Hey Friends! Thanks for watching!! If this resonated with you, you'll want to sign up for the FREE WEBCLASS I'm offering on how to heal and recover from codependency and narcissistic abuse so you NEVER fall prey to emotional manipulation and psychological abuse ever again! HERE'S THE LINK: www.tamiem.info/freeclass
Tamie, love how staunch you are. Realised I had 2 x dysfunctional/ emotionally immature parents a long time ago but only recently put 2 + 2 together and figured Mother has high spec covert Narcissistic traits. I have been triggering her for years unknowingly (though I have to admit lately it has been knowingly) but also not bowing to the manipulation. Gone no contact as I am no longer interested in the ‘stew’ they seem to want to remain in? Not many people left in their world now who will play in their sandpit.
Even if you had proof. Such as a text message or a recording. They will still deny it. Even with proof. They will say you are misunderstanding what was said
Your are so right. I kept the perfect text from her. (It meant nothing to her and I must have got it out of context.) She said she had to take a shower and go to her sons meeting with his teacher. I said exactly this: That is important and I understand. My response was: I cannot not pickup my son. You are making no sense right now and this is very confusing. I just do not know you anymore. Next text right away from her was: I don't think we should be together anymore. I still have it and remind myself.
I personally think the covert narc is the most dangerous bc they can crush you emotionally and mentally if you are not careful... Its tricky to expose them bc they have so many people convinced of this facade they portray.
I have been married for 11 years to a covert narcissist who has been living a double life and I had no idea. It’s truly frightening to confront just how much I have been duped by this individual. He is masterful at turning everything around and blaming me for what HE is actually doing. We are going through a divorce and I can only pray that the courts will see through his bullish. Family court is no place to resolve family problems but grateful that I have the court as a resource to resolve this nightmare. I know that my God will see me through.
If I had to go to court with a covert narcissist, I would prepare with Rebecca Zung. Tons of You Tube videos, an attorney who trains/explains how to go to court with a narcissist and win. Courts get duped by narcissists and it’s really likely you get re victimized
Uh embarrassed and just seeing all the symptoms in this individual who I'm with and I'm pretty sure hes living a double life but he will not admit to it it's just that clues around the house hes leaving and it's just things that he says that proves that something's going on are intimacy level has went down It's all about him when he does so I don't know I'm just trying to figure out an exit plan right now
@@ILovewater-2mill You will need a very good, well connected (experienced) attorney. My ex’s attorney was able to get a judgment overturned after the judge ruled in my favor. This is what a well connected attorney can do for you….if he is manipulative he has already planned an exit and you will only be playing catch up. But throughout it all God has the final say!!
My covert narc has a degree in psychology and a photographic memory. He’d make an excellent interrogator or cross-examiner. I was constantly questioning my own memory and sanity. I learned to stop taking the bait and would respond with silence but that seemed to trigger him even more and I’d be accused of hiding something, not being in touch with my feelings and having an unhealthy avoidant attachment style, which may be true but certainly paled in comparison to the emotional abuse he heaped upon me. Thanks for explaining this to me, I feel like I had you sitting in the living room the past two years taking notes and reading it all back to me without the manipulative spin. It’s what I needed to finally be able to let go.
I cannot beleive..still in awe on how PEREFECTLY you are describing my experiences and situations...its as if you were here every step of the way..EVERY POINT of this segment i have been experiencing and gone .going through. In trying to find a solution i stumbled here a bit ago..i saw several of your things... Just blown away...
The best predictor of future behavior...is past behavior! Sounds soooooo obvious, but eventually, giving the benefit of the doubt needs to adjust to the doubt of the benefit. And a reality check. Thanks for the thoughts...helpful
My own brother and mother..my sister was outwardly hostile ...it was devastating..they played an excellent game for 50 years .but enough is enough..!! Thank you Tammy you nailed it yet again .mych love
Hey Tamie. I really like your talks a lot! Since 7 years I am recovering from severe burn-out, and during that time I seem to have attracted a few narcissists in my life. Since 3 years I am in regular intens psychotherapie, and only in the last few weeks I found out about the narcissists in my life. I am really happy my therapist believes me and supports me for the full 100%, we even increased the intensity of our meetings. I am now breaking up with all the narcissists in my life, going 'no contact'. The biggest difficulty for me now is the feelings of guilt I have. And watching your talks helps me a lot with that! Thank you for sharing this. Listening to you prevents me from thinking that I am the crazy one. Thank you, thank you, thank you A LOT! Greetings, sven
You are AMAZING! I love growing stronger & wiser all the time. I love standing in my Power and allowing the Narcs to Gaslight, Project, smear campaign, while I just be silent and stand in my Power. God ALWAYS brings what's in the Dark to the Light! 🙏🙏🙏 God's timing and GOD is my Vindicator.
My husband has a different way of playing the dumb Act. My husband went to college and he is intelligent. When he's around other people he speaks like a college-educated intelligent person. But when he has a conversation with me it's totally different. I can say the most basic, Elementary, simple thing and he will respond to me like he doesn't know what I'm talking about. He'll say things like "Oh I don't know about that." or "Oh, is that how it works, I don't know about that." He always has to say he doesn't know anything about whatever it is I'm taking about. However when he's talking to anyone else he never seems to have this problem.
For example. Most of our storms come from the west. The other morning one came from the east. I commented about it and he didn’t understand. He didn’t even know what a storm was.
I literally sit down and watch this before having to even respond to emails with the narcissist. Like a refresher to keep me objective and direct; secure and genuinely myself. It's better than just going to therapy.
Narcissists also gaslight or practice master manipulation, weakening and destabilizing their victims; finally, they utilize positive and negative emotions or moments to trick others. When a narcissist can't control you, they'll likely feel threatened, react with anger, and they might even start threatening you
Thank you Tamie. Self-awareness leads to Self-care, Self-love... let them Go... that was the best thing I could ever do for myself! Until we do this, we cannot heal those wounds!☮️💓☮️
I stumbled across descriptions of covert narcissist (yes I had been looking for answers to my confusion) I am so shocked, stunned and relieved to hear my ex partner being described. It has been a huge AHA moment to discover that his behaviour is textbook covert narcissist. This makes so much sense to me. His patterns of abuse nearly broke me. I thought my situation with him was unique but now I understand there's a whole lot of freakin toxic, bullshit, manipulating, unpredictable raging angry, lying, love bombing, gas lighting, insecure' toddler adults' out there. Thank you Tamie for helping me make sense of my insane very confusing relationship. I am now on the road to recovery.Thank you Thank you Thank you
I had the EXACT same experience, mine left 2 weeks ago and I started researching - boom here I am. So glad to be almost free...just gotta sell a house.
Thank you so much. I really needed to hear this today. Discovering I've been married to a covert narcissist for 20 years :( My family of origin were overt narcissists/sociopaths. I thought I had it right this time. I didn't recognize the signs. Thank you for sharing with us.
This channel shows me i did a lot of healing already! It feels like a compliment. That's nice! This info will help me master what i already learned and put in acction. The hurt i still feel will become less. After this video i choose to believe this!
