Yes! Still trusting way to many people and wanting to do good gor them and then I get gaslighted, betrailed, hurt,... Only with God, we may ask for healing and wisdom. We are not alone ❤
My mom drank and was abusive and the entire family acted like she was the life of the party! They were clueless about being 8 years old and hsving to run away to the neighbors because she was verbally and physically abusive. Then, when i grew up messed up, they acted like I was the nut case! Ive been deceived and gaslighted in nearly every relationship as an adult. Thanks to Anna, I'm learning the truth.
I'm so sorry that happened to you 😿 I don't know if you still keep them in your life or not, but for me it was helpful when someone told me that you should consider if you can feel okay after being around them. It sounds like some pretty severe gaslighting, and a lot you have to do to help yourself, but I bet knowing that you know the truth and knowing that you won't validate their lies in your own mind helps a lot. I wish you the best 🤍
Sorry that happened. Get it. I see now why some people divorce their family who will not, can't or won't just admit these behaviors were damaging to lull kids. Denial is like cement. We all have to keep spreading our wings and releasing all that crap. Cheers to your freedom n liberation. You aren't the crazy, they are
I share the same story. My aunt even said that I only came by her house to complain when I was 16,17 and searching for help, but there was nothing else in my life, I was just on survivalmode for years. I went to a house where they took care of children from parents who abuse, and they just didn't even listen, they send me away because they couldn't do anything. I was looking for help everywhere! Eventually I ran away to my grandmother when I was 18. I am now 41 and still healing, still suffering the consequences of over 10years of abuse at home. She never healed. She has calmed down, but still sick in many ways 😢 we have to pray for our parents, they need our prayers ❤ God bless them please, they are so far away from You, they don't know they are free in You, they are free from every addiction, but the devil is in their head with lies and evil thoughts. I pray for every child of an abuser that you know you are loved by our heavenly Father. Even when your father or mother forsake you, God will never forsake you. He knows you, He knows your heart, your pain,.... God bless ❤
Don't forget their follow up sentences....when they are questioning the kid and kid is being truthful....they say to kid, "Don't lie to me. I can't stand a liar!"
This is absolutely 💯 so true, and I catch myself still, “fawning” or “freezing” when situations don’t add up, and questioning myself. I always want to give others the benefit of the doubt and see the best in others, but sometimes the reality is “WE SEE WHAT WE SEE!” “WE FEEL WHAT WE FEEL!” And that’s authentic. Period. Thank you for this reminder.
Yess I have exactly the same problem. It becomes worse in a toxic relationship. Even at this moment I question myself if he knows this and uses it against me or is he actually the same way, or maybe he just doesn't acknowledge all these things. Benefit of a doubt is poison when I feel like I have no idea what to believe and where to trust. And the other half in me that feels like intuition, is telling me not to trust in anything but at the same time I don't wanna hear it and am a master manipulator to myself, not seeing the things I actually see. It's confusing..
@@loglady33 and all of this should tell us to “RUN”, and don’t look back, b/c it’s toxic for any of us to have to do ALL that. It’s sooooo draining. We don’t have much healthy, constructive energy left for good self care. Sending love.
@@gracepoint3 exactly.. instead of telling us to run like it should, it traps us to stay in that toxic, overwhelming loop, trying to get the love that we so much crave from all the wrong places. Bc that's what we were taught about love, all the opposite things from what it should be when it's safe and unconditional. Idk if I'm sad or angry about it. But sending love right back to u 💜 we'll got this someday..
I began my healing journey last year. Step 1 was telling myself the truth. Step two was telling others. *The first sign of healing was an improved memory- both short and long term.* Because i was no longer fightting with my perception innorder to incorporate their lies. I also learned to judge between good and bad encounters with people and i learned to stay away.
Oh my gosh, I just realized that I have way better memory now that I healed parts of my trauma during the last few years. I didn't know that is a result of healing, but now that I read your comment, I suddenly know!❤❤❤
I do! 🙋🏼♀️ Lived my entire life this way. Caused so much anxiety, depression, never felt good about myself because I was always concerned about others. It wasn't until I turned about 50 yrs when I realized why I was so unhappy as a child. It wasn't until my doctor told me that I'm not responsible for anyones happiness but my own that it clicked in my head. He gave me "permission" to remove that responsibility from my plate. It was a HUGE weight to carry for almost 50 years. 😢
I know my perception is damaged. I was standing on a porch at 7 pm in winter and I heard frightening sounds in the distance. I said to the person next to me, “What is that scary sound?” I thought it was a stray animals fighting. The reply, “That’s children sledding in the distance.” Their screams in the middle of winter to my adult brain sounded like wild animals off in the distance. We live within walking distance of the mountains. That’s when I began to see my perception is constant fear, of everything. I grew up with severe abuse. Narcissistic mother, BPD, erratic behavior, many men, textbook everything. I never knew how strong I was until my therapist pointed out my mothers abuse destroyed one of my siblings with drug addiction. Somehow I survived, I have my problems….but I did not succumb to abuses with drug and alcohol. My mind is a mess. I cry a lot. I’m no contact. I don’t trust anyone, at times even my own children. I go to therapy, I put my blind faith in…but I am always afraid of them, too. To say perception is damaged, that is putting it lightly. 😞 I don’t know why I am still here. Thank you for your channel. You and others like Dr Gabor Mate help me immensely. If is psychology, I’m listening and taking back what I learn to therapy. I am always peeling layers off my personal minion as I cry. You touch people in ways you aren’t even aware of. Thank you 🤍🙏
I feel called out in a good way. Thank you for putting words to a very important but rarely spoken about type of abuse. I spent so much of my life taking everything inward in an attempt to process something someone said wasn’t true. I KNEW it was true but lied to survive and felt like a bad person. I forgot myself. I forgot my very birthright of having a right to know love.
