non partying, non drinking but happy 🌹
Once again, another one of Ruby's videos that has me feeling relaxed, motivated, and a bit less lonely
the best time of your life has yet to come!
Very valuable vlog. The important thing at uni is not socialising in the stereotypical settings (pubs, clubs, house parties), but forging new social circles, including with those whose interests may be more traditionally introverted. They're just trickier to locate at first!
PhD Candidate in agreement- know it is most definitely ok to feel like university isn't always the "best days of your life" 😀. I look back on undergrad fondly re: how much I learned, discovered, grew... wonderful people I met. It also had very difficult moments. Great video topic, Ruby - it will help others!
Another phd scholar, agreeing to this😊
As someone who is both an introvert and who suffers from pretty bad social anxiety, this was really helpful to hear so thank you so much! I would love to see more videos about being an introvert at university from you!!! 💕
While my first semester/term in uni was one of the most stressful times in my younger years, I would STILL look at my uni experience as one of the best years of my life. While it could be said that I did go to parties, I was selective about which party to go to. And not once in those parties did I even drink a drop of alcohol.
However, looking back, I was-and I still feel lucky to have had a circle of friends who could balance socialising and studying. And we all made sure we’ve handed everything in and studied before going out to have a good time. And I am still in touch with the friends I have made in university. There were days, however, that I would choose to do things alone so I can think and recharge and be a better friend to my friends, if that makes sense.
Be that as it may, I admire you Ruby for staying true to yourself and being honest with your experiences. Yes, there’s nothing to be ashamed of in being homesick. Being homesick never made anyone less independent.
I love your chatty videos Ruby, they are so relatable as an introvert and I’m going to uni in 2 years, I don’t know how homesick I’ll feel as I’ve chosen Edinburgh uni for my top choice which is so far away from home but I’m excited to be in a new place so I guess I’ll see what if feels like when I’m there! Your words are so profound I think it’s great your speaking up about university topics that need shedding light on! There is so much pressure not just by friends but also family, they think you’ll completely change your decision to not club or drink a lot suddenly when you’re at university which is totally not the case!
I'm in my first year, and I really needed to hear this. I have been struggling, and I have felt bad for it not yet living up to people saying to be "it'll be the best time of your life". I've also been going home every weekend for a recharge from the stressful uni life, but have been feeling ashamed about it. Thank you Ruby 💕
Hi, Ruby I just wanted to say that I've looked up to you for a long time. I've been watching your study videos since I entered high school and now I'm going to apply to University this year. Know that you are an amazing person and thank you for all the support your channel has given me.
It helps a lot knowing that your experience is not unique. I really needed to listen to this, specially because it has made me aware that there have been a lot of times when I wasn't staying true to myself.
I went on a party a couple weeks ago, it was my first time, and it really was awful. The atmosphere was just not my type.
I feel that there are really so many people doing what they feel pressured to do instead of what they actually want, including myself sometimes.
So I want to thank you so much for reminding me to stay true to myself
It really doesn't feel right doing things you actually don't enjoy just to fit in, it leaves you feeling miserable and questioning yourself.
As a first year university student and an extremely quiet introvert, I really struggled to build friendships in general with other people. Thank you for the advice, Ruby!!!!
Thank you so much for making this - I'm a sophomore (second year) who was online last year (so i'm essentially like a freshman/first year) and university is SO difficult socially and personally. I miss home so much and I do go home on weekends every so often, and I really related to the projected judgement that you put on yourself for going home. I'm very introverted and I hate parties and it's so hard not to feel like I'm missing out despite knowing that if I went I wouldn't enjoy it. It's hard to make friends too and I feel lonely a lot. I totally get what you meant when you said that not having the "typical" university experience makes you feel like you're doing it wrong or failing. It's a struggle sometimes, but I know that in the end I'm doing what's best for myself even if others disagree with the way I'm doing university.