I just got out of a 6 month toxic relationship with what I believe to be a covert narcissist. She played such a good girl role, it was almost too good to be true…but that mask would slip and I would see another side of her. She would get triggered over the simplest things I would say or do. A playful joke or some light banter. You know something normal adults do in a loving fun relationship. I mean I had to explain what banter even meant. We would have these exhausting long arguments that lasted for…dare I say it….days at a time. Over the smallest things. Yes days…because she could never quite get over whatever she had an issue with…The funny thing is…SHE’S the one that put me on to these narc videos…because it was part of the narrative that she was spinning that she was the perpetual victim. Telling me fantastic and often horrifying stories about her childhood traumas, her so called “narc”parents and “abusive” ex boyfriends. Nothing was EVER her fault. I even suggested she go see a therapist. Looking back, I can see this girl was clearly damaged…She was highly sensitive, extremely sanctimonious…loved to throw around how much she loved God and how he speaks to her…on the surface she seemed so sweet and innocent but behind closed doors it was a nightmare…I knew something was off…when she didn’t have ANY friends or family or even a support system in place to help her with her 2 small and weirdly underdeveloped children at the age of 37. Which I thought was odd. Like how come you don’t have any friends? No girlfriends to hang out with? Like literally nobody. But your such a great person. Such a great girlfriend. I mean she would literally try to tell me these things every day. I told her she didn’t have to try to convince me how great she was that I would see it over time…it was almost as if she was trying to sell me a dream. And I bought it hook line and sinker. I wanted to help her i was so heavily invested because I thought she could be the one…but there were red flags that I couldn’t ignore. She even got triggered when I was watching a “covert narc” video. How ironic is that? I wanted so badly to work through our issues…but she started to make me feel like I was the one that had the serious issues. Then I discovered what she was doing…she was pushing my buttons even after repeatedly telling her not to…long story short…these kind of ppl are super dangerous and I learned the hard way…with me spending a night in jail….yeah jail. That’s how toxic it got…and guess whose playing the victim? I believe it’s what y’all call REACTIVE ABUSE…after being emotionally and mentally abused enough you get pulled out of character and over react and you become the abuser in that moment…Which further solidified her victim narrative….I consider myself a half way decent person well rounded…I’m not perfect I know my short comings…but I take accountability…but this relationship had me start to question who I am as a person…one minute it was like heaven with her the next I felt like I’ve descended into the 7th circle of hell…the arguments and debates were mind boggling…she would give me these condescending sanctimonious looks when she felt like I did something wrong to her…along with the silent treatments….it was infuriating…I’ve never been in a situation like that EVER…I’ve had some bad relationships in the past but this one was extraordinary. This one hurt like hell because I feel duped…she would say all the right things to me then slowly devalue me…it’s was so weird.
Dude, I just dropped a 6 month covert. it's so much crammed into a little space of time. not going to lie, twisted the F out of mind and inner child. I have aspergers and I observe everything. I could see she was instigating, fabricating and deceiving situations she would drop on me just to tap into my self esteem issues and anger me. She fed off that anger. The biggest mistake I made was researching Covert narcissism. The sweetest innocent giving caring person was not that at all, she had exes everywhere. We went to Hawaii. Ex was there. I saw her eyes lock on him while we were dancing and was like, wtf are are you doing? I had no at the time there's a "will have sex with ex" part of their deal, but I saw a fixation with intent and could he was all that mattered in that moment. Then there;s her best friend dude. They kept it a secret they used to date. I already knew she was beholding to him. He came first with her attention. He was an ex on top of that. They both played me. Doing their deeds with me not far off. These are twisted people., Anything to maximize the infection of that mind virus. I could write a book on all the twists and turns, lies, misdirection and worst of all, intent. I know there are crappy people, but to set out intentionally to feed off then destroy others is something I could not comprehend, much less be imagine myself caught up in it. She is 57 and I must admit, mad f'ing skills at deception and cruelty. Even though I dumped her, there is no consolation in that. The more she confessed her commitment in me the more she hated me and the more she lied. Even now I doubt myself. She would never do those things. We had so much fun. Her parting words were "We had fun." Closing comments for her attempt to totally annihilate my self esteem and inner child.
Stay strong. You have obviously grown and learned a lot through this process. I can relate to certain parts of your story. I myself have found that I have trouble refraining the reactivity. I think this is especially common when men react to women since we are naturally more aggressive when we unravel.
I can't tell you how many times, during a fight, God spoke to my heart "He gets it" but I doubted. These videos are so very helpful, Tamie! You are a classy, compassionate advocate for women everywhere.
Mine was a different person behind closed doors, i.e. manipulation and victimhood etc but would go out into thev world pretending that they're so pure and innocent and full of morals and dignity. Yep, triggered the he'll out of them and saw the mask slip and slip and slip. I ended up thinking to myself that I'm in a lunatic asylum because there is just no reasoning with them and comes to a point that you feel like your dealing with a spoilt child. The hardest part is that you have invested your heart, so you do give chance after change, thinking that they will change
Really enjoy your videos and they have helped. I have had a experience with a overt narcissist. A ten year friendship that when it went bad it went very bad. It took me a year to recover. I didn’t even see the covert narcissist coming. At first it was a comforting friendship but then things just didn’t feel right in my gut. He became increasingly judgmental and negative about other people in my life and my interests. I tried drawing a boundary but he would still get a subtle dig in. Then suddenly all communication stopped. We texted every day. Two days in a row I texted and got a very curt response so I wasn’t going to play twenty questions. We’re in our 50’s. I count on people in my like who have an issue with me just to tell me and we work it out so I wasn’t going to respond to the silent treatment. That was the trigger that unleashed a tirade of passive aggressive social media posts that were thinly veiled about me. I choose not to respond and even unfollowed him. Apparently, he had increased the intensity according to a mutual Facebook friend. I have never seen an adult throw such a petulant tantrum. While I am not emotionally invested as I was in the ten year friendship this is triggering in me memories of that trauma. I’m not hurt but fighting the urge to set the record straight and call him out on his BS but I am trying to put my ego aside and let him punch himself out. It is very difficult not to correct all the garbage he is putting out there and painting me as this horrible ungrateful friend just because I drew a line in the sand about not hearing negative comments about literally everything.
Don't even waste your precious energy and thinking about this person.. they've shown you exactly who they are and you must believe them! And just walk away and let them be. I think it's human nature that we want to be vindicated, but it literally is not even worth the energy with these people.. wishing you blessings here forward 😘
I've been duped by a covert. I see it now, I'm afraid to break it off. I don't know what they'll do, I now realize this is a totally irrational person that is going to react very badly.
Mine used to hear things or say I said or did things that never happened. It was quite bizarre. These videos help me heal and genuinely understand what was going on in my marriage. Glad I am free!
I'm so glad you find the content helpful, Don. If you would like to go further, feel free to book a consultation call here: tamiem.as.me/schedule.php?appointmentType=4216728
Constantly. And his weird family does it too. It's what was making me feel crazy. But I noticed other people noticing and he would correct himself to others. But to me he calls me crazy. I also witnessed him with his family talking and they were getting each other's stories straight 😳🥺 They would keep changing words and scenarios until they had matching stories. I feel sick to my stomach still when I think about it. God bless us and protect us in Jesus name Amen
Been there I have a sister that makes up stories and blamed me for things that never happened then came to my door numerous times to say I'm sorry and want to talk and I said no you said enough. Then tried to give me a birthday present and I refused it and she really got mad I told her all I wanted from her was the truth she said that was conditional and I yep it sure is. Havent seen her since. It's been about 7 years. I'm happy!
That's the perfect term, it recently occurred to me that's what it is with a narcissist: psy-op. It's a mini psy-op. When you're out of the relationship, it's like snapping out of it.
Oh wow.. I am just waking up to all this terminology and identification of all the BS that has been around me for so long. Thank you for these messages. I thought I was crazy and recognized that I need heavy boundaries with these folks. And also let go of the connection. I can send them love and light from a distance.
So grateful to have found your videos they have assisted me in dealing with what has been going on in my life for the past 27 years. I could never understand how I could get along with everyone and have great conversations but never with my husband at some point I will say,/do something he doesn’t like or agree with … which justifies his full blown lashing…. I always blamed my self if only I said it this way if only I talked less, said something different he would not have yelled at me and called me this and that etc I have been getting assistance and it is mind blowing how much crap I’ve tolerated all these years. In my case I’m dealing with an anger addict.
I love this channel!!! Tamie you are my coach! I find the occasional shit and bullshit used SO comforting. It’s great and real. No ads!!! I am binge watching and sent a link to certain friend and family!!!
My covert narc boyfriend was engaging in a behavior pattern where he would deliberately trigger me into a fight on Friday nights, then would leave and go with his single buddies out bar hopping then call me Sunday night to love bomb me back into submission. I caught on and he tried to trigger me one Friday, I calmly let him know I knew he was deliberately trying to trigger me into a fight and I wasn’t taking the bait, he totally lost it and became unhinged, it was very telling. They know exactly what they are doing
I hope you cut him out of your life as that senario you described is Codependent Narcissist. Good luck with getting that negative energy out of your life. 💚🙏🏼
Thank you. Very helpful. After watching some of your videos I deleted a number of a man I was in a push/ pull relationship with for 2 years. It was exhausting trying to explain myself to him over and over again. Felt like I was talking to a brick wall. I started doubting my ability to communicate with people. And he was constantly manipulating and blaming myself and everyone else for all the shit he was doing. It was never his fault. He would lie and twist things so well that I would 'nearly' believe him, but there was always that gut feeling that something isn't right. I was hoping that my love will help him to change, but now I realize that it's never going to happen.