We also do this to ourselves. It’s called the human condition. Everyone lies to others and to themselves, and we all have trauma from living in a violent, deceptive, angry, hurtful world as broken, hurtful people. I love your messages. This is also needful. ❤
I'm really grateful that my mom did not try to cover for my dad's abusive behavior, for the most part. What messed me up is her saying "I know he loves you." It wasn't comforting. I didn't consciously believe it, that's NOT love. But subconsciously it definitely crossed some wires.
My mother (who I love very much! 💗) taught me to not believe my lying eyes. It caused so much damage to my perception of what's real and what to believe and lack of trust in myself. I confronted her about it as an adult when she'd deny something that i heard or saw but even though I was no longer a child, she'd STILL continue to deny something i witnessed. I will never understand why parents do this to their children. It sabotages a childs relationship with themselves.
😊 The focus is not on the fact that there was depression in the home as much as there was continual lying by the adults who ought to have been responsible and accountable Thruth Tellers regardless of the mental illness they had. That's a lot to ask of a practicing alcoholic! Well into recovery, they can still lie. It required not only sobriety but a degree of wellness to practice rigorous honesty. This was a beautifully explained and highly educational video. Best on the subject!❤
And that's pretty much why I was misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder at 15. My mom tried to convince me blah blah blah never happened and couldn't so she convinced the counselor I was delusional instead.
I just had a episode talking to a friend about a incident that happened when I was a child and it brought up tears and emotions that I didn’t expect 😢 and I reflect on how my mom dealt with that situation with me and my little brother at that moment. She played it down and we were to except it as normal. She rarely did anything and if she did it wasn’t much. She never protected us . Me and my younger sibling.
I so can relate.. i never expect the emotion to comes up and I immediately am embarrassed and want to turn it off. When the person im talking to trys to comfort me I immediately feel worse and think to myself they just feel like they have to do comfort me right now but don't want to and therefore I push them away and appear as if I'm almost annoyed with them for trying to comfort ne
Yeah my whole life was like this. I would forget the abuse. I forgot it all lol. And it wasn’t just a little bit. They tried to kill me hurt. Did cloth me through highschool and I was so damaged from birth i just lived with it. I would forget. And walked around saying I have a great family. I was damaged beyond damage. And now they’re afraid I’m going to knife them lol. They’re checking their locks etc. I wouldn’t hurt a fly but they tried to kill me. The mother used to chase me with a knife. I was beyond horrified.
That's what I've started doing and although I know that my mom hurt me in multiple ways there's still a part of me that grieves the loss of what could have been.
We all have trauma and while it’s important to validate and acknowledge abusive behaviors in families we also need to remember that parents are human beings who are simply trying their best. An increasing number of young adults especially seem to see themselves as victims and end up alienating themselves from their parents, taking drastic measures as going “no contact”. Yes, it’s sometimes justified in cases of narcissistic and/or extremely abusive parents but there’s also a risk that some kids end up judging their parents too harshly when they hear narratives of childhood trauma. We can all find fault with our parents, especially if we are intent on finding fault. It’s just important to remember that parents are just people who are also traumatized and often struggle with their own demons. It seems popular to go “no contact” these days but be careful as most families are dysfunctional to some degree. Talk to your parents and sort things out, forgive and move on if you can. In the long run you will often regret going no contact, especially as being connected to family often becomes more important as you have kids and age. It may feel good to go no contact in the moment but it can have devastating and negative consequences for you in the long term.
Thank you so much, as you are speaking and finally defining the effect of childhood trauma for me, I feel I am healing and shifting just listening to you, you activated and expanded my containment of what went on, which was never clear to me, thank you🙏🏾
The truth must be spoken. Living the fantasy will keep yah stuck in the mud. Thank you! Finally 60 I can admit what was done, screwed up my perspective, release and living free with a healed nervous system n brain. Thank you Anna
My mom was and still is notorious for being annoyed with me and telling me I basically have no right to even say I had bad experiences as a child because she had it so much worse than I did and I should be so lucky to have had my childhood... With an absent father who if he was there he may chase us with knives for my mom removing her engagement ring or breaking her nose in front of me and so on...but I'm over reacting and dramatic
@@ashleycorbin4459 Narcissist I had a dangerous narcissist mother It was hell The police took my mother's side My dad was trying to protect us We was never asked who we wanted to be with Just ignored Children should not be ignored
@@linda-nl8ib I agree. It's so.sad when you have one obvious sick sick .... never know what hell your little self is going to have to try to navigate thru with zero warning or choice that you didn't notice till adulthood that the other parent was a narcissist and sick as well but one was out shining the other on the level of is it going to b....one of those nightmares today and if were looking for the pattern of which is more or.less likely than yeppppp so we immediately try to prepare to the level of horrendous your gonna have to face after getting your six, seven and so old year old self up for school,dressed,getting urseld there and back with no adult to guide yoy what so ever only to never feeling relief because ur little self is just moving on to the next landmine your gonna have to navigate thru all alone. And no siblings or cousins makes it evennnnnn more lonely as if our little selves could imagine anything in the world being more lonely than.trying to understand,walking on eggshells with amence fear,and having to self soothe all in one days life and you haven't hit second grade yet
Yes - however I never hid, escaped or avoided. I became a nurse. A fighter for peoples' health, protection and advocacy. It wasn't until I died and the healthcare system neglected to care for me which was THE biggest trigger for the 4 decades leading up to that. I HATE denial and I lose my *^^%$ around people who do. So, there is my type too. And I had a lot of 'stuff' chronically hearing stuff like this...excuses made for abusers. I screamed for help, called friends and the school - no one helped me. I turned to my journal and Jesus, then became a servant. Still, even if it's a healthier tool, you fall apart when you lose your purpose.