Brilliant video. I'm a final year, seemingly extroverted, mature (27) student. I found first year to be very stressful. The pressure to socialise, and to study in a way of which I wasn't accustomed was pretty overwhelming. Second year was ever so isolating due to the pandemic. My mental health was surprisingly good for the first two years, but has taken a hit this year. Resuming in-person classes after 18 months online has been challenging, and I'd completely forgotten how to interact with others. As a slightly older student, I no longer feel the pressure that some do, to fit in and join all clubs/societies. However, the pandemic led to me withdrawing from all interactions and pleasures, and I just wasn't aware of the impact on my mental health and happiness. My advice is to find a good group of friends, and your niche area. Grab a coffee, read, study with friends, take some time out. Whatever makes you happy :)
ive been quite stressed recently and im only learning to take care of myself. sometimes its okay to not be productive and im trying to get used to that!
My gap year was the best time of my life: I only had to focus on myself, on my personal growth not studying to get good grades to then get my dream job. My advice to fellow students is to not feel bad about having to take a "day off", resting is a basic human need 😉
This is so encouraging! I'm in my first year of university and I also don't like partying or staying up late and drinking. Hearing what you have to say really solidified my convictions. Thank you!
as an introvert in her first year of college, i feel really guilty when I don't enjoy my time with others, and when I spend money on days out with people I find myself trying to force joy, like ''come on you should be happy right now, your spending money on this entertainment and building connections instead of being isolated''. but at the end of the day I know that I didn't actually enjoy my time. And feel guilty, I feel guilty for wasting money, and I feel guilty because I didn't enjoy my time with them. If I like the people I hang out with, why do I still feel uncomfortable and why do I not enjoy being with them. It's very confusing.
I'm deeply deeply unhappy at uni right now, to be honest. the workload has left me on the edge of a nervous breakdown and I have no friends... like none at all.
I felt all these things at university. I think looking back, I wish I sought out therapy for some of my problems. Yet, going home helped me so much to get through university. I never felt strange about returning home. I could not image how COVID has disrupted university studies and stress tolerance.
Much love.
I didn’t know how much I needed this video. Feeling overwhelmed lately with all the university work, and ever since I started a year ago I’ve been stressed so so much. Right now I would even rate my uni time as the worst time yet. Not that I’m not enjoying studying-I love it. But everything that’s attached to uni and the „getting the life together“-crisis is just so hard. But it’s okay to struggle. I feel like people don’t want to show or accept that. Which makes it even harder.
Anyways, thank you Ruby, for this video.
Sending love from Germany. Take care!
Thank you so much for this. I was absolutely exhausted in my efforts to make friends during the first few weeks of university and they all formed their own friendship groups. I am happy working on myself rather than thinking what could be wrong with me. Being social is extremely difficult for me because I haven't had the best relationships with my friends recently and rather than being lonely, it's been a relief to just think about myself for my first year. I have friends and family at home that support me and I'm trying to do better academically at the very least. It's been great to hear your experience and read comments of other people that have felt the same way as I am feeling in my first year of university.
It's always candle season for me. I totally agree.
I totally understand that you don't want to socialize more. That's okay. :)
I think parties is such a general term - it totally depends on the people there/ the vibe etc. If it’s a party with people you get along with, people with similar interests that you Cld actually have fun conversations with, then it’s great! Also depends on the music etc. One bad party that wasn’t your vibe shldnt determine that you never attend a party again because they can be a great place to meet new people/friends❤️
@@phoebewashington2709 yess!! It’s amazing how many interesting people you meet at uni, people from different backgrounds with different views on things to offer new perspectives - socialising can be amazing! I’m at uni atm and I do love being around other people and the occasional night out but I also spend time alone, nights in to illustrate, watch movies, play animal crossing with a candle burning etc - it’s all about balance and working out what what works for you! You don’t have to choose one either extroverted uni experience OR introverted uni experience, find the balance for you - you’re experiences will help shape you and prepare you for post uni life xx
I can't thank you enough... I'm in my first year and I went out today and left early and just felt so bad about myself... this makes me feel not alone. Thank you❤
This is absolurely the video I needed as a first year university student.