Pray for me. I broke no contact with my narc husband which turned into him taking money from me for drugs, verbal abuse, shaming, flying monkeys threatening to call the cops on me FOR NOTHING...I left shocked and in disbelief. I knew he was a POS but he went so low this time. It is so clear to me know who this disgusting human being is....I cant ever let this devil back in..he is dangerous
Spot on....everything you say, I’ve experienced....And although I knew what they were doing was abuse, it took me decades to find out that this particular abuse is actually narcissistic abuse....and in recent years, they are at their worst....it’s horrible, and I feel alone, but it’s good to know that there are others who understand what is going on,...I can’t go into detail, because when I first learned it was narcissistic abuse, I called the main narcissist out and called her a narcissist, and ever since then, she started lurking around on TH-cam watching the narcissit abuse videos and then trying to paint me as the narcissist...she can try to twist the truth, but facts are facts. anyway, because she lurks on these videos, I may have to delete my comments until I’m healed and ready....ThankYou for these videos...
thanks so much for this video. I heard once when someone shows you who they are believe them. Took time & many things you shared here I finally saw. It takes time for the mask to slip but it does slip. I was privy to a narcissistic injury and I had no idea what I had said or done. this person yelled at me in a store over nothing. then pretended like it never occurred. What a manipulator. 9 months gone from this person and good riddance
My ex mother in law would call me with long, drawn out lectures about my parenting (while her son did literally nothing). I took this criticism for years and it was never the least bit helpful. When I realized it was not even meant to be helpful, I told her we could only communicate by text/email, unless it was a life or death emergency. All of the criticism stopped. I knew she was too paranoid to put in writing most of the things she had said, so when you took that out of the equation, she really had nothing to talk about anymore. So I never got "evidence", but the proof is in the pudding. I even started to like her again (from a loooooong distance).
Starting at 30:33 is so astoundingly accurate and true. Takes me days to recover, but they are right as rain soon afterwards BECAUSE it's like a type of food for them (God bless her heart, lol). Thank God the children are old enough to have phones now, and I can block her after years of putting in my most sincere, authentic support I could muster. Blocking her number has been the best thing I've done in years, instant relief. Weight off my shoulders. I know the channel is directed at women over 50 or something, but white 50 y/o male here for whom this channel is a Godsend. Much gratitude for the insights here. It really has improved my life and helps children too.
Did you say, "Professional Victim," ????!!!!!! 😂😂😂😂😂 You certainly got That right !!! 🙄🙄🙄😂 I've known enuff narcs. in my lifetime, & I'm still dealing with 2, that I'm not even related to. Yes. It's difficult, going thru this, & getting out of it. My dad who raised me was a narc, then I married one. Difficult life. (I'm now 68). But my point is, One day - You Will Laugh again! even about some of these things.
When you ask is everything ok? And always said yes...when I always felt no nothing is right. 33 years and same thing happened at 23 years of marriage, forgave him took him back and ten years later all over again.
One thing that I noticed as a pattern was him replying to my question with a question. Almost always. I'd explain everything clearly, openly and asked for an explanation in the most normal and nice way, and I'd always get Why do you think like that? What do you mean? etc.. I mean, a child would understand me, let alone an adult. After some time, I realized he was escaping the answer. I stil don't know to this day whether he had some mental problem or was a covert narcissist, but that doesn't matter anymore. It's an exhausting experience for empaths. Thank you so much for your videos, they are more than helpful ❤️
Thank you! When you know the signs, it gets easier. You may not see it right away, but inevitably they do show their true colors... especially when you say, "no" or set a boundary. They'll show you EXACTLY who they are. 😉
This video is spot on to a fault on dysfunctional familiar systems and "my" covert narcissists behavior. I wish you were my therapist years ago! Very accurate. We have to impose boundaries. And everything else you recommend. All spot on!
Boy, I'm not waiting for a pattern...exact senario as you have presented it..A MASK SLIP..I thought I was seeing a split personality. I RAN! I'm going to continue listening to your incredible video tapes so that I don't fall into denial. I'm an empath. I hope that I am strong enough not to return to him. My new mantra is: MASK SLIP....MASK SLIP..MASK SLIP...Thank you so so so so much!
Thank you for shining a light on this topic it has helped me so much in keeping my sanity when I'm around these folks. The one thing that I have experienced with the covert narc in my life is that if I ask a direct question to check if they are telling the truth they always lie but if I ask an open ended question it's like they have to tell the truth even though they just flat out lied with the direct question. Why do they do this? it's almost like they cannot lie
No contact for 6 months now has been a bliss for me, eventhough his family can not believe I don’t come around, so in their eyes I’m the crazy, but I don’t care what they think anymore, and that’s a new one for me.
When I saw my "real" father for the first time - I was SHOCKED. But I couldn't deny what I was seeing. It took me 48 years to finally accept who he really is. And it is UGLY. I immediately went no contact. I had to. He drew the line. And I am never going back. And I am SO RELIEVED, despite also feeling much confusion about my whole upbringing.
my Dad was the covert N, he is dead now. He would ask me if I was on medication, let stuff go like water off duck's back. You can't get anywhere with them. I finally just accepted him as he was and talked superficial stuff to him, weather, etc. Nparents are gone but my 2narc adult children are just like their Dad and my parents, so here I go again, same thing. We definitely waste our time trying to deal with them, you are right it wont be different, they show you who they are. It has been much harder with my adult children but they are grown and make their choices. I did enjoy them when they were little. Like you said Stop! You are getting no where. Yes I have to take responsibility, find others, there is no comfort with them. They wont be there for you.
Thank you so much Tamie. Your words from 30:00 to the end really helped me. I have been struggling trying to “change” the people I love in an effort to make everything better for all of us. Thanks again for this, because I needed to hear some of that stuff from something other than my own gut feelings. I know I need to not personalize it and stay true to myself. Some of my lowest and worst moments over the years have been how I react to this type of abuse and the destruction it’s had to my sense of purpose and self.
This describes a customer I'm dealing with at work. Your videos are helping me strengthen myself and deal with him appropriately. He said this to me when offering to help bring in a sign, "I'm trying to be a gentleman to you but you won't let me." I replied, "A gentleman doesn't have to try, they just are." He was like a deer in the headlights and quietly ask, "what was it you said?" With a deadpan face I said, "Gentleman don't try. They. Just. ARE." I thought he was walking out to leave but he ended up bringing in the sandwich board sign. Although it surprised me I didn't show any emotions about it and really don't want/need him or his help. He's already confessed making things hard for his wife to leave because he didn't have the courage to leave her........Reverse discarded!! There's many other signs he's revealed that's proven to me he's definitely on the narcissistic spectrum. Thank you so much for your content. I've been sharing your videos with my nephew and his wife to help them deal with their mom/mother-in-law (my sister). They used one of your tactics in dealing with her and then excitedly told me about the encounter and how well it worked. Thank you thank you thank you!! 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏✌💜
⛽ Fascinating Lady// extraordinarily Revealing TRUTH// after age 5, my Mom was also Living 20 minutes away// i would visit on the weekends Until: Senior year when i moved away// never knew my Dad// the unique perspective of Growing Up Around others while Mom observed from afar...this is a topic for you Especially with: PERSONAL EXPERIENCE to Please follow ☝ up with Another video// your communication style is FLAWLESSLY CLEAR ( Light-hearted humor ) Tamie: your subtle Intelligent Smile, IS just ENOUGH// your Beautiful Artwork behind you, oughtta Be @Least 4x Larger to match your Personality
My goodness.. Watching this vid is like someone reaching into my head and switching on a lightbulb.. Every, single situation and example given here checks out with my situation...and i thought that I was the one going crazy..
Omg hahaha, is anyone else's Google assistant reacting at 9:15 😂 I've just rewound several times, and it responds at the word "trigger" everytime, then asks if I meant wiggle 🤦♀️ Loving your videos Tami, they truly help. Thank youuuu 💕
Thanks a lot this is a very informative VDU. I am just starting the journey to understand what is going on and the narcissistic concept. You helped me a lot with my confusion that lasted for 20 years but now i am starting to understand things; Now I know.