It feels like this whole thing is what happened with the RNA vaccines. Everyone was gaslit. I got my Chemistry PhD making the outer shell of these LNP's even before 2012 when they then started incorporating the technology from my field into what they now call Vaccines. They abandoned all the learnings of what my lab and many other labs around the world had done with these. I have been astonished every day for years that so many people just dismiss what I say when I say something different to what the TV says. Why do people think one of the highest percentage demographics of people that don't take them are PhD's, at 24% of PhD's. I guarantee you it's the STEM PhD's that are not taking them and in particular the Chemistry and maybe Biochemistry ones as we learn in our first lesson of Organic Chemistry that what is happening is absolutely wrong. It feels like the whole world has been damaged in childhood in some way that they don't even question these even when highly qualified people say, at least be a little cautious. I can't quite understand how so many don't care but after reading a lot of psychology papers and books over the last few years I am now beginning to understand. I too was quite damaged in my childhood from a chaotic environment and I was the responsible one in the family, but it majorly led me to question what other people say and to always try to find out the truth. A lot of real Scientists actually got into Scientific studies due to this. They subsequently left the field when they found out that even in the Science professions, most people don't care about the truth and care more about a pay check, or going along with the crowd.
~Yes!!!~This whole thing has been really hard for me to watch, too!!!~And not being allowed to even talk about it has made it so much worse....as we just watch people all around us pass away or get sick~
There were school nights my mom would rage and have her children up until the wee hrs of the morning. One knight she was threatening to slit her wrists etc. She finally shut herself in her room and i was able to catch an hr long nap b4 i had to get ready. When i got home from school that day i noticed her wrists had cut marks i commented on it. Something like "really you seriously cut yourself " and she gaslighted me by saying she cut herself on a nail reaching up into a cupboard and i knew that wasnt true but i knew if i pushed the subject it would send her into another all nighter of a frenzy. Nobody has taken my voice from me the way my mother has.
I recently had a spiritual awakening and life has been getting progressively more difficult to deal with. It was a bit easier to cope when I was checked out or disconnected from my feelings. Now, I notice EVERYTHING and can literally see DEMONS in people. Whoa, it’s been a challenging process but I’m committed to becoming a whole & healthy woman. At 1st I used those strategies to cut off my family but I’m starting to see that people in general are very manipulative and love to gaslight you. My goals is to elevate my HIGHER SELF and establish very clear boundaries.
It is insanity growing up in a household where you are told you don't see something, you don't feel something or you don't believe something. It is difficult to know what I feel or what I think.
I got my hair pulled back, screamed in my face , forced to eat soap and head slammed into a table if i swore. Then threatened to be put in a foster home. They had lots of friends and when one of their friends said: lets go for a bike ride up in the mountains I got scared and took off thinking their friend was going to shoot me for some reason like maybe that it was their friend and he (friend) felt the same way they (stepmom) did. Nobody ever told me that i would’ve been better off in a home but now I think i might have. Now i spend my time trying to heal a portion of me that sank into decay for years. Life sucks but I deal with things much better now and thanks to social media i can figure this stuff out
I recently had a spiritual awakening and life has been getting progressively more difficult to deal with. It was a bit easier to cope when I was checked out or disconnected from my feelings. Now, I notice EVERYTHING! Whoa, it’s been a challenging process but I’m committed to becoming a whole & healthy woman. At 1st I used those strategies to cut off my family but I’m starting to see that people in general are very manipulative and love to gaslight you. My goals is to elevate my HIGHER SELF and establish very clear boundaries.
My mom would grab my arm and I would tell her she was hurting me and she would tell me it wasn't hurting me and this repeated until it escalated and then she hit me. She told my dad I had hit her when he asked what happened. I was crushed. I tend to stare off in a daydream to cope and allowed others to bully me because i was too scared to stick up for myself.
I remember talking over the phone with my mother about my brother being drunk daily and never getting a job after he moved to L.A. She kept sending him checks for YEARS instead of giving him a cut-off point. She said "just love him" and I thought, "No, I'm in my 20s. That's you and dad's job". In reality, he had a major case of sibling rivalry and hated me for maintaining employment and pursuing my creative goals.
I always wondered why I found learning easier as I got older, when I had been told that children learn more easily. My personality charged dramatically once I started to heal too.
Yes I was abused and reabused in the worst way because this is the almost ambient message there was.. Nothing really bad happened...Nothing bad that did happen was really meant in a bad way... Sure... This is a very very important clip. I want to say though that for me it is also hard to accept just how bad it was, especially then also because it primed me to accept the abuse of other psychopaths.. I know that again and again my brain tries to refuse to see that I have been a victim of narcisstic abuse, borderline abuse, covert narcisstic abuse, codependent abuse, and psychopathic sadistic abuse, and that I to this day tend to attract covert narcissists. I started now to get verywell connected with good psychologists and abuse help institutions, and i started to work out to make myself strong.
there's no sugar-coated narratives like the ones families create to look "normal"...I call my own family "the family that love forgot" yet I'm the only one who has pointed out the inconvenient roots of neglect and abuse.
I accept that if I'm afraid of something I have a problem, but according to the law a violation is a violation, and my personal healing procedure has nothing to do with sparing for victimizers. Harmful people pretend to care and make things worse. An improper action or statement indicates something and requires a process to be corrected either the person is diagnosed, or accused, or not.