When I went to Uni in 2011, I didn't do parties or drinking either. As a result, I made no friends because everyone thought I was strange. When you join a new society, the socialising happens at socials, which involve going clubbing and getting drunk. Things may be different 10 years on though, I'm not sure. I just wanted to chill with a good film or TV series and have deep conversations or go and do activities during the day. I've always been an old woman at heart 👵🏻😂
What are you reading? (i am a stranger but so what).
Thank you so much for your video....I was almost crying when you were saying that we are introvert in an extrovert dominated society. I was really struggling about how hard and exhausted should I push myself to be more socially. Love what you said about finding the right boundaries of pushing yourself...
And sometimes I got lost about what everyone else are doing in uni, I just watch your videos and see that you are doing the same things as me; going to libraries, studying, reading, writing diaries, workout and occasionally having some social activities with one or two friends. Thank you so much again for helping me through these difficult times.
I'm in my first year of university and I could relate to this so much (and yes Ruby, this video was helpful, you just told that these feelings I feel are valid, and I think for lot of people that is important). I still really like university - I've had very good time even tho I haven't went to clubs or parties. I think the most important thing is to be confident in your decisions.
It is so nice to see this perspective represented here. When I was in school and uni that never went out clubbing or to parties because I found it sooo draining and dreaded it weeks in advance, I always felt like I was the only one. Thank you for sharing 💚
First night of uni I spent in my room Googling I hate uni. Thank you for this video Ruby, it will help a lot of people x
Haha girl same
This video is SO important, I honestly couldn't agree more. Recently I've been thinking about this and I really relate to what you said.
The point you made about stopping comparing yourself to others is probably the best piece of advice someone could give. Thank you!
Thank you so much Ruby, I think never in my history of watching TH-cam, has a video impacted me so positively. I’m on the autism spectrum and I have cerebral palsy, and I spread my first year at uni over two years, and I live in a really cool dorm where I live with students without disabilities who help with tasks such as making breakfast etc. Anyway, all of that to say that since living there, I’ve been putting so much pressure on myself to be social enough, as to not give the impression that I don’t like my roommates and it’s been so draining. Thanks for reminding me that it’s okay to not view socialising as a form of self care and for reminding me that I will and can make friends at university while being an introvert ❤️. You made my day and really helped me, thank you, thank you, thank you. As a longtime viewer, I’m sorry I never commented on how much your videos have changed my life for the better.
Hi Ruby!
I'm approaching my own college graduation, and in the past few months I've had the chance to really think about my college experience from a more distanced perspective. I find this video incredibly relatable; I also had an intense period of struggle in my first year of college adjusting to the extremely forced atmosphere of socializing. I genuinely thought I was the only person who couldn't immediately make friends and had longings to go back home often! I felt really isolated because it seemed like all of my other friends weren't experiencing this. Now that I'm in my senior year and have become well-adjusted to the university experience, I know that what I was going through was very common! I think that the notion that college will be the best time of your life and that you will always be having fun is honestly a bit detrimental, and really caused me to struggle with this feeling that there was something wrong with me because I wasn't adjusting as quickly as everyone else. To this day, you and my dad are the only ones who I've ever heard say that college won't be the best experience of your life...so strange. Anyways, thanks for the video! I love your channel so much, I've been watching your videos everyday for the past week to help me get more motivation to write my final papers and prepare for graduation!
the candles you use terrify me xD if i used them i would constantly be worrying that theyd tip over !! but theyre so aesthetic !!
Thank you for this video ruby. I really needed to hear all this. Im in my first year, and I am really struggling. I haven’t been able to make any friends yet, and I really enjoy going home on weekends and spending time with my family. I have been feeling really guilty about that, but this video really helped me to realize that there is nothing wrong with me prioritize my own happiness❤️
Just wanted to let you know that I really relate to this. I'm in my first year and I tried being social for the first few weeks but I was so drained and realised I do like my own company. I love coming home, I usually come on Thursdays and stay till Sunday because of my timetable and don't think there is any reason to be ashamed as we have people who love us and make us happy. I hope you take care of your health and I'm glad you're prioritising your own happiness as I am trying to do the same!