I found with my covert narcissist and I would have loads of miscommunication that confused me. I also am autistic so its normal for there to be some level of miscommunication with me that I've become accustom to. But the miscommunication would cause huge fights and that wasn't normal. But they accused me of saying things I never said. And things I'd never say because I don't use the kind of putting down language that they accused me of. And in the fight they would become massively mean and rude and hurtful. And I found this unacceptable, because when you care about someone you should try your best to avoid being mean even in an argument. That was a huge red flag for me that I put a boundary up against, that in fights he shouldn't get to the point where he became an asshole to me, that it wasn't acceptable and if it happened again I'd end things. Well that pissed him off that I was putting up that boundary, because at first he was apologizing for his behavior. Then when I put up the boundary and told him the action I'd take if it happened too many times later... the then flipped the script and started to try and gaslight me. Telling me that the problem was actually all my own doing and in my head and I did it to myself. And I assumed too much about him and I was wrong. blah blah blah, then there in that moment I said bye.
Hi, I am just saying thank you, being new here, and you know as it's overwhelming. (I'll probably watch all these again). and contribute a better comment.
I'm dealing with a person who I think is a Narc...but also I realise that I also have some of these traits !!! I've distanced my self and he's Outside spying on me!!! he's got his flying monkeys !!! EVERY DAY he's hanging around!!! If your a Narc magnet then I think there's room for therapy because there's issue both sides!!! Love your channel because you explain in such a way that everyone can understand !! Thank you 🙏
He would always forget, be joking, or deny even saying it. Then when i would show proof in an email or message, he would just say oh i was just messing with you 🤯
So I watched some of your videos two days ago and last night when my x messaged me several time and called a handful I decided to respond like you said. He immediately started blowing up my phone via txt and calls. I finally answered one and told him to please remove our pics from fb and he immediately went poor me status for 20 mins. I took all the blame in a flat manner and told him I wanted him to be happy and I was very selfish. I said goodnight and hu. He blew up my phone again and then several hrs later showed up knocking at my bedroom window at 1am. He stayed outside my home for an hr. ☹️
So interesting for me was the fact that when I was talking about the eternal victim to my "friend" who I've been feeling so uncomfortable for a very long time about her situation, she always was the victim, I never can't tell anything to her, in some way I felt guilty 😮. So I was telling her about the victimization person and she paralyzed and just ask me about another thing, nothing about that I was talking about. In that moment I knew it, that she knows that I know hahahha
My mother did exactly what you said, playing dump, lying to me says I didn’t say it , I don’t remember I don’t know… says something does totally opside, put a mask when I brought up why you lie to me then she would throwing temper tantrum, she costs me life time in pain.
Thank you so much Tamie for another great video! You’ve clarified so much for me! I have listened to other vlogs and videos who are mostly done by doctors, psychotherapists and psychologists, however I find the content of your channel resonates with me more so than any other channel. Also, I find it to be more thorough and powerful than any other! Thank you again. You have really helped to open my eyes. I am struggling with deciding whether or not to set myself free and to move forward with divorce. The only thing that is keeping me in the marriage is that I have very strong faith in God and sometimes I believe that God can make miracles happen and change our marriage. However, I suppose it’s very unlikely. I wish I could afford to work with you, however my husband has cut me off financially. Perhaps in the future when I have more disposable income. xo 🙏🏻☮️
I'm just now seeing this video it is spot-on what they were thing that's happening to me and I thank you so much for this video now hopefully from here on out I will know what to look for so I do not wind up when this situation again and again thank you so much
If possible- think what you want to say first & text it to them. It works ! The truth is in written words that they can and will reflect on. Or if it’s a spouse - keep a notebook with time & date that you spoke to them about issues or important things that you know they in the future will deny ever hearing about it ( whatever it may be ) . If they love you or care enough - they will think next time before they debate you about the issue at hand or try to jerk you around.
Sometimes - and this is before accepting the narcissists on our life for the way that they are, someone once told me that and its true but maybe we all go through that feeling of not wanting to accept what we see, and if they could just treat you with a bit of consideration, or if they could just think before they speak your life with them would he so much easier. One time my Mom said you me on the phone, I felt brave enough to tell her how I felt and she said why don't you accept me the way I am, your father and sister just take the mick out of me so it's funny, a bit of banter, you take things personally and if you could try and not take things so seriously you'd be able to have fun with us. When I heard that I heard she's trying to change the way I feel and think I remember thinking why don't you accept me the way I am because I'm 35 and I'm not going to change. I have accepted her, the nasty side she has too. If there's emotional talks to he had I don't go to my family but when she's trying to shape and mould he into what she wants she's stuck isn't she? Trying to make me into something I'm not and it's like she hasn't learned a valued life lesson because whereas before I didn't want to accept she could be so thoughtless with the things she comes out with, even my husband says stuff about the way my family treat me and he always says he hates our holidays and Christmases where we play Happy families. I only had extra pasta on my plate one holiday and Dad turned around and said some comment, annoyed, I pointed his eating habits out and I said I'm not eating half a plate of bacon and then he just says he's not the one who wants IVF for a baby! I should have had support from someone that table! I think I started getting upset and quite surprisingly Mom calmed the situation down, kindly.
Hey Friends! Thanks for watching!! If this resonated with you, you'll want to sign up for the FREE WEBCLASS I'm offering on how to heal and recover from codependency and narcissistic abuse so you NEVER fall prey to emotional manipulation and psychological abuse ever again! HERE'S THE LINK: www.tamiem.info/freeclass
Tamie, love how staunch you are. Realised I had 2 x dysfunctional/ emotionally immature parents a long time ago but only recently put 2 + 2 together and figured Mother has high spec covert Narcissistic traits.
I have been triggering her for years unknowingly (though I have to admit lately it has been knowingly) but also not bowing to the manipulation. Gone no contact as I am no longer interested in the ‘stew’ they seem to want to remain in?
Not many people left in their world now who will play in their sandpit.
Even if you had proof. Such as a text message or a recording. They will still deny it. Even with proof. They will say you are misunderstanding what was said
Exactly! Thanks for tuning in, Gloria!!
Or they will say they did it because of something you did to provoke them.
Right... or that their phone messed up the text. Its never their fault. Blame shifting.
Your are so right. I kept the perfect text from her. (It meant nothing to her and I must have got it out of context.) She said she had to take a shower and go to her sons meeting with his teacher. I said exactly this: That is important and I understand. My response was: I cannot not pickup my son. You are making no sense right now and this is very confusing. I just do not know you anymore. Next text right away from her was: I don't think we should be together anymore. I still have it and remind myself.
Especially when caught cheating
I personally think the covert narc is the most dangerous bc they can crush you emotionally and mentally if you are not careful... Its tricky to expose them bc they have so many people convinced of this facade they portray.
I have been married for 11 years to a covert narcissist who has been living a double life and I had no idea. It’s truly frightening to confront just how much I have been duped by this individual. He is masterful at turning everything around and blaming me for what HE is actually doing. We are going through a divorce and I can only pray that the courts will see through his bullish. Family court is no place to resolve family problems but grateful that I have the court as a resource to resolve this nightmare. I know that my God will see me through.
If I had to go to court with a covert narcissist, I would prepare with Rebecca Zung. Tons of You Tube videos, an attorney who trains/explains how to go to court with a narcissist and win. Courts get duped by narcissists and it’s really likely you get re victimized
Having lived with a narcissist, I can only imagine what you might have felt. Seek to stay active, believe in yourself and that the Lord can help you.
Amen
Uh embarrassed and just seeing all the symptoms in this individual who I'm with and I'm pretty sure hes living a double life but he will not admit to it it's just that clues around the house hes leaving and it's just things that he says that proves that something's going on are intimacy level has went down It's all about him when he does so I don't know I'm just trying to figure out an exit plan right now
@@ILovewater-2mill You will need a very good, well connected (experienced) attorney. My ex’s attorney was able to get a judgment overturned after the judge ruled in my favor. This is what a well connected attorney can do for you….if he is manipulative he has already planned an exit and you will only be playing catch up. But throughout it all God has the final say!!
My covert narc has a degree in psychology and a photographic memory. He’d make an excellent interrogator or cross-examiner. I was constantly questioning my own memory and sanity. I learned to stop taking the bait and would respond with silence but that seemed to trigger him even more and I’d be accused of hiding something, not being in touch with my feelings and having an unhealthy avoidant attachment style, which may be true but certainly paled in comparison to the emotional abuse he heaped upon me. Thanks for explaining this to me, I feel like I had you sitting in the living room the past two years taking notes and reading it all back to me without the manipulative spin. It’s what I needed to finally be able to let go.