That is why I don't do romantic relationships. It's just one abuser or unavailable person after the next. I gave up I just put the focus on healing and doing things that I want to do 💓
Yeah My stepdad was a horrible abusive towards me. And when I said something it was.. Oh he's a good person, he bought you school clothes, took you to eat on and on ..
I know its very very hard and delicate matter, but... Could you talk something about treating sexual trauma or habits developted because of this kind of trauma?
Oh yeah I was called a liar…and I did lie, mostly to stay safe…but the crazy amount of lies in my family were OUTRAGEOUS! That my Dad & other family members were alcoholics, that my Dad & stepmom had an affair before her divorce, that my Mom was a hoarder, that her boyfriend SA me…and the kicker that I found out at 25…That my Dad wasn’t my Dad & everyone knew but me.
It's so frustrating when this repeats or gets triggered in medical environment. Particularly for women who get denied and belittled in medical issues more likely than men. #1 when dissociation is your internalized coping mechanism with danger or anxiety or you got gaslighted as a child about your injuries it is hard to tell the medical stuff what's going on since you have no real connection to your own body. #2 medical staff additionally doesn't believe you and it gets worse when you dissociate but are still functioning. #3 as soon as you mention you struggle with trauma even the most serious emergency suddenly becomes "nothing". Called my family doctor because of insane blood pressure and chest pain. He told me to call 911. I was so scared that I needed hours to do so. When I finally managed it the team wanted to take me to the hospital at first since heart attacks show differently in women. I had a hard time to decribe what was going on and explained the reason. As soon as I said "PTSD" my heart attack magically turned into a GI infection and I was told to visit my family doctor the next day since I surely wouldn't want to wait for hours just for some blood work, right? Five medical staff members including the doctor talked me out of it. I could not stand up for me. I feld so helpless. It happens so many times. Everytime it gets more difficult to see a doctor at all even less an emergency when I am severly sick. It feels like it never ends no matter how hard I work on it.
You don't know what's real and you become easy to manipulate." Wow ! Crappy childhood fairy, you just summerised my life and our era with those words ! BOOM !
Yes.. Total KAOS and Drama. I'm 59 and I just started dealing with my trauma with the assistance from my girlfriend. The GODS have sent me an angel. She helping me make positive changes in my life.
Don’t knock escapism. It’s kept me from killing people multiple times. I’m joking but….. I have stress fractures in every tooth in my head from anger, residual, rage, fury, and frustration. I’m not saying you’re putting down weed but yeah weeds not the worst thing
Being easy to manipulate is really one of the hardest things to get past. I just can’t trust any of my opinions.
Yes! Still trusting way to many people and wanting to do good gor them and then I get gaslighted, betrailed, hurt,...
Only with God, we may ask for healing and wisdom. We are not alone ❤
I'm at this stage, too. We can unlearn and learn. I can't wait.
This has been really difficult for me too. I know the feeling
My mom drank and was abusive and the entire family acted like she was the life of the party! They were clueless about being 8 years old and hsving to run away to the neighbors because she was verbally and physically abusive. Then, when i grew up messed up, they acted like I was the nut case! Ive been deceived and gaslighted in nearly every relationship as an adult. Thanks to Anna, I'm learning the truth.
I know how you feel .
I'm so sorry that happened to you 😿 I don't know if you still keep them in your life or not, but for me it was helpful when someone told me that you should consider if you can feel okay after being around them. It sounds like some pretty severe gaslighting, and a lot you have to do to help yourself, but I bet knowing that you know the truth and knowing that you won't validate their lies in your own mind helps a lot. I wish you the best 🤍
Sorry that happened. Get it. I see now why some people divorce their family who will not, can't or won't just admit these behaviors were damaging to lull kids. Denial is like cement. We all have to keep spreading our wings and releasing all that crap. Cheers to your freedom n liberation. You aren't the crazy, they are
I’m so sorry I know the feeling of being so afraid
I share the same story. My aunt even said that I only came by her house to complain when I was 16,17 and searching for help, but there was nothing else in my life, I was just on survivalmode for years.
I went to a house where they took care of children from parents who abuse, and they just didn't even listen, they send me away because they couldn't do anything. I was looking for help everywhere!
Eventually I ran away to my grandmother when I was 18. I am now 41 and still healing, still suffering the consequences of over 10years of abuse at home.
She never healed. She has calmed down, but still sick in many ways 😢 we have to pray for our parents, they need our prayers ❤ God bless them please, they are so far away from You, they don't know they are free in You, they are free from every addiction, but the devil is in their head with lies and evil thoughts.
I pray for every child of an abuser that you know you are loved by our heavenly Father. Even when your father or mother forsake you, God will never forsake you. He knows you, He knows your heart, your pain,.... God bless ❤
"You don't know what's real and you become easy to manipulate"
Bravo
My ex took that and f***ing RAN with it! Now I have trust issues on top of being easy to manipulate. It's a fun combination.
Daydreaming escapism🙋♀️
Don't forget their follow up sentences....when they are questioning the kid and kid is being truthful....they say to kid, "Don't lie to me. I can't stand a liar!"
The was the bane of my childhood,🤦. Became a trigger later in life.
But expect you to lie to teachers, other people outside the family
Or being called crazy
"WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?"😢
@@GalvMermaid50 “who died and made you boss”, when I tried to stick up for myself or others being ‘mistreated’.
This is absolutely 💯 so true, and I catch myself still, “fawning” or “freezing” when situations don’t add up, and questioning myself. I always want to give others the benefit of the doubt and see the best in others, but sometimes the reality is “WE SEE WHAT WE SEE!” “WE FEEL WHAT WE FEEL!” And that’s authentic. Period. Thank you for this reminder.
Thanks for sharing this. -Calista@TeamFairy
You are absolutely not alone. Same here.