Honestly, this is exactly what i needed to hear! I'm in first year right now, and i've forced myself to go to every part and social event so far, because I don't want to miss out on the typical uni experience. Especially because I didnt have many friends in high school and now suddenly I'm always included.
But I have literally 0 energy left to study, paint and read or do any of the other things i genuinely enjoy. I just feel exhausted all the time and like i havent made any genuine connections with my uni friends😔 I'm studying business and I feel like all the people I'd usually be friends with, who have similar interests to me, are all majoring in some form of humanities. My best friend is currently taking a gap year and lives abroad, I literally cant wait for her to start uni and live in the same city as me (hopefully)
You don't need to go to every social event in uni to make friends. I went to a couple of those events in my first year and realised i was just having casual conversations, i ended up making real friends during lunch breaks, between classes, study sessions etc...
Haha same, I'm doing Computing but my 'crowd' is more the Psych/Humanities/Art lot! Definitely go and make friends at where that crowd would be, it doesn't matter if you're not part of that subject or not, a good group of friends will always find time to include you or think of you, even if you're across campus :)
Ah same! I'm not sure if my major is one of the factors that make it difficult for me to socialize. It's so hard to find people I connect with, For some reason, there's this feeling that I do not belong. Sometimes I wonder what if I pursued an art major? Maybe university isn't that isolating...
this was beyond helpful, i’ve been feeling very isolated in my experience. just the other day i went to this party “for the sake of going”, and looking back, i would’ve much rather stayed at home. it’s my first semester and i’ve yet to make friends and feel major social burn out whenever i do try, but i’m taking it one day at a time.
I'm going into first year next year and, being an introvert, I was getting worried about the socialising/ partying part of uni but this video really helped me get less worried and more excited for uni 😁✨
I needed this video. It came at the exact right time. I definitely do relate to the extroverted part. I am very shy and introverted, but I feel a certain pressure to have 20+ friends, go to parties, get in a relationship and drink. I feel as though I am doing it wrong, when everyone’s experience is different. Thank you.
This is such a good video. When I went to uni I forced myself to be extroverted to make friends and I did. I made friends easily but 3-4 weeks in I was burnt out. I couldn’t keep friendships with that many people so I cut back to just a few people and I was really close to them. I reverted back to being an introvert so it must have been really confusing to some people because I was two different people.
I really didn’t enjoy uni at all. I hated halls of residence. I couldn’t stand how messy my flat mates were and I really hated how noisy it was. I would say it was probably one of the most depressing times of my life but it was a means to an end.
I think uni is hyped up so much to be the best time of your life but for many people it isn’t.
I completely agree, Ruby. I'm 30 now and in hindsight, I wish I hadn't done nights out with my flatmates as much. When I was in my late teens, I HATED my university experience. I don't regret it though, because those experiences actually shaped me to be who I am today, in a positive way.
I'm back at university part time now, distance learning and absolutely loving it! It suits my nature to study with distance learning, without all of the draining social pressure. ❤️
That is so true! But we should also debunk the myth that there will ever be a time where we will be 100% happy, have everything under control, and have no pressures. Being an adult unfortunately means that there’s always something you have to deal with (some have more troubles than others of course). I think it’s also harmful to expect this kind of perfection out of any point in our lives. Uni can still be a great time even if you’re not 100% happy all of the time.
OH. My God. Ruby.
I can't put in words the tide of gratefulness and joy that has swept over me while watching your video. I am a first-year University student in one of the biggest cities in my country, and also due to this, struggling with anxiety. I feel guilty when I don't want to go to parties, but also feel maybe even more guilty if I indeed choose not to go. It's an indescribable feeling, and on top of this is my homesickness... anyways, this is the first video in the last few months that has really grabbed my attention, and I enjoyed watching it from the first second to the very last.