Love that description, 'toddler in an adult body' perfect analogy.
I cannot beleive..still in awe on how PEREFECTLY you are describing my experiences and situations...its as if you were here every step of the way..EVERY POINT of this segment i have been experiencing and gone .going through. In trying to find a solution i stumbled here a bit ago..i saw several of your things...
Just blown away...
The best predictor of future behavior...is past behavior!
Sounds soooooo obvious, but eventually, giving the benefit of the doubt needs to adjust to the doubt of the benefit.
And a reality check.
Thanks for the thoughts...helpful
I'm so glad! Thanks for tuning in, Randy!!
My own brother and mother..my sister was outwardly hostile ...it was devastating..they played an excellent game for 50 years .but enough is enough..!!
Thank you Tammy you nailed it yet again .mych love
Hey Tamie. I really like your talks a lot! Since 7 years I am recovering from severe burn-out, and during that time I seem to have attracted a few narcissists in my life. Since 3 years I am in regular intens psychotherapie, and only in the last few weeks I found out about the narcissists in my life. I am really happy my therapist believes me and supports me for the full 100%, we even increased the intensity of our meetings. I am now breaking up with all the narcissists in my life, going 'no contact'. The biggest difficulty for me now is the feelings of guilt I have. And watching your talks helps me a lot with that! Thank you for sharing this. Listening to you prevents me from thinking that I am the crazy one. Thank you, thank you, thank you A LOT! Greetings, sven
You're most welcome, Sven. I'm happy to know my videos are helpful! Thanks for tuning into my channel!! 😉
Having lived with a narcissist, I can only imagine what you might have felt. Seek to stay active, believe in yourself and that the Lord can help you.
Totally agree she's a great woman n wen I start to think I'm losing it I do my homework n watch Tami she helps alot ❤
You are AMAZING! I love growing stronger & wiser all the time. I love standing in my Power and allowing the Narcs to Gaslight, Project, smear campaign, while I just be silent and stand in my Power. God ALWAYS brings what's in the Dark to the Light! 🙏🙏🙏 God's timing and GOD is my Vindicator.
Thank you, Amy! And thanks for tuning in!!
Ditto 💕💓💕🙏
Yes 🙏❤️🙏
Amen and a bigger Amen... Praise God...
My husband has a different way of playing the dumb Act. My husband went to college and he is intelligent. When he's around other people he speaks like a college-educated intelligent person. But when he has a conversation with me it's totally different. I can say the most basic, Elementary, simple thing and he will respond to me like he doesn't know what I'm talking about. He'll say things like "Oh I don't know about that." or "Oh, is that how it works, I don't know about that." He always has to say he doesn't know anything about whatever it is I'm taking about. However when he's talking to anyone else he never seems to have this problem.
How strange, Gloria! That must be very frustrating for you!!
I was just writing about this. I have a friend who does this to me all the time. I think she likes to see me waste my energy explaining what I mean.
@@tamarathejudeochristianmedium Thank You.
Yeeeess
For example. Most of our storms come from the west. The other morning one came from the east. I commented about it and he didn’t understand. He didn’t even know what a storm was.
I literally sit down and watch this before having to even respond to emails with the narcissist. Like a refresher to keep me objective and direct; secure and genuinely myself.
It's better than just going to therapy.
I'm glad it's helpful!! 🙂
Great video Tamie! I agree the best way to deal with Narcs is to not react and do my own healing & recovery work, They don't matter :)
Glad you liked it, Brad! Thanks for tuning in!!
Narcissists also gaslight or practice master manipulation, weakening and destabilizing their victims; finally, they utilize positive and negative emotions or moments to trick others. When a narcissist can't control you, they'll likely feel threatened, react with anger, and they might even start threatening you
Thank you Tamie. Self-awareness leads to Self-care, Self-love... let them Go... that was the best thing I could ever do for myself! Until we do this, we cannot heal those wounds!☮️💓☮️
Yes! I've met a seemengly sweet and timid guy who surprisingly hates everyone and everything.
Your my favorite about Narcissist. I love the way you break it down
Oh my...my sister is a covert narcissist, and I have had to set boundaries...very limited contact...but I still love her.
Best teacher on convert narcs 🎉
I stumbled across descriptions of covert narcissist (yes I had been looking for answers to my confusion) I am so shocked, stunned and relieved to hear my ex partner being described. It has been a huge AHA moment to discover that his behaviour is textbook covert narcissist. This makes so much sense to me. His patterns of abuse nearly broke me. I thought my situation with him was unique but now I understand there's a whole lot of freakin toxic, bullshit, manipulating, unpredictable raging angry, lying, love bombing, gas lighting, insecure' toddler adults' out there. Thank you Tamie for helping me make sense of my insane very confusing relationship. I am now on the road to recovery.Thank you Thank you Thank you
You are most welcome, Anne! Thanks for tuning in!!
I had the EXACT same experience, mine left 2 weeks ago and I started researching - boom here I am. So glad to be almost free...just gotta sell a house.
Thank you so much. I really needed to hear this today. Discovering I've been married to a covert narcissist for 20 years :( My family of origin were overt narcissists/sociopaths. I thought I had it right this time. I didn't recognize the signs. Thank you for sharing with us.
You are so welcome!!
This channel shows me i did a lot of healing already! It feels like a compliment. That's nice! This info will help me master what i already learned and put in acction. The hurt i still feel will become less. After this video i choose to believe this!
I just got out of a 6 month toxic relationship with what I believe to be a covert narcissist. She played such a good girl role, it was almost too good to be true…but that mask would slip and I would see another side of her. She would get triggered over the simplest things I would say or do. A playful joke or some light banter. You know something normal adults do in a loving fun relationship. I mean I had to explain what banter even meant. We would have these exhausting long arguments that lasted for…dare I say it….days at a time. Over the smallest things. Yes days…because she could never quite get over whatever she had an issue with…The funny thing is…SHE’S the one that put me on to these narc videos…because it was part of the narrative that she was spinning that she was the perpetual victim. Telling me fantastic and often horrifying stories about her childhood traumas, her so called “narc”parents and “abusive” ex boyfriends. Nothing was EVER her fault. I even suggested she go see a therapist. Looking back, I can see this girl was clearly damaged…She was highly sensitive, extremely sanctimonious…loved to throw around how much she loved God and how he speaks to her…on the surface she seemed so sweet and innocent but behind closed doors it was a nightmare…I knew something was off…when she didn’t have ANY friends or family or even a support system in place to help her with her 2 small and weirdly underdeveloped children at the age of 37. Which I thought was odd. Like how come you don’t have any friends? No girlfriends to hang out with? Like literally nobody. But your such a great person. Such a great girlfriend. I mean she would literally try to tell me these things every day. I told her she didn’t have to try to convince me how great she was that I would see it over time…it was almost as if she was trying to sell me a dream. And I bought it hook line and sinker. I wanted to help her i was so heavily invested because I thought she could be the one…but there were red flags that I couldn’t ignore. She even got triggered when I was watching a “covert narc” video. How ironic is that? I wanted so badly to work through our issues…but she started to make me feel like I was the one that had the serious issues. Then I discovered what she was doing…she was pushing my buttons even after repeatedly telling her not to…long story short…these kind of ppl are super dangerous and I learned the hard way…with me spending a night in jail….yeah jail. That’s how toxic it got…and guess whose playing the victim? I believe it’s what y’all call REACTIVE ABUSE…after being emotionally and mentally abused enough you get pulled out of character and over react and you become the abuser in that moment…Which further solidified her victim narrative….I consider myself a half way decent person well rounded…I’m not perfect I know my short comings…but I take accountability…but this relationship had me start to question who I am as a person…one minute it was like heaven with her the next I felt like I’ve descended into the 7th circle of hell…the arguments and debates were mind boggling…she would give me these condescending sanctimonious looks when she felt like I did something wrong to her…along with the silent treatments….it was infuriating…I’ve never been in a situation like that EVER…I’ve had some bad relationships in the past but this one was extraordinary. This one hurt like hell because I feel duped…she would say all the right things to me then slowly devalue me…it’s was so weird.