Yess I have exactly the same problem. It becomes worse in a toxic relationship. Even at this moment I question myself if he knows this and uses it against me or is he actually the same way, or maybe he just doesn't acknowledge all these things. Benefit of a doubt is poison when I feel like I have no idea what to believe and where to trust.
And the other half in me that feels like intuition, is telling me not to trust in anything but at the same time I don't wanna hear it and am a master manipulator to myself, not seeing the things I actually see. It's confusing..
@@loglady33 and all of this should tell us to “RUN”, and don’t look back, b/c it’s toxic for any of us to have to do ALL that. It’s sooooo draining. We don’t have much healthy, constructive energy left for good self care. Sending love.
@@gracepoint3 exactly.. instead of telling us to run like it should, it traps us to stay in that toxic, overwhelming loop, trying to get the love that we so much crave from all the wrong places. Bc that's what we were taught about love, all the opposite things from what it should be when it's safe and unconditional. Idk if I'm sad or angry about it. But sending love right back to u 💜
we'll got this someday..
That last bit gave me a jolt, no kidding. The daydreaming and disassociating to not know what’s real with “being easy to manipulate” 😮😢
I began my healing journey last year. Step 1 was telling myself the truth. Step two was telling others.
*The first sign of healing was an improved memory- both short and long term.* Because i was no longer fightting with my perception innorder to incorporate their lies.
I also learned to judge between good and bad encounters with people and i learned to stay away.
Yay! It’s so good to hear success stories like this!
Nika@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thank you for your videos, which have helped so much in my continued healing journey. 🤗
Hey I had the same!
Oh my gosh, I just realized that I have way better memory now that I healed parts of my trauma during the last few years. I didn't know that is a result of healing, but now that I read your comment, I suddenly know!❤❤❤
A better memory, mmmm, that makes sense 😊
Anyone else hyper vigilant of everyone's mood/feelings because you feel responsible for them?!
So much!! I have a difficult time in crowded places!
Not anymore. I gave up of that idea a couple of years ago. Now life is much easier.
@@annereiner8951I'm very happy for you, working on getting there too!
I used to until "not my monkeys" became my favorite saying for a year.
I do! 🙋🏼♀️ Lived my entire life this way. Caused so much anxiety, depression, never felt good about myself because I was always concerned about others. It wasn't until I turned about 50 yrs when I realized why I was so unhappy as a child. It wasn't until my doctor told me that I'm not responsible for anyones happiness but my own that it clicked in my head. He gave me "permission" to remove that responsibility from my plate. It was a HUGE weight to carry for almost 50 years. 😢
I know my perception is damaged.
I was standing on a porch at 7 pm in winter and I heard frightening sounds in the distance. I said to the person next to me, “What is that scary sound?” I thought it was a stray animals fighting.
The reply, “That’s children sledding in the distance.”
Their screams in the middle of winter to my adult brain sounded like wild animals off in the distance. We live within walking distance of the mountains.
That’s when I began to see my perception is constant fear, of everything.
I grew up with severe abuse. Narcissistic mother, BPD, erratic behavior, many men, textbook everything.
I never knew how strong I was until my therapist pointed out my mothers abuse destroyed one of my siblings with drug addiction. Somehow I survived, I have my problems….but I did not succumb to abuses with drug and alcohol.
My mind is a mess. I cry a lot. I’m no contact. I don’t trust anyone, at times even my own children. I go to therapy, I put my blind faith in…but I am always afraid of them, too.
To say perception is damaged, that is putting it lightly.
😞 I don’t know why I am still here.
Thank you for your channel. You and others like Dr Gabor Mate help me immensely. If is psychology, I’m listening and taking back what I learn to therapy. I am always peeling layers off my personal minion as I cry.
You touch people in ways you aren’t even aware of. Thank you 🤍🙏
Am so grateful for the parts of your life that you share life changing thank you for sharing your resiliencee
🤍🤍🤍I understand far more than you can know & you’re not alone.
Anger is an emotion, expressing it does not have to be rage, destruction, or hurtful to others.
I feel called out in a good way. Thank you for putting words to a very important but rarely spoken about type of abuse. I spent so much of my life taking everything inward in an attempt to process something someone said wasn’t true. I KNEW it was true but lied to survive and felt like a bad person. I forgot myself. I forgot my very birthright of having a right to know love.
You are in the right place now! Thank you for sharing your comment with us.
Nika@TeamFairy
I'm glad you're on the healing journey now. May life ahead of you hold untold new heights of fulfilling love and honesty and security. 🙏 🕊
We also do this to ourselves. It’s called the human condition. Everyone lies to others and to themselves, and we all have trauma from living in a violent, deceptive, angry, hurtful world as broken, hurtful people. I love your messages. This is also needful. ❤
I'm really grateful that my mom did not try to cover for my dad's abusive behavior, for the most part. What messed me up is her saying "I know he loves you." It wasn't comforting. I didn't consciously believe it, that's NOT love. But subconsciously it definitely crossed some wires.
Thats called GASLIGHTING and it's still used today.
Today even more and is causing Cognitive Dissonance.
Yes, major tool of the gov, healthcare system, etc. It's why I went the other way, NOT easy to manipulate. Healthy skeptic and can't trust.
I'm sick to death of that word being used for absolutely everything. Definitely prefer her more accurate analytical phrasing.
You didn't see what you just saw....
@@adriennedouke1880 but we did see it though
My mother (who I love very much! 💗) taught me to not believe my lying eyes. It caused so much damage to my perception of what's real and what to believe and lack of trust in myself. I confronted her about it as an adult when she'd deny something that i heard or saw but even though I was no longer a child, she'd STILL continue to deny something i witnessed. I will never understand why parents do this to their children. It sabotages a childs relationship with themselves.