It was as if some secret powers decided to put this video in my TH-cam recommendations so that it can really give me the help I need. This was the biggest step for me towards accepting my true nature and embracing it.
Thank you for sharing your experience and helping people navigate through their lives which at the moment can seem like an untamed sea of emotions.
I am a introvert girl . I always love stay at home, not going out. I can say that I don't have much friends because I like to stay alone. And your videos are so relaxing. And your video is really helpful for me. Maybe because I like to spend time with my family rather than friends. ❤️❤️❤️
this is such an important video Ruby. I think you're right that people don't necessarily open up about how difficult it can be, and I don't think that some of the expectations about 'the university experience' are helpful either. I've got to admit that I left uni a few (well, quite a few!) years ago now and I catch myself looking back with a degree of nostalgia that ignores that, whilst yes, there were definitely good times, there were also times that I struggled. But I think it's really important for people going through it now to be able to acknowledge that they aren't doing university 'wrong,' and that they won't be the only ones feeling that way.
As someone with anxiety disorder, being at a large university was at best a struggle and at times horrific. Looking back it was emotionally the most difficult years of my life.
I think I'm feeling this now. Do you have any advice on how you dealt with this? Personally I'm just trying to focus on myself as I don't really feel loneliness anymore; I'm comfortable in my own company.
@@alishas7960 yeah, pay attention to what causes stress and avoid them, do the things that yield contentment. Give yourself REAL quiet time in an environment that calms you. This is hard when people who you love are absolutely convinced that engagement with others and a "successful" career will fix things. Just remember they are not you, and only you get to decide what floats your boat.
I know that a lot of people would disagree with me but I actually give up a whole chance to go to a really great uni on the capital of my country just cuz I did not want to be that far from home. now I go to college near to my home(not bad but not as good as the other one)and I am totally free from regret and love my choice . so THERE IS NO SHAME On THAT !!, do what makes you feel good .I always hear things like you could have become a doctor with your grades instead of HR student!! that used to make me feel really bad but I don't care anymore as I really start to value my self and feelings more then others.
I agree with the idea of staying true to yourself, doing things you enjoy and not letting societal pressures get to you. I'm also an introvert and recharge by myself with my little hobbies. However, I think it's important to get out of your comfort zone as much as you can and experiment with who you want to be, especially in uni.
I think what you're missing in this video Ruby is the kind of growth mindset you apply to everything else in your life. I've always enjoyed parties but my social battery used to be way smaller than it is now. This year I applied the growth mindset to social activities and my social persona and now I feel like I have endless social energy! I can go to parties for a week straight and not feel burnt out simply because I stopped telling myself I would. It's more in your head than you think it is. If you keep telling yourself socializing is something you don't enjoy and would rather be at home that's what it will become for you. I've become someone who, although still an introvert, appreciates social interaction sooo much more because I stepped out of that mindset.
I think learning to love different activities and being comfortable in every situation is probably one of the secrets to always finding joy and fun in things. That's one of the most important things I've learned so far in uni. The nights I push myself to go out are usually the best nights and become memories I will cherish forever. I truly think people that don't go out are missing out, even if you decide not to drink
I feel like you are too stagnant in your personality for someone so young. You have to let yourself go with the flow more in order to grow.
Take it as constructive criticism! I love your videos and come back every week.