For me it was like being poked with a sharp stick.
Perfectly written piece. Sorry to hear your travails. Join the the club, we are legion, sadly.
You just described my last (5 months long) experience - EXACTLY ! :)) ✌🙏
Dude, I just dropped a 6 month covert. it's so much crammed into a little space of time. not going to lie, twisted the F out of mind and inner child. I have aspergers and I observe everything. I could see she was instigating, fabricating and deceiving situations she would drop on me just to tap into my self esteem issues and anger me. She fed off that anger. The biggest mistake I made was researching Covert narcissism. The sweetest innocent giving caring person was not that at all, she had exes everywhere. We went to Hawaii. Ex was there. I saw her eyes lock on him while we were dancing and was like, wtf are are you doing? I had no at the time there's a "will have sex with ex" part of their deal, but I saw a fixation with intent and could he was all that mattered in that moment. Then there;s her best friend dude. They kept it a secret they used to date. I already knew she was beholding to him. He came first with her attention. He was an ex on top of that. They both played me. Doing their deeds with me not far off. These are twisted people., Anything to maximize the infection of that mind virus. I could write a book on all the twists and turns, lies, misdirection and worst of all, intent. I know there are crappy people, but to set out intentionally to feed off then destroy others is something I could not comprehend, much less be imagine myself caught up in it. She is 57 and I must admit, mad f'ing skills at deception and cruelty. Even though I dumped her, there is no consolation in that. The more she confessed her commitment in me the more she hated me and the more she lied. Even now I doubt myself. She would never do those things. We had so much fun. Her parting words were "We had fun." Closing comments for her attempt to totally annihilate my self esteem and inner child.
Stay strong. You have obviously grown and learned a lot through this process. I can relate to certain parts of your story. I myself have found that I have trouble refraining the reactivity. I think this is especially common when men react to women since we are naturally more aggressive when we unravel.
I can't tell you how many times, during a fight, God spoke to my heart "He gets it" but I doubted. These videos are so very helpful, Tamie! You are a classy, compassionate advocate for women everywhere.
OMG. so glad I found this video!!!! I'm actually dealing with this issue and after 10 years I finally stopped dealing with it.. great video...
I show up authentic and I expect authenticity from others. Not getting that at all from the covert narcissist
Mine was a different person behind closed doors, i.e. manipulation and victimhood etc but would go out into thev world pretending that they're so pure and innocent and full of morals and dignity.
Yep, triggered the he'll out of them and saw the mask slip and slip and slip. I ended up thinking to myself that I'm in a lunatic asylum because there is just no reasoning with them and comes to a point that you feel like your dealing with a spoilt child.
The hardest part is that you have invested your heart, so you do give chance after change, thinking that they will change
Thank you Silence and distance is GOLDEN
You're welcome! Thanks for watching!!
Really enjoy your videos and they have helped. I have had a experience with a overt narcissist. A ten year friendship that when it went bad it went very bad. It took me a year to recover. I didn’t even see the covert narcissist coming. At first it was a comforting friendship but then things just didn’t feel right in my gut. He became increasingly judgmental and negative about other people in my life and my interests. I tried drawing a boundary but he would still get a subtle dig in. Then suddenly all communication stopped. We texted every day. Two days in a row I texted and got a very curt response so I wasn’t going to play twenty questions. We’re in our 50’s. I count on people in my like who have an issue with me just to tell me and we work it out so I wasn’t going to respond to the silent treatment. That was the trigger that unleashed a tirade of passive aggressive social media posts that were thinly veiled about me. I choose not to respond and even unfollowed him. Apparently, he had increased the intensity according to a mutual Facebook friend. I have never seen an adult throw such a petulant tantrum. While I am not emotionally invested as I was in the ten year friendship this is triggering in me memories of that trauma. I’m not hurt but fighting the urge to set the record straight and call him out on his BS but I am trying to put my ego aside and let him punch himself out. It is very difficult not to correct all the garbage he is putting out there and painting me as this horrible ungrateful friend just because I drew a line in the sand about not hearing negative comments about literally everything.
Don't even waste your precious energy and thinking about this person.. they've shown you exactly who they are and you must believe them! And just walk away and let them be. I think it's human nature that we want to be vindicated, but it literally is not even worth the energy with these people.. wishing you blessings here forward 😘
I've been duped by a covert. I see it now, I'm afraid to break it off. I don't know what they'll do, I now realize this is a totally irrational person that is going to react very badly.
@@tad1111 I wish you the best of luck. Maybe just try slowly pulling away from the relationship. Be safe.
Mine used to hear things or say I said or did things that never happened. It was quite bizarre. These videos help me heal and genuinely understand what was going on in my marriage. Glad I am free!
I'm so glad you find the content helpful, Don. If you would like to go further, feel free to book a consultation call here: tamiem.as.me/schedule.php?appointmentType=4216728
Constantly. And his weird family does it too. It's what was making me feel crazy. But I noticed other people noticing and he would correct himself to others. But to me he calls me crazy. I also witnessed him with his family talking and they were getting each other's stories straight 😳🥺 They would keep changing words and scenarios until they had matching stories. I feel sick to my stomach still when I think about it. God bless us and protect us in Jesus name Amen
Been there I have a sister that makes up stories and blamed me for things that never happened then came to my door numerous times to say I'm sorry and want to talk and I said no you said enough. Then tried to give me a birthday present and I refused it and she really got mad I told her all I wanted from her was the truth she said that was conditional and I yep it sure is. Havent seen her since. It's been about 7 years. I'm happy!
@@iamasoldierofgodkingofking1244 ITS CALLED GASLIGHTING!
They also help me so much
That's the perfect term, it recently occurred to me that's what it is with a narcissist: psy-op. It's a mini psy-op. When you're out of the relationship, it's like snapping out of it.
You really nailed it in this vid . Absolutely perfect . Thank you
Oh wow.. I am just waking up to all this terminology and identification of all the BS that has been around me for so long. Thank you for these messages. I thought I was crazy and recognized that I need heavy boundaries with these folks. And also let go of the connection. I can send them love and light from a distance.
You're very welcome, Raven! Thanks for tuning in!!
So grateful to have found your videos they have assisted me in dealing with what has been going on in my life for the past 27 years. I could never understand how I could get along with everyone and have great conversations but never with my husband at some point I will say,/do something he doesn’t like or agree with … which justifies his full blown lashing…. I always blamed my self if only I said it this way if only I talked less, said something different he would not have yelled at me and called me this and that etc I have been getting assistance and it is mind blowing how much crap I’ve tolerated all these years. In my case I’m dealing with an anger addict.
I love this channel!!! Tamie you are my coach! I find the occasional shit and bullshit used SO comforting. It’s great and real. No ads!!! I am binge watching and sent a link to certain friend and family!!!
My covert narc boyfriend was engaging in a behavior pattern where he would deliberately trigger me into a fight on Friday nights, then would leave and go with his single buddies out bar hopping then call me Sunday night to love bomb me back into submission. I caught on and he tried to trigger me one Friday, I calmly let him know I knew he was deliberately trying to trigger me into a fight and I wasn’t taking the bait, he totally lost it and became unhinged, it was very telling. They know exactly what they are doing
I hope you cut him out of your life as that senario you described is Codependent Narcissist. Good luck with getting that negative energy out of your life. 💚🙏🏼
Same!
RUN! - I spent 25 years with one before I realized, 30 years later!
YOU ARE SO RIGHT ON!
Thank you.
Very helpful.
After watching some of your videos I deleted a number of a man I was in a push/ pull relationship with for 2 years.
It was exhausting trying to explain myself to him over and over again. Felt like I was talking to a brick wall. I started doubting my ability to communicate with people.
And he was constantly manipulating and blaming myself and everyone else for all the shit he was doing. It was never his fault. He would lie and twist things so well that I would 'nearly' believe him, but there was always that gut feeling that something isn't right.
I was hoping that my love will help him to change, but now I realize that it's never going to happen.