When I would open the refrigerator and see that my dad bought a six pack of beer, I knew I wouldn’t be around the next day.
I just had a flash of memory as I watched this video - not only is it denial of reality but fear of the truth being found out.
Makes sense, I can relate. I check out and day dream, especially when stressed. How do I deal with that?
😊 The focus is not on the fact that there was depression in the home as much as there was continual lying by the adults who ought to have been responsible and accountable Thruth Tellers regardless of the mental illness they had. That's a lot to ask of a practicing alcoholic! Well into recovery, they can still lie. It required not only sobriety but a degree of wellness to practice rigorous honesty. This was a beautifully explained and highly educational video. Best on the subject!❤
Keep talking about this!!!!!!!!!
I had a friend point out the power of perspective in my forties. It brought me out of the stupor I had been in since childhood.
And that's pretty much why I was misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder at 15. My mom tried to convince me blah blah blah never happened and couldn't so she convinced the counselor I was delusional instead.
My whole childhood was like this
I can relate. My family sugar-coated the truth from the time I was born.
I just had a episode talking to a friend about a incident that happened when I was a child and it brought up tears and emotions that I didn’t expect 😢 and I reflect on how my mom dealt with that situation with me and my little brother at that moment. She played it down and we were to except it as normal. She rarely did anything and if she did it wasn’t much. She never protected us . Me and my younger sibling.
I so can relate.. i never expect the emotion to comes up and I immediately am embarrassed and want to turn it off. When the person im talking to trys to comfort me I immediately feel worse and think to myself they just feel like they have to do comfort me right now but don't want to and therefore I push them away and appear as if I'm almost annoyed with them for trying to comfort ne
Long term harm from gaslighting. Mahalo for this!
I am just not used to people going out of their way to hurt others. Thanks for your time. Have a blessed evening. ❤
Yeah my whole life was like this. I would forget the abuse. I forgot it all lol. And it wasn’t just a little bit. They tried to kill me hurt. Did cloth me through highschool and I was so damaged from birth i just lived with it. I would forget. And walked around saying I have a great family. I was damaged beyond damage. And now they’re afraid I’m going to knife them lol. They’re checking their locks etc. I wouldn’t hurt a fly but they tried to kill me. The mother used to chase me with a knife. I was beyond horrified.
no contact is the hardest ever..
That's what I've started doing and although I know that my mom hurt me in multiple ways there's still a part of me that grieves the loss of what could have been.
You are saving so many lives, Anna. Thank you! ❤
When I was 5 I told my mother sometimes I stand and stare and don't feel like I'm really here.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS.
True... Denial is tough to live with. Even if there were tiny incidents.
We all have trauma and while it’s important to validate and acknowledge abusive behaviors in families we also need to remember that parents are human beings who are simply trying their best.
An increasing number of young adults especially seem to see themselves as victims and end up alienating themselves from their parents, taking drastic measures as going “no contact”.
Yes, it’s sometimes justified in cases of narcissistic and/or extremely abusive parents but there’s also a risk that some kids end up judging their parents too harshly when they hear narratives of childhood trauma.
We can all find fault with our parents, especially if we are intent on finding fault. It’s just important to remember that parents are just people who are also traumatized and often struggle with their own demons.
It seems popular to go “no contact” these days but be careful as most families are dysfunctional to some degree. Talk to your parents and sort things out, forgive and move on if you can. In the long run you will often regret going no contact, especially as being connected to family often becomes more important as you have kids and age.
It may feel good to go no contact in the moment but it can have devastating and negative consequences for you in the long term.
Thank you so much, as you are speaking and finally defining the effect of childhood trauma for me, I feel I am healing and shifting just listening to you, you activated and expanded my containment of what went on, which was never clear to me, thank you🙏🏾
The truth must be spoken. Living the fantasy will keep yah stuck in the mud. Thank you! Finally 60 I can admit what was done, screwed up my perspective, release and living free with a healed nervous system n brain. Thank you Anna
this one rang more true than most and hit hard
Grew up in all of the above! 😨😨😨
It's no wonder I get out of bed and am a productive citizen! God's grace & therapy helps!🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
"It's nothing out of ordinary, your parent beating you up", another example.
My mom was and still is notorious for being annoyed with me and telling me I basically have no right to even say I had bad experiences as a child because she had it so much worse than I did and I should be so lucky to have had my childhood... With an absent father who if he was there he may chase us with knives for my mom removing her engagement ring or breaking her nose in front of me and so on...but I'm over reacting and dramatic
I have lived my childhood and adult life believing I had no right to complain or voice concerns
@@ashleycorbin4459
Narcissist
I had a dangerous narcissist mother
It was hell
The police took my mother's side
My dad was trying to protect us
We was never asked who we wanted to be with
Just ignored
Children should not be ignored
@@linda-nl8ib I agree. It's so.sad when you have one obvious sick sick .... never know what hell your little self is going to have to try to navigate thru with zero warning or choice that you didn't notice till adulthood that the other parent was a narcissist and sick as well but one was out shining the other on the level of is it going to b....one of those nightmares today and if were looking for the pattern of which is more or.less likely than yeppppp so we immediately try to prepare to the level of horrendous your gonna have to face after getting your six, seven and so old year old self up for school,dressed,getting urseld there and back with no adult to guide yoy what so ever only to never feeling relief because ur little self is just moving on to the next landmine your gonna have to navigate thru all alone. And no siblings or cousins makes it evennnnnn more lonely as if our little selves could imagine anything in the world being more lonely than.trying to understand,walking on eggshells with amence fear,and having to self soothe all in one days life and you haven't hit second grade yet
@@ashleycorbin4459 thanlk you
“You don’t know what’s real and you become easy to manipulate”
Dang you just described me. I think I just made some great observations about myself in under one minute. Thanks!