Thank you for making this video. I can relate to a lot of what you’ve shared. I am American, and graduated from university about three years ago. My first year I didn’t party at all, my first party was a cast after party for a French play I’d done with a small group and a French professor; it was more a relaxed get-together than a party, and I loved it. I went home every few weeks, and looked forward to going home so much. I also didn’t drink (I didn’t touch a drink until my third year, after I’d come of age, and even then alcoholic drinks were few and far between), and never felt pressured to do so. I ended up spending a lot of free time watching Merlin and reading books, and it was the best thing I could’ve done for myself, a safe space to recharge. I did end up becoming more extroverted over the years, and don’t regret the clubs I joined and the eventual get-togethers (and occasional parties, most of which were hosted by people that by that time I’d gotten to know somewhat and knew I enjoyed hanging out with, so it was a comfortable party experience) I went to, as I truly enjoyed most of them. I did have to come to a decision as far as what extracurriculars to continue, what to drop and what else to try, as fear of missing out really is a force to be reckoned with. Still, I was lucky enough to be in an environment (and with a wonderfully patient roommate) where I was able to follow my instincts, take my time, meet my needs and do what I truly enjoyed. It definitely wasn’t a perfect university experience, and sometimes I wonder how much of my new extrovert/introvert balance was a result of healthy pushing or if it was a bit forced, but overall I felt very comfortable taking it at my own pace, eventually coming to find, almost naturally (perhaps because of the slow pace) where I wanted to invest my time and energy, who I wanted to spend time with (when not just by myself) and how I wanted to spend it.
All that to say, I really appreciate you sharing your thoughts, as I felt my experience was a bit of an odd one out, even if I don’t regret how it went at all. (And several of my college friends also had experiences that were similar in one way or another.) I truly hope others are able to find their own paths to an enjoyable, healthy and hopefully to an extent happy university experience!
I went to Uni aged 24-28, after working full time since I was 17. I'm now 31, married, baby on the way, and look back at my time at Uni with really mixed feelings. I loved my course, but I was very unhappy for most of my time there. I was, socially, too old around a lot of the students who were 18-21, and too young around the real 'Mature" students. But I did make a few amazing friends (aged 30-60) who got me through it. I lived in halls and probably tried too hard to fit in with the extroverted younger students in my first year, which I massively regretted in my 2nd and 3rd (although I moved out by then). It was exhausting feeling like a fish out of water all the time. But, I worked SO HARD on my studies, put my head down, got a First, got out, never went back. It is only 3 and a half years since I left Uni and it honestly feels like ancient history now. The best times of my life were BEFORE Uni (when I worked at some amazing places) and AFTER Uni, when I met my now-husband and settled down a bit. Uni remains for me a useful, but difficult time. I'm glad I did it, but I'm glad it is over.
Ruby, I am not sure if you will read this but when I was in college, I could not drink alcohol because of health issues. I would go to parties and drink soda or water and all my friends were fine with this and often would buy 0% beer just for me. In 10 years none of your peers will want to party and will be focused on getting married and having children. You can just go to a club just to dance and have some fun. Also socializing is more difficult when you are older, people keep in touch only with people from university and maybe work. This means now you have the best time to meet friends for life. Socializing requires a lot of trial and error, there is tons of failure there. I always had anxiety of being rejected. What helped me was approaching this as a skill I was learning, more like practice, until you know how to do it and it is ok to fail 99% of the time to find that one true friend. Rejection is normal and has nothing to do with you as a person. You are right to be true to yourself but your generation will be different in 10 years, so try not to regret that you did not to something when you were younger. I hope you feel better, I am really sorry you were bullied and I hope you find the magic of university again. ;)
Thank you for this video. It’s taken me my whole time at university to realise that there isn’t one way you ‘should’ do university, and to figure out what I like to do and how much I want to be around people and socialising, etc. I’m so so pleased for you that you’ve found other people who enjoy what you enjoy doing- seeing you and Blakeney with all your cosy vibes, tea chats and reading after all you’ve been through with the bullying makes me so happy 💗💗💗
thank you for making this video. im in my final year of uni and still struggling to find my feet as someone who is incredibly introverted and anxious around large groups. your video made me feel so much less alone
im just so happy to find this video. im always feeling so guilty for being introverted, but you made me feel so much better about myself and the things i want to experience in university. thank you, ruby
I've been thinking about this a lot this year (it's my second year). And there's this sort of pressure of "making the most of time" and "meeting loads of people". And I was quite annoyed at myself for "wasting" last year. And now I've realised what you've just said, that I should do what I enjoy and not feel like I should be doing these other things that I'm not comfortable with. This video has been so helpful. It's something that really isn't spoken about and I'm grateful for your honesty and transparency.
A good thing this is now eh!