Pray for me. I broke no contact with my narc husband which turned into him taking money from me for drugs, verbal abuse, shaming, flying monkeys threatening to call the cops on me FOR NOTHING...I left shocked and in disbelief. I knew he was a POS but he went so low this time. It is so clear to me know who this disgusting human being is....I cant ever let this devil back in..he is dangerous
Spot on....everything you say, I’ve experienced....And although I knew what they were doing was abuse, it took me decades to find out that this particular abuse is actually narcissistic abuse....and in recent years, they are at their worst....it’s horrible, and I feel alone, but it’s good to know that there are others who understand what is going on,...I can’t go into detail, because when I first learned it was narcissistic abuse, I called the main narcissist out and called her a narcissist, and ever since then, she started lurking around on TH-cam watching the narcissit abuse videos and then trying to paint me as the narcissist...she can try to twist the truth, but facts are facts. anyway, because she lurks on these videos, I may have to delete my comments until I’m healed and ready....ThankYou for these videos...
thanks so much for this video. I heard once when someone shows you who they are believe them. Took time & many things you shared here I finally saw. It takes time for the mask to slip but it does slip. I was privy to a narcissistic injury and I had no idea what I had said or done. this person yelled at me in a store over nothing. then pretended like it never occurred.
What a manipulator. 9 months gone from this person and good riddance
My ex mother in law would call me with long, drawn out lectures about my parenting (while her son did literally nothing). I took this criticism for years and it was never the least bit helpful. When I realized it was not even meant to be helpful, I told her we could only communicate by text/email, unless it was a life or death emergency. All of the criticism stopped. I knew she was too paranoid to put in writing most of the things she had said, so when you took that out of the equation, she really had nothing to talk about anymore. So I never got "evidence", but the proof is in the pudding. I even started to like her again (from a loooooong distance).
Starting at 30:33 is so astoundingly accurate and true. Takes me days to recover, but they are right as rain soon afterwards BECAUSE it's like a type of food for them (God bless her heart, lol). Thank God the children are old enough to have phones now, and I can block her after years of putting in my most sincere, authentic support I could muster. Blocking her number has been the best thing I've done in years, instant relief. Weight off my shoulders. I know the channel is directed at women over 50 or something, but white 50 y/o male here for whom this channel is a Godsend. Much gratitude for the insights here. It really has improved my life and helps children too.
Did you say, "Professional Victim," ????!!!!!! 😂😂😂😂😂 You certainly got That right !!! 🙄🙄🙄😂
I've known enuff narcs. in my lifetime, & I'm still dealing with 2, that I'm not even related to. Yes. It's difficult, going thru this, & getting out of it. My dad who raised me was a narc, then I married one. Difficult life. (I'm now 68). But my point is, One day - You Will Laugh again! even about some of these things.
When you ask is everything ok? And always said yes...when I always felt no nothing is right.
33 years and same thing happened at 23 years of marriage, forgave him took him back and ten years later all over again.
One thing that I noticed as a pattern was him replying to my question with a question. Almost always. I'd explain everything clearly, openly and asked for an explanation in the most normal and nice way, and I'd always get Why do you think like that? What do you mean? etc.. I mean, a child would understand me, let alone an adult. After some time, I realized he was escaping the answer. I stil don't know to this day whether he had some mental problem or was a covert narcissist, but that doesn't matter anymore. It's an exhausting experience for empaths. Thank you so much for your videos, they are more than helpful ❤️
Hey Tamie. It's great to see another video of yours. It's so hard to point out who the covert narcissist is. You look beautiful btw.
Thank you! When you know the signs, it gets easier. You may not see it right away, but inevitably they do show their true colors... especially when you say, "no" or set a boundary. They'll show you EXACTLY who they are. 😉
This video is spot on to a fault on dysfunctional familiar systems and "my" covert narcissists behavior. I wish you were my therapist years ago! Very accurate. We have to impose boundaries. And everything else you recommend. All spot on!
Glad you liked it, Brahmdev! Thanks for tuning in!!
Like my dad always said if it sounds too good to be true it usually is!!! 25 yrs with a covert waste of my like and mind!!!
Boy, I'm not waiting for a pattern...exact senario as you have presented it..A MASK SLIP..I thought I was seeing a split personality. I RAN! I'm going to continue listening to your incredible video tapes so that I don't fall into denial. I'm an empath. I hope that I am strong enough not to return to him. My new mantra is: MASK SLIP....MASK SLIP..MASK SLIP...Thank you so so so so much!
You're so welcome, Donna! Thanks for tuning in!! 🙂
You hit the nail on the head... the end of this video is where I am in my covert narcissist. I step out of the way...
Thank you for shining a light on this topic it has helped me so much in keeping my sanity when I'm around these folks. The one thing that I have experienced with the covert narc in my life is that if I ask a direct question to check if they are telling the truth they always lie but if I ask an open ended question it's like they have to tell the truth even though they just flat out lied with the direct question. Why do they do this? it's almost like they cannot lie
No contact for 6 months now has been a bliss for me, eventhough his family can not believe I don’t come around, so in their eyes I’m the crazy, but I don’t care what they think anymore, and that’s a new one for me.
When I saw my "real" father for the first time - I was SHOCKED. But I couldn't deny what I was seeing. It took me 48 years to finally accept who he really is. And it is UGLY. I immediately went no contact. I had to. He drew the line. And I am never going back. And I am SO RELIEVED, despite also feeling much confusion about my whole upbringing.
Thank You!
self-care
sef-love...
distance!
Your videos are really helpful!
You're so welcome, Gbril!!
my Dad was the covert N, he is dead now. He would ask me if I was on medication, let stuff go like water off duck's back. You can't get anywhere with them. I finally just accepted him as he was and talked superficial stuff to him, weather, etc. Nparents are gone but my 2narc adult children are just like their Dad and my parents, so here I go again, same thing. We definitely waste our time trying to deal with them, you are right it wont be different, they show you who they are. It has been much harder with my adult children but they are grown and make their choices. I did enjoy them when they were little. Like you said Stop! You are getting no where. Yes I have to take responsibility, find others, there is no comfort with them. They wont be there for you.
Happy New Year, Sunshine! Wishing you every Happiness and ALL good things in 2021 and beyond!!
Everything you said is exactly what I experience!
Thank you so much Tamie. Your words from 30:00 to the end really helped me. I have been struggling trying to “change” the people I love in an effort to make everything better for all of us. Thanks again for this, because I needed to hear some of that stuff from something other than my own gut feelings. I know I need to not personalize it and stay true to myself. Some of my lowest and worst moments over the years have been how I react to this type of abuse and the destruction it’s had to my sense of purpose and self.
This describes a customer I'm dealing with at work. Your videos are helping me strengthen myself and deal with him appropriately. He said this to me when offering to help bring in a sign, "I'm trying to be a gentleman to you but you won't let me." I replied, "A gentleman doesn't have to try, they just are." He was like a deer in the headlights and quietly ask, "what was it you said?" With a deadpan face I said, "Gentleman don't try. They. Just. ARE." I thought he was walking out to leave but he ended up bringing in the sandwich board sign. Although it surprised me I didn't show any emotions about it and really don't want/need him or his help. He's already confessed making things hard for his wife to leave because he didn't have the courage to leave her........Reverse discarded!! There's many other signs he's revealed that's proven to me he's definitely on the narcissistic spectrum.
Thank you so much for your content. I've been sharing your videos with my nephew and his wife to help them deal with their mom/mother-in-law (my sister). They used one of your tactics in dealing with her and then excitedly told me about the encounter and how well it worked. Thank you thank you thank you!! 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏✌💜
I love the way you think and what you said about needs in a healthy relationship. Another great video.
Thanks, Robert! Glad you liked it!!
@@tamiemjoyce hi
Yea it’s like they r playing Stupid on Purpose 🤣🤣🤣🤣I caught on to that one Tami
⛽ Fascinating Lady// extraordinarily Revealing TRUTH// after age 5, my Mom was also Living 20 minutes away// i would visit on the weekends Until: Senior year when i moved away// never knew my Dad// the unique perspective of Growing Up Around others while Mom observed from afar...this is a topic for you Especially with: PERSONAL EXPERIENCE to Please follow ☝ up with Another video// your communication style is FLAWLESSLY CLEAR ( Light-hearted humor ) Tamie: your subtle Intelligent Smile, IS just ENOUGH// your Beautiful Artwork behind you, oughtta Be @Least 4x Larger to match your Personality
OMG so true and spot on Tamie. 💚❤💜💙💛🤎
Thanks for tuning in, Love!! 😉💕
You do a fantastic job lady!! Thank you!! ❤️💪
You are so welcome! Thanks for the positive feedback!!