This explains a lot ❤it! It's freeing stress pressure that's been there for so long just to be able to understand why
Glad you're here! -Calista@TeamFairy
*AND YOU DON'T FEEL WHAT YOU FEEL!* This subject further isolated me for decades!😮
Saw what you saw felt what you felt. And deny everything you have experienced.
I day dreamed a lot in early grade school, in school. I know something was wrong. Why was my younger sister soo loved? I did not get that favoritism.
Yes - however I never hid, escaped or avoided. I became a nurse. A fighter for peoples' health, protection and advocacy. It wasn't until I died and the healthcare system neglected to care for me which was THE biggest trigger for the 4 decades leading up to that. I HATE denial and I lose my *^^%$ around people who do. So, there is my type too. And I had a lot of 'stuff' chronically hearing stuff like this...excuses made for abusers. I screamed for help, called friends and the school - no one helped me. I turned to my journal and Jesus, then became a servant. Still, even if it's a healthier tool, you fall apart when you lose your purpose.
In the words of Shawn Colvin “may we all find salvation in professions that heal”
Yeah, but keep the faith
It feels like this whole thing is what happened with the RNA vaccines. Everyone was gaslit. I got my Chemistry PhD making the outer shell of these LNP's even before 2012 when they then started incorporating the technology from my field into what they now call Vaccines. They abandoned all the learnings of what my lab and many other labs around the world had done with these. I have been astonished every day for years that so many people just dismiss what I say when I say something different to what the TV says. Why do people think one of the highest percentage demographics of people that don't take them are PhD's, at 24% of PhD's. I guarantee you it's the STEM PhD's that are not taking them and in particular the Chemistry and maybe Biochemistry ones as we learn in our first lesson of Organic Chemistry that what is happening is absolutely wrong. It feels like the whole world has been damaged in childhood in some way that they don't even question these even when highly qualified people say, at least be a little cautious. I can't quite understand how so many don't care but after reading a lot of psychology papers and books over the last few years I am now beginning to understand. I too was quite damaged in my childhood from a chaotic environment and I was the responsible one in the family, but it majorly led me to question what other people say and to always try to find out the truth. A lot of real Scientists actually got into Scientific studies due to this. They subsequently left the field when they found out that even in the Science professions, most people don't care about the truth and care more about a pay check, or going along with the crowd.
Wow! Thank you for this....❤
~Yes!!!~This whole thing has been really hard for me to watch, too!!!~And not being allowed to even talk about it has made it so much worse....as we just watch people all around us pass away or get sick~
There were school nights my mom would rage and have her children up until the wee hrs of the morning. One knight she was threatening to slit her wrists etc. She finally shut herself in her room and i was able to catch an hr long nap b4 i had to get ready. When i got home from school that day i noticed her wrists had cut marks i commented on it. Something like "really you seriously cut yourself " and she gaslighted me by saying she cut herself on a nail reaching up into a cupboard and i knew that wasnt true but i knew if i pushed the subject it would send her into another all nighter of a frenzy. Nobody has taken my voice from me the way my mother has.
Oh my god... this is me!!!! I can't believe i am learning this now!! I am 61, i lost my Mom traumatically when i was 16...48 years!!!! 😢
Your hair looks fantastic hete loosely fluffed
I recently had a spiritual awakening and life has been getting progressively more difficult to deal with. It was a bit easier to cope when I was checked out or disconnected from my feelings. Now, I notice EVERYTHING and can literally see DEMONS in people. Whoa, it’s been a challenging process but I’m committed to becoming a whole & healthy woman. At 1st I used those strategies to cut off my family but I’m starting to see that people in general are very manipulative and love to gaslight you. My goals is to elevate my HIGHER SELF and establish very clear boundaries.
how much I hate my family … the demerge they cased will never heal …
Parents gaslight children! But children aren’t stupid!!!!!! 🙏🙏🏾🙏
It is insanity growing up in a household where you are told you don't see something, you don't feel something or you don't believe something. It is difficult to know what I feel or what I think.
I dissociated a lot.
I got my hair pulled back, screamed in my face , forced to eat soap and head slammed into a table if i swore. Then threatened to be put in a foster home. They had lots of friends and when one of their friends said: lets go for a bike ride up in the mountains I got scared and took off thinking their friend was going to shoot me for some reason like maybe that it was their friend and he (friend) felt the same way they (stepmom) did. Nobody ever told me that i would’ve been better off in a home but now I think i might have. Now i spend my time trying to heal a portion of me that sank into decay for years. Life sucks but I deal with things much better now and thanks to social media i can figure this stuff out
I say my parents taught me to lie. When they would denied what had happened, how can you know the truth?
Yes, unfortunately, this is how we get the perception damaged.
Nika@TeamFairy
I recently had a spiritual awakening and life has been getting progressively more difficult to deal with. It was a bit easier to cope when I was checked out or disconnected from my feelings. Now, I notice EVERYTHING! Whoa, it’s been a challenging process but I’m committed to becoming a whole & healthy woman. At 1st I used those strategies to cut off my family but I’m starting to see that people in general are very manipulative and love to gaslight you. My goals is to elevate my HIGHER SELF and establish very clear boundaries.
Yes, I saw what I saw.
My mom would grab my arm and I would tell her she was hurting me and she would tell me it wasn't hurting me and this repeated until it escalated and then she hit me. She told my dad I had hit her when he asked what happened. I was crushed. I tend to stare off in a daydream to cope and allowed others to bully me because i was too scared to stick up for myself.
I remember talking over the phone with my mother about my brother being drunk daily and never getting a job after he moved to L.A. She kept sending him checks for YEARS instead of giving him a cut-off point. She said "just love him" and I thought, "No, I'm in my 20s. That's you and dad's job". In reality, he had a major case of sibling rivalry and hated me for maintaining employment and pursuing my creative goals.
"This hurts me more than you"
This was me only I grew up evangelical Christian. Nothing was as it seemed. I swear that’s what’s going on with politics now too.
Trauma experience is really painful. Being raised up in an abusive environment has a drastic effect on an individuals life.
Day dreaming is my go-to. Lies cover up bad behavior, so they think! Liars believe what they say as well.
I always wondered why I found learning easier as I got older, when I had been told that children learn more easily. My personality charged dramatically once I started to heal too.
“We’re not fighting, we’re arguing” while screaming at the top of their lungs as I’m at their feet begging them to stop.
Yes I was abused and reabused in the worst way because this is the almost ambient message there was.. Nothing really bad happened...Nothing bad that did happen was really meant in a bad way... Sure... This is a very very important clip. I want to say though that for me it is also hard to accept just how bad it was, especially then also because it primed me to accept the abuse of other psychopaths.. I know that again and again my brain tries to refuse to see that I have been a victim of narcisstic abuse, borderline abuse, covert narcisstic abuse, codependent abuse, and psychopathic sadistic abuse, and that I to this day tend to attract covert narcissists. I started now to get verywell connected with good psychologists and abuse help institutions, and
i started to work out to make myself strong.
Thank you for your wisdom. It’s helping me so much.
We're so glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Thank You! This is helpful!
I read books voraciously to escape
Everything she's saying is true AMEN
there's no sugar-coated narratives like the ones families create to look "normal"...I call my own family "the family that love forgot" yet I'm the only one who has pointed out the inconvenient roots of neglect and abuse.
I accept that if I'm afraid of something I have a problem, but according to the law a violation is a violation, and my personal healing procedure has nothing to do with sparing for victimizers. Harmful people pretend to care and make things worse. An improper action or statement indicates something and requires a process to be corrected either the person is diagnosed, or accused, or not.
That is why I don't do romantic relationships. It's just one abuser or unavailable person after the next. I gave up
I just put the focus on healing and doing things that I want to do 💓
I suffered trauma. Please pray for me daily
Yeah My stepdad was a horrible abusive towards me. And when I said something it was.. Oh he's a good person, he bought you school clothes, took you to eat on and on ..
Yes, yes and yes!
I know its very very hard and delicate matter, but... Could you talk something about treating sexual trauma or habits developted because of this kind of trauma?
I can relate, this makes so much sense now. Thank you
All of the above. Thank you
Sooo true, Anna.👍👍👍👍
I know that what they say is not real, but they say it to get no trouble. But that they lie to you and don't trust you is damage
So on point with this
Oh yeah I was called a liar…and I did lie, mostly to stay safe…but the crazy amount of lies in my family were OUTRAGEOUS!
That my Dad & other family members were alcoholics, that my Dad & stepmom had an affair before her divorce, that my Mom was a hoarder, that her boyfriend SA me…and the kicker that I found out at 25…That my Dad wasn’t my Dad & everyone knew but me.
This hits home
It also happens to youths wo are a middle children
I day dreamed Alot, and had no idea why? My whole youth was day dreaming I school ....
I'm CONSTANTLY asking the one person I can trust, " is this out of order; is that person out of line or is it just me?"
Hands in the dark. Those were no nightmares. No matter how many times my mother might tearfully tell me they were.
Sorry…I understand.
It's so frustrating when this repeats or gets triggered in medical environment. Particularly for women who get denied and belittled in medical issues more likely than men.
#1 when dissociation is your internalized coping mechanism with danger or anxiety or you got gaslighted as a child about your injuries it is hard to tell the medical stuff what's going on since you have no real connection to your own body.
#2 medical staff additionally doesn't believe you and it gets worse when you dissociate but are still functioning.
#3 as soon as you mention you struggle with trauma even the most serious emergency suddenly becomes "nothing".
Called my family doctor because of insane blood pressure and chest pain. He told me to call 911. I was so scared that I needed hours to do so. When I finally managed it the team wanted to take me to the hospital at first since heart attacks show differently in women. I had a hard time to decribe what was going on and explained the reason. As soon as I said "PTSD" my heart attack magically turned into a GI infection and I was told to visit my family doctor the next day since I surely wouldn't want to wait for hours just for some blood work, right? Five medical staff members including the doctor talked me out of it. I could not stand up for me. I feld so helpless. It happens so many times. Everytime it gets more difficult to see a doctor at all even less an emergency when I am severly sick. It feels like it never ends no matter how hard I work on it.
You don't know what's real and you become easy to manipulate."
Wow ! Crappy childhood fairy, you just summerised my life and our era with those words ! BOOM !
Im currently trying to navigate how much of my issues are damaged perception OR a healthier way of understanding for boundries. My body freaks out!
Yes..
Total KAOS and Drama.
I'm 59 and I just started dealing with my trauma with the assistance from my girlfriend.
The GODS have sent me an angel.
She helping me make positive changes in my life.
Yeah.....
That's me...
That's my mother today... now diagnosed with a schizo disorder... complex ptsd... can't work with therapy because she can't follow.
So hard to watch
Lies of omission😠😠😠
Don’t knock escapism. It’s kept me from killing people multiple times. I’m joking but….. I have stress fractures in every tooth in my head from anger, residual, rage, fury, and frustration.
I’m not saying you’re putting down weed but yeah weeds not the worst thing