My goodness.. Watching this vid is like someone reaching into my head and switching on a lightbulb..
Every, single situation and example given here checks out with my situation...and i thought that I was the one going crazy..
Omg hahaha, is anyone else's Google assistant reacting at 9:15 😂 I've just rewound several times, and it responds at the word "trigger" everytime, then asks if I meant wiggle 🤦♀️
Loving your videos Tami, they truly help. Thank youuuu 💕
You're so welcome, Loki! Thanks for tuning in!! 💕
@@tamiemjoyce 💕
Wow, it is amazing to have validation through your videos, l feel like l am being heard by a therapist who knows my situation with my brother.
I'm so glad, Amanda! Thanks for watching!! 💕
I agree with every word.💯🙏 Unfortunately, that's happened. It's hard but I will be ok. Thank you so much for information!
Thank you for watching ❤️
Thanks Tamie. You always hit the point.
You are so welcome, Milan!
Tamie your just so good, described it to a tee❤️love your videos and your so cute too.
lol! Thanks, Dave! Glad you're enjoying the content!! 😉
Well done video, this is it. Thanks for your generosity and incredible energy Tamie M J 🙂
You are really awesome at driving the point to me and truly validating everything. I love listening to you Tracie M!!!
Thanks a lot this is a very informative VDU. I am just starting the journey to understand what is going on and the narcissistic concept. You helped me a lot with my confusion that lasted for 20 years but now i am starting to understand things; Now I know.
Yes It is amazing the amount of shit that can come at you if you don't know to get out of the way!
Thanks for the Insight you are right on spot thanks and keep up the good work may God bless and keep you
Much appreciated, Lorna!
The covert narc has been my greatest teacher…how not to do life
Mommy dearest! Ugh!
I found with my covert narcissist and I would have loads of miscommunication that confused me. I also am autistic so its normal for there to be some level of miscommunication with me that I've become accustom to. But the miscommunication would cause huge fights and that wasn't normal. But they accused me of saying things I never said. And things I'd never say because I don't use the kind of putting down language that they accused me of. And in the fight they would become massively mean and rude and hurtful. And I found this unacceptable, because when you care about someone you should try your best to avoid being mean even in an argument. That was a huge red flag for me that I put a boundary up against, that in fights he shouldn't get to the point where he became an asshole to me, that it wasn't acceptable and if it happened again I'd end things. Well that pissed him off that I was putting up that boundary, because at first he was apologizing for his behavior. Then when I put up the boundary and told him the action I'd take if it happened too many times later... the then flipped the script and started to try and gaslight me. Telling me that the problem was actually all my own doing and in my head and I did it to myself. And I assumed too much about him and I was wrong. blah blah blah, then there in that moment I said bye.
Hi, I am just saying thank you, being new here, and you know as it's overwhelming. (I'll probably watch all these again). and contribute a better comment.
Hey, Mel! You're welcome! Thanks for tuning in!! 😉
This was wicked Thank you Beautiful!
You are so welcome, Kris! Thanks for watching!! 💕
Just watch out for the red flags and listen to your intuition,at the end of the day we are responsible for our own happiness.
You are so right.this is exactly like my husband of 21yrs and people thinks he lovely and so did I. Till I found out the hard way.
Great video! My husband wants me to be around this person and gets mad at me when I won't go with him...
Stay away a.n.y.w.a.y!! xx
I'm dealing with a person who I think is a Narc...but also I realise that I also have some of these traits !!! I've distanced my self and he's Outside spying on me!!! he's got his flying monkeys !!! EVERY DAY he's hanging around!!! If your a Narc magnet then I think there's room for therapy because there's issue both sides!!! Love your channel because you explain in such a way that everyone can understand !! Thank you 🙏
He would always forget, be joking, or deny even saying it. Then when i would show proof in an email or message, he would just say oh i was just messing with you 🤯
So I watched some of your videos two days ago and last night when my x messaged me several time and called a handful I decided to respond like you said. He immediately started blowing up my phone via txt and calls. I finally answered one and told him to please remove our pics from fb and he immediately went poor me status for 20 mins. I took all the blame in a flat manner and told him I wanted him to be happy and I was very selfish. I said goodnight and hu. He blew up my phone again and then several hrs later showed up knocking at my bedroom window at 1am. He stayed outside my home for an hr. ☹️
Wow! Next time, do not engage... at all. If he shows up at 1:00 am again, call the authorities.
So interesting for me was the fact that when I was talking about the eternal victim to my "friend" who I've been feeling so uncomfortable for a very long time about her situation, she always was the victim, I never can't tell anything to her, in some way I felt guilty 😮. So I was telling her about the victimization person and she paralyzed and just ask me about another thing, nothing about that I was talking about. In that moment I knew it, that she knows that I know hahahha
Excellent! Just excellent! Thank you
You're very welcome!
This answers all my questions! Thank you.
You're welcome, Lenni!!
My mother did exactly what you said, playing dump, lying to me says I didn’t say it , I don’t remember I don’t know… says something does totally opside, put a mask when I brought up why you lie to me then she would throwing temper tantrum, she costs me life time in pain.
Excellent advice. Really spoke to me. Going through this now. Thank you so much. Really helpful. Confirmation. Appreciate it!
You are so welcome, Isabell! Glad you liked it!! 🙂
My take away is not to personalize their projection unto me thank you that resonated
Thank you so much Tamie for another great video! You’ve clarified so much for me! I have listened to other vlogs and videos who are mostly done by doctors, psychotherapists and psychologists, however I find the content of your channel resonates with me more so than any other channel. Also, I find it to be more thorough and powerful than any other! Thank you again. You have really helped to open my eyes.
I am struggling with deciding whether or not to set myself free and to move forward with divorce. The only thing that is keeping me in the marriage is that I have very strong faith in God and sometimes I believe that God can make miracles happen and change our marriage. However, I suppose it’s very unlikely. I wish I could afford to work with you, however my husband has cut me off financially. Perhaps in the future when I have more disposable income.
xo 🙏🏻☮️
Girl you go you the bomb !!!
The playing dumb is a predominant symptom my sister displays. Omg.
I'm just now seeing this video it is spot-on what they were thing that's happening to me and I thank you so much for this video now hopefully from here on out I will know what to look for so I do not wind up when this situation again and again thank you so much
You're welcome, Gray! Thanks for tuning in!!
I believe Jesus led me to this video I can't tell you how many times He speaks to my heart to just walk away. Great confirmation
If possible- think what you want to say first & text it to them. It works ! The truth is in written words that they can and will reflect on. Or if it’s a spouse - keep a notebook with time & date that you spoke to them about issues or important things that you know they in the future will deny ever hearing about it ( whatever it may be ) . If they love you or care enough - they will think next time before they debate you about the issue at hand or try to jerk you around.
This video sounds like exactly what I am going through! WOW!
that was very helpful. I have such a person in my closest environment. thank you for the information
You are so welcome!
Sometimes - and this is before accepting the narcissists on our life for the way that they are, someone once told me that and its true but maybe we all go through that feeling of not wanting to accept what we see, and if they could just treat you with a bit of consideration, or if they could just think before they speak your life with them would he so much easier.
One time my Mom said you me on the phone, I felt brave enough to tell her how I felt and she said why don't you accept me the way I am, your father and sister just take the mick out of me so it's funny, a bit of banter, you take things personally and if you could try and not take things so seriously you'd be able to have fun with us. When I heard that I heard she's trying to change the way I feel and think I remember thinking why don't you accept me the way I am because I'm 35 and I'm not going to change.
I have accepted her, the nasty side she has too. If there's emotional talks to he had I don't go to my family but when she's trying to shape and mould he into what she wants she's stuck isn't she? Trying to make me into something I'm not and it's like she hasn't learned a valued life lesson because whereas before I didn't want to accept she could be so thoughtless with the things she comes out with, even my husband says stuff about the way my family treat me and he always says he hates our holidays and Christmases where we play Happy families.
I only had extra pasta on my plate one holiday and Dad turned around and said some comment, annoyed, I pointed his eating habits out and I said I'm not eating half a plate of bacon and then he just says he's not the one who wants IVF for a baby!
I should have had support from someone that table!
I think I started getting upset and quite surprisingly Mom calmed the situation down, kindly.